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Well, there you have it, America.
Tonight, we saw Ethan Williams sing his

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heart out with Shakira

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and win his own
recording contract. Give him a hand.

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Congratulations Ethan,

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we'll see
you after the show, which means

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we have to say goodbye to these
two adorable kids who really

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have a fine career ahead of them
as long as it doesn't involve

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singing.

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And I mean it, guys.
Not even “Happy Birthday.”

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Next week on Singing With The Stars,
three new hopefuls get their shot at a

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record deal and a chance to sing with
this teen pop sensation. Who is she?

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Me! Hannah Montana!

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See you all next week,

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and we'll really
“pump up the party!”

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I can't believe you're going to be
the celebrity singer on Singing With.

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The Stars. That makes Hannah Montana
just about the coolest person ever!

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Must be you.

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Guys, bad news.
Amber and Ashley's

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annual “Cool List” is out again.

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Well, that explains it.

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How far down did they put us this year?

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Keep going. Keep going.

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Keep... Just skip
to the last page.

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Aw, we're tied for dead

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last with Dandruff Danny.

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Is someone actually talking to me?

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Look away. Look away!

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Okay, see you later.

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Where are you going?

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Look, I finally cracked the top one
hundreds and-and there's no way I'm

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talking to people from the last page.
Stop begging.

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I'll see you after dark.

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That boy flip-flops more than
a catfish in a moon bouncer.

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Aw, hey, look everyone; it's a couple of
last page losers in their native habitat.

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Oh, so sad. Still eating. As
if they had a reason to live.

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Aw.

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Okay, that's it. Listen.
This list is as bogus

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as the people who wrote it.
Come on, everyone!

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Let's show Amber and Ashley
that they can't tell us who's

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cool and who's not! Let's rip
up these lists right now!

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Uh, Miley?

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I'm the only one doing it, aren't I?

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I'm with you, sister!

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How is he not below us?

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So maybe some people care about the list,

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but there are plenty of other decent people

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strong enough to think for themselves,

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and those are the people

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I want for my friends anyways. Like Sarah.

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Hey, Sarah.

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Oh, uh, hi, guys.

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Listen, Miley, I'm really sorry, but

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I can't be your lab partner.

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Um, today after school

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I have to read to the blind,
uh, serve punch at the

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blood drive and hose out
cages at the animal shelter.

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Wait a minute, you read
to the blind yesterday.

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I, uh, took an extra shift.

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Extra shift, my aunt Petunia!

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You're just bailing on me

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because I'm last on Amber

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and Ashley's list, aren't you?

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No, I'm not. Oh no, here comes Amber.

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Sorry,
I'm charitable, not stupid. Okay, bye.

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Great, even Saint Sarah is freezing us out!

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But, Amber, you have to come to my party!
It'll be a total disaster without you.

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Oh, that is so true.

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But my mom
let me audition for Singing.

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With The Stars and if they have
any taste, I'll be singing with.

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Hannah Montana Saturday night.

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Okay, well, I got to go to the bathroom.

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I haven't looked at
myself in, like, a half hour.

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Okay, so maybe we can't get rid
of that stupid list, but I can

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make darn sure that Amber never
gets to sing with Hannah Montana.

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By day, I play

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the part in every way.

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Or, I can make darn sure she does.

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You could do that?

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Sometimes you got to fight fire with fire.
Amber likes to make fun

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of people, and I'm gonna make sure
she knows what it feels like.

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Oh boy! Once the world
hears her sing, she'll

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be at the bottom of
her own stupid list.

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Amber sounds like my pet pig, Luanne, after
she birthed her first batch of piglets.

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I can't believe it.

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I know. She's horrible.

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No, I can't believe you had
a pet pig named Luanne!

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We thought it was a Lou
before the kids came.

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Hey, Dontzig!

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Could you tell your dog
to keep his opinions to his self!

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Oh, is Oscar bothering you, Stewart?

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Yeah!

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Good boy, Oscar!

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Please make it stop.

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Thank you. And about what I said in
traffic this morning?

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She cut me off.

