1 00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:05,539 Previously on The Riches. [ Cael ] Do you really think Dad has a plan? 2 00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:11,445 He stole the money. Ma lost the money. And now we're here in a dead guy's house. 3 00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:13,747 What kind of monster steals the family bank? 4 00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:16,117 [ Cael ] Gonna get caught, Di. 5 00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:19,220 How'd y'all get in the front gate? We live here. 6 00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,189 Hi. Doug Rich. Oh, hey. 7 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:24,758 Welcome to Panco, Doug. I hope your time here is fruitful. 8 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:27,495 Dahlia, what are you doing here? 9 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,830 Hugh offered me a job. I'm-- I'm gonna take him up on it. 10 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,232 Wayne. Dahlia. 11 00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,766 Doug. Cherien. Aubrey. 12 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,536 How do you do? I'm Mrs. Doug Rich. 13 00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:39,707 Rich? Cherien Rich? Yeah. 14 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:43,344 Just bring back the money, D. 15 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,413 Dale wants $40,000. 16 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,348 That's a lot of silverware, Dad. 17 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,750 Goddamn small bills. 18 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:52,820 Hey, isn't this what got us in trouble in the first place? 19 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:55,156 How long are we gonna stay? We get in, we get out. 20 00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:00,328 [ Wayne ] I want an oath of protection. 21 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:31,159 The car's right outside. Come on. Let's go. 22 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,564 Dad, those people have been staring at us. 23 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,867 No, honey, it's just your imagination. Hey, take your coat. 24 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,703 Well, why can't we just park the R.V. at our house? 25 00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:45,239 They won't let it through the gate, buddy. It's too ugly. 26 00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,308 It's our home. 27 00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,910 Not anymore. This is a bad idea. 28 00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:52,913 What do you mean? R.V.'s there, there, there, over there. 29 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,150 - We're gonna blend right in. - They're gonna break in the minute we leave. 30 00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:59,187 Maybe they're nice. Maybe they're just like us. 31 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,623 No. We got history. We got culture. 32 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,758 [ Woman ] Morning. Community. 33 00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:07,228 You mean we used to, right? 34 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:10,531 No, sweetheart. We got it whether we're with Travellers or not. 35 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,601 Hey. Hey! 36 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:18,172 I said, "Hey." What are you, deaf? 37 00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:21,675 No, I'm not deaf, but I sometimes get a buzzing in my ears. Does that count? 38 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:24,745 What she's tryin' to say is, there's a fee. 39 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,914 - Oh, Jesus Christ. I knew it. - Dahlia. 40 00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:30,818 You know what? You ain't got no right charging me no fee, buddy boy. 41 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,920 True, we have no right. 42 00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:36,424 But it's 200 bucks. That'll cover the first week. 43 00:02:36,457 --> 00:02:40,561 - Yeah, and we'll keep an eye on it for you guys. - Don't you pay him, Wayne. 44 00:02:40,594 --> 00:02:43,631 - Completely reasonable. - Oh, my God. 45 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,769 Thanks. You have nothing to worry about. 46 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:53,674 Come on. We gotta get back to work. 47 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:57,345 Screw work. We've been gone two days. 48 00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,913 Yeah, let's not mention the other little thing. 49 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:02,250 What, you mean the money we stole? 50 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:04,452 Jesus, Sam. He just said not to mention it. 51 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,820 [ Laughs ] 52 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,662 Wayne? 53 00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,830 Just stay calm, baby. 54 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,403 [ Crying ] Well, what's wrong, Kimmie? 55 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:25,739 He's gone crazy. He's crazy. 56 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:29,543 He thinks someone robbed him, stole $40,000 from his safe. 57 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:33,614 He's not letting anyone leave until he finds out who it was. 58 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:36,584 [ Beeps ] [ Man ] Your name? 59 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:38,552 Tony. 60 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,690 What's your real name, Tony? 61 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,826 It's-- It's Tony. I-- It is. 62 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,861 [ Whispers ] Shit. 63 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,431 Where the hell have you been? 64 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,960 Been gone two days, same as the money. 65 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:22,029 What money? 66 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:26,734 The 40 grand in my safe. Ring a bell? 67 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:30,538 You saying you suspect us? I suspect everybody who works for me-- 68 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:34,708 everybody that had access to Panco on the day of the crime. 69 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:37,411 Hugh, as your counsel, I must warn you... 70 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:40,648 that forcing your employees to undertake a lie detector test... 71 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:44,652 - is completely illegal. - Mm-hmm. 72 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:47,555 Potential liability is enormous. It's scientifically useless. Am I right? 73 00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,524 Where the hell have you been for that last two days? 74 00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,393 Food poisoning. 75 00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,027 Bullshit. 76 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,896 No, it's true. He had a bad shrimp. 77 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,432 You're the head of Legal, Doug. 78 00:04:58,466 --> 00:05:02,436 You don't disappear 'cause you ate a bad shrimp. 79 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,705 Now, you're gonna tell me where you were, 80 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,375 and you're gonna tell me the truth. 81 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,810 I'm gonna get it out of you one way or another. 82 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:13,947 Renaldo, you can go-- Tony-- whatever the hell your name is. 83 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,983 He's not done. Oh, he's done. 84 00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:19,052 - You too, Cherien. - No, I'm staying. 85 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,523 Get the hell out. 86 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:30,531 Okay, Doug, you're on the hot seat. 87 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:42,476 I was in Florida, in Boca Raton, 88 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:46,614 working on a new investor for you. 89 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:49,617 An investor? A big one. 90 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:53,421 One to help you with your current cash flow situation. 