1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:02,301 [ Dennis ] No, dude. 2 00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:05,804 It's not-- It's not a question of individual style. It's about having some taste. 3 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:08,440 You're attacking my ability to express myself, dude. 4 00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:11,443 How am I attacking your ability to-- I just don't get it. 5 00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:14,413 What's not to get? "Come to Philly for the crack." 6 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,582 It has a picture of the Liberty Bell on it. Yeah, but-- 7 00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,485 - It's funny and original. - It's not fun-- How is it funny and original? 8 00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:22,855 Every asshole on South Street's wearing a T-shirt with an ironic slogan on it. 9 00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:28,360 Well, excuse me if all my T-shirts don't have a little guy playing polo on the lapel. 10 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,195 You cut the sleeves off of all your T-shirts. 11 00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,664 What, so you can show off your tats? Those are really original, dude. 12 00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:36,168 - They're tribal. - Oh, they're trib-- I'm sorry. What tribe are you from? 13 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,303 What? Is it, like, an Indian tribe or-- Okay, okay, okay. 14 00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:41,140 You guys gonna let me in this game or what? No. You're the ref. 15 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:43,842 I don't want to ref anymore. I'd like to play, so-- You're an excellent ref. 16 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:48,113 You're a very good ref. Yeah, I know. I'm a great ref. I'd like to play the game now. 17 00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:51,817 Are you gonna get mad? You gonna turn into the mad munchkin? What's the ma-- 18 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,019 Do you represent the Lollipop Guild, Charlie? Do you? 19 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:56,388 [ Woman ] Hey, Charlie. ♪ Are you the mad munchkin ♪ 20 00:00:56,390 --> 00:01:00,259 - ♪ He is the mad munchkin ♪ - ♪ The little mad, mad munchkin man ♪ 21 00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:05,297 That's a mad munchkin dance? Oh, okay. This is what we do? I need to talk to you. 22 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:08,333 ♪ I'm a little munchkin man ♪ 23 00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:10,736 It's about our son! [ Grunting ] 24 00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:19,278 Nobody wants to hear that. 25 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:50,209 [ Dennis ] So, wait, she's sayin' this is your son? [ Mac ] I don't know. 26 00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:52,344 Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me, Charlie. I know! 27 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,813 I know it. There's, like, no way that this is possible. 28 00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:58,650 Well, did you have sex with her? Yeah. 29 00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,486 Okay. Did you use birth control? 30 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,754 Oh, Dee, we went to Catholic school, so-- Okay. You're allowed... 31 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,691 to have premarital sex, but you're not allowed to use birth control? 32 00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:09,194 No. All right. You're twisting words here and, like, gettin' cute. 33 00:02:09,196 --> 00:02:10,395 When did she have this kid? 34 00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:13,565 It's been, like, 10 years since I've even seen her, so-- Ten years? 35 00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,534 What does she want? Well, that's-- that's the weird thing. 36 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,904 She doesn't want money or anything. She just wants me to meet him. 37 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:19,771 Are you gonna do it? No. 38 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:23,642 Well, dude, you gotta meet the kid. I mean, you gotta find out for sure. 39 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,677 Yeah, I guess. It's just-- 40 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:30,215 [ Groans ] I mean, I wish I could go back in time and do the right thing, you know? 41 00:02:30,217 --> 00:02:34,486 - Like be there for him? - No. Get her an abortion. 42 00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:39,491 So you're not allowed to use birth control, but abortions are no problem? 43 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,627 All right. Okay. So now you're, like, a word genius. 44 00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:44,663 And everything I say, you twist it around and make me look dumb. 45 00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,933 Charlie's right though. He should have at least had a say in the matter. 46 00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:50,269 It's her body, and it's her decision. No, I'm sorry. 47 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,504 It's not just her decision. The man should get a vote. 48 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,674 - Okay. Well, ultimately it's her choice. - It is not just her choice. 49 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:59,878 It's nobody's choice. It should be left up to God. 50 00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:02,548 Is he-- Is that-- Are you joking? 51 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:06,785 No, it's not a joke! You remember Genesis, Book Two, Verse Three? 52 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:11,423 "And he breathed into the nostrils of Adam on the first day. And it was good." 53 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,592 Right in his nostrils, huh? Sounds really uncomfortable. 54 00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:16,995 You're making an asshole out of yourself. Dude, you need to get a blood test, okay? 55 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:19,998 I remember Stacy Corvelli. She was a slut. You're right. You're right. 