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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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(phone ringing)
CHARLIE: Frank, pick up!
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Pick up, buddy, pick up, pick
up, pick up, pick up, pick up!
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FRANK: Hello!
I got a Code Red, here, pal.
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I got a Code Red.
I just got tipped off that the
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health inspector's coming today!
The guy's gonna be here in like
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15 minutes.
They're pulling a fast one on
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us!
Okay, I got the place looking
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pretty good already, 'cause I
was anticipating something like
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this, but do me a favor.
Make sure no one is in the bar
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today, okay?
I cannot have those guys in here
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making a mess, you got it?
(chickens clucking)
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Oh, shit.
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.MY-SUBS.com
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(chickens clucking)
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What the hell is this?
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Why are there chickens
everywhere?
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DENNIS: No time to explain it to
you, you wouldn't get it anyway.
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What are you painting?
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It's a new sign.
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Okay? Look.
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"Carmine's: A Place for Steaks."
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What? No, I can't have you
put that sign up.
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The health inspector's coming,
like, any minute!
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So what?
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So what? So we're not
Carmine's.
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Look, I can't have them see the
sign.
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(chicken clucking)
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MAC: Who gives a shit?
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We always get a passing grade.
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Yeah, we get a passing grade
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because I bust my ass to make
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sure that happens, okay?
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And we don't pretend that we're
a restaurant!
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Look, this is (bleep) crazy!
No sign!
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No, we're using the sign,
because the sign's a big part of
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the plan.
What is the plan?
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What is happening?
Charlie, we found a loophole
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in the system.
DEE: Yeah, it's a closing
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loophole; it involves airline
miles and points.
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You're doing a chicken and
airline miles scam today?
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Look, it is a great plan, okay?
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We do not have a ton of time to
explain it to you, we're busy...
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Okay, fine, whatever, I get
it, I get it.
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No, you don't.
It's a good plan, Charlie.
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Frank, Jesus Christ, man,
where are your shoes?
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I lost 'em in the bathroom.
All right, goddamn it.
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I gotta think here.
Okay, here's what we're gonna
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do.
We gotta get all these chickens
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and coops and feathers and
everything in the back office.
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Now! Go!
Why the hell would we do
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that?
Well, I assume you don't want
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a health inspector seeing
anything about a chicken "scam"
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you're trying to pull off.
That's a good point.
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All right, yeah, fine.
But don't pretend like you
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understand the plan, 'cause
that's gonna piss me off.
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Okay. Dee, get the joke stool
in the basement, all right?
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Can't have it out.
What? No way.
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It's hilarious.
It's not hilarious, it's just
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a stool with a nail sticking out
of it.
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Yeah, and when it pokes their
butts, they scream, 'cause they
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just got a nail right in the
butt.
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I... you don't understand
comedy, at all.
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You don't understand comedy.
That's not a joke, it's a
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lawsuit.
Just put it in the basement.
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All right, all right, fine.
Can't have the guy sitting
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on that...
Okay! Relax!
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All right, Frank, let's go.
Bathroom! Come on!
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I gotta find your shoes!
All right, all right...
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Let's go, let's go.
And then help with the chickens,
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if you can, please.
Move, move, move, move.
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How could you have possibly lost
your shoes in...
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Oh, my God. No!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
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What's wrong with the toilet?
Looks clogged.
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What the hell?
I just had these all in, like,
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perfect working condition.
Must be my shoes.
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Your shoes?
What are you talking about?
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Well, when I said I lost my
shoes, I didn't mean I didn't
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know where they were.
It's just that they were gone.
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You flushed your shoes down
the toilet?
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Why would you do that?
It's an anxiety thing,
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Charlie.
Everybody's moving so fast all
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of a sudden, it freaks me out.
Flushing things gives me
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control.
It's a thing.
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That's not a thing.
It's a thing.
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That's not a thing, I've
never heard of that thing.
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All right, I gotta dig 'em out.
Want me to get a snake tool?
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No, I'm just gonna...
Look, just go help with the
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chickens, okay?
Help with the chickens, please?
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Get 'em in the back office, do
whatever you can!
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Charlie, I need you for
something.
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Goddamn, the thing's broken.
Look, can you give me that fix
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bag right there?
Uh, yeah, yeah, sure.
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Hey, listen, um... we've got a
huge problem out there, dude.
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Oh.
Earlier, when Dennis said
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"we've got a really good idea
with this plan," that wasn't
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entirely accurate, 'cause it was
actually my idea and I think the
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usage of the word "we" in there
is really confusing, because,
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like, how can a whole group of
people have the same idea at the
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same time?
What, do they just say it all at
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once? It's ludicrous.
I don't understand why you're
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angling for credit right now.
We'll go through the normal
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arbitration process at the end
of all of this.
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Right. Well, I've just been
screwed at the last three
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arbitration processes, and I
just want you to be on my side,
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you know?
'Cause I really need you.
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Whatever, dude. I don't care.
Wait.
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What happened to the glory hole
cover?
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I took it off.
I-I thought you... you put it on
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there by accident.
No, I put it up there because
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I don't want the health
inspector seeing that we have a
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place for a person to get their
dick sucked by a stranger.
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You are taking this whole
inspection thing way too
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seriously, okay?
