1
00:00:00,718 --> 00:00:02,606
Testing, testing.

2
00:00:02,638 --> 00:00:05,321
Significance, harms,
inherency, topicality, solvency.

3
00:00:08,429 --> 00:00:12,489
Quiet, please.
Cell phones off, please.

4
00:00:20,686 --> 00:00:22,694
Judges ready?

5
00:00:22,735 --> 00:00:24,426
Timer ready?

6
00:00:24,463 --> 00:00:25,838
The Affirmative
will please begin.

7
00:00:39,567 --> 00:00:41,738
It will come as no
surprise to the judges,

8
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,368
our esteemed opponents from
Townsend Prep,

9
00:00:43,407 --> 00:00:44,356
nor really to anyone at all

10
00:00:44,399 --> 00:00:46,571
in the audience that we,
the Affirmative from Plainsboro High,

11
00:00:46,607 --> 00:00:49,542
do hereby support this year's
National Policy Debate Resolution,

12
00:00:49,584 --> 00:00:52,431
which I am supposed to recite now,
as if after an entire school year

13
00:00:52,464 --> 00:00:54,636
it could still somehow
be unknown to any of us.

14
00:00:54,672 --> 00:00:57,039
That is ridiculous. Therefore,
instead of senselessly repeating it,

15
00:00:57,072 --> 00:00:59,756
I will offer up a moment of silence
during which I'd like every one of you

16
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:03,404
to say the resolution aloud. It will be
a final communal act for all of us,

17
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:06,091
the High School Policy Debaters
of New Jersey. Ready, set, go.

18
00:01:06,128 --> 00:01:07,208
Resolved...

19
00:01:07,248 --> 00:01:09,637
For those of you who aren't
done, I apologize,

20
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,590
but there's a reason why
I'm up here and you're down there,

21
00:01:11,632 --> 00:01:13,519
and if you please, right now,
we're going to go at my pace.

22
00:01:13,552 --> 00:01:14,828
Hang on if you can.

23
00:01:14,864 --> 00:01:15,629
Our plan today is succinct.

24
00:01:15,630 --> 00:01:16,872
Only by becoming a
fully socialist regime,

25
00:01:16,913 --> 00:01:18,091
will the United States government
ever emerge as the true moral leader

26
00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:19,983
of the free world, and thus
create a lasting peace.

27
00:01:20,016 --> 00:01:20,885
Therefore we support an amendment

28
00:01:20,886 --> 00:01:21,992
to the Constitution of the United States

29
00:01:22,033 --> 00:01:22,703
to outlaw all political parties

30
00:01:22,704 --> 00:01:23,374
that do not embrace socialism

31
00:01:23,408 --> 00:01:24,619
as their core philosophy.

32
00:01:24,657 --> 00:01:26,347
On the stage of
the New Jersey State

33
00:01:26,385 --> 00:01:28,556
High School Policy
Debate Championships

34
00:01:28,593 --> 00:01:31,440
that spring night
stood Ben Wekselbaum

35
00:01:31,473 --> 00:01:33,895
of Plainsboro High.

36
00:01:33,937 --> 00:01:35,660
To anyone
who ever heard Ben debate

37
00:01:35,697 --> 00:01:38,764
there was one thing
that was undeniable:

38
00:01:38,801 --> 00:01:41,037
He had a voice.

39
00:01:41,074 --> 00:01:42,700
Even then,
on that May night,

40
00:01:42,738 --> 00:01:44,145
a real voice.

41
00:01:44,178 --> 00:01:45,965
You're all wondering,
"When on earth

42
00:01:46,001 --> 00:01:47,114
is he going to get to
farming subsidies?"

43
00:01:47,153 --> 00:01:48,877
At long last the link to farming,
which is no doubt obvious by now,

44
00:01:48,914 --> 00:01:51,848
agricultural societies collapse under
capitalism and thrive under socialism.

45
00:01:51,888 --> 00:01:53,832
And agriculture has always
been a necessary industry.

46
00:01:53,873 --> 00:01:56,329
- Without agriculture...
- As Ben Wekselbaum

47
00:01:56,370 --> 00:01:58,225
set out the complexities
of their plan,

48
00:01:58,257 --> 00:02:01,192
his partner
was biding her time,

49
00:02:01,235 --> 00:02:03,177
picturing how
it would look up there...

50
00:02:03,218 --> 00:02:07,789
the only trophy missing from her
crowded, gleaming shelf.

51
00:02:07,826 --> 00:02:11,950
One team on the Affirmative,
arguing for the resolution.

52
00:02:11,987 --> 00:02:14,921
The other on the Negative,
tearing it down.

53
00:02:14,962 --> 00:02:16,010
This year's national resolution

54
00:02:16,050 --> 00:02:17,906
is specifically about farming
subsidies, not socialism.

55
00:02:17,940 --> 00:02:18,876
By overstepping the resolution,

56
00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:20,207
they haven't met their
prima fascie burden

57
00:02:20,242 --> 00:02:22,348
to defend said resolution and
should be considered untopical.

58
00:02:22,387 --> 00:02:24,077
Subsidies are at their heart an
extension of socialism...

59
00:02:24,115 --> 00:02:25,064
that's from Gutierrez, '03.

60
00:02:25,107 --> 00:02:26,480
That the negative team
has no legitimate arguments

61
00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:27,463
against socialism isn't our fault.

62
00:02:27,507 --> 00:02:29,263
They didn't penetrate the subject
as deeply as they should have.

63
00:02:29,299 --> 00:02:30,957
To suggest that we haven't
refuted the very basis of socialism

64
00:02:30,995 --> 00:02:32,621
is fallacious and specious.

65
00:02:32,659 --> 00:02:35,377
I refer you again to the quotes
my partner read regarding...

66
00:02:35,411 --> 00:02:37,233
And so it goes.
The high school debate,

67
00:02:37,266 --> 00:02:38,842
like the war that rips
through your city

68
00:02:38,843 --> 00:02:40,300
and ravages everything in its path;

69
00:02:40,339 --> 00:02:44,114
Kids wielding words like weapons
and brandishing ideas like axes.

70
00:02:44,147 --> 00:02:46,996
Nothing else mattered
in that final round.

71
00:02:47,027 --> 00:02:49,296
There was no world
beyond it.

72
00:02:50,549 --> 00:02:51,977
Except that 46 miles away

73
00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:56,014
Hal Hefner was at home...
just sitting at home

74
00:02:56,053 --> 00:02:58,670
like nothing
or none of New Jersey

75
00:02:58,707 --> 00:03:00,333
was burning around him.

76
00:03:00,372 --> 00:03:01,714
We're gonna have to
break up the set.

77
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,090
What am I gonna do?
Put it all in a garbage bag?

78
00:03:03,125 --> 00:03:05,034
My stuff's not gonna
fit in a garbage bag.

79
00:03:05,076 --> 00:03:07,216
- Yeah, put it in a garbage bag!
- Here, keep the deodorant.

80
00:03:07,252 --> 00:03:08,602
Why don't you go down to the basement?

81
00:03:08,603 --> 00:03:09,772
There's another set down there.

82
00:03:09,813 --> 00:03:11,569
Quit slamming the drawers.

83
00:03:11,604 --> 00:03:13,197
- Oh, come on!
- You're gonna break the drawers.

84
00:03:13,237 --> 00:03:14,696
Give me a break. I'm taking this.

85
00:03:14,697 --> 00:03:15,758
I hope you don't mind,

86
00:03:15,797 --> 00:03:17,552
because you took
everything else of mine.

87
00:03:17,587 --> 00:03:21,483
On that May night Hal Hefner
had hardly a voice at all.

88
00:03:21,523 --> 00:03:23,629
Charlotte.

89
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:24,335
...could you not do that?

90
00:03:24,336 --> 00:03:25,775
Because I may have to come
back and get some stuff.

91
00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:27,668
- See ya.
- No, no.

92
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,676
Don't take that bag.

93
00:03:32,469 --> 00:03:35,819
Hey, Hal.
Earl, I'm...

94
00:03:35,862 --> 00:03:39,538
I'm taking these. I'm not
going to be living here anymore

95
00:03:39,573 --> 00:03:43,948
and that's why I'm
taking the suitcases.

96
00:03:43,989 --> 00:03:47,503
Just leave the big
bag with the rest of the set.

97
00:03:47,543 --> 00:03:49,931
Lord, this is so you!

98
00:03:56,182 --> 00:03:57,591
Here's your suitcase.

99
00:04:06,805 --> 00:04:09,360
You guys are going
to be all right.

100
00:04:09,399 --> 00:04:11,503
And I'll...

101
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,445
I'll see you
sometime soon.

102
00:04:14,486 --> 00:04:16,626
I don't know
what else to say.

103
00:04:16,662 --> 00:04:19,597
I can't put it into words.

104
00:04:32,183 --> 00:04:34,899
Back on the stage of
the State Championships

105
00:04:34,934 --> 00:04:36,877
the night at last
revealed itself

106
00:04:36,919 --> 00:04:38,926
as not just any night,

107
00:04:38,967 --> 00:04:42,929
but as the night,
the night when it all began.

108
00:04:42,968 --> 00:04:46,350
Ben Wekselbaum, the best
voice to ever debate for PHS,

109
00:04:46,391 --> 00:04:48,050
Plainsboro High,

110
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,159
according to anyone
who ever heard him...

111
00:04:50,201 --> 00:04:52,143
that Ben Wekselbaum,

112
00:04:52,184 --> 00:04:53,777
he just went quiet.

113
00:04:53,816 --> 00:04:56,238
Our next advantage basically says
that human relations can only thrive

114
00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:57,808
in an atmosphere
of total equality.

115
00:04:57,849 --> 00:04:59,758
That human relations
can only exist...

116
00:05:03,353 --> 00:05:05,556
Sorry, I just said that.

117
00:05:05,592 --> 00:05:07,502
Wait, wait, wait.

118
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:29,170
Ben?

119
00:05:37,561 --> 00:05:41,042
46 miles apart,
at the very same moment,

120
00:05:41,082 --> 00:05:42,992
all the arguments
stopped.

121
00:05:45,528 --> 00:05:49,011
So there was this bridge
of silence spanning New Jersey.

122
00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:53,586
No shouting
from Hal's parents,

123
00:05:53,626 --> 00:05:55,414
no debating, no voice.

124
00:05:55,449 --> 00:05:57,360
No one's voice at all.

125
00:06:04,923 --> 00:06:08,948
That year's National Debate
topic was farming subsidies.

126
00:06:08,985 --> 00:06:10,961
And if you don't know
how farming subsidies

127
00:06:11,002 --> 00:06:12,661
could inspire all this commotion,

128
00:06:12,699 --> 00:06:14,105
then you don't know life

129
00:06:14,138 --> 00:06:16,855
and there's nothing
that can be said about it.

130
00:06:16,891 --> 00:06:20,818
Suitcases end marriages and
farming subsidies launch cataclysms.

131
00:06:33,692 --> 00:06:36,308
Can a voice travel
from one person to another,

132
00:06:36,347 --> 00:06:38,836
like yawning or mono?

133
00:06:41,083 --> 00:06:43,505
Sure it can.
That's our position:

134
00:06:43,548 --> 00:06:45,914
That the will to speak
traveled that night

135
00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:48,631
across the dark
New Jersey highways

136
00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:51,351
until it arrived
on this very block,

137
00:06:51,388 --> 00:06:53,754
where it would
take up residence,

138
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:56,823
or try to,
in someone new.

139
00:07:22,590 --> 00:07:24,477
Gladys, let's go!

140
00:07:25,469 --> 00:07:27,379
Timeliness is
an important part of it.

141
00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:31,350
- Heston.
- Earl.

142
00:07:37,885 --> 00:07:40,886
I'll just have the...
just the...

143
00:07:40,926 --> 00:07:43,643
just the...
just the...

144
00:07:43,678 --> 00:07:47,191
just the pizza,
thanks.

145
00:07:47,230 --> 00:07:48,823
Thank you.

146
00:07:54,237 --> 00:07:56,377
What kind of a name
is O. Henry?

147
00:08:03,711 --> 00:08:05,816
Not a pseudonym,
that we all know;

148
00:08:05,854 --> 00:08:08,342
but...?

149
00:08:09,375 --> 00:08:11,446
How about
nom de plume?

150
00:08:11,486 --> 00:08:13,942
Does nom de plume
sound right?

151
00:08:13,982 --> 00:08:15,027
It sounds right to me.

152
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,830
It was toward the end of the reading

153
00:08:16,862 --> 00:08:19,198
that no one seems
to have completed.

154
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:21,849
Open your books
to page 248.

155
00:08:21,886 --> 00:08:24,474
Let's do the reading that should
have been done last night.

156
00:08:24,512 --> 00:08:26,333
Fish or pizza?

157
00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:28,374
Yeah, I'll have the pizza.

158
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,095
Fish or pizza?

159
00:08:35,137 --> 00:08:37,656
I'll have the...

160
00:08:37,695 --> 00:08:39,867
The pizza's plain or pep.

161
00:08:39,904 --> 00:08:42,042
Fish is... not sure.

162
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,053
Like general fish.

163
00:08:44,095 --> 00:08:45,110
Yeah, I'll have the...

164
00:08:45,153 --> 00:08:46,101
the... the...

165
00:08:46,144 --> 00:08:48,478
the, uh...

166
00:08:48,512 --> 00:08:51,808
the... not...
not the...

167
00:08:51,841 --> 00:08:53,334
I'll just... just...

168
00:08:53,376 --> 00:08:56,027
- just...
- The fish?

169
00:08:59,681 --> 00:09:01,916
The general fish...

170
00:09:01,952 --> 00:09:03,229
please.

171
00:09:03,265 --> 00:09:05,784
Come back for seconds.
Plenty left.

172
00:09:05,823 --> 00:09:07,897
Thank you, ma'am.

173
00:09:07,937 --> 00:09:09,846
- Fish or pizza?
- Pizza.

174
00:09:39,233 --> 00:09:42,235
Do you want to keep on
trying the breathing exercises,

175
00:09:42,274 --> 00:09:45,590
or something new?

176
00:09:45,634 --> 00:09:48,864
Is it all right
if I... if I

177
00:09:48,899 --> 00:09:50,720
don't have an opinion?

178
00:09:50,753 --> 00:09:52,315
Let's try this.

179
00:09:52,355 --> 00:09:54,428
I read in this journal,

180
00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:56,888
"Clinical Pathways
to Speech Pathology,"

181
00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:01,240
that it's hard
to be anything but fluent

182
00:10:01,283 --> 00:10:05,178
when you whisper
or sing.

183
00:10:05,219 --> 00:10:08,448
I sent away for a videotape
of some people trying that out.

184
00:10:08,481 --> 00:10:10,687
Not a solution,
obviously,

185
00:10:10,723 --> 00:10:14,236
but wanna give it
a shot?

186
00:10:14,276 --> 00:10:17,953
I can't... I can't...
I can't...

187
00:10:17,986 --> 00:10:21,370
I can't do this.

188
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:24,411
Isn't this
too stupid, Honoria?

189
00:10:24,451 --> 00:10:27,101
Even for Honoria.

