1 00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:05,537 [ Dennis ] You better have a good reason for getting us out of bed this early, jerk. 2 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:10,275 I got a goddamn great reason for getting you out of bed. This bar is hemorrhaging money. 3 00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:13,045 You gotta spend money to make money. Economics 101, dude. 4 00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:17,316 You're bleeding us to death, especially with that company credit card you got. 5 00:00:17,318 --> 00:00:21,353 That is for business expenses, Frank. Everything on there is a business expense. 6 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:25,357 Who spent $500 for laser hair removal? 7 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,126 Right over here, slick. Don't wanna have hair down there. 8 00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,961 You know what I'm saying? Yeah. 9 00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:31,096 Who spent $5,000 for a samurai sword? 10 00:00:31,098 --> 00:00:34,266 Your head of security. Yeah. Just wait till he saves your life one day with it. 11 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,068 $6,000 on a camcorder. 12 00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,703 Well, I've decided what I'm gonna do... 13 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,571 is I'm going to take all those hilarious characters... 14 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,473 that I've been creating over the past several years-- 15 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:44,309 I'm gonna put 'em on tape. I'm gonna put 'em on YouTube. 16 00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:46,945 That way I can get discovered by a casting director or producer, 17 00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:48,747 get some kind of a TV development deal. 18 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,583 Yeah, right. So the point is, Frank, is that these are all business expenses. 19 00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:53,485 See? I mean, some are definitely more realistic than others. 20 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:55,454 Yeah, not that one. No, not at all. 21 00:00:55,456 --> 00:00:58,123 But nonetheless, it was, I believe, bought as a business expense, so-- 22 00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:01,794 They're not business expenses. What I bought is a business expense. 23 00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:04,663 What I bought is something that's gonna save our asses. 24 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,299 Okay. Yeah. All right. All right. What'd you get? 25 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,535 I bought a billboard. 26 00:01:42,802 --> 00:01:45,737 Okay, so I'm thinking we write on the billboard in nice big letters, 27 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:48,874 "We have two for one drink specials on Thursdays." 28 00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:51,844 And on the bottom, you got a hilarious picture of Greenman kicking someone in the nuts. 29 00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:55,080 And people go, "Hey, what's this wacky place? Where can I have those drinks?" 30 00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:58,417 It is absolutely astonishing how bad your ideas are. How is that a bad idea? 31 00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,519 Go sit down. The adults are working. Really? 32 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,721 Okay. When we need a child, we'll call you. 33 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,157 - Woo-hoo! - Now, Dennis, you and I on the same team-- 34 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,259 hot chick up on the billboard, sex sells, boom. 35 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,094 Oh, absolutely. It's Advertising 101. 36 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,729 Long legs, taut breasts and tight poopers. 37 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,598 I'm just gonna jump in here real quick and point out... 38 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,299 that this is the point in the conversation... 39 00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,268 where I would volunteer to be the girl on the billboard, 40 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,437 and then you guys would talk about how ugly you think I am... 41 00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:21,440 - and compare me to some sort of giant bird. - You look so much like a bird. 42 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,842 Dennis, I was thinking fish recently. Really? 43 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,411 Yeah. Her eyes are so far apart, they're, like, on the sides of her head. 44 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:28,046 Okay. Okay. But I don't wanna be on your billboard. 45 00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,716 I'm not gonna ask to be because you wouldn't let me be on it anyway. 46 00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,551 That's sensible of you not to ask. [ Mac ] God, no. 47 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:35,454 For the love of God, there's no way you would be up on that billboard. 48 00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:37,523 - That is never gonna happen! - Let me get the point out! 49 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,491 The point is-- Anything's better than you. 50 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,493 I don't wanna be on your billboard, and I'll tell you why. 51 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,995 I'm gonna take one of my characters, 52 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:46,365 and I'm gonna launch a viral video and promote Paddy's myself. 53 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,500 A viral video? There's about a billion of those on YouTube. 54 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:51,703 - Who gives a shit, Dee? - Oh, you think anybody gives a shit about a billboard? 55 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,305 Uh, wake up, donkeys. 56 00:02:53,307 --> 00:02:55,974 The Internet is where it's at, and I'm going to be an Internet sensation. 