Back to the credit issue... you
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just don't know what it's like
to be overlooked.
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Oh, my God, that's exactly
what's happening to me right
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now.
Okay. You know what?
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Maybe I'll just casually bring
it up to him and then he won't
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even know what we're
talking about.
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Ha! I got a fix!
I got a fix right here-- all
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right, we'll just put this up
and boom, that's pretty good.
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What was that?
Why did the lights go out?
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Uh, that could be the vacuum
sealer.
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That thing probably pulls a lot
of power.
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Vacuum sealer? What the hell?
Yeah.
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All right, where's this
packaging machine thing?
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The keg room.
The keg room?
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Okay, good, they're back on.
Frank, Frank, Frank, don't go
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away!
Okay, keep moving chickens, yes,
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but I need you to take the "Talk
American" sign down.
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Are you sure?
Maybe he's a racist, too.
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The health inspector's not a
racist, Frank.
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Take it down, please, okay?
And shoes-- shoes, please?
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Find some shoes?
I got this.
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Oh, shit!
This thing's tits!
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No, no, no, you can't use
this machine, okay?
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It blew the surge protector.
Well, we can't do the plan
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without the packaging machine.
How else are we supposed to
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vacuum-seal the steaks?
Steaks?
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This is a chicken and air mile
and steak scam, now?
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Yeah.
All right, fine.
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I can work with it, I can work
with it.
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Just do me a favor, start
packaging lemons and limes and
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things, make it seem like we
package...
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Fun.
Dee, I need you down in the
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basement, I need your reach.
Me?
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Yeah, real quick, come on.
Okay.
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Hey, Dennis.
Could I talk to you for
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a second?
Do me a favor.
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I got a battery here.
Reach up in the carbon monoxide
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detector, just pop it in real
quick?
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Yeah, you got it.
Hey, Charlie, while we're down
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here, I just wanted to talk to
you about ideas...
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(detector beeping)
...and how funny it is that they
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can come from all kinds of
different places, you know?
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(detector continues beeping)
Somebody could say something
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really funny and it might spark
an idea...
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Shh, shh, shh-- Dee, zip up
the mouth...
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No, I know, but before the
arbitration, I need to know...
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Dee, shut up, shut up, shut up!
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That's, uh, G-sharp.
Okay, I got it, I got it.
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Yeah, yeah.
Is it broken?
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It won't shut the hell up.
No, it's doing exactly what
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it's supposed to do and that's
the problem.
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There's, like, a ton of carbon
monoxide down here, so I don't
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want it doing that.
What? Why?
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Uh, well, I... actually, what
I do is I block the vents to the
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furnace and that fills the
basement with dangerous gases.
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Drives the rodents away.
I always do it leading up to an
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inspection.
Is that safe?
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No, no.
It's incredibly unsafe.
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We can't be down here too long,
so just get the battery and we
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gotta roll.
Oh, my God.
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Yeah, get it out.
And then just make it look
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like...
God damn you, Charlie.
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Goddamn it, go.
All right, go, go, go.
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You getting light-headed?
Yes!
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(Mac screams in distance)
Why'd I hear a squeal?
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Oh, no, dude, why are you
bleeding?
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Dennis scratched me.
Mac was doing that thing
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where he tries to casually bring
something up to me, like I don't
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notice.
Come to me like a man!
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Talk about being tough all the
time; can't even look me in the
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eyes.
Okay.
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00:06:05,818 --> 00:06:07,685
How's the for shoes, Charlie?
Aw, no, Frank, come on, man!
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You're gonna get black paint
everywhere!
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I changed my mind about the
stool.
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No, no stool. Stool's out.
No way!
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It's just that it was my
idea, Dennis.
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It's sort of like the jean
shorts, you know, where you...
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Look at me when you're
talking to me!
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(truck horn honks outside)
Oh, shit.
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The steaks are here.
Nice.
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(brakes hiss, engine shuts off)
Whoa.
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That's a big truck.
Shit. No, no, no, no, no.
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I can't have this truck out
here!
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Hey, uh, is this Carmine's
Steak House?
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You're looking at the sign, pal.
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Oh.
Hey, you guys mind if I get a
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quick bite here before we begin?
You want to eat here?
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Uh, yeah, you know, it's a
long drive back to Ohio and I
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00:06:42,388 --> 00:06:43,972
figured I was gonna be here a
while, unloading all these
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steaks.
Well, you won't be here that
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00:06:45,975 --> 00:06:48,109
long, right?
I mean, it's only 400 steaks.
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Four hundred?
You ordered 4,000.
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Excuse me, I gotta use the
toilet.
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00:06:53,616 --> 00:06:55,400
Oh, shit.
Oh, gosh, you know what?
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00:06:55,534 --> 00:06:57,235
The thing is, our kitchen's not
open...
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Okay, you know what? Yeah.
Go ahead, uh, leave the keys in
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it, maybe pop the back, we'll
help you get started.
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I'm gonna fire up the grill and
all set.
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Okay.
We got you covered. (Laughs)
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(toilet flushing)
Did you flush your shirt?
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00:07:08,414 --> 00:07:10,131
Yep.
Okay, uh, I don't want to
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00:07:10,249 --> 00:07:11,833
interrupt here, Charlie, but we
got a major problem on our
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00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:13,802
hands.
