WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHOA.
IT'S BARELY MORNING, JUST HOLD UP.
I KNOW YOU'RE EXCITED.
YOUR ADRENALINE IS RUSHING,
YOUR HEART RATE IS PUMPING,
JUST LIKE YOU GOT A BIG CASE AND THIS IS A HOT CRIME SCENE.
DAD...
I JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT SANTA BROUGHT ME.
AND YOU WILL...
SOON ENOUGH. BUT FIRST,
I WANT YOU TO RECREATE
EVERYTHING THAT WENT DOWN HERE LAST NIGHT.
SANTA CAME IN...
SAT DOWN,
ATE HIS MILK AND COOKIES,
PUT THE PRESENTS UNDER THE TREE,
THEN SOMETHING SPOOKED HIM AND HE RAN OUT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
MAYBE YOU WOKE UP A LITTLE EARLIER THAN HE THOUGHT.
IT'S A PITY, TOO, BECAUSE
HE DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO FINISH PUTTING
TOGETHER YOUR BRAND NEW BICYCLE.
WHOA.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, SHAWN.
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
YOU KNOW I HAVE TO GET TO MY MOM AND DAD'S.
CHOOSING THE PERFECT HOLIDAY GIFT TAKES TIME, GUS.
YOU CAN'T CUT CORNERS.
YOU HAVE TO CUSTOMIZE.
MATCH THE GIFT...
WITH THE INDIVIDUAL.
LOOK...
I TOOK OUR HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS
AND PUT SANTA HATS ON THEM.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
[screwball noise]
LOOK, CAN WE DO THIS LATER?
MY SISTER JOY'S FLIGHT GETS IN ANY MINUTE NOW.
YOU HAVE PLENTY OF TIME.
NO I DON'T, SHAWN.
YOU KNOW SHE USUALLY WORKS DURING THE HOLIDAYS.
LONDON, PARIS, HONG KONG.
NOW THAT SHE'S HOME, WE HAVE TO SPEND
AS MUCH TIME TOGETHER AS POSSIBLE.
ALL THAT TIME AWAY FROM HOME FOR WORK.
PRECISELY WHY I DIDN'T GO TO LAW SCHOOL.
YEAH, THAT AND THE SCHOOL PART.
[door slams]
WELL, HELLO THERE.
MAY I HELP YOU?
ARE YOU MR. PSYCH?
I'M MR. SHAWN. AND THIS IS SCROOGE JONES.
WE'RE PSYCHIC DETECTIVES.
WHO MIGHT YOU BE?
MY NAME'S BRITTANY.
MR. SHAWN...
I NEED TO HIRE YOU.
I SEE. WHAT FOR?
TO GET SANTA OUT OF JAIL.
ALL I HAVE IS $1.38. I HOPE IT'S ENOUGH.
WE COULDN'T POSSIBLY ACCEPT THAT.
HE'S RIGHT. WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE?
THE POLICEMEN DRAGGED HIM AWAY
FROM THE SANTA'S VILLAGE IN SOLVANG.
PLEASE.
YOU HAVE TO HELP HIM.
DON'T WORRY, BRITTANY.
THERE ARE SOME WONDERFUL PUBLIC DEFENDERS
IN THE NORTH POLE.
SANTA WILL BE OUT IN NO TIME.
BUT IF HE'S NOT OUT BY CHRISTMAS EVE,
HE CAN'T DELIVER HIS TOYS.
UH, THIS IS...
THIS IS A MATTER FOR THE POLICE.
(Shawn) YES.
AND WE NEVER INTERFERE WITH POLICE MATTERS.
I UNDERSTAND.
OKAY. GOOD.
[whimpers]
[crying]
OH, BOY.
WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO
WHEN A CHILD'S CRYING LIKE THIS?
YOU CAVE.
BRITTANY,
MR. SHAWN AND I WILL GET SANTA OUT AS SOON AS WE GET BACK.
[sighs]
THANK YOU, SCROOGE JONES.
THANK YOU, MR. SHAWN.
LET'S GO.
GUS. GUS, WE'RE BACK FROM THE AIRPORT.
HEY, SIS! AW, GUSSIE!
I MISSED YOU.
I MISSED YOU, TOO.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S BEEN LIKE
NOT HAVING ANYONE TO TALK TO.
WELL, I WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS PSYCHIC DETECTIVE AGENCY.
IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.
AS WE FOUND OUT LAST YEAR
WHEN WE WERE BOTH BROUGHT UP ON MURDER CHARGES.
I STILL FIND THAT HARD TO BELIEVE.
WELL, WE WERE IN THE WRONG PLACE
AT THE WRONG TIME.
NOBODY TO BLAME. NO.
YOU TWO MUST BE PRETTY GOOD.
IT'S FUNNY...
I DON'T REMEMBER YOU BEING PSYCHIC.
OH...
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
(in unison) HIGH SCHOOL.
DID YOU TWO JUST LOOK AT EACH OTHER?
HM?
(in unison) NO.
YOU JUST DID IT AGAIN.
AS IF TO CORROBORATE WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY.
JOY, WHAT IS THIS?
WE'RE NOT ON TRIAL HERE.
THIS IS CHRISTMASTIME...
CAME THROUGH THE DOOR AND IT'S LIKE "WHAT?" BE MERRY!
THIS IS NOT A COURT ROOM. IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE.
SO WHY ARE YOU BOTH STRIKING DEFENSIVE POSES?
UH.
I WAS JUST, I WAS KEEPING IT LOOSE. YEAH.
UM, I'M GOING TO BE LATE TO WORK.
AND DON'T FORGET, I'M COVERING THE NIGHT SHIFT.
NO, JOY JUST GOT HERE.
RAYTHEON CAN WAIT.
GOVERNMENT PLANES DON'T MAKE THEMSELVES...YET.
IT'S OKAY, DADDY.
LOOK, IT'LL GIVE ME AND GUS
A CHANCE TO CATCH UP.
ALL RIGHT, WELL...
I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING, THEN.
OKAY, BYE.
SWEETHEART, YOUR ROOM'S ALL READY.
AND I'LL JUST BE A LITTLE LONGER IN THE KITCHEN.
