You sure like nachos.
Problem is, they're not-cho' nachos.
She can't hear you.
She's chowin' down on the all-you-can-eat love buffet.
It's true. When she's like this, she's doesn't
know what she's doing. I'll show you.
Miley!
What?
Just go ask Josh out.
I can't. I'm from Tennessee. We don't do that.
Well, you're in California now, and we do do that.
What?
You said do-do.
Grow up!
You're the one that can't ask a guy out.
He's not just a guy. He's a ninth grader. I can't just put eighth-grade moves on him.
Good point. And besides, he probably doesn't even know you're alive.
You're like some dried-up insect on the windshield of his life.
Not even in the center. You're way off to the side where the wipers don't reach.
Weep, weep, weep, splat! Weep, weep, weep...
Lilly.
What?
This is officially the worst pep talk ever.
All right. You want pep talk? You're Hannah "Teen Pop Sensation" Montana.
You're gonna be out in front of thousands of people Saturday night.
Just pretend he's one of 'em.
You're right. That's all he is. One guy. I can do this. I'll just channel Hannah.
Hello, Josh Woods! You ready to rock tonight?
What?
Thank you! Good night, everybody!
Then I ate a napkin,
and then Jackson was all,
"You said" do-do."
And then Lilly was all,
"Bug on a windshield."
And then I was all, "Good night, everybody!"
And that's why we have to move!
Sorry, darlin'.
What?
Nothin'.
Hello. Hold on. Mile, it's for you.
I can't talk to anyone right now. Could you just make something up?
Sorry, Josh, she's in the bathroom.
Could be a while.
No!
Hold on. Sounds like she's finishin' up.
Gimme that phone! Hi, this is Miley.
"It could be a while." You, sir, do not know how good you are.
Well, next time I'm lettin'
the machine pick it up.
You realize how much easier life was when
she believed boys still had cooties?
I can't believe it! I'm going out with a ninth grader! Whoo!
Well, don't believe it, 'cause I'm not lettin' you go! Whoo!
But, Daddy...
But nothin'. He's a year older.
In teenage boy years, that adds up to... let's
see. Carry the one, equals... Ain't gonna happen.
This is so unfair!
Sad face.
Mmm.
Not buyin' it face.
Come on, Dad. It wasn't that long ago that I was a ninth grader.
And if he's anything like I was... You need to meet that boy!
He's comin' up from the walk! He is so cute!
But we've gotta be calm. Just be calm.
Honey, if I was any calmer, I'd be dead.
Hey, Dad, big favor. Don't try to be funny with Josh. 'Cause you ain't funny.
I don't know. I crack myself up all the time.
What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork chop! Ha!
Daddy, please, I'm begging you. Don't talk!
I'm just gonna sit on the couch and look casual, like I live here all the time.
Good thinkin'.
Hey, Miley. Whoa. You look hot.
Well, hi. I'm the hot chick's father. How do I look?
Very handsome, sir.
Nice try. Now take your foot outta your mouth,
come on in here, and let's start over.
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I'm Josh... sir.
Well, you met, you bonded. 'Nuff said. Bye-bye.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Not so fast.
Why not fast? Fast is good. Fast food, fast lane, fast-forward. Bye-bye!
Whoa. Cool guitars.
Oh, you like guitars, do you?
Oh, yeah. And these are pretty good ones. Not
as good as a Deifenbacher, but you know that.
No, I don't know that.
There goes the other foot.
Look, sir, I'm not saying it wasn't a good guitar in its day.
In its day? Ooh, sounds like you've been a musician for
a long time. Like thirty years. Oh, wait, that's me.
Well, isn't that interesting? You have your opinion, and he has
his. You gotta love a guy who isn't afraid to say how he feels.
I'm a little afraid to say anything right now.
Okay.
And some people like skiing, and he's not afraid to say that he likes snowboarding.
Yeah. Some people like Hannah Montana, and I'm not afraid to say she stinks.
Abso... What?
Son of a gun. That boy's got three feet.
Hello, I am the Jackson-ator.
These will not be back.
Whoa! Rock 'n' roll! Sharon!
Are you always this funny?
Well, it depends. Do you like funny?
Oh, I love funny.
Well, then I am hysterical.
Did you hear the one about the pig who knows karate?
Pork chop?
Ha!
Can you spell "destiny"? I'm Jackson. I haven't seen you around here.
I'm Olivia. I go to school back east. I'm here
on break looking for something fun to do.
Oh. Well, look no further. Mr. Fun gets off in about ten minutes.
Sounds great! I'll just go pack up my stuff. All right.
Oh... Yes! I'm awake! Ow!