56 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,701 Uh, Mac, what's God's stance on blood tests? 57 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:26,338 Hmm. I don't know. I'd have to check. 58 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,811 [ Doorbell Rings ] All right, you feeling good? 59 00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,814 No. I feel nauseous. I think I'm gonna go. I'm gonna run. 60 00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:37,749 No, no, no. It's-- I should go. 61 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,451 Hi. Hey, Charlie. Hi. 62 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:40,352 Hey. You brought your, uh-- 63 00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:44,489 Uh, Dennis Reynolds. We didn't get a chance to talk before, but I remember you. Yeah. 64 00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,692 You went to St. Giles? I did. Yeah. 65 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,427 Ah. With-- Yeah. 66 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:51,230 So you two are together now, or-- 67 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:53,031 No. No. No. 68 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,901 No. I'm just here for moral support. Yeah, we're not-- 69 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,836 That's not even a-- 70 00:03:57,838 --> 00:04:00,005 I brought him along. Yeah. 71 00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:03,342 So-- All right. Come on in. 72 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,982 [ Door Closes ] I'm real glad you decided to do this, Charlie. 73 00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:13,452 Yeah. Well, uh, you know, it's the least I could do, so-- 74 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,755 Yeah. Sorry I don't have a lot of time. I gotta get to work. 75 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,224 Uh, Tommy, come on in here, Son! 76 00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,727 [ Tommy ] What do you want, Mom? 77 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,528 He's a bit of a handful. 78 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,964 Uh, Charlie and his friend are here. 79 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,933 [ Tommy ] So goddamn what? 80 00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,402 Tommy, come in here, please! 81 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:31,903 This is bullshit. 82 00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,773 Whoa! [ Stacy ] Language, please. 83 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:38,543 - Which one of you fags is supposed to be my dad? - Whoa, hello. 84 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,646 Right off the bat with the-- Yeah. 85 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:44,449 Tommy, be nice. Huh? This is Charlie. 86 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:47,419 [ Scoffs ] Are you serious? This is the guy? 87 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,454 What's that-- What's that supposed to mean, buddy? 88 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:52,991 Okay. Well, I should be home around 8:00. Uh, what do you guys have planned? 89 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:56,528 - Uh, I thought we'd go to the park. - Huh. That sounds nice. 90 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,797 Wanna go to the park, Tommy? I don't care. 91 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:02,401 [ Beeping ] Okay. That's great. Bye, sweetie. 92 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:05,404 Have fun, boys. [ Door Opens, Closes ] 93 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:08,006 I'm not goin' to the park. 94 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,075 No shit. 95 00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,877 [ Phone Ringing ] 96 00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:12,978 What is this place? 97 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:17,449 Uh, this is a place where we're gonna go see a special friend of mine. 98 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:21,019 Why? 'Cause he's gonna help us figure something very important out. 99 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,954 It's gonna be good to know. Why? 100 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:26,458 Because I said so. No more questions, okay, buddy? Why? 101 00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:27,659 Stop saying "why." Why? 102 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,161 Stop it. I don't like this game. Why? Why? 103 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,730 Is this a game? This is your game? Why? Why? 104 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:34,066 Hey, pretty boy. 105 00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,867 What you here for? 106 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:39,838 My friend's gettin' a... blood test. 107 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,473 Your boyfriend? 108 00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:44,776 No. He's not my-- He's not my boyfriend. 109 00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,578 He got AIDS? 110 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,747 I don't-- I don't think so. 111 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,949 Do you? No, I don't. 112 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,852 I'll blow you for $10. 113 00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:56,054 [ Blows ] 114 00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:59,591 You know what? Let me consult some of this free literature... 115 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,693 they got here regarding that proposition. 116 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:02,894 Oh. You know what? [ Chuckles ] 117 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:06,598 According to this, that's not really a good idea. So I'm gonna have to pass. 118 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,767 But thanks. I appreciate it. Really nice of you. 119 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,002 He's playin' mind games, dude. I wanna leave. 120 00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,904 Hey, it's tough. What are we doin' here? 121 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,941 Don't answer that. It's a trick question. He tries to get in your head. 122 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:18,543 It's a little game he plays. No, let-- let me answer the question. 