A): We are not a restaurant that
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00:07:13,919 --> 00:07:16,588
serves food, and B): How are we
gonna package 4,000 steaks?
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Look, we can handle it, okay?
Dee, we should've never done
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your stupid plan!
My plan?
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No way, this was Frank's idea.
Wasn't my idea.
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Dennis was all over it.
Me? No, this was Mac's stupid
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plan.
Then why'd you scratch me?
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00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:27,765
'Cause I was irritated with you.
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Look, we can handle all of
this, all right?
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Excuse me, with all due
respect, Charlie, you don't even
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know what the goddamn plan is.
Okay, okay, with all due
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respect to you, I think I
understand it fully, okay?
227
00:07:35,157 --> 00:07:36,774
You guys used Frank's credit
card, you bought a bunch of
228
00:07:36,909 --> 00:07:38,860
airline miles.
You used those airline miles to
229
00:07:39,028 --> 00:07:41,162
purchase 400 steaks.
Knowing that this delivery
230
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,948
company delivered all variety of
animal products, your plan was
231
00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:46,034
to contaminate the steaks with
chicken feathers, by rubbing
232
00:07:46,168 --> 00:07:48,036
live chickens all over them.
Then you were gonna repackage
233
00:07:48,204 --> 00:07:50,038
the steaks, at which point,
you were gonna return the
234
00:07:50,206 --> 00:07:52,874
contaminated steaks for actual
cash, taking advantage of a
235
00:07:53,008 --> 00:07:55,128
loophole in the current airline
miles system, correct?
236
00:07:55,177 --> 00:07:57,712
Very good, Charlie.
That is it, that is it.
237
00:07:57,847 --> 00:07:59,681
That was the plan, but I
mean... you know, we basically
238
00:07:59,798 --> 00:08:01,549
had already explained it to you,
so...
239
00:08:01,684 --> 00:08:03,384
Right.
But what you didn't plan for was
240
00:08:03,519 --> 00:08:05,136
a hungry delivery guy who'd
driven here all the way from
241
00:08:05,271 --> 00:08:06,721
Ohio.
Or that Dee's oversized fingers
242
00:08:06,889 --> 00:08:08,556
could've accidentally pressed
"zero" again when she ordered
243
00:08:08,724 --> 00:08:10,391
the steaks online.
I'm assuming you did the typing,
244
00:08:10,559 --> 00:08:12,310
Dee, yes?
Goddamn it.
245
00:08:12,444 --> 00:08:14,124
Dee, you bitch.
But none of this matters to
246
00:08:14,196 --> 00:08:16,197
me, okay?
Because today is inspection day.
247
00:08:16,315 --> 00:08:18,715
A day that I pride myself on, a
day that I've never failed on
248
00:08:18,784 --> 00:08:20,485
and I don't plan to begin
failing now, so listen to me and
249
00:08:20,619 --> 00:08:22,370
listen close, like you've never
done before.
250
00:08:22,488 --> 00:08:26,878
We are going to pull this thing
off, so help me God.
251
00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:29,348
Son of a bitch.
252
00:08:33,579 --> 00:08:35,290
Okay, here we go.
Here's the plan:
253
00:08:35,410 --> 00:08:37,578
Dee, Frank, come with me.
I want you guys to set up a
254
00:08:37,746 --> 00:08:39,426
table and chair in the alleyway,
all right?
255
00:08:39,581 --> 00:08:41,341
This guy's gonna be dining in
our patio area.
256
00:08:41,383 --> 00:08:43,251
Dee, take his order, make him
think it's a real restaurant.
257
00:08:43,418 --> 00:08:45,419
Frank, as soon as you're done,
haul ass down the alleyway, move
258
00:08:45,554 --> 00:08:47,555
the guy's truck, all right?
All right, I need you guys to
259
00:08:47,673 --> 00:08:49,507
take down the Carmine sign.
I can't have it up when the
260
00:08:49,641 --> 00:08:51,259
inspector gets here, all right?
And get me a steak off the
261
00:08:51,393 --> 00:08:52,760
truck, okay?
Gladly.
262
00:08:52,895 --> 00:08:54,512
All right, I'm gonna show
this guy to his table.
263
00:08:54,646 --> 00:08:56,180
Here we go.
Oh, hey, right on time!
264
00:08:56,315 --> 00:08:58,065
Here's my guy. You know what?
Don't even bother unloading,
265
00:08:58,183 --> 00:08:59,734
'cause I'm gonna have my guys
handle it, okay?
266
00:08:59,851 --> 00:09:00,935
You sure?
Oh, absolutely.
267
00:09:01,103 --> 00:09:02,436
The keys are in the truck,
right?
268
00:09:02,571 --> 00:09:04,091
Yeah, they're...
All right, come on in.
269
00:09:04,106 --> 00:09:05,773
Let's go have a bite to eat.
I know you're a hungry guy.
270
00:09:05,941 --> 00:09:07,742
Oh, it's-it's a nice spot.
Yeah, it's a nice spot.
271
00:09:07,859 --> 00:09:10,244
We can't complain.
See all these booths over here?
272
00:09:10,362 --> 00:09:12,280
They're nice.
And we got a patio area.
273
00:09:12,414 --> 00:09:14,015
I think you're gonna enjoy
sitting there.
