1
00:00:02,322 --> 00:00:06,224
You're definitely gonna
get this on. You ready?

2
00:00:06,292 --> 00:00:08,055
Uh, yeah. I guess.
Okay.

3
00:00:08,127 --> 00:00:12,120
He knew that if the gooks were to get their
hands on the watch, they would take it.

4
00:00:12,198 --> 00:00:14,132
So he shoved it...
up his ass!

5
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:16,998
I have no idea what you're doing.
Why, it's Christopher Walken!

6
00:00:17,070 --> 00:00:18,332
It sounded like Rosie
Perez or something.

7
00:00:18,404 --> 00:00:20,304
Come on!
That was a perfect Walken...

8
00:00:20,373 --> 00:00:22,933
and it's gonna win me the
talent show. What talent show?

9
00:00:23,009 --> 00:00:26,137
The one I throw for the pub
crawl. Are you doing that again?

10
00:00:26,212 --> 00:00:28,339
Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, it's not
really a talent show anyway.

11
00:00:28,414 --> 00:00:31,383
She just gets the most untalented people
in Philly to enter the competition...

12
00:00:31,451 --> 00:00:33,544
so she can win it, and then
she never wins it anyway.

13
00:00:33,619 --> 00:00:35,143
No. Last year she got
smoked by this chick...

14
00:00:35,221 --> 00:00:36,711
who ate, like, 50 hot
dogs in three seconds.

15
00:00:36,789 --> 00:00:38,347
That was amazing!
That was not talent.

16
00:00:38,424 --> 00:00:40,824
Guys, guys, guys! I got some
news! Some terrible news!

17
00:00:40,893 --> 00:00:44,920
We got a huge problem. Can we stop
for a second and talk about this?

18
00:00:44,998 --> 00:00:47,023
What?
What's with that jacket?

19
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:49,830
I was gonna wait on that. I think
we should go over the jacket now.

20
00:00:49,902 --> 00:00:52,666
No, let's hear about it now.
First of all, it's not a jacket.

21
00:00:52,739 --> 00:00:54,468
It's a duster.
It's like a jacket...

22
00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:56,667
only it's longer, thicker
and far more badass.

23
00:00:56,743 --> 00:00:59,610
I look like Lorenzo Lamas,
and women find it irresistible.

24
00:00:59,679 --> 00:01:02,512
Well, that part's just simply
not true. Either way, I like it.

25
00:01:02,582 --> 00:01:05,050
I bought it with the money I
was gonna make at the pub crawl.

26
00:01:05,118 --> 00:01:07,211
Here's the problem. You know that
Korean barbecue joint down the street?

27
00:01:07,286 --> 00:01:09,220
Mr. Kim's? They just
signed up for the pub crawl.

28
00:01:09,288 --> 00:01:11,779
Which means now they're the last
stop! They can't be the last stop.

29
00:01:11,858 --> 00:01:14,224
We're always the last stop! That's the
only time of year we make any money!

30
00:01:14,293 --> 00:01:17,023
They're also experimenting
with a secret microbrew.

31
00:01:17,096 --> 00:01:19,394
Word on the street is that
it's delicious and powerful!

32
00:01:19,465 --> 00:01:21,160
Bullshit!
Yep.

33
00:01:21,234 --> 00:01:24,761
We're the microbrew guys! They can't take
that! Wait. You guys have a microbrew?

34
00:01:24,837 --> 00:01:26,896
Yes! We make a delicious,
amazing microbrew! Really?

35
00:01:26,973 --> 00:01:30,409
Oh, it's amazing. They-They throw
all the skunk beer into a trash can.

36
00:01:30,476 --> 00:01:32,774
And then they sell it
for $10 a glass.

37
00:01:32,845 --> 00:01:34,904
The point is we cannot let
these Koreans steal our thunder!

38
00:01:34,981 --> 00:01:37,074
They wanna make a top
secret microbrew...

39
00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:39,584
We gotta make ours more
powerful! Right! We'll make it...

40
00:01:39,652 --> 00:01:41,950
so strong that people will pass out and
vomit and vomit in their own pass out.

41
00:01:42,021 --> 00:01:44,046
They'll never leave and go
to Kim's in the first place!

42
00:01:44,123 --> 00:01:46,421
Yeah. I will make this year's talent
show the best talent show ever.

43
00:01:46,492 --> 00:01:48,756
Let the men talk, Dee! Let the
men talk! What are you saying?

44
00:01:48,828 --> 00:01:50,819
We're in the middle of an emergency
here! Guys, we gotta move on this.

45
00:01:50,897 --> 00:01:52,888
It's the damn North
Koreans! Damn North Koreans.

46
00:01:52,965 --> 00:01:54,990
Wait. Wait a second. What makes you
guys think they're North Koreans?

47
00:01:55,068 --> 00:01:56,501
That's the bad Korea.

48
00:01:56,569 --> 00:01:58,161
They're the sneaky, bad Korea, man.

49
00:01:58,237 --> 00:02:01,331
The ones on the top and they sneak
down and they eat everybody's pets.

50
00:02:01,407 --> 00:02:03,898
I can't stand it! It's
un-American! All right, goddamn it.

51
00:02:03,976 --> 00:02:06,604
That's it. They're gonna take our
way of life from us. It's bullshit.

52
00:02:06,679 --> 00:02:10,342
Okay, gang. Let's solve this North
Korea situation once and for all.

