1
00:00:04,165 --> 00:00:07,610
Come one,
Come all to a beautiful show
2
00:00:07,723 --> 00:00:11,279
It's gonna be awesome and...
Some other stuff.
3
00:00:14,406 --> 00:00:16,985
Some other musical stuff.
4
00:00:17,674 --> 00:00:20,026
- What you doing, buddy?
- I wrote a musical.
5
00:00:20,397 --> 00:00:22,893
- You wrote a musical?
- Why, why did you do that?
6
00:00:23,006 --> 00:00:27,168
Just to write a musical. Does there
have to be a reason? I don't think so.
7
00:00:27,357 --> 00:00:30,235
Yeah, there does. Nobody writes a musical
for no reason. That doesn't make sense.
8
00:00:30,347 --> 00:00:32,735
All right, this guy did,
so there you go.
9
00:00:32,848 --> 00:00:34,379
Who's the mark?
10
00:00:34,884 --> 00:00:36,461
- What?
- Yeah.
11
00:00:36,585 --> 00:00:38,307
No, there's no... there's no
mark, guys.
12
00:00:38,418 --> 00:00:40,608
I wrote a musical.
It's pretty damn good, okay?
13
00:00:40,721 --> 00:00:42,379
- I want to put it on.
- Right. What's your angle?
14
00:00:42,506 --> 00:00:44,513
- I don't have an angle.
- Whose face are we shoving this musical in?
15
00:00:44,625 --> 00:00:45,945
You don't shove a musical in
someone's face.
16
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:47,716
- What are you talking about?
- But who versus?
17
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,299
Who are we doing it versus?
18
00:00:49,414 --> 00:00:50,887
Oh, my God, are you guys
going to make this about this?
19
00:00:51,004 --> 00:00:54,283
Look, I just wrote a musical to
write a musical, okay?
20
00:00:54,396 --> 00:00:56,275
I don't have a ulterior
motive here.
21
00:00:56,391 --> 00:00:59,369
I'm not trying to screw anyone
or gain anything out of it.
22
00:00:59,482 --> 00:01:00,929
You know what, if you guys
don't want to be in it,
23
00:01:01,045 --> 00:01:02,933
I can find other people
to play your parts.
24
00:01:03,378 --> 00:01:04,415
Hang on there, pal.
25
00:01:04,527 --> 00:01:06,536
Hang on. Hang on. We're just trying
to wrap our heads around this.
26
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:09,078
Yeah, there's no reason to
give away our parts, okay?
27
00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,930
- All right.
- No, we'll do it. What's it called?
28
00:01:12,758 --> 00:01:14,873
The Nightman Cometh.
29
00:01:47,609 --> 00:01:49,550
Okay, gather around.
30
00:01:49,666 --> 00:01:52,492
Please, everybody.
Let's gather down front.
31
00:01:52,603 --> 00:01:55,848
I feel the magic
Do you feel the magic?
32
00:01:56,002 --> 00:01:57,028
Here we go!
33
00:01:57,143 --> 00:01:59,237
Now, you guys, you all know
Artemis.
34
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Artemis was kind enough to book
for us this fine local theater.
35
00:02:03,369 --> 00:02:06,001
- So round of applause for Artemis.
- Very nice.
36
00:02:06,119 --> 00:02:10,351
She also transcribed my work into a format
you might consider a little bit more legible.
37
00:02:10,475 --> 00:02:11,959
Or literate.
She added words to it.
38
00:02:12,063 --> 00:02:13,057
Yeah, right.
39
00:02:13,135 --> 00:02:15,657
No more interruptions now, Dee.
Thank you, please.
40
00:02:15,774 --> 00:02:18,297
Okay, well, Charlie, I got a question
for you. Who's playing this lead boy?
41
00:02:18,412 --> 00:02:19,496
- That's going to be Mac.
- What?
42
00:02:19,608 --> 00:02:22,943
- Oh, yeah! Lead, of course.
- Wait, who's playing the dayman?
43
00:02:23,057 --> 00:02:25,422
Well, the lead boy becomes the
dayman when he defeats the nightman.
44
00:02:25,538 --> 00:02:28,590
- So it's also Mac.
- Two parts? Oh, yeah!
45
00:02:28,704 --> 00:02:30,686
- Wait, that's bullshit, bro.
- The nightman's a better role.
46
00:02:30,803 --> 00:02:32,086
He gets to play two roles?
I mean, come on.
47
00:02:32,203 --> 00:02:34,746
- It's the same person...
