1 00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:02,801 [ Pool Balls Clack ] [ Door Opens ] 2 00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:07,239 [ Charlie ] ♪ Come one, come all to a beautiful show ♪ 3 00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:10,476 ♪ It's gonna be awesome and some other stuff ♪ 4 00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:13,412 ♪ Dee-dee-dee-dee do-dee-dee-dee do-dee-dee-do-dee ♪ 5 00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:16,348 [ Laughs ] ♪ Some other musical stuff ♪♪ 6 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:19,718 - What you doin', buddy? - I wrote a musical. 7 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,153 Huh? You wrote a musical? 8 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,488 Why? Why did you do that? 9 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,089 Uh, just to write a musical. 10 00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:27,326 - Does there have to be a reason? I don't think so. - Yeah, there does. 11 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,661 Nobody writes a musical for no reason. It doesn't make sense. 12 00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:32,564 All right. Well, this guy did. So there you go. [ Chuckles ] 13 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:35,467 - Who's the mark? - What? 14 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:36,301 Oh. Yeah. 15 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:37,803 No. There's no-- There's no mark, guys. 16 00:00:37,805 --> 00:00:40,205 I wrote a musical. It's pretty damn good, okay? 17 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,473 - I want to put it on. - What's your angle? 18 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,842 - I don't have an angle. - Whose face are we shoving this in? 19 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,512 You don't shove a musical in someone's face. What are you talking about? 20 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,080 But who versus? Who are we doing it versus? 21 00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:51,550 Oh, my God. Are you guys gonna make this about this? I mean, look. 22 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,019 I just wrote a musical to write a musical, okay? 23 00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:55,387 I don't have a ulterior motive here. 24 00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,956 I'm not trying to screw anyone or-or gain anything out of it. 25 00:00:57,958 --> 00:01:02,161 You know what? If you guys don't want to be in it, I can find other people to play your parts. 26 00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,762 Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Hang on there, pal. 27 00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:05,798 Hang on. We're just trying to wrap our heads around this. 28 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:09,101 Yeah. I mean, there's no reason to give away our parts, okay? 29 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:10,803 All right. No. We'll do it. 30 00:01:10,805 --> 00:01:12,671 What's it called? 31 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:15,374 The Nightman Cometh. 32 00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:18,444 ♪ 33 00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:20,846 ♪ 34 00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:39,798 ♪♪ 35 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:50,609 Okay. Gather around, please, everybody! 36 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,344 Uh, let's gather down front. 37 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:55,380 ♪ I feel the magic Do you feel the magic ♪ 38 00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:56,381 [ Chuckles ] Here we go! 39 00:01:56,383 --> 00:01:58,750 Now, you guys, you all know Artemis. 40 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,752 Yes. Uh, Artemis was kind enough... 41 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,754 to book for us this fine local theater. 42 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,257 Okay. So, round of applause for Artemis. 43 00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:06,892 Very nice. She also transcribed my work... 44 00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,862 into a format you might consider a little bit more legible. 45 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:12,598 - Or literate. She added words to it. - All right. 46 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,300 No more interruptions now, Dee. Thank you. Please. 47 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:18,403 Charlie, I got a question for you. Who's playing this Lead Boy? 48 00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:19,338 That's gonna be Mac. What? 49 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,874 Oh, yeah! Lead, of course. Who's playing the Dayman? 50 00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:25,511 The Lead Boy becomes the Dayman when he defeats the Nightman. So it's also Mac. 51 00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:28,413 Two parts? Oh, yeah! Wait. That's bullshit. Bro-- 52 00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:31,617 - The Nightman's a better role. - He gets to play two roles? Come on. 53 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:34,286 - It's the same person. - Charlie, who's playing the troll guy? 54 00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:36,688 - You're gonna play the troll guy. - I'm the troll guy? 55 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,224 - Who else would be the troll? - Oh! I like that. 56 00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:40,826 All right. Good. Can I do it naked? 57 00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,162 Absolutely not. Why would you want to be naked? 58 00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:46,198 Because in the '70s, everybody did theater naked. 59 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,232 Everybody got laid all the time. 60 00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:50,235 All right. This is not the '70s. You're gonna do theater with your clothes on, please. 