1
00:00:01,434 --> 00:00:04,169
[ Dennis ]
Oh! It's just so doggone thin!

2
00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,171
[ Dee ]
Oh, it's incredibly thin.
[ Charlie ] Yeah.

3
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:09,541
It's thin, sure,
but, I gotta say,
I don't care for it.

4
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:13,512
Charlie, the thinner the TV,
the better the TV. I mean,
that's a straight-up fact.

5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:17,149
Guys, guys, guys! Check it out!
We got a review in the paper!

6
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:19,151
Read it, read it!
No way! Is it a good review?

7
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:22,454
"The first thing
I noticed about Paddy's Pub
is its charm."

8
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:25,124
- All right.
It's a good review. Okay.
- It's a good start.

9
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,458
- "It has none."
- Are you serious?

10
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:30,295
"There was an ominous feeling
that you could get stabbed
at any moment."

11
00:00:30,297 --> 00:00:31,897
That's good, right?
How is that good?

12
00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:33,832
That's the exact
type of atmosphere I've
been trying to cultivate.

13
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:38,303
But while danger may linger,
I'm the levelheaded bouncer
that keeps violence in check,

14
00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:39,304
like Swayze in Roadhouse.

15
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:42,341
I'm the cooler.
"In check"? There have
been many stabbings in here.

16
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,643
Yeah. I feel unsafe here
every single day.
Oh, very often.

17
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:48,480
Look, stabbings
have been down though.
Read some more.

18
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,848
"When I ordered
a glass of wine,

19
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,284
"not only did the surly,
white-trash waitress
refuse to make it,

20
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:55,154
but she proceeded to call me
a word that I cannot
print in this paper."

21
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:59,391
- Surly?
- "I was forced to listen to
the three classless boors...

22
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:01,226
"who call themselves
the owners...

23
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,729
get drunk and yell over
each other all night."

24
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,798
Classless boors?
I am not
a classless boor.

25
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:10,202
Well, I am not white trash.
I am a kind and a generous
and a good-natured lady.

26
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,404
Well, I-- I do seem
to remember you calling
the guy a faggot.

27
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,741
I absolutely called him
a faggot. He ordered chardonnay.
What was I supposed to do?

28
00:01:15,743 --> 00:01:18,243
"Having reviewed every bar
in Philadelphia,

29
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:24,583
I hereby officially
declare Paddy's Pub to be
the worst bar in Philly."

30
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,587
[ Sighs ]

31
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:08,360
- Hi. Are you Mr. Lyle Korman?
- Yes. Can I help you?

32
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,729
Oh, nice to meet you.
We're here from Paddy's Pub.

33
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:13,632
We have come down
to give you the opportunity
to give us another chance.

34
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:17,569
Yeah, here's the thing.
We felt that your first review
was just a tiny bit off base.

35
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,471
Yeah, as you can see,
we're not white trash.
Yeah.

36
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:23,942
Oh, really? Then in that case,
can you ask your friend to
put down that hammer, please?

37
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:27,713
Ah. Uh, don't let
the hammer throw you,
Korman.

38
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,715
We are classy,
interesting people.

39
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,451
Okay. I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to leave.

40
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:33,919
Don't be rude.
We just came to have a talk.

41
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:36,722
This is a private o--
I'm gonna have to get security.

42
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,357
Okay. We can play it
that way, Korman.

43
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:41,593
But you should know
that we would have
no problem suing you.

44
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:42,794
Suing me? What are you
gonna sue me for?

45
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:45,697
Uh, libel, slander.
There's two of the big dogs
right there.

46
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,567
It's only libel
if what I write is false.

47
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:49,368
You know what, buddy?

48
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:52,771
We will jam your asshole up with
so many lawyers, you won't know
what to do with yourself.

49
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:58,644
I'll have you know, we have a
team of lawyers on retainer just
to deal with people like you.

50
00:02:58,646 --> 00:02:59,778
Really?
Yeah.

