1 00:00:00,966 --> 00:00:04,000 ♪♪ 2 00:00:04,966 --> 00:00:07,400 - I spend a lot of time imagining moving 3 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:10,566 and remembering that feeling. 4 00:00:10,566 --> 00:00:13,933 I used to be Kelsey the dancer, 5 00:00:13,933 --> 00:00:16,466 and now I'm Kelsey, the girl in a wheelchair. 6 00:00:16,466 --> 00:00:20,300 That carefree person, that risk taker, 7 00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:22,466 I felt really far from her 8 00:00:22,466 --> 00:00:24,200 for a long time. 9 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:27,100 And that's changing for me now. 10 00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:29,500 There's a clinical trial coming up in Minneapolis 11 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:31,200 for quadriplegics. 12 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:32,866 I'm scared that I'm gonna do it 13 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,333 and then I'm gonna be worse. 14 00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:41,533 - Pain sucks but can be a birthplace of beauty. 15 00:00:41,533 --> 00:00:42,666 announcer: "Move Me," 16 00:00:42,666 --> 00:00:44,833 now only on "Independent Lens." 17 00:00:45,466 --> 00:00:48,500 [upbeat vocal music] 18 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:53,500 ♪ ♪ 19 00:00:58,800 --> 00:00:59,900 [object clicks] 20 00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:01,733 [motor whirring] 21 00:01:07,766 --> 00:01:09,633 - [breathes deeply] 22 00:01:09,633 --> 00:01:13,233 I spend a lot of time imagining moving and... 23 00:01:13,233 --> 00:01:16,433 remembering that feeling. 24 00:01:23,633 --> 00:01:26,233 Like, I wonder if it would just be easier 25 00:01:26,233 --> 00:01:30,200 to not have a memory of... 26 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,600 a life that I miss and a life that I want. 27 00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:43,233 It's like this pinprick on your heart. 28 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,766 - One, two, three. 29 00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:04,933 - [sniffles] 30 00:02:04,933 --> 00:02:06,533 [hums] 31 00:02:17,866 --> 00:02:22,566 I used to be... Kelsey the dancer, 32 00:02:22,566 --> 00:02:25,100 and now I'm Kelsey, the girl in a wheelchair. 33 00:02:26,433 --> 00:02:30,500 And yeah, I am in a wheelchair, 34 00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:35,766 but... I just get put in this box, 35 00:02:35,766 --> 00:02:38,700 like this one-dimensional character. 36 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:42,300 It's like I'm being underestimated or something. 37 00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:43,900 [soft dramatic music] 38 00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:45,200 - Here, look. 39 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,600 There she is. 40 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,933 Hi, Dad. 41 00:02:47,933 --> 00:02:49,466 - Hi, Dad. 42 00:02:49,466 --> 00:02:51,300 - This is for you, honey. 43 00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:55,566 Yes, we know you wanted to be here. 44 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,466 What are we doing now? A little face powder. 45 00:02:58,466 --> 00:03:00,733 Not too much. We want to be discreet. 46 00:03:00,733 --> 00:03:02,433 Okay, now, look-- turn around. 47 00:03:03,733 --> 00:03:05,433 Okay. All right. 48 00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:06,766 You're so cute. Let me just-- 49 00:03:06,766 --> 00:03:08,300 - Mom! - It's like a bathing suit. 50 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,700 - Is the camera on? - No. 51 00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:12,633 - Are you lying to me? - No, I'm not. 52 00:03:16,033 --> 00:03:17,466 Really pretty. 53 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,900 Okay. 54 00:03:21,900 --> 00:03:26,266 ♪ ♪ 55 00:03:26,266 --> 00:03:28,366 - [laughs] 56 00:03:28,366 --> 00:03:30,466 - We're filming her getting dressed. 57 00:03:31,966 --> 00:03:34,066 Shoes are going on. 58 00:03:34,066 --> 00:03:35,666 - All the blood's rushing to my head. 59 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,900 - Okay, perfume. - [speaking indistinctly] 60 00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:42,866 - Okay. - I'll just air myself out. 61 00:03:42,866 --> 00:03:44,166 ♪ ♪ 62 00:03:44,166 --> 00:03:45,633 I hope he likes this kind, though. 63 00:03:45,633 --> 00:03:47,133 - [chuckles] 64 00:03:47,133 --> 00:03:48,233 Wow. 65 00:03:48,233 --> 00:03:49,733 Do a little turn around. 66 00:03:49,733 --> 00:03:54,766 ♪ ♪ 67 00:03:54,766 --> 00:03:56,700 Here we go. - Don't do this to me, Mom. 68 00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:57,900 - Oh, be quiet. 69 00:03:57,900 --> 00:03:59,266 I have to do this for your dad. 70 00:03:59,266 --> 00:04:01,933 Okay, here she comes, a vision of loveliness. 71 00:04:01,933 --> 00:04:03,200 - I'm gonna, like, fall down the stairs. 72 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,033 - Okay, that's all right, we'll get it on tape. 73 00:04:05,033 --> 00:04:06,600 - [laughs] - Come on. 74 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,366 - Please don't take my picture. 75 00:04:08,366 --> 00:04:11,300 - Can't--all right, I turned it off. 76 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:12,733 - Duh! 77 00:04:12,733 --> 00:04:14,366 - All right, c--oh! 78 00:04:14,366 --> 00:04:15,566 Bad language! 79 00:04:15,566 --> 00:04:18,066 Here she comes. Just come down. 80 00:04:18,066 --> 00:04:19,233 - [speaking indistinctly] 81 00:04:19,233 --> 00:04:20,766 - What do you think? What do you think? 82 00:04:20,766 --> 00:04:21,900 - Very pretty. 83 00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:25,133 - Okay, have a good time. 84 00:04:25,133 --> 00:04:32,166 ♪ ♪ 85 00:04:35,533 --> 00:04:38,566 [music box tinkling] 86 00:04:38,566 --> 00:04:45,600 ♪ ♪ 87 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,400 You know, she didn't really believe 88 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,600 that she wasn't gonna walk. 89 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,400 [water gurgling] 90 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,500 She thought she was gonna walk out of there in three months. 91 00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:13,166 And-- 92 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:20,400 And so, you know, they were kind of telling her, 93 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,833 and she didn't really believe it. 94 00:05:24,966 --> 00:05:27,700 - She was sort of depressing to go see her. 95 00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:29,466 And then I remember starting to see her, 96 00:05:29,466 --> 00:05:31,500 and she'd have a smile on her face, and I'd go, 97 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:34,533 "Wow, this is better now. 98 00:05:34,533 --> 00:05:35,900 She's better." 99 00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:42,333 I used to think she was faking it for me. 100 00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:43,833 - She was. 101 00:05:45,933 --> 00:05:48,033 She definitely was. 102 00:05:48,033 --> 00:05:50,600 - Hi. - Hi. How's it going? 103 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,200 - You made it. - I did. I made it. 104 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,733 - What's going on with your zipper? 105 00:05:54,733 --> 00:05:57,066 - What's wrong with my zipper? 106 00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:58,066 Oh, I don't know. 107 00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,233 Hi. How's it going? 108 00:06:00,233 --> 00:06:02,933 It's colder than you-know-what out. 109 00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:04,600 How do I get out of this thing now? 110 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:08,433 - Do you need Jenn's help? Jenn, help him. 111 00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:10,700 - Unzip that thing down, can you? 112 00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:11,700 Will it go all the way down? 113 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:12,700 - There we go. 114 00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:15,033 - All right! - Boom! 115 00:06:15,033 --> 00:06:16,266 - Now I'm just gonna zip it up again. 116 00:06:16,266 --> 00:06:18,033 Are we really gonna go out? 117 00:06:18,033 --> 00:06:20,533 - Yeah. You know why, Dad? 118 00:06:20,533 --> 00:06:23,400 - Why? - 'Cause we're strong. 119 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,566 - We can do this! You lifting weights today? 120 00:06:25,566 --> 00:06:27,966 - You gonna train me? - Sure, I'll be your trainer. 121 00:06:27,966 --> 00:06:29,766 - Eye of the tiger? - [whistling] 122 00:06:29,766 --> 00:06:32,200 - ♪ Boom, boom-boom-boom ♪ 123 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,400 Will you grab my jacket? 124 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,833 - You can do this by yourself, right? 125 00:06:34,833 --> 00:06:36,500 - Yeah, give me this part. 126 00:06:37,666 --> 00:06:39,433 Give me this. Let go. 127 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,700 Let go. - Good, I like it. 128 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,833 Pull this one all the way down. - This one? 129 00:06:42,833 --> 00:06:44,500 - Yeah, you got to pull them both all the way. 130 00:06:47,433 --> 00:06:50,133 Pull it all-- - Well, Jenn... 131 00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:52,700 - Okay, we'll be back. - Bye. Have fun. 132 00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,166 - Bye. 133 00:07:01,933 --> 00:07:03,533 [car horn honks] 134 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,033 There's a clinical trial 135 00:07:06,033 --> 00:07:08,800 coming up in Minneapolis for quadriplegics. 136 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,266 - Yeah? 137 00:07:10,266 --> 00:07:12,466 - For electronic stimulation implant. 138 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,400 - Are you gonna do it? 139 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,866 - I don't know. I'm kind of scared. 140 00:07:15,866 --> 00:07:16,866 - Why? 141 00:07:16,866 --> 00:07:18,333 - Scared that it might work, 142 00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:20,433 scared that it might not work. 143 00:07:20,433 --> 00:07:22,333 - Well, the only way you're gonna find out is to try it. 144 00:07:22,333 --> 00:07:24,000 Why wouldn't you try it? 145 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,366 - I mean, what if something goes wrong? 146 00:07:25,366 --> 00:07:28,366 What if I end up with more pain than I have? 147 00:07:28,366 --> 00:07:30,500 - You have pain now? - No. 148 00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:32,633 I mean, it's always a risk, 149 00:07:32,633 --> 00:07:35,533 because it's a clinical trial, you know? 150 00:07:35,533 --> 00:07:39,433 I mean, you are a subject to learn from. 151 00:07:39,433 --> 00:07:41,533 - I mean, you have a risk of being paralyzed? 152 00:07:41,533 --> 00:07:43,833 - [laughs sarcastically] - [chuckles] 153 00:07:44,666 --> 00:07:48,533 - The upside is, I get some movement in my-- 154 00:07:48,533 --> 00:07:51,000 I can wiggle my toes by myself again, you know? 155 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,266 I can feel my toes, maybe. 156 00:07:53,266 --> 00:07:56,800 I can...go to the bathroom, maybe. 157 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:57,933 I don't know. 158 00:07:57,933 --> 00:08:00,733 This one woman regained sexual function. 159 00:08:00,733 --> 00:08:02,033 - Boy, I'd go for it. 160 00:08:02,033 --> 00:08:03,633 - I know. That's what I'm saying. 161 00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:05,466 - [laughs] 162 00:08:05,466 --> 00:08:09,233 - Like, that in and of itself, I'm like, "Yes, please." 163 00:08:09,233 --> 00:08:11,133 - I'd look at all the risks and talk to them 164 00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:13,466 and analyze it and... 165 00:08:13,466 --> 00:08:14,833 - Yeah. 166 00:08:14,833 --> 00:08:18,066 - You know, you got to put the pros and cons, and you-- 167 00:08:18,066 --> 00:08:19,866 You know, life's a calculated risk. 168 00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:21,166 It's the way it is. 169 00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:22,533 - Mm-hmm. 170 00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:27,833 - Sing your favorite song. Ready? 171 00:08:27,833 --> 00:08:29,666 ♪ I love my daddy, dee-dee-dee, dee-dee-dee ♪ 172 00:08:29,666 --> 00:08:31,900 ♪ I love my daddy like rock and roll ♪ 173 00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,933 ♪ Love my daddy, dee-dee-dee, dee-dee-dee ♪ 174 00:08:33,933 --> 00:08:36,166 ♪ I love my daddy like rock and roll ♪ 175 00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:37,666 ♪ Love my daddy, dee-dee-dee ♪ 176 00:08:37,666 --> 00:08:39,266 Here they go! 177 00:08:39,266 --> 00:08:41,166 - My dad was that guy, you know, that brought 178 00:08:41,166 --> 00:08:42,933 a lot of joy and fun. 179 00:08:42,933 --> 00:08:43,966 - Lean into the wind! 180 00:08:43,966 --> 00:08:45,500 Three! 