53
00:02:46,551 --> 00:02:48,178
All right, that's
enough. No, no, no, no.

54
00:02:48,253 --> 00:02:49,982
That's enough moonshine,
Frank! No, no, no, no!

55
00:02:50,055 --> 00:02:51,613
Look, we don't want people
to go blind!

56
00:02:51,690 --> 00:02:53,658
You can never have enough
moonshine. Goddamn it.

57
00:02:53,725 --> 00:02:56,922
Trust me on this. I know what
I'm talking about. How's it taste?

58
00:02:58,997 --> 00:03:00,965
We gotta lace it
with somethin' sweeter.

59
00:03:01,033 --> 00:03:03,763
We gotta add a little
sweetening. Oh, Deandra.

60
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:06,770
Could you be a darling and run
down and get Daddy some antifreeze?

61
00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:09,534
No. We don't want to kill
people. You're not getting this.

62
00:03:09,608 --> 00:03:12,975
I can't help you guys. I have a very
busy day. I'm auditioning people all day.

63
00:03:13,045 --> 00:03:16,173
And also, you're not my dad. Winning a
talent show that you throw for yourself...

64
00:03:16,248 --> 00:03:18,341
is just about the saddest
thing you've ever done, Dee.

65
00:03:18,417 --> 00:03:20,681
Listen. If this is all about
boosting your self-confidence...

66
00:03:20,752 --> 00:03:24,347
why don't you go out and bang a bunch of
random dudes like you did in the good old days?

67
00:03:25,757 --> 00:03:27,782
This talent show's very
important to me. All right?

68
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,952
And I'm not gonna let you guys
steamroll me like you always do.

69
00:03:30,028 --> 00:03:31,996
Why don't you get Charlie
and Dennis to help you?

70
00:03:32,064 --> 00:03:33,964
Well, Dennis and Charlie are out
collecting intelligence, okay?

71
00:03:34,032 --> 00:03:37,195
Oh! You're playing spies now?

72
00:03:37,269 --> 00:03:39,396
Intel is the name of the game, Dee.
It's all about the intelligence!

73
00:03:39,471 --> 00:03:42,031
Then you picked the wrong
two people. Maybe so.

74
00:03:42,107 --> 00:03:44,337
But we do have
a secret weapon.

75
00:03:50,983 --> 00:03:53,247
That would've been a lot better
if I was wearing the duster, dude.

76
00:03:53,318 --> 00:03:55,445
Come on, dude. It doesn't
fit you. It's too big for you.

77
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,717
That's why it's so awesome on me. It's
like, "Why's that guy in a giant jacket?

78
00:03:58,790 --> 00:04:00,883
Why do you take this away from
me? What is he hiding, dude?"

79
00:04:00,959 --> 00:04:03,086
I just wish you'd let me do it. Can
we just snoop around a little bit?

80
00:04:03,161 --> 00:04:05,459
We can snoop around. But I just...
I should be wearing the duster.

81
00:04:05,530 --> 00:04:07,395
That's the bottom line. No, I'm wearing
the duster. That's the end of it.

82
00:04:07,466 --> 00:04:09,366
Fine. We should drink a
couple of these microbrews.

83
00:04:09,434 --> 00:04:11,664
Let's get some microbrews. That's what
people on the pub crawl are gonna do.

84
00:04:11,737 --> 00:04:13,170
Yeah, I know.

85
00:04:14,573 --> 00:04:16,700
Two microbrews, please.

86
00:04:16,775 --> 00:04:20,267
All right. What is this? "Pub
Crawl Karaoke Contest"? Uhoh.

87
00:04:20,345 --> 00:04:22,870
Bro, "Prize... $500"?
That's not good.

88
00:04:22,948 --> 00:04:25,007
Aw, shit. Look at that
bracket. Do you think that's...

89
00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:27,313
That's what that's for? Oh, that's
for the karaoke contest, bro.

90
00:04:27,386 --> 00:04:30,219
Oh, my God, dude. There's a lot of
names on there. That's huge, man.

91
00:04:30,288 --> 00:04:33,382
That's gonna... Bracketing is a very
intricate and difficult thing to do, man.

92
00:04:33,458 --> 00:04:35,619
They got it down. I gotta
get this intel back to Mac.

93
00:04:35,694 --> 00:04:38,060
Well, don't... Hold on that
because we want to try the... What?

94
00:04:38,130 --> 00:04:39,893
The microbeers?
Yes.

95
00:04:39,965 --> 00:04:41,899
Here we go.
Thank you. Thank you.

96
00:04:43,435 --> 00:04:45,130
Mmm!
Oh, shit.

97
00:04:45,203 --> 00:04:47,797
Goddamn it. That's good.
That is really good.

98
00:04:47,873 --> 00:04:49,101
That's...
That is...

99
00:04:49,174 --> 00:04:51,108
Mmm!
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

100
00:04:53,545 --> 00:04:55,877
Son of a bitch, that's good.
They're putting somethin' in that...

101
00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:58,279
'cause you can't just make beer
like that. What do you mean?

102
00:04:58,350 --> 00:05:00,580
Like they're enriching it?

103
00:05:00,652 --> 00:05:03,348
Are they enriching the...
You cannot...

104
00:05:03,422 --> 00:05:05,686
They're enriching the beers,
Charlie. They're enriching their beer.

105
00:05:08,293 --> 00:05:10,056
That's definitely enriched beer.
That's an enriched beer, dude.

