1 00:00:01,501 --> 00:00:04,536 [ No Audible Dialogue ] 2 00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:09,241 - [ Knocking ] - Yo, Charlie! It's Dennis! 3 00:00:10,143 --> 00:00:12,177 Hey. Hey, dude. 4 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,679 What's up, buddy? 5 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:16,782 Hey, your face looks, uh, like, poofy. 6 00:00:16,784 --> 00:00:19,651 Uh-- Uh, yeah, I've been cryin' a little bit. 7 00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:21,887 Huh? I'm sorry. 8 00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:23,422 Hey, do you have that basketball? 9 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:26,558 Mac and I were about to go play in the park. I think you-- 10 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,528 Uh, yeah. I might. Come on in. Yeah? Okay. 11 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:32,798 [ Exhales ] 12 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:36,201 Wow, dude! I thought my place looked like shit. 13 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,771 Oh. [ Chuckles ] Yeah. 14 00:00:38,773 --> 00:00:41,440 What's wrong? You look, uh, hungover or something. 15 00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:47,079 No. Yeah, it's-- I found out I might have cancer, so ooh. 16 00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:52,551 - What? - Yeah, I found out I might have cancer. 17 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:57,389 That's why I haven't been down to the bar recently. And, uh-- 18 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,191 [ Sighs ] 19 00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:00,726 Jesus, dude. I don't know what to say. 20 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,362 You don't have to say anything. Here, check these pamphlets out. 21 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:07,633 They go over cancer, cancer-related issues. 22 00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:11,937 You know, it feels actually pretty good to get this off my chest, you know? 23 00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:15,374 Yeah? I've been sittin' in here boohooin' a little bit. 24 00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:18,177 So, uh-- I mean, I'm glad we can talk. 25 00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:19,478 We can talk, right? 26 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,814 Yeah. Of course. Yeah, talk. We can always talk. Awesome, dude. 27 00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:26,251 All right, so it starts out I'm not feeling good. I'm havin' headaches and-- 28 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:30,789 Uh, did you want to talk, like, right now? 29 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:33,859 Well, you know, I was thinking we could talk right now. 30 00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,661 Well, it's not really a good time. 31 00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:39,331 It's just that Mac and Sweet Dee are down in the car waitin' for me. 32 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:43,335 I told them I'd just, you know, zip in and zip out. 33 00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:48,674 - Oh, yeah. All right. - I could ask 'em to wait. 34 00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:51,677 [ Sighs ] Don't do that. 35 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,546 - I really shouldn't. - Then don't. 36 00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:08,360 Hey, uh, look, man. 37 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,363 Keep-- Keep your head up. You're gonna get through this. Oh, yeah. 38 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:13,599 Yeah. Do me a favor though. Uh, don't tell anybody. 39 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:17,503 I don't want it gettin' around. Oh, no, no. I won't say anything. 40 00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,638 Thanks. All right. 41 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,874 Uh-- Uh-- 42 00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:25,244 Could I get the-- the basketball though? 43 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:27,646 It's just we're supposed to meet, like, a bunch of people, 44 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:32,684 and we were supposed to bring that. Yeah, no. You're-- Okay. 45 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:07,452 Yeah, but Charlie's got such great hair. Is he gonna lose all of his hair? 46 00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:08,720 Yeah. He probably is. 47 00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:11,657 Well, so what kind of cancer is it? I don't know, man. 48 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:13,458 Well, when does he go in for treatment? He didn't say. 49 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:17,829 You know, we just stood there for a long time and didn't say much, you know? 50 00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:21,466 And we cried together, and I held him for a while, 51 00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:23,735 and that was it. 52 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:25,304 Mm-hmm. 53 00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:28,907 That is so sad. He is gonna look so bad without that hair. 54 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,977 We gotta do somethin' nice for him. We should go back. No, no, no. 55 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:34,446 We can't go back. He made me promise not to tell anybody. 56 00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:37,749 So when we see him we're supposed to act like we don't know anything? 57 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,786 Yeah. No, no. That's not right at all. 58 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,621 We can't just abandon him right now. 59 00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:44,756 He needs people around him. He shouldn't be alone. 60 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:47,559 I learned a lot in my theater and psych classes about the human nature-- 61 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:51,630 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dee, you know what? Nobody cares about your psych or theater training. 62 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,665 No, no, no. Dee's right. Let's think about this. 63 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,934 What's the one thing that Charlie never gets? 64 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:58,437 Laid. Right! So let's find a girl for Charlie. 