[Zipping]
Ohh. What's happening to me?
What was that?
Am I unconscious?
No.
I must be awake.
Unconscious people don't feel movement.
And they... they couldn't smell that peculiar odor...
Something like...Rubber?
Or...vinyl?
Oh, no.
These sensations are too...
Too what?
Too rational for it to be a dream.
Room 4, I think.
Then what is it?
Ohh. What is happening to me?
Why can't I move my lips?
I can feel them, but...
But I can't speak.
I can't move at all.
I'm paralyzed.
We're rolling.
What is this?
A moving bed?
I must be in the hospital.
Oh, that's not good,
not good at all.
All except for the minor matter of being scared out of my mind,
I feel no pain.
What is going on here?!
♫ and I feel it now... ♫
Howard Cottrell.
I scream, but nothing comes out.
If I'm dead, how can I feel...
You're lookin' good, Howie.
How could I hear that idiotic music?
- Rusty! - Ohh.
Turn that off.
What kind of a mess have I gotten myself into?
So, Mike, what are we doing here?
Gentleman from up north.
Looks like a heart attack.
Heart attack?
Medical records?
Are they talking about me?
Yeah, from the Columbia-Presbyterian hospital
in New York City.
Next of kin?
Sister.
How do they know about my sister?
Well, I'll, uh, call her when we get the results.
That's decent of you.
A lot of docs just send a letter.
Yeah. Well, we...
Care for the dead...
Dead?
But we serve the living
no. Wait. Please.
Don't let me be dead.
I'm breathing, aren't I?
My lungs aren't... aren't crying for air,
so I... I must be Ok, right?
Expensive haircut.
Except, if you're dead, they...
they wouldn't be...
Excellent dentistry.
Oh, I smell cigarettes on your breath.
I-if... if I can smell,
I... I must be breathing, right?
Now, how much would a dude like you be worth?
Dead lungs don't breathe.
Dead lungs can sort of just take it easy.
Tell me, Howie.
In here, we're all brothers.
Why can't you see that I'm breathing, you clown?
Oh, he's alive.
He's seen something. Oh, god bless you, Rusty.
He's alive. It's a miracle.
I love you, Dr. Arlen.
Will you marry me?
You stop that now, or I'll have you fired.
What's going on? What's wrong with you people?
I'm sick of this sophomore class wit. Help me!
Help me! Please!
Well, I didn't do it. It was Howie.
Bite me.
I am a moron.
Just put a lid on it.
Why is she being such a bitch to me?
'Cause you asked for it.
Oh, did I?
Oh, trapped inside your own mind...
And nobody knows.
I'm surprised to see you here today, Peter.
Ah, a good surprise, I hope.
Didn't know you worked Saturdays.
Saturday.
Luck of the draw, I guess.
Today is Saturday. Why is that important?
That's it. Now I know why I wasn't at the convention.
I was playing golf.
Oh, yeah.
Now, don't you worry, Howard.
I'm only up by one.
Worry? Heh heh heh heh.
I'm Howard Cottrell,
known to my colleagues in the gladiator pits
we call the New York stock exchange
as Howard the conqueror.
I trust Angela is having fun.
She loves it here. Thank you.
Do you mind?
What the hell was that?
Heat lightning.
I didn't die on the golf course, did I?
That's all, folks.
Get outta here. I still got my shot.
You get zapped by lightning, pal,
you're going home in a zip-lock bag
with a side of south Carolina barbecue sauce.
Feeling threatened, ed?
Afraid your mighty one-stroke lead
might suddenly evaporate?
[Brush rustles] I knew it.
The only threat around here is your banana ball.
Go ahead, doctor. Play through.
Why, thank you, gentlemen.
I'd hate to drop dead when I'm 2 under par.
Ha ha ha ha heh. Ah heh heh.
Whoa. Easy there.
Darn. You all right?
Let's go get it.
It's a $5.00 ball.
Oh, please.
Sign here, please.
Bear down hard.
It's 3 copies.
Can we speed up that photography?
Turn down the lights.
My eyelids are like blinds on broken rollers.
If I'm alive, why doesn't she see my pupils contract?
Roger that. I'm dyin' for a smoke.
I know why.
They didn't contract.
I hit a wide shot, and...
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Around here somewhere.
The ball. I was looking for my ball.
It's gone. Forget it.
There you are, you little bugger.
Well, don't make it an opera.
Just pick up the ball.
I know what you're trying to do.
There's no way you can make that shot.
Come on, ed. Just let me play my game.
Who's stopping you?
You know what your problem is, ed?
What's my problem?
I'll tell you. You don't see the larger picture.
Oh. Are we back on the Montero deal again?
We blew that deal, because as usual,
you were thinking cheap.
Oh ho ho! I'm cheap? Ha ha ha!
For the price of a ball, you put our lives at risk.
You are such a wimp.
Oh... Wimp.
Oh, grow up.
You know what?
You go on.
I'll walk back.
Ow! Damn it.
What now, commander?
Welcome to the Vietnam of Myrtle Beach.
Yeah. Well, take no prisoners.
Ahh, it would have to be the eighteenth.
Place is probably infested with ticks...
Aah!
Howard?
Howard.
Hey! Hey, stop!
Over here!
Hey! Doctor! Quick!
Over here!
This way!
Doctor, please, my buddy's had a heart attack. He... he isn't moving.
I'm on my way.
This way. Yeah.
Whoa. Whoa.
Got him?
Whaah!
E-easy, boys.
This way.
Ah. Yeah.
Ahh.
Ehh.
Breathe on that, Sonny.
Smell that $20 bill.
If I made it a hundred?
Eh?
Yep. He's dead.
What?
Heart attack.
I seen it before.
You Yankees come down here
and can't take the humidity.
No. No, no. This is a joke.