181 00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,833 - You know, I just loved that. 182 00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:48,833 I still love it. 183 00:08:48,833 --> 00:08:50,933 52-card pickup. [laughter] 184 00:08:50,933 --> 00:08:52,500 - Sing. 185 00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:56,966 - And we shared this love for music. 186 00:08:56,966 --> 00:09:00,766 ♪ How I wonder where you are ♪ 187 00:09:00,766 --> 00:09:05,966 Our relationship and how we got to bond through that, 188 00:09:05,966 --> 00:09:08,800 it just grew within me 189 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,666 and became my own thing too, you know? 190 00:09:11,666 --> 00:09:14,666 [light music] 191 00:09:14,666 --> 00:09:18,300 ♪ ♪ 192 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:25,166 I was defined by my body and being a dancer. 193 00:09:25,166 --> 00:09:32,200 ♪ ♪ 194 00:09:33,633 --> 00:09:36,033 I was ready to build a career 195 00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:38,400 and teach and start a dance company, 196 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,466 and that's what I was doing when I got injured. 197 00:09:41,466 --> 00:09:44,633 I'd finally had this, like, "Okay, dance is gonna be 198 00:09:44,633 --> 00:09:46,566 "a big part of my life for the rest of my life, 199 00:09:46,566 --> 00:09:48,933 and I'm ready to commit to that." 200 00:09:48,933 --> 00:09:55,966 ♪ ♪ 201 00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:19,833 It was the night before the Fourth of July. 202 00:10:19,833 --> 00:10:22,033 [fireworks popping and whistling] 203 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:27,700 You know, you're seeing old friends 204 00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:29,966 and swimming and having cocktails. 205 00:10:29,966 --> 00:10:33,766 And it just started early, and it ended really late. 206 00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:40,033 After bar close, I just kept going 207 00:10:40,033 --> 00:10:41,833 and went out onto the lake. 208 00:10:46,333 --> 00:10:48,833 I remember sitting at the front of the boat 209 00:10:48,833 --> 00:10:51,033 and thinking, "I'm too [bleep] up right now. 210 00:10:51,033 --> 00:10:52,666 I'm just gonna jump in." 211 00:10:52,666 --> 00:10:55,133 [indistinct chatter] 212 00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:57,433 And I remember getting undressed 213 00:10:57,433 --> 00:10:59,966 and just, like, looking at the water 214 00:10:59,966 --> 00:11:03,333 and the moon on the water and... 215 00:11:03,333 --> 00:11:06,700 the sound, how quiet it was. 216 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:10,266 I was just completely intoxicated by everything. 217 00:11:11,633 --> 00:11:15,133 And then I just remember stepping up onto the ledge. 218 00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,466 [firework fizzes] 219 00:11:16,466 --> 00:11:19,133 And I just dove right in. 220 00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:22,133 [high-pitched ringing] 221 00:11:22,133 --> 00:11:24,800 [water gurgling] 222 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,466 [static crackling] 223 00:11:27,466 --> 00:11:29,466 When my head hit the sand, 224 00:11:29,466 --> 00:11:33,200 it just made this hissing sound. 225 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,200 [dramatic music] 226 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,200 [hissing] 227 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,200 ♪ ♪ 228 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,533 I remember looking down at my body. 229 00:11:46,266 --> 00:11:50,300 I just immediately felt detached from it. 230 00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:53,900 [water gurgling] 231 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:57,600 And I just remember trying to move and thinking, 232 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,066 "This is how I'm gonna die," 233 00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:02,233 and also thinking... 234 00:12:02,233 --> 00:12:05,600 "I just paralyzed myself." 235 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,633 [muffled fireworks popping] 236 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,266 [fireworks popping and whistling] 237 00:12:22,433 --> 00:12:25,066 Jenn's making me laugh. - [laughs] 238 00:12:25,066 --> 00:12:27,366 - Okay. 239 00:12:27,366 --> 00:12:30,100 Hi, everyone. 240 00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:33,133 My voice isn't the best right now 241 00:12:33,133 --> 00:12:38,166 because one of my vocal cords doesn't work. 242 00:12:38,166 --> 00:12:40,300 But it will. 243 00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:42,533 So here we are 244 00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:47,466 at the beautiful Miller-Dwan Rehabilitation Center 245 00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:51,666 in my... what looks like a dorm room, 246 00:12:51,666 --> 00:12:54,000 so yeah. 247 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,300 I'm here, and I'm gonna get better. 248 00:12:57,300 --> 00:13:00,233 And it's crazy. 249 00:13:00,233 --> 00:13:02,900 And... 250 00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:05,733 I don't know, man. Life changes... 251 00:13:05,733 --> 00:13:07,133 really, really quickly. 252 00:13:07,133 --> 00:13:08,633 [lock clicking, keys jingling] 253 00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:16,366 - Good morning. 254 00:13:18,333 --> 00:13:19,866 - Hi. 255 00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:22,300 [door clicks shut] - Morning, honey. 256 00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:23,400 - Good morning. 257 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,000 - You want me to rock open the windows? 258 00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:27,433 - Yes. 259 00:13:27,433 --> 00:13:28,733 - Okay. I love you too. 260 00:13:28,733 --> 00:13:30,366 Don't go anywhere. 261 00:13:30,366 --> 00:13:31,700 - [growls] 262 00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:33,533 - No construction today. 263 00:13:33,533 --> 00:13:35,533 Come on. 264 00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:38,200 Okay. - Go outside and go potty. 265 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,100 - All right, you ready? Mwah. 266 00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:42,066 Okay, I'll be right back. 267 00:13:42,066 --> 00:13:43,566 - Okay. 268 00:13:59,266 --> 00:14:01,433 - [speaking indistinctly] 269 00:14:06,966 --> 00:14:09,500 All right. One, two, three. 270 00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,033 Hi-yah. 271 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:18,966 Booms, do you want your part there, 272 00:14:18,966 --> 00:14:20,133 or do you want it just straight back? 273 00:14:20,133 --> 00:14:21,900 - Mm-mm. Yeah. - Okay. 274 00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,566 - We doing any dry shampoo? - Yep. 275 00:14:24,566 --> 00:14:27,433 I wonder if I could actually spray this. 276 00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,033 Let's try. 277 00:14:32,833 --> 00:14:36,900 - I'll hold the bottom so you don't spray it so, so low. 278 00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:38,533 - No, I got to do it solo. I got to do this. 279 00:14:38,533 --> 00:14:40,466 - Okay. 280 00:14:40,466 --> 00:14:42,633 - This is slippery. 281 00:14:45,566 --> 00:14:47,000 I'm scared. 282 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,433 I just really don't want to squirt myself in the face. 283 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,066 [bleep]. 284 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:56,900 [groans] 285 00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:02,300 Where do you push? Jesus. 286 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:07,133 Like...on the back end more, right? 287 00:15:18,233 --> 00:15:20,100 - [laughs] 288 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:27,433 - Okay. 289 00:15:27,433 --> 00:15:30,466 Whoa. - [laughs] 290 00:15:30,466 --> 00:15:31,866 - Yeah. 291 00:15:31,866 --> 00:15:34,200 - Getting your old lady on. - Mm-hmm. 292 00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:38,233 - Heads up, I just-- I reorganized your jewelry. 293 00:15:38,233 --> 00:15:40,166 Your necklaces. - You did? 294 00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:44,566 - Silver, gold, other metals. - Oh. 295 00:15:44,566 --> 00:15:46,300 I like that. 296 00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:47,666 I kind of want to wear those again. 297 00:15:47,666 --> 00:15:49,366 - I know, seriously. 298 00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,533 I want you to wear them all the time. 299 00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:53,366 Our daily two? 300 00:15:53,366 --> 00:15:54,800 - Yeah. 301 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,133 Thank you. - Mm-hmm. 302 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,533 - Come here. [smooching] - God, he is just so happy. 303 00:16:04,533 --> 00:16:05,766 - Come here. Why are you being so weird? 304 00:16:05,766 --> 00:16:07,466 Oh, you're gonna go in your home now. 305 00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:10,533 - All righty, then. 306 00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:11,966 All right, bye, babe. - Okay, bye. 307 00:16:11,966 --> 00:16:13,300 - I'll see you Friday? - I'll see you Friday. 308 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,566 - Yeah. 309 00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:28,166 - It's still not easy for anybody, 310 00:16:28,166 --> 00:16:29,666 particularly for her. 311 00:16:31,433 --> 00:16:34,933 - She just was really close to giving up. 312 00:16:38,266 --> 00:16:40,066 You know, when she first got hurt, 313 00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:41,500 you were just kind of, like-- 314 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,900 kind of wanted to really 315 00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:47,666 just not let anything near that could hurt her anymore. 316 00:16:47,666 --> 00:16:49,266 Just... 317 00:16:49,266 --> 00:16:52,366 - Well, it's frustrating, 'cause I couldn't fix it. 318 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,100 Daddies like to fix stuff. 319 00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,400 I can't fix this one. 320 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:02,433 - What are you gonna do today?  - [coughs] I'm just doing it. 321 00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:04,100 I'm practicing these two songs 322 00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:07,066 so I can play them without a cheat sheet. 323 00:17:07,066 --> 00:17:09,533 - Do you feel okay right now? 324 00:17:09,533 --> 00:17:11,000 - Yeah. CAT scan done tomorrow. 325 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,300 I'm nervous about it, 326 00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:14,933 and I'm nervous about getting the results. 327 00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:17,733 And, you know, I'm nervous. 328 00:17:17,733 --> 00:17:20,100 I got to be straight with you. 329 00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,833 But it gives me some encouragement 330 00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:25,466 that your PCA's father had a fungus infection 331 00:17:25,466 --> 00:17:28,666 in his lungs, same symptoms I got. 332 00:17:28,666 --> 00:17:31,766 I hope it's nothing worse than that. 333 00:17:31,766 --> 00:17:35,333 - Were you mad after we got off the phone last night? 334 00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,433 - You know, it's a constant challenge 335 00:17:37,433 --> 00:17:41,700 to try to not be angry and hurt, for me. 336 00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:44,700 It's an ongoing situation at this point. 337 00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:49,266 You drank too much, and you didn't use good judgment. 338 00:17:49,266 --> 00:17:51,766 - Dad, you have to forgive me, though. 339 00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:54,366 - I do. I-- honey... 340 00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:56,233 I always forgive you. 341 00:17:56,233 --> 00:17:58,500 But I'm still--you can still be angry about something 342 00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:01,433 and forgive somebody for whatever's happened. 343 00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:05,200 Doesn't mean I don't love you. 344 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,033 - It's an all-out war battle. 345 00:18:08,033 --> 00:18:10,966 It isn't even tag team this time. 346 00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:12,533 They're crushing each other. 347 00:18:12,533 --> 00:18:15,800 - I think it's hard for you to imagine what it's like 348 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,533 to have your own child, 'cause you don't have one. 349 00:18:18,533 --> 00:18:20,933 And all the hopes and dreams that you had 350 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:24,800 for your daughter or son changed 351 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,433 in one split second-- 352 00:18:27,433 --> 00:18:30,600 something that you never envisioned could ever happen. 353 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,933 Wasn't ever on your radar, even, not even close. 