1
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:21,000
<i>Subs Sync Checked ..by iUrop</i>

2
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Light your nuts on fire.

3
00:00:47,828 --> 00:00:50,729
Fuck! Fuck! My hands!

4
00:00:50,831 --> 00:00:52,822
Too hot for Jonah!

5
00:00:52,899 --> 00:00:55,333
I got fucking water
in my mouth!

6
00:01:14,187 --> 00:01:15,984
Oh, my God!

7
00:01:22,195 --> 00:01:24,925
I got to get off! I got to get
off! Got to get off! Got to get off!

8
00:01:42,549 --> 00:01:44,380
Sadie, wake up!

9
00:01:45,085 --> 00:01:46,882
Oh, my gosh!

10
00:01:46,953 --> 00:01:48,750
Daddy, wake up!

11
00:01:51,691 --> 00:01:52,851
Okay, I'm up.

12
00:01:59,533 --> 00:02:02,969
Is that my genius over here?
Is that my genius?

13
00:02:06,807 --> 00:02:09,139
I need you to take the kids
to school this morning.

14
00:02:09,242 --> 00:02:12,143
I would, but I'm supposed
to work out. What?

15
00:02:12,245 --> 00:02:15,578
Yeah. I got an appointment with a trainer.
I can't cancel it now. He'll charge me.

16
00:02:15,649 --> 00:02:17,276
You didn't tell me that.
Yeah, I did.

17
00:02:17,384 --> 00:02:19,249
Last week I told you.
You didn't tell me.

18
00:02:19,319 --> 00:02:21,947
I did. And then I wrote it on
the calendar like you told me to.

19
00:02:22,055 --> 00:02:23,215
No, you didn't tell me.

20
00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:25,155
I did tell you.
Well, you didn't,

21
00:02:25,258 --> 00:02:27,954
but what are we gonna do,
'cause I have an appointment?

22
00:02:28,061 --> 00:02:30,928
So you're taking
the kids to school.

23
00:02:30,997 --> 00:02:34,057
Don't use the baby
to cover your tracks.

24
00:02:34,134 --> 00:02:36,398
I can drive them.
I'll drive them to school.

25
00:02:36,470 --> 00:02:38,734
Thank you very much.
Great. Good.

26
00:02:38,805 --> 00:02:40,670
You turned my sister
into a limo driver.

27
00:02:40,774 --> 00:02:42,173
I don't mind.
It all worked out!

28
00:02:48,315 --> 00:02:50,806
What are you giggling about?

29
00:02:51,351 --> 00:02:55,515
Be quiet.
You're starting to annoy me.

30
00:02:56,756 --> 00:02:59,316
Poo poo.
Ladies. Be nice.

31
00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:01,018
You know what I did the other day? What?

32
00:03:01,127 --> 00:03:03,960
I googled "murder. "
You googled "murder"?

33
00:03:04,030 --> 00:03:05,361
Yeah.
Why?

34
00:03:05,465 --> 00:03:06,796
I mean, what did it say?

35
00:03:06,867 --> 00:03:08,960
It didn't say anything.
It just showed pictures

36
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of people lying dead on the
floor and blood everywhere, and...

37
00:03:14,674 --> 00:03:16,869
That was just ketchup.

38
00:03:16,977 --> 00:03:19,445
Who wants to hear some music?
I want to hear Rent.

39
00:03:19,513 --> 00:03:21,674
I want to hear Green Day!

40
00:03:21,781 --> 00:03:23,339
No, we're listening to Rent!

41
00:03:23,416 --> 00:03:25,077
Well, I want to listen
to Green Day.

42
00:03:25,151 --> 00:03:26,846
I got your baby!

43
00:03:26,953 --> 00:03:29,353
Don't taunt her. Come on.
Here.

44
00:03:29,456 --> 00:03:32,823
Sadie! Why did you just do that?
Don't throw things at your sister!

45
00:03:32,893 --> 00:03:34,121
She hit me.

46
00:03:34,194 --> 00:03:36,458
Did you hit her?
I did not.

47
00:03:36,530 --> 00:03:38,361
Make her happy. It's okay.

48
00:03:38,465 --> 00:03:40,296
It won't make her happy.
It's okay. It's okay.

49
00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:41,800
She spilled all the
marbles on the floor.

50
00:03:41,868 --> 00:03:43,062
Well, give her
her marble back.

51
00:03:44,137 --> 00:03:46,196
All right? Are you sure you
understand the terms of the bet?

52
00:03:46,306 --> 00:03:48,399
Because this is serious.
No.

53
00:03:48,508 --> 00:03:50,669
Martin, all right, listen.

54
00:03:50,744 --> 00:03:54,180
You don't shave your beard
or cut your hair for one year,

55
00:03:54,247 --> 00:03:56,408
and if you can do that,
I will pay your rent.

56
00:03:56,516 --> 00:04:00,247
But if you shave, then you have
to pay all five of our rents.

57
00:04:00,353 --> 00:04:01,581
Thanks for
the free money, bitch.

58
00:04:01,688 --> 00:04:03,918
Hey, Martin, was it weird
when you joined the Taliban,

59
00:04:04,024 --> 00:04:05,719
being American
and everything like that?

60
00:04:05,825 --> 00:04:08,055
Like when you see a woman driving
a car, do you just get pissed?

61
00:04:08,161 --> 00:04:10,595
Just watch your back, Serpico. You
never know who your friends are.

62
00:04:11,765 --> 00:04:14,199
Okay, all right. You guys can't
make fun of me the whole time.

63
00:04:14,267 --> 00:04:17,327
But, Martin, it's a competition.
It's called the Dirty Man Competition.

64
00:04:17,404 --> 00:04:19,235
We're gonna make fun of you
until you shave the beard.

65
00:04:19,339 --> 00:04:20,499
That's the rules.
That's the whole point.

66
00:04:20,574 --> 00:04:22,098
You're supposed to be
tempted into shaving.

67
00:04:22,208 --> 00:04:23,903
Your face looks
like Robin Williams' knuckles.

68
00:04:25,345 --> 00:04:27,779
You guys aren't allowed to make fun
of me. It's not part of the rules.

69
00:04:27,881 --> 00:04:30,748
Martin, why didn't you just listen
to me when I was explaining the rules?

70
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:33,080
You just looked at me with
that blank stare of yours.

71
00:04:33,186 --> 00:04:35,780
It was like talking
to a wax statue.

72
00:04:37,791 --> 00:04:39,224
Okay, guys, are you ready?

73
00:04:39,292 --> 00:04:44,389
So, "Only at fleshofthestars.
com will customers be able to find

74
00:04:44,464 --> 00:04:49,561
"exactly how long into what movies
their favorite stars are exposed. "

75
00:04:49,636 --> 00:04:51,035
Nice.
Oh, fucking brilliant.

76
00:04:51,104 --> 00:04:52,196
Pretty good, right?

77
00:04:52,272 --> 00:04:53,899
Yeah. Yeah, ka-ching.
We're in.

78
00:04:53,974 --> 00:04:55,805
All right, guys,
let start logging, all right?

79
00:04:55,909 --> 00:04:57,638
Charles Manson? Do you
have any other thoughts?

80
00:04:57,744 --> 00:04:59,644
Good, awesome, let's
start this off with a bang.

81
00:04:59,746 --> 00:05:03,204
Jamie Lee Curtis. I got an hour
and 10 minutes into Trading Places.

82
00:05:03,283 --> 00:05:05,114
Both chesticles.

83
00:05:08,254 --> 00:05:10,814
I got Julianne
"Red Beard" Moore.

84
00:05:10,924 --> 00:05:15,054
Short Cuts, two hours,
17 minutes, bush no boobs.

85
00:05:15,128 --> 00:05:16,652
Julianne Moore special.
She loves it.

86
00:05:16,763 --> 00:05:17,821
I've seen that,

87
00:05:17,931 --> 00:05:21,059
and from the look of her bush, Short
Cuts is the wrong name for that movie.

88
00:05:21,134 --> 00:05:23,261
Nice.
Nice. Nice. Well done.

89
00:05:23,336 --> 00:05:26,271
Her bush looks like the hedge
maze from The Shining but red

90
00:05:26,339 --> 00:05:28,239
and without
Scatman Crothers in it.

91
00:05:30,477 --> 00:05:32,172
Red Bush.

92
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:34,977
Red Bush.

93
00:05:36,282 --> 00:05:39,251
So if you want that perfect tan
like the stars, he's the one to see.

94
00:05:39,319 --> 00:05:41,583
We'll be right back
on E! News. Stay with us.

95
00:05:41,655 --> 00:05:44,419
Okay. Okay, is Jessica Simpson here yet?

96
00:05:44,491 --> 00:05:46,516
Let me check. Let me see.

97
00:05:46,626 --> 00:05:49,026
Is she on her way? She's
left her house? Hey, guys?

98
00:05:49,129 --> 00:05:50,426
Okay, let me know
when she's pulling in.

99
00:05:50,497 --> 00:05:52,089
She's about to pull in.
Is she camera-ready?

100
00:05:52,165 --> 00:05:53,291
Is she camera-ready?

101
00:05:53,366 --> 00:05:56,267
If she's gonna be in hair and makeup
for three hours, I can't do it.

102
00:05:56,336 --> 00:05:58,304
I'm not gonna be here.
I got to do American Idol.

103
00:05:58,371 --> 00:06:00,805
It's live. I got to do it.
I got to be there.

104
00:06:00,874 --> 00:06:02,933
What are we gonna interview
her about? Nothing personal.

105
00:06:03,009 --> 00:06:04,704
No personal questions.
No personal questions.

106
00:06:04,811 --> 00:06:06,369
Don't ask her about her sister
and her nose job.

107
00:06:06,479 --> 00:06:07,810
No plastic surgery questions.
No plastic...

108
00:06:07,881 --> 00:06:08,973
No personal questions.

109
00:06:09,049 --> 00:06:12,746
She doesn't want to talk about her boobs
or her father's comments about her boobs.

110
00:06:12,852 --> 00:06:16,754
Great. We'll talk about the Middle East
and maybe an idea of an exit strategy.

111
00:06:16,856 --> 00:06:17,982
Maybe she has a good pitch.

112
00:06:18,058 --> 00:06:19,582
Should I ask her about Korea?

113
00:06:19,693 --> 00:06:22,491
Maybe have her point it
out to us on a globe?

114
00:06:22,562 --> 00:06:24,928
I don't understand
the young talent in this town!

115
00:06:25,031 --> 00:06:27,761
It doesn't make any sense.
I got four jobs.

116
00:06:27,867 --> 00:06:30,062
Hell, I'm more famous than half
the people we talk to, anyway!

117
00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:31,228
No one stands up.

118
00:06:31,337 --> 00:06:32,395
No one has the balls
to sit them down

119
00:06:32,505 --> 00:06:33,699
and say,
"Look, just cut the shit. "

120
00:06:33,773 --> 00:06:34,899
But everybody works for them.

121
00:06:35,008 --> 00:06:36,999
They're all on the payroll.
They're all sucking the teat!

122
00:06:37,077 --> 00:06:41,343
Nobody sits them down, eye-to-eye,
one-on-one, and says, "Cut the shit. "

123
00:06:41,414 --> 00:06:42,938
And all these stars
just fuck it up.

124
00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:45,074
That's what they do.
They fuck my day up!

125
00:06:45,185 --> 00:06:46,743
And it pisses me off.
And now I'm sweating.

126
00:06:46,853 --> 00:06:48,343
Okay, you want to...
You know what?

127
00:06:48,421 --> 00:06:50,184
You want us to just come and
get you when she gets here?

128
00:06:50,256 --> 00:06:51,746
You want to head to
the green room for a minute?

129
00:06:51,858 --> 00:06:53,450
Just chill out? Okay.
Yeah. That's a good idea.

130
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,050
Want us to bring you anything?
You want some water?

131
00:06:55,128 --> 00:06:56,959
You want a cookie?
Cookie, yeah, cookie. Thanks.

132
00:06:57,063 --> 00:06:59,031
Okay, we'll get you a cookie.
Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm pissed.

133
00:06:59,099 --> 00:07:00,532
What do we got?
Chocolate chip?

134
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:01,726
Allison?
Yeah.

135
00:07:01,801 --> 00:07:03,428
Jack and I need
to see you in his office.

136
00:07:03,503 --> 00:07:04,595
Okay.

137
00:07:05,905 --> 00:07:08,305
Thanks for coming in, Allison.

138
00:07:08,408 --> 00:07:10,239
Well, we wanted
to talk to you today

139
00:07:10,310 --> 00:07:15,543
because we had a little debate on the
conference call with New York about you.

140
00:07:15,615 --> 00:07:18,709
You... About me?
You were talking about me?

141
00:07:19,219 --> 00:07:22,382
We were wondering
aloud to one another

142
00:07:22,455 --> 00:07:25,390
whether or not you would
be good for on camera.

143
00:07:25,458 --> 00:07:27,221
What'd you decide?

144
00:07:28,294 --> 00:07:31,263
They... They decided
that they like you,

145
00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:35,734
and they would like
to put you on camera.

146
00:07:35,802 --> 00:07:38,771
Really? I know. I was so surprised, too.

147
00:07:38,838 --> 00:07:41,466
Oh, my God. This is the best
news ever. Thank you so much.

148
00:07:41,574 --> 00:07:44,099
This is great!
Congratulations.

149
00:07:44,177 --> 00:07:46,941
Thank you. I'll take that
smile as a "Yes, I'll do it. "

150
00:07:47,013 --> 00:07:49,277
Absolutely. I'm so excited!
Oh, my God.

151
00:07:49,349 --> 00:07:51,749
It's a lot of work. Can't wait
to see what happens.

152
00:07:51,818 --> 00:07:54,150
It's gonna be tough.
Tough job.

153
00:07:54,254 --> 00:07:56,017
About the work,
most immediately,

154
00:07:56,122 --> 00:07:58,352
there's gonna be some things that
you're gonna be able to get...

155
00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:00,688
Okay.... that other people
in the office don't get.

156
00:08:00,794 --> 00:08:02,659
One of them, gym membership.

157
00:08:02,762 --> 00:08:03,956
You want me to lose weight?

158
00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:06,660
No, I don't
want you to lose weight.

159
00:08:06,766 --> 00:08:09,132
No. We can't legally
ask you to do that.

160
00:08:09,202 --> 00:08:12,535
We didn't say lose weight.
I might say tighten.

161
00:08:12,639 --> 00:08:13,765
Tight.

162
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,866
A little tighter?

163
00:08:16,943 --> 00:08:18,877
Just like toned and smaller.

164
00:08:18,945 --> 00:08:22,676
Don't make everything smaller. I
don't want to generalize that way.

165
00:08:22,782 --> 00:08:23,942
Tighter.

166
00:08:24,017 --> 00:08:26,485
We don't want you to lose weight.
We just want you to be healthy.

167
00:08:26,553 --> 00:08:29,647
Okay.
You know, by eating less.

168
00:08:29,722 --> 00:08:33,783
We would just like it if you
go home and step on a scale

169
00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:37,296
and write down how much you weigh
and subtract it by, like, 20.

170
00:08:37,363 --> 00:08:40,196
Twenty.
And then weigh that much.

171
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:43,963
Just remember, you've got
it here, you've got it here

172
00:08:44,037 --> 00:08:47,165
and everybody's gonna
see you right there.

173
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,573
Yay! That's so exciting!
Oh, my God!

174
00:08:51,744 --> 00:08:52,768
Hey!

175
00:08:52,846 --> 00:08:53,904
Huh?

176
00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:55,379
I got a promotion.

177
00:08:55,481 --> 00:08:57,039
Oh, congratulations!
Thank you.

178
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:58,549
Hey, maybe you can
get your own place now.

179
00:08:58,651 --> 00:09:00,414
Let's not get ahead
of ourselves.

180
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,010
Yay!
Let's go celebrate.

181
00:09:02,088 --> 00:09:03,749
Okay. Let's do it.

182
00:09:03,857 --> 00:09:05,552
Pete'll watch the kids?
Yeah!

183
00:09:05,658 --> 00:09:07,489
We can watch
Taxicab Confessions.

184
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,152
What are you gonna do?
I don't know!

185
00:09:10,830 --> 00:09:12,161
I'm so excited!

186
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,431
I walked in on him
masturbating one night.

187
00:09:15,535 --> 00:09:17,765
Did he get the
deer-in-the-headlights look?

188
00:09:17,871 --> 00:09:19,896
Did he freeze
or did he finish?

189
00:09:20,006 --> 00:09:23,999
No, he tried to pretend like he
wasn't doing anything under the covers.

190
00:09:26,846 --> 00:09:28,074
Oh, no!

191
00:09:28,181 --> 00:09:31,378
I buy these nice towels,
and he whacks off into them.

192
00:09:31,451 --> 00:09:33,681
Deb and Pete, forever.
And...

193
00:09:33,753 --> 00:09:37,553
And once he does that into them
once, they're never soft ever again.

194
00:09:40,526 --> 00:09:44,553
I can always tell if I'm looking good
based on whether or not we get in.

195
00:09:45,298 --> 00:09:47,266
Ladies?
Guess we're looking good.

196
00:09:47,367 --> 00:09:49,631
If I didn't get in, I would've
lost my shit. What's going on, man?

197
00:09:49,736 --> 00:09:51,601
How long you gonna make us wait
out here, for Christ's sake?

198
00:09:51,704 --> 00:09:52,796
What the fuck?

199
00:09:57,744 --> 00:10:00,770
You know what movie I just saw again
the other day, which is fucking, like,

200
00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:03,371
mind-blowing, and I haven't seen
it since it came out is Munich.

201
00:10:03,449 --> 00:10:04,814
Oh, Munich!

202
00:10:04,918 --> 00:10:07,386
Oh, man, Munich fucking rules.
Munich is awesome!

203
00:10:07,453 --> 00:10:10,616
That movie was Eric Bana
kicking fucking ass!

204
00:10:10,723 --> 00:10:12,918
Dude, every movie with Jews,
we're the ones getting killed.

205
00:10:12,992 --> 00:10:15,460
Munich flips it on its ear.
We're capping motherfuckers.

206
00:10:15,561 --> 00:10:17,290
Not only killing but fucking,
like, taking names.

207
00:10:17,397 --> 00:10:20,127
If any of us get laid tonight,
it's because of Eric Bana in Munich.

208
00:10:20,233 --> 00:10:21,291
I agree with that.
I agree.

209
00:10:21,401 --> 00:10:22,959
You know what is not
helping us get laid

210
00:10:23,069 --> 00:10:25,833
is the shoe bomber, Richard
Reid, over here at our table.

211
00:10:25,939 --> 00:10:29,067
I don't like your shoes.
How is Burning Man this year?

212
00:10:29,142 --> 00:10:31,474
Fuck you guys.
I'm glad I'm not Jewish.

213
00:10:31,577 --> 00:10:33,670
So are we.
Yeah, so are we.

214
00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:35,805
Yeah. Fine, screw it.

215
00:10:35,915 --> 00:10:38,179
You weren't chosen for a reason. Yeah.

216
00:10:40,954 --> 00:10:43,422
It's like everyone
in here is 12 years old.

217
00:10:46,592 --> 00:10:48,355
Am I too old to be here?
What?

218
00:10:48,461 --> 00:10:50,520
Am I too old to be here?
No, of course not.

219
00:10:50,630 --> 00:10:52,120
Does it look weird
that I'm here?

220
00:10:52,198 --> 00:10:53,426
No, not at all.

221
00:10:53,499 --> 00:10:55,228
Am I hotter than
these little bitches?

222
00:10:55,301 --> 00:10:57,269
Yes! You look amazing.

223
00:10:57,337 --> 00:10:59,532
Guys in here would fuck me, right? Yes.

224
00:10:59,639 --> 00:11:02,335
That's weird to say,
but it makes me feel better.

225
00:11:02,442 --> 00:11:03,807
You look hot.

226
00:11:03,876 --> 00:11:05,400
Okay. I believe you.

227
00:11:05,478 --> 00:11:07,343
Okay. I'm getting us drinks.
Okay.

228
00:11:07,447 --> 00:11:09,210
Yo, a beer over here, please?

229
00:11:09,315 --> 00:11:12,842
You're gonna be embarrassed when
you realize I'm Wilmer Valderrama.

230
00:11:12,952 --> 00:11:14,044
God.

231
00:11:16,356 --> 00:11:18,790
Hey, hey! Excuse me!

232
00:11:18,858 --> 00:11:20,951
He's literally ignoring
this entire half of the bar.

233
00:11:21,027 --> 00:11:23,018
Don't even bother.

234
00:11:23,129 --> 00:11:25,120
Yeah, awesome.

235
00:11:25,198 --> 00:11:27,325
A beer over here, please?

236
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,062
He looked at us! Did you see
that? Yeah, that was rough.

237
00:11:30,169 --> 00:11:33,468
Oh, my God. And if you can't get
service, what am I gonna do, you know?

238
00:11:33,539 --> 00:11:35,666
Great. It's gonna be
that night.

239
00:11:35,742 --> 00:11:38,176
Okay, you want a beer?
Yeah, just...

240
00:11:38,244 --> 00:11:40,405
Well, I'm... Watch this.

241
00:11:40,513 --> 00:11:42,174
Okay? Just observe.

242
00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:45,176
There you go.
Come on, man.

243
00:11:45,251 --> 00:11:47,685
Here you go. For your trouble.
Thank you. There you go.

244
00:11:47,754 --> 00:11:49,051
Thank you.
Okay, enjoy it.

245
00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:50,419
Are you sure?
I am sure.

246
00:11:50,523 --> 00:11:53,754
I tried that once before at the Comedy
Store, and I got punched in the ear.

247
00:11:53,860 --> 00:11:55,088
Thanks a lot.

248
00:11:55,194 --> 00:11:57,685
Oh, fuck, fuck! I'm supposed
to get one for my sister.

249
00:11:57,764 --> 00:12:00,756
Oh, here, take mine.
No, that's okay. I'll wait.

250
00:12:00,867 --> 00:12:05,895
Please, I very rarely look cool. This
is a big moment for me. Just take it.

251
00:12:05,972 --> 00:12:07,439
Thank you. Awesome.
No problem.

252
00:12:07,540 --> 00:12:09,371
I'm Allison.
I'm Ben.

253
00:12:12,979 --> 00:12:14,469
Well, have a great night.
Yeah, you, too.

254
00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:16,377
Thanks for the beer.
Okay, enjoy, be nice to them.

255
00:12:16,449 --> 00:12:19,714
Bye. Thanks again. I'll see
you. No, I'll see you later.

256
00:12:19,786 --> 00:12:22,050
No, I won't
'cause I'm a pussy.

257
00:12:24,891 --> 00:12:26,256
What's up, Ben?

258
00:12:26,325 --> 00:12:30,227
That girl. She totally gave me
an opening, man, and I locked up.

259
00:12:30,296 --> 00:12:32,287
I just want to get shit-faced
tonight, though, you know.

260
00:12:32,398 --> 00:12:34,127
I'll just jerk it later.
It's cool.

261
00:12:34,233 --> 00:12:38,226
Are you fucking crazy, man?
She looks smart.

262
00:12:38,304 --> 00:12:40,670
Who's that she's sitting with?
It's her sister.

263
00:12:40,773 --> 00:12:41,899
Her sister?
Yeah.

264
00:12:41,974 --> 00:12:44,306
Dude, it's the dream. What are
we doing standing here, man?

265
00:12:44,410 --> 00:12:46,435
Let's go. Come on, follow me.
You stay here. Stay here.

266
00:12:46,512 --> 00:12:49,174
Why? Because your face
looks like a vagina.

267
00:12:49,816 --> 00:12:50,908
Dick!

268
00:12:50,983 --> 00:12:53,281
Hey, which one's
the sister?

269
00:12:55,121 --> 00:12:58,318
Hey, Crockett, you still
partying with Tubbs these days?

270
00:12:59,258 --> 00:13:00,987
Come on, man. I'm getting
it from all angles here.

271
00:13:01,094 --> 00:13:03,085
I don't like it anymore.
I know. I don't, either.

272
00:13:03,162 --> 00:13:06,188
Was it weird when you changed your
name from Cat Stevens to Yusuf Islam?

273
00:13:06,299 --> 00:13:07,596
Yeah, it was really awkward.

274
00:13:07,667 --> 00:13:09,635
All right, man.
I got to take off.

275
00:13:09,702 --> 00:13:11,499
See you, Scorsese-on-coke.

276
00:13:14,674 --> 00:13:15,800
What's that?

277
00:13:15,875 --> 00:13:17,467
Chewbacca.
You know, it's Chewie.

278
00:13:17,543 --> 00:13:19,534
Oh, another beard joke.
Fuck.

279
00:13:19,645 --> 00:13:21,169
Fucking hilarious!

280
00:13:23,116 --> 00:13:24,208
Hey.
Hey.

281
00:13:24,317 --> 00:13:26,547
Hi, this is my friend, Jason.

282
00:13:26,652 --> 00:13:29,382
I just wanted to see
how my beers were doing.

283
00:13:30,156 --> 00:13:31,248
This is my sister, Debbie.

284
00:13:31,324 --> 00:13:32,382
Oh, hi, I'm Ben.

285
00:13:32,458 --> 00:13:33,891
Hi. Ben?
Yes.

286
00:13:33,993 --> 00:13:35,153
Nice to meet you.

287
00:13:35,228 --> 00:13:37,389
How you doing?
Good, how are you?

288
00:13:37,497 --> 00:13:38,862
Just trying not to stare.

289
00:13:38,965 --> 00:13:40,091
She's married.

290
00:13:40,166 --> 00:13:41,531
Why do you have to say that?

291
00:13:41,634 --> 00:13:43,465
What?
It's a shame.

292
00:13:43,536 --> 00:13:44,696
You're beautiful.

293
00:13:44,770 --> 00:13:45,759
Thank you.

294
00:13:45,872 --> 00:13:47,567
She has two kids, too.

295
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:48,766
Shut up!

296
00:13:48,841 --> 00:13:50,069
What? It's nothing
to be ashamed of.

297
00:13:50,176 --> 00:13:51,803
You think that's gonna
stop him from hitting on her?

298
00:13:51,878 --> 00:13:53,436
It's not at all.

299
00:13:53,513 --> 00:13:55,105
I love kids.

300
00:13:55,181 --> 00:13:56,341
Really?
Yeah, absolutely.

301
00:13:57,850 --> 00:13:59,374
Excuse me.

302
00:14:00,853 --> 00:14:02,343
Hello?
Cool phone.

303
00:14:02,421 --> 00:14:03,888
Yeah, she's got
a really cool phone.

304
00:14:03,990 --> 00:14:06,823
What? Is it a rash,
or is it the chicken pox?

305
00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:09,491
I don't know! Google it.

306
00:14:09,562 --> 00:14:12,053
Okay. All right, bye.

307
00:14:12,165 --> 00:14:15,362
I got to go. Sadie might
have the chicken pox.

308
00:14:15,434 --> 00:14:18,892
I had the chicken pox three
times. I have no immunity to it.

309
00:14:19,005 --> 00:14:20,996
We don't have the heart
to tell him it's herpes.

310
00:14:21,073 --> 00:14:22,904
It's not herpes
if it's everywhere.

311
00:14:23,009 --> 00:14:24,567
Are you coming?

312
00:14:27,780 --> 00:14:30,749
You know, I'm all dressed,
so I'll just hang out.

313
00:14:30,850 --> 00:14:33,045
Really?
Yeah, I'll take a cab home.

314
00:14:35,354 --> 00:14:37,914
Okay. Be safe.

315
00:14:38,024 --> 00:14:40,356
I will. Yeah.

316
00:14:40,426 --> 00:14:42,189
Bye, lovely.
Bye.

317
00:14:45,064 --> 00:14:47,532
All right, I'm gonna let you
two get to know each other.

318
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:52,267
Cheers.
Cheers.

319
00:14:52,371 --> 00:14:53,702
To you.

320
00:14:56,142 --> 00:14:59,407
No, no. You know, the, like,
Entertainment News channel?

321
00:14:59,478 --> 00:15:00,809
E!
E!

322
00:15:03,549 --> 00:15:06,746
Dude, I think he's doing
the dice thing too much.

323
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,550
That's really all he's got.

324
00:15:12,158 --> 00:15:15,059
I love your curly hair!
It's so great.

325
00:15:15,127 --> 00:15:16,389
Do you, like,
use a product or anything?

326
00:15:16,462 --> 00:15:18,828
No, that's...
I use Jew, it's called.

327
00:15:22,068 --> 00:15:23,330
You wanna get out of here?
Yeah, let's go.

328
00:15:23,436 --> 00:15:25,597
You wanna come back
and hang out at my place?

329
00:15:25,671 --> 00:15:26,968
Yes.

330
00:15:27,073 --> 00:15:29,132
Yeah. Wicked. I'll show
you my audition tape.

331
00:15:29,242 --> 00:15:31,676
It's really funny. Okay, I'm
really excited to watch that.

332
00:15:31,777 --> 00:15:32,971
Let's go.

333
00:15:34,981 --> 00:15:37,916
We could get a cab up,
this way. For sure.

334
00:15:39,252 --> 00:15:40,742
This is a big yard.

335
00:15:41,887 --> 00:15:44,720
Let's go swimming right now.
Let's just do that.

336
00:15:49,128 --> 00:15:52,256
I know. It feels so right.
That's right.

337
00:15:52,331 --> 00:15:57,268
Oh, man. Oh, man.
You're prettier than I am.

338
00:15:57,336 --> 00:15:58,667
A lot.

339
00:16:07,813 --> 00:16:09,144
Do you have a condom?
I do.

340
00:16:09,215 --> 00:16:11,479
Okay.
In my pants. I have a condom.

341
00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:13,313
Okay. Okay.
I'll get it.

342
00:16:22,361 --> 00:16:24,022
Come on.

343
00:16:25,298 --> 00:16:28,096
Hurry up.
Stupid fucker.

344
00:16:29,535 --> 00:16:32,368
What are you doing? I almost
got it. Just give me a second.

345
00:16:32,471 --> 00:16:34,735
Oh, God, just do it already!

346
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:38,139
Okay.
Oh, great. Okay.

347
00:16:49,188 --> 00:16:50,382
God.

348
00:16:51,557 --> 00:16:53,923
Oh, that's great!
Good thing I'm drunk.

