1 00:00:04,165 --> 00:00:07,610 Come one, Come all to a beautiful show 2 00:00:07,723 --> 00:00:11,279 It's gonna be awesome and... Some other stuff. 3 00:00:14,406 --> 00:00:16,985 Some other musical stuff. 4 00:00:17,674 --> 00:00:20,026 - What you doing, buddy? - I wrote a musical. 5 00:00:20,397 --> 00:00:22,893 - You wrote a musical? - Why, why did you do that? 6 00:00:23,006 --> 00:00:27,168 Just to write a musical. Does there have to be a reason? I don't think so. 7 00:00:27,357 --> 00:00:30,235 Yeah, there does. Nobody writes a musical for no reason. That doesn't make sense. 8 00:00:30,347 --> 00:00:32,735 All right, this guy did, so there you go. 9 00:00:32,848 --> 00:00:34,379 Who's the mark? 10 00:00:34,884 --> 00:00:36,461 - What? - Yeah. 11 00:00:36,585 --> 00:00:38,307 No, there's no... there's no mark, guys. 12 00:00:38,418 --> 00:00:40,608 I wrote a musical. It's pretty damn good, okay? 13 00:00:40,721 --> 00:00:42,379 - I want to put it on. - Right. What's your angle? 14 00:00:42,506 --> 00:00:44,513 - I don't have an angle. - Whose face are we shoving this musical in? 15 00:00:44,625 --> 00:00:45,945 You don't shove a musical in someone's face. 16 00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:47,716 - What are you talking about? - But who versus? 17 00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,299 Who are we doing it versus? 18 00:00:49,414 --> 00:00:50,887 Oh, my God, are you guys going to make this about this? 19 00:00:51,004 --> 00:00:54,283 Look, I just wrote a musical to write a musical, okay? 20 00:00:54,396 --> 00:00:56,275 I don't have a ulterior motive here. 21 00:00:56,391 --> 00:00:59,369 I'm not trying to screw anyone or gain anything out of it. 22 00:00:59,482 --> 00:01:00,929 You know what, if you guys don't want to be in it, 23 00:01:01,045 --> 00:01:02,933 I can find other people to play your parts. 24 00:01:03,378 --> 00:01:04,415 Hang on there, pal. 25 00:01:04,527 --> 00:01:06,536 Hang on. Hang on. We're just trying to wrap our heads around this. 26 00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:09,078 Yeah, there's no reason to give away our parts, okay? 27 00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,930 - All right. - No, we'll do it. What's it called? 28 00:01:12,758 --> 00:01:14,873 The Nightman Cometh. 29 00:01:47,609 --> 00:01:49,550 Okay, gather around. 30 00:01:49,666 --> 00:01:52,492 Please, everybody. Let's gather down front. 31 00:01:52,603 --> 00:01:55,848 I feel the magic Do you feel the magic? 32 00:01:56,002 --> 00:01:57,028 Here we go! 33 00:01:57,143 --> 00:01:59,237 Now, you guys, you all know Artemis. 34 00:01:59,350 --> 00:02:03,256 Artemis was kind enough to book for us this fine local theater. 35 00:02:03,369 --> 00:02:06,001 - So round of applause for Artemis. - Very nice. 36 00:02:06,119 --> 00:02:10,351 She also transcribed my work into a format you might consider a little bit more legible. 37 00:02:10,475 --> 00:02:11,959 Or literate. She added words to it. 38 00:02:12,063 --> 00:02:13,057 Yeah, right. 39 00:02:13,135 --> 00:02:15,657 No more interruptions now, Dee. Thank you, please. 40 00:02:15,774 --> 00:02:18,297 Okay, well, Charlie, I got a question for you. Who's playing this lead boy? 41 00:02:18,412 --> 00:02:19,496 - That's going to be Mac. - What? 42 00:02:19,608 --> 00:02:22,943 - Oh, yeah! Lead, of course. - Wait, who's playing the dayman? 43 00:02:23,057 --> 00:02:25,422 Well, the lead boy becomes the dayman when he defeats the nightman. 44 00:02:25,538 --> 00:02:28,590 - So it's also Mac. - Two parts? Oh, yeah! 45 00:02:28,704 --> 00:02:30,686 - Wait, that's bullshit, bro. - The nightman's a better role. 46 00:02:30,803 --> 00:02:32,086 He gets to play two roles? I mean, come on. 47 00:02:32,203 --> 00:02:34,746 - It's the same person... - Charlie, who's playing the troll guy? 48 00:02:34,870 --> 00:02:37,073 - You're going to play the troll guy. - I'm the troll guy? 49 00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:39,483 - Who else would be the troll? - Oh, I like that. 50 00:02:39,599 --> 00:02:41,410 - All right, good. - Can I do it naked? 51 00:02:41,539 --> 00:02:43,350 Absolutely not. Why would you want to be naked? 52 00:02:43,465 --> 00:02:46,609 Because in the '70s, everybody did theater naked. 