190
00:10:27,139 --> 00:10:29,505
This is too stupid.
I can just feel it.

191
00:10:29,539 --> 00:10:32,094
I explained this, Hal,
that this is not my specialty.

192
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,302
I'm sorry, I'm trying.

193
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:37,341
It's really a shame
that you're not hyperactive,

194
00:10:37,380 --> 00:10:40,193
because that I know well.

195
00:10:40,227 --> 00:10:44,221
And that I can
work miracles with...

196
00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:46,845
hyperactivity.

197
00:10:46,883 --> 00:10:48,411
But...

198
00:10:48,453 --> 00:10:51,418
back to breathing.
Yeah?

199
00:10:51,461 --> 00:10:52,889
Breathe.

200
00:10:59,268 --> 00:11:01,822
Good, come on.

201
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,966
It was 1858,

202
00:11:04,004 --> 00:11:07,300
and while Senator Stephen Douglas
set out his case

203
00:11:07,332 --> 00:11:10,399
that states ought to choose
whether to allow slavery,

204
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:12,957
Abraham Lincoln consulted

205
00:11:12,998 --> 00:11:15,038
with the smart
citizens of Illinois

206
00:11:15,077 --> 00:11:16,539
to plot his answer.

207
00:11:16,582 --> 00:11:18,109
Lincoln's a chick.

208
00:11:18,150 --> 00:11:20,190
Let me find now a citizen

209
00:11:20,229 --> 00:11:22,782
to assist me in coming up
with arguments

210
00:11:22,821 --> 00:11:24,960
against Senator Douglas.

211
00:11:24,997 --> 00:11:28,609
Where can I find
such a citizen helper?

212
00:11:32,966 --> 00:11:36,795
The commoner in the
striped plum-colored shirt...

213
00:11:36,838 --> 00:11:39,009
we need you, sir.

214
00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:40,802
Rise to your duty.

215
00:11:45,094 --> 00:11:47,941
- Come on!
- Get up there.

216
00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:59,971
My assistant has come
to offer me arguments

217
00:12:00,007 --> 00:12:03,170
in my debate
against the Senator.

218
00:12:03,207 --> 00:12:05,596
Ha!
Now I'm quaking.

219
00:12:06,695 --> 00:12:10,753
What cannot a house
divided against itself do?

220
00:12:10,791 --> 00:12:15,068
It is this argument
that will lead me to victory.

221
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:17,730
What cannot it do?

222
00:12:24,232 --> 00:12:26,785
Uh...

223
00:12:26,823 --> 00:12:28,895
it... it...

224
00:12:28,936 --> 00:12:31,871
Hold it further away
from your mouth.

225
00:12:31,912 --> 00:12:35,206
What cannot
a house divided do?

226
00:12:38,471 --> 00:12:39,880
It can't...

227
00:12:39,912 --> 00:12:43,260
can't st...

228
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:45,158
can't... can't...

229
00:12:45,192 --> 00:12:48,541
Mr. President...

230
00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:52,894
a house divided can't...

231
00:12:52,937 --> 00:12:55,555
Some help
from the citizenry.

232
00:12:55,592 --> 00:12:57,283
It can't stand.

233
00:12:57,321 --> 00:12:59,906
I thought it would
shit itself.

234
00:13:01,353 --> 00:13:03,109
Thank you.

235
00:13:03,145 --> 00:13:05,566
How about a round of applause
for the good commoner?

236
00:13:07,242 --> 00:13:09,096
Ladies and gentlemen,
the silence

237
00:13:09,128 --> 00:13:13,406
with which you have listened to
Mr. Lincoln during his hour...

238
00:13:13,450 --> 00:13:15,358
You look taller onstage.

239
00:13:42,059 --> 00:13:43,585
Agnes.

240
00:13:43,625 --> 00:13:47,455
Agnes. Agnes.

241
00:13:48,779 --> 00:13:51,364
Agnes.

242
00:13:51,403 --> 00:13:54,818
I'm trying
not to listen, okay?

243
00:13:54,859 --> 00:13:57,924
Distinctly not to... you're like
one foot away, so just...

244
00:13:57,964 --> 00:14:00,646
Do you wanna
hear your problem?

245
00:14:00,682 --> 00:14:02,788
You've no agenda.

246
00:14:02,827 --> 00:14:04,965
Strictly head-in-
the-ground material.

247
00:14:05,002 --> 00:14:06,911
Look at me.
Look at me.

248
00:14:06,955 --> 00:14:09,095
I wake up every morning
and what do I do?

249
00:14:09,132 --> 00:14:10,625
I create an agenda
for the day,

250
00:14:10,667 --> 00:14:12,641
which is a sub-agenda
for the month,

251
00:14:12,682 --> 00:14:15,716
which is in itself
a pie sl...

252
00:14:15,756 --> 00:14:17,447
which is in itself
a pie slice

253
00:14:17,483 --> 00:14:19,938
of my agenda
for life.

254
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:26,439
Do you want to hear
my purpose for today?

255
00:14:26,475 --> 00:14:28,864
L... uh, I...
no.

256
00:14:30,348 --> 00:14:32,835
L... I...
I can assure you

257
00:14:32,876 --> 00:14:35,527
that I absolutely
do not.

258
00:14:35,564 --> 00:14:37,931
Probably call the cops
on me anyway.

259
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,802
Hey, Adolf,
switch with me.

260
00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:43,330
Upsy-daisy.

261
00:14:43,372 --> 00:14:44,834
This is my seat.

262
00:14:44,876 --> 00:14:46,438
Like all seats
on this vehicle,

263
00:14:46,478 --> 00:14:48,681
yours has been paid
for with taxpayer money.

264
00:14:48,716 --> 00:14:50,471
Which means that I
or anyone else

265
00:14:50,508 --> 00:14:52,232
has just as much right
to it as you do.

266
00:14:52,269 --> 00:14:53,829
In fact, given
the distinction

267
00:14:53,868 --> 00:14:55,973
between what your family
surely pays in taxes and mine,

268
00:14:56,012 --> 00:14:59,144
I think it's safe to say the seat
is substantially more mine than yours.

269
00:14:59,180 --> 00:15:01,090
Do you see now?

270
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:03,817
I'll be taking just a minute to talk
to the little man,

271
00:15:03,854 --> 00:15:06,570
and then you can go on borrowing
my seat for as long as you like

272
00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,360
until I want it again,
right?

273
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:20,842
Coach Lumbly,
with the pilgrim hat,

274
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:22,918
she teaches patterns
of adult living.

275
00:15:22,958 --> 00:15:25,926
She's on her third husband,
name of Wallace Lumbly. Wallace III.

276
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:28,964
It's a particular pattern she
doesn't lecture us on in class.

277
00:15:29,006 --> 00:15:32,869
Anyway, she came up to me after
a presentation on egalitarianism

278
00:15:32,910 --> 00:15:36,009
and said that although my argumentative
skills were at the fetal stage,

279
00:15:36,046 --> 00:15:39,275
she sensed, somehow she
intuited my potential

280
00:15:39,309 --> 00:15:41,165
and she invited me
on the team.

281
00:15:41,199 --> 00:15:44,460
So now here I am two years later
doing the same thing with you...

282
00:15:44,493 --> 00:15:46,403
recruiting,

283
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:49,163
ferreting out the debating
talent from the masses.

284
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,205
That's you.

285
00:15:52,303 --> 00:15:53,645
I've ferreted you.

286
00:15:53,679 --> 00:15:56,646
You mean...
you mean

287
00:15:56,687 --> 00:15:59,207
public speaking?
Like, speaking...

288
00:15:59,247 --> 00:16:00,523
in public?

289
00:16:03,437 --> 00:16:05,926
No, I don't think that's...
that's not... that's not very...

290
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,144
Resolved that
the federal government

291
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:08,589
should support the
teaching of abstinence

292
00:16:08,622 --> 00:16:11,176
in public schools...
from sex.

293
00:16:11,216 --> 00:16:13,604
It's a big step up
from farming.

294
00:16:13,647 --> 00:16:15,884
That was last year's
resolution.

295
00:16:15,919 --> 00:16:17,774
Yeah, I know.

296
00:16:19,119 --> 00:16:20,778
Suit yourself.

297
00:16:20,816 --> 00:16:22,474
But deformed people
are the best.

298
00:16:22,511 --> 00:16:25,358
Maybe it's because they
have a deep resource of anger.

299
00:16:25,392 --> 00:16:26,767
It serves them well.

300
00:16:31,279 --> 00:16:32,872
Were you trying
to say thank you?

301
00:16:32,912 --> 00:16:35,726
I thought you might be
stuck trying to say thank you.

302
00:16:38,448 --> 00:16:39,855
You're welcome.

303
00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:51,053
I'm sure this is
awkward for the boys.

304
00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:55,215
Not one bit.
Not one single bit.

305
00:17:55,252 --> 00:17:58,001
I swear I'm more nervous
than anyone.

306
00:17:58,034 --> 00:18:00,555
Honestly, Jules,
I'm a small-claims judge.

307
00:18:00,595 --> 00:18:03,312
It's lucky I'm not dating
someone from Trenton.

308
00:18:08,371 --> 00:18:11,755
Is this a traditional
Korean dish?

309
00:18:11,796 --> 00:18:15,057
Because it has an
exotic odor.

310
00:18:16,723 --> 00:18:19,986
Uh, that's
tuna casserole.

311
00:18:33,972 --> 00:18:35,793
Use your finger!

312
00:18:35,828 --> 00:18:37,803
Shut up!

313
00:18:39,348 --> 00:18:42,415
My dad hasn't dated anyone
before your mom for six years.

314
00:18:42,453 --> 00:18:43,914
Can, uh...

315
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,924
can we just
not talk about that?

316
00:18:50,869 --> 00:18:53,454
I got this by
a tree stump in the park.

317
00:18:58,997 --> 00:19:00,819
Look at this one.

318
00:19:03,349 --> 00:19:04,626
Fire!

319
00:19:06,517 --> 00:19:08,557
Then on Thursday...

320
00:19:08,598 --> 00:19:10,834
it could have been
any day but it wasn't;

321
00:19:10,869 --> 00:19:13,073
it was Thursday...

322
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,531
for no good reason,
something happened.

323
00:19:15,573 --> 00:19:18,422
And it was like a little wave
breaking over him.

324
00:19:18,455 --> 00:19:20,559
Take aim...

325
00:19:23,702 --> 00:19:25,524
And it said the name

326
00:19:25,558 --> 00:19:28,013
G- I-N-N-Y.

327
00:19:28,054 --> 00:19:29,427
Ginny.

328
00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:32,080
The wave said
the name Ginny.

329
00:19:32,117 --> 00:19:33,427
Over and over.

330
00:19:33,462 --> 00:19:35,219
- Ginny, Ginny, Ginny...
- Fire!

331
00:19:38,263 --> 00:19:40,205
Zero points, Hal Hefner.

332
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:41,741
Ginny.

333
00:19:41,782 --> 00:19:43,636
The etymology of the word
spreading is unclear

334
00:19:43,671 --> 00:19:45,078
but we believe it to be
a blending together

335
00:19:45,111 --> 00:19:46,289
of speed and reading,
spreading.

336
00:19:46,327 --> 00:19:49,490
All it is is jamming as many arguments
into your time as you humanly can.

337
00:19:49,526 --> 00:19:52,342
Here we go... the effects
of early sexual relations

338
00:19:52,376 --> 00:19:54,382
include transition of diseases,
out-of-wedlock pregnancies

339
00:19:54,423 --> 00:19:56,212
and a host of potential
illnesses...

340
00:19:57,559 --> 00:19:59,632
a host of potential illnesses
including depression

341
00:19:59,671 --> 00:20:01,580
and low self-esteem.
Consider contention one earlier.

342
00:20:01,623 --> 00:20:04,494
Participation in the program is 53%
more likely to yield positive results.

343
00:20:04,536 --> 00:20:06,575
You know, the other thing
that I wanted to tell you

344
00:20:06,615 --> 00:20:08,918
is that you even look
like this guy I used to debate with...

345
00:20:08,952 --> 00:20:10,479
in a shorter,
goofier kind of way.

346
00:20:10,519 --> 00:20:12,908
And what would you be doing
here looking enough like this guy

347
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:16,268
if it wasn't for me to discover you
and what talents are hidden within?

348
00:20:16,312 --> 00:20:19,442
Hi.

349
00:20:21,048 --> 00:20:23,470
Resolved that Hal Hefner should
really stop letting the world

350
00:20:23,512 --> 00:20:25,748
tell him what's possible and try
and figure it out for himself.

351
00:20:25,784 --> 00:20:27,311
Maybe that's a
life's philosophy

352
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:29,457
suited just to some of
us who cherish winning.

353
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:32,944
So maybe it's not for you,
but I think that it is.

354
00:20:32,984 --> 00:20:35,667
The quality of life among
teens who refrain...

355
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,607
Before this,

356
00:20:47,641 --> 00:20:50,008
there was the nothingness
of Plainsboro, New Jersey.

357
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,723
But now Hal Hefner suddenly
had only one thought.

358
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:56,208
And it felt like all his life his brain
had been waiting for this thought,

359
00:20:56,248 --> 00:20:58,354
so comfortably now
did it fit in

360
00:20:58,393 --> 00:21:00,466
and take up
all the room there was.

361
00:21:00,506 --> 00:21:02,806
You're on
my street.

362
00:21:07,161 --> 00:21:09,529
You're still on
my street.

363
00:21:09,562 --> 00:21:13,173
Do you... do you have
any idea what public property is?

364
00:21:13,209 --> 00:21:14,737
We'll see.

365
00:21:27,003 --> 00:21:29,719
My mom, Fern, says
it's public property,

366
00:21:29,754 --> 00:21:32,689
and if it's okay with your mom
you can come have 7-Up with me,

367
00:21:32,730 --> 00:21:35,063
but the icemaker's
busted, so...

368
00:21:50,586 --> 00:21:52,277
Hi.

369
00:21:53,563 --> 00:21:55,603
You want to sit down
and listen to an old couple

370
00:21:55,643 --> 00:21:58,098
work on their marriage
through some music therapy?

371
00:21:58,139 --> 00:22:01,205
I'm upstairs!

372
00:22:01,243 --> 00:22:02,901
Uh, uh...

373
00:22:02,939 --> 00:22:05,591
uh, no thanks.
Not... not... not today.

374
00:22:14,523 --> 00:22:18,320
I have a request in for binoculars
for my 12th birthday, so...

375
00:22:18,364 --> 00:22:21,014
we'll see about that.

376
00:22:21,051 --> 00:22:24,729
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

377
00:22:29,371 --> 00:22:31,443
Who, uh...

378
00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:32,827
who is that?

379
00:22:32,860 --> 00:22:36,373
Beats me. Hey, do you know
if she wears a bra?

380
00:22:39,229 --> 00:22:41,236
Wanna see a bra?

381
00:22:50,460 --> 00:22:53,973
Yeah, uh... I should...
I should really...

382
00:22:54,013 --> 00:22:55,704
I should... should...

383
00:22:55,742 --> 00:22:57,847
I should really probably
go home now, Lewis.

384
00:22:57,886 --> 00:22:59,445
Okay.