57 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:58,944 You know, you're totally right. And if you don't mind, I'm gonna come with you. 58 00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:02,214 Maybe I can throw Greenman into a couple of your videos, you know, and work it out. 59 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,750 That'll get a lot of hits, I think. You can help me out, Charlie, 60 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:07,352 but we're not gonna put Greenman into anything. Well, we'll see about that. 61 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,054 We won't see about that. Well, we will. 62 00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,789 Mm-mmm. All right. Uh, later, dudes. 63 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:14,960 S.U. in your A's, don't wear a "C" and "J" all over your B's. 64 00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,995 Why would he not wear a "C"? 65 00:03:16,997 --> 00:03:19,464 I don't even know what he's talking about half the time, bro. 66 00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:21,033 [ Mac ] Hey, Frank. Glad you're here, bro. 67 00:03:21,035 --> 00:03:23,101 We're talkin' billboard ideas. Yeah. 68 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:26,205 Don't waste your time. I know what the billboard's gonna look like already. 69 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:30,042 Two gorgeous girls up there, giant cans, 70 00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,710 me in the middle with my thumbs up. 71 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,545 - Yeah! - Well, that's just simply not gonna happen. 72 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,714 Uh, actually, maybe Frank has a point, dude. 73 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,383 Maybe we should put a dude up there. Certainly not him. 74 00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:41,253 But if we put some hot beefcake up there, maybe it'll attract more chicks. 75 00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:42,721 Yeah, that's a good point. Okay, I like that. 76 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,656 You know what? Let's slap my picture up there. 77 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,925 It's about time I got my modeling career off the ground anyway. 78 00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:50,062 Don't flatter yourself. You're not gonna be up there... 79 00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:53,198 because I am gonna be the face of Paddy's Bar. 80 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,767 That's ridiculous, Frank. You're, um, 81 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,002 ugly. 82 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:59,238 - What? - Ugly. 83 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,672 - I'm ugly? - Yeah. 84 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:03,809 With that anteater nose, you're telling me I'm ugly? 85 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:07,813 My nose was chiseled by the gods themselves, Frank. 86 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:11,850 My body was sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo's David. 87 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:16,188 You, on the other hand-- well, you're a pit of despair. 88 00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:19,258 Frank, you disgust me. 89 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,627 You disgust everyone. 90 00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:26,865 And you will never, ever, be on that billboard. 91 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,874 [ Irish Accent ] Good morning, Philadelphia. 92 00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:39,578 I'm Crazy Paddy, and I'm coming to you from Paddy's Pub, 93 00:04:39,580 --> 00:04:43,482 telling you to come on down, where we're slashing prices so low, 94 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:45,684 you won't need a pot of gold to get sloppy. 95 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:50,322 So come on down to Paddy's. It's insane! 96 00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:52,157 What is that? [ No Accent ] Did you like that? 97 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,960 No. That's not what YouTube videos are like. Oh, that's a great character. 98 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:58,196 No, that's a bad commercial you'd see on the cable network or something. 99 00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,932 Maybe you didn't get it. I'm crazy 'cause I'm pricing the beer too low. 100 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:04,569 Mmm, I think I got it. The beer's too low for what average beer prices should be. 101 00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:07,973 You know what? Let's just do it again. Maybe throw in some more jokes or something. You know? 102 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,309 Make it a little funnier. Make it funnier. You're absolutely right. 103 00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:11,810 You can make it funny. You're a funny girl. 104 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:16,214 Good morning, Philadelphia. I'm Crazy Pad-- 105 00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,383 [ Laughs ] Oh! 106 00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,819 Oh, my God. 107 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:24,089 Why? Now that was funny! Dee, that's awesome. 108 00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,224 Why would you do that? That's what YouTube video is. 109 00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:28,694 Are you insane? You ever see the little girl who's mashing the grapes... 110 00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,330 and then slips and she's, like-- Why would you do that, Charlie? 111 00:05:31,332 --> 00:05:33,532 That's what people wanna see! Oh, my God! 112 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:37,336 People getting injured or seriously hurt-- That's funny! 113 00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,705 Okay? Let's just do this. This is-- 114 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:42,040 Trust me. This is what gets hits on YouTube. 115 00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,242 All right. Are you ready? Yeah. I was ready from the-- 116 00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:47,112 Stop talking! [ Sighs ] 117 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,648 I'm Crazy Paddy-- No. Okay. 118 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:52,250 Okay. I'm Crazy Paddy-- 119 00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,719 [ Grunts ] What are you doing? 120 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,554 You're flinching every time now. Oh, I'm sorry. 