LET ME GET THIS UP
TO YOUR ROOM FOR YOU.
[grunts]
I DOUBT YOU NEED ALL OF THEM.
YOU CAN GET THEM LATER.
[giggles]
[chuckles]
[sighs]
[triumphant Christmas music]
[The Friendly Indians' I Know You Know]
* I KNOW YOU KNOW
* THAT I'M NOT TELLING THE TRUTH *
* I KNOW YOU KNOW
* THEY JUST DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF *
* EMBRACE THE DECEPTION
* LEARN HOW TO BEND
* YOUR WORST INHIBITIONS
* TEND TO PSYCH YOU OUT IN THE END *
*
NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ARE WE DOING? WHAT ARE WE DOING?
THIS CAN NOT HAPPEN.
I KNOW.
IT WAS A ONE TIME FLING TEN YEARS AGO, AND THAT'S IT.
I NEVER TOLD.
WELL, THANK GOD. GUS WOULD BE CRUSHED.
WE'RE BOTH ADULTS, OKAY?
NO, THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.
WE'RE NOT ADULTS.
YOU'RE GUS' BIG SISTER WITH THE TASSELS
ON THE HANDLEBARS OF YOUR BANANA-SEAT BIKE.
AND I'M GUS' BEST FRIEND,
WHO PUT A FROG ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD.
LISTEN,
WE CAN'T FOOL AROUND.
ESPECIALLY NOT IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.
AND FOR GUS' SAKE, WE HAVE TO FIGHT IT.
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
[footsteps on stairway]
YOU KNOW, JOY,
SINCE YOU'RE SO INTERESTED
IN PSYCH, YOU SHOULD SPEND AS MUCH TIME
WITH ME AND SHAWN AS POSSIBLE.
GREAT!
THIS IS WHERE WE DO OUR THING.
WHERE IT ALL GOES DOWN. WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS.
YOU REALIZE YOU REPEAT YOURSELF
WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO IMPRESS SOMEONE?
YEAH, RIGHT. WHATEVER. PLEASE.
YOU KIND OF DO. TOLD YOU SO. TOUCHE.
YOU CAN'T TOUCHE YOURSELF.
SURE I CAN. YOUR BAD.
IT'S NOT "MY BAD."
YOU CAN'T "MY BAD" FOR SOMEONE ELSE.
YEAH, BUT YOU AIN'T MAD AT IT, THOUGH.
KNOW WHAT YOU SAYING'? WILL YOU STOP IT?
MR. SPENCER, MR. GUSTER,
I DON'T REMEMBER HIRING YOU FOR A CASE.
OH, WE'RE HERE RESEARCHING A CASE
FOR UH, ANOTHER CLIENT.
DETECTIVE O'HARA IS EXPECTING US.
ALL THREE OF YOU?
OH, THIS IS MY SISTER, JOY. SHE'S OUR GUEST.
HI.
UM, WELL TECHNICALLY YOU ARE GUESTS
SO THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BRING YOUR OWN.
I'M SORRY, CHIEF.
JOY WAS JUST EXCITED TO SEE WHAT WE DO.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MOVIE ABOUT HIGH SCHOOL?
YES.
THEN YOU'VE PRETTY MUCH SEEN WHAT THEY DO.
[laughing]
CHIEF IS JUST A JOKER.
SORRY, NO VISITORS BEYOND THIS POINT.
OH, YEAH SURE.
WAIT HERE JUST A MOMENT.
[telephone ringing, people chattering]
JULES, WAIT UP. HEY!
OH, I'M SORRY. I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
THINGS HAVE JUST BEEN REALLY HECTIC AROUND HERE.
SOMETHING ABOUT THE HOLIDAYS.
SPEAKING OF WHICH,
I'M SENSING THE SANTA WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR
PROBABLY WOULD'VE BEEN BROUGHT IN THIS MORNING.
MUST'VE BEEN THAT FIGHT DOWN AT SANTA'S VILLAGE
IN SOLVANG WE GOT A CALL ABOUT.
YEAH, WE SENT A PADDY WAGON
DOWN TO ASSIST THE COUNTY.
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
WELL UNFORTUNATELY, SOME POOR GUY
WAS KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS DURING THE FIGHT,
SO WE'RE HOLDING EVERYONE
IN A HOLDING CELL UNTIL WE CAN FIND
OUT WHO'S GOING TO FACE ASSAULT CHARGES.
THIS WAY.
AND HERE WE ARE.
WOW.
(Shawn) HE REALLY DOES LOOK LIKE SANTA.
EXCUSE ME, SIR,
COULD YOU PLEASE STEP OUT OF THE WAY?
THAT'S YOUR SANTA.
OF COURSE IT IS.
LET ME KNOW IF YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE.
DUDE, OUR SANTA ONLY HAS DEFENSIVE WOUNDS.
THERE'S NO WAY HE PUT ANYBODY IN A COMA.
AND I CAN TELL FROM THAT GUY'S
BRACELET THAT HE'S A MASTER
OF KRAV MAGA.
HIS FISTS ARE CONSIDERED DEADLY WEAPONS.
SINCE WHEN CAN YOU READ HEBREW?
SINCE I SPENT A SUMMER WORKING AT A HASIDIC DELI.
THOSE WERE GOOD TIMES.
[laughs goofily] SHLOMO.
JULES!
I'M GETTING SOMETHING HERE.
I'M SEEING HANDS FAST AS LIGHTING.
IT'S MORE THAN A LITTLE UPSETTING.
KUNG FU FIGHTING. THAT'S RIGHT.
SOMEONE IN THE FIGHT WAS A MASTER OF MARTIAL ARTS.
BUT NOT SANTA.
HE BRINGS PEACE AND JOY. THAT'S RIGHT, GUS.
THE MAN I'M THINKING OF IS A LETHAL MACHINE,
TRAINED IN THE MARTIAL ARTS OF THE MIDDLE EAST,
HOY!
THAT'S HIM.
HE'S THE ONE WHO KNOCKED THE VICTIM UNCONSCIOUS
AND HE'S THE ONE THAT SHOULD SERVE TIME FOR ASSAULT
WITH A DEADLY WEAPON.
