1 00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:05,604 [ Lighter Clicks ] [ Water Bubbling ] 2 00:00:07,107 --> 00:00:09,975 [ Coughing ] 3 00:00:11,144 --> 00:00:15,080 [ Lighter Clicks ] [ Inhaling Deeply ] 4 00:00:16,549 --> 00:00:18,484 What the shit is this? 5 00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,652 Cheech over here bought himself a bong. 6 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:23,655 [ Laughs, Coughs ] Deandra, this is wacky. 7 00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:26,325 Go download me a hoagie off the Internet. 8 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,394 [ Dennis Laughing ] I'm sorry? 9 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:31,363 Those words don't make any sen-- sense. 10 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,366 Oh! God, you guys. Oh, weird. I feel weird. 11 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:37,236 Rip another one. Say something else stupid. 12 00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,371 My arm's kinda numb. Dennis, feel my head. Am I hot? 13 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,707 I'm not touching you. We're enjoying ourselves over here. 14 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,842 I'm serious, you guys. Something's not right. 15 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,412 - You think there's pigeons in the bar? - [ Mac ] What? 16 00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:49,381 - Pigeons in the bar. - I mean, really serious. I need some help. 17 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,316 [ Frank Laughing ] [ Mac ] Good one. 18 00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:55,320 God, what is her problem? I don't know. 19 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:30,355 - [ Mac ] So, heart attack. - Yeah. Yikes. 20 00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:31,657 That's what I was trying to say. 21 00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:34,860 The E.M.T. says I'm a ticking time bomb, 'cause it was just a little one. 22 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,895 I didn't know women could have heart attacks. It's crazy. 23 00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:40,732 What's scary about this whole thing is that I have the same genes as her. 24 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,501 I'm concerned for myself and Charlie as well. 25 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,636 We lead a very rock-and-roll lifestyle. I know. 26 00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:47,339 I just had a heart attack. Can we focus on me for two minutes? 27 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,308 I feel like we did talk about you. Dee, your ship has sailed. 28 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:52,511 It's time to move on to us-- the people who are going to live on. 29 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,379 Guys, we gotta make sure that this does not happen to us. 30 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:57,416 That's the important thing here. We need to focus on ourselves. [ Woman ] Ms. Reynolds? 31 00:01:57,418 --> 00:02:00,519 Doctor, thank God. Listen, let's just do all the tests you've got. 32 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:02,788 I feel like the big one's right around the corner. 33 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,389 Well, actually, Miss Reynolds, 34 00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:07,459 first we need to discuss how you'll be paying for your stay. 35 00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,394 Paying? This is a hospital. 36 00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:13,732 - Yeah. Since when do you pay to stay in a hospital? - Since always. 37 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,501 No. I believe that is what taxes are for. 38 00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:18,737 You don't pay a fireman to put out a fire. Or a cop to shoot a guy. 39 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:21,607 How do you not know how this works? You've been in a hospital before. 40 00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,375 I guess I must've slipped through the cracks. 41 00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:26,678 I do always give a fake name, 'cause I like to stay off the grid. 42 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,447 They usually give me a bunch of antibiotics. 43 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,882 The sores go away, and I walk out. 44 00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,783 Shut up! Doctor, I have health insurance. 45 00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,819 Yeah. We're on our father's policy. 46 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,755 You guys! Check out this cool gown. 47 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,858 Whoa. Really lets your ass breathe. 48 00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,427 -Oh, my God! -Son of a bitch! -Why are you wearing that thing? 49 00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:46,365 I'm gettin' a full body scan. I've been partying real hard lately. 50 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,367 Whatever. She needs to see the insurance card. 51 00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:50,736 I canceled that shit when you were nine. 52 00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:53,639 What, you canceled our insurance policy? What? 53 00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:54,840 What, am I gonna carry that burden around? 54 00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:58,410 You couldn't have given us a heads-up about that a long time ago? 55 00:02:58,412 --> 00:02:59,945 Okay. Let me get this straight. 56 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:03,348 Miss Reynolds, you have no health insurance. 57 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,285 No, I don't. 58 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:07,819 Okay. 59 00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:10,422 Well, get out. 60 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,928 - [ Both Exhale ] - Wow. Harsh. 61 00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:19,698 Why is the government not providing us with health insurance? 62 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,301 What is this, like, some kind of socialist country... 63 00:03:22,303 --> 00:03:24,336 or some kind of communist dictatorship? 