Well, this is an interesting development.
- This is not good. - Goddamn it, dude.
Do you think maybe he's just vacationing, though?
Charlie, there's blocks in front and back of his tires. He's not going anywhere.
No, this guy's planted himself here and I tell you what. once all the other RV folks
see what this RV guy's doing, they're going to start parking
- their RVs on our street. - Shit!
And we're going to be staring down the barrel of a shanty town situation.
Oh, my god, dude.
Who just takes their vehicle and parks it in someone's, you know, street,
and says, "This is my street"? "i'm going to live here now 'cause i'm poor!"
I'll tell you who. The new poor.
- The what? -Ever since the recession hit,
waves of new people are suddenly broke.
these people have no idea how to live without money.
They're what's called "new poor." We're old poor.
Yeah. they can stand to learn a lesson or two from us because we would never take our homelessness
and shove it down everybody's face.
No, have some class if you're going to be poor.
all right, let's get this guy out of here, send him a message.
- Let's do it. - Right, let's slash his tires.
Well, not that, though, because then he can't leave,
- that doesn't make any sense. - well, you start putting plans under microscopes
- and nothing's gonna make sense, all right? - Lots of things make sense.
slashing someone's tires so that they leave makes no sense, charlie.
You're going to put everything I say under a microscope, bud?
- It's a stupid idea, Charlie. - I'm sorry. Do you have a better plan?
Dee, sharpest item in the bar--
I need it now! Let's go!
- Whoa. What the hell's going on over here? - Oh, frank's trying to kill himself.
Oh, my god, is he all right? Frank, are you all right?
- Don't try to stop me. - Oh, my god.
Oh, so he's alive.
Lost all my money in a ponzi scheme, Charlie.
- I'm broke. - His neck is so thick.
i feel like he's just going to swing and dangle around for a really long time.
- That's what it is. - Let's cut him down, let's cut him down.
- No, no, no, no, pull my leg. - Frank, it's not going to work for you.
- Your neck's too thick, buddy. - Tie a chair to me. Tie a chair to me.
Times are tough, huh?
Shit.
"The Great Recession"
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia 5X03
Subtitle by mczolly
Synchro by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
- This is terrible. - What?
What are you talking about? What is terrible?
Frank, if you're looking for a better steak in an arcade setting,
- you are shit out of luck. - No, i'm talking about
- eating out all the time. - It's a business expense, Frank.
It's only fair that the upper management of the bar get together to talk shop over
notch steak and some video games.
You two have no idea how serious this is.
I can't bail you out anymore.
Maybe we should take this time to streamline paddy's,
make it run as efficiently as the government.
- Cut out the steak dinners. - We're not cutting out the steak dinners, Frank,
so just hold your horses on that one. If anything, we should be talking about bonuses.
Let's talk bonuses. That's a good idea.
- Bonuses? - Yeah.
You run the business into the ground and you want bonuses?
Frank, don't be a moron. You start cutting bonuses,
you're going to lose your top guys.
You got to separate the wheat from the chaff somehow.
- And these dudes are all chaff. - Yeah.
Well, no, we're all wheat.
- No, we're chaff. - No, we're not. We're wheat.
- Why would you want to be wheat? - Why would you ever want to be chaff?
Well, who wants to be... Okay, I'll be chaff, you be wheat.
You two idiots have no business sense whatsoever.
We have no business sense? He's the one dangling from a noose ten minutes ago.
That's a good point. you know, let's start streamlining right now.
Frank, you're out. You're fired.
- Oh! You just got squeezed out, bitch! - Oh, i'm squeezed out?
Oh, well, let's see how far you two idiots get without
Frank Reynolds bailing you out every five minutes.
I'm out of here.
I'm comfortable being chaff, if you want to be wheat.
Okay, man, whatever.
You're firing us?
Well, first we're going to give you the opportunity to defend your jobs.
- Really? - Yeah.
- All right. I appreciate the opportunity, fellas. - All right.
I'm on it. Whoo!
Show us what you do around here, Charlie.
Oh, come on. This is bullshit.
I shouldn't have to defend my job to you.