53 00:02:46,723 --> 00:02:48,179 Everybody got laid all the time. 54 00:02:48,294 --> 00:02:51,174 All right, well, this is not the '70s. You're going to do theater with your clothes on, please. 55 00:02:51,290 --> 00:02:52,694 Charlie, what the hell is this play about? 56 00:02:52,810 --> 00:02:55,831 - I'm a princess who lives in a coffee shop? - You work in a coffee shop. 57 00:02:55,950 --> 00:02:57,992 You don't live in a coffee shop. Read closer. 58 00:02:58,108 --> 00:03:00,160 Well, why am I in love with a little boy? 59 00:03:01,634 --> 00:03:04,049 - You're in love with a young man. - You wrote "boy". 60 00:03:04,165 --> 00:03:05,790 Well, all right, man, boy, it's a metaphor. 61 00:03:05,904 --> 00:03:07,676 Well, the audience is going to think I'm a child molester. 62 00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:10,073 I've changed my mind. I'm playing the nightman. 63 00:03:10,431 --> 00:03:12,065 - Oh, yeah. - Why would you want to play the nightman? 64 00:03:12,187 --> 00:03:14,692 The nightman's bad-ass, dude. He has the eyes of a cat 65 00:03:14,808 --> 00:03:17,110 - and does karate across the stage. - Where are you getting that from?! 66 00:03:17,228 --> 00:03:18,828 - Karate?! - No, I made that up, man. 67 00:03:18,943 --> 00:03:21,219 This is great. That frees up the lead boy role and the dayman role. 68 00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,157 - I can play both those. - No, I don't want you guys switching roles. 69 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,467 - That's not how it works. - Hey, Frank you got a guy that does cat eyes? 70 00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:28,055 - I'm already on it. - All right, God, for the love of God. 71 00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:30,831 You know what? Let's just get started. 72 00:03:32,997 --> 00:03:34,628 - Okay, you guys ready? - Yeah. 73 00:03:35,574 --> 00:03:39,095 Tiny boy, little boy, Baby boy, I need you 74 00:03:39,215 --> 00:03:43,677 Tiny boy, little boy, Want to make love to you, boy 75 00:03:43,801 --> 00:03:45,355 Okay, hold on a second. 76 00:03:45,468 --> 00:03:47,013 - Charlie? - Yes. 77 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,873 - Are you goddamn kidding me? - What? 78 00:03:48,986 --> 00:03:50,939 "Tiny boy, little boy, baby boy"? 79 00:03:51,058 --> 00:03:52,649 Yes. 80 00:03:52,855 --> 00:03:55,557 You're wanting me to say that I want to make love to a little, baby, tiny boy. 81 00:03:55,683 --> 00:03:57,110 But I have explained this to you, Dee. 82 00:03:57,221 --> 00:03:59,946 I'm talking about the spirit of this man... is like a little boy. 83 00:04:00,061 --> 00:04:01,557 - It's a metaphor. - You keep using that word, 84 00:04:01,681 --> 00:04:02,985 but I'm not convinced you know what it means. 85 00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:05,062 And also, I'm not making out with Dennis later. 86 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,823 'Cause it says we're supposed to do that at the end of the song, 87 00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:09,150 - and that's not going to happen. - I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that either, bro. 88 00:04:09,266 --> 00:04:11,229 Well, this is why I didn't think you should be playing the boy, okay? 89 00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:12,611 I don't want you guys kissing either. 90 00:04:12,724 --> 00:04:15,398 What if it's just a sexually charged embrace? 91 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,936 Okay, Artemis, please don't talk to the talent. 92 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,646 You know what? Um... 93 00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,834 All right, screw this shit. If no one likes the song, I'm going to cut the song. 94 00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:24,160 - Thank you. - Whoa, no, no, no, no, don't cut the song, man. 95 00:04:24,275 --> 00:04:26,213 I like the song. Dee, apologize to Charlie. 