1 00:00:00,696 --> 00:00:03,216 [theme music] 2 00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:17,017 [lightning crashes] 3 00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:21,238 [birds fluttering] 4 00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:25,895 [lightning crashes] 5 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:36,251 [music continues] 6 00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:00,095 [lightning crashes] 7 00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:03,060 [instrumental music] 8 00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:17,511 [Clyde] Well, I can see I.. Oh. 9 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:18,949 Hold still. Hold still. 10 00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:20,855 You are.. Oh! Ah, ah. Oh! 11 00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:23,780 Bang, bang, Mr. Umney. You better skedaddle. 12 00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:26,036 I got a big, bad gun, and it's smokin'. 13 00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:28,699 Oh, don't shoot. I'll do anything. 14 00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,794 [Arlene] Oh, just you wait, Mr. Umney. 15 00:01:30,873 --> 00:01:32,613 [Umney] Boy, you're awfully slippery. 16 00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:35,181 Ah. I like 'em slippery. Ha-ha-ha-ha. 17 00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:37,139 You're nothin' but a high-class gigolo. 18 00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:38,267 Low-class, baby. 19 00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:39,659 [laughing] 20 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:44,966 Oh, gosh, you're fun. 21 00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:46,501 You think so? 22 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,851 Mrs. Sternwood. Uh, have a drink? 23 00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:56,199 Clyde, you stinker. 24 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:59,160 Mr. Sternwood was the stinker, remember? 25 00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:01,429 And I got you out of it clean and square. 26 00:02:01,512 --> 00:02:04,562 Oh, Clyde, I thought we had something special. 27 00:02:04,646 --> 00:02:05,776 We gave it a go. 28 00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:08,784 Right. Well, no more daydreaming. 29 00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:11,647 I know you don't love me. You've made it more than obvious. 30 00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:14,920 So, I am going to end my life. 31 00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:17,014 - What is that? - Drain cleaner. 32 00:02:17,093 --> 00:02:20,923 Drain cleaner? Somehow, I don't think so. 33 00:02:21,010 --> 00:02:22,930 You know, Mrs. Sternwood, I don't believe 34 00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:25,802 I've ever really seen you the way I'm seeing you now. 35 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:28,804 - What do you see? - You're lovely. 36 00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:30,317 Cunning. 37 00:02:30,411 --> 00:02:33,591 You are, Mrs. Sternwood, the last eternal mystery. 38 00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:37,285 Scorching, beautiful.. 39 00:02:37,374 --> 00:02:38,594 ...built for love. 40 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,940 Not the kind of woman who would ever 41 00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:44,031 clean her own drains. 42 00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:50,394 - Aah! Oh, my God! - Sugar crystals. 43 00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:53,134 - Just as I suspected. - Oh, my God. 44 00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:54,736 [phone ringing] 45 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:57,613 Clyde Umney, private investigator. 46 00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,569 Oh, I'm a fool. 47 00:02:59,657 --> 00:03:03,047 And you're awfully sweet. 48 00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,879 Trouble at blondie's. I've gotta go. 49 00:03:05,968 --> 00:03:09,058 But-but, Mr. Umney, I.. Wait, wait, wait. 50 00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:12,535 Get some coffee for her sugar, will you, doll? 51 00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:15,497 [instrumental music] 52 00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:23,858 - Worries, Mr. Umney? - Not my style. 53 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,895 What have you got here, Vernon? 54 00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:32,040 Why.. Why, that's Jesus walkin' on the sea of Galilee. 55 00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:36,044 And my wife dressed up like sweetheart of the rodeo. 56 00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:37,778 - Nice fringes. - Hm. 57 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,010 Vernon, you've invented something here. 58 00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:47,355 We are standing in the world's first 59 00:03:47,444 --> 00:03:48,884 moving-up-and-down picture gallery. 60 00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:50,577 Why, it's art for the modern age. 61 00:03:50,665 --> 00:03:51,965 Efficient, cost-effective.. 62 00:03:52,057 --> 00:03:54,187 Look out! He's got a gun! 63 00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:55,927 Oh, God. 64 00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,498 [grunting] 65 00:03:57,585 --> 00:04:00,235 [clattering] 66 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:02,417 [elevator dings] 67 00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:04,373 Oh, my gosh.. Officer, quick. 68 00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:06,331 You're a tough old bird, aren't ya? 69 00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:08,770 - No worries, Mr. Umney. - He's right in there. 70 00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:11,727 [instrumental music] 71 00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:24,224 [indistinct chatter] 72 00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:38,185 That's it. I'm leaving. 73 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,148 - Where do you think you're... - Don't. 74 00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:43,370 I have to turn you in. 75 00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:44,457 What's your problem, Ardis? 76 00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:46,415 You got popcorn for brains? 77 00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:49,333 I saw what you did, Dunninger. I couldn't help it. 78 00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:51,069 I was on that street corner waiting for the bus 79 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,990 when you pulled up and shot three innocent people. 80 00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:55,555 Now, don't go soft. They were double-dealing dope addicts. 81 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:58,123 - I can't just forget it. - You can if you're smart. 82 00:04:58,210 --> 00:05:00,780 If you turn yourself in to the police, they'll go easy on you. 83 00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:02,515 That's right. They'll fry me nice and slow. 84 00:05:02,606 --> 00:05:04,566 When my little sister was lost 85 00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,092 drowning in sin 86 00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:09,345 I just waited, thinking God will protect her 87 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:10,399 that she'd come to her senses 88 00:05:10,484 --> 00:05:11,834 and it'd be alright. 