Previously on The Riches.
[ Tires Screeching ]
- Sorry. - [ Dahlia ] You wanna pretend to be the dead guy?
You wanna wear his suits and me to be his dead wife?
[ Cael ] Do you really think Dad has a plan?
He stole the money. Ma lost the money. And now we're here in a dead guy's house.
How'd y'all get in the front gate? We live here.
Come and meet our new neighbors.
- Hi, Nina. Can I come in? - Well, sure, honey.
Doug Rich was a securities lawyer, whatever that is.
This is not my specialty. I'm a securities lawyer.
With your experience, it should be a piece of cake.
Doug is a Republican. His best friend is Pete.
Pete's a mortgage broker from Dallas. He's e-mailed twice about a golf trip.
Why are we gettin' a bill from Mountain View Nursing Home for $4700 a month?
[ Cael ] Must be where Cherien's mother is.
Come on, Ma. We're getting outta here.
- It's Cherien's mom. - She likes it here.
Can you not read the sign?
I've already availed my services to some of your neighbors. Your backdoor neighbor.
Doug Rich? That's his name?
So Doug Rich, he really screwed you over on that paint job.
He can suck shit in hell for all I care.
Hugh's not back yet. What do you mean, he's not back yet?
Uh, where is he? What's he doing?
- Hugh, where are you? - Somewhere in the desert, I'm guessin'.
As of this moment, I am in control here.
Aw, shit.
[ Beeping ]
[ Line Ringing ]
[ Chattering ]
Hey.
Yeah, I just got an e-mail from, uh, Pete. You remember him.
Yeah, he wants to come visit his friend Doug.
When did he e-mail? Who e-mailed?
Pete. Pete who?
Pete, Doug's best friend. Best man at our wedding.
Oh, that Pete. Still wants to come visit.
Look, e-mail him back that both Cherien and I have the flu.
- No, make it bubonic plague. - Bubonic plague?
Yeah. Well, he's unlikely to come over if we got bubonic plague.
That's dumb, honey. Say it's hepatitis.
Hepatitis. And tell him it's more contagious than mono.
You're late. No, I'm not.
- It's 10:30. - It's only a couple hours.
- Well, he's back. - Hugh?
Oh, five days gone and he waltzes in with no warning?
Yup, and he does not waltz in alone.
Doug. Great to see you.
[ Pats Back ]
Cherien. Great to see you.
Where the hell have you been?
Aubrey, could you please give us a minute?
Thank you.
Uh, I needed a break.
I really did, after that dinner party of yours.
Got a little wild there.
But I feel good now. I feel real good.
- Obviously. - Hugh, five days. We were worried.
Oh, no. There's no need for that. Old Hugh's not falling down any rabbit hole.
No, uh, I went to Taos, did some spirit shit,
some of that sweat lodge, naked men bangin' on drums thing.
Cleaned myself right out.
And there you met a--
Gymnast. That's GiGi.
And she's a dancer.
[ Chuckles ]
After Taos, I felt so clean, uh, and kinda gay.
Kinda freaked me out. Went right to Vegas.
A miracle happened. I fell in love.
I really fell in love, and in part because of...
the inspirational nature of your relationship,
I married her-- I did.
Lookit there. Lookit.
You don't fool around, do you? I trust my instincts, Doug.
I always have. Oh. Tiny thing.
I neglected to have her sign a prenup, so fix that, will you?
- Prenup? - I learned the hard way.
Everything needs to be in writing. Okay?
And have it wrapped up by Saturday before the party.
- What party? - My wedding reception.
Come here, sugarplum.
Mmm, mmm, mmm. Yeah.
[ Arm Whirring ]
[ Clears Throat ]
Well, look at you all clean.
Is that how you like it, Dale? Clean?
No, ma'am, I certainly do not.
You've been playing with my arm, haven't you?
No.
Haven't you?
I like it.
Oh, you like it.
Well, I like that you like it.
You do? Mm-hmm.
[ Coughing ] Oh, sh--
Well, hi, darlin'. I was just checkin' the rat traps.