51
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:03,248
Well, check this out. Oh!
You're all out of time, bitch!

52
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:04,416
Boom!
[ Bell Dings ]

53
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:07,519
You just got faced!
This just in,
poo-poo pants.

54
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,821
People don't read
newspapers anymore.

55
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,723
- [ Spits ]
- Oh!

56
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,493
How's that for class?

57
00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:22,634
Nice. Brand-new
Blu-ray DVD player
all hooked up.

58
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,736
Hey, all right.
Where are we
gonna put it?

59
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,638
We need, like,
a flat surface.
Hmm.

60
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,440
Here we go.
You know what?
We'll dangle it.

61
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,043
Yeah. That looks better.
We're not dangling anything.
That's very white trash.

62
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:34,446
What is the point
of having all this expensive,
new status-symbol stuff...

63
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:35,914
if we're just gonna
make it look terrible?

64
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:40,352
- Hey, you guys want
to see something?
- What?

65
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:44,656
I did something.

66
00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:48,293
- Holy shit!
- Wha-- You kidnapped Korman?

67
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,896
I don't really know
what happened. First I was
angry, then I was drinking.

68
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:54,433
Next thing, I'm following
this guy home and forcing him
into the trunk of his own car.

69
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:55,867
Jesus Christ, this is bad!
Really bad!
[ Korman Grunting ]

70
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:59,338
Don't panic. Relax.
I drove him around in a circle
for a while, okay?

71
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,940
So he wouldn't know where he was
or how far away he'd gone.

72
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,042
But then you brought him back to
a place where he's already been!

73
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,812
And plus, he just heard
everything you just said!
He's right there, Charlie.

74
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,614
We can just release him.
That way this won't
be a kidnapping.

75
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:12,417
First, let's get him out
of the trunk, into the bar, then
figure out what we need to do.

76
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,720
How are we gonna
get him in the bar
without anyone seeing him?

77
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,688
- Easy. We roll him up in a rug.
- [ Muffled ] No, no, no!

78
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:20,792
- Where are we gonna get a rug?
- We buy a big oriental rug
and we roll him up in it.

79
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,629
Do you have any idea
how expensive rugs are?
Especially oriental rugs!

80
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:26,398
No! No rugs!
Just get him out of the car
and into the bar.

81
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,000
We'll figure it out.
Help me get him
out of the trunk.

82
00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:30,535
So we're really sorry
about this, Mr. Korman.
[ Dee ] Watch your head.

83
00:04:30,537 --> 00:04:34,039
We're gonna help you, buddy.
It'll be okay.
It's not a kidnapping.

84
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,441
Oh, goddamn it.
Enjoy it.

85
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:38,810
We're all on the same page.
This is not a kidnapping.
No!

86
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:43,115
All right! But we need to keep
him a couple of hours so he
doesn't do anything rash.

87
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:44,516
Just borrowing him!
Go to the police.

88
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:47,052
That being said, let's
take a few precautions here.
We need to cover our tracks.

89
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:50,889
Why don't we shoot over to
Korman's place and make sure
Charlie left without a trace?

90
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,058
Yeah. I'm pretty sure
Charlie left with a trace.
He probably did.

91
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,794
Okay. And I'll use my cooling
abilities to smooth things over
with Korman.

92
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,330
Jesus Christ.
Are you still going on and on
about being a cooler?

93
00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:00,966
You gotta give that shit up!
That cooler thing is not
helping right now!

94
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:04,670
Just get into the bar
and make sure Charlie
doesn't do anything stupid.

95
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,439
Okay. But can we establish
that I'm the cooler?
Oh, my God!

96
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,107
Get into the bar.
We're surrounded by idiots.

97
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,976
Look, this really
isn't necessary.

98
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:14,579
You don't have to tape me.
I'm sorry, man, but this
is the situation we're in.

99
00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:17,849
I just feel like this is
the best thing to do here.
Jesus Christ, dude!

100
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,084
You can't tape him up
like that!