61 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:54,072 Charlie, what the hell is this play about? I'm a princess who lives in a coffee shop? 62 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:57,643 You work in a coffee shop. You don't live in a coffee shop. Read closer. 63 00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:00,712 Well, why am I in love with a little boy? 64 00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:03,415 You're in love with a young man. You wrote "boy." 65 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,217 All right. Well, man, boy-- it's a metaphor. 66 00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:07,319 Well, the audience is gonna think I'm a child molester. 67 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,922 I've changed my mind. I'm playing the Nightman. What? 68 00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:10,622 Whoa. Yeah. 69 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:13,258 Why would you want to play the Nightman? The Nightman's badass, dude. 70 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:16,195 He has the eyes of a cat and does karate across the stage. 71 00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:17,563 Where are you getting that from? Karate? 72 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,097 I made that up. It's gonna be great. This is great. 73 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:21,633 That frees up Lead Boy and Dayman. I can play both. 74 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,502 I don't want you guys switching. That's not how it works. 75 00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:26,271 Frank, you got a guy that does cat eyes? I'm already on it. 76 00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:27,940 Oh, my God. For the love of God. 77 00:03:27,942 --> 00:03:31,410 Uh, you know what? Let's just get started. 78 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,278 [ Charlie ] You guys ready? 79 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,613 [ Dennis ] I'm ready. [ Dee ] Yeah. 80 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,782 ♪ Tiny boy Little boy ♪ 81 00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,850 Ooh. ♪ Baby boy I need you ♪ 82 00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,485 Ah. Ooh. ♪ Tiny boy, little boy ♪ 83 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,654 ♪ Want to make love to you, boy ♪ 84 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:46,258 ♪ If you only knew ♪♪ Hold on a second. Uh, Charlie. 85 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,993 - Yes. - Are you goddamn kidding me? 86 00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:50,796 What? "Tiny boy, little boy, baby boy"? 87 00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:52,097 Yes? 88 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,766 You're wanting me to say I want to make love to a little baby tiny boy. 89 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:58,003 But I've explained this to you, Dee. I'm talking about the spirit of this man. 90 00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,672 It's like a little boy. It's a metaphor. You keep using that word, 91 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,441 but I'm not convinced you know what it means. 92 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:03,875 Also, I'm not making out with Dennis later. 93 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:07,012 It says we're supposed to at the end of the song. That's not gonna happen. 94 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,313 I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that either. 95 00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:10,015 This is why I didn't think you should be playing the boy. 96 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,985 I don't want you guys kissing either. What if it's just... 97 00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:16,221 a sexually charged embrace? Okay, Artemis, 98 00:04:16,223 --> 00:04:17,155 please don't talk to the talent. 99 00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:19,825 You know what? Um-- All right. Screw this shit. 100 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,327 - If no one likes the song, I'm gonna cut the song. - Thank you. 101 00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,730 No, no, no. Don't cut the song, man. I like the song. 102 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,398 Dee, apologize to Charlie. I'm not gonna do that. 103 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,900 He wants me to bang this baby, and I don't feel comfortable. 104 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:31,270 I think it's a bad idea to cut the song, Charlie. 105 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,571 Thank you, Artemis. Thank you very much. 106 00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:36,508 All right. Could you give me a second with-with-with the talent here? 107 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,910 Thank you. Uh, Dennis, could you take a five? 108 00:04:38,912 --> 00:04:41,413 Uh, well, I just don't want to cut the song, man. 109 00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,081 - I would like for you to take a five. - Five minutes? 110 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:48,520 Can we have five now, please? Dee and I. Can I get-- Can you have a five over there? 111 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:52,624 Will you take a five, Dennis. Take a five, please. Yeah, I'll take a five. 112 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,627 [ Sighs ] Okay, Dee. The-The song is history. 113 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,996 Thank you, Charlie. I appreciate that, 'cause I was uncomfortable. 114 00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:01,066 Yeah, I bet. What-What are we gonna sing instead? What should I sing? 115 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,935 Uh, what's on the back there? It's the same song. 116 00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,071 And what's on the very back page? Nothing. 117 00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:09,741 Ah. Then that's what you'll be singing. 