Dee, we don't know what it is that you do around here.
You don't really seem to do anything.
Me?! Come on! I do a shitload.
Why don't you make us a drink?
Fine. I'll crack you open a beer.
No, no, no. Not a beer.
Something you have to mix.
But this bottle is cold-activated.
I mean, look at it. Doesn't that look delicious?
It does look delicious, but mix me a drink.
- But the mountains, they've turned blue. Don't you... - Mojito me, please.
A refreshing mojito would do.
Nobody orders a mojito in this bar.
- So, you can't make a mojito. - Of course i can make a mojito.
- Then make one. - Fine.
One mojito coming up, gentlemen.
-I quit. - Goddamn it. Shit.
- I was really looking forward to firing her. - Me, too.
Okay, boys. let's talk rat traps, okay?
I need money.
The guys were being total knobs, so i quit.
Also, you're really behind on my rent and they're threatening to evict me,
so... Money.
What part of, "I am broke" don't you guys understand?
I tried to hang myself. No more bailouts.
- Well, what am i supposed to do? - Not my problemo.
- What's with the briefcase? - I'm going to start a new business.
I created an empire before and I can do it again.
You are really good at making money. Okay, I'm in.
What are you talking about? What value are you to me?
I'm desperate, so I'll do anything.
Okay, that's good. Mm-hmm. Are you willing to destroy your credit?
- It's never really been a problem before. - That's good. hold that.
We're going to take out a big loan in your name.
- and get an office. - Great.
Okay. Let's go.
All right. That's the rainwater barrels.
Now, let's talk about the trash. What do i do with the trash?
How do I dispose of the trash?
I don't know. We disposed of the trash in the dumpster last night.
- What are you doing with it? - I am taking it to the furnace.
- We have a furnace? - Absolutely.
- Where do you think the heat comes from? - You burn the trash in the furnace?
This bar runs on trash, dude. This bar is totally green that way.
How is burning trash green?
Uh, because I'm recycling the trash into heat for the bar
lots of smoke for the bar. I'm giving the bar the good
smoky smell that we all like.
The bar smells like trash.
That's the exact opposite of green, Charlie.
Oh, i'm sorry. Well, I could put the trash into a landfill
where it's going to stay for millions of years, or I could burn it up
and get a nice smoky smell in here and let that smoke go into the sky where it turns into stars.
That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough
about stars to dispute it.
- No, it's right. - It's not right.
- Are we almost done? Are we almost done? - No, we're not done.
- I got one more piece of business. - What is it?
Lastly, before I open the bar in the morning,
I always make sure to turn on the coors sign, let people know we got iced,
delicious coors in the bar,
you know? And then, uh, that's the last thing I do.
Old charlie's done a lot of work around here.
Charlie, that sign does not say "coors."
- Come outside. Come outside. - Goddamn it!
"Closed"!
It says "closed," Charlie.
Okay. Yeah, right, I can see that now,
but you know, you can't really read it from the inside.
You can't read it from the outside.
- All right, you know what? Forget it, Forget it. - I can read it.
Are we done with this? Have we gone through everything?
Well, that was the last thing that i do, sure.
Okay, great. You're fired.
- No, come on. You're not firing me. - Yeah.
No way. Oh, i'm sorry. Oh, really?
Oh, so you're going to throw all the trash in the furnace yourselves
and you're going to filter the rainwater barrel all by yourselves
and I suppose you're going to fiddle with the electricity every day,
all by yourselves, and you're going to siphon it from all around the neighborhood?
No, we're going to call a trash man and an electrician and a plumber and
not turn the "closed" sign on when the bar is open.
- No, god. what is this? - Are you kidding me?
This is what i was talking about.
We are going to have a shanty town here in no time.
Shit! Goddamn it.
Honey, I'm home.
Feast your eyes on the new headquarters of Reynolds & Reynolds.
Frank and I are starting a business.
We sublet our apartments. We're living in here.
Wait a second. You subletted our apartment?
Well, what the hell, dude? I don't know if I can live in a trailer, man.
Well, you don't have to, Charlie. It's kind of tight in there already.