ASSAULT?!
I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS.
I ONLY HIT THAT GUY
BECAUSE I WAS DEFENDING SANTA.
NICE JOB, SHAWN.
YOU JUST SAVED US HOURS OF PROCESSING.
WELL CONSIDER IT YOUR CHRISTMAS GIFT.
TAKE HIM TO THE INTERROGATION ROOM, PLEASE.
AND MAKE SURE THIS ONE GETS BACK TO SANTA'S VILLAGE
TO SPREAD SOME CHRISTMAS CHEER.
THERE'S A VERY SWEET LITTLE GIRL COUNTING ON IT.
WE JUST SAVED CHRISTMAS.
WHAT?
SO WHEN THE CLUSTER OF BULLETS IS VERY TIGHT,
WE REFER TO THAT AS PRECISION.
NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH ACCURACY.
WHICH HAS TO DO WITH THE PROXIMITY
TO THE INTENDED TARGET. MM-HMM.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
JUST HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR DELIGHTFUL SISTER.
REALLY?
OH, LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.
"GET THAT FOR YOU."
I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS.
SHAWN, WHAT IS THE SENTENCE
FOR ASSAULTING A POLICE OFFICER?
WHOA. IT'S OKAY, BUDDY.
SORRY, GUS IS A LITTLE OVERPROTECTIVE
OF HIS OLDER SISTER.
WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOU
AND PEOPLE'S SISTERS ANYWAY?
FIRST VICK'S AND NOW MINE?
AND AREN'T YOU STILL MARRIED?
STAND DOWN, GUSTER.
WE WERE SIMPLY HAVING A CONVERSATION.
GEEZ.
YOU SNOW WHITE-- LASSIE...
I THINK DOBSON IS CALLING FOR YOU.
REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU.
THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW, GUS, HEY.
I'M A BIG GIRL.
AND I CAN SEE WHOEVER I WANT, THANK YOU.
NO, NOT IF THAT PERSON'S SUPPOSED
TO BE A FRIEND OF MINE, UH-UH.
HELL NO.
YEAH, WELL YOU WEREN'T THERE
TO SEE IT'S LITTLE FACE LOOKING UP AT ME.
MEOWING FOR MILK AND WARMTH AND SHELTER.
WERE YOU, GARTH?
FINE, THANKS.
APPARENTLY, MY APARTMENT IS INFESTED WITH FLEAS.
IT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE STRAY CAT
THAT I TOOK IN.
BUT THEY CANNOT BLAME ME FOR INFESTING THE ENTIRE BUILDING.
(in unison) ONE ADULT FEMALE FLEA LAYS THOUSANDS OF EGGS.
WOW.
THAT'S A LITTLE BIT FRIGHTENING.
I'LL NEED SOME PLACE TO CRASH WHILE THEY FUMIGATE.
I'D STAY AT MY DAD'S, BUT HE'S GOT SOME
OF HIS LODGE BUDDIES IN TOWN.
WELL, GUS AND I ARE STAYING WITH OUR FOLKS
FOR THE HOLIDAYS, WHY DON'T YOU STAY WITH US?
OH, I DON'T KNOW, JOY.
SHAWN, PLEASE.
THERE, IT'S SETTLED.
LOOK. WHAT IS IT?
I SAVED YOUR BUTT THIS TIME, DADDY.
YOU'RE LUCKY I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU
IN THERE TO ROT.
NOW WE ONLY HAVE THREE DAYS LEFT.
DON'T SCREW UP AGAIN.
GEEZ.
SHE'S A LITTLE CON ARTIST.
I BET SHE HAD MORE THAN $1.38 ON HER TOO.
DUDE, WE GOT CONNED ON CHRISTMAS.
I DON'T LIKE HAVING MY EMOTIONS TOYED WITH LIKE THAT.
WELL, WE RAN FINGERPRINTS ON EVERYONE.
HIS NAME WAS CARL WILCOX.
AND ACCORDING TO POLICE RECORDS, HE IS A KNOWN CON MAN.
NOW WE ONLY HAVE THREE DAYS LEFT.
WHATEVER IT IS, THEY MUST BE PLANNING IT FOR THE 24TH.
WE JUST NEED TO GET PROOF.
THANK YOU, JULES.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
[We Wish You A Merry Christmas playing]
*
WHAT?
[laughs]
THERE YOU GO, MA'AM.
ENJOY.
HO, HO, HO, HO, HO, HO!
HAVE YOU BEEN GOOD THIS YEAR?
ALL RIGHT, SO THAT WILL BE 20 WALLETS
AND ONE 8 X 10.
WE CAN SEND IT TO A HOME ADDRESS.
JUST CHECK THE BOX.
OKAY, NOW YOU KEEP THOSE GRADES UP.
SO THAT WE CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING ON YOUR LIST, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD.
WHO'S NEXT IN LINE TO SEE SANTA?
EXCUSE US. [chuckling]
I DON'T THINK SANTA'S LAP IS BIG ENOUGH FOR YOU BOYS.
CUT THE CRAP, CARL.
WE KNOW YOU CONNED US
INTO GETTING YOU OUT OF JAIL.
OKAY, NOT HERE, ALL RIGHT?
SANTA'S GOING TO TAKE A FIVE.
BE RIGHT BACK.
HEY.
WHAT BLIND KID DID YOU STEAL THAT FROM?
WHY WOULD A BLIND KID HAVE A VIDEO GAME?
YOU HAVE COOTIES ON YOUR FACE.
SHAWN. SHE STARTED IT.
YOU STARTED IT. SHE GAVE ME THE STINK EYE.
SHE WAS PLAYING A VIDEO GAME. SHE'S A LITTLE--
SHAWN! OKAY, LOOK GUYS...
I REALLY APPRECIATE YOU
GETTING ME OUT OF JAIL, BUT I'M WORKING HERE, OKAY?
WHY DON'T YOU COME BACK
WHEN WE HAVE A LITTLE REINDEER LUNCH BREAK?
OR MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO TELL US ABOUT
THAT LITTLE CON YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR THE 24TH.