385
00:23:26,846 --> 00:23:28,154
Uh, Judge Pete?

386
00:23:28,189 --> 00:23:30,491
Judge Pete?
Your Honor?

387
00:23:30,526 --> 00:23:32,053
- Hm?
- Do you...

388
00:23:32,094 --> 00:23:34,942
know any, uh,
do you know any lawyers...

389
00:23:34,975 --> 00:23:38,170
great lawyers who
can't talk very well?

390
00:23:38,206 --> 00:23:40,825
Not... not fluent,
but yet great lawyers

391
00:23:40,863 --> 00:23:43,383
whose clients don't end
up getting the chair?

392
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:46,805
Uh...

393
00:23:46,846 --> 00:23:49,628
Oh, there's a bailiff with
a prosthetic leg.

394
00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:00,214
What are
you thinking, Laverne?

395
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,006
Hi.

396
00:24:11,423 --> 00:24:13,596
I, uh... I talked
to Ms...

397
00:24:13,633 --> 00:24:16,860
to Mrs...
which is it, anyway?

398
00:24:16,895 --> 00:24:19,001
To... to uh...

399
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:20,763
to the coach,
and, um,

400
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:24,575
I'm... I'm... I'm gonna
come inside for debate prep now,

401
00:24:24,608 --> 00:24:26,135
uh, thanks to you.

402
00:24:27,296 --> 00:24:29,020
Someone took something
of mine.

403
00:24:30,816 --> 00:24:33,630
I had a locket. I had
a 24-karat gold deco locket

404
00:24:33,665 --> 00:24:36,087
with two pictures inside.
Is this ringing any bells?

405
00:24:36,129 --> 00:24:38,397
One was of me, the other
was of someone else...

406
00:24:38,432 --> 00:24:40,058
a boy, of sorts.

407
00:24:40,096 --> 00:24:42,552
What's a...
a deco?

408
00:24:42,593 --> 00:24:45,211
My mother believes that one
of her pseudo friends stole it,

409
00:24:45,248 --> 00:24:47,419
because he, or even she,
is secretly a pedophile

410
00:24:47,457 --> 00:24:49,978
and wanted the locket
to stare into or suck on

411
00:24:50,017 --> 00:24:52,188
or utilize for other
specific erotic purposes.

412
00:24:52,225 --> 00:24:54,778
But I told her that
I have this hunch...

413
00:24:54,818 --> 00:24:56,278
I have this
womanly hunch

414
00:24:56,321 --> 00:24:59,191
that it was taken out of my
backpack by someone at P.H.S.

415
00:24:59,234 --> 00:25:01,884
It's like I sensed it leaving
my presence. Just an ounce...

416
00:25:01,921 --> 00:25:04,409
but a burning ounce
as it left my person.

417
00:25:04,449 --> 00:25:07,765
Well, I don't... I don't think
that the pedophile thing could be true.

418
00:25:07,809 --> 00:25:10,364
Not that I, uh, even really
know anything about that.

419
00:25:10,402 --> 00:25:13,271
But, I just don't
believe that anyone

420
00:25:13,313 --> 00:25:15,735
would really think
of you like that.

421
00:25:15,778 --> 00:25:16,824
Like what?

422
00:25:16,866 --> 00:25:20,183
I mean, just, uh,
sexually, I mean.

423
00:25:22,978 --> 00:25:25,150
That's the worst thing
anyone's ever said to me.

424
00:25:26,627 --> 00:25:28,535
- Wait, no!
- I can't believe you said that.

425
00:25:28,578 --> 00:25:29,789
No no, I didn't...
no...

426
00:25:29,825 --> 00:25:31,485
I never should have
asked you to join the team.

427
00:25:31,523 --> 00:25:33,563
God only knows
what I was thinking.

428
00:25:33,602 --> 00:25:35,162
But, I didn't...
no...

429
00:25:46,594 --> 00:25:47,969
Earl.

430
00:26:37,765 --> 00:26:39,358
Thief.

431
00:26:55,430 --> 00:26:57,796
- Yes?
- I...

432
00:26:57,829 --> 00:26:59,137
here, I...
I stole it.

433
00:26:59,173 --> 00:27:01,760
Shouldn't you be
at school?

434
00:27:14,533 --> 00:27:17,120
- You took the locket, you weaselhead!
- Get out!

435
00:27:17,158 --> 00:27:18,817
You left my theft box
a shit-faced mess.

436
00:27:18,854 --> 00:27:20,447
Don't ever touch
the stuff I steal!

437
00:27:20,486 --> 00:27:22,243
I mean it!
I steal it, it's mine!

438
00:27:22,279 --> 00:27:24,188
You should put that on
your business card!

439
00:27:24,230 --> 00:27:26,139
I'm gonna tan your hide,
you fake thief!

440
00:27:26,181 --> 00:27:27,612
You God-awful
make-believe thief!

441
00:27:27,654 --> 00:27:29,061
Judge Pete is gonna
lock you up.

442
00:27:29,096 --> 00:27:30,655
Get your own
motherf'ing plan!

443
00:27:30,694 --> 00:27:32,450
If you tell anyone
I stole it,

444
00:27:32,486 --> 00:27:34,310
I'm going to wipe my ass with your
Chapstick,

445
00:27:34,344 --> 00:27:36,732
and I'm gonna reach in your
eye sockets and tear out your pancreas.

446
00:27:36,775 --> 00:27:39,493
I'm hiding my theft box
where you'll never find it.

447
00:27:39,527 --> 00:27:41,533
This is ridiculous!

448
00:27:41,575 --> 00:27:43,997
And stay out!

449
00:28:04,263 --> 00:28:06,118
It's for you, Annabelle.

450
00:28:12,104 --> 00:28:13,892
Uh...

451
00:28:13,928 --> 00:28:16,131
uh, he... uh...

452
00:28:16,168 --> 00:28:18,722
Is this the
Hefner mansion?

453
00:28:20,872 --> 00:28:23,426
Um, uh, I...

454
00:28:23,466 --> 00:28:24,773
yeah, uh,

455
00:28:24,808 --> 00:28:27,142
can you... can you
hold on for a second?

456
00:28:27,175 --> 00:28:30,024
I'm just gonna, um...
uh...

457
00:28:30,057 --> 00:28:33,318
I'm just gonna move.
But stay on.

458
00:28:33,352 --> 00:28:35,241
You can hang up now,
Earl.

459
00:28:35,273 --> 00:28:37,160
You can hang up
now, Earl.

460
00:28:37,192 --> 00:28:40,161
Oh, okay.
You're the boss of me.

461
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:45,700
The boy whose picture
I keep in the locket that you stole,

462
00:28:45,738 --> 00:28:47,166
did you see him?

463
00:28:47,209 --> 00:28:49,314
Uh, yeah, he...

464
00:28:49,352 --> 00:28:51,296
His name's Ben Wekselbaum.
We debated together

465
00:28:51,337 --> 00:28:53,093
until he freaked out at
the final round at States

466
00:28:53,129 --> 00:28:55,039
and left me with a lousy
second-place trophy.

467
00:28:55,081 --> 00:28:56,870
I've never felt
anything like that.

468
00:28:56,905 --> 00:28:59,393
Have you ever felt like you
could burn the world down?

469
00:28:59,434 --> 00:29:01,441
Every day.

470
00:29:03,657 --> 00:29:05,184
Well, he dropped out
of high school

471
00:29:05,225 --> 00:29:06,916
and though he never did
have the decency to call,

472
00:29:06,953 --> 00:29:09,026
I heard through the grapevine
that his grandmother got him a job

473
00:29:09,066 --> 00:29:11,684
at the world-renowned Louise
dry-cleaners in Trenton.

474
00:29:11,722 --> 00:29:15,072
L... yeah, I don't think
that I've ever heard of it.

475
00:29:15,113 --> 00:29:18,464
Right. Anyway,
ultimately it's a good thing

476
00:29:18,507 --> 00:29:20,645
that the spirit of cowardliness
overtook Ben Wekselbaum,

477
00:29:20,682 --> 00:29:23,529
because it has one: Left my
partner arrangement free this year,

478
00:29:23,561 --> 00:29:25,351
and two: Allowed me to find
someone that I can mold

479
00:29:25,387 --> 00:29:27,655
into the kind of bare-knuckles
debater that I want to debate with.

480
00:29:27,691 --> 00:29:29,601
The best debaters are
the ones with something to prove...

481
00:29:29,643 --> 00:29:31,716
I, trying to rise above
the fiasco of last year's States,

482
00:29:31,755 --> 00:29:32,932
and you trying to prove
to the world

483
00:29:32,969 --> 00:29:34,693
that you're not as retarded
as you sometimes sound.

484
00:29:34,730 --> 00:29:36,618
Which is why I want you to
overlook the embarrassment

485
00:29:36,650 --> 00:29:39,237
that comes with having taken my locket
and join up with the team after all.

486
00:29:39,275 --> 00:29:40,999
You're on dishes tonight,
Virginia.

487
00:29:41,035 --> 00:29:42,943
I'm on an important
phone call, is what I'm on.

488
00:29:42,987 --> 00:29:45,442
They're all important calls
in the world of Virginia Ryerson.

489
00:29:45,483 --> 00:29:47,589
I have to go. I'll see you
at my house on Saturday.

490
00:29:47,628 --> 00:29:49,798
- You're helping me with research.
- Yeah, oh, uh...

491
00:29:51,820 --> 00:29:54,787
Ginny, are you...
are you still there?

492
00:29:54,827 --> 00:29:57,161
Oh, I am, Katherine, yes,
and it's a good thing I am.

493
00:29:57,195 --> 00:29:58,144
Earl!

494
00:29:58,188 --> 00:29:59,682
If you think you're gonna
get a long-term girlfriend

495
00:29:59,724 --> 00:30:02,179
without my permission,
you got another think coming.

496
00:30:02,219 --> 00:30:04,130
You'll never sleep
safe again. Not ever.

497
00:30:04,173 --> 00:30:06,790
Don't do it, little shit!
Don't do it!

498
00:30:23,820 --> 00:30:25,927
Try not to steal
anything if you can.

499
00:30:46,765 --> 00:30:48,653
Cut it out
and come inside.

500
00:30:51,214 --> 00:30:53,003
Close the door
behind you.

501
00:30:55,501 --> 00:30:58,536
Sit down. You're finding me
quotes in the affirmative.

502
00:31:11,374 --> 00:31:13,643
So, uh...

503
00:31:15,087 --> 00:31:18,948
what do... what do you believe in
when it comes to abstinence?

504
00:31:18,990 --> 00:31:21,130
Top debaters never really
believe in anything.

505
00:31:21,167 --> 00:31:23,271
It gets in the way of
arguing from both sides.

506
00:31:23,309 --> 00:31:25,133
But I mean, like,

507
00:31:25,167 --> 00:31:27,950
for you, like
in your own life.

508
00:31:27,983 --> 00:31:31,178
Debate is life. You shouldn't
think about it in any other context.

509
00:31:31,214 --> 00:31:34,183
Because in my mind, I don't...
I don't really think it's...

510
00:31:34,223 --> 00:31:36,393
a very good idea.
Abstinence, I mean.

511
00:31:36,430 --> 00:31:39,465
Because, um,
I just...

512
00:31:39,503 --> 00:31:41,477
don't think it's
a very good idea,

513
00:31:41,518 --> 00:31:43,113
not for kids
in New Jersey.

514
00:31:45,871 --> 00:31:48,872
Okay, well, that's enough
tangential bullshit.

515
00:31:48,912 --> 00:31:51,629
Write down these template
arguments against abstinence:

516
00:31:51,663 --> 00:31:54,119
One, supporting it violates the
barrier between church and state;

517
00:31:54,159 --> 00:31:56,048
Two, it's an enforcement
of a dated, sexist agenda;

518
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:58,315
Three, sexual freedom is
the basis of human freedom;

519
00:31:58,352 --> 00:32:00,741
Four, it separates us from
Western cultures, Europe in particular,

520
00:32:00,785 --> 00:32:02,889
when we should be drawing closer
to our international allies;

521
00:32:02,927 --> 00:32:05,197
Five, psychologists say
that repressed sexual functions

522
00:32:05,233 --> 00:32:06,279
can create adult neuroses;

523
00:32:06,321 --> 00:32:08,207
Six, abstinence programs
actually increase

524
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:09,767
risky sexual behavior
among teens;

525
00:32:09,808 --> 00:32:11,914
Seven, it creates barriers
between free- love-generation parents

526
00:32:11,953 --> 00:32:13,579
and their more
conservative children;

527
00:32:13,616 --> 00:32:16,335
Eight, and finally, we oppose
abstinence because the world might end

528
00:32:16,368 --> 00:32:19,215
and then basically everyone
we know dies a virgin.

529
00:32:19,248 --> 00:32:21,769
Wow.

530
00:32:21,809 --> 00:32:25,289
Yeah, all those when
you think about it.

531
00:32:27,313 --> 00:32:30,128
In preparation for our first official
debate exercise next week

532
00:32:30,161 --> 00:32:32,528
show me that you can argue
in favor of abstinence.

533
00:32:32,561 --> 00:32:34,503
Well, um...

534
00:32:34,545 --> 00:32:38,058
I think I may be better arguing
from from the other side of this.

535
00:32:38,097 --> 00:32:40,007
How.

536
00:32:41,361 --> 00:32:42,474
Um...

537
00:32:42,513 --> 00:32:44,751
the only one that I could...
that I could really...

538
00:32:44,786 --> 00:32:48,233
that I could really
come up with was...

539
00:32:48,273 --> 00:32:52,365
that, uh, love is...
it's more special

540
00:32:52,402 --> 00:32:55,271
when you...
when you do find it.

541
00:32:55,313 --> 00:32:58,095
The special-love case.

542
00:32:58,129 --> 00:33:01,065
Probably that stinks,
but I'll think about it some more

543
00:33:01,107 --> 00:33:02,928
and we'll see.

544
00:33:23,219 --> 00:33:27,211
Dad says he and Mom have done
every one of these at least twice,

545
00:33:27,250 --> 00:33:29,639
and some as many as
100 times.

546
00:33:29,684 --> 00:33:31,592
But he says no one's
keeping count,

547
00:33:31,635 --> 00:33:33,041
which seems like
a big waste

548
00:33:33,074 --> 00:33:36,206
'cause he could be the
Kama Sutra Barry Bonds or something

549
00:33:36,242 --> 00:33:38,151
and no one would
even know it.

550
00:33:40,788 --> 00:33:45,489
Yeah, I tried this one with my pants on
on Winchester, our old dog.

551
00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:48,721
But he wouldn't sit still
and he died a month later.

552
00:34:09,972 --> 00:34:12,526
Mmm, hot
and spicy.

553
00:34:39,253 --> 00:34:42,286
Descartes.
Man, oh man.

554
00:34:43,604 --> 00:34:47,021
Hey, would you be interested
in joining my club?

555
00:34:47,062 --> 00:34:49,200
The Junior Philosophers.

556
00:34:50,517 --> 00:34:52,405
Oh, uh,
well, I uh...

557
00:34:52,438 --> 00:34:54,826
I... my plate
is kind of full.

558
00:34:54,870 --> 00:34:56,429
I know what
you're thinking.

