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00:00:02,787 --> 00:00:04,954
_
2
00:00:04,955 --> 00:00:06,992
- _
- I suppose I should start at the end.
3
00:00:07,025 --> 00:00:08,926
- _
- My end, that is.
4
00:00:11,229 --> 00:00:14,299
That poor sap doing the
two-step to nowhere is me.
5
00:00:14,399 --> 00:00:16,634
Bet you're wondering
how I got into this mess.
6
00:00:16,734 --> 00:00:18,903
Well, like most stories,
it started with a white lie
7
00:00:19,003 --> 00:00:20,438
and ended with the dark truth.
8
00:00:20,471 --> 00:00:23,108
I needed a hospital, I needed a day off,
9
00:00:23,141 --> 00:00:26,411
I needed a pretty girl with
soft lips and a nursing degree.
10
00:00:26,511 --> 00:00:30,047
What I had was a mop, a bucket,
and a bellyful of regret.
11
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:34,040
_
12
00:00:34,152 --> 00:00:36,321
So, how does an honest man
end up spilling his guts
13
00:00:36,421 --> 00:00:37,988
on a dive bar floor?
14
00:00:38,089 --> 00:00:42,059
Don't ask me, pal. I'm just the janitor.
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_
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00:00:58,050 --> 00:01:03,050
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com
17
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,495
Let's go back to when it all began.
18
00:01:08,919 --> 00:01:10,921
It was a wet Tuesday night,
half past closing time,
19
00:01:11,021 --> 00:01:12,657
when the drunks wobble
home to their beds
20
00:01:12,690 --> 00:01:15,660
and punch their tickets to an
all-night ceiling-go-round.
21
00:01:15,693 --> 00:01:17,795
I had already finished my shift,
22
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:19,430
or maybe it had finished me.
23
00:01:19,530 --> 00:01:21,499
See, that morning I got
called to a crime scene
24
00:01:21,532 --> 00:01:22,767
in the men's bathroom.
25
00:01:22,867 --> 00:01:25,770
The victim? A handicap stall.
26
00:01:25,870 --> 00:01:27,505
The murderer? A butt.
27
00:01:27,538 --> 00:01:29,474
But whose butt?
28
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:32,143
That, my friends, was the
hundred-dollar question.
29
00:01:32,177 --> 00:01:34,345
Ah, the hell with it.
30
00:01:35,980 --> 00:01:39,650
And that's when trouble
walked in like it always does,
31
00:01:39,684 --> 00:01:42,820
on a great set of legs.
32
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,655
I got a job for you.
33
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:47,492
- Not interested.
- Well, I ain't asking.
34
00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:50,161
Somebody spilled, and I
don't mean to the Feds.
35
00:01:50,195 --> 00:01:52,497
So? You know where we keep the mop.
36
00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,832
- I'm knocking off.
- Knocking off?
37
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,467
- Or knocking back?
- Beat it, Stretch.
38
00:01:56,501 --> 00:01:59,237
- I said I'm off the clock.
- Oh. Want it the hard way, huh?
39
00:02:01,506 --> 00:02:03,007
Says he won't do it.
40
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,042
Ah, we got a tough guy, eh?
41
00:02:05,142 --> 00:02:08,479
Hey, Charlie, don't make me
mop the floor with you, huh?
42
00:02:09,847 --> 00:02:12,049
Boy, has he got you trained.
All that for a whistle?
43
00:02:12,082 --> 00:02:14,519
I wonder what you'd do for a biscuit.
44
00:02:14,619 --> 00:02:17,121
Biscuit? Why, you little...
45
00:02:21,792 --> 00:02:23,394
Don't worry. In five minutes,
46
00:02:23,494 --> 00:02:25,696
he'll be up and chasing his tail again.
47
00:02:25,796 --> 00:02:28,499
You're gonna mop that
floor, Charlie, or else.
48
00:02:28,599 --> 00:02:30,279
You see, the bar's been
rented out tomorrow
49
00:02:30,303 --> 00:02:31,502
for a private party.
50
00:02:31,536 --> 00:02:33,137
Bigwig. Deep pockets.
51
00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:34,305
You know the type.
52
00:02:34,339 --> 00:02:35,806
If those floors aren't up to snuff,
53
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,141
who do you think he'll blame?
54
00:02:37,174 --> 00:02:39,143
The handsome bartender?
55
00:02:39,176 --> 00:02:42,713
Or the mop jockey in the coveralls?
56
00:02:42,813 --> 00:02:44,949
See you around, Charlie.
57
00:02:47,252 --> 00:02:49,720
Mop the floor. That's easy enough.
58
00:02:49,820 --> 00:02:51,889
Only it never stays mopped.
59
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,425
That's the thing about messes.
60
00:02:54,459 --> 00:02:56,827
They never go away,
61
00:02:56,861 --> 00:02:58,863
only spread around.
62
00:03:04,402 --> 00:03:06,170
Well, hello, sweetheart.
63
00:03:06,203 --> 00:03:08,205
You know, they say any port in a storm,
64
00:03:08,306 --> 00:03:10,941
and this port just...
Ah, shit, it's you!