Well, hang on a second, bro. We're good in tight spaces. I'll make it work.
- I'm sorry, Charlie. - What do you mean you're sorry?
- There's no room at the inn. - You kidding me, dude? You kidding me?
Unbelievable! So, now I'm reduced to sleeping in the bar.
Oh, hell, no. No, no, no. You're not going to be sleeping in the bar.
Where am I going to live? I'm going to live on the streets?
It's a recession. Times are tough.
Yeah, you'll bounce back, buddy.
Come on, man! well, can I at least live with you guys?
Uh, we're not in the business of giving out handouts, Charlie. We're not the government.
Frankly, i'm a little embarrassed that you would ask.
- Yeah, it's a little... a little gauche. - Ah, you guys are boning me, man.
I tell you what. Why don't you and I hit D&B's and talk bonuses?
Yeah, all right. Uh, Dennis, why don't you go ahead and lock that door.
- You don't have to lock the door, okay? - We've got to lock him out.
- Keep out the riffraff. - You don't have to lock the door, all right?
You don't have to add insult to injury, okay? I will be fine.
- That's locked? - Yeah.
- I got plenty of places to go. - No, you don't.
Okay, Frank. Tell me about this business scheme you're cooking up.
- Give me your shoe. - A shoe?
- Hand over your shoe. - All right.
- Observe... - Wait, no, no, no...
Ah, come on, man! That's a $200 shoe!
What are you doing?!
Feast your eyes on your new business: knives.
You want me to sell knives door-to-door?
No, you're selling vacuums.
I'm sorry. I took out a high-interest loan
to invest in a door-to-door knife and vacuum selling business?
Not just any vacuum, this is wet vac--
commercial power for the home.
This'll get a red wine stain out of anything.
Look.
Oh, goddamn it!
Check it out, Deandra.
All right. This baby is powerful.
Now, cover your ears, because it has no muffler.
You jerk.
It's not built for shoes.
But look at that rug.
Oh, that's good Merlot. That's good Merlot. You're gonna want to keep those coming.
It might be a little cheaper if you's went with a bottle of wine
instead of chugging the individual glasses.
Maybe leave the judgment back in the kitchen.
There is a little bit of a look of judgment on your face. Just go grab them and...
- Okay, no problem. - All right.
Thank you. Great. Oh, she's terrific.
- I like her. Yeah, she's a cutie. - All right, now, listen, Mac.
I did bring you here for a specific reason, okay?
I got an idea for a stimulus plan for the bar that's gonna blow your freakin' mind.
- Stimulus plan? - A stimulus plan. You want to hear it?
- Lay it on me, bro. - Take a look around you right now.
Now, at a time where businesses are simply failing left and right, who's thriving?
- Dave & Busters. - Dave & Buster's is thriving.
Why do you think that is?
- Uh, i don't know, videogames? - Video games are definitely a big part of it.
I want you to do me a favor. Break down for me what i'm holding in my hand right now.
Ah, that is a Dave & Buster's power card.
Yes. now, does your dave & buster's card work at any other similar establishments, like say,
- TGI friday's? - Mine does not.
Believe me, I've tried at several locations.
Okay, well, yeah. 'cause if you recall, i've actually been with you on
many of those occasions where you've tried.
Right. I don't think I've tried it enough.
I think you have, because clearly at this point,
you should've realized that it doesn't work anywhere else.
There's one out in Franklin Mills i haven't tried.
It's not gonna work there either, okay?
Let's move past it. I'm trying to make a point here.
When you come to Dave & Buster's, you spend your real money,
but you leave with Dave & Buster's money, okay?
That gives you incentive to come back to Dave & Buster's
'cause it's the only place where your money works.
I think that's brilliant. Now, maybe we should take a page out of D&B's book.
And try the card at the "Friday's out" in the northeast...
No, you son of a bitch. We're way past that at this point.
I don't understand why you can't grasp that point.
It doesn't work anywhere else. It's only gonna work here.
All right, I'm- I'm getting all worked up, okay? Let's just, let's...
I'm proposing that we print our own currency, okay?
- Make our own money?! - Yes!