106
00:05:10,128 --> 00:05:12,153
That's not conven... I've only tried
enriched beer like once, I think.

107
00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:14,255
They're not allowed to have the
capabilities to enrich beer here.

108
00:05:14,332 --> 00:05:16,596
Where are they enriching...
What is going on in this place?

109
00:05:16,668 --> 00:05:19,262
Look at all these people, man. They're
like, uh... Oh, there's like brainwash...

110
00:05:19,337 --> 00:05:21,271
They're being brainwashed. Notice
how they're all happy and smiling...

111
00:05:21,339 --> 00:05:23,102
'cause they're drinking enrich...
How old was that bartender?

112
00:05:23,175 --> 00:05:25,575
Was she 16 or 60? You can't
tell. You have no Idea.

113
00:05:25,644 --> 00:05:27,475
They're timeless. They're
endless and timeless.

114
00:05:27,546 --> 00:05:29,810
Oh, God. Damn it, dude. We
are in big trouble here, man.

115
00:05:29,881 --> 00:05:34,341
Oh, shit! Look at that door,
dude. See that door right there?

116
00:05:34,419 --> 00:05:37,980
The one marked "pirate"? You
think a pirate lives in there?

117
00:05:38,056 --> 00:05:41,685
I see a door marked "private. " Is that
the... Is that the door you were talkin' about?

118
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,421
No, I was talking a...
Yeah.

119
00:05:43,495 --> 00:05:44,962
I didn't say...
No, you s...

120
00:05:45,030 --> 00:05:46,861
What did you hear?

121
00:05:46,932 --> 00:05:48,923
I heard you say you saw
a door marked "pirate. "

122
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,627
And "Is there a pirate living in
there?" Yes, that's why you thought...

123
00:05:50,702 --> 00:05:53,068
No. See, that's... Why would there be
a pirate living in a Korean restaurant?

124
00:05:53,138 --> 00:05:55,368
Are we gonna talk about pirates all day?
Or we gonna find out who lives in there?

125
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,738
You're the one that... All
right. Jesus Christ, man.

126
00:05:58,910 --> 00:06:01,140
Here we go. What's
wrong? Come on, open it.

127
00:06:01,213 --> 00:06:02,976
It's locked.
All right...

128
00:06:03,048 --> 00:06:05,016
I'm gonna try this out. What...
What is that? Your apartment key?

129
00:06:05,083 --> 00:06:07,210
Yeah. I'm gonna see if it's gonna
work here. That's not gonna work!

130
00:06:07,285 --> 00:06:08,912
Why not? We're not at
your apartment, shithead!

131
00:06:08,987 --> 00:06:10,955
How many possible lock combinations
can there be? Oh, so many, dude!

132
00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:13,252
Like hundreds of millions. Well,
eventually they're gonna overlap.

133
00:06:13,325 --> 00:06:15,122
They're not ever gonna over... You know
what? You're right. It's not working.

134
00:06:15,193 --> 00:06:16,820
Oh, no shit. No shit.
It was worth a try.

135
00:06:16,895 --> 00:06:18,157
It was not worth a try.
Well...

136
00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:20,460
Move over. I'm gonna, like,
kick the door or some shit.

137
00:06:20,532 --> 00:06:22,295
You're gonna kick it?
Really?

138
00:06:22,367 --> 00:06:24,392
Damn, dude. This thing is like...
What?

139
00:06:24,469 --> 00:06:26,562
Enriched in its own way. All right.
Let me try something else here.

140
00:06:26,638 --> 00:06:28,230
Try a spin kick. Try
a spin kick. Spin kick?

141
00:06:28,306 --> 00:06:30,274
Yeah. You think you can
do it? I'm not even sure...

142
00:06:30,342 --> 00:06:31,775
Okay.

143
00:06:33,612 --> 00:06:36,410
Sons of... All right, I'm
gonna kick. You ram. Go!

144
00:06:37,816 --> 00:06:39,750
Nice. Good.

145
00:06:42,454 --> 00:06:44,649
How is that not working?
No, I don't know.

146
00:06:44,723 --> 00:06:46,623
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm all right.

147
00:06:46,691 --> 00:06:48,659
All right, we're gonna do that some more.
But let's get some more of that enriched beer.

148
00:06:48,727 --> 00:06:50,718
Mm-hmm. I'm gonna call Mac
and give him the intel.

149
00:06:50,795 --> 00:06:51,727
Yeah.

150
00:06:51,863 --> 00:06:53,125
Holy shit!

151
00:06:53,198 --> 00:06:56,292
All right, see what else you can
find out, and call me back. Good work.

152
00:06:56,368 --> 00:06:58,598
Forget the microbrew.
What's the intel?

153
00:06:58,670 --> 00:07:01,605
They're having a karaoke contest.
Oh!

154
00:07:01,673 --> 00:07:03,402
I'm elevating us to threat
level yellow. It's time.

155
00:07:03,475 --> 00:07:04,942
Yellow?
Yeah. It's time.

156
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:07,240
What were we before?
Orange, of course.

157
00:07:07,312 --> 00:07:09,177
Orange is much more
threatening than yellow!

158
00:07:09,247 --> 00:07:11,238
No, that's an old system.
It doesn't work anymore.

159
00:07:11,316 --> 00:07:13,511
Clearly yellow... You go
from yellow to orange to red!

160
00:07:13,585 --> 00:07:15,450
Yellow is more threatening than
orange! Frank, this is orange!