65 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,340 - No, not at all what I was saying actually. - No, no. Let's find-- 66 00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:03,775 Let's find a girl for Charlie-- someone to be there for him, 67 00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,078 spend time with him, you know, nurture him. Bang him. 68 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,846 Have sex with him, right. Okay, great. 69 00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:10,916 - You have any friends desperate enough? - Are you out of your mind? 70 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,918 - I'm not helping you with this. - Oh, come on. 71 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,553 Don't be a pain in the ass. I am not be-- 72 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:18,457 Speaking of which, anybody want to get up off their ass and help me with the boxes? 73 00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,525 The boxes? That's what Charlie does. Charlie's job, yeah. 74 00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:22,794 - Yeah. Well, I can't do it all by myself. - Oh, I'm sorry. 75 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:27,599 So Charlie's wasting away, and we're gonna talk about Sweet Dee's feelings all morning. 76 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,035 Great. Okay, you know what? I love Charlie very much. 77 00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:33,005 But this is a stupid idea you guys have. So you know what? 78 00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:34,539 Oh! Whatever! I am not helping you with it. 79 00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,909 Whatever. You know what, Dennis? We don't need her. You're right. We don't need her. 80 00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:41,513 What we'll do is we'll find a girl for Charlie tonight in the bar. 81 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:42,981 Yes. [ Dee ] No, you won't. 82 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:47,319 Yes, we will. There are never any girls in this bar. 83 00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:50,922 [ Dennis ] Goddamn it! 84 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,758 I told you. I don't get it, Dee. 85 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,827 There are tons of women in this city. Where do they go? 86 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:59,865 Uh, they're at the velvet-rope clubs on Delaware Avenue. Why? 87 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:02,834 Dennis, our bar is in South Philly in a scary alley. 88 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,670 Might as well call it Rape Bar. No, no, no. 89 00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:08,006 The problem is that every time a beautiful girl comes into a place like this, 90 00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,042 it's always the biggest asshole that winds up accosting her. 91 00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:14,613 Carmen, you have the most amazing body. Are you bulimic, or what? 92 00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,648 No. I work out, like, every day. 93 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:20,385 Yeah, it shows. You look like you work out too. 94 00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:22,387 Yeah. One would think actually. 95 00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:24,756 But it's pretty much all natural. 96 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:27,793 Dennis, maybe you need to rethink this whole plan of yours. 97 00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:30,896 I don't think getting Charlie laid is gonna help his cancer problem. 98 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:33,498 Whatever. Dennis, I found the perfect girl for Charlie. 99 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,133 Smart, beautiful, the whole thing. Where? 100 00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:38,370 - Right there. - [ Dennis ] Over by the pool table? 101 00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,606 Yeah. Nice. That's great, Mac. 102 00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,775 Good work, Mac. That's a dude. 103 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,944 No. The one with the exposed midriff and the cans. 104 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,714 Yeah. That's Eric Wyzotski's cousin. Carmen, right? 105 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,749 Yeah. Yeah, Carmen. 106 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,718 Tranny. Implants? 107 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:53,452 Yeah. Nice. 108 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,620 Not bad. It's good. Are you sure? 109 00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,889 Yeah. Look at his jeans, dude. 110 00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:00,392 There's an unmistakable bulge of a large penis in those jeans. 111 00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:03,428 There's a dick in those pants. There's a dick in those pants. 112 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:05,097 Yeah. I'll be right back. 113 00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,632 Excuse me, bro. Can you give me a second? 114 00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:10,869 Thanks. Is that a penis in your pants? Yeah. 115 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,871 You lied to me. No, I didn't. 116 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,740 You lied to me. You don't work out? 117 00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,975 Please. I've seen you at the gym. You're ripped. 118 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,544 No. Don't turn this around. Wait. 119 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,113 Really? You think so? 120 00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:24,649 Yeah. I was afraid I was getting a little too ripped, you know? 121 00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:27,586 Oh, no. I like it. [ Chuckles ] 122 00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,888 Wow! 123 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,523 Hmm. 124 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,792 Well, I gotta get back to work. 125 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,927 Um, but I don't know. 126 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:38,196 Maybe I'll give you a call sometime. 