123 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:21,747 See, we're at a free clinic, Tommy. Charlie doesn't have health insurance. 124 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,815 [ Whispering ] See this lady back here? Take a look. 125 00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:28,420 That's what you get when you don't have health insurance. 126 00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:31,623 I wanna go to the mall! Keep your voice down. 127 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,492 I wanna go to the mall! Keep your voice-- 128 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:34,893 I wanna go to the mall! Stop yelling-- 129 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:37,596 I wanna go to the-- Stop your yelling. We need to-- Ow! 130 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,065 He's biting my hand! He's biting my hand! Come on. 131 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,734 [ Dennis ] Let's go. Let's go. 132 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:43,835 [ Rings ] 133 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:46,938 Sacred Right. It's a child, not a choice. Mm-hmm. 134 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:51,576 All righty. I'll make sure he gets the message. Thank you. 135 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:51,977 Hi. Hi. 136 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:54,946 So I was having an argument with some friends the other day. Uh-huh. 137 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,983 And I was wondering if you could help me out with some information. 138 00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:00,185 Are you interested in joining our cause? No. 139 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:03,789 No. Actually, just looking for some info on the Bible, Jesus, that kind of thing. 140 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,492 Well, if you join our mailing list, the reverend-- Okay, listen to me. 141 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:10,896 I don't really wanna join your little freak show. Just looking for some information. 142 00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:13,665 So if you could point me in the right direction, that'd be great. 143 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:16,067 Well, we have some literature-- Great. Thank you. Thanks. 144 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:19,604 on the display back by the water cooler. 145 00:07:24,677 --> 00:07:26,845 Oh, mama. 146 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,613 Hey, there. Hi. 147 00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,616 Hey. Oh, are you here to sign up for the rally? 148 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:32,717 Yes, I am. Great. 149 00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:35,787 Yeah, real excited about the rally. We're gonna kick ass this time. 150 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:40,659 Well, I'm ready to kick somebody's ass, I'll tell you what. I hate those bastards. 151 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,060 Wow! That's-- 152 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,963 Uh, hate's a very strong word. Yeah. 153 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:48,300 Yeah, well, let me tell you something, Megan. 154 00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:51,636 I hate dead baby fetuses, you know? 155 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,873 I hate them because they're dead, and they shouldn't be. 156 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:58,710 They should be alive, and they should be loved. 157 00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:01,146 Oh! Wow! 158 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:05,083 You just-- You seem really passionate. Yeah. 159 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:07,786 More than you know. 160 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:14,860 Nice kid, Charlie. What the hell do you think is wrong with that kid? 161 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:17,796 [ Pool Cues Clattering ] You've gotta get that blood test, dude. 162 00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:21,666 - Die! Die! Die! - No! Hey! Whoa, Tommy! No! 163 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,935 No! No! No! Give me the stick! Give me the stick! 164 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,937 Come on! This place sucks! I wanna go to the mall! 165 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:28,974 We can't go to the mall, all right? Shut up! I'm the boss of you! 166 00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:32,310 You're not the boss of me! I am the boss! I wanna go to the mall! 167 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:35,280 I'll show you who's the boss of who. Let's go to the mall! 168 00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:37,949 You wanna go to the mall? I wanna go to the mall! 169 00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,118 You could ask nice. Dennis, let's go. We're goin' to the mall. 170 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,855 - I'm not spending any more time with that kid. - Come on, dude! Fine. Great. 171 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:47,726 Dee-- Dee, will you just-- Can we go to the mall? Will you drive me? 172 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:51,196 I guess, if Dennis watches the bar. That's fine. 173 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:54,032 Great. Fine. Thank you. [ Shouts ] 174 00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,671 You're ugly. You're ugly. 175 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,006 You're ugly! You are the one that's ugly! 176 00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:04,709 Charlie! Jesus Christ! Are you almost 30? Are you almost 30 years old? 177 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,244 Yes! You have to buy me a toy! 178 00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:09,014 I don't have to buy you shit. If you don't buy me anything, 179 00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:11,716 I'm gonna tell my mom you took me to a black people's house. 