HERE'S THE THING, CARL,
WE'RE ON TO YOU. BOTH OF YOU.
COUPLE OF SMART GUYS, HUH?
WELL, YOU'RE TOO SMART FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
...THIS GUY...
DON'T HIT ME!
NO.
NOT SO FAST, ST. NICK, HUH?
INTERNATIONAL SIGN OF GUILT, BUDDY.
HEY, THOSE WERE THE SAME TWO GUYS WHO I SAW CUT IN LINE.
THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS.
THIS IS NOT GOOD. NO.
ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF YOU TWO.
LET'S GO. WHAT?
I'VE NEVER BEEN KICKED OUT OF SANTA'S VILLAGE BEFORE, SHAWN.
YOU GET USED TO IT.
I DON'T WANT TO GET USED TO IT.
IT'S HUMILIATING.
WE STILL DON'T KNOW
WHAT CRIME CARL AND BRITTANY ARE PLANNING
FOR CHRISTMAS EVE.
GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.
GOOD NIGHT. 'NIGHT, JOY.
SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
IT'S LIKE THEY'RE MOCKING US, YOU KNOW.
FEELS LIKE A SLAP IN THE FACE.
AND NOT A RHETT BUTLER SLAP,
AN IKE TURNER SLAP.
BUT WE STILL HAVE A FEW DAYS TO FIGURE IT OUT.
LET'S JUST GO TO BED. COOL.
GOOD NIGHT, DUDE. 'NIGHT.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
[Eartha Kitt's Santa Baby]
*
JOY.
SHAWN.
MR. GUSTER?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ASLEEP.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I-I THOUGHT THAT I HEARD A NOISE OR SOMETHING.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING THE NIGHT SHIFT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME?
I-I FORGOT SOMETHING.
OH.
SO I GUESS YOU'LL BE GOING BACK TO WORK THEN.
AND I GUESS YOU, YOU'LL BE GOING BACK TO SLEEP?
WHY AREN'T YOU LEAVING?
IT'S MY HOUSE, I CAN LEAVE WHEN I WANT TO.
YOU WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR DOWN HERE?
OH, I'M GETTING SOMETHING HERE.
YOU WEREN'T AT WORK LIKE YOU SAID YOU WERE.
I SEE A PROJECTOR, A MOVIE PROJECTOR.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE READING ME.
YES.
UH-UH. NO, NO.
OH, PLEASE, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
STICK A MOVE, STICK A MOVE.
PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.
I'VE ALREADY HAD THE VISION.
IT'S OVER, THE VISION IS OVER, I'VE HAD IT, IT'S DONE.
YOU LIED TO YOUR FAMILY ABOUT WORKING THE NIGHT SHIFT.
TRUTH IS, I...
I LOST MY JOB AT RAYTHEON A MONTH AGO.
OH, I'M SORRY.
WHY ARE YOU KEEPING IT A SECRET?
IT'S CHRISTMASTIME. JOY'S HOME.
I DIDN'T WANT EVERYBODY TO WORRY.
SO I GO OUT ON INTERVIEWS ALL THROUGH THE DAY.
AND HANG OUT AT THE MOVIES
OR A COFFEE SHOP AT NIGHT.
MY FAMILY THINKS I'M DOING MY NIGHT SHIFT.
REMEMBER.
THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND YOU
AND THAT LAMP OVER THERE, ALL RIGHT?
YOU'RE SAYING THE LAWN CHAIR ISN'T TRUSTWORTHY--
OH, BE SERIOUS, BOY! ALL RIGHT.
SO, WE'RE COOL, RIGHT?
WE'LL COOL, MR. G. YEAH.
I WOULD HATE TO THINK THAT THINGS CHANGED
BECAUSE YOU BETRAYED MY TRUST.
BELIEVE ME...
YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT.
THE PROBLEM IS, CARL ALREADY KNOWS
WE'RE ON TO HIM.
HE'S NOT GOING TO LET US GET CLOSE ENOUGH
TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HE'S UP TO.
UNLESS...
YOU GUYS READY
TO GRAB LUNCH?
(Gus) GOOD IDEA.
YOU COULD USE A PICK-ME-UP.
(Shawn) I'M SORRY, MAN.
I DIDN'T GET A LOT OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
UNLESS...
OF COURSE WE COULD FIGURE OUT A WAY TO SNOOP
AROUND SANTA'S VILLAGE WITHOUT CARL KNOWING.
HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO THAT?
I CAN HELP.
WELCOME ABOARD. THANK YOU.
WE CAN USE ALL THE HELP
WE CAN GET FOR THE CHRISTMAS RUSH.
YES, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH OF YOU TWO.
LET'S GO.
MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS.
GREAT JOB. THANK YOU.
MAKE SURE YOU SIGN UP FOR CARL'S SHIFT. OKAY.
STAY CLOSE TO HIM.
LET US KNOW WHAT YOU FIND OUT.
WE'LL PICK YOU UP LATER.
I'M ON IT.
WHAT THE HECK YOU LOOKING AT?
THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL WREATH.
I HEAR THAT.
SO?
DID CARL REALIZE YOU WERE CHECKING UP ON HIM?
HE DIDN'T SUSPECT A THING.
WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT?
I'M SORRY GUYS,
BUT CARL SEEMS LIKE HE'S ON THE UP AND UP.
YOU DIDN'T SEE HIM TALKING WITH ANY SHADY CHARACTERS?
NO, JUST THE KIDS.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, HE'S A PRETTY GOOD SANTA.
I MEAN, HE JUST DOESN'T ASK THEM WHAT THEY WANT,
HE ASKS THE KIDS WHAT THEY LIKE MOST ABOUT CHRISTMAS,
WHAT THEY'RE MOST THANKFUL FOR,
WHAT RELATIVES THEY'RE GOING TO VISIT.
IT'S QUITE TOUCHING.
SO THAT'LL BE 20 WALLETS AND ONE 8 X 10.
WE CAN SEND IT TO A HOME ADDRESS,
JUST CHECK THE BOX.
WAIT A MINUTE, THAT'S IT.
WHAT? WHAT DO YOU SEE?
ARE YOU HAVING A VISION?