64 00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,471 This is insane. This is un-American. I don't know, bro. 65 00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:28,974 You don't pay for health insurance. That's crazy. 66 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:32,311 We need to find insurance ASAP. We're gonna get sick eventually. 67 00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:35,514 We just find a couple of side jobs. That way, we'll have insurance. 68 00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:38,517 And when disaster inevitably occurs, we'll be covered. We'll be covered. 69 00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:42,721 Okay, here we go. "Position available. Major sales corporation. 70 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,990 Motivated individuals. Good interpersonal skills." 71 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:47,492 You don't have to say any more. That's us. 72 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:49,561 "Salary and benefits." 73 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,063 Yo! [ Mac ] Jesus. 74 00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,699 Hey. Why are you still wearing that thing? 75 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:56,568 Did you wear that all the way here? I let my ass breathe. 76 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:59,371 You keep saying that, but I don't know what it means. 77 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:01,607 Yeah. How does an ass breathe? Explain that to me. 78 00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,609 Just leave me alone! I can't get worked up. 79 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,877 My doctor told me not to get worked up. 80 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,546 I'm under too much stress. 81 00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:11,016 Yeah. That's a lot of pills, dude. 82 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,851 That's the beauty of havin' insurance. 83 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:16,688 You can get the top-quality antianxiety drugs. 84 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,790 Wow. You got a lot of 'em, huh? 85 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,359 Mmm. What are you doin'? 86 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:23,428 I'm takin' them because I can't sift through the duds. 87 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,465 I gotta take 'em all. I gotta get healthy really fast. 88 00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,966 You're takin' them all at once? Yeah. 89 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:30,769 I don't think that's a good idea. It seems a bit aggressive. 90 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,005 I know what I'm doin'! 91 00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:35,374 ♪♪ [ Background: Techno ] [ Dennis ] This is great, Dee. This is perfect. 92 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,943 Getting in shape is, like, the best health insurance you can get. 93 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,646 You take care of your body, you don't need a doctor. I want that. 94 00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,381 That's exactly right. You look good, you feel good. 95 00:04:42,383 --> 00:04:46,084 It's all connected. You're talking about the mind-body-abs connection. 96 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:48,387 I would personally like to get some side abs goin'. 97 00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,289 You wanna get some side abs? That's a good idea. 98 00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:52,791 You know what I'm concerned about? I don't wanna get too bulky. 99 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,159 I wanna stay nice and lean and tight. 100 00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,595 I wanna get that "Jesus on the cross" look. I see what you're saying. 101 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:59,031 I think that crucifixion must've been really good for your core. 102 00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:02,601 Absolutely. Jesus had, like, the best abs. He had the right idea. 103 00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,069 He knew. No pain, no gain. 104 00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:06,138 He had good messages. I'm sure he started that. 105 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,073 Let's do some cardio since we're here. 106 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,808 Here we are. Let's get our blood pumpin'. 107 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:13,345 Let's hop on these treadmills and, uh, let's do this thing. 108 00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:14,680 Let's do it. All right. 109 00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:17,482 I-I-- I don't know if I'm ready. I'm not feeling ready. 110 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,851 I'll tell you why. I feel a little low-energy. That's what it is. 111 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:25,157 We need to fuel up. I see people utilizing a lot of shakes and powders around here. 112 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:25,991 We should probably look into that. 113 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,393 You know what else we should do-- get some new outfits. 114 00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,662 Let's get some new outfits. That's a great idea. 115 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,964 You decided to rock jeans. I'm confused by that. 116 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:36,601 Yeah. I chose jeans. I'm not seeing a lot of other jeans. 117 00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:37,669 I've never seen jeans in a gym. 118 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,539 Okay, look. That's fine. This is what we'll do. We'll dial it back. 119 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,574 We'll get fueled up. We'll get some sick new outfits. 120 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:45,277 And then we'll come back and work out. Boom. Let's go. 121 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:49,181 [ Paper Rustles ] [ Man ] "Official résumé of Mac and Charlie." 122 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:51,817 So both of you are-- Well, gentlemen, 123 00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:54,553 I've never seen two people share a résumé before. 