559
00:34:56,469 --> 00:34:59,340
We read everything,
but no Hagel,

560
00:34:59,382 --> 00:35:01,618
if that's your concern.

561
00:35:03,094 --> 00:35:06,390
No, uh, actually
I'm waiting for a girl.

562
00:35:07,349 --> 00:35:08,942
That girl.

563
00:35:17,335 --> 00:35:19,059
You know what you can
do for me right now

564
00:35:19,096 --> 00:35:21,550
is write up
some more flow charts.

565
00:35:21,591 --> 00:35:23,565
Oh, thanks.

566
00:35:23,607 --> 00:35:25,298
Okay.

567
00:35:38,136 --> 00:35:39,794
Once I was your age,

568
00:35:39,831 --> 00:35:43,092
just as quiet on the inside
as most of you novice debaters are.

569
00:35:43,127 --> 00:35:44,982
Quiet as a mouse.

570
00:35:45,015 --> 00:35:46,607
Or a stone.

571
00:35:47,671 --> 00:35:49,775
Or a bowl of pudding.

572
00:35:49,815 --> 00:35:53,297
And then I saw my first debate
and the pudding was no more.

573
00:35:53,336 --> 00:35:56,183
None of you novices
understands me now. You will.

574
00:35:56,215 --> 00:35:58,125
Until then, the thing
to remember

575
00:35:58,169 --> 00:36:00,340
is there are rules
that must be followed.

576
00:36:00,376 --> 00:36:01,621
That's debate.

577
00:36:01,656 --> 00:36:03,412
And that's life.

578
00:36:03,449 --> 00:36:06,993
Our exercise today is an accelerated
run-through of a complete debate round

579
00:36:07,032 --> 00:36:08,492
to teach you
those rules.

580
00:36:08,536 --> 00:36:10,445
Why is the Hal Hefner
bowl of pudding

581
00:36:10,488 --> 00:36:11,983
allowed to
demonstrate to us?

582
00:36:12,024 --> 00:36:14,293
Uh, he's first year,
that's true, but Miss Ryerson

583
00:36:14,328 --> 00:36:16,084
has assured me that
he's a quick study

584
00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:19,895
and a rare talent, and he will
instruct and enlighten us today.

585
00:36:19,927 --> 00:36:22,034
Our debate begins with
Ginny, the First Affirmative,

586
00:36:22,073 --> 00:36:23,981
delivering an eight-minute
opening speech.

587
00:36:24,024 --> 00:36:27,604
For our purposes, Ginny will
synopsize that down to 10 seconds.

588
00:36:27,641 --> 00:36:30,936
Good afternoon,
ladies and germs.

589
00:36:30,968 --> 00:36:32,464
Our Affirmative case today
in effect states

590
00:36:32,506 --> 00:36:33,782
that increased
teenage pregnancies

591
00:36:33,817 --> 00:36:35,922
will eventually bankrupt
Social Security, destroy the economy

592
00:36:35,961 --> 00:36:37,653
and result in
the Third World War.

593
00:36:37,690 --> 00:36:39,892
Therefore, we will quadruple the
federal spending given only to schools

594
00:36:39,929 --> 00:36:41,357
that teach abstinence
to their students. Thank you.

595
00:36:41,401 --> 00:36:43,290
That was lucid, thank you.

596
00:36:43,321 --> 00:36:45,143
Now there's a two-minute
cross-examination,

597
00:36:45,177 --> 00:36:46,770
Second Negative
to First Affirmative.

598
00:36:46,809 --> 00:36:48,818
Crystal Hamish-Steinberg
is the Second Negative.

599
00:36:48,857 --> 00:36:51,225
Crystal Hamish-Steinberg, would you
give us an exemplary question

600
00:36:51,257 --> 00:36:52,752
that you would ask?

601
00:36:52,793 --> 00:36:55,249
Have you ever heard
of Bangladesh?

602
00:36:55,290 --> 00:36:57,145
The perfect tease.

603
00:36:57,178 --> 00:36:59,830
Now the women may sit
while the First Negative rises

604
00:36:59,867 --> 00:37:02,419
to respond to Ginny.
Phillip?

605
00:37:02,457 --> 00:37:04,280
Rather than attack
the Affirmative case,

606
00:37:04,314 --> 00:37:07,097
Crystal Hamish-Steinberg and I propose
the following Negative counterplan:

607
00:37:07,130 --> 00:37:09,018
We grant all the harms
claimed by the Affirmative,

608
00:37:09,050 --> 00:37:11,539
but state that the better way
to combat teenage pregnancy

609
00:37:11,579 --> 00:37:13,368
is by pouring money into
a huge rock concert

610
00:37:13,403 --> 00:37:15,410
that we'll call the
"Concert for Sexlessness. "

611
00:37:15,450 --> 00:37:17,011
Thank you.

612
00:37:17,050 --> 00:37:21,108
Now the First Affirmative
cross-examines the First Negative.

613
00:37:21,145 --> 00:37:24,626
Do you have statistics on how many
rock stars practice abstinence?

614
00:37:24,667 --> 00:37:26,188
How many rock stars in the historic

615
00:37:26,189 --> 00:37:28,016
Concert for Bangladesh were Bangladeshi?

616
00:37:28,060 --> 00:37:29,488
I'll ask the questions
here, Phillip.

617
00:37:29,531 --> 00:37:30,872
The combatants
sit.

618
00:37:30,906 --> 00:37:34,136
Now Hal Hefner wows us
with his Second Affirmative,

619
00:37:34,171 --> 00:37:38,002
another eight-minute speech
boiled down here to 10 seconds.

620
00:37:42,652 --> 00:37:44,212
Uh...

621
00:37:44,252 --> 00:37:46,488
There were three immediate
lines of argumentation

622
00:37:46,524 --> 00:37:49,174
that came to mind.
But the best one went like this:

623
00:37:49,211 --> 00:37:51,351
The plans are not
mutually exclusive.

624
00:37:51,388 --> 00:37:53,493
Increased funding for
school programs

625
00:37:53,531 --> 00:37:55,768
doesn't preclude the
Negative team's badly named

626
00:37:55,804 --> 00:37:57,843
"Concert for Sexlessness. "

627
00:37:57,884 --> 00:37:59,857
The government can
and should do them both.

628
00:37:59,898 --> 00:38:02,747
Uh, the...

629
00:38:09,148 --> 00:38:11,766
Hal Hefner visualized
himself in that moment

630
00:38:11,805 --> 00:38:13,692
as the kind of kid
who can state,

631
00:38:13,725 --> 00:38:15,317
"The plans are not
mutually exclusive,"

632
00:38:15,355 --> 00:38:17,527
whenever he wants
to say so.

633
00:38:17,565 --> 00:38:19,703
The plans are not
mutually exclusive.

634
00:38:19,741 --> 00:38:21,945
The plans are not...
no, they are...

635
00:38:21,980 --> 00:38:24,283
they are not
mutually exclusive.

636
00:38:29,341 --> 00:38:31,196
I'll be handling Hal Hefner's
cross-ex and rebuttal

637
00:38:31,228 --> 00:38:32,338
until the first actual debate

638
00:38:32,339 --> 00:38:33,947
tournament against other actual schools.

639
00:38:33,981 --> 00:38:37,145
Until then, he will be my
silent partner. Hal Hefner, sit down.

640
00:38:52,734 --> 00:38:55,101
Do you know what I sounded
like the first speech I gave

641
00:38:55,133 --> 00:38:57,523
when I was your age?

642
00:38:57,566 --> 00:39:00,283
Ben told me I sounded like
a Bob Dole impersonator.

643
00:39:00,318 --> 00:39:02,205
I don't...

644
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:03,995
I'm not even really...

645
00:39:04,031 --> 00:39:06,879
I'm not even quite sure
who that even is.

646
00:39:12,991 --> 00:39:15,227
That was your first try,

647
00:39:15,262 --> 00:39:16,604
your first of many.

648
00:39:16,639 --> 00:39:19,028
And I don't even think
anybody really noticed.

649
00:39:19,071 --> 00:39:21,275
It really... it wasn't
that big a...

650
00:39:24,895 --> 00:39:26,804
So...

651
00:39:26,847 --> 00:39:29,881
we should get back. Well, I
should get back and finish the round...

652
00:39:51,105 --> 00:39:52,991
Resolved that
the federal government

653
00:39:53,024 --> 00:39:56,536
should support the teaching
of abstinence in public schools.

654
00:39:56,575 --> 00:39:58,518
Resolved!

655
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,185
The motherf'ing federal government

656
00:40:00,224 --> 00:40:02,111
should support the teaching of
abstinence

657
00:40:02,144 --> 00:40:04,665
in motherf'ing,
fucking public schools!

658
00:40:10,337 --> 00:40:11,613
Resolved!

659
00:40:13,761 --> 00:40:16,663
Do you...
do you guys, um...

660
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:20,790
do you know how, um...
how... how

661
00:40:20,833 --> 00:40:23,134
you, or one,

662
00:40:23,168 --> 00:40:26,333
would take a relationship
to the next level?

663
00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:29,247
I'm glad you came
to me, because...

664
00:40:29,281 --> 00:40:31,801
this is exactly the sort of
problem that Mommy and Daddy

665
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:33,946
would royally screw up.

666
00:40:34,944 --> 00:40:37,215
See, it's all about
having an agenda,

667
00:40:37,250 --> 00:40:40,413
which they will
never tell you.

668
00:40:40,449 --> 00:40:41,822
If you have a plan, like

669
00:40:41,823 --> 00:40:43,766
"Today, I'm getting a blowjob,"

670
00:40:43,809 --> 00:40:46,013
it helps you to
realize it.

671
00:40:46,049 --> 00:40:48,024
It's all
very scientific.

672
00:40:48,065 --> 00:40:50,170
Mm-hm.
Yeah, I'm uh...

673
00:40:50,210 --> 00:40:52,512
I'm... I'm... I'm
just a doubter

674
00:40:52,546 --> 00:40:55,001
that giving me a... a BJ

675
00:40:55,042 --> 00:40:56,864
is high on Ginny's list.

676
00:40:59,619 --> 00:41:01,592
You're her partner,
right?

677
00:41:01,635 --> 00:41:04,188
So you wait until
the moment is right.

678
00:41:06,563 --> 00:41:08,930
Like after you crack a good...
a really good joke,

679
00:41:08,964 --> 00:41:11,068
like the one that I crack
about the Queen of England,

680
00:41:11,106 --> 00:41:13,048
and then ask.

681
00:41:13,090 --> 00:41:14,535
It is totally worth the risk.

682
00:41:14,536 --> 00:41:15,579
And you never know.

683
00:41:15,619 --> 00:41:17,724
Once you've had a blowjob,
you'd understand.

684
00:41:17,763 --> 00:41:19,071
It's like...

685
00:41:19,106 --> 00:41:21,660
it's like walking
through a brick wall.

686
00:41:24,994 --> 00:41:26,937
You know, Ginny said that
I won't be her...

687
00:41:26,979 --> 00:41:29,215
her, um, her real partner
for months.

688
00:41:29,251 --> 00:41:31,521
And that until then,
I'm like...

689
00:41:31,556 --> 00:41:34,338
the mascot.

690
00:41:34,372 --> 00:41:37,154
The disfluent mascot.

691
00:41:37,188 --> 00:41:41,049
The disfluent mascot who's
not getting a BJ.

692
00:41:41,092 --> 00:41:42,816
Like the aardvark.

693
00:41:45,507 --> 00:41:48,541
No, that...
that was a joke, Heston.

694
00:41:48,581 --> 00:41:53,021
There is no... there isn't
a debate mascot.

695
00:41:53,060 --> 00:41:55,744
I, for some reason, was convinced
it was an aardvark.

696
00:41:57,476 --> 00:41:59,932
No.

697
00:42:00,933 --> 00:42:02,526
C'est la vie.

698
00:42:11,878 --> 00:42:13,699
Hey, uh,
can I...

699
00:42:13,732 --> 00:42:16,155
I just...

700
00:42:19,332 --> 00:42:20,509
What?

701
00:42:20,549 --> 00:42:22,491
Oh, uh, I
just wanted...

702
00:42:22,533 --> 00:42:24,442
I wanted to try, uh,
this joke out on you.

703
00:42:24,485 --> 00:42:27,486
It's, well, uh... it's,
well, the delivery

704
00:42:27,526 --> 00:42:30,341
is kind of tricky, so...

705
00:42:31,749 --> 00:42:36,125
What happens is that
the Queen of England

706
00:42:36,166 --> 00:42:38,272
goes onto this... this
television show, and...

707
00:42:38,309 --> 00:42:40,862
Listen, I'm almost done
with this chapter.

708
00:42:40,901 --> 00:42:43,323
It's Thomas Aquinas.

709
00:42:43,367 --> 00:42:45,635
But if you continue telling
me that filthy joke,

710
00:42:45,670 --> 00:42:48,517
I'm gonna put this book down
and punch you very hard.

711
00:42:52,965 --> 00:42:56,228
You know, some... well,
someday you'll find love

712
00:42:56,262 --> 00:42:59,491
and then... then everything
will be different.

713
00:43:26,471 --> 00:43:27,999
Mas... mas...

714
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,909
uh, masturbation is a natural precursor
of adult sexual development

715
00:43:30,952 --> 00:43:33,222
and it should be unfettered
in a child's learning.

716
00:43:33,256 --> 00:43:34,947
Johnson, '98.

717
00:43:34,985 --> 00:43:36,259
Her plans changed.

718
00:43:36,295 --> 00:43:38,270
Virginia says to keep
on working hard

719
00:43:38,311 --> 00:43:41,160
and she'll call you to let you know
when you should come on over.

720
00:43:41,192 --> 00:43:43,809
Well, because the Hazlet
tournament is almost here, and...

721
00:43:43,847 --> 00:43:46,662
Just keep on keeping on
and maybe she'll call you.

722
00:43:56,488 --> 00:43:57,731
Hi, there.

723
00:43:57,769 --> 00:44:00,418
Do you know... do you know
if Ginny Ryerson is okay?

724
00:44:00,456 --> 00:44:02,213
Because she
canceled our time today

725
00:44:02,248 --> 00:44:04,517
and we have a... we have
a big tournament coming up,

726
00:44:04,553 --> 00:44:07,870
at Hazlet High School, and all
the major Jersey schools will be there.

727
00:44:07,913 --> 00:44:11,971
And I... and, uh, she hasn't...
she hasn't really, uh,

728
00:44:12,008 --> 00:44:14,691
told me what her strategy
is gonna be to help me

729
00:44:14,729 --> 00:44:16,616
deal with my...
with my speech.

730
00:44:16,648 --> 00:44:19,169
She got into a Lincoln
with that Indian guy.

731
00:44:30,985 --> 00:44:33,373
- And you're back.
- Is Ginny all right?

732
00:44:33,417 --> 00:44:35,392
Because Lewis Garrles
from across the street

733
00:44:35,433 --> 00:44:37,473
said she got into a
Lincoln with an Indian man.

734
00:44:37,513 --> 00:44:38,822
A boy, that's right.

735
00:44:38,858 --> 00:44:41,575
- So, she... but she's fine?
- Fine.