You can't just say someone's dead.
I just did.
Is that the way you crackers do it in the boondocks?
Ever heard of C.P.R.? This is Howard, Ok?
This is my buddy Howard,
so please, could somebody call an ambulance?
Ahh. New York, Chicago, or Paris, France,
dead is dead, Sonny.
Except when the deceased is still breathing.
The deceased is a well-developed,
well-nourished, Caucasian male.
Rigor mortis is not discernable.
No signs of a medical intervention.
Incompetent morons.
Rusty... Oh, this must be hell.
We're all out of body diagrams.
Yeah. Well, go get some.
Am I being punished for every bad and selfish thing I've ever done?
I refuse. I won't go out this way,
humiliated by a bunch of small-town losers.
Where did you get that guy?
Crawled out of a petri dish.
Poor Rusty.
You're breaking my heart.
Patient was pronounced dead by...
Who was the attending? Kazalian?
Is he still around?
He's the guy that performed the physical on Noah
when he grounded the ark on mount Ararat.
Ha!
Listen to her. She's laughing
while they're getting ready to cut me,
like... like the field autopsies I saw in Vietnam.
The blades snap through the sternum.
The rib cage pops apart.
They... they pull off your face like a kid's Halloween mask,
and then you're nothing but a...
A piece of human garbage.
I'm being allowed to do this?
In Dr. Katie Arlen's autopsy room?
Despite my reputation, I do know how to share.
I am flattered.
Don't be.
You're holding them upside down.
Oh, for god's sake, don't help him.
I knew that.
It's a whole different thing
from looking at slides under a microscope.
Yeah. Yeah, it's, um...
I'm grateful for the hands-on experience.
Oh, it's tough making a career change.
Keeps life interesting.
Shut up and pay attention.
I remember what happened.
Here's my hypothesis...
I.H.S.S.,
idiopathic hypertrophic subaortic stenosis.
No symptoms,
and it wouldn't show up on physical exam.
I.H.S.S.?
Good bet.
Dollar in the kitty.
You're on.
My leg. Look at my left leg.
That's the trouble, not my heart.
I was bitten by a snake. Why can't you see that?
Please, you can't do this. You can't cut me up.
Help me. Don't you realize,
I can still feel!
Why didn't it hurt?
Oh. Oh, I see.
It's just the beginning.
But, guys... guys, look at my chest.
Oh, you must... you must see it rise and fall,
no matter how shallow my respiration.
You're the damn experts!
Ohh, this table is ice-cold.
Can't they see goose bumps?
Ow!
It's all wet from... from the jungle.
Of course not. I don't do laundry.
My skin is smooth as marble.
Where is the loveable Rusty when you need him, huh?
Outside torturing small animals.
Heh heh heh. What for?
The torture chamber's right here.
We have a dark blue Polo shirt,
short sleeves, size large.
Grass stains.
Otherwise unremarkable.
Watch it. Oh, if they snip me there, I'll go insane.
But it won't matter, because they'll keep on cutting
like it's one big joke.
Boxers or jockeys?
In Katie Arlen's autopsy room,
we do not discuss the deceased's underwear,
except in clinical terms.
Dr. Wilkes to urology. Dr. Wilkes to urology.
Jockeys.
Boxers. I mean, look at the guy.
The joke's on you, suckers.
Wait'll I get out of here.
You're looking at one hell of a lawsuit.
I'll sue you and your children and your children's children.
I'll cripple you.
Red?
Heh heh heh heh.
But it's not Valentine's day.
Just saving it for you, Angela,
like I save all good things.
Oh, honey.
Oh, what a beautiful surprise.
For 3 amazing years, my darling.
So, what exactly is this?
It's whatever we want it to be.
I definitely... Want it.
Under other circumstances,
having a woman do what she's doing
would make me extremely happy.
You hold him up.
Now I know what dead is.
My weiner is lying there like a stunned mole.
No wonder he had a heart attack.
I didn't have a heart attack.
I was bitten by a snake! I'm in great shape!
Where is Rusty? All this...
You're blind, lady, blind with lust.
Just my lousy luck.
Piss me off.
Aw, he does it because he's in love with you.
Heh.
Would you be interested in doing the autopsy,
or would you prefer to just observe?
No. He's a rookie. What are you thinking?
Why am I not in Columbia-Presbyterian
medical center in New York City, where doctors are doctors?
You want me to do the autopsy?
Yeah. I think so.
Ok.
Sure.
You'll assist, right?
Your trusty copilot.
I... I think it would be an excellent teaching opportunity.
You bet.
Please, don't.
Please don't.
I... I think you'll want to start with the external examination.
Right.
I can't take this anymore.
Nerves.
Wait. There is a way.
A sneeze will show that I'm alive.
I can't even sneeze.
Screwed again.
Head is normocephalic,
covered by medium-length,
slightly graying hair,
with mild temple balding.
All those hours at the gym, and what does it come down to?
Mild temple balding.
And the next thing you know, you're a teaching opportunity.
A clear sclera.
No petechiae on sclera or...
Conjunctivae.
So what does that tell you?
No evidence of asphyxia.
What about heart attack?
Still a possibility. Given his age...
Think, Howard. Use your brain.
It's the only thing that's working.
How can you get their attention?
And make the presumption that the exertion
was too much for the old guy.
Old? Balls!
And you wish you had some.
And I will be very curious
to open his heart and have a look.
Yeah. So am I.
Would I insult you if you were dead?
Chest unremarkable.
Uh, abdomen mildly obese.
Genitalia are those of an adult uncircumcised male.
How would you describe these?
Um, multiple irregular...
I feel everything you're doing down there,
so cut it out.
I mean... I mean, don't... don't cut it out. Just quit it.
Get your pretty nose out of there.
