1 00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:04,211 Oh, it's just so doggone thin. 2 00:00:04,324 --> 00:00:07,269 - Oh, it's incredibly thin. - Yeah, it's thin, sure, 3 00:00:07,354 --> 00:00:10,112 but I got to say, I don't care for it. 4 00:00:10,225 --> 00:00:12,450 Charlie, the thinner the TV, the better the TV. 5 00:00:12,563 --> 00:00:14,749 - That's just a straight-up fact. - Guys, guys, guys! 6 00:00:14,862 --> 00:00:16,873 Check it out. We got a review in the paper. 7 00:00:16,986 --> 00:00:18,806 No way! Is it a good review? 8 00:00:18,951 --> 00:00:22,179 "The first thing I noticed about Paddy's Pub is its charm". 9 00:00:22,292 --> 00:00:24,714 - All right, it's a good review. - That's a good start. 10 00:00:24,826 --> 00:00:26,808 - "It has none". - Uh-oh, are you serious? 11 00:00:26,932 --> 00:00:29,501 "There was an ominous feeling that you could get stabbed at 12 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:32,180 - any moment". That's good, right? - How is that good? 13 00:00:32,293 --> 00:00:34,940 That's the exact type of atmosphere I've been trying to cultivate. 14 00:00:35,117 --> 00:00:37,631 But, while danger may linger, I'm the levelheaded bouncer that 15 00:00:37,744 --> 00:00:40,259 keeps violence in check, like Swayze in Roadhouse. I'm the cooler. 16 00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:42,340 In check? There have been many stabbings in here. 17 00:00:42,465 --> 00:00:44,918 - I feel unsafe here every single day. - Oh, very often. 18 00:00:45,034 --> 00:00:46,860 Well, stabbings have been down, though. 19 00:00:46,986 --> 00:00:48,040 Read some more. 20 00:00:48,156 --> 00:00:50,709 "When I ordered a glass of wine, not only did the surly" 21 00:00:50,825 --> 00:00:53,451 white trash waitress refuse to make it, but she proceed to 22 00:00:53,563 --> 00:00:55,620 call me a word that I cannot print in this paper". 23 00:00:55,743 --> 00:00:57,460 - Surly? - "I was forced to listen to 24 00:00:57,573 --> 00:01:00,769 the three classless bores who call themselves the owners 25 00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:03,760 get drunk and yell over each other all night". 26 00:01:03,874 --> 00:01:06,511 Classless bores? I am not a classless bore. 27 00:01:06,624 --> 00:01:09,180 Well, I am not white trash. I am a kind and a generous 28 00:01:09,295 --> 00:01:10,619 and a good-natured lady. 29 00:01:10,743 --> 00:01:12,887 Well, I... I do seem to remember you calling a guy a faggot. 30 00:01:13,005 --> 00:01:15,077 Yeah, I absolutely called him a faggot, but he ordered chardonnay. 31 00:01:15,244 --> 00:01:16,058 What was I supposed to do? 32 00:01:16,103 --> 00:01:19,167 "Having reviewed every bar in Philadelphia, I hereby 33 00:01:19,293 --> 00:01:23,878 officially declare Paddy's Pub to be the worst bar in Philly". 34 00:02:04,012 --> 00:02:06,369 Hi. Are you Mr. Lyle Corman? 35 00:02:06,483 --> 00:02:09,199 - Yes, can I help you? - Good, nice to meet you. 36 00:02:09,323 --> 00:02:11,846 We're here from Paddy's Pub, and we have come down to give 37 00:02:11,974 --> 00:02:13,568 you the opportunity to give us another chance. 38 00:02:13,684 --> 00:02:15,619 Yeah, here's the thing. We felt that your first review was just a 39 00:02:15,743 --> 00:02:17,628 - tiny bit off base. - Yeah, as you can see, 40 00:02:17,744 --> 00:02:18,487 we're not white trash. 41 00:02:18,812 --> 00:02:21,139 Huh, really? Well, uh, then, in that case, 42 00:02:21,251 --> 00:02:23,886 can you ask your friend to put down that hammer, please? 43 00:02:24,022 --> 00:02:27,038 Uh, yeah, don't let the hammer throw you, Corman. 44 00:02:27,153 --> 00:02:29,359 We are classy, interesting people. 45 00:02:29,473 --> 00:02:31,667 Okay, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 46 00:02:31,792 --> 00:02:33,517 Well, don't be rude. We just came to have a talk, so... 47 00:02:33,643 --> 00:02:35,589 This is a private... I'm gonna have to get security. 48 00:02:35,704 --> 00:02:37,618 Okay, we can play it that way, Corman. 49 00:02:37,744 --> 00:02:40,578 But you should know that we would have no problem suing you. 50 00:02:40,691 --> 00:02:42,269 Suing me? What are you gonna sue me for? 51 00:02:42,392 --> 00:02:44,836 Uh, libel, slander. There's two of the big dogs right there. 52 00:02:44,953 --> 00:02:47,667 It's only libel if what I write is false. 53 00:02:47,982 --> 00:02:51,345 You know what, buddy, we will jam your asshole up with so many lawyers, 54 00:02:51,460 --> 00:02:52,937 you won't know what to do with yourself. 55 00:02:53,050 --> 00:02:56,108 I'll have you know, we have a team of lawyers on retainer just 56 00:02:56,231 --> 00:02:57,756 to deal with people like you. 57 00:02:57,870 --> 00:02:58,866 - Really? - Yeah. 58 00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,495 Well, check this out. 59 00:03:00,762 --> 00:03:03,107 - You're all out of time, bitch. - Boom. 60 00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:06,586 - You just got fazed. - This just in, Poo-Poo Pants. 61 00:03:06,702 --> 00:03:08,757 People don't read newspapers anymore. 62 00:03:10,511 --> 00:03:12,327 How's that for class? 