736
00:44:41,610 --> 00:44:43,203
You, could...
will you just tell her

737
00:44:43,241 --> 00:44:46,820
that... that I'm done and over
with the masturbation defense?

738
00:44:46,857 --> 00:44:48,746
Tell her that, will you?
Just assure her

739
00:44:48,777 --> 00:44:50,632
that I'm... that I'm...
that I'm...

740
00:44:50,666 --> 00:44:53,514
that I'm done with masturbation
and I'm ready to show her.

741
00:44:53,546 --> 00:44:55,433
You take care now.

742
00:45:00,297 --> 00:45:03,430
I told Judge Pete about all
the fun you've been having

743
00:45:03,466 --> 00:45:05,377
with debate,
and guess the news?

744
00:45:05,419 --> 00:45:06,912
Heston's a joiner.

745
00:45:10,410 --> 00:45:12,550
Uh, yeah, um...

746
00:45:12,586 --> 00:45:14,726
it's... it's too late,
Heston.

747
00:45:14,763 --> 00:45:16,803
The, um...

748
00:45:16,843 --> 00:45:19,299
the teams have
all been settled.

749
00:45:19,338 --> 00:45:21,793
Coach Lumbly said that after
the first tournament

750
00:45:21,834 --> 00:45:24,454
someone always gets creamed
and never comes back.

751
00:45:24,491 --> 00:45:26,563
So, I'll be
filling that slot,

752
00:45:26,603 --> 00:45:28,611
whomevers that may be.

753
00:45:28,651 --> 00:45:31,587
To discover opportunity

754
00:45:31,627 --> 00:45:33,896
in misery:

755
00:45:33,932 --> 00:45:35,875
There's sense
in that.

756
00:45:35,916 --> 00:45:37,956
That's how
I found you, my love.

757
00:45:47,308 --> 00:45:49,796
Hello?
Connie Ryerson speaking.

758
00:45:51,725 --> 00:45:54,626
Uh...

759
00:45:54,667 --> 00:45:57,034
Virgil?
Is that you?

760
00:45:57,068 --> 00:45:58,596
Uh!

761
00:45:58,637 --> 00:46:00,644
Uh...

762
00:46:00,684 --> 00:46:02,539
Uh, uh...

763
00:46:02,572 --> 00:46:05,257
uh, this is, uh...
this, uh...

764
00:46:05,293 --> 00:46:08,227
this is, uh...
this is...

765
00:46:08,268 --> 00:46:11,498
Hal Hefner for, um...
for...

766
00:46:11,532 --> 00:46:14,631
call... I'm...
I'm calling for, uh...

767
00:46:14,669 --> 00:46:17,124
G- I-N-N-Y...
Ginny.

768
00:46:17,165 --> 00:46:19,074
Hold the line.

769
00:46:21,325 --> 00:46:24,074
Hi, Ginny. It's Hal.

770
00:46:24,109 --> 00:46:26,444
Hey, Hef here.
What's up?

771
00:46:26,477 --> 00:46:28,136
Hal?

772
00:46:28,173 --> 00:46:31,141
Uh, yeah...
yeah?

773
00:46:31,182 --> 00:46:34,498
She says she'll see you at
the debate tomorrow. Okay?

774
00:46:34,542 --> 00:46:35,850
Okay, well,
we...

775
00:46:35,885 --> 00:46:37,926
we... um, I really...
I really...

776
00:46:37,965 --> 00:46:40,748
we... I really...
we need to, uh...

777
00:46:40,782 --> 00:46:41,959
practice with her.

778
00:46:41,998 --> 00:46:43,755
She'll see you then.

779
00:46:43,790 --> 00:46:46,692
Hello?

780
00:46:46,734 --> 00:46:47,822
Good morning, Judge.

781
00:46:47,823 --> 00:46:49,996
Good morning, our esteemed opponents.

782
00:46:50,030 --> 00:46:52,267
N... let's...

783
00:46:52,302 --> 00:46:54,692
Let's begin with our plan.

784
00:46:56,431 --> 00:46:59,398
That the federal
government should...

785
00:46:59,439 --> 00:47:00,867
Shut the mumbling, Susie.

786
00:47:00,910 --> 00:47:03,244
But do not stop working,
because if you fail tomorrow,

787
00:47:03,278 --> 00:47:06,442
the whole Hefner family fails
too, and I am not a failure.

788
00:47:06,479 --> 00:47:08,551
So do not do it!

789
00:47:08,590 --> 00:47:10,478
Uh...

790
00:47:11,471 --> 00:47:12,899
good morning there,
Judge...

791
00:47:12,943 --> 00:47:15,309
good morning,
our esteemed opponents.

792
00:47:36,623 --> 00:47:38,926
When you work
so hard at something,

793
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:41,512
so hard,
all that extra time...

794
00:47:41,552 --> 00:47:43,444
Wallace, you always tell me balance out,

795
00:47:43,445 --> 00:47:44,815
balance out, balance out...

796
00:47:44,849 --> 00:47:47,466
What are you
talking about?

797
00:47:47,503 --> 00:47:49,993
Ginny Ryerson has transferred
to Townsend Prep

798
00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:51,593
for the rest
of her senior year.

799
00:47:53,808 --> 00:47:55,212
We have an even number so, Hal,

800
00:47:55,213 --> 00:47:57,070
you'll muddle through today with Heston

801
00:47:57,104 --> 00:47:59,855
and we'll reconstitute
the teams tomorrow.

802
00:48:00,944 --> 00:48:02,732
Let's go, Wallace.

803
00:48:25,970 --> 00:48:29,102
Would you like to tell me
what our Affirmative case is?

804
00:48:29,138 --> 00:48:31,625
Or would you rather
it be a surprise?

805
00:49:30,228 --> 00:49:33,098
Uh...

806
00:49:33,140 --> 00:49:36,271
good... good...
good morning there, Judge.

807
00:49:36,309 --> 00:49:39,025
Good, uh... good...
good...

808
00:49:39,060 --> 00:49:41,482
good morning to you,
uh...

809
00:49:41,524 --> 00:49:44,339
both, you, our
esteemed opponents.

810
00:49:44,371 --> 00:49:46,379
Good morning, uh...

811
00:49:55,795 --> 00:49:57,968
The...

812
00:49:58,005 --> 00:50:00,240
ab... ab...

813
00:50:04,213 --> 00:50:05,555
That, uh...

814
00:50:05,588 --> 00:50:07,499
resolved that... that...

815
00:50:07,542 --> 00:50:10,225
that... that... that...
that, uh...

816
00:50:10,261 --> 00:50:13,077
that it, uh...

817
00:50:13,109 --> 00:50:15,956
How much time, timer?

818
00:50:22,772 --> 00:50:24,049
Yeah, hello?

819
00:50:24,085 --> 00:50:27,729
Mr... Mr... uh...
um, Mr...

820
00:50:27,766 --> 00:50:30,286
Hal?
What's the matter?

821
00:50:30,326 --> 00:50:32,465
It's... it's, uh...
it's, uh,

822
00:50:32,502 --> 00:50:35,152
well, it's funny
that you ask, actually.

823
00:50:35,189 --> 00:50:38,965
Um, I've... I'm just...
I'm just here at, um...

824
00:50:38,998 --> 00:50:41,932
I'm at... I'm at...
I'm at Hazlet...

825
00:50:41,975 --> 00:50:43,948
Hazlet High School,
at the debate.

826
00:50:43,989 --> 00:50:47,372
And spent the last...
I've...

827
00:50:47,414 --> 00:50:49,968
I spent the last seven minutes
of my round-one speech

828
00:50:50,006 --> 00:50:52,080
trying... trying to
say the resolution.

829
00:50:52,118 --> 00:50:54,158
- Oh, man.
- Yeah.

830
00:50:54,198 --> 00:50:56,462
Well, there's that video I gave you,

831
00:50:56,463 --> 00:50:58,541
"Singing Instead of Talking. "

832
00:50:58,583 --> 00:51:02,989
Yeah, did, uh... did rat poison
and a straw come with that video?

833
00:51:03,031 --> 00:51:05,812
Well, my ex-girlfriend,
the PhD at Annenberg,

834
00:51:05,848 --> 00:51:09,492
she used to say her brother never
stuttered if he spoke in an accent.

835
00:51:09,528 --> 00:51:12,047
You could try the accent
you know best,

836
00:51:12,087 --> 00:51:14,421
and maybe that
would help.

837
00:51:14,455 --> 00:51:16,178
Well, anyway, I
wouldn't count on it.

838
00:51:16,217 --> 00:51:18,833
Mina's advice was about
as far-fetched as she was.

839
00:51:18,871 --> 00:51:21,425
You know, open
relationships just...

840
00:51:21,464 --> 00:51:22,991
don't work, Hal.

841
00:51:23,031 --> 00:51:25,136
What?

842
00:51:25,174 --> 00:51:26,637
Uh, I'm advising...

843
00:51:26,679 --> 00:51:30,095
that you should
try to do an accent.

844
00:51:30,136 --> 00:51:32,045
- Okay?
- If I do that

845
00:51:32,088 --> 00:51:34,673
you won't see...
you won't see me on Monday.

846
00:51:34,711 --> 00:51:37,875
'Cause I'll already be...
I'll be on a...

847
00:51:37,912 --> 00:51:40,279
I'll probably be
on a plane to...

848
00:51:41,464 --> 00:51:42,991
Can you hold on
for a sec?

849
00:51:52,728 --> 00:51:54,419
Okay, I should...

850
00:51:54,457 --> 00:51:56,694
I should, mayb...
maybe I should...

851
00:51:56,730 --> 00:51:58,070
I should probably go.

852
00:52:19,128 --> 00:52:20,984
Good afternoon,

853
00:52:21,018 --> 00:52:23,473
esteemed opponents
from Glen Rock.

854
00:52:23,514 --> 00:52:28,249
Good afternoon.
Let's get our... let...

855
00:52:28,282 --> 00:52:30,671
let's, uh...
let... let...

856
00:52:30,714 --> 00:52:34,129
let's get, uh, down and...
down and... down and dirty,

857
00:52:34,170 --> 00:52:36,406
shall we, with this...
this thing...

858
00:52:36,441 --> 00:52:39,923
this thing... this thing...
this thing I'll call our plan.

859
00:52:46,842 --> 00:52:48,118
Excuse me, I'm...

860
00:52:48,154 --> 00:52:49,715
I'm... I'm...

861
00:52:49,755 --> 00:52:52,721
I'm...
I'm really sorry.

862
00:52:55,291 --> 00:52:56,950
Slice of pizza or
Sloppy Joes,

863
00:52:56,987 --> 00:52:58,328
and I don't want
to debate about it.

864
00:52:58,363 --> 00:52:59,771
I'll take the pizza.

865
00:53:03,739 --> 00:53:06,674
Townsend Prep's just a really,
really good school.

866
00:53:08,443 --> 00:53:10,329
Slice of pizza
or Sloppy Joes

867
00:53:10,362 --> 00:53:12,087
and I don't want to
debate you on it.

868
00:53:12,123 --> 00:53:13,498
Pizza, two slices.

869
00:53:15,195 --> 00:53:16,579
Slice of pizza, Sloppy Joes,

870
00:53:16,580 --> 00:53:18,457
and I don't want to debate about it.

871
00:53:18,492 --> 00:53:20,248
Um...

872
00:53:20,283 --> 00:53:22,487
I'll...
I'll have the...

873
00:53:22,524 --> 00:53:25,206
not the... the, um...

874
00:53:25,243 --> 00:53:26,552
- the, um...
- We're out of pizza.

875
00:53:26,587 --> 00:53:28,726
Sloppy Joes are
all that's left.

876
00:53:28,764 --> 00:53:32,112
But they're not that terrible if you've
never had really good ones before.

877
00:53:33,532 --> 00:53:34,994
Thank you, ma'am.

878
00:53:50,844 --> 00:53:53,299
She's not here.

879
00:53:53,341 --> 00:53:55,196
Ginny and I don't
eat at tournaments...

880
00:53:55,229 --> 00:53:57,116
draws blood
from the brain.

881
00:54:06,749 --> 00:54:08,407
...will cause
special love in adulthood.

882
00:54:45,022 --> 00:54:47,194
I just...
I don't...

883
00:54:47,230 --> 00:54:50,263
I don't really know
what to do here.

884
00:54:51,519 --> 00:54:54,366
Well, um,
this is the girls' room.

885
00:54:54,399 --> 00:54:55,805
So...

886
00:54:55,838 --> 00:54:57,814
Okay.

887
00:55:02,720 --> 00:55:06,265
I want to read, also,
what one judge wrote

888
00:55:06,303 --> 00:55:08,889
about Virginia.
She wrote:

889
00:55:08,928 --> 00:55:12,888
"Virginia may be
the next Barbara Jordan. "

890
00:55:12,929 --> 00:55:14,815
How about that?

891
00:55:15,935 --> 00:55:18,522
First place,
Individual Speaker...

892
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:20,763
Virginia Ryerson.

893
00:55:30,465 --> 00:55:33,083
Where's the trophy?

894
00:55:38,657 --> 00:55:41,046
Thank you.

895
00:55:48,929 --> 00:55:51,744
Hal Hefner,
stay a moment, would you?

896
00:56:01,089 --> 00:56:03,261
I'm gonna regroup.

897
00:56:03,298 --> 00:56:05,632
Um, let's be
adults here

898
00:56:05,665 --> 00:56:08,087
and think about who
could use...

899
00:56:08,129 --> 00:56:11,064
a little time
on the sidelines.

900
00:56:11,105 --> 00:56:13,526
Ginny recruited me.

901
00:56:15,777 --> 00:56:18,973
Okay?
She intuited...

902
00:56:19,938 --> 00:56:22,240
intuited that I...
that I...

903
00:56:22,273 --> 00:56:25,535
that my... that my brain
was made for this.

904
00:56:25,571 --> 00:56:26,743
I mean, you can't even...

905
00:56:26,744 --> 00:56:28,385
you can't even ask me a question

906
00:56:28,419 --> 00:56:31,802
without my brain
filling up with retorts.

907
00:56:31,843 --> 00:56:34,232
It's... it's full
of retorts.

908
00:56:34,275 --> 00:56:36,446
Do you know
Mento Buin,

909
00:56:36,482 --> 00:56:39,035
who doesn't speak more
than six words of English?

910
00:56:40,258 --> 00:56:42,528
Or Evie Spedarsky,

911
00:56:42,564 --> 00:56:44,831
who has such pronounced
Irritable Bowel Syndrome

912
00:56:44,866 --> 00:56:47,038
that she's being studied
by a team at Princeton?

913
00:56:47,074 --> 00:56:48,383
No.

914
00:56:48,419 --> 00:56:49,979
What about
Elvis Hunsinger,

915
00:56:50,018 --> 00:56:52,123
the boy who pees
himself in gym class?

916
00:56:52,163 --> 00:56:54,367
Well, everybody knows...

917
00:56:54,403 --> 00:56:55,962
Elvis.

918
00:56:56,003 --> 00:56:58,239
She tried to
recruit them all.

