Okay, everyone starting school on Monday,
let me hear y'all make some noise!
come on. Wrong noise, wrong noise.
We all got to do it, so we might as well have fun.
How about we all jump out of bed on Monday and say ''Yeah''?
Let me hear you say it!
-Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! -Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
No. No.
Come on, Mile. Just jump out of bed and say, ''Yeah, yeah, yeah!''
What are you doing?
Looking for the snooze button.
Oh, no. You don't want to be late for your first day of high school.
Don't make me get the water bucket.
You wouldn't.
Yes, he would.
Junior boys.
Senior boys.
Can you believe it? Yesterday, we were girls.
Today, we're high-school girls.
-Breath. Pits. Boogies. Zits. -Breath. Pits. Boogies. Zits.
-You're good. -You're...
Let's move that little hat down.
Hey, bro.
Junior. Freshman. No bro. Got to go.
Miley, l can't walk around like this all day,
l look like a sock puppet.
Do you have any cover-up?
You brought Barry Bear?
Put him back! l don't want anybody to see him.
Then why'd you bring him?
Because it's a big day. l'm nervous and...
He wanted to see the school.
Yeah. Okay. Well, he's seen it now. Would you zip him back up, please?
Fine, but not all the way. He's afraid of the dark.
Do you realise what would happen to your rep
if people saw you with that bear?
l can't imagine a more horrible first day of high school.
l can. Look at this text.
''l know your secret.''
Somebody knows l'm Hannah Montana!
come on!
What am l gonna do? l've tried so hard to keep the secret.
This is going to ruin everything. -You don't know that.
So one other person knows,
it doesn't mean they're going to tell everyone at lunch.
Oh, no. l'm getting another text!
-What's it say? -''l'm going to tell everybody at lunch.''
Wow, creepy. What's ''Mwah-ah-ah-ah''?
l think it's more like...
ln two hours, any chance l have of being a normal high school girl is over.
Yeah, tell me about it.
lf people find out you're Annah-hay Ontana-may,
you won't be able to go to any school.
Except maybe in the South Pole,
completely cut off from civilisation, where you'll eventually go mad.
Mad, l tell you. Mad!
You put extra sugar in your cereal this morning, didn't you?
Yes, and now the room is spinning.
-Hello. -Hey.
Hello.
Hey, again.
Whoa, this is a hoot. What are we doing, eh?
Who are you?
l'm Thor. The new guy, don't you know?
Okay, well, we'll see you at the 25th reunion.
Where you going? Those guys said you were the welcoming committee.
l get it. See, those are my friends. They're just messing with you.
Real funny, guys.
Yeah, real mature, make fun of the new guy and the short one.
Hey!
Don't you worry, we don't need those hockey pucks.
You know, you're right. Hey, l'll race you to the fourth floor.
Okay!
Hey, man, we don't have a fourth floor.
Oops.
l have got to figure out who this is.
l didn't tell anyone, you didn't tell anyone.
-You didn't tell anyone, did you? -Of course not!
Well, who else could it be?
Hey. What up?
How's it going? Hey. Watch out there. Okay.
-What did you do? -Nothing.
l've just been working out on the old bicep, tricep...
Oliver!
Forget the muscles, meatball.
You told someone my secret, didn't you? Didn't you?
No, l swear! And easy on the pecs.
They pop.
Oh, no, incoming.
''Wondering what you can do to stop me? l have an idea.''
-Who is this? -l don't know!
l got it! All we have to do is look for the person texting.
That narrows it down to everybody.
l love chemistry. lt's educational
and delicious.
Can l get you some chocolate and graham crackers to go with that?
Yeah, that'd be...
Totally inappropriate because l shouldn't even be doing this.
Okay, people, let's stop fooling around.
-Now, lose the marshmallow, Stewart! -Yes, ma'am.
Hot, hot, hot.
Really hot.
-Hi, is this seat taken? -No, go for it.
-l'm Jackson. -Hi, l'm Anne.
And l'm Thor, his new best buddy,
and l was kind of hoping l could sit there.
No!
-Go. -l get it. You like her.
He likes you.
Look at his face, it's redder than a cow's udder on a cold day.
Of course, they're pretty much always red,
what with all the yanking, don't you know?
Maybe you two should sit together, and l'll sit any place else.