63 00:03:19,271 --> 00:03:22,057 Nice, brand-new Blu-Ray DVD player, all hooked up. 64 00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:23,885 - Hey, all right. - Where are we gonna put it? 65 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,565 We need like a flat surface. 66 00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:28,205 Here we go. You know what, we'll just... we'll dangle it. 67 00:03:28,323 --> 00:03:31,184 That looks better. We're not dangling anything. That's very white trash. 68 00:03:31,300 --> 00:03:33,187 What is the point of having all this expensive new status 69 00:03:33,302 --> 00:03:35,584 symbol stuff if we're just gonna make it look terrible? 70 00:03:35,710 --> 00:03:37,665 Hey, you guys want to see something? 71 00:03:37,791 --> 00:03:38,836 What? 72 00:03:40,982 --> 00:03:42,505 I did something. 73 00:03:44,539 --> 00:03:45,594 Holy shit. 74 00:03:45,711 --> 00:03:47,496 What? You kidnapped Corman? 75 00:03:47,609 --> 00:03:48,827 I don't really know what happened, okay? 76 00:03:48,939 --> 00:03:50,664 First, I was angry. Then, I was drinking. 77 00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:53,104 Next thing I know, I'm following this guy home and forcing him 78 00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:55,205 - into the trunk of his own car. - Jesus Christ, this is bad. 79 00:03:55,321 --> 00:03:56,696 - Really bad. - Don't panic. Don't panic. 80 00:03:56,809 --> 00:03:59,497 Relax, I drove him around in a circle for a while, okay, so 81 00:03:59,619 --> 00:04:01,617 he wouldn't know where he was or how far away he'd gone. 82 00:04:01,731 --> 00:04:03,736 But then you brought him back to a place where he's already been, 83 00:04:03,852 --> 00:04:05,504 and plus, he just heard everything you just said. 84 00:04:05,619 --> 00:04:08,386 Okay, maybe we can just release him, and that way, this won't be a kidnapping. 85 00:04:08,509 --> 00:04:09,846 First things first. Let's just get him out of the trunk; 86 00:04:09,971 --> 00:04:12,406 Let's get him into the bar; and then let's figure out what we need to do. 87 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,097 How are we gonna get him in the bar without anyone seeing him? 88 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:16,045 Easy, we roll him up in a rug. 89 00:04:16,402 --> 00:04:18,633 - Where are we gonna get a rug? - We buy a big Oriental rug, 90 00:04:18,761 --> 00:04:20,096 and we roll him up in it. 91 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:21,833 Do you have any idea how expensive rugs are, Charlie? 92 00:04:21,951 --> 00:04:23,876 - Yeah, especially Oriental rugs. - No, no rugs. 93 00:04:23,990 --> 00:04:25,976 Just get him out of the car and into the bar, Charlie. 94 00:04:26,090 --> 00:04:27,184 Help me get him out of the trunk. 95 00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,926 Okay, so we're... we're really sorry about this, Mr. Corman. 96 00:04:30,041 --> 00:04:31,365 Watch your head. 97 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,125 You're gonna be okay. It's not a kidnapping, so... 98 00:04:33,238 --> 00:04:35,093 Oh, goddamn it. 99 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:37,116 Okay, I think we're on the same page. 100 00:04:37,231 --> 00:04:38,685 - This is not a kidnapping. - No! 101 00:04:38,799 --> 00:04:39,793 No, okay, all right. 102 00:04:39,901 --> 00:04:41,433 But we do need to keep him here for a couple of hours 103 00:04:41,558 --> 00:04:42,844 - so he doesn't do anything irrational. - Just borrowing him. 104 00:04:42,959 --> 00:04:44,053 ...go to the police. 105 00:04:44,181 --> 00:04:46,034 That being said, let's take a few precautions here, okay? 106 00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:48,563 We need to cover our tracks. Why don't we shoot over to Corman's place 107 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,355 and make sure that Charlie left without a trace. 108 00:04:50,468 --> 00:04:51,944 I'm pretty sure Charlie left with a trace. 109 00:04:52,111 --> 00:04:52,954 - He probably did. - That's a good idea. 110 00:04:52,998 --> 00:04:55,074 Okay, and I'll use my cooling abilities to smooth things over 111 00:04:55,198 --> 00:04:56,466 - with Corman, and then that... - Jesus Christ. 112 00:04:56,578 --> 00:04:58,556 Are you still going on and on about being a cooler? 113 00:04:58,670 --> 00:05:00,353 - Shut up. - The cooler thing isn't helping now. 114 00:05:00,471 --> 00:05:03,315 Just get into the bar, and make sure Charlie doesn't do anything stupid. 115 00:05:04,030 --> 00:05:05,744 Okay, but can we establish that I'm the cooler? 116 00:05:05,859 --> 00:05:07,274 - Oh, my God! - Get into the bar. 117 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:08,403 We're surrounded by idiots. 