127 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,965 Okay. Yeah. 128 00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,734 Yeah, I'll give you a call. 129 00:06:47,006 --> 00:06:48,440 [ Honking ] 130 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:51,042 ♪♪ [ Mellow Jazz Playing ] 131 00:06:58,785 --> 00:07:01,620 [ Coughing ] 132 00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,427 What do you want, Charlie? 133 00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:09,795 I like your bracelet. Great. 134 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:14,499 That's one of those, uh, Lance Armstrong "Race for the Cure," 135 00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,635 "Live Strong" kind of things. 136 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:19,037 Yeah. Cool. That's very cool. 137 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:22,541 You must be a very compassionate person. I'm not. 138 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:26,545 Uh-- Did you want something from me, or-- 139 00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:28,980 What time are-- are you getting off of work? 140 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:34,085 It's not a thing to walk away about. Whatever. 141 00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:39,157 Dennis, I don't have time to talk to you about this. 142 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,725 But we found the perfect girl for Charlie. 143 00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:43,962 That's awesome. Okay, you know the waitress over at the coffee shop, 144 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,730 the one that he's been in love with forever? Yes. 145 00:07:45,732 --> 00:07:49,601 Well, okay. He saw her wearing one of those Lance Armstrong "Race for the Cure," 146 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,903 "I Love People that are Dying of Cancer" type bracelets. 147 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:55,707 That's really cool. Well, so that bracelet probably means... 148 00:07:55,709 --> 00:07:57,976 that she's compassionate towards sick and dying people. 149 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,544 You know what I mean? That's what that symbolizes. 150 00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:03,281 You know what that symbolizes? Those bracelets symbolize jumping on fashion trends. 151 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,816 And you know what the thing that's so rad is? 152 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:10,055 They come in all kinds of colors now, so you can accessorize your compassion with your outfits. 153 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,756 Really cool. All right. All right. 154 00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:14,259 Well, be that as it may, we still need you to talk to her... 155 00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:18,063 because the whole thing is gonna sound so much better coming from a girl. 156 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:20,098 First of all, I don't have time since, apparently, 157 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,766 I'm the only one who does anything around here anymore. 158 00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:27,072 And second of all, it's gross! I'm sure that there's something Mac and I can do for you... 159 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,941 that will convince you to help us. 160 00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:35,013 [ TV: Indistinct ] Sweet Dee is in. 161 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,849 [ Charlie ] Sweet Dee's in what? 162 00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:47,859 She is in... way over her head. 163 00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:51,696 - In what? - Debt. 164 00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:55,066 Huh. I know that game. 165 00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:05,810 I'm gonna get a beer. You want one? Great. 166 00:09:05,812 --> 00:09:09,748 Uh, yeah. 167 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,518 Nice cover, dick. Thanks. 168 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,288 So Sweet Dee's in? Yeah. Uh, under one condition. 169 00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:19,624 What? She gets to punch you in the face. 170 00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:22,294 What? [ Clicks Tongue ] Right in the face. 171 00:09:22,296 --> 00:09:24,229 Why? The Christmas party. 172 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,931 How about that game against Dallas... 173 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:29,301 when Santa came out at halftime and we threw batteries? 174 00:09:29,303 --> 00:09:31,670 She grabbed me from behind. It was instinctual. 175 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,338 I know that, man. You don't grab. 176 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:34,973 You don't grab from behind. Not from behind. 177 00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:38,543 That sucks because if Sweet Dee's out, we need to find another girl quickly. 178 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:41,913 Uh, well-- We, uh, you know-- [ Chuckles ] 179 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:45,684 We kind of need her. We kind of need Sweet Dee. 180 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:50,956 You're sayin'-- Are you talking about letting Sweet Dee punch me in my face? 181 00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:53,291 Charlie has cancer. 182 00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:02,434 "So you're new here, yeah? Who are you?" 183 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:05,704 [ Scoffs ] Who am I? 184 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,807 I'm just a small-town girl... 185 00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:12,377 who moved to the big city with big dreams... 186 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,245 just to find out... 187 00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:18,116 the only way to make it in the big city... 188 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,352 is to shake it. 189 00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:22,988 And that's what I do... 190 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:26,625 at the Coyote Ugly. 191 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,293 End scene. 192 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,195 [ Exhales ] Wow. 193 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:32,964 Artemis, that was amazing. 194 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,934 Wow! That really means a lot. 195 00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:39,004 But you won't be seeing me in class anymore. 