IT'S A SMALL, IT'S A SMALL-- TINY VISION.
OH.
COLD SHOWER, BASEBALL STATS,
WATCHING MY GRANDMOTHER EAT MEATLOAF.
SHAWN. I SEE CARL AND TED.
STANDING IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER SCREEN,
UH, IT'S A LIST OF ADDRESSES.
GETTING THE INFORMATION FROM THE KIDS
ABOUT WHO'S TRAVELING OVER THE HOLIDAYS
GIVES THEM A BUILT-IN LIST
OF EMPTY HOUSES TO ROB.
THAT'S WHY HE HAD TO BE OUT OF JAIL
ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
WE NEED TO WARN THE POLICE
BEFORE TOMORROW.
WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
THAT.
LOOK HOW CUTE THAT LITTLE SNOWMAN IS.
I HEAR THAT.
(Shawn) HIS CAR'S STILL HERE, SO WHERE'S CARL?
NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING,
NOT EVEN A MOUSE.
MUCH LESS A ROBBER. REALLY?
NO ONE IS HERE?
NOT A SINGLE PERSON? HELLO?
GREAT.
THANKS FOR DRAGGING US OUT HERE FOR NOTHING, SPENCER.
YOU'RE SURE YOU SENSED SOMETHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TONIGHT?
MAYBE WE JUST MISSED THEM.
WE COULD TRY AND FIGURE OUT WHICH HOUSES
THEY WERE PLANNING ON ROBBING.
WHAT DO YOU DO, JUST RANDOMLY START KNOCKING ON DOORS?
WE'VE GOT BETTER THINGS TO DO, COME ON, O'HARA.
HOW OFTEN ARE YOU WRONG LIKE THIS?
NOT OFTEN. OFTEN.
AS USUAL...
THEY NEGLECTED TO MAKE ONE OF THE WISE MEN BLACK.
AND I THOUGHT EVERYONE KNEW
ABOUT BALTHAZAR.
[high-pitched scream]
[screaming]
IT'S TED.
WE'RE NOT DEALING WITH CON ARTISTS,
WE'RE DEALING WITH MURDERERS.
THANK YOU FOR COMING, MR. SPENCER.
NOW THAT THIS HAS BECOME A MURDER CASE,
WE'RE AMPING UP THE INVESTIGATION.
AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, THE CITY WANTS PEOPLE
TO FEEL SAFE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON.
WE BROUGHT CARL INTO CUSTODY THIS MORNING.
BRITTANY'S IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM
WITH CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES.
SO FAR WE HAVEN'T FOUND ANYTHING
TO LINK CARL TO THE MURDER.
SO TECHNICALLY, WE CAN ONLY CHARGE HIM
WITH CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT BURGLARY.
BUT WE'RE WILLING TO RECOMMEND THAT THE D.A.
CUT A DEAL IF HE COOPERATES IN THE MURDER INVESTIGATION.
DID HE TAKE?
HE SAYS HE'LL ONLY TALK TO YOU GUYS.
SO I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU CAN GET OUT OF HIM.
LET'S CLOSE THE BOOK ON THIS ONE, PRONTO.
I--I ADMIT IT.
THE SANTA JOB WAS JUST A LONG CON
TO ROB SOME PEOPLE, OKAY?
BUT YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME,
I-I COULD NEVER HAVE KILLED TED.
I KNOW.
TED WAS YOUR INSIDE MAN.
I KEPT THAT FROM THE POLICE.
TED AND I WERE PARTNERS FOR A LONG TIME.
WE SCAMMED PEOPLE ALL UP AND DOWN THE COAST.
BUT WE WERE JUST CON MEN.
WE NEVER PHYSICALLY HURT ANYBODY.
THAT WASN'T OUR THING.
LISTEN, WHOEVER IT WAS THAT KILLED TED...
MIGHT BE COMING AFTER ME NEXT.
OR EVEN WORSE
AFTER BRITTANY.
I DON'T TRUST THE COPS
TO PROTECT US.
YOU GOT TO STOP THEM.
HOW CAN WE BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SAY, CARL?
(Gus) FOOL US ONCE, SHAME ON YOU.
FOOL US TWICE, SHAME ON US.
FOOL US THRICE
MAKES AN ASS OUT OF "U" AND "ME." NOPE.
WE'RE SOON PARTED?
THAT'S A FOOL AND HIS MONEY. WHAT A FOOL BELIEVES?
SHAWN. LOOK!
IF THEY KILL ME, THEY'RE JUST GOING
TO THROW BRITTANY BACK IN THE SYSTEM.
NOW SHE'S A TOUGH LITTLE GIRL,
BUT SHE'S ALREADY BEEN THROUGH A LOT, ALL RIGHT?
AND I'M ALL SHE'S GOT.
SORRY, MAN.
WE DON'T TRUST YOU AS FAR AS GUS CAN THROW YOU.
WELL, NOW WE KNOW WHERE BRITTANY GOT THIS LITTLE TRICK.
OH, DUDE, I THINK HE'S REALLY CRYING.
SHAWN,
YOU KNOW I CAN'T HANDLE IT WHEN A GROWN MAN CRIES.
I'M A SYMPATHETIC CRIER.
WHAT?
OKAY, FINE. FINE.
WE'LL SEE WHAT WE CAN DO.
BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE TO COOPERATE FULLY.
OTHERWISE WE'LL HAVE YOU DRAGGED RIGHT
BACK IN HERE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS CON.
DEAL, THANK YOU.
STOP IT.
DO YOU KNOW WHO MAY
HAVE WANTED TO HURT YOU OR TED?
WE MIGHT'VE KIND OF OWED SOMEONE A LITTLE MONEY.
HOW ABOUT YOU BE A LITTLE BIT MORE SPECIFIC?
WE WERE INTO OUR BOOKIE FOR TEN GRAND.
THAT'S WHY WE WERE GOING TO DO THE ROBBERIES.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE CAN FIND THIS BOOKIE?
FRANK WORKS AT TWO BARS.
O'NEILS AND THE WILD OX.
SWEET.
WE'LL HAVE TO SPLIT UP.
YOU IN THE MOOD FOR HEPATITIS A OR C?