118 00:05:08,687 --> 00:05:11,675 Look, this really isn't necessary. You don't have to tape me... 119 00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,845 I'm sorry, man, but this is the situation we're in, and I 120 00:05:13,957 --> 00:05:15,413 just feel like this is the best thing to do here. 121 00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:17,934 Jesus Christ, dude, what are you doing? You can't tape him up like that. 122 00:05:18,048 --> 00:05:20,274 Come on, man. I mean, the guy gets my goat, man. 123 00:05:20,390 --> 00:05:22,922 He sits around all day. He judges people with his words 124 00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:25,962 and his fancy newspaper talk. It's bullshit! 125 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,904 What is it that you people want? 126 00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:31,102 Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Fancy Pants Writer Man. 127 00:05:31,229 --> 00:05:33,963 I was thinking maybe you could write a new review, you know, 128 00:05:34,077 --> 00:05:37,273 and this time, maybe add a few less lies. 129 00:05:37,387 --> 00:05:40,955 How can I write a new review if I am taped to a chair? 130 00:05:41,069 --> 00:05:43,422 Come on, man. See, he's twisting everything I say around. 131 00:05:43,538 --> 00:05:44,764 He's making me look like an asshole. 132 00:05:44,888 --> 00:05:47,854 Okay, look, look. Nobody has to write anything against their will, okay? 133 00:05:47,968 --> 00:05:49,122 Thank you. 134 00:05:49,779 --> 00:05:51,512 I have to go to the bathroom. 135 00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:54,333 - I have to pee. - Okay, sidebar. 136 00:05:55,417 --> 00:05:56,882 How is he gonna pee if his hands are taped down? 137 00:05:56,996 --> 00:05:58,291 I don't care. Let him piss in his pants. 138 00:05:58,408 --> 00:06:00,562 No, he can't piss in his pants, Charlie! 139 00:06:01,609 --> 00:06:03,294 I don't know why you're so in love with this guy. 140 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:05,802 I just don't want to get arrested for kidnapping. 141 00:06:05,928 --> 00:06:07,971 - If we just untie him for a second. - Not gonna work. 142 00:06:08,085 --> 00:06:09,594 I used the last of the tape. 143 00:06:09,796 --> 00:06:11,393 If you untie him, that tape's not gonna stick back up. 144 00:06:11,546 --> 00:06:12,913 Go down to the basement. See if there's any more tape. 145 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,111 I'll take him to the bathroom. I'll defuse the situation. 146 00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:17,871 - Fine. - Play it cool. 147 00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:19,521 - Play it cool. - Play it cool. 148 00:06:21,299 --> 00:06:24,471 I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mr. Corman. 149 00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:26,992 I saw that! 150 00:06:27,108 --> 00:06:30,041 I saw that! I saw that! You're out of here, bro. 151 00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:35,764 What are you doing? 152 00:06:35,879 --> 00:06:38,223 What, I'm packing to make it look like Corman went on a vacation. 153 00:06:38,338 --> 00:06:40,261 Yeah, but you're all over the place. You just put in a tropical shirt, 154 00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:41,912 and now two heavy coats? I mean, 155 00:06:42,037 --> 00:06:44,532 is he going to Cancun or Canada? You gotta pay attention to the details. 156 00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:46,493 - This is how people get caught. - Ah, shit, you're right. 157 00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:47,982 I'm leaving a trace. Okay... no, no, no, no. 158 00:06:48,097 --> 00:06:51,153 He's probably under a lot of pressure with the deadlines from the newspaper. 159 00:06:51,268 --> 00:06:52,513 - He should relax. - Go someplace tropical? 160 00:06:52,627 --> 00:06:54,152 - Cancun then. Perfect. - Tropical. 161 00:06:54,278 --> 00:06:55,571 You know what I'll do? 162 00:06:55,685 --> 00:06:57,821 I will put an outgoing message on his answering machine. 163 00:06:57,937 --> 00:06:59,471 - That is good thinking, sis. - We're pretty good at this. 164 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:01,550 We are pretty damn good at this. We're learning. 165 00:07:02,617 --> 00:07:04,263 Greeting one. 166 00:07:04,377 --> 00:07:06,643 Hi, this is Mehar. Sorry I missed your call. 167 00:07:06,756 --> 00:07:09,621 Please leave a message after the beep. Peace. 168 00:07:10,108 --> 00:07:12,113 That did not sound like Corman. 169 00:07:14,328 --> 00:07:16,051 Who are you people? 170 00:07:18,725 --> 00:07:20,582 - Friends with Corman. - Yeah. 171 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:23,043 Mr. Corman lives across the hall. 172 00:07:23,634 --> 00:07:25,869 - Oh, does he? - Does he? 173 00:07:28,606 --> 00:07:31,430 Where is he? This is ridiculous. 174 00:07:31,547 --> 00:07:34,031 - I really have to pee. - I hear ya, bro. 175 00:07:34,145 --> 00:07:36,669 Now, back to the cooler conversation that we were having earlier. 176 00:07:36,786 --> 00:07:39,692 I feel like in your article, you missed an opportunity to mention 177 00:07:39,806 --> 00:07:41,541 my bouncing abilities. Okay? 178 00:07:41,667 --> 00:07:43,589 Now, it's really more about smarts than anything else. 179 00:07:43,706 --> 00:07:45,872 For example, if there was an altercation in this bathroom, 180 00:07:45,996 --> 00:07:48,159 I would blast in looking to neutralize, yeah? 181 00:07:48,275 --> 00:07:50,522 Now, I would check out my environment, and I would look to see 182 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,209 if there's anything that I could use to my advantage. 