89 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,180 You know what, Mr. Dunninger? 90 00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:16,100 God is out to lunch. 91 00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:18,055 Go the police, and they'll be scraping 92 00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:19,843 your little sister's face off the pavement and shoveling it 93 00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:22,058 in one of blondie's homemade mincemeat pies! 94 00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:23,317 Let her go, Dunninger. 95 00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:30,374 Bow-wow. The talented Mr. Umney. 96 00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:34,328 [intense music] 97 00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:44,777 Clyde, look out! 98 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,736 [gunfire] 99 00:05:50,785 --> 00:05:53,565 [gunfire] 100 00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:56,527 [glass shattering] 101 00:05:58,183 --> 00:05:59,363 Stay here! 102 00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:03,966 [male #1] Behind the bar! 103 00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:06,979 [gunfire] 104 00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:16,162 [instrumental music] 105 00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:22,378 [groaning] 106 00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:28,129 [female #1] Oh, my! 107 00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:33,961 [whispering] Clyde? 108 00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:39,362 Clyde? 109 00:06:39,442 --> 00:06:41,232 [distant siren wailing] 110 00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:47,974 - You okay, doll? - I am now. 111 00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:49,369 Come home with me. 112 00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:52,112 I can't. Mother's waiting. 113 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:59,110 Run away to Mexico with me, just you, me, and the road. 114 00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:01,941 It's not like that, Clyde. 115 00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:04,640 - You know it never is. - It's different for us. 116 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,158 We're one and the same. 117 00:07:06,251 --> 00:07:08,171 We belong together and someday 118 00:07:08,253 --> 00:07:09,953 I'll prove that to you. 119 00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:11,428 - Come on, folks. - Stan! 120 00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,648 - Yeah, Clyde? - Do me a favor, will ya? 121 00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,257 See that Ms. McGill gets home. 122 00:07:15,347 --> 00:07:16,607 You betcha. 123 00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,054 Stay out of the rain, kid. 124 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,402 [instrumental music] 125 00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:27,227 [indistinct chattering] 126 00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:31,667 [Gloria laughing] 127 00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:36,671 [dog barking] 128 00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:44,767 Shut up, Buster. Get a job. 129 00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,505 [Gloria] Whoo! 130 00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:58,126 Whoo! Ha-ha-ha-ha! 131 00:07:58,216 --> 00:07:59,826 Swell. 132 00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:04,313 [instrumental music] 133 00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:09,014 [Gloria] Go on. One more time. 134 00:08:09,097 --> 00:08:11,137 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 135 00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:15,059 Wait. Come here. Come back. 136 00:08:15,146 --> 00:08:17,666 There. Oh! Ha-ha-ha! 137 00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,758 - George. - That's my... 138 00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:24,587 [Gloria] Wait, wait. Now. Go! 139 00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:27,638 Ohh! Ha-ha-ha! 140 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:33,214 [Gloria] Whoa. Okay, one more. 141 00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:36,165 [instrumental music] 142 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,420 [music continues] 143 00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,514 [whirring] 144 00:09:16,338 --> 00:09:18,208 [indistinct laughing] 145 00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:27,695 [dramatic music] 146 00:09:37,228 --> 00:09:40,138 [ticking] 147 00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:49,148 [birds chirping] 148 00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:57,472 [horn blaring] 149 00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:09,428 [birds chirping] 150 00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,180 Boys, this is one perfect day. 151 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:16,485 Somebody should slap a little "R" inside a circle symbol 152 00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:18,312 right smack in the middle of this day 153 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,320 a registered Los Angeles morning 154 00:10:20,402 --> 00:10:22,672 a Louis B. Mayer production. 155 00:10:24,188 --> 00:10:25,318 Hmm. 156 00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,111 What do you say, George and Gloria? 157 00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,413 Something okey-pokey? 158 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:34,680 Heh-heh-heh. Feeling an itchy-wincy hangover? 159 00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,034 [cat meows] 160 00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:38,073 Look! Buster, a cat! 161 00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,470 Hey, what's the beef? 162 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:42,513 Why don't you yap when I need you to 163 00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:44,028 you ignorant mutt? 164 00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:46,991 [instrumental music] 165 00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:54,256 - Vern. - Mr. Umney. 166 00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:02,011 What happened to Jesus walkin' on the sea of Galilee? 167 00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:04,266 Where's the sweetheart of the rodeo? What is this? 168 00:11:04,359 --> 00:11:06,749 [Vernon] Remember, the party is on Friday. 169 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,670 Wait a damn minute. What party? What's going on? 170 00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,756 [coughs] Retirement. 171 00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:14,105 [scoffs] To hell you say. 172 00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:16,195 Mr. Landry's coming. 173 00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:19,164 Mr. Sam Landry, owner of this building. 174 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:22,508 If you don't wanna come, fine. 175 00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:24,074 You've been acting crazy as a loon 176 00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:26,771 for the past six months anyhow. 177 00:11:28,644 --> 00:11:31,134 - What's gotten into you? - You know what. 178 00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:33,002 It's the big C. 179 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,483 Terminal cancer? Since yesterday? 