161
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:16,748
Have you seen this?
Yellow, orange, red!

162
00:07:16,821 --> 00:07:18,345
This is yellow! See this?
Red, red!

163
00:07:18,423 --> 00:07:20,118
Is this more threatening?
Yellow, orange, red!

164
00:07:20,192 --> 00:07:22,092
It's backwards going to yellow.
Wow.

165
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,684
Elevate...
Color fight. Listen.

166
00:07:23,762 --> 00:07:25,957
I need you monkeys outta here
'cause my contestants are waiting.

167
00:07:26,031 --> 00:07:27,692
That's a no can do,
and I'll tell you why.

168
00:07:27,766 --> 00:07:30,234
The Koreans have escalated the
conflict. So I've upgraded us to yellow.

169
00:07:30,302 --> 00:07:32,463
I don't know what that means. It means
we're taking over the talent show.

170
00:07:32,537 --> 00:07:34,027
What? No, you're not!
It's already done.

171
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:35,572
Go on.
I knew it. I told you.

172
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,335
You're trying to steamroll
me. It's not gonna work. Go on.

173
00:07:37,409 --> 00:07:39,934
I'm gonna win this competition. There's
nothing you guys can do about it.

174
00:07:40,011 --> 00:07:42,377
You're not even gonna be in
it, Dee. You have to face facts.

175
00:07:42,447 --> 00:07:44,540
You have no talent.
You're talentless, sweetie.

176
00:07:44,616 --> 00:07:46,743
Oh, really?
Oh, is that so?

177
00:07:46,818 --> 00:07:49,514
Why don't you take a gander at this?

178
00:07:49,588 --> 00:07:52,318
No, Mookie. I don't wanna
do it. It's too hot outside.

179
00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:54,324
Right?

180
00:07:54,392 --> 00:07:57,122
What was that?
What the hell is that?

181
00:07:57,195 --> 00:07:58,958
Rosie Perez!
What?

182
00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:01,760
That's terrible. Oh, come
on! You love that one!

183
00:08:01,833 --> 00:08:03,562
You know what, Dee?
You're a judge. That's it.

184
00:08:03,635 --> 00:08:06,126
Dee's gonna be a
judge. And you know why?

185
00:08:06,204 --> 00:08:09,401
Because sitting in judgment of other people is
the greatest way to make yourself feel better.

186
00:08:09,474 --> 00:08:11,408
Problem solved.

187
00:08:11,476 --> 00:08:12,807
And go.
All right, again.

188
00:08:12,877 --> 00:08:15,107
And go. You might have to
give me the duster back.

189
00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:17,512
It's not working, man.
Aw, it'll work. Go!

190
00:08:17,582 --> 00:08:19,311
All right, it's not working,
dude. All right, okay.

191
00:08:19,384 --> 00:08:21,011
I gotta use your head or
something. All right, yes, yes.

192
00:08:21,086 --> 00:08:23,145
Hold me sideways and use my
head like a battering ram.

193
00:08:23,221 --> 00:08:25,519
All right. Now pick me
up off the ground, okay?

194
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:26,921
Why are you people
ruining my door?

195
00:08:26,992 --> 00:08:28,926
Yes! Good! Hello!
All right. Yeah.

196
00:08:28,994 --> 00:08:32,794
Are you the owner?
I owner. I Mr. Kim.

197
00:08:32,864 --> 00:08:34,798
All right.
Okay, good. Well, Mr...

198
00:08:34,866 --> 00:08:39,462
Wait. You say Mr. Kim?
Yes! I Mr. Kim!

199
00:08:39,537 --> 00:08:43,405
Wow. You should really do something
different with your hair because...

200
00:08:43,475 --> 00:08:45,875
Yeah. You're not coming
across at all like a man to me.

201
00:08:45,944 --> 00:08:48,276
You don't look or seem
like a man. Look...

202
00:08:48,346 --> 00:08:51,440
If you don't tell us what's in
that microbrew, so help me, God...

203
00:08:51,516 --> 00:08:54,383
we will send you people
back to the Stone Age.

204
00:08:54,452 --> 00:08:57,387
I no respond to bully!

205
00:08:59,457 --> 00:09:01,448
What are you
gonna do about it?

206
00:09:01,526 --> 00:09:03,357
You're messin' with
the wrong country, pal!

207
00:09:03,428 --> 00:09:05,225
That's an act of aggression
right there, buddy!

208
00:09:05,297 --> 00:09:07,424
Every Asian know martial arts? They
have to learn it when they grow up.

209
00:09:07,499 --> 00:09:08,523
That's right.
It's like school.

210
00:09:10,602 --> 00:09:13,196
Yes!

211
00:09:13,271 --> 00:09:15,364
Okay, okay. Okay!

212
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,738
Oh, God. Jesus! That
guy is such a dickhead!

213
00:09:17,809 --> 00:09:20,141
You don't have to take that
from him. I hope you know that.

214
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:23,237
If I don't do what he say,
he punish me!

215
00:09:23,315 --> 00:09:27,513
He terrible man, okay? Always, "Work,
work, work!" He treat me like slave!

216
00:09:27,585 --> 00:09:29,075
Slave?
Slave? He's got slaves?

217
00:09:29,154 --> 00:09:31,315
He's has slaves in there? What
kind of a communist dictatorship...

218
00:09:31,389 --> 00:09:34,017
is this piece of shit running?
Hey, I no phone, no TV!

