1 00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:05,237 [ Dennis ] Another big night, fellas-- $164.87. 2 00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:07,106 [ Mac ] That's not a lot of money. No, it isn't. 3 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:10,642 And our mortgage is due in two weeks. We paid that a week ago. 4 00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:14,079 A week ago was three weeks late, Mac. 5 00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:14,646 Hey, guys. 6 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:19,418 I met this guy in acting class. He's really cool, and he wants to see where I work. 7 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,353 So could you guys try to not be weird? 8 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:26,792 - What is that supposed to mean? - I love you guys, but sometimes you're not that cool. 9 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:28,527 We're cool! Not cool? 10 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,430 Try to be cool. Sometimes you're not too cool. 11 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,332 Charlie-- Always cool, man. 12 00:00:33,334 --> 00:00:35,834 - Oh, hey, man, we're closed. - Yeah, I know. 13 00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:39,638 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! We don't want any trouble. - What? 14 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,508 Guys, this is Terrell... 15 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,044 from my acting class. 16 00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:49,882 Yeah. Yeah. Hey, man. How's it goin'? 17 00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:53,318 It's going good. How you doin'? Good, man. 18 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,521 We're just chillin', dude. Great. 19 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,556 Just closing up shop. Yeah. 20 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:58,524 [ Mutters ] Whoa. 21 00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:02,594 Guess you guys don't have too many brothers walking through here. 22 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,830 Oh, no, no. We got plenty of brothers. 23 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,465 Yeah-- A-African-Americans. 24 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,101 Okay. Yeah, we get it. [ Overlapping Chatter ] 25 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:12,204 You might know some of them. 26 00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:16,175 Yeah. We're probably related. 27 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:16,708 No. 28 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:20,345 I don't think he was implying that you guys are all related. That's ridiculous. 29 00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:24,783 Sweet Dee came in here a second ago and started talking about acting class. 30 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:30,589 We weren't expecting you-- We weren't expecting you to be black, that's all. 31 00:01:33,326 --> 00:01:35,427 Right. 32 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,401 Thanks, guys. 33 00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:18,537 When I'm promotin', everybody and their mama gonna be there. 34 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:21,406 There's gonna be brothers, white boys, Latinos, whatever. 35 00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:23,642 You got niggas hanging from the rafters. 36 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,979 So we got 400-plus packed into this tiny little place-- 37 00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:30,048 Whoa. You had 400 people packed into a place? 38 00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,117 You damn right. That's my job, man. 39 00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:33,552 And it's mostly college kids. 40 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:36,555 My sister goes to Temple, so I got the hookup over there. 41 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,122 And hookups are good. 42 00:02:37,124 --> 00:02:42,995 But, just to be clear, when you say your sister, do you mean your sister or your friend-- 43 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:45,197 Dude. Oh, Jesus. 44 00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,400 I mean my sister. Oh. Okay. Cool. 45 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:52,371 I was just-- Because he could mean his friend or his-- 46 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:53,605 Stop talking. 47 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,041 So we're packed into this little place on Walnut. 48 00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:59,077 We're halfway through the night, everything's goin' all right. 49 00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:03,081 All of a sudden, I notice this dude eyeballin' me from across the bar. 50 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:07,352 Shit. I don't know if this dude wants to freak me or fight me. 51 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,689 He's giving you crazy eyes. The insane, crazy eyes. 52 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,224 Right? I know that. 53 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,993 So I walk over-- He's this big, cut Mexican dude-- 54 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:18,463 and I look at him and say, "Yo, ese, 55 00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:22,201 unless you want to get yo' ass torn apart, 56 00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:24,336 you'd better get that look off your face." 57 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:27,639 [ Giggles ] No! You just walked right up to him and said that? 58 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:30,008 I had to, man. You gotta make the first move. 59 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:33,111 Always make the first move. You know what I'm sayin'? I-I know. 60 00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:35,447 So what happened? Well, hey, he won't stop starin' me down. 61 00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:41,153 We're, like, eyeball to eyeball. His grill is right up in mine. It feels like an eternity. 62 00:03:41,155 --> 00:03:43,055 Finally, 63 00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,691 he just opens up his mouth and says, 64 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:50,462 [ Mexican Accent ] "I guess you gon' have to tear my ass apart, homes." 65 00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:54,233 - [ Mouthing Words ] - Oh, man. So what'd you do? 66 00:03:54,235 --> 00:03:56,268 Took him to the back alley, 67 00:03:56,270 --> 00:03:59,037 and I tore his ass apart! 