180 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,753 Okay. Wow! Oh, my God, that's racist. What do you say to that? 181 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:17,956 I don't say anything. You still have to buy me a toy! 182 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,225 [ Grunting ] 183 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:24,095 Charlie, what in the hell are you gonna do if this kid's yours? 184 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,932 Oh, I don't know. I'll probably, uh, kill myself. 185 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:30,335 Whoa! Isn't that your waitress from the coffee shop? 186 00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,170 Cool. Stewie. 187 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,205 Oh, my God. Go talk to her. 188 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:36,041 What? No. Come on. Go talk to her. 189 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:37,976 No, dude. You've been in love with this girl forever. 190 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:41,813 I know that. You know what? Come with me and pretend you're my girlfriend. 191 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,882 It'll make her jealous. No. I won't do that. 192 00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,850 Come on. It's gonna work. No. No, it's not. 193 00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:47,719 All right. Come stand next to me then. Why? 194 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:50,055 So she doesn't think I'm creepy. Well, you are creepy. 195 00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:54,259 I realize this. That's why I need you. All right. Let's go. 196 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,027 Thank you. Stop sweating. 197 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,730 Then we can grab him if you like him, okay? 198 00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,899 Hey. Fancy seeing you here. 199 00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:03,268 Oh. Hello, Charlie. 200 00:10:03,836 --> 00:10:06,304 Buying toys, are you? 201 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,405 Yeah. 202 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:11,776 Cool. This is my, uh-- Friend. We're good friends. 203 00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:12,177 Hi. Hi. 204 00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:15,914 - Is that cute little girl your-- - I'm her big sister. 205 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,849 Oh. 206 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:20,719 Hmm, that's weird. She looks Mexican. 207 00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:24,689 She is Mexican. It's the Big Sister program. She's not my real little sister. 208 00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:29,127 That is such a coincidence. That's exactly what we're here doing. 209 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,363 What? Yeah. Do you see that, um, 210 00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:34,466 adorable little guy over there? [ Clicks ] 211 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:37,335 That's Charlie's little brother. 212 00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,837 Really? Mm-hmm. 213 00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,973 - Yeah. - No way. You're involved in the program? 214 00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,008 Yeah! 215 00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:45,744 Well, that's-- I didn't know you were involved in the program. 216 00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:48,213 I love the program! It's one of his favorite programs. 217 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:51,116 Yeah. I've-- I've been in the program since-- A long time now. 218 00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:55,387 I guess you're gonna be going to the picnic then at Fairmount Park. 219 00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:56,087 Right. Saturday? 220 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:59,324 Saturday. Yeah. Are you there? Are you goin'? Are you gonna be there? 221 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,192 I will be there on Saturday, yes. Great. 222 00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:03,161 Maybe we'll see you there. Maybe. Or you know what? 223 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,731 Or... maybe we could carpool. You know what I mean? Carpool? 224 00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:08,933 Yeah. Well, come on. Think about it. We'll save the environment. 225 00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:11,803 We'll team up. It'll be good. This is smart. Reduce, reuse, recycle. 226 00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:14,906 You should do it. The kids will love it. The kids-- 227 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,008 He loves Mexicans. 228 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,310 All right. 229 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:22,080 Sure. Let's do it. Oh! 230 00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:25,116 Okay. Yeah. Great. 231 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,719 Great. Okay, well-- Nice to meet you too. I'll see you. 232 00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:30,955 I gotta go get my little sister. Okay, bye. Bye. 233 00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:35,727 Thank you. You're still pretty sweaty. 234 00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:43,301 [ All Shouting ] Baby killer! Baby killer! Baby killer! 235 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,804 You bastards are gonna burn in hell! 236 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:49,974 Abortion is murder! It's a child, not a choice! 237 00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,976 Pro-choice is pro-death! 238 00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:53,745 Wow! Great rhetoric. 239 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,313 Thank you. Hey, you're really hard-core, aren't you? 240 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:58,450 Oh, well, you know. I mean, if you really wanna see hard-core-- 241 00:11:58,452 --> 00:12:02,454 What's this? That's the list of doctors I'm gonna kill. 242 00:12:02,456 --> 00:12:07,258 There's two already crossed out. Yeah, I know. 243 00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:12,263 [ Grunting ] 244 00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:18,136 So you really had a good time, huh? Yeah. We had a blast. 