274
00:09:14,116 --> 00:09:15,477
You know what?
A booth is, is fine.
275
00:09:15,584 --> 00:09:18,286
Oh, no, see, look, we got
these old stools and old booths,
276
00:09:18,453 --> 00:09:20,538
but the patio area is really
something special.
277
00:09:20,672 --> 00:09:22,290
You know, you're a top-shelf
customer, right?
278
00:09:22,424 --> 00:09:23,791
Right.
You want to be having the
279
00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:25,760
top-shelf experience.
And here we go.
280
00:09:25,877 --> 00:09:27,762
Welcome!
Please, make yourself
281
00:09:27,879 --> 00:09:30,598
comfortable.
Yeah, have a seat and, uh,
282
00:09:30,716 --> 00:09:34,135
enjoy the patio.
Uh, this is an alley.
283
00:09:34,303 --> 00:09:36,938
I think I'd rather just sit
inside.
284
00:09:37,055 --> 00:09:38,639
(Charlie laughs)
Spends all day in a truck and
285
00:09:38,807 --> 00:09:41,309
he wants to eat indoors!
Hey, the man needs fresh air!
286
00:09:41,476 --> 00:09:43,227
Dee, take his order, okay?
Yes, yes.
287
00:09:43,362 --> 00:09:45,146
Uh, what can I get you?
Okay, here we go.
288
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,064
Okay, here we go.
289
00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:51,152
Okay.
Here we go.
290
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:53,654
(panting)
Hey, hey! Steaks! Steaks!
291
00:09:53,789 --> 00:09:55,906
All right, back on this!
Dennis, I need you to be the
292
00:09:56,041 --> 00:09:58,159
face in the bar, okay?
I accept that responsibility.
293
00:09:58,327 --> 00:10:00,168
All right, go, go, go!
Okay, here's my guy, right on time,
294
00:10:00,329 --> 00:10:03,581
Come on, now, buddy, here we go.
295
00:10:03,715 --> 00:10:06,500
Wait-- wait, wait, whoa, whoa,
whoa-- who's this?
296
00:10:06,635 --> 00:10:09,170
No, no, no, ma'am, ma'am, I'm
sorry, you can't park here.
297
00:10:09,304 --> 00:10:11,639
Are you the owner?
Uh, yeah, Charlie Kelly.
298
00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:13,841
Who's asking?
I'm, uh, Sandy Lawlor.
299
00:10:13,976 --> 00:10:15,843
I'm with the City Board of
Health.
300
00:10:15,978 --> 00:10:18,429
I'll be conducting an impromptu
inspection of your bar.
301
00:10:18,563 --> 00:10:20,481
Okay, yeah, uh, what happened
to Alan?
302
00:10:20,599 --> 00:10:23,017
Alan was let go on account of
his leniency.
303
00:10:23,151 --> 00:10:25,603
Shall we begin?
Okay. Uh... sure.
304
00:10:25,737 --> 00:10:28,022
All right, let's get going.
Right in here.
305
00:10:28,156 --> 00:10:30,024
This is our, uh, bartender over
here.
306
00:10:30,192 --> 00:10:32,026
All right, all right, all right.
307
00:10:32,194 --> 00:10:33,694
Okay. He's a bit of a
character.
308
00:10:33,829 --> 00:10:35,696
Where would you like to begin?
Let's, uh, begin with the
309
00:10:35,831 --> 00:10:37,999
bathrooms.
Okay, that's fine.
310
00:10:38,116 --> 00:10:40,701
Come on in this way.
I assume all the toilets are
311
00:10:40,869 --> 00:10:42,703
in working order.
Oh, absolutely.
312
00:10:42,871 --> 00:10:44,712
Yeah, I wouldn't bother checking
if I were you.
313
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,009
I think I will.
You're standing awfully close
314
00:10:48,126 --> 00:10:50,011
to me.
(exhales) Sorry about that.
315
00:10:50,128 --> 00:10:52,463
(chuckles) Yeah.
Do I smell cheese?
316
00:10:52,597 --> 00:10:56,183
I'm gonna leave you to it.
You do your thing, okay?
317
00:10:56,301 --> 00:10:58,386
Dennis, heads up.
What are these?
318
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,388
They're car keys, okay?
Just picked her pocket.
319
00:11:00,522 --> 00:11:02,023
Go move her car, so Frank can
pull the truck up.
320
00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:04,025
Okay. Hey, Dee, hold up.
Okay, put this on the furnace,
321
00:11:04,142 --> 00:11:06,027
all right? Cook it up good.
Oh, no, he wants a turkey
322
00:11:06,144 --> 00:11:07,228
burger.
What? Why?
323
00:11:07,396 --> 00:11:08,396
I don't know.
I offered it to him.
324
00:11:08,563 --> 00:11:10,404
Why would you do that?
You said pretend we're a
325
00:11:10,532 --> 00:11:12,199
restaurant-- he looked like a
turkey burger kind of guy.
326
00:11:12,317 --> 00:11:14,201
He looks like a turkey burger
kind of guy?! Oh, my God, Dee,
327
00:11:14,319 --> 00:11:15,820
just put it on the furnace,
okay, cook it up.
328
00:11:15,954 --> 00:11:17,822
Tell him you got the order
wrong, just tell him you got the
329
00:11:17,956 --> 00:11:19,716
thing wrong.