They look good. Your Lucky Charms are on the table.
- I'll be in in a second. - [ Everett Coughing ]
Stop.
Oh, you're bad. Oh, you have no idea.
Oh.
[ Arm Whirring ] [ Moans ]
I just-- I don't understand. I don't. What is a prenup?
Well, it's a kind of contract thing the buffers make before they tie the knot,
'cause basically they don't trust each other.
Then why would they get married?
It's a different way of thinking, baby. I don't understand.
How can you have a prenup if you already "nupped"?
Then it's a postnup.
And why would she sign that?
I mean, she got him right where she wants him. Damn.
Okay, we got a problem with your pal, Pete.
Yeah? We're sick. We got hepatitis.
Yeah, he's sorry about that, feels real bad.
The thing is, he's gonna be in town and he really wants to see his old buddy, Doug.
He's coming anyway. He's comin' anyway.
Oh, shit, Wayne.
So what are we supposed to do, Wayne,
when he shows up here looking for Doug and Cherien Rich?
How did he even get the address? Doug must have given it to him.
We could go light out. We could stay in the R.V. for a couple of days.
Why don't we just leave? I don't want to leave.
I don't want to sleep in the R.V. anymore, Dad.
- What time's he coming? - Sometime tomorrow.
We just tell him the Riches have moved. We have no idea where they've gone.
Real sorry. See you later.
No, I say we tell him nothing about the Riches.
We aren't the Riches. We don't know the Riches. We never met the Riches.
When he shows up, we just tell him we're the-- the Montpierre family.
Wayne and Dahlia Montpierre.
- Dad, that's retarded. - I'm with her.
- Sounds a lot like a sleeper. - No, it can work.
Just e-mail him back. Tell him the fever has broken. Come around about 5:00.
Okay? Right. We are gonna de-Rich this house.
I have to pee. Oh, God in heaven.
[ Beeps ]
Hi-- Shit. [ Beeps ]
Hi, this is-- Shit. [ Beeps ]
Hi, leave a message.
No, GiGi, it's not a prenup. It's a postnup.
As in after nuptials.
I know what it is.
Bullshit.
I assure you, this is a very normal legal document.
A postnup is a typical thing you sign if you haven't signed a prenup.
Well, if that's the way Hugh feels, then we should just call the whole thing off.
I don't want anything of his.
I'm-I'm a college graduate. I can take care of myself.
I'm sure you can. I need a Coke.
Ah. That didn't go too well, huh?
Doug!
From what I just saw, my bride doesn't look happy.
She didn't buy the offer?
I don't think that's the problem.
Not even the part about the dance scholarship in her name?
I really like your vest.
Oh, thanks.
You know, it's not what you guys think.
I'm not-- I'm not a gold digger.
Put myself through college by pole dancin'. So what?
I don't need to justify myself to you or anybody else.
No, you don't.
She feels that if you're doubting the strength of the union so early,
perhaps it's best you just walk away.
What? She has a point.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? I love her.
I don't want to walk away. I don't want to walk away.
I just don't want her walkin' away with half of Panco either,
on the-- on the off, off, off, remote chance...
that somethin' does go sour.
I've been honest with Hugh. Told him I want more for my life.
What's wrong with that?
Nothin', honey. Everyone wants more.
Even you?
Workin' in a nice place like this, classy as you are?
Yeah, even me.
With you marrying Hugh,
I figure I might move out of being a personal assistant.
Maybe be a sales associate.
I think you'd be real good at that.
You carry yourself with real authority, you know.
I do? Yeah.
Thanks. That's somethin' I've been workin' on.
Well, I'm workin' on-- I'm workin' on some things too.
She's brought me love, Doug. I'm a changed man.
Really? Took a long, hard look at my life over the last five days.
I realized I was missin' somethin'.
I was lonely. Yeah.
Now, you and Cherien, you got somethin' there.
It's-- Call it love, call it chemistry. Why shouldn't I have that?
No reason.