180 00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:37,704 I'm retiring to Arizona. 181 00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:40,794 Gonna live with my sister for as long as I have. 182 00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,184 Ha, let's face it 183 00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:45,916 I don't expect to wear out my welcome. 184 00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:48,839 You're supposed to be here, right here sittin' on your stool 185 00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:51,315 with Jesus and your wife over your head. Not, not this. 186 00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,186 For how long, Mr. Umney? 187 00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:54,837 And since you know everything 188 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,541 you could probably tell me. 189 00:11:56,628 --> 00:12:00,148 How long do I have to keep driving this damn car? 190 00:12:00,241 --> 00:12:02,331 [coughing] 191 00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:06,198 Well... forever. 192 00:12:07,639 --> 00:12:09,639 Forever, Vernon. 193 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,339 - You can't retire. - No? 194 00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:14,297 Oh, the way it looks to me 195 00:12:14,385 --> 00:12:15,905 I really ain't got a choice. 196 00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:17,736 [elevator dings] 197 00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,606 This isn't right. 198 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,306 You know it isn't right, Vern. 199 00:12:24,395 --> 00:12:26,475 What's not right, Mr. Umney? 200 00:12:26,571 --> 00:12:29,491 [laughing] 201 00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:35,187 Bye, Mr. Umney. 202 00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:37,496 [instrumental music] 203 00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,502 [Vernon laughing] 204 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,424 Get me the file on the Mavis Weld case 205 00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:47,904 will you, doll? 206 00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:54,506 [instrumental music] 207 00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:01,955 [Arlene] "Dear Clyde, I have had all the groping 208 00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,702 and sneering I'm going to take from you. 209 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,483 Life is too short to be pawed 210 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:08,397 by a washed-up divorce detective with bad breath. 211 00:13:08,483 --> 00:13:10,223 You did have your good points, Clyde 212 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,621 but they are getting drowned out by the bad ones. 213 00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:14,754 Do yourself a favor and grow up. 214 00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:17,097 Yours truly, Arlene Cain. 215 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,447 P.S. I'm going back to my mother's in Idaho. 216 00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:22,237 Do not try to get in touch with me." 217 00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:25,113 She liked it. 218 00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:26,805 She said she liked it. 219 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:32,419 [Sam] Bad day, Clyde? 220 00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,597 [intense music] 221 00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,823 [airplane droning] 222 00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:47,834 Samuel D. Landry at your service. 223 00:13:49,437 --> 00:13:50,957 Sam Landry? 224 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,401 You're the.. 225 00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:55,444 You're the one that owns the building. 226 00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:56,970 It's all my fault. 227 00:13:57,053 --> 00:14:00,973 I'm sorry, Clyde, I really am, but, uh.. 228 00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:04,227 ...meeting you has been, well.. 229 00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,721 ...not what I expected. 230 00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:09,152 For one thing.. 231 00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,289 ...I like you a lot more than I thought I would. 232 00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:14,942 But I've got business here.. 233 00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:16,808 ...and there's no going back. 234 00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:19,159 Yeah, y-y-you're not like any businessman 235 00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:20,509 I have ever seen. 236 00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:21,948 You call that a briefcase? 237 00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:25,165 It's a computer, a typewriter with a brain. 238 00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,820 Ah. Ha-ha. Okay. 239 00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,871 I'm gettin' it now. 240 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,477 You carry a brain around in your briefcase. 241 00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:33,917 You wear shoes that look like 242 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:36,533 Boris Karloff's Frankenstein get-up 243 00:14:36,614 --> 00:14:39,754 What are you, some sort of a horror-movie guy? 244 00:14:39,835 --> 00:14:42,355 No. Clyde, I'm a literary guy. 245 00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:44,536 What's the writing on your shoes? 246 00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:46,102 - Reebok. - Reebok? 247 00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,979 Sounds like a dish on a Chinese carryout menu. 248 00:14:49,062 --> 00:14:51,332 Oh, you like that, huh? 249 00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:53,242 I know all your ideas, Clyde. 250 00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:56,717 - After all, I'm you. - Yeah. 251 00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:58,508 I noticed the resemblance. 252 00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,513 Not familiar with the Cologne, though. 253 00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,285 It's called Aramis. 254 00:15:02,379 --> 00:15:04,339 It won't be invented for another 40 years or so 255 00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:05,375 just like my sneakers. 256 00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:07,119 The devil you say. 257 00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:09,080 Ah, the devil might come into it. 258 00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:10,739 Where are you from? 259 00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:13,832 I come from the future, Clyde.. 260 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,133 ...just like a.. 261 00:15:16,219 --> 00:15:18,129 ...a pulp-magazine story. 262 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:20,881 Yeah, you come from Sunnyland Sanitarium, more like it. 263 00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:23,363 But not like a science-fiction story. 264 00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,584 Not exactly. 265 00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,323 What was your father's name, Clyde? 266 00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:30,024 What has that got to do with the price of cucumbers on Monday? 