Oh, my God, what a stupid bitch.
330
00:11:19,791 --> 00:11:22,993
What a stupid bitch she is.
Okay.
331
00:11:23,128 --> 00:11:27,164
(grunts, pants)
Okay...
332
00:11:27,299 --> 00:11:28,900
Dude, what's the point with the
chickens?
333
00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:30,418
Okay, everything's going in
the back, all right?
334
00:11:30,585 --> 00:11:32,086
Chickens, cages, they're all
going in the back.
335
00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:34,088
But first, count to, like, 30,
and then start moaning into it.
336
00:11:34,222 --> 00:11:35,723
Why?
Will you just do it? Okay?
337
00:11:35,841 --> 00:11:37,725
Don't ask questions, just moan
a bit, after a couple of moans
338
00:11:37,843 --> 00:11:39,593
say, "I'm sorry."
You got it?
339
00:11:39,728 --> 00:11:41,762
Okay, sure, yeah.
Okay? Okay?
340
00:11:41,897 --> 00:11:47,685
26, 25...
24, 23, 22, 21, 20...
341
00:11:47,819 --> 00:11:53,941
(grunts) 19, 18, 17,
(quietly): 16, 15, 14, 13,
342
00:11:54,109 --> 00:11:59,413
12, 11, ten, nine...
And how are we lookin' in...
343
00:11:59,531 --> 00:12:02,116
here!
It's acceptable so far.
344
00:12:02,284 --> 00:12:04,118
Okay.
(moaning)
345
00:12:04,286 --> 00:12:05,786
Oh, I guess there's somebody
in there.
346
00:12:05,921 --> 00:12:07,762
It sounds like there's
somebody in there, yeah.
347
00:12:07,873 --> 00:12:10,958
Let's take a little peek.
Hey, buddy, how about a courtesy
348
00:12:11,126 --> 00:12:13,377
cough or something next time?
Well, I'm sorry.
349
00:12:13,512 --> 00:12:15,963
Don't be sorry, you know?
Just, uh, give us all a heads-up
350
00:12:16,098 --> 00:12:17,798
you're in here, save us all the
embarrassment, you know?
351
00:12:17,933 --> 00:12:19,800
Some people, they got, like, no
sort of social boundaries or
352
00:12:19,935 --> 00:12:21,469
anything like that.
It's really kind of an awkward
353
00:12:21,603 --> 00:12:23,471
thing.
Did you meet our bartender?
354
00:12:23,605 --> 00:12:25,106
Hey! All right, all right,
all right.
355
00:12:25,223 --> 00:12:26,807
That's right, I think I
introduced you to him.
356
00:12:26,942 --> 00:12:28,622
You want to check out the
women's bathroom?
357
00:12:28,643 --> 00:12:30,478
Yeah.
Women's bathroom, I assure
358
00:12:30,645 --> 00:12:32,646
you, is spotless.
Well, we'll see.
359
00:12:32,814 --> 00:12:34,899
No, we actually hardly ever
have women in here, so...
360
00:12:35,033 --> 00:12:36,484
But we're not being graded on
that.
361
00:12:36,651 --> 00:12:38,486
All right, in you go, in you go.
Go ahead and take a... move your
362
00:12:38,653 --> 00:12:40,488
bowels if you have to.
All right, okay, back office,
363
00:12:40,655 --> 00:12:42,156
okay?
Chickens-- back-- everything's
364
00:12:42,290 --> 00:12:43,824
going in the back, so get the
back, so get in... go, go, go!
365
00:12:43,992 --> 00:12:45,793
The furnace cooked it way too
fast-- it's charred to shit.
366
00:12:45,911 --> 00:12:47,578
It doesn't matter.
I'm gonna give him the wrong
367
00:12:47,712 --> 00:12:49,352
order and just hand him a
burned-up steak?
368
00:12:49,498 --> 00:12:51,165
He's gonna be pissed.
Dee, this guy's not grading
369
00:12:51,299 --> 00:12:53,000
our bar-- I don't care if he has
the worst dining experience of
370
00:12:53,168 --> 00:12:54,729
his life-- go give him the
burned steak.
371
00:12:54,803 --> 00:12:56,723
Okay, how's this...?
How am I gonna get all these
372
00:12:56,805 --> 00:12:58,422
steaks off the truck?
You don't have to get 'em
373
00:12:58,557 --> 00:13:00,424
all, okay? We're just gonna
contaminate a couple, then we're
374
00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:02,039
gonna put the chickens onto the
truck.
375
00:13:02,177 --> 00:13:03,844
Why?
Frank, we're gonna
376
00:13:03,979 --> 00:13:05,499
contaminate the whole
truck, all right?
377
00:13:05,564 --> 00:13:07,181
That goes to the keg room, and
for the love of God, find a
378
00:13:07,349 --> 00:13:08,682
shirt!
Find a shirt, Frank!
379
00:13:08,817 --> 00:13:11,769
All right, okay, okay.
(grunts)
380
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,355
Ah, okay.
Come on, come on, come on.
381
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:16,357
Okay. Nice.
Done.
382
00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:18,359
Well done! Okay!
