I hate flag football.
It's just one more sport where I get picked last.
And you wanna know why?
Cause you stink?
Or 'cause you're pretty and all the other girls are jealous?
Nice save.
Okay, look, I-I know I'm not good, but I'm not horrible.
Look alive, Stewart.
Okay, I'm horrible.
But, you just don't know what it feels like to always be
the last one picked because no one wants to be with...
"Stinky Stewart."
Not true.
Last year in soccer I wasn't picked till practically the end.
You had a broken collarbone...
and you still got picked ahead of me!
I just wish one time,
some miracle would happen and I wouldn't get picked last.
All right, Palumbo, Truscott--
team captains. Pick your team!
Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Finally! A captain who'll pick me first!
It doesn't matter who you pick, Truscott.
Your team is going down.
In your dreams, Palumbo.
You've been trying to beat me at something since the second grade.
And, newsflash, never gonna happen.
Hey, Stinky, how you doing?
Not bad-- Hey!
Let's go, ladies. Pick your teams.
You're slower than my husband in the bathroom.
I curse the day he put that plasma screen in there.
Pick first, Truscott.
You're gonna need all the help you can get.
She's not the one that's gonna need the help.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah!
Darn right, yeah! You're going down, phoney Joannie.
Who smells like week old bologna--
That's been in your locker all alone-y--
Right next to that...
that...
Melted ice cream cone-y.
Ew, girl, you are in the zone-y!
Yo, Salt-n-Pepa. You wanna bet on it?
Does she?
How about, um,
winning captain gets to give losing captain,
a little haircut?
You're on!
Or...
we could bet a quarter. 'Cause, you know,
it's just about the fun of competition.
No, it's really about the fun of me kicking your butt, again.
Yeah.
That's it. You're on!
Go ahead, Lilly.
Pick away, make my day,
everything's gonna, uh, be okay--
Kowalski.
What'd you say?
Wow. Isn't it funny how it always comes down to the two of us?
Yeah, hilarious.
I hope you don't get picked last this time.
Yeah, me too!
Careful, you almost hit that anthill.
And even these tiny creatures are very important to our ecosystem.
Pick your poison, Truscott. You're gettin' a buzzcut either way.
I pick--
Sarah.
Good luck, Stinky. Bye!
I love you all!
I wish I could stay all night long!
Let's get out of here.
Hey, uh, darlin',
are you still upset about what happened with you and Lilly?
No, of course not. Why would you say that?
Well, you normally don't introduce
"True Friend" as a touching little song
about a two-faced backstabber.
Just my way of keeping things fresh.
You know, I'm an artist, that's what I do.
Well, I'm a dad,
and knowing that that's a hunk a hooey... that's what I do.
Am I gonna get another lecture?
Maybe later.
Right now I gotta get this dang mustache off.
Lola, be thankful you donât have to wear one of these things.
It's itchier than a baboon's butt at a flea circus.
Well, look who showed up.
Were all the other concerts in town sold out?
Because I-I know you wouldn't have picked mine first.
Or second.
Or last!
Hey, I was gonna pick you until you started that whole
"haircut" thing. And what's the big deal anyway?
I won!
Do you wanna share the trophy?
I couldn't have done it without your three fumbles.
It's a stupid game!
The ball's not even round.
Hannah!
Mm-- ah, Mm-- ah.
Hey, guys! Whatâs up, Traci?
You just get better and better!
I loved the little backstabbing quip.
So funny! That wasn't about me, was it?
No, no, no, no. Of course not.
I know I can always count on you.
Oh, come on, you're not going to stay mad at me forever, are you?
I think I'm a little more mature than that.
So, I have five seats left in the limo.
So, I pick, um,
you, you, you, and, um...
you. Letâs go.
Wait, that's only four.
Oh, right. I-I-I forgot about Fern--
Who's Fern?
My new best friend.
That's a ficus!
A ficus named Fern.
She's getting the window seat. Oh, yeah.
Jackson!
What?
I'm eating over the sink.
That's not a sink, it's a toxic waste dump.
I've asked you for three days to get these dishes done.
Look at this.
This spinach has hair on it.
That's not spinach, that's a piece of chicken.
Look, Dad, I'll get to it.
When?
When this stuff up and crawls away?
You think it could do that?
'Cause that would be so cool.
That's it.
I ask you to do the dishes,
I get green chicken.
I ask you to separate the whites in the laundry
and I get green underwear.
Well, what are you worried about?
Nobody's gonna see 'em,
unless you do that sunrise yoga out on the deck again.
Talk about your
It centers me, boy.
I shouldn't have to tell you things over and over again, Jackson.
You're not ten years old.
Okay, okay, I'm sorry.
No, you're not.
You're just saying that because you're afraid I'm going to ground you.
Oh, come on, Dad, I apologized.
You want me to mean it, too?
Yes. Jackson,
I want you to hear me when Iâm talking to you.
But since you never listen,
I'm just not going to waste my breath anymore.
What's that supposed to mean?
Dad?
Oh, the silent treatment.