101
00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:20,686
Come on, man!
I mean, the guy
gets my goat, man!

102
00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:24,856
He sits around all day.
He judges people with his words
and his fancy newspaper talk.

103
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:29,127
- It's bullshit, man!
- All right. What is it
that you people want?

104
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,697
Well, I'll tell you,
Mr. Fancy Pants Writer Man.

105
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:34,733
I was thinking maybe you
could write a new review,
you know?

106
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:37,836
And this time maybe
add a few less lies.

107
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:41,406
How can I write a new review
if I am taped to a chair?

108
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,942
Come on, man.
See, he's twisting
everything I say around!

109
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,844
He's making me look
like an asshole, dude.
Okay, look.

110
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:50,649
- Nobody has to write anything
against their will, okay?
- Thank you.

111
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,984
- I have to go to the bathroom.
- Huh?

112
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,620
- I have to pee.
- Okay. Sidebar.

113
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:59,124
How's he gonna pee
if his hands are taped up?
Let him piss in his pants.

114
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,892
He can't piss in his pants,
Charlie!

115
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:04,796
I don't know why you're
so in love with this guy.
I'm not in love with him.

116
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,598
I just don't want to get
arrested for kidnapping.

117
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,400
What if we just
untie him for a second?
Not gonna work.

118
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:11,570
I used the last of the tape.
If you untie him, that tape's
not gonna stick back up--

119
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:15,774
Fine! Go down to the basement,
see if there's any more tape.
I'll take him to the bathroom.

120
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,876
I'll defuse the situation.
Fine.

121
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,011
Play it cool!
Play it cool.

122
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,713
Play it cool!

123
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,883
I'm sorry I yelled
at you, Mr. Korman.

124
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,619
[ Mouthing Words ]
I saw that!

125
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:31,656
I saw that!
You're out of here, bro!
You're out of here!

126
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:35,127
What are you doing?

127
00:06:35,129 --> 00:06:38,230
What? I'm packing
to make it look like
Korman went on a vacation.

128
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:41,600
But you're all over the place.
You just put in a tropical shirt
and now two heavy coats.

129
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,803
I mean, is he going
to Cancún or Canada? You gotta
pay attention to the details.

130
00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:47,706
This is how people get caught.
Aw, shit. You're right.
I'm leaving a trace.

131
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:51,610
No, no. Look, he's probably
under a lot of pressure with the
deadlines from the newspaper.

132
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:52,944
He should relax.
Go someplace tropical?

133
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:55,680
Cancún then? Perfect.
Tropical. We'll stick
to the Cancún story.

134
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:59,217
I will put an outgoing message
on his answering machine.
That is good thinking, Sis.

135
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:03,021
We're pretty good at this.
We are pretty damn good
at this. We're learning.

136
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:03,989
[ Male Voice ]
Greeting one:

137
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:06,958
[ Man With Accent ]
Hi, this is Mehar.
Sorry I missed your call.

138
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:10,695
- Please leave a message
after the beep. Peace.
- [ Machine Beeps ]

139
00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:13,965
- That did not sound
like Korman.
- Mm-mmm.

140
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,437
Who are you people?

141
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:21,673
Friends with Korman.
Yeah.

142
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:24,109
Mr. Korman lives
across the hall.

143
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:27,012
Oh, does he?
Does he?

144
00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:32,217
Where is he?
This is ridiculous.

145
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,986
I really have to pee.
I hear you, bro.

146
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,822
Now back
to the cooler conversation
that we were having earlier.

147
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:41,726
I feel like in your article you
missed an opportunity to mention
my bouncing abilities, okay?

148
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,695
Now, it's really more about
smarts than anything else.

149
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:46,631
For example,
if there was an altercation
in this bathroom,

150
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,100
I would blast in
looking to neutralize!
Yeah?

151
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,569
Now, I would check out
my environment,

152
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:54,139
and I would look to see
if there's anything that I
could use to my advantage.