267 00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:32,193 You don't know, do you? What about your mother's? 268 00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:33,719 Here's a couple of easy ones across the plate. 269 00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:34,932 Where'd you go to school? 270 00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,071 What was the name of the first girl 271 00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:37,242 you ever went all the way with? 272 00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:38,627 Okay, stop playin' games. 273 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,110 Where'd you grow up? 274 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,200 Carmel? Dusty bottom, New Mexico? 275 00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:45,599 - Cut the crap. - Do you know? Do you? 276 00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:47,903 Yeah. It was, um.. 277 00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:53,004 [Samuel] "San Diego! Born and raised." 278 00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:55,132 San Diego. That feels right. 279 00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:58,215 It feels right because I wrote it. 280 00:15:58,305 --> 00:15:59,955 What's a Sony? 281 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,176 Some sort of a side dish you get with a Reebok dinner? 282 00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:05,305 [chuckles] It's a Japanese electronics company. 283 00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:07,619 Oh, now you're kiddin' me, mister. 284 00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:10,005 The Japs can't even make a windup toy. 285 00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:12,099 Not now. 286 00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:13,968 Tell me, Clyde, when is now? 287 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:17,590 - Do you know the date? - 1938. 288 00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:20,722 W-w-wait, wait a minute. Uh, 1939. 289 00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:24,065 Don't feel badly. You don't know, because I don't know. 290 00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:28,157 I've always kept the timeline vague in my novels. 291 00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:31,858 Going more for a feeling. Call it Chandler American time. 292 00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:34,687 - Works for my readers. - Okay. 293 00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,466 Tell me what's goin' on here. 294 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,130 [instrumental music] 295 00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:41,524 You're beginning to know, aren't you? 296 00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,259 Maybe I don't know my dad's name or my mom's name 297 00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:46,350 or the first girl I went to bed with because.. 298 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,230 ...you don't know. Is that it? 299 00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:51,052 You're getting warm. 300 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:52,750 You don't just own this building.. 301 00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:56,802 ...you own everything. 302 00:16:56,885 --> 00:16:58,665 Hot, hot, hot. 303 00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:00,576 Hot as a hot potato. 304 00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:03,501 You see the picture on the wall to the left of the door? 305 00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:06,368 Don't do it. 306 00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:08,030 "On the wall to the left of the door 307 00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:11,384 a revered leader hangs, but always slightly askew. 308 00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:14,595 That's my way of keeping him in perspective." 309 00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:16,555 [music continues] 310 00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:22,218 You're a writer. You made me up. 311 00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:24,482 When? Or is that even the right question? 312 00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:26,345 You first appeared in a mystery 313 00:17:26,436 --> 00:17:32,266 called "Requiem for a Lady" in 19... 77. 314 00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:35,965 You've grown a lot more complex and interesting since then. 315 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,795 You were pretty one-dimensional at the beginning. 316 00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,232 Yeah? What a pisser for me. 317 00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,969 Your latest was called "How Like A Fallen Angel." 318 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:46,801 I started that in 1995. Took me five years to finish. 319 00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,941 My life's been interesting, Clyde. 320 00:17:49,024 --> 00:17:52,114 Yeah? Well, you screwed up big-time with this one. 321 00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,681 I didn't wanna scare you any more than I had to. 322 00:17:54,769 --> 00:17:58,029 Yeah? Well, you're scaring me plenty, mister. 323 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,560 If you created me 324 00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:01,253 and you can turn George Washington 325 00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:04,211 into Franklin Delano Roosevelt.. 326 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,950 ...then you can do anything. 327 00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,961 [instrumental music] 328 00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:13,534 [keys clacking] 329 00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,178 [wind howling] 330 00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:20,140 [intense music] 331 00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:32,978 Buster. Here, boy. 332 00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,588 [whistling] 333 00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,949 George? Gloria? 334 00:18:42,033 --> 00:18:43,953 It's me, Clyde, from next door. 335 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:49,079 [intense music] 336 00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,268 [wind howling] 337 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:10,056 [intense music] 338 00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:17,590 Here's to you, George and Gloria. 339 00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:19,898 No more parties. 340 00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:22,384 No more trips to Palm Desert. 341 00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:24,335 No more Basie and Ellington 342 00:19:24,424 --> 00:19:27,384 blowin' through the open window in spring. 343 00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:30,694 No more of that Welsh Corgi bark 344 00:19:30,778 --> 00:19:32,998 that goes through your head like slivers of glass. 345 00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:36,004 [instrumental music] 346 00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:40,312 You did this. 347 00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:43,006 You made George kill his wife, you stinkin' bastard! 348 00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:44,574 You're a clever boy, Clyde 349 00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,191 but readers love nasty murders 350 00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:48,712 because secretly they wanna be the killer 351 00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:50,316 shoot the annoying neighbor. 