That's my punishment?
Youâre gonna stop telling me what to do.
Sweet! I mean, I mean, I mean thatâs a very good choice.
Boy, I sure hope I learn!
Uh, even if it takes a week, a month--
you take your time.
This is important.
Dad, why didn't you tell me the Titans' game started?
Oh, right.
Daddy no talkie Jackson.
Oh, oh, Vince is out of the pocket!
Go, baby, go! Come on!
Oh, no, look he broke a tackle!
Come on, come on, take it to the house, V-dawg!
Go, go, go, touchdown! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Give it to me!
Come on. Come on!
Hello?
You're kidding.
That's great.
What's great?
Oh, we're tickled pinker than a pig in a purple prom dress.
We'll be there!
What pig? Dad why're we tickled?
Hey, Mile! Get down here. I got some great news!
Okay, now who's acting like the ten-year-old?
I'll tell you who.
You! That's who!
You! You, you, you, you, you... little ten-year-old. Look at you...
mm-- ah, mm-- ah, mm-- ah. Peek a you! Yeah, yeah...
it's you! You! Look at me.
Iâm a great, big ten-year-old with big side burns
and ten-year-old big-- You-- you're the ten-year-old!
Yeah.
You're the ten-year-old! You're the ten-year-old!
You're theâ!
It's you!
I'd ask why Jackson's gone squirrelly,
but then I'd have to pretend that I actually care.
What's the news?
I just got a call from Nashville.
Guess what single just won a Silver Boot
for Best Country/Pop crossover?
True Friend won a Booty?
You got it!
I can't believe it!
This has always been my dream.
Being on national television holding my own Booty.
Well, get ready darling,
because tomorrow night, live via satellite,
that dream's coming true!
I'm happy for ya, baby.
You know itâs a night you'll never forget.
I know I never get tired of looking at my own Booty.
This is so awesome. I have got to go tell...
Lilly.
No. I have a lot of other BFF's I could tell.
Well, BF's.
Okay, fine, F's. Would you stop torturing me?
Answer the phone!
It could be an emergency.
Okay, okay, you wanna play har-- ?
You wanna play hardball?
Well, it's on! Like soy sauce on a wonton!
Youâre gonna talk to me.
Yo, Zack. Check it out.
Boo-yah.
- Awesome! - I know.
Oliver,
I have amazing news!
So do I.
My mom made detective and gave me her old handcuffs.
Check it out. Huh? Huh?
Yeah. Great. Terrific. Whatever.
Okay, Hannah won a Silver Boot for Best Country Pop crossover.
Why aren't you happy dancing?
âCause Iâm not a girl.
And guys don't happy dance.
Well, could you at least act a little more excited?
Well, you weren't excited for me.
You locked your bike with handcuffs!
And itâs awesome!
Thank you!
You know, if you want a girl's reaction,
just go make up with Lilly.
I don't need to make up with Lilly, I have you.
- Now come on, lets go. - Where're we going?
Hello, to get our nails done.
Oh, we--we canât just try that happy dance thing,
you know?
No. Too late. Let's go.
Your mom must be so proud.
Uh, so, I-I want it right here,
in big letters,
"I hate Dad."
And, uh, put a little barbed wire around it.
Now, you sure you don't want to check out some of my flower patterns?
Hey, just barbed wire me, baby!
Okay, all right. I just need some parental consent.
No problem.
Hey, Dad, if you don't want me to get a tattoo,
you might wanna speak up.
- Jackson! - Yeah?
That's it. President Andrew "blank"... Seven across.
This is too easy.
Okay...
Arlo, uh,
needle me.
Yup, I'm really gonna do it.
Even though it's dangerous...
and permanent!
Here it comes.
He's almost breaking skin--
Oh, Marmaduke, you are one funny dog.
Hello! About ready to get marked for life here... Ow.
Hold still!
Get away from me with that thing!
What kind of a father are you?
Hey, look at that...
crazy dog thinks he can drive.
You know, the second coat really made a difference.
I told ya.
Oh my gosh,
don't you think Richard Bruce has the most amazing eyes?
I know.
And that blue top heâs wearing really makes them pop,
and what am I saying?
Hey, Oliver, do you wanna go surfing?
Yes! Because I'm a guy.
And guys wanna surf in deep waters full of sharks.
You know, big, huge, nasty, guy sharks!
Are you wearing a clear polish?
It's called "Buff"... like me. Let's go.
Oliver, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you can't go with her.
The awards are tonight. And you have to help me with my hair.
I won a Booty.
Good, you could use one.
How rude. Come on, weâre leaving.
And you're coming with me, Oliver.
No, you're coming with me.
No, tell her you're my friend.
Tell her you were my friend first.
Tell her to pick a new friend.
Okay, guys, could you please just work this out.
Stay out of it! Huh.
What--
What are you doing?
Staying out of it.
Very funny, Oliver. Now, unlock these things.
No! Not until you guys work this out.
Oliver, I have to be at the studio in two hours
to do a live satellite feed.
Fine.