Grabbed him in the groin area.
Oh, that's poetry.
Scars from the war.
I am seeing all kinds of scratches,
bug bites, chigger bites on the extremities.
Multiple elongated scratch-type abrasions
on the lower extremities,
with associated mild edema.
That's it. In the vicinity
of the left calf. That's it. Getting closer.
Good. Very good. Now you're getting it.
Uh, there are mosquito bites on the left calf
that look infected.
Keep looking. For the love of god, keep looking.
May wanna do a biopsy on that.
Although if we're right about the heart, we won't need to.
Unless, w-would you like me to just, uh, slice them open now?
No! No, don't!
No. They're pretty clearly mosquito bites.
They're not mosquito bites!
Postmortem changes are surprisingly minimal.
Good color. No contusions. No lividity.
Guy almost looks like he could be alive.
Doesn't he wish.
Yes. Right. I am. I am alive.
Yeah. Ok, let's just flip this pancake.
Stop. You're missing it. Right in front of your face!
Eep! Ohh!
Oh, my nose.
What if I suffocate like this?
Ok. Ok, this could be good.
Bleed. Please, bleed.
Only, don't just bleed, gush!
Yes. Yes, let my face smack down onto the table like a 10-ton weight,
and then they'll know.
No neck injuries. No rigor.
Peter, you wimp.
What is that?
Some kind of cattle thermometer?
Ohh! I...
Take it back. Dear god.
And they didn't exactly go crazy with the lubricant.
You have a gift, Dr. Jennings.
Oh, think of something, anything...
Dr. Arlen, watching you perform a rokitansky dissection...
Think of the mother of all home runs.
Would be an experience.
It was, uh, uh... I don't take everything out at once.
Bucky Dent... I prefer to go organ by organ...
Bucky Dent's 3-run homer against the, uh... the Red Sox, 1978.
Unh... oh, the relief.
The Yankees clinched.
For a dead guy, he's remarkably elevated.
No, no, seriously.
Well, here's your diagrams.
He's still got his shoes.
Whose fault is that?
You got that?
Hmm?
Oh.
Wait till you see what's coming down the pike.
What the hell will they do to me now?
Drunken guest at a hotel
Ohh! Got himself steamed
like a chicken dumpling in a sauna.
Body's in the meat wagon.
It's on the way.
How does a corpse maintain a temperature of 94.9 degrees?
It's a clue, genius. Pay attention.
Well, they plucked him off a golf course
on a hot summer morning.
You wanna know what did him in?
A vampire.
Well, that would be consistent
with your deranged world view.
No, 2 tiny holes right here.
Oh, an ankle-sucking vampire.
Well, explain the fact there are 2 tiny holes of equal size.
Rusty, are you the only sane one here?
Sock made in Taiwan, buddy.
It was a snake!
Did you bleach these tools?
Dr. Arlen, I know my job.
And how come you're lettin' him do it?
S-n-a-k-e. Snake.
Dr. Arlen to radiology.
Dr. Arlen to radiology, please.
Carry on.
No. Don't go.
Don't leave me alone with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
Well, it's all me.
What's all you?
The femoral stick.
Stick?
Second blood sample to cross-check
the tox results in the heart blood.
What stick?
I know what a femoral stick is, Rusty.
Oh, but have you ever done it, Dr. Hotshot?
Not that kind of stick.
You ever stuck it to a corpse?
No. R-Rusty?
Want a good, clean vertical stab,
one time only...
No. Rusty, we're friends.
Right in the vein. Rusty.
Gaah!
It's a good thing this guy's feelin' no pain.
Will I still be alive
when they cut out my heart and hold it up dripping
before plopping it into the weighing pan?
Fascinating how the tools of autopsy
haven't changed in decades.
Don't they say the brain remains conscious
after the heart stops? For how long?
We have new technology.
2 seconds?
Yeah, but basically it's still the same.
5? A whole minute?
Welcome to the Dr. Katie Arlen show.
You are deranged.
There are lots of secrets in the autopsy room.
Don't feel the need to share, Rusty.
2387. Dr. Curry.
Know why Katie likes it here?
'Cause it's down-and-dirty.
You don't know that side of her yet.
But she's a babe.
She's your boss.
And he's a human being.
You should show more respect.
Despite your bad-boy act, Rusty,
you can't really take it, can you?
Do me a favor, doc.
You're not in a lab anymore.
Should you feel a little faint
when we're peeling off his face,
just put your head down between your knees and, uh, whistle.
When we make that incision from ear to ear
and peel off his face,
you know what we'll see underneath?
Yours.
One day, lying on this table,
it'll be you.
Turn that off.
Stop fighting like schoolchildren and listen to me.
Well, I need a haircut.
Turn that off! Get that thing away from me!
If he doesn't slice my nose off,
I'll have a chance.
It's baby's first autopsy.
What am I thinkin'?
You're cruisin', bro.
Ok. I'm still breathing.
If I can breathe, even slightly,
then I can make a noise.
If I can make a noise, they'll hear.
Nnnnnnnnnnnn...
Let's turn on the fan.
It's getting ripe in here.
Ohh! No, I'll take the smell any day!
What do we got?
Now what?
Genitalia...
Why are they obsessed with my private parts?
According to his medical records,
it's due to an antipersonnel device
during his tour of Vietnam.
Poor guy must've stepped on a land mine.
That shrapnel's consistent
with the old scarring we found on the external examination.
It's gonna be a challenge.
How so?
Well, we gotta get out all those pieces
and verify that they are shrapnel from a war
and not some new injury which might have contributed to the cause of death.
They're gonna cut out every single scrap of shrapnel?
Rusty, get a me a long pick...
Oh, don't do it. Don't do it, and I'll...
I'm on my break.
I'll establish a scholarship, a... the, uh...