919
00:56:58,274 --> 00:57:02,432
Never crossed my mind that this
could be some scheme of hers,

920
00:57:02,467 --> 00:57:04,705
but, when you
think about it

921
00:57:04,740 --> 00:57:07,357
looks pretty pat.

922
00:57:31,717 --> 00:57:34,138
Your mom's running late
but wants us to...

923
00:57:34,181 --> 00:57:36,002
Hey, now.

924
00:57:37,573 --> 00:57:39,612
Wait a minute.
Let me see.

925
00:57:41,060 --> 00:57:42,883
Oh, Jesus!

926
00:57:42,917 --> 00:57:45,021
Man, oh man!

927
00:57:45,060 --> 00:57:47,842
The most Heston ever hauled in
was an honorable mention

928
00:57:47,876 --> 00:57:49,764
in the Hip-hop
Danceathon.

929
00:57:49,797 --> 00:57:52,317
But this is too much
coming from you!

930
00:57:52,356 --> 00:57:54,593
On behalf of your dad...

931
00:58:01,349 --> 00:58:04,765
This goes on the dining room table
for your mom to see when she gets home.

932
00:58:04,805 --> 00:58:07,773
Whoo!

933
00:58:42,533 --> 00:58:45,153
My dad told me I was
the world's utmost idiot

934
00:58:45,191 --> 00:58:47,743
for not realizing
you won something today.

935
00:58:47,782 --> 00:58:50,784
Please accept my
belated congratulations.

936
00:59:03,399 --> 00:59:05,918
- Hello?
- Hello, Sylvia.

937
00:59:05,959 --> 00:59:09,669
Fern didn't say anything
about Lewis's friends stopping by!

938
00:59:09,704 --> 00:59:11,908
I get paid
per kid!

939
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:46,405
She can't be
going to bed.

940
01:00:12,489 --> 01:00:14,312
Resolved!

941
01:00:37,290 --> 01:00:40,224
Sylvia, no tip
for you tonight.

942
01:00:45,803 --> 01:00:47,144
Fuck!

943
01:01:05,900 --> 01:01:08,550
There's a cello
in your house now.

944
01:01:55,821 --> 01:01:58,025
I hate you!

945
01:01:58,060 --> 01:02:00,450
Mommy and
Judge Pete hate you!

946
01:02:00,493 --> 01:02:02,382
Daddy hates you!

947
01:02:02,413 --> 01:02:05,895
Melody, Daddy's new
girlfriend, hates you.

948
01:02:05,934 --> 01:02:08,301
That bottle was reposado,
you doofus dunce!

949
01:02:09,422 --> 01:02:11,789
Uncle Chaz spent
big bucks on that.

950
01:02:11,822 --> 01:02:13,764
Uncle Chaz hates you!

951
01:02:21,230 --> 01:02:23,368
That's all I wanted
to say.

952
01:02:24,814 --> 01:02:26,723
There's pineapple cake
in the fridge.

953
01:02:28,366 --> 01:02:31,301
If you're late I'll eat the whole cake,
so don't be late.

954
01:02:52,463 --> 01:02:56,970
Maybe you should put the
whole debate thing behind you,

955
01:02:57,008 --> 01:03:00,172
all a...
a lark of adolescence.

956
01:03:00,208 --> 01:03:01,996
We all have 'em.

957
01:03:02,031 --> 01:03:05,709
Mine was cheerleading.

958
01:03:06,959 --> 01:03:09,610
I was the one boy
on the cheerleading squad.

959
01:03:09,647 --> 01:03:11,852
Imagine that, huh?

960
01:03:11,888 --> 01:03:14,408
Give me a "H," uh-uh-uh.
Give me a "A,"

961
01:03:14,448 --> 01:03:17,067
uh-uh-uh.
Give me a "L," uh-uh-uh.

962
01:03:17,104 --> 01:03:19,918
What does that spell?
Hal.

963
01:03:19,952 --> 01:03:23,432
That... that image is...

964
01:03:23,472 --> 01:03:25,327
is not really helping.

965
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:28,809
Just... just because
debate was a wipeout,

966
01:03:28,849 --> 01:03:31,695
I mean, you know,
a colossal wipeout,

967
01:03:31,728 --> 01:03:34,096
doesn't mean
that you're a failure.

968
01:03:34,128 --> 01:03:37,291
It's the activity
that failed you.

969
01:03:37,328 --> 01:03:40,558
Hey, there's nothing to say you
couldn't try for the Spanish Club.

970
01:03:40,594 --> 01:03:43,441
You could be Spanish Club
Vice President in no time.

971
01:03:43,473 --> 01:03:46,223
Kyle Felowitz
is El Vice Presidente.

972
01:03:47,185 --> 01:03:48,428
Yeah.

973
01:03:48,464 --> 01:03:50,505
My point, Hal,
is that

974
01:03:50,546 --> 01:03:52,717
you have to get out
of your own way here, man,

975
01:03:52,753 --> 01:03:55,656
go back to living the way
you were before you tried to exceed

976
01:03:55,698 --> 01:03:58,665
your... your limitations.

977
01:04:05,424 --> 01:04:07,760
Hal Hefner floated
above his life,

978
01:04:07,793 --> 01:04:11,176
saw the world around him
as if he were just a ghost

979
01:04:11,217 --> 01:04:12,679
floating through.

980
01:04:12,722 --> 01:04:14,632
Nothing could
harm him now.

981
01:04:14,674 --> 01:04:17,674
Nothing could move him
or make him love again.

982
01:04:18,675 --> 01:04:20,136
He was that kind
of ghost.

983
01:04:20,178 --> 01:04:22,993
The kind that
couldn't love again.

984
01:04:26,481 --> 01:04:29,165
...observation 1-A.

985
01:04:29,203 --> 01:04:31,624
Diversion is the norm.

986
01:04:33,939 --> 01:04:36,110
Quoting from the
"Journal of Adult Sexuality" '74:

987
01:04:36,147 --> 01:04:38,797
The root cause of sexual
dysfunction are many...

988
01:04:40,244 --> 01:04:41,704
As a boy ghost,

989
01:04:41,747 --> 01:04:44,430
Hal Hefner surveyed
the world as he knew it.

990
01:04:44,466 --> 01:04:47,914
And in everything he saw
was evidence that life goes on

991
01:04:47,954 --> 01:04:50,321
with or without love.

992
01:04:50,355 --> 01:04:53,519
He had stopped
thinking about the girl,

993
01:04:53,555 --> 01:04:56,207
had stopped
dreaming about her,

994
01:04:56,243 --> 01:04:58,664
or, even if that wasn't
entirely true,

995
01:04:58,707 --> 01:05:01,971
had stopped dreaming
a certain kind of dream about her.

996
01:05:02,004 --> 01:05:05,713
Well, maybe
most of the time.

997
01:05:08,500 --> 01:05:10,092
Then spring came...

998
01:05:10,131 --> 01:05:12,336
11 months after
his father left;

999
01:05:12,372 --> 01:05:15,339
six months since
he last saw Ginny;

1000
01:05:15,381 --> 01:05:17,649
and six since
they'd kissed.

1001
01:05:38,709 --> 01:05:40,652
Over and over again!

1002
01:05:40,694 --> 01:05:42,734
- Just stop!
- I just want us to be buddies.

1003
01:05:42,773 --> 01:05:45,706
Be buddies with yourself!

1004
01:05:47,285 --> 01:05:48,976
Boys...

1005
01:05:49,013 --> 01:05:50,040
your mom and I are over.

1006
01:05:50,041 --> 01:05:51,152
That's according to her.

1007
01:05:51,189 --> 01:05:54,572
She said that it was all her,
that it's always all her

1008
01:05:54,613 --> 01:05:57,396
- and could we be buddies?
- This is a very complicated

1009
01:05:57,429 --> 01:05:59,535
adult relationship.

1010
01:05:59,574 --> 01:06:01,296
This is why
your dad left.

1011
01:06:01,333 --> 01:06:03,700
You're just so
messed up!

1012
01:06:22,358 --> 01:06:23,851
Shit!

1013
01:06:25,078 --> 01:06:27,467
Good God!

1014
01:06:48,919 --> 01:06:51,668
Mommy! Mommy!
Hal's freaking out in the garage!

1015
01:06:51,703 --> 01:06:53,612
This is gonna turn out
bad, I can feel it.

1016
01:06:53,656 --> 01:06:56,503
Virginia Ryerson, please
come to the main office.

1017
01:06:56,536 --> 01:06:59,951
Virginia Ryerson, you have
a visitor in the main office.

1018
01:07:05,976 --> 01:07:07,699
Are you her
little brother?

1019
01:07:07,736 --> 01:07:10,103
You look like you could
be her little brother.

1020
01:07:11,288 --> 01:07:14,104
I'm... I'm her ex-lover.

1021
01:07:14,136 --> 01:07:16,919
Take a seat. She'll be with you
in a minute.

1022
01:07:25,784 --> 01:07:27,924
So how far did you
get with her?

1023
01:07:31,577 --> 01:07:34,838
Does... does it count
as second base

1024
01:07:34,873 --> 01:07:36,759
when it's groping
through the shirt?

1025
01:07:37,977 --> 01:07:40,497
Maybe in public school.

1026
01:07:40,537 --> 01:07:43,537
What are you doing here?

1027
01:07:43,578 --> 01:07:46,098
Oh, uh, uh...

1028
01:07:46,137 --> 01:07:47,763
I...

1029
01:07:47,801 --> 01:07:51,249
I have, uh... it's
spring break at Plainsboro.

1030
01:07:51,289 --> 01:07:53,842
I have...
I have the... the day off.

1031
01:07:55,065 --> 01:07:56,976
Okay.

1032
01:07:59,000 --> 01:08:01,271
I'm going back to
A.P. Latin now.

1033
01:08:01,306 --> 01:08:04,023
Wait... I'm... I'm
returning this to you.

1034
01:08:05,146 --> 01:08:08,212
It belongs
to you and...

1035
01:08:08,249 --> 01:08:10,933
and it's important
to me that you have it.

1036
01:08:12,505 --> 01:08:14,808
It's your Hazlet trophy.

1037
01:08:18,202 --> 01:08:21,432
I had a bad night,
but I'm better now.

1038
01:08:21,467 --> 01:08:23,442
I don't want the trophy.

1039
01:08:23,483 --> 01:08:24,952
I'm... I'm gonna go back to class.

1040
01:08:24,953 --> 01:08:25,817
You need to leave.

1041
01:08:25,851 --> 01:08:27,760
Wait... every...
every... every...

1042
01:08:27,803 --> 01:08:29,558
everybody has
their own path!

1043
01:08:29,595 --> 01:08:32,726
And, uh...

1044
01:08:35,675 --> 01:08:38,425
Security, please report
to the main office.

1045
01:08:38,459 --> 01:08:40,117
Need you to deal with a...

1046
01:08:40,155 --> 01:08:42,904
stuttering boy
in the main office.

1047
01:08:42,939 --> 01:08:45,525
It was like he was
pretending,

1048
01:08:45,564 --> 01:08:48,214
pretending that it could
all be what it was.

1049
01:08:48,251 --> 01:08:49,812
But it can't.

1050
01:08:49,851 --> 01:08:52,372
You can only pretend for so
long before the forces that be

1051
01:08:52,412 --> 01:08:54,320
take that away from you.

1052
01:08:58,107 --> 01:09:00,147
Just like that,
it took off

1053
01:09:00,186 --> 01:09:01,944
and he found
himself sprinting.

1054
01:09:01,980 --> 01:09:04,314
It was ridiculous,
but he did... he sprinted.

1055
01:09:10,395 --> 01:09:14,486
You don't let love collapse all around
you and not put up a fight.

1056
01:09:14,525 --> 01:09:16,215
You punch back,

1057
01:09:16,253 --> 01:09:19,897
unless you can find someone
else to throw the punch for you.

1058
01:09:19,932 --> 01:09:22,266
Then, by all means,
do that.

1059
01:09:25,756 --> 01:09:27,163
Yeah?

1060
01:09:29,053 --> 01:09:32,184
Uh, I'm... I'm here from
Plainsboro High,

1061
01:09:32,220 --> 01:09:35,963
and I've... I've, uh...
I've come here to find you.

1062
01:09:36,956 --> 01:09:38,484
Wait in the front
if you care to.

1063
01:09:38,524 --> 01:09:40,380
My shift ends
on the hour.

1064
01:09:40,413 --> 01:09:41,657
Oh, I care to.

1065
01:09:41,693 --> 01:09:43,962
Yeah, well, that's fine.
Wait in front.

1066
01:09:52,766 --> 01:09:55,252
That's God
doing your dry-cleaning.

1067
01:09:57,502 --> 01:10:00,370
God does dry-cleaning.

1068
01:10:00,413 --> 01:10:03,512
He wears a smock.

1069
01:10:12,895 --> 01:10:16,277
Man, it's a blessing to
be squarely and dearly

1070
01:10:16,318 --> 01:10:19,581
out of the
goddamn suburbs.

1071
01:10:19,615 --> 01:10:22,298
Suck the marrow right
from you, the suburbs will.

1072
01:10:22,335 --> 01:10:24,026
And it takes years

1073
01:10:24,063 --> 01:10:27,357
in the big city to inject
the life back into you...

1074
01:10:27,390 --> 01:10:29,016
literal years.

1075
01:10:29,054 --> 01:10:32,056
You... you mean,
the big city is...

1076
01:10:33,310 --> 01:10:34,871
is... is Trenton?

1077
01:10:34,911 --> 01:10:37,563
That's right...
Trenton.

1078
01:10:37,600 --> 01:10:39,487
Oh.

1079
01:10:39,519 --> 01:10:41,495
Did Ginny send you?

1080
01:10:41,536 --> 01:10:44,404
Oh no, she doesn't... she doesn't...
she doesn't know anything.

1081
01:10:44,446 --> 01:10:46,814
- Lumbly?
- No, no. No.

1082
01:10:46,847 --> 01:10:49,881
Because if this is part of a grand
design to get me back to school...

1083
01:10:51,615 --> 01:10:53,525
You smell that
bus exhaust?

1084
01:10:54,848 --> 01:10:56,538
That'll be what you
leave behind

1085
01:10:56,576 --> 01:10:59,293
on your way back to
Plainsboro without me.

1086
01:11:00,544 --> 01:11:02,715
Wait. The thing is,
is that, uh...

1087
01:11:02,752 --> 01:11:06,014
what I want... what I want...
what I need is your help.

1088
01:11:06,049 --> 01:11:07,674
You don't even know me.

1089
01:11:08,672 --> 01:11:11,575
You... you do realize
you're like...

1090
01:11:11,616 --> 01:11:14,136
you're like a legend
at PHS, right?

1091
01:11:14,176 --> 01:11:16,381
Right, I'm the next
Shelley Hasty.

1092
01:11:16,416 --> 01:11:18,587
Who is...
who's she?

1093
01:11:18,624 --> 01:11:21,593
He. He supposedly drove
a Chevy Nova

1094
01:11:21,633 --> 01:11:24,053
into the cafeteria
in 1986.

1095
01:11:24,096 --> 01:11:27,446
There's a plaque somewhere next to
a water fountain in his honor.

1096
01:11:28,481 --> 01:11:29,724
Well...

