1
00:00:02,308 --> 00:00:03,267
So how many restraining

2
00:00:03,267 --> 00:00:04,422
orders does the waitress
have on you?

3
00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:05,207
Oh, a lot, dude.

4
00:00:05,207 --> 00:00:06,218
I mean, she's been irritated

5
00:00:06,218 --> 00:00:09,286
with me, and she's, like, "You got me
fired from the Oldies Rock Cafe.

6
00:00:09,286 --> 00:00:10,080
You're gonna get me fired from

7
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:10,896
the coffee shop."

8
00:00:11,227 --> 00:00:12,085
This is incredible.

9
00:00:12,085 --> 00:00:13,602
You got to listen
to this message.

10
00:00:13,602 --> 00:00:14,052
Come here.

11
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,691
Seriously, this chick is so in
is so in love with me

12
00:00:15,691 --> 00:00:17,088
it's crazy.

13
00:00:17,156 --> 00:00:17,989
Hi, Dennis, it's Caleigh.

14
00:00:18,057 --> 00:00:19,558
I was just calling to let you

15
00:00:19,625 --> 00:00:21,026
know that I hope you die!

16
00:00:21,093 --> 00:00:22,327
You are obviously a terrible

17
00:00:22,395 --> 00:00:23,929
person with no regard for anyone

18
00:00:23,996 --> 00:00:24,529
but yourself.

19
00:00:24,597 --> 00:00:26,231
I never ever want to see you

20
00:00:26,299 --> 00:00:28,033
again, you steaming pile
of horseshit!

21
00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:28,700
Go to hell!

22
00:00:30,866 --> 00:00:31,413
Bro, that's amazing.

23
00:00:31,413 --> 00:00:32,712
That's, that's the best one yet.

24
00:00:32,712 --> 00:00:33,764
It's a really good one,

25
00:00:33,764 --> 00:00:34,069
isn't it?

26
00:00:34,069 --> 00:00:34,577
What are you

27
00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:35,082
talking about?

28
00:00:35,082 --> 00:00:35,720
She hates your guts.

29
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,270
Dee, this chick is so in love

30
00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:38,650
with me, she doesn't
even know it.

31
00:00:38,650 --> 00:00:39,546
They don't get it because

32
00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:40,612
you haven't explained it
to them, bro.

33
00:00:40,612 --> 00:00:42,514
Oh, guys, I have a system,

34
00:00:42,582 --> 00:00:44,015
a foolproof system for getting

35
00:00:44,083 --> 00:00:47,189
any chick's undying love and
devotion for life.

36
00:00:47,189 --> 00:00:48,920
What the hell are you
talking about, dude?

37
00:00:48,988 --> 00:00:49,988
I'm talking about

38
00:00:50,056 --> 00:00:52,057
the DENNIS System.

39
00:01:25,015 --> 00:01:25,582
Ladies and gentlemen,

40
00:01:25,649 --> 00:01:26,737
the DENNIS System is a

41
00:01:26,737 --> 00:01:28,651
comprehensive approach to

42
00:01:28,719 --> 00:01:29,919
seduction that I have perfected

43
00:01:29,987 --> 00:01:31,254
over the years.

44
00:01:31,322 --> 00:01:32,822
See, my success with women does

45
00:01:32,890 --> 00:01:34,190
not solely stem from my good

46
00:01:34,258 --> 00:01:35,592
looks and my charm.

47
00:01:35,659 --> 00:01:37,296
There is a careful systemic

48
00:01:37,296 --> 00:01:39,141
approach that has allowed me

49
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,363
to become the playboy that

50
00:01:40,431 --> 00:01:41,004
I am today.

51
00:01:41,004 --> 00:01:42,362
A playboy?

52
00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:43,601
Is that how you see yourself?

53
00:01:43,601 --> 00:01:44,238
Yes.

54
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:45,104
He has banged a lot

55
00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:45,548
of chicks.

56
00:01:45,548 --> 00:01:46,405
You know, just shut up, Dee.

57
00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:46,799
Just shut up.

58
00:01:46,799 --> 00:01:48,113
Now, the first step to any

59
00:01:48,113 --> 00:01:50,012
erotic conquest is to D:

60
00:01:50,895 --> 00:01:52,074
"Demonstrate Your Value."

61
00:01:52,984 --> 00:01:54,157
In this most recent case,

62
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:55,454
my subject was Caleigh,

63
00:01:55,454 --> 00:01:56,977
a cute pharmacist.

64
00:01:56,977 --> 00:01:59,026
I demonstrated my value to her

65
00:01:59,026 --> 00:02:00,147
by filling a prescription.

66
00:02:00,147 --> 00:02:01,764
I told her, "It's for my

67
00:02:01,764 --> 00:02:03,383
grandmother; she's quite ill,"

68
00:02:03,383 --> 00:02:05,132
thus demonstrating my value as

69
00:02:05,132 --> 00:02:07,089
a loving grandson and all-around

70
00:02:07,089 --> 00:02:08,083
great guy.

71
00:02:09,209 --> 00:02:09,626
You're forging

72
00:02:09,626 --> 00:02:10,449
prescriptions now?

73
00:02:10,449 --> 00:02:11,843
That's the easy part, Dee.

74
00:02:11,843 --> 00:02:12,683
I would have gone in

75
00:02:12,683 --> 00:02:14,411
and bought a box of Magnum

76
00:02:14,411 --> 00:02:17,254
condoms, thus demonstrating that

77
00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:18,768
I have a monster dong.

78
00:02:18,836 --> 00:02:19,696
Right. That comes off a

79
00:02:19,696 --> 00:02:20,728
little bit desperate, Frank.

80
00:02:20,728 --> 00:02:23,090
Now if you want to have a Magnum

81
00:02:23,090 --> 00:02:24,101
condom peeking out of your

82
00:02:24,101 --> 00:02:25,068
wallet when you go to pay,

83
00:02:25,704 --> 00:02:27,115
that's a different story.

84
00:02:27,115 --> 00:02:28,990
Now let's move on.

85
00:02:28,990 --> 00:02:29,856
Once you've demonstrated your

86
00:02:29,856 --> 00:02:31,272
value, you are going to want to

87
00:02:31,272 --> 00:02:33,100
ask her out.

88
00:02:33,878 --> 00:02:34,802
Once you've asked her out...

89
00:02:35,966 --> 00:02:37,077
you move on to E:

90
00:02:38,287 --> 00:02:39,823
"Engage Physically."

91
00:02:39,823 --> 00:02:40,884
I personally try to engage the

92
00:02:40,884 --> 00:02:42,033
girl physically without ever

93
00:02:42,033 --> 00:02:43,669
going on the date, which to me

94
00:02:43,669 --> 00:02:44,713
is really just a waste of time

95
00:02:44,713 --> 00:02:45,164
and money.

96
00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:46,459
I'll tell her I know this great

97
00:02:46,459 --> 00:02:47,401
little restaurant that doesn't

98
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:47,989
take reservations.

99
00:02:47,989 --> 00:02:49,733
That makes it sound cool, makes

100
00:02:49,733 --> 00:02:50,569
it sound exclusive.