118 00:05:09,942 --> 00:05:11,777 Charlie, this is my big song. Yeah. 119 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:14,513 Yeah. Everybody else has a big song. I deserve to have one. 120 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:17,182 Do you? Don't screw me like this, Charlie. Come on. 121 00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:20,385 Don't screw you? Oh, I'm sorry, Dee. 122 00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:21,653 Um, let me try and remember something. 123 00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:25,123 Uh, let's see. Was it-- Did Dee write a musical and come to Charlie with it? 124 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:29,428 No! Charlie wrote a musical and came to Dee with it-- and the gang. 125 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:34,566 And the gang likes to screw it up and make it about themselves and take it away from Charlie... 126 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:35,701 and ruin his hopes and dreams. 127 00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:39,338 So let me tell you something, Dee. Let me break down a scenario for you. 128 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,840 I could cut the song, okay? Because I wrote it. 129 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:45,577 I could have Artemis do the song, okay? Because you did not write it. 130 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:48,680 Or I could strap on a wig and I could do the song myself. 131 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:53,952 So you tell me, Little Miss All That, what do you want to do? 132 00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:57,589 Song or no song? 133 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:04,396 Well, so-- song. [ Gasps ] Song? 134 00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,832 Yeah. Song. You want to sing a song. 135 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:07,866 I never wasn't gonna sing the song. 136 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,936 You are excited about singing a song, and you want to sing a song. 137 00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:13,772 Yeah. I would like to do it. Good! 138 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,575 Yeah, I'll-- So back up on your podium you go. 139 00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:19,478 Thank you. Dennis, what are you doing? 140 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,546 I'm eating because I'm very uncomfortable. 141 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,950 Well-- You guys are making-- Can you just get on the stage, please? 142 00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:27,486 And can we finish this rehearsal? It was really loud. 143 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:29,788 Don't start. Technically, that wasn't five minutes. 144 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,224 Okay. You know what? You guys have me up to here. Okay. 145 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:35,060 Okay, I'm here. I don't want to be here, okay? 146 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,929 Now I have to play the piano, and I'm all up here. 147 00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,599 So let's-- You know what? Let's try and get this down. 148 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,901 Let's try and work this down a bit. Okay? 149 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,003 And you know what's gonna do that? Learning the song. 150 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,638 The way it's written. Let's do it. 151 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:50,709 Back to the top. Five, six, seven, eight-- 152 00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:55,847 ♪ Gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole ♪ 153 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:58,617 ♪ You gotta pay the troll toll to get in ♪ 154 00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:03,655 ♪ You want this baby boy's hole you gotta pay the troll toll ♪♪ 155 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:05,090 Stop, stop, stop. All right. Um, not bad. 156 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:09,060 Good rhythm. Love the enthusiasm. I feel like you're saying "boy's hole." 157 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:13,098 And it's clearly "soul." And I know-- Artemis, you did write "soul," right? 158 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,066 I did write "soul" definitely. So it's "boy's soul." 159 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:18,603 ♪ You gotta pay the troll toll to get into this boy's hole ♪ 160 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,606 ♪ You gotta pay ♪♪ No, see? Right there. It sounds like "hole." 161 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,775 Like, if you drag that-- Are you chewing gum? 162 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,445 Yeah. Give me the gum, okay? 163 00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,680 G-Gi-- The gum, Frank. Please. He said no gum. 164 00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:31,049 I said no gum, everyone. [ Artemis ] It's unprofessional. 165 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,150 Thank you. Can I bring something up? 166 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,686 - Yes. - Um, I think we have to be very careful... 167 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,488 about how we do the rape scene. [ Dennis ] Yeah. 168 00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:39,124 Well, what in God's name are you talking? There's no rape scene. 169 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:43,528 Well, sure. Uh, I pay the troll toll, and then I rape Dennis. 170 00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:47,065 No. You don't rape him. You become him. You do not rape him. 171 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,233 [ Frank ] He doesn't? No. 172 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:51,603 Look. [ Sighs ] Let me just walk you guys through this, okay? 173 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:52,871 Here's what happens. Yeah. 174 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:53,905 Once you've paid the toll-- Yeah. 175 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:57,409 I want you to come over to Dennis, by his bed here. I'll be lying back. 176 00:07:57,411 --> 00:07:58,477 You want me to cross the stage? Yes. 177 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:02,180 All right. This is a great opportunity to showcase some skills and just put on a clinic. 