183 00:07:53,476 --> 00:07:55,530 Like this pool cue. Here we go. 184 00:08:03,527 --> 00:08:06,102 Okay, normally, that wouldn't happen unless I wanted it to. 185 00:08:06,216 --> 00:08:08,889 'Cause I could fire it right in your chest. 'Cause I got skills to do that. 186 00:08:09,006 --> 00:08:10,678 Dude, there's like no tape anywhere. 187 00:08:10,795 --> 00:08:12,579 All I could scrounge up was a bandana. 188 00:08:12,786 --> 00:08:13,919 No, that's too small. 189 00:08:14,036 --> 00:08:16,009 Oh, I could wear it though! I should wear it. 190 00:08:16,123 --> 00:08:18,400 I know, but I found it, so I sort of feel like... 191 00:08:18,524 --> 00:08:20,810 No, I appreciate you looking for me and finding it for me. 192 00:08:20,924 --> 00:08:21,979 No, hang on a second. 193 00:08:22,096 --> 00:08:24,009 ...that got me to the point of me getting the bandana. 194 00:08:25,644 --> 00:08:27,700 Oh, you've got to be kidding me. 195 00:08:27,814 --> 00:08:31,250 Just please get me out of this bathroom before I vomit. 196 00:08:31,366 --> 00:08:33,640 It is absolutely disgusting. 197 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:37,749 Well, excuse me, Mr. Man. 198 00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:40,159 But I happen to think this bathroom is pristine 199 00:08:40,274 --> 00:08:42,571 because I work very hard cleaning it. 200 00:08:42,695 --> 00:08:46,090 In fact it's so clean I would say you could eat out of these urinals. 201 00:08:46,204 --> 00:08:48,230 No, you absolutely could not eat out of these urinals. 202 00:08:48,345 --> 00:08:50,339 - Oh, really? What's this? - Charlie, don't. 203 00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:51,781 Char... Oh, my God, dude! 204 00:08:51,963 --> 00:08:53,899 Bro, I really... I just pissed in there, 205 00:08:54,026 --> 00:08:55,831 - like five minutes before you came in. - Don't say that. 206 00:08:55,946 --> 00:08:57,929 - Now you're gonna make me look bad. - Spit it out, man. You're gonna eat it? 207 00:08:58,053 --> 00:08:59,980 - You're still chewing it. - I have to prove a point! 208 00:09:00,183 --> 00:09:03,149 All right, all right. Just let me go to the bathroom. 209 00:09:03,263 --> 00:09:05,558 I will write the review. I'll do whatever you want. 210 00:09:05,682 --> 00:09:06,819 I promise. 211 00:09:06,932 --> 00:09:09,090 Well, now that wasn't so hard, was it? 212 00:09:09,202 --> 00:09:10,238 Great. Awesome. 213 00:09:10,353 --> 00:09:13,200 Well, I think that we're... we're in good shape then. 214 00:09:13,314 --> 00:09:14,978 How are we gonna do this? 215 00:09:15,092 --> 00:09:17,829 Well, I think one of us is gonna have to help his... 216 00:09:17,944 --> 00:09:19,217 Whoa, dude! I'm not touching his dick. 217 00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:20,679 Well, Charlie, you're the one that used all the tape. 218 00:09:20,795 --> 00:09:22,737 Well, I was comfortable with letting him piss in his pants. 219 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:24,667 Well, all right, fine. Then compromise. 220 00:09:24,984 --> 00:09:28,129 We'll both do it. That way it's equally weird for both of us. 221 00:09:31,754 --> 00:09:34,428 No, no, no. Fine. Just-just untape me. 222 00:09:34,554 --> 00:09:36,119 Please. No. Oh, no. 223 00:09:36,235 --> 00:09:37,860 No! No! 224 00:09:42,723 --> 00:09:44,468 Can I bring something up? 225 00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:47,908 - Did he get a little bit hard on us? - Can we not talk about this? 226 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,247 I just felt like you got a little bit... 227 00:09:49,364 --> 00:09:50,808 It was very weird. 228 00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:52,917 - Well, why did it move?! - Hey, guys! 229 00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:56,877 - We got a problem. - We did something. 230 00:09:59,184 --> 00:10:01,888 - Oh, man! - Oh, man! What happened, dude? 231 00:10:02,012 --> 00:10:04,118 Well, there was this a slight mix-up with the apartments. 232 00:10:04,231 --> 00:10:05,547 This is Corman's neighbor Mehar. 233 00:10:05,661 --> 00:10:07,149 What happened to doing this without a trace? 234 00:10:07,263 --> 00:10:09,747 Well, it-it's a long story, but the punch line is that 235 00:10:09,864 --> 00:10:11,927 - he starting asking questions... - I asked one question. 236 00:10:12,054 --> 00:10:13,406 - Shut up! - No, you asked a lot of questions. 237 00:10:13,524 --> 00:10:15,056 All right, well, let's not have him ask more questions. 238 00:10:15,174 --> 00:10:16,367 Let's just keep him in the trunk for now. 239 00:10:16,481 --> 00:10:19,157 You can't kidnap more people to cover up the original kidnapping. 240 00:10:19,281 --> 00:10:21,307 - It's a classic mistake. - I'm sorry... 241 00:10:21,424 --> 00:10:23,589 I didn't know there was a handbook on kidnapping. 