And we call it Paddy's dollars. Now, we distribute that out to people for free initially,
and then they become customers and then they bring in new customers.
And then once they're in, they have to use real dollars to buy Paddy's dollars.
That's exactly right. And that stimulates our own internal economy.
Yeah, dude, that's a great plan! And then afterwards, we'll go out to fox chase
- and use the power card at that friday's out there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, we won't. You can, though.
So, look, mom, um, I kind of come on some hard times with the economy and everything.
And i got no place to go and everything. So...
I was figuring maybe I should move back into my old room
for a little while till i get back up on my feet.
Well, i don't think that's gonna work out, Charlie.
- Why not? - I had to sublet your room to uncle Jack.
Is that why he's here?
Hey, Charlie.
Times are tough. And the economy is so bad.
I need to get more money in in order to make the house payments.
What are you talking about? You don't make house payments. You own this house.
You've owned it for years.
Mom, that's crazy. You collect social security!
I need money.
You can share the room with me, Charlie.
- That's a great idea! - That is not a great idea.
- Well, why not? - It'll be fine. You and me palling around­...
getting nuts, doing crazy, fun things.
I'm not doing any kind of things that you want me to do with you, uncle Jack, you know?
No, it's-it's stuff that relatives do.
- We'll share the room, Charlie. - I don't want to share a room with you, dude,
because i-i will spend the whole night wide awake,
just like when I was a kid and you tried to share my room.
You ever seen wrestling on televesion?
I'm well aware of what wrestling is. It's just not what uncles do to their nephews.
I'm out of here.
- Hey, I'll call you later. - I know you will.
- Just grab any knife? - Get the sharpest one in the kitchen.
All right, now, when i cut through the shoe and make the sale,
you suggest casually that we have a drink to celebrate. And...
Then i drop a little wine on the carpet, grab the wet vac and then
call it a deal, whatever.
This is the best knife I own.
All right. Well, that's the best you have.
All right, now, pretend that this shoe is an unboned chicken.
And you're gonna cook it tonight, make a tasty dinner.
It's gonna smell all through the house like cooked chicken.
Actually, i'm vegan.
Okay, then pretend this shoe is whatever you people eat.
- Maybe it is a shoe. - Nice one.
Watch the way your knife cuts.
Oh, it's just flopping around.
It's, like, not even making a dent in the leather.
This knife is a piece of crap.
Now, take a look at our knife-- beautiful, pressed steel
with a nice razor-sharp edge.
Watch the way this knife blasts through this shoe with one motion.
Is this part of the whole...?
I cut myself, oh! Oh, it's a deep cut!
- I see your bones. - It's a deep cut!
- I'll get you a towel! - Oh, Frank!
It's okay, it's all right. I got band-aids in my bag.
i just, I need your bathroom.
- Okay, i need to just get my bag. - Okay.
Okay.
- Is he gonna be okay, 'cause-'cause...? - Yeah, no, no. he's gonna be fine, Beth,
don't worry. I tell you what, why don't you and i have a glass of wine,
- just bring it down a little bit, huh? - I don't drink in the morning.
Yeah, me neither.
Oh, shoot. Oh! oh, i'm missing it.
- Oh, no! - You're doing that on purpose.
I'm trying to prove a point here, Beth, okay, hmm?
I'm gonna-- okay. I...
Oh, boy.
Goddamn it!
These paddy's dollars look great, bro.
Yeah. i'm really glad we went with the color. They pop!
A little bit more expensive than I would've thought. But that's worth it, though.
That's an old poor move.
You take your money and you put it into something worth it,
you're not tacky.
See, by transferring all of our cash into these Paddy's dollars
and then printing more of these babies than we ever had in cash,
we've upped our value.
Shit.
Ah, goddamn it.
Full-blown shantytown. We're screwed.
Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Dude!
There could be some real opportunity in this.
- Yeah? - Yeah, man.
Think about this, dude. In recession times, what thrives more than anything else?
- Prostitutes. - No-- well, yeah,
- but that and bars. - Oh, and bars!
Right, because people got to drown their sorrows.
- Get drunk. - We own a bar!.