- Charlie, who's playing the troll guy?
48
00:02:34,870 --> 00:02:37,073
- You're going to play the troll guy.
- I'm the troll guy?
49
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:39,483
- Who else would be the troll?
- Oh, I like that.
50
00:02:39,599 --> 00:02:41,410
- All right, good.
- Can I do it naked?
51
00:02:41,539 --> 00:02:43,350
Absolutely not.
Why would you want to be naked?
52
00:02:43,465 --> 00:02:46,609
Because in the '70s,
everybody did theater naked.
53
00:02:46,723 --> 00:02:48,179
Everybody got laid all the time.
54
00:02:48,294 --> 00:02:51,174
All right, well, this is not the '70s. You're
going to do theater with your clothes on, please.
55
00:02:51,290 --> 00:02:52,694
Charlie, what the hell is
this play about?
56
00:02:52,810 --> 00:02:55,831
- I'm a princess who lives in a coffee shop?
- You work in a coffee shop.
57
00:02:55,950 --> 00:02:57,992
You don't live in a coffee shop.
Read closer.
58
00:02:58,108 --> 00:03:00,160
Well, why am I in love with a
little boy?
59
00:03:01,634 --> 00:03:04,049
- You're in love with a young man.
- You wrote "boy".
60
00:03:04,165 --> 00:03:05,790
Well, all right, man, boy,
it's a metaphor.
61
00:03:05,904 --> 00:03:07,676
Well, the audience is going
to think I'm a child molester.
62
00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:10,073
I've changed my mind.
I'm playing the nightman.
63
00:03:10,431 --> 00:03:12,065
- Oh, yeah.
- Why would you want to play the nightman?
64
00:03:12,187 --> 00:03:14,692
The nightman's bad-ass, dude.
He has the eyes of a cat
65
00:03:14,808 --> 00:03:17,110
- and does karate across the stage.
- Where are you getting that from?!
66
00:03:17,228 --> 00:03:18,828
- Karate?!
- No, I made that up, man.
67
00:03:18,943 --> 00:03:21,219
This is great. That frees up the
lead boy role and the dayman role.
68
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:23,157
- I can play both those.
- No, I don't want you guys switching roles.
69
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,467
- That's not how it works.
- Hey, Frank you got a guy that does cat eyes?
70
00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:28,055
- I'm already on it.
- All right, God, for the love of God.
71
00:03:28,770 --> 00:03:30,831
You know what?
Let's just get started.
72
00:03:32,997 --> 00:03:34,628
- Okay, you guys ready?
- Yeah.
73
00:03:35,574 --> 00:03:39,095
Tiny boy, little boy,
Baby boy, I need you
74
00:03:39,215 --> 00:03:43,677
Tiny boy, little boy,
Want to make love to you, boy
75
00:03:43,801 --> 00:03:45,355
Okay, hold on a second.
76
00:03:45,468 --> 00:03:47,013
- Charlie?
- Yes.
77
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,873
- Are you goddamn kidding me?
- What?
78
00:03:48,986 --> 00:03:50,939
"Tiny boy, little boy,
baby boy"?
79
00:03:51,058 --> 00:03:52,649
Yes.
80
00:03:52,855 --> 00:03:55,557
You're wanting me to say that I want to
make love to a little, baby, tiny boy.
81
00:03:55,683 --> 00:03:57,110
But I have explained this to
you, Dee.
82
00:03:57,221 --> 00:03:59,946
I'm talking about the spirit of
this man... is like a little boy.
83
00:04:00,061 --> 00:04:01,557
- It's a metaphor.
- You keep using that word,
84
00:04:01,681 --> 00:04:02,985
but I'm not convinced
you know what it means.
85
00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:05,062
And also, I'm not making out
with Dennis later.
86
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,823
'Cause it says we're supposed to
do that at the end of the song,
87
00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:09,150
- and that's not going to happen.
- I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that either, bro.
88
00:04:09,266 --> 00:04:11,229
Well, this is why I didn't think
you should be playing the boy, okay?
89
00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:12,611
I don't want you guys kissing either.
90
00:04:12,724 --> 00:04:15,398
What if it's just a sexually
charged embrace?
91
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,936
Okay, Artemis, please don't
talk to the talent.
92
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,646
You know what? Um...
93
00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,834
All right, screw this shit. If no one
likes the song, I'm going to cut the song.
94
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:24,160
- Thank you.
- Whoa, no, no, no, no, don't cut the song, man.