65
00:03:10,975 --> 00:03:13,611
Charlie, come quick. Something
awful, just awful's happened.
66
00:03:13,644 --> 00:03:17,114
It's Frank. He's been diarrhea-poisoned.
67
00:03:19,317 --> 00:03:21,552
- Diarrhea-poisoned?
- Mm-hmm.
68
00:03:21,652 --> 00:03:23,721
His words, not mine.
He's stuck at my place.
69
00:03:23,821 --> 00:03:27,658
He's absolutely carpet-bombed
my bathroom. And my carpet.
70
00:03:27,758 --> 00:03:30,060
- Huh. Lot of that going around.
- Hmm.
71
00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:33,249
Well, why didn't Frank call me himself?
72
00:03:33,273 --> 00:03:34,465
Why send one of his goons?
73
00:03:34,499 --> 00:03:35,966
What? I'm no goon.
74
00:03:36,066 --> 00:03:38,135
- No?
- No. I...
75
00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:39,637
I'm a knockout blonde with a body
76
00:03:39,737 --> 00:03:41,639
that would make a statue blush.
77
00:03:41,672 --> 00:03:43,140
I get more of a goon vibe from you.
78
00:03:43,173 --> 00:03:44,475
All right, go...
79
00:03:44,509 --> 00:03:47,144
Can you just come and get him, please?
80
00:03:47,244 --> 00:03:49,780
And also clean my apartment?
81
00:03:49,814 --> 00:03:51,782
I'll make it worth your while.
82
00:03:51,816 --> 00:03:53,117
Ah, sure, I catch.
83
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,070
Either I take the job, or
you and the other goons
84
00:03:55,170 --> 00:03:57,105
- play patty-cake with my kidneys.
- Goddamn it!
85
00:03:57,139 --> 00:03:58,789
I'm not a...
86
00:03:58,823 --> 00:04:00,658
I'll buy you a new set of rags.
87
00:04:00,758 --> 00:04:02,927
Hey, that's all you had to
say. Let me get my hat.
88
00:04:11,469 --> 00:04:14,372
He's in the bedroom. Here, take a smoke.
89
00:04:14,472 --> 00:04:16,040
It smells like shit in there.
90
00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:17,775
All right. I'll also take a drink.
91
00:04:17,808 --> 00:04:19,777
Make it stiff enough
to stand on its head
92
00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:22,947
and sing "Oh! Susanna".
93
00:04:22,980 --> 00:04:25,149
You can have tap.
94
00:04:30,154 --> 00:04:32,056
Ooh. Boy.
95
00:04:32,156 --> 00:04:34,692
Charlie. What are you
doing here? Who sent you?
96
00:04:34,792 --> 00:04:36,992
Well, you're in the hot seat,
so I'll ask the questions.
97
00:04:37,016 --> 00:04:38,295
- Who poisoned you?
- Nobody.
98
00:04:38,329 --> 00:04:40,530
- Bad shrimp.
- What? No.
99
00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:42,776
No, this morning you barged
in here saying, "They got me.
100
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,034
"I've been diarrhea-poisoned.
101
00:04:44,134 --> 00:04:45,670
The rat bastard liquefied my guts".
102
00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:47,004
That sounds like you.
103
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:49,149
Quit flapping your gums, goon!
104
00:04:49,173 --> 00:04:50,541
- Yeah.
- All right, you know what?
105
00:04:50,575 --> 00:04:52,255
- Just, whatever. Here.
- You're giving off
106
00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:53,879
- big goon vibes, Dee.
- All right. Uh...
107
00:04:53,939 --> 00:04:55,649
- Very goonish.
- Just don't ruin my chair.
108
00:04:55,673 --> 00:04:56,647
Goddamn it.
109
00:04:56,681 --> 00:04:58,459
All right, Frank, you
don't want to talk names?
110
00:04:58,483 --> 00:04:59,984
Let's talk about the weather instead.
111
00:05:00,017 --> 00:05:01,737
Where were you when
the brown lightning hit?
112
00:05:01,761 --> 00:05:03,821
I was on my way to work.
I bumped into a dope fiend.
113
00:05:03,921 --> 00:05:05,990
He must have stuck me with a needle.
114
00:05:06,023 --> 00:05:09,059
Don't be a liar, Frankie-Boy, or
your pants will catch on fire.
115
00:05:09,159 --> 00:05:12,463
Or they would, if you
were wearing any pants.
116
00:05:12,497 --> 00:05:14,632
No, my guess is, it started
some time last night
117
00:05:14,665 --> 00:05:16,033
when you were locking up Paddy's.
118
00:05:16,133 --> 00:05:18,178
You waited out the shit
storm in the handicap stall.
119
00:05:18,202 --> 00:05:20,213
When I came in in the
morning, you fled the scene,
120
00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:22,197
hightailed it to the nearest
apartment... Dee's...
121
00:05:22,231 --> 00:05:24,441
only your pants didn't make
the trip. How am I doing?
122
00:05:24,475 --> 00:05:25,510
So that means
123
00:05:25,610 --> 00:05:27,512
whoever got to you
got to you last night.
124
00:05:27,612 --> 00:05:29,079
So who was it, Frank?