178 00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:05,584 I would rather you didn't. I think the people are gonna want to see that. 179 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,919 Let's not. Then I'll hop up sort of like a cat. 180 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,054 Like so. Meow. Oh, Jesus Christ. 181 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:13,158 Just leave it at that. Okay. Once he gets near you, you have to sense him, okay? 182 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,094 - Suddenly you sense him. - What if I were to position him... 183 00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,229 in a way where I get behind him, 184 00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:19,898 then Frank could throw that blanket he's got right there over us. 185 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,566 Oh, yeah. Then that way you can't see the penetration. 186 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:24,870 That's a good idea. You know what, Charlie? Because the blanket will make the raping-- 187 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,973 I'm sorry, the, uh, "sexing" from behind-- feel more classy. 188 00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:32,644 That's good. Then what I can do is thrust this way. And you can struggle. 189 00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:35,247 Now I'm here. Okay? I am-- 190 00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:40,218 I'm past where I thought I could go. I'm like all the way up here with it. 191 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:46,658 Oh, my God. Hey, you. Oh, my God! You scared me. 192 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,793 I'm sorry. I dropped, like, a hundred dollar bill under there, 193 00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:51,663 can't find it anywhere, and then-- What are you doing walking here? 194 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:54,566 Is this one of your walking places? Charlie, I have Mace. 195 00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:55,934 Oh, my God. Check this out. 196 00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:59,938 Uh, I have a free ticket for you to see a musical that I wrote. 197 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:03,441 Oh, wow! A free ticket to a play that I don't want to see. 198 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:04,109 You don't want to? I don't. 199 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,144 It's a front row seat. I don't care. I don't want to see your play. 200 00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:09,614 I'm gonna cut you a bargain. Cut you a little deal. Come see this play-- 201 00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:12,050 I didn't want to have to do this, but if you come see this play-- 202 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,986 Yeah? I'm gonna leave you alone for the rest of your life. 203 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:15,787 Really? Yeah. 204 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,889 Okay. So you're not gonna follow me home anymore? No. 205 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:21,026 And you're not gonna call me at 3:00 in the morning-- No. 206 00:09:21,028 --> 00:09:22,694 and tell me that you are... 207 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:23,929 in the emergency room in the hospital-- Yeah. 208 00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,898 'cause you had a terrible car accident. Yeah. It's great that you came. 209 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,534 Well, you listed me as your emergency contact. Well, yeah. 210 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,870 Because I consider you that. I have to go. 211 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,104 Look. Ah-- 212 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,006 All right. I swear to God, I'm gonna leave you alone. 213 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:38,710 I'm gonna stop listing you as my emergency contact. I'm gonna stop calling you-- 214 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,879 all that stuff-- if you see the musical. 215 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:44,149 That's how much this means to me. 216 00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:47,052 Nice. 217 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,187 Leave me alone. You're not gonna regret it. 218 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,624 I regret it already. All right. 219 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:55,260 ♪♪ [ Whistling ] 220 00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,268 [ Crowd Murmuring ] [ Charlie Sighs ] Oh, man. 221 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,836 What is going on? When are we gonna start? 222 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,271 We're gonna start when I'm ready. Stop hounding me. 223 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,740 We were supposed to start 20 minutes ago. We're not gonna start-- 224 00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:11,142 [ Gasps ] She's here! She's here! She's here! Who's here? 225 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:14,245 Circle in, everybody. Can we get down in the middle. Can we get down front. 226 00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,915 Couple last-minute things. I just want to brief everyone on this. 227 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,617 Artemis, can you bring in Gladys? This is Gladys. 228 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,852 She's gonna be playing the piano instead of me tonight. 229 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,554 - What? Why? - It's cool. She knows all the songs. 230 00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:25,924 Gladys, can you head out and get us started? I forgot to tell you. 231 00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,192 Calvin Coolidge was a good friend of mine. 232 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:30,996 You've been telling me that Calvin Coolidge was a friend of yours like all morning. 