352 00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:53,146 Strangle that whining girlfriend. 353 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:54,885 Make-believe is a great healer. 354 00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:56,846 Yeah? Well, it didn't heal the Demmicks. 355 00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:58,594 They were good people. 356 00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:01,065 You think you're god, but you're just a two-bit bully. 357 00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:03,026 Why, I've beaten wise guys tougher than you 358 00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:04,994 in your own books! 359 00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:10,912 "His revelations hit me like some kind 360 00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:14,432 of debilitating drug. 361 00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:17,217 All the strength went out of my muscles. 362 00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:22,833 My legs felt like a couple of strands of al dente spaghetti. 363 00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:27,307 All I could do was flop back in my chair 364 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,100 and look at him." 365 00:20:31,534 --> 00:20:33,364 That's not very good, but rapid composition 366 00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:36,019 has never been one of my strong points. 367 00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:38,024 You son of a bitch. 368 00:20:38,106 --> 00:20:39,756 Yeah. 369 00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:42,107 I suppose I am. 370 00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:44,717 You know your client, Mavis Weld? 371 00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:46,288 She was a character in a novel 372 00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,985 called the "Little Sister" by Raymond Chandler. 373 00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:50,603 - Ring a bell? - No. 374 00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:52,474 No. Of course not. 375 00:20:52,555 --> 00:20:54,725 In your world, Chandler never even existed. 376 00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:55,908 But he's the man 377 00:20:55,993 --> 00:20:58,003 for every mystery scribe since then. 378 00:20:58,082 --> 00:21:01,042 Clyde Umney was the name of the lawyer in "Playback." 379 00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:03,909 I did it as a... um, a tribute. 380 00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:06,181 - An hommage. - Hommage? 381 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,005 Sounds like a fancy word for stealing, if you ask me. 382 00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:11,843 So what did you come here for? What's the heist? 383 00:21:11,922 --> 00:21:14,102 I came for you, Clyde. 384 00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:17,005 - For me? - Sorry. 385 00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:18,321 I'm afraid you're gonna have to think of your life 386 00:21:18,407 --> 00:21:20,627 in a new way from now on, Clyde 387 00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:22,984 as a, um.. 388 00:21:23,064 --> 00:21:25,594 ...well, as a pair of shoes. 389 00:21:25,675 --> 00:21:27,585 You're stepping out, and I'm stepping in. 390 00:21:27,677 --> 00:21:30,287 Oh. How fascinating. 391 00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:33,546 And, uh, what happens to Clyde Umney? 392 00:21:34,858 --> 00:21:36,158 I want you to see something. 393 00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:38,081 This is my personal diary. 394 00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:41,516 Don't even think about it. 395 00:21:41,604 --> 00:21:43,434 [breathing heavily] 396 00:21:43,519 --> 00:21:45,909 This is stuff I didn't make up. 397 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,520 This is my life.. 398 00:21:48,611 --> 00:21:50,531 ...the interesting part. 399 00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:52,623 Why did you come for me? 400 00:21:54,269 --> 00:21:55,709 There. 401 00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:07,540 [Clyde] It's.. 402 00:22:07,630 --> 00:22:09,760 It's about a cemetery. 403 00:22:18,728 --> 00:22:21,248 [Sam] Linda and I went to see our son's grave every week. 404 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:23,300 [Clyde] I'm sorry for you, Landry. 405 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,870 I can't come here anymore. 406 00:22:31,959 --> 00:22:34,309 Why? Are you behind on writing the book? 407 00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:35,526 How can you say that? 408 00:22:35,615 --> 00:22:37,005 Because the book is all you do. 409 00:22:37,094 --> 00:22:38,364 Yes, I write 410 00:22:38,444 --> 00:22:40,664 in order to stay relatively sane. 411 00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:41,800 But coming here is like 412 00:22:41,882 --> 00:22:44,412 ripping out stitches over and over. 413 00:22:44,493 --> 00:22:46,763 Well, I'm not gonna leave Danny. 414 00:22:46,843 --> 00:22:48,413 Nobody's leaving him. 415 00:22:48,497 --> 00:22:50,627 It's just so cold in the ground 416 00:22:50,717 --> 00:22:52,717 and he's all alone. 417 00:22:54,111 --> 00:22:57,461 How long do we go on blaming ourselves? 418 00:22:57,550 --> 00:22:59,900 Just give me a minute, will you, hon'? 419 00:23:02,076 --> 00:23:04,946 [instrumental music] 420 00:23:31,235 --> 00:23:34,145 [children screaming] 421 00:23:41,724 --> 00:23:44,344 Mom! Dad! Look at me! 422 00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:47,513 - Yeah, they're gonna win. - Don't you dare. 423 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,820 - Go! Go! - Oh, yeah! 424 00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:56,352 [clamoring] 425 00:23:58,567 --> 00:24:01,437 [instrumental music] 426 00:24:15,671 --> 00:24:17,541 [splashing] 427 00:24:29,076 --> 00:24:31,336 - You owe me! - Get outta here. 428 00:24:31,426 --> 00:24:33,296 Danny. 429 00:24:33,384 --> 00:24:35,134 Danny! 430 00:24:36,823 --> 00:24:38,693 [cheering] 431 00:24:45,309 --> 00:24:47,049 Danny's at the bottom of the pool! Come on! 432 00:24:47,137 --> 00:24:48,787 Sam! Sam! Sam! 433 00:24:48,878 --> 00:24:51,008 Danny's at the bottom of the pool! 434 00:24:51,098 --> 00:24:52,488 Danny's at the bottom of the pool! 435 00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:54,318 Somebody help! 436 00:24:56,059 --> 00:24:57,929 [instrumental music] 437 00:24:58,018 --> 00:25:01,458 [Linda] Dan! Danny! No! 438 00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:03,503 - Get him out! - Help Danny! 439 00:25:04,285 --> 00:25:05,935 Get him out! 440 00:25:16,819 --> 00:25:18,389 [Linda] Where are you? 441 00:25:20,257 --> 00:25:22,777 Uh, page 187. 442 00:25:22,869 --> 00:25:26,259 No. Not what freakin' page you're on. 443 00:25:26,350 --> 00:25:29,620 Where are you? How are you? 444 00:25:29,702 --> 00:25:31,232 'Cause you're not here with me. 445 00:25:31,312 --> 00:25:32,752 I'm working. 446 00:25:32,835 --> 00:25:34,395 You're escaping. 447 00:25:34,489 --> 00:25:36,969 Off in your own private universe. 448 00:25:37,057 --> 00:25:38,577 Oh, God. 449 00:25:38,667 --> 00:25:41,237 You know what? That's great for you, Sam. 450 00:25:41,322 --> 00:25:43,372 Why don't you just live in your fictional world 451 00:25:43,454 --> 00:25:45,114 because that way, you never have to face the fact 452 00:25:45,195 --> 00:25:47,065 that we've lost our son. 453 00:25:48,721 --> 00:25:50,771 I'm aware of the facts. 