95
00:04:24,275 --> 00:04:26,213
I like the song.
Dee, apologize to Charlie.
96
00:04:26,328 --> 00:04:28,127
I'm not going to do that.
He wants me to bang this baby,
97
00:04:28,246 --> 00:04:31,168
- and I don't feel comfortable.
- I think it's a bad idea to cut the song.
98
00:04:31,294 --> 00:04:33,255
Thank you, Artemis.
Thank you very much.
99
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:36,515
All right, could you give me a
second with... with the talent here?
100
00:04:36,629 --> 00:04:39,681
Thank you. Uh, Dennis,
could you take a five?
101
00:04:40,469 --> 00:04:42,030
Uh, well, I just want the
song, man.
102
00:04:42,154 --> 00:04:44,018
- I would like for you to take a five.
- Five... five minutes?
103
00:04:44,136 --> 00:04:48,237
Can we have five now please?
Can you have a five over there?
104
00:04:49,263 --> 00:04:51,963
Will you take a five, Dennis?!
Take a five, please!
105
00:04:54,050 --> 00:04:56,091
Okay, Dee, the song is history.
106
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,781
Thank you, Charlie. I appreciate that.
'Cause I was uncomfortable.
107
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:00,770
- Yeah, I'll bet.
- What are we going to sing instead?
108
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:03,159
- What should I sing?
- Uh, what's on the back there?
109
00:05:03,284 --> 00:05:05,868
- It's the same song.
- And what's on the very back page?
110
00:05:05,991 --> 00:05:08,615
- Nothing.
- Then that's what you'll be singing.
111
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,533
- Charlie, this is my big song.
- Yeah, yeah.
112
00:05:12,658 --> 00:05:14,963
Everybody else has a big song.
I deserve to have one.
113
00:05:15,077 --> 00:05:18,949
- Do you? Don't screw you?!
- Don't screw me like this, Charlie. Come on!
114
00:05:19,076 --> 00:05:20,677
Oh, I'm sorry, Dee.
115
00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:22,239
Um, let me try and rember
something.
116
00:05:22,352 --> 00:05:25,847
Uh, let's see... was it... did Dee write
a musical and come to Charlie with it?
117
00:05:25,961 --> 00:05:29,485
No, Charlie wrote a musical and
came to Dee with it.
118
00:05:29,610 --> 00:05:33,102
And the gang. And the gang likes to
screw it up and make it about themselves
119
00:05:33,218 --> 00:05:36,279
and take it away from Charlie
and ruin his hopes and dreams.
120
00:05:36,393 --> 00:05:39,219
So let me tell you something, Dee;
Let me break down a scenario for you.
121
00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:42,397
I could cut the song, okay,
because I wrote it.
122
00:05:42,512 --> 00:05:46,063
I could have Artemis do the song,
okay, because you did not write it.
123
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,253
Or I could strap on a wig and
I could do the song myself.
124
00:05:49,379 --> 00:05:53,698
So you tell me, little Miss All That,
what do you want to do...
125
00:05:53,825 --> 00:05:56,228
song or no song?
126
00:06:01,381 --> 00:06:02,753
Song.
127
00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:04,751
Song?
128
00:06:04,978 --> 00:06:07,231
- Yeah, song.
- You want to sing a song.
129
00:06:07,358 --> 00:06:10,399
- I never wasn't going to sing the song.
- You were excited about singing a song,
130
00:06:10,514 --> 00:06:12,287
- and you want to sing a song?
- Yeah, I would like to do it.
131
00:06:12,402 --> 00:06:14,180
Good!
132
00:06:14,304 --> 00:06:16,705
So back up on your podium you go.
133
00:06:17,012 --> 00:06:19,732
Thank you.
Dennis, what are you doing?
134
00:06:20,229 --> 00:06:22,145
I'm eating because I'm very
uncomfortable.
135
00:06:22,269 --> 00:06:25,350
Well, you guys are making...
Can you just get on the stage please,
136
00:06:25,466 --> 00:06:26,758
and can we finish this rehearsal?
137
00:06:26,876 --> 00:06:28,648
- It was really loud and...
- Don't start!
138
00:06:28,773 --> 00:06:30,070
That wasn't five minutes.
139
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:32,315
Okay, you know what, you guys
have me up to here.
140
00:06:32,539 --> 00:06:35,697
Okay, I'm here.
I don't want to be here, okay?
141
00:06:35,819 --> 00:06:38,233
Now I have to play the piano and
I'm all up here.