233 00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:33,098 - How many times? - Like a hundred times now. 234 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:34,799 Oh. At a certain point, I need you to stop... 235 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,935 telling the Calvin Coolidge story and start playing-- Shh. 236 00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,971 - Don't shush me. Please don't shush me. - Oh, my God, dude. 237 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,807 - Just get her out there and get the play started. - What the hell are you doing? 238 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,143 You can't be throwing us curveballs like this. I'm hanging on by a thread. 239 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,846 Don't argue with me now. We just gotta do this. Let's stick together. 240 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:50,915 Real quickly. A couple things. I can't really move my arms in this. 241 00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,917 It is a rental. I think I need to rip the pit. 242 00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,753 Do not rip that costume, okay? It's very expensive. 243 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:57,722 Fine. But one other thing. I wrote a song. I'm gonna throw it in. 244 00:10:57,724 --> 00:11:00,425 I swear to God, you cannot add a song. It's gonna happen. 245 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,927 I will smack your face-- It's gonna happen. 246 00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,429 off of your face. Okay. 247 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,197 Do not add a song. It's starting. Go. 248 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,832 You gotta get ready. I'm not ready, dude. 249 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,834 I don't think I can do this. Just get out there. 250 00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,203 I don't think I can do this. You're gonna be fine. 251 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,271 ♪♪ [ Piano ] [ Arguing ] 252 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:17,075 [ Charlie ] Don't change your lines, okay? Don't change your lines. 253 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,678 Do not rip that costume. 254 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,112 ♪♪ [ Up-tempo Piano ] 255 00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,848 What is this strange feeling? 256 00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:27,185 I feel so strange inside. 257 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,055 It's so strange, but appealing. 258 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,791 I feel good. Ooh. ♪ Tiny boy ♪ 259 00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:35,360 ♪ Little boy, baby boy I need you ♪ Ah. Ooh. 260 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,295 Ah. Ooh. Oh. ♪ Tiny boy Little boy ♪ 261 00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,831 ♪ I want to touch you, boy ♪ ♪ If you only knew ♪ 262 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,000 ♪ What I'd do to you ♪ ♪ I need you, boy ♪ 263 00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,969 ♪ If I was that boy that's inside of you ♪ 264 00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:47,005 ♪ Tiny boy, little boy Baby boy ♪ Ah. Ooh. 265 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,340 ♪ I need you Tiny boy, little boy ♪ Ah. Ooh. Oh. 266 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:52,811 ♪ Want to make love to you, boy ♪ ♪ If you only knew ♪ 267 00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:55,480 ♪ What I'd do to you ♪ ♪ Boy, oh, boy ♪ 268 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,015 ♪ If I was that boy that's inside of you ♪ 269 00:11:57,017 --> 00:12:00,485 ♪ Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy ♪ ♪ Inside, inside inside of you ♪ 270 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:05,523 [ Together ] ♪ My boy ♪♪ 271 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:09,294 [ Both Sigh ] Oh, boy. 272 00:12:09,795 --> 00:12:12,831 ♪♪ [ Piano ] [ Applause ] 273 00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:20,004 ♪ Just to be clear I did not write that song ♪ 274 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:24,342 ♪ And have never had sex with a child Just to be clear ♪ 275 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:28,012 ♪ Just to be clear ♪ What-- What is happening? 276 00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:31,850 ♪ Most men find me to be an eight or nine out of 10 ♪ 277 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:36,020 ♪ And I am available to any interested men ♪ 278 00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:39,224 ♪ Who'd like to get my number after the show ♪♪ 279 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:43,795 Keep singin', bitch. You're not gonna have a face by the time I'm done with you. 280 00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:46,965 What the hell is she doing? She's bombing like crazy. 281 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,033 What an idiot. I was awesome though, right? 282 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:51,302 You? No, dude. You totally froze up out there. You sucked. 283 00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:55,140 Um, I was hearing a lot of laughs out there, bro. Laughs are cheap. 284 00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:57,008 [ Applause ] I'm going for gasps. 285 00:12:57,010 --> 00:13:00,345 Wait till you see, dude. Gasps are where it's at. 286 00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:03,281 I gotta go pop my cat eyes in. 287 00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:06,384 ♪♪ [ Piano ] 288 00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:12,423 [ Hisses ] 289 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,892 [ Laughing ] 290 00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:16,094 We're getting a lot of laughs. That's good. That's not good. 291 00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:19,130 This is not a comedy, okay? No one's supposed to be laughing. 