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Hey, Dad, I finally got that
dog to stop barking. Just took

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the big T-bone from the fridge
and chucked it over the fence.

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You mean the one that I
dry rubbed, tenderized,

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and marinated for
forty-eight hours?

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No...

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the other one?

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Jackson Rod Stewart!

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I cook, I clean, I work my fingers
to the bone, and what's my reward?

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Hello, Stewarts.

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Oscar just wanted
to thank you for the T-bone.

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Oh, and next time, he'd like a
twice-baked potato on the side.

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Oh, that's right, baby.

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No sour cream, it gives him gas.

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Sweet niblets, this is worse
than the barking dog!

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Hey. What's all this?

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Hey. So, check it out. I
took some of Hannah's

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concert speakers and I stuck
them over in Dontzig's

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yard. Next time that little
dog barks, he's going

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to find out that my
woofer's bigger than his.

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You actually think this might work?

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There's only one way to find out.
Oh-Oh, look there he is.

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Would you like to do the honors?

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Don't mind if I do.

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And that's how the big dog does it.
- Oh, yeah.

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Well, hey-hey, what's that little
rat doing now? Hey! Get away from

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those speakers! Put your leg down.
Put your leg... Put your leg down!

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Well,

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it may be dark, but
at least it's quiet.

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Oh yeah, yeah. This is much better.

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Ow! Oh! Ow! Ow. Uh, cramp! I,

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I um, uh, must've worked out

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too hard last night.
Y'all-Y'all just go on without

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me. I'm just gonna sit at
this random table with these

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random people until the pain subsides.
I miss you guys!

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Listen, Oliver...

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Don't look at me when you talk!

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So, have
you heard from the producers yet? Are they

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actually going to let Amber be on the show?
Hey, how's it doing? Just resting a cramp.

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If you're not going to look at
us, we're not going to tell you.

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Yeah, and it's really good.

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Oliver! -Okay.

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All right, not only is
she going to be on the

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show, guess who gets to
give her the good news?

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Okay, this is so worth it!

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I know. I'm just waiting for
the right mouthful of pasta salad.

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Ooh, that's a good one!
And send. Hide me!

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Hello?

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Hey, Amber, it's Hannah Montana.

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Gross!

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The producers asked me to call you
to tell you that you are one of

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the three lucky people performing
with me on Singing With The Stars!

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Anyhoo, they'll call you with the deets.
I can't wait to meet you.

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Thank you, thank you so much!

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Oh, don't be silly, you deserve
everything you're going to get. Bye.

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Hey, everybody, I'm going
to be singing with

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Hannah Montana on
Singing With The Stars!

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Okay, who wants to hear the song
I'm going to sing on the show?

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I think we all do!

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I know I do!

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Well, if you insist. I mean...

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By day, I play the part in every way

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of simple, sweet, calm, and collected.

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But she...

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Her voice...

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You said...

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I know.

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But now...

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Then who did you guys hear in the bathroom?

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The other side

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the other side

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the other side of me

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I thought we had an agreement. No singing.
Snaps and claps only.

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Okay, let's just calm down. Let's try
to find the bright side in this.

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I got nothing. -Me neither.

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Sweet niblets.

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That's great, Hannah. And after that you're
going to hug, uh, Amber Addison. Brian

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will say something he thinks is funny.

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Try
to laugh; it'll be over before you know it.

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Don't worry, I'm used to it. My dad gets
all his jokes from bubble gum wrappers.

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Yeah, well that would
be a step up for Brian.

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Look, this must be where
the losers stand. There's

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puddle stains from all the
drippy nervous sweat.

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Lola! Would you please focus!
Amber's got a real shot at winning

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this. And if she does, that list
will be the least of our problems.

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We've got to do something.

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You think?

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Whoa! That is so cool. What is it?

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The beginning of the end.
We enter through the smoke,

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Amber sings great then you
and I are on the bottom of

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the “Cool List” until we're seniors.
And I'm talking

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blue-haired, bingo-playing,
mitten-knitting seniors.

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Maybe and maybe not.

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What are you up to?