91 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:57,958 So who took the money? 92 00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:01,094 I don't frigging know! 93 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:04,832 So why didn't you just tell me you had an investor, Doug? 94 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,701 Because I was trying to keep it quiet, 95 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:12,573 because it was supposed to be your end-of-the-quarter surprise. 96 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,675 Hmm. 97 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,577 Who is he? 98 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,615 Well, that was part of the surprise. 99 00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:26,954 It is a very delicate... personal relationship, 100 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:30,524 and the deal is not quite closed yet. 101 00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:32,693 Excuse me. 102 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,862 Well, you better close that deal, Doug. 103 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:39,833 You better close it. How much you got him on the line for? 104 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,770 What's he in for? Hundred grand? 105 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:46,574 200? 300? 400? 106 00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:48,942 500,000? I had no choice. 107 00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:52,680 You signed us up for $500,000? 108 00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:55,849 What was I supposed to do? I hate those machines. They creep me out. 109 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:58,218 What, you think it's gonna steal your soul? 110 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,721 Wayne, people pass polygraphs all the goddamn time. 111 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:04,658 Who? What people? In the movies. 112 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,468 He would've had me at "Doug Rich." Oh, my God. 113 00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,671 Where we gonna find a half million dollars? I said I will find an investor. 114 00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:19,640 I will just have to find that investor. What? 115 00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:22,042 To invest in this shit hole? Yeah. 116 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:26,213 Honey, we are con men. 117 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,549 Remember? 118 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:32,052 We do fake investors. We don't do real investors. 119 00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:35,222 Where you gonna find the Boca man? 120 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,933 [ Wayne ] All right, team. Listen up. 121 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:49,202 We're thinking of doing a big store with Panco as the front. 122 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:52,005 So we need to find a mark that's rich, greedy and stupid enough... 123 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,074 to want to drop a load without thinking twice. 124 00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,243 What about Jim and Nina? 125 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,646 Don't they have a lot of money from alpacas? 126 00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,881 Cupcake, I love Nina. 127 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,916 [ Di Di ] Guys, I-- I got one. 128 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:06,787 Averil Utrell, age 79. She's a recent widow. 129 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:09,623 Her husband was some rich oil guy, 130 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:13,226 and turns out she's giving all her money to animal shelters and music stuff. 131 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:15,796 No, we don't do little old ladies. 132 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,031 Di Di, did you burn your moral compass? 133 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,800 - Oh, my God. - Look, why don't we just... 134 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,235 try pulling a rag on an apple down by the train station? 135 00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:25,906 Yeah, that's a good idea, but we don't know shit about the stock market, do we? 136 00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:30,043 Next. Come on, family. Lots of easy marks around. 137 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,814 Yeah, except they can't know us, they can't be too smart and they gotta be greedy as shit. 138 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,883 You're making it difficult. 139 00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,951 Hey. 140 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:41,589 Rudy Blue. Perfect. 141 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:45,559 - The baseball player? - Yeah. He's loaded. 142 00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:48,261 Isn't he still in jail? Not anymore. 143 00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:55,803 Okay, Rudy Blue is quite possibly the coolest guy in the world. 144 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,971 Speak up, Cael. I can't hear you. 145 00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,641 He's like the most badass baseball player of all time. 146 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:03,677 He had sex with a hooker during the seventh inning stretch of a World Series game. 147 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,179 Ah, when baseball was baseball. 148 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,682 And he got busted having sex with a 17-year-old girl. 149 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,684 'Kay, he says they were just friends. 150 00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,953 Her dad found them naked in a hot tub. 151 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:15,288 Okay, well, he's got a shitload of cash, all right? 152 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:18,626 First day out of the big house, he bought a Ferrari 612 Scaglietti. 153 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,961 It's 250 G's. [ Dahlia ] That's a man with somethin' to prove. 154 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,664 And money to lose. 155 00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,634 He invested in shrimp boats, banana farms... 156 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,736 and Rudy's Chili and Fries. 157 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,771 Wow. A guaranteed loser. 158 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:35,008 Hi, I'm Rudy, and, uh, I'm a sexaholic. 159 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,845 [ Together ] Hi, Rudy. 160 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:41,381 Okay, any other newcomers? Please introduce yourself. First names only. 161 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:47,387 Hi. I'm, uh, Mel, and I'm a sexaholic. 162 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:50,223 [ Chuckling ] [ Together ] Hi, Mel. 163 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:54,662 Thank you, Mel. And, uh-- Yeah. Would you like to introduce yourself? 164 00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:02,235 Hi. My name's Cherien. 165 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:06,173 And, uh-- [ Exhales ] 166 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:09,076 Well, I'm just so goddamn horny. 167 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,981 Hi, y'all. [ Giggles ] [ Together ] Hi, Cherien. 168 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:17,084 [ Man ] All right, settle down now. Settle down. 169 00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,693 [ Rudy Laughing ] 170 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:29,963 So there I was in the cockpit, workin' my magic. Wait a minute. 171 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:33,433 You-- You gave a hand job to a pilot while he was on duty? 172 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,869 Well, it's not like no one else was flying the plane, 173 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:38,038 'cause, you know, copilot was there too. 174 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:41,241 Luckily, I'm ambidextrous. [ Laughing ] 175 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,746 Well, I guess that makes you a member of the mile high club. 176 00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:48,315 Oh, look who's talkin', Mr. I-Like-'Em-Young. 