153
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:59,744
Like this pool cue.
Here we go.
[ Whooshing Sound ]

154
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:03,949
[ Crashes ]

155
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:06,651
Okay, normally that wouldn't
happen unless I wanted it to.

156
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,753
Right.
'Cause I could fire it
right in your chest!

157
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:09,988
'Cause I got
the skills to do that.

158
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:14,125
Dude, there's, like,
no tape anywhere. All I could
scrounge up was a bandana.

159
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,294
No, that's too small.
Oh, I could wear it though!
Uh--

160
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:19,030
I should wear it!
I know, but I found it,
so I sort of feel like--

161
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:22,601
I appreciate you looking for me
and finding it for me
and doing the Charlie work...

162
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,936
that got to the point
of me getting the bandana.

163
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,605
[ Shouting ]
Bro, now it's hurting
my finger, bro!

164
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:32,043
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
Just please get me out of this
bathroom before I vomit!

165
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:35,146
It is absolutely disgusting.

166
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:38,116
Well, excuse me,
Mr. Man,

167
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:42,921
but I happen to think this
bathroom is pristine, because
I work very hard cleaning it.

168
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:46,658
In fact, it's so clean,
I would say you could eat
out of these urinals.

169
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,194
No. You absolutely
could not eat out
of these urinals.

170
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:51,663
Oh, really?
What's this?
Charlie, don't--

171
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:52,831
Oh, my God, dude.
Oh, Jesus Christ.

172
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,100
Bro, I just pissed
in there five minutes
before you came in.

173
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,836
Don't say that now. You're
gonna make me look bad.
Spit it out, man.

174
00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,038
You're gonna eat it?
You're still chewing it.
I have to prove a point!

175
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:05,176
All right! All right!
Just let me go to the bathroom.
I will write the review.

176
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:06,945
I'll do whatever you want.
I promise.

177
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,814
[ Baby Talk ]
Well, now that wasn't
so hard, was it?

178
00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:13,051
Right. Awesome. All right.
Well, I think that we're
in good shape then.

179
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,253
Okay. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
How are we gonna do this?

180
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:18,290
Well, I think one of us
is gonna have to help his--
Whoa, dude!

181
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:21,359
I'm not touching his dick.
Charlie, you're the one
that used all the tape.

182
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,995
I was comfortable
with letting him piss
in his pants!

183
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,196
All right, fine!
Then compromise!

184
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:29,734
We'll both do it.
That way it's equally weird
for both of us.

185
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:35,974
No, no, no. It's fine.
Just-- Just untape me, please.

186
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:39,611
No. Oh, no. No! No!
[ Zipper Unzipping ]

187
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:44,983
Can I bring something up?

188
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:47,085
Did he get
a little bit hard on us?
Aw, come on, man!

189
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:50,021
Can we not talk about this?
I just felt like
you got a little bit--

190
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,090
It wasn't.
It was the motion.
It was very weird.

191
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:56,695
- Why did it move?
- Hey, guys! We got a problem.

192
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:59,164
We did something.

193
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:00,999
Oh, man!

194
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:04,769
- What happened, dude?
- Well, there was a slight
mix-up with the apartments.

195
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,004
This is Korman's neighbor,
Mehar.

196
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:09,174
- What happened to doing
this without a trace?
- Well, it's a long story.

197
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,409
But the punch line is that
he started asking questions.

198
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,778
- I asked one question!
- Shut up!
- You asked a lot of questions.

199
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,881
Well, let's not have him
ask more questions, okay?
Keep him in the trunk for now.

200
00:10:16,883 --> 00:10:19,985
You can't kidnap
more people to cover up
the original kidnapping.

201
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,486
It's a classic mistake!
Oh, I'm sorry!

202
00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:24,756
- I didn't know there was
a handbook on kidnapping!
- [ Mehar ] Help!

203
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,324
We gotta get him inside.
He's probably
very hot in there.

204
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:30,161
There's another issue,
which is that I locked the keys
in the trunk just now.

205
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,296
What?
Are you kidding me?