Works in an autopsy room and smokes his cigarettes.
The Dr. Katie Arlen award for humane treatment.
You like it? Please, leave me some dignity.
Not exactly what you signed up for, was it?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
I'm thinking about you.
I told you, I'm fine.
If it wasn't for Lyndon Johnson's
dirty little Asian adventure,
we wouldn't keep having this conversation.
You are greater than the sum of your parts, my dear.
Yeah. Only, certain parts have a higher market value.
Let's watch the movie.
Mmm. You expect a 4-star romance,
you get previews of coming attractions.
It's not the first time, Howard, and I'm still here.
I'm continually amazed.
Why? I love you.
And I love you.
I guess deep down, I'm just afraid
that one day, you're gonna run off
with some 250-pound weight-lifting
football player stud who's hung like a horse
and has impregnated thousands of women with his manly seed
that travels at the speed of light.
You are everything I need.
Or haven't I made that perfectly clear?
Spell it out for me.
It can't be.
It just can't be.
Strangely enough, nobody seems to have
any idea where the golf clubs went.
They could still be in the ambulance
or in the coroner's
or already checked in to the system.
What the hell system is that, anyway?
No, this is Colleen at that extension.
I've seen no charts.
Howard bought those clubs in Scotland.
I was with him. We played 7 courses in 5 days.
I'll tell you this, Angela.
We are not leaving this piss-poor excuse for a hospital
until we find them.
Who cares about the golf clubs?
Angela.
Angela. Angela.
Hello.
Hope he is done.
I'll need you to go back for some...
Oh, thank you so much.
Who was Howard Cottrell?
How did that microsecond in Vietnam change his life?
That's not our business here.
Yeah, but look at him.
Good-looking, successful businessman
dies a thousand miles from home on a golf course.
All we care about is what caused him to die,
not our personal philosophy.
Interesting how a body speaks to us about a life lived.
Damn right, junior,
and it's a life worth saving.
Almost lost it once,
but Howard the conqueror came back,
half the man, but twice the fortitude,
and I'm not giving up without a fight.
Take it easy.
Angela.
You see this ring?
Well, how do you think I feel?
The last thing I said to him was, "oh, grow up."
We can't bring him back.
I never got to say good-bye.
Well, you can say good-bye.
Hey, doc. At the funeral.
We'll have the biggest funeral the stock exchange has seen
since the dot-com disaster.
Mrs. Pataki, come to nursing station 3 west.
What's the matter?
That's where Howard is right now.
He's in the morgue.
We can't think about that.
Come on. Let's sit down.
Come on.
Is that that guy's stuff that just rolled in?
Howard Cottrell, yeah.
Fifty-fifty?
It's the deceased's personal property, dude.
Well, how much you think a set of clubs like that is worth?
Nothing to you.
Those clubs are no good to Howie.
His things belong in the vault,
and that's where they go.
Why these hackers need a big tour bag is beyond me.
Cheap shot.
5 bucks says I can get that can on top of the gurney.
Oh! Stop foolin' around.
Snake! Snake!
Aaah!
Uhh!
Help! Somebody help!
Help!
This mad charade is coming to an end.
I'll never see Angela again,
all because these people can't see with their eyes.
To make the initial "y" incision,
we'll extend from the front of the shoulders
to the xiphoid process...
She's giving him an anatomy lesson now.
At this late stage, what difference does it make?
Do it. Make it merciful and quick.
Dr. Arlen.
Yes?
Can I call you Katie?
Please.
Katie, I would like to change my hypothesis.
All right.
Well, we have a body without a Mark on it,
and we know the deceased was playing golf,
and, well, a metal club acts as a...
As an antenna for electricity.
He could have been...
Struck by lighting.
I'd rather go up in a flash
than lie here like this.
How long can I stare into the white light of my own death?
Very often, there's a...
How much more can I take?
Yes. No. Stop. Go.
Branching discoloration on the chest...
I'm freezing, invisible.
To them, I'm just a used-up body.
I've never actually seen anyone who succumbed.
Can you imagine what it's like?
Yes, I can.
Surrounded by so-called experts...
Go ahead.
But totally alone.
Go ahead?
Go ahead with the, uh... with the incision.
Somebody help!
Security. We're here.
Well, what in the hell took you so long?!
Is anybody hurt?
My buddy's dead, been bit by a snake.
It's still in here.
Hang on. We're working on the door.
Hurry up!
Get that knife away from me, you wimp!
You're not fit to end my life. I want a pro.
Ah, you know, um...
I seem to be having a problem.
May I help you?
When you've done a lot of autopsies,
you tend to just go zip, zip, zip.
But when you've never done one,
you tend to go...
Eek, eek, eek.
No, no, no.
Did you have any idea that Howard had heart problems?
No.
He was healthy as a horse,
kept in shape, ate right.
We were in love.
You were the joy of his life.
At least he had that for a while.
I wanna see him.
Put that out of your mind.
He's all alone.
We have to believe that Howard is at peace.
Hey, can you hear me?
Somebody help!
All right, man.
What's going on?
Help!
Doing the best we can.
You know, I seem to be having a bit of a problem, too.
Spared, but for how long?
You know, ever since you've...
you've been on this rotation. I... I don't know.
Every time we're alone in this room together,
I... I can barely concentrate. I...
Luckily you can't make mistakes with dead people.
Otherwise...
Oh, you wacky jokester. What a stitch.
What can I say? I...
I'm crazy about you.
Heh.
That's really good advice, don't you think?
"This place is where death
rejoices in teaching those who live."
[Sighs]
Peter, we...
We can't.
I mean...
Maybe it would be good...
well, astonishing for a while,
but we gotta work together, and, uh...
You know, we just...
just...
What if...
We enjoy it?