292 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,299 ♪♪ [ Snapping Rhythmically ] 293 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,435 You came at the right time. Is he sleeping? 294 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:27,238 Yes. He's sleeping right over there. 295 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:30,542 Just the way you like 'em. 296 00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:32,844 Did you bring the toll? 297 00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:38,082 Confound your lousy toll, troll. [ Hisses ] 298 00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,284 [ Laughing ] 299 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,553 Goddamn it. Stop laughing at me. 300 00:13:41,555 --> 00:13:46,057 ♪ You gotta pay the troll toll if you want to get into that boy's hole ♪ 301 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,959 ♪ You gotta pay the troll toll to get in ♪ 302 00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:53,097 ♪ You want the baby boy's hole you gotta pay the troll toll ♪ 303 00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:57,235 ♪ You gotta pay the troll toll to get in ♪ 304 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,970 ♪ Troll toll ♪ 305 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,039 ♪ What'd you say ♪ 306 00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:02,640 ♪ Troll toll ♪ 307 00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,475 ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ 308 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:08,546 ♪ Troll toll ♪♪ 309 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:13,051 Here's your toll, troll. [ Coins Clink ] 310 00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,987 Your boy awaits. 311 00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:20,892 At last. The boy's soul is mine. 312 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,864 [ Grunting ] 313 00:14:28,067 --> 00:14:29,434 [ Chuckling ] 314 00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:33,104 [ Snoring, Whistles ] 315 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,606 [ Gasps ] 316 00:14:34,608 --> 00:14:36,274 Give me that leg, boy. No. 317 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,409 [ Dennis ] Dude, do you have a boner right now? 318 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,044 [ Mac ] Shut up, dude. Don't ruin this for me. 319 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:43,214 [ Dennis ] What? What the hell are you-- Jesus. Okay, stop. [ Thumping ] 320 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,583 That's enough, dude. Does it hurt? 321 00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:48,052 Ow. Oh. God. 322 00:14:53,659 --> 00:15:00,531 I am going to smack everyone into tiny little pieces. 323 00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:04,002 Hello, boy! 324 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:09,107 Come over here and scratch my itchy-witchy toesy-woesies. 325 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,075 No. What? 326 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,411 - Get over here. - No, Antonio. 327 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,380 I control you. You control nothing. 328 00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:20,151 I am not your slave anymore, and I am not a boy. 329 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:22,987 I am a man. See? 330 00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:25,323 I was transformed... 331 00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,258 by the strong, 332 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,428 musky power of true love. 333 00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:33,464 I am now... 334 00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:37,001 the Dayman. 335 00:15:39,171 --> 00:15:42,040 - What the hell is that? - You know what it is, bitch. 336 00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,741 Bang! [ Groans ] 337 00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:47,111 Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang! 338 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:48,379 [ Groaning ] 339 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:51,416 - ♪♪ [ Piano Tinkles Ominously ] - [ Hisses ] 340 00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:54,085 [ Audience Laughing ] 341 00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:58,623 Where's the boy? 342 00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:00,091 The boy is gone. 343 00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,392 You can't tell me what to do. 344 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:05,496 N-- I didn't tell you what to-- You're skipping a line, dude. 345 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:08,199 Yeah. Uh-- You can't tell me what to do. 346 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,034 You're still skipping the same line. Just move past it... 347 00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:13,171 'cause I can't remember-- God, it's crazy how much better I am at acting than you. 348 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:18,242 I'm going to kick your ass, bro. I'll tell you what. I am the ruler of darkness. 349 00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:21,646 I am the master of light. 350 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:25,450 I am the Dayman. 351 00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,418 Whatever, bro. Here's your whatever, bitch. 352 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,221 What? No, don't improv. Don't tell me what to do. 353 00:16:30,223 --> 00:16:31,322 [ Both Grunting ] 354 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,323 [ Groans ] 355 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,692 [ Shouts ] [ Screams ] 356 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,461 Whoo! [ Laughs ] 357 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:39,130 [ Shouting ] [ Shouts ] Body bag! 358 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,631 [ Groans ] 359 00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,035 [ Growls ] No. 360 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,270 Yes. No. 361 00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:49,340 No! 362 00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:51,342 [ Gasps ] 363 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,243 [ Exhales ] 364 00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:55,413 ♪♪ [ Piano Imitating Heartbeat ] 365 00:16:57,483 --> 00:17:00,318 ♪♪ [ Heartbeat Slows ] 366 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:05,189 [ Gasps, Groans ] ♪♪ [ Ends ] 367 00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:10,728 [ Gasps ] 368 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:14,065 You have defeated the evil that was here. 369 00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,336 Naturally, for I am the Dayman. 