349
00:16:54,026 --> 00:16:56,051
This is lasting forever.
Yeah, it's awesome.

350
00:16:56,162 --> 00:16:57,925
I just doubled my record time.

351
00:16:57,997 --> 00:16:59,521
Oh, yeah. You did.

352
00:16:59,598 --> 00:17:02,066
I'm sorry, I'm sweating on
you. Okay, just stop talking.

353
00:17:19,752 --> 00:17:21,447
Fuck off, Martin.

354
00:17:22,588 --> 00:17:24,647
I said, fuck off, Martin.

355
00:17:29,228 --> 00:17:30,286
Hi.

356
00:17:31,063 --> 00:17:32,928
Oh. Hey.

357
00:17:33,399 --> 00:17:34,491
Hey.

358
00:17:37,336 --> 00:17:38,325
I'm naked.

359
00:17:38,404 --> 00:17:39,393
Yeah.

360
00:17:40,806 --> 00:17:42,137
Did we have sex?

361
00:17:42,208 --> 00:17:43,232
Yes.

362
00:17:44,143 --> 00:17:45,337
Nice.

363
00:17:50,182 --> 00:17:51,206
What time is it?

364
00:17:51,283 --> 00:17:52,307
7:30.

365
00:17:52,385 --> 00:17:54,683
Why the fuck are we awake?
Let's go back to sleep.

366
00:17:54,754 --> 00:17:56,051
I have to go to work.

367
00:17:56,122 --> 00:17:57,555
Really?

368
00:17:58,090 --> 00:18:00,251
Do you need to get
to work or anything?

369
00:18:00,326 --> 00:18:03,318
No, I'm... No work today.

370
00:18:08,801 --> 00:18:10,701
Do you wanna get breakfast?

371
00:18:10,770 --> 00:18:11,862
Okay.

372
00:18:23,883 --> 00:18:25,009
Morning.

373
00:18:25,084 --> 00:18:26,711
Good morning, Allison.

374
00:18:26,786 --> 00:18:28,811
I'm Ben.
What's happening, man?

375
00:18:29,188 --> 00:18:30,246
Ben.

376
00:18:30,322 --> 00:18:31,448
How's it going?

377
00:18:31,524 --> 00:18:32,616
Ah, to be young.

378
00:18:32,691 --> 00:18:33,715
Stop it.

379
00:18:34,693 --> 00:18:36,160
You stop it.

380
00:18:36,962 --> 00:18:38,293
Okay, see you later.

381
00:18:38,364 --> 00:18:39,763
All righty.

382
00:18:39,832 --> 00:18:42,357
See you later. Enjoy the day.

383
00:18:44,003 --> 00:18:45,368
Never do what they did.

384
00:18:45,471 --> 00:18:47,166
I'm gonna do it.

385
00:18:47,239 --> 00:18:51,471
You are? Uh-oh. Someone's
getting home-schooled.

386
00:18:56,816 --> 00:18:59,751
I just yacked something nasty.

387
00:18:59,852 --> 00:19:03,219
I feel way better, though. I think
that's like the secret. Like you gotta...

388
00:19:03,322 --> 00:19:06,814
I mean, once you're hung-over,
you just gotta puke.

389
00:19:06,892 --> 00:19:08,018
It feels so... Did you puke?

390
00:19:08,093 --> 00:19:09,253
No.

391
00:19:09,361 --> 00:19:10,919
You can. I won't think
it's gross or anything.

392
00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:12,861
Oh, that's okay, I'm fine.

393
00:19:12,932 --> 00:19:14,399
Okay.
I just need some coffee, so...

394
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:15,933
You know, the best thing
for a hangover is weed.

395
00:19:16,035 --> 00:19:18,003
Do you smoke... Do you
smoke weed? Not really.

396
00:19:18,070 --> 00:19:19,196
You don't?
No.

397
00:19:19,271 --> 00:19:20,670
At all?
Mmm-mmm.

398
00:19:21,207 --> 00:19:22,765
Like in the morning?

399
00:19:23,576 --> 00:19:25,009
No, I just don't.

400
00:19:25,077 --> 00:19:28,240
You know, it's like...
It is like the best medicine.

401
00:19:28,347 --> 00:19:30,042
Because it fixes everything.

402
00:19:30,115 --> 00:19:31,673
Jonah broke his elbow once.

403
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:36,915
He just got high, and it still
clicks, but, I mean, he's okay.

404
00:19:37,022 --> 00:19:38,512
Right.
Yeah.

405
00:19:39,525 --> 00:19:42,323
Last night was great,
what I remember of it.

406
00:19:42,394 --> 00:19:43,793
Right, yeah.

407
00:19:43,863 --> 00:19:45,558
Yeah, no, it was fun.
We had a great time.

408
00:19:45,631 --> 00:19:47,030
Yeah.

409
00:19:47,099 --> 00:19:48,532
So what do you do?

410
00:19:48,601 --> 00:19:49,863
I work at E!

411
00:19:49,935 --> 00:19:51,800
The television channel?
Uh-huh.

412
00:19:51,904 --> 00:19:53,030
Remember?
Wow!

413
00:19:53,105 --> 00:19:54,436
We had this
conversation last night.

414
00:19:54,540 --> 00:19:58,101
I told you about my promotion.
I was out celebrating it.

415
00:19:58,978 --> 00:20:00,775
No?
No.

416
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,279
I don't remember that at all.

417
00:20:02,348 --> 00:20:03,679
Yeah. I'm super
excited about it.

418
00:20:03,749 --> 00:20:06,115
I'm actually doing my first
on-air interview today, so...

419
00:20:06,218 --> 00:20:07,913
With who?
Matthew Fox.

420
00:20:07,987 --> 00:20:09,318
Matthew Fox from Lost?
Yeah.

421
00:20:09,421 --> 00:20:10,786
You know what's
interesting about him? What?

422
00:20:10,890 --> 00:20:12,152
Nothing.
What?

423
00:20:12,258 --> 00:20:13,987
Will you tell him he's
an asshole for me? No.

424
00:20:14,093 --> 00:20:16,084
Someone needs to.
Like who gives a shit?

425
00:20:16,161 --> 00:20:19,324
Well, I hope a lot of people, actually,
because that's what my job entails

426
00:20:19,431 --> 00:20:21,592
is making sure people care
what he has to say.

427
00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:23,430
I'm interviewing him.

428
00:20:23,502 --> 00:20:25,129
Maybe it's just me. Maybe
I just don't give a shit.

429
00:20:25,237 --> 00:20:27,637
I'm just saying
he deserves a beat-down.

430
00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:29,901
Actually, it's sort of
embarrassing to ask at this point,

431
00:20:29,975 --> 00:20:32,000
but what do you do for work?

432
00:20:32,111 --> 00:20:35,478
Me and my roommates have started a...
We're starting an Internet website.

433
00:20:35,581 --> 00:20:37,173
Oh, cool. What is it?

434
00:20:37,283 --> 00:20:39,979
I'll give you the virtual
experience, okay? How's that?

435
00:20:40,085 --> 00:20:41,382
You're at your computer.
Mmm-hmm.

436
00:20:41,453 --> 00:20:42,943
Who's an actress you like?

437
00:20:43,022 --> 00:20:45,456
Mary Tyler Moore?
No.

438
00:20:45,524 --> 00:20:46,684
That does not work at all.
No?

439
00:20:46,792 --> 00:20:47,986
No.
Okay.

440
00:20:48,093 --> 00:20:51,756
Let's say you love Meg Ryan.
I do.

441
00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,161
Great. Who doesn't?
Yeah.

442
00:20:53,265 --> 00:20:54,698
Let's say you like her so much

443
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,531
you wanna know every movie
where she shows her tits.

444
00:20:58,637 --> 00:21:02,164
And not just that, but how long
into that movie she shows her tits.

445
00:21:02,274 --> 00:21:06,711
You come to our web page
exclusively. Type in "Meg Ryan. " Bam!

446
00:21:06,812 --> 00:21:11,647
In the Cut, 38 minutes in, 48 minutes
in, like an hour and 10 minutes...

447
00:21:11,717 --> 00:21:13,344
She's, like, naked
that whole fucking movie.

448
00:21:13,452 --> 00:21:15,477
She does full frontal
in that movie. Wow.

449
00:21:15,554 --> 00:21:17,784
They should've called her
Harry, not Sally. Really.

450
00:21:17,856 --> 00:21:20,017
I'll show it to you.
I'll show you Meg Ryan's bush.

451
00:21:20,125 --> 00:21:21,217
Okay.
Cool.

452
00:21:21,327 --> 00:21:23,352
Yeah, I actually need
to get going, so...

453
00:21:23,462 --> 00:21:28,058
Well, could... Can I get your
number? I mean, I don't...

454
00:21:28,167 --> 00:21:31,568
We had fun, right?
We should hook up again.

455
00:21:31,670 --> 00:21:36,039
I'm gonna give you my card 'cause
that'll be the best way to...

456
00:21:36,141 --> 00:21:40,237
Well, I mean, if you want to contact
me, I don't have a cell, right now,

457
00:21:40,346 --> 00:21:42,906
because of
payment complications.

458
00:21:43,015 --> 00:21:45,313
But, I mean, you can e-mail me
at the web page. I check...

459
00:21:45,384 --> 00:21:49,377
It's just Ben at flesh-of-the-stars,
one word, dot-com.

460
00:21:49,488 --> 00:21:50,750
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.

461
00:21:50,856 --> 00:21:52,721
Okay.
So, awesome.

462
00:21:52,825 --> 00:21:54,986
All right, then.
Nice to meet you.

463
00:21:55,661 --> 00:21:57,993
Yeah. Okay.
Bye. Take care.

464
00:21:59,231 --> 00:22:00,425
See you.

465
00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:03,093
Bye!

466
00:22:04,203 --> 00:22:05,898
That was fucking brutal.

467
00:22:07,272 --> 00:22:09,035
Yeah, that was brutal.

468
00:22:09,108 --> 00:22:11,668
It was a huge mistake.
What's a mistake?

469
00:22:14,747 --> 00:22:18,205
Nothing. Nothing that we need
to talk about right now.

470
00:22:18,283 --> 00:22:19,944
Why did you do it?

471
00:22:21,420 --> 00:22:25,413
Aunty Allison drank
too much chocolate milk.

472
00:22:25,524 --> 00:22:29,290
And I was feeling weird
because of that. And I made a...

473
00:22:29,395 --> 00:22:30,589
I think that's enough.
Okay.

474
00:22:32,064 --> 00:22:33,861
Did he wear a condom?
Yes.

475
00:22:33,932 --> 00:22:35,194
Thank God.

476
00:22:38,470 --> 00:22:40,199
Do you think you'll do
it again? No, no way.

477
00:22:40,272 --> 00:22:42,604
She was totally
repulsed by me.

478
00:22:42,708 --> 00:22:44,938
What? She just really
didn't seem to like me.

479
00:22:45,044 --> 00:22:47,535
Like, she wasn't laughing at my jokes.
I mean, I'm like a funny guy.

480
00:22:47,613 --> 00:22:49,581
Fucking funny as balls.
Hilarious, man.

481
00:22:49,648 --> 00:22:52,811
I'm giving her the A shit. Nothing.
She thought our web page was a bad idea.

482
00:22:52,918 --> 00:22:54,909
What?
That fucking stuck-up bitch.

483
00:22:54,987 --> 00:22:56,249
Yeah, I think so, too.

484
00:22:56,321 --> 00:22:58,152
I think it's awesome
that you had sex with her.

485
00:22:58,257 --> 00:23:02,159
If a goofy guy like you had sex with
her, I feel like I had sex with her also.

486
00:23:02,261 --> 00:23:04,229
I was so drunk.
I just wish I remembered it.

487
00:23:11,303 --> 00:23:15,672
Hi, I'm Allison Scott. And we're here
today with James Franco from Spider-Man.

488
00:23:15,774 --> 00:23:16,934
How are you?
Great, great.

489
00:23:17,009 --> 00:23:18,271
Thanks for coming.
Of course.

490
00:23:18,343 --> 00:23:21,244
Tell me, were you
a big fan of the...

491
00:23:21,313 --> 00:23:23,440
I'm sorry, let me take that again. Okay.

492
00:23:23,515 --> 00:23:26,109
Tell me, were you a big fan
of the comic books growing up?

493
00:23:26,185 --> 00:23:28,119
No, actually,

494
00:23:28,187 --> 00:23:31,816
I didn't read any of the comic books
until I got the movie and then...

495
00:23:33,959 --> 00:23:35,085
Are you okay?
Mmm-hmm.

496
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:37,685
Yeah, just what about
the comic books?

497
00:23:37,763 --> 00:23:39,697
Just keep talking.

498
00:23:39,798 --> 00:23:42,961
Like I said,
I really wasn't into them,

499
00:23:43,035 --> 00:23:46,436
but now that I did the research, I
think they're pretty amazing, like...

500
00:23:49,541 --> 00:23:50,701
Shit.

501
00:23:52,611 --> 00:23:54,135
What the fuck?

502
00:23:58,984 --> 00:24:01,111
Is that the sound
of you puking?

503
00:24:01,186 --> 00:24:04,053
If this is one of those fucking
joke shows, I'm not into it.

504
00:24:04,156 --> 00:24:06,124
We should put this on YouTube.
Shut up.

505
00:24:06,191 --> 00:24:07,886
This is hilarious.
You're an asshole.

506
00:24:07,993 --> 00:24:09,893
Look how sweaty you are.
You look like Dom DeLuise.

507
00:24:09,995 --> 00:24:12,020
I don't need to see it again.
It's gonna make me throw up.

508
00:24:12,131 --> 00:24:14,361
You look like
Jabba the Hutt dying.

509
00:24:18,070 --> 00:24:19,697
You're such an asshole.

510
00:24:19,772 --> 00:24:21,239
I'm just jerking your chain.

511
00:24:21,306 --> 00:24:22,637
I'll fix this. No problem.

512
00:24:22,708 --> 00:24:26,371
Yeah, maybe if you can just
edit this out, and we can...

513
00:24:27,679 --> 00:24:29,613
We can reshoot my questions.

514
00:24:32,351 --> 00:24:33,648
What's up?

515
00:24:34,486 --> 00:24:36,784
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Over here.

516
00:24:36,855 --> 00:24:39,847
Not on the mix board,
not on the mix board, here.

517
00:24:43,862 --> 00:24:45,193
Are you okay?

518
00:24:45,264 --> 00:24:46,595
Oh, my God.

519
00:24:48,700 --> 00:24:49,997
Oh, my God.

520
00:24:50,068 --> 00:24:52,127
Are you sick?
I don't know.

521
00:24:52,204 --> 00:24:54,729
What'd you eat?
I haven't eaten today yet.

522
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,808
You haven't... Do you have,
like, a napkin or something?

523
00:24:56,875 --> 00:24:58,308
Here, here.

524
00:24:59,645 --> 00:25:01,670
What, do you have,
like, the flu?

525
00:25:01,747 --> 00:25:03,180
I don't know.

526
00:25:03,248 --> 00:25:05,682
God, I hope
you're not pregnant.

527
00:25:05,751 --> 00:25:09,209
It's impossible. You have
to have sex to get pregnant.

528
00:25:11,590 --> 00:25:14,559
B.K. It's Brent Master Five.

529
00:25:15,227 --> 00:25:17,218
Allison just puked.

530
00:25:17,329 --> 00:25:19,695
Dude, that's what I said.
She's probably pregnant, right?

531
00:25:19,765 --> 00:25:21,892
Oh, shit.
How does she look right now?

532
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,764
She looks like she just
realized that she's pregnant.

533
00:25:24,870 --> 00:25:27,031
No, I can't be
pregnant. Right?

534
00:25:27,105 --> 00:25:29,767
I mean that was, what?

535
00:25:29,875 --> 00:25:31,570
Eight weeks ago? When
was that? Mmm-hmm.

536
00:25:31,677 --> 00:25:33,542
Did you miss your period?

537
00:25:33,612 --> 00:25:35,011
No. Wait.

538
00:25:35,681 --> 00:25:37,842
I don't know. Shit. I don't
know. I can't remember.

539
00:25:37,916 --> 00:25:39,907
I was... I mean, I've been
really stressed at work.

540
00:25:40,018 --> 00:25:41,542
I can't remember
my last period.

541
00:25:41,620 --> 00:25:43,451
Are you the lady who doesn't
realize she's pregnant

542
00:25:43,555 --> 00:25:45,580
till she's sitting on the
toilet and a kid pops out?

543
00:25:45,691 --> 00:25:47,283
Can you not joke right now?
Don't joke right now.

544
00:25:47,392 --> 00:25:49,292
This is really serious.
Did I meet him?

545
00:25:49,394 --> 00:25:51,760
Yeah. You know, he was
kind of like medium height,

546
00:25:51,864 --> 00:25:55,300
sort of chubby.
Blonde, curly hair. Remember?

547
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,129
With the man-boobs.
Yes.

548
00:25:57,236 --> 00:26:00,535
Here, I have this thing of him
on my phone. I just watched it.

549
00:26:00,606 --> 00:26:03,040
Hey! I live in your phone!

550
00:26:03,108 --> 00:26:04,405
Oh.

551
00:26:05,210 --> 00:26:08,043
This is the best
night of my life.

552
00:26:08,113 --> 00:26:10,081
I gotta pee.

553
00:26:10,148 --> 00:26:11,740
Yeah.
Oh, God.

554
00:26:13,218 --> 00:26:15,243
How did this happen?
Oh, shit.

555
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,288
Well, there's only
one way to find out.

556
00:26:20,959 --> 00:26:23,393
They're here!
Here they are! Over here!

557
00:26:23,462 --> 00:26:24,656
Oh, no.

558
00:26:24,730 --> 00:26:26,527
Okay, here we are.
Okay.

559
00:26:26,598 --> 00:26:28,930
Okay. All right.
Here.

560
00:26:39,645 --> 00:26:42,136
Oh, no. Give me more!
Give me a few more!

561
00:26:42,247 --> 00:26:43,976
Did you try the Ova-Sure?

562
00:26:45,183 --> 00:26:47,481
I'm dripping,
I'm dripping. Wait.

563
00:26:47,586 --> 00:26:49,918
Oh, good! A smiley face!

564
00:26:50,756 --> 00:26:52,246
Oh, I think that's bad.

565
00:26:52,324 --> 00:26:54,588
How long does this one take?

566
00:26:55,093 --> 00:26:57,687
These can't all be positive.
Let me try one.

567
00:27:03,368 --> 00:27:05,495
God, you really had to pee.

568
00:27:07,306 --> 00:27:10,707
What is this?
What the hell is this?

569
00:27:11,510 --> 00:27:13,569
I think you picked up
the wrong one.

570
00:27:13,645 --> 00:27:14,942
Oh, fuck.

571
00:27:15,681 --> 00:27:17,672
That scared me.

572
00:27:17,783 --> 00:27:20,308
That would suck. I'm sorry.

573
00:27:22,821 --> 00:27:24,186
That scared me.

574
00:27:24,790 --> 00:27:27,122
It's gonna be fine. Right?

575
00:27:28,894 --> 00:27:29,883
Right?

576
00:27:29,962 --> 00:27:32,795
Of course it will be fine.
It's gonna be fine.

577
00:27:32,864 --> 00:27:34,297
You just need to call him.

578
00:27:34,366 --> 00:27:36,834
Maybe I don't need to call him
until after I see the doctor.

579
00:27:36,902 --> 00:27:38,335
You need to call.
I don't want to call him.

580
00:27:38,403 --> 00:27:40,030
I don't need to call him.
You should call.

581
00:27:40,138 --> 00:27:42,470
I can't call him anyway.
He doesn't even have a phone.

582
00:27:42,541 --> 00:27:43,974
He didn't even have
a number to give me.

583
00:27:44,042 --> 00:27:45,066
He doesn't have a phone?

584
00:27:45,143 --> 00:27:46,770
Said he had some
kind of billing issue.

585
00:27:46,845 --> 00:27:49,814
He can't afford a phone?
Sadie has a phone.

586
00:27:49,881 --> 00:27:52,315
Oh, shit, you're right.
I got to call.

587
00:27:52,384 --> 00:27:54,852
I don't know. I'm gonna have to
look him up on his stupid website.

588
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,182
What kind of website
does he have?

589
00:27:57,556 --> 00:28:00,320
He spelled "coming"
wrong. Oh, it's cum...

590
00:28:00,392 --> 00:28:02,519
Yeah.
Oh, that's gross.

591
00:28:02,594 --> 00:28:04,562
Just go to "Contact Us. "

592
00:28:05,897 --> 00:28:07,159
Ben?
Yeah.

593
00:28:08,934 --> 00:28:12,301
"What is your number? I need
to speak with you right away. "

594
00:28:12,371 --> 00:28:13,736
Send?
Yep.

595
00:28:13,839 --> 00:28:15,431
You're sure?

596
00:28:15,507 --> 00:28:16,769
Yeah.

597
00:28:19,077 --> 00:28:21,068
I love weed.

598
00:28:21,179 --> 00:28:23,238
I could smoke weed
every second of every day.

599
00:28:23,348 --> 00:28:26,408
Jay, I am your stoner.

600
00:28:34,693 --> 00:28:36,957
Hey, Benjamin?
Yeah.

601
00:28:37,062 --> 00:28:39,360
Flesh of the Stars just
got an e-mail. Really?

602
00:28:39,431 --> 00:28:41,899
Would you like me to read
it to you? Yeah, sure.

603
00:28:41,967 --> 00:28:44,265
"Ben, what is your number?

604
00:28:44,369 --> 00:28:47,805
"I need to speak to you
right away. Allison Scott. "

605
00:28:47,906 --> 00:28:50,932
Oh! Shit!

606
00:28:51,376 --> 00:28:53,241
Someone wants seconds, mama!

607
00:28:53,311 --> 00:28:54,573
Oh, man!

608
00:28:54,646 --> 00:28:57,114
"Looking forward
to speaking with you. "

609
00:28:57,215 --> 00:29:01,151
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do one of
those smiley faces at the end.

610
00:29:01,253 --> 00:29:02,743
Fucking-A. Those are sexy.
Sent.

611
00:29:09,895 --> 00:29:12,193
Somebody wants another piece!

612
00:29:13,465 --> 00:29:14,489
Booty-booty call.

613
00:29:14,566 --> 00:29:16,295
Yeah, hello?
Hi.

614
00:29:16,401 --> 00:29:20,497
Hey, Ben, this is... This is Allison.
I don't know if you remember me.

615
00:29:20,605 --> 00:29:23,165
Oh, yeah, Allison. What's up?

616
00:29:23,275 --> 00:29:25,743
She like the way
your dick tastes.

617
00:29:25,811 --> 00:29:30,009
Yeah, I actually was
just wondering if maybe you

618
00:29:30,115 --> 00:29:32,345
wanted to get together,
like tomorrow night?

619
00:29:32,451 --> 00:29:34,851
I've been meaning to call you
so we could, like, hook up again.

620
00:29:34,953 --> 00:29:36,784
You know what I'm saying?
Okay, cool.

621
00:29:36,855 --> 00:29:39,653
Let's meet up maybe tomorrow night?
You wanna just grab some dinner?

622
00:29:39,758 --> 00:29:43,455
Yeah. Why not?
Meeting of minds sounds good.

623
00:29:43,528 --> 00:29:47,328
What do you say Geisha House,
Hollywood, 9:00?

624
00:29:47,432 --> 00:29:48,626
Sure, sure. That's cool.

625
00:29:48,700 --> 00:29:51,032
Can we make it more like 6:00,
though? I'd like to keep it early.

626
00:29:51,136 --> 00:29:54,970
6:00. Beat the rush. Yeah,
leaves more time for afterwards.

627
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:56,564
Dessert. Sweet.

628
00:29:57,375 --> 00:29:58,899
Okay, great.

629
00:29:58,977 --> 00:30:01,810
So, yeah. I'll just meet
you there, then, at 6:00.

630
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:03,848
Yeah.
I'll see you there.

631
00:30:05,050 --> 00:30:06,779
Okay, take care. Peace.

632
00:30:09,788 --> 00:30:10,982
Oh, shit.

633
00:30:11,656 --> 00:30:14,819
I'm gonna get laid,
motherfucker!

634
00:30:16,027 --> 00:30:17,722
Yes! Yes!

635
00:30:19,397 --> 00:30:21,558
Nice place, huh? Yeah, it's really nice.

636
00:30:21,666 --> 00:30:24,897
Sorry it took so long to get a table. I
didn't realize you needed a reservation.

637
00:30:25,003 --> 00:30:26,334
Oh, no, that's okay.

638
00:30:26,404 --> 00:30:27,701
So how's work?
Great.

639
00:30:27,806 --> 00:30:28,898
How's E!?
Great.

640
00:30:29,007 --> 00:30:30,531
That's awesome.
Do you know Vince Vaughn?

641
00:30:30,642 --> 00:30:31,870
Have you ever met him?
No.

642
00:30:31,977 --> 00:30:35,469
I really feel like we'd get along
well. I just... He seems like a fun guy.

643
00:30:35,547 --> 00:30:37,412
I feel like we'd, like,
hang together well. Mmm-hmm.

644
00:30:37,482 --> 00:30:38,506
I feel like he'd like me.

645
00:30:38,583 --> 00:30:41,552
I'm sure a lot of guys are like, "Oh,
I'd like to hang out with that celeb",

646
00:30:41,653 --> 00:30:44,554
but I really think he would want to
hang out with me, is like the cool thing.

647
00:30:44,656 --> 00:30:46,521
I'm sure he would. Yeah.

648
00:30:46,591 --> 00:30:47,888
You look very pretty, though.
Thanks.

649
00:30:47,993 --> 00:30:49,324
By the way.
Yeah, I just thought...

650
00:30:49,394 --> 00:30:50,725
I don't know, I thought
maybe it'd be cool

651
00:30:50,829 --> 00:30:51,921
to hang out
a little bit and...

652
00:30:52,030 --> 00:30:54,157
We didn't really get to talk that
much last time, so I thought...

653
00:30:54,232 --> 00:30:55,699
That we didn't.

654
00:30:57,369 --> 00:31:00,702
I thought maybe we'd just talk
and get to know each other better.

655
00:31:00,772 --> 00:31:02,740
Cool. Okay.

656
00:31:02,841 --> 00:31:06,333
I'll start. I'm Canadian.
Oh, that's cool.

657
00:31:06,411 --> 00:31:09,244
From Vancouver. I live
here illegally, actually.

658
00:31:09,347 --> 00:31:10,405
Don't tell anyone.

659
00:31:10,515 --> 00:31:13,382
But it works out in my
advantage, I think, ultimately,

660
00:31:13,451 --> 00:31:15,442
'cause I don't have
to pay any taxes.

661
00:31:15,554 --> 00:31:18,853
So financially that's helpful

662
00:31:18,924 --> 00:31:21,449
'cause I don't have
a lot of money.

663
00:31:21,526 --> 00:31:25,690
You know, I mean, I'm not poor or
anything, but I eat a lot of spaghetti.

664
00:31:25,764 --> 00:31:30,064
So, you know, the web page or whatever is
just something that you guys do for fun?

665
00:31:30,135 --> 00:31:31,432
Do you have a real job?

666
00:31:31,536 --> 00:31:33,094
Well, that is our job.
Oh.

667
00:31:33,205 --> 00:31:36,333
We don't technically get money
for the hours we put in,

668
00:31:36,408 --> 00:31:37,841
but it is our job.

669
00:31:37,909 --> 00:31:39,740
So, how do you... Right.
How do I pay rent and shit?

670
00:31:39,811 --> 00:31:41,938
When I was in high school, I
got ran over by a postal truck.

671
00:31:42,047 --> 00:31:43,207
Oh, my God.
It just kind of...

672
00:31:43,281 --> 00:31:44,942
It was my foot
more than anything.

673
00:31:45,050 --> 00:31:49,077
But I got like 14 grand from
the British Columbia government.

674
00:31:49,154 --> 00:31:50,781
Right.
And that really lasted me.

675
00:31:50,889 --> 00:31:52,220
I mean, until now.

676
00:31:52,290 --> 00:31:54,451
It's been almost 10 years.
I have like 900 bucks left.

677
00:31:54,559 --> 00:31:57,289
So that should last me for, like,
I mean, I'm not a mathematician,

678
00:31:57,395 --> 00:31:59,795
but like another two years
or some shit. I think.

679
00:31:59,898 --> 00:32:00,956
Yeah.

680
00:32:01,066 --> 00:32:03,034
So I have something
I really need to tell you.

681
00:32:03,101 --> 00:32:05,729
It's kind of why I called you.

682
00:32:06,271 --> 00:32:07,795
Here goes. Um...

683
00:32:08,406 --> 00:32:09,737
I'm pregnant.

684
00:32:09,808 --> 00:32:11,332
Fuck off.
What?

685
00:32:11,443 --> 00:32:13,274
What?
I'm pregnant.

686
00:32:14,145 --> 00:32:15,612
With emotion?

687
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,114
With a baby.
You're the father.

688
00:32:19,417 --> 00:32:20,907
I'm the father?
Yes.

689
00:32:20,986 --> 00:32:22,476
How the fuck could this
happen? I don't know.

690
00:32:22,587 --> 00:32:24,578
I don't know. I mean, I thought
you were wearing a condom.

691
00:32:24,656 --> 00:32:25,782
No.
What?

692
00:32:25,857 --> 00:32:27,324
I wasn't.
Why not?

693
00:32:27,425 --> 00:32:28,653
Because you told me not to.

694
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:30,159
What are you talking about?

695
00:32:30,262 --> 00:32:32,093
What am I talking about?
You told me not to.

696
00:32:32,163 --> 00:32:34,631
I did not tell you
not to wear a condom.

697
00:32:34,699 --> 00:32:35,825
Here's what happened, okay?

698
00:32:35,900 --> 00:32:38,368
I will give you a play-by-play
of my memory.

699
00:32:38,436 --> 00:32:40,131
I almost had
the condom on my dick.

700
00:32:40,205 --> 00:32:43,299
It was on the cusp, and then
you said, "Just do it, already. "

701
00:32:43,375 --> 00:32:44,706
I didn't mean do it
without a condom.

702
00:32:44,809 --> 00:32:46,538
I meant "do it"
like "hurry up,"

703
00:32:46,611 --> 00:32:47,771
like "Get fucking going!"