219
00:09:34,092 --> 00:09:36,083
I not even allowed
to drink the beer!

220
00:09:36,161 --> 00:09:38,652
What?
No!

221
00:09:38,730 --> 00:09:40,664
No! That is
not acceptable!

222
00:09:40,732 --> 00:09:42,290
You're mad about the beer
thing? I'm v... I'm ver...

223
00:09:42,367 --> 00:09:44,130
Are you not mad about the beer
thing? Yeah. Of course I am.

224
00:09:44,202 --> 00:09:46,227
Look, you should be able to drink
beer. That's what happens in America.

225
00:09:46,304 --> 00:09:48,101
Yeah. In America, you can...
You can drink beer. Look.

226
00:09:48,173 --> 00:09:49,834
I'll tell you what. You come
down to Paddy's Pub, all right?

227
00:09:49,908 --> 00:09:51,637
We'll let you drink
all the beer you want.

228
00:09:51,710 --> 00:09:53,268
You can smoke your cigarettes.
Mm-hmm.

229
00:09:53,345 --> 00:09:55,939
You won't have to deal with the
trash 'cause I deal with the trash.

230
00:09:56,014 --> 00:09:57,845
You do trash?
He takes out the trash.

231
00:09:57,916 --> 00:09:59,406
Me trash.
He captures the rats.

232
00:09:59,484 --> 00:10:02,248
You beer, me trash,
okay? I beer, you trash!

233
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,254
I trash, yes!

234
00:10:06,324 --> 00:10:08,258
Okay!

235
00:10:17,502 --> 00:10:19,766
Holy shit, bro.
Did you just see that?

236
00:10:19,838 --> 00:10:22,306
Yeah. She made a meaningful
gesture towards me.

237
00:10:22,374 --> 00:10:26,777
She made... No, dude.
She was gesturing to me.

238
00:10:26,845 --> 00:10:29,006
I had my arm out like this.

239
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,344
Yeah, why were you doing that?
'Cause she extended to me.

240
00:10:31,416 --> 00:10:33,714
And then there was stuff
in the eyes between us.

241
00:10:33,785 --> 00:10:35,548
And my arm was at her.
All right.

242
00:10:35,620 --> 00:10:37,383
Sure, pal.
Wha...

243
00:10:42,394 --> 00:10:45,955
But the dog was buried
by the bright sunlight

244
00:10:46,030 --> 00:10:50,831
And the old man died
In his sleep last night

245
00:10:50,902 --> 00:10:53,427
And the young girl
never did get...

246
00:10:53,505 --> 00:10:56,406
All right! All right! All right!
That's enough. That's enough. Thank you.

247
00:10:56,474 --> 00:11:00,774
Well... Martha,
you are terrible.

248
00:11:00,845 --> 00:11:04,076
I wanted to pluck out my eyes
and jam them into my ears.

249
00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:07,277
I wanted to pummel you
with a manhole cover.

250
00:11:07,352 --> 00:11:11,083
There is no point to you.
Oh, no...

251
00:11:11,156 --> 00:11:13,784
Sweetie, I thought
you were really talented.

252
00:11:13,858 --> 00:11:16,258
And I liked it, what
you had on your fingers.

253
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,919
And your hair is so...

254
00:11:17,996 --> 00:11:21,830
It's like it has a
bulb on the front of it.

255
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:24,562
It just wasn't happening
for me, dog. I mean...

256
00:11:24,636 --> 00:11:26,729
What?
No, dog. I was not...

257
00:11:26,805 --> 00:11:29,399
It was the finger cymbals need work.
Oh!

258
00:11:29,474 --> 00:11:32,807
And the jewelry
and everything just...

259
00:11:32,877 --> 00:11:35,004
It was...
It was just okay, dog.

260
00:11:35,079 --> 00:11:37,411
Is it a yes or no, Frank?
It's gotta be no, dog.

261
00:11:37,482 --> 00:11:40,349
Dee? Oh, I just think
you're so full of magic.

262
00:11:40,418 --> 00:11:42,682
You're like a big, round wizard.
Right.

263
00:11:42,754 --> 00:11:45,018
Well, it's a no from me.
So... off you go, Martha.

264
00:11:47,525 --> 00:11:51,291
Why did you get so drunk?
You got drunk!

265
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:53,887
I'm just really exhausted.
What's in that cup?

266
00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:56,559
Rum and Cokes. Why
are you getting wasted?

267
00:11:56,634 --> 00:11:58,966
Maybe because you dicks
stole my talent show.

268
00:11:59,037 --> 00:12:00,902
Do you have any idea how important
this is? "You have any idea... "

269
00:12:00,972 --> 00:12:03,770
We're trying to save the pub crawl.
Really? This is what you're doing?

270
00:12:03,842 --> 00:12:06,402
You know what's gonna happen
if the North Koreans take over?

271
00:12:06,478 --> 00:12:09,038
They're gonna ruin our way of
life! Get your shit together, dog!

272
00:12:09,113 --> 00:12:10,410
Next!

273
00:12:11,983 --> 00:12:14,008
Duster
Look out, man

274
00:12:14,085 --> 00:12:16,610
Here comes a brother
The man is in a duster

275
00:12:16,688 --> 00:12:18,781
He's a superfine
fantastic man

276
00:12:18,857 --> 00:12:21,155
He loves to wear
his du...

277
00:12:21,226 --> 00:12:23,319
Oh, my God!

278
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,726
Oh, my God! You scared
me. What are you doing?