370 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:22,774 [ Gasps ] You once were a boy, and now you are a man, and I am in love with you. 371 00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:27,645 That's right. And now I am in love with you. 372 00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:30,381 ♪ Dayman ♪ ♪♪ [ Both Vocalizing ] 373 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:34,252 ♪ Fighter of the Nightman ♪ ♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] 374 00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,221 ♪ Champion of the sun ♪ ♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] 375 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:42,226 ♪ You're a master of karate and friendship for everyone ♪ 376 00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:45,163 ♪ Dayman ♪ ♪ Dayman, Dayman Dayman ♪ 377 00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,832 ♪ Fighter of the Nightman ♪ ♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] 378 00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:51,536 ♪ Champion of the sun ♪ ♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] ♪ The sun, the sun, the sun ♪ 379 00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:56,441 ♪ You're a master of karate and friendship for everyone ♪ 380 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:59,143 ♪ Dayman ♪ ♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] 381 00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:02,647 ♪ Fighter of the Nightman ♪ ♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] 382 00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,583 ♪ Champion of the sun ♪ ♪♪ [ Vocalizing ] 383 00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:11,289 ♪ You're a master of karate and friendship for everyone ♪ 384 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:14,625 ♪ Dayman ♪♪ 385 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:19,197 Stage freeze! Don't say stage freeze. Just do it. 386 00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:25,436 ♪♪ [ Vocalizing, Voice Warbling ] 387 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,808 ♪♪ [ Vocalizing Continues ] 388 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:35,980 ♪ I was that little boy That little baby boy was me ♪ 389 00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:41,519 ♪ I once was a boy but now I am a man ♪ 390 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:44,388 ♪ I fought the Nightman lived as Dayman ♪ 391 00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:46,891 ♪ Now I'm here to ask for your hand ♪ 392 00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:52,663 ♪ So if you want to marry, man will you marry me ♪ 393 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,633 ♪ Will you come on stage and join me ♪ 394 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,835 ♪ In this thing called matrimony ♪ 395 00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,872 ♪ Please say yes and do not bone me ♪ 396 00:19:00,874 --> 00:19:04,742 ♪ Please just marry ♪ 397 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:11,749 ♪ Me ♪♪ 398 00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:15,553 Is that it? 399 00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:17,388 Uh-- Huh? 400 00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,690 Is the play over? Ye-- Yeah. 401 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:21,959 Okay. Great. Well, then I'm out of here. 402 00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:24,829 Hang on. Hang on a second. Hang on. 403 00:19:25,597 --> 00:19:27,365 - Is it a yes, or-- - Is it a yes? 404 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:31,302 Really, Charlie? Will I marry you? No. No, I will not. I will never marry you. 405 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:35,706 And I also held up my end of the bargain, so I never have to see you again. 406 00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:37,408 Okay. So wait. Just-- 407 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:41,279 I'm sorry. I want to get this clear. Uh, you are saying no? 408 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,948 Oh, I am definitely, definitely saying no. 409 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:47,251 Okay. Well, I didn't ever sign anything. 410 00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:51,389 So, um, I'll see you tomorrow. 411 00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,761 That's it. You can go home. 412 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:59,530 It's over. [ Dennis ] Well, we're gonna do a bow. 413 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,566 Hold on. Yeah? 414 00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:02,767 Uh, if you want. 415 00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:06,671 It was a great musical, Charlie. You did a great job. 416 00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:09,273 She ain't worth it. 417 00:20:12,844 --> 00:20:16,480 Told you nobody just writes a musical for no reason. 418 00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:19,650 I am here. I am-- I am past here. 419 00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:21,953 And by the way, 420 00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,621 I thought the rape scene went really well. 421 00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:27,458 I-- I am here. I am here with it. And that was awful for me. 422 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,894 And if you bring this up back at the apartment tonight, 423 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,830 I am going to smack you. I swear to God. 424 00:21:05,397 --> 00:21:08,866 [ Voices Speaking Backwards ]