But l have marshmallows.
You know, since she doesn't seem to be interested in you,
you mind if l take a shot?
l bet they want something like money or concert tickets.
lf it was me, l'd take your jewellery and your wardrobe.
And your shoes! Oh, yeah, your shoes!
Turn around, l'll give you one of my shoes right now.
Sorry, l'm just trying to get into the mind of a criminal.
lf you can understand them, you can catch them.
And then what, Sherlock?
As long as they know my secret, l'll have to do whatever they want.
What kind of monster would torture me like this?
Morning, let's welcome a special young man to our class.
He skipped a couple of grades, so he's a little younger.
And a lot smarter.
This is Rico.
Hiya, toots, get my messages?
Don't worry, Mrs Espinosa. We'll take good care of the new kid.
Okay.
All right, short stack, how'd you find out?
Simple. You were careless, and l had a camera phone.
Give me that phone or you'll never make it to four feet!
Feel free to pat me down, kitten, but it's safe in my locker.
Step aside, squirt, and let the locker doctor operate.
Oh, yeah.
Wow, that's a really big jersey for such a little...
l didn't say that was my locker.
Hey, fresh-meat, what're you doing crammed inside my locker?
l'm not crammed inside... My mom's a cop!
Okay. Rico, you know my secret. What's it gonna take to shut you up?
You. As my girlfriend.
Say what?
Don't flatter yourself, doll-face. This is strictly business.
l need some hall cred in this place, and you can help me get it.
So all he's looking for is a little arm candy.
That, and someone to reach the top shelf of my locker.
-You can totally do that. -You can totally shut up.
Of course, if you'd rather l send the picture to everyone at school...
Miley, you have to do what he says. lt's either that or your secret's out.
So far, high school stinks.
Yeah, l remember how l met my woman.
l had just come out of the ocean. My skin was shining like...
Like...
What was it shining like, love monkey?
A new penny in the piggy bank of my heart.
What can l say? She's crazy in love.
Cheese me.
Enough!
Sorry, l just got so lost in your eyes.
Your beady little eyes.
Secrets.
Right. Please forgive me.
Now, go get daddy a moist towelette
and make it hot like my Latin blood.
Of course, my little matador.
''You know, Bud, you can always be home-schooled.''
''No, Daddy, l want to go to school like a normal kid.''
What was l thinking?
There you are! l've got great news!
Unless it involves a time machine and Rico's parents never meeting,
l don't want to know.
Fine, then l won't tell you that Oliver found Rico's locker.
Great! That means we have to go find Rico's...
And l'm gonna stop talking now and follow you.
That would be nice.
My kids are all gone
So l'm writing this song
You'll think it's so sad
But you are so wrong
'cause l can pick my nose and nobody stare
l can dance around in my underwear
Oh, yeah
l am never coming home for lunch again.
Good, 'cause this is my Robby Ray time.
Look, l didn't plan on coming home. l just couldn't take it any more.
-Take what? -Okay.
Some hick from Moo-ville, Minnesota
decided that l'm his new best buddy, and now he won't leave me alone.
lf l have to hear that stupid accent one more time,
l'm gonna beat myself unconscious with a frozen trout, don't you know?
l seem to remember another new kid that talked funny a few years ago.
They called him a hick, too.
Let's see. What was his name? Packson? Sackson?
Howdy, everybody. l'm Jackson.
l didn't know there was a rodeo in town.
There's a rodeo in town? Yee, doggies!
He was talking about your getup.
You like it? Well, then check this out.
Back home in Tennessee, that's what we call blang!
lt's bling.
That's what l said. Blang!
What a loser.
Ride 'em, cowboy!
Crackson, Shellackson.
Enough, Dad! l already had the flashback.
What l'm saying, Son, if you think about what happened to you,
you might wanna cut this boy some slack.
But why is this my problem? l mean, nobody ever cut me a break.
lf l had to tough it out, then so can he.
And that's exactly what l'm gonna tell him.
l know, but l was just thinking if you would just...
Good day.
-Son, l... -l said good day, Daddy!
Now Jackson is gone
And l am so happy
l think l'll just head upstairs
And take me a nappy
Good night, Malibu!
-Oliver, how'd you find it? -Cunning, determination and...