454 00:25:54,814 --> 00:25:59,434 God. You know what? 455 00:25:59,514 --> 00:26:03,044 Maybe I'm as nutty as you, but sometimes.. 456 00:26:03,126 --> 00:26:05,426 ...sometimes I wish Clyde Umney were here. 457 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,570 He's definitely younger. 458 00:26:08,654 --> 00:26:11,744 I mean, remember when he saved Ardis McGill from going crazy 459 00:26:11,831 --> 00:26:14,531 when she lost her little sister to a life of prostitution 460 00:26:14,616 --> 00:26:17,136 and, and how he consoled Mrs. Norris 461 00:26:17,227 --> 00:26:20,487 and how like a fallen angel, h-he gave her hope. 462 00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,149 He brought her back to life. 463 00:26:22,232 --> 00:26:24,232 He screwed her brains out. 464 00:26:26,715 --> 00:26:29,805 You just sit there staring at that screen. 465 00:26:33,026 --> 00:26:35,506 Linda didn't know it, but.. 466 00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:37,944 ...she gave me the idea to come here. 467 00:26:38,031 --> 00:26:39,551 She's given me a lot of good ideas. 468 00:26:39,641 --> 00:26:41,341 Not only do you steal from that guy Ray Chandler 469 00:26:41,425 --> 00:26:42,905 you steal from your own wife. 470 00:26:42,992 --> 00:26:44,952 I've heard of low, but that's bargain basement. 471 00:26:45,038 --> 00:26:47,038 Are you getting this news flash? 472 00:26:47,127 --> 00:26:49,037 Writers are the most shameless 473 00:26:49,129 --> 00:26:51,649 self-centered bastards in the world. 474 00:26:51,740 --> 00:26:54,790 We lie, we seduce, we'll steal your soul. 475 00:26:54,874 --> 00:26:56,484 Anything to look good on the page. 476 00:26:56,571 --> 00:26:58,441 Eh, you won't get any tea and sympathy from me. 477 00:26:58,529 --> 00:27:00,579 I'm a bestselling author 478 00:27:00,662 --> 00:27:03,802 and I don't have the words to console my own wife. 479 00:27:04,927 --> 00:27:06,317 You're my alter ego. 480 00:27:06,407 --> 00:27:08,757 You can do what I can't do. 481 00:27:08,844 --> 00:27:11,284 - Go to Linda. Help her. - You are nuts! 482 00:27:11,368 --> 00:27:13,068 Like the way you saved Mrs. Sternwood 483 00:27:13,153 --> 00:27:16,163 from swallowing drain cleaner, if that'd been me.. 484 00:27:16,243 --> 00:27:18,593 ...I would've had a panic attack. But you were great. 485 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,810 I'll stay right here in my own shoes, thanks. 486 00:27:21,901 --> 00:27:24,251 As you say in your world, I am the man. 487 00:27:24,338 --> 00:27:27,038 What the hell does that mean? We're all men. 488 00:27:27,123 --> 00:27:29,653 Here. Take a powder. I got work to do. 489 00:27:29,735 --> 00:27:31,865 Don't get snotty. I made you. 490 00:27:31,954 --> 00:27:34,654 Oops. Did we make daddy mad? 491 00:27:34,740 --> 00:27:36,790 Is that how you talked to your little boy? 492 00:27:38,352 --> 00:27:39,532 Damn you. 493 00:27:39,614 --> 00:27:41,364 Ah, what are you gonna do? 494 00:27:41,442 --> 00:27:43,882 Turn me into a barking dog? 495 00:27:43,966 --> 00:27:47,396 "Dunninger's boys knew they couldn't touch me 496 00:27:47,491 --> 00:27:49,801 without bringing down the heat. 497 00:27:49,885 --> 00:27:53,975 So they took it out on my girl. 498 00:27:54,063 --> 00:27:58,153 Well, not her, exactly 499 00:27:58,241 --> 00:27:59,631 but her little sister." 500 00:27:59,721 --> 00:28:00,941 Don't do this, Landry. 501 00:28:01,027 --> 00:28:04,417 "And when Ardis found the poor kid 502 00:28:04,508 --> 00:28:06,688 she looked like she'd been attacked 503 00:28:06,772 --> 00:28:09,252 by a circus of crazed monkeys 504 00:28:09,339 --> 00:28:11,039 with Samurai swords." 505 00:28:11,124 --> 00:28:13,044 Stop it, you stinkin' pervert! 506 00:28:13,126 --> 00:28:16,516 "And they carved her face into monkey meat." 507 00:28:16,607 --> 00:28:19,517 They killed her, Clyde, my poor little sister. 508 00:28:19,610 --> 00:28:22,220 - I know. - Why did she have to suffer so? 509 00:28:22,309 --> 00:28:23,749 Ardis, get the hell out of here. 510 00:28:23,832 --> 00:28:25,622 I told you it would never be good. 511 00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:27,364 This world of ours is a heartless maze 512 00:28:27,444 --> 00:28:29,324 of greed and hate, and there's no way out. 513 00:28:29,403 --> 00:28:32,843 You're wrong. The world is bright because you're in it. 514 00:28:32,928 --> 00:28:34,228 Why do bullies always win? 515 00:28:34,321 --> 00:28:36,451 "She was already over the edge. 516 00:28:36,540 --> 00:28:39,540 And there was nothing I could do to stop her." 517 00:28:39,630 --> 00:28:41,280 They don't always win. You know why? 518 00:28:41,371 --> 00:28:42,761 Because there's love. 519 00:28:42,851 --> 00:28:46,901 "She had taken things into her own hands." 520 00:28:46,986 --> 00:28:48,766 I hear you, my darling. 521 00:28:48,857 --> 00:28:51,207 Ardis, listen. 522 00:28:51,294 --> 00:28:52,254 No! 523 00:28:52,339 --> 00:28:55,259 [grunting] 524 00:28:55,342 --> 00:28:57,472 I wish you all the love in the world. 525 00:28:57,561 --> 00:28:59,391 [gunshot] 526 00:29:06,092 --> 00:29:08,362 You didn't have to do that. 527 00:29:08,442 --> 00:29:09,622 It's a new chapter, pal. 528 00:29:09,704 --> 00:29:11,844 You think you're pretty slick 529 00:29:11,924 --> 00:29:13,534 Mr. God almighty. 530 00:29:13,621 --> 00:29:15,801 But you're a bush-league version of god. 531 00:29:15,884 --> 00:29:18,154 I'm not your puppet. You can't control me. 532 00:29:18,234 --> 00:29:20,284 "My will ebbing 533 00:29:20,367 --> 00:29:22,237 I pushed on." 534 00:29:22,325 --> 00:29:23,885 - "This was it." - You're dust. 535 00:29:23,979 --> 00:29:26,419 - And your stories are dust. - "Final adversary.." 536 00:29:26,503 --> 00:29:28,113 - It's the characters... - "The last gun battle.." 537 00:29:28,201 --> 00:29:29,331 Nobody'll remember your clever... 538 00:29:29,419 --> 00:29:30,679 "...coming at me 539 00:29:30,769 --> 00:29:32,639 like a bullet to the gut." 540 00:29:32,727 --> 00:29:35,507 But they'll remember Clyde Umney. 541 00:29:35,599 --> 00:29:37,599 Ah, that's right. 542 00:29:37,688 --> 00:29:40,128 Make everything stop so you can do anything you want. 543 00:29:40,213 --> 00:29:41,783 Clyde Umney would never do that. 544 00:29:41,867 --> 00:29:43,997 He'd call it the coward's way out. 545 00:29:47,524 --> 00:29:49,354 Let me live. 546 00:29:49,439 --> 00:29:51,219 This is my life. 547 00:29:52,355 --> 00:29:53,435 Too late. 548 00:29:53,530 --> 00:29:55,270 [swooshing] 549 00:29:55,358 --> 00:29:57,668 It's my name on the windows. 550 00:29:57,752 --> 00:30:00,582 I have always wanted to be a private eye. 551 00:30:00,668 --> 00:30:02,368 Ever since I was a little kid. 552 00:30:02,452 --> 00:30:05,412 To live in a world I could understand. 553 00:30:05,499 --> 00:30:08,589 Where sweet little boys don't drown.. 554 00:30:08,676 --> 00:30:11,326 ...and husbands and wives don't stop loving each other. 555 00:30:12,767 --> 00:30:15,027 That place is here. 556 00:30:15,117 --> 00:30:19,027 My place, my time, Los Angeles, 1938. 557 00:30:19,121 --> 00:30:22,651 And that private eye is me. 558 00:30:22,733 --> 00:30:24,523 Is this the end of Clyde Umney? 559 00:30:24,605 --> 00:30:26,515 I don't exactly know what's coming. 560 00:30:27,782 --> 00:30:29,612 Close your eyes. 561 00:30:29,697 --> 00:30:32,527 I'll try to make this quick. 562 00:30:32,613 --> 00:30:35,443 I hope it doesn't hurt, old buddy. 563 00:30:35,529 --> 00:30:39,839 But you could care less if it does, you arrogant prick. 564 00:30:39,925 --> 00:30:42,835 "And so I left town. 565 00:30:45,278 --> 00:30:47,848 And as to where I finished up 566 00:30:47,933 --> 00:30:50,113 well, mister 567 00:30:50,196 --> 00:30:52,806 I think that's my business. Don't you? 568 00:30:55,941 --> 00:30:57,771 The end." 569 00:31:01,250 --> 00:31:04,120 [intense music] 570 00:31:09,476 --> 00:31:11,346 [breathing heavily] 571 00:31:26,449 --> 00:31:27,889 [Linda] Sam. 572 00:31:27,973 --> 00:31:29,633 I'm Clyde Umney. 