704
00:32:47,846 --> 00:32:50,314
Well, I assumed you were wearing
a patch, or like a dental dam

705
00:32:50,382 --> 00:32:52,714
or one of those fucking butterfly
clips or something like that.

706
00:32:52,817 --> 00:32:54,546
What the hell is a dental dam?
It's like Saran Wrap!

707
00:32:54,653 --> 00:32:56,951
It's disgusting, okay?
But I thought you had one.

708
00:32:57,022 --> 00:32:58,887
Why the fuck didn't you
stop me once we started?

709
00:32:58,990 --> 00:33:01,356
I don't know! I couldn't tell
that you didn't have one on!

710
00:33:01,459 --> 00:33:02,892
Obviously, I was drunk!

711
00:33:02,994 --> 00:33:04,291
Was your vagina drunk?

712
00:33:04,362 --> 00:33:06,387
Did you think it's the thinnest
condom on earth I have on?

713
00:33:06,498 --> 00:33:09,160
I'm a fucking inventor?
I made a dick-skin condom?

714
00:33:09,234 --> 00:33:11,862
He hollowed out
a penis and put it on?

715
00:33:11,936 --> 00:33:13,130
What the fuck?

716
00:33:14,039 --> 00:33:15,904
You are unbelievable.

717
00:33:17,742 --> 00:33:23,510
Okay, you know what? Maybe
I've reacted unfavorably.

718
00:33:23,581 --> 00:33:26,550
So what happens now?
I don't know how this works.

719
00:33:26,651 --> 00:33:29,051
I am going to
the doctor next week,

720
00:33:29,154 --> 00:33:32,351
and I thought you could come
with me to the gynecologist.

721
00:33:32,424 --> 00:33:34,085
So you haven't seen him, though? No.

722
00:33:34,192 --> 00:33:35,557
So you don't know
if you're pregnant.

723
00:33:35,660 --> 00:33:39,528
Well, I'm not 100º% sure.
You're not 100º% sure.

724
00:33:39,597 --> 00:33:41,064
I bet you're not pregnant.

725
00:33:45,036 --> 00:33:46,503
No, they're not.

726
00:33:48,039 --> 00:33:51,202
No, they're all in the bag.
They're in the bag.

727
00:34:00,552 --> 00:34:01,814
Allison Scott?

728
00:34:01,886 --> 00:34:03,444
Yeah. Come on.

729
00:34:03,521 --> 00:34:05,512
I'm supposed to come?
Yes.

730
00:34:09,694 --> 00:34:13,061
Hello. My name is
Thomas Pellagrino.

731
00:34:13,164 --> 00:34:14,426
I'm... I'm Ben Stone.

732
00:34:14,532 --> 00:34:16,363
Hi, there, champ.
Nice to meet you.

733
00:34:16,434 --> 00:34:18,061
And you must be Debbie's sister. Yeah.

734
00:34:18,169 --> 00:34:19,363
Alice.
Allison. Hi.

735
00:34:19,437 --> 00:34:21,337
Hi. How are you?
Good.

736
00:34:21,406 --> 00:34:25,172
So, what can I help you with
today, Mr. and Mrs. Stone?

737
00:34:25,243 --> 00:34:27,643
I took a home pregnancy test,
and it said I was pregnant,

738
00:34:27,712 --> 00:34:29,771
so here we are.

739
00:34:30,181 --> 00:34:32,172
Okay. Let's have a look.

740
00:34:35,186 --> 00:34:36,710
Legs up.

741
00:34:42,794 --> 00:34:44,022
Nice office.

742
00:34:44,095 --> 00:34:45,357
Thank you.

743
00:34:49,067 --> 00:34:51,968
Well, you do look
a lot like your sister.

744
00:34:56,441 --> 00:34:58,875
This is gonna be cold.
And you're next.

745
00:35:08,453 --> 00:35:11,980
Okay, there is
the cervix and the uterus.

746
00:35:12,991 --> 00:35:14,219
See that?

747
00:35:14,292 --> 00:35:17,455
That dark sac there,
that's the amniotic sac.

748
00:35:18,296 --> 00:35:21,493
And right there
in the middle is the embryo.

749
00:35:21,599 --> 00:35:24,090
Do you see that flicker?
You know what that is?

750
00:35:24,169 --> 00:35:26,262
Yeah, that's a heartbeat.

751
00:35:26,337 --> 00:35:28,100
Yeah, it looks like
you are pregnant.

752
00:35:28,173 --> 00:35:30,573
About eight or nine weeks,
I'd say.

753
00:35:30,642 --> 00:35:32,234
Congratulations.

754
00:35:34,412 --> 00:35:36,880
That... That's it?

755
00:35:36,948 --> 00:35:38,074
Yep.

756
00:35:38,149 --> 00:35:39,946
Take good care of it.

757
00:35:41,519 --> 00:35:43,578
Now the fun part starts.

758
00:35:44,355 --> 00:35:47,415
Let me... Let me make
a picture for you, huh?

759
00:35:47,492 --> 00:35:49,016
That'll be fun.

760
00:35:52,263 --> 00:35:55,790
Okay. Well, I'll...
I'll meet you in my office.

761
00:35:56,901 --> 00:35:58,129
Okay.

762
00:35:59,370 --> 00:36:01,895
I'll give you
a little time alone, there.

763
00:36:06,044 --> 00:36:07,944
Oh, God.
Oh, no.

764
00:36:10,048 --> 00:36:11,174
It's okay.

765
00:36:11,783 --> 00:36:13,683
I can't fucking believe
you didn't wear a bag!

766
00:36:13,785 --> 00:36:14,877
Who does that?

767
00:36:14,986 --> 00:36:17,045
Why did we go to Costco and
buy a year's supply of condoms

768
00:36:17,155 --> 00:36:18,315
if you weren't gonna
use them, man?

769
00:36:18,389 --> 00:36:20,357
I can't believe you did this.
You fucked everything up.

770
00:36:20,458 --> 00:36:22,653
Look, the real point is not to
get yourself in this position.

771
00:36:22,727 --> 00:36:24,058
That's what
you have to realize.

772
00:36:24,128 --> 00:36:25,220
You gotta know
all the tricks.

773
00:36:25,296 --> 00:36:27,821
Like, for example, if a woman's
on top, she can't get pregnant.

774
00:36:27,899 --> 00:36:29,992
It's just gravity. Well, that's
true. Everyone knows that.

775
00:36:30,068 --> 00:36:31,467
What goes up must come down.

776
00:36:31,536 --> 00:36:34,630
I think it's awesome that
you're gonna have a kid, man.

777
00:36:34,706 --> 00:36:38,699
Think about it like this. It's just an
excuse to play with all your old toys again.

778
00:36:38,810 --> 00:36:40,277
You know what
I think you should do?

779
00:36:40,345 --> 00:36:42,313
Take care of it.

780
00:36:42,514 --> 00:36:44,744
Tell me you don't want him
to get an "A" word.

781
00:36:44,849 --> 00:36:47,682
Yes, I do, and I won't say it
for little Baby Ears over there,

782
00:36:47,752 --> 00:36:50,152
but it rhymes
with "Shma-shmortion. "

783
00:36:50,221 --> 00:36:52,485
I'm just saying...
Hold on, Jay, cover your ears.

784
00:36:52,557 --> 00:36:56,254
You should get a shma-shmortion
at the shma-shmortion clinic.

785
00:36:56,361 --> 00:36:59,762
Ben, you cannot let these monsters
have any part of your child's life.

786
00:36:59,864 --> 00:37:02,731
All right? I'm gonna be
there to rear your child.

787
00:37:02,834 --> 00:37:04,529
You hear that, Ben?
Don't let him near the kid.

788
00:37:04,602 --> 00:37:06,934
He wants
to rear your child!

789
00:37:07,038 --> 00:37:08,369
I just have a quick question.

790
00:37:08,439 --> 00:37:11,840
Do you use that Canadian flag
tattoo as a cum target of some sort?

791
00:37:11,910 --> 00:37:15,038
How many points do you get if you hit
the leaf? Like a million?

792
00:37:15,113 --> 00:37:16,876
Jonah, I am a patriot.

793
00:37:16,948 --> 00:37:19,610
This is a tribute to my
country and my countrymen.

794
00:37:19,717 --> 00:37:21,878
I always aim right.

795
00:37:21,953 --> 00:37:23,853
Right into a dude's ass.

796
00:37:26,357 --> 00:37:28,188
Please, guys.

797
00:37:28,259 --> 00:37:30,420
Ben, come on, man.
I'm just kidding you.

798
00:37:30,528 --> 00:37:32,553
Oh, great. Now he's upset.
I won't let him do it.

799
00:37:33,264 --> 00:37:35,596
Allison, just take care of it.

800
00:37:36,067 --> 00:37:37,227
Take care of it. Move on.

801
00:37:37,302 --> 00:37:38,564
What's gonna happen
with your career?

802
00:37:38,636 --> 00:37:40,001
How are you gonna tell them?

803
00:37:40,071 --> 00:37:41,265
I'm not gonna tell them
for a while.

804
00:37:41,339 --> 00:37:43,307
I have a while
before I have to say anything.

805
00:37:43,374 --> 00:37:45,399
How could you not tell them?
They're not gonna know.

806
00:37:45,476 --> 00:37:47,239
I mean, I'm only gonna start
to show when I'm like,

807
00:37:47,312 --> 00:37:49,610
I don't know, six months
or something. Seven months.

808
00:37:49,714 --> 00:37:51,204
Three months.
No.

809
00:37:51,282 --> 00:37:54,479
Three months. Fat in the face,
jowls, fat ass.

810
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:56,880
Debbie didn't get fat.

811
00:37:56,955 --> 00:37:58,820
Debbie is a freak of nature.

812
00:37:58,890 --> 00:38:02,587
Mom, you know, it's important
to me that you be supportive.

813
00:38:02,660 --> 00:38:06,619
I cannot be supportive of this. This is
a mistake. This is a big, big mistake.

814
00:38:06,731 --> 00:38:08,426
Now, think about
your stepsister.

815
00:38:08,499 --> 00:38:09,830
Now, you remember
what happened with her?

816
00:38:09,934 --> 00:38:13,597
She had the same situation as
you, and she had it taken care of.

817
00:38:13,671 --> 00:38:16,663
And you know what?
Now she has a real baby.

818
00:38:16,774 --> 00:38:18,674
Honey, this is not the time.

819
00:38:19,577 --> 00:38:21,010
I'm gonna be a grandfather.

820
00:38:21,112 --> 00:38:22,204
You happy about that?

821
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:23,941
Absolutely. Delighted.

822
00:38:24,015 --> 00:38:25,107
This is a disaster.

823
00:38:25,183 --> 00:38:26,377
No, this is not a disaster.

824
00:38:26,451 --> 00:38:28,976
It is...
An earthquake is a disaster.

825
00:38:29,087 --> 00:38:31,112
Your grandmother
having Alzheimer's so bad

826
00:38:31,189 --> 00:38:33,783
she doesn't even know who the
fuck I am, that's a disaster.

827
00:38:33,858 --> 00:38:35,758
This is a good thing.
This is a blessing.

828
00:38:35,827 --> 00:38:39,763
I have a vision
for how my life would go,

829
00:38:39,831 --> 00:38:41,355
and this definitely is not it.

830
00:38:41,432 --> 00:38:44,162
Wait. Is this your vision? Are
you living your vision right now?

831
00:38:44,268 --> 00:38:45,462
I am kind of living
my vision, yeah.

832
00:38:45,536 --> 00:38:47,367
Well, that is sad,
I'm telling you.

833
00:38:47,438 --> 00:38:49,872
Life doesn't care
about your vision. Okay?

834
00:38:49,974 --> 00:38:52,306
Stuff happens.
You just got to deal with it.

835
00:38:52,377 --> 00:38:55,210
You roll with it.
That's the beauty of it all.

836
00:38:55,313 --> 00:38:58,544
I just don't get how I tell the
kid not to do drugs when I do drugs.

837
00:38:58,650 --> 00:38:59,844
I'll feel like a hypocrite.

838
00:38:59,951 --> 00:39:03,011
Well, remember what I told you
when you were a teenager?

839
00:39:03,121 --> 00:39:05,055
What did you say? I said,
"No pills, no powders. "

840
00:39:05,156 --> 00:39:06,214
That's right, that's right.

841
00:39:06,324 --> 00:39:08,724
Right. If it grows in the
ground, it's probably okay.

842
00:39:08,826 --> 00:39:12,023
I mean, I guess it worked. Like you
told me not to smoke pot all those years,

843
00:39:12,130 --> 00:39:15,156
and then I found out you were
smoking pot that whole time.

844
00:39:15,233 --> 00:39:16,723
Not the whole time.

845
00:39:16,834 --> 00:39:19,564
Just in the evenings
and all day every weekend.

846
00:39:19,671 --> 00:39:21,195
Not that much.

847
00:39:21,305 --> 00:39:26,641
Honestly, though, when you look at
me do you not think at all, like,

848
00:39:26,711 --> 00:39:28,338
"You know,
if he just never existed,

849
00:39:28,413 --> 00:39:31,746
"I would have avoided a massive
heap of trouble," you know?

850
00:39:31,849 --> 00:39:33,476
Absolutely not.

851
00:39:33,551 --> 00:39:35,712
I love you totally
and completely.

852
00:39:35,820 --> 00:39:38,186
You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.

853
00:39:38,256 --> 00:39:39,814
I'm the best thing
that ever happened to you?

854
00:39:39,891 --> 00:39:41,085
Yeah.

855
00:39:42,393 --> 00:39:44,418
Now I just feel bad for you.

856
00:39:52,603 --> 00:39:54,264
Hello?
Hi. Ben?

857
00:39:54,672 --> 00:39:57,038
Oh. Hey, Allison.

858
00:39:58,342 --> 00:40:00,173
How's it going?
Good, good.

859
00:40:00,244 --> 00:40:02,439
You know,
I was just calling to...

860
00:40:03,715 --> 00:40:06,775
To let you know that I've
decided to keep the baby.

861
00:40:06,884 --> 00:40:08,408
I'm keeping it.

862
00:40:08,486 --> 00:40:09,680
Oh.

863
00:40:09,754 --> 00:40:14,453
Yeah. So, that's
what's happening with that.

864
00:40:14,559 --> 00:40:17,050
Good. That's good. That's what
I was hoping you'd do.

865
00:40:17,128 --> 00:40:19,722
So, awesome.

866
00:40:19,797 --> 00:40:21,856
Yeah. Yeah, it is good.

867
00:40:23,301 --> 00:40:25,462
Okay, I know
we didn't plan this,

868
00:40:25,570 --> 00:40:28,368
and, you know, neither of us
really thought it was gonna happen,

869
00:40:28,439 --> 00:40:29,963
but life is like that,
you know,

870
00:40:30,041 --> 00:40:31,668
you can't plan for it.

871
00:40:31,743 --> 00:40:33,108
And even if we did plan,

872
00:40:33,177 --> 00:40:35,975
life doesn't care about
your plans, necessarily.

873
00:40:36,047 --> 00:40:38,880
And you just kind of have to
go with the flow and, you know,

874
00:40:38,950 --> 00:40:43,148
I know my job is to just support
you in whatever it is you wanna do,

875
00:40:43,254 --> 00:40:45,154
and, I'm in, you know.

876
00:40:45,256 --> 00:40:46,951
So whatever you wanna do,

877
00:40:47,024 --> 00:40:48,787
I'm gonna do,
you know. It's...

878
00:40:49,393 --> 00:40:52,328
I'm on board. Yay!

879
00:40:53,765 --> 00:40:55,130
I really appreciate
you saying that.

880
00:40:55,233 --> 00:40:58,225
No problem.
You know, so I'll tell you,

881
00:40:58,302 --> 00:41:01,829
you know, maybe if you could
help me by telling me, like,

882
00:41:01,939 --> 00:41:04,908
one thing that I am supposed
to do, then that would be good,

883
00:41:06,144 --> 00:41:08,442
because I literally have
no idea whatsoever.

884
00:41:08,513 --> 00:41:10,743
I have no idea, either.

885
00:41:12,150 --> 00:41:16,951
So, do you want to, like, get together
and talk about it or something like that?

886
00:41:17,021 --> 00:41:18,818
Yeah, sure.
Like a date? I mean...

887
00:41:18,923 --> 00:41:20,288
Yeah.

888
00:41:29,033 --> 00:41:30,694
Hey.
Hi.

889
00:41:30,802 --> 00:41:32,929
You look beautiful.
Thank you.

890
00:41:33,004 --> 00:41:34,767
No problem. Come on in.

891
00:41:35,473 --> 00:41:37,964
Everyone, this is Allison. Hi.

892
00:41:38,042 --> 00:41:40,977
Ally. Hey. Jason, I'm
sure you remember. Yes.

893
00:41:41,045 --> 00:41:42,444
You look beautiful.
Thank you.

894
00:41:42,513 --> 00:41:45,175
Your body's responding
really well to the pregnancy.

895
00:41:45,283 --> 00:41:46,341
Thank you.

896
00:41:46,450 --> 00:41:48,509
It's amazing
how fast the milk arrives.

897
00:41:48,586 --> 00:41:49,985
Oh.

898
00:41:50,054 --> 00:41:51,146
How's your sis?

899
00:41:51,222 --> 00:41:52,314
She's good.

900
00:41:52,390 --> 00:41:54,654
Oh, good. Tell her,
"What's up?" for me. Okay.

901
00:41:54,725 --> 00:41:57,387
All right, I'm gonna go make
a protein shake.

902
00:41:58,462 --> 00:42:01,659
And this beautiful
young man is Jonah.

903
00:42:01,732 --> 00:42:03,131
Hi.
Hey.

904
00:42:05,837 --> 00:42:08,863
Okay, that's Martin
and Jodi over there.

905
00:42:08,973 --> 00:42:10,065
Hi.

906
00:42:11,142 --> 00:42:13,076
I'm gonna grab my shirt.
Just take a seat if you want.

907
00:42:13,177 --> 00:42:14,474
Okay.
Cool.

908
00:42:21,686 --> 00:42:23,745
You are scared, aren't you?

909
00:42:30,661 --> 00:42:33,027
Just another day at the office. Uh-huh.

910
00:42:37,101 --> 00:42:38,830
Do you have
any acting experience?

911
00:42:38,903 --> 00:42:40,370
No. Uh-huh.

912
00:42:40,438 --> 00:42:42,906
How's it going?
You wanna toke?

913
00:42:43,007 --> 00:42:45,237
No. I'm good.

914
00:42:45,343 --> 00:42:46,435
Hi.
Hi.

915
00:42:46,544 --> 00:42:48,774
I'm Jodi.
Yeah, hi.

916
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:50,677
I heard you were pregnant.
Mmm-hmm.

917
00:42:50,748 --> 00:42:52,545
Oh, aren't you scared?

918
00:42:52,617 --> 00:42:55,051
The way it's gonna
come out of your...

919
00:42:55,119 --> 00:42:58,088
It's gonna hurt a lot, I bet.
Your vagina...

920
00:42:58,189 --> 00:43:00,282
That's so sick.

921
00:43:00,358 --> 00:43:01,518
I don't know.

922
00:43:01,592 --> 00:43:02,957
Are you hungry?

923
00:43:03,027 --> 00:43:05,018
No, I'm okay right now.
Thank you.

924
00:43:05,096 --> 00:43:08,088
You must be angry at the baby
whenever it steals your food, huh?

925
00:43:08,199 --> 00:43:09,894
"Oh, it's mine, not yours. "

926
00:43:09,967 --> 00:43:14,097
But, you know, because you're
family, you got to share.

927
00:43:14,205 --> 00:43:15,263
Right.

928
00:43:15,373 --> 00:43:18,308
Man, my balls are shaved.
My pubes are trimmed.

929
00:43:18,409 --> 00:43:20,741
I'm ready to fucking
rock this shit.

930
00:43:20,811 --> 00:43:22,073
What the fuck, man?

931
00:43:22,146 --> 00:43:25,411
If I go in there and see fucking
pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat,

932
00:43:25,483 --> 00:43:27,383
I'm gonna fucking
lose my mind!

933
00:43:27,451 --> 00:43:29,043
Last time I went
to the bathroom, Jay,

934
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:32,089
I took a shit and my shit looked
like a fucking stuffed animal!

935
00:43:32,156 --> 00:43:34,090
You're embarrassing me
in company.

936
00:43:34,158 --> 00:43:35,591
You embarrass yourself.

937
00:43:35,660 --> 00:43:38,220
Oh, great. I hope you have
a great evening!

938
00:43:38,296 --> 00:43:40,821
All right. Let's go.
Okay.

939
00:43:40,932 --> 00:43:42,399
See you guys later.

940
00:43:45,169 --> 00:43:48,969
The funny thing is I really had never
even thought about having a baby.

941
00:43:49,073 --> 00:43:51,166
Yeah. I mean, if this hadn't happened,

942
00:43:51,275 --> 00:43:54,073
I don't think I would have
wanted to have a baby for like,

943
00:43:54,145 --> 00:43:56,511
I don't know, at least
10 years. At least!

944
00:43:56,614 --> 00:43:59,412
God, I mean, honestly,
I just got used to the, like,

945
00:43:59,483 --> 00:44:02,247
notion that someone would even
have sex with me.

946
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:04,515
I didn't think
this would happen.

947
00:44:05,589 --> 00:44:06,681
Get ready.

948
00:44:06,791 --> 00:44:08,520
This will be coming out of you
in seven months.

949
00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:11,523
This is exactly what
our baby will look like.

950
00:44:11,629 --> 00:44:14,291
It's a beautiful picture, Ben.
It is. It's not bad.

951
00:44:14,365 --> 00:44:15,491
Hello, Mommy.

952
00:44:15,599 --> 00:44:17,226
Our baby's gonna be
French-Canadian.

953
00:44:17,301 --> 00:44:18,461
With a little hint
of Spanish.

954
00:44:18,536 --> 00:44:21,471
Exactly. I'm not good
with accents, but...

955
00:44:21,539 --> 00:44:23,666
Baby books.
Awesome.

956
00:44:23,774 --> 00:44:25,298
"What to Expect
When You're Expecting. "

957
00:44:25,376 --> 00:44:26,741
What can we expect?

958
00:44:26,811 --> 00:44:29,644
Well, you can't eat sushi.

959
00:44:30,114 --> 00:44:31,513
You can't smoke.

960
00:44:31,615 --> 00:44:35,016
You can't smoke marijuana.
You can't smoke crack.

961
00:44:35,119 --> 00:44:36,814
You can't jump on trampolines.

962
00:44:36,887 --> 00:44:39,583
This is basically a giant list
of things you can't do.

963
00:44:39,657 --> 00:44:41,147
Yeah, it sounds thrilling.

964
00:44:41,258 --> 00:44:42,919
I'm gonna be sitting there on
the trampoline smoking crack.

965
00:44:44,161 --> 00:44:46,288
And you're not gonna have anything
to do. You're gonna be bored.

966
00:44:46,364 --> 00:44:47,991
But I can't wait
to read these, honestly.

967
00:44:48,099 --> 00:44:49,760
Seriously, I put these
in front of my toilet, though,

968
00:44:49,834 --> 00:44:51,529
they'll be read
by tomorrow morning.

969
00:44:51,635 --> 00:44:52,966
Do you want me to get you that? Yeah.

970
00:44:53,037 --> 00:44:54,436
You like it?
Yeah, thank you.

971
00:44:54,505 --> 00:44:55,767
No problem.

972
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:57,501
These are heavy.

973
00:45:11,389 --> 00:45:13,016
So what do you think?
Should we have sex tonight?

974
00:45:14,892 --> 00:45:16,382
Sounds awful.

975
00:45:18,829 --> 00:45:21,059
I'm just really constipated.

976
00:45:21,999 --> 00:45:23,364
Do you really want to?

977
00:45:23,434 --> 00:45:24,765
Well, now...

978
00:45:24,835 --> 00:45:26,234
Shut up.

979
00:45:26,337 --> 00:45:28,237
It's pretty crazy,
your sister's pregnant.

980
00:45:28,305 --> 00:45:29,738
We have to help her.

981
00:45:29,807 --> 00:45:32,674
I think they'll be fine.
Look at us. It happened to us.

982
00:45:32,743 --> 00:45:34,938
We'll help her raise the baby.

983
00:45:35,012 --> 00:45:36,240
Well...

984
00:45:38,082 --> 00:45:39,310
Fuck!

985
00:45:45,222 --> 00:45:48,521
At least we don't have
to use a condom, you know?

986
00:45:49,593 --> 00:45:52,824
But we can. I don't... I brought
some just in case. I don't...

987
00:45:52,897 --> 00:45:55,331
I don't have VD or anything.
I mean, I don't, I thought...

988
00:45:55,399 --> 00:45:56,627
It's not that.

989
00:45:56,700 --> 00:45:58,031
You know, it's just...

990
00:45:58,102 --> 00:46:02,664
I thought maybe we could get a little
fun out of your situation, you know?

991
00:46:02,740 --> 00:46:05,607
Okay, first of all, it's not my
situation. It's our situation.

992
00:46:05,709 --> 00:46:07,006
I know, of course,
I know that.

993
00:46:07,078 --> 00:46:08,909
And just because I'm pregnant,
I'm not some ruined woman

994
00:46:09,013 --> 00:46:10,412
and all romance
goes out the door.

995
00:46:10,481 --> 00:46:12,415
Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

996
00:46:14,085 --> 00:46:15,552
It's just...

997
00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:19,621
I like you a lot.
That's all this is. That's...

998
00:46:23,394 --> 00:46:24,622
I like you, too.

999
00:46:24,695 --> 00:46:26,094
Sweet.

1000
00:46:26,230 --> 00:46:28,095
A little, so far.

1001
00:46:28,199 --> 00:46:30,133
I mean, we have seven months
before the baby comes.

1002
00:46:30,234 --> 00:46:31,895
We don't have to rush it.
Yeah.

1003
00:46:31,969 --> 00:46:34,938
We should really just try
to get to know each other

1004
00:46:35,039 --> 00:46:36,939
and give this a real shot.

1005
00:46:37,041 --> 00:46:40,238
You know, we got ourselves into
this situation. We kind of have to.

1006
00:46:40,311 --> 00:46:42,643
For the baby, right?
Exactly.

1007
00:46:45,249 --> 00:46:48,616
Okay, if this was our second
date, what would you do?

1008
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:53,588
B.J., if I'm just being
honest, I would probably...

1009
00:46:53,657 --> 00:46:57,718
I told my roommates I thought
I was gonna get a B.J., so...

1010
00:46:57,795 --> 00:46:58,887
You know what?

1011
00:46:58,963 --> 00:47:01,796
For the sake of getting to know one
another, can you not talk like that?

1012
00:47:01,899 --> 00:47:05,767
Yeah, I can do that.
I'm... I'm really nervous.

1013
00:47:05,836 --> 00:47:07,701
I'm nervous, too.
I'm really nervous.

1014
00:47:07,771 --> 00:47:09,329
Yeah.

1015
00:47:20,818 --> 00:47:23,309
You're a sweet guy, right?

1016
00:47:23,420 --> 00:47:25,854
I think I am. Yeah.

1017
00:47:25,956 --> 00:47:27,981
Don't fuck me over, okay?

1018
00:47:28,359 --> 00:47:30,088
I wouldn't do that.

1019
00:47:30,928 --> 00:47:34,329
Just so you know,
I'm the guy girls fuck over.

1020
00:47:34,431 --> 00:47:36,524
I'm that guy.
So you don't fuck me over.

1021
00:47:36,634 --> 00:47:37,692
Okay?
Okay.

1022
00:47:37,801 --> 00:47:41,134
I couldn't take it.
I can't raise this baby alone.

1023
00:47:57,621 --> 00:47:58,918
Who's he?

1024
00:47:58,989 --> 00:48:00,616
I'm Ben Stone.

1025
00:48:01,559 --> 00:48:03,390
He's my boyfriend.

1026
00:48:05,396 --> 00:48:07,023
That's nice.

1027
00:48:07,131 --> 00:48:08,792
I've never met him before.

1028
00:48:08,866 --> 00:48:10,697
Well, he's a new boyfriend.

1029
00:48:10,801 --> 00:48:11,995
But a boyfriend.

1030
00:48:12,069 --> 00:48:15,232
So he came over for breakfast
because he's your new boyfriend?

1031
00:48:15,339 --> 00:48:17,204
Yeah.
He came from his house.

1032
00:48:17,308 --> 00:48:18,969
Drove over to our house

1033
00:48:19,043 --> 00:48:21,876
because he thought it would be
fun to have breakfast with us,

1034
00:48:21,979 --> 00:48:26,075
so he drove his car from his house
to our house to have breakfast.

1035
00:48:26,183 --> 00:48:28,310
Because he likes
breakfast so much.

1036
00:48:28,385 --> 00:48:30,319
I love breakfast.

1037
00:48:30,387 --> 00:48:34,551
You guys wanna hear something neat?
We're gonna have a baby together.

1038
00:48:34,658 --> 00:48:36,649
What?
Yeah, a baby.

1039
00:48:36,727 --> 00:48:38,058
Well, you're not married.

1040
00:48:38,162 --> 00:48:40,255
Aren't you supposed
to be married to have a baby?

1041
00:48:40,364 --> 00:48:41,558
You don't have to be.

1042
00:48:41,665 --> 00:48:43,895
But they should be
because they love each other,

1043
00:48:44,001 --> 00:48:47,493
and people who love each other
get married and have babies.

1044
00:48:47,571 --> 00:48:48,560
Mmm-mmm.

1045
00:48:48,939 --> 00:48:50,668
Do you love each other?

1046
00:48:50,741 --> 00:48:54,074
Yes, they love each other.
Because that's what you do.

1047
00:48:54,178 --> 00:48:58,171
When you love each other, you
get married and have a baby.

1048
00:48:58,249 --> 00:48:59,910
Where do babies come from?

1049
00:49:00,017 --> 00:49:02,008
Where do you think
they come from?