279
00:12:25,797 --> 00:12:28,698
I run away.
Okay.

280
00:12:28,766 --> 00:12:32,065
Good. Uh...
What are you doing here?

281
00:12:32,136 --> 00:12:36,664
I follow you home because I like you.

282
00:12:36,741 --> 00:12:39,175
Nice. Good. I...
'Cause I knew...

283
00:12:39,244 --> 00:12:41,542
I knew that...
Right on! Okay.

284
00:12:41,613 --> 00:12:43,843
Wait. All the way home?
Yes.

285
00:12:45,149 --> 00:12:47,379
So you saw me eat that Hot
Pocket I found in the garbage?

286
00:12:47,452 --> 00:12:50,683
Yes.
Any thoughts on that?

287
00:12:50,755 --> 00:12:52,950
No.
Oh, man. I like you.

288
00:12:53,024 --> 00:12:55,015
Come on in.
I like you.

289
00:12:55,093 --> 00:12:57,027
Yeah.

290
00:12:59,968 --> 00:13:02,266
Cartoon Soundtrack)

291
00:13:02,337 --> 00:13:04,635
Hello there, Dennis.
It's Charlie.

292
00:13:04,707 --> 00:13:07,642
How you doin'? Hey, you're never
gonna guess who showed up at my...

293
00:13:07,710 --> 00:13:10,907
That's a very good guess. Congratulations.
But the point is that I have defeated you...

294
00:13:10,979 --> 00:13:13,504
at this little game of hearts
and... and minds so that...

295
00:13:13,582 --> 00:13:16,483
No, don't come over. No, dude. I
don't want you to come over, dude.

296
00:13:16,552 --> 00:13:18,076
Don't c...
Dennis, don't come over.

297
00:13:18,153 --> 00:13:20,951
D... Well, then why... No, I'm not
scared. I just don't want you comin'...

298
00:13:21,023 --> 00:13:23,753
Goddamn it! No! Why did I call him?

299
00:13:32,401 --> 00:13:36,030
Good evening. I need
to speak to Mr. Kim, please.

300
00:13:36,105 --> 00:13:38,835
I Mr. Kim.
Hmm.

301
00:13:38,907 --> 00:13:42,308
All right.
Uh, Mr. Kim, my name is...

302
00:13:42,377 --> 00:13:46,143
R Rita F-Fire... s.

303
00:13:46,215 --> 00:13:51,585
Hmm, Fires. And I am from the
National Health Inspectors...

304
00:13:51,653 --> 00:13:54,121
Uh, Store.
And I need to...

305
00:13:54,189 --> 00:13:58,057
I need to make sure that your
secret microbrew is up to code.

306
00:13:58,127 --> 00:13:59,958
Health inspector?

307
00:14:00,028 --> 00:14:02,929
Hmm. Oh, you bet
your ass, Kim.

308
00:14:02,998 --> 00:14:04,898
Okay, all right!
I just... God!

309
00:14:04,967 --> 00:14:06,901
I just want
your stupid recipe!

310
00:14:06,969 --> 00:14:09,733
You... terrible actress.

311
00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:11,830
Wait! Okay.

312
00:14:11,907 --> 00:14:14,569
Hmm,
I'll sleep with you.

313
00:14:14,643 --> 00:14:18,579
Your breath smell like vomit.

314
00:14:18,647 --> 00:14:21,275
Okay, but...

315
00:14:21,350 --> 00:14:23,682
I know recipe.

316
00:14:25,154 --> 00:14:28,248
You do? Well, what...
What is it?

317
00:14:28,323 --> 00:14:30,348
Offer still stand?

318
00:14:34,530 --> 00:14:37,863
All right. Where is she? Ah, dude, you
might as well turn right back around, man.

319
00:14:37,933 --> 00:14:40,265
'Cause she's in love with me,
dude. Uh, yeah, I doubt that.

320
00:14:40,335 --> 00:14:41,666
Hi.
Hi.

321
00:14:41,737 --> 00:14:44,137
We have so much in common,
you're not gonna believe. What?

322
00:14:44,206 --> 00:14:47,198
Uh, we both like pizza.
Pizza!

323
00:14:47,276 --> 00:14:49,836
Well, I like pizza.
Everybody loves pizza.

324
00:14:49,912 --> 00:14:51,243
Oh, good.
We both hate mean people.

325
00:14:51,313 --> 00:14:53,008
Who likes mean people?
We don't like mean people.

326
00:14:53,081 --> 00:14:54,048
Well, neither do I.

327
00:14:54,116 --> 00:14:56,050
Well, we both think
kissing's gross.

328
00:14:56,118 --> 00:14:58,450
How is kissing gross? You
know, we just don't like it.

329
00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:00,215
We're not into it, you know?
Probably, it's... Sticky.

330
00:15:00,289 --> 00:15:03,452
Is it sticky? It's, like, there's
candy and beer in your mouth.

331
00:15:03,525 --> 00:15:06,050
How is it sticky? From
candy and beer? I don't know.

332
00:15:06,128 --> 00:15:08,926
This is bullshit. Clearly there's some kind
of language barrier thing happening here.

333
00:15:08,997 --> 00:15:12,296
So I'm gonna go ahead and pop this shirt off
and finish this thing once and for all, Charles.

334
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:14,301
Charlie?
Mm-hmm?

335
00:15:14,369 --> 00:15:16,132
He smell like dog fart.