68 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,139 Oh, my God! [ All Chattering ] 69 00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,674 That's insane! 70 00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:05,510 [ Chattering Continues ] 71 00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:08,647 Okay, I would like to do things like that. 72 00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:11,250 I love that guy. "I took him to the back alley"? 73 00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:15,287 Who does shit like that? It's like a movie. There's something off about him. 74 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:18,724 Oh, bro, that's racist. No, asshole, that's not what I meant. 75 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:21,660 I'll go get the coffee. What do you guys want? Dude, sit down. Okay? 76 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:24,529 Wait till the waitress comes out here, and then you can stare at her. 77 00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:27,833 I wasn't gonna stare at her. I was just gonna-- He wasn't gonna stare at her. 78 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:30,736 - You're totally obsessed with that chick. - No, I'm not. I like her. 79 00:04:30,738 --> 00:04:35,374 I have a little bit of a crush, yes. But obsessed? That's a bit of a harsh word. 80 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:40,779 It's never gonna happen. Honestly, I think we should think about hiring Terrell. 81 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,214 Why? For what? You heard him. 82 00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:44,483 When he's promotin', everybody named Mama's looking to get in. 83 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,653 That's true. They do have "niggers hanging from rafters." 84 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:51,256 Wow. Nice. No, that's not what I was saying. 85 00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:52,224 Coffee? Yeah. 86 00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:54,526 Hitler? No, I'm not-- I'm not Adolf Hitler. 87 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:58,597 I'll make sure to put lots of cream in yours. I was quoting a black friend. 88 00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,465 Okay. [ Exhales ] 89 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,067 Well, that's just great. 90 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,503 - Now she thinks I'm racist. - Dude, will you just drop it? 91 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:08,307 Listen, if Terrell delivers half of what he promises, we're looking at 200 people. 92 00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:13,612 - Yeah, that's true. - It'd be nice to get some chicks in the bar. 93 00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,448 All right, let's do it. 94 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:21,153 Sure about this? It's 2005, Charlie. 95 00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:24,856 Don't you think it's ridiculous that you have no friends outside of your own race? 96 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:28,093 No, what is ridiculous is this stupid plan. It's not stupid! 97 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,395 It's a stupid plan. It's not-- This is a college campus. 98 00:05:30,397 --> 00:05:34,399 This is a great place to meet people of different cultures, diversify-- 99 00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:38,270 You're just trying to make black-- Mm-hmm. 100 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:39,538 You're trying to make black friends. 101 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:44,343 You're not making it easy. You're trying to impress Terrell with a couple of black friends. 102 00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:46,144 Don't do this right now. 103 00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,680 ♪♪ [ Hip-hop ] [ Chattering, Laughing ] 104 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:52,718 Okay. See? This is exactly what I'm talking about. 105 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,586 This is perfect. Huh. Yeah. 106 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:57,322 I'm gonna break the ice. Go for it. 107 00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:59,224 'Bout to bust that shit up, Reese. 108 00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,827 'Bout to bust that shit up, boy! 109 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:04,229 Absolutely. 110 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,904 Okay, that didn't go exactly the way-- No. 111 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,574 No. It was really awkward. Really awkward. 112 00:06:15,576 --> 00:06:17,376 Maybe we should go. Yeah! 113 00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:20,846 Hey, what's your name? Oh. It's, uh, Charlie. 114 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,348 Do you play bones, Charlie? 115 00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:24,549 I dabble. 116 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,586 Do you want to play? I could get you a game. 117 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:30,288 Uh, no, I shouldn't. I'm not very good, so-- 118 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:34,726 I bet you're really good. Well, it's been a long time, you know. 119 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,295 Oh, come on. All right. One game. 120 00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:40,298 Domino, bitch! 121 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,634 [ Laughing, Chattering ] 122 00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:45,704 This is bullshit. Absolute bullshit. 123 00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:49,374 Why do these people like you more than they like me? Maybe it's comments like that. 124 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:53,545 I meant those people in there, not all black people. What am I supposed to say? 125 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:57,416 You should say something different. Figure something else out. 126 00:06:57,418 --> 00:06:59,217 Hey. Hey. 127 00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,720 Um, I'm Janell. Oh, hi. 128 00:07:01,722 --> 00:07:05,891 Uh, you got some moves out there, Charlie. Thanks. 129 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,692 You know. 130 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:10,429 I wanted to give you this. 131 00:07:10,431 --> 00:07:11,830 Oh. Okay. You know? 132 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:15,934 Give me a call sometime. All right? Yeah. Sure. 133 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,569 Well, you-- [ Whistles ] 134 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:21,173 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing, dude? What? 135 00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:21,873 That girl's gorgeous. 