1097
01:11:29,760 --> 01:11:32,631
I'm... I'm gonna be
the next legend at PHS.

1098
01:11:34,369 --> 01:11:37,184
And that's... that's not gonna
happen for me any other way

1099
01:11:37,217 --> 01:11:40,795
than to win...
uh, to win at States.

1100
01:11:43,458 --> 01:11:45,279
You're gonna
win at States?

1101
01:11:45,313 --> 01:11:47,168
Yes.

1102
01:11:47,202 --> 01:11:49,056
Well... well... well,
uh...

1103
01:11:49,089 --> 01:11:51,162
we are, yes.

1104
01:11:53,154 --> 01:11:54,812
It's so pointless.

1105
01:11:54,850 --> 01:11:58,593
That's the realization
I came to at States last year:

1106
01:11:58,626 --> 01:12:01,309
Life is nothing
but repetition,

1107
01:12:01,346 --> 01:12:02,938
the same thing
over and over.

1108
01:12:02,977 --> 01:12:04,505
Somebody might
give you a trophy

1109
01:12:04,546 --> 01:12:06,335
and that's supposed to
mean you're making progress,

1110
01:12:06,370 --> 01:12:08,737
but there's no such thing.
The fights you fight today

1111
01:12:08,770 --> 01:12:10,941
are the fights you
fight till you die.

1112
01:12:10,979 --> 01:12:13,280
Yeah, well be...
be that as it may...

1113
01:12:13,313 --> 01:12:14,721
Sure.

1114
01:12:14,755 --> 01:12:16,577
Be that as it may.

1115
01:12:16,611 --> 01:12:19,926
Wait, it's not some
college-application bullshit

1116
01:12:19,971 --> 01:12:21,484
that is... that's like the driving

1117
01:12:21,485 --> 01:12:22,818
force here, or any bullshit.

1118
01:12:22,851 --> 01:12:24,760
I'm sure.

1119
01:12:39,268 --> 01:12:41,820
No, uh, do you want
to know what it is?

1120
01:12:41,859 --> 01:12:45,175
Yeah. What
it is, is...

1121
01:12:45,219 --> 01:12:47,902
what it...
what it is, is...

1122
01:12:47,940 --> 01:12:50,045
uh, it's, uh...

1123
01:12:51,140 --> 01:12:53,081
is, uh, is...

1124
01:12:53,123 --> 01:12:56,090
no, what... what it
is, is...

1125
01:12:56,132 --> 01:12:58,335
it's...
well, it's love.

1126
01:12:58,372 --> 01:13:00,740
Well, if it's
not that, then...

1127
01:13:00,772 --> 01:13:03,455
then it's the need
for... for revenge

1128
01:13:03,492 --> 01:13:05,827
when... when love
goes bad.

1129
01:13:05,860 --> 01:13:07,998
It's one of those two,
love or revenge.

1130
01:13:08,035 --> 01:13:09,530
I'm not really sure
which one.

1131
01:13:09,572 --> 01:13:11,198
But it's one of
those two things

1132
01:13:11,237 --> 01:13:13,026
that made me throw a cello
through somebody's window.

1133
01:13:13,061 --> 01:13:14,009
So you figure it out.

1134
01:13:14,052 --> 01:13:15,711
An actual cello?

1135
01:13:17,061 --> 01:13:20,508
I mean, like, yeah, like
symphony-size, as far as I know.

1136
01:13:22,628 --> 01:13:24,832
You know, that's pretty
sharp in my book,

1137
01:13:24,869 --> 01:13:26,942
as far as reasons go.

1138
01:13:26,980 --> 01:13:29,632
Yeah, it took
a bunch of throws,

1139
01:13:29,669 --> 01:13:33,314
but you know,
I'm good for a bunch.

1140
01:13:33,349 --> 01:13:34,756
Have I got this right?

1141
01:13:34,790 --> 01:13:36,960
Your contention is that
we should debate as a team?

1142
01:13:36,996 --> 01:13:39,866
You, an inexperienced kid with
a bad and unpredictable stutter,

1143
01:13:39,910 --> 01:13:41,338
me, not having debated
at all this year

1144
01:13:41,381 --> 01:13:43,006
and having no knowledge
of the resolution.

1145
01:13:43,045 --> 01:13:45,249
In support of this,
you basically offer up

1146
01:13:45,285 --> 01:13:47,740
that you threw a cello
through someone's window.

1147
01:13:47,781 --> 01:13:49,790
It's charming,
no question.

1148
01:13:49,830 --> 01:13:51,456
But is it persuasive?

1149
01:13:51,494 --> 01:13:53,915
Why not make the case

1150
01:13:53,956 --> 01:13:56,030
that, A: Allowing me to return
to States and win this year

1151
01:13:56,070 --> 01:13:57,859
will tie up that loose end
so that I can forge ahead

1152
01:13:57,894 --> 01:13:59,301
free from any of
life's regrets;

1153
01:13:59,334 --> 01:14:00,960
That charitable
enterprises such as this

1154
01:14:00,998 --> 01:14:02,492
would be the lifeblood
of advanced civilizations

1155
01:14:02,535 --> 01:14:05,086
even, perhaps especially in places
like Trenton, New Jersey;

1156
01:14:05,125 --> 01:14:07,165
And C: That while this life
here is infinitely preferable

1157
01:14:07,206 --> 01:14:08,831
to the wretchedness
of the suburbs,

1158
01:14:08,870 --> 01:14:11,358
it's also not quite what
I must have had in mind

1159
01:14:11,400 --> 01:14:15,172
and maybe I miss some of
the mundane thrills of policy debate.

1160
01:14:15,207 --> 01:14:18,404
Yeah, I mean,
all of that.

1161
01:14:23,751 --> 01:14:26,206
This goes against
my better judgment.

1162
01:14:26,246 --> 01:14:28,996
It does. But what we'll
need is one Affirmative case

1163
01:14:29,030 --> 01:14:31,070
and one all-purpose
Negative counterplan.

1164
01:14:31,111 --> 01:14:32,801
We can't do a year's worth
of work in one month,

1165
01:14:32,838 --> 01:14:34,562
so we'll concentrate on
those two lines of attack.

1166
01:14:34,600 --> 01:14:36,573
You'll have to arrange
with your parents...

1167
01:14:36,615 --> 01:14:38,524
do you have parents?

1168
01:14:38,567 --> 01:14:40,324
Oh, yeah,
I have a...

1169
01:14:40,359 --> 01:14:43,076
a mom that I see
most days and...

1170
01:14:43,112 --> 01:14:44,934
and I see my dad
some weekends.

1171
01:14:44,969 --> 01:14:46,975
You'll have to come to some
arrangement with them

1172
01:14:47,015 --> 01:14:47,997
or else let go of trying to

1173
01:14:48,039 --> 01:14:49,894
so that you can spend
evenings and weekends here.

1174
01:14:49,927 --> 01:14:51,684
We'll register as
a home-schooled team.

1175
01:14:51,720 --> 01:14:52,649
My grandmother will sign

1176
01:14:52,650 --> 01:14:54,271
whatever official paperwork is required.

1177
01:14:54,312 --> 01:14:56,319
But all such considerations
wait on our priority,

1178
01:14:56,359 --> 01:14:58,083
and that's finding
you your voice.

1179
01:15:08,040 --> 01:15:10,822
Suddenly, Trenton was
a different city;

1180
01:15:10,857 --> 01:15:12,929
no longer a dead end
but a starting place.

1181
01:15:14,345 --> 01:15:15,839
Trenton:

1182
01:15:15,881 --> 01:15:17,789
The very city
of triumph.

1183
01:15:21,672 --> 01:15:25,470
Fire when ready!

1184
01:15:25,513 --> 01:15:27,846
This isn't... this isn't

1185
01:15:27,882 --> 01:15:29,671
very good for
one's spirit.

1186
01:15:29,706 --> 01:15:31,462
I can't hear you!

1187
01:15:31,498 --> 01:15:34,366
It's... it's
spirit-crushing, I said.

1188
01:15:35,369 --> 01:15:37,092
Fine.

1189
01:15:38,313 --> 01:15:40,255
What should I say?

1190
01:15:40,297 --> 01:15:43,015
Give me your standard
Affirmative opening.

1191
01:15:43,048 --> 01:15:45,056
Yeah.

1192
01:15:45,097 --> 01:15:48,393
You know, I haven't really said it
enough for it to really be...

1193
01:15:48,426 --> 01:15:50,084
for it to be standard.

1194
01:15:50,122 --> 01:15:52,991
Throw me the cello!

1195
01:15:53,034 --> 01:15:55,041
Uh...

1196
01:15:59,274 --> 01:16:00,290
Let's get down and dirty.

1197
01:16:00,291 --> 01:16:01,062
Let's get down...

1198
01:16:03,307 --> 01:16:04,420
Let's... let's get...

1199
01:16:04,458 --> 01:16:05,887
let's get, uh...

1200
01:16:05,930 --> 01:16:08,004
let's get...
let us... let us...

1201
01:16:08,043 --> 01:16:11,391
uh, okay, let's just...
let... let us...

1202
01:16:14,635 --> 01:16:16,260
It's a riddle.

1203
01:16:16,298 --> 01:16:17,727
Yeah, yeah.

1204
01:16:17,771 --> 01:16:19,625
What it is is one of
those rare instances

1205
01:16:19,659 --> 01:16:23,139
where one of us having an advanced
college-degree might actually help.

1206
01:16:24,907 --> 01:16:26,849
I won't whisper.

1207
01:16:26,891 --> 01:16:29,128
It's a trick,
but it's... it's, uh...

1208
01:16:29,163 --> 01:16:32,098
it's crap.
It's a crap trick.

1209
01:16:33,163 --> 01:16:34,985
And I won't...
I won't do an accent,

1210
01:16:35,019 --> 01:16:36,994
however good...
however... however...

1211
01:16:37,035 --> 01:16:38,726
however good I
may be at them.

1212
01:16:38,763 --> 01:16:41,667
So that just leaves...
that's... that's just...

1213
01:16:41,709 --> 01:16:43,431
that's just singing.

1214
01:16:43,468 --> 01:16:45,354
Singing my speeches.

1215
01:16:45,387 --> 01:16:47,527
And then...
and after that,

1216
01:16:47,565 --> 01:16:49,986
arran... arranging to
have my...

1217
01:16:50,028 --> 01:16:52,297
have my... my...

1218
01:16:52,333 --> 01:16:55,082
have my ashes scattered

1219
01:16:55,116 --> 01:16:56,970
over the Plainsboro
Municipal Pond.

1220
01:17:02,956 --> 01:17:05,193
You know, I've...

1221
01:17:05,228 --> 01:17:07,683
I've thought about
the whole... the singing,

1222
01:17:07,724 --> 01:17:09,286
and, uh...

1223
01:17:09,325 --> 01:17:11,212
I don't think
I can do it,

1224
01:17:11,244 --> 01:17:12,805
the song thing.

1225
01:17:12,844 --> 01:17:14,918
This is
"The Battle Hymn of the Republic. "

1226
01:17:14,957 --> 01:17:16,811
We might prefer something
more modern, I realize,

1227
01:17:16,844 --> 01:17:19,015
but this is the only piece
I can play all the way through.

1228
01:17:19,052 --> 01:17:20,940
What you're gonna do

1229
01:17:20,973 --> 01:17:23,393
is just learn the song well
enough to keep it in your head,

1230
01:17:23,436 --> 01:17:24,899
to let it flow through you

1231
01:17:24,941 --> 01:17:26,697
as you speak-sing
your speeches.

1232
01:17:26,733 --> 01:17:28,161
And we'll write
to fit the rhyme.

1233
01:17:58,701 --> 01:18:01,223
We think our case
will state

1234
01:18:01,263 --> 01:18:03,629
that sex is bound
to be explored...

1235
01:18:03,663 --> 01:18:06,446
- Abs... abstinence is the catalyst...
- Breathe.

1236
01:18:06,479 --> 01:18:09,196
- Breathe first.
- Abstinence is the catalyst...

1237
01:18:11,886 --> 01:18:14,569
...to... to support
such a... such a...

1238
01:18:14,606 --> 01:18:16,430
- a far-ranging... platform.
- I got it.

1239
01:18:22,191 --> 01:18:24,296
Go away!

1240
01:18:31,791 --> 01:18:33,385
That's Dad's.

1241
01:18:33,424 --> 01:18:35,725
I thought you could use
a bigger suitcase...

1242
01:18:35,759 --> 01:18:37,286
one with an actual handle.

1243
01:18:37,327 --> 01:18:39,694
I swear, Penelope,
I don't know what you would do

1244
01:18:39,728 --> 01:18:41,963
without someone in this family
who can steal and then organize.

1245
01:18:43,119 --> 01:18:45,128
Could I have
a request, Earl?

1246
01:18:45,168 --> 01:18:47,240
If... if I win today,

1247
01:18:47,280 --> 01:18:49,549
could we say...
could we say that

1248
01:18:49,584 --> 01:18:51,951
you... you'll stop calling me
with girls' names?

1249
01:18:51,983 --> 01:18:54,188
Could we say that, if I win?

1250
01:18:56,016 --> 01:18:57,902
Let's not push it,
shall we?

1251
01:18:57,936 --> 01:19:00,172
Besides, Penelope's
my favorite girl's name.

1252
01:19:01,201 --> 01:19:03,720
All right, well,
could we... could we

1253
01:19:03,759 --> 01:19:07,405
maybe just leave it
with Penelope then?

1254
01:19:08,592 --> 01:19:10,567
Yeah, we can do that.

1255
01:19:22,514 --> 01:19:24,336
Thank you and welcome

1256
01:19:24,369 --> 01:19:27,150
to the 43rd Annual New Jersey
State Debate Championships.

1257
01:19:27,185 --> 01:19:29,772
There are 22 schools
represented here

1258
01:19:29,810 --> 01:19:31,751
from every region
in the state.

1259
01:19:35,218 --> 01:19:37,006
Every preliminary round
through the semifinals

1260
01:19:37,041 --> 01:19:38,731
will take place
in the classrooms

1261
01:19:38,769 --> 01:19:40,843
in the adjacent
academic buildings.

1262
01:19:40,882 --> 01:19:43,117
You'll only return to this auditorium
at the end of the day

1263
01:19:43,154 --> 01:19:44,780
for the final round

1264
01:19:44,819 --> 01:19:46,542
and the presentation
of the trophy.

1265
01:19:46,578 --> 01:19:48,269
Now, before we begin,

1266
01:19:48,306 --> 01:19:50,893
I want you to give yourselves
a big round of applause.

1267
01:19:58,259 --> 01:20:01,008
That's right.

1268
01:20:01,043 --> 01:20:03,693
Now, pairings for the first
three rounds are randomized.

1269
01:20:03,730 --> 01:20:06,545
Then they're weighted
by win-lose record.

1270
01:20:06,578 --> 01:20:09,394
Would you sign this?

1271
01:20:09,427 --> 01:20:11,150
It's my favorite
brief of the year.

1272
01:20:11,186 --> 01:20:14,765
It says that abstinence
leads to a global crisis

1273
01:20:14,803 --> 01:20:16,711
in mental health.