And it was the only locker with a footstool in front of it.
Would it have killed you to let me have this one?
Guys, please! Some time before Rico and l honeymoon in Hobbit Town!
Okay. Step aside, ladies. The doctor is in.
Look at all the plants and that waterfall.
-lt's like a rainforest in there. -Who cares? Can you see the phone?
Yeah. lt's right next to that monkey!
-Hey, Max, have you seen Thor? -Yeah, he's in there.
l told him California girls love guys who can churn their own butter.
Hey, butta-butta-butta. Hey, butta-butta-butta.
-Churn! -Churn!
Hey, butta-butta-butta. Hey, butta-butta-butta.
-Churn! -Churn!
Hey, butta-butta-butta.
-Oh, man. -l know.
This kid's dorkier than that light-up cowboy from freshman year.
Remember?
Wait. That was you.
Hey, butta-butta-butta.
-Churn! -Churn!
Hey, butta-butta-butta.
Hey, hey, hey, show's over. Knock it off!
l can't, little buddy. l'm in the zone.
Hey, butta-butta-butta.
No, no, no. Not you! You! And you and you! All you guys.
Just cut the dude a break!
lt doesn't make you cool to make fun of somebody.
lt just makes you all jerks.
All Thor wants to do is make some friends.
And butter.
You're not helping.
Now if you hockey pucks will excuse us,
me and my new best buddy have some butter to churn.
Okey-dokey, artichoke-y.
Hey, butta-butta-butta. Hey, butta-butta-butta.
-Churn! -Whoa, slow down there, buddy!
You don't want to hit the air
bubble.
Sweet niblets.
l've got butter in all my nooks and crannies.
Okay, l'll stall Rico. Oliver, make friends with the monkey.
And exactly how do l do that?
Just be yourself. He'll think you're family.
High school's made you hard.
-Coconut! -What kind of comeback is...
-Rico! -Hi.
Honey, where are you going?
l've got to grab some books out of my locker.
But save the ''honey'' thing for later. Daddy likey.
You can't leave me!
You can cut the act, string bean. Nobody's watching.
lt's not an act.
Look, Rico. l know l said l couldn't stand you,
but the truth is, deep down, way, way deep down,
l've always thought you were a...
A hunk.
Really?
May l be hit by lightning if l'm lying.
Who wants to trade a silly little phone for a nice banana?
Why would he want a stupid banana?
Yeah, he's got a snow-cone machine and a mini-fridge...
This feels so right,
and yet something haunts me.
How can l be sure your love is true?
You're on my lap, aren't you?
Perhaps you could prove your love with a kiss.
Okay.
Who do you want me to kiss?
Okay, fine. l'll do it.
Let me just ready myself.
You know, this may... This will take some time.
Get your stinking paws off me, you darn dirty ape!
-Use your muscles! -They're in my book bag!
Hello!
-We got it! -We got the phone!
Kiss the chicken, bub!
Your little blackmail scheme is over!
l think not.
Come here, chuckleheads.
This is the real phone.
Now, you're gonna plant one right here,
or l'll press send,
and everybody'll know your precious little secret.
Miley, just close your eyes. lt'll be over before you know it.
No, it won't. lt'll never end.
He's going to hold this over me for the rest of my life.
Passion and brains. l repeat...
Okay, listen here, rinky-dink.
Go ahead. Send the picture,
but if you think it's going to impress anybody at this school, you're wrong.
Sure, they'll know my secret,
but they'll also know what a pathetic loser you are.
So press send.
Nothing can be much worse than this.
Here. You win.
Really?
Yeah. lt's just that l've always been the youngest in my class
and the smallest,
and just once l wanted to fit in. To be cool.
You smell like wet monkey.
And to get a girl like you to kiss me, well, that'd be the coolest thing ever.
Rico, hold on.
You know, if you'd been this real with me from the beginning,
things might have been different.
You mean you would've kissed me?
l'm not talking major lip lock, but a little cheek action. Sure.
When you treat people nice, Rico, they're gonna treat you nice back.
As a matter of fact...
Come here, handsome,
Yes! He shoots, he scores!
He's toast!
You better run, pal.
l've never seen her so mad.
Wait till you see what Rico thought was her big secret.
Help, monkey, help!
How's it going?
Can l get a little more syrup?