142
00:06:38,350 --> 00:06:40,831
So let's... you know what,
let's try and get this down.
143
00:06:41,174 --> 00:06:43,291
Let's try and work this down
a bit, okay?
144
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:46,250
And you know what's going to do that,
learning the song, the way it's written.
145
00:06:46,342 --> 00:06:47,317
Let's do it.
146
00:06:47,385 --> 00:06:50,416
Back to the top.
Five, six, seven, eight...
147
00:06:52,732 --> 00:06:56,523
Got to play the troll toll
To get into this boy's hole
148
00:06:56,638 --> 00:06:59,439
You've got to pay the troll toll
To get in
149
00:06:59,557 --> 00:07:03,459
You want this baby boy's hole,
You've got to pay the troll toll
150
00:07:03,583 --> 00:07:05,747
Stop, stop, stop.
All right, not bad.
151
00:07:05,864 --> 00:07:07,454
Good rhythm, love the
enthusiasm.
152
00:07:07,571 --> 00:07:11,865
I feel like you're saying "boy's hole",
and it's clearly "soul".
153
00:07:11,988 --> 00:07:13,793
And I know, Artemis, you did
write "soul", right?
154
00:07:13,917 --> 00:07:15,809
- I did write "soul".
- So it's "boy's soul".
155
00:07:15,925 --> 00:07:19,397
You got to pay the troll toll
to get in this boy's hole...
156
00:07:19,525 --> 00:07:21,670
No, see, right there.
It sounds like "hole".
157
00:07:21,783 --> 00:07:23,958
Like if you drag that out...
Are you chewing gum?
158
00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:26,597
- Yeah.
- Give me the gum, okay?
159
00:07:27,048 --> 00:07:28,943
- Give me the gum, Frank, please?
- He said, "No gum".
160
00:07:29,059 --> 00:07:30,981
- I said, "No gum," everyone.
- It's unprofessional.
161
00:07:31,107 --> 00:07:32,822
- Okay. Thank you.
- Charlie, can I bring something up?
162
00:07:32,937 --> 00:07:35,150
- Yes.
- I think we have to be very careful
163
00:07:35,266 --> 00:07:37,187
- about how we do the rape scene.
- Yeah.
164
00:07:37,315 --> 00:07:40,028
What in God's name are you talking?
There's no rape scene.
165
00:07:40,371 --> 00:07:43,833
Well, sure, I pay the troll toll,
and then I rape Dennis.
166
00:07:43,951 --> 00:07:45,904
No, you don't rape him.
You become him.
167
00:07:46,019 --> 00:07:47,843
- You do not rape him.
- He doesn't?
168
00:07:47,959 --> 00:07:51,620
No! Look, let me just walk
you guys through this, okay?
169
00:07:51,736 --> 00:07:53,968
Here's what happens.
Once you pay the toll,
170
00:07:54,085 --> 00:07:56,577
I want you to come over to Dennis over
by his bed here, okay?
171
00:07:56,691 --> 00:07:58,618
- I'll be lying back.
- You want me to cross the stage?
172
00:07:58,732 --> 00:08:00,236
- Yes.
- All right, this is a great opportunity
173
00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:02,745
to showcase some skills, and,
like, just put on a clinic.
174
00:08:02,859 --> 00:08:06,181
- I would rather you didn't.
- Well, I think the people are gonna want to see that.
175
00:08:06,307 --> 00:08:08,820
And then I'll hop up sort of
like a cat, like so.
176
00:08:08,935 --> 00:08:10,570
Jesus Christ, just leave it at that.
177
00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:13,715
Okay, once he gets near you,
you have to sense him, okay?
178
00:08:13,823 --> 00:08:14,816
Suddenly, you sense him.
179
00:08:14,901 --> 00:08:17,404
What if I were to position
him in a way where I get behind him,
180
00:08:17,521 --> 00:08:19,772
and then Frank could throw
that blanket that he's got right there
181
00:08:19,889 --> 00:08:22,381
over us, and then that way
you can't see the penetration.
182
00:08:22,498 --> 00:08:23,610
That's a good idea.
You know what, Charlie?
183
00:08:23,727 --> 00:08:26,240
Because the blanket will make
the rapings... I'm sorry,
184
00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:29,647
- the sexing from behind feel more classy.
- That's good.
185
00:08:29,765 --> 00:08:32,388
And what I can do is thrust this
way, and you can struggle.
186
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,473
Now I'm here, okay? I am, I'm past
where I thought I could go.