Up top! All right, okay,
383
00:13:18,493 --> 00:13:20,361
here's the plan: Got to go to
the third stall vents in the
384
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,329
bathroom.
Chickens are coming out there.
385
00:13:22,447 --> 00:13:23,664
Everything goes to the keg room,
right?
386
00:13:23,782 --> 00:13:25,366
Start rubbing chickens on
steaks, seal them up good.
387
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,201
And then put everything on the
truck-- chickens, steaks,
388
00:13:27,335 --> 00:13:29,295
everything on the truck!
Got it, got it, got it...
389
00:13:29,337 --> 00:13:31,205
We're contaminating the truck guys, let's go! What is this?
390
00:13:31,339 --> 00:13:33,207
What are you doing?
I'm painting a shirt!
391
00:13:33,341 --> 00:13:35,042
No! All right, look,
just, uh, get out of sight!
392
00:13:35,177 --> 00:13:37,044
Or go to the keg room, hide out.
I'm gonna send Dee to you in a
393
00:13:37,179 --> 00:13:38,712
minute, all right?
In fact, just keep painting,
394
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,714
that's fine, but go in the keg
room.
395
00:13:40,882 --> 00:13:42,183
Oh, my God, what an idiot.
(arguing in distance)
396
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:43,717
Hi. Oh, hi, hello.
I'm sorry, is there a-a problem
397
00:13:43,885 --> 00:13:45,386
out here?
He's making a big
398
00:13:45,554 --> 00:13:47,137
stink about the steak.
The steak is burnt to shit.
399
00:13:47,272 --> 00:13:48,889
It's not even what I ordered.
Would you look at that?
400
00:13:49,057 --> 00:13:50,891
Aw, man, I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna give you a beer on the
401
00:13:51,059 --> 00:13:52,560
house-- come on inside.
Oh, how nice!
402
00:13:52,727 --> 00:13:54,562
No, I'll just take it here.
No, actually we don't have
403
00:13:54,729 --> 00:13:56,363
our outdoor liquor license, so I
so I got to have you drink
404
00:13:56,481 --> 00:13:58,065
it inside, in you go!
You know what-- this is the
405
00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,733
worst restaurant I've
ever been to.
406
00:13:59,868 --> 00:14:01,402
So sorry, terribly sorry,
sir, terribly sorry.
407
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:03,320
Aw, Charlie, that's not good!
What are you talking about?
408
00:14:03,455 --> 00:14:05,322
It's great! Thinks we're
a real restaurant.
409
00:14:05,457 --> 00:14:07,157
Okay, Dee, table, chairs--
everything's going in the
410
00:14:07,292 --> 00:14:08,993
Dumpster, all right?
And then please push it, like,
411
00:14:09,127 --> 00:14:10,995
you know, another couple inches
from the door, it doesn't look
412
00:14:11,129 --> 00:14:12,889
like six feet to me.
What? Of course it does.
413
00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:14,884
No, no, Dee. It looks like
five and a half, okay?
414
00:14:14,966 --> 00:14:16,834
You think she's gonna notice
six inches?
415
00:14:16,968 --> 00:14:18,836
Move the goddamn Dumpster,
you bitch, okay?
416
00:14:18,970 --> 00:14:22,006
Then haul ass down the alleyway.
Yeah. Okay. Hi!
417
00:14:22,140 --> 00:14:25,226
Hi! How'd it go in there?
Uh, fine, I suppose.
418
00:14:25,343 --> 00:14:27,344
Everything checks out.
Hi, there.
419
00:14:27,479 --> 00:14:29,430
Hello.
Yeah, lots of customers.
420
00:14:29,564 --> 00:14:31,432
We're a bustling business, so
why don't you head on out to the
421
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:33,434
alleyway and see if there's
anything there that needs, uh,
422
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,436
inspecting.
And, ooh, sir, whoa, whoa, whoa!
423
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:37,438
Sorry.
No, no, no!
424
00:14:37,572 --> 00:14:39,440
I'm gonna need you to drink
that in our VIP lounge area.
425
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:41,442
I just want to drink it here.
Oh, come on! A very important
426
00:14:41,610 --> 00:14:43,444
customer like yourself sitting
on a bar with the regulars?
427
00:14:43,612 --> 00:14:45,029
I think you're gonna enjoy the
exclusivity of the lounge area,
428
00:14:45,163 --> 00:14:46,447
so just enjoy that.
It's not a lounge area...
429
00:14:46,615 --> 00:14:48,449
Hey, all right, all right,
all right!
430
00:14:48,617 --> 00:14:50,618
Why are you doing that to me?
I don't know.
431
00:14:50,752 --> 00:14:52,086
Okay, I don't need you to do
that to me, all right?
432
00:14:52,203 --> 00:14:53,454
Just go, go-- yeah, you gotta
finish the job!
433
00:14:53,622 --> 00:14:55,456
How'd it go with the Dumpster?
You move it?
434
00:14:55,624 --> 00:14:57,291
Huh? Yes.
Okay, here's the plan.
435
00:14:57,459 --> 00:14:59,126
Give this to Frank.
Tell him G-sharp.
436
00:14:59,294 --> 00:15:01,135
Then you got to paint him head
to toe in black.
437
00:15:01,296 --> 00:15:03,256
Why would I do any of that?
Dee, just do it, okay?