177 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:52,185 Oh, come on. Don't-- Don't-- Don't remind me of that. 178 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:55,088 Oh, come on, Rudy. You don't have to be ashamed. Everybody still loves you. 179 00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:58,792 No, they don't. Not-- Not after that girl, they-- 180 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,995 Oh, that little slut? Whole world knows she set you up. 181 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:06,333 Well, ex-wife has everyone convinced that I'm just a dumb-ass horny loser. 182 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,802 Horny loser? 183 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,739 You're a baseball legend. You are. 184 00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,108 Yeah, I guess. [ Chuckles ] 185 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:18,378 Who do you think built Rudy's Chili and Fries? 186 00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:21,949 That was my idea, my hard work, my business savvy. 187 00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:25,052 And that damn judge, he just gave her everything. 188 00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:28,822 Well, it's your name on the sign. He gave her that too. 189 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:32,259 My own name. She took everything. 190 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:35,763 Well, you still got your health. 191 00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:42,069 And your money, right? Yeah, I still got that. 192 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,772 Hmm. 193 00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:48,942 But my family, my teammates, my self-respect-- 194 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:51,478 I respect you. 195 00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,847 Mm-hmm. 196 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,817 [ Cell Phone Rings ] 197 00:11:56,850 --> 00:12:01,021 Oh, shit. What? Is there a problem? 198 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:05,325 It's my ex, making my life miserable. Do you have kids? 199 00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:10,764 Sammy, who that bastard is threatening to take away. 200 00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,966 Posey did the same thing to me. 201 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,368 Gotta fight him, Cherien. Fight him. 202 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:20,007 Yeah, everybody's sayin', "Oh, he's so smart, and he's makin' money hand over fist." 203 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,109 He fights me on every penny. 204 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,277 I mean, he's doin' a huge deal right now... 205 00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:27,380 that I happen to know is gonna make him even richer than he already is, 206 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,050 and he still wants to cut my alimony. 207 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,352 Well, what's this guy do, anyway? Real estate developer. 208 00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:35,222 We got married real young. 209 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,826 No, he couldn't deal with my problem. 210 00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:42,429 I mean, can I help it if my needs were more than he can handle? 211 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:47,500 'Cause, I mean, controlling my lust... 212 00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:53,240 is a daily-- no, hourly-- struggle. 213 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,111 I mean, temptation is everywhere. 214 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,414 Yeah. 215 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:07,154 Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. [ Clears Throat ] 216 00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:10,590 I'm just finding this whole abstinent thing very, very challenging. 217 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:14,828 Cherien, I, uh-- I understand. Me too. 218 00:13:14,862 --> 00:13:16,529 Yeah. [ Clicks Tongue ] 219 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:22,235 Well, guess I better call a cab. 220 00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:25,405 Gotta go pick up the kid from the dickhead. [ Chuckles ] 221 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:29,309 Well, I-- I could give you a ride. 222 00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:32,045 Really? 223 00:13:32,079 --> 00:13:35,082 Oh, I mean, you think it's safe for us? 224 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,384 'Cause I don't wanna do nothin' to trip us up. 225 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:41,188 Both in the program, Cherien. I just want to be your friend. 226 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,223 And there's still so much to discuss. 227 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:46,226 Sammy falls asleep real easy. Oh, I love kids. 228 00:13:46,259 --> 00:13:48,962 Let's go. 229 00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,998 [ Chuckles ] 230 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,900 [ Doorbell Ringing ] 231 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,037 [ Knocking ] 232 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,278 Sam, Mama's home! 233 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:07,547 I'm here to pick you up! 234 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:12,119 - Hello to you too. Who's your friend? - None of your damn business. 235 00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:14,054 Hi, Mom. I missed you. 236 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,625 Sam-antha. 237 00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:21,228 Hi. Hi. 238 00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,563 So, this is my little girl. 239 00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:26,934 Hello. And, uh, you better go get your stuff, honey, 240 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:29,636 'cause nice Mr. Blue's gonna give us a ride home. 241 00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:33,573 Hey, I know you. You're Rudy Blue. You used to play for the Cubs. 242 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,642 Yeah, and the A's and Royals and Rangers and-- 243 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,946 And the Mariners and the Angels and the Braves. Oh, my God. 244 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:41,148 I am a huge fan. 245 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:44,517 Sammy and I, we order up Rudy's Chili and Fries probably three times a week. 246 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,187 - Great, great. Thanks. - Rudy Blue, in my own house. 247 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,990 With my ex-wife. 248 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:53,160 - Yeah. - Don't you listen to him, Rudy. 249 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,262 He's just tryin' to kiss your ass. [ Chuckles ] 250 00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:58,198 Where's my video? You better find it, because I'm gonna burn this place down. 251 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,068 Cherien, instead of subjecting our guest to your insanity, 252 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:04,104 perhaps we should deal with our problems in private. 253 00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,541 Will you wait for me? Sure. 254 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,443 Well, I'll just be a little bitty minute. 255 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,512 Okay. Okay? 256 00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,449 So sorry about this. Help yourself to a drink. 257 00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:20,387 - Drinks are in the kitchen. Mi casa, su casa. - Great. Thanks. 258 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:40,073 [ Dahlia, Indistinct ] 259 00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:44,077 - [ Wayne ] What do you care? - [ Dahlia ] I'm naked in it! What do you think? 260 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,513 [ Wayne ] What, are you gonna put it on the Internet? 261 00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:49,382 - [ Dahlia ] Oh, screw you! - [ Wayne ] Who would want to see you naked? 