187
00:08:37,591 --> 00:08:39,603
I'm, like, all the way up here with it.
188
00:08:44,783 --> 00:08:46,979
- Oh, my... Hey, you!
- Oh, my God! You scared me!
189
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:49,576
I'm sorry. I dropped, like,
a hundred-dollar bill under there.
190
00:08:49,701 --> 00:08:52,294
I can't find it anywhere, and then...
What are you doing walking here?
191
00:08:52,408 --> 00:08:54,243
- Is this one of your walking places?
- Charlie, I have Mace.
192
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,472
Oh, my God, check this out.
193
00:08:57,257 --> 00:09:00,290
I have a free ticket for you
to see a musical that I wrote.
194
00:09:00,404 --> 00:09:03,299
Oh, wow, a free ticket to a
play that I don't want to see.
195
00:09:03,373 --> 00:09:04,366
- You don't want to see it?
- I don't want to.
196
00:09:04,442 --> 00:09:06,769
- It's a front row seat.
- I don't care. I don't want to see your play.
197
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,866
I'm gonna cut you a bargain, okay?
I'm gonna cut you a little deal.
198
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:10,835
You come and see this play... I
didn't want to have to do this...
199
00:09:10,957 --> 00:09:12,451
- but if you come and see this play...
- Yeah?
200
00:09:12,567 --> 00:09:15,042
...I'm gonna leave you alone
for the rest of your life.
201
00:09:15,125 --> 00:09:16,122
- Really?
- Yeah.
202
00:09:16,217 --> 00:09:18,250
Okay, so you're not gonna
follow me home anymore
203
00:09:18,374 --> 00:09:22,189
and you're not gonna call me at 3:00
in the morning and tell me that
204
00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:25,604
you are in the emergency room in the hospital
because you had a terrible car accident?
205
00:09:25,719 --> 00:09:29,252
- Yeah, well, it's great that you came.
- Well, you listed me as your emergency contact.
206
00:09:29,379 --> 00:09:32,041
- Well, yeah, because I consider you that.
- I have to go!
207
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,741
All right, I swear to God I'm
gonna leave you alone.
208
00:09:35,853 --> 00:09:38,498
I'm gonna stop listing you as my emergency
contact. I'm gonna stop calling you.
209
00:09:38,614 --> 00:09:42,417
All that stuff if you see the musical.
That's how much this means to me.
210
00:09:46,079 --> 00:09:47,141
Nice.
211
00:09:47,256 --> 00:09:48,651
- Leave me alone.
- You're not gonna regret it.
212
00:09:48,775 --> 00:09:51,100
I regret it already.
213
00:09:51,384 --> 00:09:52,780
All right.
214
00:10:03,076 --> 00:10:04,499
Charlie, what is going on, dude?
215
00:10:04,594 --> 00:10:06,437
- When are we gonna start?
- We're gonna start we're ready to start.
216
00:10:06,531 --> 00:10:07,176
Stop hounding me.
217
00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:08,425
We were supposed
to start 20 minutes ago.
218
00:10:08,509 --> 00:10:09,705
We're not gonna start...
219
00:10:09,790 --> 00:10:11,460
She's here! She's here!
She's here! She's here!
220
00:10:11,775 --> 00:10:12,958
Circle in, everybody.
221
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:14,659
Can we get down in the middle?
Can we get down front?
222
00:10:14,743 --> 00:10:16,086
A couple last-minute things.
223
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:17,326
I just want to brief
everyone on this.
224
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:18,763
Artemus, can you bring in Gladys?
225
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:19,502
This is Gladys.
226
00:10:19,587 --> 00:10:21,248
She's going to be playing
the piano instead of me tonight.
227
00:10:21,344 --> 00:10:23,148
- What? Why?
- It's cool. She knows all the songs.
228
00:10:23,234 --> 00:10:24,806
Gladys, can you head
out there and get us started?
229
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:28,293
I forgot to tell you, Calvin Coolidge
was a good friend of mine.
230
00:10:28,468 --> 00:10:30,001
You've been telling me that
Calvin Coolidge was a friend of yours,
231
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:30,959
like, all morning.
232
00:10:31,043 --> 00:10:32,389
- And at a certain point...
- How many times?
233
00:10:32,471 --> 00:10:33,437
Like, a hundred times now.
234
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:36,365
At a certain point, I need you to stop
telling the Calvin Coolidge story
235
00:10:36,447 --> 00:10:37,431
and start playing the piano.