125
00:05:29,179 --> 00:05:31,248
Lay off it, gum-scraper.
I'm warning you.
126
00:05:31,348 --> 00:05:33,017
Sorry, chum.
127
00:05:33,050 --> 00:05:35,019
You mess with the toilet,
you get the janitor.
128
00:05:35,052 --> 00:05:36,521
You won't help me? Then, fine.
129
00:05:36,554 --> 00:05:38,556
I'll catch the rat bastard myself.
130
00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,192
The next day, I hit the pavement
131
00:05:43,227 --> 00:05:45,430
looking for anybody who
had a problem with Frank.
132
00:05:48,198 --> 00:05:51,469
And, buddy, I found enough
beef to open a hamburger store.
133
00:05:53,571 --> 00:05:56,507
Trouble is, none of 'em
had seen Frank in days.
134
00:05:56,541 --> 00:05:59,209
So it all meant diddly.
135
00:06:03,147 --> 00:06:05,249
When it got dark, I swung by Paddy's.
136
00:06:05,349 --> 00:06:09,253
Maybe the bad guy was hiding
at the bottom of a beer bottle.
137
00:06:09,353 --> 00:06:11,556
I should've swung my
head into a beehive.
138
00:06:11,656 --> 00:06:13,536
It would've been safer
than turning that corner.
139
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,159
Leave me alone!
140
00:06:15,259 --> 00:06:17,161
You're making a big mistake.
141
00:06:17,261 --> 00:06:19,229
Hey! What's the matter, Joe?
142
00:06:19,263 --> 00:06:21,623
They don't teach you manners
at the School for Big Palookas?
143
00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:22,933
The lady said scram.
144
00:06:22,967 --> 00:06:26,003
You think you can clean up
this mess? Be my guest.
145
00:06:26,103 --> 00:06:28,673
I'm a janitor. Cleaning
up messes is what I do.
146
00:06:28,773 --> 00:06:32,309
Now dust, before I beat
you like an old rug.
147
00:06:32,342 --> 00:06:36,481
He sized me up. But
he didn't like the fit.
148
00:06:36,514 --> 00:06:37,982
Suit yourself.
149
00:06:39,016 --> 00:06:40,918
But you'll be back.
150
00:06:42,419 --> 00:06:43,821
They all come back.
151
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:46,055
There, there, sweetheart.
152
00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:48,926
No use crying over smashed pie.
153
00:06:50,961 --> 00:06:53,363
Now, there was a dame
worth the cover charge.
154
00:06:53,464 --> 00:06:54,864
Her eyes glistened in the moonlight
155
00:06:54,932 --> 00:06:56,667
like fresh gasoline puddles.
156
00:06:56,767 --> 00:06:59,036
They were the kind of
eyes you could fall in...
157
00:06:59,136 --> 00:07:01,038
and summer in.
158
00:07:01,138 --> 00:07:03,474
- And winter in, too.
- Sorry about that.
159
00:07:03,508 --> 00:07:04,975
My boyfriend looks like a bad apple,
160
00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:08,979
but once you get to know Vince,
you'd like him even less.
161
00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:11,281
You're too nice a girl to be
playing with rotten apples.
162
00:07:11,315 --> 00:07:15,620
Well, my pies haven't
always been so sweet.
163
00:07:15,653 --> 00:07:17,488
But I'm trying to turn that all around,
164
00:07:17,522 --> 00:07:19,362
make an honest living
selling home-baked goods.
165
00:07:19,386 --> 00:07:22,459
But he won't stand for it.
166
00:07:22,493 --> 00:07:25,195
Oh, gee, there goes my rent money.
167
00:07:25,295 --> 00:07:27,732
Well, if you need a place to stay...
168
00:07:27,832 --> 00:07:30,901
You're a good man.
169
00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:34,505
I wouldn't want to drag
you into my troubles.
170
00:07:34,605 --> 00:07:36,841
I ain't the type that drags.
171
00:07:36,941 --> 00:07:38,375
I can see that.
172
00:07:38,475 --> 00:07:39,877
Find someplace safe.
173
00:07:39,977 --> 00:07:41,546
If he shows up again, call me.
174
00:07:41,646 --> 00:07:43,213
I'll straighten him out.
175
00:07:43,247 --> 00:07:45,182
Funny.
176
00:07:45,282 --> 00:07:47,852
You don't seem like
the straightening type.
177
00:07:47,952 --> 00:07:50,320
Maybe 'cause you got me all twisted.
178
00:08:01,532 --> 00:08:04,034
Say, fellas. What's the score?
179
00:08:04,134 --> 00:08:07,371
Frank hosed us. Turns out
this party's not for the bigwig.
180
00:08:07,471 --> 00:08:08,991
- It's for his daughter.
- He hosed us.
181
00:08:09,015 --> 00:08:11,642
Yeah, there's no booze, no legal cooze.
182
00:08:11,676 --> 00:08:13,356
Sounds like a snooze.
183
00:08:13,383 --> 00:08:15,223
- And there's barely any dudes.
- Don't add on.
184
00:08:15,247 --> 00:08:16,647
- There's a rhythm.
- Come on.