96 00:04:26,328 --> 00:04:28,127 I'm not going to do that. He wants me to bang this baby, 97 00:04:28,246 --> 00:04:31,168 - and I don't feel comfortable. - I think it's a bad idea to cut the song. 98 00:04:31,294 --> 00:04:33,255 Thank you, Artemis. Thank you very much. 99 00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:36,515 All right, could you give me a second with... with the talent here? 100 00:04:36,629 --> 00:04:39,681 Thank you. Uh, Dennis, could you take a five? 101 00:04:40,469 --> 00:04:42,030 Uh, well, I just want the song, man. 102 00:04:42,154 --> 00:04:44,018 - I would like for you to take a five. - Five... five minutes? 103 00:04:44,136 --> 00:04:48,237 Can we have five now please? Can you have a five over there? 104 00:04:49,263 --> 00:04:51,963 Will you take a five, Dennis?! Take a five, please! 105 00:04:54,050 --> 00:04:56,091 Okay, Dee, the song is history. 106 00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,781 Thank you, Charlie. I appreciate that. 'Cause I was uncomfortable. 107 00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:00,770 - Yeah, I'll bet. - What are we going to sing instead? 108 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,159 - What should I sing? - Uh, what's on the back there? 109 00:05:03,284 --> 00:05:05,868 - It's the same song. - And what's on the very back page? 110 00:05:05,991 --> 00:05:08,615 - Nothing. - Then that's what you'll be singing. 111 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,533 - Charlie, this is my big song. - Yeah, yeah. 112 00:05:12,658 --> 00:05:14,963 Everybody else has a big song. I deserve to have one. 113 00:05:15,077 --> 00:05:18,949 - Do you? Don't screw you?! - Don't screw me like this, Charlie. Come on! 114 00:05:19,076 --> 00:05:20,677 Oh, I'm sorry, Dee. 115 00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:22,239 Um, let me try and rember something. 116 00:05:22,352 --> 00:05:25,847 Uh, let's see... was it... did Dee write a musical and come to Charlie with it? 117 00:05:25,961 --> 00:05:29,485 No, Charlie wrote a musical and came to Dee with it. 118 00:05:29,610 --> 00:05:33,102 And the gang. And the gang likes to screw it up and make it about themselves 119 00:05:33,218 --> 00:05:36,279 and take it away from Charlie and ruin his hopes and dreams. 120 00:05:36,393 --> 00:05:39,219 So let me tell you something, Dee; Let me break down a scenario for you. 121 00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:42,397 I could cut the song, okay, because I wrote it. 122 00:05:42,512 --> 00:05:46,063 I could have Artemis do the song, okay, because you did not write it. 123 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,253 Or I could strap on a wig and I could do the song myself. 124 00:05:49,379 --> 00:05:53,698 So you tell me, little Miss All That, what do you want to do... 125 00:05:53,825 --> 00:05:56,228 song or no song? 126 00:06:01,381 --> 00:06:02,753 Song. 127 00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:04,751 Song? 128 00:06:04,978 --> 00:06:07,231 - Yeah, song. - You want to sing a song. 129 00:06:07,358 --> 00:06:10,399 - I never wasn't going to sing the song. - You were excited about singing a song, 130 00:06:10,514 --> 00:06:12,287 - and you want to sing a song? - Yeah, I would like to do it. 131 00:06:12,402 --> 00:06:14,180 Good! 132 00:06:14,304 --> 00:06:16,705 So back up on your podium you go. 133 00:06:17,012 --> 00:06:19,732 Thank you. Dennis, what are you doing? 134 00:06:20,229 --> 00:06:22,145 I'm eating because I'm very uncomfortable. 135 00:06:22,269 --> 00:06:25,350 Well, you guys are making... Can you just get on the stage please, 136 00:06:25,466 --> 00:06:26,758 and can we finish this rehearsal? 137 00:06:26,876 --> 00:06:28,648 - It was really loud and... - Don't start! 138 00:06:28,773 --> 00:06:30,070 That wasn't five minutes. 139 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,315 Okay, you know what, you guys have me up to here. 140 00:06:32,539 --> 00:06:35,697 Okay, I'm here. I don't want to be here, okay? 141 00:06:35,819 --> 00:06:38,233 Now I have to play the piano and I'm all up here. 142 00:06:38,350 --> 00:06:40,831 So let's... you know what, let's try and get this down. 143 00:06:41,174 --> 00:06:43,291 Let's try and work this down a bit, okay? 144 00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:46,250 And you know what's going to do that, learning the song, the way it's written. 