101
00:02:50,569 --> 00:02:51,453
And then we get to the

102
00:02:51,453 --> 00:02:52,340
restaurant; the restaurant

103
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,547
is closed, as of course,

104
00:02:53,547 --> 00:02:55,547
it always is on Sundays.

105
00:02:55,547 --> 00:02:57,313
So I'll feign surprise and say

106
00:02:57,313 --> 00:02:58,530
something along the lines of,

107
00:02:58,530 --> 00:02:59,469
"Well, I guess we could grab

108
00:02:59,469 --> 00:03:00,738
a pizza and watch a movie at

109
00:03:00,738 --> 00:03:01,646
my place."

110
00:03:03,146 --> 00:03:04,057
That's where I come in.

111
00:03:04,566 --> 00:03:05,485
Oh, you're a part of this?

112
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,386
Oh, yeah, Mac has a very

113
00:03:07,386 --> 00:03:08,680
special place in my system.

114
00:03:09,192 --> 00:03:10,267
Yeah, you see, I'm on the

115
00:03:10,267 --> 00:03:11,378
couch when they come in and

116
00:03:11,378 --> 00:03:11,864
ask to be alone.

117
00:03:11,864 --> 00:03:13,149
And I say, "I can't go into my

118
00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:14,228
room because I found a black

119
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,145
widow spider in there."

120
00:03:15,145 --> 00:03:16,303
And then Dennis fires back that

121
00:03:16,303 --> 00:03:17,731
he wants some privacy so they

122
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:18,640
can get to know each other

123
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:19,327
more better.

124
00:03:19,420 --> 00:03:20,631
And then I say... Oh, well,

125
00:03:20,698 --> 00:03:22,132
I guess we could always eat the

126
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,634
pizza on my bed and watch the

127
00:03:23,701 --> 00:03:26,403
DVD in my room.

128
00:03:26,471 --> 00:03:28,672
And once we're on my bed,

129
00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:30,040
it is game over.

130
00:03:30,108 --> 00:03:31,708
I engage her physically,

131
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,977
and the sexual waltz begins.

132
00:03:34,045 --> 00:03:35,078
The pizza's good.

133
00:03:35,146 --> 00:03:37,781
You're the one that's good.

134
00:03:43,154 --> 00:03:45,722
Smooth! Very, very smooth

135
00:03:45,790 --> 00:03:47,224
stuff, very classy.

136
00:03:47,292 --> 00:03:48,659
I'm learning a lot from you

137
00:03:48,726 --> 00:03:49,359
right now, dude.

138
00:03:49,427 --> 00:03:51,295
Okay. Now, once you've had

139
00:03:51,362 --> 00:03:52,563
sex with the woman, she will

140
00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:53,897
naturally start to depend on

141
00:03:53,965 --> 00:03:54,865
you, okay?

142
00:03:54,933 --> 00:03:57,267
All women do this.

143
00:03:57,335 --> 00:03:58,435
They certainly do.

144
00:03:58,503 --> 00:03:59,503
You got that right.

145
00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:00,971
Sex with women.

146
00:04:01,039 --> 00:04:02,272
Once you bang 'em...

147
00:04:02,340 --> 00:04:03,307
Like that.

148
00:04:03,374 --> 00:04:05,175
Right, right.

149
00:04:05,243 --> 00:04:08,078
Which brings me to the first N:

150
00:04:08,146 --> 00:04:10,280
"Nurturing dependence."

151
00:04:10,348 --> 00:04:11,515
You're gonna want to nurture

152
00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:12,716
that dependence that she's

153
00:04:12,784 --> 00:04:15,018
feeling on you now, guys.

154
00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:16,086
Have her car towed.

155
00:04:16,154 --> 00:04:17,654
Or you can slash her tires.

156
00:04:17,722 --> 00:04:19,423
Either way, make her depend on

157
00:04:19,491 --> 00:04:20,491
you for rides.

158
00:04:20,558 --> 00:04:22,392
Or you can use my personal

159
00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:23,961
go-to, which is to create a

160
00:04:24,028 --> 00:04:25,662
fictional angry neighbor who's

161
00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:26,997
threatening her and tell her

162
00:04:27,065 --> 00:04:28,232
you'll take care of him.

163
00:04:28,299 --> 00:04:30,100
Hit up a pay phone so that she

164
00:04:30,168 --> 00:04:31,235
can't trace the calls back

165
00:04:31,302 --> 00:04:31,702
to you.

166
00:04:31,769 --> 00:04:33,103
Give her a call and say

167
00:04:33,171 --> 00:04:34,571
something along the lines of...

168
00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:36,306
I'm watching you, you bitch!

169
00:04:36,374 --> 00:04:39,343
You're gonna die tonight!

170
00:04:43,581 --> 00:04:44,848
Oh, for Christ's sake,

171
00:04:44,916 --> 00:04:46,216
you're a complete sociopath!

172
00:04:46,284 --> 00:04:47,284
Don't interrupt, okay?

173
00:04:47,352 --> 00:04:49,552
Now, if you completed all the

174
00:04:49,487 --> 00:04:49,987
other steps properly up to this

175
00:04:50,054 --> 00:04:50,921
point, she'll naturally want

176
00:04:50,989 --> 00:04:52,055
to take the relationship to

177
00:04:52,123 --> 00:04:53,590
the next level, but you're not

178
00:04:53,658 --> 00:04:54,224
gonna do that.

179
00:04:54,292 --> 00:04:55,259
You're gonna do the exact

180
00:04:55,326 --> 00:04:56,760
opposite: pull back, guys.

181
00:04:56,828 --> 00:04:57,694
Pull back.

182
00:04:57,762 --> 00:05:00,197
Which brings me to the second N:

183
00:05:00,265 --> 00:05:02,166
"Neglect Emotionally."

184
00:05:02,233 --> 00:05:03,567
Stop taking her phone calls.

185
00:05:03,635 --> 00:05:05,636
Cancel all your plans.

186
00:05:05,703 --> 00:05:07,204
Maybe that fictional angry

187
00:05:07,272 --> 00:05:08,639
neighbor that you've simulated

188
00:05:08,706 --> 00:05:09,940
comes back, and this time you're

189
00:05:10,008 --> 00:05:12,342
not around to cool him off.

190
00:05:13,711 --> 00:05:15,045
Hello?

191
00:05:15,113 --> 00:05:17,281
Welcome to hell!

192
00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:26,723
This will frighten the shit

193
00:05:26,791 --> 00:05:28,158
out of her, okay, and she'll

194
00:05:28,226 --> 00:05:29,393
start getting really mixed up

195
00:05:29,461 --> 00:05:30,661
because you're not there to

196
00:05:30,728 --> 00:05:31,195
protect her.

197
00:05:31,262 --> 00:05:32,296
She'll start questioning her

198
00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:33,897
self-worth, start questioning

199
00:05:33,965 --> 00:05:34,665
her self-esteem.

200
00:05:34,732 --> 00:05:36,667
And that's the perfect time to

201
00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:40,604
I: "Inspire Hope."

202
00:05:40,672 --> 00:05:42,806
In Caleigh's case, I went to her

203
00:05:42,874 --> 00:05:44,041
window and I screamed...

204
00:05:44,108 --> 00:05:47,177
Caleigh, listen, listen, wait.