124 00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:57,589 Well, we thought we'd save paper, you know, go green. 125 00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,859 Uh, "Work experience. Paddy's Pub management... 126 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:06,031 and duties that include ordering supplies and taking care of business." 127 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:06,832 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. T.C.O.B. 128 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,768 "Business coordinator. For several year"-- I don't know who this is. 129 00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:14,039 Coordinator. Okay. "For several years, I've been in complete charge... 130 00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,508 of pretty much everything in my life." 131 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,844 I don't miss a beat. That would actually be him. 132 00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,178 Not-- Pretty much everything. 133 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,748 There are certain things that you just can't have control of, sir. 134 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:25,984 But I think you'll find that what we lack in formal education, 135 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,986 we more than make up for in street smarts. Mm-hmm. 136 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:31,523 Okay? So we can wheel. We can deal. We can oversee hostile takeovers. 137 00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,058 Whatever you need, bud. You name it. 138 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:37,028 It's a mail-room gig. And there's only one spot available. 139 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,864 Mmm. Ooh. 140 00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:41,466 Kind of a package deal. We sort of work as a team. 141 00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:45,971 - What if we split the pay right down the middle? - You'd be willing to do that? 142 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:48,540 Oh, yeah. This has nothin' to do with money. 143 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:51,676 This is sort of a health insurance situation for us. 144 00:06:51,678 --> 00:06:53,812 So, frankly, you don't even really have to pay us at all. 145 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,815 [ Chuckling ] Well, legally, I have to pay you something. 146 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:59,718 But, uh, minimum wage maybe-- 147 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,052 Minimum wage. Are you kiddin' me? 148 00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:04,656 That's great. That's a government salary right there. 149 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:08,026 Well, you drive a hard bargain. The job is both of yours. 150 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,529 Congratulations. Congratulations to you. 151 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:12,531 Bro. Yeah. Minimum wage. 152 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,800 Minimum wage. All right. 153 00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:18,703 ♪♪ [ Background: Loud Techno ] 154 00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:22,607 Fat burner? I'm already on a nitric oxide energy stack. 155 00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,777 But, yeah, sure, I'll take some fat burner. Why not? 156 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,612 All right, everybody. 157 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,847 Before we begin today, 158 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:32,284 are there any physical ailments that I should know about first? 159 00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:35,020 - Yeah. I just had a heart attack. - Excuse me? 160 00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,689 I just had a heart attack. Maybe you should turn this techno music down. 161 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:41,827 Yeah. I gotta be honest, buddy. I'm not really feelin' these tunes. 162 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,528 ♪♪ [ Stops ] Boom. There we go. Ah. 163 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:46,832 What are you doin'? I'm riflin' through your music. 164 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:49,000 And it's pretty terrible. You know what? Put it down. 165 00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,169 [ Dee ] Does he have any '80s? Doesn't appear to. 166 00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,072 It seems like he's got a bunch of goddamn dance mixes. 167 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:58,610 Whoa. Hang on. It's all good. I got a Steve Winwood CD in my car. I'll go grab that. 168 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,946 Listen, don't-don't do that. Please don't do that. 169 00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,314 What's wrong with Steve Winwood? Yeah, man. 170 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:06,184 - "Higher Love"? It's a classic. - I pick the music in this class, okay? 171 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:09,187 Oh. Oh. No, no, no. I apologize. 172 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,022 I had no idea that this was all about you. 173 00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,625 I don't think you should even be here if you just had a heart attack. 174 00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:16,194 Well, maybe you shouldn't dress like a bumblebee, bitch. 175 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:19,631 [ Laughing ] Oh! You just got dogged, bro. 176 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,066 You just got dogged. 177 00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,267 Guys, please, leave my class. 178 00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:25,871 [ Laughing ] Spin class. Come on. Bunch of hamsters on a wheel. 179 00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:28,173 I'm gonna ride a bike hard, I'm gonna ride a bike fast, 180 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,741 and, oh, yeah, I'm not gonna go anywhere. 