1050
00:49:02,086 --> 00:49:05,385
Well, I think a stork,
he drops it down,

1051
00:49:05,456 --> 00:49:07,549
and then a hole goes
in your body,

1052
00:49:07,625 --> 00:49:10,025
and there's blood everywhere,
coming out of your head,

1053
00:49:10,094 --> 00:49:13,461
and then you push your belly
button, and then your butt falls off,

1054
00:49:13,564 --> 00:49:16,624
and then you hold your butt
and you have to dig,

1055
00:49:16,734 --> 00:49:18,929
and you'll find a little baby.

1056
00:49:19,036 --> 00:49:20,901
That's exactly right.

1057
00:49:21,305 --> 00:49:23,136
Feed the teddy bear.

1058
00:49:23,240 --> 00:49:25,765
Okay, I feed
your bear the grass?

1059
00:49:27,645 --> 00:49:28,873
Okay.

1060
00:49:29,413 --> 00:49:32,746
You know what your bear would
also like to do with some grass?

1061
00:49:32,816 --> 00:49:34,147
Smoke it.

1062
00:49:34,885 --> 00:49:37,752
What do you think of him?
He's funny, right?

1063
00:49:37,821 --> 00:49:39,049
Mmm-hmm.

1064
00:49:39,123 --> 00:49:40,750
Fetch.

1065
00:49:40,824 --> 00:49:42,587
All right, bring it back.

1066
00:49:43,427 --> 00:49:45,452
He's playing fetch
with my kids.

1067
00:49:45,562 --> 00:49:47,029
He's treating my kids
like they're dogs.

1068
00:49:47,097 --> 00:49:48,496
No, he's not.

1069
00:49:48,565 --> 00:49:49,793
Go get it! Fetch!

1070
00:49:49,867 --> 00:49:51,801
Who plays fetch
with kids?

1071
00:49:51,902 --> 00:49:53,995
He's trying.
He's making an effort.

1072
00:49:54,104 --> 00:49:56,504
Bring it back.
He's overweight.

1073
00:49:56,607 --> 00:49:57,972
Where does that end?

1074
00:49:58,075 --> 00:49:59,838
How old is he?
23.

1075
00:49:59,943 --> 00:50:01,308
Looks 33.

1076
00:50:01,912 --> 00:50:04,642
He can barely get in and out
of that little house.

1077
00:50:04,748 --> 00:50:06,682
Imagine how much bigger
he's gonna get.

1078
00:50:06,784 --> 00:50:08,979
That means he has bad genes.

1079
00:50:09,086 --> 00:50:11,316
Your kid is gonna
be overweight.

1080
00:50:11,388 --> 00:50:12,685
Shit.

1081
00:50:12,790 --> 00:50:14,314
I'm gonna get you!

1082
00:50:14,958 --> 00:50:16,687
I'm gonna get...

1083
00:50:19,463 --> 00:50:21,328
Just give him a break.

1084
00:50:24,635 --> 00:50:26,262
Okay. I'll try.

1085
00:50:33,677 --> 00:50:35,440
They seem to love bubbles.

1086
00:50:35,512 --> 00:50:38,640
Oh, God. They go
ape shit over bubbles.

1087
00:50:38,716 --> 00:50:39,808
They're really going ape shit.

1088
00:50:39,883 --> 00:50:43,375
I mean, that's an incredible
thing about a child.

1089
00:50:43,487 --> 00:50:44,977
I mean, what's so great
about bubbles?

1090
00:50:45,055 --> 00:50:48,218
They float. You can pop them.
I mean, I get it. I get it.

1091
00:50:48,325 --> 00:50:51,488
I wish I liked anything as much
as my kids like bubbles.

1092
00:50:51,562 --> 00:50:53,894
That's sad.
It's totally sad.

1093
00:50:53,997 --> 00:50:58,900
Their smiling faces just point out
your inability to enjoy anything.

1094
00:50:59,002 --> 00:51:00,993
Am I gonna be okay, man?

1095
00:51:01,872 --> 00:51:03,897
Oh, who knows?

1096
00:51:04,875 --> 00:51:07,070
Is anybody okay? I'm not okay.

1097
00:51:07,177 --> 00:51:08,701
You're asking the wrong guy.

1098
00:51:08,812 --> 00:51:11,872
Just don't ask me to lend you
any money, you know?

1099
00:51:11,982 --> 00:51:13,847
Can I just have some?

1100
00:51:14,685 --> 00:51:15,811
No.

1101
00:51:19,256 --> 00:51:21,781
I have 15 years
of tennis lessons.

1102
00:51:22,326 --> 00:51:25,022
And 12 years
of sucking dick lessons.

1103
00:51:25,095 --> 00:51:26,187
So?

1104
00:51:26,263 --> 00:51:27,924
I can't ref the next games,
by the way.

1105
00:51:28,031 --> 00:51:31,000
I got to go meet
gynecologists with Allison.

1106
00:51:31,068 --> 00:51:33,059
She doesn't like
her gynecologist.

1107
00:51:33,170 --> 00:51:35,570
You think she likes you?
She's trying to.

1108
00:51:36,507 --> 00:51:39,374
She's entertaining the idea of
liking you. Exactly. I'll take that.

1109
00:51:39,443 --> 00:51:41,843
Yeah, well, see, she's bringing
you to the gynaechiatrist.

1110
00:51:41,912 --> 00:51:44,107
She must like you.
Yeah. Pretty good, I think.

1111
00:51:44,214 --> 00:51:46,944
You know who I'd like to get pregnant,
is that Felicity Huffman, man.

1112
00:51:47,050 --> 00:51:49,450
Ever since Transamerica, I can't
get her out of my mind.

1113
00:51:49,553 --> 00:51:51,783
Okay, guys. I hate to
crack the whip,

1114
00:51:51,855 --> 00:51:54,016
but it's kind of
business meeting time.

1115
00:51:54,091 --> 00:51:56,457
I need moolah.

1116
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:59,085
When do you think we can
launch this site? Jeez.

1117
00:51:59,196 --> 00:52:00,686
Look, man. You can't rush this.

1118
00:52:00,764 --> 00:52:02,459
You know what happens
to these sites when they go up

1119
00:52:02,566 --> 00:52:04,227
and they don't function well?
They die.

1120
00:52:04,301 --> 00:52:07,793
Seriously, guys, let's say
I want to launch today.

1121
00:52:07,905 --> 00:52:10,703
Let's start. Let's use that
as a jumping off point.

1122
00:52:10,774 --> 00:52:12,799
Let's make this happen.
What can we do?

1123
00:52:12,910 --> 00:52:15,606
Look, man, I didn't go to Yale
so I could work 12 hours a day.

1124
00:52:15,712 --> 00:52:17,236
I thought you went
to Santa Monica City College.

1125
00:52:17,314 --> 00:52:18,872
I went where I went, Jason.

1126
00:52:18,949 --> 00:52:20,814
I'm not asking you
to work 12 hours a day.

1127
00:52:20,918 --> 00:52:23,546
I mean, you guys watch movies
without nudity in them.

1128
00:52:23,620 --> 00:52:26,453
I'll tell you what, man. We could
probably get it online in three months.

1129
00:52:26,557 --> 00:52:28,218
Thank you. Yes! Three months.

1130
00:52:28,292 --> 00:52:30,157
Come on, Jason!

1131
00:52:30,260 --> 00:52:31,659
Fuck off!

1132
00:52:31,762 --> 00:52:34,128
Yeah, well, you still have
a little dick, Cartman.

1133
00:52:35,432 --> 00:52:37,161
Do you have mints?
Yeah, right there.

1134
00:52:37,267 --> 00:52:39,132
I see what you're saying.
Totally.

1135
00:52:39,236 --> 00:52:41,136
I don't get how you're
comfortable with any of these guys

1136
00:52:41,238 --> 00:52:42,933
when they're doing
what they're doing to you.

1137
00:52:43,006 --> 00:52:45,133
First guy...

1138
00:52:45,242 --> 00:52:48,006
Oh, there that shit is.
I've been looking for that.

1139
00:52:48,111 --> 00:52:51,080
The first guy, when he put his
finger in, he gave me this look like,

1140
00:52:51,148 --> 00:52:56,017
"Sorry, man, it's the job" and I'm like,
"Don't look at me when your finger's... "

1141
00:52:56,119 --> 00:52:58,952
I mean, get in and get out.
Get on with your day, you know?

1142
00:52:59,022 --> 00:53:02,514
That's the closest I'll ever come
to being in a threesome, I think.

1143
00:53:02,626 --> 00:53:03,684
Really?

1144
00:53:03,794 --> 00:53:06,262
If you had to do a threesome with
me and one of my other roommates,

1145
00:53:06,330 --> 00:53:07,922
who would it be?

1146
00:53:07,998 --> 00:53:08,987
Um...

1147
00:53:09,666 --> 00:53:10,690
I'm gonna have to go with Jay.

1148
00:53:10,767 --> 00:53:11,995
Oh, no.

1149
00:53:12,102 --> 00:53:13,262
Yeah.
Jay?

1150
00:53:13,337 --> 00:53:16,500
I'm really turned on by his
sort of skinny awkwardness

1151
00:53:16,607 --> 00:53:19,371
and his hot little Mohawk.
His Mohawk.

1152
00:53:19,476 --> 00:53:22,809
You two are never allowed to be in
the same room ever again.

1153
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:26,008
If we ever had a three-way with Jay,
you turn around, he'd be sucking my dick.

1154
00:53:26,116 --> 00:53:27,208
I'm telling you right now.

1155
00:53:27,317 --> 00:53:29,785
Do you smoke cigarettes?
No.

1156
00:53:29,853 --> 00:53:32,549
Do you smoke cigarettes?

1157
00:53:32,623 --> 00:53:34,056
I have on occasion.

1158
00:53:34,124 --> 00:53:36,354
On occasion? When? When was
the last time you had one cig?

1159
00:53:36,460 --> 00:53:37,927
You know, one, you know, little...

1160
00:53:37,995 --> 00:53:40,623
I need to know,
or I will not be your doctor.

1161
00:53:42,232 --> 00:53:43,961
How you doing?

1162
00:53:44,034 --> 00:53:47,197
I'm breathing like James
Gandolfini over here.

1163
00:53:47,738 --> 00:53:50,673
Slow down, man. You're
making me look like a jackass.

1164
00:53:50,741 --> 00:53:52,402
How long you kids
been married?

1165
00:53:52,509 --> 00:53:53,806
We're not.
No.

1166
00:53:53,877 --> 00:53:54,866
You're single?

1167
00:53:54,945 --> 00:53:57,311
She's not single.
She's just not married.

1168
00:53:57,381 --> 00:53:59,372
Are you two together?

1169
00:54:00,651 --> 00:54:02,642
Hey, you wanna
trade boyfriends?

1170
00:54:03,820 --> 00:54:06,050
Just kidding. Kind of.

1171
00:54:11,061 --> 00:54:15,430
That is not your vagina.
That's your asshole.

1172
00:54:15,532 --> 00:54:17,397
That happens
about five times a day.

1173
00:54:18,168 --> 00:54:19,999
Are you sure you don't
wanna come paintballing?

1174
00:54:20,070 --> 00:54:22,265
Have fun, guys. Seriously.
Watch the eyes.

1175
00:54:22,372 --> 00:54:24,169
See you, guys.
See you, Ally. Bye.

1176
00:54:24,241 --> 00:54:27,574
I don't wanna go.
I swear to God.

1177
00:54:27,678 --> 00:54:30,238
I wanna see Breathless
at the LACMA.

1178
00:54:32,015 --> 00:54:33,915
Boobs! Boobs, boobs, boobs!

1179
00:54:34,017 --> 00:54:35,416
Hold on, pause it,
pause it, pause it.

1180
00:54:35,485 --> 00:54:37,043
Boobs and bush!
Boobs and bush.

1181
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:38,781
Good boobs.
Those are good ones!

1182
00:54:38,889 --> 00:54:40,686
We're like
35 seconds in. Nice.

1183
00:54:40,757 --> 00:54:42,588
Right in the beginning
credits. Credit bush.

1184
00:54:42,693 --> 00:54:45,127
You never get opening credit
bush. I know. That's so crazy.

1185
00:54:45,762 --> 00:54:46,922
No.

1186
00:54:48,565 --> 00:54:49,964
You got me.

1187
00:54:50,701 --> 00:54:51,861
You got me.

1188
00:54:52,603 --> 00:54:54,696
How many doctors are there
in your practice?

1189
00:54:54,771 --> 00:54:57,296
Just 'cause I'm sort of looking
for a more personal experience.

1190
00:54:57,407 --> 00:55:00,535
I wanna make sure that you're
my doctor on the day, and...

1191
00:55:00,611 --> 00:55:02,408
Yeah, I understand.

1192
00:55:02,813 --> 00:55:07,307
We have three other doctors in the
practice, but I'm your man, okay?

1193
00:55:07,417 --> 00:55:10,147
I don't take vacations.
I hate Hawaii.

1194
00:55:10,821 --> 00:55:12,686
I went to the Caribbean
when I was 14,

1195
00:55:12,756 --> 00:55:15,088
and I'm never going back.

1196
00:55:15,158 --> 00:55:17,558
I feel really good about this.
I think we found our doctor.

1197
00:55:17,628 --> 00:55:18,822
Really?
Yeah.

1198
00:55:18,929 --> 00:55:20,191
All right.

1199
00:55:20,263 --> 00:55:22,629
Are you serious right now?
Yeah.

1200
00:55:22,733 --> 00:55:23,893
Wow.

1201
00:55:23,967 --> 00:55:26,094
You look relieved.
I am very relieved.

1202
00:55:26,203 --> 00:55:29,263
I can't imagine meeting
any more of you people.

1203
00:55:29,373 --> 00:55:31,204
You're being dramatic.
We didn't meet that many.

1204
00:55:39,783 --> 00:55:41,148
Do they know?

1205
00:55:41,218 --> 00:55:42,344
Pardon?

1206
00:55:43,620 --> 00:55:45,520
The belly.

1207
00:55:45,589 --> 00:55:48,217
Oh, yeah. The donuts,
they call to me.

1208
00:55:49,159 --> 00:55:51,889
Hey, Allison. Great job.
Thanks.

1209
00:55:53,964 --> 00:55:57,161
You're pregnant, aren't you?
What?

1210
00:55:57,267 --> 00:55:59,827
I mean, you've put on like,
eight pounds, nine.

1211
00:55:59,936 --> 00:56:01,836
It's all in your uterus.

1212
00:56:02,439 --> 00:56:03,770
Oh, shit.

1213
00:56:04,608 --> 00:56:07,634
I haven't told them. Do you
think they're gonna be mad?

1214
00:56:07,744 --> 00:56:10,235
I'm, like, really
chickening out about this.

1215
00:56:10,313 --> 00:56:12,338
It's okay. We can hide this.

1216
00:56:12,449 --> 00:56:16,078
We'll dress you in black, and
we'll emphasize your boobs.

1217
00:56:16,153 --> 00:56:17,313
Awesome.

1218
00:56:17,421 --> 00:56:19,981
I mean, your boobs
are gonna be big.

1219
00:56:20,090 --> 00:56:22,354
And then they're
gonna be, like, scary big.

1220
00:56:22,459 --> 00:56:26,088
But then they'll go down.
And then they'll stay down.

1221
00:56:26,163 --> 00:56:28,825
Just... Just don't say anything,
okay? Please don't say anything.

1222
00:56:28,932 --> 00:56:32,698
Oh, no, I won't, I won't.
Just tell them. They'll be cool.

1223
00:56:33,603 --> 00:56:36,163
Everybody loves
somebody pregnant.

1224
00:56:38,542 --> 00:56:41,204
Did you see
this sex offender website?

1225
00:56:41,278 --> 00:56:43,974
These are all the sex
offenders in our neighborhood.

1226
00:56:44,081 --> 00:56:46,982
Looks like your computer
has chicken pox.

1227
00:56:47,084 --> 00:56:48,745
Those are sex offenders.

1228
00:56:48,819 --> 00:56:51,151
These people live
in our neighborhood.

1229
00:56:51,254 --> 00:56:53,085
Well, I'll skip their houses
when we're trick-or-treating.

1230
00:56:53,156 --> 00:56:55,556
What do you want me to do?
Form a posse?

1231
00:56:55,625 --> 00:56:57,991
Got your six-shooter on you?
I got my lynching rope.

1232
00:56:58,095 --> 00:56:59,289
You shouldn't take it
so lightly.

1233
00:56:59,362 --> 00:57:00,522
I don't take it lightly.

1234
00:57:00,597 --> 00:57:03,293
You know, I'm not gonna go over to
any of these people's houses and say,

1235
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:05,493
"Hey, do you mind...
Can you baby-sit?"

1236
00:57:05,602 --> 00:57:07,502
If I didn't care about
these things,

1237
00:57:07,571 --> 00:57:09,095
you wouldn't
care about anything.

1238
00:57:09,172 --> 00:57:10,332
Care more.

1239
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:13,000
You're so concerned with stuff,
like "Don't get them vaccinated.

1240
00:57:13,110 --> 00:57:15,408
"Don't let them eat fish.
There's mercury in the water. "

1241
00:57:15,479 --> 00:57:18,073
Jesus, how much
Dateline NBC can you watch?

1242
00:57:18,148 --> 00:57:20,616
I know we're supposed to be
nice with each other right now,

1243
00:57:20,684 --> 00:57:22,015
but I'm having
a really hard time.

1244
00:57:22,119 --> 00:57:24,246
I'm struggling with it
right now. What am I doing?

1245
00:57:24,321 --> 00:57:28,451
'Cause I want to rip your fucking head
off because you're so fucking stupid!

1246
00:57:28,525 --> 00:57:31,790
This is scary. These are our
children. Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

1247
00:57:31,862 --> 00:57:35,662
You fucking dipshit.
God! You... Mmm-hmm.

1248
00:57:35,766 --> 00:57:38,360
I literally am at a point where
I don't know what I can say.

1249
00:57:38,468 --> 00:57:39,628
So I'm the bad guy

1250
00:57:39,703 --> 00:57:42,866
because I'm trying to protect our
kids from child molesters and mercury?

1251
00:57:42,973 --> 00:57:45,373
And you're cool
'cause you don't give a shit.

1252
00:57:45,475 --> 00:57:47,966
Yeah.
Yeah? Is that it?

1253
00:57:48,044 --> 00:57:50,774
Pretty much.
God, you're an asshole.

1254
00:57:50,847 --> 00:57:53,042
Don't do this in front of Ben.

1255
00:57:53,116 --> 00:57:55,277
I don't give a shit about Ben.

1256
00:57:55,352 --> 00:57:56,546
Sorry, Ben.

1257
00:57:56,620 --> 00:57:58,611
It's okay. I didn't think
she did, anyway.

1258
00:57:58,688 --> 00:58:00,349
Okay, come on! Let's go.

1259
00:58:00,423 --> 00:58:02,050
Oh, I can't go.

1260
00:58:02,125 --> 00:58:04,958
This band is doing a showcase
out in the Valley. I got to go.

1261
00:58:05,028 --> 00:58:06,552
It's Saturday.

1262
00:58:08,231 --> 00:58:09,357
I got to go.

1263
00:58:09,733 --> 00:58:11,701
You don't want to know
the sex of the baby?

1264
00:58:11,768 --> 00:58:13,463
That's no fun.

1265
00:58:14,037 --> 00:58:16,904
Ben knows, but I've
sworn him to secrecy.

1266
00:58:17,007 --> 00:58:18,668
I'll get it out of him.

1267
00:58:18,742 --> 00:58:19,868
No.

1268
00:58:26,583 --> 00:58:27,811
Hey.

1269
00:58:27,884 --> 00:58:31,047
Think we'll ever be as happy
as Baby Björn couple is?

1270
00:58:31,154 --> 00:58:32,883
We are that happy.

1271
00:58:33,190 --> 00:58:34,714
Yeah. You look happy.

1272
00:58:34,825 --> 00:58:37,385
Which is awesome, 'cause I never
like guys like you. It's great.

1273
00:58:37,494 --> 00:58:39,257
You keep saying that. I know.

1274
00:58:39,362 --> 00:58:41,592
This is it. This is perfect.

1275
00:58:42,365 --> 00:58:43,696
Nice.

1276
00:58:43,767 --> 00:58:45,701
Holy shit! It's 1,400 bucks.

1277
00:58:45,769 --> 00:58:47,566
We can just borrow yours.
Is that okay?

1278
00:58:47,637 --> 00:58:49,662
No. You need your own crib.

1279
00:58:49,739 --> 00:58:52,367
You know, there's one of these
lying in an alley behind my house.

1280
00:58:52,442 --> 00:58:55,104
We could just grab that.
Just rub Purell all over it.

1281
00:58:55,212 --> 00:58:56,577
You know what? Let me buy it.

1282
00:58:56,646 --> 00:58:58,477
I need to get you
a baby present anyway.

1283
00:58:58,548 --> 00:59:00,573
And I would love to get it for you. No.

1284
00:59:00,684 --> 00:59:01,946
I'm serious. I want to.

1285
00:59:02,018 --> 00:59:03,986
No. It's too much.

1286
00:59:05,388 --> 00:59:07,253
Yes. We'll take it.

1287
00:59:07,357 --> 00:59:10,451
Obviously, I mean, don't insult the
woman. She wants to get us a gift.

1288
00:59:10,527 --> 00:59:11,585
Right.

1289
00:59:11,695 --> 00:59:14,459
Wanna buy me some new shoes? What
else can I squeeze out of you?

1290
00:59:14,564 --> 00:59:16,395
Xbox 360. Xbox 360.

1291
00:59:18,535 --> 00:59:20,059
So hot in the Valley.

1292
00:59:20,136 --> 00:59:23,299
Hey! Oh, Allison!
Hi.

1293
00:59:23,406 --> 00:59:24,964
How are you?

1294
00:59:25,075 --> 00:59:27,566
It's so good to see you.

1295
00:59:27,644 --> 00:59:29,703
We've been watching you on E!
It's the coolest thing.

1296
00:59:29,779 --> 00:59:31,804
Yeah, it's been super
exciting, just crazy busy.

1297
00:59:31,915 --> 00:59:33,405
I'm so sorry I haven't called.

1298
00:59:33,483 --> 00:59:34,950
Oh, it's fine.
Hi, I'm Ashley.

1299
00:59:35,051 --> 00:59:36,211
This is my friend, Ben.
I'm Ben.

1300
00:59:36,286 --> 00:59:37,617
I went to school with Allison.

1301
00:59:37,721 --> 00:59:39,621
Okay, so, is Debbie
having another baby?

1302
00:59:39,689 --> 00:59:42,089
No. Allison is.

1303
00:59:42,158 --> 00:59:44,922
What? I just saw you a couple
months ago. You're pregnant?

1304
00:59:44,995 --> 00:59:46,986
It was a big surprise.

1305
00:59:47,097 --> 00:59:49,224
It's actually... It's a really
funny story, actually.

1306
00:59:49,299 --> 00:59:50,789
If you guys... If you got
a second to hear it.

1307
00:59:50,901 --> 00:59:52,459
It's not really funny.
It's not funny.

1308
00:59:52,569 --> 00:59:55,333
Let them be the judge, okay?
I think it's funny.

1309
00:59:55,438 --> 00:59:57,235
You know they say don't
drink and drive? Uh-huh.

1310
00:59:57,307 --> 00:59:59,673
Don't drink and bone!
Wow.

1311
00:59:59,776 --> 01:00:00,834
Okay.

1312
01:00:02,512 --> 01:00:04,002
Yeah, I mean,
she was acting weird,

1313
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:05,707
and I really think
it's just 'cause, like,

1314
01:00:05,782 --> 01:00:07,750
you know, I haven't made
an honest woman out of her.

1315
01:00:07,817 --> 01:00:10,308
She's carrying my bastard child.
No one wants that.

1316
01:00:10,420 --> 01:00:12,615
That's what I did. I mean, I
married Debbie when she got pregnant.

1317
01:00:12,689 --> 01:00:14,247
You think she's, like,
hiding me?

1318
01:00:14,324 --> 01:00:16,690
Like, she's, like, embarrassed
by me or something like that?

1319
01:00:16,793 --> 01:00:18,852
Probably. I'd hide you.

1320
01:00:18,962 --> 01:00:20,725
How much do wedding rings cost?

1321
01:00:20,797 --> 01:00:22,264
I mean, it really depends,
you know?

1322
01:00:22,332 --> 01:00:25,358
I think you're supposed to spend,
like, three months' pay on a ring.

1323
01:00:25,468 --> 01:00:27,493
That'll be easy.
I don't make any money.

1324
01:00:27,604 --> 01:00:30,095
Really? I thought there was
lot of money in porn.

1325
01:00:30,173 --> 01:00:32,004
God, it's not porn, okay?

1326
01:00:32,108 --> 01:00:35,976
All we do is we show you what
nude scenes are in what movies.

1327
01:00:36,046 --> 01:00:37,479
Oh, like Mr. Skin?

1328
01:00:37,547 --> 01:00:38,809
Who's Mr. Skin?

1329
01:00:38,882 --> 01:00:40,679
Dude, Mr. Skin.

1330
01:00:41,518 --> 01:00:42,849
Mr. Skin?

1331
01:00:44,254 --> 01:00:45,516
No!

1332
01:00:45,588 --> 01:00:47,852
We've wasted
14 months of our lives.

1333
01:00:47,924 --> 01:00:50,449
This is exactly
the same as our site.

1334
01:00:50,527 --> 01:00:51,789
How the fuck did this happen?

1335
01:00:51,861 --> 01:00:54,125
Mr. Skin. That's even
a better name than ours!

1336
01:00:54,197 --> 01:00:55,357
Fuck me in the beard.

1337
01:00:55,465 --> 01:00:57,660
Dude, they got the top 10
group shower scenes!

1338
01:00:57,767 --> 01:00:59,132
Why didn't you think
of that, Jay?

1339
01:00:59,202 --> 01:01:00,635
Don't put this on me!

1340
01:01:00,704 --> 01:01:01,796
God damn it!

1341
01:01:01,871 --> 01:01:06,001
Well, shit, I saw it online at one point,
but I guess I didn't connect the dots.

1342
01:01:06,109 --> 01:01:07,269
What are we gonna do now?

1343
01:01:07,344 --> 01:01:09,437
All we need to do is think
of a new, better idea

1344
01:01:09,512 --> 01:01:11,207
that no one else
has thought of already.

1345
01:01:11,314 --> 01:01:14,044
Oh, dude, Spider-Man 3
starts in eight minutes.

1346
01:01:14,150 --> 01:01:16,482
Don't worry, man.
We'll figure it out.

1347
01:01:22,459 --> 01:01:24,859
You know what?

1348
01:01:24,961 --> 01:01:27,953
I think just because
this site exists

1349
01:01:28,031 --> 01:01:30,363
doesn't mean our site
won't work, necessarily.

1350
01:01:30,467 --> 01:01:31,866
Good things come
in pairs, man, you know.

1351
01:01:31,935 --> 01:01:33,300
Oh, for sure.

1352
01:01:33,370 --> 01:01:37,033
Volcano, Dante's Peak,
Deep Impact, Armageddon, right?

1353
01:01:37,140 --> 01:01:38,801
Wyatt Earp, Tombstone.

1354
01:01:38,875 --> 01:01:41,469
Panda Express,
Yoshinoya Beef Bowl.

1355
01:01:41,544 --> 01:01:43,205
Exactly. We can work together.

1356
01:01:43,279 --> 01:01:45,474
This can help us,
if anything, I think.

1357
01:01:45,548 --> 01:01:46,879
We're fine. We're golden.

1358
01:01:48,485 --> 01:01:52,387
Look, Allison, I'm sure this isn't
how you pictured it being, exactly,

1359
01:01:52,489 --> 01:01:54,821
and it's not
how I wanted it to be,

1360
01:01:54,891 --> 01:01:57,917
but that is why I'm presenting
you this empty box.

1361
01:01:58,028 --> 01:01:59,859
It's a promise, Allison.

1362
01:01:59,929 --> 01:02:02,591
It's a promise
that one day I will...

1363
01:02:02,699 --> 01:02:07,102
I will fill this box with a ring
that you deserve, a beautiful ring.

1364
01:02:07,203 --> 01:02:08,761
And I can't afford it yet.

1365
01:02:08,872 --> 01:02:13,241
I've picked it out already, though, and
it's at De Beers, and it's really nice.

1366
01:02:13,343 --> 01:02:17,746
So basically I'm asking you,
will you marry me?

1367
01:02:17,847 --> 01:02:20,441
Because I'm in love with you.

1368
01:02:22,285 --> 01:02:24,253
I love you, too.

1369
01:02:24,320 --> 01:02:25,810
Really?

1370
01:02:25,889 --> 01:02:28,119
Oh, man,
that's so nice to hear.

1371
01:02:28,224 --> 01:02:32,058
That's the first time a girl's
ever said that to me, so...

1372
01:02:33,229 --> 01:02:35,254
But here's the thing.

1373
01:02:35,331 --> 01:02:36,764
There's a thing?

1374
01:02:36,866 --> 01:02:40,802
I don't really know yet what
that love means, you know.

1375
01:02:40,937 --> 01:02:44,964
Just 'cause it's so new, and
it's so exciting that it's great.

1376
01:02:46,042 --> 01:02:49,034
I don't know. We've only known
each other 17 weeks, so it's...

1377
01:02:49,112 --> 01:02:50,545
Okay.

1378
01:02:50,613 --> 01:02:53,582
Honestly, I mean, I thought...

1379
01:02:53,650 --> 01:02:56,244
I thought you felt weird
that we're having a baby

1380
01:02:56,319 --> 01:02:57,877
and we're not
engaged or anything.

1381
01:02:57,954 --> 01:02:59,251
I'm gonna get off my knee.
Yeah.

1382
01:02:59,322 --> 01:03:00,846
It's hurting a little bit.

1383
01:03:00,924 --> 01:03:02,221
No, I'm okay with that.

1384
01:03:02,292 --> 01:03:04,954
You know, we're just doing
what we can.

1385
01:03:05,061 --> 01:03:07,120
We're making the best of it,
and I don't want us

1386
01:03:07,230 --> 01:03:09,596
to put any more pressure on
ourselves than we already have.

1387
01:03:09,666 --> 01:03:11,258
Okay. Yeah.
That makes perfect sense.

1388
01:03:11,334 --> 01:03:12,892
Are you okay? I don't want
to hurt your feelings.

1389
01:03:12,969 --> 01:03:15,904
No, no, no. Honestly, I just
wanted to do right by you, you know?