236
00:10:37,526 --> 00:10:39,391
Don't shush me, okay?
Now please don't shush me.
237
00:10:39,474 --> 00:10:40,520
We have to start.
238
00:10:40,614 --> 00:10:42,667
Just get her out there and
get the play started!
239
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:43,682
What the hell you doing?
240
00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,112
You can't be throwing us
curveballs like this.
241
00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:46,610
Don't argue with me
right now, okay?
242
00:10:46,695 --> 00:10:48,278
We just gotta do this.
Let's stick together.
243
00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,406
Real quickly, okay?
Just a couple of things.
244
00:10:50,492 --> 00:10:53,252
I can't really move my arms in this
thing, so I think I need to rip the pits.
245
00:10:53,350 --> 00:10:54,710
Do not rip that costume, okay?
246
00:10:54,808 --> 00:10:55,519
It's very expensive.
247
00:10:55,615 --> 00:10:56,851
All right, fine,
but one other thing.
248
00:10:56,934 --> 00:10:58,217
I wrote a song.
I'm gonna throw it in.
249
00:10:58,302 --> 00:10:59,764
I swear to God,
you cannot add a song.
250
00:10:59,851 --> 00:11:00,805
It's gonna happen.
251
00:11:00,891 --> 00:11:03,810
I will smack your face off
of your face.
252
00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:05,111
Do not add a song.
253
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:06,559
It started. It started.
254
00:11:06,992 --> 00:11:08,714
You gotta get out there.
255
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,073
Just get out there.
256
00:11:21,458 --> 00:11:23,238
What is this strange feeling?
257
00:11:24,462 --> 00:11:26,247
I feel so strange inside.
258
00:11:27,381 --> 00:11:29,443
It's so strange, but appealing.
259
00:11:30,665 --> 00:11:32,271
I feel good, oh!
260
00:11:32,786 --> 00:11:35,485
Tiny boy, little boy,
baby boy, I need you.
261
00:11:35,871 --> 00:11:38,771
Tiny boy, little boy,
I want to touch you.
262
00:11:39,075 --> 00:11:40,542
If you only knew
263
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,608
- What I'd do to you.
- Boy, I need you, boy.
264
00:11:42,692 --> 00:11:44,975
If I was that boy,
that's inside of you.
265
00:11:45,499 --> 00:11:47,992
Tiny boy, little boy,
Baby boy, I need you
266
00:11:48,215 --> 00:11:51,266
Tiny boy, little boy,
I want to make love to you.
267
00:11:51,352 --> 00:11:54,315
If you only knew,
what I'd do to you.
268
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:57,282
If I was that boy,
that's inside of you.
269
00:11:57,377 --> 00:12:00,697
Inside, inside, inside of you..
270
00:12:00,870 --> 00:12:02,756
My boy...
271
00:12:06,146 --> 00:12:07,789
Oh, boy.
272
00:12:17,354 --> 00:12:20,686
Just to be clear,
I did not write that song,
273
00:12:20,778 --> 00:12:23,609
And have never had sex
with a child...
274
00:12:23,934 --> 00:12:25,071
Just to be clear.
275
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:28,047
What? What is happening?
276
00:12:28,263 --> 00:12:31,690
Most men find me to be
an eight or nine out of ten.
277
00:12:32,815 --> 00:12:36,365
And I am available
to any interested men.
278
00:12:36,593 --> 00:12:39,574
Who'd like to get my number
after the show.
279
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:41,650
Keep singing, bitch!
280
00:12:41,737 --> 00:12:44,027
You're not gonna have a face
by the time I'm done with you!
281
00:12:44,424 --> 00:12:45,758
What the hell is she doing?
282
00:12:45,843 --> 00:12:47,256
She's bombing like crazy.
283
00:12:47,341 --> 00:12:48,154
What an idiot.
284
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,432
I was awesome, though, right?
285
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,548
You? No, dude, you totally
froze up out there.
286
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:52,299
You sucked.
287
00:12:52,383 --> 00:12:54,145
I was hearing a lot of
laughs out there, bro.
288
00:12:54,412 --> 00:12:55,564
Laughs are cheap.
289
00:12:55,651 --> 00:12:56,935
I'm going for gasps.
290
00:12:57,159 --> 00:12:58,313
Wait till you see, dude.
291
00:12:58,398 --> 00:12:59,721
Gasps are where it's at.
292
00:13:00,053 --> 00:13:01,877
Gotta go pop my cat eyes in.