196 00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,439 I lost my job at the Wawa. 197 00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,875 I'm sorry. Are you doing another scene? I-- I-- 198 00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:46,678 I won't be able to pay my bills! 199 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:50,015 I'm thinkin' about goin' on welfare! 200 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:53,218 What am I gonna do? 201 00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:57,188 Oh, my God! Ow. [ Sobbing ] Okay. 202 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,823 ♪ Never gonna give you up ♪ 203 00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,126 [ Singing Along With Radio ] ♪ Never gonna let you down ♪ 204 00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:04,963 ♪ Never gonna run around and hurt you ♪ [ Cell Phone Rings ] 205 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,831 - Hello? - Hey, Dennis. It's Dee. 206 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,300 I was-- What are you listening to? 207 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,403 Uh, Rick Astley. What's up? ♪♪ [ Continues ] 208 00:11:11,405 --> 00:11:14,105 Oh, nothing. Only I just solved all of our problems. 209 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:17,776 - Really? - Mm-hmm. Except for Charlie and the whole cancer thing. 210 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:20,178 But I did figure out how to get help at the bar. 211 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,914 Sweet Dee, we talked about this. No, no. Just listen. 212 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:25,784 I was thinking we could do that whole Coyote Ugly theme. 213 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:28,119 You know, where the girls dance on top of the bars, 214 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:29,988 take their bras off and stuff. I'm listening. 215 00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:33,725 Okay, well, I have a friend who would be absolutely perfect for it. 216 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:36,061 She'd work for tips only. And she would even come in... 217 00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,296 and interview with you, so you could see if you liked her. 218 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:42,500 Would she wear the, uh, hot pants, tank top, wanna-hump-hump pumps? 219 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:44,269 Oh, yeah. Do it. 220 00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,837 Okay. Only under one condition. 221 00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:49,307 I don't wanna help you get that waitress to sleep with Charlie. 222 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,341 Oh, come on, Sis. We need you. 223 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:55,046 Okay, you know what? You gotta choose. Charlie's waitress or a hot new bartender? 224 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,083 ♪ ...and hurt you Never gonna give you up ♪♪ 225 00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,350 Sweet Dee's out. [ Mac ] What? 226 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:02,320 Yeah. She's too busy training this new bartender. [ TV: Indistinct ] 227 00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:07,392 Apparently, she's got this hot new friend who sh-she-- 228 00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,994 Hey. Hey. 229 00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:11,229 Hi. Carmen. 230 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:15,967 Dennis. [ Announcer On TV ] That's a three-pointer. 231 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:20,171 What are you guys, uh-- What are you doin'? 232 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:23,241 Just watchin' a basketball game. 233 00:12:24,944 --> 00:12:26,344 Oh. 234 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,046 I was just leaving actually. 235 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:31,282 Oh, oh, no, no, no. You know what? I was gonna leave. 236 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,550 I mean, you-- you-- you could-- 237 00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:36,354 No, it's okay. I've got a hair appointment in, like, 20 minutes. 238 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:40,091 - It was nice to see you. - It was good to see you. 239 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:43,194 So I'll see you tonight? Oh. Mm-hmm. 240 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,930 I'll pick you up at 8:00? Cool. 241 00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:51,336 [ Chuckles ] Okay. 242 00:12:55,841 --> 00:13:00,145 - She's gettin' it removed. - So what? 243 00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:02,313 I'm just puttin' in my time, you know? 244 00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:05,216 - So that afterwards I'll be-- - Gross, dude. 245 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:08,153 first. 246 00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:10,288 Gross. 247 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,838 - [ Mac ] This is just pathetic. - Yeah. 248 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:31,176 All right. Let's roll. W-Wait. Well-- Well, what's the plan? 249 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,311 The plan is that you're gonna distract Charlie, okay? 250 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:37,248 I'm gonna march up to that waitress, tell her that he has cancer. All right? 251 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,852 She's gonna feel sorry for him, and then she's gonna sleep with him. 252 00:13:40,854 --> 00:13:43,488 That's not gonna work. You can't just do that. 253 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,257 Well, what do you wanna do? 254 00:13:47,193 --> 00:13:49,227 [ Door Opens ] 255 00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:53,031 Hey, Dennis. Charlie has cancer. 256 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,200 Really? 257 00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:58,870 Yeah. That's so sad. 258 00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:01,139 Yeah. 259 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,008 Are you okay? 260 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:08,079 Yeah. I'm-- I'm all right. Yeah? 261 00:14:20,526 --> 00:14:24,596 - [ Mac ] You did what? - I slept with her. 262 00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:26,231 Charlie's been in love with that girl for months. 