Love in bloom. How could it get any worse?
Try something weird with me. I'll go public.
Who says the dead can't speak?
Guhh!
Come on!
What's goin' on in there, fella?
We got it?
Nearly do.
Help!
We gotta speed it up.
That gentleman who got steamed in the sauna's
on his way, and we're behind schedule.
I can feel a change in the air.
Oh. I'll try again.
They're serious now.
Sure. Go ahead.
It's coming, the end of Howard Cottrell.
It won't hurt for long. My body will go into shock.
You missed this... missed this wound.
I'll lose consciousness.
Some blast wound.
I won't even know that I'm dead, will I?
Hmm. This is very interesting.
What has my life been about?
In the great passage of time,
I've made no difference.
Please, forgive me, anyone I've hurt.
When I'm gone, remember me with compassion.
I didn't know better.
I'm ready for the soul's last voyage into silence.
Testes must have swollen damn near to the size of grapefruits.
Except... ohh.
Hmm. Lucky he didn't lose 'em.
Oh. Something's happening.
Give me one of those...
Oh, what a feeling.
Out of hell and straight to heaven.
Snake bit him.
Excuse me.
Oh, he went down like... Like a ton of cement.
No pulse, no heartbeat. He's gone.
This man isn't dead.
He's not dead?
Nope.
He'll make it just fine.
Well, my gosh, that's amazingly great.
Excuse me.
Hey. Here you go.
Hey! Are you Ok or...
Angela.
Leave me alone!
Excuse me! Wait!
What's going on?
Civilians.
Can I help you?
I'm looking for my fiancé.
She's just a little distraught.
Is your fiancé a doctor?
No. He's dead.
Her hand is still on me.
Uh-oh.
Oh. Something's really happening.
But maybe I'm wrong.
I must be wrong,
or... or he would see it, or...
This could be the result of surgery.
Or she would feel it.
Oh, my.
Mike was bitten by a snake.
Rusty, yes! Yes!
There was a snake in this guy's golf bag.
Sing it, Rusty! Tell it like it is!
Is that him?
Howard?! Yes, ma'am.
Angela, calm down. No, ma'am.
Let me by! Howard!
It's Angela! What is that?
You don't understand. It's a miracle. Angela!
No. Wait. Don't cut into him.
Look at his socks.
Socks?
Listen to my man Rusty.
He's tellin' the truth.
Howard! Angela! Let her in!
Howard! Howard!
I know you're distraught.
There are 2 little defects in the upper margin.
Those aren't defects. They're fang marks.
Show 'em, Rusty! 2 holes.
If they can't see it now, I'm doomed.
Seems like there's blood around them.
He was bitten by a snake.
Through the sock.
I mean, look at his leg.
Snake bite. Snake bite 101!
We didn't see it because of the swelling
caused by the scratches, but there they are.
Oh. Dr. Arlen...
2 tiny puncture wounds...
Don't stop now.
Mike was bit by a snake, too...
One... one last chance...
He wasn't breathing.
To prove that I am and remain fully operational!
Oh, my.
Oh, Angela.
That's a semi.
A semi?
Howard the conqueror rises from the damned.
Did you ever doubt it, even for a second?
It isn't. I mean, it can't be. I'm back!
He's dead. Boy, am I back!
Dang, Dr. Arlen. You're...
Strokin' him back to life.
Aah!
Dr. Arlen, you hottie.
That's not a semi.
That's not in the literature.
It's... just can't be possible.
I mean, he wouldn't have the...
Neurological competence.
Unless...
Oh, thank god.
Thank god.
I'll be a better person.
Angela, my love, I'll never leave you.
You are the best doctors in the world.
I'll build you a new wing.
I told ya.
I'll build you a brand-new hospital!
A chain of hospitals across America!
Code blue in the autopsy room.
Code blue.
Got it? I got it.
Get the door, please.
Use this.
We got it.
What's happening?
Someone die in there?
Where's the patient?
Him.
Him?
All right.
Ok, I got the leads.
Well, the rest of him looks dead, right?
Crash cart prepared.
You could've fooled me.
Thank you. A real doctor,
a doctor who won't kill a dead patient.
Yep. There's a heartbeat.
Barely, but it's there.
I am good.
We just saw an orderly in the same situation.
He was bitten by some kind of a viper they found in the elevator.
Oxygen. I mean, we sure got water moccasins, rattlesnakes around here.
Nobody's ever seen a snake like that before.
Hang on. Hold on. No, no, no.
He's startin' to come out of it.
Take it easy. Not too fast, buddy.
How did we miss this?
I almost cut into a living person.
Almost doesn't count.
Hey, hey, no. No, no, no, no. Lie down.
Ohh.
Take it easy. Easy now.
Easy.
They said you were dead,
but you came back against all odds.
Howard, my conquering hero,
Oh, honey.
Where's my greatest hits of the sixties?
I just listened to it last week.
Did you leave it at home?
Whoa!
Whoa. Huh.
Sorry. Sorry.
Too much lipstick?
Good girl, Sally. Good girl.
Oh. So much for our pristine wilderness experience.
Yeah, well, I told you this is an adventure,
which basically is a vacation with meat on it.
And I want you to have your meat, darling, I really do.
I was just hoping for some room service and a good wine.
What is it with you
and these skinny little white boy singers you like so much.
Married one, didn't I?
Yeah, but I don't sing that new crap
in the shower, do I, huh?
Dad always said the great music died
The day they dreamed up disco.
That's right. Mm-hmm.
I... I could lick that off.
And keep both eyes on the road?
I don't think so.
I'm still jiggy from last night.
You know what I mean?
Piney wood, starry skies.
It's just the right timing to make a baby.
Yeah.
We both keep singing that song, huh?
Mm-hmm.
Here we are.