354 00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:34,600 - Now back to the violence. 355 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,133 It seems that it's continuing at a harder pace. 356 00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:39,766 - You're only as happy as your least happy child. 357 00:18:39,766 --> 00:18:42,133 That's the truth. 358 00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:43,333 And I watched you, 359 00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:45,033 particularly for the first two years 360 00:18:45,033 --> 00:18:46,633 after this accident, 361 00:18:46,633 --> 00:18:50,400 you know, really struggle with trying to figure out 362 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,133 who you were again and to find your own reality 363 00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:56,166 and your own self. 364 00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:58,100 And I know you still go through periods of that. 365 00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,466 You've shared that with me, and I understand that. 366 00:19:00,466 --> 00:19:02,066 Makes sense. 367 00:19:02,066 --> 00:19:04,933 You're sad, I'm gonna be sad. 368 00:19:04,933 --> 00:19:07,066 - [sniffles] 369 00:19:07,066 --> 00:19:08,200 - So don't be sad. 370 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,600 I don't want to be sad anymore. 371 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,233 - [sniffles]  - See? 372 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,933 You're smiling, so I'm okay with that. 373 00:19:13,933 --> 00:19:16,133 You're smiling. I'm happy. 374 00:19:16,133 --> 00:19:19,133 [soft music] 375 00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:24,266 ♪ ♪ 376 00:19:24,266 --> 00:19:26,700 - It's hard to see... 377 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:30,066 someone that... 378 00:19:30,066 --> 00:19:33,466 I love and admire so much... 379 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,166 Be disappointed in me... 380 00:19:39,166 --> 00:19:41,066 and wish that I wouldn't have done that 381 00:19:41,066 --> 00:19:43,900 and wish that I would have made a better decision, 382 00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:45,166 because he's right. 383 00:19:45,166 --> 00:19:47,900 I should have, and I could have done better. 384 00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:50,733 But I didn't, you know? 385 00:19:50,733 --> 00:19:53,000 This chair puts up a wall 386 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:56,166 between me and people that I love sometimes. 387 00:19:56,166 --> 00:20:03,200 ♪ ♪ 388 00:20:13,433 --> 00:20:15,766 [whistles] 389 00:20:17,866 --> 00:20:19,500 What up? 390 00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,466 - How are you? 391 00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:26,966 - Good. - Good. 392 00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:29,966 - I was gonna bring s'mores, 393 00:20:29,966 --> 00:20:32,433 but I thought that wouldn't be very quad-friendly. 394 00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,100 Hi, buddy. - Yeah. 395 00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:36,333 - It's good to see you. 396 00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:38,666 - Dude, is that nose hair coming out of your nose? 397 00:20:38,666 --> 00:20:39,833 - He's like, "I don't remember getting invited." 398 00:20:39,833 --> 00:20:43,133 - Dude, come on. It's curled up your nostril. 399 00:20:43,133 --> 00:20:45,166 Like, it's so long, it went up. 400 00:20:45,166 --> 00:20:47,566 Can I go get the clippers? It's gonna be on camera. 401 00:20:47,566 --> 00:20:50,066 - Ooh, that would be fun. - Clipping my nose hairs? 402 00:20:50,066 --> 00:20:51,766 - Yeah, let's-- yeah, I should go do that. 403 00:20:51,766 --> 00:20:55,233 - Oh, my God, he's doing it. - I mean, you're my child. 404 00:20:55,233 --> 00:20:57,400 - This is your fault, then. - This is care right here. 405 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:58,466 - Whoa. Whoa. 406 00:20:58,466 --> 00:20:59,900 - I can't handle this right now. 407 00:20:59,900 --> 00:21:02,700 - Everything's my fault. Yeah. - Fix the fire. 408 00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:04,333 - I'm gonna go cry inside for a minute. 409 00:21:04,333 --> 00:21:06,766 - Can we use your able-bodied hands, please? 410 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,633 [laughter] Help us! 411 00:21:09,633 --> 00:21:12,200 - You don't even have, like, a nose hair trimmer? 412 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:13,466 You just have trimmers? 413 00:21:13,466 --> 00:21:15,266 - That's too long for a nose hair trimmer. 414 00:21:15,266 --> 00:21:16,833 [razor buzzing] - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 415 00:21:16,833 --> 00:21:18,433 - Just hold still. - Yeah. 416 00:21:18,433 --> 00:21:20,500 - Hold still! - It got itchy. 417 00:21:22,466 --> 00:21:24,266 - Oh, dude, there's, like, eight of them. 418 00:21:24,266 --> 00:21:25,533 - I feel like a new man. - [laughs] 419 00:21:25,533 --> 00:21:27,966 - Yeah, you're like clean-cut Jesus now. 420 00:21:27,966 --> 00:21:30,333 I've burned my legs like this twice. 421 00:21:30,333 --> 00:21:32,133 I'm not going to let it happen a third time. 422 00:21:32,133 --> 00:21:34,266 - I'm really good at not letting my legs get burned. 423 00:21:34,266 --> 00:21:35,600 - Dude. 424 00:21:36,733 --> 00:21:38,466 - Are you saying it's too hot? 425 00:21:38,466 --> 00:21:39,933 - I just have to-- 426 00:21:39,933 --> 00:21:42,333 I thought you were gonna check with the poker. 427 00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:44,733 That would have been memorable. - Yes, it would've been. 428 00:21:44,733 --> 00:21:46,633 - [sighs] 429 00:21:46,633 --> 00:21:48,966 - So Octo--when are you gonna start rehearsals 430 00:21:48,966 --> 00:21:50,300 for this October show? 431 00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:52,366 - It's got to start pretty soon. 432 00:21:52,366 --> 00:21:53,900 - Wait, what October show? 433 00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:55,900 - "Cripple's Dance" at the Southern Theater. 434 00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:57,733 - Oh! I don't think I knew about this. 435 00:21:57,733 --> 00:21:59,266 - At the Southern for a week. 436 00:21:59,266 --> 00:22:01,633 - Kelsey, have you done any stuff like that? 437 00:22:01,633 --> 00:22:02,900 - Like what? 438 00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:04,600 - Performance like that since your injury. 439 00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:06,400 - Performance since my injury? No. 440 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,966 - Ah. - Mm-hmm. 441 00:22:07,966 --> 00:22:11,200 - Was there conversation about you participating in that? 442 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,400 - I don't know that I'm gonna perform, 443 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,333 but I want to definitely choreograph a new piece. 444 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,200 - What? - Do you want me to perform? 445 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:17,200 - Yeah! - I don't know! 446 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,400 - What the-- 447 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:19,966 - I'm not making assumptions, okay? 448 00:22:19,966 --> 00:22:23,733 - What are you--what is this, "Do you want me to perform?" 449 00:22:25,066 --> 00:22:27,900 - I just don't want to, like, miss the bar. 450 00:22:27,900 --> 00:22:30,700 And there's even more pressure about missing the bar 451 00:22:30,700 --> 00:22:33,100 when I can't move 75% of my body. 452 00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:35,666 - There's nothing more beautiful than the truth. 453 00:22:35,666 --> 00:22:39,333 - And that's--to me, that's what "A Cripple's Dance" is. 454 00:22:39,333 --> 00:22:42,600 Like, I'm taking the word "cripple" 455 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,000 and turning it into a beautiful thing. 456 00:22:49,133 --> 00:22:50,600 - Two. 457 00:22:54,033 --> 00:22:56,366 [groans] 458 00:22:59,066 --> 00:23:00,400 Two. 459 00:23:02,833 --> 00:23:05,133 [bleep]. 460 00:23:10,766 --> 00:23:13,833 [grunting] 461 00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:18,666 Two. 462 00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:22,833 [groans] 463 00:23:25,266 --> 00:23:28,300 [music box tinkling] 464 00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:31,600 ♪ ♪ 465 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,866 I can think about moving my toes all day long, 466 00:23:34,866 --> 00:23:37,800 and my brain sends the message, 467 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,433 and then it stops at my injury. 468 00:23:40,433 --> 00:23:42,333 And sometimes I'll get these, like, darts, 469 00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:44,366 like, shooting-- that feel like energy 470 00:23:44,366 --> 00:23:46,700 sort of, like, shooting down my legs, 471 00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:50,300 this "choo-choo-choo-choo" type of thing. 472 00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:53,766 And I like that, 'cause it doesn't hurt, 473 00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:57,666 and it just makes me feel like my body's still alive in there, 474 00:23:57,666 --> 00:23:59,966 and I can hear it and feel it. 475 00:24:01,900 --> 00:24:03,333 But sometimes it's scary, 476 00:24:03,333 --> 00:24:04,866 'cause you don't know what's happening. 477 00:24:04,866 --> 00:24:06,266 You just start questioning, like, 478 00:24:06,266 --> 00:24:08,100 "Am I gonna [bleep] myself? 479 00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:09,900 Like, did I just fart?" 480 00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:11,600 Like, you just start thinking, like-- 481 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,466 you go through, like, all these scenarios of, 482 00:24:14,466 --> 00:24:17,500 "What's my body doing right now, and is it gonna lead 483 00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:19,900 to a really embarrassing moment for me?" 484 00:24:19,900 --> 00:24:23,633 That part leads to some anxiety 485 00:24:23,633 --> 00:24:26,966 and humiliation and... 486 00:24:26,966 --> 00:24:27,966 planning. 487 00:24:27,966 --> 00:24:29,333 - How many are you doing? 488 00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:31,200 - Till it burns really bad. 489 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,066 You have to constantly be thinking ahead 490 00:24:34,066 --> 00:24:38,200 and creating this new dynamic between you and this thing 491 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,033 that you're still attached to and you still have to love, 492 00:24:41,033 --> 00:24:45,933 even though you feel removed from it a lot of the time. 493 00:24:54,733 --> 00:24:56,233 So you can feel it when it's on? 494 00:24:56,233 --> 00:24:57,600 - I can tell it's on, yeah. 495 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:58,800 It's like wearing a corset. - What does it feel like? 496 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,100 - Like wearing a corset. It's really tight. 497 00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:03,166 My battery pack is back here. 498 00:25:03,166 --> 00:25:04,466 I can go higher... 499 00:25:05,733 --> 00:25:07,833 Or I can go lower. 500 00:25:07,833 --> 00:25:10,833 - So, like, now you could just turn the settings on 501 00:25:10,833 --> 00:25:15,166 and have the muscles in your legs contract 502 00:25:15,166 --> 00:25:16,666 with the system. - Mm-hmm. 503 00:25:16,666 --> 00:25:19,233 - But you can't feel it at all. 504 00:25:19,233 --> 00:25:21,033 What? - I mean, you can-- 505 00:25:21,033 --> 00:25:23,833 like I said, I'm aware. - Right. 506 00:25:23,833 --> 00:25:26,800 - But to say I can feel it, no. 507 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,100 - How do you think it's changed your quality of life in-- 508 00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:30,766 like, what are your-- 509 00:25:30,766 --> 00:25:32,966 - I'm definitely more confident wheeling. 510 00:25:32,966 --> 00:25:35,500 For me, just the balance was huge. 511 00:25:35,500 --> 00:25:37,300 - Yeah. - You know? 512 00:25:37,300 --> 00:25:39,966 - It would feel so good to be able to sit upright 513 00:25:39,966 --> 00:25:42,533 with my-- and have good posture again. 514 00:25:42,533 --> 00:25:44,500 And what about sexual function? 515 00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:46,466 - We're still working on that. 516 00:25:46,466 --> 00:25:48,766 Now we're empty nesters, so we can work on it more. 517 00:25:48,766 --> 00:25:50,666 - Right? 518 00:25:50,666 --> 00:25:51,666 [laughter] 519 00:25:51,666 --> 00:25:53,733 - If you want to be perfectly honest. 520 00:25:53,733 --> 00:25:55,600 - 'Cause I heard through the grapevine 521 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,600 that one of you had had an orgasm after... 