EXCUSE ME, WHERE'S FRANK?
ALL RIGHT, GET ME TEN ON
"DO NOT RESUSCITATE" IN THE FIFTH RACE.
I DON'T HAVE ANY CASH BUT GIVE ME YOUR PAYPAL ACCOUNT
AND I'LL MAKE A SECURE DEPOSIT ONLINE.
SOME KIND OF JOKE?
MAYBE I SHOULD INTRODUCE MYSELF.
SHAWN SPENCER, PSYCHIC DETECTIVE.
I'M HERE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT A COUPLE OF YOUR CUSTOMERS,
NAMELY, CARL AND TED.
WELL, I HOPE IT'S ABOUT THOSE TWO BUMS
PAYING ME THE MONEY THEY OWE ME.
IT'S GOING TO BE TOUGH FOR TED TO PAY YOU BACK.
SEEING AS HOW HE'S DEAD AND EVERYTHING.
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
LAST NIGHT.
AS IF YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW.
COME ON, FRANK, I KNOW THE GAME.
SOMEBODY LOSES BIG, THEY CAN'T COME UP WITH THE CASH,
YOU GOT TO SEND A LITTLE MESSAGE.
ISN'T THAT THE CODE?
THERE'S A BIGGER CODE THAN THAT.
DEAD MEN DON'T PAY BACK DEBTS.
INJURED MEN DO.
SO I'M NOT YOUR GUY.
BESIDES...
THERE'S A BAR ROOM FULL OF WITNESSES THAT CAN VOUCH
FOR MY WHEREABOUTS LAST NIGHT.
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME.
A PAYING CUSTOMER HAS JUST ARRIVED.
FINE.
THAT'S WEIRD.
MRS. G? [gasps]
WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING HERE?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS GUY DOES?
OH, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
UM, SHAWN,
I'VE RECENTLY MADE THE FIRST
AND THE ONLY BET IN MY LIFE.
BUT YOU'RE GUS' MOM, FOR GOODNESS SAKES.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
AND NORMALLY GAMBLING ISN'T
SOMETHING THAT I WOULD APPROVE OF,
SUSAN IN ACCOUNTING HAS THIS COUSIN, JEFF--
NICE GUY--
HE KNOWS SOMEONE
WHO KNOWS SOMEONE WHO KNOWS FRANK.
I ALREADY TOLD YOU THIS, FRANK.
I WASN'T LISTENING.
ANYWAY, IT ALL SEEMED LIKE FATE AT THE TIME.
UNTIL I LOST.
OH. OH, I FELT TERRIBLE.
AND I LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON
ABOUT THE PERILS OF GAMBLING.
LONG STORY SHORT...
I LOST MY CHRISTMAS MONEY.
SHAWN.
YOU HAVE TO PROMISE NOT TO TELL MY HUSBAND.
I DON'T WANT HIM TO KNOW ABOUT MY SECRET VICE.
OH, MRS. G...
FIRST OF ALL, ONE TIME IS NOT A VICE.
IT WAS A MOMENTARY LAPSE IN JUDGMENT.
MAYBE A "JONES."
SECONDLY, I AM PSYCHICALLY DETECTING
THAT MR. GUSTER WILL NOT BE ANGRY
WITH YOU FOR KEEPING A SECRET FROM THE FAMILY.
HE'LL UNDERSTAND.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING UP?
IT'S BARELY LIGHT OUTSIDE.
HAVE A SEAT, DEAR.
WOW.
CHRISTMAS AT MY HOUSE NEVER STARTS 'TIL
AFTER THE FOOTBALL GAME.
WELL, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME TO OPEN PRESENTS.
AW.
GEE, I WONDER IF SANTA PUT MONEY IN OUR STOCKINGS
EVEN THOUGH HE KNOWS WE DON'T NEED IT.
HEY, WHERE'S MY CHRISTMAS MONEY?
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT.
I THOUGHT YOU HAD THIS HANDLED.
WITH ME WORKING THE NIGHT SHIFT, I DIDN'T HAVE TIME--
I HAVE BEEN COOKING, CLEANING,
GETTING THE HOUSE READY, I'VE BEEN SWAMPED.
I'M NOT GOING TO LIE.
HONEY, I MADE A HORRIBLE MISTAKE.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT GAMBLING.
THERE'S NO PLACE FOR IT IN THE GUSTER HOUSE, BUT...
I PLACED A BET WITH A BOOKIE
AND I LOST ALL MY SPENDING MONEY.
OH, WINNIE!
MOM! YOU KNOW HOW TO FIND A BOOKIE?
I AM SORRY. I AM SO, SO SORRY.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
WINNIE GUSTER PLACED A BET.
OH HONEY, OF COURSE WE FORGIVE YOU.
COME HERE.
IN FACT,
YOU'VE INSPIRED ME TO COME CLEAN
ABOUT SOMETHING, TOO.
[clears throat]
I, UH...
I GOT LAID OFF OF MY JOB A MONTH AGO.
BEFORE YOU ALL START WORRYING, IT'S OKAY.
I'VE ALREADY GOT A COUPLE OF CALL BACKS
FOR SOME INTERVIEWS.
I JUST COULDN'T BRING MYSELF
TO ADMIT IT TO YOU GUYS.
OH, DADDY.
YOU KNOW YOU COULD'VE COME TO US.
YEAH, I MEAN...
LAYOFFS ARE COMMON IN THIS ECONOMY, WE UNDERSTAND.
OH SWEETHEART, YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A GOOD PROVIDER.
YEAH. THANK YOU.
HEY. HEY YOU, DOWN THERE.
YOU DESERVE SOME OF THIS.
OH, NO. OH, YES.
IT WAS SHAWN WHO HELPED ME REALIZE
THAT I COULD TRUST YOU GUYS WITH THE TRUTH.
YES, HE WAS THERE WHEN I NEEDED HIM, TOO.
COME ON UP HERE, BOY.
OKAY.
GROUP HUG.
WHAT?
I HAVE SOMETHING TO CONFESS, TOO.
WELL ACTUALLY, SHAWN AND I DO.
NO, WE DON'T.