242 00:10:23,703 --> 00:10:25,258 - Help! - We gotta get him inside. 243 00:10:25,371 --> 00:10:27,347 - It's probably very hot in there. - There's another bit of an issue, 244 00:10:27,472 --> 00:10:29,056 which is that I locked the keys in the trunk just now. 245 00:10:29,152 --> 00:10:30,148 - What?! - Yeah. 246 00:10:30,233 --> 00:10:32,415 - Are you kidding me? - Well, I didn't want to bring that up. 247 00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:33,785 Goddamn it, Charlie! 248 00:10:33,902 --> 00:10:35,126 This is what we're gonna do. You guys 249 00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:36,658 deal with the situation out here. 250 00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,715 Let's go talk to Corman. He's writing that new review. 251 00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:40,478 Okay, 'cause I don't want to see that man right now. 252 00:10:40,603 --> 00:10:42,376 - We don't really want... - Because we had a whole thing. 253 00:10:42,492 --> 00:10:43,487 What happened? 254 00:10:43,581 --> 00:10:44,825 Something happened. None of your business. 255 00:10:45,031 --> 00:10:46,818 - Thank you very much. - We had a thing amongst the... 256 00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:49,978 - Let's just go inside. - Can you just... please. 257 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,605 How long do you think we can hold that inside? 258 00:10:52,723 --> 00:10:55,477 It's burning me up inside. It's burning me up. 259 00:10:59,332 --> 00:11:01,548 There he is. Our little typer. 260 00:11:01,670 --> 00:11:04,327 - Type, type, typing away. - Don't mean to disturb ya. 261 00:11:04,451 --> 00:11:06,745 Oh, you're not disturbing me at all. It's great to see you two again. 262 00:11:06,860 --> 00:11:08,595 I get it. I get it. 263 00:11:08,723 --> 00:11:10,867 - You are too much, huh? - You're being a smart-aleck. 264 00:11:10,991 --> 00:11:12,878 - You are. - Glad your spirits are still up. 265 00:11:12,990 --> 00:11:15,646 Listen, we wanted to come in and just let you know we're sorry 266 00:11:15,761 --> 00:11:18,765 about this whole tie-up-and-hold-you-here thing. 267 00:11:18,891 --> 00:11:20,016 We didn't have anything to do with it. 268 00:11:20,132 --> 00:11:22,076 No, that wasn't us. That was somebody else's idea. 269 00:11:22,191 --> 00:11:23,385 - Not our idea. - You know what I'm saying? 270 00:11:23,509 --> 00:11:25,047 Now if there's anything though that we can do, 271 00:11:25,171 --> 00:11:27,597 - since we are in this situation... - Absolutely, together we are. 272 00:11:27,711 --> 00:11:29,616 - ...you want to let us know. - Anything at all. 273 00:11:29,742 --> 00:11:32,614 Yeah, how about, uh, letting me go. 274 00:11:32,839 --> 00:11:34,564 There he goes again. 275 00:11:36,031 --> 00:11:38,117 - I didn't know he was so funny. - I didn't know he was gonna... 276 00:11:38,241 --> 00:11:39,975 ...ask for food or something. 277 00:11:40,089 --> 00:11:41,626 Is there something else we can get you though? 278 00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,094 'Cause clearly, you know, we can't... 279 00:11:43,221 --> 00:11:46,004 All right, a glass of white wine, maybe a chardonnay. 280 00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,527 - Now you're talking. - You like white wine. I know that. 281 00:11:48,642 --> 00:11:52,047 Um, also, do you want me to bring you some lipstick with that? 282 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:57,317 Boom! You got fazed again, Corman. 283 00:11:58,459 --> 00:12:01,347 You can't just tee her up and expect her not to take a swing at you, right? 284 00:12:01,461 --> 00:12:03,646 - Can't blame her for that one. - Can't blame her for that one. 285 00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:06,534 Hey, since you are writing a new review, uh, 286 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,344 is there anything I can do to help you out with it? 287 00:12:08,458 --> 00:12:10,594 Uh, you want to fire a couple questions my way? 288 00:12:10,828 --> 00:12:13,626 - No, I think I'm fine. - Okay. Yeah, hey, no problem, man. 289 00:12:13,748 --> 00:12:14,746 I just want to... 290 00:12:14,861 --> 00:12:17,115 just want to make sure you got the total picture on me 291 00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:19,463 'cause I do drive a Range Rover. 292 00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:24,104 - Gas guzzler. - Well, not on the highway. Okay. 293 00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:26,355 Yeah, it's very classy vehicle, though. 294 00:12:26,471 --> 00:12:27,994 What do you want me to say? 295 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,296 What do I want you to say? 296 00:12:30,409 --> 00:12:32,753 I don't know, "Dennis Reynolds, your car is awesome. 297 00:12:32,869 --> 00:12:34,804 Your flat screen TV... I took a look at it. 298 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:37,765 It's very, very thin. It speaks volumes about you as a person". 299 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,844 I don't know; give me something I can work with, Corman. 