1 00:00:04,335 --> 00:00:06,326 These things are hilarious. 2 00:00:06,404 --> 00:00:08,872 - These are priceless. - What are you guys lookin'at? 3 00:00:08,940 --> 00:00:12,000 - Uh, Garbage Pail Kids. - Heavin' Steven. 4 00:00:12,076 --> 00:00:14,340 - Classic. - Totally classic. I love Heavin' Steven. 5 00:00:14,412 --> 00:00:17,848 Are those those stupid cards where babies are doing disgusting things? 6 00:00:17,915 --> 00:00:22,147 Uh, no. They're the amazing cards where babies are doing hysterical things. 7 00:00:22,220 --> 00:00:24,552 You got quite a collection there, buddy. 8 00:00:24,622 --> 00:00:27,887 - Yes, I do. - Hey, Charlie, how about givin' me a couple of these? 9 00:00:27,959 --> 00:00:29,893 - Uh, no. - I tell you what. 10 00:00:29,961 --> 00:00:32,191 I'll buy 'em from you. You got a ton of'em. 11 00:00:32,263 --> 00:00:34,197 No. These are, like, an investment. 12 00:00:34,265 --> 00:00:36,699 This is my future here, so don't mess with them. 13 00:00:36,768 --> 00:00:38,759 Hey, have you guys seen this? 14 00:00:38,836 --> 00:00:41,270 We are getting blasted in the ass by the state liquor tax. 15 00:00:41,339 --> 00:00:43,068 "Blasted in the ass"? 16 00:00:43,141 --> 00:00:45,302 Mac, we have this same conversation every year. 17 00:00:45,376 --> 00:00:47,310 There's nothing you can do about taxes. 18 00:00:47,378 --> 00:00:50,370 You guys might want to think about voting every once in a while. 19 00:00:50,448 --> 00:00:53,474 - What has voting ever done? - Why... Since wh... What has... 20 00:00:53,551 --> 00:00:56,452 - Why are you comin'down... Voting? - Who am I supposed to vote for? 21 00:00:56,521 --> 00:00:59,149 Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat who's gonna blast me in the ass... 22 00:00:59,223 --> 00:01:01,157 or the Republican who's blasting my ass? 23 00:01:01,225 --> 00:01:03,216 Politics is just one big ass blast. 24 00:01:03,294 --> 00:01:05,956 - It is a coast-to-coast, nationwide ass blast. - You're gonna get your ass... 25 00:01:06,030 --> 00:01:07,964 No more! You guys are such morons. 26 00:01:08,032 --> 00:01:11,559 If you knew anything at all about politics, you would know that that is not true. 27 00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:14,332 Deandra, it's just some jerk gettin' into office... 28 00:01:14,405 --> 00:01:16,270 so he can get out for the payday. 29 00:01:16,340 --> 00:01:19,798 Right. The guy's runnin' for office. He's... What? What payday? 30 00:01:19,877 --> 00:01:21,811 I see it every year. 31 00:01:21,879 --> 00:01:25,337 Some clown runs for office, drops out of the race... 32 00:01:25,416 --> 00:01:27,441 and gets a big chunk of dough. 33 00:01:27,518 --> 00:01:32,888 I mean, you have to be a real low-life piece of shit... 34 00:01:32,957 --> 00:01:34,982 to get involved in politics. 35 00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:14,655 Okay. I just got off the phone with the city clerk. 36 00:02:14,732 --> 00:02:16,666 Turns out there's an election comin' up. 37 00:02:16,734 --> 00:02:18,929 - Local, small-time shit. Anybody can run. - What's the position? 38 00:02:19,003 --> 00:02:22,666 "South Philly, Zone 2, District 37 Comptroller. 39 00:02:22,740 --> 00:02:25,504 - Nice. What's a comptroller? - Who gives a shit? We're doin' it for the bribe. 40 00:02:25,576 --> 00:02:27,510 I nominate Dennis. 41 00:02:27,578 --> 00:02:30,604 - I accept your nomination. - Wait a minute. How come he gets to be the candidate? 42 00:02:30,681 --> 00:02:33,081 Take a look at that hair... Kennedy hair. 43 00:02:33,151 --> 00:02:35,847 Note the bone structure. It's like a young J.F.K. 44 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:39,879 I got the same bone structure. 45 00:02:39,957 --> 00:02:42,357 What are you making that noise... What is that about? 46 00:02:42,426 --> 00:02:45,452 - You got something funky goin' on in the forehead area. - Five head. 47 00:02:45,530 --> 00:02:47,794 Did you say five head? I don't have that. 48 00:02:47,865 --> 00:02:51,460 Deandra, a woman in politics is like a donkey doing calculus. 49 00:02:51,536 --> 00:02:54,198 Come on. There are plenty of amazing women politicians. 50 00:02:54,272 --> 00:02:57,435 - Name one. - Uh, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. 51 00:02:57,508 --> 00:02:59,806 - Awful. - How is she awful? 52 00:02:59,877 --> 00:03:02,141 - Hates freedom. - Uh... 53 00:03:02,213 --> 00:03:04,977 Okay, Dennis, you are gonna need a campaign manager. That's me. 54 00:03:05,049 --> 00:03:07,540 - So... - Ooh. We should put that one to a vote. 55 00:03:07,618 --> 00:03:09,552 'Cause I'd be a good campaign manager. 