205
00:05:47,245 --> 00:05:48,679
I want to tell you that the

206
00:05:48,746 --> 00:05:50,314
reason I was distant is because

207
00:05:50,381 --> 00:05:51,915
I was afraid you that were gonna

208
00:05:51,983 --> 00:05:52,816
break my heart,

209
00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:55,118
and I got scared.

210
00:05:55,186 --> 00:05:58,388
But I'm not scared anymore,

211
00:05:58,456 --> 00:05:59,223
baby.

212
00:05:59,290 --> 00:06:02,226
I love you.

213
00:06:02,293 --> 00:06:03,293
I need you.

214
00:06:03,361 --> 00:06:06,430
And then naturally, we bang.

215
00:06:23,713 --> 00:06:24,821
And this is the best bang of

216
00:06:24,821 --> 00:06:26,697
<i>all because it's very emotional</i>

217
00:06:26,697 --> 00:06:27,373
for her.

218
00:06:27,373 --> 00:06:28,936
You see, she thinks she's broken

219
00:06:28,936 --> 00:06:30,108
through my tough exterior and

220
00:06:30,108 --> 00:06:31,955
coerced affection from a man

221
00:06:31,955 --> 00:06:33,621
who is afraid to love.

222
00:06:34,621 --> 00:06:36,701
And then I slink out into

223
00:06:36,701 --> 00:06:38,440
the night, never to talk

224
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,114
to her again.

225
00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:45,505
Separate Entirely.

226
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,733
Yes, Mac, that's right.

227
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,734
S: "Separate Entirely."

228
00:06:52,734 --> 00:06:57,622
D-E-N-N-I-S.

229
00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:00,216
The DENNIS System.

230
00:07:00,216 --> 00:07:01,994
That, my friends, is the key

231
00:07:01,994 --> 00:07:03,838
to winning any girl's heart.

232
00:07:03,838 --> 00:07:06,266
Good stuff.

233
00:07:06,711 --> 00:07:07,435
Better than I remember it.

234
00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:09,121
Are you kidding me?

235
00:07:09,121 --> 00:07:10,272
You are not winning their

236
00:07:10,272 --> 00:07:11,704
hearts; you're torturing them,

237
00:07:11,704 --> 00:07:12,722
and they end up hating you.

238
00:07:12,722 --> 00:07:13,817
Actually, Dee, they end up

239
00:07:13,817 --> 00:07:14,964
loving me more than they ever

240
00:07:14,964 --> 00:07:15,642
thought was possible.

241
00:07:15,642 --> 00:07:17,115
And you set it up so you can

242
00:07:17,115 --> 00:07:18,763
get these chicks back at
any time, huh?

243
00:07:18,763 --> 00:07:20,001
That's exactly right, Charlie.

244
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:21,133
You're really picking up on this

245
00:07:21,133 --> 00:07:22,038
I'm proud of you, bud.

246
00:07:22,038 --> 00:07:23,237
Okay, there is no way that

247
00:07:23,237 --> 00:07:24,416
girl is gonna come back to you

248
00:07:24,416 --> 00:07:25,588
after what you just 
put her through

249
00:07:25,588 --> 00:07:26,689
Oh, I could absolutely get

250
00:07:26,689 --> 00:07:28,273
that girl back anytime I want.

251
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:29,272
I just choose not to.

252
00:07:29,272 --> 00:07:30,829
I 100% guarantee you this

253
00:07:30,829 --> 00:07:31,921
girl's finished with you.

254
00:07:31,921 --> 00:07:32,977
Well, I take that as a

255
00:07:32,977 --> 00:07:33,990
challenge, Dee, and I accept

256
00:07:33,990 --> 00:07:34,672
that challenge.

257
00:07:34,672 --> 00:07:35,360
I'll have her back by the end of

258
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:35,915
the day.

259
00:07:35,915 --> 00:07:37,333
Yeah, Dee, you just don't get

260
00:07:37,333 --> 00:07:37,704
it, okay?

261
00:07:37,704 --> 00:07:38,776
This is what men do!

262
00:07:38,776 --> 00:07:39,552
Yeah.

263
00:07:39,552 --> 00:07:40,835
This is what men do!

264
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,056
This is men stuff!

265
00:07:42,056 --> 00:07:42,452
Yeah!

266
00:07:42,452 --> 00:07:43,570
Men stuff!

267
00:07:54,906 --> 00:07:55,772
You're probably getting

268
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:56,840
DENNIS'd right now by that new

269
00:07:56,908 --> 00:07:57,941
boyfriend of yours and you don't

270
00:07:58,009 --> 00:07:58,642
even know it.

271
00:07:58,710 --> 00:07:59,576
What boyfriend?

272
00:07:59,644 --> 00:08:00,844
She don't have a boyfriend!

273
00:08:00,912 --> 00:08:01,978
Yes, I do.

274
00:08:02,046 --> 00:08:03,346
Ben-- you know, the online

275
00:08:03,414 --> 00:08:04,481
soldier that I met.

276
00:08:04,549 --> 00:08:05,816
We're back together now, so...

277
00:08:05,883 --> 00:08:06,283
What?

278
00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,451
That dude wouldn't date you

279
00:08:07,518 --> 00:08:08,785
after what you put him through.

280
00:08:08,853 --> 00:08:10,087
Maybe he'd DENNIS you, but he

281
00:08:10,154 --> 00:08:10,754
wouldn't date you.

282
00:08:10,822 --> 00:08:11,588
He's not DENNISing me.

283
00:08:11,656 --> 00:08:12,823
He's in the car right now.

284
00:08:12,890 --> 00:08:13,598
I told him to wait for me.

285
00:08:20,298 --> 00:08:22,065
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

286
00:08:22,133 --> 00:08:23,767
So, wait, your guy has been

287
00:08:23,835 --> 00:08:24,768
waiting out here the whole time

288
00:08:24,836 --> 00:08:25,435
in the hot sun?

289
00:08:25,503 --> 00:08:26,503
Yeah, I just told him to wait

290
00:08:26,571 --> 00:08:27,003
for me.

291
00:08:27,071 --> 00:08:28,171
He kind of just does whatever I

292
00:08:28,239 --> 00:08:28,672
say.

293
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:29,306
It's pretty great.

294
00:08:29,373 --> 00:08:30,138
Why'd you tell him to do it

295
00:08:30,138 --> 00:08:30,712
with the windows up?

296
00:08:30,712 --> 00:08:31,724
I know, the engine's not even on

297
00:08:31,724 --> 00:08:32,316
That's just cruel.

298
00:08:32,316 --> 00:08:33,140
I didn't. I didn't.

299
00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:34,390
I just didn't tell him to do it

300
00:08:34,390 --> 00:08:35,240
with the windows down.

301
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,826
He's not, you know, the

302
00:08:36,826 --> 00:08:37,341
smartest, but...

303
00:08:37,341 --> 00:08:38,184
Dee, it's, like, 100 degrees

304
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:38,572
outside.

305
00:08:38,572 --> 00:08:39,441
I'm assuming that he has

306
00:08:39,441 --> 00:08:40,947
engaged you physically?

307
00:08:41,444 --> 00:08:43,086
Well, I mean, of course we've

308
00:08:43,154 --> 00:08:43,954
engaged physically.

309
00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:44,755
Look at that body.