136 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:25,377 She's the perfect opportunity to prove we're not racist. She probably has friends for me. 137 00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:30,248 Well, if anything, I think we should be focused on black men, first of all. 138 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,550 What? 139 00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:34,419 We don't really need-- We need black guys, so-- 140 00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,888 Black guys? What are you talking about? You know. 141 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:40,792 Is this about that waitress at the coffee shop, dude? 142 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,327 Oh, my God! What? 143 00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:45,263 Dude, you are obsessed with this chick. No, I'm not. 144 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,631 Let me see your wallet. Why? 145 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:51,570 Are you still carrying a picture of her in your wallet? No. 146 00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:58,877 Give it to me. Give it-- 147 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:01,513 Oh, my God! Stop making a scene! 148 00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:04,349 Just give me the wallet! Give me the wallet! 149 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,218 I can't get the goddamn-- 150 00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:08,019 It's okay! It's okay, everybody! 151 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:11,289 You're making a scene. You're making a scene! 152 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:12,591 I got it. 153 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:15,594 Okay, okay, okay, okay. Hold on a second. 154 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:19,331 Ha! Ha-ha! Ha! Give it to me! 155 00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:20,799 He had it! 156 00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,367 Okay! You found it! 157 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:25,437 I'm gonna tear it up! [ Shrieks ] No, don't! 158 00:08:25,771 --> 00:08:29,508 Just give me it. I'll call the black girl. Okay? 159 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,343 Okay, buddy. 160 00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,712 We're cool. We're cool. 161 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:37,616 We're good. Thanks, guys. See ya. 162 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:44,689 I had the craziest dream last night that I was in Cleveland, Ohio, 163 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:47,692 which is really weird, because I've never even been to Ohio. 164 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,729 This guy was wearing a bunny suit, and he was coming out-- 165 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:53,365 You know what, Dee? I don't wanna hear about your dreams. Okay? 166 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:57,235 I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. 167 00:08:57,237 --> 00:09:01,506 If I'm not in any of 'em and nobody's having sex, I just-- I don't care. 168 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:04,376 Oh. I'm sorry. I would listen to your dreams. 169 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:07,479 'Cause your my brother and I love you. I'm sorry. I am. 170 00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:10,448 Hey! What's goin' on, guys? [ Dennis ] Terrell. 171 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:13,485 How are you? Hey! What's up? What's up? 172 00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:17,055 How you doin'? Dennis! What's goin' on? 173 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,691 All right, man. How's it goin', man? 174 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:20,692 Good, man. 175 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:24,829 Listen, um, you mind stepping outside with me for a second, man? 176 00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,798 Yeah, I'll come outside. Yeah? 177 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,734 Yeah. All right. Well, come on. 178 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:35,040 I'm gonna put these out on the tables. 179 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,610 Rule number one: Always keep a line. 180 00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:41,780 [ Dennis ] Oh, my God! That is a lot of people! 181 00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:43,882 Wow! 182 00:09:47,486 --> 00:09:48,720 ♪♪ [ Disco ] 183 00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:53,391 - This is crazy! - I know! I told you! Terrell's the best! 184 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,494 I'm gonna have to start bartending full-time. 185 00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:58,830 L-Look at this! 186 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:01,666 Why are you making more money than me? I don't know! 187 00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:06,004 - Hey, this is crazy! - I know. Terrell packed 'em in. Look at this. 188 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:09,608 This is crazy! Yeah, dude, we were just saying that. 189 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:12,110 Lot of dudes. Yeah, there's a lot of dudes. 190 00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,845 Lot of dudes. 191 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,113 What can I get you boys? 192 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:19,851 Oh, uh, we wanted to wait for the cute one. What cute one? 193 00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:25,924 Mac, isn't that your cousin Brett by the jukebox? 194 00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:29,127 Oh, yeah! Let's go say hey. 195 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,463 Yo, Brettie boy! Hey, cuz! 196 00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:36,368 Hey! How you doin'? What's up, Brett? Can you believe this crowd? 197 00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,837 - Oh, it's something else! - Yeah! 198 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,473 Gentlemen, I understand my services have been requested. 199 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,009 I actually got a couple of services I'd like to request. 200 00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:46,411 Whoa! Uh, what are you doin, man? I'm not-- 201 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:51,583 You have the most beautiful eyes. Okay, man, but I'm-- Really? 