121 00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,590 I can't concentrate when I'm about to get blasted in the face with a ball! 122 00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,525 I'll blast you all over if you flinch again. 123 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,394 Don't-- Let's just do this. 124 00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:04,129 Let's just do this. Action! These-- 125 00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:05,697 [ Screams ] Goddamn! Oh! Yeah! 126 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,466 Goddamn! That was funny. 127 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,267 I don't like it, Charlie! I don't think it's funny-- 128 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,769 Yeah! It's too much. 129 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,604 It's too much. It just hurts too bad. 130 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:19,611 Bro, can you believe how many hot chicks showed up... 131 00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,580 for a casting call for a billboard? 132 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:23,315 How have we not done this before? Yeah. Yeah, man. 133 00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:26,485 Plus, think about it. Dennis Reynolds, 40 feet tall and shirtless. 134 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,053 [ Door Opens ] Oh! It's gonna be so perfect. 135 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:30,889 Let's go. Just take your places over there. 136 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,858 - Frank, what are you doing? - We're lookin' for models, right? 137 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:35,827 Yeah. I went on a stud hunt. I came back with beefcakes. 138 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,196 What are you talkin' about, Frank? I'm the male model. 139 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,832 Uh, Rex. Rex. Here you go. 140 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,968 What's Rex for? We don't need Rex. 141 00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:45,604 Take your shirt off. Come on. You don't need to take your shirt off. 142 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,072 - [ Whistles ] - Okay. Well, if you're looking for that. 143 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,874 - [ Cackles ] Now that-- - That's what you want. 144 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,909 That is what you call stallion. [ Mac ] That is a stallion. 145 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:53,512 I didn't know you guys were lookin' for a stallion. I'm a stallion-- 146 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,380 Ooh! Dennis. Uh-- [ Groans ] 147 00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:56,915 You think Frank's got a point here? 148 00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:59,017 I don't think he has a point. I'm a stallion. 149 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,486 Uh-- [ Groaning ] 150 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:04,856 All right. This is messy. Um, look, buddy. 151 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:08,093 2003 Dennis-- Okay, he was Grade "A" prime beefcake. 152 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,162 No one is disputing that. He was a stallion. 153 00:07:10,164 --> 00:07:12,764 But 2008 Dennis is in decline. 154 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:16,268 Take a look at Rex here. That is a body that just won't quit. 155 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:19,738 I bet if you pop those pants off, you're gonna find a bird that just won't quit either, 156 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,973 and I think that'll come in handy in this situation. 157 00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:26,578 I think the problem here is that your body quit. Your bird quit. 158 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,547 And unfortunately, it's no longer legit. 159 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,048 What the hell are you talking about? My bird? 160 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,817 All right. Let's get back to-- to business here. 161 00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:36,087 Attention, ladies! I'm gonna need all the "A" cups to please head for the back door. 162 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,158 [ Dee ] Charlie, are you ready with the camera? 163 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,394 Yeah. I'm trying to set it up. It takes a second, Dee. 164 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,796 Yeah. All right. Who the hell is this character that you're doing? 165 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,632 Oh, this one? It's a really great one. Her name's Martina Martinez, 166 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,835 and she is a streetwise Puerto Rican girl... 167 00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:53,038 - who's always quick with a sassy comeback. - Are you serious? 168 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,674 Yes. It's awesome. Let's go over what we're doing again. I go up. I talk. 169 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:59,010 You come in with the volleyball, you hit him in the face and you get out of there. 170 00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,446 Okay. I'm gonna hit a random person in the face with a volleyball. 171 00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:04,249 But don't come in too early, 'cause I got some material I wanna do, 172 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:06,051 and I don't want you to cut me off. 173 00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,887 Because Saturday Night Live is gonna really-- I think they're gonna love-- 174 00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:11,423 Do you really think that? Charlie. Charlie. Point it that way. 175 00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:13,725 Go, go, go. Go. [ Clears Throat ] 176 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,095 You know, I'm horrified that he's here-- 177 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,264 [ New York Accent ] Um, excuse me. Can I talk to youse? 178 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,166 What? 179 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:25,403 Youse a bunch of white boys, right? Can I ax you a question? 180 00:08:25,405 --> 00:08:30,342 When you be in the clubs and you be dancin', why you look so stupid? 181 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:32,811 [ Laughs ] I'm just playin'. 