But if it weren't for your stupid Booty,
this totally would've worked.
- Tell me you didn't lose the key. - I didn't lose the key.
- Oliver! - Okay, I lost it.
Oh, uh, my mom keeps a spare.
I'll just jump on my bike, go home and get it.
Someone stole my bike.
- Run! - Fast!
Okay.
- We're doomed. - Why?
His house is that way.
Hey, hey, hey Dad! Hey, hey,
do you remember two years ago when I spilled that soda and you--
you told me to clean it up and I totally ignored you?
Well, look who's moppin' now.
An-An-And look, I did the dishes.
And I cleaned the bathroom and I cleaned my room
and I did the laundry and nothing's green.
Plus, I made you this chocolate cake.
Dad, please, uh,
I promise I'll do whatever you ask, the first time you ask.
Second, tops. Because, I mean, I'm still just a kid,
but I'm a kid who misses the sound of his daddy's voice.
Please.
Itâs got pudding in the middle.
Chocolate or vanilla?
Actually, it's pistachio-- Oh you talked to me!
You finally talked to me!
That's because even though I didn't say anything,
you finally heard me.
Yeah, I did.
Loud and clear.
Jackson, that's all a parent ever wants.
That and grandkids.
Now?
Don't worry. No rush on that one.
What is taking Oliver so long?
What do you expect? It's Oliver.
Now, would you stop pacing?
- Would you stop sitting? - No.
Fine!
Ha--
Man, you owe me an apple.
Would you keep it down? I'm on the phone!
Hey, Oliver, where are you?
Oh, great.
Jus- Just meet us down at the studio.
Okay, Oliver has to go down to the police station
and get the key from his mom. And I've gotta get ready.
Not until you buy me another apple.
Forget about the apple.
Help me get ready and you can keep
any three Hannah outfits you want, okay?
What about shoes?
- One pair. - Two.
Nothing Italian.
Fine.
Okay.
This may be harder than we thought.
- Yeah. Let's go change. - Okay...
Ah!
Okay, this is definitely not an improvement.
Your feet stink!
Yeah? How do ya like 'em now?
It's a little tight, but...
I think it may work.
Lets go take a look in the mirror.
Oh, goodness. Oh, lovely.
Aw, look at that.
I knew you two couldn't stay mad at each other.
Oh, yeah. We're closer than ever.
You wanna tell me how this happened?
Well, Oliver thought that if he put us--
Aw, sweet niblets, I wish that boy would stop doing that.
Well, none of this never would've happened
if you would've just picked me.
Yeah, I'm not the one who gave a limo ride to a plant.
At least if Fern was playing flag football,
she wouldâve just picked me.
- It's a ficus! - Named Fern!
You could not pay me enough money to be a teenage girl.
I got the key, I got the key!
- Oh, thank... - You're live in
one minute, Miss Montana.
Get 'er done, son.
Carrie Underwood is on stage announcing
that Hannah's won the award right now.
I haven't even thought about what I'm going to say yet.
Well, lucky for you, I did.
All you gotta to do is read the TelePrompTer.
Your daddyâs thought of everything.
Except the key breaking.
Uh-oh.
I hate when he says "uh-oh."
Yeah, it's almost as bad as when he thinks.
Live in thirty seconds!
Oh, boy.
Gee, I wonder what's gonna happen now.
I have an idea!
No!
Normally, I'd agree. But this is a good one.
Accepting her award live from Los Angeles,
Hannah Montana.
Thank you so much for this incredible honor.
And it means even more knowing that it's coming
from the good folks in Nashville--
the place that I'm proud to call my hometown.
Huh. Hooray, Nashville!
I only wish that I could be there
in person to tell you how I truly feel.
Um, this is my special wave...
to Grandma.
Hi, Grandma!
Bye, Grandma.
Every time that I hear "True Friends"
it always makes me think about-about real friendship.
Sorry. I had a little something in my teeth.
All better.
As I was saying friendship means a lot to me.
In fact, this song was inspired by my...
my best friend.
She's been with me through everything,
and even though sometimes we fight,
we know weâll always get through it,
because, well, we love each other.
And nothing says it better than this song.
"True friends will go to the ends of the earth,
till they find the things you need.
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs..."
Bless you...
" 'Cause they've got someone to believe in."
Thank you for believing in me.
And thank you for this award. I love you all.
Good night.
- I'm sorry! - Me, too!
Ow!
Ahâ¦
Let's go, ladies, pick your teams.
You're slower than my husband in the bathroom.
You said that last week.
I know.
Now he's got a mini-fridge in there.
I think he's hiding from me.
- I could never imagine why. - Yeah.
Okay, I pick Joannie.
Hey, you could've bet a quarter.
I pick Lilly.
Uh, if you pick me, you have to pick Miley, too.
I don't want to pick her.
I don't care. Wherever I go, she goes.
Yeah, we're kind of a package deal.
Fine. Iâll take Lilly and Stinky.
Told you it would work. Now, unlock us.
I thought you had the key.
Aw, man.
Think fast!