202 00:10:51,585 --> 00:10:53,685 So blue. 203 00:10:53,786 --> 00:10:56,788 Really more of a blue-green, actually, but-- 204 00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:59,624 I'm really proud of you, man. Yeah, thanks. 205 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:02,060 You've come a long way. What do you mean? 206 00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:06,965 You guys are running the hottest gay bar in Philadelphia. 207 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:10,502 ♪♪ [ Continues ] 208 00:11:17,276 --> 00:11:20,311 [ Knocking ] 209 00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,549 [ Grunting ] 210 00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:27,318 No! What in the hell is your problem? 211 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,187 How could you not tell me you were gay? 212 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:34,059 I'm a musical theater actor living in Philadelphia. I didn't think it was that big a secret. 213 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,994 I've been coming on to you for weeks now. 214 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,697 Just thought you were into gay dudes. I am not into gay dudes! 215 00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:40,699 Apparently you are. Okay, well, you know what? 216 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:44,569 The guys hired you to promote their bar, and you turned it into a gay bar. 217 00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:46,571 They are not happy. 218 00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:50,575 [ Laughing, Whooping ] 219 00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,110 So much money! Whoo! 220 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:55,647 Oh! So much money! We made more money in one night-- 221 00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:59,384 Th-Than in the entire time that we've owned this place! 222 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,319 We have to embrace the situation. 223 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,188 We should totally embrace the situation! 224 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,623 We're a gay bar from now on. Absolutely, man! 225 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,525 No goddamn way. 226 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,194 Have you guys seen this? 227 00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:12,197 "Looking for that new hot spot to spot that stud? 228 00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:14,632 Well, Paddy's Irish Pub has plugged that hole." 229 00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:17,469 That's a nice notice. No, it's not nice. 230 00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:18,636 I don't want to be plugging anybody's holes. 231 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:21,272 I'm gonna have to agree with Mac. Of course you are. 232 00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:23,341 I made $300 last night. How much did you make? 233 00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:27,445 First of all, that's rude. And that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about. 234 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,813 It has everything to do with it. 235 00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:31,216 I don't think we have much of a choice. We need to do this. 236 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:35,453 If you guys remember, one of the major reasons we got this bar was to get laid. 237 00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:38,623 Maybe you did it to get laid. I got a little something I like to call business ethics. 238 00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:44,662 Business ethics? The only reason you don't care is you have black girls hanging all over you. 239 00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:47,599 Okay, chill out. You're gonna screw it up. 240 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:51,169 Screw it up? I happen to have a date with a nice young lady today. 241 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,171 - Ouch. - It's a purely fiscal decision. 242 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:56,474 Oh, bullshit. You don't care about the money. You just like the attention. 243 00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:59,811 What the hell is that supposed to mean? "Everybody look at me!" 244 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:02,113 You know exactly what I mean, pretty boy. 245 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,082 - Hey, handsome. - Hey, beautiful. 246 00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,483 - Hey, sexy. - Hey, hoss. 247 00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:08,753 I just get along really well with those guys. They're vibing. 248 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:12,657 No, you're leading them on. You're not gay, you're just really vain. 249 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:16,427 Okay, time out. Here's what we should do. Let's take a vote. 250 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:17,662 Fine. [ Mac ] Okay. 251 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:21,800 All those in favor of Paddy's Pub remaining a gay bar, say "aye." 252 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,268 Aye. Aye. Opposed? 253 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,570 K-K-Keeping in mind that you don't get a vote. Why? 254 00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:29,841 - Because you're the bartender. You're not one of the owners. - No, Sweet Dee gets a vote. 255 00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:33,111 No, she doesn't! Of course I get a vote! 256 00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,079 [ All Arguing ] 257 00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:37,582 All owners opposed, say "nay." 258 00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,785 All people who own the bar who are opposed, say "nay." 259 00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:44,322 All people who own the bar who are opposed, 260 00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:46,558 say "nay." 261 00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:49,594 Nay. 262 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:50,795 Two against one! Oh, well. Ohh! 263 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:56,000 Paddy's Irish Pub will henceforth remain the hottest gay bar in Philadelphia. 264 00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,447 Hey-hey! What's going on? Hey! 265 00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:12,684 Look at you! You look good! Oh, thank you. That's so sweet. 266 00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:16,254 So, where we going? Well, I thought we'd go grab a drink. 267 00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:19,257 Oh, I want one so bad. All righty! 