262 00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,451 [ Dahlia ] You're doing this to piss me off. 263 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,154 - [ Wayne ] Fine. Where is it? - [ Dahlia ] You have it. 264 00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:58,491 [ Wayne ] I don't want it anyway. Just stop blogging about my sex life. 265 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:01,628 [ Dahlia ] Hey, this is a free country. I can write whatever I want. 266 00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:04,531 Jesus Christ. [ Wayne ] One more stunt like that, and I will sue your ass! 267 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:07,267 Are you really a baseball player? 268 00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:11,038 Yeah, well, I used to be. My Daddy's gonna buy a baseball team. 269 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,740 Oh, he is, huh? 270 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:17,277 Well, you know, baseball teams cost an awful lot of money. I know. 271 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,480 Once his new deal closes, he's gonna be richer than God. 272 00:16:21,781 --> 00:16:24,751 It's a secret though. I can't even tell Mom. 273 00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,387 [ Dahlia ] Jesus Christ, Doug. Don't try to pull that shit on me. 274 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,789 - Not after last time. - [ Wayne ] Oh, that's enough, Cherien. 275 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,325 One more stunt like this, I'll sue your ass. 276 00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:37,264 I am so sorry, Rudy, but Doug and I still have a few things to fight about like cats and dogs. 277 00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,699 May take a while. Can I call you in the morning? 278 00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:41,601 Yeah. Yeah, sure thing. Okay, great. 279 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:47,107 Good night. Thank you so much. 280 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,376 [ Dahlia ] Bye-bye. [ Door Opens ] 281 00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:51,244 [ Door Closes ] 282 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,649 So what do you guys think? 283 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,586 Is he a gut guy or a research guy? [ Together ] Gut guy. 284 00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:03,356 You guys, if he does even a little bit of research on Doug Rich, well, he's gonna-- 285 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:05,658 He'll find Doug Rich, a respectable lawyer... 286 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:08,061 working for a respectable real estate firm. 287 00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,130 I don't understand why we can't just call the guy. 288 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:12,365 No, baby, you never, ever call the mark. 289 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,401 He's gotta call us. We can't call him. 290 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,469 Gotta set the bait. See, if he takes it... 291 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,605 and he calls, he's the right guy, and if he doesn't-- 292 00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:21,541 Then he's the wrong guy, never was the right guy. Yeah. 293 00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,710 But I think he's gonna call. I think Rudy's the man. 294 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:26,846 You know-- Eat that. 295 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,182 Listen, he's just out of jail. 296 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:32,119 Man's got a lot to prove to people that he's still worth somethin'. 297 00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:35,655 Yeah, and as much as he wants into Mom's pants, 298 00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,591 I think he wants into this gig a little bit more. 299 00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:41,361 I don't know, Dad. It's a long shot. Maybe. 300 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,330 Ye children of little faith. 301 00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,532 [ Cell Phone Buzzing ] 302 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,202 Oh. [ Cael ] No. 303 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:50,670 Could be. [ Cael ] No way. 304 00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,373 - [ Di Di ] Come on. - Come on. 305 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,642 Doug Rich. 306 00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:58,211 Rudy. Oh. [ Scoffs ] 307 00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,213 Shh. 308 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:02,882 Yeah? 309 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,152 I could do lunch. 310 00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,820 - [ Squeals ] - Know it? Yeah, I know it. 311 00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:11,658 I will meet you there. I'll meet you there for lunch. 312 00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,660 Okay. Bye-bye. 313 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,795 Hey. Whoo! 314 00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:18,331 All right, all right. I stand corrected. Awesome! Ow. 315 00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:20,633 My boobies are gettin' credit for this one, I'm tellin' you. 316 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:23,303 [ Woman ] This way. You're pretty sly, Rudy. 317 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,872 Snagging one of my business cards? 318 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,641 Well, I just thought we had a few things in common. 319 00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:33,880 It seems you know baseball. You know Cherien. 320 00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:38,785 I don't know how to tell you this, slugger, but she is a nutcase. 321 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,787 Oh, well, she seemed pretty sweet to me. 322 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:43,190 When she wants you to do something, you do it. 323 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:46,326 And then she'll turn around and she'll bite your head off, you know? 324 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,661 And sex-- 325 00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:52,465 - Sex was dangerous. - Really? 326 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,801 Different positions. 327 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:58,671 She loved to try out many different positions. 328 00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:01,608 And she's-- 329 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:05,445 she's double-jointed, and I'm not. 330 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,879 Oh. So it was a challenge. 331 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,918 I shouldn't be talking about this. 332 00:19:11,951 --> 00:19:15,555 But aside from the sex, you know, everything else was a catastrophe. 333 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,890 I mean, she lies like a rug. She spends like a sailor. 334 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:20,293 Doug, I-- I know exactly what you mean. 335 00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:24,464 My ex-wife, she's taken so much money from me, I can't even live off the interest anymore. 336 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,634 Must have been making the wrong investments, my friend. 337 00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,606 Is that why you asked me to lunch? 338 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:37,910 Well, you know, I heard you had something goin'. 339 00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:40,613 Uh, it's-- You're-- You're into real estate, right? 340 00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:45,385 I love the land, Rudy. So what exactly is this deal? 341 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,988 Did she tell you about Edenfalls II? 342 00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,857 No, no, no. It wasn't Cherien. It was-- 343 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,360 Nah, you don't need to cover for her. She does this. 344 00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:56,663 She thinks I'm gonna make a killing and she wants in on it. 345 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,799 And sure, it's a good investment, but it's closed. 