1390
01:03:15,972 --> 01:03:18,839
So if you don't want to,
that's totally cool, you know?

1391
01:03:18,942 --> 01:03:20,170
Okay.

1392
01:03:20,844 --> 01:03:22,573
I really do love you.

1393
01:03:22,645 --> 01:03:24,237
I know. Thanks.

1394
01:03:24,314 --> 01:03:26,646
You mentioned that. It's nice.

1395
01:03:33,656 --> 01:03:35,453
Ben proposed to me.

1396
01:03:36,292 --> 01:03:37,987
What?
He did.

1397
01:03:38,094 --> 01:03:41,461
It was really sweet. I kind of
feel a little bit bad about it.

1398
01:03:41,531 --> 01:03:43,863
He was, like, wearing
this great little button-down.

1399
01:03:43,967 --> 01:03:47,630
He tucked his shirt in. He got
down on one knee. It was so sweet.

1400
01:03:47,704 --> 01:03:50,468
He didn't have an actual ring,
though. It was just an empty box.

1401
01:03:50,540 --> 01:03:53,532
But, you know, he had this whole
spiel about when he has the money,

1402
01:03:53,643 --> 01:03:56,806
he's gonna buy me
the ring that I deserve and...

1403
01:03:56,880 --> 01:03:58,780
The box was just empty?

1404
01:03:58,848 --> 01:04:01,009
I mean, he can't
afford a ring, so...

1405
01:04:01,117 --> 01:04:04,211
So he got down on one knee
and gave you an empty box?

1406
01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:05,685
Yes.

1407
01:04:05,755 --> 01:04:07,279
I'm sorry.

1408
01:04:07,357 --> 01:04:09,348
Get over it. It was sweet.

1409
01:04:09,459 --> 01:04:12,019
I'm telling you, if you'd been
there, you would have probably cried.

1410
01:04:12,128 --> 01:04:14,028
You need to train him.
Huh?

1411
01:04:14,130 --> 01:04:18,226
Oprah said that
when two people meet,

1412
01:04:18,334 --> 01:04:22,361
they are forced to point out each
other's differences and flaws.

1413
01:04:22,472 --> 01:04:25,737
I thought you were supposed to just accept
people for who they are, love them anyway.

1414
01:04:25,842 --> 01:04:27,639
You criticize them a lot,

1415
01:04:27,710 --> 01:04:30,907
and then they get so down on themselves
that they're forced to change.

1416
01:04:31,014 --> 01:04:32,572
Really? You don't think
that would just make it worse?

1417
01:04:32,682 --> 01:04:33,808
That'd be, like, naggy.

1418
01:04:33,883 --> 01:04:36,317
And then in the end,
they thank you for it.

1419
01:04:37,187 --> 01:04:39,747
You can't commit to him. You
can't make a commitment to him.

1420
01:04:39,856 --> 01:04:43,724
You don't even know him. I don't
even know Pete after 10 years.

1421
01:04:43,826 --> 01:04:46,021
What?
I don't know what he's up to.

1422
01:04:46,095 --> 01:04:47,494
He's miserable.

1423
01:04:47,564 --> 01:04:48,826
Why do you say that?

1424
01:04:48,898 --> 01:04:51,162
I think he's cheating on me.
What?

1425
01:04:51,234 --> 01:04:54,931
He's always going off to these
business meetings at odd hours.

1426
01:04:55,038 --> 01:04:56,699
And then I try to call him
on his cell phone,

1427
01:04:56,773 --> 01:05:00,038
and he says that he's in bad
cell phone reception areas

1428
01:05:00,109 --> 01:05:02,509
when he's in good
cell phone reception areas.

1429
01:05:02,579 --> 01:05:04,103
Maybe he's working late.

1430
01:05:04,214 --> 01:05:06,182
You know, I mean, maybe
he's just working really hard

1431
01:05:06,249 --> 01:05:08,114
to sign a new great band
or something.

1432
01:05:08,218 --> 01:05:09,947
I can't imagine Pete doing
something like that.

1433
01:05:10,053 --> 01:05:14,513
There's no part of you that thinks
that maybe he's a dirty little scumbag?

1434
01:05:14,591 --> 01:05:16,491
No. Mmm-mmm.

1435
01:05:16,559 --> 01:05:17,958
I think he might be.

1436
01:05:18,962 --> 01:05:21,192
"Memory Spy,
web memory software.

1437
01:05:21,264 --> 01:05:23,755
"Locate history files,
websites visited,

1438
01:05:23,866 --> 01:05:28,030
"hidden downloads, searches,
email history. Memory Spy. "

1439
01:05:30,006 --> 01:05:32,440
Let's see you hide
from me now, little man.

1440
01:05:41,017 --> 01:05:42,780
So you're not even
gonna tell them?

1441
01:05:42,885 --> 01:05:45,251
No. You know,
I don't have to tell them.

1442
01:05:45,355 --> 01:05:48,290
It's illegal for them
to fire me over it anyway,

1443
01:05:48,391 --> 01:05:51,224
and I get three months
maternity leave if I stay,

1444
01:05:51,294 --> 01:05:53,592
so I'm just, you know,
not gonna tell them.

1445
01:05:53,696 --> 01:05:55,391
That's a good plan.
Yeah. I like it.

1446
01:05:55,465 --> 01:05:59,799
It is a good plan until her water
breaks all over Robert De Niro's shoes.

1447
01:05:59,902 --> 01:06:03,201
"My shoes! Hey, there's
all this baby goo on it. "

1448
01:06:03,273 --> 01:06:07,073
"These shoes? On these shoes?

1449
01:06:07,143 --> 01:06:08,474
"Did you puke on my shoes?"

1450
01:06:08,578 --> 01:06:11,138
"Did your water break on my
shoes?" "Did you puke on my shoes?"

1451
01:06:11,247 --> 01:06:12,578
Oh, my God.

1452
01:06:12,649 --> 01:06:15,379
Isn't it weird, though, when you have
a kid and all your dreams and hopes

1453
01:06:15,451 --> 01:06:17,885
just go right out the window?

1454
01:06:17,954 --> 01:06:21,082
What changed for you? What
went out the window? What plans?

1455
01:06:21,157 --> 01:06:23,057
You do everything
exactly the same.

1456
01:06:23,126 --> 01:06:24,923
No, I mean, I love
what I'm doing. Like, say...

1457
01:06:24,994 --> 01:06:28,589
Okay, say, you know, before
you're married and have children,

1458
01:06:28,665 --> 01:06:30,656
you wanna go live
in India for a year.

1459
01:06:30,767 --> 01:06:33,600
You can do it. But you can't
do it once you have a family.

1460
01:06:33,670 --> 01:06:35,831
You wanna go live in India? I
don't wanna go live in India.

1461
01:06:35,938 --> 01:06:39,271
Do you want to go to India? Go
to India! Seriously, go to India.

1462
01:06:39,342 --> 01:06:40,832
What about you?
Do you want to go to India?

1463
01:06:40,943 --> 01:06:43,002
I'm not going to India.
You can go to India.

1464
01:06:43,112 --> 01:06:44,511
I get what he's talking about.

1465
01:06:44,614 --> 01:06:47,515
You know, honestly, like,
when I found out about...

1466
01:06:47,617 --> 01:06:53,783
I totally, like, I just had this flash
of me, like in a white Ford Bronco,

1467
01:06:53,856 --> 01:06:56,825
and I'm just hauling ass
for Canada, man.

1468
01:06:56,926 --> 01:06:59,326
The chopper's taping
the whole thing, and I just...

1469
01:06:59,429 --> 01:07:01,522
I bust through the border
and I'm a free man!

1470
01:07:01,631 --> 01:07:03,360
That's all I kept thinking, man.

1471
01:07:03,433 --> 01:07:04,866
You know what I'm saying?
It was a flash!

1472
01:07:04,934 --> 01:07:06,834
Wait. What do you mean? What
are you... Don't look at me.

1473
01:07:06,936 --> 01:07:09,131
We can talk about our fears
here. It's not like he did it.

1474
01:07:09,205 --> 01:07:12,368
I mean, honestly, like, if Doc Brown
screeched up in front of you in the DeLorean.

1475
01:07:13,543 --> 01:07:14,567
Open the door, he's like,

1476
01:07:14,644 --> 01:07:18,102
"Hey, Allison, come on. I got
the car here. What do you wanna do?"

1477
01:07:18,181 --> 01:07:20,877
No part of your brain would have been,
like, "You know, maybe we'll go back

1478
01:07:20,983 --> 01:07:24,475
"to that night and I would maybe
put a condom on Ben's dick. "

1479
01:07:25,655 --> 01:07:27,384
You never got that flash?
No.

1480
01:07:27,490 --> 01:07:29,617
And I don't know
what you're talking about.

1481
01:07:29,692 --> 01:07:33,025
"Where we're going,
we don't need roads. "

1482
01:07:33,129 --> 01:07:34,596
Exactly.
You wouldn't do that?

1483
01:07:34,664 --> 01:07:37,394
I don't know who Doc Brown is.

1484
01:07:37,467 --> 01:07:38,559
What are you talking about?

1485
01:07:38,668 --> 01:07:40,795
Doc Brown is the guy
who's Christopher Lloyd.

1486
01:07:40,870 --> 01:07:42,303
He invented the DeLorean,
the time machine.

1487
01:07:42,372 --> 01:07:43,669
He's the one who made
the time machine. What?

1488
01:07:43,740 --> 01:07:46,709
It's the time machine. Everyone
has the time machine image.

1489
01:07:46,809 --> 01:07:49,972
Hey. I have
a really good idea.

1490
01:07:50,046 --> 01:07:53,914
Why don't the two of you
get into your time machine,

1491
01:07:54,016 --> 01:07:56,985
go back in time
and fuck each other?

1492
01:07:57,053 --> 01:07:58,418
Who needs a time machine?

1493
01:07:58,488 --> 01:08:00,012
This is my time machine!

1494
01:08:00,089 --> 01:08:03,252
I'm gonna throw you
in my DeLorean, gun it to '88.

1495
01:08:06,496 --> 01:08:08,726
You are a funny motherfucker,
man. Jesus.

1496
01:08:08,831 --> 01:08:12,358
How can you fight with him? Look
at his face. I just want to kiss it.

1497
01:08:12,435 --> 01:08:14,096
I think he's cute.

1498
01:08:14,203 --> 01:08:16,171
I like the way you move.

1499
01:08:18,241 --> 01:08:20,869
This is fun! We should
do this more, I think.

1500
01:08:20,943 --> 01:08:23,275
I mean, this is, like, the most
fun I've had in a really long time.

1501
01:08:31,354 --> 01:08:33,720
Come on, harder.
I can't do it harder.

1502
01:08:33,790 --> 01:08:36,725
Why? Come on.
Come on, just do it. Deeper.

1503
01:08:36,793 --> 01:08:38,385
I can't.
Oh, why?

1504
01:08:38,461 --> 01:08:41,521
I'll poke the baby if I go
deeper. Oh, come on! Just do it!

1505
01:08:41,597 --> 01:08:43,861
Please, don't yell at me,
please don't.

1506
01:08:43,933 --> 01:08:46,800
What? The doctor and Debbie
said it's fine. Come on!

1507
01:08:46,903 --> 01:08:49,064
Look, can we... I'm sorry,
can we change positions?

1508
01:08:49,138 --> 01:08:51,538
What? I'm gonna crush
the baby. I know it.

1509
01:08:51,607 --> 01:08:53,575
This is ridiculous! Why
are we... No, it's not.

1510
01:08:53,643 --> 01:08:55,201
There's no shell in there,
you know?

1511
01:08:55,278 --> 01:08:57,473
Millions of people have sex
when they're pregnant!

1512
01:08:57,580 --> 01:08:59,912
I don't know how it works. It
just works, okay? Just do it.

1513
01:08:59,982 --> 01:09:02,644
All I'm thinking of is that I'm
gonna... I weigh over 200 pounds.

1514
01:09:02,752 --> 01:09:05,949
Just get over it! I can't do
it. Can you just get on top?

1515
01:09:06,055 --> 01:09:09,547
All I see is our baby getting
poked in the face by my penis.

1516
01:09:09,625 --> 01:09:11,149
Trust me, you're not even close. Okay.

1517
01:09:11,260 --> 01:09:13,125
Come on, fine.
Okay, fine.

1518
01:09:16,199 --> 01:09:17,427
Ow, ow, ow, ow.

1519
01:09:17,500 --> 01:09:19,627
That's okay.
Sorry.

1520
01:09:19,735 --> 01:09:21,669
Okay. Oh, good.

1521
01:09:21,737 --> 01:09:24,035
I can't. I can't.

1522
01:09:24,106 --> 01:09:27,166
I can't. I can't do this, I just... I
can't. I can't. I can't focus like this.

1523
01:09:27,276 --> 01:09:30,268
I look disgusting from this angle. I
can feel you looking up at my chins.

1524
01:09:30,346 --> 01:09:32,246
I know I look gross.
No, you look beautiful.

1525
01:09:32,315 --> 01:09:33,475
Your chin looks so skinny.

1526
01:09:33,583 --> 01:09:35,847
And my boobs are all, like,
squishy, and they're flopping around.

1527
01:09:35,952 --> 01:09:38,113
I can feel it, and
it's distracting. No...

1528
01:09:38,187 --> 01:09:39,654
It's all National Geographic.

1529
01:09:39,755 --> 01:09:42,519
Okay. Can we do...
Do you wanna do doggie style?

1530
01:09:42,625 --> 01:09:45,822
No. I do not want you
to fuck me like a dog.

1531
01:09:45,928 --> 01:09:48,954
I'm not fucking you
like a dog. It's doggie style.

1532
01:09:49,031 --> 01:09:51,932
It's just the style.
It's not...

1533
01:09:52,001 --> 01:09:56,097
It's not like a dog. We don't
have to go outside or anything.

1534
01:09:57,173 --> 01:10:00,665
Here we go.
Okay. Okay.

1535
01:10:00,776 --> 01:10:01,970
Okay, is it good?
Yeah.

1536
01:10:02,078 --> 01:10:03,841
Should I go slower?
Yeah, no, that's good.

1537
01:10:03,946 --> 01:10:05,243
Okay, faster?
Harder.

1538
01:10:05,314 --> 01:10:06,838
Just tell me when you're
close. Just go harder.

1539
01:10:06,949 --> 01:10:09,440
Okay.
Keep going!

1540
01:10:09,852 --> 01:10:11,285
Oh, God.

1541
01:10:11,354 --> 01:10:12,821
Oh, fuck!
What?

1542
01:10:12,922 --> 01:10:14,116
What happened?
Oh, my God.

1543
01:10:14,190 --> 01:10:16,590
The baby, it kicked my hand.
Well, no, no, it always kicks.

1544
01:10:16,659 --> 01:10:19,321
No, no, no. Not like this. No, it's
fine. It's fine. Just keep going.

1545
01:10:19,428 --> 01:10:20,861
It was a warning kick.
This was a bad kick.

1546
01:10:20,930 --> 01:10:22,864
No, no, it's fine.
It's fine! It's fine!

1547
01:10:22,965 --> 01:10:25,365
Look, my dick must be like
an inch away from its face,

1548
01:10:25,468 --> 01:10:27,333
and it's coming, just coming
in at its face. Oh, shit.

1549
01:10:27,436 --> 01:10:29,097
What if it kicked
'cause it didn't like it?

1550
01:10:29,171 --> 01:10:32,629
I can't do that to our baby.
That's the first thing it's gonna see.

1551
01:10:32,708 --> 01:10:34,266
What are you talking about?

1552
01:10:34,343 --> 01:10:36,470
It's having the baby between,

1553
01:10:36,546 --> 01:10:38,844
you know, us, it just
makes it weird. I'm sorry.

1554
01:10:38,948 --> 01:10:40,643
It just freaks me out a bit.
It's a little weird.

1555
01:10:40,716 --> 01:10:41,944
I have totally lost it.

1556
01:10:42,018 --> 01:10:44,111
You've totally lost it?
I've lost it.

1557
01:10:44,186 --> 01:10:45,346
Okay.

1558
01:10:45,454 --> 01:10:46,751
Great, you know what?
Just forget it.

1559
01:10:46,822 --> 01:10:49,313
Okay. Okay, fine.

1560
01:10:50,893 --> 01:10:53,657
Don't worry. I won't
make you do this again.

1561
01:10:53,729 --> 01:10:54,991
Shit.

1562
01:11:10,713 --> 01:11:12,203
Fuck me!

1563
01:11:12,315 --> 01:11:14,306
Oh, my God. It's the Russians!

1564
01:11:16,986 --> 01:11:19,250
Jodi, I'll protect you!
Oh, man!

1565
01:11:19,422 --> 01:11:20,582
Ben!

1566
01:11:21,991 --> 01:11:23,356
Oh, my God.

1567
01:11:23,426 --> 01:11:26,054
Oh, God. Oh, no!

1568
01:11:26,162 --> 01:11:28,562
Oh, God, that was horrible!
That was so horrible!

1569
01:11:28,664 --> 01:11:30,188
When will it be light out?

1570
01:11:30,266 --> 01:11:31,927
Okay, you're fine, man.
Take it easy.

1571
01:11:32,001 --> 01:11:34,060
Hey, did anybody turn off
the gas? I didn't do it.

1572
01:11:34,170 --> 01:11:35,569
Oh, motherfucker.

1573
01:11:36,272 --> 01:11:37,534
Hey, Marty.
Yeah.

1574
01:11:37,607 --> 01:11:40,007
This is my friend, Alex. She's
a pretty incredible person.

1575
01:11:40,076 --> 01:11:42,101
Okay. Nice to meet you.

1576
01:11:42,845 --> 01:11:45,541
Whoa, dude! Not cool, Martin.

1577
01:11:46,215 --> 01:11:47,614
That's... That wasn't...

1578
01:11:47,717 --> 01:11:49,207
Hey, are you serious,
Howard Hughes?

1579
01:11:49,285 --> 01:11:51,913
JODl: What happened?
Nothing. Nothing happened.

1580
01:11:52,021 --> 01:11:54,251
Come on.
Where were you?

1581
01:11:54,357 --> 01:11:57,019
Look, I forgot you were
sleeping over. I'm sorry, okay?

1582
01:11:57,093 --> 01:12:00,028
Yeah, 'cause you're getting
high off your huge bong.

1583
01:12:00,096 --> 01:12:01,222
How am I supposed
to be comfortable

1584
01:12:01,297 --> 01:12:03,162
with the idea that you can
take care of me and the baby

1585
01:12:03,232 --> 01:12:05,462
if you are always
getting high?

1586
01:12:05,534 --> 01:12:06,899
You want me to stop smoking pot

1587
01:12:06,969 --> 01:12:09,028
'cause there's an earthquake
once every 10 years?

1588
01:12:09,105 --> 01:12:12,597
That makes no sense, Allison.
Look, you're being irrational.

1589
01:12:12,708 --> 01:12:14,573
Just relax, okay? We're all
scared, you know? You just...

1590
01:12:15,778 --> 01:12:17,541
Oh, shit, the cops.

1591
01:12:19,715 --> 01:12:21,478
California, eh?

1592
01:12:40,169 --> 01:12:44,799
You know, it's times like this
I'm glad I don't own nice things.

1593
01:12:44,907 --> 01:12:47,341
It's a big mess, but there's
only like $50 worth of shit here.

1594
01:12:47,443 --> 01:12:49,411
And that's kind of the good thing.

1595
01:12:49,478 --> 01:12:51,742
You know, my dad told me,
"Don't move to Northridge. "

1596
01:12:51,814 --> 01:12:54,942
But you figure, like, what are the
chances of that happening twice, you know?

1597
01:12:55,017 --> 01:12:56,245
What is this?

1598
01:12:56,318 --> 01:12:57,683
It's a ninja weapon.

1599
01:12:59,522 --> 01:13:03,288
I hope this place doesn't get
condemned. That would suck.

1600
01:13:42,364 --> 01:13:44,195
Hello?
Hey, it's me.

1601
01:13:44,300 --> 01:13:47,235
You!
Hi. So, listen.

1602
01:13:47,970 --> 01:13:48,994
Will you do me a big favor?

1603
01:13:49,071 --> 01:13:50,834
Debbie wants us to come over
and have dinner tonight.

1604
01:13:50,906 --> 01:13:52,635
She thinks Pete is cheating on her.

1605
01:13:52,708 --> 01:13:54,471
Really?
Yeah.

1606
01:13:54,543 --> 01:13:56,204
Well, she saw
one of his emails and...

1607
01:13:56,312 --> 01:13:58,303
Oh, man.
There's an address.

1608
01:13:58,380 --> 01:14:00,075
That sounds terrible.
I don't want to do that.

1609
01:14:00,182 --> 01:14:01,774
Ben, come on.

1610
01:14:01,851 --> 01:14:03,148
He's not cheating on her.

1611
01:14:03,219 --> 01:14:04,914
How do you know?
I just know.

1612
01:14:05,020 --> 01:14:07,386
Are you sure? I'm 100º%
sure he's not cheating.

1613
01:14:07,490 --> 01:14:08,923
Are you really?

1614
01:14:09,458 --> 01:14:10,584
No.

1615
01:14:10,659 --> 01:14:12,354
It actually kind of makes sense
that he would cheat.

1616
01:14:12,428 --> 01:14:13,520
Why?

1617
01:14:13,596 --> 01:14:16,087
'Cause Debbie's a pain in the ass
and Pete's awesome.

1618
01:14:16,198 --> 01:14:20,430
Why don't you just come over then, and
we'll just diffuse the situation a little.

1619
01:14:20,536 --> 01:14:22,834
I'm just saying the music industry
is different now.

1620
01:14:22,905 --> 01:14:25,897
You can't... Steely Dan would
never even have a chance.

1621
01:14:26,008 --> 01:14:28,875
Well, maybe it's 'cause
Steely Dan gargles my balls.

1622
01:14:28,978 --> 01:14:30,741
They're incredible. They
really aren't good, man.

1623
01:14:30,846 --> 01:14:31,972
Old Steely Dan.

1624
01:14:32,047 --> 01:14:33,412
If I ever listen to Steely Dan,

1625
01:14:33,482 --> 01:14:35,882
I want you to slice my head
off with an Al Jarreau LP.

1626
01:14:38,821 --> 01:14:40,152
Oh, I should get going.

1627
01:14:40,222 --> 01:14:42,816
I'm supposed to see this
band tonight in Hollywood.

1628
01:14:42,892 --> 01:14:44,553
Actually, they're playing
in Laurel Canyon,

1629
01:14:44,660 --> 01:14:47,652
so I'll call you 'cause the
reception's terrible over there, so...

1630
01:14:47,730 --> 01:14:48,856
Okay.

1631
01:14:48,931 --> 01:14:51,559
And I don't want you to worry
'cause I know you worry.

1632
01:14:51,667 --> 01:14:52,895
I'm just gonna jump
in the shower.

1633
01:14:53,002 --> 01:14:55,937
It would be terrible if I smelled
worse than the band.

1634
01:14:56,038 --> 01:14:58,438
Okay. Have fun.

1635
01:14:58,507 --> 01:14:59,838
All right.

1636
01:15:01,343 --> 01:15:05,541
You guys are crazy. He's acting
totally normal and hilarious.

1637
01:15:18,260 --> 01:15:20,524
She doesn't have a gun,
does she?

1638
01:15:20,596 --> 01:15:22,587
No. I don't think so.

1639
01:15:37,079 --> 01:15:38,444
Looks like no one's home.

1640
01:15:38,514 --> 01:15:40,675
Why was the door unlocked?

1641
01:15:40,749 --> 01:15:42,148
Wait here.

1642
01:15:55,264 --> 01:15:57,459
I kind of feel bad for Pete.

1643
01:15:57,533 --> 01:15:58,761
What?

1644
01:15:59,068 --> 01:16:01,059
This isn't a good way,
you know.

1645
01:16:01,136 --> 01:16:04,435
If you're gonna get caught
cheating, it shouldn't be like this.

1646
01:16:04,506 --> 01:16:08,169
Well, maybe he should've thought
of that before he was cheating.

1647
01:16:08,277 --> 01:16:09,801
Pete!
Stop it.

1648
01:16:09,912 --> 01:16:12,608
I coughed.
What do you want from me?

1649
01:16:12,681 --> 01:16:14,979
There's nobody up there.

1650
01:16:15,050 --> 01:16:16,210
Thank you.

1651
01:16:17,152 --> 01:16:18,551
I guess I was wrong.

1652
01:16:18,621 --> 01:16:19,713
I told you.

1653
01:16:19,788 --> 01:16:22,018
Can we get out of here,
please? Yeah, come on. Let's go.

1654
01:16:22,091 --> 01:16:24,184
Suck it!
Did you hear that?

1655
01:16:24,293 --> 01:16:26,625
What?
I didn't hear anything.

1656
01:16:43,545 --> 01:16:45,206
Carlos Delgado.
Excellent choice.

1657
01:16:45,314 --> 01:16:47,612
Too bad I got him three rounds
ago. You're still on the clock.

1658
01:16:47,683 --> 01:16:49,480
Oh, shit!
You gotta do something.

1659
01:16:49,551 --> 01:16:51,280
We need a name.

1660
01:16:51,353 --> 01:16:52,650
Hideki Matsui.

1661
01:16:52,721 --> 01:16:55,019
You just took my whole
outfield. Sorry, Charlie.

1662
01:16:55,124 --> 01:16:56,716
What is this?

1663
01:16:56,792 --> 01:16:58,123
Debbie.

1664
01:16:58,193 --> 01:17:00,388
What the fuck is this?

1665
01:17:00,462 --> 01:17:02,259
It's our fantasy baseball draft.

1666
01:17:02,331 --> 01:17:03,764
We said no wives.

1667
01:17:03,832 --> 01:17:05,231
Your fantasy what?

1668
01:17:05,834 --> 01:17:09,031
It's our draft
for fantasy baseball.

1669
01:17:09,138 --> 01:17:11,368
I told you all about this.

1670
01:17:11,473 --> 01:17:12,872
Got Matsui.

1671
01:17:15,911 --> 01:17:16,969
Shit!

1672
01:17:17,846 --> 01:17:20,838
Hey, Pete, don't let the door hit
you in the vagina on the way out!

1673
01:17:20,916 --> 01:17:23,077
Come on, who's going?
Prince, you're on the clock.

1674
01:17:23,352 --> 01:17:25,149
I should have told you.

1675
01:17:25,254 --> 01:17:27,745
What else have you been
lying about? Nothing...

1676
01:17:27,856 --> 01:17:28,880
That guy said,

1677
01:17:28,991 --> 01:17:31,789
"Don't let the door hit you
in the vagina on the way out. "

1678
01:17:31,860 --> 01:17:33,521
Yeah, I heard him.

1679
01:17:33,595 --> 01:17:35,153
That was hilarious.

1680
01:17:35,230 --> 01:17:38,028
It's just that I know you've been
mad 'cause I've been working so much,

1681
01:17:38,100 --> 01:17:39,590
and I didn't want
to upset you.

1682
01:17:39,702 --> 01:17:42,000
I wouldn't be mad.
I don't get mad.

1683
01:17:42,071 --> 01:17:45,404
It's a fantasy baseball draft.
I'm not cheating or anything.

1684
01:17:45,507 --> 01:17:47,338
No, this is worse.

1685
01:17:47,409 --> 01:17:48,899
How is this worse?

1686
01:17:49,011 --> 01:17:53,539
This is you wanting to be with
your friends more than your family.

1687
01:17:53,615 --> 01:17:56,948
Look, the reason I make that up is because
if I told you what I was really doing,

1688
01:17:57,052 --> 01:17:58,610
you would just get mad.

1689
01:17:58,721 --> 01:18:03,590
So you think I'm seeing a band, I do
my fantasy draft, and it's win-win.

1690
01:18:04,360 --> 01:18:08,262
Well, what'd you do last Wednesday night
when you said you went to see a band?

1691
01:18:08,364 --> 01:18:09,626
I went to the movies.

1692
01:18:09,732 --> 01:18:11,791
With who?
By myself.

1693
01:18:11,900 --> 01:18:13,492
What'd you see?

1694
01:18:13,569 --> 01:18:15,002
Spider-Man 3.

1695
01:18:15,070 --> 01:18:17,732
Why do you want to go by yourself?
Why didn't you ask me to go?

1696
01:18:17,806 --> 01:18:19,273
Because I needed
to get away, you know.

1697
01:18:19,375 --> 01:18:22,538
With work and you and the kids,
sometimes I just need some time to myself.

1698
01:18:22,611 --> 01:18:25,705
I need time for myself.
I want time for myself, too.

1699
01:18:25,781 --> 01:18:27,715
You're not the only one.

1700
01:18:27,783 --> 01:18:29,808
It's not that big of a deal.

1701
01:18:30,753 --> 01:18:33,449
I like Spider-Man.

1702
01:18:33,555 --> 01:18:35,785
Okay, so let's see
Spider-Man 3 next week.

1703
01:18:35,891 --> 01:18:38,382
I don't wanna go see it now.

1704
01:18:38,460 --> 01:18:41,395
I don't wanna have
to ask you to ask me.

1705
01:18:41,463 --> 01:18:44,660
I want you to just come up
with it on your own.

1706
01:18:44,767 --> 01:18:47,395
I don't even know what to say.
What do you want me to do?

1707
01:18:47,469 --> 01:18:52,736
You just think because you don't yell
that you're not mean, but this is mean.

1708
01:18:53,809 --> 01:18:55,640
I'm not being mean.
I'm being honest.

1709
01:18:55,711 --> 01:18:57,076
You're telling me
I need to be honest.

1710
01:18:57,146 --> 01:18:59,080
No, you're not. You're lying.

1711
01:18:59,148 --> 01:19:03,050
I'm doing it because I need to
keep my sanity a little bit.

1712
01:19:04,453 --> 01:19:08,287
You know what? I don't want
you at the house anymore, okay?

1713
01:19:09,625 --> 01:19:10,922
Come on.

1714
01:19:12,394 --> 01:19:14,419
Shit, she's coming back.

1715
01:19:15,898 --> 01:19:17,957
How come we go to
the gynecologist so often?

1716
01:19:18,067 --> 01:19:22,231
I bet we have to go so much so we can
pay for that $300,000 machine he has.