522 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,733 - Sandra--I was patient one. She was patient two. 523 00:26:01,733 --> 00:26:03,600 - Oh-ho-ho. 524 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,400 You noticed a difference with your bowel care? 525 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,666 - So I went from, like, an hour to about a half hour now. 526 00:26:09,666 --> 00:26:11,333 - That's huge. - Mm-hmm. 527 00:26:11,333 --> 00:26:13,000 - That's so much of your life back. 528 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,233 - Mm-hmm. 529 00:26:18,366 --> 00:26:20,866 - Oh, my God, I don't know what to do now. 530 00:26:20,866 --> 00:26:22,033 - I don't want to be an infomercial, 531 00:26:22,033 --> 00:26:24,166 but do it, do it, do it. 532 00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,533 - Especially talking with you, 533 00:26:25,533 --> 00:26:28,933 and I'm really excited to talk to Sandra now and... 534 00:26:28,933 --> 00:26:31,866 just to see a real human being 535 00:26:31,866 --> 00:26:34,033 whose life has been changed 536 00:26:34,033 --> 00:26:37,033 in such big ways. 537 00:26:37,033 --> 00:26:39,533 - Right. - It's... 538 00:26:39,533 --> 00:26:41,400 - We'll walk someday, but... 539 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,700 there's a lot of other stuff to finish first. 540 00:26:44,866 --> 00:26:46,666 - Bye, Kathy. 541 00:26:46,666 --> 00:26:48,466 - See you. 542 00:26:48,466 --> 00:26:49,800 [door slams] 543 00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,466 - I'm hopeful with this clinical trial, 544 00:26:52,466 --> 00:26:56,333 but sometimes hope is dangerous, too, 545 00:26:56,333 --> 00:26:58,733 and I start to, like, question, like... 546 00:26:59,633 --> 00:27:02,866 is there, like, a healthy level of hope, 547 00:27:02,866 --> 00:27:04,133 you know? 548 00:27:04,133 --> 00:27:06,733 Like, how do you ride that line of... 549 00:27:10,266 --> 00:27:12,633 Of not driving yourself crazy 550 00:27:12,633 --> 00:27:14,233 but, like, still... 551 00:27:16,100 --> 00:27:18,533 Like, reaching for something? 552 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:26,166 Oh, what a weird bathroom. 553 00:27:26,166 --> 00:27:28,333 It's cute, though. - [clears throat] 554 00:27:28,333 --> 00:27:29,833 - Am I gonna run over your toesies? 555 00:27:29,833 --> 00:27:33,166 - It's very strange. - Here, I got it. 556 00:27:33,166 --> 00:27:36,633 Okay. Okay. 557 00:27:36,633 --> 00:27:38,733 What the [bleep]? 558 00:27:38,733 --> 00:27:40,766 That's really funny. 559 00:27:40,766 --> 00:27:42,866 Okay, well, we don't need to go there anyway. 560 00:27:42,866 --> 00:27:47,666 They just, like, made a new highway straight to my bladder. 561 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,300 - Amazing. - Yeah. 562 00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:50,666 - Does it hurt? 563 00:27:50,666 --> 00:27:52,533 - I can't feel it at all. 564 00:27:52,533 --> 00:27:53,833 - Amazing. - Yeah. 565 00:27:53,833 --> 00:27:56,066 I mean, I can't feel anything from here down. 566 00:27:56,066 --> 00:27:58,433 - Okay, so not amazing. - So... 567 00:27:58,433 --> 00:28:00,500 [laughing] "So not amazing." - But, like... 568 00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:02,233 - But it's definitely a perk. 569 00:28:02,233 --> 00:28:03,333 - I'm gonna look out the window. 570 00:28:03,333 --> 00:28:04,866 - There you go. - [laughs] 571 00:28:04,866 --> 00:28:06,633 - I don't need you passing out on me. 572 00:28:06,633 --> 00:28:08,066 - [laughs] 573 00:28:08,066 --> 00:28:10,233 - We got [bleep] to do, girl. 574 00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:21,900 I like this old bathroom, though. 575 00:28:21,900 --> 00:28:24,066 - It is kind of a quirky little thing. 576 00:28:25,133 --> 00:28:26,266 - It's cute. 577 00:28:26,266 --> 00:28:28,766 It's not accessible, but it's cute. 578 00:28:37,866 --> 00:28:40,000 Ta-da! - Champ. 579 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:42,366 - So this part actually-- 580 00:28:42,366 --> 00:28:44,466 Are you okay with dumping this pee for me... 581 00:28:44,466 --> 00:28:46,066 - Yeah. Yeah. - In the toilet 582 00:28:46,066 --> 00:28:48,000 since I can't get to it? 583 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:49,900 - That's what I'm here for. 584 00:28:49,900 --> 00:28:51,633 - Thanks, buddy. 585 00:28:51,633 --> 00:28:53,466 So you can totally pee in there. 586 00:28:53,466 --> 00:28:57,500 You just can't if you need to get onto the toilet. 587 00:28:57,500 --> 00:28:59,200 - Need to get onto the toilet? 588 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,433 - Yeah. - So you can go in the stall? 589 00:29:01,433 --> 00:29:05,300 - Like, I just peed in there, but-- 590 00:29:05,300 --> 00:29:07,366 and then she dumped my pee for me. 591 00:29:07,366 --> 00:29:09,066 - Oh, that's-- that's sweet of her. 592 00:29:09,066 --> 00:29:10,533 - It was a bonding moment. 593 00:29:20,266 --> 00:29:23,033 - I didn't really dance before my injury, 594 00:29:23,033 --> 00:29:26,866 but being the lead singer in a band 595 00:29:26,866 --> 00:29:30,133 and being onstage, 596 00:29:30,133 --> 00:29:31,733 I've wanted to dance. 597 00:29:31,733 --> 00:29:34,700 And so I took it upon myself to just start writing music 598 00:29:34,700 --> 00:29:36,700 that made me want to move. 599 00:29:38,166 --> 00:29:40,366 And then, yeah, kind of like waves. 600 00:29:40,366 --> 00:29:42,700 That was the catalyst to this project. 601 00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:46,966 - I do left foot... - Okay, so I go-- 602 00:29:46,966 --> 00:29:50,466 - Right hand, left hand, right foot. 603 00:29:50,466 --> 00:29:52,666 - Okay. So we can go-- 604 00:29:52,666 --> 00:29:53,866 - And then you go back right after that. 605 00:29:53,866 --> 00:29:56,200 - And then we punch back. - And then this? 606 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:59,133 And like this... 607 00:29:59,133 --> 00:30:01,666 - I like what--I think Angie or someone was... 608 00:30:01,666 --> 00:30:03,133 - And then like this. 609 00:30:03,133 --> 00:30:07,533 - I was wondering about, like, switching positions or... 610 00:30:07,533 --> 00:30:08,933 you know? - Like, we could trade-- 611 00:30:08,933 --> 00:30:10,433 - We could, or they could. 612 00:30:10,433 --> 00:30:13,733 - We could move diagonally toward them 613 00:30:13,733 --> 00:30:15,966 on this, maybe. 614 00:30:15,966 --> 00:30:19,500 And then we'll stringy-dingy 615 00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:20,800 with them. 616 00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:23,266 Or no, we do this-- 617 00:30:23,266 --> 00:30:24,300 or, yeah, yeah, yeah. 618 00:30:25,366 --> 00:30:27,866 Oh, my God, that sounded like it hurt. 619 00:30:27,866 --> 00:30:29,866 [bodies thudding] 620 00:30:29,866 --> 00:30:31,200 - Yeah. - Okay. 621 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:34,333 [floor squeaks] - Oh, jeez. 622 00:30:34,333 --> 00:30:37,766 - I feel like this scurry across is gonna be awkward 623 00:30:37,766 --> 00:30:39,666 with the music, but let's feel it out. 624 00:30:39,666 --> 00:30:41,000 You're on music duty? 625 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,566 - I don't know where's my phone. 626 00:30:42,566 --> 00:30:44,700 Over here? 627 00:30:44,700 --> 00:30:46,166 Ready, team? - Ready. 628 00:30:46,166 --> 00:30:47,700 - Okay. 629 00:30:47,700 --> 00:30:50,866 [pensive music playing] 630 00:30:50,866 --> 00:30:55,733 ♪ ♪ 631 00:30:55,733 --> 00:30:59,033 - During the time that I was facedown in the water 632 00:30:59,033 --> 00:31:00,833 after the dive, 633 00:31:00,833 --> 00:31:03,766 I...opened my eyes, 634 00:31:03,766 --> 00:31:06,566 I was conscious, and it was all blue. 635 00:31:08,300 --> 00:31:10,933 And I thought I was gonna float out to sea 636 00:31:10,933 --> 00:31:12,666 and die, drown. 637 00:31:14,966 --> 00:31:18,033 And I had this overwhelming 638 00:31:18,033 --> 00:31:22,166 eerie peacefulness and acceptance 639 00:31:22,166 --> 00:31:25,000 when I kind of realized what was going on. 640 00:31:26,766 --> 00:31:28,700 This piece that we're working on, 641 00:31:28,700 --> 00:31:32,066 I'm trying to capture those feelings. 642 00:31:32,066 --> 00:31:38,266 ♪ ♪ 643 00:31:38,266 --> 00:31:41,100 - Yeah, I'm interested in this whole idea 644 00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:43,800 of these building waves and water... 645 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,166 - Mm-hmm. - Becoming-- 646 00:31:45,166 --> 00:31:50,033 Like, having its own sort of personality within it 647 00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:53,200 and how it shifts from being... 648 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:57,933 scary to calming and soothing-- 649 00:31:57,933 --> 00:32:00,566 this, like, ride 650 00:32:00,566 --> 00:32:02,000 that you went on, 651 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,633 that we went on. 652 00:32:04,900 --> 00:32:06,466 - All the way down. 653 00:32:06,466 --> 00:32:08,666 [indistinct chatter] 654 00:32:08,666 --> 00:32:11,400 [van beeping] 655 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,633 - Okay. Where is this one going? 656 00:32:13,633 --> 00:32:16,200 - Probably, like, right outside of that. 657 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,566 - You probably want to hook it right outside of my foot. 658 00:32:18,566 --> 00:32:20,800 - This? - Where your thumb is. 659 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:22,800 - But make sure the strap stays in. 660 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,200 - This stays? - Push on that part, yeah. 661 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:26,266 - Yeah, there you go. - Oh! 662 00:32:26,266 --> 00:32:29,300 [indistinct chatter] 663 00:32:34,166 --> 00:32:36,566 - Are you tight? - Hell yeah! 664 00:32:36,566 --> 00:32:38,000 - Whoo! - Yeah! 665 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:39,866 - Let's do it! - You're not going nowhere! 666 00:32:46,433 --> 00:32:47,500 - Whoa! 667 00:32:47,500 --> 00:32:49,066 - Holy hell. - Sorry. 668 00:32:49,833 --> 00:32:53,633 All right, blue stretchy fabric. 669 00:33:02,466 --> 00:33:04,666 Spain. 670 00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:14,500 I think I found some candidates, guys. 671 00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:16,466 Mm, I don't know if this is stretchy enough. 672 00:33:16,466 --> 00:33:17,566 - This one's stretchy, but I think 673 00:33:17,566 --> 00:33:18,833 this is maybe a little cheesy-looking. 674 00:33:18,833 --> 00:33:21,133 That one looks more natural. 675 00:33:21,133 --> 00:33:22,700 - Yeah. 676 00:33:22,700 --> 00:33:24,300 - Gabe, do you like-- 677 00:33:24,300 --> 00:33:25,566 Whoa. 678 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:32,233 - Let's check this one out. 679 00:33:32,233 --> 00:33:34,133 - That aqua one? 680 00:33:34,133 --> 00:33:35,700 - That's pretty. 681 00:33:37,466 --> 00:33:39,333 - Do you want to come back to the cut counter, please? 682 00:33:42,633 --> 00:33:44,100 - Yah! 683 00:33:46,833 --> 00:33:48,033 [bleep] damn it. 684 00:33:51,033 --> 00:33:52,666 - [laughs] 685 00:33:54,133 --> 00:33:55,166 - Yes. 686 00:33:55,166 --> 00:33:57,866 - Okay. - Oh, yeah, that's soft. 687 00:33:57,866 --> 00:33:58,900 - Are you 32? 688 00:33:58,900 --> 00:33:59,900 - Yeah. - Okay. 689 00:33:59,900 --> 00:34:01,500 - How's that feeling? - Right? 690 00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:03,066 [indistinct chatter] 691 00:34:03,066 --> 00:34:04,966 - I could sleep on this. 692 00:34:04,966 --> 00:34:07,966 [soft music] 693 00:34:07,966 --> 00:34:09,266 - Yeah, that's lovely. 694 00:34:09,266 --> 00:34:16,266 ♪ ♪ 695 00:34:16,266 --> 00:34:19,300 [water gurgling] 696 00:34:22,300 --> 00:34:25,500 - Becoming disabled required, 697 00:34:25,500 --> 00:34:30,233 like, this whole new understanding of life. 698 00:34:30,233 --> 00:34:37,100 ♪ ♪ 699 00:34:37,100 --> 00:34:40,466 At least I had never felt like I had been put in a position 700 00:34:40,466 --> 00:34:43,533 where I would be made to feel like this world 701 00:34:43,533 --> 00:34:46,266 isn't made for me. 702 00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:48,766 - One, two, three. 703 00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:52,433 - Okay. 704 00:34:53,666 --> 00:34:55,366 Oh, my God, I'm gonna fall, I'm gonna fall, I'm gonna fall. 705 00:34:55,366 --> 00:34:57,133 - No! [laughter] 706 00:34:57,133 --> 00:35:00,333 Onto me! I'm pushing you, right? 707 00:35:00,333 --> 00:35:01,533 - Which way do you want to go? - Okay. 708 00:35:01,533 --> 00:35:03,866 If I hold you and then... 709 00:35:04,966 --> 00:35:06,800 Oh, abs! 710 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:09,966 [laughter] 711 00:35:09,966 --> 00:35:14,266 - People, out of their periphery, see a chair, 712 00:35:14,266 --> 00:35:17,500 and so they don't even bother to look at the person. 713 00:35:17,500 --> 00:35:22,200 That's just always a challenge to see that in other people 714 00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:26,000 and not let it become how I see myself. 715 00:35:29,066 --> 00:35:31,133 I wasn't even able to say... 716 00:35:32,733 --> 00:35:35,600 "I have a disability; 717 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:37,666 I'm a person with a disability," 718 00:35:37,666 --> 00:35:40,400 and not see it as a bad thing 719 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:42,833 for a long time. 720 00:35:42,833 --> 00:35:45,200 Can I borrow this magazine? 721 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,100 I want to take a picture of these beverages 722 00:35:47,100 --> 00:35:49,400 'cause they look so good. - Ah! 723 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:54,200 - Look at this-- pineapple sage sangria. 