Ah, boy.
Bacon, eggs, homemade biscuits.
I can eat this way every morning
for the rest of my life.
Until the day you die, next year.
This is it.
This is the real Oregon, baby. Oh, yeah.
If the rumors are true
and I take a transfer to Jersey,
at least we'll have this trip, huh? Mm-hmm.
So glad we got a taste of the wildlife.
Hey, you know, we could take a shortcut to Tokatee falls.
Clark. Yeah, we take 58 two miles east,
and go south on this county road.
Oh, that looks pretty empty.
Think the word is wilderness,
as in no gas stations, no restrooms,
no motels with soft beds.
No, no, we'll find one. We'll find one. Here.
Just cut across this highway here.
Can't be much further to Tokatee.
See?
Huh?
It's all about the roads with no numbers, man.
Blaze a trail. Feel the land.
Yeah, like we're pioneer stock.
You're a computer programmer, Clark.
That's what I do, honey. That's not what I am.
Sorry, you come from a long line
of hunter-gatherers.
Just some guy's body
broken for you and for many.
Oh, we're talking mass culture, sugar muffin.
You kidding me?
Now what?
Clark, I gave up teaching summer school for this.
Please tell me we're not lost.
We're not lost.
We're just in mid-process.
I've never seen a road marked like that.
Where are the phone lines?
I don't know.
You don't know?
Uh, no, I haven't seen them in a... in a while.
Well, how long is a while?
I don't know, you know, 10, 20 miles.
Want my advice?
No, but I suppose I'll get it anyway.
You know, I really can't stand it
when you roll your eyes like that.
Roll my eyes like what?
Oh, you know, like I'm some old dog
that farted under the dinner table.
Go on, go on. It's your nickel.
Tell me what you're thinking.
Let's go back while there's still time.
Yeah, sure, now all you need is a sign that says "repent."
That's the problem with you teachers.
You're always tied to your lesson plans.
That's it.
It's got to be the right fork.
This is... that's south.
Yeah, I could smell Tokatee Falls from here.
That's the ranch road. Must be.
A ranch road with a striped line?
Well, you'd be surprised how well off some of these ranchers are.
Money in the land, my dad always said.
Baby...
Let's go back and find a nice hot tub
and a cold mojito.
Reverse is right there, baby. I know, honey.
Wrong... reverse is just another word
for going backwards.
Okay?
Besides, it's not like the yellow line is gonna run out.
♫ Hey, hey, hey ♫
♫ Oh ♫
♫ Shake if off, pretty baby ♫
Well, okay, huh.
Doesn't matter.
There'll always be a county road.
We'll just head... keep heading south, southeast.
Oh, Clark!
Just... just don't say anything, okay?
We're not lost. We're not lost!
The road'll open up again
over the next hill probably.
We're not lost.
Oh!
That's it.
I'm calling the auto club.
In 15 years of marriage,
you've never asked for directions ever.
Just like your father.
Gave you this car of his, and the day he did,
there must have been 50,000 extra miles
from going around in circles.
Well, you know, one man's circle
is another man's wanderlust.
Yeah, well, I'm all out of lust,
and we've wandered long enough.
Clark.
Clark, I give.
Okay?
You're a man among men.
I say this with the greatest respect.
Turn the damn car around.
Honey, honey, honey,
I can't risk turning the car around now.
The road is too narrow, the shoulders are soft.
We'll get stuck.
Okay? I got us into this, I will get us out.
Trust me.
[Gasps]
Clark, it's um...
it's getting late. We've got to turn back.
Just stop it, Mary, all right?
Just put down the chalk, will you?
Not some Tolkien fantasy here.
We'll be fine.
We just got to stay the course.
Stay the course.
You can't find the course, Clark.
I mean, what are you trying to prove?
We're in trouble here. Just look.
Can't you see it?
Uh, I see a sign.
Can you read it? Can you read it?
Yeah, it says, "if you came this far,
you really screwed up."
Huh.
This has to be a joke.
Well, maybe not.
A town called Rock and Roll Heaven?
Well, why not?
There's Truth and Consequences, New Mexico,
there's Shark, Nevada,
there's even a town in Pennsylvania called Intercourse.
I mean, why not rock and roll heaven?
I mean, maybe it was built by hippies back in the 60s.
I don't know, it doesn't matter.
What matters is that we've found some
honest-to-god pavement again, honey.
You made that up.
What?
Intercourse, Pennsylvania.
No, no, no, I swear, it's...
I've done Intercourse...
Pennsylvania, eh?
Yeah.
We'll do the new road.
Be careful.
Ah...
Ooh. Ah.
Ah, Norman Rockwell's birthplace.
Has to be.
Huh.
Where's the smoke?
There should be smoke from a chimney somewhere.
You know, we could win
a condo in the garden of Eden,
and you'd be worrying about aphids.
Let's turn around.
What? Why?
I don't like it. That's all.
Look at that house.
Uh, yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah.
Yeah, it's like the candy house in Hansel and Gretel.
Oh, come on.
No, I hid under my bed for a week
after mom read me that story.
Let's just turn around. The roads are wide enough.
Look at the character of the place, huh?
I mean, if you wanna buy a souvenir,
buy a t-shirt.
A t-shirt!
That's how you do it, Clark.
That's how men always do it.
Do what?
Get your way.
Not by being right, by being relentless.
Oh, you're getting out now? Yeah!
Ok. All right. Yeah.
Yeah. All right.
One t-shirt. 5 minutes.
No. When do I get to choose, Clark, huh?
When do we take the trip I'd like?
When do we move to a different place for my job?
You can teach anywhere.
Oh, I'm getting a headache.
Come on. It's 19 miles back to highway 58
over the same crappy road...
19 miles isn't so much.