1717
01:19:22,304 --> 01:19:27,674
I cannot stop thinking
about what an asshole Pete is.

1718
01:19:29,778 --> 01:19:32,076
That's a little strong,
I would say.

1719
01:19:32,147 --> 01:19:33,239
Really?

1720
01:19:33,315 --> 01:19:37,342
'Cause that had to be one of the most
selfish things I've ever witnessed.

1721
01:19:37,453 --> 01:19:39,819
It's understandable, I would say.
I even think it's kind of funny.

1722
01:19:41,123 --> 01:19:42,818
What's funny about it?

1723
01:19:42,925 --> 01:19:45,257
Well, you won't laugh now,
I wouldn't imagine,

1724
01:19:45,327 --> 01:19:48,421
but, you know, the situation.

1725
01:19:48,497 --> 01:19:50,692
We break into this stranger's house

1726
01:19:50,799 --> 01:19:53,962
thinking we're gonna find him
sleeping with a woman,

1727
01:19:54,036 --> 01:19:56,664
and it's a bunch of nerds
playing fantasy baseball.

1728
01:19:56,772 --> 01:19:59,138
If you saw that, like,
on television, you would laugh.

1729
01:19:59,208 --> 01:20:02,336
Is that what you think?
Is that what you wanna do, Ben?

1730
01:20:02,444 --> 01:20:04,844
I don't even
like baseball.

1731
01:20:04,947 --> 01:20:08,610
I'm just saying, when you're a guy
and, you know, you have a family,

1732
01:20:08,684 --> 01:20:11,175
you have responsibility,
you lose that male camaraderie.

1733
01:20:11,286 --> 01:20:14,881
And I get that. I totally
understand where he's coming from.

1734
01:20:14,990 --> 01:20:16,389
Why do guys always go
to that place?

1735
01:20:16,492 --> 01:20:18,551
"We miss male camaraderie. "
Why do I give a shit?

1736
01:20:18,660 --> 01:20:21,652
Go hang out with your bearded
freak friends. I don't care.

1737
01:20:21,730 --> 01:20:24,858
You wanna hang out with guys that look
like the shoe bomber, it's all on you, man.

1738
01:20:24,967 --> 01:20:26,525
What the fuck
am I supposed to say to that?

1739
01:20:26,635 --> 01:20:27,693
You should just support me!

1740
01:20:27,803 --> 01:20:30,203
You know, you should just
support everything I say

1741
01:20:30,305 --> 01:20:32,865
because at this juncture in my life,
I'm allowed to be wrong!

1742
01:20:32,975 --> 01:20:34,533
So if you're wrong, I
have to support it? Yes!

1743
01:20:34,643 --> 01:20:36,634
I can't tell you that
you're acting like a lunatic?

1744
01:20:36,712 --> 01:20:38,077
No.
No? Okay.

1745
01:20:38,180 --> 01:20:40,307
That's helpful.
You have to do nothing!

1746
01:20:40,382 --> 01:20:42,543
I've sacrificed
a lot of shit to do this!

1747
01:20:42,651 --> 01:20:44,209
You haven't sacrificed anything! I have.

1748
01:20:44,319 --> 01:20:48,688
I've had to sacrifice my job,
my body, my youth, my vagina!

1749
01:20:48,757 --> 01:20:50,054
You've sacrificed your vagina?

1750
01:20:50,125 --> 01:20:52,958
Yes! It will never look
the same after this!

1751
01:20:54,563 --> 01:20:59,091
Well. Fine. I'm sorry, I'll pay
for vaginal reconstructive surgery.

1752
01:20:59,201 --> 01:21:01,567
You can't pay for shit!
You can barely buy spaghetti!

1753
01:21:01,670 --> 01:21:04,036
You're right! Fine! Okay.

1754
01:21:04,106 --> 01:21:06,301
You know what?
Get out of the car.

1755
01:21:06,375 --> 01:21:08,138
You know what? How...

1756
01:21:08,210 --> 01:21:09,438
Why don't you not threaten me?

1757
01:21:09,545 --> 01:21:11,536
You should just get out
of the fucking car.

1758
01:21:11,613 --> 01:21:13,843
I'm not gonna get out of the car
in the middle of nowhere! No!

1759
01:21:13,916 --> 01:21:15,008
Get out of the car!
No.

1760
01:21:15,083 --> 01:21:17,517
I own this car! Get out of my car! No.

1761
01:21:17,586 --> 01:21:18,712
Get out of my car!
No.

1762
01:21:18,787 --> 01:21:20,914
Get out of my fucking car!

1763
01:21:32,401 --> 01:21:35,097
Can you let me back
in the car, please?

1764
01:21:35,204 --> 01:21:38,196
Have you calmed down?
Did you take a breath?

1765
01:21:40,642 --> 01:21:42,872
I have no clue where we are!

1766
01:21:44,146 --> 01:21:45,545
Fine. Go.

1767
01:21:50,652 --> 01:21:51,949
Great.

1768
01:22:10,072 --> 01:22:11,334
Okay.

1769
01:22:11,440 --> 01:22:16,241
Maybe I should take my shoes off. Or
my belt buckle, my belt buckle's huge.

1770
01:22:16,311 --> 01:22:17,676
Don't worry
about gaining weight.

1771
01:22:17,779 --> 01:22:20,771
Your baby wants you to gain
a whole mess of weight.

1772
01:22:20,849 --> 01:22:22,077
Are you fucking kidding me?

1773
01:22:22,150 --> 01:22:24,584
Why don't you take off your earrings,
too? They weigh about 80 pounds.

1774
01:22:24,653 --> 01:22:25,745
They're made out of moon rocks,
aren't they?

1775
01:22:25,821 --> 01:22:28,619
Do not make fun of me.
Okay? I am hormonal.

1776
01:22:28,690 --> 01:22:30,954
I am terrified,
and I am falling apart,

1777
01:22:31,026 --> 01:22:33,358
so stop treating everything
like it's a big joke!

1778
01:22:33,462 --> 01:22:34,827
Okay, I'm sorry
you're freaking out,

1779
01:22:34,930 --> 01:22:38,195
but I just walked three fucking
miles through Koreatown to get here!

1780
01:22:38,300 --> 01:22:40,200
Sorry if I'm trying
to lighten the mood a little.

1781
01:22:40,302 --> 01:22:41,428
Well, don't, okay?

1782
01:22:41,503 --> 01:22:43,437
You can't take anything seriously!

1783
01:22:43,505 --> 01:22:45,268
You know, you didn't even
read the baby books.

1784
01:22:45,340 --> 01:22:48,207
I didn't read the baby book!
What's gonna happen?

1785
01:22:48,310 --> 01:22:51,143
How did anyone ever give birth
without a baby book?

1786
01:22:51,213 --> 01:22:54,307
That's right. The ancient
Egyptians fucking engraved

1787
01:22:54,383 --> 01:22:56,851
What to Expect When You're
Expecting on the pyramid walls!

1788
01:22:56,952 --> 01:22:58,351
I forgot about that!

1789
01:22:58,453 --> 01:23:01,183
Who gives a flying fuck
about the baby books?

1790
01:23:01,290 --> 01:23:03,656
It just shows your lack
of commitment, Ben!

1791
01:23:03,725 --> 01:23:06,193
That you're not in this with me!

1792
01:23:06,295 --> 01:23:09,662
Did you just say "my lack of commitment"?
'Cause that's what it sounded like.

1793
01:23:09,731 --> 01:23:14,896
It almost seems as though you forgot
I proposed to you, like an asshole!

1794
01:23:15,003 --> 01:23:16,834
And you said no to me!

1795
01:23:16,905 --> 01:23:18,998
If you feel that way,
you should just go.

1796
01:23:19,074 --> 01:23:20,564
Really. Just go.

1797
01:23:20,642 --> 01:23:23,372
Because we didn't mean
to do this together, okay?

1798
01:23:23,478 --> 01:23:27,574
And... And we tried to make it
work and that was good, I suppose.

1799
01:23:27,683 --> 01:23:29,241
But it doesn't work.

1800
01:23:29,351 --> 01:23:31,683
Because we are two
completely different people.

1801
01:23:31,753 --> 01:23:35,348
And I think it would just be easier for
both of us if we stop fooling ourselves.

1802
01:23:35,424 --> 01:23:37,790
You know, I know this isn't
you talking, it's your hormones,

1803
01:23:37,859 --> 01:23:41,022
but I would just like to say,
fuck you, hormones!

1804
01:23:41,129 --> 01:23:45,691
You are a crazy bitch,
hormones. Not Allison! Hormones!

1805
01:23:45,801 --> 01:23:48,998
Fuck them! It's a girl!
Buy some pink shit!

1806
01:23:49,071 --> 01:23:51,301
Nice. You are such an asshole.

1807
01:23:51,373 --> 01:23:54,570
You know what?
Go fuck your fucking bong, you fuck!

1808
01:23:54,676 --> 01:23:57,804
I will fuck my bong.
Doggie style, for once.

1809
01:24:02,084 --> 01:24:03,711
Are you ready?

1810
01:24:07,022 --> 01:24:09,252
I'm really sorry about all that.
That was really inappropriate.

1811
01:24:09,358 --> 01:24:11,849
Oh, no, that's okay. It happens
all the time here. It's fine.

1812
01:24:11,927 --> 01:24:14,418
Oh, good, okay, I don't feel so
stupid, then. No, no, not at all.

1813
01:24:16,064 --> 01:24:17,361
I totally know what
you're talking about, man.

1814
01:24:17,432 --> 01:24:21,198
Like, if I wrote out the list of
shit Allison doesn't let me do,

1815
01:24:21,269 --> 01:24:25,603
like, it would be endless. "Don't smoke
pot. Don't have samurai swords in your room.

1816
01:24:25,707 --> 01:24:28,175
"Don't have illegal grow
operations in the house. "

1817
01:24:28,243 --> 01:24:30,370
I mean, like,
I could go on all fucking day.

1818
01:24:30,445 --> 01:24:34,040
Have I told her to stop
doing anything ever? No.

1819
01:24:34,116 --> 01:24:35,947
Marriage is like that show,
Everybody Loves Raymond,

1820
01:24:36,051 --> 01:24:37,541
but it's not funny.

1821
01:24:37,619 --> 01:24:40,349
All the problems are the same,
but it's...

1822
01:24:40,422 --> 01:24:42,720
You know, instead of
all the funny, pithy dialog,

1823
01:24:42,791 --> 01:24:46,192
everybody's just really
pissed off and tense.

1824
01:24:46,261 --> 01:24:50,960
Marriage is like an unfunny, tense
version of Everybody Loves Raymond.

1825
01:24:51,066 --> 01:24:53,534
But it doesn't last 22 minutes.

1826
01:24:54,636 --> 01:24:56,399
It lasts forever.

1827
01:24:57,706 --> 01:25:01,574
Let's get out of here, man.
Honestly, like, let's just go.

1828
01:25:01,643 --> 01:25:03,634
Let's go to Vegas.
Let's do it.

1829
01:25:03,745 --> 01:25:05,144
Yeah.
Why not?

1830
01:25:11,119 --> 01:25:12,313
Get up.
What?

1831
01:25:12,421 --> 01:25:13,547
We're not gonna do this.
What?

1832
01:25:13,622 --> 01:25:14,884
Seriously.

1833
01:25:17,259 --> 01:25:18,351
What are you doing?

1834
01:25:18,427 --> 01:25:22,022
We have to go do something
and have fun!

1835
01:25:23,331 --> 01:25:24,525
I'm just so tired.

1836
01:25:24,599 --> 01:25:25,861
I know you're tired.

1837
01:25:25,934 --> 01:25:29,301
But we're gonna be untired!
We're gonna go live!

1838
01:25:30,505 --> 01:25:32,769
I hate you so much sometimes.

1839
01:25:32,841 --> 01:25:34,206
We're gonna be positive.

1840
01:25:34,276 --> 01:25:36,938
Positive, positive, positive! Up!

1841
01:25:37,012 --> 01:25:38,411
How many Red Bulls have you had?

1842
01:25:38,480 --> 01:25:41,415
I've had about three Red Bulls
in the last 15 minutes.

1843
01:25:41,483 --> 01:25:43,007
And I feel fabulous!

1844
01:25:43,118 --> 01:25:46,986
We're gonna create a new life
and it's gonna be awesome!

1845
01:25:47,088 --> 01:25:49,022
Get up! Let's go!

1846
01:25:50,692 --> 01:25:53,684
Since when do we lock
this fucking thing? Come on!

1847
01:25:58,667 --> 01:26:00,498
We can't go, dude. Sorry.

1848
01:26:00,569 --> 01:26:02,764
Holy crap! What happened?

1849
01:26:02,838 --> 01:26:04,499
We got pink eye.

1850
01:26:04,606 --> 01:26:06,574
What, you giving each other
butterfly kisses or something?

1851
01:26:06,641 --> 01:26:08,802
Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
That's not how you get pink eye.

1852
01:26:08,877 --> 01:26:12,335
You get it from poo particles making
their way into your ocular cavities.

1853
01:26:12,447 --> 01:26:15,041
Hey, Ben. How's it going?
Yo.

1854
01:26:15,150 --> 01:26:17,846
I farted on Jason's pillow
as a practical joke.

1855
01:26:17,953 --> 01:26:20,080
He farted on Jonah's,
thinking it was mine,

1856
01:26:20,155 --> 01:26:23,886
and then eventually
pink-eyed my pillow.

1857
01:26:23,959 --> 01:26:28,692
I'm not proud of any of this, but I
think we've all forgiven each other.

1858
01:26:29,664 --> 01:26:30,995
But we can't go anywhere.

1859
01:26:31,066 --> 01:26:33,364
You can get pink eye
from farting in a pillow?

1860
01:26:33,468 --> 01:26:34,730
Totally.
Mmm-hmm.

1861
01:26:34,803 --> 01:26:36,134
That's awesome!

1862
01:26:36,204 --> 01:26:38,035
Yeah, but you got
to be bare-assed.

1863
01:26:38,139 --> 01:26:39,538
Jesus, Martin got it bad!

1864
01:26:39,641 --> 01:26:41,871
What, did someone take a dump
right in your eye?

1865
01:26:41,977 --> 01:26:44,878
No. No pink eye for me.

1866
01:26:45,847 --> 01:26:48,816
I'm just really high.

1867
01:26:49,718 --> 01:26:52,983
Well, stay back, guys.
I got to get my suit, okay?

1868
01:26:54,756 --> 01:26:55,984
Fuck you.

1869
01:26:58,426 --> 01:27:00,053
Are you Debbie's husband?

1870
01:27:00,128 --> 01:27:00,753
Yeah.

1871
01:27:05,333 --> 01:27:07,028
This is fun!
This is great.

1872
01:27:07,102 --> 01:27:09,229
It's just fun, man. We're
gonna have the best time ever.

1873
01:27:09,337 --> 01:27:11,532
We make a good team, man.
Yeah.

1874
01:27:11,606 --> 01:27:13,665
It's like, I can't come here
with Debbie.

1875
01:27:13,742 --> 01:27:15,767
She wouldn't understand it.
She doesn't understand.

1876
01:27:15,877 --> 01:27:18,573
She wants to hold me in, and she was
telling Allison she could train you.

1877
01:27:18,680 --> 01:27:19,942
She thinks she could train me?

1878
01:27:20,048 --> 01:27:21,538
Yeah, like you're running
the Triple Crown.

1879
01:27:21,616 --> 01:27:24,608
She can't train this! I'm like
Siegfried and Roy's Bengal.

1880
01:27:24,719 --> 01:27:26,619
You think I'm trained. I'll...

1881
01:27:26,721 --> 01:27:28,689
I'll bite your fucking
face off! That's right.

1882
01:27:28,757 --> 01:27:30,190
In front of a crowd, baby.

1883
01:27:30,258 --> 01:27:34,217
This is better. Besides, I don't know if
I have enough of these babies to go around.

1884
01:27:34,296 --> 01:27:35,729
My God! Are these mushrooms?

1885
01:27:35,797 --> 01:27:37,287
Uh-huh. I got them from
a roadie for the Black Crowes.

1886
01:27:37,399 --> 01:27:38,457
I'm eating them.

1887
01:27:38,567 --> 01:27:41,229
No, no, no. Save it! I got
tickets to Cirque du Soleil.

1888
01:27:41,303 --> 01:27:43,066
You do? No, you don't.

1889
01:27:43,138 --> 01:27:44,435
I swear to God, man.

1890
01:27:44,539 --> 01:27:46,473
Holy shit!

1891
01:27:46,575 --> 01:27:48,202
See? I see the beam of light.

1892
01:27:48,276 --> 01:27:50,574
There it is, baby! Whoo-hoo!

1893
01:27:50,645 --> 01:27:53,239
You're so money that you don't
even know how much money you have.

1894
01:27:53,315 --> 01:27:56,148
You're money, baby!
You're money!

1895
01:28:00,755 --> 01:28:02,723
I love Vegas, man.

1896
01:28:03,391 --> 01:28:04,585
This is the greatest place
on Earth.

1897
01:28:04,659 --> 01:28:07,753
It's really amazing here.
You got my tie!

1898
01:28:08,797 --> 01:28:10,526
This is awesome!

1899
01:28:12,968 --> 01:28:15,436
Now, that's how you get pink eye.

1900
01:28:22,077 --> 01:28:24,978
Hey, what's up? Baby girl.

1901
01:28:25,080 --> 01:28:26,342
Hi.

1902
01:28:26,414 --> 01:28:28,575
What's up?
End of the line, please.

1903
01:28:29,150 --> 01:28:30,879
Really?
Yeah.

1904
01:28:32,153 --> 01:28:33,916
Oh, come on.

1905
01:28:33,989 --> 01:28:36,287
Look, we're at capacity, okay?

1906
01:28:36,391 --> 01:28:38,222
We'll let some people in
when it clears out a little.

1907
01:28:38,293 --> 01:28:41,592
You'll get right in if you go
back to the end of the line.

1908
01:28:41,663 --> 01:28:43,597
We come here all the time.
It's not a big deal.

1909
01:28:43,665 --> 01:28:45,496
It doesn't really look
that crowded in there.

1910
01:28:45,600 --> 01:28:47,500
Hey, look.
I don't make the rules.

1911
01:28:47,602 --> 01:28:48,694
Please?

1912
01:28:48,770 --> 01:28:50,397
No.

1913
01:28:50,472 --> 01:28:54,238
Hey, what's up, shorty?
What's up, pretty girls?

1914
01:28:55,577 --> 01:28:58,239
See y'all when y'all get out.

1915
01:28:58,313 --> 01:28:59,974
Watch yourself.

1916
01:29:00,081 --> 01:29:01,742
What was that?

1917
01:29:01,816 --> 01:29:04,011
What the fuck was that?
It is what it is, sweetie.

1918
01:29:04,119 --> 01:29:05,211
Now can you step
to the back, please?

1919
01:29:05,286 --> 01:29:06,913
You don't need to call me
sweetie. Maybe we should just go.

1920
01:29:06,988 --> 01:29:08,114
Maybe you should
listen to your friend.

1921
01:29:08,189 --> 01:29:09,281
No, you don't need
to call me sweetie.

1922
01:29:09,357 --> 01:29:11,518
All right, you want to come in,
you're gonna have to go

1923
01:29:11,626 --> 01:29:13,856
to the end of the line
and wait like everybody else.

1924
01:29:13,962 --> 01:29:15,520
I'm not gonna go to
the end of the fucking line.

1925
01:29:15,630 --> 01:29:16,790
Who the fuck are you?

1926
01:29:16,865 --> 01:29:19,732
I have just as much of
a right to be here

1927
01:29:19,801 --> 01:29:21,462
as any of these
little skanky girls!

1928
01:29:21,536 --> 01:29:23,333
What, am I not
skanky enough for you?

1929
01:29:23,405 --> 01:29:25,134
You want me to hike up
my fucking skirt?

1930
01:29:25,206 --> 01:29:28,505
What the fuck is your problem?
I'm not going anywhere!

1931
01:29:28,610 --> 01:29:31,545
You're just some roided out
freak with a fucking clipboard!

1932
01:29:31,646 --> 01:29:34,547
And your stupid little fucking
rope! You know what?

1933
01:29:34,649 --> 01:29:37,345
You may have power now,
but you're not God!

1934
01:29:37,452 --> 01:29:39,443
You're a doorman! Okay?

1935
01:29:39,521 --> 01:29:44,982
You're a doorman, doorman,
doorman, doorman, doorman!

1936
01:29:45,060 --> 01:29:48,791
So, fuck you, you fucking fag

1937
01:29:48,863 --> 01:29:50,888
with your fucking little
faggy gloves.

1938
01:29:58,006 --> 01:29:59,303
I know.

1939
01:30:01,509 --> 01:30:03,875
You're right. I'm so sorry.

1940
01:30:04,746 --> 01:30:06,907
I fucking hate this job.

1941
01:30:07,015 --> 01:30:10,576
I don't want to be the one to pass
judgment and decide who gets in.

1942
01:30:10,685 --> 01:30:12,676
This shit makes me sick
to my stomach.

1943
01:30:12,754 --> 01:30:15,314
I get the runs from the stress.

1944
01:30:15,390 --> 01:30:18,655
It's not 'cause you're not hot.
I would love to tap that ass.

1945
01:30:18,727 --> 01:30:22,026
I would tear that ass up.

1946
01:30:22,097 --> 01:30:25,999
I can't let you in 'cause you're
old as fuck, for this club,

1947
01:30:26,067 --> 01:30:28,729
not, you know, for the Earth.

1948
01:30:28,837 --> 01:30:29,861
What?

1949
01:30:29,938 --> 01:30:31,701
You old. She pregnant.

1950
01:30:31,773 --> 01:30:34,742
Can't have a bunch of old,
pregnant bitches running around.

1951
01:30:34,843 --> 01:30:36,276
That's crazy.

1952
01:30:36,377 --> 01:30:41,110
I'm only allowed to let in
5º% black people. He said that. 5º%.

1953
01:30:41,216 --> 01:30:43,116
That mean if there's
25 people here,

1954
01:30:43,218 --> 01:30:45,914
I get to let in one-and-a-quarter
black people.

1955
01:30:46,020 --> 01:30:48,454
So I got to hope there's a black midget
in the crowd.

1956
01:30:48,556 --> 01:30:50,786
Now I feel guilty. I'm sorry.

1957
01:30:50,859 --> 01:30:52,326
Why y'all wanna be in here anyway?

1958
01:30:52,393 --> 01:30:54,361
Y'all need to be
at a yoga class or something.

1959
01:30:54,429 --> 01:30:56,397
What the fuck is she doing at the club?

1960
01:30:56,464 --> 01:30:58,796
That's not even
good parenting right there.

1961
01:30:58,900 --> 01:31:01,460
Your old ass should know better than that.

1962
01:31:01,569 --> 01:31:02,900
Oh, God.

1963
01:31:07,609 --> 01:31:09,907
Have the mushrooms
kicked in yet?

1964
01:31:34,903 --> 01:31:37,599
This was a great idea, man.

1965
01:31:37,672 --> 01:31:40,937
This is the best idea
I've ever had in my life.

1966
01:31:44,512 --> 01:31:47,242
What are they gonna do?

1967
01:31:47,315 --> 01:31:53,584
What in the world
are they doing?

1968
01:31:53,655 --> 01:31:57,489
If I shaved my stomach and my chest,
I would look exactly like that.

1969
01:31:58,526 --> 01:32:01,017
Those guys are
at work right now.

1970
01:32:02,363 --> 01:32:05,230
"What'd you do today?"
"I just lifted my brother. "

1971
01:32:06,501 --> 01:32:09,664
No. Don't applaud. He'll fall.

1972
01:32:13,107 --> 01:32:16,201
I'm freaking out
right now, man.

1973
01:32:16,311 --> 01:32:18,609
The mushrooms are turning on me.

1974
01:32:23,852 --> 01:32:25,979
Papa.

1975
01:32:26,054 --> 01:32:27,851
I'm not your papa!

1976
01:32:28,356 --> 01:32:30,153
Papa!

1977
01:32:32,327 --> 01:32:34,727
I can't deal
with this shit, man!

1978
01:32:36,464 --> 01:32:39,695
Hold up. Hold up.
Ben, wait. Ben, Ben, Ben, wait!

1979
01:32:44,973 --> 01:32:46,338
It's over.

1980
01:32:46,441 --> 01:32:47,567
What's over?

1981
01:32:47,642 --> 01:32:48,939
My youth.

1982
01:32:49,010 --> 01:32:50,739
Oh, don't say that.

1983
01:32:50,812 --> 01:32:52,279
It's true.

1984
01:32:53,815 --> 01:32:57,342
I just wanna dance. I
love dancing. So dance.

1985
01:32:57,452 --> 01:32:59,716
I can't dance.
I'm embarrassed.

1986
01:32:59,787 --> 01:33:01,755
I should be embarrassed.

1987
01:33:01,823 --> 01:33:06,522
I'm a fucking whale, and I'm trying
to get into some stupid club and...

1988
01:33:06,628 --> 01:33:08,459
No, you look beautiful.

1989
01:33:08,529 --> 01:33:10,554
And you're young
and you're tall,

1990
01:33:10,665 --> 01:33:14,328
and you got the good lips
and boobs, and you're young still.

1991
01:33:14,402 --> 01:33:16,893
I'm gonna be alone.

1992
01:33:17,005 --> 01:33:18,063
Debbie, no, you're not.

1993
01:33:18,139 --> 01:33:19,629
Yes, I am.

1994
01:33:21,876 --> 01:33:23,810
Oh, God!

1995
01:33:24,913 --> 01:33:27,006
Fucking men!

1996
01:33:28,683 --> 01:33:32,483
I get worse-looking
and he gets better-looking,

1997
01:33:32,553 --> 01:33:34,851
and it's so fucking unfair.

1998
01:33:36,357 --> 01:33:37,654
Oh, fuck.

1999
01:33:38,393 --> 01:33:39,917
We should go.

2000
01:33:41,596 --> 01:33:45,430
My babysitter always gets mad
when we come home past 12:00.

2001
01:33:46,567 --> 01:33:50,503
She's such a pissy
little high-school cunt.

2002
01:33:53,074 --> 01:33:55,065
Let's move, gang!
Come on, come on, come on!

2003
01:33:55,176 --> 01:33:56,336
Jessica,
can you get these plates

2004
01:33:56,411 --> 01:33:58,174
and put them on the table,
please? This isn't funny.

2005
01:33:58,246 --> 01:34:00,111
That guy has 12 kids.
It's not funny. It's...

2006
01:34:00,181 --> 01:34:01,443
Now I get
to start all over again!

2007
01:34:01,549 --> 01:34:04,040
This is sick.
This is a sick movie.

2008
01:34:04,118 --> 01:34:08,214
That's a lot of responsibility to be
joking about. That's not funny.

2009
01:34:08,289 --> 01:34:10,450
I got to turn this off.
It's freaking me out.

2010
01:34:10,558 --> 01:34:13,083
There are five different types
of chairs in this hotel room.

2011
01:34:13,194 --> 01:34:14,855
Holy fuck. What are they
all doing in here?

2012
01:34:14,929 --> 01:34:16,624
These are five
different types of chairs.

2013
01:34:16,698 --> 01:34:19,724
Get them out of here, man.
This is too many chairs for one room.

2014
01:34:19,801 --> 01:34:22,599
There's a guy that works for this
hotel. His whole job is to find chairs.

2015
01:34:22,704 --> 01:34:24,228
Look at this one. Look at it.

2016
01:34:24,305 --> 01:34:26,000
It's gold and red,
and it's kind of shiny.

2017
01:34:26,074 --> 01:34:27,701
Shiny thread? Unbelievable.

2018
01:34:27,775 --> 01:34:30,471
It is beautiful
and it feels amazing.

2019
01:34:30,578 --> 01:34:33,945
The tall one's gawking at me
and the short one's being very droll.

2020
01:34:34,048 --> 01:34:35,037
I don't like them.

2021
01:34:35,116 --> 01:34:36,378
Oh, wow.

2022
01:34:36,451 --> 01:34:39,784
It's weird that chairs even exist
when you're not sitting on them.

2023
01:34:39,887 --> 01:34:42,913
I'm up high!
I'm really high up.

2024
01:34:42,991 --> 01:34:45,323
I should've read
the baby books.

2025
01:34:45,426 --> 01:34:47,223
Why didn't you read
the baby books?

2026
01:34:47,295 --> 01:34:49,024
'Cause then it's real,
you know?

2027
01:34:49,097 --> 01:34:51,088
Dude, it's real whether
or not you read those books.

2028
01:34:51,165 --> 01:34:53,656
That baby's coming.

2029
01:34:53,735 --> 01:34:55,726
Oh, man!

2030
01:34:55,803 --> 01:34:57,464
Think they'll take us back?

2031
01:34:57,538 --> 01:34:58,800
Yes.

2032
01:34:59,974 --> 01:35:02,568
But I don't know why.

2033
01:35:02,643 --> 01:35:05,077
Do you ever wonder how somebody
could even like you?

2034
01:35:05,146 --> 01:35:08,274
All the time, man. Like every day.
I wonder how you like me.

2035
01:35:08,349 --> 01:35:12,308
How can Debbie like me?
She likes me. I mean, she loves me.

2036
01:35:12,420 --> 01:35:15,446
The biggest problem in our marriage
is that she wants me around.

2037
01:35:15,523 --> 01:35:16,615
She loves me so much

2038
01:35:16,691 --> 01:35:19,091
that she wants me
around all the time.

2039
01:35:19,160 --> 01:35:22,152
That's our biggest problem.
And I can't even accept that?

2040
01:35:22,263 --> 01:35:23,696
Like that upsets me?

2041
01:35:23,765 --> 01:35:24,959
What?

2042
01:35:25,033 --> 01:35:26,557
She's the one. She loves me.

2043
01:35:26,634 --> 01:35:29,797
You can't believe
people love you?

2044
01:35:29,871 --> 01:35:33,102
I love you, man!
Debbie loves you!

2045
01:35:33,174 --> 01:35:34,801
I don't think I can accept her love.

2046
01:35:34,876 --> 01:35:36,138
There's something wrong with me.

2047
01:35:36,210 --> 01:35:39,373
You can't accept love?

2048
01:35:39,447 --> 01:35:40,641
I don't know what it is.