438
00:15:03,298 --> 00:15:05,132
Just do it, you goddamn bitch.
Oh, you bitch!
439
00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:07,134
Stop questioning everything!
Oh, that goddamn bitch.
440
00:15:07,302 --> 00:15:09,603
Oh, that goddamn bitch!
Oh, my God, she's gonna ruin it
441
00:15:09,721 --> 00:15:12,389
all.
And how are we out here?
442
00:15:12,524 --> 00:15:15,142
Everything will be in the
report.
443
00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:17,144
Yeah, sure.
Mind if I head behind the
444
00:15:17,312 --> 00:15:19,146
bar?
No! Sure! That's not an
445
00:15:19,314 --> 00:15:21,148
issue.
Yeah, come check out the bar.
446
00:15:21,316 --> 00:15:24,318
You know, the bar is sort of the
lifeblood of a bar.
447
00:15:24,486 --> 00:15:26,820
(laughs)
I said bar, bar twice!
448
00:15:26,988 --> 00:15:28,988
And, oh, you know what?
There's drainage pipes down
449
00:15:28,990 --> 00:15:30,824
there that I don't want you to
check.
450
00:15:30,992 --> 00:15:32,826
"Drainage pipes"?
I'm sorry, Mr. Kelly.
451
00:15:32,994 --> 00:15:35,462
I have to check it out.
Well, if you gotta do it,
452
00:15:35,580 --> 00:15:37,464
you gotta do it.
Now... you know, but...
453
00:15:37,582 --> 00:15:40,167
I mean, I know that they're a
little wet, they get damp and,
454
00:15:40,335 --> 00:15:42,503
uh...
Actually, they look pretty
455
00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,505
good.
All right, well, that's
456
00:15:44,673 --> 00:15:46,507
great.
Uh, so one last thing.
457
00:15:46,675 --> 00:15:48,509
I suppose I want to show the
blender here, for our mixing up
458
00:15:48,677 --> 00:15:50,511
frozen drinks or...
I really don't need to see
459
00:15:50,679 --> 00:15:52,513
that.
Turn it up higher?
460
00:15:52,681 --> 00:15:54,515
I don't really need to...
No, that's not a good idea,
461
00:15:54,683 --> 00:15:56,684
but here we go... See?
Yeah, we blew the power.
462
00:15:56,851 --> 00:15:59,653
It's not really environmentally
safe to turn it up that high,
463
00:15:59,771 --> 00:16:01,772
that's why never really do it.
I should drag you in for that
464
00:16:01,906 --> 00:16:03,824
one-- I'm not gonna.
(laughs)
465
00:16:03,942 --> 00:16:05,859
That's a joke.
I'd love to show you our
466
00:16:06,027 --> 00:16:07,861
packaging machine I keep in the
keg room.
467
00:16:08,029 --> 00:16:10,364
Here, come take a peek here.
Look at all this.
468
00:16:10,532 --> 00:16:13,450
Look at all of this!
Oh, my! This is...
469
00:16:13,585 --> 00:16:15,452
A bit excessive?
Yes, I know, but I'm a little
470
00:16:15,587 --> 00:16:17,454
anal when it comes to securing
the perishables.
471
00:16:17,589 --> 00:16:19,289
You know, I just don't want
anything to get rotten, and
472
00:16:19,424 --> 00:16:21,125
that's about as-as good
as it gets.
473
00:16:21,259 --> 00:16:23,259
You're not the only one with
standards around here.
474
00:16:23,261 --> 00:16:24,962
So, come on down to the
basement and you can check
475
00:16:25,096 --> 00:16:26,797
this out.
Okay, so, uh, watch your step on
476
00:16:26,931 --> 00:16:28,882
the stairs here.
Wouldn't want you to trip on any
477
00:16:29,050 --> 00:16:31,518
old paint cans or anything like
that, but hopefully everything
478
00:16:31,636 --> 00:16:34,054
down here, you know, has been
properly painted and put where
479
00:16:34,189 --> 00:16:36,357
it's supposed to be.
So, you know what I'm saying?
480
00:16:36,474 --> 00:16:38,392
No, I don't.
Where's the carbon monoxide
481
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,394
detector?
Carbon monoxide detector!
482
00:16:40,562 --> 00:16:42,229
All right, so you reach up there
and you give that a poke and
483
00:16:42,364 --> 00:16:43,564
everything should...
(detector beeps twice)
484
00:16:43,732 --> 00:16:46,150
Great and... oh!
Twice, okay.
485
00:16:46,284 --> 00:16:48,235
Excellent.
All right, that was
486
00:16:48,370 --> 00:16:50,237
excellent.
Uh, I'm feeling a little
487
00:16:50,372 --> 00:16:52,239
light-headed.
Yeah, could it be the stairs?
488
00:16:52,374 --> 00:16:54,241
Or, you know, maybe you're just
dizzy by the cleanliness.
489
00:16:54,376 --> 00:16:56,243
So, let's get you out of here.
What?
490
00:16:56,378 --> 00:16:58,245
No sense in lingering around.
You checked the carbon monoxide
491
00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:01,382
and that, that's all you got to
do there-- okay, let's see.
492
00:17:01,499 --> 00:17:03,384
Uh, I think we covered
everything.