310
00:08:44,822 --> 00:08:45,889
It is stupid.

311
00:08:45,957 --> 00:08:47,791
Of course we've engaged over and

312
00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:48,358
over physically.

313
00:08:48,426 --> 00:08:49,259
But that doesn't mean that he's

314
00:08:49,327 --> 00:08:51,452
pulling some sort of a system.

315
00:08:51,629 --> 00:08:53,497
Hey, guys.

316
00:08:53,564 --> 00:08:54,498
Hey, Dee.

317
00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:56,032
I didn't see you there.

318
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,100
Are you almost done?

319
00:08:57,168 --> 00:08:57,701
Yeah, yeah.

320
00:08:57,769 --> 00:08:58,935
I just, I got caught up in a

321
00:08:59,003 --> 00:08:59,369
story.

322
00:08:59,437 --> 00:09:00,370
But I'll be done pretty soon.

323
00:09:00,438 --> 00:09:01,538
Oh, oh, okay.

324
00:09:01,606 --> 00:09:02,739
Well, do you want me to come in?

325
00:09:02,807 --> 00:09:03,807
No! No, I don't, no.

326
00:09:03,875 --> 00:09:04,975
You just, you just stay where

327
00:09:05,042 --> 00:09:05,542
you are and...

328
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:06,476
You know what, I'll text you

329
00:09:06,544 --> 00:09:07,410
when I'm wrapping up, and then

330
00:09:07,478 --> 00:09:08,645
you can crank the A.C., cool the

331
00:09:08,713 --> 00:09:09,279
car off for me.

332
00:09:09,347 --> 00:09:09,780
Sure thing.

333
00:09:09,847 --> 00:09:10,380
Okay.

334
00:09:10,448 --> 00:09:11,414
See you, fellas.

335
00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:12,582
Okay.

336
00:09:12,650 --> 00:09:13,483
We'll see you, man.

337
00:09:13,551 --> 00:09:14,618
Dee, you're getting played.

338
00:09:14,685 --> 00:09:15,352
You're getting played

339
00:09:15,419 --> 00:09:16,153
big-time.

340
00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:16,753
He's not doing...

341
00:09:16,821 --> 00:09:17,354
Big-time!

342
00:09:17,421 --> 00:09:17,854
...anything.

343
00:09:17,922 --> 00:09:18,835
He's just-- I told him to sit...

344
00:09:25,081 --> 00:09:26,682
And there you go.

345
00:09:26,750 --> 00:09:27,483
Good to see you.

346
00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:28,083
See you soon.

347
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,318
Bye.

348
00:09:29,386 --> 00:09:30,553
Hey, Caleigh.

349
00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:31,720
What do you want?

350
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,622
Listen, before you say

351
00:09:33,690 --> 00:09:35,558
anything, I just want to say

352
00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:36,892
that I'm really sorry for

353
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:37,760
everything that went down

354
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:38,761
between us.

355
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,229
It's all my fault.

356
00:09:40,297 --> 00:09:42,531
Nana took a turn for the worst,

357
00:09:42,599 --> 00:09:46,001
and it's got me in a really bad

358
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:47,970
place.

359
00:09:48,038 --> 00:09:50,806
I just... I don't know what

360
00:09:50,874 --> 00:09:54,443
I would do if she died.

361
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:55,511
I don't think your

362
00:09:55,579 --> 00:09:58,414
grandmother exists, Dennis.

363
00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:03,719
I beg your pardon.

364
00:10:03,787 --> 00:10:05,120
Uh, yeah, I looked into it;

365
00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:07,723
there's no, um, uh, Dr. Toboggan

366
00:10:07,791 --> 00:10:09,158
in Philadelphia either.

367
00:10:09,225 --> 00:10:10,693
Oh, no, yeah.

368
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:11,393
He doesn't...

369
00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:12,761
He's not based in Philly.

370
00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:13,495
Oh, no?

371
00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:15,097
No, it says "Philadelphia" right

372
00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:15,598
there.

373
00:10:15,665 --> 00:10:16,599
Oh.

374
00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:18,300
Yeah, no, that... I'm gonna call

375
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,935
him because if he's still

376
00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:21,470
giving people prescriptions on

377
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,038
that pad, those people could get

378
00:10:23,106 --> 00:10:25,374
in a lot of trouble.

379
00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:33,682
Oh!

380
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:34,216
Whoa.

381
00:10:34,284 --> 00:10:35,184
W-What the hell are you doing

382
00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:35,684
here?

383
00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:36,518
I'm swooping in on your

384
00:10:36,586 --> 00:10:37,019
chick.

385
00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:37,820
What? No, dude.

386
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:38,587
I'm trying to re-DENNIS this

387
00:10:38,655 --> 00:10:39,655
chick, so I can shove it in

388
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:40,322
Dee's face.

389
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,423
What, uh, what is this swooping

390
00:10:41,491 --> 00:10:42,091
in business?

391
00:10:42,158 --> 00:10:43,092
Oh, that's my system--

392
00:10:43,159 --> 00:10:43,859
the MAC.

393
00:10:43,927 --> 00:10:45,661
"Move in After Completion."

394
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,029
I wait till you're done with

395
00:10:47,097 --> 00:10:48,163
them, and then I swoop in, give

396
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:49,231
them a shoulder to cry on, and

397
00:10:49,299 --> 00:10:50,232
then we hump.

398
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,667
Oh, you've been humping these

399
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:52,701
girls after I'm done with them?

400
00:10:52,769 --> 00:10:53,369
Oh, yeah, dude.

401
00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:55,137
I come in as the sensitive

402
00:10:55,205 --> 00:10:56,105
intellectual type.

403
00:10:56,172 --> 00:10:57,206
Why do you think I'm always

404
00:10:57,273 --> 00:10:58,240
reading books and shit when we

405
00:10:58,308 --> 00:10:59,174
do the spider routine?

406
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:00,175
I thought you were just my

407
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:00,843
wingman though.

408
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,411
No, no, I'm swimming in your

409
00:11:02,479 --> 00:11:03,112
wake.

410
00:11:03,179 --> 00:11:04,046
Hey, what are you two

411
00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:05,180
dickheads doing here?

412
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,181
What are you doing here?

413
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:06,882
What do you mean?

414
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:07,883
I'm here for the scraps.

415
00:11:07,951 --> 00:11:08,884
Frank, I haven't had a chance

416
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:09,818
to get in there yet, okay?

417
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:10,319
So just...

418
00:11:10,387 --> 00:11:11,487
What's taking you so long?

419
00:11:11,554 --> 00:11:12,755
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

420
00:11:12,822 --> 00:11:13,889
What, you have a system where

421
00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:14,923
you come in after Mac?

422
00:11:14,991 --> 00:11:15,591
That's right.

423
00:11:15,659 --> 00:11:16,792
I come in after Mac.

424
00:11:16,860 --> 00:11:17,960
But he's taking, like, forever

425
00:11:18,028 --> 00:11:18,494
this time.

426
00:11:18,561 --> 00:11:19,728
I got my Magnum condoms.

427
00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:21,430
I got my wad of hundreds.

428
00:11:21,498 --> 00:11:23,365
I'm ready to plow.

429
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,700
You should see him feast.

430
00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,901
He's like a mantis.