2049
01:35:40,715 --> 01:35:43,513
Love? The most beautiful,
shiny, warmy thing in the world?

2050
01:35:43,618 --> 01:35:44,710
You can't accept it?

2051
01:35:44,786 --> 01:35:46,515
I have to go to this other chair.

2052
01:35:48,456 --> 01:35:50,151
Oh, this is a better energy.

2053
01:35:50,224 --> 01:35:53,455
You can't accept pure love?
You can't accept Debbie?

2054
01:35:53,528 --> 01:35:55,723
She's chosen
to give you her life.

2055
01:35:55,830 --> 01:35:58,697
She's picked you
as her life partner!

2056
01:35:58,800 --> 01:36:01,496
But you play fantasy baseball
because you can't accept her love?

2057
01:36:03,805 --> 01:36:05,796
I could accept it, man.

2058
01:36:07,241 --> 01:36:08,538
And Debbie's amazing, man.

2059
01:36:08,643 --> 01:36:11,976
She's cool and she's funny
and she smells good

2060
01:36:12,046 --> 01:36:15,072
and she's nice and her hair
always looks different.

2061
01:36:15,183 --> 01:36:16,548
She's too good for you, man.

2062
01:36:16,617 --> 01:36:18,710
Tastes like a rainbow.

2063
01:36:19,053 --> 01:36:21,487
You're disgusting.
You know, you're an urchin.

2064
01:36:21,556 --> 01:36:23,990
And she busts your balls
'cause you're a little bitch.

2065
01:36:24,058 --> 01:36:27,425
You're a filthy bitch!
And I'd bust your balls.

2066
01:36:28,696 --> 01:36:32,757
Debbie wants to give her life to you, and
Allison doesn't want to do that with me.

2067
01:36:32,867 --> 01:36:35,097
And it makes me sad all day.

2068
01:36:36,737 --> 01:36:38,364
I want to go home.

2069
01:36:38,439 --> 01:36:40,066
I wanna go home, too.

2070
01:36:43,044 --> 01:36:45,274
Everything looks beautiful.
Thanks.

2071
01:36:45,379 --> 01:36:46,869
I went kind of overboard, huh?

2072
01:36:46,948 --> 01:36:48,176
No. It's great.

2073
01:36:48,249 --> 01:36:51,082
Your daughter only turns eight once.

2074
01:36:51,185 --> 01:36:53,312
Is Ben gonna come?

2075
01:36:53,387 --> 01:36:56,117
I don't think so.
I don't know why he would.

2076
01:37:10,138 --> 01:37:12,129
Oh, hey. What up, dawg?

2077
01:37:12,240 --> 01:37:13,366
Where have you been?

2078
01:37:13,441 --> 01:37:15,068
Around. You know?

2079
01:37:15,143 --> 01:37:16,906
Just kind of doing my thing.

2080
01:37:16,978 --> 01:37:18,843
Why is everybody
so mad at you?

2081
01:37:18,913 --> 01:37:20,744
I don't know. Are they mad?
What have they been saying?

2082
01:37:20,848 --> 01:37:25,182
They've been saying, like, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, "Ben's a prick. "

2083
01:37:25,253 --> 01:37:26,277
They said that?

2084
01:37:26,354 --> 01:37:27,844
A lot.

2085
01:37:27,922 --> 01:37:29,150
That sucks.

2086
01:37:29,223 --> 01:37:30,918
What does it mean?

2087
01:37:31,759 --> 01:37:33,750
Penis. It means penis.

2088
01:37:33,828 --> 01:37:34,954
Oh.

2089
01:37:36,631 --> 01:37:37,928
Penis.

2090
01:37:39,700 --> 01:37:42,260
Babe, we're running
low on plates.

2091
01:37:42,370 --> 01:37:43,701
Hey, Ben! What's up, man?

2092
01:37:43,771 --> 01:37:45,238
What's happening, man?

2093
01:37:45,306 --> 01:37:47,240
Hey, Ben.
Hey, Debbie.

2094
01:37:47,308 --> 01:37:48,798
How are you?
Good. How are you?

2095
01:37:48,910 --> 01:37:50,070
Hi.

2096
01:37:51,078 --> 01:37:53,444
Did you just get pink cupcakes
or yellow cupcakes?

2097
01:37:53,548 --> 01:37:54,947
I just got yellow cupcakes.

2098
01:37:55,016 --> 01:37:56,506
I thought I said
get pink cupcakes.

2099
01:37:56,584 --> 01:37:59,109
I can run out. I'll get some
more. Nah, it's no big deal.

2100
01:37:59,220 --> 01:38:00,619
I don't mind.
No, it doesn't matter.

2101
01:38:00,721 --> 01:38:02,450
You sure? Yeah. You
look really cute in that.

2102
01:38:02,557 --> 01:38:03,956
All right.

2103
01:38:06,294 --> 01:38:08,922
Well, that was fast, you pussy. I'm a...

2104
01:38:08,996 --> 01:38:14,764
You're the one that got dressed up like
a cholo on Easter to come to this party.

2105
01:38:14,835 --> 01:38:17,326
How are things
at Butt-Fucking-Ham Palace?

2106
01:38:17,438 --> 01:38:21,772
You look like Babe Ruth's
gay brother, Gabe Ruth.

2107
01:38:21,842 --> 01:38:25,107
Well played, sir. That was good.

2108
01:38:25,179 --> 01:38:26,237
You gonna talk to Allison?

2109
01:38:26,314 --> 01:38:27,941
Yeah, I was just about to.

2110
01:38:28,015 --> 01:38:29,505
Right on.

2111
01:38:29,584 --> 01:38:31,051
It's a doll.

2112
01:38:31,118 --> 01:38:32,585
Thanks, Ben.

2113
01:38:35,323 --> 01:38:38,292
I just don't think
we can make it work.

2114
01:38:38,359 --> 01:38:41,260
We can get back on track,
and everything's gonna be great.

2115
01:38:41,329 --> 01:38:44,127
You're just being nice,
and I'm being nice,

2116
01:38:44,198 --> 01:38:48,328
and just because we're two nice people
doesn't mean we should stay together.

2117
01:38:48,436 --> 01:38:52,532
I don't want this baby to determine
the rest of our lives. You know?

2118
01:38:52,640 --> 01:38:55,165
Me not wanting to do this alone
isn't enough of a reason

2119
01:38:55,276 --> 01:38:59,303
to drag you into a relationship
with me. It's just not fair.

2120
01:38:59,380 --> 01:39:04,511
And don't repeat this, but God,
I don't want to end up like Debbie.

2121
01:39:04,619 --> 01:39:05,779
But Debbie's happy.

2122
01:39:05,853 --> 01:39:07,980
Yeah, she's happy today.

2123
01:39:08,055 --> 01:39:10,285
But every day is
a constant struggle for them

2124
01:39:10,358 --> 01:39:12,053
because they're not
right for each other.

2125
01:39:12,159 --> 01:39:15,060
You know? And they have to force it,
and I don't want us to have to do that.

2126
01:39:15,162 --> 01:39:18,359
I don't want to force you
to be what I think you should be.

2127
01:39:18,466 --> 01:39:20,798
That's wrong of me
because you're great.

2128
01:39:20,868 --> 01:39:24,998
You really are. You're great
the way you are, and...

2129
01:39:25,072 --> 01:39:29,202
I mean, you like to get high,
and you like to do shrooms in Vegas.

2130
01:39:29,310 --> 01:39:31,540
I didn't do shrooms in Vegas.
Who am I to stop you?

2131
01:39:31,646 --> 01:39:34,581
Who am I to tell you that that's
wrong? It's not wrong. It's who you are.

2132
01:39:34,682 --> 01:39:37,242
It's what you enjoy
and that's your life and...

2133
01:39:37,351 --> 01:39:40,548
I'm not that guy anymore.

2134
01:39:40,655 --> 01:39:42,589
I mean, we can be friends.

2135
01:39:42,690 --> 01:39:46,524
And you can be there
when the baby is born,

2136
01:39:46,594 --> 01:39:48,755
and in the baby's life
as much as you want.

2137
01:39:48,863 --> 01:39:50,694
I hope you will be.

2138
01:39:50,765 --> 01:39:54,064
I just...
I think that if you just...

2139
01:39:54,168 --> 01:39:57,160
I don't know. If you give me a shot
to just show you that I'm...

2140
01:39:57,238 --> 01:39:58,432
Excuse me?
Oh, shit.

2141
01:39:58,539 --> 01:39:59,665
Can you grab the video camera?

2142
01:39:59,740 --> 01:40:02,675
We're gonna sing Happy
Birthday now. Yeah.

2143
01:40:02,910 --> 01:40:05,606
I'm sorry. I got to go.

2144
01:40:05,713 --> 01:40:06,771
I'm sorry.
It's okay.

2145
01:40:06,881 --> 01:40:08,075
I'll be right back,
though, all right?

2146
01:40:08,182 --> 01:40:10,582
We'll finish talking.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, go.

2147
01:40:15,856 --> 01:40:16,948
What happened?

2148
01:40:17,024 --> 01:40:18,218
Thanks for warning me, man.

2149
01:40:18,292 --> 01:40:21,193
I just walked into a fucking
buzz saw. She rejected me.

2150
01:40:21,262 --> 01:40:23,594
'Cause you,
for some insane reason,

2151
01:40:23,698 --> 01:40:26,132
told Debbie that I did
mushrooms with you in Vegas!

2152
01:40:26,233 --> 01:40:27,359
She gets mad 'cause I smoke pot!

2153
01:40:27,435 --> 01:40:29,630
Now I'm upping it to fucking
psychedelics! Thanks!

2154
01:40:29,737 --> 01:40:31,534
Really? I thought she'd take you back.

2155
01:40:31,605 --> 01:40:33,505
You know why she just rejected me?

2156
01:40:33,574 --> 01:40:35,007
'Cause you're such a shitty husband,

2157
01:40:35,076 --> 01:40:38,375
she thinks I'm gonna turn
into a shitty husband.

2158
01:40:43,784 --> 01:40:47,481
Happy Birthday to you

2159
01:40:47,588 --> 01:40:51,080
Happy Birthday to you

2160
01:40:52,793 --> 01:40:55,728
Jessica! Right here!
Can we get a photo?

2161
01:40:55,796 --> 01:40:57,821
When are you due?
I got two months.

2162
01:40:57,932 --> 01:40:59,058
Really?
Yeah.

2163
01:40:59,133 --> 01:41:02,159
Wow, you're so big already.
Yeah.

2164
01:41:02,269 --> 01:41:04,999
When is that baby popping out?
I got two months to go.

2165
01:41:05,106 --> 01:41:07,631
Really? Are you dilated
yet? I can tell. Wow, wow!

2166
01:41:07,742 --> 01:41:11,838
You look fantastic. You look... Are
you gonna, like, give birth right now?

2167
01:41:11,946 --> 01:41:14,346
Wow, you're about
to drop any second.

2168
01:41:14,448 --> 01:41:15,642
You know what?
I love your broach.

2169
01:41:15,750 --> 01:41:18,082
You don't need to lie to me.
I don't appreciate it.

2170
01:41:18,152 --> 01:41:19,744
I know I look like a fat cow.

2171
01:41:19,820 --> 01:41:21,788
And I'm sweating profusely.
I know that. No, no.

2172
01:41:21,856 --> 01:41:25,519
No, you don't look like
a fat cow at all. You look great.

2173
01:41:25,626 --> 01:41:27,491
So, I have to get going in.
They're calling me.

2174
01:41:27,595 --> 01:41:29,654
Steve, hey. Help me out.
Give me an interview, please.

2175
01:41:29,764 --> 01:41:30,924
Well, I just need to run in.

2176
01:41:30,998 --> 01:41:33,796
You know what? Just say into the camera,
"You're watching E! Entertainment. "

2177
01:41:33,868 --> 01:41:34,994
Congratulations.
Just give me that.

2178
01:41:35,102 --> 01:41:37,297
No, Steve, don't be
an asshole! Come on.

2179
01:41:37,371 --> 01:41:39,498
I'm not being an asshole.

2180
01:41:40,207 --> 01:41:42,937
Wow, you managed to turn
Steve Carell into an asshole.

2181
01:41:43,010 --> 01:41:44,978
No easy feat.
Shut up, Brent.

2182
01:41:45,446 --> 01:41:47,607
You screwed me, Dad, okay?

2183
01:41:47,681 --> 01:41:50,479
You said everything was gonna
be fine and nothing is fine.

2184
01:41:50,551 --> 01:41:52,075
Nothing is fine.

2185
01:41:52,153 --> 01:41:56,146
Ben, I've been divorced three
times. Why would you listen to me?

2186
01:41:56,257 --> 01:41:57,747
Because you were the only one
giving me advice!

2187
01:41:57,825 --> 01:42:00,089
And it was terrible advice!

2188
01:42:00,161 --> 01:42:03,858
You can go around blaming everyone
else, but in the end,

2189
01:42:03,964 --> 01:42:08,333
until you take responsibility for
yourself, none of this is gonna work out.

2190
01:42:08,436 --> 01:42:11,428
I don't know how to take
responsibility for myself, okay?

2191
01:42:11,505 --> 01:42:13,370
I didn't read the baby books!
You didn't read the books?

2192
01:42:13,474 --> 01:42:16,034
I just smoke less pot.
I don't know what to do. I'm an idiot!

2193
01:42:16,143 --> 01:42:18,373
What... Tell me what to do!

2194
01:42:18,446 --> 01:42:20,539
I don't know. I don't know.

2195
01:42:20,648 --> 01:42:24,277
Ben, I love you.
What can I tell you?

2196
01:42:24,351 --> 01:42:26,444
Just tell me what to do.

2197
01:42:29,957 --> 01:42:32,016
Stone, you settling in okay?

2198
01:42:32,126 --> 01:42:34,560
Best job I ever had.
Like to hear it.

2199
01:43:41,762 --> 01:43:43,923
Allison, thank you
for coming in.

2200
01:43:44,031 --> 01:43:49,731
I don't want to shock you
but we know what's under that jacket.

2201
01:43:50,571 --> 01:43:52,732
You're pregnant,
have been for a while.

2202
01:43:52,806 --> 01:43:56,105
From my count, you're right
around eight months.

2203
01:43:56,210 --> 01:43:59,077
And I don't know why you felt
you couldn't tell us.

2204
01:43:59,146 --> 01:44:00,613
I'm really sorry.

2205
01:44:00,714 --> 01:44:03,274
This is Hollywood.
We don't like liars.

2206
01:44:03,384 --> 01:44:06,649
I just...
I wasn't expecting this and...

2207
01:44:06,754 --> 01:44:09,450
I didn't know how to handle it,
and I didn't want to lose my job.

2208
01:44:09,557 --> 01:44:11,923
I'm really sorry.
It's unfortunate.

2209
01:44:11,992 --> 01:44:14,756
It's unfortunate
you didn't tell us because

2210
01:44:15,796 --> 01:44:17,923
you would've found out
that we thought it's great.

2211
01:44:17,998 --> 01:44:19,329
Really?
Yeah.

2212
01:44:19,433 --> 01:44:21,958
So we did some research.

2213
01:44:22,069 --> 01:44:26,768
And turns out,
people like pregnant.

2214
01:44:26,840 --> 01:44:27,932
Oh, my God!

2215
01:44:28,008 --> 01:44:29,737
The bigger you are,
the bigger your numbers.

2216
01:44:30,911 --> 01:44:34,176
I was surprised
'cause I feel the opposite.

2217
01:44:34,248 --> 01:44:41,154
We're gonna do a whole maternity
month on E! Mommy.

2218
01:44:42,189 --> 01:44:44,851
You're gonna interview
all the pregnant celebs.

2219
01:44:44,959 --> 01:44:46,654
Really?
Yes.

2220
01:44:46,760 --> 01:44:47,988
Scary!

2221
01:44:48,095 --> 01:44:52,361
You're pregnant, they're pregnant,
you can talk about being pregnant.

2222
01:44:52,466 --> 01:44:56,493
It just grosses me out when
I know that people are pregnant.

2223
01:44:56,604 --> 01:44:59,334
'Cause I think about the birth.
Everything's so wet.

2224
01:44:59,440 --> 01:45:02,034
And everything that goes into it.
None of the gross stuff.

2225
01:45:02,142 --> 01:45:06,374
But you know, hopes, dreams,
whatever, it's gonna be great.

2226
01:45:06,480 --> 01:45:08,675
Oh, my God.
This is such good news.

2227
01:45:08,782 --> 01:45:10,841
Thank you so much.
Yeah, you're welcome.

2228
01:45:10,951 --> 01:45:14,512
And then,
after the baby is out...

2229
01:45:15,823 --> 01:45:17,814
Tight.
... tighten it back up.

2230
01:45:17,891 --> 01:45:19,791
And please don't lie to us again. Okay.

2231
01:45:19,860 --> 01:45:23,057
'Cause maybe someday
we could be friends.

2232
01:45:23,163 --> 01:45:25,461
Okay. I won't. I'm sorry.

2233
01:45:26,000 --> 01:45:27,968
I just don't like secrets.
Okay.

2234
01:45:29,370 --> 01:45:31,497
You know, it's a rare thing
that you live to see the day

2235
01:45:31,572 --> 01:45:33,870
your wildest dreams come true.

2236
01:45:33,974 --> 01:45:37,307
I mean, what is there left to want?
I get to go to Legoland.

2237
01:45:37,378 --> 01:45:38,572
Shut up, Pete.
Say it!

2238
01:45:38,679 --> 01:45:40,010
Legoland!
Legoland!

2239
01:45:40,080 --> 01:45:41,980
Legoland!

2240
01:45:42,049 --> 01:45:43,914
Don't get them all riled up
before the drive.

2241
01:45:44,018 --> 01:45:46,043
I shouldn't have given them
all that meth, then.

2242
01:45:46,153 --> 01:45:47,552
We'll be back
on Sunday.

2243
01:45:47,655 --> 01:45:50,021
Or Saturday. You never know.
We might see it all in one day.

2244
01:45:50,090 --> 01:45:51,853
Sunday. Let's go.

2245
01:45:51,992 --> 01:45:53,550
Guess what? I'm scared
there's no one to trust.

2246
01:45:53,661 --> 01:45:55,891
You can trust me.

2247
01:45:55,996 --> 01:45:58,055
You are gonna
fuck me over, aren't you?

2248
01:45:58,165 --> 01:46:00,292
Oh, for Christ's sake.

2249
01:46:00,367 --> 01:46:01,925
You are.

2250
01:46:02,002 --> 01:46:06,496
Are you retarded? Or just brain-dead
from whiffing fumes out there in the swamp?

2251
01:46:06,573 --> 01:46:10,270
Ow, ow, ow. That's what I am to you,
isn't it? Swamp trash, just like my mom.

2252
01:46:15,916 --> 01:46:17,076
Hello?

2253
01:46:17,184 --> 01:46:19,414
Hey, what's up, Daddy?
What are you doing?

2254
01:46:19,520 --> 01:46:23,684
Just smoking a joint, drinking
some beers, you know. Rocking.

2255
01:46:24,358 --> 01:46:26,189
We're about to go
to a new club. You coming?

2256
01:46:26,260 --> 01:46:28,854
No. I'm gonna pack
it in soon, I think.

2257
01:46:28,929 --> 01:46:30,590
What's he doing?

2258
01:46:30,664 --> 01:46:31,892
He says he's gonna
call it a night.

2259
01:46:31,965 --> 01:46:33,933
Dude, it's like 8:15, man.

2260
01:46:34,001 --> 01:46:37,061
Yeah, I know. I'm just tired.

2261
01:46:37,137 --> 01:46:39,196
Is he depressed?
You depressed?

2262
01:46:39,273 --> 01:46:40,968
No, I feel great. I like it.

2263
01:46:41,041 --> 01:46:42,508
He says no.

2264
01:46:42,576 --> 01:46:43,873
Ask him if he's
gonna kill himself.

2265
01:46:43,944 --> 01:46:45,309
You gonna kill yourself?

2266
01:46:45,379 --> 01:46:47,404
No, I'm not. Okay? Thank you.

2267
01:46:47,481 --> 01:46:50,644
Tell him not to jerk off with a
noose around his neck. It's dangerous.

2268
01:46:50,751 --> 01:46:53,652
You shouldn't jerk off with a noose
around your neck 'cause it's dangerous.

2269
01:46:53,754 --> 01:46:55,221
Okay. Very good.

2270
01:46:55,289 --> 01:46:58,952
And tell him if he has to, tell him
he needs a teammate or a spotter there.

2271
01:46:59,059 --> 01:47:03,052
Right. And if you do, you should
have a teammate or a spotter there.

2272
01:47:03,130 --> 01:47:04,256
Great.

2273
01:47:04,331 --> 01:47:06,663
He says your mom's already there.

2274
01:47:06,734 --> 01:47:08,031
Uncool, man.

2275
01:47:15,676 --> 01:47:17,473
Okay, okay.

2276
01:47:17,578 --> 01:47:18,909
Okay.

2277
01:47:19,747 --> 01:47:20,907
Hi, Dr. Howard?

2278
01:47:20,981 --> 01:47:23,006
No, this is Dr. Angelo.

2279
01:47:23,083 --> 01:47:24,141
How can I help you?

2280
01:47:24,251 --> 01:47:26,412
I'm a patient of Dr. Howard's,

2281
01:47:26,487 --> 01:47:29,149
and I'm going into labor
and I need to speak with him.

2282
01:47:29,256 --> 01:47:30,951
I actually don't know
where he is tonight.

2283
01:47:31,024 --> 01:47:33,891
But I've made myself available
to his patients,

2284
01:47:33,961 --> 01:47:35,451
and I'd be happy to help you.

2285
01:47:35,529 --> 01:47:37,861
Can you help me find him?
Can you give me his number?

2286
01:47:37,965 --> 01:47:40,160
Oh, no. You know what? Actually,
I'm under strict instructions

2287
01:47:40,267 --> 01:47:42,428
not to give out his number,
but I can help you through this.

2288
01:47:42,503 --> 01:47:43,868
No, no. No, no, no.

2289
01:47:43,971 --> 01:47:46,940
I want to speak to my own doctor.
You really won't give me his number?

2290
01:47:47,007 --> 01:47:50,499
Because this is my first baby, and he
promised that he would be here for me

2291
01:47:50,611 --> 01:47:53,171
and I need you to give me...
Give me his number, okay?

2292
01:47:53,280 --> 01:47:55,180
Dr. Howard's not available tonight.

2293
01:47:55,282 --> 01:47:57,773
But everything's gonna be okay,
I assure you.

2294
01:47:57,851 --> 01:48:01,878
No, I don't want you to help me
because I have no idea who you are!

2295
01:48:01,989 --> 01:48:05,789
I want my own goddamn doctor!
You make sure he calls me!

2296
01:48:05,859 --> 01:48:07,884
Oh, shit. Okay.

2297
01:48:09,797 --> 01:48:11,628
Oh, shit!

2298
01:48:23,610 --> 01:48:24,668
Hello?

2299
01:48:24,778 --> 01:48:27,474
Ben, it's me. Can you come? 'Cause
the baby's coming. Can you come?

2300
01:48:27,548 --> 01:48:31,382
Oh, God. Allison.
I'm so happy you're calling.

2301
01:48:31,485 --> 01:48:34,045
I have so many thing's
I've been wanting to say to you.

2302
01:48:34,154 --> 01:48:36,645
I wanna apologize for things.
It's all I can think about.

2303
01:48:36,723 --> 01:48:38,213
No, listen. Wait. Listen.

2304
01:48:38,325 --> 01:48:40,589
I need you to come help me, okay?
Because the baby's coming.

2305
01:48:40,694 --> 01:48:41,820
So can you come help me?

2306
01:48:41,895 --> 01:48:43,920
Wait. The baby's coming
right now? Yes. Right now.

2307
01:48:44,031 --> 01:48:46,158
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

2308
01:48:46,233 --> 01:48:49,600
Is it happening? It's happening now?
Push. Push...

2309
01:48:51,605 --> 01:48:53,072
Breathe like this...
No, no, no, no.

2310
01:48:53,173 --> 01:48:55,937
You need to come now because
the contractions are happening,

2311
01:48:56,043 --> 01:48:59,342
and they really hurt and the doctor
isn't here, and I can't get hold of him.

2312
01:48:59,413 --> 01:49:03,213
And he said he was gonna be here,
right? You were there when he said that.

2313
01:49:03,283 --> 01:49:04,910
Okay, okay,
I'll come right now.

2314
01:49:05,018 --> 01:49:06,508
Nobody's here.
I'm coming right now.

2315
01:49:06,587 --> 01:49:08,521
...not anywhere,
I can't reach them, please.

2316
01:49:08,589 --> 01:49:10,079
Please, please hurry.
I'll just... So should I...

2317
01:49:10,190 --> 01:49:11,248
I'll meet you
at the hospital, okay?

2318
01:49:11,358 --> 01:49:14,725
No! Don't meet me at the hospital! No,
no, I need you to drive me. I can't drive.

2319
01:49:14,795 --> 01:49:16,524
I can't drive like this.
No? You can't drive? Okay.

2320
01:49:16,597 --> 01:49:18,224
I'll get gas
and then I'll pick you up.

2321
01:49:18,298 --> 01:49:20,129
You have to get gas?
I need to just get cash.

2322
01:49:20,234 --> 01:49:21,724
No. Don't get cash. Just come.

2323
01:49:21,802 --> 01:49:24,703
I need to get cash because my car's
on empty, I won't even make it there.

2324
01:49:24,771 --> 01:49:28,298
No, just come right now.
I'm not fucking around, okay?

2325
01:49:28,408 --> 01:49:30,035
This is serious and I'm alone.

2326
01:49:30,110 --> 01:49:33,307
It's the last thing you need to do is...
Just get here!

2327
01:49:33,413 --> 01:49:35,540
Look, if you keep yelling
at me, I'm never gonna get there.

2328
01:49:35,616 --> 01:49:37,345
You just need to calm down
for two... Okay.

2329
01:49:45,259 --> 01:49:48,251
Don't run out of gas.
Don't run out of gas. Come on!

2330
01:49:53,267 --> 01:49:54,598
Hello?

2331
01:49:54,835 --> 01:49:58,896
Please be in there.
Hello? Hello? Hello?

2332
01:50:01,942 --> 01:50:03,239
Allison?

2333
01:50:09,683 --> 01:50:10,911
Hello?

2334
01:50:10,984 --> 01:50:12,747
Ben?
Allison.

2335
01:50:13,854 --> 01:50:15,116
What is this,
like a water birth?

2336
01:50:15,188 --> 01:50:18,021
What are we doing? Should we go?
Should I... I have the... Shh.

2337
01:50:18,125 --> 01:50:22,619
Just relax, okay? Just be mellow,
'cause that's what this is all about.

2338
01:50:22,696 --> 01:50:24,755
Because if it gets
too stressful in here,

2339
01:50:24,831 --> 01:50:27,265
then the baby is born
into a stressful environment,

2340
01:50:27,334 --> 01:50:31,498
and then he's wired for stress
for the rest of his life. So just...

2341
01:50:33,006 --> 01:50:35,031
Just be calm.

2342
01:50:35,142 --> 01:50:36,302
Okay.

2343
01:50:37,511 --> 01:50:40,674
Okay, let's relax. Okay.

2344
01:50:41,848 --> 01:50:42,974
Do you want
to talk about things?

2345
01:50:43,050 --> 01:50:45,314
I feel really bad about, like,
a lot of the shit I did.

2346
01:50:45,385 --> 01:50:46,852
I can't believe
I said some of that.

2347
01:50:46,954 --> 01:50:48,216
That's all I think about
in my head.

2348
01:50:48,288 --> 01:50:49,619
I don't wanna talk about it.

2349
01:50:49,690 --> 01:50:53,285
But maybe we could bring the baby into
a reconciled place so we can talk...

2350
01:50:53,360 --> 01:50:55,624
No. I don't wanna go there.

2351
01:50:55,696 --> 01:50:58,961
Don't go there. Okay?
Help me stay relaxed.

2352
01:50:59,032 --> 01:51:01,057
So, what should I do?

2353
01:51:01,134 --> 01:51:02,692
You need to call Dr. Howard.

2354
01:51:03,870 --> 01:51:04,962
Hello?

2355
01:51:05,038 --> 01:51:10,032
Hello, yes, this is Ben Stone.
I'm calling on behalf of Allison Scott.

2356
01:51:10,143 --> 01:51:11,804
We need Dr. Howard.
It's an emergency.

2357
01:51:11,878 --> 01:51:14,472
Yeah. He's at San Francisco
at bar mitzvah.

2358
01:51:14,548 --> 01:51:17,915
He's at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco?
Do you know when he gets back?

2359
01:51:18,018 --> 01:51:19,542
In three days.

2360
01:51:21,021 --> 01:51:22,716
Do you have his cell number,
by any chance?

2361
01:51:26,026 --> 01:51:29,154
Hey! Good news.

2362
01:51:29,229 --> 01:51:32,096
I got his number right here.
I'm gonna call him right now.

2363
01:51:32,199 --> 01:51:35,362
Oh, great. Thank you so much. Oh, my
God. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you.

2364
01:51:35,435 --> 01:51:38,199
I'm glad I'm here, too.
Thank you.

2365
01:51:38,271 --> 01:51:40,000
I shouldn't have told you
you were a fucking lunatic.

2366
01:51:40,073 --> 01:51:42,405
I shouldn't have said that.
I feel terrible about it and...

2367
01:51:42,509 --> 01:51:45,342
No, it's okay.
We're past it. We're past it.

2368
01:51:45,412 --> 01:51:46,902
I'm sorry I told you
to fuck your bong.

2369
01:51:46,980 --> 01:51:49,380
It's okay. I didn't.

2370
01:51:49,449 --> 01:51:52,441
Let's just drop it now.
We're over it.

2371
01:51:52,552 --> 01:51:55,680
I'm gonna call him right now.
You're doing so great.

2372
01:51:55,756 --> 01:51:59,852
Hello, it's Dr. Howard. I'm not here
right now. Please leave a message.

2373
01:51:59,926 --> 01:52:03,555
Hey, Doc Howard.
Ben Stone calling.

2374
01:52:03,630 --> 01:52:05,564
Guess what the fuck's up?