YES, WE DO.
NO, WE DON'T. PLEASE, NO.
WE HAD A ROMANTIC TRYST TEN YEARS AGO.
JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING SOMETHING.
BUT WITH EVERYONE'S BLESSING, WE WOULD LIKE
TO PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF.
YOU FOOLED AROUND WITH MY SISTER?
PLEASE DON'T SAY "FOOLED AROUND"
THAT MAKES IT SOUND SO DIRTY.
ONE TIME TEN YEARS AGO, YOU WERE OFF AT COLLEGE.
JUST BECAUSE I'M NOT HERE,
DOESN'T MAKE HER NOT MY SISTER.
OR OUR BABY GIRL.
POINT OF INFORMATION:
I'M NOT A BABY.
(in unison) SHH!
WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE LOVE AND FORGIVENESS
FROM JUST A SECOND AGO?
OH.
MY MISTAKE WASN'T THIS BAD.
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE...
ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT MY MISTAKE WAS WORSE THAN YOURS?
'CAUSE YOURS WAS A LOT WORSE.
EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A JOB.
I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WAS COMING.
WHO LOSES A JOB AFTER 35 YEARS?
YOU SEE?
THAT'S WHY YOU LOST ALL YOUR LITTLE MONEY.
GOD DON'T LIKE UGLY.
YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.
OH, HA...
OH, NO HE DIDN'T.
OH, NO HE DID NOT.
WAIT A SECOND.
I'M THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE UPSET HERE.
EVERYONE IN HERE WAS LYING TO ME.
GROW UP!
I CAN'T SEE WHO I WANT BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT.
YOU FOOLED AROUND WITH MY BEST FRIEND.
YOU'LL DO WHATEVER YOU CAN JUST
TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION WON'T YOU?
FOREHEAD. EARS.
WHAT?
I'M SO SORRY-- GOODBYE, SHAWN.
YEAH, YEAH, SHRIMP. I GOT IT.
I'M COMING, I'M COMING.
HEY DAD, MERRY CHRISTMAS?
HEY SHAWN, I THOUGHT YOU WERE STAYING
OVER AT THE GUSTERS.
YEAH, WELL I KIND OF, SORT OF
RUINED CHRISTMAS AT THAT HOUSE.
WHAT'D YOU DO THIS TIME?
GUS' SISTER AND I SORT OF HOOKED UP A WHILE BACK,
AND FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON,
SHE ANNOUNCED IT TO THE WHOLE FAMILY.
AND NOW GUS IS PISSED. AND HE'S KICKING PEOPLE OUT.
YEAH, WELL FOOLING AROUND WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND'S SISTER
CERTAINLY WASN'T YOUR MOST BRILLIANT IDEA.
NO, THAT WAS THE TOASTER ALARM I INVENTED
IN THE THIRD GRADE, THAT WOKE YOU UP
BY SMACKING YOU IN THE FACE WITH A WAFFLE.
I THINK I PEAKED TOO SOON.
LOOK SHAWN, OF COURSE GUS IS GOING TO OVERREACT.
HE'S MORE THAN JUST YOUR FRIEND,
HE'S YOUR PARTNER.
THERE'S A SPECIAL KIND OF TRUST THERE.
WHEN YOU FIND OUT
THAT YOU'VE BEEN LIED TO BY YOUR PARTNER,
YOU GET ANGRY.
I SAW IT ON THE FORCE ALL THE TIME.
WE SCAMMED PEOPLE ALL UP AND DOWN THE COAST.
DAD, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S IT!
I BET CARL AND TED HAVE ANOTHER PARTNER.
WHAT? CARL AND TED?
HOW MANY RELATIVES DO THE GUSTERS HAVE?
I GOT TO GO, I HAVE A BREAK IN THE CASE.
MERRY CHRISTMAS. WHERE'S THE SHRIMP?
YEAH, YEAH.
I'M SORRY FOR TAKING YOU AWAY
FROM YOUR FAMILY ON CHRISTMAS, JULES.
OH, IT'S FINE. WHERE'S GUS?
WE HAD A FIGHT.
[gasps]
HE TOTALLY OVERREACTED.
BACK IN THE DAY, HIS SISTER AND I HAD
THIS TEENIE, WEENIE LITTLE...
FLING.
EW.
YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE HIS SIDE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
I'M JUST SAYING IT'S A LITTLE INAPPROPRIATE.
DON'T WORRY, IT WAS WAY BEFORE I KNEW YOU.
WHY WOULD THAT MATTER?
IT MIGHT. IT DOESN'T.
IT COULD. IT WON'T.
LET'S CARRY ON.
SO I PULLED ALL OF CARL AND TED'S COURT RECORDS
FROM ACROSS THE STATE LIKE YOU SAID.
YOUR PSYCHIC SENSE ABOUT THEM WAS RIGHT.
LOOK AT THIS.
TEN YEARS AGO IN FRESNO, CARL AND TED
TURNED STATES' EVIDENCE IN AN ASSAULT AND ROBBERY CASE.
THEY IMPLICATED SOMEONE NAMED MONCRIEF JOHNSON.
SEE, I KNEW I HAD HEARD THAT NAME BEFORE,
BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS THE BLACK QUARTERBACK
THAT REPLACED WOODY HARRELSON IN WILDCATS.
AND THEN I REMEMBERED...
HE WAS THE GUY
WHO WAS KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS IN THE FIGHT AT THE MALL.
IT WAS THE SAME FIGHT CARL WAS INVOLVED IN.
AND GUESS WHAT ELSE?
HE WAS RELEASED FROM THE HOSPITAL THE SAME DAY
THAT TED'S BODY WAS FOUND AT THE MALL.
WE NEVER PHYSICALLY HURT ANYONE.
THAT WASN'T OUR THING.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
I'M GETTING SOMETHING HERE.
CARL AND TED TURNED STATES' EVIDENCE
BECAUSE HE STARTED USING VIOLENCE.
WHICH WASN'T THEIR M.O.
MONCRIEF WASN'T AN INNOCENT VICTIM IN THE FIGHT AT THE MALL.
HE STARTED IT.