56 00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:11,485 It's too late. I already have the clipboard. 57 00:03:11,556 --> 00:03:15,117 - So you can be my assistant. - Mmm. Assistant is... 58 00:03:15,193 --> 00:03:17,457 - Should I wear a blazer? - Yes. - No. 59 00:03:17,528 --> 00:03:19,621 - Yes. - No. - I like what he said. 60 00:03:19,697 --> 00:03:21,631 Charlie? Campaign manager. You don't need a blazer. 61 00:03:21,699 --> 00:03:23,564 - A blazer's gonna look... - I like where he's goin'. 62 00:03:23,634 --> 00:03:26,296 - What am I gonna do? - You get to be the intern. 63 00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:28,338 - Yeah, the intern. - What does an intern do? 64 00:03:28,406 --> 00:03:31,273 - Cut limes. - Stock glasses. - Serve drinks. 65 00:03:31,342 --> 00:03:34,140 No. No. Come on. You guys, damn you! 66 00:03:34,212 --> 00:03:36,146 - I'm not doing that. - Hold it! Hold it! 67 00:03:36,214 --> 00:03:39,741 If my son is gonna solicit a bribe, he's gonna do it the right way. 68 00:03:39,817 --> 00:03:43,150 - I'm gonna be campaign manager. - Like hell you are. 69 00:03:43,221 --> 00:03:45,553 You are way too old. Politics is a young man's game. 70 00:03:45,623 --> 00:03:47,921 - Mac, I think you might be in over your head here. - Yeah. 71 00:03:47,992 --> 00:03:50,153 - Over my head? - Yeah. Listen. 72 00:03:50,228 --> 00:03:54,028 Everybody who's in favor of firing Mac as campaign manager... 73 00:03:54,098 --> 00:03:56,032 raise their hand. 74 00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:59,536 - For God sakes! - The people have spoken. You're out. 75 00:03:59,604 --> 00:04:02,004 So that's it? I'm fired? This is bullshit! 76 00:04:02,073 --> 00:04:05,338 - That's politics, man. - That's politics? That's politics? 77 00:04:05,409 --> 00:04:07,843 This is wonderful. This is just wonderful. You know what? 78 00:04:07,912 --> 00:04:09,903 I'm walkin' outta here. I don't need this shit. 79 00:04:09,981 --> 00:04:12,541 I'm washin' my hands of the whole situation. Show you, bitches. 80 00:04:12,617 --> 00:04:15,677 - Can I grab that clipboard? - No. That's mine. 81 00:04:18,789 --> 00:04:20,723 Dee, check out my blazer. 82 00:04:20,791 --> 00:04:23,919 - Yeah. It's too small. - Nah. It's perfect. 83 00:04:23,995 --> 00:04:28,159 - How's the bar? - Full of hoboes, Dennis. A lot of hoboes. 84 00:04:28,232 --> 00:04:31,463 - Watch your ears. There you go. - Frank. 85 00:04:31,535 --> 00:04:35,938 Frank, I don't... I just don't think this is the best idea for our candidate's image. 86 00:04:36,007 --> 00:04:39,135 This is a brilliant idea... "hobo-vertising." 87 00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:42,805 Come on. It looks good. Beer him. 88 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:46,179 - We gotta fire Frank. - He's my dad, Charlie. I don't know. 89 00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:48,582 But, Dennis. Dennis. Hobo-vertising? 90 00:04:48,653 --> 00:04:50,814 - That's not you. It's cheap. - Ooh. 91 00:04:50,888 --> 00:04:54,289 It's cheap politics. It's not gonna get us that bribe. 92 00:04:54,358 --> 00:04:56,349 I mean, you need to be out there. 93 00:04:56,427 --> 00:04:59,828 You gotta be shakin' hands. You gotta be kissin' babies. 94 00:04:59,897 --> 00:05:01,762 I don't like babies. 95 00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:03,766 No babies. Don't kiss babies. 96 00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:06,564 Just get out there into the world, and... 97 00:05:06,637 --> 00:05:10,903 You gotta let me be your campaign manager. 98 00:05:10,975 --> 00:05:13,967 I mean, I can really drive this thing in a different direction. 99 00:05:14,045 --> 00:05:16,775 I mean, when I look at you, I see success. 100 00:05:16,847 --> 00:05:20,305 I see... You're top-notch. You're goin' all the way with this thing. 101 00:05:20,384 --> 00:05:22,579 - Oh. - Frank's just gettin' in the way here. 102 00:05:22,653 --> 00:05:26,851 Give me this chance. Just give it to me. 103 00:05:26,924 --> 00:05:31,020 I just didn't realize I was gonna have to make so many... tough decisions. 104 00:05:36,967 --> 00:05:39,401 Take him down. 105 00:05:39,470 --> 00:05:41,267 This is a goddamn coup! 106 00:05:41,339 --> 00:05:43,307 Don't take it personally, Dad. That's just politics. 107 00:05:43,374 --> 00:05:45,638 You look like a dick in that tiny jacket. 108 00:05:45,710 --> 00:05:47,701 - Let's not attack my candidate. - Don't go after the jacket. 