245 00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,872 Hmm. He didn't give you any problems? No. Not a single problem. 246 00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:25,110 Uh, listen, I was thinking maybe I could take him out this Saturday? 247 00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:29,447 Really? Yeah, sure. I'd pick him up at, like, 8:00? 248 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:30,515 You know, do the father-son thing. 249 00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:35,086 Are you all right? Is that gonna be okay? Because I could really use-- use him. 250 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,288 Goddamn it! I'm sorry. Is everything all right? 251 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:41,426 I can't do this! Tommy's not your son. 252 00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:43,962 What? Remember Jimmy Doyle from high school? 253 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:47,932 That son of a bitch is Tommy's real father. He left me six months ago. 254 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,135 You know what a nightmare it's been since he left? I don't care. 255 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:54,305 I can't raise Tommy alone. I don't care! You thought you'd just pawn your son off on me? 256 00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:59,277 What else? I thought I could find him a better role model than that piece of shit! 257 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,447 Stop talking! Wait. Let me think. 258 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:08,419 [ Grunts ] God! All right. So can I still take him out on Saturday? 259 00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,989 Yeah. Great. 260 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:14,959 That's pretty thin. That might be too thin. [ Mac ] Hey-oh! 261 00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:18,163 Hey, Mac. Where you been? Oh, I don't know. Saving humanity. 262 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,565 Are you still on this kick, dude? Yeah, you know, Den, 263 00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:23,134 I was thinking what you were saying the other day... 264 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,403 about the T-shirts with the stupid slogans on them. 265 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:28,072 And I was wondering what you think about this? 266 00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:30,842 Huh, bitch? Yeah! Is that stupid enough for you? 267 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,877 You're not seriously wearing that, are you? You look ridiculous. 268 00:13:32,879 --> 00:13:36,414 Whatever, dude. You know, that's the problem with you anti-abortionists. 269 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:39,350 You cry about the sanctity of life, and then you wear a shirt like that. 270 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:43,454 - I'm not listening to you. - Aren't you right-wingers all about the death penalty too? 271 00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:46,491 - Does that not involve killing somebody? - Right, right, right. 272 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,593 And you liberals are against killing murderers. 273 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,361 But you're for killing innocent babies. That's interesting. 274 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:53,932 - Yeah. We like to kill babies. - You guys are taking this way too seriously. 275 00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:55,567 Den, you don't understand the week I've been having. 276 00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:58,636 I met a girl at one of these organizations who is a freak. 277 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,438 She is the dirtiest chick I've met in my life. 278 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,608 Seriously? Yeah. You gotta come with me to one of these rallies. 279 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:08,313 They're having another one on Saturday. These chicks are everywhere. 280 00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,481 I can jump on board with that. Yeah! 281 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:15,286 Are you actually gonna throw away all your convictions for a chance to get laid? 282 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:18,223 I don't really have any convictions. 283 00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,591 Where is this rally being held? 284 00:14:19,593 --> 00:14:21,893 Uh, Planned Parenthood, Bryn Mawr Medical Center. 285 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:25,196 Well, I'm gonna go. At least one pro-choice voice is gonna be heard. 286 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:28,032 One? There was, like, tons of those chicks at the last one. 287 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:31,903 - Which side had more? - Oh, which one do you think? 288 00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:34,072 The one that cares about protecting women's bodies... 289 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:37,408 or the one that's run by the religious right? 290 00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:40,011 Probably the side you're goin' to. 291 00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,347 I'm gonna fight for the right to choose. 292 00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:45,516 You're a scumbag, Dennis. 293 00:14:49,955 --> 00:14:52,557 Today's a big day for me, Tommy. Why? 294 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:56,661 Well, today is probably the best chance I'm ever gonna have of hooking up with this girl. 295 00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:59,998 So, uh, look at me for a second, pal. Okay, do me a favor. 296 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,532 If you're good today, I'm gonna buy you... 297 00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:04,903 anything that you want, anything in the world, all right? 298 00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:08,039 Oh, my God! 299 00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:12,443 I will smash your face into a-- into a jelly! 300 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,381 Wrong key. 301 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:20,351 [ All Chanting ] Keep abortion legal! Keep abortion legal! 