346 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,801 I'm sorry. Oh. 347 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,971 How closed? 348 00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,475 It's a tricky investment, Rudy. 349 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,943 You know, I can't open it to inexperienced investors. 350 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:14,581 I've analyzed a profitable opportunity. We've gotta move fast. 351 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:18,351 Doug, I used to assess knuckleballs in less than a second. 352 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:20,353 That fast enough for you? 353 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:21,988 Less than a second? 354 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,292 Come on. 355 00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,300 The spotted crawfish. 356 00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,437 What? It's an endangered species. 357 00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:40,673 Lives on a piece of prime real estate about 60 miles north of here. 358 00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:45,011 215 acres, beautiful, lush green land just begging for concrete. 359 00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:48,881 Sad sack who owns it has been stuck with it for the last 30 years. 360 00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:52,852 Point bein'? Point being that in the last 30 years, 361 00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:55,488 the little spotters have gone crazy, screwing all over the place. 362 00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:58,458 Fish and Wildlife no longer need to protect them. 363 00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:02,862 So now the land can be developed. 364 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,332 They're lifting the restrictions on Monday. 365 00:21:05,365 --> 00:21:09,669 Okay, okay. How do you know that? 366 00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:13,673 Got someone on the inside. How inside? 367 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:17,410 Undersecretary of the interior inside. Wow. 368 00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:21,080 So Mr. S. Sack, who owns the land, is now quite a happy man. 369 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:24,551 [ Chuckles ] I'll bet he is. He's gonna be in some serious cash on Monday. 370 00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:26,619 No. What? 371 00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:28,888 He doesn't know about Monday. 372 00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:32,925 And on Saturday, he's gonna sell his land to me and my investors. 373 00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:34,894 Oh. 374 00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:40,933 Doug, you make me one of those investors, 375 00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:44,637 and I swear to God, you can call it Rudy Blue Estates if you want to. 376 00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:52,612 Cael, you're on the inside. Di Di, you're on the inside. 377 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,947 Sammy, you're on the inside too. 378 00:21:54,981 --> 00:21:57,417 - [ Di Di ] Dad, who's on the outside? - Does anybody else think... 379 00:21:57,450 --> 00:21:59,819 that the inside-outside problem is just about the smallest one we have? 380 00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:01,921 Hey. 381 00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:03,956 I hate doing this nympho routine. 382 00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:06,092 - [ Laughs ] - Don't laugh. 383 00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:08,928 I'm sorry. I'm just-- I'm feelin' him up. I'm all over him. 384 00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:12,131 It don't feel good. He's just about to put the moves on me, and I can't really blame him. 385 00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:14,501 Did you hear any of that? No. 386 00:22:14,534 --> 00:22:17,637 - Okay, good. - Well, rub his back and remind him you're in the program. 387 00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,839 [ Cael ] Okay, I-- I really need to figure somethin' out here. 388 00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:22,609 So we're gonna get some guy to sell a bunch of fake land... 389 00:22:22,642 --> 00:22:24,811 to you and Rudy and a bunch of other guys, right? 390 00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:26,913 - Investors. - Investors, yeah. 391 00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:30,717 So the question is, who are the investors? Who's the guy? 392 00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:33,653 - Who is anyone involved in this plan? - Yeah, who are the shills, Dad? 393 00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:37,390 - This is a big operation. - We don't know any shills here, Wayne. 394 00:22:37,424 --> 00:22:41,494 - The only people we know here are the pool guy and Nina. - We got a pool guy? 395 00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:43,563 What about the people from the trailer park? 396 00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:48,568 They would need the money. They're completely unskilled. 397 00:22:48,601 --> 00:22:51,003 They took 200 bucks off your dad. 398 00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:53,873 They live in a trailer park, you guys. They have to act like millionaires. 399 00:22:53,906 --> 00:22:56,676 We act like millionaires. [ Wayne ] I will check them out. 400 00:22:56,709 --> 00:22:59,045 But we gotta make the play on Saturday, 'cause that's when the office is empty. 401 00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:01,047 It's not empty. Hugh works there on Saturdays. 402 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,583 - Gotta get him out of there somehow. - This is insane, Dad. 403 00:23:03,616 --> 00:23:06,453 - Why? - Because we can't do this. 404 00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:09,021 I mean, half a million dollars? We don't even know what that means. 405 00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:11,057 Uh, look, the biggest thing that we've ever done... 406 00:23:11,090 --> 00:23:14,427 is to sell bogus condos out of that strip mall on Myrtle Beach. 407 00:23:14,461 --> 00:23:16,629 It was just a couple grand for finder's fees. 408 00:23:16,663 --> 00:23:19,566 Di Di, we live in this house. 409 00:23:19,599 --> 00:23:24,737 I know, Mom, but people like us, we don't make that kind of money. 410 00:23:24,771 --> 00:23:28,007 People make money like this all the time. 411 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,742 Yeah, but we don't know what we're doing. 412 00:23:31,944 --> 00:23:35,915 I mean, we're totally in over our heads here. You know that. 413 00:23:35,948 --> 00:23:38,084 So what? 414 00:23:38,117 --> 00:23:41,087 We didn't know what we were doin' when we first came here. 415 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:44,824 Your dad needs our help, okay? So we're gonna help him. 416 00:23:44,857 --> 00:23:47,193 If he don't get this money, he's gonna lose his job. 417 00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:51,030 And if he loses his job, you're gonna lose this sweet life you like so much. 418 00:23:52,999 --> 00:23:56,769 So either we go or we stay. But if we stay, you gotta roll with it. 419 00:24:00,239 --> 00:24:02,909 [ Sniffing ] 420 00:24:08,581 --> 00:24:10,517 Cherien! 421 00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:15,822 What the hell is that smell? 422 00:24:15,855 --> 00:24:17,890 Oh, the rug cleaners were here. It was spot testing. 423 00:24:17,924 --> 00:24:19,926 They're gonna clean the whole office tomorrow. 424 00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:22,194 Mm-mmm-mmm. Tomorrow's Saturday. I gotta work. 425 00:24:22,228 --> 00:24:26,132 Well, you have to work at home. No, I'm gonna work here, Cherien, like I always do. 426 00:24:26,165 --> 00:24:29,902 Okay. I'm sure they can just work around you. 427 00:24:29,936 --> 00:24:31,904 I don't think the chemicals'll be too bad. 428 00:24:31,938 --> 00:24:34,641 What do they got goin' here? "Mono tetrachloride, 429 00:24:34,674 --> 00:24:37,209 "sodium ozone phosphate, 430 00:24:37,243 --> 00:24:39,712 nitric-gastro-hydraulic mercury." 431 00:24:41,213 --> 00:24:43,249 Ah, should be fine. 432 00:24:43,282 --> 00:24:45,117 I'll let 'em know you'll be here. 433 00:24:47,286 --> 00:24:50,122 [ Sniffing ] Damn. 434 00:24:51,591 --> 00:24:54,727 Acting? What kind of acting? 435 00:24:54,761 --> 00:24:57,096 Are there gonna be cameras? I don't want cameras. 436 00:24:57,129 --> 00:24:59,999 - Shut up, Gerard. - There will be no cameras, Gerard. 