431
00:11:25,969 --> 00:11:26,702
It's amazing.

432
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,537
Oh, that's good.

433
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,205
Call me that from now on.

434
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:31,106
Mantis.

435
00:11:31,174 --> 00:11:32,107
No, nobody's calling you

436
00:11:32,175 --> 00:11:32,708
Man...

437
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,176
Look, you guys got to back off,

438
00:11:34,244 --> 00:11:34,677
okay?

439
00:11:34,744 --> 00:11:35,511
I'm trying to re-DENNIS this

440
00:11:35,578 --> 00:11:35,978
chick.

441
00:11:36,046 --> 00:11:36,712
No, you back off.

442
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,013
Wait-wait a second, Frank.

443
00:11:38,081 --> 00:11:38,881
He's right.

444
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:39,748
It's a delicate ecosystem.

445
00:11:39,816 --> 00:11:40,416
We got to...

446
00:11:40,483 --> 00:11:41,583
we got to stick with it.

447
00:11:41,651 --> 00:11:42,651
Just let him do his thing, and

448
00:11:42,719 --> 00:11:43,752
then we'll come in for seconds

449
00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:44,653
and scraps.

450
00:11:44,721 --> 00:11:45,387
Get out...

451
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,088
Just play it cool.

452
00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:47,256
...before she sees you.

453
00:11:47,323 --> 00:11:48,157
Hurry up though, because...

454
00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:49,591
Magnum condoms and a wad of

455
00:11:49,659 --> 00:11:50,526
hundreds.

456
00:11:50,593 --> 00:11:52,361
Idiot.

457
00:11:52,429 --> 00:11:53,729
This is so exciting.

458
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,397
You're gonna love this.

459
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,666
Okay, just stop right there.

460
00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:59,968
Okay, and off with the...

461
00:12:00,036 --> 00:12:01,537
Okay, here we are!

462
00:12:01,604 --> 00:12:03,005
I set up a picnic for us!

463
00:12:05,075 --> 00:12:06,275
What the hell are you doing?

464
00:12:06,342 --> 00:12:08,243
What...? I-I set up a picnic.

465
00:12:08,311 --> 00:12:09,712
Do you, do you not like picnics?

466
00:12:09,779 --> 00:12:11,180
Okay, all right, I know

467
00:12:11,247 --> 00:12:12,381
what's going on.

468
00:12:12,449 --> 00:12:13,782
I-I'm onto you, guy.

469
00:12:13,850 --> 00:12:15,284
You bring me out here to some

470
00:12:15,351 --> 00:12:16,318
landfill in the middle of

471
00:12:16,386 --> 00:12:17,052
nowhere.

472
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,487
You blindfold me so I have no

473
00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:19,455
idea where I am.

474
00:12:19,522 --> 00:12:20,689
I'm gonna depend on you to get

475
00:12:20,757 --> 00:12:21,356
home...

476
00:12:21,424 --> 00:12:22,524
Dee, do you want to go?

477
00:12:22,592 --> 00:12:23,325
Yeah, oh, yeah!

478
00:12:23,393 --> 00:12:24,827
I want to go, but not with you.

479
00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:25,961
I'll go all by myself.

480
00:12:26,029 --> 00:12:26,862
I'll take the bus.

481
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:27,930
And I'll also take this.

482
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:28,430
Thank you.

483
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:28,964
Well, here.

484
00:12:29,032 --> 00:12:29,765
Do you want a glass?

485
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:30,299
No, stop it!

486
00:12:30,366 --> 00:12:31,200
What... do you need bus fare?

487
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:31,967
I don't need bus fare.

488
00:12:32,035 --> 00:12:32,868
I'm not sure the bus comes

489
00:12:32,936 --> 00:12:33,368
out here anyway.

490
00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:34,436
Okay, I'll walk then, okay?

491
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:35,504
What...? In your heels?

492
00:12:35,572 --> 00:12:36,138
They're very nice.

493
00:12:36,206 --> 00:12:37,306
Here, take my boots!

494
00:12:37,373 --> 00:12:38,040
Stop it!

495
00:12:38,108 --> 00:12:39,141
Stop trying to make me depend on

496
00:12:39,209 --> 00:12:39,742
you, okay?

497
00:12:39,809 --> 00:12:40,976
I'm fine all by myself, buddy.

498
00:12:41,044 --> 00:12:42,344
I'm doing just fine by myself.

499
00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:49,818
Oh, my God!

500
00:12:49,886 --> 00:12:52,287
Are you okay?!

501
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,489
I'm fine!

502
00:12:53,556 --> 00:12:54,490
Well, just, look, just stay

503
00:12:54,557 --> 00:12:54,990
there.

504
00:12:55,058 --> 00:12:55,991
I'm gonna come down to help.

505
00:12:56,059 --> 00:12:56,825
Leave me alone!

506
00:12:56,893 --> 00:12:57,793
I won't give you the

507
00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:59,094
satisfaction!

508
00:12:59,162 --> 00:13:00,596
I'm fine!

509
00:13:00,663 --> 00:13:01,864
I'm independent.

510
00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:02,865
What...?

511
00:13:02,932 --> 00:13:03,732
I-I don't need you!

512
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:04,500
Wait...

513
00:13:04,567 --> 00:13:06,635
I don't need anybody!

514
00:13:08,271 --> 00:13:09,104
Where you going?!

515
00:13:09,172 --> 00:13:09,827
Shut up!

516
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,182
Oh, what the hell?!

517
00:13:20,250 --> 00:13:21,817
Oh, what the hell, Charlie?!

518
00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:22,951
Hey!

519
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,019
Look who's home.

520
00:13:24,087 --> 00:13:25,187
Uh, well, hang on a second.

521
00:13:25,255 --> 00:13:25,954
What you doing there?

522
00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:26,755
Oh, I'm calling the police.

523
00:13:26,823 --> 00:13:27,456
Uh, no!

524
00:13:27,524 --> 00:13:28,657
Uh, you don't have to call the

525
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:29,191
police.

526
00:13:29,259 --> 00:13:29,792
Check it out.

527
00:13:29,859 --> 00:13:31,193
I'm here just to fix your

528
00:13:31,261 --> 00:13:31,927
garbage disposal.

529
00:13:31,995 --> 00:13:33,128
Is that a bag of hair in your

530
00:13:33,196 --> 00:13:33,796
hand, Charlie?

531
00:13:33,863 --> 00:13:34,296
Ah...

532
00:13:34,364 --> 00:13:35,197
Have you been breaking into

533
00:13:35,265 --> 00:13:36,465
my apartment and shoving hair in

534
00:13:36,533 --> 00:13:37,065
my sink?

535
00:13:37,133 --> 00:13:38,467
Okay, okay.

536
00:13:38,535 --> 00:13:39,368
Let's start over.

537
00:13:39,435 --> 00:13:40,202
We're getting way off topic

538
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:40,836
here.

539
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,271
I would like you to focus on the

540
00:13:42,338 --> 00:13:44,139
<i>amount of value that I'm</i>

541
00:13:44,207 --> 00:13:46,108
demonstrating to you by fixing

542
00:13:46,176 --> 00:13:47,476
your garbage disposal.

543
00:13:47,544 --> 00:13:48,644
Will you just get the hell

544
00:13:48,711 --> 00:13:49,411
out of my apartment?