724 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,133 - Oh, that would be good. - I know, right? 725 00:35:56,133 --> 00:35:58,200 - I like anything sangria, though. 726 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,266 - Peach basil? 727 00:36:00,266 --> 00:36:01,833 Oh, my God. 728 00:36:03,233 --> 00:36:04,900 What's your name again, Jenny? - Jennifer. 729 00:36:04,900 --> 00:36:06,066 - Jennifer. 730 00:36:06,833 --> 00:36:08,200 Jennifer. 731 00:36:09,300 --> 00:36:10,600 [thermometer beeps] 732 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,833 I did not make a note. 733 00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:21,833 Usually I read through the old notes 734 00:36:21,833 --> 00:36:24,066 so that I know what happened... 735 00:36:24,066 --> 00:36:25,600 - Mm-hmm. 736 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,800 - And how, you know, what happened. 737 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,300 How did you get to be where you are? 738 00:36:30,300 --> 00:36:32,700 - Oh, do you need to know that information? 739 00:36:32,700 --> 00:36:34,100 - No, I don't need-- 740 00:36:34,100 --> 00:36:35,633 no, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. 741 00:36:35,633 --> 00:36:37,333 - Do I have to talk about that? - No, you don't. 742 00:36:37,333 --> 00:36:38,566 - Okay, 'cause I don't really want to right now, 743 00:36:38,566 --> 00:36:39,600 if that's cool with you. - Then you don't have to. 744 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:40,966 - Thank you. I appreciate that. 745 00:36:40,966 --> 00:36:43,366 - All right, I'll go grab him. - Take care. 746 00:36:46,266 --> 00:36:48,233 I want to steal this magazine. 747 00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:53,400 [knocking] Hi. 748 00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:54,433 - Hello. Hi. 749 00:36:54,433 --> 00:36:56,466 You are Kelsey Peterson? - Yeah. 750 00:36:56,466 --> 00:36:58,133 - Very nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too. 751 00:36:58,133 --> 00:37:00,300 I've heard good things. - Yes. Oh, well, thank you. 752 00:37:00,300 --> 00:37:01,866 - Yeah. - My name is Dr. Idiculla. 753 00:37:01,866 --> 00:37:03,633 It's like "in the cooler," if that helps you out. 754 00:37:03,633 --> 00:37:05,866 - Yeah, I've heard people call you Dr. Cool. 755 00:37:05,866 --> 00:37:07,466 - Oh, man, well... - [laughs] 756 00:37:07,466 --> 00:37:10,166 - You know, you can't choose your own nickname, so... 757 00:37:10,166 --> 00:37:11,466 - So I can do that? - I'll take it. 758 00:37:11,466 --> 00:37:12,533 You can take it. - Okay, cool. 759 00:37:12,533 --> 00:37:13,633 - Absolutely. Always. - Sweet. 760 00:37:13,633 --> 00:37:15,766 - What can I help you with today? 761 00:37:15,766 --> 00:37:17,800 Anything in particular? - So yeah. 762 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,266 I mean, I want to be able to do it all. 763 00:37:19,266 --> 00:37:20,766 Like, I want to be able to shower, 764 00:37:20,766 --> 00:37:23,600 toileting, dressing, the whole thing. 765 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,366 - We have to have... - Life goals. 766 00:37:25,366 --> 00:37:27,333 - A limited set of goals for this therapy session, anyway. 767 00:37:27,333 --> 00:37:28,700 - Exactly. - But if we could-- 768 00:37:28,700 --> 00:37:30,033 - Like, I don't want to give you all of the goals. 769 00:37:30,033 --> 00:37:31,433 - Right. Well, let's see what we got here 770 00:37:31,433 --> 00:37:33,533 in terms of our strength, sensation... 771 00:37:33,533 --> 00:37:34,800 - Okay. - And everything else. 772 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:36,633 Squeeze my fingers if you're able to do it. 773 00:37:36,633 --> 00:37:37,900 - [laughs] Yeah, right. 774 00:37:37,900 --> 00:37:39,800 - Give them a good squeeze, best you can. 775 00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,266 - [laughs] - No problem. Okay. 776 00:37:41,266 --> 00:37:42,466 Extension. - Nothing. 777 00:37:42,466 --> 00:37:44,166 - Nothing with an extension there. Okay. 778 00:37:44,166 --> 00:37:46,233 But you are able to bring the wrists up pretty nicely. 779 00:37:46,233 --> 00:37:47,566 - Yeah. - So that's pretty excellent. 780 00:37:47,566 --> 00:37:49,833 How much action do we have with the thumbs? 781 00:37:49,833 --> 00:37:51,966 - Absolutely nothing. 782 00:37:51,966 --> 00:37:53,833 - Just hanging loose, okay. 783 00:37:53,833 --> 00:37:55,533 Do you still have sensation? 784 00:37:55,533 --> 00:37:57,166 - In my pointer and my thumb. 785 00:37:57,166 --> 00:37:58,833 - Pointer and thumb, okay. - Mm-hmm. 786 00:37:58,833 --> 00:38:00,533 - How about if you turn your head? 787 00:38:00,533 --> 00:38:02,133 And now do the same thing. 788 00:38:02,133 --> 00:38:03,833 Bring your head to this side here. 789 00:38:03,833 --> 00:38:05,200 Same thing. 790 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,400 We'll go ahead and just move your hips a little here. 791 00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:09,533 Excellent. 792 00:38:09,533 --> 00:38:10,566 I'll go ahead and just take a listen 793 00:38:10,566 --> 00:38:11,600 to your heart and lungs. 794 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:13,766 That's why we're up here. 795 00:38:13,766 --> 00:38:15,033 All right. 796 00:38:17,366 --> 00:38:19,366 You can just breathe normally. 797 00:38:19,366 --> 00:38:22,366 [dramatic music] 798 00:38:22,366 --> 00:38:29,366 ♪ ♪ 799 00:38:29,366 --> 00:38:30,666 [car horn honks] 800 00:38:30,666 --> 00:38:33,166 [engine revving] 801 00:38:42,366 --> 00:38:45,166 - I emailed David Darrow. 802 00:38:45,166 --> 00:38:46,866 I'm, like, dying to have a conversation with him 803 00:38:46,866 --> 00:38:48,233 about this trial. 804 00:38:48,233 --> 00:38:49,633 I want the miracle. 805 00:38:49,633 --> 00:38:50,966 I want the whole 806 00:38:50,966 --> 00:38:52,866 kit and kaboodle. - Of course you do. 807 00:38:52,866 --> 00:38:54,566 Of course you do. - I'm just gonna, like, 808 00:38:54,566 --> 00:38:56,533 pretend like that's what's gonna happen. 809 00:38:58,300 --> 00:39:00,133 - You know-- - I have to. 810 00:39:00,133 --> 00:39:01,633 It's not like I'm gonna expect it, 811 00:39:01,633 --> 00:39:04,900 but I'm just gonna, like, will it. 812 00:39:04,900 --> 00:39:09,666 - I can't even begin to advise you, but, like... 813 00:39:09,666 --> 00:39:13,633 couple weeks ago-- or week and a half ago, 814 00:39:13,633 --> 00:39:15,433 I got a call from a woman 815 00:39:15,433 --> 00:39:19,366 who's writing a long-form piece 816 00:39:19,366 --> 00:39:21,833 in the journal "Nature." 817 00:39:21,833 --> 00:39:24,100 Like, prestigious, you know, science journal. 818 00:39:24,100 --> 00:39:25,366 - Mm-hmm. 819 00:39:25,366 --> 00:39:27,000 - It's about this, about epidural stimulation 820 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:30,133 and about--and in part, like, I think, kind of about 821 00:39:30,133 --> 00:39:32,933 how Darrow's study is a disruption. 822 00:39:32,933 --> 00:39:34,833 Like, it's disrupting 823 00:39:34,833 --> 00:39:37,266 how everybody else has been doing it. 824 00:39:37,266 --> 00:39:39,700 She was kind of trying to pin me and be like-- 825 00:39:39,700 --> 00:39:41,966 you know, like, "Do you tell your son to get this?" 826 00:39:41,966 --> 00:39:44,166 Like, you know, like, "How excited are you?" 827 00:39:44,166 --> 00:39:45,400 You know, blah, blah, blah. - Mm-hmm. 828 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:47,366 - And I was like, "You know, 829 00:39:47,366 --> 00:39:49,966 "like, I want everything for my son. 830 00:39:49,966 --> 00:39:52,633 Like, I want the whole thing." 831 00:39:52,633 --> 00:39:56,433 On the other end is... 832 00:39:56,433 --> 00:39:58,100 [chuckles] 833 00:39:58,100 --> 00:40:00,900 There's only been 50 pe-- 834 00:40:00,900 --> 00:40:04,933 40 people, 50 people who've had stimulators implanted. 835 00:40:06,466 --> 00:40:10,666 In the studies, there's not that many people. 836 00:40:10,666 --> 00:40:13,233 And so even you look at, like, Sandra 837 00:40:13,233 --> 00:40:16,066 or person X... 838 00:40:16,066 --> 00:40:18,466 are they anomalies? 839 00:40:20,033 --> 00:40:21,100 - Okay. 840 00:40:38,033 --> 00:40:40,266 [sobs] 841 00:40:40,266 --> 00:40:43,300 [sniffles] 842 00:40:45,166 --> 00:40:46,666 [bleep]. 843 00:40:46,666 --> 00:40:49,866 I knew this was gonna happen today. 844 00:40:49,866 --> 00:40:51,100 - Why? 845 00:40:51,100 --> 00:40:53,033 - 'Cause I could just feel it... 846 00:40:53,033 --> 00:40:55,266 [sniffles] Creeping up. 847 00:40:55,266 --> 00:40:56,466 - Good. 848 00:40:58,433 --> 00:40:59,766 Is that bad? 849 00:40:59,766 --> 00:41:01,366 - No. - No, it's good. 850 00:41:01,366 --> 00:41:02,966 - [sniffles] 851 00:41:08,233 --> 00:41:10,800 Especially with, like, dancing again, it's just weird. 852 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,366 - Yesterday? - Yeah. 853 00:41:12,366 --> 00:41:13,466 - Yeah. 854 00:41:13,466 --> 00:41:15,933 - And, like, trying to choreograph, 855 00:41:15,933 --> 00:41:17,533 I'm excited for the possibilities, 856 00:41:17,533 --> 00:41:19,533 and I know that, like, they're there 857 00:41:19,533 --> 00:41:21,966 as far as choreographing goes. 858 00:41:21,966 --> 00:41:23,866 But... 859 00:41:23,866 --> 00:41:26,933 these first few rehearsals are just really... 860 00:41:28,866 --> 00:41:32,300 They are like a punch in the gut or a slap in the face. 861 00:41:34,466 --> 00:41:37,933 - So can you bring that? 862 00:41:37,933 --> 00:41:41,666 Like, next time you go, can you bring that? 863 00:41:41,666 --> 00:41:42,733 - Right. 864 00:41:42,733 --> 00:41:45,333 - And, like, how does that get-- 865 00:41:45,333 --> 00:41:48,700 how does that turn into the choreography? 866 00:41:48,700 --> 00:41:49,900 How does that turn 867 00:41:49,900 --> 00:41:51,500 into what you're gonna evoke? - Exactly. 868 00:41:51,500 --> 00:41:53,566 - Right? - Mm-hmm. 869 00:42:08,100 --> 00:42:11,133 [pensive music playing] 870 00:42:11,133 --> 00:42:17,033 ♪ ♪ 871 00:42:17,033 --> 00:42:22,100 - ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 872 00:42:22,100 --> 00:42:25,766 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 873 00:42:25,766 --> 00:42:29,900 ♪ ♪ 874 00:42:29,900 --> 00:42:31,100 ♪ Ooh-ooh ♪ 875 00:42:31,100 --> 00:42:35,566 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 876 00:42:35,566 --> 00:42:38,700 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh ♪ 877 00:42:38,700 --> 00:42:42,600 ♪ ♪ 878 00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:47,300 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 879 00:42:47,300 --> 00:42:51,466 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 880 00:42:51,466 --> 00:42:57,466 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ 881 00:42:57,466 --> 00:42:59,400 - There's a house in my neighborhood 882 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,066 that on the fence... 883 00:43:02,066 --> 00:43:04,866 has painted a line 884 00:43:04,866 --> 00:43:07,600 from a Wendell Berry poem, 885 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:09,266 and it says, 886 00:43:09,266 --> 00:43:12,000 "The impeded stream is the one that sings." 887 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,666 - [humming] 888 00:43:15,666 --> 00:43:17,366 Every time I go by there, 889 00:43:17,366 --> 00:43:20,566 I think of you, and I think of Gabe. 890 00:43:20,566 --> 00:43:23,566 - [humming] 891 00:43:23,566 --> 00:43:25,900 ♪ ♪ 892 00:43:25,900 --> 00:43:28,300 The vulnerability that you have, 893 00:43:28,300 --> 00:43:31,466 the clarity with which you tell that story 894 00:43:31,466 --> 00:43:33,466 of how you feel, 895 00:43:33,466 --> 00:43:36,866 I mean, it is a singing. 896 00:43:36,866 --> 00:43:39,866 - [humming] 897 00:43:39,866 --> 00:43:43,233 ♪ ♪ 898 00:43:43,233 --> 00:43:45,733 - I mean, pain sucks 899 00:43:45,733 --> 00:43:49,666 but can be a birthplace of beauty. 900 00:43:49,666 --> 00:43:52,666 - [humming] 901 00:43:52,666 --> 00:43:59,700 ♪ ♪ 902 00:44:08,766 --> 00:44:10,333 - You know how you don't, like, know how to say 903 00:44:10,333 --> 00:44:11,533 what you want to say 904 00:44:11,533 --> 00:44:13,566 or what's gonna come out when you say it? 905 00:44:18,266 --> 00:44:21,633 Monday before last, so, like, a week ago... 906 00:44:23,300 --> 00:44:27,600 My dad told us that he has... 907 00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:31,500 stage 4 lung cancer. 908 00:44:31,500 --> 00:44:35,366 We're here with Kelsey Peterson, Superwoman! 909 00:44:35,366 --> 00:44:37,200 You know, you have these dreams for people 910 00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,900 and the way that you saw their life possibly playing out, 911 00:44:40,900 --> 00:44:43,500 and that can change very quickly. 912 00:44:44,733 --> 00:44:49,266 He certainly had dreams for me, 913 00:44:49,266 --> 00:44:53,733 and he had to rearrange those in his mind and in his heart. 914 00:44:56,266 --> 00:44:59,466 And I'm now seeing him struggle with the plans he has 915 00:44:59,466 --> 00:45:01,900 and the things he wants to do and... 916 00:45:01,900 --> 00:45:04,400 the fear of those slipping away. 917 00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:06,166 - Here's Poppy. 918 00:45:06,166 --> 00:45:08,833 - There's my dad! - Say, "Hi, Poppy." 