336
00:15:16,205 --> 00:15:18,765
Eww!
She says you smell like a dog fart.

337
00:15:18,841 --> 00:15:20,638
Oh, yeah? All right, take
It off. Take It off for us.

338
00:15:20,709 --> 00:15:22,438
Dog fart, huh?

339
00:15:55,644 --> 00:15:58,078
Am I in America?

340
00:16:01,149 --> 00:16:02,776
Ladies.

341
00:16:02,851 --> 00:16:04,512
Nice turnout, huh?
Yeah.

342
00:16:04,586 --> 00:16:06,417
But I'm getting a little
nervous here, Frank.

343
00:16:06,488 --> 00:16:08,922
I've heard some rumblings about Mr. Kim's,
okay? We gotta keep these people here.

344
00:16:08,991 --> 00:16:11,960
Don't worry, Mac.
I got a plan.

345
00:16:13,362 --> 00:16:16,092
Mac, I got problems, man.

346
00:16:16,164 --> 00:16:18,928
I can see that. Why are you
wearing the duster with no shirt?

347
00:16:19,001 --> 00:16:21,435
I'm trying to get my mojo back.
Charlie and I have been competing...

348
00:16:21,503 --> 00:16:23,437
over the same Korean chick,
and he's like totally winning.

349
00:16:23,505 --> 00:16:25,735
Why are you wearing my
duster with no shirt?

350
00:16:25,807 --> 00:16:28,367
This is the perfect combination. Do I
really have to explain this to you, bro?

351
00:16:28,443 --> 00:16:30,707
Yes! Explain it to
me. Are you kidding me?

352
00:16:30,779 --> 00:16:34,545
Black leather duster... tough, muscular dude
underneath it, inside of it. Very sexual.

353
00:16:34,616 --> 00:16:37,244
Check this out. Check this
out. What's with the hose?

354
00:16:37,319 --> 00:16:40,015
Hang on. I'm gonna spray
it on the women's tops.

355
00:16:40,088 --> 00:16:43,057
We get a better look at their
talents if their shirts are wet.

356
00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:45,218
Wet T-shirt contest. I like
that. Wait, Frank. Frank.

357
00:16:45,294 --> 00:16:48,024
How are we gonna have a wet
T-shirt contest without girls?

358
00:16:48,096 --> 00:16:51,190
We never got any contestants. We
can use the girls that are here.

359
00:16:51,266 --> 00:16:52,961
They don't even know
they're contestants.

360
00:16:53,035 --> 00:16:56,004
You can't just blast people with
a hose in a bar. They will leave.

361
00:16:56,071 --> 00:16:58,266
Lock the door. No,
that's not gonna work.

362
00:16:58,340 --> 00:16:59,773
Frank, go get your gun.

363
00:16:59,841 --> 00:17:03,106
Perfect. Go over to Mr. Kim.
Convince him to close for the day.

364
00:17:03,178 --> 00:17:05,442
I can do that. Oh, excuse
us! Excuse us, please.

365
00:17:05,514 --> 00:17:06,344
Excuse us!
Heyoh!

366
00:17:06,415 --> 00:17:09,475
Heyoh!
I love when you say it!

367
00:17:09,551 --> 00:17:11,712
We are so happy.
And do you know why?

368
00:17:11,787 --> 00:17:14,415
We just got engaged.
Yes!

369
00:17:14,489 --> 00:17:17,253
You guys just got engaged?
Yes!

370
00:17:17,326 --> 00:17:18,418
Yes.
Now we're engaged.

371
00:17:18,493 --> 00:17:20,393
All right, do you want
to have some champagne?

372
00:17:20,462 --> 00:17:22,191
Yes. We're gonna have some
champagne to celebrate this.

373
00:17:22,264 --> 00:17:24,232
Come on.
Champagne!

374
00:17:24,299 --> 00:17:27,268
Did you guys happen to catch what
Sun-Li was wearing? White tank top.

375
00:17:27,336 --> 00:17:29,964
A white tank top. Exactly. I was
thinking we could talk Charlie...

376
00:17:30,038 --> 00:17:32,666
into having her enter the wet
T-shirt contest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

377
00:17:32,741 --> 00:17:34,333
We'll tell him it's all a
part of Dee's talent show.

378
00:17:34,409 --> 00:17:37,435
Right. When she jumps up on the
stage, we'll blast her with the water.

379
00:17:37,512 --> 00:17:40,413
The crowd will go crazy. The other
girls are gonna want to join in.

380
00:17:40,482 --> 00:17:43,212
And we will save the bar. And then
she'll break up with Charlie...

381
00:17:43,285 --> 00:17:46,652
ruining any hopes for happiness
that that son of a bitch ever had.

382
00:17:46,722 --> 00:17:49,623
I agree with the first part. But the
second part seems incredibly harsh.

383
00:17:49,691 --> 00:17:52,524
That's the best goddamn part!
Look, you guys deal with that.

384
00:17:52,594 --> 00:17:54,619
I'm gonna go
take care of Mr. Kim.

385
00:17:54,696 --> 00:17:56,630
Yeah, what do you want...
Boom!

386
00:17:56,698 --> 00:17:59,531
What the hell is this? Oh, only
Mr. Kim's secret microbrew recipe.

387
00:17:59,601 --> 00:18:00,533
Hmm.

388
00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:04,102
It's in Korean. What am I
supposed to do with this?