109 00:05:47,778 --> 00:05:49,575 - Shut up, Charlie. - The jacket's good. 110 00:05:49,647 --> 00:05:51,706 I can talk to my son any way I want. 111 00:05:51,782 --> 00:05:54,808 - Give him the clipboard. - Give me the clipboard. - No. No. 112 00:05:54,885 --> 00:05:57,149 - Clipboard belongs to the campaign manager. - I want that clipboard. 113 00:05:57,221 --> 00:05:59,485 - Go to hell. - Oh, that was ugly. 114 00:05:59,557 --> 00:06:02,754 - That was uncalled for. - Mmm. 115 00:06:02,827 --> 00:06:05,921 Wow. That was, uh, a lot easier than I thought it was gonna be. 116 00:06:05,996 --> 00:06:07,987 - I can get a clipboard anywhere. - Yeah. 117 00:06:08,065 --> 00:06:10,829 - All right. - Don't do that. 118 00:06:15,906 --> 00:06:18,534 - I want you to run for comptroller. - What? 119 00:06:18,609 --> 00:06:20,804 I'm gonna be your campaign manager. 120 00:06:20,878 --> 00:06:25,315 We're gonna stroll right into that comptroller's office and solicit a bribe. 121 00:06:25,383 --> 00:06:29,080 - Forget it. I am not helping you. - Deandra, we'll get this bribe... 122 00:06:29,153 --> 00:06:31,144 and we'll shove it right in your brother's face. 123 00:06:31,222 --> 00:06:34,988 - We'll screw those guys. - I would like to shove it in his face. 124 00:06:35,059 --> 00:06:36,993 Okay. 125 00:06:37,061 --> 00:06:39,757 Okay. Now let's get you ready for the ball, Cinderella. 126 00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:44,858 - What are you doing? - The bangs, they... The five head. 127 00:06:47,805 --> 00:06:50,774 Let me get this straight. You want to try and solicit a bribe? 128 00:06:50,841 --> 00:06:52,775 Yes! 129 00:06:52,843 --> 00:06:55,073 You want my union to back your roommate... 130 00:06:55,146 --> 00:06:57,273 for South Philly District 37 Comptroller? 131 00:06:57,348 --> 00:06:59,976 - Yes. Correct. - But not to win. 132 00:07:00,050 --> 00:07:02,678 - It sounds illegal. - Aw, for God sakes. 133 00:07:02,753 --> 00:07:05,085 What is with you two? Come on! 134 00:07:05,156 --> 00:07:09,149 You know, like, in the movies, union guys are, like, tough and shady and shit. 135 00:07:09,226 --> 00:07:12,320 - Sorry to disappoint you. - You're, like, a couple of nerds. 136 00:07:12,396 --> 00:07:17,026 All right, look. Let me take you bitches to school for a second. 137 00:07:17,101 --> 00:07:20,798 In this country, in the real world, people make money. 138 00:07:20,871 --> 00:07:23,305 Somebody is gonna make a ton of money off my roommate. 139 00:07:23,374 --> 00:07:26,036 - I want it to be you. - Let me make one thing perfectly clear. 140 00:07:26,110 --> 00:07:28,635 We are not a criminal organization. 141 00:07:28,712 --> 00:07:32,842 Why are you talking to me like I'm a jackass? I am not a ja... 142 00:07:32,917 --> 00:07:35,681 Oh. I see what you're doin'. 143 00:07:35,753 --> 00:07:39,883 Okay. Nobody here is a criminal. No, sir. 144 00:07:39,957 --> 00:07:42,391 I think we're speaking the same language. 145 00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:45,429 - Are we? - Oh, yeah. 146 00:07:45,496 --> 00:07:48,659 We're being listened to. Bugged. The feds. I get it. 147 00:07:48,732 --> 00:07:51,667 I read. I see movies. I understand. Okay. 148 00:07:51,735 --> 00:07:53,726 I want you to contact me at Paddy's. 149 00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:56,671 - I'm gonna get the ball rolling, okay? - Mm-hmm. 150 00:07:56,740 --> 00:07:58,799 It's safe there. 151 00:07:58,876 --> 00:08:01,208 Okay, gentlemen, sorry we couldn't work anything out. 152 00:08:01,278 --> 00:08:04,179 But, uh, I'm gonna go home and pay my taxes. 153 00:08:04,248 --> 00:08:06,443 Right? 154 00:08:06,517 --> 00:08:10,681 - You want me to call the cops? - Not yet. 155 00:08:10,754 --> 00:08:13,689 I've got a better idea. Let's screw this son of a bitch. 156 00:08:13,757 --> 00:08:15,748 Come on, Morris. We don't have time for this. 157 00:08:15,826 --> 00:08:17,555 He called us nerds, Gary. 158 00:08:19,263 --> 00:08:21,197 Nerds. 159 00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:25,896 Are you gonna take care of the crime problem here? 160 00:08:25,969 --> 00:08:29,928 Absolutely. I say we put 'em on busses, ship 'em over to Iraq... make 'em fight the terrorists. 161 00:08:30,006 --> 00:08:32,566 You're very handsome. 162 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,633 - Thank you. - This is going very, very well, man. 163 00:08:34,711 --> 00:08:36,941 - People are really responding to me. - They love the bone structure. 