181 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,677 Then when I walk out, I'm gonna put a bunch of metal onto a metal bar... 182 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,212 and lift that metal over and over like a metal jerk. 183 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:38,016 I gotta be honest. I feel these supplements are doing a great job on their own. 184 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,718 Know what I mean? I got tons of energy. 185 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,853 My heart rate's up. Things are going great. Absolutely. 186 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,956 I feel good too. Look how vascular I am. Look how my veins are poppin'. 187 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,791 Holy shit. I look good, and I feel good. 188 00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:50,295 I feel good, too, apart from the recent bouts of explosive diarrhea. 189 00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:52,831 Oh. You been havin' diarrhea? Oh, God. All over the place. 190 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:56,635 You know what that is? That's probably your body flushing out all the toxins. 191 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:57,936 You think so? I do think so. 192 00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:00,171 I, on the other hand, have not taken a shit in days. 193 00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:03,074 Days? That doesn't sound good. No, it's good. 194 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,242 My body's working at 100% efficiency. 195 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:07,913 My body is absorbing every single nutrient, and it's not wasting a single thing. 196 00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,814 Your body's taking its job very seriously. 197 00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:12,083 My body is doing its job like it's never done before. 198 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,252 We're gonna start climbing just a little more. 199 00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,321 Thirty percent more resistance. 200 00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,623 Why don't we up the supplements, which we know work, 201 00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,091 and eliminate working out, which we know blows? 202 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:23,128 That sounds like a good plan. I'm gonna take it one step further... 203 00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:25,363 and propose that we start working on a muscle... 204 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,299 that we've been neglecting this entire time. 205 00:09:27,301 --> 00:09:29,901 It's the most important muscle in the entire body. 206 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,403 Which muscle? The face. 207 00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,871 ♪♪ [ "Higher Love" Plays ] 208 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:36,007 That's a gift for you, bumblebee. 209 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:38,109 Come on. Enjoy it, Coach Dickenballs. 210 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:42,147 ♪ Bring me a higher love Oh, oh ♪ 211 00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:45,750 ♪ Bring me a higher love ♪♪ 212 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,752 ♪♪ [ Fades Out ] 213 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,988 Mr. Taylor-- whose grandpa was a sailor. 214 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,857 There you go, Mr. Scott-- who drinks his coffee hot. 215 00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:55,961 There it is, Mr. White-- whose wife is not too bright. 216 00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,062 There you go. 217 00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:59,230 Dude, I'm trying to network by the water cooler. 218 00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:01,433 And I'm doing both of our jobs here. Wanna help out, okay? 219 00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,602 The mail doesn't stop down there, Mac. I need help. 220 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:06,404 This is Felix's pile. He receives for Eric. He receives for Janet. 221 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:09,708 Don't ever look Janet in the eyes, because she's a horrible devil woman. 222 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,977 I feel like you are taking this shit way too seriously. 223 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:14,212 Will you just help me out? This is Johnson's mail. 224 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:17,082 Now Johnson's gone AWOL for the week with the wife and kids down in Orlando. 225 00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:21,019 I want you to keep a pile in a neat stack somewhere that's all Johnson's mail. 226 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,354 Whoa, whoa. Wait a second. 227 00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:24,055 This guy's in Orlando for the week? Yeah, man. 228 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:27,993 Help me out here. Hold on a second, bro. This is a perfect opportunity. 229 00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:31,096 I'm gonna hang out in his office and pretend I'm the new guy. 230 00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,264 Uh, I don't think that's gonna work, dude. 231 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:36,001 Uh, have you seen The Secret of My Success? 232 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:36,968 Uh, they're gonna catch on to you. 233 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:41,339 Uh, but before they do, I will come up with an idea that will save the company millions... 234 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,041 and they'll be forced to promote me. 235 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:46,111 Uh, are you sure? How's that movie end, dude? 236 00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:49,948 Uh, I can't remember. Actually-- 237 00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,416 Oh, yeah. He bangs that old lady, 238 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:56,021 and they play that song from the '80s-- "Day, Bow-Bow." 239 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,989 What the hell is "Day, Bow-Bow"? 