206
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,298
Well, I didn't want
to bring that up.
Goddamn it, Charlie!

207
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:37,168
Okay, this is what
we're gonna do. You guys deal
with the situation out here.

208
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,703
Let's go talk to Korman.
He's writing that new review.

209
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:42,774
Good. 'Cause I don't want to
see that man right now because
we had a whole thing, and--

210
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:45,744
- What happened?
- Something happened.
None of your business.

211
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:47,145
Thank you very much.
We had a thing amongst the--

212
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:50,915
Guy stuff happened.
Can you just please--
Let's just go inside.

213
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,951
How long do you think we
can hold that inside?

214
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:56,888
It's burning me up
inside, man!
It's burning me up!

215
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:03,895
There he is,
our little typer.
Tap-tap-tapping away.

216
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:06,464
Don't mean to disturb ya.
Oh, you're not
disturbing me at all.

217
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:09,100
It's great
to see you two again.
[ Dee ] I get it.

218
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:11,403
I get it.
You are too much, huh?

219
00:11:11,405 --> 00:11:13,371
You're being
a smart aleck.
You are.

220
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,973
Glad your spirits
are still up.

221
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,942
We wanted to come in
and just let you know
we're sorry about...

222
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,978
this whole tie-you-up-
and-hold-you-here thing.

223
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,447
We didn't have anything
to do with it.
No. That wasn't us.

224
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:23,982
That was
somebody else's idea.
Not our idea.

225
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:27,552
You know what I'm saying?
If there's anything we can do
since we are in this situation--

226
00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:29,788
Absolutely.
Together we are.
You want to let us know.

227
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:34,059
- Anything at all.
- Yeah. How 'bout, uh,
letting me go?

228
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,393
There he goes again.

229
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:38,063
[ Laughing ]
Oh! I didn't know
he was so funny!

230
00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:41,232
I didn't know he was gonna--
I thought he was gonna ask
for food or something.

231
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:44,469
Is there something else
we can get you though?
'Cause clearly, we can't--

232
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:47,172
All right.
A glass of white wine.
Maybe a chardonnay.

233
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:49,874
Now you're talking.
You like white wine.
I know that.

234
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:53,311
Um, also,
do you want me to bring you
some lipstick with that?

235
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,080
Oh!
[ Laughing ]

236
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:58,283
Aw. Boom!
You got faced again, Korman.

237
00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:02,520
Hey, man. You can't just
tee her up and expect her not
to take a swing at you, right?

238
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,355
Can't blame her for that one.
Can't blame her
for that one.

239
00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:09,394
Since you are writing a new
review, is there anything I
can do to help you out with it?

240
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:13,331
You want to fire
a couple questions my way?
Uh, no. I think I'm fine.

241
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,934
Okay.
Yeah, hey, no problem, man.
I just want to--

242
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:21,973
I just want to make sure
you got the total picture on me.
'Cause I do drive a Range Rover.

243
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,775
Huh?
Really? Gas guzzler.

244
00:12:23,777 --> 00:12:25,810
Well, not on the highway.
Okay? Yeah.
Range Rover.

245
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:29,514
It's a very classy
vehicle though.
What do you want me to say?

246
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:32,083
What do I want you to say?
Uh, I don't know.

247
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,952
"Dennis Reynolds,
your car is awesome.

248
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:37,055
"Your flat screen TV,
I took a look at it.
It's very, very thin.

249
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:39,357
It speaks volumes
about you as a person."
I don't know.

250
00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:42,894
Give me something
I can work with, Korman.
All right, Dennis.

251
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:45,063
Here's the deal.
I didn't feel like
opening up a bottle of wine.

252
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:48,199
So I brought you some scotch,
'cause I feel like that's
what writers should drink.

253
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:52,504
- Hey, some top-shelf scotch.
- Uh, I don't drink scotch.

254
00:12:53,172 --> 00:12:55,340
Well, you don't have to
be a dick about it.
Wow.