185
00:08:16,681 --> 00:08:18,515
Well, you must be pretty mad at Frank.
186
00:08:18,616 --> 00:08:21,719
Oh, yeah. I hate his guts.
187
00:08:21,819 --> 00:08:23,220
Funny you should mention his guts,
188
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:25,489
considering Frank got diarrhea-poisoned.
189
00:08:25,522 --> 00:08:26,824
In his guts.
190
00:08:26,857 --> 00:08:29,293
You two wouldn't know anything
about that, would you?
191
00:08:29,393 --> 00:08:31,829
Can I get a Red 40?
192
00:08:31,862 --> 00:08:33,664
Yeah. Here's your Red 40, kid.
193
00:08:33,698 --> 00:08:35,566
Look, uh,
194
00:08:35,666 --> 00:08:37,746
Charlie, I don't know what
"diarrhea-poisoned" means,
195
00:08:37,770 --> 00:08:40,172
but, uh, I certainly
didn't do it to Frank.
196
00:08:42,607 --> 00:08:43,874
Goddamn. Is that Dee?
197
00:08:43,974 --> 00:08:46,243
I told her to stay home and watch Frank.
198
00:08:46,343 --> 00:08:47,645
What is she doing?
199
00:08:49,413 --> 00:08:50,748
Hang on, Dee.
200
00:08:54,184 --> 00:08:56,153
Cricket? What are you doing here?
201
00:08:56,253 --> 00:08:58,623
Dee paid me to cover her
shift, hence the getup.
202
00:08:58,656 --> 00:08:59,857
Why were you in the basement?
203
00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:01,158
No reason.
204
00:09:01,258 --> 00:09:02,793
No reason, huh?
205
00:09:02,827 --> 00:09:03,894
I'll give you no reason.
206
00:09:03,994 --> 00:09:05,796
Yeah.
207
00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:07,164
More. Oh, yes. Do it.
208
00:09:07,264 --> 00:09:08,264
Harder. Yes.
209
00:09:08,332 --> 00:09:09,466
I'm a slut.
210
00:09:09,566 --> 00:09:11,301
All right.
211
00:09:11,401 --> 00:09:12,637
Frank let me stay.
212
00:09:12,737 --> 00:09:15,505
Frank let me sleep down there.
213
00:09:15,606 --> 00:09:16,774
I've been working for him.
214
00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,643
Doing what?
215
00:09:18,743 --> 00:09:20,410
He's running a cherry racket.
216
00:09:20,510 --> 00:09:21,746
A cherry racket?
217
00:09:21,846 --> 00:09:23,681
You telling me Frank's
running underage girls?
218
00:09:23,741 --> 00:09:25,181
I wouldn't put it past him, but, no,
219
00:09:25,205 --> 00:09:26,751
that's not what I'm talking about.
220
00:09:26,851 --> 00:09:28,585
I'm talking actual cherries.
221
00:09:28,686 --> 00:09:31,188
As in maraschino.
222
00:09:31,288 --> 00:09:33,090
Frank hired me to go
down to the local bars
223
00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:35,993
and stick my fingers in
the garnish stations.
224
00:09:38,028 --> 00:09:39,163
Why?
225
00:09:39,196 --> 00:09:40,916
Why, to contaminate
the cherries with feces,
226
00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:42,166
so people get sick, of course.
227
00:09:42,266 --> 00:09:44,501
- My God, that's disgusting.
- It's an honest living.
228
00:09:44,601 --> 00:09:45,703
Not really.
229
00:09:45,803 --> 00:09:47,723
Now, why is Frank trying
to contaminate cherries?
230
00:09:47,747 --> 00:09:49,106
Oh, I don't know.
231
00:09:49,139 --> 00:09:52,609
He flashed a roll of nickels,
and I didn't ask questions.
232
00:09:52,643 --> 00:09:55,145
When someone flashes
a roll of nickels at you,
233
00:09:55,245 --> 00:09:57,481
you don't ask questions, you just do.
234
00:09:57,581 --> 00:10:00,450
No matter what they want or
where they want you to put it
235
00:10:00,484 --> 00:10:03,053
or where they want to put into you...
236
00:10:03,153 --> 00:10:04,822
I'm gonna turn around now.
237
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:08,158
I'd been looking at this all wrong.
238
00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:11,061
It wasn't a poisoning. It was a payback.
239
00:10:11,159 --> 00:10:12,639
All right, street rat, I want to know
240
00:10:12,663 --> 00:10:14,665
which bars you hit and when. Spill.
241
00:10:14,699 --> 00:10:18,335
Go kiss a duck. You'll
never make me talk.
242
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:20,738
I'm not slapping you around again.
243
00:10:20,838 --> 00:10:23,507
All right, fine, just get me
a pen and I'll write 'em down.
244
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:34,852
So Cricket had contaminated
the wrong guy's cherries
245
00:10:34,952 --> 00:10:38,522
and now Frank was dancing
the porcelain rumba.
246
00:10:38,622 --> 00:10:41,658
And I was still in the dark.
247
00:10:41,759 --> 00:10:44,161
And there's only two things
you can do in the dark:
248
00:10:44,194 --> 00:10:45,963
you can drink...