919 00:45:08,833 --> 00:45:15,866 ♪ ♪ 920 00:45:17,366 --> 00:45:21,533 I'm at this point where I didn't think I would be, 921 00:45:21,533 --> 00:45:24,400 where I'm trying to figure out 922 00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:27,166 if I should participate in a clinical trial. 923 00:45:27,166 --> 00:45:31,000 I just want your perspective on, like... 924 00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,500 what you think of the possibility of me doing that 925 00:45:33,500 --> 00:45:34,966 and... 926 00:45:34,966 --> 00:45:36,633 - Should I just start at the beginning? 927 00:45:36,633 --> 00:45:38,933 I mean... - Yeah, really. 928 00:45:38,933 --> 00:45:40,933 - So I didn't go into this medical trial 929 00:45:40,933 --> 00:45:42,633 expecting to walk. 930 00:45:42,633 --> 00:45:43,900 I wasn't expecting anything, really. 931 00:45:43,900 --> 00:45:45,900 - Why'd you do it? 932 00:45:45,900 --> 00:45:49,600 - Initially, it was just, like, something to do. 933 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:50,833 - Like, "Maybe I'll get something, maybe I won't." 934 00:45:50,833 --> 00:45:51,966 - "Maybe I'll get something back." 935 00:45:51,966 --> 00:45:53,233 - Right. - I was, like, 936 00:45:53,233 --> 00:45:55,766 down to just be part of the process of learning. 937 00:45:55,766 --> 00:46:00,166 When it started, things were going really well, 938 00:46:00,166 --> 00:46:04,166 and I was really responsive to the stimulation 939 00:46:04,166 --> 00:46:05,700 and to the technology. 940 00:46:05,700 --> 00:46:08,433 They got me standing up, and the first time I stood, 941 00:46:08,433 --> 00:46:10,666 I stood for, like, 20 minutes. 942 00:46:10,666 --> 00:46:13,700 The scientists were all mouths on the floor, like, 943 00:46:13,700 --> 00:46:15,866 "How is this happening?" 944 00:46:15,866 --> 00:46:17,466 At the time, I was like, "This is awesome. 945 00:46:17,466 --> 00:46:20,433 "I'm part of something so new and experimental. 946 00:46:20,433 --> 00:46:22,500 Like, we're onto something." 947 00:46:22,500 --> 00:46:25,166 - Right. Did you think that something bad might happen? 948 00:46:25,166 --> 00:46:27,200 Was that on your radar at all? - No, that was never-- 949 00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:29,566 I never thought anything bad was gonna happen. 950 00:46:29,566 --> 00:46:32,300 After standing for a couple weeks, 951 00:46:32,300 --> 00:46:34,400 it started getting really spastic, 952 00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:37,733 and legs started just getting super jumpy, 953 00:46:37,733 --> 00:46:39,633 super jumpy, super jumpy. 954 00:46:39,633 --> 00:46:44,333 I was living in agony all day nonstop every day. 955 00:46:44,333 --> 00:46:45,466 It never ended. 956 00:46:45,466 --> 00:46:47,033 It caused me to lose hope, 957 00:46:47,033 --> 00:46:48,666 and it caused me to be scared, 958 00:46:48,666 --> 00:46:52,666 and it caused me to lose, like, faith in people and medicine. 959 00:46:52,666 --> 00:46:54,266 And it was just like, "What's the point? 960 00:46:54,266 --> 00:46:56,266 I can't get any better now." 961 00:46:56,266 --> 00:46:58,433 - Like, it made you wonder, like... 962 00:46:58,433 --> 00:46:59,666 - Yeah. 963 00:46:59,666 --> 00:47:01,333 - "Do I want to live like this?" 964 00:47:01,333 --> 00:47:04,833 - 100%. So it's very difficult 965 00:47:04,833 --> 00:47:07,100 to answer the question of, "What would you do?" 966 00:47:07,100 --> 00:47:08,233 - Right. 967 00:47:08,233 --> 00:47:11,266 - Because, one, your initial injury 968 00:47:11,266 --> 00:47:13,700 is a lot more severe than mine was. 969 00:47:13,700 --> 00:47:16,366 And I don't know what you want to regain 970 00:47:16,366 --> 00:47:17,833 and what you want the ability to have. 971 00:47:17,833 --> 00:47:19,266 And, like, of course we want everything, 972 00:47:19,266 --> 00:47:21,900 but, like, we all want these specific, like, little tasks 973 00:47:21,900 --> 00:47:23,300 that it's, like, 974 00:47:23,300 --> 00:47:24,933 "If I could have this, it would be this much better. 975 00:47:24,933 --> 00:47:27,000 If I could have this, it'd be this much better." 976 00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:30,933 Again, it's, like, this experimental thing where, 977 00:47:30,933 --> 00:47:32,500 in your case, 978 00:47:32,500 --> 00:47:36,633 you could have some miraculous recovery from it. 979 00:47:38,733 --> 00:47:40,000 - Hi, Mom. 980 00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,500 - How are you? - I don't know. 981 00:47:41,500 --> 00:47:42,866 I'm kind of scared. 982 00:47:42,866 --> 00:47:44,800 I was all excited about doing this trial, 983 00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:46,933 and now I'm like-- 984 00:47:46,933 --> 00:47:49,600 I don't know what to [bleep] do, honestly. 985 00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:50,800 - Why? 986 00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:52,700 - Because I'm scared that I'm gonna do it 987 00:47:52,700 --> 00:47:55,066 and then I'm gonna be worse. 988 00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,933 - Well, I think that's a valid fear, but... 989 00:47:59,933 --> 00:48:04,033 you're the one that's gonna make the call, honey. 990 00:48:04,033 --> 00:48:05,966 - I know. I just need to be more informed, 991 00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:07,466 and, honestly, 992 00:48:07,466 --> 00:48:09,566 Xander's situation is really scary to me, 993 00:48:09,566 --> 00:48:11,466 and that's the last thing I want to happen. 994 00:48:11,466 --> 00:48:13,500 - I believe... 995 00:48:13,500 --> 00:48:14,833 you will walk. 996 00:48:15,766 --> 00:48:16,933 I believe that. 997 00:48:16,933 --> 00:48:18,966 - I don't care about walking, Mom. 998 00:48:18,966 --> 00:48:21,000 I mean, I do, but, like, I don't-- 999 00:48:22,633 --> 00:48:24,400 I don't want to just [bleep] walk. 1000 00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:26,166 I want to [bleep] dance. 1001 00:48:26,166 --> 00:48:29,300 I want to be able to do the sweet [bleep] 1002 00:48:29,300 --> 00:48:32,166 that I used to be able to do. [chuckles] 1003 00:48:32,166 --> 00:48:34,266 [sniffles] You know? 1004 00:48:34,266 --> 00:48:36,633 - I think you're smart to just take your time 1005 00:48:36,633 --> 00:48:39,233 and go through it until you're comfortable. 1006 00:48:41,033 --> 00:48:42,600 - Yeah. 1007 00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:45,000 I just want... 1008 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:47,733 something so badly, you know? 1009 00:48:49,133 --> 00:48:51,566 I just want... 1010 00:48:51,566 --> 00:48:53,833 I just want something back. 1011 00:48:54,900 --> 00:48:58,366 Here, just grab my wrists. - Oh, yeah. 1012 00:48:58,366 --> 00:49:01,266 - My legs are gonna be so-- 1013 00:49:01,266 --> 00:49:03,566 they're gonna, like, fight you hard-core. 1014 00:49:08,633 --> 00:49:12,133 I didn't have sex for five years after my injury. 1015 00:49:14,833 --> 00:49:17,966 That is such a long time. 1016 00:49:17,966 --> 00:49:19,000 - You ready? 1017 00:49:21,033 --> 00:49:22,933 - [groans] 1018 00:49:25,433 --> 00:49:26,733 We can do all that in the bathroom. 1019 00:49:26,733 --> 00:49:29,633 But I just didn't feel sexy anymore. 1020 00:49:29,633 --> 00:49:32,300 And I didn't feel like sharing my body with someone. 1021 00:49:32,300 --> 00:49:34,466 I didn't even feel like-- I was so scared that it was-- 1022 00:49:34,466 --> 00:49:37,900 that sex was gonna even be fun anymore... 1023 00:49:40,333 --> 00:49:43,933 Or that, like--"Am I gonna be enough for someone? 1024 00:49:43,933 --> 00:49:45,466 "Are they gonna have a good time? 1025 00:49:45,466 --> 00:49:46,866 Am I gonna have a good time?" 1026 00:49:46,866 --> 00:49:49,566 it's not like I can just sleep with someone now 1027 00:49:49,566 --> 00:49:51,800 like I did before... 1028 00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:54,266 and... 1029 00:49:54,266 --> 00:49:56,466 be like, "Sweet, that was fun. 1030 00:49:56,466 --> 00:49:58,533 Thanks for the orgasm. See you later." 1031 00:49:58,533 --> 00:50:03,166 Like, that's not happening now. 1032 00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:06,200 [water running] 1033 00:50:10,433 --> 00:50:13,866 I still feel my sex drive 1034 00:50:13,866 --> 00:50:16,000 the exact same way I did before. 1035 00:50:17,333 --> 00:50:20,266 I can even feel it internally, 1036 00:50:20,266 --> 00:50:22,466 but, like, I can't feel touch. 1037 00:50:29,633 --> 00:50:33,666 There's a deep loneliness... 1038 00:50:33,666 --> 00:50:35,866 that comes with not feeling. 1039 00:50:38,766 --> 00:50:41,300 You know, you miss... 1040 00:50:41,300 --> 00:50:44,766 what touch brings you... 1041 00:50:47,466 --> 00:50:50,233 And what movement brings you too, you know? 1042 00:50:50,233 --> 00:50:53,766 We're here, really, to feel and move. 1043 00:50:53,766 --> 00:50:56,400 [soft music] 1044 00:50:56,400 --> 00:51:03,100 ♪ ♪ 1045 00:51:08,500 --> 00:51:10,500 I don't want to say "losing my sexuality," 1046 00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:13,133 but that's what it felt like. 1047 00:51:13,133 --> 00:51:17,733 Losing that was heartbreaking... 1048 00:51:20,366 --> 00:51:23,333 Because now I feel like I live in this body, 1049 00:51:23,333 --> 00:51:25,466 and I'm human, 1050 00:51:25,466 --> 00:51:28,700 and I sometimes don't feel like it 1051 00:51:28,700 --> 00:51:30,600 because of losing that. 1052 00:51:43,366 --> 00:51:45,933 I feel like it's this constant conversation 1053 00:51:45,933 --> 00:51:49,600 of us being the same person in different places of our life. 1054 00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:50,866 - Yeah. 1055 00:51:50,866 --> 00:51:54,800 - And so, like, it's me, like, letting go of you... 1056 00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:57,100 - Yeah. 1057 00:51:57,100 --> 00:51:59,366 - And then, like, facing the world 1058 00:51:59,366 --> 00:52:02,266 as a different version of yourself. 1059 00:52:02,266 --> 00:52:05,400 - ♪ You see my beauty ♪ 1060 00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:08,433 ♪ On the inside ♪ 1061 00:52:08,433 --> 00:52:11,766 ♪ But the standard you seek ♪ 1062 00:52:11,766 --> 00:52:15,233 ♪ Is displayed outside ♪ 1063 00:52:15,233 --> 00:52:18,200 - Boom, boom, boom, boom. 1064 00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,866 Boom, boom. 1065 00:52:20,866 --> 00:52:23,633 I could do more of, like, a-- 1066 00:52:23,633 --> 00:52:24,833 What's after that? 1067 00:52:24,833 --> 00:52:27,233 - ♪ Yeah, these weak, bendy arms ♪ 1068 00:52:27,233 --> 00:52:30,000 ♪ And the curve in my spine ♪ 1069 00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:37,000 ♪ Show a defective asexual eternal child ♪ 1070 00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,566 - Oh, my God, Gabe. - I know, just-- 1071 00:52:39,566 --> 00:52:40,666 - You're killing me. 1072 00:52:42,166 --> 00:52:44,733 I'm picturing you laying here 1073 00:52:44,733 --> 00:52:47,466 for this part talking about... 1074 00:52:49,366 --> 00:52:50,700 Sexuality, 1075 00:52:50,700 --> 00:52:53,200 rolling me onto my side again... 1076 00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:54,366 - Mm-hmm. 1077 00:52:54,366 --> 00:52:57,000 - Into, like, the fetal position. 1078 00:52:57,000 --> 00:53:00,266 And then, like, you go on your back 1079 00:53:00,266 --> 00:53:03,933 and, like, push your hips up into the air. 1080 00:53:03,933 --> 00:53:04,966 - Okay. 1081 00:53:08,033 --> 00:53:09,500 - And then I did kind of like 1082 00:53:09,500 --> 00:53:12,133 when you reached up with your hand too. 1083 00:53:12,133 --> 00:53:14,066 - Mm-hmm. Yeah. 1084 00:53:14,066 --> 00:53:17,100 [indistinct chatter] 1085 00:53:22,233 --> 00:53:24,733 [phone line trills] 1086 00:53:25,866 --> 00:53:27,600 Hello. 1087 00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:29,000 - Hi, Kelsey. How are you? 1088 00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,333 - I'm good. How are you? 1089 00:53:31,333 --> 00:53:33,033 - I'm doing really well. Thanks. 1090 00:53:33,033 --> 00:53:34,666 It's a beautiful day where I am. 1091 00:53:34,666 --> 00:53:36,700 The sun is shining. It's nice. 1092 00:53:36,700 --> 00:53:38,433 - What made you decide to do it? 1093 00:53:38,433 --> 00:53:41,000 Like, what were you thinking 1094 00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:42,900 when you were making that decision? 1095 00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:46,566 - I felt that the only risk by doing it 1096 00:53:46,566 --> 00:53:50,100 would be possible infection because you're having surgery. 1097 00:53:50,100 --> 00:53:53,633 And I felt like if Dr. Darrow could do this 1098 00:53:53,633 --> 00:53:57,933 and better my life even 10%, it would be worth it. 1099 00:53:57,933 --> 00:53:59,466 - Mm-hmm.  - You know? 1100 00:53:59,466 --> 00:54:01,166 - I mean, I know this is super personal, 1101 00:54:01,166 --> 00:54:02,800 but, like, what about sexual function? 1102 00:54:02,800 --> 00:54:04,600 Like, have you noticed a change in that? 1103 00:54:04,600 --> 00:54:08,566 - It's not the same by any means... 1104 00:54:08,566 --> 00:54:13,133 but definitely there is something. 1105 00:54:13,133 --> 00:54:14,466 - What? 1106 00:54:14,466 --> 00:54:15,933 So you can tell you're having an orgasm 1107 00:54:15,933 --> 00:54:19,933 and you can feel it in a more pronounced way, 1108 00:54:19,933 --> 00:54:24,900 like, a closer-to-normal way, but you just don't feel, like, 1109 00:54:24,900 --> 00:54:28,500 the buildup like you would have before, necessarily. 