493
00:17:03,501 --> 00:17:05,753
I mean, uh, doorknob?
That works.
494
00:17:05,887 --> 00:17:08,255
Showed you all the packaged
produce.
495
00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:10,257
Hey, did you meet our bartender?
All right, all right.
496
00:17:10,392 --> 00:17:12,259
I'm not paying for
contaminated steaks!
497
00:17:12,394 --> 00:17:14,261
You're entire truck is filled
with chickens!
498
00:17:14,396 --> 00:17:16,263
You want me to return 4,000
steaks?
499
00:17:16,398 --> 00:17:18,265
This restaurant is insane.
"Restaurant"?
500
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,267
Uh, well, yeah, if you count
a bowl of peanuts, you know?
501
00:17:20,402 --> 00:17:22,269
We get the drunks in here, they
get all ornery and confused.
502
00:17:22,404 --> 00:17:24,104
What are you gonna do?
It comes with the territory.
503
00:17:24,239 --> 00:17:25,939
Well, I'd love to spend a little
bit more time in here...
504
00:17:26,074 --> 00:17:27,441
Ah, that's about it,
Mr. Kelly.
505
00:17:27,575 --> 00:17:28,776
That's it?
Yeah.
506
00:17:28,943 --> 00:17:31,612
Oh...
Hey!
507
00:17:31,780 --> 00:17:35,365
Yes? Are you talking to me?
(grunts)
508
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:39,787
Yeah.
What is it?
509
00:17:43,007 --> 00:17:45,959
All right, all right, all right.
510
00:17:46,094 --> 00:17:49,930
Yes. Okay.
You know, all right,
511
00:17:50,048 --> 00:17:52,132
all right, all right.
Kind of says it all.
512
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:54,301
So, here we go.
Uh, last thing, Sandy.
513
00:17:54,469 --> 00:17:56,804
Is this concrete regulation?
You know, I know there's some
514
00:17:56,971 --> 00:17:58,806
cracks and...
It looks fine.
515
00:17:58,973 --> 00:18:01,108
But I'll tell you what's not
fine, Mr. Kelly, and that's the
516
00:18:01,226 --> 00:18:03,644
Dumpster.
The regulation is exactly six
517
00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:06,897
feet and you were at five and
a half.
518
00:18:07,031 --> 00:18:09,650
Oh, that goddamn bitch!
I know Allen would let this
519
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:13,570
slide, but I'm not Allen.
I'll have to dock you for that.
520
00:18:13,705 --> 00:18:16,323
Okay, well, I understand, and
I assure you that those
521
00:18:16,491 --> 00:18:18,492
responsible, they'll be dealt
with.
522
00:18:18,626 --> 00:18:21,128
However, you do have an
amazingly clean bar and
523
00:18:21,246 --> 00:18:25,582
therefore I'm giving Paddy's Pub
the highest possible grade.
524
00:18:25,717 --> 00:18:28,752
Congratulations. Oh, my...
You got me with
525
00:18:28,887 --> 00:18:31,171
the whole Dumpster thing!
Oh, man, that's really, really
526
00:18:31,306 --> 00:18:32,673
exciting stuff!
Oh, well...
527
00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:35,843
It's just really fantastic.
That was nice.
528
00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:37,511
Have a wonderful day.
Okay.
529
00:18:37,679 --> 00:18:42,530
(panting)
Okay.
530
00:18:42,934 --> 00:18:45,185
(all clamoring)
Guys, we got the highest
531
00:18:45,353 --> 00:18:47,271
grade!
I didn't think we were gonna do
532
00:18:47,405 --> 00:18:49,273
it because of the Dumpster, but,
man, she got us the highest
533
00:18:49,407 --> 00:18:51,275
grade!
The highest grade of...?
534
00:18:51,409 --> 00:18:53,277
The health inspection!
We passed the health inspection!
535
00:18:53,411 --> 00:18:55,946
Boo!
Oh, yeah, we don't, we don't
536
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:58,080
give a shit about that.
Yeah, we were excited about
537
00:18:58,116 --> 00:19:00,000
the airline miles thing.
Well, yeah, that's cool, too,
538
00:19:00,118 --> 00:19:02,118
but the health inspection was
the whole thing, man!
539
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,004
I pulled it off!
It was like, "Here goes there!"
540
00:19:04,122 --> 00:19:06,006
I did the whole thing.
Uh, Charlie, come on.
541
00:19:06,124 --> 00:19:08,008
We always pass, okay?
We never have a hard time
542
00:19:08,126 --> 00:19:09,180
passing. It's not a big deal.
Nobody gives a shit.
543
00:19:09,275 --> 00:19:11,159
You didn't do anything that
special.
544
00:19:13,501 --> 00:19:15,385
(laughter)
That's how you make a joke
545
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,387
stool right there! That's...
Ow, Charlie!
546
00:19:17,505 --> 00:19:19,005
Did you do that?
Yeah, you know what?
547
00:19:19,140 --> 00:19:20,140
I think I did.
You did it?
548
00:19:20,224 --> 00:19:21,591
Oh, that's so funny!
Are you kidding me?!
549
00:19:21,726 --> 00:19:24,567
I thought I saw you!
Are you kid...? Unbelievable.
550
00:19:25,066 --> 00:19:35,908
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.MY-SUBS.com