145 00:06:46,342 --> 00:06:47,317 Let's do it. 146 00:06:47,385 --> 00:06:50,416 Back to the top. Five, six, seven, eight... 147 00:06:52,732 --> 00:06:56,523 Got to play the troll toll To get into this boy's hole 148 00:06:56,638 --> 00:06:59,439 You've got to pay the troll toll To get in 149 00:06:59,557 --> 00:07:03,459 You want this baby boy's hole, You've got to pay the troll toll 150 00:07:03,583 --> 00:07:05,747 Stop, stop, stop. All right, not bad. 151 00:07:05,864 --> 00:07:07,454 Good rhythm, love the enthusiasm. 152 00:07:07,571 --> 00:07:11,865 I feel like you're saying "boy's hole", and it's clearly "soul". 153 00:07:11,988 --> 00:07:13,793 And I know, Artemis, you did write "soul", right? 154 00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:15,809 - I did write "soul". - So it's "boy's soul". 155 00:07:15,925 --> 00:07:19,397 You got to pay the troll toll to get in this boy's hole... 156 00:07:19,525 --> 00:07:21,670 No, see, right there. It sounds like "hole". 157 00:07:21,783 --> 00:07:23,958 Like if you drag that out... Are you chewing gum? 158 00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:26,597 - Yeah. - Give me the gum, okay? 159 00:07:27,048 --> 00:07:28,943 - Give me the gum, Frank, please? - He said, "No gum". 160 00:07:29,059 --> 00:07:30,981 - I said, "No gum," everyone. - It's unprofessional. 161 00:07:31,107 --> 00:07:32,822 - Okay. Thank you. - Charlie, can I bring something up? 162 00:07:32,937 --> 00:07:35,150 - Yes. - I think we have to be very careful 163 00:07:35,266 --> 00:07:37,187 - about how we do the rape scene. - Yeah. 164 00:07:37,315 --> 00:07:40,028 What in God's name are you talking? There's no rape scene. 165 00:07:40,371 --> 00:07:43,833 Well, sure, I pay the troll toll, and then I rape Dennis. 166 00:07:43,951 --> 00:07:45,904 No, you don't rape him. You become him. 167 00:07:46,019 --> 00:07:47,843 - You do not rape him. - He doesn't? 168 00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:51,620 No! Look, let me just walk you guys through this, okay? 169 00:07:51,736 --> 00:07:53,968 Here's what happens. Once you pay the toll, 170 00:07:54,085 --> 00:07:56,577 I want you to come over to Dennis over by his bed here, okay? 171 00:07:56,691 --> 00:07:58,618 - I'll be lying back. - You want me to cross the stage? 172 00:07:58,732 --> 00:08:00,236 - Yes. - All right, this is a great opportunity 173 00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:02,745 to showcase some skills, and, like, just put on a clinic. 174 00:08:02,859 --> 00:08:06,181 - I would rather you didn't. - Well, I think the people are gonna want to see that. 175 00:08:06,307 --> 00:08:08,820 And then I'll hop up sort of like a cat, like so. 176 00:08:08,935 --> 00:08:10,570 Jesus Christ, just leave it at that. 177 00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:13,715 Okay, once he gets near you, you have to sense him, okay? 178 00:08:13,823 --> 00:08:14,816 Suddenly, you sense him. 179 00:08:14,901 --> 00:08:17,404 What if I were to position him in a way where I get behind him, 180 00:08:17,521 --> 00:08:19,772 and then Frank could throw that blanket that he's got right there 181 00:08:19,889 --> 00:08:22,381 over us, and then that way you can't see the penetration. 182 00:08:22,498 --> 00:08:23,610 That's a good idea. You know what, Charlie? 183 00:08:23,727 --> 00:08:26,240 Because the blanket will make the rapings... I'm sorry, 184 00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:29,647 - the sexing from behind feel more classy. - That's good. 185 00:08:29,765 --> 00:08:32,388 And what I can do is thrust this way, and you can struggle. 186 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,473 Now I'm here, okay? I am, I'm past where I thought I could go. 187 00:08:37,591 --> 00:08:39,603 I'm, like, all the way up here with it. 188 00:08:44,783 --> 00:08:46,979 - Oh, my... Hey, you! - Oh, my God! You scared me! 189 00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,576 I'm sorry. I dropped, like, a hundred-dollar bill under there. 190 00:08:49,701 --> 00:08:52,294 I can't find it anywhere, and then... What are you doing walking here? 191 00:08:52,408 --> 00:08:54,243 - Is this one of your walking places? - Charlie, I have Mace. 192 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,472 Oh, my God, check this out. 193 00:08:57,257 --> 00:09:00,290 I have a free ticket for you to see a musical that I wrote. 