249
00:10:45,996 --> 00:10:48,198
and you can hide.
250
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:53,503
If you came to shoot me,
251
00:10:53,537 --> 00:10:55,873
at least let me finish my drink first.
252
00:10:55,973 --> 00:10:59,910
I'm not gonna shoot
you. What if I missed?
253
00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:03,547
Well, then you'd have
to say you missed me.
254
00:11:03,647 --> 00:11:05,515
Maybe I did.
255
00:11:05,549 --> 00:11:07,517
Maybe I missed you, too.
256
00:11:07,551 --> 00:11:09,419
Well, you'd better work on your aim.
257
00:11:09,453 --> 00:11:11,521
Sure, I could do that,
258
00:11:11,621 --> 00:11:15,492
- but I'm better at close range.
- Yes, you are.
259
00:11:15,525 --> 00:11:19,196
- Can I fix you a drink?
- No, thanks. I'm sober.
260
00:11:19,296 --> 00:11:21,065
Plus, I saw you put cat food in it.
261
00:11:21,165 --> 00:11:22,967
Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.
262
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,216
You did, Charlie, I saw you
scoop it out of the can...
263
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,266
- I put a little bit in.
- ...and it smells so bad.
264
00:11:27,291 --> 00:11:28,596
You're so close to me with that.
265
00:11:28,672 --> 00:11:31,408
- All right, I'll put it down.
- God.
266
00:11:31,508 --> 00:11:32,777
So what you doing here, doll?
267
00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:34,478
I told you to find someplace safe.
268
00:11:34,578 --> 00:11:37,848
The only safe place for me...
269
00:11:37,882 --> 00:11:40,217
is in your arms.
270
00:11:40,317 --> 00:11:42,352
Oh, sure, my arms are safe.
271
00:11:42,386 --> 00:11:45,289
It's my lips you have to watch out for.
272
00:11:45,322 --> 00:11:47,657
That's a risk I'm willing to take.
273
00:11:47,758 --> 00:11:49,193
Unless, wait, a-are you telling me
274
00:11:49,226 --> 00:11:50,594
you have a cold sore or something?
275
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:52,305
- 'Cause I'm not good with that.
- Oh, no, we're good.
276
00:11:52,329 --> 00:11:53,689
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
277
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:54,714
Okay.
278
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:09,613
Morning, dollface.
279
00:12:11,248 --> 00:12:13,317
Goddamn it. Why are you smiling?
280
00:12:13,417 --> 00:12:14,852
Well, I'm trying to look sexy.
281
00:12:14,952 --> 00:12:17,522
- You're supposed to be dead.
- I know. I can be dead and sexy.
282
00:12:17,555 --> 00:12:20,100
You're not supposed to be sexy.
You're supposed to be the goon.
283
00:12:20,124 --> 00:12:22,068
No, I'm not the goon. I
don't want to be the goon.
284
00:12:22,092 --> 00:12:24,070
- I want to be something better.
- But you are the goon.
285
00:12:24,094 --> 00:12:25,972
- I'm not the goddamn goon.
- You're the goon, Dee.
286
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,340
Who else is the goon? You're the goon.
287
00:12:27,364 --> 00:12:29,109
How could I be a goon?
I'm wearing a nightie.
288
00:12:29,133 --> 00:12:31,111
- You're a goon in a nightie.
- Maybe that's your murder weapon.
289
00:12:31,135 --> 00:12:32,375
Take it off and you strangle...
290
00:12:32,399 --> 00:12:34,095
Goddamn it. All right, I'm out of here.
291
00:12:34,119 --> 00:12:35,940
All right. Goodbye, goon.
292
00:12:35,973 --> 00:12:37,774
So what's the big idea here, fellas?
293
00:12:37,808 --> 00:12:39,476
Ah, Frank sent us here to blackmail you,
294
00:12:39,576 --> 00:12:41,778
so you stop sticking your
nose in where it don't belong.
295
00:12:41,812 --> 00:12:43,613
Ah, so you're in on
Frank's cherry scheme?
296
00:12:43,647 --> 00:12:44,949
Yeah, it's easy money.
297
00:12:44,982 --> 00:12:46,650
After Cricket fondles the cherries,
298
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:48,152
the bars trash their whole supply
299
00:12:48,252 --> 00:12:50,020
thinking they're all contaminated.
300
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:53,690
Mac and I rescue the
perfectly good cherries,
301
00:12:53,790 --> 00:12:58,495
and Frank resells them to the
bars for a neat little markup.
302
00:12:58,595 --> 00:13:01,498
He gives us 30%,
only Mac thinks it's ten.
303
00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:03,167
- What?
- Shut up!
304
00:13:03,267 --> 00:13:04,869
Come on.
305
00:13:04,969 --> 00:13:06,536
Say, you two fellas know anything
306
00:13:06,636 --> 00:13:08,038
about a guy named Vince?
307
00:13:08,138 --> 00:13:10,640
Hangs around the Waitress
like a bad cheese burp?
308
00:13:10,674 --> 00:13:12,709
Yeah, we know him.
309
00:13:12,809 --> 00:13:15,579
Runs with a crew out of
a church on South Street,
310
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,882
only he ain't the praying type.