164 00:08:37,013 --> 00:08:39,038 - They like the Kennedy hair. - I've been looking for you guys. 165 00:08:39,115 --> 00:08:43,051 Look, I've been thinkin', and I feel like I could be a real asset to you guys. 166 00:08:43,119 --> 00:08:45,144 - I want to help. - What? Wait, wait. 167 00:08:45,221 --> 00:08:48,622 First you wash your hands of politics. Now you want back in. 168 00:08:48,691 --> 00:08:51,125 - That's called flip-flopping. That's what Democrats do. - Hang on a second. 169 00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:53,128 Let's give the guy a chance to prove himself. 170 00:08:53,196 --> 00:08:55,790 Yeah. Give me a chance. What should I do? 171 00:08:55,865 --> 00:08:57,799 "What should I do?" Strike one, buddy. 172 00:08:57,867 --> 00:09:00,165 You gotta bring something to the table, Mac. 173 00:09:00,236 --> 00:09:02,431 All right. Ah, check this out. 174 00:09:02,505 --> 00:09:04,837 Excuse me. Hi. 175 00:09:04,908 --> 00:09:07,536 - I couldn't help but notice your adorable baby. - Oh, thank you. 176 00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:10,101 Yeah, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind... 177 00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:12,080 if that handsome young gentleman over there kissed it. 178 00:09:12,148 --> 00:09:14,309 - Excuse me? - Oh. I'm sorry. 179 00:09:14,384 --> 00:09:17,319 He's running for District 37 Comptroller, so it's cool. 180 00:09:17,387 --> 00:09:21,153 - You know, I'd rather not. - It's good for him, and it's good for you. 181 00:09:21,224 --> 00:09:23,920 - I think you should just give me the baby. - Please leave me alone. 182 00:09:23,993 --> 00:09:25,927 Okay, lady. 183 00:09:25,995 --> 00:09:27,986 If you give me the baby, I could get it over with. 184 00:09:28,064 --> 00:09:30,157 - I said no! - Goddamn it! Just give me the baby! 185 00:09:30,233 --> 00:09:32,463 - Somebody help me! - Lady! Give me the ba... 186 00:09:32,535 --> 00:09:36,130 - This is campaign suicide, dude. - Let's get outta here. 187 00:09:38,141 --> 00:09:40,974 There, there, there. 188 00:09:41,044 --> 00:09:43,274 There, there, there. Take a look. 189 00:09:43,346 --> 00:09:45,337 - Got it on? Sure? - Yeah. Take a look. 190 00:09:45,415 --> 00:09:48,907 - What do you think? - I think I look like a whore. 191 00:09:48,985 --> 00:09:51,249 - I'm trying to make you sexy. - This is not sexy. 192 00:09:51,321 --> 00:09:54,119 - What is this? What's this? - It's the bed look. 193 00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:56,181 The tossed look. The ruffled look. 194 00:09:56,259 --> 00:09:58,557 You look like you just got... 195 00:09:58,628 --> 00:10:00,562 Anyway, we have to convince this guy... 196 00:10:00,630 --> 00:10:02,825 That we're a legitimate threat to his campaign. 197 00:10:02,899 --> 00:10:05,390 There is nothing more threatening to a man... 198 00:10:05,468 --> 00:10:08,232 than a woman who is smart and attractive. 199 00:10:08,304 --> 00:10:11,535 We have to pretend you're both. 200 00:10:11,608 --> 00:10:13,542 Wow. You're a horrible father. 201 00:10:14,944 --> 00:10:18,175 - Let's just go. Let's get it done. - Great. Great. 202 00:10:18,248 --> 00:10:21,240 Now, Daddy hates to say this, but... 203 00:10:21,317 --> 00:10:24,081 I think we should talk about the breasts. 204 00:10:24,154 --> 00:10:27,419 "Oh, don't hurt my baby." Like I'm gonna hurt somebody's baby. 205 00:10:27,490 --> 00:10:29,788 You know what I mean? Goddamn Dennis. Fire me? 206 00:10:29,859 --> 00:10:32,851 - I'll fire you. - Mac. Get in. 207 00:10:34,831 --> 00:10:37,595 We got a bribe for your roommate's withdrawal from the race. 208 00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:40,636 Really? Wow. You nerds work fast. 209 00:10:40,703 --> 00:10:42,694 All right. How much did we get? 210 00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:46,299 We don't get any money until you pull your guy from the race. 211 00:10:46,376 --> 00:10:49,140 Oh. 212 00:10:49,212 --> 00:10:51,112 Okay, uh... 213 00:10:51,181 --> 00:10:53,274 That's not gonna be a problem, is it? 214 00:10:53,349 --> 00:10:55,283 No. That's not gonna be a problem. 215 00:10:55,351 --> 00:10:57,285 Better not be, Mac. 216 00:10:57,353 --> 00:10:59,651 Otherwise, Marvin here is gonna have to take care of you. 217 00:11:00,723 --> 00:11:02,748 Take care of me how? 218 00:11:02,825 --> 00:11:05,487 I'll probably stab you in your throat. 219 00:11:05,562 --> 00:11:07,928 Jesus Christ! Stab me in my throat? 220 00:11:07,997 --> 00:11:11,057 - Are you serious? - Pull your guy out, Mac. 221 00:11:11,134 --> 00:11:13,364 I'm gonna pull him out. I'm gonna pull him out, Marvin. 222 00:11:13,436 --> 00:11:16,462 Marvin, I'm gonna pull him out. Okay. 223 00:11:16,539 --> 00:11:18,700 Who's the nerd now, bitch? 