182 00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:36,848 So, um, youse a big man, right, but you got such tiny boots on. 183 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:40,752 That means you got a small pecker. I'm sorry! 184 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:44,022 I'm just playin'. I'm Martina Martinez. [ Screaming ] 185 00:08:46,959 --> 00:08:49,160 Oh! Greenman! 186 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:52,230 Oh. [ All Laughing ] 187 00:08:55,434 --> 00:09:00,238 Okay, attention! Ladies, gentlemen, hotties and beefcakes. 188 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,842 You were brought here because you are the most beautiful people in all of Philadelphia, 189 00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:08,079 and as such, the honor has been bestowed upon all of you... 190 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:11,182 to compete in Paddy's First Next Top Billboard Model contest. 191 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:13,885 - Uh, what's the pay? - What? 192 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,087 - What is the pay? - The pay, sir, 193 00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,356 is getting your face 40 feet up on a billboard! 194 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:21,092 - So there's no pay then? - I just told you what the pay is. 195 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:23,261 He told you what the goddamn pay was. The billboard thing. 196 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,497 - Were you not listening? - Well, I'm outta here. 197 00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:26,965 Fine. Fine! You leave! You crybaby. 198 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,100 We don't need you people. Everybody else! 199 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:33,872 Let's take their lack of dedication as a lesson, shall we? 200 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:37,809 Competitions like this aren't about money. They're about fame. 201 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:41,580 They are about putting yourself on display to the world and saying, "I'm good enough... 202 00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,114 because I beat everyone else." 203 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,317 That's right. "And I got myself up on a billboard." 204 00:09:45,319 --> 00:09:47,285 Not so fast! 205 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:52,991 - The hell are you doin' here? - I want in the competition. 206 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,126 Approach. 207 00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,996 Dennis, I told you. You don't have the right stuff. 208 00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:01,199 I got the right stuff, Frank. I can win this thing. I know it! 209 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,801 All right. Judges' sidebar. 210 00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:07,739 Do you wanna let him in? Bro, he's been talking about this modeling thing for years. 211 00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:11,242 If only to shut him up. Hmm. 212 00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:16,014 - You're in. - Oh, yeah! Yes! Huh? 213 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,416 [ Shouts, Laughs ] 214 00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,218 [ Growls, Mutters, Laughs ] 215 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:26,024 Okay. The first competition is the underwear competition. 216 00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,025 Boom! 217 00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:36,568 - How's your face, Dee? - How do you think it is, Charlie? 218 00:10:36,570 --> 00:10:39,804 You kept hitting me over and over in the same spot with a volleyball. 219 00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,940 And I was explicitly clear-- no more Greenman. Come on! 220 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:43,908 Greenman's what makes this thing work. 221 00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:46,611 Greenman is not what makes it work, Charlie. 222 00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,246 My characters are what make it work. 223 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,248 No more Greenman. We're not doing it anymore. 224 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,983 All right. Geez, relax. 225 00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:54,719 You're nothing without Greenman. 226 00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:58,356 Oh, shit. Dee, you know what? 227 00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:01,092 This is-- This is all, like, a bad frame and stuff. 228 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,161 This isn't gonna work. We gotta do it again. 229 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:06,731 What? I meant the camera was too low. We gotta-- 230 00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:10,669 [ Clears Throat ] Hey, diary. It's me. 231 00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:14,339 It's Thursday, September 30, about midnight. 232 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,909 Uh, I'm alone, of course, again, 233 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,178 and I just had a little bit too much ice cream. 234 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,946 Interesting. 235 00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:24,649 Hey, Frank. Can I talk to you for a second? What's up? 236 00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:27,886 Bro, originally my plan was to just bang a bunch of models, right? 237 00:11:27,888 --> 00:11:30,155 Oh, yeah. Okay. But after talking to a few of them, 238 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:33,324 I feel like I could find my true love here. 239 00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:36,227 You think you could fall in love with one of these broads? Yeah, dude! 240 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:39,064 Look, eventually I gotta settle down, right? Spread my seed. 241 00:11:39,066 --> 00:11:42,233 Haven't you ever seen The Bachelor? Look, you get a whole bunch of them together, 242 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,602 you make them compete over you-- bing, bang, boom, soul mate. 243 00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,204 Woo-hoo. That sounds good. [ Chuckles ] 244 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,873 Okay. You take the girls-- Uh-huh. 245 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,209 and I'll take Dennis and the dudes. Really? 