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Remember my exploding volcano
disaster at last year's science fair?

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Mt. Saint Lilly? People were blowing
lava out of their nose for a week.

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00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:09,760
Well, if I could do that
by accident, imagine

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00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,920
what I could do to
Amber on purpose.

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00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,800
I'm imagining…

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00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,080
ooh, and I'm liking.

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00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:28,560
What the?

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00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,240
Hey, Dad. Say hello to Rocky.

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00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,880
Hey, Rocky, you big,

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drippy horse you.
What are you doing in my Malibu dog house?

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00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:46,120
I borrowed him from a friend. And then I
invited Dontzig and his little yapper over

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to play. Wait until the little yapper finds
out that he's playing lunch. Yes he is.

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00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,720
Son, I don't like that yapping
little purse puppy anymore

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00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,160
than you do. But I don't want
to see him swallowed whole.

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00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,960
Don't worry, Dad. I've got his leash tied
to my wrist. Rocky's not going anywhere.

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00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,440
Well, as long you're sure it's just gonna
scare him, I guess it's worth a shot.

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00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,160
Oscar, no!

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00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,520
Oh, is little Oscar scared?

207
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,480
Not exactly.

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00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,600
Very thoughtful, Stewart. Osky
needed a little exercise.

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00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,880
Yeah, well, so do you.

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00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:31,680
So do you.

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00:14:31,711 --> 00:14:32,760
So do you.

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00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:34,960
So do you.

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00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:36,560
So do you.

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00:14:36,570 --> 00:14:37,810
So do you!

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00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:45,440
Hey, Rocky. Heel, heel, heel, heel.
Whoa, Rocky. Heel. Whoa, boy.

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00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:50,320
Go ahead, primp all you want,
Little Miss Cool List. You're about

217
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:54,120
to have a makeup malfunction people
will be downloading forever.

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00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,240
She won't get hurt or anything, right?

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00:14:57,250 --> 00:14:58,270
Just her pride...

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00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:04,920
nationwide. Nowhere
to hide. Humilified. Sad inside.

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00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:06,520
Are you done?

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00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,360
Just remember, you go
through the red and she

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00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,440
goes through the green
because she's mean,

224
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:13,880
like
an evil queen... Now I'm done.

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00:15:15,260 --> 00:15:15,880
How do I look?

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00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:20,280
Like a star. I can't believe you're about
to sing in front of thirty million

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00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:27,120
people. And that's just America. There's
Canada and Europe and the Soviet Reunion.

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00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:31,800
Okay, that is so stupid. The
Soviet Reunion is in Europe.

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00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,080
You know I'm not good in geology.

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00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,240
I'm sorry, Ashley. I'm just nervous.

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00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,480
Well, don't be. Forget about the fact that
it's live.

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00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:44,040
Forget that if you screw up,

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00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,480
everyone in the whole
world will be laughing

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00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,640
at you. Just put that
out of your head.

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00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,760
It wasn't in my head. Until now.

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00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,880
Oops. My bad. Have a good show.

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00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:05,000
Hey Amber! You all ready
for your big number?

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00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:10,120
Hannah, I can't do this.
I can't go out there.

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00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:17,400
Hey. Hey. Everything is
going to be fine as long as

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00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,600
you go through the green arch.

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00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:22,360
I repeat, green arch.

242
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:31,760
Oh, no, no, no, I'm gonna screw up.
I know I'm gonna screw up.

243
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,720
Listen; sometimes I have
these worries, too.

244
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,560
But you know what two words
always get me through it?

245
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:40,800
Green arch.
See you out there.

246
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,440
Hey, come on. Get into position.

247
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,000
It's going to be a blast.

248
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,880
You don't understand. I
can't be made fun of again.

249
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:55,840
Again?

250
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,480
When has anyone ever made fun of you?

251
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,320
Well, I know it's hard to believe looking
at how beautiful I am now…

252
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:07,800
but when I was a

253
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,360
kid, I was the geeky girl with glasses.

254
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,920
The
one that everyone teased all the time.

255
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,600
Really? How geeky? You wouldn't
happen to have any pictures, would you?