300 00:12:39,961 --> 00:12:41,624 All right, Dennis. 301 00:12:41,781 --> 00:12:44,156 Here's the deal. I didn't feel like opening up a bottle of wine 302 00:12:44,278 --> 00:12:45,386 so I brought you some scotch 303 00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:46,984 'cause I feel like that's what writers should drink. 304 00:12:47,029 --> 00:12:48,294 Hey, some top-shelf scotch. 305 00:12:48,409 --> 00:12:50,132 Uh, I don't drink scotch. 306 00:12:52,407 --> 00:12:54,282 Well, you don't have to be a dick about it. 307 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,135 Got a real chip on her shoulder, this one. 308 00:12:56,248 --> 00:12:59,585 If I had to write an article about you, it would say that you're very negative. 309 00:12:59,710 --> 00:13:02,364 The headline might be: "Most negative man in the world 310 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,605 calls other people white trash to make himself not feel so faggy". 311 00:13:05,888 --> 00:13:07,105 Faggy? 312 00:13:08,749 --> 00:13:12,235 You mind if I just took a quick peek at your new review there? 313 00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,022 - Uh, but I haven't... - That's okay. 314 00:13:14,168 --> 00:13:15,582 That's okay. I know you're not finished. 315 00:13:15,698 --> 00:13:19,112 I just want to see what direction we're headed in there, buddy. 316 00:13:20,158 --> 00:13:21,352 What's it say? 317 00:13:21,479 --> 00:13:24,484 It's, uh, pretty heavy on the kidnapping aspect. 318 00:13:24,598 --> 00:13:25,864 It is? 319 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,442 You jam in further though. 320 00:13:29,570 --> 00:13:31,372 This is... Unlock the bottom. 321 00:13:31,497 --> 00:13:33,263 I'm going for whatever's down there and, um, 322 00:13:33,379 --> 00:13:35,715 it won't catch on to anything is the problem, man. 323 00:13:35,829 --> 00:13:37,823 Damn it, dude. I feel like this should be easier! 324 00:13:37,937 --> 00:13:39,391 People break into cars all the time. 325 00:13:39,509 --> 00:13:40,892 You know, a piece of me wants to chalk this whole 326 00:13:41,017 --> 00:13:42,941 guy-in-the-trunk thing up to a loss right now, dude. 327 00:13:43,067 --> 00:13:45,352 We can't do that, bro. We gotta get him out of the car. 328 00:13:45,477 --> 00:13:46,934 Well, then why don't you just let me take the hammer 329 00:13:47,047 --> 00:13:48,852 and smash the window and we'll just pop the trunk. 330 00:13:48,966 --> 00:13:50,322 Charlie, if we're gonna smash the window, 331 00:13:50,447 --> 00:13:52,143 I would simply do it with a roundhouse kick. 332 00:13:52,257 --> 00:13:53,931 Oh, come on, you're not gonna be able to break this window 333 00:13:54,048 --> 00:13:56,403 with a roundhouse kick. Let's get serious here. 334 00:13:58,398 --> 00:14:01,923 Charlie, I've never been more serious about anything in my entire life. 335 00:14:02,039 --> 00:14:03,033 Help! 336 00:14:03,136 --> 00:14:06,052 Please let me out. I have to get home. I have a cat. 337 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:09,061 Sir, we all have cats that we'd like to be playing with right now, okay? 338 00:14:09,186 --> 00:14:10,261 We're doing our very best. 339 00:14:10,386 --> 00:14:14,433 My cat is diabetic. She needs her insulin shot. Please! 340 00:14:14,557 --> 00:14:16,561 So we got to babysit a cat now? 341 00:14:16,686 --> 00:14:18,851 I can't have a dead cat's blood on my hands, man. 342 00:14:18,966 --> 00:14:20,761 - That's not good. - All right, 343 00:14:20,889 --> 00:14:23,271 Mac to the rescue. Let me just back up. 344 00:14:23,386 --> 00:14:24,701 I'm gonna roundhouse this. I'm gonna kick it, and then we can get it. 345 00:14:24,816 --> 00:14:25,980 Kick it, man. 346 00:14:26,096 --> 00:14:28,931 All right, but back up, 'cause I don't want the glass to shatter at your face. 347 00:14:29,047 --> 00:14:30,772 - All right, go. - Guard your eyes. 348 00:14:33,668 --> 00:14:36,482 - Oh, no! - Shit, dude! Shit! 349 00:14:36,957 --> 00:14:39,360 There is a slope in the ground, and I didn't... 350 00:14:39,477 --> 00:14:41,672 I wasn't, I wasn't calibrating that great. 351 00:14:41,788 --> 00:14:43,633 You just totally broke this mirror, bro. 352 00:14:43,745 --> 00:14:45,701 Well, it's the bullshit street. 353 00:14:45,816 --> 00:14:46,901 We gotta get that zoning people out here. 354 00:14:47,018 --> 00:14:48,511 I don't think it's the street, bro. 355 00:14:48,627 --> 00:14:50,721 Don't touch the window, all right? I'll do that when I get back. 356 00:14:50,936 --> 00:14:53,382 I gonna grab his cat with Dennis' car. I'll be back. 357 00:14:53,495 --> 00:14:55,693 Learn how to kick. Take one karate class 358 00:14:55,816 --> 00:14:57,721 if you're so into karate, you know? 359 00:14:59,196 --> 00:15:01,522 That is a really, really nice setup. 360 00:15:01,636 --> 00:15:04,893 Now, if he doesn't go for that, he's just a straight-up retard. 361 00:15:05,008 --> 00:15:06,882 - I mean, that's all there is to it. - Hey, buddy. 