263 00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:29,367 I know, man. I don't know what happened. I mentioned the cancer thing. 264 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:32,003 She instantly started comin' on to me. Really? 265 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,472 Yeah. You were right about that. 266 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,641 Cancer-- gold mine. 267 00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:41,246 What-- What are we gonna do? Don't worry. I got a plan. 268 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,414 Bam. 269 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:46,951 Bam? What's that? 270 00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,119 $200. 271 00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:51,155 Why? Well, Dennis was thinking that that might help... 272 00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:55,360 convince you to sleep with our friend Charlie. 273 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,996 Gross. 274 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:01,199 - 250. - Deal. 275 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:08,239 Hey, Carmen! 276 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,441 Hey, yo, Carmen! 277 00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:14,479 - Hey. - Charlie has cancer. 278 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,147 Oh, my God! 279 00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:19,984 You poor baby. I'll be right down. 280 00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:26,724 ♪ Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down ♪ 281 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:30,128 ♪ Never gonna run around and desert you ♪ 282 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:35,300 ♪ Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say good-bye ♪ 283 00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:38,703 ♪ Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you ♪ 284 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:43,274 ♪ Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down ♪ 285 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:47,312 ♪ Never gonna run around and desert you ♪ 286 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:50,048 ♪ Never gonna make you cry ♪ 287 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,150 ♪ Never gonna say good-bye ♪ 288 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:55,353 ♪ Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you ♪ 289 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:58,423 ♪ Never gonna give you up ♪ 290 00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,458 ♪ Never gonna let you down ♪ 291 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,394 ♪ Never gonna run around and-- ♪♪ 292 00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:07,031 ♪♪ [ Rock ] 293 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:10,268 Hey, Dennis! Could you help me with this keg, please? 294 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,737 Uh, I slept a little funny on my neck. 295 00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:17,275 Hey, is your friend gonna be doin' stuff like this? 296 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,577 Um-- Hello. 297 00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:24,148 - Can I help you? - I'm Artemis. 298 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:28,419 - Okay. - I'm here for the audition. 299 00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:36,761 I'm just a small-town girl... 300 00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:40,431 who moved to the big city with big dreams... 301 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:42,533 just to find out... 302 00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:45,603 the only way to make it in the big city... 303 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:49,040 is to shake it. 304 00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:51,509 That's what I do. 305 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:55,313 [ Whispering ] Shake it. Shake it. 306 00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:57,482 You wanna see me shake it? 307 00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:00,318 [ Chuckles ] Of course you do. 308 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,820 They all do. 309 00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,390 I shake it. 310 00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:07,825 Shake it. I shake it. 311 00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:12,363 I shake it. I shake it. I sha-- 312 00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:16,634 You cannot possibly have thought that this was gonna be a good idea. 313 00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:20,505 Oh, you know what? This is so you. I tell you I need some help behind the bar. 314 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,141 I finally find someone who's perfect, and she'll practically work for free. 315 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:26,411 And just 'cause she doesn't have the right measurements or whatever, you freak out. 316 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:29,480 Oh, you just want somebody to do all the grunt work for you. 317 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:32,183 Shh! She's gonna hear you. I don't care! 318 00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:33,751 Hey-oh! 319 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:37,321 What's goin' on? Gotta pee. 320 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,358 [ Door Closes ] 321 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:44,729 Hey, buddy? Dennis! 322 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:48,466 What's goin' on, man? You seem really happy. Uh, I feel pretty happy. 323 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:51,102 Do you? What happened? I think you know what happened. 324 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:51,803 Uh, I might. [ Urinating ] 325 00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:54,539 Yeah. I think you do know. You talked to that waitress, right? Yeah. 326 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:58,776 It totally worked. It totally-- I don't know what you said, but we went out on this date. 327 00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,345 She really likes me. So thank you, man. You're welcome, man! 328 00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,748 Yeah, you seem flush. You seem like a-- I feel like a-- 329 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,184 I feel like an ice cream sundae, you know? [ Laughs ] 330 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:10,555 That's great, man. That is terrific. It must really take your mind off things then, huh? 331 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,490 Sure, yeah. What things? 