194 00:09:00,404 --> 00:09:03,299 Oh, wow, a free ticket to a play that I don't want to see. 195 00:09:03,373 --> 00:09:04,366 - You don't want to see it? - I don't want to. 196 00:09:04,442 --> 00:09:06,769 - It's a front row seat. - I don't care. I don't want to see your play. 197 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,866 I'm gonna cut you a bargain, okay? I'm gonna cut you a little deal. 198 00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:10,835 You come and see this play... I didn't want to have to do this... 199 00:09:10,957 --> 00:09:12,451 - but if you come and see this play... - Yeah? 200 00:09:12,567 --> 00:09:15,042 ...I'm gonna leave you alone for the rest of your life. 201 00:09:15,125 --> 00:09:16,122 - Really? - Yeah. 202 00:09:16,217 --> 00:09:18,250 Okay, so you're not gonna follow me home anymore 203 00:09:18,374 --> 00:09:22,189 and you're not gonna call me at 3:00 in the morning and tell me that 204 00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:25,604 you are in the emergency room in the hospital because you had a terrible car accident? 205 00:09:25,719 --> 00:09:29,252 - Yeah, well, it's great that you came. - Well, you listed me as your emergency contact. 206 00:09:29,379 --> 00:09:32,041 - Well, yeah, because I consider you that. - I have to go! 207 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,741 All right, I swear to God I'm gonna leave you alone. 208 00:09:35,853 --> 00:09:38,498 I'm gonna stop listing you as my emergency contact. I'm gonna stop calling you. 209 00:09:38,614 --> 00:09:42,417 All that stuff if you see the musical. That's how much this means to me. 210 00:09:46,079 --> 00:09:47,141 Nice. 211 00:09:47,256 --> 00:09:48,651 - Leave me alone. - You're not gonna regret it. 212 00:09:48,775 --> 00:09:51,100 I regret it already. 213 00:09:51,384 --> 00:09:52,780 All right. 214 00:10:03,076 --> 00:10:04,499 Charlie, what is going on, dude? 215 00:10:04,594 --> 00:10:06,437 - When are we gonna start? - We're gonna start we're ready to start. 216 00:10:06,531 --> 00:10:07,176 Stop hounding me. 217 00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:08,425 We were supposed to start 20 minutes ago. 218 00:10:08,509 --> 00:10:09,705 We're not gonna start... 219 00:10:09,790 --> 00:10:11,460 She's here! She's here! She's here! She's here! 220 00:10:11,775 --> 00:10:12,958 Circle in, everybody. 221 00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:14,659 Can we get down in the middle? Can we get down front? 222 00:10:14,743 --> 00:10:16,086 A couple last-minute things. 223 00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:17,326 I just want to brief everyone on this. 224 00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,763 Artemus, can you bring in Gladys? 225 00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:19,502 This is Gladys. 226 00:10:19,587 --> 00:10:21,248 She's going to be playing the piano instead of me tonight. 227 00:10:21,344 --> 00:10:23,148 - What? Why? - It's cool. She knows all the songs. 228 00:10:23,234 --> 00:10:24,806 Gladys, can you head out there and get us started? 229 00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:28,293 I forgot to tell you, Calvin Coolidge was a good friend of mine. 230 00:10:28,468 --> 00:10:30,001 You've been telling me that Calvin Coolidge was a friend of yours, 231 00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:30,959 like, all morning. 232 00:10:31,043 --> 00:10:32,389 - And at a certain point... - How many times? 233 00:10:32,471 --> 00:10:33,437 Like, a hundred times now. 234 00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:36,365 At a certain point, I need you to stop telling the Calvin Coolidge story 235 00:10:36,447 --> 00:10:37,431 and start playing the piano. 236 00:10:37,526 --> 00:10:39,391 Don't shush me, okay? Now please don't shush me. 237 00:10:39,474 --> 00:10:40,520 We have to start. 238 00:10:40,614 --> 00:10:42,667 Just get her out there and get the play started! 239 00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:43,682 What the hell you doing? 