224 00:11:18,775 --> 00:11:21,073 That was fun. I feel like a gangster. 225 00:11:21,144 --> 00:11:23,942 Shut up, Gary. 226 00:11:25,882 --> 00:11:27,816 I'm not dropping out. 227 00:11:27,884 --> 00:11:30,910 - Bro, you have to drop out. - Why? 228 00:11:30,987 --> 00:11:33,387 I didn't wanna say this before, but you don't have Kennedy hair. 229 00:11:33,456 --> 00:11:35,481 - All right! Oh, God! - You don't have thejawline. 230 00:11:35,558 --> 00:11:38,584 - How could you say that? - If I hear one more flip-flop out of you... 231 00:11:38,661 --> 00:11:40,652 I'm gonna throw up in my mouth. 232 00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:42,994 - You ready to do this? - I'm just doing some fine-tuning. 233 00:11:43,066 --> 00:11:44,966 - It looks good. - Just trying to get my tan on. 234 00:11:45,034 --> 00:11:47,195 Let's hurry. The battery on this drains like a tub. 235 00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:49,704 What is going on in here? Are those beach towels? 236 00:11:49,772 --> 00:11:53,071 We're gonna shoot a commercial, get it on public access, get the message out. 237 00:11:53,142 --> 00:11:55,610 - It's a million-dollar bill pal. - Yeah. A million-dollar bill. 238 00:11:55,678 --> 00:11:57,612 You guys are never gonna get a bribe. 239 00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:00,205 - It's not about the bribe anymore. - We don't care about that. 240 00:12:00,283 --> 00:12:02,513 - I could be a legitimate politician. - He's goin' to the top. 241 00:12:02,585 --> 00:12:05,213 - Really do some good in Philadelphia. - Are you listening to yourself? 242 00:12:05,288 --> 00:12:08,815 - You've never done any good for anybody ever! - I do good! I do good! 243 00:12:08,891 --> 00:12:12,054 - You never do anything! You're a loser! - You're just jealous! 244 00:12:12,128 --> 00:12:14,790 - I'm not jealous! - All right! All right! That's... 245 00:12:14,864 --> 00:12:17,230 That's no way to run a campaign, boys. 246 00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:19,632 - Let's have the conversation outside. - All right. We'll talk outside. 247 00:12:19,702 --> 00:12:21,795 - Yeah, we'll make you happy. - You're droppin' out of that race. 248 00:12:21,871 --> 00:12:23,668 - We'll work it out. - I'm droppin' out of shit. 249 00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:27,608 - We'll work it out. - Yeah, we'll work it out. You and me and... 250 00:12:27,677 --> 00:12:29,668 - Did you just lock this door? - Yes, I did. 251 00:12:29,746 --> 00:12:32,180 - You are going to hell, little man! - Mmm, I don't think so. 252 00:12:32,248 --> 00:12:35,012 - That's politics, bitch. - I hate you, Charlie! 253 00:12:35,084 --> 00:12:36,813 - You ready? - I'm ready. - Goddamn it! 254 00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:38,877 Get in front of the flag and the million-dollar bill. 255 00:12:38,955 --> 00:12:42,186 Dude, you and my dad share this futon? 256 00:12:44,627 --> 00:12:46,822 No. 257 00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:51,390 No, we... No, we got a whole different situation worked out. 258 00:12:51,467 --> 00:12:55,096 - What's the situation? - It's... I sleep on the... And... 259 00:12:55,171 --> 00:12:57,696 You got the script that I wrote? Grab the script. 260 00:12:57,774 --> 00:13:00,334 I've been meaning to speak to you about this. 261 00:13:00,410 --> 00:13:02,674 I can't read these words. They're not in the right order. 262 00:13:02,745 --> 00:13:05,509 - It's good. - I think you might be dyslexic. I'm not readin' this. 263 00:13:05,581 --> 00:13:07,913 - No, no! Please. Read it. - I think you might be dyslexic. 264 00:13:07,984 --> 00:13:09,918 - Read the script. - You want me to read the script? 265 00:13:09,986 --> 00:13:12,011 - Yes. And action. - All right. 266 00:13:12,088 --> 00:13:14,955 I'll read the words you wrote. "Hello, fellow American. 267 00:13:15,024 --> 00:13:17,015 "This you should vote me. 268 00:13:17,093 --> 00:13:19,584 "I leave power. Good. 269 00:13:19,662 --> 00:13:22,460 "Thank you. Thank you. 270 00:13:22,532 --> 00:13:26,127 If you vote me, I am hot." What? 271 00:13:26,202 --> 00:13:28,966 "Taxes. They'll be lower, son. 272 00:13:29,038 --> 00:13:32,997 "The democratic vote for me is right thing to do, Philadelphia. 273 00:13:33,076 --> 00:13:35,010 So do." 274 00:13:35,078 --> 00:13:37,410 This doesn't make any sense. 275 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,210 Well, then just say whatever you want. 276 00:13:40,283 --> 00:13:42,751 The battery's dead. It's gone. 277 00:13:42,819 --> 00:13:45,913 I gotta charge it up again. 