545
00:13:49,479 --> 00:13:50,078
Are you sure?

546
00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:50,879
'Cause your garbage disposal...

547
00:13:50,947 --> 00:13:51,413
Pretty sure.

548
00:13:51,481 --> 00:13:52,381
It's way worse than when I

549
00:13:52,448 --> 00:13:52,881
got here.

550
00:13:52,949 --> 00:13:53,782
I think you should get out.

551
00:13:53,850 --> 00:13:54,449
All right.

552
00:13:54,517 --> 00:13:55,250
I like this blouse you're

553
00:13:55,318 --> 00:13:55,884
wearing; that's nice.

554
00:13:55,952 --> 00:13:56,385
Is that new?

555
00:13:56,452 --> 00:13:56,885
What is that?

556
00:13:56,953 --> 00:13:57,553
It's modern, right?

557
00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:58,587
This is my uniform that I

558
00:13:58,655 --> 00:13:59,855
have to wear for my other job,

559
00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:00,689
and it's ugly.

560
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:01,757
Well, now, it's not ugly.

561
00:14:01,825 --> 00:14:02,758
It's just...

562
00:14:02,826 --> 00:14:03,792
You know, it's unique.

563
00:14:03,860 --> 00:14:05,194
So, what's this new job?

564
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,029
I work at the fair.

565
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,163
Working at the fair!

566
00:14:08,231 --> 00:14:09,898
Well, look at us, you know?

567
00:14:09,966 --> 00:14:10,532
I'm a plumber.

568
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,567
You're a fair worker.

569
00:14:11,634 --> 00:14:13,802
They go well together, right?

570
00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:15,604
Get out of my apartment.

571
00:14:15,672 --> 00:14:17,606
Oh, all right.

572
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,209
I don't know.

573
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,177
I did everything right and I

574
00:14:22,245 --> 00:14:23,045
can't get past the letter "D,"

575
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:23,579
dude.

576
00:14:23,646 --> 00:14:24,079
Okay.

577
00:14:24,147 --> 00:14:25,314
Well, what did you do, exactly?

578
00:14:25,381 --> 00:14:27,149
I broke into her place.

579
00:14:27,217 --> 00:14:28,217
I ripped her sink apart.

580
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,418
I brought a bag of hair.

581
00:14:29,485 --> 00:14:30,052
You know what I mean?

582
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:30,853
And I come across looking like

583
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:31,687
a total jerk.

584
00:14:31,754 --> 00:14:32,621
Yeah, of course, because

585
00:14:32,689 --> 00:14:33,522
nothing that you just described

586
00:14:33,590 --> 00:14:33,989
sounds correct.

587
00:14:34,057 --> 00:14:35,023
These are totally the type of

588
00:14:35,091 --> 00:14:35,657
things...

589
00:14:35,725 --> 00:14:36,391
You were talking about slashing

590
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:37,659
a girl's tires and doing scary

591
00:14:37,727 --> 00:14:38,493
voices.

592
00:14:38,561 --> 00:14:39,328
Do you know anything about

593
00:14:39,395 --> 00:14:39,995
plumbing?

594
00:14:40,063 --> 00:14:41,496
Uh, no.

595
00:14:41,564 --> 00:14:42,431
Maybe it's just over my head,

596
00:14:42,498 --> 00:14:43,131
this system.

597
00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:43,832
You know, maybe I should just

598
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:44,633
stick to stalking.

599
00:14:44,701 --> 00:14:45,434
No.

600
00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:46,168
Maybe that's my system.

601
00:14:46,236 --> 00:14:47,402
She got a job at the fair.

602
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,637
It could be fun to stalk her at

603
00:14:48,705 --> 00:14:50,339
a fair.

604
00:14:50,406 --> 00:14:52,174
Jesus Christ on the cross.

605
00:14:52,242 --> 00:14:53,242
You look like shit.

606
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:53,876
Yeah.

607
00:14:53,943 --> 00:14:54,776
Yeah, that's 'cause I spent the

608
00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:55,677
night in the woods, trying to

609
00:14:55,745 --> 00:14:57,145
demonstrate my independence.

610
00:14:57,213 --> 00:14:58,380
Okay, clearly, none of you

611
00:14:58,448 --> 00:14:59,514
have any idea how to run my

612
00:14:59,582 --> 00:15:00,449
system.

613
00:15:00,516 --> 00:15:01,049
Goddamn...

614
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:01,783
All right, I'm going to get

615
00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:02,484
everybody what they want,

616
00:15:02,552 --> 00:15:03,385
including myself.

617
00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:04,553
Let me just think for a second.

618
00:15:04,621 --> 00:15:06,388
Let me just work something out

619
00:15:06,456 --> 00:15:09,091
here and, um...

620
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,727
Whoa.

621
00:15:11,794 --> 00:15:12,828
What's he doing?

622
00:15:12,896 --> 00:15:14,379
Just shut up and let him work.

623
00:15:28,211 --> 00:15:29,544
We're going to the fair.

624
00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:31,480
That will provide the perfect

625
00:15:31,548 --> 00:15:32,882
setting for all of our needs to

626
00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:33,449
be met.

627
00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:34,550
Charlie, you'll demonstrate your

628
00:15:34,618 --> 00:15:35,885
value to the waitress by winning

629
00:15:35,952 --> 00:15:36,952
a prize at her booth.

630
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:38,354
Good, dude, then I give her

631
00:15:38,422 --> 00:15:39,755
the prize and that's good.

632
00:15:39,823 --> 00:15:40,322
Mm-mm.

633
00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:42,124
No, that's dead wrong, actually.

634
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:42,925
You're going to take the prize

635
00:15:42,993 --> 00:15:43,893
and award it to the bustiest

636
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:44,927
woman you can find.

637
00:15:44,995 --> 00:15:46,095
Okay, your indifference to the

638
00:15:46,163 --> 00:15:47,296
waitress will only make you

639
00:15:47,364 --> 00:15:48,431
more attractive to her.

640
00:15:48,498 --> 00:15:49,131
Oh.

641
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,333
Now, Dee, because of your

642
00:15:51,401 --> 00:15:52,401
ridiculous missteps, you

643
00:15:52,469 --> 00:15:54,470
actually have no value, so your

644
00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:55,871
only hope is to lower Ben's

645
00:15:55,939 --> 00:15:56,605
value.

646
00:15:56,673 --> 00:15:57,807
You're going to do this by

647
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:58,974
flirting with a carny in front

648
00:15:59,042 --> 00:15:59,575
of him.

649
00:15:59,643 --> 00:16:00,676
Oh, gosh, yeah.

650
00:16:00,744 --> 00:16:01,444
I don't know if I want to deal

651
00:16:01,511 --> 00:16:02,144
with a carny.

652
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:03,179
No, no one likes dealing with

653
00:16:03,246 --> 00:16:04,146
carnies and that's why Frank

654
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,948
will pose as one.

655
00:16:06,016 --> 00:16:07,483
Now, Mac, you're the final piece

656
00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:08,384
in this puzzle.

657
00:16:08,452 --> 00:16:09,752
I need you to resume your role

658
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:11,253
as the thoughtful roommate and

659
00:16:11,321 --> 00:16:12,988
invite Caleigh out to the fair.