240 00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,112 You can't be throwing us curveballs like this. 241 00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:46,610 Don't argue with me right now, okay? 242 00:10:46,695 --> 00:10:48,278 We just gotta do this. Let's stick together. 243 00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,406 Real quickly, okay? Just a couple of things. 244 00:10:50,492 --> 00:10:53,252 I can't really move my arms in this thing, so I think I need to rip the pits. 245 00:10:53,350 --> 00:10:54,710 Do not rip that costume, okay? 246 00:10:54,808 --> 00:10:55,519 It's very expensive. 247 00:10:55,615 --> 00:10:56,851 All right, fine, but one other thing. 248 00:10:56,934 --> 00:10:58,217 I wrote a song. I'm gonna throw it in. 249 00:10:58,302 --> 00:10:59,764 I swear to God, you cannot add a song. 250 00:10:59,851 --> 00:11:00,805 It's gonna happen. 251 00:11:00,891 --> 00:11:03,810 I will smack your face off of your face. 252 00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:05,111 Do not add a song. 253 00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:06,559 It started. It started. 254 00:11:06,992 --> 00:11:08,714 You gotta get out there. 255 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,073 Just get out there. 256 00:11:21,458 --> 00:11:23,238 What is this strange feeling? 257 00:11:24,462 --> 00:11:26,247 I feel so strange inside. 258 00:11:27,381 --> 00:11:29,443 It's so strange, but appealing. 259 00:11:30,665 --> 00:11:32,271 I feel good, oh! 260 00:11:32,786 --> 00:11:35,485 Tiny boy, little boy, baby boy, I need you. 261 00:11:35,871 --> 00:11:38,771 Tiny boy, little boy, I want to touch you. 262 00:11:39,075 --> 00:11:40,542 If you only knew 263 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,608 - What I'd do to you. - Boy, I need you, boy. 264 00:11:42,692 --> 00:11:44,975 If I was that boy, that's inside of you. 265 00:11:45,499 --> 00:11:47,992 Tiny boy, little boy, Baby boy, I need you 266 00:11:48,215 --> 00:11:51,266 Tiny boy, little boy, I want to make love to you. 267 00:11:51,352 --> 00:11:54,315 If you only knew, what I'd do to you. 268 00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:57,282 If I was that boy, that's inside of you. 269 00:11:57,377 --> 00:12:00,697 Inside, inside, inside of you.. 270 00:12:00,870 --> 00:12:02,756 My boy... 271 00:12:06,146 --> 00:12:07,789 Oh, boy. 272 00:12:17,354 --> 00:12:20,686 Just to be clear, I did not write that song, 273 00:12:20,778 --> 00:12:23,609 And have never had sex with a child... 274 00:12:23,934 --> 00:12:25,071 Just to be clear. 275 00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:28,047 What? What is happening? 276 00:12:28,263 --> 00:12:31,690 Most men find me to be an eight or nine out of ten. 277 00:12:32,815 --> 00:12:36,365 And I am available to any interested men. 278 00:12:36,593 --> 00:12:39,574 Who'd like to get my number after the show. 279 00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,650 Keep singing, bitch! 280 00:12:41,737 --> 00:12:44,027 You're not gonna have a face by the time I'm done with you! 281 00:12:44,424 --> 00:12:45,758 What the hell is she doing? 282 00:12:45,843 --> 00:12:47,256 She's bombing like crazy. 283 00:12:47,341 --> 00:12:48,154 What an idiot. 284 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,432 I was awesome, though, right? 285 00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,548 You? No, dude, you totally froze up out there. 286 00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:52,299 You sucked. 287 00:12:52,383 --> 00:12:54,145 I was hearing a lot of laughs out there, bro. 288 00:12:54,412 --> 00:12:55,564 Laughs are cheap. 289 00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:56,935 I'm going for gasps. 290 00:12:57,159 --> 00:12:58,313 Wait till you see, dude. 291 00:12:58,398 --> 00:12:59,721 Gasps are where it's at. 292 00:13:00,053 --> 00:13:01,877 Gotta go pop my cat eyes in. 293 00:13:15,568 --> 00:13:16,430 We're getting a lot of laughs. That's good. 294 00:13:16,515 --> 00:13:17,960 That is not good. This is not a comedy, okay? 295 00:13:18,057 --> 00:13:19,506 No one's supposed to be laughing. 296 00:13:21,142 --> 00:13:22,974 You came at the right time. 297 00:13:23,071 --> 00:13:24,620 Is he sleeping? 