278 00:13:45,988 --> 00:13:47,979 This one piece is makin'me nervous. 279 00:13:48,057 --> 00:13:50,048 - You seriously need to stop touching me. - This right here. 280 00:13:50,126 --> 00:13:52,720 Please stop touching me. This is really ridiculous. 281 00:13:52,795 --> 00:13:54,786 I'm stuffed in here like a jerk. 282 00:13:54,864 --> 00:13:57,059 - Deandra, you look sensational. - No, I don't. 283 00:13:57,133 --> 00:14:00,398 Just remember. Let Daddy do all the talkin'. 284 00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:03,803 Sorry I'm late. 285 00:14:03,873 --> 00:14:06,000 - Jack Stanford. - Frank Reynolds. 286 00:14:06,075 --> 00:14:08,305 - This here is my daughter, Deandra. - Hi. 287 00:14:08,378 --> 00:14:10,107 Hi. 288 00:14:10,179 --> 00:14:12,340 Well, I never like to keep a beautiful woman waiting. 289 00:14:12,415 --> 00:14:16,351 - Oh. Thanks. - You see, uh, Mr. Stanford... 290 00:14:16,419 --> 00:14:19,183 I myself am a problem solver... 291 00:14:19,255 --> 00:14:21,587 and you got a big problem on your hands. 292 00:14:21,657 --> 00:14:23,921 I'm afraid I'm not following. 293 00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,984 Check out the goods to my right. 294 00:14:26,062 --> 00:14:29,259 This pretty little lady is not only my daughter. 295 00:14:29,332 --> 00:14:32,165 She happens to be your biggest opponent in the election. 296 00:14:32,235 --> 00:14:34,362 Beauty and the beast. 297 00:14:34,437 --> 00:14:37,770 You're funny. 298 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,775 Let the men do the work here, Dee. 299 00:14:40,843 --> 00:14:43,641 Now we can make this problem go away... 300 00:14:43,713 --> 00:14:47,171 before it becomes a more expensive problem... 301 00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:50,947 if you catch my... drift. 302 00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:55,514 Are you trying to solicit a bribe from me? 303 00:14:55,591 --> 00:14:57,752 I don't know. Am I? 304 00:14:57,827 --> 00:14:59,818 'Cause if you are... 305 00:14:59,896 --> 00:15:03,423 not only is that illegal and highly unethical... 306 00:15:03,499 --> 00:15:06,491 but you're doing it with the subtlety of a baboon. 307 00:15:06,569 --> 00:15:08,867 - Let me take another approach here. - I tell you what. 308 00:15:08,938 --> 00:15:13,034 - What... - Why don't we discuss this over dinner? 309 00:15:13,109 --> 00:15:15,202 Dinner. That sounds good. 310 00:15:15,278 --> 00:15:18,270 - I was talking to her. - Look, Jack... 311 00:15:18,347 --> 00:15:20,872 my little girl don't go nowhere without her old man. 312 00:15:20,950 --> 00:15:23,942 - Isn't that right, sweetie? - You're fired. 313 00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:26,352 Frank. Frankie, I gotta talk to you. 314 00:15:28,124 --> 00:15:30,524 - Not interested. - Look, man, I'm in a lot of shit here. 315 00:15:30,593 --> 00:15:33,756 - So? - I need to destroy Dennis. 316 00:15:35,598 --> 00:15:38,761 What do you have in mind? 317 00:15:38,835 --> 00:15:41,998 When Dennis Reynolds was a counselor at Camp Cumberland... 318 00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:46,269 he was sent home for the statutory rape of a teenage camper. 319 00:15:46,342 --> 00:15:49,971 A vote for Dennis Reynolds is a vote for underage rape. 320 00:15:50,046 --> 00:15:52,412 Dennis Reynolds... baby rapist. 321 00:15:52,482 --> 00:15:55,383 Don't let him rape you, Philadelphia. 322 00:15:57,453 --> 00:16:00,422 - This is a goddamn smear campaign. - You raped a girl? 323 00:16:00,490 --> 00:16:02,822 No, no. Okay. Rape? 324 00:16:04,193 --> 00:16:07,594 I was accused of... Okay, statutory, first of all. 325 00:16:07,663 --> 00:16:10,860 Not... I kissed her. She was a year younger than me. 326 00:16:10,933 --> 00:16:13,925 That's not... even statutory or anything. 327 00:16:14,003 --> 00:16:16,369 What's the note say? 328 00:16:16,439 --> 00:16:18,566 All right. Yeah. All right. 329 00:16:18,641 --> 00:16:20,609 Uh, "Meet"... 330 00:16:20,676 --> 00:16:23,474 Starts out "Meet," and then there's, like, other stuff. 331 00:16:25,348 --> 00:16:27,077 "Meet me in the parking garage. Frank." 332 00:16:27,149 --> 00:16:29,447 - Yeah? - Yeah. 333 00:16:29,519 --> 00:16:31,851 You clearly have a learning disability, dude. 334 00:16:31,921 --> 00:16:34,253 - This is a trap. - It's not a trap. Go see what he wants. 335 00:16:34,323 --> 00:16:36,689 - It's a trap. - It's not a trap! Make this thing go away. 336 00:16:36,759 --> 00:16:38,750 Okay. I'll get the master. 