437 00:25:00,032 --> 00:25:04,571 For the sum of $1,000 apiece, 438 00:25:04,604 --> 00:25:08,207 you will be acting in a theatrical event. 439 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,877 You will be acting in a training seminar. 440 00:25:10,910 --> 00:25:13,580 Like for emergencies. Like for emergencies. 441 00:25:13,613 --> 00:25:15,882 Like for investments. 442 00:25:15,915 --> 00:25:18,150 Like for an emergency investment. 443 00:25:18,184 --> 00:25:23,890 This cash can be yours. No taxes. No withholding. 444 00:25:23,923 --> 00:25:27,594 No questions asked. Is that last part clear? 445 00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:30,863 Fine. But what's in it for us? 446 00:25:30,897 --> 00:25:34,333 Money, Gerard. Christ! 447 00:25:34,366 --> 00:25:37,136 Look, how do we know you'll come through? 448 00:25:40,607 --> 00:25:43,576 Air Force One, keep it as collateral. 449 00:25:43,610 --> 00:25:46,278 But no test drives, okay? It's on fumes. 450 00:25:46,312 --> 00:25:48,715 - [ Cell Phone Buzzing ] - Oh, hang on. 451 00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:53,285 Excuse me, gentlemen, lady. 452 00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:56,623 Rudy. 453 00:25:56,656 --> 00:26:00,192 Yeah. What is it? 454 00:26:01,393 --> 00:26:03,295 [ Hugh Coughing ] 455 00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:09,802 - Holy crap. - Oh, my gosh. Are you okay? 456 00:26:09,836 --> 00:26:12,839 [ Gags ] My throat's closin' up. 457 00:26:12,872 --> 00:26:17,109 Should never have hired those shithead rug cleaners. 458 00:26:17,143 --> 00:26:19,779 [ Groans ] 459 00:26:21,714 --> 00:26:23,616 What are you lookin' at? 460 00:26:23,650 --> 00:26:25,584 [ Coughs ] 461 00:26:35,728 --> 00:26:37,797 [ Cell Phone Ringing ] 462 00:26:38,965 --> 00:26:40,967 How are the investors? 463 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,002 A little scary actually. 464 00:26:43,035 --> 00:26:45,037 One of them particularly. 465 00:26:45,071 --> 00:26:48,174 But Mr. Blue called, your friend. 466 00:26:48,207 --> 00:26:50,342 He's worried about a losing streak, 467 00:26:50,376 --> 00:26:54,781 so you better go around there and rub his thighs and turn him into a fire. 468 00:26:54,814 --> 00:26:57,149 Rudy, thank you so much for meeting me. 469 00:26:57,183 --> 00:27:00,319 'Cause I was shoppin', and I almost pulled a store clerk... 470 00:27:00,352 --> 00:27:02,922 into the dressing room, made him, you know-- 471 00:27:02,955 --> 00:27:06,325 God, man! I really feel like I can talk to you, you know? 472 00:27:06,358 --> 00:27:09,061 [ Chuckles ] And I feel like I can talk to you too, Cherien. 473 00:27:09,095 --> 00:27:11,197 Great, 'cause I need your help. 474 00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:15,001 I haven't had sex in 14 hours. Make me kind of jittery, you know? 475 00:27:15,034 --> 00:27:17,837 Anyway, how are you? I'm good. Good. 476 00:27:17,870 --> 00:27:19,806 I had lunch with Doug. 477 00:27:19,839 --> 00:27:22,108 My Doug? Mm-hmm. 478 00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:25,377 We're gonna do a little business deal together. No, no. 479 00:27:25,411 --> 00:27:29,148 I do not know how I feel about my boyfriend and my ex-husband doin' deals together. 480 00:27:29,181 --> 00:27:31,117 Wait. I'm not your boyfriend, Cherien. 481 00:27:31,150 --> 00:27:33,252 [ Chuckling ] You know? 482 00:27:33,285 --> 00:27:35,722 I mean, well, I would be. I-I-I-I'm tempted. 483 00:27:35,755 --> 00:27:38,090 I'm-- I'm really tempted. 484 00:27:38,124 --> 00:27:40,727 Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. 485 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:43,429 I keep forgettin'. I forget we're in program-- in program. 486 00:27:43,462 --> 00:27:45,965 We don't-- We don't think about each other that way no more. 487 00:27:45,998 --> 00:27:49,068 Right. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 488 00:27:49,101 --> 00:27:51,137 We grown. 489 00:27:51,170 --> 00:27:53,139 It's a door we choose not to open. 490 00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:55,808 Right. 491 00:27:55,842 --> 00:27:59,779 So, I figured it would be okay to invest a little money with Doug. 492 00:27:59,812 --> 00:28:03,449 Sure. And-- And-- And here's the thing. 493 00:28:03,482 --> 00:28:05,785 Um, the thing is, I'd-- 494 00:28:05,818 --> 00:28:10,089 I'd really like you to come to the meeting with me. 495 00:28:10,122 --> 00:28:12,859 What meeting? 496 00:28:12,892 --> 00:28:15,294 Uh, this little investor thing. 497 00:28:17,964 --> 00:28:23,035 Truth is, uh, my ex-wife made all the big money decisions. 498 00:28:24,771 --> 00:28:28,007 I-- I tell people that she didn't, but she really did. 499 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,142 She was very good at it. 500 00:28:30,176 --> 00:28:33,312 Well, let's just say, since the divorce, 501 00:28:33,345 --> 00:28:36,248 I haven't exactly been hittin' 'em out of the park, you know? 502 00:28:36,282 --> 00:28:38,450 I even tried not changin' my socks for a while. 503 00:28:38,484 --> 00:28:43,022 But, uh, anyway, I was thinkin'... 504 00:28:43,055 --> 00:28:48,527 if I had another smart, really pretty woman sittin' next to me-- 505 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,163 Oh, Rudy. You see? 506 00:28:51,197 --> 00:28:53,299 Y'all don't need me. 507 00:28:53,332 --> 00:28:56,836 A man of your accomplishments, your achievements-- 508 00:28:56,869 --> 00:29:01,841 Everything you've done on the field... and off, 509 00:29:03,042 --> 00:29:04,944 you don't need anyone. 510 00:29:09,048 --> 00:29:12,351 But I gotta say, there's nothin' turns me on more... 511 00:29:12,384 --> 00:29:14,854 than an accomplished, money-makin' man. 512 00:29:16,823 --> 00:29:19,558 And that's the truth. 513 00:29:19,591 --> 00:29:22,194 So, Rudy, 514 00:29:22,228 --> 00:29:25,464 I would be so, 515 00:29:25,497 --> 00:29:29,902 so honored to be with you. 516 00:29:29,936 --> 00:29:32,004 Yes, Rudy. 517 00:29:32,038 --> 00:29:35,407 Yes, I will go to your meeting with you. 518 00:29:35,441 --> 00:29:38,510 Okay? Okay. 519 00:29:41,981 --> 00:29:45,584 Okay, pack this stuff up. Everything in boxes. Move this thing out here. 520 00:29:45,617 --> 00:29:49,221 Okay, I want this table to the right, this table around to the left. 521 00:29:49,255 --> 00:29:51,390 Whose left? His left? No, Gerard, his left. 522 00:29:51,423 --> 00:29:54,927 Just that way. This one comes around here. 523 00:29:54,961 --> 00:29:58,831 This one forms a line, like trying to create an amphitheater here. This is opera! 524 00:29:58,865 --> 00:30:02,835 Look, don't question me. I am the director and you guys are the actors, okay? 525 00:30:02,869 --> 00:30:06,973 Okay, honey, gettin' a little vein poppin' in your neck. You need to breathe. Now, look. 526 00:30:07,006 --> 00:30:09,608 Our test client's gonna be here in an hour. 527 00:30:09,641 --> 00:30:12,578 -You're just gonna sit quiet and pretend to be millionaires. -She's playin' a millionaire? 528 00:30:12,611 --> 00:30:15,514 - Shut the hell up, Gerard. - Would you be quiet, please? My stylist's gonna come. 529 00:30:15,547 --> 00:30:18,384 You're all gonna get nice clothes, and you're gonna look like millionaires. 530 00:30:18,417 --> 00:30:20,619 She probably once blew a millionaire. Oh, my God. 531 00:30:20,652 --> 00:30:23,923 [ Woman ] Shut the hell up. Okay, I love where we're going here, but it's not helping. 532 00:30:23,956 --> 00:30:25,992 Um, Gerard, this is what you're gonna do. 533 00:30:26,025 --> 00:30:30,262 You're gonna be Mr. Balsam, heir to the Balsam fortune. 534 00:30:30,296 --> 00:30:33,565 Got it? Who are you? Gerard. 535 00:30:34,433 --> 00:30:37,103 No. Uh, Mr. Balsam. 536 00:30:37,136 --> 00:30:41,640 Okay. Fred, you are gonna be a Mr. Marsho, all right? Of the Marsho hedge fund. 537 00:30:41,673 --> 00:30:44,510 Marsho. What's a hedge fund? 538 00:30:44,543 --> 00:30:47,446 You know, when you keep something in a hedge? 539 00:30:47,479 --> 00:30:51,117 Well, imagine a fund in a hedge. 540 00:30:51,150 --> 00:30:55,054 Um, Imelda, I want you to be Senora Bolivar. 541 00:30:55,087 --> 00:30:58,390 All right? C.E.O. of Argentina Transmobile. 542 00:30:58,424 --> 00:31:00,559 How's your Spanish? 543 00:31:00,592 --> 00:31:03,930 Oh, es perfecto. Gracias, papito. That's easy for you to say. 544 00:31:03,963 --> 00:31:07,466 Uh, Cael, what you gonna be? 545 00:31:07,499 --> 00:31:11,237 Uh, Dieter Platter, German Internet genius. 546 00:31:11,270 --> 00:31:13,973 Yeah, a very quiet genius. Okay. 547 00:31:14,006 --> 00:31:16,342 Olin. Where's Olin? [ Snoring ] 548 00:31:16,375 --> 00:31:18,911 [ Fred ] Olin! Snap out of it! 549 00:31:18,945 --> 00:31:21,280 You don't have to yell. 550 00:31:21,313 --> 00:31:23,282 Olin, this is important. You're a key player here. 551 00:31:23,315 --> 00:31:26,018 You're Mr. Abbott. You are the seller. 