So why don't we take these paddy's dollars and just distribute them amongst the shanties?
- That way... - They buy the booze from us with the dollars.
Right, and then they run out of booze, then they
got to buy more paddy's dollars from us.
Thus creating the self-sustaing economy we've been looking for.
It stimulates our economy.
That's what Dave & Buster's does.
Give me one up here.
Who wants some free money, shanties?
When people stop buying vacuum cleaners and knives door to door,
it could mean only one thing, Deandra.
That you blew all of my money on a very stupid idea?
No. Good-bye recession, hello, depression.
You're very lucky that you're with somebody as resilient as Frank Reynolds.
You tried to off yourself two times in the last 24 hours, Frank.
Well, listen, this business partner of mine called.
He's got a great plan. This is the man who's going to make us rich.
- This is the man? - Yes.
- This man lives in a cardboard box. - Times is tough..
Goddamn it.
Hey.
- Thanks for getting down here so quick. - It's Charlie?
- Charlie! - Charlie is your new business partner?
Yeah, well, what do you want? I mean, we're good in tight spots.
That's right. All right, you ready to do this?
- You got it. - Okay, let's go.
You're the man with the plan.
- Let's go. - Deandra, this is going to work.
Here we go.
Look at that.
- Feast your eyes. - There we go!
What the hell is that?
These are crabs. Fresh, local delaware runoff crabs.
Those don't look anything like crabs. They look like sea scorpions.
Isn't there some kind of, like, sewage runoff around here?
you know, crabs is sewage-proof.
And depression-proof. People got to eat.
We're gonna sell these on the street.
We're crab people now.
- Crab people. - We're crab people now?
You want us to become crab people?
- That's your new business plan? - Yeah.
I'm getting a call.
We'll live and die by the crab, Dee.
We'll eat off the fat of the sea.
Hey, will you help me toss some of these babies back,
'cause legally we're not allowed to eat those.
Oh, thank you very much. thank you...
Great news! Let's go, forget the crabs.
Okay.
- Nice doing business with you, huh? - All right, shanty,
- enjoy it. - All right, enjoy yourselves.
Hey, I think we made every single one of our paddy's dollars back, buddy.
You're damn right. Thus creating the self-sustaing economy we've been looking for.
- That's right. - How much fresh cash did we make?
Fresh cash?
Uh, well, zero-- zero if you're talking about US currency.
People didn't really seem interested in spending any of that.
That's okay. So, uh, so when they run out of the booze, they'll come back in
and they'll have to buy more paddy's dollars.
- Right. - Keeping it moving.
That is assuming, of course, that they will come back here and drink.
They will, they will, because we'll redistribute these to the shanties.
Thus ensuring them coming back in
keeping the money moving.
Well, no, but if we just redistribute these then people will continue to drink for free.
- Okay. - How does this work, mac?
The money keeps moving in a circle.
But we don't have any money. All we have is this.
- How does this work, dude? - I don't know.
-I thought y... - I thought you...
What?! i thought you were on top of this.
You're the one that came up with the plan.
I did...
- Did I come up with this plan? - Last night, dude.
- With the D&B power card. And the... - I blacked out. I blacked out that night.
- Shit, dude, I've been following your lead. - Oh, Jesus. Oh, shit.
Okay... Okay, we have no money and no inventory. There's still something we can do.
That's still a business somehow.
How does D&B's do it? They've got a complicated system worked out,
and I cannot begin to understand it.
How does a self-sustaing economy work?
I don't understand how the US economy works,
much less some sort of self-sustaining one.
I don't understand how finances work.
Shots for everybody! The government is reimbursing me
all the money I lost. I love this country.
- Baby, i'm back. - Wait, you got a bailout?
- Yeah, you know it, pal. - I got a bailout!
Can you bail us out, Frank? 'Cause we're kind of screwed here.
I'll tell you what, let's discuss it over steaks and skee balls.
- USA! USA! - USA! USA!
I love this country.
- USA! USA! - USA! USA!
- Crab meat... - Crab meat...
Uh, you guys don't think that you're going to Dave & Buster's, do you?
What?
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