573 00:31:32,151 --> 00:31:33,591 Gosh, Sam, what did you do? 574 00:31:33,674 --> 00:31:35,684 You grow a mustache while I'm mopping the floor? 575 00:31:35,763 --> 00:31:38,163 I'm Clyde Umney, Mrs. Landry, from 1938. 576 00:31:38,244 --> 00:31:40,294 This is a little early for Halloween, honey. 577 00:31:40,376 --> 00:31:43,156 Can I come in? The pool is cold. 578 00:31:43,249 --> 00:31:44,509 [shivering] 579 00:31:44,598 --> 00:31:46,118 What do you expect? 580 00:31:46,208 --> 00:31:48,688 Nobody's used it in months. 581 00:31:48,776 --> 00:31:51,166 I guess nobody would. 582 00:31:51,257 --> 00:31:53,167 Not since your son drowned. 583 00:31:53,259 --> 00:31:55,649 Danny. He was six years old. 584 00:31:57,524 --> 00:31:59,224 Sam told me all about it. 585 00:31:59,308 --> 00:32:02,698 And I'm sorry. It was a tragic accident, ma'am 586 00:32:02,790 --> 00:32:05,230 and you don't need to be shoulderin' the blame. 587 00:32:05,314 --> 00:32:07,494 When did you talk to Sam? 588 00:32:07,577 --> 00:32:10,017 When he came into my office and stole my damn life. 589 00:32:11,407 --> 00:32:13,667 So.. 590 00:32:13,757 --> 00:32:16,407 ...this is the house imagination built. 591 00:32:16,499 --> 00:32:17,979 Sam was big on imagination. 592 00:32:18,066 --> 00:32:19,806 Yeah, I can imagine him. 593 00:32:19,894 --> 00:32:22,164 In cement shoes at the bottom of a lake. 594 00:32:23,985 --> 00:32:25,855 Sam talked about this. 595 00:32:26,988 --> 00:32:29,298 He called it the big rewrite. 596 00:32:29,382 --> 00:32:32,822 He was gonna write you out of your world 597 00:32:32,907 --> 00:32:34,907 and write himself back in. 598 00:32:34,996 --> 00:32:38,426 I just thought it was another one of his daydreams. 599 00:32:38,521 --> 00:32:40,051 But.. 600 00:32:40,132 --> 00:32:41,522 Wait, you're.. 601 00:32:42,699 --> 00:32:44,789 You're as real as can be. 602 00:32:44,875 --> 00:32:46,565 We swapped lives. 603 00:32:46,660 --> 00:32:49,400 That's what must've happened. 604 00:32:49,489 --> 00:32:51,009 What did it feel like? 605 00:32:51,099 --> 00:32:54,709 There was a... a lot of bright, green light, and then.. 606 00:32:54,798 --> 00:32:57,318 I guess I came in through the machine. 607 00:32:57,410 --> 00:32:59,330 Like a keyhole between two worlds. 608 00:33:01,631 --> 00:33:03,331 But it feels alright. 609 00:33:05,984 --> 00:33:06,944 Hm. 610 00:33:07,028 --> 00:33:08,728 That thing is.. 611 00:33:08,812 --> 00:33:11,732 ...black-magic voodoo. 612 00:33:11,815 --> 00:33:13,595 On a good day. 613 00:33:13,687 --> 00:33:16,517 Does this mean that Sam is gone? 614 00:33:16,603 --> 00:33:19,083 He's probably got his heels up on my damn desk right now. 615 00:33:19,171 --> 00:33:21,431 Fleecing my clients and chasing my girl. 616 00:33:21,521 --> 00:33:23,091 Only, she's dead. 617 00:33:23,175 --> 00:33:26,085 He probably brought her back to life, the selfish bastard. 618 00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:30,234 - Do you want a drink? - You oughta know. 619 00:33:30,312 --> 00:33:32,842 Oh, hold the phone. 620 00:33:32,923 --> 00:33:35,843 [instrumental music] 621 00:33:37,232 --> 00:33:38,362 [pop] 622 00:33:46,241 --> 00:33:47,761 Hmm. Ahh. 623 00:33:49,244 --> 00:33:51,464 You're a lot more fun in person. 624 00:33:51,551 --> 00:33:53,421 In the novels, you're very grim. 625 00:33:53,509 --> 00:33:55,729 Murder is grim, Mrs. Landry. 626 00:33:58,819 --> 00:34:00,999 What the hell are we supposed to do now? 627 00:34:01,082 --> 00:34:03,132 Well.. 628 00:34:03,215 --> 00:34:05,165 you're a hard-boiled detective and I'm a dame. 629 00:34:05,260 --> 00:34:07,220 We could always find some lonely, gullible type 630 00:34:07,306 --> 00:34:09,216 and shoot him for the insurance. 631 00:34:11,484 --> 00:34:14,444 Irony. You didn't have that in your world. 632 00:34:14,530 --> 00:34:18,400 You mean talkin' uppity in order to sound smart? 633 00:34:19,448 --> 00:34:20,798 Yeah. 634 00:34:23,539 --> 00:34:25,019 We had it. 635 00:34:25,933 --> 00:34:28,853 [instrumental music] 636 00:34:36,726 --> 00:34:38,546 Sam Landry, private investigator. 637 00:34:43,690 --> 00:34:46,080 Sam Landry, private investigator. 638 00:34:48,260 --> 00:34:50,480 Sam Landry here. 639 00:34:50,566 --> 00:34:52,606 Jes.. Ring. 640 00:34:54,701 --> 00:34:56,361 Landry here. 641 00:34:56,442 --> 00:34:58,572 Doll, I told ya, don't call me at work. 642 00:35:02,665 --> 00:35:05,225 This is gonna be alright. 643 00:35:08,758 --> 00:35:09,978 [beeping] 644 00:35:13,241 --> 00:35:16,031 Ah. That's swell of you, Mrs. Landry. 645 00:35:16,114 --> 00:35:18,034 Well, I want you to feel at home. 646 00:35:20,074 --> 00:35:21,554 Say, uh.. 647 00:35:22,859 --> 00:35:24,689 Ahh. 648 00:35:24,774 --> 00:35:26,344 You know how to work that machine? 649 00:35:26,428 --> 00:35:28,388 Not if you keep calling me Mrs. Landry. 650 00:35:28,474 --> 00:35:30,264 Couldn't be any harder than flyin' an airplane. 651 00:35:30,345 --> 00:35:31,995 Like you did in wings of deceit. 652 00:35:32,086 --> 00:35:33,646 You know, that was not Sam's best. 653 00:35:33,740 --> 00:35:36,740 He had some success, and then he got fat and lazy. 654 00:35:36,830 --> 00:35:38,960 Are you gettin' this news flash, Mrs. Landry? 655 00:35:39,049 --> 00:35:40,659 Your husband cared for you, he didn't want you 656 00:35:40,747 --> 00:35:42,307 to suffer anymore, because of the kid kickin' off. 657 00:35:42,401 --> 00:35:43,841 That's why I'm here. 658 00:35:43,924 --> 00:35:45,234 That's why everything's loused up 659 00:35:45,317 --> 00:35:47,007 and somehow I gotta get back. 660 00:35:47,101 --> 00:35:49,321 But you can't, because that's not the way Sam wrote it. 661 00:35:49,408 --> 00:35:50,838 Well, screw him. 662 00:35:50,931 --> 00:35:53,111 Sam was right, though. 663 00:35:53,194 --> 00:35:57,464 Being with you is having a very positive effect. 664 00:35:57,546 --> 00:35:58,896 - Yeah? - Yeah. 665 00:35:58,982 --> 00:36:00,682 Well, I call it hell. 666 00:36:00,767 --> 00:36:03,117 Frozen dinners you cook in a box. 667 00:36:03,204 --> 00:36:05,774 Sneakers that look like Frankenstein shoes! 668 00:36:05,859 --> 00:36:07,249 Music that sounds like crows 669 00:36:07,339 --> 00:36:08,779 being steamed alive in a pressure cooker. 670 00:36:08,862 --> 00:36:11,522 There's a lot to recommend in this world. 671 00:36:11,604 --> 00:36:13,614 The sushi. 672 00:36:13,693 --> 00:36:15,563 Caller ID. 673 00:36:15,651 --> 00:36:18,351 Three hundred-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets 674 00:36:18,437 --> 00:36:19,787 available by catalog. 675 00:36:19,873 --> 00:36:21,573 Wait a minute. 676 00:36:21,657 --> 00:36:23,567 Bite me, Clyde. I'm just a tramp. 677 00:36:23,659 --> 00:36:25,919 I know who are. You're Cora Papadakis. 678 00:36:26,009 --> 00:36:28,099 The hellcat from requiem for a lady. 679 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:29,616 You know, Sam stole that name 680 00:36:29,709 --> 00:36:31,669 from a man called James M. Cain. 681 00:36:31,754 --> 00:36:34,064 He was a greedy little thief. 682 00:36:34,148 --> 00:36:36,238 - You're no good. You're a bum. - Oh, God. 683 00:36:36,324 --> 00:36:39,854 Oh, just relax, will you? We're a married couple. 684 00:36:39,936 --> 00:36:41,546 If you and my husband are the same person 685 00:36:41,634 --> 00:36:44,114 then technically, we must be married. 686 00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:46,512 Ardis McGill was always supposed to be my one true love. 687 00:36:46,595 --> 00:36:49,725 But wait. We don't have to play by his rules, Clyde. 688 00:36:49,816 --> 00:36:51,596 We can write our own story. 