1110 00:54:28,500 --> 00:54:31,400 - No, I feel the buildup. That's the thing. 1111 00:54:31,400 --> 00:54:34,333 I do feel the buildup. I feel the pressure. 1112 00:54:34,333 --> 00:54:36,600 It's definitely more work to get it, 1113 00:54:36,600 --> 00:54:38,866 but it's there. - Mm-hmm. 1114 00:54:38,866 --> 00:54:42,233 - And I definitely feel when it goes, 1115 00:54:42,233 --> 00:54:45,966 because it's like a balloon popping, if you will. 1116 00:54:45,966 --> 00:54:48,600 - What? 1117 00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:50,166 That's crazy. 1118 00:54:50,166 --> 00:54:53,333 What did you do when that happened the first time? 1119 00:54:53,333 --> 00:54:56,466 Were you, like, shocked? 1120 00:54:56,466 --> 00:54:57,766 - Yeah! 1121 00:54:57,766 --> 00:54:59,633 [laughing] I was like, "What the heck?" 1122 00:54:59,633 --> 00:55:01,666 I actually started to cry. 1123 00:55:01,666 --> 00:55:05,533 - Oh, my God! I would have totally cried. 1124 00:55:05,533 --> 00:55:08,300 - Yeah, I was like-- I couldn't believe it. 1125 00:55:08,300 --> 00:55:09,866 Yeah, totally. 1126 00:55:09,866 --> 00:55:13,300 - I'm just, like, so curious as to how you... 1127 00:55:13,300 --> 00:55:15,866 how you can, like, achieve that connection 1128 00:55:15,866 --> 00:55:20,666 without the, like, holy grail of the orgasm. 1129 00:55:22,466 --> 00:55:24,833 You know? 1130 00:55:24,833 --> 00:55:26,866 - Yeah, I mean... 1131 00:55:26,866 --> 00:55:31,133 you know, yes, sexuality or sex brings you connection, 1132 00:55:31,133 --> 00:55:33,466 but there's so many other senses 1133 00:55:33,466 --> 00:55:36,733 that we can connect to. - Right. 1134 00:55:36,733 --> 00:55:40,500 - And so I think you become more aware of those. 1135 00:55:40,500 --> 00:55:43,233 - That's cool.  - You know? 1136 00:55:43,233 --> 00:55:46,266 You know, I don't know, the smell of his breath, 1137 00:55:46,266 --> 00:55:50,066 it can turn you on. 1138 00:55:50,066 --> 00:55:52,900 You know, it's another sense. - Mm-hmm. 1139 00:55:52,900 --> 00:55:54,200 - And so I think those are the things 1140 00:55:54,200 --> 00:55:55,600 that you have to pull on 1141 00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:58,300 and you have to become more aware. 1142 00:55:58,300 --> 00:56:01,766 So I think your relationship becomes more acute, 1143 00:56:01,766 --> 00:56:03,233 if you will, you know? 1144 00:56:03,233 --> 00:56:04,700 - Yeah.  - Because-- 1145 00:56:04,700 --> 00:56:07,933 - It becomes more sensual.  - Yeah. 1146 00:56:07,933 --> 00:56:09,700 Yeah. Exactly. 1147 00:56:09,700 --> 00:56:12,733 - [humming] 1148 00:56:16,133 --> 00:56:19,433 ♪ ♪ 1149 00:56:19,433 --> 00:56:21,400 I saw my dad in the hospital today. 1150 00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:22,900 - He's still in the hospital? 1151 00:56:22,900 --> 00:56:25,166 - He had to go back into the hospital. 1152 00:56:25,166 --> 00:56:26,933 - Ugh. - I know. 1153 00:56:26,933 --> 00:56:28,900 It sucks. It's weird. 1154 00:56:28,900 --> 00:56:31,633 He starts treatment on Friday, 1155 00:56:31,633 --> 00:56:33,833 which is 50/50... 1156 00:56:33,833 --> 00:56:37,633 which is weird to even say that out loud. 1157 00:56:37,633 --> 00:56:40,500 But I mean, people can live for a long time. 1158 00:56:40,500 --> 00:56:42,000 - Yeah. 1159 00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:43,866 - It's just hard to hear that the average life expectancy 1160 00:56:43,866 --> 00:56:46,133 is five [bleep] years. 1161 00:56:46,133 --> 00:56:48,166 I'm like, "I don't want to know that number. 1162 00:56:48,166 --> 00:56:49,833 I don't want to hear that." - Yeah. 1163 00:56:49,833 --> 00:56:51,066 - And I definitely don't want to hear 1164 00:56:51,066 --> 00:56:53,966 that if it doesn't work, it's around a year. 1165 00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:00,600 Mm-hmm. 1166 00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:04,066 It's weird to, like, see these parallels, you know? 1167 00:57:04,066 --> 00:57:07,800 - Yeah, I was just thinking about, like, grieving... 1168 00:57:09,933 --> 00:57:12,000 Grieving my body, 1169 00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:13,900 like, the loss of my body. - Yeah. 1170 00:57:16,666 --> 00:57:20,133 - It feels like you're grieving a death, you know? 1171 00:57:20,133 --> 00:57:23,000 - You are... in so many ways. 1172 00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:24,033 - Yeah. 1173 00:57:26,066 --> 00:57:27,733 - I don't feel like I can be the person 1174 00:57:27,733 --> 00:57:30,266 I used to be in a lot of ways. 1175 00:57:30,266 --> 00:57:31,433 - No. 1176 00:57:31,433 --> 00:57:33,433 - I can't express myself the way I want to. 1177 00:57:33,433 --> 00:57:35,333 So it's like... - Right. 1178 00:57:35,333 --> 00:57:37,866 - How can I possibly feel like that person? 1179 00:57:37,866 --> 00:57:41,633 - At this point, I'm not chasing what I used to have, 1180 00:57:41,633 --> 00:57:45,533 but I'm chasing those same feelings. 1181 00:57:45,533 --> 00:57:47,033 - Totally. - Right? 1182 00:57:47,033 --> 00:57:52,100 Like, those--the feelings that I got from, you know... 1183 00:57:52,100 --> 00:57:55,200 both: Dancing and singing and playing piano. 1184 00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:57,566 - Like, I'm chasing those feelings 1185 00:57:57,566 --> 00:58:00,933 because they can be found 1186 00:58:00,933 --> 00:58:03,233 in so many different ways. 1187 00:58:03,233 --> 00:58:07,900 - Bum-bum-bum. Bum-bum-bum. 1188 00:58:07,900 --> 00:58:11,766 Bum-bum-bum, bum, bum. 1189 00:58:11,766 --> 00:58:14,700 Bee-dee, bee-dee, bee-dee, bee-dee, bee. 1190 00:58:14,700 --> 00:58:17,366 Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. 1191 00:58:17,366 --> 00:58:20,466 So it's, can you... 1192 00:58:20,466 --> 00:58:22,266 show me? 1193 00:58:22,266 --> 00:58:25,700 ♪ Can you show me ♪ 1194 00:58:25,700 --> 00:58:26,866 Let's see. 1195 00:58:26,866 --> 00:58:31,066 ♪ Can you show me how you ♪ 1196 00:58:31,066 --> 00:58:34,700 ♪ Show me how you ♪ 1197 00:58:34,700 --> 00:58:37,600 ♪ Lean on your own ♪ 1198 00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:39,700 ♪ Broken ♪ 1199 00:58:39,700 --> 00:58:41,500 ♪ Strings that fall ♪ 1200 00:58:41,500 --> 00:58:44,666 ♪ Can you show me how you ♪ 1201 00:58:44,666 --> 00:58:46,700 ♪ Do, do, do, do ♪ 1202 00:58:46,700 --> 00:58:50,700 Connect, and then maybe we-- 1203 00:58:50,700 --> 00:58:53,100 - Maybe it's like this. Maybe it's like... 1204 00:58:53,100 --> 00:58:55,700 [indistinct chatter] 1205 00:58:55,700 --> 00:58:58,066 - Maybe Here? - Not so hard. Like, a... 1206 00:58:58,066 --> 00:58:59,933 - Like, this is, like-- - Soft connection. 1207 00:58:59,933 --> 00:59:02,333 - Yeah, like, well, there's, like, strength here, right? 1208 00:59:02,333 --> 00:59:03,400 - Right. 1209 00:59:03,400 --> 00:59:05,800 - Bring that left hand over her. 1210 00:59:07,200 --> 00:59:11,433 Like, come up onto your left knee. 1211 00:59:11,433 --> 00:59:14,333 And then sort of, like, jump. 1212 00:59:16,333 --> 00:59:18,000 Yeah, yeah. 1213 00:59:18,000 --> 00:59:19,433 - And then... 1214 00:59:19,433 --> 00:59:22,733 and then something like this. 1215 00:59:24,033 --> 00:59:26,466 [indistinct chatter] 1216 00:59:26,466 --> 00:59:29,900 - I think follow the--and boom. - Twice. 1217 00:59:29,900 --> 00:59:34,133 - And then all the way. 1218 00:59:34,133 --> 00:59:41,166 ♪ ♪ 1219 01:00:10,466 --> 01:00:13,500 [soft dramatic music] 1220 01:00:13,500 --> 01:00:20,533 ♪ ♪ 1221 01:00:55,966 --> 01:00:57,500 [laughs] 1222 01:01:00,766 --> 01:01:03,366 - [giggles] Okay. 1223 01:01:08,566 --> 01:01:11,300 - I know that every day, you wake up, 1224 01:01:11,300 --> 01:01:14,300 and you got to start all over again. 1225 01:01:14,300 --> 01:01:16,833 I think there's a definite direction. 1226 01:01:16,833 --> 01:01:20,466 It may not be the one that you wanted. 1227 01:01:22,500 --> 01:01:26,166 But I'm sure glad and I know a lot of people are sure glad 1228 01:01:26,166 --> 01:01:28,633 that... 1229 01:01:28,633 --> 01:01:31,233 they're here to watch you. 1230 01:01:31,233 --> 01:01:34,700 But I just don't miss anything about you 1231 01:01:34,700 --> 01:01:38,433 because you're just making a new... 1232 01:01:38,433 --> 01:01:39,733 you. 1233 01:01:39,733 --> 01:01:41,333 [motor whirring] 1234 01:01:41,333 --> 01:01:43,366 - Go, go, gadget legs. 1235 01:01:44,700 --> 01:01:47,466 It's gonna be okay, Will. You're doing a great job, Will. 1236 01:01:47,466 --> 01:01:48,866 - Thank you. 1237 01:01:48,866 --> 01:01:51,433 - Everybody's really, really grateful for what you're doing. 1238 01:01:51,433 --> 01:01:53,666 - I hope you guys are all-- can I get you guys anything? 1239 01:01:53,666 --> 01:01:55,033 Water? Anything? 1240 01:01:55,033 --> 01:01:57,900 [light music playing] 1241 01:01:57,900 --> 01:01:58,900 ♪ ♪ 1242 01:01:58,900 --> 01:02:01,066 - Is this better? 1243 01:02:01,066 --> 01:02:03,733 - What? - Is this better? 1244 01:02:03,733 --> 01:02:06,700 - All right, we thinking feet height, good? 1245 01:02:06,700 --> 01:02:08,200 Knees up, down? 1246 01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:11,066 - Yeah, now I just want to drive this bitch. 1247 01:02:13,666 --> 01:02:15,933 - ♪ La-da-da-da ♪ - [laughing] Look at her. 1248 01:02:17,700 --> 01:02:19,600 Okay, I got to get used to this. 1249 01:02:30,533 --> 01:02:33,133 - It's almost like she's done that before. 1250 01:02:35,566 --> 01:02:37,700 - Pump the brakes. 1251 01:02:37,700 --> 01:02:39,833 - Hey, wait, wait, wait. 1252 01:02:41,466 --> 01:02:43,733 Get up at eye level with me. 1253 01:02:43,733 --> 01:02:44,866 I remember the nurses 1254 01:02:44,866 --> 01:02:48,033 transferring me into the chair. 1255 01:02:48,033 --> 01:02:49,700 That moment, I'll never forget-- 1256 01:02:49,700 --> 01:02:52,533 first seeing this power wheelchair. 1257 01:02:52,533 --> 01:02:55,000 I mean, it's huge. 1258 01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:56,833 And I remember just looking at it, like, 1259 01:02:56,833 --> 01:02:59,633 "You're--you got to be [bleep] kidding me." 1260 01:03:02,733 --> 01:03:05,400 - [laughs] Sorry. 1261 01:03:07,333 --> 01:03:09,266 - That's not fair. 1262 01:03:09,266 --> 01:03:13,666 And luckily, I was good at driving it right away. 1263 01:03:13,666 --> 01:03:14,966 So that was kind of cool. 1264 01:03:14,966 --> 01:03:16,000 She's so fast. 1265 01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:18,100 But... 1266 01:03:18,100 --> 01:03:19,600 that was just, like, the first thing I saw 1267 01:03:19,600 --> 01:03:21,100 was like, 1268 01:03:21,100 --> 01:03:24,266 "This is now... 1269 01:03:24,266 --> 01:03:26,700 going to define me in such a big way." 1270 01:03:26,700 --> 01:03:27,800 - Oh, Danny. 1271 01:03:27,800 --> 01:03:30,166 - Drive-by high five! "Oh, Danny." 1272 01:03:30,166 --> 01:03:33,633 - Don't high-five her. She's a damn loser. She lost. 1273 01:03:33,633 --> 01:03:36,200 - I'm not losing. That's my new chair, [bleep]. 1274 01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:38,600 [laughter] 1275 01:03:38,600 --> 01:03:41,600 [light music] 1276 01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:48,633 ♪ ♪ 1277 01:03:50,500 --> 01:03:52,766 [laughter]  - Okay, babe, flip me off. 1278 01:03:53,933 --> 01:03:57,200 [laughter] 1279 01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:59,000 - Here we go. 1280 01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:00,533 [laughter] 1281 01:04:00,533 --> 01:04:02,766 - I lived 27 years of my life 1282 01:04:02,766 --> 01:04:05,366 in a completely different reality. 1283 01:04:05,366 --> 01:04:06,866 [laughter] 1284 01:04:06,866 --> 01:04:07,866 You guys! 1285 01:04:07,866 --> 01:04:09,266 I feared 1286 01:04:09,266 --> 01:04:12,800 that I would never feel like myself again. 1287 01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:18,133 ♪ ♪ 1288 01:04:18,133 --> 01:04:22,033 That carefree person, that risk taker... 1289 01:04:22,033 --> 01:04:24,233 I felt really far from her 1290 01:04:24,233 --> 01:04:26,766 for a long time. 1291 01:04:26,766 --> 01:04:29,666 ♪ ♪ 1292 01:04:29,666 --> 01:04:32,400 - Big ones. 1293 01:04:32,400 --> 01:04:34,966 - And that's changing for me now. 1294 01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:40,366 Almost got it. 1295 01:04:40,366 --> 01:04:42,666 [laughs] 1296 01:04:43,733 --> 01:04:47,366 - Hey, hey. [instruments tuning] 1297 01:04:47,366 --> 01:04:49,533 - Just don't let me hit my face on my knees. 1298 01:04:49,533 --> 01:04:50,533 - Okay. 1299 01:04:50,533 --> 01:04:54,833 all: ♪ I am poor ♪ 1300 01:04:54,833 --> 01:04:59,800 ♪ But I am free ♪ 1301 01:04:59,800 --> 01:05:03,900 ♪ Yes, I am poor ♪ 1302 01:05:03,900 --> 01:05:05,433 - Whoa! That's not working. 1303 01:05:06,233 --> 01:05:09,300 [indistinct chatter] 1304 01:05:09,300 --> 01:05:16,300 ♪ ♪ 1305 01:05:16,300 --> 01:05:19,333 [indistinct chatter] 1306 01:05:25,766 --> 01:05:28,133 - You ready? I'm good. - Yeah? 1307 01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:33,866 - [humming] 1308 01:05:38,833 --> 01:05:41,966 - Let's feel that energy flow through all our hands. 1309 01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:46,533 One last big, deep breath. 1310 01:05:57,300 --> 01:05:58,866 - Let's do it. - Whoo! 1311 01:06:02,500 --> 01:06:04,500 - All right, we're gonna run the show twice. 1312 01:06:13,033 --> 01:06:14,766 - Hello. - Hello. 