Hey, my brother from another mother. What's crackin'?
Coop, I just hooked up with the most amazing girl who's totally into me,
and I didn't even have to tell her that I owned a Ferrari
or have six months to live or any of the usual stuff.
That's my dawg. Puttin' it down for the ladies.
You should've seen me. And tonight, she's
gonna find out that even my moves have moves.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!
D-d-d-d-d-d-d-da. Don't do that in public.
Oh, hey, check it out. There she is.
Whoa!
You bet, "Whoa!"
No, no, no. I mean, "Whoa, that's my little sister, fool!"
Wha... I meant, "Whoa. I didn't know."
Olivia!
Yes, big brother?
Get over here. Did you agree to go out with this guy?
Is that what he said? Shame on you. What kind of a girl do you think I am?
But I thought...
Oh, no, I know what you thought. And you better
stop thinkin' it about my little sister.
Mm-hmm. 'Cause when my big brother tells me to stay away from somebody, I stay away.
Mm-hmm.
Sharon! I'm so confused!
This is so frustrating. I spent all day yesterday
trying to make Josh like Hannah Montana.
How'd it go?
It went really well. He loves Hannah Montana now, and we're getting married.
How do you think it went, you doughnut?
I'm gonna go with "not so well."
Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!
Lilly, I'm serious. How am I gonna go out with a guy who doesn't like half of me?
He doesn't know he doesn't like half of you. So just
let him think the half of you he likes is all of you.
As long as the other half keeps her mouth shut,
the three of you should make a beautiful couple.
I never get chick math.
She's right. Why should I have to give Josh up?
Yeah, and it's not
like he's ever gonna
be in the same place
with you and Hannah.
Hey, Miley. You know what you said about Hannah.
Montana? I decided to give her a chance.
Really? That's great!
Yeah. So tonight I'm taking you to a Hannah Montana concert!
Really? That's... even greater! Thank you. Help!
And she thought it didn't go well. Who's the doughnut now?
Still you.
Hannah! Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!
This is what an actual Hannah Montana concert looks like.
You mean you've never been to one?
Well, I've tried, but somehow I've always been busy doing something... else.
Well, tonight, this is all you have to do.
You know, I was really nervous when you first
asked me, but I'm just totally glad I said yes.
Me, too.
I just hope she's not one of those divas who
keeps everyone waiting. I totally hate that.
Me, too. I'm gonna go get a soft pretzel.
You're on.
Oh, my gosh, it's Josh! What a coincidence!
So, what do you think of Hannah Montana so far?
She hasn't come on yet.
Right. I'm supposed to ask you that later.
You seen Hannah?
Not since sound check.
She's on in one minute. Where is that girl?
Did you just come out of that dressing room?
Yeah.
I was just in there, and you weren't there.
Yeah, I was. You're losing it, Daddy.
You think I'm losing it, Fred?
It's Jimmy.
Call the cows home, Robby Ray. You are losin' it.
Hey, everybody! Sorry I'm late. Hope nobody thinks I'm a diva!
That's right. Sausage, pepperoni, and, what the heck, onions.
I'm not kissing anybody tonight. No, I am not ugly! I'm a six-foot-four beach god.
Jackson. It's me, Olivia. Open up.
Olivia?
Hey.
Olivia's here, and it's time to get your Saturday night on!
Wha... I don't understand. You were totally different today with Cooper.
Well, that was Saturday afternoon. The moon has come up, and I am comin' out!
Oh, I heard there's gonna be a party over here.
Well, who said that?
Me. Just now. Come on, boy. Keep up. Popcorn. Oh! With the movie theater butter!
Yeah, Cooper's not gonna be very happy that you're here.
I know. That's why I didn't tell him. Now, let's
get you on the phone, and let's people this party.
Wait. What happened to all that, uh, "When my big"
brother says to stay away, I stay away. Mm-hmm"?
Oh, Cooper thinks I'm a sweet little girl who needs to
be protected. And what he doesn't know won't hurt him.
Jackson, it's Coop!
Yeah, well, it might hurt me. You gotta go!
No way. This is my last night in town, and I'm not gonna let it be
spoiled by Cooper, the party pooper. I'll hide. You get rid of him.
Well, I don't know. I've never lied to him before.
Please? For me?
Well, there's a first time for everything.
You wait out there.
Okay.
Uh, oh, c-come on in, Coop!
Just gettin' my Saturday night on, you know.
Get it off before you hurt yo'self.
Yeah. That's a good idea. That's, uh, that's some great advice.
Uh, well, thanks for stoppin' by. Give me a call
when you make it home so I know that you're safe.