CARL DIDN'T REALIZE HE HAD GOTTEN OUT
OF PRISON AND WAS HUNTING HIM DOWN.
BUT THE KRAV MAGA EXPERT KNOCKED HIM OUT
BEFORE HE COULD GET TO CARL.
WHEN MONCRIEF GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL,
HE PICKED UP RIGHT WHERE HE LEFT OFF.
ONLY THIS TIME, HE DIDN'T RELY ON HIS FISTS.
HE'S PROBABLY GOING TO MAKE HIS MOVE
BEFORE CARL CAN GET AWAY AGAIN.
YOU CALL LASSIE, I HAVE TO WARN CARL.
[foreboding music]
*
HO, HO, HO.
MONCRIEF JOHNSON,
YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR THE MURDER OF THEODORE MELTREGGER
AND THE ATTEMPTED MURDER OF CARL WILCOX.
I THINK YOU MADE "THE NAUGHTY LIST."
CONGRATULATIONS, SHAWN.
WE GOT HIM.
THANKS FOR BELIEVING ME THIS TIME, MAN.
THANKS FOR SAVING MY DADDY.
AH-AH-AH.
ALL RIGHT, FOLKS.
LET'S CLEAR THE AREA.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS CAN COME WITH ME.
HEY, MAN.
[sighs]
LOOK, I'M NOT A PARENT OR AN UNCLE.
OR EVEN A GODFATHER.
I THINK CHILDREN ARE STICKY.
BUT LOOK, ONE THING'S FOR CERTAIN,
AND THAT'S THAT BRITTANY IS A VERY SMART LITTLE GIRL.
BUT SHE'S NOT GOING TO BE LITTLE FOR LONG.
WHEN THESE TIMES ARE GONE, SHE'LL BE
OUT THERE MAKING HER OWN CHOICES.
I MEAN, DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT YOU'RE TEACHING HER
TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES?
PLEASE DON'T, I'M A GROWN MAN.
SHE'S RIGHT OVER THERE.
CARL.
THANK YOU.
[whispering] OH, HERE COMES YOUR DAD.
DADDY. COME ON, COME ON, LET'S GO HOME.
[knocking]
[laughing]
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
I FEEL UH...
GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. COME ON IN.
[laughing]
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
WHEN I LEFT, YOU GUYS WERE FURIOUS WITH EACH OTHER.
WE STAYED THAT WAY FOR A WHILE,
BUT WE GOT OVER IT.
(Mr. Guster) LIKE WE ALWAYS DO. YOU SEE...
SEE, IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME THAT WE GOT MAD
BECAUSE ONE OF US DID SOMETHING STUPID.
AND IT WON'T BE THE LAST.
(Mrs. Guster) OUR RULE IS,
YOU CAN GET AS MAD AS YOU LIKE,
AS LONG AS YOU SPEND THE SAME AMOUNT
OF ENERGY WORKING IT OUT AFTER.
IT TOOK A LOT OF ENERGY TO WORK OUT
HOW WE FELT ABOUT THE SECRET THE TWO
OF YOU WERE KEEPING.
BUT THEY GOT OVER IT.
THEN WE REALIZED,
YOU FRUSTRATED US THE WAY ONLY FAMILY CAN,
SO WE DECIDED TO FORGIVE YOU TOO.
THANKS, MAN.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
OH, AND AS FAR AS YOUR SLEEPING ARRANGEMENTS,
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO HOME.
BUT YOU GOT TO GET THE HELL UP OUT OF HERE.
(Gus) I HEAR THAT.
BELIEVE THAT. GOTCHA.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, THOUGH.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
(all) MERRY CHRISTMAS.
HEY. OH, HEY, HEY SHAWN.
JUST CAME BY TO DROP OFF YOUR GIFT.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LODGE BUDDIES?
OH, I MADE THE MISTAKE OF TELLING SINGLETON
HIS WIFE WAS GETTING HIPPY.
JUST A JOKE, I DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT.
BUT TEMPERS STARTED TO FLARE, AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,
THE ROOM IS DIVIDED INTO TWO CAMPS,
"HIPPY" AND "NOT HIPPY."
NEEDLESS TO SAY, IT WAS TIME FOR ME
TO SEND EVERYBODY'S ASS HOME.
WOW.
I'M REALLY SORRY TO HEAR THAT, POP.
NO WORRIES.
BECAUSE WE STILL HAVE OUR TRADITION TO DO.
RIGHT?
AND MY WINNING STREAK IS ABOUT TO BE EXTENDED.
OH, MY.
DID WE GET EACH OTHER THE SAME--
NO.
YOU SEE, I FIGURED YOU'D PULL A STUNT LIKE THIS.
SO MINE IS JUST A DECOY.
[gasps] OH.
YOUR REAL PRESENT...
YOU'RE SO PREDICTABLE.
[snorts]
WHICH IS WHY I HID YOUR REAL PRESENT...
NOW THIS IS JUST UNCANNY.
YOU BETTER NOT HAVE GOTTEN ME
THE SAME IPHONE I GOT YOU.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
I GOT YOU THE PSYCH IPHONE SKIN.
BUT SILLY ME, YOU DON'T HAVE AN IPHONE.
SO I'LL JUST KEEP IT FOR MY NEW ONE.
AND MY WINNING STREAK CONTINUES.
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
[The Friendly Indians' I Know You Know]
*
* IN BETWEEN THE LINES
* THERE'S A LOT OF OBSCURITY
* I'M NOT INCLINED TO RESIGN TO MATURITY *
* IF IT'S ALL RIGHT
* THEN YOU'RE ALL WRONG
* BUT WHY BOUNCE AROUND TO THE SAME DAMN SONG? *
* YOU'D RATHER RUN WHEN YOU CAN'T CRAWL *
*
* I KNOW YOU KNOW
* THAT I'M NOT TELLING THE TRUTH *
* I KNOW YOU KNOW
* THEY JUST DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF *
* EMBRACE THE DECEPTION
* LEARN HOW TO BEND
* YOUR WORST INHIBITIONS
* TEND TO PSYCH YOU OUT IN THE END *
* I KNOW YOU KNOW
* I KNOW YOU KNOW *
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