552 00:31:26,052 --> 00:31:29,621 Oh, Jesus, Wayne. He is drunk off his ass. 553 00:31:29,655 --> 00:31:31,924 Olin, this is 9:00 in the morning. 554 00:31:31,958 --> 00:31:34,360 Just gimme some coffee. I'll be fine. [ Gerard ] No, he won't be. 555 00:31:34,393 --> 00:31:37,496 He's on a bender. He's gonna wreck our whole show. 556 00:31:37,529 --> 00:31:40,532 - What the hell do you care? - I care because I'm a professional. 557 00:31:40,566 --> 00:31:43,035 A professional gas station attendant. 558 00:31:43,069 --> 00:31:45,972 - I'm a musician, you two-bit whore. - [ All Shouting ] 559 00:31:46,005 --> 00:31:48,640 Hey! Mr. Blue just called. 560 00:31:48,674 --> 00:31:50,509 He's on his way. He'll be here at 10:00. 561 00:31:54,746 --> 00:31:57,583 Okay, everybody, remember what I'm saying. Do this. Work things out. 562 00:31:57,616 --> 00:32:00,219 Help me here, okay? Everybody help me. 563 00:32:00,252 --> 00:32:02,488 Put those in there. And you know what, sweetheart? 564 00:32:02,521 --> 00:32:05,424 Please don't steal anything. It won't fit down your tube top. All right, all right. 565 00:32:05,457 --> 00:32:07,493 Olin, snap out of it. 566 00:32:07,526 --> 00:32:10,396 [ Olin ] You do not have to yell. 567 00:32:12,531 --> 00:32:14,500 Take those off. Try these. 568 00:32:14,533 --> 00:32:16,535 You are looking good, Olin. 569 00:32:16,568 --> 00:32:18,637 I think I need more concealer shit. 570 00:32:18,670 --> 00:32:22,408 [ Fred ] He's good, isn't he? Oh, yeah, he's the best. 571 00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:25,177 Okay, Imelda, honey, you gotta come out. He's gonna be here any minute. 572 00:32:25,211 --> 00:32:28,247 No. They're gonna laugh at me. No one will laugh at you. 573 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:34,120 Okay, the thing to remember is at the right time, do not forget to take out your cell phones. 574 00:32:34,153 --> 00:32:36,622 - [ Cael ] Ferrari, 2:00. - He's here! 575 00:32:36,655 --> 00:32:38,657 All right, places. Come on, people. 576 00:32:38,690 --> 00:32:42,161 Imelda, come out! All right, keep your hair on. 577 00:32:45,664 --> 00:32:48,600 You say anything, I'll rip your friggin' head off. 578 00:32:53,105 --> 00:32:55,307 Imelda, tattoo. 579 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:03,215 Rudy, good to see ya. 580 00:33:03,249 --> 00:33:05,717 So you want in on this after all? 581 00:33:05,751 --> 00:33:09,455 Yeah, well, I'm thinkin' yeah. Yeah, probably. I, uh-- 582 00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:13,192 Abbott's here. He is so glad to be unloading this land. 583 00:33:13,225 --> 00:33:15,694 Yeah. Sure you want to do this? 584 00:33:15,727 --> 00:33:18,397 Because I will happily put in another 500 grand for your share. 585 00:33:18,430 --> 00:33:20,299 [ Scoffs ] 586 00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,434 Hello, Rudy. Sorry I'm late. 587 00:33:22,468 --> 00:33:25,471 What are you doing here? This is invitation only. I was invited. 588 00:33:27,173 --> 00:33:30,076 Right, Rudy? 589 00:33:30,109 --> 00:33:33,779 Hey, you are bringing a date to a limited partnership offering? 590 00:33:33,812 --> 00:33:36,082 He's not my date. He is my sponsor. 591 00:33:38,184 --> 00:33:40,786 Mr. Abbott is getting very impatient. He says he has a 2:00 charity function. 592 00:33:40,819 --> 00:33:42,621 Thank you, Di-- Helen. 593 00:33:45,457 --> 00:33:47,793 This way. Ah. 594 00:33:47,826 --> 00:33:51,263 I'd really like it if she could be here, if you don't mind. 595 00:33:51,297 --> 00:33:54,733 I promised I'd look after her. You know, she is horny as a toad, that one. 596 00:33:54,766 --> 00:33:56,735 Well, it's your funeral. 597 00:33:56,768 --> 00:34:00,206 You've got a-- Yeah. 598 00:34:00,239 --> 00:34:03,209 So, Mr. Abbott, 599 00:34:03,242 --> 00:34:07,213 I think you'll find the price of three million dollars... 600 00:34:07,246 --> 00:34:09,381 is more than fair. 601 00:34:09,415 --> 00:34:12,618 And I strongly suspect that you will find it very difficult... 602 00:34:12,651 --> 00:34:15,854 to get that price from any other buyer, especially considering that your land... 603 00:34:15,887 --> 00:34:20,259 has endangered species, zoning restrictions... 604 00:34:20,292 --> 00:34:24,696 and that no development is possible upon your land. 605 00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:28,534 I know the development was one of the things you were hoping for. 606 00:34:31,903 --> 00:34:34,806 That development was one of your hopes. 607 00:34:37,543 --> 00:34:43,215 - Mr. Abbott! - Yes? Yes, I had hoped to develop. 608 00:34:43,249 --> 00:34:45,217 Alas. 609 00:34:45,251 --> 00:34:47,619 Alas, yes. 610 00:34:47,653 --> 00:34:51,390 So, therefore, 611 00:34:51,423 --> 00:34:55,361 as environmentally, socially conscious, aware people, 612 00:34:55,394 --> 00:34:58,464 we believe that your land would be perfect... 613 00:34:58,497 --> 00:35:01,633 for a bird sanctuary, named after yourself-- 614 00:35:01,667 --> 00:35:04,870 the Abbott Aviary Habitat. 615 00:35:04,903 --> 00:35:09,775 And not only that. We will build a visitor center for this bird sanctuary, 616 00:35:09,808 --> 00:35:14,513 which will be called the Abbott Aviary Habitat Visitor Center. 617 00:35:14,546 --> 00:35:16,848 Whoever can say that quickly will win an award. 618 00:35:16,882 --> 00:35:21,687 This is the idea, this is the scope of what we want to do with your beautiful land. 619 00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:26,258 And we will buy your land for twice what you paid for it in 1974. 620 00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:30,629 So, Mr. Abbott, what do you say? 621 00:35:31,797 --> 00:35:34,700 Well, all right. 622 00:35:34,733 --> 00:35:38,170 Yes. I might as well sell. 623 00:35:38,204 --> 00:35:41,640 Excellent. Now if you could just sign the contract. 624 00:35:41,673 --> 00:35:43,875 Mm-hmm. 625 00:35:45,677 --> 00:35:48,447 You look so rich. 626 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,582 [ Snarls ] 627 00:35:50,616 --> 00:35:52,884 [ Olin ] There you go. It's all yours. 628 00:35:54,686 --> 00:35:56,822 Thank you, Mr. Abbott. 629 00:35:56,855 --> 00:35:59,758 - If you would just follow Helen here. - This way, Mr. Abbott. 630 00:35:59,791 --> 00:36:02,328 Say, you know, can I just ask one thing? 631 00:36:02,361 --> 00:36:05,897 - [ Wayne ] Afraid we have no more time for questions. - Uh, aren't you Rudy Blue? 632 00:36:07,466 --> 00:36:09,568 Yep, that's me. 633 00:36:09,601 --> 00:36:11,703 Hey, shit the bed, I thought so. 634 00:36:11,737 --> 00:36:13,939 I thought that-- You-- You know, I gotta tell you, 635 00:36:13,972 --> 00:36:16,975 - you are my favorite player of all time. - Thank you. Thank you. 636 00:36:17,008 --> 00:36:19,311 Well, thank you for that, Mr. Abbott. So, I just-- 637 00:36:19,345 --> 00:36:23,415 My God, man. Hey, and I say this from my heart. 638 00:36:23,449 --> 00:36:26,918 You have got to lay off that underage pussy! 639 00:36:29,455 --> 00:36:31,390 Baby. 640 00:36:34,793 --> 00:36:37,596 Hey, look, can't I just stay and watch? 641 00:36:37,629 --> 00:36:39,998 [ Di Di ] Look, you just sold three million dollars' worth of land, buddy. 642 00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:42,268 You don't just stand around and watch after that. 643 00:36:42,301 --> 00:36:45,504 I know. But if I can get his autograph, I can sell it on eBay. 644 00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:47,873 This'll cover the autograph. 645 00:36:47,906 --> 00:36:50,742 Well, I-- 646 00:36:50,776 --> 00:36:53,645 And so, ladies and gentlemen, 647 00:36:53,679 --> 00:36:57,449 say good-bye to the Abbott Aviary Habitat Visitor Center, 648 00:36:57,483 --> 00:37:00,552 and say hello to Edenfalls II. 649 00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:04,356 Edenfalls II. 650 00:37:04,390 --> 00:37:07,826 144 luxury homes in a garden setting... 651 00:37:07,859 --> 00:37:11,597 with a gated community around you. 652 00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,432 Gated, of course, to keep out the riffraff. 653 00:37:14,833 --> 00:37:17,603 A safe, secure community. 654 00:37:17,636 --> 00:37:20,539 A safe, secure investment. 655 00:37:20,572 --> 00:37:23,008 And you're sure the protection is gonna be lifted on Monday? 656 00:37:23,041 --> 00:37:25,777 I'm sure as sure. I happen to have some photos... 657 00:37:25,811 --> 00:37:28,447 of Mr. Undersecretary underneath his secretary. 658 00:37:29,915 --> 00:37:32,050 So we are assured of his assurance. [ Chuckles ] 659 00:37:32,083 --> 00:37:34,486 I'm in. 660 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,556 - Sounds good. - [ Wayne ] Very good. Now if you could just turn... 661 00:37:37,589 --> 00:37:40,726 to the red folder, the limited partnership agreement, and sign that, 662 00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:42,594 that would be wonderful. 