660
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,925
There, I shall be waiting to win

661
00:16:15,992 --> 00:16:17,293
back her heart.

662
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:18,427
How you going to do that?

663
00:16:18,495 --> 00:16:19,895
I got to get myself a

664
00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:21,068
grandmother.

665
00:16:31,145 --> 00:16:32,445
What's happening?

666
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:34,180
What's happening is we're at

667
00:16:34,248 --> 00:16:35,548
the fair, Gladys, and you're

668
00:16:35,616 --> 00:16:36,616
going to act like my grandma,

669
00:16:36,683 --> 00:16:37,517
okay?

670
00:16:37,584 --> 00:16:39,652
My grandmother had an affair

671
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,821
with Susan B. Anthony.

672
00:16:41,889 --> 00:16:42,722
I don't give a shit.

673
00:16:42,790 --> 00:16:43,523
Look, paying you not to talk,

674
00:16:43,590 --> 00:16:44,090
all right?

675
00:16:44,158 --> 00:16:45,458
So...

676
00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:46,759
Well, hello.

677
00:16:46,827 --> 00:16:48,027
This is a coincidence, huh?

678
00:16:48,095 --> 00:16:49,495
No, it's not.

679
00:16:49,563 --> 00:16:50,296
No, it's not, but it's

680
00:16:50,364 --> 00:16:51,664
exciting, isn't it?

681
00:16:51,732 --> 00:16:52,598
So, uh, what game do we have

682
00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:53,299
here?

683
00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,301
What game is this?

684
00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:58,404
"Speed Pitch."

685
00:16:58,472 --> 00:16:59,439
That's all you do?

686
00:16:59,506 --> 00:17:00,106
You throw a pitch?

687
00:17:00,174 --> 00:17:01,074
I mean, what prizes are there?

688
00:17:01,141 --> 00:17:02,341
There are no prizes, Charlie.

689
00:17:02,409 --> 00:17:04,177
It's just to see, "How fast can

690
00:17:04,244 --> 00:17:05,011
you throw?"

691
00:17:05,079 --> 00:17:06,191
Oh, well, then, I guess I'll

692
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:07,552
demonstrate my value to you by

693
00:17:07,552 --> 00:17:08,915
firing off a wicked hot

694
00:17:08,915 --> 00:17:10,019
fastball, huh?

695
00:17:10,972 --> 00:17:11,941
You know this game is for

696
00:17:11,941 --> 00:17:12,469
children, right?

697
00:17:12,469 --> 00:17:13,377
I don't care it's for kids.

698
00:17:13,377 --> 00:17:13,817
All right?

699
00:17:13,817 --> 00:17:14,752
Let me demonstrate my value to you

700
00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:16,238
Please.

701
00:17:16,290 --> 00:17:17,190
When I was little, all the

702
00:17:17,258 --> 00:17:18,592
kids would beat me up and call

703
00:17:18,659 --> 00:17:19,359
me "bookworm."

704
00:17:19,427 --> 00:17:20,193
Right this way, Nana.

705
00:17:20,261 --> 00:17:21,161
Kids are so brutal.

706
00:17:21,228 --> 00:17:21,861
Oh.

707
00:17:21,929 --> 00:17:23,597
Hi, Mac.

708
00:17:23,664 --> 00:17:24,297
Caleigh.

709
00:17:24,365 --> 00:17:24,998
I didn't see you there.

710
00:17:25,066 --> 00:17:26,132
What are you doing here?

711
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,100
This is my nana.

712
00:17:27,168 --> 00:17:28,501
She's-She's on the mend, so I

713
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:29,169
wanted to get her out of the

714
00:17:29,236 --> 00:17:29,836
house.

715
00:17:29,904 --> 00:17:30,804
This is your grandmother?

716
00:17:30,871 --> 00:17:32,038
Oh, yeah.

717
00:17:32,106 --> 00:17:32,872
Yeah, this is Nana.

718
00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:35,041
Yeah, isn't she precious?

719
00:17:35,109 --> 00:17:37,744
My grandmother was a lesbian.

720
00:17:43,017 --> 00:17:44,551
Well?

721
00:17:44,619 --> 00:17:45,352
How's it look?

722
00:17:45,419 --> 00:17:46,586
It's great.

723
00:17:46,654 --> 00:17:47,587
You look like a lizard.

724
00:17:47,655 --> 00:17:48,855
I like turtles.

725
00:17:48,923 --> 00:17:50,023
Okay.

726
00:17:50,091 --> 00:17:52,726
Ooh, look, a carny.

727
00:17:52,793 --> 00:17:53,326
Frank.

728
00:17:53,394 --> 00:17:54,127
Hey, Frank.

729
00:17:54,195 --> 00:17:54,661
Ooh.

730
00:17:54,729 --> 00:17:55,261
What are you doing?

731
00:17:55,329 --> 00:17:55,829
Lose the tie.

732
00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:56,663
You're way overdressed.

733
00:17:56,731 --> 00:17:58,098
I got a new angle.

734
00:17:58,165 --> 00:17:58,999
What?

735
00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:01,368
Leave us alone.

736
00:18:01,435 --> 00:18:01,901
Yeah, but listen.

737
00:18:01,969 --> 00:18:02,535
Just listen to me for one

738
00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:03,036
second, okay?

739
00:18:03,104 --> 00:18:04,604
Dennis, I've been looking all

740
00:18:04,672 --> 00:18:05,639
over for you!

741
00:18:05,706 --> 00:18:06,373
Where you been?

742
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:07,173
Hello.

743
00:18:07,241 --> 00:18:09,042
Dr. Toboggan.

744
00:18:09,110 --> 00:18:09,643
Nice to meet you.

745
00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:10,176
Thank you.

746
00:18:10,244 --> 00:18:10,910
Frank, what the hell are you

747
00:18:10,978 --> 00:18:11,411
doing?

748
00:18:11,479 --> 00:18:12,979
Uh, actually, it's Mantis.

749
00:18:13,047 --> 00:18:14,814
Mantis Toboggan, M.D.

750
00:18:14,882 --> 00:18:16,282
I got your test results.

751
00:18:16,350 --> 00:18:17,450
You're positive.

752
00:18:17,518 --> 00:18:19,085
You got the HIV.

753
00:18:19,153 --> 00:18:20,487
Yes, AIDS, big-time.

754
00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:21,354
Dennis, what are you...?

755
00:18:21,422 --> 00:18:22,789
You got the AIDS, big-time.

756
00:18:22,857 --> 00:18:23,757
What are you doing, dude?

757
00:18:23,824 --> 00:18:24,457
Did you see her face?

758
00:18:24,525 --> 00:18:25,592
Look at her. Look at her.

759
00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:26,693
I'm breaking her down.

760
00:18:26,761 --> 00:18:27,994
I'm making her feel worthless.

761
00:18:28,062 --> 00:18:28,928
You see?

762
00:18:28,996 --> 00:18:30,664
She thinks she's got the HIV.

763
00:18:30,731 --> 00:18:32,165
And I slip in.

764
00:18:33,134 --> 00:18:33,633
Get it?

765
00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:34,601
There's an order here, dude.

766
00:18:34,669 --> 00:18:35,402
Get back in line.