240 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:01,960 ♪ Day, bow-bow Chick, chicka-chicka ♪ 241 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,929 Oh! ♪ Day, bow-bow ♪ 242 00:11:04,931 --> 00:11:07,365 [ Together ] ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 243 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,134 ♪ Day, bow-bow ♪ 244 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,935 ♪♪ [ Beatboxing ] 245 00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,103 ♪ Day, bow-bow ♪ 246 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,873 ♪ Beautiful ♪ ♪ Chick, chicka-chicka ♪ 247 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,174 ♪ Day, bow-bow ♪ 248 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,009 No, Mac, seriously-- ♪ Hello ♪ 249 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,411 ♪ Beautiful ♪♪ 250 00:11:19,413 --> 00:11:21,846 At least give him his mail. 251 00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:28,720 [ Murmuring ] 252 00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:31,156 Hoh! 253 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:36,494 [ Thinking ] Meds are kickin' in. 254 00:11:36,496 --> 00:11:40,298 [ Voice Slows, Distorts ] Meds are kickin' in. 255 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,233 Whoa. 256 00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:45,070 Jesus Christ, dude. What's goin' on in here? 257 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:48,106 I'm really behind the eight ball, Mac. The mail doesn't stop. 258 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,441 You're smoking now? Yeah, I'm smoking now. 259 00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:52,177 You kidding me? My nerves are like-- [ Jabbering ] 260 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,978 I'm trying to smoke. I'm trying to calm myself down. 261 00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,281 Hey, we got insurance, so what the hell? Have a smoke. 262 00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,817 Maybe you're right. I need to calm my nerves a bit. 263 00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:01,052 It's a shark tank up there. Oh, yeah, is it? I bet. 264 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:04,089 Have some coffee too. That'll calm you down. Yeah? 265 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:07,125 What's your system here, bro? It's pretty complicated. 266 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,359 The mail goes into three sections, 267 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,895 according to how important I think the thing looks. [ Mail Dropping ] 268 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,497 The least important stuff, I'm gonna burn that. 269 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:13,898 If it's important, they're gonna send it again. 270 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,268 The middle important stuff, I put that back in the mail addressed to me. 271 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,937 I buy myself a couple more days. 272 00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:21,239 The most important stuff, that gets delivered. 273 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:25,243 Although, you know something? I actually burn that, too, most of the time. 274 00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:28,913 Okay, well, it looks like you've got this under control. 275 00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:31,249 I'm gonna get back to my office. All right, man. 276 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,151 I'm just-- Okay, sorry, buddy. The mail don't stop! 277 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:36,888 I'm gonna get back to my office, and then-- I'll see you later. 278 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,890 All right, man. Okay, bud. 279 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,426 You're not gonna stop, are you? 280 00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:46,364 Come on, Mac. Hit me. Come on. Hit me again. 281 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,767 [ Door Opens ] Look. 282 00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:53,171 [ Frank Murmurs ] I found him wandering the streets. 283 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,372 No I.D., no nothing. 284 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,175 Figured we'd turn him over to you until someone claimed him. 285 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,110 Poor thing. Careful. 286 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,946 I think he crapped himself. 287 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,482 Oh, my. This way. 288 00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,417 Right through here. 289 00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:09,821 Hit me. Hit me again. 290 00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,956 Hit me. 291 00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:17,061 ♪♪ [ "Oh, Yeah" Playing ] 292 00:13:18,330 --> 00:13:21,065 [ Man, Deep Voice ] ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 293 00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,367 [ Ringing ] 294 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:26,070 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ All right. 295 00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:28,106 ♪♪ [ Continues ] Hello. 296 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,208 [ Man ] Uh, hello? Hi. 297 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:33,878 Uh, who is this? This is Mac. I'm the new guy. 298 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,481 What are you doing in my office? 299 00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:40,518 Huh? Who are you, and why are you in my office? 300 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:44,389 Who is this? This is Johnson. 301 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:45,590 Oh. 302 00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:48,059 I-I-- I thought you were in Orlando. 303 00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:51,663 I am in Orlando. I'm trying to check my voice mail. 304 00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,065 Oh. I could check it for you. 305 00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:57,235 No, don't! Just-- What is your name, sir? 306 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,470 Uh-- 307 00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:03,074 Why don't you just give me your name? 308 00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:07,178 Your full name, sir. 309 00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:09,981 ♪ Chick, chicka-chicka ♪♪ 310 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:15,286 This is gonna be great, Sis. We already got the mind, body and soul goin'. 