332 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:16,627 Well, you know, the... cancer. [ Urinating Stops ] 333 00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:23,501 [ Toilet Flushes ] 334 00:18:25,270 --> 00:18:29,340 Here's the thing though... about cancer. 335 00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,642 I don't have it. 336 00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:36,414 What? 337 00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:39,684 [ Chuckling ] Mom, I'm telling you, this girl's amazing. 338 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,887 Yeah, I got butterflies in my stomach. 339 00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,356 There's one little issue. Yeah. Oh! 340 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:48,526 Oh, my God! I think you broke my nose! 341 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,262 - That guy's beatin' on that chick! - [ Carmen ] Oh, my God! 342 00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:54,765 Oh, no. You know what? It's a dude. Yeah, she has a penis. So it's okay. 343 00:18:54,767 --> 00:19:00,404 Dude, isn't that a hate crime? Shit, yeah, it's a hate crime! 344 00:19:00,406 --> 00:19:01,772 [ Whimpering ] 345 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:04,775 How could you do this? Oh, well, excuse me for bein'... 346 00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,711 the most terrible man on the planet! I-- I'm sorry. 347 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:09,413 Oh, I'm a terrible man! What are you doing? What is that? 348 00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:12,650 We thought you were dying, Charlie. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 349 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,485 Who's we? Me and Mac and Sweet Dee. 350 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,920 Oh, great! Great. I told you not to tell anyone! 351 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:20,191 Now I'm gonna have to go into remission or something so they don't think I was lying. 352 00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:22,693 You were lying! Yeah. I lied to you, all right? 353 00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,329 Look. The girl-- she wears a Lance Armstrong bracelet. 354 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,865 Okay? So I tell you that I have cancer, right? 355 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:30,501 Then you're gonna tell her. She's gonna feel sorry for me. 356 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:33,437 We're gonna start dating. And that's the way that life works, man! 357 00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:36,574 That was a horrible thing to do! Well, I'm a bad guy then. 358 00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:39,377 You are a bad guy! You lied to us. All right, look at this. 359 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,412 Sometimes you gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet. 360 00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:44,582 You gotta crack a couple eggs to make an omelet? You gotta crack an egg. 361 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:46,884 So you're throwing down life lessons now? I'm throwin' down eggs! 362 00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:49,220 Class is in session. The teacher's teachin' class now! 363 00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,522 I'm crackin' eggs of wisdom. Is that what you're doin'? 364 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:55,660 Let me crack one more egg for you and throw it in the omelet! You got an egg? 365 00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:57,528 The waitress doesn't even like you. Yeah? 366 00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:03,267 We had to pay her $250 to have sex with you! Aha! Because-- 367 00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,236 [ Grunts ] 368 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,438 Sex? 369 00:20:08,774 --> 00:20:11,375 We didn't have sex. 370 00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:17,315 [ Sighs ] 371 00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:26,557 Hey! Guess what, Dee. You're gonna love this. No, no, no. 372 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,426 Give me a second. Charlie was lying the whole time. 373 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,895 He doesn't have cancer. Well, how could you not tell me... 374 00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,931 that you paid her to have sex with me? What? 375 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,770 I don't understand how you could possibly be so-- 376 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,573 You can't lie about having cancer! It's not something you do! 377 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:43,841 We thought you were dying! Guys, guys, guys, listen! 378 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:47,411 You're never gonna believe what happened! I accidentally punched that tranny in the face. 379 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,847 These two guys started chasing me. Dee, get me a beer. 380 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:53,684 It was unbelievable. I ran all the way here. Go. 381 00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:03,861 Hey. Hey. 382 00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:06,530 Hey, what the hell do you guys want? 383 00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:10,434 Well, it's funny. It's a, uh-- It's a funny, funny thing. It's funny. 384 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:13,471 Uh, we paid you $250 to sleep with Charlie and-- 385 00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:14,972 And you never actually had sex with him. 386 00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,708 So we were wondering if we could get the 250 bucks back. 387 00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:20,911 If you could toss that back our way, that'd be great. 388 00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:24,282 [ Chuckling ] 389 00:21:25,517 --> 00:21:27,785 [ Lock Clicks ] 390 00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:33,724 Is it-- Is it locked? Yeah. 391 00:21:34,626 --> 00:21:37,828 She's probably gettin' the money though, right? 392 00:21:43,068 --> 00:21:46,404 [ Mac ] Dennis! 393 00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:32,283 [ Voices Speaking Backwards ]