246 00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,011 Yeah! You'll just give me the girls? 247 00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,846 Absolutely. I can have my own competition. 248 00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,848 Awesome. Frank, I don't understand it, but I don't care. 249 00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,450 All right. Thanks, bud. All right. 250 00:11:58,452 --> 00:11:59,617 See ya. All right. 251 00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,119 Whatever. Thank you. Okay. 252 00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:03,822 All right. Where are all my male models? 253 00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,690 Come forward. Come forward. 254 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:09,227 Okay. As you know, in the world of modeling, 255 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,597 you're sometimes asked to model a theme. 256 00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:15,734 Today's theme is "barnyard." 257 00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:20,538 Okay. Everybody come on the stage that I have prepared to give you a little ambience. 258 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:24,142 Okay. Here is a baby pool that you are all gonna get into. 259 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:27,312 And, uh, there's a lot of hay, and there's some chickens and ducks. 260 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:30,014 What the hell, bro? Is that supposed to be dirt? It smells like shit. 261 00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:32,717 It is shit. This is a barnyard. 262 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:34,719 No one is going to step in shit, all right? 263 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,489 Uh-- Rex, are you kidding me? Seriously? You're just gonna step right in it? 264 00:12:37,491 --> 00:12:39,491 I wanna win, bro. Billboard. 265 00:12:43,562 --> 00:12:46,931 Dee, what is this getup? What are you doing now? What is that? 266 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:49,534 [ Chinese Accent ] Oh, okay. This is Taiwan Tammy. 267 00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:55,306 She on runway and do a drag queen and nails. Oh, thank you. 268 00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:58,643 Are you kidding me? That is extremely racist! Isn't it awesome? 269 00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:01,980 I'm so excited about this one. All right. Well, good luck to you on that. 270 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,882 Why are your hands in your pockets? 271 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:06,518 They're itchy. Your hands are itchy? 272 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,754 My hands are a little itchy. Your hands are in your pockets 'cause they're itchy? 273 00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:12,023 Goddamn it! I knew it! Charlie, what are you doing? 274 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:14,425 I said no Greenman! Greenman sells this whole thing! 275 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,295 It doesn't make any sense! Goddamn it, Charlie! 276 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,330 Hey. I know you. What? 277 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:23,334 Yeah. You that, uh-- that girl. Uh, PatheticGirl43. 278 00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:26,171 PatheticGirl? I almost didn't recognize you in that getup. 279 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,374 - But I'd recognize that whiny voice anywhere. - Yeah! 280 00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:31,276 Hey, you mind if we get a picture together? 281 00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:33,144 Yeah, let's get a picture! I mean, my friends-- 282 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,280 I can't believe you recognized us! They ain't gonna believe this. 283 00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,715 You saw the YouTube thing, right? Charlie, what is going on? 284 00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:40,418 I'll show you later. 285 00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:44,756 [ Sighs ] In other news, it seems like I have a rash... 286 00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:48,092 in a place where a sexually active person should have a rash. 287 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:50,662 Greenman! [ Cartoon Sound Effects ] 288 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:53,832 Oh, my God! You put that on YouTube? Oh, my God. I totally did. 289 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,800 Charlie, why would you do that to me? 290 00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:58,803 Because that's great stuff. That is my private video diary! 291 00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:00,505 80,000 hits. 80,000? 292 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,875 80,000 hits, Dee. That's huge! That's a big number. 293 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,343 Yeah. Come on. Don't take this to heart. 294 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,845 [ Exhales ] Don't take this the wrong way. 295 00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:09,247 Hey, look. You got recognized on the street today. That happened. 296 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:11,249 So did I. Well, it was me first. 297 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:14,519 The point is that's the first step to becoming hugely famous-- 298 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,222 - Pretty awesome. - is people noticing you on the Internet. 299 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,757 80,000 hits. That's a lot of hits, Charlie. 300 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:22,627 You know what it's like for Chocolate Rain when he goes around in the world? 301 00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:25,663 He gets free food. He gets free everything, 'cause people love that guy. 302 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:28,633 Charlie, fire up that video camera. 303 00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,335 There you go. 304 00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:36,674 Okay, Anya. So they are, in fact, double D's. 305 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:39,010 That's great news. [ Chuckles ] 306 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,279 Well, you got a great look-- no denying that. 307 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,314 Let me ask you a question, though. 