337 00:16:41,797 --> 00:16:44,425 - Did you come alone? - Yeah. 338 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,934 Where'd you get that trench coat? 339 00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:50,234 - It's cool, huh? - It's very cool. That was a smart buy. 340 00:16:50,306 --> 00:16:53,798 - All right, you got the tape? - Affirmative. 341 00:16:53,876 --> 00:16:57,642 - Okay, what's this gonna take? - You and Dennis gotta bow out of the race. 342 00:16:57,713 --> 00:16:59,613 - Not gonna happen. - Gotta happen. 343 00:16:59,682 --> 00:17:02,150 Not gonna happen. I want that tape. 344 00:17:02,218 --> 00:17:04,152 I'm gonna need you to beg. 345 00:17:04,220 --> 00:17:06,484 - Don't make me beg. - You gotta beg. 346 00:17:06,556 --> 00:17:08,751 - Seriously? - Seriously. Down. Down. 347 00:17:08,824 --> 00:17:10,815 All right. I know what you're talkin' about. 348 00:17:12,061 --> 00:17:15,497 - What do you say? - Please, can I have the tape now? 349 00:17:15,565 --> 00:17:19,501 - No. - God! Come on, Frank. What's this gonna take? 350 00:17:23,606 --> 00:17:25,540 What the hell is that? 351 00:17:25,608 --> 00:17:28,509 Charlie traded me his whole collection... 352 00:17:28,578 --> 00:17:30,603 of Garbage Pail Kids for the tape. 353 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,615 Oh, my God. This is bad. This is so bad, man. 354 00:17:33,683 --> 00:17:36,550 These things, Mac... You don't know how rare they are. 355 00:17:36,619 --> 00:17:38,780 These are rare. You can't find these. 356 00:17:38,854 --> 00:17:42,017 Bro, I am in some serious shit. I needed him to drop out. 357 00:17:42,091 --> 00:17:45,788 I don't care what you need. That is politics, bitch. 358 00:17:48,030 --> 00:17:49,964 I wanna tell you somethin'. 359 00:17:50,032 --> 00:17:52,330 - I'm really glad you asked me out. - Me too. 360 00:17:52,401 --> 00:17:55,495 - How's that drink comin'? - Strong. 361 00:17:55,571 --> 00:17:58,369 I should really probably think about gettin' something to eat. 362 00:17:58,441 --> 00:18:00,204 Yeah. Still got a little left there. 363 00:18:00,276 --> 00:18:03,404 Not for long. 364 00:18:03,479 --> 00:18:05,709 Hey, have mine. 365 00:18:05,781 --> 00:18:08,409 Oh. You're such a gentleman. 366 00:18:08,484 --> 00:18:12,352 Are you gonna buy me some food at some point? Or... 367 00:18:12,421 --> 00:18:15,083 What do you say we get outta here? 368 00:18:15,157 --> 00:18:17,387 - Oh. - Who's the slut? 369 00:18:17,460 --> 00:18:20,258 - Honey, this isn't what... - Another one of your whores? 370 00:18:20,329 --> 00:18:22,422 Who do you think you are... Bill Clinton? You're a comptroller. 371 00:18:22,498 --> 00:18:24,090 Did he tell you he had a wife? 372 00:18:24,166 --> 00:18:26,691 - Did he tell you that, you goddamn whore? - No. 373 00:18:26,769 --> 00:18:29,397 - Whoa! Whoa! All right. - You bitch! 374 00:18:32,575 --> 00:18:35,271 Hey! Pour me a shot there, buddy boy. I got it. 375 00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:37,335 - Oh, what'd you get? - I got the smear tape. 376 00:18:37,413 --> 00:18:40,905 - Oh, hey, man. That's great. - Yes! 377 00:18:40,983 --> 00:18:44,612 Whoa. Sweet Dee. What the hell's goin' on with you? 378 00:18:44,687 --> 00:18:46,917 Screw politicians. Charlie, pour me a shot. 379 00:18:46,989 --> 00:18:49,617 No time for that. We gotta get back out on that campaign trail. 380 00:18:49,692 --> 00:18:52,923 - What do you say? - Oh, yeah. Hey, man, I was doin' some thinking about that. 381 00:18:52,995 --> 00:18:56,897 - I don't wanna do that anymore. - What? 382 00:18:56,966 --> 00:18:59,366 Oh, yeah. I googled "comptroller." 383 00:18:59,435 --> 00:19:02,199 Turns out that this guy's really just a glorified accountant. 384 00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:05,707 You know what I mean? And I hate doing math. It sounds like a ton of work. 385 00:19:05,775 --> 00:19:07,766 - You know what I'm sayin'? I hate work. - No. 386 00:19:07,843 --> 00:19:10,505 These guys, they make less than teachers. It's a... 387 00:19:10,579 --> 00:19:13,412 - So what? - So I'm not doing it anymore. 388 00:19:13,482 --> 00:19:17,441 - No. You have to run. - No, I don't. 389 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,784 Yeah. Yeah, you do. 390 00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:22,981 - No, I don't. - Yeah, you do. 391 00:19:23,059 --> 00:19:25,550 No, I don't. You're not the boss of me. 392 00:19:25,628 --> 00:19:27,619 I'm the campaign manager. 393 00:19:27,697 --> 00:19:30,325 You're fired. 394 00:19:30,399 --> 00:19:33,664 I traded all my Garbage Pail Kids for you. 395 00:19:33,736 --> 00:19:36,569 Well, that was stupid. 