293
00:13:15,568 --> 00:13:16,430
We're getting a lot of laughs.
That's good.
294
00:13:16,515 --> 00:13:17,960
That is not good.
This is not a comedy, okay?
295
00:13:18,057 --> 00:13:19,506
No one's supposed to be laughing.
296
00:13:21,142 --> 00:13:22,974
You came at the right time.
297
00:13:23,071 --> 00:13:24,620
Is he sleeping?
298
00:13:24,706 --> 00:13:29,165
Yes, he's sleeping right over there,
just the way you like 'em.
299
00:13:30,612 --> 00:13:32,622
Did you bring the toll?
300
00:13:33,107 --> 00:13:35,877
Confound your lousy toll, troll.
301
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:40,504
God damn it.
302
00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:41,852
Stop laughing at me.
303
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:46,189
You gotta pay the troll toll, if
you want to get into that boy's hole.
304
00:13:46,364 --> 00:13:48,574
You gotta pay the troll toll
to get in...
305
00:13:49,241 --> 00:13:51,630
You want the baby boy's hole,
306
00:13:51,727 --> 00:13:55,896
You gotta pay the troll toll,
You gotta pay the troll toll to get in.
307
00:13:56,968 --> 00:13:58,395
Troll toll
308
00:13:58,856 --> 00:14:00,241
What you say?
309
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,039
Troll toll!
310
00:14:04,272 --> 00:14:05,605
Troll toll!
311
00:14:09,245 --> 00:14:11,128
Here's your toll, troll.
312
00:14:13,092 --> 00:14:14,807
Your boy awaits.
313
00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:19,499
At last, the boy's soul is mine.
314
00:14:34,327 --> 00:14:35,750
Give me that leg, boy.
315
00:14:37,106 --> 00:14:38,748
Dude, do you have
a boner right now?
316
00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:40,556
Shut up, dude,
don't ruin this for me.
317
00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:42,363
What?
Oh, Jesus.
318
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:43,742
That's enough.
319
00:14:54,377 --> 00:14:58,787
I could smack everyone
into tiny, little pieces.
320
00:15:02,136 --> 00:15:04,219
Hello, boy.
321
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:08,755
Come over here and scratch
my itchy-witchy toesy-woesies.
322
00:15:10,408 --> 00:15:11,182
What?
323
00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:12,182
Get over here.
324
00:15:12,274 --> 00:15:14,446
- No, Antonio.
- I control you.
325
00:15:14,534 --> 00:15:16,015
You control nothing.
326
00:15:16,102 --> 00:15:19,500
I am not your slave anymore,
and I'm not a boy.
327
00:15:19,816 --> 00:15:21,708
I am a man, see?
328
00:15:22,813 --> 00:15:24,637
I was transformed...
329
00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:29,841
by the strong... musky
power of true love.
330
00:15:30,994 --> 00:15:32,027
I am now...
331
00:15:34,362 --> 00:15:35,673
The Dayman.
332
00:15:39,247 --> 00:15:40,609
What the hell is that?
333
00:15:40,695 --> 00:15:42,058
You know what it is, bitch.
334
00:15:56,682 --> 00:15:58,377
Where's the boy?
335
00:15:58,463 --> 00:15:59,955
The boy is gone.
336
00:16:00,052 --> 00:16:02,282
You can't tell me what to do.
337
00:16:03,907 --> 00:16:05,881
I didn't tell you what to do.
You're skipping a line, dude.
338
00:16:08,002 --> 00:16:10,694
- You can't tell me what to do...
- You're still skipping the same line.
339
00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:11,185
Just move past it.
340
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:13,542
God, it's crazy how much better
I am at acting than you are.
341
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:15,001
I'm going to kick your ass, bro.
342
00:16:15,095 --> 00:16:16,068
I'll tell you what...
343
00:16:16,154 --> 00:16:18,084
I am the ruler of darkness.
344
00:16:18,170 --> 00:16:20,853
I am the master of light.
345
00:16:21,706 --> 00:16:24,599
I am... the Dayman.
346
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,165
Whatever, bro.
347
00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:28,892
- Here's whatever, bitch.
- What? No, don't improv.
348
00:16:28,987 --> 00:16:29,833
Don't tell me what to do.
349
00:16:38,188 --> 00:16:39,160
Body bag.
350
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,244
You have defeated
the evil that was here.
351
00:17:15,724 --> 00:17:16,828
Naturally.
352
00:17:16,914 --> 00:17:18,479
For I am the Dayman.