268 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,092 Oh, a coffee shop. 269 00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,561 I thought you meant, like, a drink at a bar. 270 00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,531 Yeah, absolutely. Uh, why don't you have a seat here. 271 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:29,467 I'll go get the coffee. What would you like? 272 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:32,503 I don't really drink coffee. Let me see. Totally. 273 00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:39,177 What do you want, Charlie? 274 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:40,345 "What do you want, Charlie?" 275 00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:43,915 I'd like you to take a look at the lovely young African-American woman... 276 00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:46,484 sitting at the table over there. 277 00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:48,753 Okay. 278 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:51,189 That woman is my friend. 279 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,590 Wow. Good for you. 280 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:55,727 So, the other day when you heard me saying something... 281 00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:58,229 about certain people hanging from said rafters, 282 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,332 I was quoting a friend of mine who also happens-- 283 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:03,701 What are you trying to say? Spit it out. 284 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:08,406 Well, now that you know that I'm not racist, you and I could maybe go on-- 285 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,440 Dude, N-O. 286 00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:12,443 How many times do I have to say it to you? One time is fine. 287 00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:17,348 Apparently one time is not fine. One time per time I ask you. 288 00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:19,651 Hey, what's going on up here? 289 00:15:19,653 --> 00:15:20,518 Oh, not too much. 290 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:25,924 Charlie's using you to prove that he's not racist. Then he asked me out on a date. 291 00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:29,327 Charlie, is this true? 292 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:34,299 Would that upset you if it was something that was true? 293 00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:35,733 ♪♪ [ Disco ] [ Groans ] 294 00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:38,770 You need to see a doctor. This thing looks really bad. I did! 295 00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:42,640 What'd he say? He said that Janell punched me in my eye! 296 00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:45,710 All right, well, you need to keep that i-- 297 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,445 Wait. Her name's Janell? Yeah. 298 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,981 Janell Jenkins. She's got a hell of a right hand. 299 00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:54,819 She also said if she ever saw me again, she was going to slit my throat. 300 00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:57,755 Are you two seeing this? 301 00:15:58,324 --> 00:16:00,858 Boys are out tonight, huh? 302 00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:03,661 This is unbelievable. What is going on here? 303 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,564 You got black women crawling all over you, 304 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:08,399 and this Mary here is the belle of the ball. 305 00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:11,970 Why do these people like you guys so much? It's not that they like us. 306 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:15,406 It's that they don't like you. You know why? 307 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,909 Uh, because you're an asshole! 308 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,647 Is that true? 309 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,315 Yeah, kind of. 310 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:27,485 Can I talk to you in back for a second? 311 00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:32,290 - What's up? - You know that girl Janell? I know her. 312 00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:36,894 Okay. So what? So I think I know how we can solve this whole gay mess. 313 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,029 Great. How? 314 00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:41,466 We gotta start with Dennis. Can you get him so drunk tonight? On tequila. 315 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:44,802 But a lot of it. Enough that maybe he might hurt himself. 316 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,337 Yeah, sure. No problem. All right. 317 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:50,641 Where are you going? I gotta talk to a couple friends from my acting class. 318 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,978 But seriously-- blackout drunk. 319 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:01,686 All right. Okay. 320 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:05,957 So you did the lime first, and then the shot, right? 321 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:08,559 No. No, no, no, no. Dude. 322 00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:11,295 You take the salt-- Take the salt. 323 00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:13,431 and then you take the shot. 324 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:14,832 Okay. [ Spits ] 325 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:17,602 And then you suck on the lime. Okay? Okay. 326 00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:22,473 Why don't you show me again. 'Cause I'm getting a little bit confused. 327 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,410 You lick it. Salt. Lick it. 328 00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,912 And then you slam it. Yeah? 329 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,518 [ Hiccups ] 330 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:36,888 Oh, that's great. 331 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,923 All right, so, I'm gonna do the shot first-- 332 00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:43,961 No, no, no, no-- Oh-- Oh, please, please, dude. You're not listening to me. 333 00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:45,830 Well, I'm just not getting it, bro. 334 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,632 You do the salt first. The salt first. 