255
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:56,808
Got a real chip
on his shoulder,
this one.

256
00:12:56,810 --> 00:13:00,879
If I had to write an article
about you, it would say
that you're very negative.

257
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:03,381
The headline might be,
"Most negative man
in the world...

258
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:07,452
calls other people white trash
to make himself
not feel so faggy."

259
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,520
- Faggy?
- [ Dennis Pops Lips ]

260
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:13,291
[ Clears Throat ]
You mind if I just took a quick
peek at your new review there?

261
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,927
Uh, but I haven't quite
finished that review yet.
That's okay.

262
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:21,299
I know you're not finished.
I want to see what direction
we're headed in there, buddy.

263
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:26,337
What's it say?
It's, uh, pretty heavy
on the kidnapping aspect.

264
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,973
Hmm. Is it?

265
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:31,476
You jam in further though.
This is--

266
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:34,946
I'm at the bottom
of, like, whatever's
down there, and I'm--

267
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,282
It won't
catch on to anything
is the problem, man.

268
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:39,584
Damn it, dude!
I feel like this
should be easier.

269
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,952
People break into cars
all the time.

270
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:44,255
A piece of me wants to chalk
this guy-in-the-trunk thing
up to a loss.

271
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,257
No! We can't do that, bro.
We gotta get him
out of the car.

272
00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:50,094
Why don't you let me take
the hammer and smash the window,
and we'll just pop the trunk?

273
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:53,231
If we were gonna smash
the window, I would simply
do it with a roundhouse kick.

274
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,534
You're not gonna be able
to break this window
with a roundhouse kick.

275
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,037
Let's get serious here.

276
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:03,241
Charlie, I've never been
more serious about anything
in my entire life.

277
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:05,543
[ Mehar ]
Help! Please let me out!
I have to get home!

278
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:10,348
- I have a cat!
- We all have cats we'd like to
be playing with right now.

279
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,418
- We're doing our very best.
- My cat is diabetic.

280
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,020
She needs
her insulin shot.
Please!

281
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,522
Ooh.
So we gotta
babysit a cat now?

282
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,225
Ooh, dude. I can't
have a dead cat's blood
on my hands, man.

283
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,260
- That's not good.
- All right.
Mac to the rescue.

284
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,629
Let me just back up.
I'm gonna roundhouse this.
You gonna kick it?

285
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,365
I'm gonna kick it.
And then we can get in.
Fine. Kick it, man.

286
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,001
Back up.
I don't want the glass
to shatter in your face.

287
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,570
- All right, go.
- Guard your eyes.

288
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,973
[ Exhaling ]

289
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:37,108
Oh, no!
Shit, dude.

290
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,543
Shit!
Oh, shit, man!

291
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:41,112
There is a slope in the ground,
and I didn't-- I wasn't--

292
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:44,549
You just totally broke
this mirror, bro!
I wasn't calibrating that great.

293
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:48,219
Well, it's the bullshit street.
We gotta get the zoning people
out here.

294
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,021
I don't think
it's the street, bro.
That's an issue.

295
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,257
Don't touch the window.
I'll do that when I get back.

296
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,626
I'm gonna grab his cat,
with Dennis's car.
I'll be back.

297
00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:59,964
Learn how to kick.
Take one karate class
if you're so into karate.

298
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,967
That is a really,
really nice setup.

299
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:06,271
Now, if he doesn't go for that,
he's just a straight-up retard.

300
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,306
I mean, that's
all there is to it.
Hey. buddy.

301
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,241
Oh, hey, pal.
Oh, check out
this new setup, man.

302
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:13,611
This is gonna be our golden
ticket, man. This is really
gonna get us somewhere.

303
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:17,282
Do you see any hypodermic
needles laying around?
What the hell's that?

304
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:18,316
Mehar's cat. Diabetic.
[ Meows ]

305
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:21,886
Now a diabetic cat
is in play? Jesus!
We can't catch a break.

306
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,721
I know.
Tell me about it.
Nice and easy now.