311
00:13:17,982 --> 00:13:19,216
Tell him I want to meet.
312
00:13:19,316 --> 00:13:21,318
Yeah.
313
00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:26,390
You talking to me?
314
00:13:26,490 --> 00:13:28,325
Yeah.
315
00:13:28,425 --> 00:13:31,295
Well, I can't tell 'cause
I'm not looking at you.
316
00:13:31,328 --> 00:13:33,497
We ain't looking at you either.
317
00:13:35,832 --> 00:13:37,001
Are you still here?
318
00:13:37,101 --> 00:13:39,221
- No, we're gonna go now.
- We're leaving now, though.
319
00:13:39,245 --> 00:13:41,505
That's for the best.
320
00:13:41,538 --> 00:13:44,341
Hey, is it, is it ten
percent or is it really 30%?
321
00:13:44,441 --> 00:13:45,842
It's whatever I say it is.
322
00:13:45,876 --> 00:13:47,477
Well, that about sewed it up.
323
00:13:47,511 --> 00:13:50,014
Too bad I have a habit of
pulling at loose threads.
324
00:13:50,047 --> 00:13:52,549
The doc says that's why my
sutures don't heal good.
325
00:13:52,649 --> 00:13:53,850
So I called up Frank.
326
00:13:53,951 --> 00:13:55,485
He told me to meet him at Paddy's
327
00:13:55,519 --> 00:13:56,987
and he would explain everything.
328
00:13:57,021 --> 00:13:59,723
Yeah, like a brick would
explain gravity to my head.
329
00:14:01,791 --> 00:14:04,061
Frank?
330
00:14:04,161 --> 00:14:06,263
Cricket?
331
00:14:06,296 --> 00:14:08,432
No johns in the basement, pal.
332
00:14:10,834 --> 00:14:11,936
Frank!
333
00:14:15,505 --> 00:14:17,474
My guts are cut to ribbons.
334
00:14:17,574 --> 00:14:19,409
- What? Who did this to you?
- I did.
335
00:14:19,509 --> 00:14:21,645
I was carrying a jar of
cherries, I fell on them,
336
00:14:21,745 --> 00:14:25,015
they bust, they sliced
my stomach to bits.
337
00:14:25,049 --> 00:14:27,051
I'm no matador, Frank,
so you can cut the bull.
338
00:14:27,151 --> 00:14:28,652
I know all about your cherry scam.
339
00:14:28,752 --> 00:14:29,987
My cherry scam?
340
00:14:30,087 --> 00:14:33,890
Oh, Charlie, you sweet innocent dope.
341
00:14:33,991 --> 00:14:35,993
I'm not the top of this sundae.
342
00:14:36,093 --> 00:14:38,162
This goes all the way to city hall.
343
00:14:38,262 --> 00:14:39,997
It all started when I bribed some bigwig
344
00:14:40,097 --> 00:14:41,898
from the Board of Health to ban Red 40,
345
00:14:41,999 --> 00:14:46,136
- the dye used in maraschino cherries.
- _
346
00:14:46,170 --> 00:14:48,905
- Red 40?
- I used the guys
347
00:14:49,006 --> 00:14:51,475
to round up all the cherries,
and then I sat on them
348
00:14:51,575 --> 00:14:54,979
for a couple of months, and then
resold them back to the same bar
349
00:14:55,012 --> 00:14:57,314
for jacked-up black market prices,
350
00:14:57,347 --> 00:15:00,317
but there was a snag in the plan.
351
00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:01,785
The bars wouldn't bite.
352
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,653
Turns out, their customers
didn't give a shit
353
00:15:03,753 --> 00:15:06,156
about the cherries, so we
had to find other buyers
354
00:15:06,256 --> 00:15:09,526
who'd pay through the nose
for their maraschino fix.
355
00:15:09,626 --> 00:15:13,697
Old folks homes for
pineapple upside-down cake,
356
00:15:13,797 --> 00:15:16,366
teenage birthday parties,
357
00:15:16,466 --> 00:15:18,168
and teetotalers
358
00:15:18,202 --> 00:15:21,638
who only drink Shirley Temples.
359
00:15:21,698 --> 00:15:23,418
All right, enough talk, Franky.
360
00:15:23,442 --> 00:15:24,674
Save your story for St. Peter.
361
00:15:24,774 --> 00:15:26,376
All I want to know is who poisoned you?
362
00:15:26,476 --> 00:15:28,478
I tried to protect you, Charlie,
363
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:31,181
but this mess is too big for your mop.
364
00:15:31,281 --> 00:15:33,650
- I'm not the bad guy here. It's...
- Who is it?
365
00:15:33,750 --> 00:15:35,452
Who is it?
366
00:15:48,232 --> 00:15:49,733
Where is she?
367
00:15:49,833 --> 00:15:53,337
Man.
368
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,805
- Where is who?
- The girl.
369
00:15:55,839 --> 00:15:57,407
She belongs with me.
370
00:15:57,507 --> 00:15:59,976
Well, she's a jewel.
She belongs in a crown.
371
00:16:00,010 --> 00:16:01,678
You belong in bracelets.