256
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:20,080
You know, because then I
could-I-I could feel your pain.

257
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:26,520
No, I burned them all. And I'm always
afraid it's going to happen again.

258
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,840
So you make fun of people
now because of what

259
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,480
people did to you when you
were a geeky little kid?

260
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,320
Yes. Yes, I do.

261
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,320
Well you shouldn't do that.
Don't you get it? When you

262
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:40,640
fight fire with fire...

263
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,920
all you get is a bigger fire.

264
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,240
I know, and now I'm gonna
flame out in front

265
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,080
of America, Asia, and
the Soviet Reunion.

266
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,200
You mean, Russia?

267
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,360
Oh man, we're on there, too?

268
00:17:58,880 --> 00:17:59,840
Okay, listen,

269
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:04,480
if I can promise you that
you're going to go out looking great, can

270
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,840
you promise me that you're going to be
a better person?

271
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:09,480
And then buy a globe?

272
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,880
Yeah, but could you
really make that happen?

273
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,080
I can guarantee that you're going to come
out looking a whole lot better than me.

274
00:18:18,100 --> 00:18:19,000
Places!

275
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:19,360
Oh no.

276
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,640
Hey, you're going to do fine. Just...

277
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:24,800
just enter through the red arch.

278
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:26,279
But you said green.

279
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:29,240
And now I'm saying red. Just do it before I
change my mind.

280
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,040
Hey, remember: better person.

281
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:33,680
And then a globe.

282
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:36,920
Sweet niblets.

283
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:45,120
And now our final contestant from Malibu,
California, give it up for Amber Addison!

284
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,200
I may have a used a little too much green!

285
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:27,760
You think?

286
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,600
I've been thinking about
it and you know what?

287
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:37,760
I don't care what anybody
else says, you're

288
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,280
my real friends and I'm
sitting with you.

289
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:42,000
Hey, how's it going? I just
dropped a taquito.

290
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,440
Careful, green bean, you're showing.

291
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,840
That's because somebody didn't
make this gunk so easy to get off!

292
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,240
Don't blame me, blame science.

293
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,200
What are you gonna do now?
Not only did Amber

294
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,040
win, she's gonna get a
recording contract.

295
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:59,440
All because you had to be a good person.
I hate when you do that!

296
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,080
Guys, don't worry about it, it's all
going to be worth it. Trust me.

297
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:11,520
Ashley.

298
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,680
Fine. Snaps and claps only.

299
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:16,600
Anyway.

300
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:20,800
As you all know, last night I
was the big winner.

301
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,240
But before that

302
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:27,600
happened, I made a promise to myself and
to my new best friend, Hannah Montana.

303
00:20:28,230 --> 00:20:28,930
Still worth it?

304
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,480
Wait for it.

305
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:34,080
So I'm doing something
really drastic to the List.

306
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,520
Wait for it.

307
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,360
Dandruff Danny, you and your
flakes are ahead of those flakes.

308
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,440
I'm not at the bottom!

309
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:44,400
In your face! Yeah!

310
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,560
Still waiting.

311
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,600
Okay.

312
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,560
Not exactly what I was hoping for, but

313
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,480
at least she was being nice to somebody.

314
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:02,520
That's it?

315
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,480
You're not even
going to try to get her back?

316
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:10,040
Come on, it's just a stupid list.
Besides, I learned my

317
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,160
lesson. When you fight fire
with fire, you just get burned.

318
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,440
I wish you would have told me that before.

319
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:17,760
Before what?

320
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:21,880
Well, I kind of arranged a
little surprise for Amber.

321
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,200
Ew! Who did this?

322
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,720
Come on, y'all, it's not funny.

323
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,160
Although,
I must say, I do love her in green.

324
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:57,480
Finally got that dang dog to hush
up, didn't you? Thank you, son.

325
00:21:58,720 --> 00:21:59,440
You're welcome.

326
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:16,920
Next time, trim the fat. We've got
our figures to worry about, don't

327
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,000
we, Osky baby?

328
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,160
Come on, Oscar
wants another piece. Cut faster!