1274
01:20:21,139 --> 01:20:23,026
Aren't you that Chinese boy?

1275
01:20:27,699 --> 01:20:30,067
I'm K-Korean, yes.

1276
01:20:30,100 --> 01:20:34,377
And just... just so... just so
that you're... that you're aware,

1277
01:20:34,420 --> 01:20:37,268
it's really ignorant to lump us
all into one category like that.

1278
01:20:43,059 --> 01:20:45,296
You all can't win,

1279
01:20:45,331 --> 01:20:49,009
but you are all winners.
Good luck to you.

1280
01:21:51,766 --> 01:21:54,450
You think our case
will state that sex

1281
01:21:54,486 --> 01:21:56,395
is bound to be explored,

1282
01:21:56,438 --> 01:21:58,326
that adding funds
for abstinence

1283
01:21:58,359 --> 01:22:01,326
is what I will
have roared.

1284
01:22:01,367 --> 01:22:04,564
But such a case has been
heard so much that we are bored.

1285
01:22:04,598 --> 01:22:07,020
Our plan is, thus,
not that.

1286
01:22:12,311 --> 01:22:14,701
Our... our...
uh... uh...

1287
01:22:14,743 --> 01:22:16,498
our... our...

1288
01:22:16,534 --> 01:22:19,350
our government can best
support teaching abstinence

1289
01:22:19,383 --> 01:22:22,831
by refraining from
the common and ugly arrogance.

1290
01:22:22,871 --> 01:22:25,392
Instead of telling us
we should never do the dance

1291
01:22:25,432 --> 01:22:28,334
they should adopt this plan:

1292
01:22:28,377 --> 01:22:31,541
Amend the Constitution
so that no one over 20

1293
01:22:31,575 --> 01:22:34,259
can serve in government,
there'll be only kids a-plenty.

1294
01:22:34,296 --> 01:22:36,685
We'll... we'll...
write the laws and fix sex ed,

1295
01:22:36,728 --> 01:22:38,189
and it won't cost a penny.

1296
01:22:38,233 --> 01:22:40,982
That's our basic plan.

1297
01:22:41,015 --> 01:22:42,357
What we'll...
what we'll...

1298
01:22:42,392 --> 01:22:44,247
what we'll do is create
a new federal government

1299
01:22:44,280 --> 01:22:45,958
where teenagers are only... are... are

1300
01:22:45,959 --> 01:22:47,858
the only... the only
voices of authority.

1301
01:22:47,896 --> 01:22:49,652
By doing so... we'll help...
we'll help create

1302
01:22:49,688 --> 01:22:51,598
a... a wider consensus
among teens.

1303
01:22:51,640 --> 01:22:54,062
It's a more... it's a more dem...
it's more... it's more...

1304
01:22:54,105 --> 01:22:56,656
it's a more democratic system
and democracy is

1305
01:22:56,696 --> 01:22:59,063
the very basis for love

1306
01:22:59,097 --> 01:23:01,300
as we'll argue below
in the rest of my song-speech.

1307
01:23:02,777 --> 01:23:05,079
Now, please...
please turn to...

1308
01:23:05,114 --> 01:23:07,763
contingent...
contingent one of our plan.

1309
01:23:07,801 --> 01:23:10,069
Now... now... now, this one's
a little harder to get the whole...

1310
01:23:10,105 --> 01:23:12,310
the whole... the kinda...
the... the rhyme scheme for it,

1311
01:23:12,345 --> 01:23:13,970
because... uh, because
of all the quotes that say...

1312
01:23:14,008 --> 01:23:15,798
that have "sexologist" in them
which isn't really...

1313
01:23:15,833 --> 01:23:19,148
it doesn't... it doesn't
really rhyme with too much.

1314
01:23:19,192 --> 01:23:21,877
But it basically...
it basically goes like this:

1315
01:23:21,914 --> 01:23:25,262
The role... the role
of the sexologist...

1316
01:23:27,866 --> 01:23:30,004
Gentlemen, come with me.

1317
01:23:37,177 --> 01:23:39,828
- Ben.
- Marsha.

1318
01:23:39,866 --> 01:23:42,866
The bow tie,
the pretty boutonniere?

1319
01:23:42,906 --> 01:23:46,038
- Yes, sir, it stirs the pot a little.
- For me too, Coach.

1320
01:23:46,074 --> 01:23:48,824
- No, don't do that.
- Excuse me, Coach?

1321
01:23:48,859 --> 01:23:50,582
I'm... I'm... I'm like...

1322
01:23:50,618 --> 01:23:52,855
I'm a minute into my...
into my opening.

1323
01:23:52,890 --> 01:23:55,226
And, uh... well, uh...

1324
01:23:55,258 --> 01:23:58,225
well, I've... well, uh...
well, I'm killing in there.

1325
01:24:02,042 --> 01:24:03,570
Aren't I killing?

1326
01:24:03,610 --> 01:24:06,197
I've heard worse.

1327
01:24:06,235 --> 01:24:08,918
She's...
she's heard worse.

1328
01:24:08,954 --> 01:24:11,344
There was an objection raised
to your entering here today.

1329
01:24:11,387 --> 01:24:13,558
And the New Jersey League officials
have already voted on it

1330
01:24:13,595 --> 01:24:16,245
and it doesn't feel altogether
great to have to tell you this.

1331
01:24:16,282 --> 01:24:18,618
You're not home-schooled,
Mr. Hefner.

1332
01:24:18,650 --> 01:24:21,269
And working most days
at a dry-cleaner's, Mr. Wekselbaum,

1333
01:24:21,308 --> 01:24:23,031
means that you're not either.

1334
01:24:23,067 --> 01:24:25,434
You've been barred
from the competition.

1335
01:24:25,467 --> 01:24:27,889
You're welcome to stay
and observe if you like.

1336
01:24:39,740 --> 01:24:43,417
You know, we... we, uh...

1337
01:24:44,445 --> 01:24:46,387
might have actually
won the whole thing.

1338
01:24:48,156 --> 01:24:51,026
Probably not if you really
apply powers of reason to it.

1339
01:24:54,492 --> 01:24:56,500
So that's...
so... so...

1340
01:24:56,541 --> 01:24:58,907
uh... so that's...
that's it?

1341
01:25:00,925 --> 01:25:03,674
Come and visit me
sometime, if you want.

1342
01:25:03,709 --> 01:25:06,075
We'll reminisce about this
and what it means.

1343
01:25:35,486 --> 01:25:38,236
Teen sexual experimentation
in these programs...

1344
01:25:42,749 --> 01:25:46,460
Well, uh... uh...

1345
01:25:48,990 --> 01:25:50,712
today was not my day.
Okay?

1346
01:25:50,749 --> 01:25:53,947
But... but, uh...
but... but, uh...

1347
01:25:53,982 --> 01:25:56,797
some... someday will be.
And... and on... on that day,

1348
01:25:56,831 --> 01:25:59,645
you... you will be
sitting at home alone.

1349
01:26:01,022 --> 01:26:02,648
At home.

1350
01:26:02,687 --> 01:26:05,077
And you'll... you'll
think to yourself...

1351
01:26:05,078 --> 01:26:06,102
when you're alone

1352
01:26:06,142 --> 01:26:07,932
that... that... that...

1353
01:26:07,968 --> 01:26:09,975
I knew him when.

1354
01:26:10,015 --> 01:26:12,251
Him being me.

1355
01:26:14,175 --> 01:26:16,794
Anarchy is not only the best system
in which to encourage adult maturation,

1356
01:26:16,831 --> 01:26:19,167
it is also the best system in which
to encourage sexual liberation.

1357
01:26:19,200 --> 01:26:21,533
Don't you dare go thinking
this was easy for me or simple!

1358
01:26:21,569 --> 01:26:23,192
If you think my feelings
on the matter were clear,

1359
01:26:23,231 --> 01:26:24,792
then you'd be underestimating
my complexity.

1360
01:26:24,832 --> 01:26:26,654
And while I see that you
don't recognize this now,

1361
01:26:26,687 --> 01:26:27,963
you actually have me
to thank...

1362
01:26:27,999 --> 01:26:29,722
in part, modesty
forces me to acknowledge,

1363
01:26:29,760 --> 01:26:32,629
but in large part... for your newfound
zest of competition and gamesmanship.

1364
01:26:32,673 --> 01:26:34,908
That was very clever
of you, to find Ben.

1365
01:26:34,944 --> 01:26:37,432
Surprisingly clever
and very painful.

1366
01:26:37,471 --> 01:26:39,643
Which means that I upped
your game, little man.

1367
01:26:40,704 --> 01:26:42,614
You're welcome!

1368
01:26:42,655 --> 01:26:44,085
Liberation breeds liberation, i. e.

1369
01:26:44,129 --> 01:26:45,950
Sexual freedom
inspires political freedom.

1370
01:26:45,983 --> 01:26:48,504
At the heart of all liberty
is the liberty to engage...

1371
01:28:00,931 --> 01:28:02,937
Sir?

1372
01:28:02,979 --> 01:28:04,921
I will have one of...

1373
01:28:04,963 --> 01:28:06,654
I'll have one of the...

1374
01:28:06,691 --> 01:28:08,153
I'll have
a slice of your...

1375
01:28:08,195 --> 01:28:10,366
the... of...

1376
01:28:10,404 --> 01:28:12,258
one of your...
one of your...

1377
01:28:12,290 --> 01:28:14,679
I'll have a slice
of the... of the...

1378
01:28:14,723 --> 01:28:17,112
the... the...
one of... what...

1379
01:28:17,156 --> 01:28:18,781
I mean, you can
imagine it's not fish

1380
01:28:18,819 --> 01:28:21,341
because you don't
have any fish here.

1381
01:28:21,380 --> 01:28:23,583
At least I hope not.

1382
01:28:24,868 --> 01:28:27,039
It's good. Um...

1383
01:28:27,076 --> 01:28:29,564
but I'll have a slice
of the... of your...

1384
01:28:29,605 --> 01:28:32,769
one of your... um,
slices of the... the...

1385
01:28:32,805 --> 01:28:36,152
the... the... the pizza.

1386
01:28:40,005 --> 01:28:42,077
You can pay me
when you're through.

1387
01:28:42,116 --> 01:28:43,939
You know, why don't
I make it not just...

1388
01:28:43,973 --> 01:28:46,242
not... not just...
not... not one...

1389
01:28:46,277 --> 01:28:47,967
not one slice, but, uh,

1390
01:28:48,004 --> 01:28:49,761
I'll have... I'll have...

1391
01:28:49,797 --> 01:28:51,357
not one.

1392
01:28:51,396 --> 01:28:52,858
I'm gonna close up in a bit.

1393
01:28:52,900 --> 01:28:55,040
Why don't you just
take all three?

1394
01:28:55,077 --> 01:28:56,832
Otherwise they're
getting trashed.

1395
01:28:58,980 --> 01:29:00,410
Yes!

1396
01:29:02,341 --> 01:29:05,277
Thank you.
Thanks.

1397
01:29:36,614 --> 01:29:39,036
Eventually,
all of this would pass.

1398
01:29:39,079 --> 01:29:41,250
And the memory of it
would give way to embellishment

1399
01:29:41,287 --> 01:29:44,549
and fantasy
and outright distortion

1400
01:29:44,583 --> 01:29:46,338
until it was hard
for Hal Hefner to remember

1401
01:29:46,374 --> 01:29:48,130
what he was
really like back then.

1402
01:29:48,167 --> 01:29:50,404
When he still carried
in his head the sound of

1403
01:29:50,439 --> 01:29:53,221
a madeup perfect voice,

1404
01:29:53,254 --> 01:29:55,360
the voice that could
speak its heart,

1405
01:29:55,399 --> 01:29:58,017
the voice he used
to wish he had,

1406
01:29:58,055 --> 01:30:00,957
until the day he stopped wishing
he sounded like anyone else

1407
01:30:01,000 --> 01:30:02,788
and just started
talking as he was.

1408
01:30:21,160 --> 01:30:22,785
You okay?

1409
01:30:22,823 --> 01:30:24,580
Yeah, I'm okay.

1410
01:30:24,616 --> 01:30:27,549
But, uh, listen...

1411
01:30:29,864 --> 01:30:31,839
what do you...
what do you...

1412
01:30:31,880 --> 01:30:34,499
I mean, what are
your thoughts on...

1413
01:30:34,537 --> 01:30:36,325
like on... on...

1414
01:30:36,360 --> 01:30:37,986
on love?

1415
01:30:39,111 --> 01:30:41,120
Oh, man, it's so late, Hal.

1416
01:30:41,161 --> 01:30:42,852
I, um...

1417
01:30:42,889 --> 01:30:47,395
I couldn't find
the... the off-ramp.

1418
01:30:47,433 --> 01:30:51,143
And I ended up
circling back three times.

1419
01:30:51,178 --> 01:30:53,119
And, uh...

1420
01:30:53,160 --> 01:30:55,909
I don't even know if I know
how to get you back to Plainsboro.

1421
01:30:58,217 --> 01:31:00,737
You know,
it shouldn't be...

1422
01:31:00,777 --> 01:31:03,975
shouldn't... it really
shouldn't be like rocket,

1423
01:31:04,009 --> 01:31:06,464
uh... shouldn't
be rocket, um...

1424
01:31:07,977 --> 01:31:12,133
Sometimes, I don't know,

1425
01:31:12,169 --> 01:31:15,584
I guess I just
wonder when

1426
01:31:15,625 --> 01:31:18,594
it all starts
to make sense, you know?

1427
01:31:20,906 --> 01:31:23,174
All what?

1428
01:31:23,209 --> 01:31:25,415
All this.
You know, everything.

1429
01:31:26,443 --> 01:31:28,264
Oh.

1430
01:31:29,258 --> 01:31:32,008
Well, I guess
there comes a point,

1431
01:31:32,043 --> 01:31:35,491
you see, when you
reach a certain age

1432
01:31:35,531 --> 01:31:38,694
and you're in Jersey,

1433
01:31:38,731 --> 01:31:40,617
or someplace just like it,

1434
01:31:40,651 --> 01:31:42,985
and...

1435
01:31:43,018 --> 01:31:45,474
you stop trying
to figure it all out.

1436
01:31:45,514 --> 01:31:47,456
You just...

1437
01:31:50,122 --> 01:31:52,490
are glad
for what you have.

1438
01:31:52,523 --> 01:31:55,076
Oh.

1439
01:31:55,114 --> 01:31:57,733
And that...
that... that...

1440
01:31:57,772 --> 01:32:00,357
that just, like, happens
for everyone?

1441
01:32:00,395 --> 01:32:02,217
Yeah. Pretty much.

1442
01:32:04,075 --> 01:32:06,629
But you let me know if it
turns out different for you.

1443
01:32:06,667 --> 01:32:08,643
I'll do that.

1444
01:32:09,963 --> 01:32:12,002
I'll find...

1445
01:32:12,043 --> 01:32:14,532
a... a way... a g...

1446
01:32:14,572 --> 01:32:16,743
some good way

1447
01:32:16,780 --> 01:32:18,722
of letting you know
how it all works out.

1448
01:33:00,607 --> 01:33:10,599
THE END
Subtitles by: Reklame