302 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:24,155 [ All Chanting ] Stop abortion now! Stop abortion now! 303 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,256 This is crazy. 304 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:29,527 Yeah, weird. People actually care about women's bodies. You believe that? 305 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,562 Yeah. I think Mac picked the wrong side. 306 00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,966 There's, like, no dudes here. Gross. 307 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:38,269 You know what? Uh, give me a second here. 308 00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:44,208 Hi. Hi. 309 00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:46,377 I like your look. Excuse me? 310 00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,613 I like the whole hippie thing. 311 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,481 It really works for you. 312 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:55,420 Get lost, breeder. Oh, okay. 313 00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,455 [ Chuckles ] 314 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,958 Yeah. Mmm. 315 00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:04,362 I love the smell of protest in the morning. What? 316 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:07,665 I was quoting that movie, you know, Apocalypse Now. "Napalm in the morning." 317 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:10,668 Is that the new Mel Gibson movie? No. 318 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:15,106 Did you see Passion of the Christ? I saw it 12 times. 319 00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,610 Okay. 320 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:25,249 You know, you really shouldn't joke about the Apocalypse. 321 00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:30,722 So just fill these out. We'll get your information in the mail. 322 00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:32,357 Thanks. 323 00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,425 "Keep your laws"-- I like your T-shirt. 324 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,661 Thanks. Yeah. Where do I sign? 325 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:40,398 Right here. Love T-shirts like that. 326 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,666 Right. 327 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,802 So, do you come to these kind of things often, or-- 328 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:48,373 Are you hitting on me at an abortion rally? 329 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,608 Yeah, I-- 330 00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:54,512 [ Sighs ] 331 00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:57,515 You know what? I think all these chicks are gay. 332 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,317 Yeah, I don't know that they're gay. 333 00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:02,086 I think they can just smell how disgusting you are. 334 00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:04,789 That sucks for me. [ Dialing ] 335 00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:07,792 [ Cell Phone Ringing ] 336 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,561 Hello. 337 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,030 Hey, Mac. It's Dennis. 338 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:15,099 Uh, look, man, there's no talent over here. What's the deal over there? 339 00:17:15,101 --> 00:17:18,136 Oh, yeah. We're lookin' real good over here, bro. 340 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:21,639 What do you think? Hop the fence and come over. 341 00:17:21,641 --> 00:17:24,142 All right. I'll see you in a second. 342 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,710 Later, gator. 343 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:29,080 All right, Megan. I'm finished. 344 00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:33,484 You are a genius. 345 00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,623 Hey, Sis. I'm gonna jet. 346 00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:41,459 You're leaving? Uh, this side sucks. 347 00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,528 I'm gonna try my luck over there. 348 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:46,064 Are you kidding me? Later, tater. 349 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,766 Dennis, you are such a jackass! 350 00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:51,102 [ All Shouting ] Excuse me. Excuse me. 351 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:53,838 Yeah. Can I get by here? Thanks. 352 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,306 [ Shouting Continues ] 353 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:59,410 I just-- I really love that sign. I wondered that so many times. 354 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,146 Hey, there's a guy on the fence. 355 00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:05,116 Hey! Hey! They're coming after us! 356 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:09,454 No. They're not coming after us. I'll show you what we do to them. How's your aim? 357 00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,823 Pretty good. But I don't think that's such a good idea. 358 00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:15,593 I don't think-- Hey, it's okay. These people deserve this. 359 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,161 [ Shouting Continues ] 360 00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:21,566 Yeah. He looks like he deserves it. Maybe just one. 361 00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,701 Oh! Ow! 362 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:26,471 Yeah! Come on! Get your eggs, people! 363 00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:28,239 Oh, my God! Ow! 364 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:32,176 Shit! They're throwing eggs! They did this last time. 365 00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:33,811 I came prepared. 366 00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:36,714 Oh. Hey, Dennis! How's the action over there, buddy? 367 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:40,184 - What? What the hell are you doing? - Oh! They're coming-- 368 00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:41,819 Now they're coming back. [ Screams ] Die! 369 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:45,523 Hey! [ Groaning ] Hot chicks on that side, Dennis? 