311 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,455 Now all we need is to get our faces nice and tight, 312 00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:20,058 and we'll be healthy as all hell. I know. 313 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:24,162 Uh, now, you're clear on these instructions, right? 314 00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,364 Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, you know what you're doing? 315 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:30,034 They're in Spanish. Yeah, but, you know, if you know Latin, 316 00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,703 you know, like, three languages, so-- 317 00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,404 - Far as I know, you don't speak Latin. - I don't speak Latin. 318 00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:37,141 But there's pictures, so I think we're good. You're good with the pictures. 319 00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:37,842 Can we get goin' with this? 320 00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:40,778 Those supplements are givin' me the squirts like you would not believe. 321 00:14:40,780 --> 00:14:44,082 I would kill for your bowel movements. I am so blocked up. 322 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:46,951 Gonna do your eyes first. Hold really still. Easy, easy, easy. 323 00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:50,555 Seriously, do not move. Careful. Careful. 324 00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,191 It's in? It's out. 325 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,959 It's out, and it's in. I did it. 326 00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:56,060 Pretty good, right? Painless. 327 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,029 Let's just let that settle for a minute, 328 00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,264 and I'll think about what I would like to do. 329 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:03,368 Number one, I'd like to get rid of these crow's-feet I have been noticing coming in, 330 00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:04,702 which I do not appreciate. 331 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,938 And hear me out on this one. It's a little weird. 332 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,673 I'm thinking about doing something to my earlobes. 333 00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:12,510 I've never really liked my earlobes. Oh! Jesus! 334 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:13,378 What? 335 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,980 How's that eye feel? Well, feels a little weird. 336 00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:19,083 I'm having a little trouble seeing out of it. That's normal, right? 337 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,219 I don't think so. It's not? Really? 338 00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:25,123 Now that you mention it, I do feel a fair amount of pain coming on. 339 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,991 God, it stings. Uh-huh? Um, uh-- 340 00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:29,260 Shit, Dennis. I think maybe I switched these up. 341 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,395 You switched 'em up? I don't know. 342 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:32,997 What the hell? Maybe I put some collagen in your eye. 343 00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:35,133 You injected Mexican collagen in my eye? I'm sorry! 344 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,402 I can't handle this stress you're giving me right now. 345 00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:39,570 My heart is very weak. It's a lot of pressure. 346 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:41,572 I think I'm going blind in one eye. 347 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,574 Hold on a second. I feel very weird. I'm going blind. 348 00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:47,712 I-I-- I feel like my heart might explode. [ Gasps ] 349 00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:55,386 Are you feeling better today? 350 00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,256 I like to hear that. 351 00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:01,426 Now take your medication. 352 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:07,298 Good. 353 00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:11,402 That's good. 354 00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:14,305 Hello, Chief. 355 00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,508 They're onto me, dude. Those guys are sharp as nails up there. 356 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,310 You can't put anything past them. 357 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,511 Oh, my God. I am freakin' out. 358 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:23,247 I am so stressed out. I feel like I'm having a panic attack. 359 00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:27,185 You wanna talk about stress? Okay? I've stumbled onto a major company conspiracy. 360 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:30,388 How about that for stress? What the hell are you talking about? 361 00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:33,091 This company is being bled like a stuck pig, Mac. 362 00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:36,194 I've got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out. 363 00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:37,428 Take a look at this. 364 00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,364 Jesus Christ, Charlie. That right there is the mail. 365 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,766 Let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please? 366 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:44,335 I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day. 367 00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,637 Pepe Silvia-- this name keeps coming up over and over. 368 00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,139 Every day, Pepe's mail's getting sent back to me. 369 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:52,176 Pepe Silvia, Pepe Silvia. I look in the mail-- This whole box is Pepe Silvia! 370 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,578 So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy. 371 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:56,414 I gotta go up to his office. I gotta put his mail in the guy's goddamn hands! 