298 00:13:24,706 --> 00:13:29,165 Yes, he's sleeping right over there, just the way you like 'em. 299 00:13:30,612 --> 00:13:32,622 Did you bring the toll? 300 00:13:33,107 --> 00:13:35,877 Confound your lousy toll, troll. 301 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,504 God damn it. 302 00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:41,852 Stop laughing at me. 303 00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:46,189 You gotta pay the troll toll, if you want to get into that boy's hole. 304 00:13:46,364 --> 00:13:48,574 You gotta pay the troll toll to get in... 305 00:13:49,241 --> 00:13:51,630 You want the baby boy's hole, 306 00:13:51,727 --> 00:13:55,896 You gotta pay the troll toll, You gotta pay the troll toll to get in. 307 00:13:56,968 --> 00:13:58,395 Troll toll 308 00:13:58,856 --> 00:14:00,241 What you say? 309 00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,039 Troll toll! 310 00:14:04,272 --> 00:14:05,605 Troll toll! 311 00:14:09,245 --> 00:14:11,128 Here's your toll, troll. 312 00:14:13,092 --> 00:14:14,807 Your boy awaits. 313 00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:19,499 At last, the boy's soul is mine. 314 00:14:34,327 --> 00:14:35,750 Give me that leg, boy. 315 00:14:37,106 --> 00:14:38,748 Dude, do you have a boner right now? 316 00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:40,556 Shut up, dude, don't ruin this for me. 317 00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:42,363 What? Oh, Jesus. 318 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:43,742 That's enough. 319 00:14:54,377 --> 00:14:58,787 I could smack everyone into tiny, little pieces. 320 00:15:02,136 --> 00:15:04,219 Hello, boy. 321 00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:08,755 Come over here and scratch my itchy-witchy toesy-woesies. 322 00:15:10,408 --> 00:15:11,182 What? 323 00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:12,182 Get over here. 324 00:15:12,274 --> 00:15:14,446 - No, Antonio. - I control you. 325 00:15:14,534 --> 00:15:16,015 You control nothing. 326 00:15:16,102 --> 00:15:19,500 I am not your slave anymore, and I'm not a boy. 327 00:15:19,816 --> 00:15:21,708 I am a man, see? 328 00:15:22,813 --> 00:15:24,637 I was transformed... 329 00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:29,841 by the strong... musky power of true love. 330 00:15:30,994 --> 00:15:32,027 I am now... 331 00:15:34,362 --> 00:15:35,673 The Dayman. 332 00:15:39,247 --> 00:15:40,609 What the hell is that? 333 00:15:40,695 --> 00:15:42,058 You know what it is, bitch. 334 00:15:56,682 --> 00:15:58,377 Where's the boy? 335 00:15:58,463 --> 00:15:59,955 The boy is gone. 336 00:16:00,052 --> 00:16:02,282 You can't tell me what to do. 337 00:16:03,907 --> 00:16:05,881 I didn't tell you what to do. You're skipping a line, dude. 338 00:16:08,002 --> 00:16:10,694 - You can't tell me what to do... - You're still skipping the same line. 339 00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:11,185 Just move past it. 340 00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:13,542 God, it's crazy how much better I am at acting than you are. 341 00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,001 I'm going to kick your ass, bro. 342 00:16:15,095 --> 00:16:16,068 I'll tell you what... 343 00:16:16,154 --> 00:16:18,084 I am the ruler of darkness. 344 00:16:18,170 --> 00:16:20,853 I am the master of light. 345 00:16:21,706 --> 00:16:24,599 I am... the Dayman. 346 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,165 Whatever, bro. 347 00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:28,892 - Here's whatever, bitch. - What? No, don't improv. 348 00:16:28,987 --> 00:16:29,833 Don't tell me what to do. 349 00:16:38,188 --> 00:16:39,160 Body bag. 350 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,244 You have defeated the evil that was here. 351 00:17:15,724 --> 00:17:16,828 Naturally. 352 00:17:16,914 --> 00:17:18,479 For I am the Dayman. 353 00:17:19,243 --> 00:17:21,525 You once were a boy and now you're man. 354 00:17:21,609 --> 00:17:23,173 And I am in love with you. 355 00:17:23,258 --> 00:17:24,181 That's right. 