370 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,292 [ Groaning ] 371 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,495 You're gonna burn in hell! 372 00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:52,964 [ Shouting ] 373 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,533 Stop! Stop! Stop! 374 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,336 Hey, guess what. I have a surprise for you. 375 00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,838 What? It's a real miracle. 376 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,174 What is it? I'm pregnant! 377 00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:04,876 What? 378 00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:07,178 I'm pregnant! 379 00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,716 You gotta get an abortion. 380 00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:14,652 Megan, wait, wait, wait! Stop talking to me! 381 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,320 Well, listen, I just think our situation is different. 382 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:20,358 How is our situation different? Well, because I didn't mean to get you pregnant. 383 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,492 It was an accident. You are so pathetic. 384 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:26,464 You can't have this kid. I'm way too young, and I have a little bit of an alcohol problem-- 385 00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,399 Save it! I'm not pregnant! What? 386 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,401 I'm not pregnant. It was a test. 387 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:33,738 I just thought for, like, one second that you might be the one. 388 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,239 I just had to know for sure. 389 00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:37,675 Wait a second! So you're not pregnant? [ Engine Starts ] 390 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,178 No. And this was a test? 391 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,381 Yeah. And I failed? 392 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,349 Have a nice life, asshole. 393 00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:48,386 No! Wait-- Wait-- Wait a second! Wait! Oh. 394 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,924 Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch! 395 00:19:52,926 --> 00:19:56,661 Where the hell have you been? You said 11:30, dude! I don't wanna talk about it. 396 00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:59,830 That waitress is picking me up any minute! I was ready to shut down the bar! 397 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:03,267 - What is that kid doin' here? - I'm taking him to the Big Brother-Big Sister thing. 398 00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:06,671 Get him out of here, Charlie. I'm getting picked up any minute! Will you relax? 399 00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:10,308 I told you, I don't want kids in the bar! Dude, what is up your ass? 400 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:14,845 You-- You are out! Whoa, dude! This kid reeks of booze! [ Beeping ] 401 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:17,748 No, no, no, no, no. Are you drunk? Don't be drunk. 402 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:18,916 Yeah. How could you let this happen? 403 00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:22,720 I was the only one bartending! He must have been takin' sips out of people's beers. 404 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,755 All right. Brew some coffee. You can't give him coffee! 405 00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:29,627 Let go of that! Let go of that! Get him out of here, Charlie! 406 00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,963 Charlie! 407 00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:34,265 Okay, here we go! 408 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,833 Fresh air! Have a seat! Sit down! Fresh air! 409 00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:38,669 You suck! You suck, all right? Breathe it in. Fresh air now. 410 00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:40,705 You suck and you have an ugly face! You suck! 411 00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:44,508 You have an ugly face, okay? You try and push people's buttons all the time! 412 00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:46,711 And you get in their head, and you drive them crazy! 413 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:50,548 Maybe that's why you don't have a dad anymore! Oh, my God! 414 00:20:50,550 --> 00:20:53,017 - What are you doing? - I'm drunk. 415 00:20:53,019 --> 00:20:55,286 He's drunk? He's not drunk. 416 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,754 I am drunk! You're not drunk. 417 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,789 He sounds drunk. I am drunk! 418 00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,993 You're not drunk! Stop saying that! 419 00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:03,961 He's fine. 420 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:06,664 [ Tommy Coughing ] 421 00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:18,309 - Jimmy Doyle! - Yeah? 422 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:20,845 Charlie Kelly. Yeah? 423 00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:23,714 From high school. Oh, yeah. 424 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:26,851 I didn't recognize you without all your acne. 425 00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:28,119 Yeah. [ Chuckling ] 426 00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:31,522 All right, listen, I need to talk to you about your kid. Why? 427 00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:35,026 Uh, let's see. Because your kid has serious emotional problems. Why? 428 00:21:35,028 --> 00:21:37,928 I don't know. Maybe because you're not there as a father. Why? 429 00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:39,864 You're kidding me? This your little game? Why? 430 00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:44,602 This is what you're doin'? This is what you're doin' to me? Why? 431 00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:46,737 Why? 432 00:22:26,578 --> 00:22:29,980 [ Voices Speaking Backwards ]