767
00:18:35,469 --> 00:18:36,803
No more thirds for Frankie.

768
00:18:36,871 --> 00:18:38,071
Seconds from now on.

769
00:18:38,873 --> 00:18:39,739
All right!

770
00:18:39,807 --> 00:18:40,640
That was all right.

771
00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:41,741
15.

772
00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:42,642
15.

773
00:18:42,710 --> 00:18:43,743
It's cause I'm getting tired.

774
00:18:43,811 --> 00:18:44,644
All right?

775
00:18:44,712 --> 00:18:45,612
My arm's blown out.

776
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:46,579
Hey, "Speed Pitch."

777
00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:47,280
You want to play?

778
00:18:48,049 --> 00:18:48,815
Okay.

779
00:18:48,883 --> 00:18:50,283
Oh, hey, wait, wait.

780
00:18:50,351 --> 00:18:50,917
Hey, guy.

781
00:18:50,985 --> 00:18:51,451
You work here?

782
00:18:51,519 --> 00:18:51,951
Yeah.

783
00:18:52,019 --> 00:18:52,652
Yeah?

784
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:53,820
Oh, shit, Ben.

785
00:18:53,888 --> 00:18:55,155
Look, a carny.

786
00:18:55,222 --> 00:18:57,157
Hey.

787
00:18:59,060 --> 00:18:59,759
So, I wonder if there's a

788
00:18:59,827 --> 00:19:01,361
kissing booth anywhere close.

789
00:19:01,429 --> 00:19:02,762
64.

790
00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:04,531
Ow! Ow!

791
00:19:04,598 --> 00:19:06,099
Oh, you stabbed me!

792
00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:07,500
He stabbed me with a key!

793
00:19:07,568 --> 00:19:08,001
Someone!

794
00:19:08,069 --> 00:19:08,935
Someone call a doctor!

795
00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:09,436
Ow!

796
00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:10,203
You idiot!

797
00:19:10,271 --> 00:19:11,171
Why would you stab me?

798
00:19:11,238 --> 00:19:12,372
I was flirting with you.

799
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:13,873
That guy paid me to.

800
00:19:13,941 --> 00:19:14,674
You weren't supposed to stab

801
00:19:14,742 --> 00:19:15,475
her, man.

802
00:19:15,543 --> 00:19:16,643
You were supposed to stab her!

803
00:19:16,711 --> 00:19:17,377
What?!

804
00:19:17,445 --> 00:19:18,778
You want to have me stabbed?

805
00:19:18,846 --> 00:19:19,779
I was going to protect you

806
00:19:19,847 --> 00:19:20,947
from the stabbing.

807
00:19:21,015 --> 00:19:22,716
Wrong! Wrong!

808
00:19:22,783 --> 00:19:24,050
Wrong!

809
00:19:24,118 --> 00:19:25,051
Wrong!

810
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:26,052
You're supposed to let her get

811
00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:27,253
stabbed, hope that it hits a

812
00:19:27,321 --> 00:19:28,488
main artery, and then, as she's

813
00:19:28,556 --> 00:19:29,956
dying, you nurse her back to

814
00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:31,257
health, thereby making her

815
00:19:31,325 --> 00:19:32,392
totally dependent on you.

816
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:33,093
Oh...

817
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,360
See, this is why nobody

818
00:19:34,428 --> 00:19:35,962
should be going off my system.

819
00:19:36,030 --> 00:19:36,930
What do you mean, "off your

820
00:19:36,997 --> 00:19:37,831
system"?

821
00:19:37,898 --> 00:19:39,099
My system of seduction that I

822
00:19:39,166 --> 00:19:40,366
used to win your heart that

823
00:19:40,434 --> 00:19:41,968
these idiots are ruining right

824
00:19:42,036 --> 00:19:42,535
now.

825
00:19:42,603 --> 00:19:43,603
Ben's the only one who's using

826
00:19:43,671 --> 00:19:44,404
it properly.

827
00:19:44,472 --> 00:19:45,338
Ben, please explain how the

828
00:19:45,406 --> 00:19:46,139
system works.

829
00:19:46,207 --> 00:19:46,940
I don't know what you're

830
00:19:47,007 --> 00:19:47,574
talking about.

831
00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:48,341
Are you telling me you had

832
00:19:48,409 --> 00:19:49,275
your face painted like a goddamn

833
00:19:49,343 --> 00:19:50,443
frog person and you have no

834
00:19:50,511 --> 00:19:51,745
ulterior motive here?

835
00:19:51,812 --> 00:19:52,412
I'm a lizard.

836
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:53,346
Ooh, whoops.

837
00:19:53,414 --> 00:19:54,380
Ooh.

838
00:19:54,448 --> 00:19:57,217
I dropped my monster condom that

839
00:19:57,284 --> 00:20:00,286
I use for my magnum dong.

840
00:20:00,354 --> 00:20:01,821
I'm out of here.

841
00:20:01,889 --> 00:20:02,322
No.

842
00:20:02,389 --> 00:20:03,022
I'll give you a ride.

843
00:20:03,090 --> 00:20:03,523
Thank you.

844
00:20:03,591 --> 00:20:04,023
What?

845
00:20:04,091 --> 00:20:04,557
What are you doing?

846
00:20:04,625 --> 00:20:05,158
I'm leaving.

847
00:20:05,226 --> 00:20:06,526
Dee, I don't like you.

848
00:20:06,594 --> 00:20:07,494
Well, how is that possible?

849
00:20:07,561 --> 00:20:08,595
You're a mean person.

850
00:20:08,662 --> 00:20:09,662
Ah, well...

851
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:10,797
Oh, you wou...

852
00:20:10,865 --> 00:20:11,498
You go!

853
00:20:11,565 --> 00:20:12,332
You get out of here!

854
00:20:12,399 --> 00:20:13,299
Way to go, jerks.

855
00:20:13,367 --> 00:20:13,933
Good job.

856
00:20:14,001 --> 00:20:14,768
Yeah, you know, "way to go,"

857
00:20:14,835 --> 00:20:15,335
to you.

858
00:20:15,402 --> 00:20:16,302
You work in a fair, carny.

859
00:20:16,370 --> 00:20:17,070
All right, don't call her a

860
00:20:17,138 --> 00:20:17,570
carny.

861
00:20:17,638 --> 00:20:18,638
I don't need you to take up

862
00:20:18,706 --> 00:20:19,205
for me.

863
00:20:19,273 --> 00:20:19,973
Get out of here.

864
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:20,607
Shut up!

865
00:20:20,674 --> 00:20:21,107
Just go!

866
00:20:21,175 --> 00:20:21,841
Yeah, yeah.

867
00:20:21,909 --> 00:20:22,909
You goddamn idiots ruining

868
00:20:22,977 --> 00:20:23,476
my system.

869
00:20:23,544 --> 00:20:24,477
Everybody ruins my system. 

870
00:20:24,545 --> 00:20:25,445
Nobody gets it.

871
00:20:25,513 --> 00:20:26,579
System, my ass.

872
00:20:26,647 --> 00:20:28,314
I hate carnivals.

873
00:20:28,382 --> 00:20:32,641
I need a ride. 

874
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,360
Sinc by ReHelen- Corrected by chamallow35

875
00:20:34,195 --> 00:20:35,531
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