307
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:26,224
Oh, Jesus Christ, Charlie!
You broke the window?

308
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:30,361
-The guy had to take a dump.
What was I supposed to do?
-He's all tied up. How did you--

309
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,364
Let's not talk about
how it happened, okay?
Give him his cat.

310
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:36,034
- Dude, your cat's freaking out!
- That's not my cat!

311
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,435
Whose cat is it?
No, Dee. No!

312
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,138
What the hell
you doing, Dee?
What's Mehar doing here?

313
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,774
What are you doing
with my cat?
Your cat?

314
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:45,009
This is your cat?
What is going on?

315
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:48,246
Mr. Korman,
why are they doing this?
Get him out of here!

316
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,015
Give him his cat
and get him back
in the office.

317
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:52,350
Jesus Christ!
Oh, this is bad.
Shut up!

318
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:55,286
This is really bad.
You guys, this is bad.
What are we gonna do?

319
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,021
We gotta come up
with a plan.
I don't know what to do!

320
00:15:57,023 --> 00:16:01,559
Got it! Ready? Here's the plan.
I've been thinking about this,
okay? We give them amnesia.

321
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:02,760
It's so easy.
Here's how you do it.

322
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:06,264
You smash them both over
the head with a bottle. They
go down like a ton of bricks.

323
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,466
Then we drag them
back to their apartments!
We put them in their beds.

324
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:13,237
We set their clocks back.
We get yesterday's newspaper.
We put it on their doorstep!

325
00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:15,173
They wake up thinking
it was all a dream.

326
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,175
Oh, that is
so goddamn stupid!
What?

327
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,777
It's so stupid!
Mac, please tell me
you got something.

328
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:21,379
I say we bribe 'em.
We bribe 'em.
A bribe.

329
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:24,115
- A good old-fashioned bribe.
- No. That's not gonna work.
You know why?

330
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:26,951
Korman's not gonna
go for that. He's made
of stone or something.

331
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:28,553
Oh, Mehar!
Let's bribe Mehar!
He'd go for it!

332
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:33,491
Mehar could work! But I did
notice that the kidnapping
has rubbed him the wrong way.

333
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:36,627
So whatever we bribe him
with has gotta be worth
a lot of money.

334
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,998
Yeah. He's gonna
want something good.
For sure. For sure.

335
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:48,106
Oh, Jesus Christ, no.

336
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:50,475
Hey, thanks a lot for
taking home Korman's cat.

337
00:16:50,477 --> 00:16:54,112
And good luck
with your sick cat.

338
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:01,319
[ Dennis ]
Goddamn it.
This is bullshit.

339
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,756
All right.
Let's go talk to Korman.

340
00:17:05,657 --> 00:17:08,292
Whoa!
Hold on there, Korman.

341
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:10,094
Where you going, buddy?
Where are you going?

342
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,496
Hey, buddy.
You're not going
very fast.

343
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,698
You're wasting
a lot of energy. Stop.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

344
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,667
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Okay. All right. Listen, man.

345
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:17,835
We got a proposal
for you, okay?

346
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:20,071
Now, we are willing
to not force you
to write that review...

347
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:23,408
if you are willing to do
the right thing and not tell
anybody that this happened.

348
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:29,647
I don't care. Whatever it takes
to get me out of this bar,
away from you people.

349
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,381
My man!
There we go.

350
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,483
That is the attitude we've been
waiting for this whole time.
Was that so hard?

351
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,686
Where's this guy been?
Now let's talk about
the elephant in the room.

352
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,488
Let's talk about
the pressing charges.

353
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,091
- We're gonna need you
to sign something.
- Fine. Whatever it takes.

354
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:43,728
I can't believe you guys
are gonna try and cut a deal
with this weasel!

355
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,197
The guy's a liar!
He lied to us, man!

356
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,299
He said he was gonna
write a review!
He didn't do that!

357
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,601
I touched his dick!
Mac, we touched his dick!
You remember this?