308 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,250 Why should I pick you over the other girls? 309 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:48,686 I'm willing to do anything in order to win. 310 00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:51,222 - You're talking about banging me, right? - Maybe. 311 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:53,691 - [ Clicks Tongue ] Well, if you say yes-- - Yes. 312 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,226 Okay, great. You said yes. 313 00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,028 Okay. Anya said yes. That's written down now. 314 00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,630 Yes. That's like a contract. All right. Perfect. 315 00:14:58,632 --> 00:15:01,332 You can't go back on it. All right. Well, thank you for coming in. 316 00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:02,967 Thank you. Nice talking to you. 317 00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:05,169 You too. You got a great shot. 318 00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:08,106 You got a great ass. All right. 319 00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,208 Wow. [ Door Opens ] 320 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:12,944 - Hi. - Hi! Rachelle! 321 00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:15,546 Yes. Rachelle, Rachelle, Rachelle. 322 00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:18,950 Thank you for coming in. I'm having all the girls come in just to make sure we vibe. 323 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:22,687 - Of course. - What's the difference between you and the rest of the girls? 324 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:26,991 Well, my heart is in this 100%, 325 00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:29,093 and for more than just a billboard. 326 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,863 For more than a billboard? That's interesting. 327 00:15:31,865 --> 00:15:34,265 - I haven't heard that yet. - No? 328 00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,067 I feel like there's vibing happening right now. 329 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,870 - This is the vibing I'm talking about. - Yeah. 330 00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:41,205 - I feel like we're completing each other's-- - Sentences. 331 00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:43,174 Yeah! I was gonna say "sentences"! [ Laughs ] 332 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,842 I know. Oh, my God. 333 00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:46,711 - How did you read my-- - Mind. 334 00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:48,012 I was gonna say "head." Oh. 335 00:15:48,014 --> 00:15:49,814 But that's okay. That's all right. 336 00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:51,416 We got-- We're one for two. 337 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:53,818 Okay. That's okay. Fifty percent. 338 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,521 - You and I are gonna get along very well. - [ Laughs ] 339 00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:05,630 Rex, that is a sexy jaguar. 340 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:10,101 I mean, that jaguar is fierce! 341 00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:13,237 I've-I've-- I've never been turned on by a jaguar before. 342 00:16:13,239 --> 00:16:17,508 This has totally changed my mind toward jaguars. 343 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:24,549 Dennis, your mule is shit. I am no longer turned on by mules. 344 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:27,685 You gave Rex "jaguar"! There aren't jaguars in barns! 345 00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:31,055 Plus, what the hell am I supposed to do with a mule? You can't make a mule sexy. 346 00:16:31,057 --> 00:16:33,725 Dennis, you've been out-modeled. 347 00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:36,928 I have not been out-modeled. I haven't even begun to work this hot body. 348 00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:38,463 What's the next event? 349 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,433 The clothes-off pose-off. 350 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,336 ♪♪ [ Disco ] 351 00:16:48,807 --> 00:16:50,942 Oh! Jesus Christ, Frank! 352 00:16:50,944 --> 00:16:53,077 That burns! What-- What are you doing? 353 00:16:53,079 --> 00:16:55,446 Anything can happen on a runway, Dennis. 354 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:58,383 Nobody's gonna throw detergent in my eyeballs on a runway, Frank! 355 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:02,153 And you think that was bad, check out this tasty delight. 356 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,322 You gotta eat cockroaches next. 357 00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:07,892 You know, man, screw this. I'm outta here. 358 00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,527 Finished. 359 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,130 Jesus, Rex. I didn't tell you to start eating yet. 360 00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:14,165 That doesn't disqualify me, does it? 361 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:17,468 - No, you're good. - [ Sighs ] 362 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:21,372 Oh, hey, diary. Listen. Today was the worst day ever. 363 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,408 I had an audition and I didn't get the part, 364 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:25,243 which is really, really strange for me. 365 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:27,578 But then the casting director called and they were, like, 366 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,580 "We thought you were just better for a different part." 367 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,416 And I was, like, "That makes more sense." 368 00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:33,084 Cut, cut! What are you doing? That was great. 369 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,686 What are you doing? Why don't you do it like you did the first time? 370 00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,356 - This is just weird. - This is what I do. I talk into the camera about my life. 371 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,926 You never do this. You have all these colors on your face. Your mouth is going like this-- 372 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:44,062 Don't bust my balls. This is great exposure for me. This is stupid. 