372 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,483 Otherwise, he's never gonna get it. It's gonna keep coming back down here." 373 00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:02,186 So I go up to Pepe's office, and what do I find out? What do I find out? 374 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,288 - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ - There is no Pepe Silvia. 375 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:08,559 The man does not exist. So I decide, oh, shit, I gotta dig a little deeper. 376 00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:11,662 There's no Pepe Silvia? You gotta me kidding me! I got boxes full of Pepe! 377 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:15,867 All right, so I start marching my way down to Carol in H.R. 378 00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:19,103 And I knock on her door, and I say, "Carol! 379 00:17:19,105 --> 00:17:21,372 Carol, I gotta talk to you about Pepe." 380 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,274 And when I open the door, what do I find? 381 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:26,310 There's not a single goddamn desk in that office. 382 00:17:26,312 --> 00:17:30,114 There is no Carol in H.R. 383 00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:33,651 Mac, half the employees in this building have been made up. 384 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,787 This office is a goddamn ghost town. 385 00:17:35,789 --> 00:17:37,155 ♪ Chick, chicka-chicka ♪ 386 00:17:37,157 --> 00:17:40,091 Charlie, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. 387 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,160 Not only do all of these people exist, 388 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:44,829 but they have been asking for their mail on a daily basis. 389 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,697 It's all they're talking about up there. 390 00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,633 Jesus Christ, dude. We are gonna lose our jobs. 391 00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:51,302 Calm down, 'cause here's one thing that's not gonna happen. 392 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,171 What? We're not gonna get fired. 393 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:56,441 We're not? 'Cause we've already been fired. 394 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:57,909 - We've lost our jobs? - Yeah. 395 00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:01,546 About three days ago, a couple pink slips came in the mail-- one for you, one for me. 396 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,281 What did I do? I mailed them halfway to Siberia. 397 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:06,617 Charlie, if we've lost our jobs, that means we've lost our health insurance. 398 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:07,552 Which means all of this was for nothing. 399 00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:11,189 Goddamn it, dude. I am having a panic attack. I'm actually having a panic attack. 400 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:14,092 Will you settle down and have another cup of coffee? 401 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:14,659 I am, bro. 402 00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:18,830 Fine. You know what, Barney, give this guy a cigarette. He's freakin' out. 403 00:18:18,832 --> 00:18:20,865 - Huh? Who? - Barney. 404 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,334 He's the guy who tipped me off to Pepe Silvia. 405 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,635 Barney? Who the hell is Barney? 406 00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:27,405 You don't see-- Oh, shit. Where the hell did he-- 407 00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:29,774 ♪ Oh, oh-oh ♪ You've lost your mind. 408 00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,742 You've lost your goddamn mind, Charlie. 409 00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:34,879 ♪ Chick, chicka-chicka ♪♪ 410 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:39,817 Jesus Christ! Will you forget the mail? All right? 411 00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:42,553 Forget the mail? The mail's the most important thing in the world. 412 00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:45,323 You're gonna give me another panic attack. Do you have a cigarette? 413 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:46,891 I hear Barney. Where's Barney? 414 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:48,893 Oh! How long is the wait at this place? 415 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:51,129 We have been here for hours and hours. 416 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:54,565 Goddamn Frank. Where the hell is he? 417 00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:04,208 [ Gasps ] Holy shit. 418 00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,744 Where the hell am I? 419 00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,657 [ Straining ] 420 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,260 [ Grunts ] 421 00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:25,263 Hey. Tonto. 422 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,298 Come here. 423 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,699 Come on, bub. Let's go. 424 00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:32,236 Get up. You gotta help me out here. 425 00:19:33,739 --> 00:19:38,576 Pick this up and throw it through this window. 426 00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:42,313 Pick. Throw. 427 00:19:50,389 --> 00:19:54,292 - [ Metal Snaps ] - [ Water Pouring ] 428 00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:55,826 Whoa. That's it. 429 00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,929 Yeah! Yeah! That's it. 430 00:19:57,931 --> 00:20:03,301 One, two and three! 431 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:06,270 [ Grunts ] Beautiful! 432 00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:09,307 Come on. Let's get the hell outta here. 433 00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,642 Come on. You go-- 434 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:13,511 [ Grunts ] 435 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,880 Why aren't you goin'? 436 00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:04,962 [ Voices Speaking Backwards ]