362 00:15:06,998 --> 00:15:09,103 Oh, hey, pal. Oh, check out this new setup, man. 363 00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:10,500 This is going to be our golden ticket, man. 364 00:15:10,617 --> 00:15:11,991 This is really going to get us somewhere. 365 00:15:12,104 --> 00:15:14,480 Hey, man, do you see any hypodermic needles laying around? 366 00:15:14,596 --> 00:15:17,049 - What the hell is that? - Mehar's cat. Diabetic. 367 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,911 Now a diabetic cat is in play? Jesus, we can't catch a break. 368 00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:22,030 - I know, tell me about it. - Nice and easy now. 369 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,690 Jesus Christ, Charlie! You broke the window? 370 00:15:24,807 --> 00:15:26,949 Dude, the guy had to take a dump. What was I supposed to do? 371 00:15:27,064 --> 00:15:28,422 Wait, he's all tied up. How did you...? 372 00:15:28,534 --> 00:15:30,819 Let's not talk about how it happened, okay? It just happened. 373 00:15:30,936 --> 00:15:32,752 - Give him his cat. - Dude, your cat's freaking out! 374 00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,271 That's not my cat. 375 00:15:34,384 --> 00:15:36,882 - No, Dee. - What the hell you doin', Dee? 376 00:15:36,996 --> 00:15:38,219 What's Mehar doing here? 377 00:15:38,334 --> 00:15:41,171 - What are you doing with my cat?! - Your cat?! 378 00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:44,490 - Yes! What is going on? - Mr. Corman, why are they doing this? 379 00:15:44,605 --> 00:15:46,342 No, no, no. Get out of here! 380 00:15:46,614 --> 00:15:47,969 Give him his cat and get him back in the office. 381 00:15:48,085 --> 00:15:50,902 Jesus Christ, oh, this is bad. This is bad, man. 382 00:15:51,015 --> 00:15:52,520 This is really bad. You guys, this is bad. 383 00:15:52,637 --> 00:15:55,670 What are we gonna do? We gotta come up with a plan fast! 384 00:15:55,787 --> 00:15:57,079 Go it! Ready? 385 00:15:57,196 --> 00:15:58,618 Here's the plan. I've been thinking about this. 386 00:15:58,734 --> 00:16:01,498 Okay, we give them amnesia. It's so easy, here how you do it. 387 00:16:01,623 --> 00:16:03,171 You smash them both over the head with a bottle. 388 00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:04,688 They go down like a ton of bricks, okay? 389 00:16:04,805 --> 00:16:06,438 Then we drag them back to their apartments, 390 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,640 we put them in their beds, you know? 391 00:16:07,764 --> 00:16:10,080 We set their clocks back. We get yesterday's newspaper. 392 00:16:10,195 --> 00:16:11,640 We put it on their front doorstep. 393 00:16:11,764 --> 00:16:14,360 They wake up thinking it was all a dream. 394 00:16:14,475 --> 00:16:15,719 - That's so goddamn stupid! - What?! 395 00:16:15,846 --> 00:16:17,380 It's so stupid. Mac, please tell me you got something. 396 00:16:17,504 --> 00:16:19,589 - I say... we bribe them. - A bribe. 397 00:16:19,705 --> 00:16:20,859 - We bribe them. - A good, old-fashioned bribe. 398 00:16:20,973 --> 00:16:22,779 No, that's not gonna work, you know why? 399 00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:25,161 Corman's not gonna go for that. He's, like, made of stone or something. 400 00:16:25,274 --> 00:16:26,890 Oh, Mehar! Let's bribe Mehar. 401 00:16:27,006 --> 00:16:29,089 - He'd go for it. - Yeah, Mehar could work. 402 00:16:29,203 --> 00:16:32,099 But I did notice that the kidnapping has rubbed him the wrong way. 403 00:16:32,223 --> 00:16:34,939 So whatever we bribe him with, it's got to be worth a lot of money. 404 00:16:35,055 --> 00:16:37,999 Yeah, he's gonna want something good for sure. For sure. 405 00:16:44,555 --> 00:16:46,120 Jesus Christ, no. 406 00:16:46,533 --> 00:16:49,248 Hey, thanks a lot for taking home Corman's cat. 407 00:16:49,362 --> 00:16:51,817 And good luck with your sick cat. 408 00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:58,830 Goddamn it, this is bullshit. 409 00:16:59,813 --> 00:17:01,758 All right, let's go talk to Corman. 410 00:17:05,175 --> 00:17:06,490 Hold on there, Corman. 411 00:17:06,602 --> 00:17:08,440 - Where are you going, buddy? - Where are you going? 412 00:17:08,552 --> 00:17:09,929 You're not going very fast. 413 00:17:10,053 --> 00:17:12,080 You're just wasting a lot of energy. Stop. 414 00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:16,068 Okay, all right. Listen, man, we got a proposal for you, okay? 415 00:17:16,183 --> 00:17:18,787 Yeah, now we are willing to not force you to write that review 416 00:17:18,904 --> 00:17:21,209 if you are willing to step up, do the right thing and 417 00:17:21,394 --> 00:17:23,287 - not tell anybody that this happened. - I don't care. 418 00:17:23,402 --> 00:17:25,838 Whatever it takes to get me out of this bar 419 00:17:25,952 --> 00:17:28,309 - away from you people. - My man. 420 00:17:28,424 --> 00:17:30,307 That is the attitude we were waiting for the whole time. 421 00:17:30,422 --> 00:17:31,899 That's right, man. Where's this guy been? 422 00:17:32,013 --> 00:17:33,358 Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room. 423 00:17:33,474 --> 00:17:35,178 Let's talk about the pressing charges. 