Look, look, look. I know I came down hard on you
yesterday, and I just wanna make sure we're cool.
We're totally cool. Now, drive safe. We'll see you tomorrow.
Slow down. I rented a few DVDs. Thought we could chill.
Ooh. Popcorn with the movie theater butter! You knew I was comin' all along.
Believe me, I had no idea.
And now, give it up for the fabulous fingers of Jesse D., lead guitar!
Wh-wh-wh-wh-whoa! Where you goin'?
Nervous stomach. Could be a while.
Thank you!
This is the longest guitar solo ever.
I know. He rocks! Sit down!
You wouldn't believe the line for the soft pretzels.
So, how about that first song? Pretty awesome, huh?
Eh. It was okay.
Okay? Not even really okay?
I guess I'm into hip-hop.
Hip-hop?
Yeah. Does she ever do any of that?
I have a feeling she will tonight.
Is that pretzel making you thirsty? Do you need to go get a soda?
You know what? I do!
Oh, wait. Here. You can have some of mine.
Hey... Whoop. I'm sorry. My bad.
I'm having so much fun with you, Josh. Bye.
I bet you didn't know that this girl could really go.
And I'm gonna give you mo'
'Cause you spent a lotta dough.
Comin' to my show.
Doe-dee-doe-dee-doe-dee-doe-dee.
Doe-dee-doe-dee-doe-dee-doe?
Don't look at me. I didn't write that.
Hey, ho.
Say hey, ho.
Hey, ho.
Say hey, ho.
Hey! Ho!
Hey, ho, hey.
Man, I think I'm comin' down with somethin'.
Well, keep it off of me.
I'll try.
Better?
I'm gettin' outta here before you cough up an alien.
That's a good idea. Whoo! Better safe than sorry.
And listen, about my sister...
Hey. Not another word. Please?
I-I know I'm a little overprotective, but I just care about her
a lot. And I appreciate you backin' off. You're a good friend.
Yeah, a real good friend.
Whew! I thought he'd never leave. It's freezing out
there! But nothing a good party can't warm up. Hey!
Hey, yeah. Okay, hold on, hold on. Didn't you hear your brother? I'm a good friend.
And good friends do not party with their friends'
sisters, no matter how much they want to.
Wow. You really are a nice guy. My luck.
You really gotta go. My luck. Come on.
Well, I guess this is good-bye. Nice meeting you.
You, too.
Hey, I forgot my DV... Dang!
I just came over here to say good-bye, and he was all over me! You are in trouble.
Well, that is so not what happened!
Olivia, wait in the car.
Yes, big brother. Shame on you!
Man, she's not telling you the truth. She came
over here. She was all over me! I swear, Coop.
Save it. I can't believe you're trying to blame my sweet, innocent sister for this.
Well, I'm telling you, she's not sweet and innocent!
Okay, you know what? That's enough. If there's one thing I know about
my sister, it's that she would never be all over any guy she just met.
Pizza's here.
He was all over me?
Olivia, get in the car. You and I are gonna have a little talk.
Mm-hmm!
She already gave you your tip, big boy.
Where have you been? You're missing the whole concert.
That drink line went on forever.
No, it didn't. There were, like, three people in it.
Then you wouldn't mind going to get another one.
Ah, man!
So, what do you think of Hannah Montana now?
I'm still not feeling it.
What do you want her to do, surf the crowd?
Yeah! That'd be cool!
Surf the crowd! Well, then I guess I gotta go get another pretzel!
Having fun crowd surfing! Please don't drop me! Please don't drop... Where'd he go?
He left.
What?
I'm sorry.
He said it was the worst date of his life? Really?
I'm sorry.
Did he say anything else?
He also said Hannah Montana stinks, but we decided to leave
that out. I mean, why hurt you any more than you already are?
Leave. Now.
The rap was... interesting. Go!
I cannot believe I just blew it.
You didn't blow it.
Yes, I did. I couldn't be happy with a cute guy liking just me. I
tried to make him like Hannah, too, and now he hates both of us.
Well, as far as I'm concerned, that's his loss.
But I'm buttin' in. I'm sure Lilly was just gettin' ready to say that.
Yeah. What was I gonna say next?
That someday she'll find a guy that likes everything
about her. Won't be anything left to change.
Thanks, Lilly. You always know what to say.
Sometimes it just comes to me.
Well, come on, girls. It's time to go.
'Cause it's the end of the show.
And we're walkin' toward the do'
We headin' for the big black stretch limo.
Dad, remember. You ain't funny!
And you can't rap! A-doe-dee-doe-dee-doe-dee-doe-dee...
Yeah!
Everybody wants to be a star.
Next!