372
00:16:01,778 --> 00:16:03,813
You're trying to provoke me.
373
00:16:07,851 --> 00:16:09,519
But I know how to control myself.
374
00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:13,323
Red 40.
375
00:16:13,423 --> 00:16:16,160
Okay, Vince, I'll take you to the girl.
376
00:16:16,193 --> 00:16:19,796
But first, let me fix a drink.
377
00:16:19,829 --> 00:16:22,110
You seem like a smart
cookie. I think you'd do well
378
00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:24,468
in our organization. You should join us.
379
00:16:24,501 --> 00:16:26,002
And if I refuse?
380
00:16:26,036 --> 00:16:28,505
Well...
381
00:16:28,538 --> 00:16:31,007
that could be bad for your health.
382
00:16:31,108 --> 00:16:33,177
Well, how about I drop by a meeting?
383
00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:34,344
Sounds like a gas.
384
00:16:35,379 --> 00:16:36,680
What is...?
385
00:16:36,713 --> 00:16:38,748
What-what is that?
386
00:16:38,848 --> 00:16:42,052
Ammonia-bleach cocktail,
aka the Janitor's Helper.
387
00:16:42,086 --> 00:16:43,453
Luckily, I'm immune.
388
00:16:43,553 --> 00:16:46,456
I've built up a healthy
tolerance over the years,
389
00:16:46,556 --> 00:16:49,559
or unhealthy, depending
on how you look at it.
390
00:16:57,801 --> 00:16:58,935
Huh.
391
00:17:05,202 --> 00:17:07,082
Charlie!
392
00:17:07,106 --> 00:17:09,246
Thank God you're all right.
393
00:17:09,346 --> 00:17:11,248
I am, but Vince isn't.
394
00:17:11,348 --> 00:17:13,228
He's gonna wake up with
his head pounding harder
395
00:17:13,252 --> 00:17:15,485
than a Chinese crossword puzzle.
396
00:17:15,585 --> 00:17:16,720
Huh?
397
00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:19,940
- Was that... That one wasn't clear?
- No.
398
00:17:19,965 --> 00:17:22,045
All right, I'm running out
of them, you know, it's...
399
00:17:22,069 --> 00:17:23,871
But the point is I took care of him.
400
00:17:23,905 --> 00:17:25,895
- My hero.
- Yeah.
401
00:17:25,995 --> 00:17:27,997
I guess my pies are finally safe.
402
00:17:28,098 --> 00:17:29,799
Well, not from me. Hand me a spoon.
403
00:17:32,836 --> 00:17:34,304
Say,
404
00:17:34,404 --> 00:17:36,506
why didn't you tell me
about Frank's cherry racket?
405
00:17:36,606 --> 00:17:38,475
I don't know what you're talking about.
406
00:17:38,575 --> 00:17:41,077
Yes, you do. You were helping
him sell the illegal cherries.
407
00:17:41,178 --> 00:17:43,980
- You connected him with Vince.
- Well, I...
408
00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,480
I guess I didn't want you to
think of me as a petty criminal.
409
00:17:46,504 --> 00:17:48,852
There's nothing petty
about you, is there, baby?
410
00:17:48,952 --> 00:17:51,355
Ooh.
411
00:17:53,757 --> 00:17:55,659
Oh.
412
00:17:57,527 --> 00:17:58,995
You idiot.
413
00:17:59,028 --> 00:18:02,299
I didn't tell you because
it's my cherry racket.
414
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,034
Frank didn't know what
he had. I'm the one
415
00:18:05,135 --> 00:18:07,375
who figured out those cherries
had fermented from sitting
416
00:18:07,399 --> 00:18:09,539
in those vats for months. Yeah.
417
00:18:09,639 --> 00:18:12,942
They had turned into a
slam-bang booze for the ages,
418
00:18:12,976 --> 00:18:14,544
and we could charge triple in places
419
00:18:14,644 --> 00:18:16,813
where hooch was badly
wanted but not allowed.
420
00:18:18,648 --> 00:18:21,050
Old folks homes,
421
00:18:21,151 --> 00:18:23,953
Sweet 16 parties,
422
00:18:23,987 --> 00:18:26,156
court-ordered rehab centers.
423
00:18:28,492 --> 00:18:30,360
It was like shooting fish in a...
424
00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:32,696
Charlie, are you still eating
that pie? I poisoned it.
425
00:18:32,796 --> 00:18:34,636
- You did?
- Yeah, that's what I'm telling you.
426
00:18:34,664 --> 00:18:36,500
Oh, yeah. You know what?
427
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:38,733
There's a lot of threads
going around; I'm losing track.
428
00:18:38,757 --> 00:18:41,004
- Okay, I poisoned the pie.
- Yeah.
429
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:42,972
- So you should stop eating it.
- Right.
430
00:18:43,006 --> 00:18:44,874
- There you go.
- It's good.
431
00:18:44,908 --> 00:18:47,043
- Thanks. Appreciate that.
- Last bite.
432
00:18:47,143 --> 00:18:49,213
- Oh, my God. Jesus Christ.
- And carry on.
433
00:18:50,914 --> 00:18:53,116
- What about Frank?