424 00:17:35,291 --> 00:17:37,428 Yeah, we're gonna need you to sign something. 425 00:17:37,552 --> 00:17:39,797 - Fine. Whatever it takes. - I can't believe you guys 426 00:17:39,911 --> 00:17:41,876 are gonna try and cut a deal with this weasel. 427 00:17:41,991 --> 00:17:43,188 The guy's a liar! 428 00:17:43,302 --> 00:17:46,688 He lied to us, man. He said he was going to write a review, he didn't do that. 429 00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:48,857 I touch his dick. Mac, we touched his dick. 430 00:17:48,972 --> 00:17:50,209 Now is not the time to talk about that. 431 00:17:50,323 --> 00:17:52,718 - Why were you guys touching his dick? - There wasn't enough tape and... 432 00:17:52,841 --> 00:17:55,427 - So you touched his dick?! - Move past it. Let's plow through it. 433 00:17:55,552 --> 00:17:58,246 Okay, Mr. Corman, why don't you just go ahead and sign this. 434 00:17:58,372 --> 00:18:01,338 And then I'll fill in the blanks later. Then that way, we'll have a confession, 435 00:18:01,452 --> 00:18:03,619 it'll be great. And there you go. 436 00:18:03,731 --> 00:18:07,317 Okay, now, let me just get this tape off you, and you could be on your way. 437 00:18:07,441 --> 00:18:09,757 Now, we won't charge you for the duct tape. 438 00:18:10,903 --> 00:18:12,409 That was a joke. 439 00:18:13,604 --> 00:18:15,046 Shit, bro! What are you doing, dude?! 440 00:18:15,171 --> 00:18:16,987 I really don't like this guy. 441 00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:19,017 - You're an idiot! - Well, we'll see who's the idiot 442 00:18:19,130 --> 00:18:21,296 when he wakes up tomorrow and doesn't remember a thing. 443 00:18:21,412 --> 00:18:23,276 I don't think that's how it works, Charlie. 444 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:25,235 - It's definitely not how it works, man. - Oh, my God! 445 00:18:25,350 --> 00:18:27,177 We may as well embrace the amnesia angle, because we have 446 00:18:27,351 --> 00:18:28,556 - no other options at this point. - Well, now! 447 00:18:28,621 --> 00:18:31,127 Okay, I'll go get yesterday's newspaper. 448 00:18:32,532 --> 00:18:34,015 Okay, you guys ready? 449 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,516 One, two, three. 450 00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:40,145 And I'll take... 451 00:18:40,261 --> 00:18:44,138 With me the memories 452 00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:47,568 To be my sunshine 453 00:18:47,682 --> 00:18:50,898 After the rain 454 00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:54,666 It's so hard 455 00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:57,697 To say good-bye 456 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:02,236 To yesterday... 457 00:19:06,431 --> 00:19:08,026 I ran out. I ran out of breath. 458 00:19:08,141 --> 00:19:09,415 Check it out. 459 00:19:09,531 --> 00:19:10,794 What you got there, Ernie? 460 00:19:10,912 --> 00:19:13,084 Oh, it's a new review by Corman. 461 00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:16,837 "I woke up in my neighbor's bed with a head wound," 462 00:19:16,952 --> 00:19:19,957 yesterday's paper, and an empty bottle of sleeping pills, 463 00:19:20,069 --> 00:19:23,266 and my nightmare in that putrid, shithole of a bar, Paddy's Pub, 464 00:19:23,389 --> 00:19:25,447 finally, mercifully came to an end. 465 00:19:25,561 --> 00:19:27,144 The owners all deserve to rot in jail, 466 00:19:27,272 --> 00:19:29,044 though having to spend every day with each other 467 00:19:29,161 --> 00:19:32,786 in that violent establishment is a decidedly great punishment. 468 00:19:32,899 --> 00:19:34,885 That is why I decided to not press charges 469 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,165 leaving 'em to live in the hell on earth that they've created for themselves 470 00:19:38,289 --> 00:19:42,017 for the rest of their pathetic and miserable lives. 471 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,216 - Really cold what he's been writing. - It's wrotten there. 472 00:19:47,331 --> 00:19:49,184 - Not a good review. - No, it's not a good review. 473 00:19:49,301 --> 00:19:51,375 Right for the throw. 474 00:19:51,488 --> 00:19:53,066 At least, he didn't mention our names. 475 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:57,084 No charges, no names. 476 00:19:57,868 --> 00:19:59,916 I don't know why, but I'm a little irritated that 477 00:20:00,058 --> 00:20:01,925 - he didn't mention our names. - I feel like he'd to mentien our names. 478 00:20:01,958 --> 00:20:03,843 I increadibly annoid that he didn't mention our names. 479 00:20:03,958 --> 00:20:05,373 I whish I can live with this but I can't. 480 00:20:05,558 --> 00:20:06,686 It's a history about us! 481 00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:09,093 - I feel like we go talk to him, again. - We should talk to him. 482 00:20:11,589 --> 00:20:14,875 - We're capable of being civils, right? - Let's just, you know... 483 00:20:14,989 --> 00:20:17,193 Communication is the key, it make sens. 484 00:20:17,310 --> 00:20:19,315 Uh, my hammer again.