335 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,968 And then the lime. Show me again, because I'm not-- 336 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:54,472 The salt first. Then the lime. 337 00:17:58,811 --> 00:18:01,446 [ Alarm Beeping ] 338 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,781 [ Whimpers ] 339 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,417 [ Alarm Stops ] 340 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:08,753 [ Groans ] 341 00:18:09,955 --> 00:18:12,824 Oh, God. [ Groans ] 342 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,431 Hello. 343 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,567 Mmm. 344 00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:27,939 [ Sighs ] Nice. 345 00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:31,542 [ Sighs ] Beautiful. 346 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,347 [ Both Moaning ] 347 00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,683 Hello, lover. [ Screams ] 348 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,017 Whoa! 349 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:42,687 What the hell! What is going on here? 350 00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:46,457 Relax, stud. You got nothing to be ashamed about. 351 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,593 What the f-- What does that mean? 352 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:49,994 Did we have-- No. No. 353 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:53,598 Don't be silly. It was all hands. 354 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,767 How's that ass feelin'? 355 00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:00,905 [ Charlie ] I'm really glad you decided to embrace this. 356 00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:03,808 You're doing the right thing, bro. I think so too, dude. 357 00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:07,145 I feel really good about broadening my horizons. It's gonna be fun. 358 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:09,447 It's a good business decision. Yeah! 359 00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:13,451 I don't want to own a gay bar anymore. 360 00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,820 What, dude? Oh, no. What happened? 361 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,456 Just, uh-- I was doing some thinking and, you know-- 362 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,692 We had our little experiment. It was great. But we should go back to normal. 363 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:26,564 Oh. You had an experiment, and you want to go back to the way it was before the experiment. 364 00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:27,565 Interesting. The bar. 365 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:31,502 We had our experiment with the bar, and it was great. Let's go back to normal. 366 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,672 You're done experimenting? Or are you gonna experiment some more? 367 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:37,742 What is this experimenting? Hey, Dennis! What's up? 368 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:39,076 Listen, I got you some new CDs. 369 00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:43,080 'Cause the music you had in the jukebox was a little bit stale. 370 00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:45,116 Also, we gotta get rid of these shamrocks. 371 00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:48,219 'Cause nothing scares gays and black folks like Irish crap. 372 00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:51,656 Can we talk for a second in private? Yeah. No problem. 373 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:55,526 So, listen, Terrell, it's not really working out. 374 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,595 We're gonna have to let you go. I thought you were happy. 375 00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:02,633 No, we were happy. But then Dennis had an experiment, and he wants to go back to normal. 376 00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:07,038 Yeah, we had that experiment-- Why do you keep saying it like that? 377 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,606 You guys are being ridiculous. 378 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:11,642 Yeah, we're being ridiculous! We're making a lot of money! 379 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,178 - Yes! Thank you! - Look, everybody! Sweet Dee's here! 380 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:17,081 - Hey, everybody! - Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing here? 381 00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:20,885 - Charlie? - What is going on here? You guys know each other? 382 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:23,821 Yeah! That's the crazy bitch that punched me in my eye! 383 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,724 Charlie! That's my sister. 384 00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:31,195 Now, just to clarify, when you say "sister," you mean-- 385 00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:33,664 I mean my sister. 386 00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:35,066 Yes! Okay! This is great! 387 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:38,569 Because earlier you were implying that I was racist... 388 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:41,906 because you thought that I was implying that all black people are related. 389 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:45,676 And then it turns out that you people actually are! 390 00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:53,784 No, that's not what I meant. Hold on a second. I meant that you two actually are. 391 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:57,655 Mac? Stop talkin'. 392 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:08,099 Hundred and 11, hundred and 12, hundred and 13-- 393 00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:09,333 $114! 394 00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:11,702 On a Saturday night! We're back to normal. 395 00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:14,105 We are back to normal. 396 00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:15,706 Mmm. 397 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:16,674 Dee, I gotta know. 398 00:21:16,676 --> 00:21:20,811 What, exactly, did you tell those guys from your acting class to do to Dennis? 399 00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:24,448 Oh, I forgot to tell you. That didn't work out. 400 00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:28,653 What? Yeah, I couldn't get ahold of those guys. 401 00:21:29,655 --> 00:21:32,356 Then why was he so freaked out? 402 00:21:32,358 --> 00:21:35,126 How's that ass feelin'? 403 00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:16,133 [ Voices Speaking Backwards ]