663 00:37:45,864 --> 00:37:48,467 [ Indistinct ] 664 00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:50,469 What? Baby? 665 00:37:50,502 --> 00:37:52,571 I just can't. 666 00:37:52,604 --> 00:37:54,473 Oh, Rudy, come on. No, no, no, no, no. 667 00:37:56,007 --> 00:37:58,043 Is there a problem? 668 00:37:58,076 --> 00:38:02,648 No. Rudy? There's no problem. 669 00:38:02,681 --> 00:38:04,883 No. There's no problem, is there? 670 00:38:07,353 --> 00:38:10,689 Listen, it's extortion. It's illegal. 671 00:38:10,722 --> 00:38:12,891 Well, it's only a little illegal. 672 00:38:12,924 --> 00:38:15,394 Yeah, but it's illegal. 673 00:38:15,427 --> 00:38:19,465 I just got out of jail. I-- I can't do stuff like this. 674 00:38:19,498 --> 00:38:22,734 When you've done that, then if you could please phone your bankers... 675 00:38:22,768 --> 00:38:26,605 and transfer the money into the Panco account. 676 00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:29,708 [ Phones Beeping ] 677 00:38:29,741 --> 00:38:32,378 [ Clears Throat ] 678 00:38:35,046 --> 00:38:39,017 - [ Speaking Spanish ] - Please make the transaction. 679 00:38:39,050 --> 00:38:41,720 [ Speaking Italian ] 680 00:38:41,753 --> 00:38:45,090 [ German Accent ] Yes, please wire the money. 681 00:38:45,123 --> 00:38:47,726 No, I don't understand why this is so difficult for you. Thank you. 682 00:38:47,759 --> 00:38:51,530 665-96-65. 683 00:38:53,999 --> 00:38:58,737 Please sign. Please. 684 00:38:58,770 --> 00:39:00,672 [ Sighs ] 685 00:39:06,111 --> 00:39:08,414 [ Rudy ] Banco Rio Dinero? 686 00:39:12,618 --> 00:39:16,588 Transfer 500,000 to Panco, Inc. 687 00:39:16,622 --> 00:39:20,659 Yes, 11356. 688 00:39:20,692 --> 00:39:22,594 Gracias. 689 00:39:25,697 --> 00:39:29,435 Rudy Blue. [ Giggles ] 690 00:39:30,569 --> 00:39:33,138 Thank you so much. 691 00:39:33,171 --> 00:39:36,875 Nobody move! Robert Chin, F.B.I. 692 00:39:36,908 --> 00:39:40,178 You are all under arrest for conspiracy to commit real estate fraud. 693 00:39:40,211 --> 00:39:43,449 - Who is this? What's going on? - You didn't tell me there'd be cops. 694 00:39:43,482 --> 00:39:46,017 All right. Everyone calm down. Agent Chin, I'm sure we can work something out. 695 00:39:46,051 --> 00:39:49,421 Uh-huh. I've got it all on tape. You are all looking at 30 to life. 696 00:39:49,455 --> 00:39:50,989 - What? Thirty? - What? 697 00:39:51,022 --> 00:39:53,959 What did you get me into? I'll be deported. I'll go to jail! 698 00:39:53,992 --> 00:39:56,495 Sit down. Get back. No! You won't take me to jail! 699 00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:59,064 - [ Gunshot ] - [ Screams ] 700 00:39:59,097 --> 00:40:01,733 - [ Gasps ] - [ Cael ] Okay. 701 00:40:02,968 --> 00:40:05,471 Jesus, he's dead. 702 00:40:05,504 --> 00:40:08,874 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Holy crap. 703 00:40:08,907 --> 00:40:12,778 You killed an F.B.I. agent. I didn't mean to. I-- I panicked. 704 00:40:12,811 --> 00:40:15,847 - Yeah, forget it. We're out of here. - No, no, no. You gotta help me. 705 00:40:15,881 --> 00:40:18,049 [ Imelda Screams ] [ Wayne ] No. You can help us. Come back. 706 00:40:18,083 --> 00:40:20,919 Just help us in here. Rudy, you'll help us. 707 00:40:20,952 --> 00:40:24,055 - No. This is gonna go viral. - [ Dahlia ] No one has to know you were ever here. 708 00:40:24,089 --> 00:40:26,825 He got it all on tape. Well, we'll destroy the tape. 709 00:40:26,858 --> 00:40:28,827 We'll destroy the body. What, are you insane? 710 00:40:28,860 --> 00:40:30,996 We won't destroy the body. No, no. Destroy it. 711 00:40:31,029 --> 00:40:33,699 [ Groans ] Just-- No, baby, don't go. Please, I need you. 712 00:40:33,732 --> 00:40:36,535 What if one of them tells? No, they can't tell. They're accessories to murder. 713 00:40:36,568 --> 00:40:39,871 Accessories? They're-- Holy mother of shit! 714 00:40:39,905 --> 00:40:43,241 Listen, I want my money back. No, we can't get the money back. It's in Panco already. 715 00:40:43,274 --> 00:40:45,944 But it's a very good investment-- 33% over two years. 716 00:40:45,977 --> 00:40:48,914 All right, I'm a silent partner, you understand? For all you know, I'm still in prison. 717 00:40:51,082 --> 00:40:55,587 Oh, Jesus. I could go back to prison. Rudy, I love you. 718 00:40:55,621 --> 00:40:57,689 - Oh, stay away from me, both of you! - Rudy, wait! 719 00:40:57,723 --> 00:40:59,891 [ Rudy ] Aw, shit! Call me. 720 00:40:59,925 --> 00:41:02,227 It's not as bad as it seems. Will you-- Away! Get away! 721 00:41:11,169 --> 00:41:14,005 [ Sighs ] 722 00:41:15,907 --> 00:41:19,511 - You died so well. - [ Dahlia ] Uh-huh. 723 00:41:19,545 --> 00:41:22,648 [ Wayne ] Very good, Bob. That is the end of the emergency training program. 724 00:41:22,681 --> 00:41:24,983 And I think we really learned something here today. 725 00:41:25,016 --> 00:41:27,285 - That was so great. - [ Wayne ] Very good. Here we go. 726 00:41:27,318 --> 00:41:29,788 How was it? I thought maybe I came in a little early, 727 00:41:29,821 --> 00:41:32,190 and I think I could have been stronger on that second line. 728 00:41:32,223 --> 00:41:34,926 No, no. It was very good. It was-- It was-- It was real. 729 00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:36,928 It was very precise. You were in the moment. 730 00:41:36,962 --> 00:41:39,064 Your intentions were good. That's the main thing. 731 00:41:39,097 --> 00:41:41,232 Here. Little something for yourself. These seminars are so great. 732 00:41:41,266 --> 00:41:43,669 I don't get a lot of opportunities to practice my craft. 733 00:41:43,702 --> 00:41:46,972 - No, I know. - So, y-you all can come next week? 734 00:41:47,005 --> 00:41:50,876 - Uh, that would be? - Cats. I play-- I play Bustopher Jones. 735 00:41:50,909 --> 00:41:53,612 - Community Playhouse on Lake Street. It's Saturday night. - [ Wayne ] Okay. 736 00:41:53,645 --> 00:41:56,147 - All right. Great. - Oh, hey, Bob? 737 00:41:56,181 --> 00:41:59,985 Next week, with the pool, little less chlorine. [ Clicks Tongue ] 738 00:42:00,018 --> 00:42:03,254 Sure thing, Mrs. Rich. Hey, thanks. 739 00:42:05,624 --> 00:42:07,993 [ Dahlia ] Oh, my God. 740 00:42:09,928 --> 00:42:11,997 Holy shit. 741 00:42:12,030 --> 00:42:14,833 We just made half a million dollars. 742 00:42:14,866 --> 00:42:16,802 Panco just made half a million dollars. 743 00:42:16,835 --> 00:42:18,837 We didn't make a thing. 744 00:42:18,870 --> 00:42:20,972 That's great. Good for Panco. 745 00:42:21,006 --> 00:42:23,174 We were really good. 746 00:42:23,208 --> 00:42:25,210 I was really good. No, I was better. 747 00:42:25,243 --> 00:42:27,613 But I was good. I did a lot of stuff. 748 00:42:28,714 --> 00:42:30,682 [ Laughs ] 749 00:42:30,716 --> 00:42:32,884 [ Wayne Moans ] 750 00:42:34,352 --> 00:42:36,955 Next time we should keep the money. 751 00:42:36,988 --> 00:42:39,190 Do you think? 752 00:42:39,224 --> 00:42:44,863 Well, I wouldn't have to pretend to be a lawyer. 753 00:42:44,896 --> 00:42:47,132 You wouldn't have to pretend to do... 754 00:42:47,165 --> 00:42:49,167 whatever it is Hugh wants you to do. 755 00:42:50,769 --> 00:42:52,771 Well-- [ Sighs ] 756 00:42:54,272 --> 00:42:58,109 You got a job, and I got a job. 757 00:42:59,277 --> 00:43:01,947 [ Sighs ] The kids are in school. 758 00:43:04,282 --> 00:43:06,217 We live here now. 759 00:43:06,251 --> 00:43:08,620 We do? 760 00:43:08,654 --> 00:43:10,588 Yeah. 761 00:43:13,759 --> 00:43:16,762 [ Moans ] 762 00:43:16,795 --> 00:43:18,764 So what do we do now? 763 00:43:18,797 --> 00:43:21,700 I thought you knew. 764 00:43:21,733 --> 00:43:25,070 No. [ Laughs ] You know. 765 00:43:26,237 --> 00:43:29,741 Rudy Blue? Rudy Blue is your guy? 766 00:43:29,775 --> 00:43:31,910 It did take two days, 767 00:43:31,943 --> 00:43:35,647 but ultimately I persuaded him that real estate is a solid investment. 768 00:43:35,681 --> 00:43:38,850 You got Rudy Blue to invest $500,000 in Panco? 769 00:43:38,884 --> 00:43:42,053 Yes. But he wants to remain anonymous. 770 00:43:42,087 --> 00:43:45,123 No publicity. He's actually a very shy man. 771 00:43:45,156 --> 00:43:47,325 I think he's becoming a recluse. Huh. 772 00:43:47,358 --> 00:43:49,695 How'd you talk him into it, Doug? 773 00:43:49,728 --> 00:43:53,965 I just persuaded him that trust is an important thing, that he should trust me. 774 00:43:55,266 --> 00:43:57,402 Could sell the hair off a dog, couldn't you? 775 00:43:57,435 --> 00:44:00,038 [ Chuckles ] You know, maybe I-- 776 00:44:00,071 --> 00:44:02,107 Maybe I should make you a partner. 777 00:44:02,140 --> 00:44:05,376 What the hell! There's another one! 778 00:44:06,778 --> 00:44:09,748 Looks like a blood stain. Oh, my gosh. 779 00:44:09,781 --> 00:44:13,952 Uh-- Those rug cleaners. I don't know what they used, but it did not work. 780 00:44:13,985 --> 00:44:16,287 You should see over by my desk. Hellacious mess. 781 00:44:16,321 --> 00:44:19,958 You were right, Hugh. I never should have hired them shitheads. 782 00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:21,927 Mm-hmm. 783 00:44:29,835 --> 00:44:31,436 All right then. Back to work.