358
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:53,571
Now is not the time
to talk about that.
Why were you touching his dick?

359
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,140
There wasn't enough tape,
and he had to--
So you touched his dick?

360
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:57,842
Let's just move past it.
Let's plow through it.
Okay, Mr. Korman.

361
00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:01,512
Why don't you just go ahead
and sign this, and then I'll
fill in the blanks later.

362
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,514
And then that way
we'll have a confession,
and that'll be great.

363
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:08,286
And there you go. Okay, now.
Let me get this tape off you,
and you can be on your way.

364
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:12,390
- Now, we won't charge you
for the duct tape.
- [ Both Laughing ]

365
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:16,594
- That was a joke.
- Holy shit, bro!

366
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,130
- I really don't like this guy.
- You're an idiot!

367
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:23,234
We'll see who's the idiot
when he wakes up tomorrow
and doesn't remember a thing.

368
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,103
I don't think that's
how it works, Charlie.

369
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,637
It's definitely
not how it works.
Oh, my God.

370
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:29,807
We may as well embrace
the amnesia angle because
we have no other options.

371
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:33,444
Well, now!
Okay. I'll go get
yesterday's newspaper.

372
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:36,247
[ Dennis ]
Okay, you guys ready?
[ Charlie, Mac ] Mm-hmm.

373
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:38,483
One, two, three.

374
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:43,254
[ Harmonizing ]
♪ And I'll take with me ♪

375
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:47,158
♪ The memories ♪

376
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,827
♪ To be my sunshine ♪

377
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:53,464
♪ After rain ♪

378
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:56,667
♪ And it's so hard ♪

379
00:18:56,669 --> 00:19:00,304
♪ To say good-bye ♪

380
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:05,810
♪ To yesterday ♪♪

381
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,979
♪♪ [ Holding Notes ]

382
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:10,748
I ran out.
I ran out of breath.
Check it out.

383
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,550
What you got there,
Ernie?

384
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,919
Oh, it's a new review
by Korman.
Oh!

385
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,287
Yeah.
[ Clears Throat ]

386
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:19,824
"I woke up in my neighbor's bed
with a head wound,
yesterday's paper...

387
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,626
"and an empty bottle
of sleeping pills,

388
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:24,762
"and my nightmare in that
putrid shit hole of a bar,
Paddy's Pub,

389
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,631
"finally, mercifully
came to an end.

390
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:27,965
"The owners all deserve
to rot in jail,

391
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:32,170
"though having to spend
every day with each other
in that vile establishment...

392
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,639
"is a decidedly
greater punishment.

393
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,340
"That is why I decided
not to press charges,

394
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:39,677
"leaving them to live
in the hell on Earth they've
created for themselves...

395
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:44,849
for the rest
of their pathetic
and miserable lives."

396
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,284
So rude.
Ouch!

397
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:48,553
Really raked us
over the coals there.
Really jammed it in there.

398
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,721
- Not a good review.
- No, it's not a good review.

399
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,323
He went right
for the throat.
He sure did.

400
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,425
Hey, listen.
At least he didn't
mention our names.

401
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,894
Yeah.
And no pressing charges.
No charges.

402
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,396
No names.
No names. That's good.

403
00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:01,799
I don't know why,
but I'm a little irritated
that he didn't mention my name.

404
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,202
You'd feel like he would
mention our name, right?
I work here!

405
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,870
I am incredibly annoyed
that he didn't mention my name.

406
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,439
I wish I could live
with this, but I can't.
It's a story about us!

407
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,609
We gotta go talk to him again.
We should talk to him.
We'll be cool though.

408
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:13,644
We'll be civil.
Let's just have
one more conversation.

409
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:16,614
We're capable
of being civil, right?
Why are we wasting time?

410
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,883
Let's go talk
to the guy.
This seems to make sense.

411
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:21,752
Ooh! You know what
I want to get.

412
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,555
[ Grunts ]

413
00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:03,527
[ Voices Speaking Backwards ]