But when you tack on 50 miles it's gonna take
to go around the forest,
once we get to highway 58...
you make it sound like we have a plane to catch.
Well, this ticks me off, you know?
I mean, you take one look... it's a nice little town.
It's got a cute little name.
And suddenly, you're reminded of... of like...
Mystic river or some damn thing,
and you wanna go back. Yeah.
Where if we just stayed on the same road through town,
and we just cut south, due south...
It's probably not even a half an hour to...
that's what you said back at the diner, remember?
Whoo!
Hey!
Wow. Far out!
Whoo!
Peace, man.
Peace. We love you.
Make love, not war.
Far out.
What was that about?
I don't know. Something for the tourists, I'm thinking.
All right. One souvenir and we're gone, promise.
First wicked witch we see,
I'll back up mustang Sally all the way to Portland.
No questions asked.
Please? Please?
Ok. One t-shirt, nothing more. Ok.
Nothing more! All right! Ok.
But... but only if you're sure.
Clark, I said Ok. That doesn't change how I feel.
Ok.
So you'll have to excuse me if I decline
to put my cheerleader skirt on and yell, "go, Clark, go."
Jeez. You are in some mood, boy.
You would look cute in a cheerleading skirt, though.
Hey.
Look at that.
How you doing?
Ok.
No, no. Come this way.
You have to see it, Clark. I know you do.
What?
It's like the town in the twilight zone.
"A peculiar little town."
Remember?
Come on. You watch TV-land constantly.
Yeah.
Clark.
What are you doing?
I want a coke.
Clark.
What's the matter?
I know you.
You've no intention of leaving this place
until you convince yourself you're not intimidated.
Can I get you something? Ice tea or...
I wanna leave.
What's to be afraid of, honey?
Who knows what goes on in the backwoods here.
These guys, they could have 12 wives, date their sisters...
I don't know! I'll be right back.
But... but... Clark, I'm not staying here by myself.
Clark.
Ok.
Go piss on your hydrant, then we're getting out of here.
They look familiar.
Who do we know's moved to rock and roll, Oregon, to be street people?
Ha ha! Look at this.
Ha ha!
Come on in, folks.
Take the first available booth, ha ha!
Oh.
Wow.
This is fabulous. Look at this.
Look, look, look...
They have the moonglows,
Frankie Lymon and the teenagers,
tweedle-Dee-Dee.
Oh, tweedle-Dee-Dee. Wow!
Oh, god.
I haven't heard that since my dad played it when I was a kid.
Just takeout drinks, remember?
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
All right. But... but...
Mary, I mean... i mean, look at this place.
Look at the menu.
You got the big bopper burger and Suzie cue fries.
Come on, woman. Where's your damn soul, huh?
Drinks, Clark.
We discussed this in the car.
Drinks only.
Uh... ahem... what'll it be?
Uh, can I have a coke, please? Large.
You ought to try the cherry pie.
Rick just made it.
Ah. All right. Sounds good.
♫ I know she told you ♫
Just a coke...To go.
That redhead over there.
♫ All I know is that she left you ♫
Stop staring at her.
You're like a little boy trying to pick up somebody's skirt in study hall.
No. Is she like the splitting image of Janis Joplin
or am I crazy?
♫ Come on and cry, cry baby ♫
♫ Cry baby ♫
♫ Oh, honey, welcome back home ♫
♫ Don't you know ♫
Hey, Mary? You all right?
What? What?
You're sweating, for cryin' out loud.
It's not anything to have a panic attack over.
Losing my mother's diamonds last year,
that's worth having a panic attack over.
Janis Joplin is dead, in L.A., an overdose.
What are these people? The Jonestown glee club?
Uh...she's a groupie,
and this is like a fifties place.
They're playing dress-up, that's all.
Tell you what, we'll enjoy our pie
and get out of here, all right?
Hi. Could I... could I make my coke a malt?
Well, you can do anything you want, stud.
Well, in that case, make mine vanilla.
And how did I know that?
Nobody makes malts anymore.
You know, it's all... all latte, mocha, gelato.
Any old excuse to charge you 5 bucks a pop.
Go on, doll, serve 'em up.
Ha ha ha. Just the ones with the big biceps.
Yeah?
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
So, uh, how do you get your lipstick to match your hair like that?
Well, you start with the lipstick, always.
Clark...
Your pie is here.
Ah! Great.
You don't have to call this cowboy twice.
Whoo!
Oh, yeah.
Oh!
Oh! That's incredible!
Mmm. Who made it?
Rick, take a bow.
Hell of a pie, man.
Wow. Where did you... where did you learn to make pie like that?
Me and mom, we hung around the kitchen a lot.
That's you in a nutshell, Rick. Mama's boy.
Hey, give me my hat back!
Give me that hat.
Never. Gimme.
Whoo!
Oh, you run like a mama's boy.
Rick?
Ozzie and Harriet? Ricky...
Nelson. Ricky Nelson.
Gotta catch me first. Ha ha ha.
That's impossible. That's impossible.
He's... dead.
He's been dead for, like, 20 years.
A plane crash, him and his whole band.
Hey! Hey!
Clark, uh...
I think I left my wallet in the car.
Would you go get it for me, please?
The pink one. It might be under the seat.
You go.
If you can't find it, I'll come help you.
Right. Yeah. I'll go look in the car.
Mm-hmm.
Don't let that pie get cold now.
Don't let it get to you, honey.
They're just starting to tune up for the concert tonight.
We have a concert here in town most every night.
I'll bet you do.
Excuse me, sir.
Hey.
Howdy, miss.
♫ Pretty woman walking down the street ♫
That's Roy Orbison and buddy Holly.
Solid tune, I'll give you that.
But it ain't no rave on.
♫ I don't believe you, you're not the truth ♫
♫ No one could look as good as you ♫
I call that losing your cherry.