1313 01:06:14,766 --> 01:06:16,633 How are you? - Good. How are you? 1314 01:06:16,633 --> 01:06:18,400 - Good. It's good to see you. 1315 01:06:18,400 --> 01:06:19,500 - You too. 1316 01:06:19,500 --> 01:06:22,066 - So, like, what do you think 1317 01:06:22,066 --> 01:06:23,333 someone like me 1318 01:06:23,333 --> 01:06:26,300 or whoever participates could expect to see? 1319 01:06:26,300 --> 01:06:28,466 - Based on what we've seen so far, 1320 01:06:28,466 --> 01:06:32,100 I think the expectation is, you'll have some... 1321 01:06:32,100 --> 01:06:33,966 restored movement in your legs. 1322 01:06:33,966 --> 01:06:35,466 Your posture will be better. 1323 01:06:35,466 --> 01:06:36,766 Your bowel function will be better. 1324 01:06:36,766 --> 01:06:39,833 My hope: your blood pressure will be a lot better. 1325 01:06:39,833 --> 01:06:41,666 Sexual function, I don't know. 1326 01:06:41,666 --> 01:06:43,733 It's still a little bit stochastic. 1327 01:06:43,733 --> 01:06:45,700 You know, some people get it; some people don't. 1328 01:06:45,700 --> 01:06:50,166 - So if you were me, would you... 1329 01:06:50,166 --> 01:06:51,633 would you do it? 1330 01:06:53,266 --> 01:06:56,866 - I don't know if I can put myself in your place, you know? 1331 01:06:56,866 --> 01:06:57,966 I see a lot of people like you. 1332 01:06:57,966 --> 01:06:59,000 I mean, I'll answer the question. 1333 01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:02,400 I think I would, you know. 1334 01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:05,033 Some people, 1335 01:07:05,033 --> 01:07:07,200 they can't stand 1336 01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:09,533 existing without a large amount of hope, 1337 01:07:09,533 --> 01:07:11,666 and I think that's totally fine. 1338 01:07:11,666 --> 01:07:14,066 I think the question is... 1339 01:07:14,066 --> 01:07:17,033 if you don't get what you want, 1340 01:07:17,033 --> 01:07:19,333 is that gonna be harmful? 1341 01:07:19,333 --> 01:07:22,366 - Give it a good pull. Make sure it doesn't get loose. 1342 01:07:30,166 --> 01:07:31,833 Nice. 1343 01:07:31,833 --> 01:07:33,800 - [grunts] 1344 01:07:36,266 --> 01:07:37,533 [grunts] 1345 01:07:50,333 --> 01:07:53,533 [groans, sighs] 1346 01:07:53,533 --> 01:07:56,566 [motor whirring] 1347 01:07:57,433 --> 01:07:58,866 [bleep]. 1348 01:08:02,866 --> 01:08:05,933 [motor whirring] 1349 01:08:07,266 --> 01:08:08,566 Okay. 1350 01:08:10,900 --> 01:08:12,100 [grunts] 1351 01:08:12,100 --> 01:08:15,100 [light music] 1352 01:08:15,100 --> 01:08:22,133 ♪ ♪ 1353 01:08:35,133 --> 01:08:37,166 Okay. 1354 01:08:38,333 --> 01:08:39,766 [groans] 1355 01:08:42,066 --> 01:08:43,633 [exhales heavily] 1356 01:08:45,466 --> 01:08:46,900 - Nice. 1357 01:08:46,900 --> 01:08:48,433 - Okay. 1358 01:08:50,633 --> 01:08:52,333 Whoa. 1359 01:08:52,333 --> 01:08:59,366 ♪ ♪ 1360 01:09:07,333 --> 01:09:09,666 Yeah! 1361 01:09:09,666 --> 01:09:16,700 ♪ ♪ 1362 01:09:17,333 --> 01:09:18,400 Okay. 1363 01:09:25,666 --> 01:09:27,366 [object clacks] 1364 01:09:27,366 --> 01:09:30,400 [seat whirring] 1365 01:09:31,366 --> 01:09:33,400 [indistinct chatter] 1366 01:09:33,400 --> 01:09:34,600 - Oh! 1367 01:09:34,600 --> 01:09:36,133 - But I will be doing it Sunday evening. 1368 01:09:36,133 --> 01:09:38,100 - How's it going? - Hey, Kels! 1369 01:09:38,100 --> 01:09:39,300 - Kelsey! 1370 01:09:39,300 --> 01:09:41,166 - Hi, friends. 1371 01:09:41,166 --> 01:09:43,466 Gabe, you cut your hair! 1372 01:09:43,466 --> 01:09:44,500 - She cut it yesterday. 1373 01:09:44,500 --> 01:09:46,233 - You cut, like, a lot off of it. 1374 01:09:46,233 --> 01:09:48,100 - It looks really good, doesn't it? 1375 01:09:48,100 --> 01:09:51,566 - Hi. How are you? 1376 01:09:51,566 --> 01:09:53,500 - I'm not great at doing other people's makeup, 1377 01:09:53,500 --> 01:09:54,633 but I will try. 1378 01:09:54,633 --> 01:09:56,033 - I'm actually kind of nervous today. 1379 01:09:56,033 --> 01:09:58,533 - I'm nervous too. 1380 01:10:09,733 --> 01:10:12,233 [indistinct chatter] 1381 01:10:12,233 --> 01:10:15,033 [dramatic music] 1382 01:10:15,033 --> 01:10:22,066 ♪ ♪ 1383 01:10:48,100 --> 01:10:52,866 As much as I wish that I could take this injury away, 1384 01:10:52,866 --> 01:10:57,066 I've really had to open myself up to the fact that... 1385 01:10:57,066 --> 01:11:00,200 there are some really beautiful things that have come 1386 01:11:00,200 --> 01:11:03,233 from the mistake that I made 1387 01:11:03,233 --> 01:11:06,666 and this injury. 1388 01:11:06,666 --> 01:11:13,700 ♪ ♪ 1389 01:11:21,166 --> 01:11:27,300 - ♪ You said, "I just want to be your friend" ♪ 1390 01:11:27,300 --> 01:11:29,933 ♪ ♪ 1391 01:11:29,933 --> 01:11:36,233 ♪ If only you could see what my body could have been ♪ 1392 01:11:36,233 --> 01:11:38,766 ♪ ♪ 1393 01:11:38,766 --> 01:11:43,066 ♪ I was six feet over, built with dancing muscles ♪ 1394 01:11:43,066 --> 01:11:45,433 ♪ They would risk my pain ♪ 1395 01:11:45,433 --> 01:11:48,566 ♪ Just to hear your thunder roll ♪ 1396 01:11:48,566 --> 01:11:50,900 ♪ ♪ 1397 01:11:50,900 --> 01:11:54,366 ♪ The thunder roll ♪ 1398 01:11:54,366 --> 01:11:57,133 ♪ ♪ 1399 01:11:57,133 --> 01:12:03,233 ♪ You see my beauty on the inside ♪ 1400 01:12:03,233 --> 01:12:05,600 ♪ ♪ 1401 01:12:05,600 --> 01:12:12,066 ♪ But the standard you seek is displayed outside ♪ 1402 01:12:12,066 --> 01:12:14,500 ♪ ♪ 1403 01:12:14,500 --> 01:12:16,866 ♪ Yeah, these weak, bendy arms ♪ 1404 01:12:16,866 --> 01:12:19,066 ♪ And the curve in my spine ♪ 1405 01:12:19,066 --> 01:12:25,533 ♪ Show a defective asexual eternal child ♪ 1406 01:12:25,533 --> 01:12:27,266 ♪ ♪ 1407 01:12:27,266 --> 01:12:31,366 ♪ Oh ♪ 1408 01:12:31,366 --> 01:12:34,533 ♪ But I'm so much more ♪ 1409 01:12:34,533 --> 01:12:36,066 ♪ ♪ 1410 01:12:36,066 --> 01:12:38,966 ♪ I'm so much more ♪ 1411 01:12:38,966 --> 01:12:41,533 ♪ ♪ 1412 01:12:41,533 --> 01:12:45,933 ♪ I'm more ♪ 1413 01:12:45,933 --> 01:12:49,233 ♪ But I'm free ♪ 1414 01:12:49,233 --> 01:12:52,766 ♪ Yes, I am more ♪ 1415 01:12:52,766 --> 01:12:54,033 ♪ ♪ 1416 01:12:54,033 --> 01:12:58,233 ♪ But I am free ♪ 1417 01:12:58,233 --> 01:13:03,666 ♪ Yes, I am more ♪ 1418 01:13:03,666 --> 01:13:10,666 ♪ But I am free ♪ 1419 01:13:10,666 --> 01:13:16,166 ♪ ♪ 1420 01:13:16,166 --> 01:13:23,166 ♪ Yes, I am free ♪ 1421 01:13:23,166 --> 01:13:26,433 ♪ ♪ 1422 01:13:26,433 --> 01:13:31,766 ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪ 1423 01:13:31,766 --> 01:13:35,133 ♪ ♪ 1424 01:13:35,133 --> 01:13:38,166 [cheers and applause] 1425 01:13:40,133 --> 01:13:42,333 - The first performances of "A Cripple's Dance" 1426 01:13:42,333 --> 01:13:44,933 went so well, and it was so fun... 1427 01:13:44,933 --> 01:13:48,000 [cheers and applause continue] 1428 01:13:48,000 --> 01:13:50,100 Other than the fact that my dad didn't get to go. 1429 01:13:52,200 --> 01:13:54,866 Wasn't the same not having him in the audience, 1430 01:13:54,866 --> 01:13:55,966 hearing his voice. 1431 01:13:55,966 --> 01:13:59,366 He always would yell my name 1432 01:13:59,366 --> 01:14:01,700 before the lights came up: 1433 01:14:01,700 --> 01:14:04,166 "Go, Kels!" 1434 01:14:05,800 --> 01:14:09,133 I just channeled him the whole time. 1435 01:14:10,466 --> 01:14:14,233 I could feel him onstage with me. 1436 01:14:14,233 --> 01:14:16,766 [soft music] 1437 01:14:16,766 --> 01:14:21,366 ♪ ♪ 1438 01:14:21,366 --> 01:14:23,900 And then Monday came around... 1439 01:14:25,933 --> 01:14:29,566 And my brother Nick called me and Schuyler 1440 01:14:29,566 --> 01:14:33,233 and had to tell us... 1441 01:14:33,233 --> 01:14:35,300 that our dad was dying. 1442 01:14:35,300 --> 01:14:42,333 ♪ ♪ 1443 01:14:48,766 --> 01:14:51,800 - [breathing sharply] 1444 01:14:51,800 --> 01:14:58,633 ♪ ♪ 1445 01:14:58,633 --> 01:15:00,700 - I just held his hand and... 1446 01:15:03,466 --> 01:15:07,700 And just thought about the light inside of him... 1447 01:15:11,033 --> 01:15:12,933 And it growing. 1448 01:15:12,933 --> 01:15:15,433 [water gurgling] 1449 01:15:15,433 --> 01:15:19,166 ♪ ♪ 1450 01:15:19,166 --> 01:15:22,500 And it felt like he was telling me it's okay. 1451 01:15:22,500 --> 01:15:29,500 ♪ ♪ 1452 01:15:29,500 --> 01:15:31,700 I've never seen someone die. 1453 01:15:33,933 --> 01:15:36,333 It's the hardest thing I've ever done. 1454 01:15:53,200 --> 01:15:56,500 When he died, I all of a sudden felt 1455 01:15:56,500 --> 01:15:59,533 his sadness and anger. 1456 01:16:01,533 --> 01:16:04,600 It feels like it's sinking into my body. 1457 01:16:06,633 --> 01:16:09,400 And I thought he was angry at me. 1458 01:16:12,133 --> 01:16:14,966 [voice breaking] And I don't think he was. 1459 01:16:14,966 --> 01:16:17,800 I think he was just angry at my injury 1460 01:16:17,800 --> 01:16:21,166 and what it took from me. 1461 01:16:21,166 --> 01:16:22,600 And I just finally understood 1462 01:16:22,600 --> 01:16:25,366 why we had that space between us 1463 01:16:25,366 --> 01:16:28,700 that was never there before. 1464 01:16:31,033 --> 01:16:33,600 - Kelsey, you gonna go swimming today now? 1465 01:16:33,600 --> 01:16:34,766 - [shouts indistinctly] 1466 01:16:34,766 --> 01:16:37,500 - Hey, Kels, turn around and wave to Daddy. 1467 01:16:37,500 --> 01:16:39,566 Kelsey, wave to Daddy. 1468 01:16:46,533 --> 01:16:49,366 - Okay, so do you need me to lift her butt? 1469 01:16:49,366 --> 01:16:50,566 - Okay, yeah. - Okay. 1470 01:16:50,566 --> 01:16:51,966 One, two... 1471 01:16:51,966 --> 01:16:53,766 both: Nope. 1472 01:16:53,766 --> 01:16:55,700 - What if we swivel to the side and do it? 1473 01:16:55,700 --> 01:16:58,800 - Okay. All right, okay. 1474 01:16:58,800 --> 01:17:01,833 Oh, yeah. - [grunts] 1475 01:17:01,833 --> 01:17:04,033 What do you think 1476 01:17:04,033 --> 01:17:06,900 about me possibly doing this clinical trial? 1477 01:17:06,900 --> 01:17:08,200 [laughter] 1478 01:17:09,800 --> 01:17:12,633 - I would go with your gut... 1479 01:17:12,633 --> 01:17:14,666 not what everybody else tells you. 1480 01:17:14,666 --> 01:17:17,133 I will support whatever you decide, 1481 01:17:17,133 --> 01:17:19,633 'cause I know you have some fears. 1482 01:17:19,633 --> 01:17:22,633 Although I have to say that I think you're in a place now 1483 01:17:22,633 --> 01:17:25,000 where if the results were... 1484 01:17:27,100 --> 01:17:31,500 Not what you wanted or had expected... 1485 01:17:31,500 --> 01:17:35,300 that you are... 1486 01:17:35,300 --> 01:17:37,800 in a place where you would accept that. 1487 01:17:38,766 --> 01:17:41,266 both: One, two, three. 1488 01:17:44,166 --> 01:17:46,233 [laughter] 1489 01:17:46,233 --> 01:17:48,433 - Okay, ready? - Yeah. 1490 01:17:48,433 --> 01:17:53,366 I've lost things that I really thought defined me. 1491 01:17:55,166 --> 01:17:57,066 - I knew you'd do this. 1492 01:17:59,800 --> 01:18:04,500 - And I'm really trying to... 1493 01:18:04,500 --> 01:18:07,100 create a different reality 1494 01:18:07,100 --> 01:18:08,966 without those things. 1495 01:18:09,933 --> 01:18:11,333 Am I moving? 1496 01:18:11,333 --> 01:18:13,400 - Yes, you are. - Yeah. 1497 01:18:15,066 --> 01:18:16,500 - Whoa. 1498 01:18:16,500 --> 01:18:19,433 ♪ ♪ 1499 01:18:19,433 --> 01:18:22,400 I will always want my body back, 1500 01:18:22,400 --> 01:18:25,633 but the closer I get to acceptance, 1501 01:18:25,633 --> 01:18:28,766 the more free I am. 1502 01:18:28,766 --> 01:18:32,100 And so I have to let those two things coexist. 1503 01:18:32,100 --> 01:18:35,033 ♪ ♪ 1504 01:18:35,033 --> 01:18:39,400 - Can I sit up? - Huh? 1505 01:18:39,400 --> 01:18:41,233 Here, sit up. 1506 01:18:41,233 --> 01:18:44,500 [laughing] Hi. 1507 01:18:44,500 --> 01:18:47,033 [smooches] Hi. 1508 01:18:47,033 --> 01:18:51,966 ♪ ♪ 1509 01:18:51,966 --> 01:18:54,966 [crying] 1510 01:18:54,966 --> 01:19:01,766 ♪ ♪ 1511 01:19:47,300 --> 01:19:48,966 [object clicks] 1512 01:19:48,966 --> 01:19:52,000 [motor whirring] 1513 01:19:54,933 --> 01:19:57,966 [dramatic piano music] 1514 01:19:57,966 --> 01:20:05,000 ♪ ♪ 1515 01:20:05,933 --> 01:20:08,566 - ♪ Drifting on the ocean ♪ 1516 01:20:08,566 --> 01:20:10,800 ♪ ♪ 1517 01:20:10,800 --> 01:20:13,066 ♪ Floating facedown ♪ 1518 01:20:13,066 --> 01:20:15,600 ♪ My lungs were bound ♪ 1519 01:20:15,600 --> 01:20:20,166 ♪ I could hear their voices ♪ 1520 01:20:20,166 --> 01:20:25,766 ♪ But when I felt around, you were silent ♪ 1521 01:20:25,766 --> 01:20:29,933 ♪ You were my whole world ♪ 1522 01:20:29,933 --> 01:20:35,133 ♪ Young one, you hold my motion ♪ 1523 01:20:35,133 --> 01:20:39,866 ♪ I wanna swim by your side ♪ 1524 01:20:39,866 --> 01:20:44,733 ♪ Explore a thousand islands ♪ 1525 01:20:44,733 --> 01:20:47,100 ♪ You're untied ♪ 1526 01:20:47,100 --> 01:20:49,500 ♪ Now you're lost ♪ 1527 01:20:49,500 --> 01:20:54,133 ♪ Yeah, this freedom comes with cost ♪ 1528 01:20:54,133 --> 01:20:58,700 ♪ But, love, you will stand tall ♪ 1529 01:20:58,700 --> 01:21:04,366 ♪ And let the waves become your altar ♪ 1530 01:21:04,366 --> 01:21:11,400 ♪ ♪ 1531 01:21:15,733 --> 01:21:20,566 ♪ Yeah, this freedom comes with cost ♪ 1532 01:21:20,566 --> 01:21:25,133 ♪ But, love, you will stand tall ♪ 1533 01:21:25,133 --> 01:21:30,566 ♪ And let the waves become your altar ♪ 1534 01:21:30,566 --> 01:21:33,933 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1535 01:21:33,933 --> 01:21:36,800 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 1536 01:21:36,800 --> 01:21:39,733 ♪ ♪ 1537 01:21:39,733 --> 01:21:43,233 ♪ Ooh ♪ 1538 01:21:43,233 --> 01:21:48,200 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 1539 01:21:51,700 --> 01:22:00,800 ♪ ♪ 1540 01:22:02,266 --> 01:22:05,366 ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh♪ 1541 01:22:05,366 --> 01:22:10,400 ♪♪