2375
01:52:05,632 --> 01:52:08,601
Allison's going into labor
and you are not fucking here.

2376
01:52:08,702 --> 01:52:12,103
Now, where are you? You're at
a fucking bar mitzvah in San Francisco,

2377
01:52:12,205 --> 01:52:14,196
you motherfucking piece of shit!

2378
01:52:14,274 --> 01:52:15,571
And you know
what I'm gonna have to do now?

2379
01:52:15,642 --> 01:52:16,768
I'm gonna have to kill you.

2380
01:52:16,877 --> 01:52:19,277
I'm gonna have to
pop a fucking cap in your ass.

2381
01:52:19,379 --> 01:52:21,108
You're dead! You're Tupac!

2382
01:52:21,214 --> 01:52:23,205
You are fucking Biggie,
you piece of shit!

2383
01:52:23,283 --> 01:52:24,477
I hope you fucking die

2384
01:52:24,584 --> 01:52:27,747
or drop the fucking chair
and kill that fucking kid!

2385
01:52:27,821 --> 01:52:30,289
Hope your plane crashes.
Peace, fucker!

2386
01:52:36,963 --> 01:52:38,225
Hey.
Hey.

2387
01:52:38,298 --> 01:52:39,390
Did you talk to him?

2388
01:52:39,466 --> 01:52:43,960
I didn't talk to him directly.
I left him a very nice message, though.

2389
01:52:44,071 --> 01:52:46,733
And... Okay.

2390
01:52:46,807 --> 01:52:49,367
What I'm about to tell you
isn't that bad.

2391
01:52:49,443 --> 01:52:51,001
You should know that going in.

2392
01:52:51,078 --> 01:52:53,979
We can get through this,
and it's just a little hiccough,

2393
01:52:54,081 --> 01:52:55,412
but everything will be fine. Okay?

2394
01:52:55,482 --> 01:52:57,814
Do you trust me when I say
everything will be fine?

2395
01:52:57,918 --> 01:53:00,318
I can deal with it.
Okay.

2396
01:53:00,420 --> 01:53:04,151
So, Dr. Howard is at a bar mitzvah.

2397
01:53:04,257 --> 01:53:05,554
A bar mitzvah?

2398
01:53:05,625 --> 01:53:07,183
It's a Jewish rite of passage.

2399
01:53:07,294 --> 01:53:10,957
And he's gonna be there
for the next three days,

2400
01:53:11,031 --> 01:53:14,330
so he will not be able
to be here tonight.

2401
01:53:14,434 --> 01:53:15,696
Oh, no.

2402
01:53:17,704 --> 01:53:19,194
It's okay.

2403
01:53:20,307 --> 01:53:21,467
What do you think
we should do?

2404
01:53:21,541 --> 01:53:22,872
Okay. I know
exactly what to do.

2405
01:53:22,943 --> 01:53:25,673
All we do is we'll get in
the car, I'll drive to the hospital,

2406
01:53:25,779 --> 01:53:28,441
and on the way, we will call
every gynecologist we've met.

2407
01:53:28,515 --> 01:53:31,450
Someone will be available.
You know?

2408
01:53:31,518 --> 01:53:33,452
Okay. I can do that.
Okay. Good.

2409
01:53:33,520 --> 01:53:36,318
I mean, we still have time. I mean,
how far apart are your contractions?

2410
01:53:36,389 --> 01:53:39,051
I think, like, seven minutes.
Seven minutes!

2411
01:53:39,159 --> 01:53:41,286
See? Not until four minutes
is it really coming.

2412
01:53:41,361 --> 01:53:43,124
And has your water broken, even?

2413
01:53:43,196 --> 01:53:45,460
I don't know. I'm in the tub.

2414
01:53:45,532 --> 01:53:47,830
That's a good point.
Have you had your bloody show?

2415
01:53:47,901 --> 01:53:49,129
What? What's that?

2416
01:53:49,202 --> 01:53:51,796
It's, it's... I mean, it's
a bloody mucusy discharge.

2417
01:53:51,872 --> 01:53:54,170
But it only comes out right before
the baby's gonna come,

2418
01:53:54,241 --> 01:53:56,072
so if that hasn't happened,
we have time.

2419
01:53:56,176 --> 01:53:58,974
We can make it to the hospital.
It's no problem.

2420
01:53:59,045 --> 01:54:01,172
You read the baby books.

2421
01:54:01,248 --> 01:54:04,843
Yeah. I did. I read
three of them, actually.

2422
01:54:04,918 --> 01:54:06,909
Thank you.
You're welcome.

2423
01:54:10,590 --> 01:54:12,717
Hey. Hey, you okay?

2424
01:54:15,829 --> 01:54:17,023
Okay.

2425
01:54:21,868 --> 01:54:24,268
Wait.
Are we allowed to park here?

2426
01:54:24,371 --> 01:54:28,102
It's okay. I stole this
from Martin's grandma.

2427
01:54:28,208 --> 01:54:31,109
Oh, that was really
sweet of you. Thanks.

2428
01:54:32,612 --> 01:54:35,775
Okay, here we go. Here we go.

2429
01:54:35,882 --> 01:54:37,907
Okay. Inches away.

2430
01:54:38,018 --> 01:54:40,009
Okay.
We're close.

2431
01:54:40,086 --> 01:54:44,455
Home stretch. Hello.
This is Allison Scott.

2432
01:54:44,558 --> 01:54:46,583
Dr. Kuni said he would let you
know we were coming?

2433
01:54:46,693 --> 01:54:49,253
Oh, he did. We'll take
good care of you. Okay.

2434
01:54:49,362 --> 01:54:50,522
Samuel?
Yeah?

2435
01:54:50,597 --> 01:54:53,964
This is Allison Scott.
Please admit her into Room 307.

2436
01:54:54,067 --> 01:54:55,125
Hi.

2437
01:54:55,202 --> 01:54:56,499
Hey.

2438
01:54:56,570 --> 01:54:58,094
You're our nurse?

2439
01:54:58,171 --> 01:55:01,231
That's why I'm holding
the clipboard.

2440
01:55:01,308 --> 01:55:04,709
So, what else is up
with you guys?

2441
01:55:04,778 --> 01:55:07,406
I'm just joking.
Let's have a baby, huh?

2442
01:55:07,480 --> 01:55:08,640
Yeah.

2443
01:55:10,450 --> 01:55:13,385
Jeez, I'm sorry it took me so long
to find that vein.

2444
01:55:13,453 --> 01:55:17,446
That little guy really
didn't want me to find him.

2445
01:55:17,557 --> 01:55:19,422
Is that the baby
on that one right there?

2446
01:55:19,492 --> 01:55:20,550
Yeah.

2447
01:55:20,627 --> 01:55:22,891
So we can tell how the little
guy or gal is doing.

2448
01:55:22,963 --> 01:55:24,225
Okay.

2449
01:55:24,998 --> 01:55:28,559
Hello, Allison. Ben.
Interesting night.

2450
01:55:28,635 --> 01:55:30,626
We really, really appreciate
you coming, man.

2451
01:55:30,704 --> 01:55:34,640
What else do I have to do,
I mean, besides sleep? Totally kidding.

2452
01:55:34,708 --> 01:55:36,039
What happened to your doctor?

2453
01:55:36,109 --> 01:55:38,168
He's at a bar mitzvah
in San Francisco.

2454
01:55:38,245 --> 01:55:39,872
He didn't tell us, though.

2455
01:55:39,980 --> 01:55:41,140
Nice.
Yeah.

2456
01:55:41,214 --> 01:55:44,706
Lucky for you, I don't have
any Jewish friends.

2457
01:55:44,818 --> 01:55:47,810
Dr. Kuni, I really wanna do this
naturally. I don't wanna use drugs.

2458
01:55:47,887 --> 01:55:51,482
Okay, let's just take a look
and see what happens, okay?

2459
01:55:51,558 --> 01:55:53,856
Foetal heart rate is good.
Samuel, where are we?

2460
01:55:53,927 --> 01:55:56,862
Four centimeters.
Four centimeters what?

2461
01:55:56,930 --> 01:55:59,091
Dilated?
Dilated. That's right. Focus.

2462
01:55:59,199 --> 01:56:01,690
Pay attention, okay?
We're a team. Okay?

2463
01:56:03,370 --> 01:56:05,133
I wanna get
the fuck out of here.

2464
01:56:05,205 --> 01:56:06,297
What?

2465
01:56:06,373 --> 01:56:07,567
I just wanna get
the fuck out of here.

2466
01:56:07,641 --> 01:56:09,404
Okay. Just relax,
man, just relax.

2467
01:56:09,509 --> 01:56:11,101
Oh, man, I don't fucking
like hospitals.

2468
01:56:11,177 --> 01:56:13,668
I know, but, Jonah,
this is beautiful.

2469
01:56:13,747 --> 01:56:19,049
I just think you need to relax and embrace
the beauty of another life joining our gang.

2470
01:56:19,119 --> 01:56:21,587
We're having a baby.
We are having a baby.

2471
01:56:21,688 --> 01:56:24,418
I'm not having shit besides
a fucking panic attack.

2472
01:56:24,524 --> 01:56:28,790
There's probably a fucking room
back there full of dead bodies!

2473
01:56:28,895 --> 01:56:30,590
You guys wanna be here
when one rolls out

2474
01:56:30,697 --> 01:56:33,359
and just fucking coughs
malaria into our face?

2475
01:56:34,768 --> 01:56:36,065
Jesus.
Fucking shit.

2476
01:56:37,404 --> 01:56:39,929
Is that good?
Oh, yeah.

2477
01:56:40,040 --> 01:56:42,736
Oh, yeah, get in there.

2478
01:56:42,809 --> 01:56:43,901
I could do this all day.

2479
01:56:43,977 --> 01:56:45,103
Cool.

2480
01:56:46,313 --> 01:56:49,146
What was that?
What the hell was that?

2481
01:56:53,887 --> 01:56:56,151
What's happening?

2482
01:56:56,256 --> 01:56:58,383
Well, boys and girls,
what seems to be the problem?

2483
01:56:58,458 --> 01:57:00,392
Decels.
Oh, dear.

2484
01:57:00,460 --> 01:57:03,429
Okay, Allison, I need you to
turn on your back now, okay?

2485
01:57:03,496 --> 01:57:06,056
The baby's heart rate
is slowing. Okay?

2486
01:57:06,132 --> 01:57:07,759
It's gonna be okay.
Okay.

2487
01:57:07,834 --> 01:57:10,428
It's gonna be fine. Is it gonna
be fine? It's gonna be fine. Okay?

2488
01:57:10,503 --> 01:57:14,735
You'll feel a little bit of
a push. You'll feel a little bit of...

2489
01:57:14,808 --> 01:57:16,776
Oh.
What are you doing?

2490
01:57:16,843 --> 01:57:21,007
I'm turning the baby so I can take
the pressure off the cord. Okay?

2491
01:57:21,114 --> 01:57:23,275
Oh, my God.

2492
01:57:23,350 --> 01:57:24,510
Okay, we're good.

2493
01:57:24,617 --> 01:57:26,517
The heartbeat's stronger,
but we're not out of the woods.

2494
01:57:26,619 --> 01:57:27,984
We need to get
things going now.

2495
01:57:28,088 --> 01:57:30,352
I think the cord is wrapped
around the neck.

2496
01:57:30,457 --> 01:57:33,324
So I'm gonna give you some medicine,
pop the bag and get things going, okay?

2497
01:57:33,426 --> 01:57:35,257
I don't wanna leave the baby
in there for long,

2498
01:57:35,328 --> 01:57:36,818
and we can give you
some medicine for the pain.

2499
01:57:36,930 --> 01:57:38,454
No, no, no, no.

2500
01:57:38,531 --> 01:57:40,863
I don't... I don't want the baby to
be born all drugged out.

2501
01:57:40,934 --> 01:57:42,265
It's not my birth plan.

2502
01:57:42,335 --> 01:57:44,269
Now, things change.
We don't have time to debate this.

2503
01:57:44,337 --> 01:57:47,602
What? No. But no, I'm not
comfortable with that. I'm not.

2504
01:57:47,674 --> 01:57:49,539
No. Would you please
just listen to her?

2505
01:57:49,609 --> 01:57:51,702
Fine. Do what you want to do.

2506
01:57:51,778 --> 01:57:54,008
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?
Should I leave?

2507
01:57:54,114 --> 01:57:56,776
Do you want to be the doctor?
Because I really don't need to be here.

2508
01:57:56,850 --> 01:57:59,478
No. What we want is to take a second
to talk about our options, okay?

2509
01:57:59,552 --> 01:58:01,645
That's all we want. No. You
mean you want to take a second

2510
01:58:01,721 --> 01:58:03,211
to tell me how to do my job.

2511
01:58:03,323 --> 01:58:06,292
My job is to get
that baby out safely.

2512
01:58:06,359 --> 01:58:09,692
Or I can go home.
Just let me know. You be the doctor.

2513
01:58:09,796 --> 01:58:12,196
Can we talk outside
in the hall for a second?

2514
01:58:12,832 --> 01:58:14,390
That woman is a control freak,

2515
01:58:14,501 --> 01:58:17,231
and she needs to let go
and let me do my job.

2516
01:58:17,337 --> 01:58:18,634
Look, she's just having
a hard time

2517
01:58:18,705 --> 01:58:21,469
because her and our doctor had
a very specific birth plan.

2518
01:58:21,541 --> 01:58:24,066
And they wanted it to be
a very special experience.

2519
01:58:24,177 --> 01:58:27,010
If you want a special experience,
go to a Jimmy Buffett concert.

2520
01:58:27,080 --> 01:58:30,675
We have a new birth plan.
Get the baby out safely.

2521
01:58:30,750 --> 01:58:35,813
Look, man, will you help us out?
I have no idea what I'm doing.

2522
01:58:35,889 --> 01:58:39,882
You can be as big a dick to me
as you want. Just be nice to her, man.

2523
01:58:39,993 --> 01:58:42,928
That's all I ask.
Just please be nice to her.

2524
01:58:49,169 --> 01:58:50,500
Are you okay?

2525
01:58:50,570 --> 01:58:52,435
I think so.

2526
01:58:52,505 --> 01:58:54,496
I'm sorry. Let's start fresh.

2527
01:58:54,574 --> 01:58:56,098
Thank you, man. Thanks.

2528
01:58:56,209 --> 01:58:59,508
This is healthy. This is good.
I think we're bonding.

2529
01:59:07,220 --> 01:59:12,749
Allison, I apologize for being
a little brash, but if you're okay with it,

2530
01:59:12,859 --> 01:59:14,520
it's rather important
we break the bag

2531
01:59:14,594 --> 01:59:16,858
and give you some medicine
to speed things up.

2532
01:59:16,930 --> 01:59:20,866
Because once the bag is broken,
I don't want there to be an infection.

2533
01:59:20,934 --> 01:59:23,425
Whatever.
Do what you have to do.

2534
01:59:27,040 --> 01:59:30,635
Oh, my God.
What a nightmare that guy is.

2535
01:59:30,743 --> 01:59:33,041
I know, I know.
Look, I talked to him.

2536
01:59:33,112 --> 01:59:35,808
I think he'll be more cool now.

2537
01:59:38,451 --> 01:59:40,783
I'm so sorry
I broke up with you.

2538
01:59:41,654 --> 01:59:43,315
You really don't need to be.

2539
01:59:43,423 --> 01:59:46,586
And, you know, I knew
you'd give me another shot.

2540
01:59:47,994 --> 01:59:51,088
I figured it'd be a lot sooner
than this, you know?

2541
01:59:51,164 --> 01:59:54,463
I was just in such
a panic from all of this.

2542
01:59:54,567 --> 01:59:58,833
And watching Debbie
and Pete together, it's...

2543
01:59:58,938 --> 02:00:00,997
And my ass got so fat.
No, no.

2544
02:00:01,107 --> 02:00:02,404
It did.

2545
02:00:02,475 --> 02:00:05,933
I just never, for one minute, thought
that the guy who got me pregnant

2546
02:00:06,012 --> 02:00:08,810
would actually be
the right guy for me.

2547
02:00:09,315 --> 02:00:11,010
Me, either.
I guess he is.

2548
02:00:11,117 --> 02:00:12,175
Yeah.

2549
02:00:15,188 --> 02:00:17,452
All right, Martin, who am I?

2550
02:00:19,492 --> 02:00:24,520
"People think I'm smart because
I speak in a robot voice. "

2551
02:00:24,631 --> 02:00:26,189
Stephen Hawking.

2552
02:00:26,299 --> 02:00:31,168
"I fuck my nurse
with my ever-expanding cock. "

2553
02:00:34,107 --> 02:00:35,540
All right.
Let's murderball.

2554
02:00:35,642 --> 02:00:38,202
Come here!
I'm gonna murderball you!

2555
02:00:38,311 --> 02:00:39,539
Stay down!
Jonah, you shithead!

2556
02:00:41,314 --> 02:00:42,440
Hi.
Hi.

2557
02:00:42,515 --> 02:00:43,675
Hi.

2558
02:00:43,783 --> 02:00:45,808
I can't believe I go
out of town and this happens.

2559
02:00:45,885 --> 02:00:48,479
I know. I'm sorry, but
I'm not going anywhere.

2560
02:00:48,555 --> 02:00:50,216
Screw Legoland.
All right.

2561
02:00:50,323 --> 02:00:52,518
Hey, how do you want this?
You want this over the shoulder?

2562
02:00:52,625 --> 02:00:54,820
You know, I can do whatever
you want. I can get in there.

2563
02:00:54,894 --> 02:00:56,361
Kind of Spike Lee angles.

2564
02:00:56,462 --> 02:00:59,488
No, you can shoot the waiting
room. That would be great.

2565
02:00:59,566 --> 02:01:04,469
Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you.
I've got it from here.

2566
02:01:05,204 --> 02:01:06,262
Debbie.

2567
02:01:06,339 --> 02:01:08,330
Can I talk to you
in the hall for a second?

2568
02:01:08,408 --> 02:01:09,568
Why?

2569
02:01:11,711 --> 02:01:15,875
I'd like to be in there
with Allison, without you.

2570
02:01:15,982 --> 02:01:17,313
Okay.

2571
02:01:17,383 --> 02:01:21,820
I understand how you feel
but this isn't up to you.

2572
02:01:21,888 --> 02:01:27,258
Look, Debbie, you are high off your ass
if you think you're coming into that room.

2573
02:01:27,360 --> 02:01:30,352
If you take one step towards
that door, I will tell security

2574
02:01:30,430 --> 02:01:33,831
there's a crazy chick in a pink
dress snatching up babies. Okay?

2575
02:01:33,900 --> 02:01:37,734
So don't even try to come into
that room. That's my room now.

2576
02:01:37,837 --> 02:01:41,000
That little area with the Pepsi
machine, that's your area.

2577
02:01:41,074 --> 02:01:45,773
My room. Your area. Stay in your area.
Stay out of my room.

2578
02:01:45,878 --> 02:01:48,506
Back the fuck off.

2579
02:01:57,690 --> 02:01:59,783
What are you doing here?

2580
02:01:59,892 --> 02:02:02,861
He just kicked me out.
He told me to leave.

2581
02:02:05,198 --> 02:02:06,187
Oh.

2582
02:02:06,866 --> 02:02:09,733
But I guess it's good, right?

2583
02:02:09,802 --> 02:02:12,066
He said he's gonna
take care of her.

2584
02:02:12,138 --> 02:02:14,538
He really seems on his game.

2585
02:02:14,607 --> 02:02:17,269
I think he's gonna be a good dad.

2586
02:02:17,377 --> 02:02:19,470
I think I like him.

2587
02:02:19,579 --> 02:02:20,978
Thank God.

2588
02:02:24,150 --> 02:02:26,277
I wish I'd gotten
that on tape.

2589
02:02:27,620 --> 02:02:30,555
Go! Holy shit, almighty!

2590
02:02:30,623 --> 02:02:32,784
Oh, shit, this really hurts!

2591
02:02:32,892 --> 02:02:34,792
I see we're well on our way.
Okay.

2592
02:02:34,894 --> 02:02:37,124
I want the...
I want the epidural. Okay?

2593
02:02:37,230 --> 02:02:38,891
Give me the epidural!
Give her the epidural, okay?

2594
02:02:38,965 --> 02:02:40,489
Give it to her now.
KUNl: Okay, Allison.

2595
02:02:40,600 --> 02:02:44,400
We're past the point of an epidural.
Okay? The cervix is fully dilated.

2596
02:02:44,470 --> 02:02:47,496
No, seriously, I want an
epidural! I know there's time!

2597
02:02:47,607 --> 02:02:49,598
We can't give you the
epidural. Take the time! I...

2598
02:02:49,676 --> 02:02:52,270
I'll make sure it doesn't come out!
I'll stop pushing.

2599
02:02:52,345 --> 02:02:53,505
We have time.
Just do it, please!

2600
02:02:53,579 --> 02:02:55,012
I'll stop.
Please, please, please!

2601
02:02:55,081 --> 02:02:56,514
I'm sorry. We have no time.

2602
02:02:56,616 --> 02:02:59,244
We're gonna just have to do
this the all-natural way, okay?

2603
02:02:59,318 --> 02:03:01,013
The way you wanted to do it.

2604
02:03:01,120 --> 02:03:02,781
Okay? Ready?
Okay.

2605
02:03:02,855 --> 02:03:07,315
Here comes another contraction, okay?
I want you to push. Okay, ready?

2606
02:03:08,628 --> 02:03:10,858
Good, good, good.
I feel everything!

2607
02:03:10,930 --> 02:03:12,625
Oh, my God! It's happening!

2608
02:03:12,699 --> 02:03:15,099
Okay, maybe we can
take it down just a little.

2609
02:03:15,168 --> 02:03:16,931
I think you're gonna scare
the other pregnant women.

2610
02:03:17,003 --> 02:03:18,971
Are you fucking kidding me?
Okay.

2611
02:03:19,038 --> 02:03:20,369
Are you kidding me?

2612
02:03:22,709 --> 02:03:23,835
Jesus.

2613
02:03:24,844 --> 02:03:27,005
This is messed up.
Something's wrong in there.

2614
02:03:27,113 --> 02:03:28,307
Yeah.
Oh, no, no.

2615
02:03:28,381 --> 02:03:30,144
I mean, granted, gynecology's
only a hobby of mine,

2616
02:03:30,216 --> 02:03:32,480
but it sounds to me like she's
crowning. Is that right, Deb?

2617
02:03:32,552 --> 02:03:34,019
Yeah. That's what it sounds
like for everyone.

2618
02:03:34,120 --> 02:03:35,781
Everyone goes through this.

2619
02:03:35,855 --> 02:03:39,621
No, I disagree with you.
That sounds terrible.

2620
02:03:41,294 --> 02:03:43,785
I'm gonna go sneak a peak,
see if there's anything I can do.

2621
02:03:48,801 --> 02:03:50,735
Okay! It's crowning!
I'm seeing the head!

2622
02:03:50,803 --> 02:03:51,997
Oh, God.

2623
02:03:52,071 --> 02:03:54,130
What does it look like, Ben?
Oh, God.

2624
02:03:54,207 --> 02:03:55,697
What?
You don't wanna see it.

2625
02:03:55,808 --> 02:03:58,140
No, I wanna see it! It's beautiful.
You don't want to, though.

2626
02:03:58,211 --> 02:04:01,044
No, I want to see it!
Oh, God! Oh, God!

2627
02:04:01,147 --> 02:04:03,741
Okay, we're almost home!
One, two...

2628
02:04:03,850 --> 02:04:06,182
You okay in here? Jesus!

2629
02:04:06,252 --> 02:04:08,482
Get out!
Yeah, okay.

2630
02:04:08,554 --> 02:04:09,646
Oh, no!

2631
02:04:12,859 --> 02:04:14,724
You all right, buddy?

2632
02:04:15,828 --> 02:04:17,090
It's okay.

2633
02:04:19,065 --> 02:04:20,293
What did it look like?

2634
02:04:20,366 --> 02:04:21,924
I shouldn't have gone in there.

2635
02:04:22,001 --> 02:04:24,561
Don't go in there.
Promise me you don't go in there.

2636
02:04:24,670 --> 02:04:27,230
Me, go in there? That's the last
fucking place I wanna go.

2637
02:04:27,340 --> 02:04:28,773
Like I'm gonna go in there.

2638
02:04:28,875 --> 02:04:30,502
Try getting a boner now.

2639
02:04:30,576 --> 02:04:31,975
What's up, Deb?

2640
02:04:32,044 --> 02:04:33,136
Hey.

2641
02:04:36,249 --> 02:04:40,015
Push. One, two, three.
Oh, God!

2642
02:04:40,086 --> 02:04:43,351
You've passed the shoulders.
One more big push.

2643
02:04:45,057 --> 02:04:46,422
Good.

2644
02:04:52,265 --> 02:04:53,459
I did it.

2645
02:04:53,566 --> 02:04:56,364
Okay. Oh, my God. It's out.
You did it. You did it.

2646
02:04:56,435 --> 02:04:58,801
Oh, my God, you did it.
Oh, my God.

2647
02:05:02,108 --> 02:05:03,473
Oh, God.

2648
02:05:06,045 --> 02:05:08,707
I love you, Ben.
I love you so much, too.

2649
02:05:08,781 --> 02:05:09,907
Oh, my God.

2650
02:05:09,982 --> 02:05:12,644
Congratulations, you
two. Beautiful. Thank you.

2651
02:05:12,752 --> 02:05:16,279
You did so great. You
were amazing. Thank you.

2652
02:05:16,389 --> 02:05:18,789
Okay, pretty baby.

2653
02:05:18,858 --> 02:05:20,519
You got out.

2654
02:05:20,593 --> 02:05:23,061
You made it out. Welcome.

2655
02:05:25,264 --> 02:05:28,290
You ever get so bored
you just stare at your balls?

2656
02:05:28,401 --> 02:05:30,767
I bet you do, late John Lennon.

2657
02:05:33,439 --> 02:05:34,565
Here we are again.

2658
02:05:34,640 --> 02:05:36,608
Who is that?
Is that Ben's rabbi?

2659
02:05:36,676 --> 02:05:38,837
Is he the one
who cuts the penis?

2660
02:05:40,346 --> 02:05:42,280
I think it's Matisyahu.

2661
02:05:43,516 --> 02:05:44,778
Awesome.

2662
02:05:44,851 --> 02:05:46,978
You want out of the bet?
I want out of the bet.

2663
02:05:47,086 --> 02:05:52,080
You know what you have to say. Just
say it, man. I think now is the time.

2664
02:05:52,158 --> 02:05:54,752
Jason, you're the master.

2665
02:05:54,827 --> 02:05:56,124
You heard it, right?
Yeah.

2666
02:05:56,195 --> 02:05:58,789
All right. You're out of the bet.
Yeah, now you're done.

2667
02:05:58,865 --> 02:06:00,696
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, God.

2668
02:06:00,800 --> 02:06:02,768
Your face smells
like an old man's balls.

2669
02:06:02,835 --> 02:06:04,632
Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, fucking hell.

2670
02:06:06,539 --> 02:06:07,665
Hey.

2671
02:06:12,445 --> 02:06:14,504
Oh, my God.

2672
02:06:14,614 --> 02:06:16,514
Oh, hello.

2673
02:06:16,616 --> 02:06:18,607
Oh, my goodness.

2674
02:06:20,052 --> 02:06:21,883
She's beautiful.

2675
02:06:24,523 --> 02:06:26,115
Hello.

2676
02:06:26,192 --> 02:06:28,990
Oh. I love you, Ben.
I love you, Debbie.

2677
02:06:29,061 --> 02:06:32,792
We're gonna have another baby.
Okay.

2678
02:06:32,865 --> 02:06:34,196
Hello, baby.

2679
02:06:34,300 --> 02:06:36,291
Gentlemen, it's a girl!

2680
02:06:40,573 --> 02:06:42,700
We got a daughter!
Mazel tov!

2681
02:06:42,808 --> 02:06:45,572
Congratulations, Daddy! We
got a beautiful little girl!

2682
02:06:45,678 --> 02:06:48,670
Let's meet her! She's awesome!
A beautiful little girl!

2683
02:06:49,348 --> 02:06:52,511
And then your mommy said,
"Just do it, already,"

2684
02:06:53,386 --> 02:06:56,048
which was very confusing
to Daddy.

2685
02:06:56,155 --> 02:07:00,524
So I listened to the most literal translation
of that and I just did it, already.

2686
02:07:00,593 --> 02:07:02,493
What would you do?

2687
02:07:02,561 --> 02:07:04,188
Don't tell Mommy,

2688
02:07:04,263 --> 02:07:08,495
but it was the smartest thing I ever did,
listening to her, 'cause now you're here.

2689
02:07:08,567 --> 02:07:11,297
Isn't that nice?
I think it is.

2690
02:07:17,209 --> 02:07:18,540
Hi, you.

2691
02:07:22,682 --> 02:07:24,843
I hope your apartment is big enough
for the three of us.

2692
02:07:24,917 --> 02:07:26,407
Oh, it definitely is.

2693
02:07:26,519 --> 02:07:29,386
That's why I got one in East LA,
the rent. It's huge!

2694
02:07:29,455 --> 02:07:30,752
The only thing is
we have to decide

2695
02:07:30,856 --> 02:07:33,222
if we're gonna be Crips
or Bloods before we get there.

2696
02:07:33,292 --> 02:07:35,760
Well, I look good in red.
I look good in blue.

2697
02:07:35,861 --> 02:07:37,158
The fighting continues.

2698
02:07:38,631 --> 02:07:40,758
We could just throw off everyone
and become Latin Kings.

2699
02:07:40,866 --> 02:07:41,958
Yeah.

2700
02:07:42,068 --> 02:07:43,262
We both look good in gold.

2701
02:07:43,336 --> 02:07:44,667
Yeah.

2702
02:07:45,705 --> 02:07:46,967
Good choice.

2703
02:07:47,073 --> 02:07:50,600
I would yell at you about driving
so slow, except the baby's here.

2704
02:07:50,710 --> 02:07:54,146
No, these guys can honk all they want.
I ain't going faster than 12.

2705
02:07:54,246 --> 02:07:56,271
It might take us around three
hours to get home, though.

2706
02:08:00,000 --> 02:08:06,000
<i>Subs Sync Checked ..by iUrop</i>