389
00:18:04,172 --> 00:18:06,163
Maybe I can get Sun-Li
to translate it for us.

390
00:18:06,241 --> 00:18:10,143
Sun-Li? Hi. Could you
read this for us, please?

391
00:18:10,212 --> 00:18:12,680
Okay.

392
00:18:12,748 --> 00:18:16,650
"Bony American
is dirty, dirty whore.

393
00:18:16,718 --> 00:18:21,348
She bring much shame to
herself and country. "

394
00:18:21,423 --> 00:18:25,018
Great. Good work, Dee. Yeah. You
really topped yourself this year, Sis.

395
00:18:25,093 --> 00:18:27,084
Charlie, can we talk
to you for a sec?

396
00:18:29,965 --> 00:18:32,399
You whore?
Mm-hmm.

397
00:18:32,467 --> 00:18:34,458
Good.

398
00:18:43,979 --> 00:18:48,211
What you want? I'm gonna have to
ask you to shut this place down.

399
00:18:48,283 --> 00:18:53,380
I am shut down. Look around,
you jerk! No one here.

400
00:18:56,058 --> 00:18:58,026
Yeah, I was kinda wondering
about that. What's up?

401
00:18:58,093 --> 00:19:00,789
My daughter, Sun-Li...
she is missing!

402
00:19:00,862 --> 00:19:03,228
Korean broad?
You seen her?

403
00:19:03,298 --> 00:19:05,459
Uh, no.

404
00:19:05,534 --> 00:19:07,399
Oh, she no come home
last night!

405
00:19:07,469 --> 00:19:11,599
Well, I'm sure she's gonna come
back. She probably just met some guy.

406
00:19:11,673 --> 00:19:14,574
What you talking about?
You sick freak!

407
00:19:14,643 --> 00:19:17,134
Sun-Li only 12 years old!

408
00:19:17,212 --> 00:19:20,978
What?
She just 12-year-old girl!

409
00:19:22,517 --> 00:19:25,452
Oh, shit!

410
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,488
Attention, everybody.

411
00:19:27,556 --> 00:19:31,822
Hey, attention. Our first
contestant hails from North Korea.

412
00:19:31,893 --> 00:19:33,827
That's right,
North Korea, everybody.

413
00:19:33,895 --> 00:19:35,829
She's gonna be doing
something or other.

414
00:19:35,897 --> 00:19:38,593
And then we're gonna blast
her with water from a hose.

415
00:19:38,667 --> 00:19:40,635
It's gonna be great, right? You're
gonna want to stick around for this.

416
00:19:40,702 --> 00:19:45,765
And listen, ladies, if you wanna get in on
this action, please do not hesitate to do so.

417
00:19:45,841 --> 00:19:48,776
Okay, take it away.

418
00:19:48,844 --> 00:19:51,836
All set.
Uh, wait a second.

419
00:19:51,913 --> 00:19:56,077
You're gonna blast my fiancée with water,
exposing her breasts to this entire crowd?

420
00:19:56,151 --> 00:19:58,585
Yeah, man. Is that
cool? That's very cool.

421
00:19:58,653 --> 00:20:01,144
Awesome. All right,
Sun-Li, hit it!

422
00:20:01,223 --> 00:20:05,319
Oh, Great Leader
we come to enjoy you

423
00:20:05,393 --> 00:20:10,831
You make sun and moon
In the sky

424
00:20:10,899 --> 00:20:14,164
The earth is spinning
because of your laughter

425
00:20:14,236 --> 00:20:16,363
All right, she's bombing.
Blast her. All righty.

426
00:20:17,839 --> 00:20:19,932
All right, everybody!
Three, two...

427
00:20:20,008 --> 00:20:21,498
One!

428
00:20:38,527 --> 00:20:40,552
Oh, God! Come on, Frank!
What are you doing, Frank?

429
00:20:40,629 --> 00:20:44,190
Son of a bitch! The wet
T-shirt contest is off!

430
00:20:44,266 --> 00:20:46,962
Why?
She's only 12 years old!

431
00:20:47,035 --> 00:20:48,662
What?

432
00:20:48,737 --> 00:20:51,205
You're just 12?
Twelve, Charlie!

433
00:20:51,273 --> 00:20:53,207
Oh, shit.
That actually explains a lot.

434
00:20:53,275 --> 00:20:56,073
Wait. Where are you guys going?
You guys don't have to leave!

435
00:20:56,144 --> 00:20:57,975
No, stay, drink! We
didn't know she was 12.

436
00:21:01,416 --> 00:21:04,681
Goddamn it! Well, there goes the
pub crawl. Oh, son of a bitch.

437
00:21:04,753 --> 00:21:08,120
Well, I feel better
about myself.

438
00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:11,057
Why?
Uh, all I did was sleep with...

439
00:21:11,126 --> 00:21:13,321
a toothless, oily
busboy for a recipe.

440
00:21:13,395 --> 00:21:17,195
Charlie banged a 12
year old. No, I didn't.

441
00:21:17,265 --> 00:21:19,233
What? Yeah. I didn't
even kiss that girl.

442
00:21:19,301 --> 00:21:20,928
Like, nothing happened.
Really?

443
00:21:21,002 --> 00:21:24,597
Yeah, absolutely. I can't believe
you banged a toothless busboy.

444
00:21:28,043 --> 00:21:31,171
Those goddamn North Koreans.
They are some sneaky bastards.

445
00:21:31,246 --> 00:21:33,180
Yeah.
Yep.