- I poisoned Frank, too.
434
00:18:53,149 --> 00:18:57,153
He figured out what I was
up to and he wanted out,
435
00:18:57,187 --> 00:18:59,055
but we were making too much money,
436
00:18:59,155 --> 00:19:01,991
so I diarrhea-poisoned
him to shut him up.
437
00:19:02,025 --> 00:19:04,994
Aah!
438
00:19:05,094 --> 00:19:07,964
He got the message in the end.
439
00:19:07,997 --> 00:19:09,999
And Vince?
440
00:19:10,033 --> 00:19:12,836
Oh, Vince caught me smuggling
boozy pies into A.A.
441
00:19:12,869 --> 00:19:15,205
and threatened to rat me
out to my parole officer.
442
00:19:15,305 --> 00:19:17,040
You see, he wasn't
actually my boyfriend.
443
00:19:17,140 --> 00:19:18,708
He was my sponsor,
444
00:19:18,808 --> 00:19:21,711
and he was a real buzzkill, literally.
445
00:19:21,811 --> 00:19:23,079
But why poison me?
446
00:19:23,179 --> 00:19:26,015
Well, you were getting too close.
447
00:19:26,049 --> 00:19:28,752
Or maybe I was.
448
00:19:28,785 --> 00:19:31,988
Either way, I'm leaving
town tonight and,
449
00:19:32,021 --> 00:19:34,157
well, I can't have you following me.
450
00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:36,960
Well, you're not gonna get away with it.
451
00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:40,163
Oh, yeah? And who's gonna stop me?
452
00:19:40,196 --> 00:19:41,898
I am.
453
00:19:41,998 --> 00:19:45,769
See, I knew you were lying
when I found Vince's A.A. chip.
454
00:19:45,802 --> 00:19:47,671
You used me.
455
00:19:47,704 --> 00:19:49,506
You used me like you used Frank.
456
00:19:49,539 --> 00:19:51,841
And I knew it was only a matter of time
457
00:19:51,875 --> 00:19:53,443
before you tried to poison me, too.
458
00:19:53,477 --> 00:19:56,313
So that's why that shot
I took wasn't vodka.
459
00:19:56,413 --> 00:19:58,147
- It was bleach.
- What?
460
00:19:58,248 --> 00:20:00,216
- The universal poison antidote.
- No, it's not.
461
00:20:00,217 --> 00:20:01,268
It's not?
462
00:20:01,293 --> 00:20:03,844
I mean, if anything, you've
ingested more poison.
463
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,790
No, you put bleach on poison, it
cancels it out, I'm pretty sure.
464
00:20:06,823 --> 00:20:08,400
No, it makes the poison more poisoning.
465
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:09,793
No. The two things cancel...
466
00:20:09,893 --> 00:20:11,493
No, you're right. Here
come the cherries.
467
00:20:12,562 --> 00:20:13,763
Oh, God!
468
00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:15,157
Jesus Christ, Charlie!
469
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,133
Either way, you're done, baby doll.
470
00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:19,603
I called the cops to take you downtown.
471
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,104
- Oh.
- Ha ha!
472
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:23,106
The gig's up, you ugly dame.
473
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,574
You're under arrest.
474
00:20:24,674 --> 00:20:26,443
- You come with me.
- What the hell?
475
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,011
I was undercover the whole time.
476
00:20:28,111 --> 00:20:29,546
I mean, what are you talking about?
477
00:20:29,579 --> 00:20:31,979
- That doesn't even make sense.
- Yeah, I switched things up.
478
00:20:32,003 --> 00:20:33,683
Got tired of being called
a goon. Let's go!
479
00:20:33,707 --> 00:20:34,984
- Ow!
- You're out of here!
480
00:20:35,018 --> 00:20:36,396
- You're really hurting my arm.
- Yeah, that's okay with me.
481
00:20:36,420 --> 00:20:37,830
- This is so stupid! Let go of me!
- All right.
482
00:20:37,854 --> 00:20:39,134
No, I'm not gonna let go of you.
483
00:20:39,158 --> 00:20:40,336
I got one job to do,
I'm gonna finish it.
484
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:41,360
- Let's go. Yeah.
- Ow!
485
00:20:41,458 --> 00:20:42,738
- Yeah, well...
- Ow! That hurts!
486
00:20:42,762 --> 00:20:44,828
Yeah, that's all right.
487
00:20:44,928 --> 00:20:47,196
Well, this is where you came in.
488
00:20:47,297 --> 00:20:49,766
Only now, you know the
whole sticky situation.
489
00:20:49,799 --> 00:20:52,369
It's not every day that a
janitor makes his own mess,
490
00:20:52,469 --> 00:20:54,704
but when he does... ooh, boy.
491
00:20:54,804 --> 00:20:58,308
Now I'm about to shit my
brains all over this floor.
492
00:20:58,408 --> 00:20:59,976
But don't worry.
493
00:21:00,076 --> 00:21:02,646
I'll mop twice. I always do.
494
00:21:07,670 --> 00:21:09,970
_
495
00:21:23,970 --> 00:21:28,970
Sync & corrections by Costa Dax
www.addic7ed.com