396 00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:54,020 Bit of an overreaction, don't you think? 397 00:19:54,090 --> 00:19:56,650 You look like a whore. 398 00:19:59,695 --> 00:20:02,425 - Psst. You come alone? - Yeah. 399 00:20:02,498 --> 00:20:04,466 Why couldn't we just meet in your apartment? 400 00:20:04,533 --> 00:20:06,501 - It's not safe. - Is that Frank's trench coat? 401 00:20:06,569 --> 00:20:08,594 - Yeah. Pretty sweet, right? - Totally sweet. 402 00:20:08,671 --> 00:20:10,605 Listen. I need your help. I'm in a lot of shit. 403 00:20:10,673 --> 00:20:13,665 - I'm listening. - I need to make Dennis disappear. 404 00:20:13,743 --> 00:20:16,109 Ah! Ah! That's what I'm talkin' about. 405 00:20:16,178 --> 00:20:18,271 - Really? - I was thinkin' that same thing, man. 406 00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:21,214 - That's great. I know you guys have become close. - Not that close. 407 00:20:21,283 --> 00:20:23,217 How do you wanna do this thing? 408 00:20:23,285 --> 00:20:25,515 - If we use a gun, we're gonna need a silencer. - A gun? 409 00:20:25,588 --> 00:20:28,352 Fine. No guns. Piano wire. Maybe we can use some piano wire. 410 00:20:28,424 --> 00:20:30,358 Look, whatever it is... 411 00:20:30,426 --> 00:20:32,860 I gotta be the guy to pull the trigger on this thing. 412 00:20:32,928 --> 00:20:35,897 Retard. I'm talking about taking Dennis to Atlantic City... 413 00:20:35,965 --> 00:20:37,990 for a couple of days until the election is over. 414 00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:40,968 What are you talkin' about? 415 00:20:41,036 --> 00:20:43,561 Atlantic City. That's good. 416 00:20:43,639 --> 00:20:45,539 Just take him down to the shore for a couple days. 417 00:20:45,608 --> 00:20:48,304 - I'll take him to the shore. We'll go to Atlantic City. - What's wrong with you? 418 00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:51,005 I give the guy my blood, sweat and tears, right? 419 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,310 And my Garbage Pail Kids. And... 420 00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:55,714 And he just drops right out of the race on me. 421 00:20:55,785 --> 00:20:57,776 - Dennis dropped out? - He dropped right out of the race. 422 00:20:57,853 --> 00:21:00,344 So I'm out my Garbage Pail Kid... And, like... 423 00:21:00,422 --> 00:21:04,381 If we used piano wire on him for a sec... As long as we hurt him a little bit... 424 00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:06,257 Sorry, Charlie. Plan's off. 425 00:21:06,328 --> 00:21:08,319 - What are you doin'? - I'm gonna go collect my money. 426 00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:10,831 Looks like you bitches shouldn't have fired me in the first place. 427 00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:13,494 Are you kiddin' me? Are you kiddin' me with that? 428 00:21:13,569 --> 00:21:17,027 I'm gonna buy myself a car. I am gonna drive as far away from this goddamn city... 429 00:21:17,106 --> 00:21:19,233 Hey, Mac. Where you runnin' to? 430 00:21:19,308 --> 00:21:20,900 Huh? 431 00:21:20,976 --> 00:21:24,377 Goin' to visit your friend over at the union? 432 00:21:24,446 --> 00:21:26,971 What's goin' on? Is there a problem? 433 00:21:27,049 --> 00:21:29,313 I don't know. Phil, is there a problem? 434 00:21:29,385 --> 00:21:32,684 Conspiracy to solicit a bribe. Racketeering. 435 00:21:32,755 --> 00:21:34,689 I'd say there's a big problem. 436 00:21:34,757 --> 00:21:37,487 Your buddy over at the union came to see us recently. 437 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,427 Told us about your interest in politics. 438 00:21:40,496 --> 00:21:44,830 - He ratted you out, Mac. - Apparently, you called him a nerd, Mac. 439 00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:47,061 Some people don't take kindly to that type of insult. 440 00:21:47,136 --> 00:21:50,196 Yeah. You're goin' away for a long time... 441 00:21:50,272 --> 00:21:52,968 and prison can be a very unpleasant place... 442 00:21:53,042 --> 00:21:55,510 for a good-lookin' young man like yourself. 443 00:21:55,578 --> 00:21:57,910 Oh, yeah. They're gonna tear through you like Kleenex. 444 00:21:57,980 --> 00:21:59,914 That is, of course... 445 00:21:59,982 --> 00:22:03,440 unless you got something to make it worth our while. 446 00:22:05,254 --> 00:22:07,245 Are you soliciting a bribe from me? 447 00:22:09,525 --> 00:22:12,016 Sorry, pal. That's politics. 0 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:04,000