353
00:17:19,243 --> 00:17:21,525
You once were a boy
and now you're man.
354
00:17:21,609 --> 00:17:23,173
And I am in love with you.
355
00:17:23,258 --> 00:17:24,181
That's right.
356
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,949
And now I am in love with you.
357
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,027
Dayman,
358
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,791
Fighter of the Nightman
359
00:17:34,443 --> 00:17:36,267
Champion of the sun,
360
00:17:37,869 --> 00:17:40,032
You're a master of karate and
361
00:17:40,128 --> 00:17:42,388
friendship for everyone.
362
00:17:42,474 --> 00:17:43,979
Dayman
363
00:17:45,553 --> 00:17:47,775
Fighter of the Nightman
364
00:17:48,866 --> 00:17:50,861
Champion of the sun
365
00:17:52,164 --> 00:17:54,558
You're a master of karate and
366
00:17:54,644 --> 00:17:56,413
friendship for everyone
367
00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:58,263
Dayman
368
00:17:59,436 --> 00:18:01,858
Fighter of the nightman
369
00:18:02,904 --> 00:18:04,823
Champion of the sun
370
00:18:05,996 --> 00:18:08,460
You're a master of karate and
371
00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,838
friendship for everyone
372
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:11,835
Dayman!
373
00:18:15,278 --> 00:18:15,983
Stage freeze.
374
00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:17,917
Don't say "stage freeze."
Just do it.
375
00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:35,837
I was that little boy.
That little baby boy was me.
376
00:18:36,325 --> 00:18:38,728
I once was a boy
377
00:18:38,819 --> 00:18:40,882
But now I am a man
378
00:18:41,838 --> 00:18:44,527
I fought the Nightman,
lived as Dayman.
379
00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:47,409
Now I'm here
to ask for your hand,
380
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:50,111
So if you want to marry, man,
381
00:18:50,209 --> 00:18:52,033
Will you marry me?
382
00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:55,019
Will you come on stage
and join me.
383
00:18:55,204 --> 00:18:57,774
In this thing called matrimony?
384
00:18:57,872 --> 00:19:01,591
Please say yes and
do not bone me, please.
385
00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:04,834
Just marry me.
386
00:19:13,792 --> 00:19:14,897
Is that it?
387
00:19:16,747 --> 00:19:18,073
Is the play over?
388
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,488
Okay, great.
Well, then I'm out of here.
389
00:19:21,574 --> 00:19:24,015
Hang on, hang on,
hang on a second, hang on.
390
00:19:25,588 --> 00:19:27,422
- Is it a yes, or...?
- Is it a yes?
391
00:19:27,985 --> 00:19:29,467
Really, Charlie,
will I marry you?
392
00:19:29,555 --> 00:19:30,919
No, no, I will not.
393
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,276
I will never marry you.
394
00:19:32,368 --> 00:19:35,340
And I also held up my end of the bargain,
so I never have to see you again.
395
00:19:35,678 --> 00:19:36,798
Okay, so wait.
396
00:19:37,805 --> 00:19:39,219
I'm sorry,
I want to get this clear.
397
00:19:39,305 --> 00:19:40,667
You are saying no?
398
00:19:41,019 --> 00:19:43,933
Oh, I am definitely,
definitely saying no.
399
00:19:44,096 --> 00:19:47,220
Well, I didn't ever
sign anything, so...
400
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:49,645
I'll see you tomorrow?
401
00:19:54,954 --> 00:19:56,155
That's it. You can go home.
402
00:19:57,141 --> 00:19:57,866
It's over.
403
00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:59,294
- We've got to bow.
- Hold on.
404
00:20:01,648 --> 00:20:02,650
If you want.
405
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:05,809
This was a great musical.
You did a great job.
406
00:20:13,645 --> 00:20:16,116
Told you nobody just writes
a musical for no reason.
407
00:20:16,207 --> 00:20:17,084
I am here.
408
00:20:17,469 --> 00:20:18,741
I am passed here.
409
00:20:20,038 --> 00:20:21,199
And by the way,
410
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:23,808
I thought the rape scene
went really well.
411
00:20:23,892 --> 00:20:24,805
I am here.
412
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:25,856
I am here with it.
413
00:20:25,939 --> 00:20:27,255
And that was awful for me.
414
00:20:27,526 --> 00:20:29,930
And if you bring this up back
at the apartment tonight,
415
00:20:30,023 --> 00:20:31,919
I'm going to smack you,
I swear to God.