356 00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,949 And now I am in love with you. 357 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,027 Dayman, 358 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,791 Fighter of the Nightman 359 00:17:34,443 --> 00:17:36,267 Champion of the sun, 360 00:17:37,869 --> 00:17:40,032 You're a master of karate and 361 00:17:40,128 --> 00:17:42,388 friendship for everyone. 362 00:17:42,474 --> 00:17:43,979 Dayman 363 00:17:45,553 --> 00:17:47,775 Fighter of the Nightman 364 00:17:48,866 --> 00:17:50,861 Champion of the sun 365 00:17:52,164 --> 00:17:54,558 You're a master of karate and 366 00:17:54,644 --> 00:17:56,413 friendship for everyone 367 00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:58,263 Dayman 368 00:17:59,436 --> 00:18:01,858 Fighter of the nightman 369 00:18:02,904 --> 00:18:04,823 Champion of the sun 370 00:18:05,996 --> 00:18:08,460 You're a master of karate and 371 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,838 friendship for everyone 372 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:11,835 Dayman! 373 00:18:15,278 --> 00:18:15,983 Stage freeze. 374 00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:17,917 Don't say "stage freeze." Just do it. 375 00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:35,837 I was that little boy. That little baby boy was me. 376 00:18:36,325 --> 00:18:38,728 I once was a boy 377 00:18:38,819 --> 00:18:40,882 But now I am a man 378 00:18:41,838 --> 00:18:44,527 I fought the Nightman, lived as Dayman. 379 00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:47,409 Now I'm here to ask for your hand, 380 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:50,111 So if you want to marry, man, 381 00:18:50,209 --> 00:18:52,033 Will you marry me? 382 00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:55,019 Will you come on stage and join me. 383 00:18:55,204 --> 00:18:57,774 In this thing called matrimony? 384 00:18:57,872 --> 00:19:01,591 Please say yes and do not bone me, please. 385 00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:04,834 Just marry me. 386 00:19:13,792 --> 00:19:14,897 Is that it? 387 00:19:16,747 --> 00:19:18,073 Is the play over? 388 00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,488 Okay, great. Well, then I'm out of here. 389 00:19:21,574 --> 00:19:24,015 Hang on, hang on, hang on a second, hang on. 390 00:19:25,588 --> 00:19:27,422 - Is it a yes, or...? - Is it a yes? 391 00:19:27,985 --> 00:19:29,467 Really, Charlie, will I marry you? 392 00:19:29,555 --> 00:19:30,919 No, no, I will not. 393 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,276 I will never marry you. 394 00:19:32,368 --> 00:19:35,340 And I also held up my end of the bargain, so I never have to see you again. 395 00:19:35,678 --> 00:19:36,798 Okay, so wait. 396 00:19:37,805 --> 00:19:39,219 I'm sorry, I want to get this clear. 397 00:19:39,305 --> 00:19:40,667 You are saying no? 398 00:19:41,019 --> 00:19:43,933 Oh, I am definitely, definitely saying no. 399 00:19:44,096 --> 00:19:47,220 Well, I didn't ever sign anything, so... 400 00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:49,645 I'll see you tomorrow? 401 00:19:54,954 --> 00:19:56,155 That's it. You can go home. 402 00:19:57,141 --> 00:19:57,866 It's over. 403 00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:59,294 - We've got to bow. - Hold on. 404 00:20:01,648 --> 00:20:02,650 If you want. 405 00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:05,809 This was a great musical. You did a great job. 406 00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:16,116 Told you nobody just writes a musical for no reason. 407 00:20:16,207 --> 00:20:17,084 I am here. 408 00:20:17,469 --> 00:20:18,741 I am passed here. 409 00:20:20,038 --> 00:20:21,199 And by the way, 410 00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:23,808 I thought the rape scene went really well. 411 00:20:23,892 --> 00:20:24,805 I am here. 412 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:25,856 I am here with it. 413 00:20:25,939 --> 00:20:27,255 And that was awful for me. 414 00:20:27,526 --> 00:20:29,930 And if you bring this up back at the apartment tonight, 415 00:20:30,023 --> 00:20:31,919 I'm going to smack you, I swear to God.