Well, don't worry yourself about that, sweet thing.
Welcome.
I ain't seen you around these parts before.
I, um... my husband and I, we're just tourists visiting.
We... we have to leave.
You and your man ought to hang around a while.
You ought to stay for the concert tonight.
We put on one hell of a show if I do say so myself.
We'd love to have you, ma'am, and not just for the night.
Stay a spell. What do you say?
Let me, um...
Let me ask my husband.
Aah!
Oh, my god.
Hey! This ain't no dine and dash, rotten crotch.
Get her, boys.
Get in the car, Mary!
Go!
Oh, my god.
I remember who they are now.
It's Ronnie Van Zant and Duane Allman.
Clark, back up.
Clark, go! I'm trying.
Aah!
You're coming to the show.
Clark.
Screw you!
Whoo!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[Gasps]
Whoo!
Fasten your seat belt.
Oh, Ricky.
Clark, they're coming.
Still alive.
All of them.
Aah! Aah!
Now what?
Boy looks like road kill.
Oh, my god.
[Sighs] Let's do this, Ok?
Hey, who hurt you?
Cherry pie.
Clark.
Get us out of here.
We'll be fine.
Not a single one.
What?
Power lines.
Wherever they get their power,
it's not from Oregon power and light.
You all right? Huh?
Back up. Turn around.
Go... go around.
[Motor stalls]
Come on, go around!
Oh.
What are you doing?
You've seen 'em.
Do you want to be them?
Welcome to town, both of you.
Hope you can, uh, stay a while.
We're real neighborly,
and we take care of our own.
I'm the mayor around these parts.
The name's Elvis Presley.
Driving away wouldn't have done you no good anyhow.
Highway don't go nowhere but the Unicoi swamp.
No roads in there, ma'am.
There's a lot of Polk salad
and quicksand and other things.
Bears.
Bears. Yep.
And other things.
If we stay for the show...
the show?
Oh, you got to stay for the show.
We really rock.
You'll see if we don't.
Ain't nothing but a stone fact.
If we stay for the show,
can we go when it's over?
You know, ma'am,
we're way out in the boonies out here,
and attracting an audience can be kind of slow work,
although once they hear us,
everybody stays around for more.
We was kind of hoping
you might stick around yourselves for a while,
see a few shows,
and just kind of...
Enjoy our hospitality.
I think you might even decide...
You want to settle down.
So where do you want to sit?
Over there.
Hmm.
Hi.
I... I'm Cece Pryor.
Mary rivingham.
This is my husband Clark.
Hi.
Pleased to meet you.
Your hand.
Frankie did it.
Frankie Lymon.
Everyone says he was the sweetest guy
you'd ever want to meet...
When he was alive.
He only turned mean when he came here.
You know, I don't care.
I just wish he had gotten away.
And I'd do it again.
Besides...
Crystal takes care of me.
You know, she'll fix you up if you want.
You don't need to lose no fingers
to want to get stoned in this town.
Oh, my wife and I don't use drugs.
You will.
Good evening, rock and roll heaven!
Get your seats fast, ladies and gentlemen,
and hold onto your chairs,
because there's good rockin' tonight.
How long do they go on?
A long time.
I mean, the show will be over at midnight.
It's a town ordinance.
But time is different here.
I mean, if the guys get cooking,
sometimes go for a year or more.
Well...
We got jobs.
Oh, yeah.
Mayor said Mary can go work at the bebop beauty shop.
I have an English degree.
A teacher's certificate, for god's sake.
And I'm a software expert.
You don't hear me complaining about it, do you?
I said to the mayor,
"your honor, I'm a computer expert,"
and he says, "well, son,
there's no computers in this here town," he says,
"although we could use
a couple of ticketron outlets."
So you know,
I guess I'll... Stack shelves for a while.
Wasn't too good for dad...
Once upon a time, hmm?
How do you reach these people?
This is a nightmare.
I'm supposed to spend the next god knows how long
as a shampoo girl?
Don't they hear you?
"I'll bet you can wash and rinse
with the best of 'em, little lady."
That's what he says to me.
Hey, you hadn't ought to make fun.
Making fun can get you into trouble around here.
Ok, Clark, we have to go.
My god, now. We have to go.
Mary. Mary...
let's go. We're gonna go. Come on.
[Silence]
Come on, Mary.
Come on.
Oh!
Rock and roll heaven, are you ready?
We got a great show for you tonight,
a galaxy of stars, all backstage.
Who's that guy?
We got Freddie Mercury just in from London town,
Jim Croce,
my main man, Johnny Ace...
Some old-time disk jockey.
Alan Freed.
Yeah, I knew I remembered him.
Jim Morrison on the red eye flight from Paris...
Take it easy, Mary.
Patsy Cline...
How bad could it be?
Keith moon of the Who,
Brian Jones of the Stones,
that cute little Florence Ballard
of the Supremes,
Mary Wells...
How long have you been here?
I don't know.
It's easy to lose track of time.
All your favorites.
12 years, at least.
Marvin Gaye...
Maybe more.
Cass Elliot, Janis Joplin,
John Bonham... he'll get the led out of your zeppelin.
We got lost.
George Harrison, John Lennon...
We just got lost in the woods.
Kurt Cobain...
This what happens to people who get lost?
Stevie ray Vaughn! The giants of music.
So, rock and roll heaven, are you ready to boogie?
Then let's go,
because rock and roll will never die!
That's what I'm afraid of.
Whoo!
Thank you for coming out, everybody.
Whoo!
♫ People try to tell me ♫
♫ That we're wastin' my time ♫
♫ I know, I know that I'll be fine ♫
♫ I'm hanging on ♫
♫ Hanging on ♫
♫ I'm hanging on ♫