689 00:36:51,687 --> 00:36:54,907 Oh, let's just drive to Mexico, baby 690 00:36:54,995 --> 00:36:58,555 just you, me, and the road. 691 00:36:58,651 --> 00:37:00,781 Let's make a baby. 692 00:37:00,870 --> 00:37:03,740 I know it's gonna look.. 693 00:37:03,830 --> 00:37:05,920 ...just.. 694 00:37:06,006 --> 00:37:07,396 ...like you. 695 00:37:11,272 --> 00:37:14,192 When did you open shop, Detective Landry? 696 00:37:14,275 --> 00:37:15,885 A few chapters ago. 697 00:37:15,972 --> 00:37:17,322 [grunts] 698 00:37:18,714 --> 00:37:20,284 I see. 699 00:37:21,543 --> 00:37:24,073 So.. What up? 700 00:37:24,154 --> 00:37:26,464 [chuckling] 701 00:37:26,548 --> 00:37:28,118 Um.. 702 00:37:28,202 --> 00:37:29,902 You suspect your wife of fooling around? 703 00:37:29,986 --> 00:37:31,946 [bell ringing] 704 00:37:38,647 --> 00:37:41,167 - Hi, Mr. Landry. - Candy? 705 00:37:41,259 --> 00:37:42,779 No, thanks. 706 00:37:42,869 --> 00:37:44,699 I'm here to clean your pool. 707 00:37:44,784 --> 00:37:48,004 Oh. So that's what they're callin' it these days. 708 00:37:48,091 --> 00:37:50,441 [chuckling] Yeah. 709 00:37:50,529 --> 00:37:52,789 So, you look good. 710 00:37:52,879 --> 00:37:55,009 How's the writing going? 711 00:37:55,098 --> 00:37:56,448 Peachy. 712 00:37:56,535 --> 00:37:59,405 [instrumental music] 713 00:38:06,458 --> 00:38:08,548 I'm home, honey! 714 00:38:09,983 --> 00:38:11,463 - Bang bang! - No! Whoa! 715 00:38:11,550 --> 00:38:13,550 - Ah! - Ho-ho! No! No. 716 00:38:13,639 --> 00:38:15,159 - Yeah, you better run. - Ha-ha! 717 00:38:15,249 --> 00:38:17,379 I got a big, bad gun, and you're gonna get it. 718 00:38:17,469 --> 00:38:20,779 Don't shoot. Don't shoot. I'll do anything. 719 00:38:20,863 --> 00:38:22,653 Danny's at the bottom of the pool! 720 00:38:22,735 --> 00:38:23,865 Danny's at the bottom of.. 721 00:38:23,953 --> 00:38:26,573 [Linda] Sam! Sam! Go! Sam! Go! 722 00:38:27,696 --> 00:38:28,826 Mom! 723 00:38:28,915 --> 00:38:31,125 Don't shoot. I'll do anything. 724 00:38:31,221 --> 00:38:34,661 - Get out! - Whoa! 725 00:38:34,747 --> 00:38:38,187 - Whoa! Wai.. - Leave my boy alone! 726 00:38:38,272 --> 00:38:40,102 - Lousy, two-faced.. - Alright, calm down. Calm down. 727 00:38:40,187 --> 00:38:42,227 Washed-up divorce detective with bad breath. 728 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,890 Calm down. Calm down, Mrs. Landry. 729 00:38:45,975 --> 00:38:47,795 I just want Sam and Danny. 730 00:38:47,890 --> 00:38:49,810 Get ahold of yourself, Mrs. Landry. 731 00:38:49,892 --> 00:38:51,552 I thought we could start over. 732 00:38:51,633 --> 00:38:52,853 I thought we could have a baby 733 00:38:52,939 --> 00:38:54,159 and it would look just... 734 00:38:54,244 --> 00:38:55,644 Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 735 00:38:55,724 --> 00:38:57,124 No. 736 00:38:57,204 --> 00:38:59,344 I bought clothes. 737 00:38:59,424 --> 00:39:02,344 I was gonna surprise you with a second honeymoon. 738 00:39:02,427 --> 00:39:04,687 Or first, or whichever, but.. 739 00:39:04,777 --> 00:39:06,517 You're with her. 740 00:39:06,605 --> 00:39:08,775 It's never gonna change, Mrs. Landry. 741 00:39:08,868 --> 00:39:11,648 This is who I am. This is how it's written. 742 00:39:11,740 --> 00:39:13,220 No. No. 743 00:39:13,307 --> 00:39:15,047 Because Sam changed the ending. 744 00:39:15,135 --> 00:39:18,005 Sam thought he was god, but he forgot one thing. 745 00:39:18,094 --> 00:39:20,014 Character is destiny. 746 00:39:20,096 --> 00:39:22,656 Clyde Umney's never gonna change. 747 00:39:22,751 --> 00:39:25,011 If it makes you feel any better, I don't wanna be here either. 748 00:39:25,101 --> 00:39:26,541 In this groaning world of yours 749 00:39:26,625 --> 00:39:29,885 with its freight of disease and senseless violence. 750 00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:35,159 [instrumental music] 751 00:39:35,851 --> 00:39:37,161 Oh. 752 00:39:39,072 --> 00:39:41,382 Just go. 753 00:39:41,466 --> 00:39:44,506 Just go back to wherever it is you came from. 754 00:39:44,599 --> 00:39:46,429 In a snap, Mrs. Landry. 755 00:39:48,386 --> 00:39:50,516 Only, God didn't leave the directions. 756 00:40:03,966 --> 00:40:06,316 - I know she is. - How do you know? 757 00:40:06,404 --> 00:40:09,284 - I saw them together. - You saw them together. 758 00:40:09,363 --> 00:40:10,893 So that's how you.. 759 00:40:12,453 --> 00:40:14,413 ...put it together. 760 00:40:14,499 --> 00:40:18,679 - Yes. In the toolshed. - Mm-hmm. 761 00:40:18,764 --> 00:40:21,294 What, may I ask.. 762 00:40:21,375 --> 00:40:24,375 [sighs] Of course, you may ask. You ask him. 763 00:40:26,467 --> 00:40:28,027 What were they doing in the toolshed? 764 00:40:28,121 --> 00:40:31,521 Is it necessary to go into such personal details? 765 00:40:31,603 --> 00:40:33,343 That's why they say "Private" 766 00:40:33,431 --> 00:40:35,431 in private eye, Mr. Woolrich. 767 00:40:39,959 --> 00:40:41,919 That's pretty good. 768 00:40:46,226 --> 00:40:49,096 [instrumental music] 769 00:40:51,057 --> 00:40:52,967 [siren blaring] 770 00:41:00,762 --> 00:41:02,762 - We need a nurse in here. - Right there. 771 00:41:02,851 --> 00:41:05,331 His pupils are fixed and dilated. 772 00:41:05,419 --> 00:41:06,939 - Okay. Let's move him. - Yes, doctor. 773 00:41:07,029 --> 00:41:08,339 One, two.. 774 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,080 We're losing him. 775 00:41:25,091 --> 00:41:27,961 [instrumental music] 776 00:41:46,286 --> 00:41:48,196 [thunder rumbling] 777 00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,950 [music continues] 778 00:42:03,912 --> 00:42:04,912 [wind whooshing] 779 00:42:21,321 --> 00:42:23,241 [screaming] 780 00:42:25,281 --> 00:42:27,371 - No. - Detective Landry. 781 00:42:29,982 --> 00:42:32,682 No. No. 782 00:42:32,767 --> 00:42:35,287 - What on earth? - No. 783 00:42:43,822 --> 00:42:46,042 [crashing] 784 00:42:46,128 --> 00:42:47,998 [car alarm blaring] 785 00:42:51,830 --> 00:42:54,570 [instrumental music] 786 00:42:54,659 --> 00:42:56,399 What have I done? 787 00:43:05,408 --> 00:43:07,588 What didn't I do? 788 00:43:20,685 --> 00:43:23,595 [music continues] 789 00:43:54,936 --> 00:43:56,806 [music continues] 790 00:43:59,332 --> 00:44:01,682 [Clyde] "Ardis McGill was a really great gal. 791 00:44:01,769 --> 00:44:03,679 I mean, really great. 792 00:44:03,771 --> 00:44:06,951 In the sense that you'd never met anyone like her before." 793 00:44:08,863 --> 00:44:10,783 Take me back. 794 00:44:10,865 --> 00:44:15,605 Through the looking glass.. now. 795 00:44:15,696 --> 00:44:17,516 Wow. 796 00:44:17,611 --> 00:44:18,961 Honey, that's really bad. 797 00:44:19,047 --> 00:44:21,347 Okay, okay, it isn't perfect. 798 00:44:21,441 --> 00:44:23,311 [scoffs] It sucks. 799 00:44:23,399 --> 00:44:26,359 - But who says you can't learn? - God. 800 00:44:26,446 --> 00:44:28,966 I guess it's a one-way thing. You can't just type the words. 801 00:44:29,057 --> 00:44:30,407 You gotta be a real writer. 802 00:44:30,493 --> 00:44:31,973 Which is what? 803 00:44:32,060 --> 00:44:35,930 A writer wakes up with his mouth full of pity. 804 00:44:36,021 --> 00:44:37,941 Hemingway said that. 805 00:44:38,023 --> 00:44:41,423 How did I know? I didn't. It was Sam. 806 00:44:41,504 --> 00:44:43,034 Sam's the real writer. 807 00:44:43,115 --> 00:44:44,675 I'm just me. 808 00:44:45,726 --> 00:44:47,856 Forget it, baby. 809 00:44:47,946 --> 00:44:50,636 No. I'm gonna get better at this. 810 00:44:50,731 --> 00:44:52,341 Did you read that, Sam? 811 00:44:52,428 --> 00:44:54,688 I'm comin' after you. 812 00:44:54,779 --> 00:44:56,559 I found my way in. 813 00:44:56,650 --> 00:44:59,390 I can see you, but I don't think you'll be able to see me. 814 00:44:59,479 --> 00:45:01,659 Not until I wrap my hands around your neck. 815 00:45:01,742 --> 00:45:03,312 [chuckling] 816 00:45:03,396 --> 00:45:05,266 Until next time, pal. 817 00:45:06,704 --> 00:45:09,624 [instrumental music] 818 00:45:38,474 --> 00:45:41,394 [music continues]