373 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,830 [ Door Closes ] Hey, Charlie. You are here! Dee! 374 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:47,799 What the hell's going on? She looks like a clown. I don't know. 375 00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,500 Get outta here! Like a porn star or something. 376 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,235 He almost didn't recognize you! You guys shooting a porn? 377 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,937 - No, we're not-- - Never mind. I don't care. 378 00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:55,173 Listen, we need to get that company credit card from Frank. Yeah? What's up? 379 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:56,507 Man, dude, I realized something. 380 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,342 I don't need validation anymore. How great is that? 381 00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,378 But what I do need is the company credit card... 382 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,613 so that I can buy myself a billboard, get myself out there... 383 00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,382 and show the entire world that Dennis Reynolds... 384 00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:06,384 still has a rocking body that deserves to be worshipped. 385 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,419 Get out of here! We're in the middle of something! 386 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,388 - No, you get out of here! - This is my place! 387 00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,790 I need that billboard! Hang on a second. 388 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,492 Okay, look. Guys, guys. [ Sighs ] 389 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,461 There's a way to make you guys both happy, all right? 390 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,329 I got a pretty good plan how to do this. 391 00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:23,868 Hey, everybody. PatheticGirl43 here, coming to you live... 392 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:26,537 with Philadelphia's next top model, Dennis Reynolds. 393 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:29,740 Dennis, tell us what it's like to be so handsome. 394 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:32,810 Well, I like to think I've been this handsome since birth, possibly even earlier-- 395 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,679 Oh! Greenman! 396 00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:36,581 [ Gasping ] 397 00:18:41,353 --> 00:18:45,289 This shamrock will be awarded to the winner... 398 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:50,361 as a symbol of my vote and love for this competition. 399 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,898 Rachelle, you taught me about love, 400 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:56,501 respect, inner beauty. 401 00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:03,708 Dominique, you banged me, like, right away. 402 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:05,309 [ Chuckles ] I hardly had to do anything. 403 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,044 Tabitha, you did the same. 404 00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,347 But most importantly, you banged each other. 405 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:12,817 And you let me watch. 406 00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:14,652 Awesome. [ Inhales ] 407 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:18,890 [ Sighs ] But when I was making this decision, 408 00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:23,161 I thought long and hard, and I thought, "I have to go with my heart." 409 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:26,430 "I have to go with my heart." 410 00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:32,003 So I'm gonna do something a little unorthodox here. [ Sighs ] 411 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,704 A top o' the morning... to both of you! 412 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,773 - [ Both Screaming ] - [ Rachelle ] What? 413 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,575 I had two of them! I had another one here. 414 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,844 I tricked you. I got both of you guys. 415 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,880 But you just said that I taught you about inner beauty and respect. 416 00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:46,918 Yeah, but this whole thing's about banging, and you didn't bang me. So-- 417 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:48,753 You're a dick! I know! 418 00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:50,788 And that's what I learned. [ Chuckles ] 419 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:56,227 Hey-o! Check it out. Check it out! 420 00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:58,362 What is it? I'll tell you what it is, bitch. 421 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:01,232 [ Door Closes ] It's a YouTube video that me, Dee and Charlie just made. 422 00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:03,801 It's gonna get a million hits. So guess what, pal? 423 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,270 Don't need your billboard. I'm going viral. 424 00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:09,407 I'm glad you don't need it, because you can't have it because it's already up. 425 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:12,443 What? Yeah. I put it up right after you called me ugly. 426 00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:14,645 There's no billboard? 427 00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:17,949 Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, Rex. My bad. 428 00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:22,787 So, wait. If you already put the billboard up, wh-what did you put on it? 429 00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:25,389 ♪♪ [ Disco ] 430 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:31,796 [ Synthesized Voice ] ♪ A.R.S. ♪ 431 00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:35,533 ♪ A.R.S. ♪ 432 00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:38,936 ♪ A.R.S. ♪ 433 00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:00,558 ♪♪ [ Ends ] 434 00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:06,597 [ Voices Speaking Backwards ]