I figured you weren't ever gonna hand over Cherien.
What? Then I met GiGi,
and... it's just made me a different person.
I'm a kinder, gentler person.
So, fix that, will you?
I gotta call the caterer.
She wants a white wedding, and I'm gonna give it to her, by God.
[ Shouting ] Kimmie, where's the goddamn latte I asked for?
I need my caffeine!
Please.
Do you think Hugh really loves me,
or am I just a little Vegas toy?
I think he loves you. But, I mean, it's up to you to decide what you are.
Yeah.
Would you tell me if he didn't... love me?
Yeah, if I was you, I wouldn't. It'd be easier to lie.
[ Chuckles ] It's always easier to lie.
Excuse me. Cherien, Dr. Cael just phoned.
It's almost 5:00. Aw, shit.
Bye.
His car's out front. He just pulled up, but he's not gettin' out of the car.
- Well, what's he doin'? - [ Cael ] Who knows?
Okay, everybody ready?
[ Car Door Closes ] Shit.
[ Doorbell Rings ]
Shit!
Hello. Uh--
Hi. Is-- Is, uh, Doug here?
Doug. Doug who?
Doug Rich.
No. Uh, no Doug Rich.
Montpierre? Yes, I'm Wayne.
And my wife, Dahlia-- Here she is.
Darling, this is Pete-- Mincey. Pete Mincey.
Hi. How do you do? I'm Dahlia Montpierre.
He's looking for his friend, whose name is-- I am sorry.
Doug Rich. He e-mailed me he was sick.
That's why I brought him the soup.
Oh, that's nice of you. Uh, may I, uh--
Yeah. His friend used our house as his home address.
- And you've lived here-- - Little while now.
- That's strange. - Now, honey, is this someone I should be concerned about?
This Doug Rich person who seems to know where we live.
And, pardon me, but is he involved in any kind of criminal element?
Because we do have children to consider.
No, certainly not. Are you sure? Because, uh, Dahlia is right.
We have children.
Come on. Go, go.
- Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. - Hey.
We're goin' to the park, shoot some hoops with the neighborhood kids.
- Okay, well, be back before dark. - [ Sam ] Sure.
Take care. Hey, Mom.
I just put the lasagna in the oven. Want to know if there's anything else I could do.
No, sweetheart. Go on upstairs and finish your homework. Okay.
Hi.
They're good kids. I'm so sorry we couldn't help you.
Yoohoo! [ Knocking ]
The front was open, so-- Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had company.
I was just going. The Montpierres have been more than kind.
Uh-huh. Montpierres? Yeah. That is--
Oh, thank you for your generosity,
and thank you so much for my tray.
For bringin' that back. And your understanding, Nina.
Well, you're entirely welcome,
Dahlia... Montpierre.
So, Pete, I am sorry. This is a dead end.
Yeah, so sorry, Pete.
I never thought Doug would pull something like this.
I mean, my best friend and he's avoiding me?
Well, it does happen.
I guess I'm just gonna have to try and track down his ex-wife, Jolinda.
Pete!
It's almost 6:00. Cocktail hour.
We can't let you head out on the open road without having a cocktail, for God sakes.
Yes, come and have a cocktail. Are you sure?
Southern hospitality.
So it's Jolinda Rich from Tampa?
I-I think so. I only met her once.
Got it.
Told you he was good.
Reception here is really awful. If you'd like to try our phone, there's one in the kitchen.
- There might be more privacy. - Okay. Thank you. That was fast.
It's on the counter. Oh, I think I hear Grandma.
[ Beeping ]
[ Phone Buzzing ]
Hello?
Uh, is this Jolinda? Jolinda Rich?
Uh-huh. Who's this speaking?
Uh, this is Pete Mincey from Tampa. I'm a friend of your ex-husband's.
Oh, yeah. I remember you, Pete.
Uh, good. Yeah.
Okay. Um, listen, I'm-I'm looking for Doug.
Oh, well, join the club. I ain't seen him since he ran out on us.
Well, uh-- [ Stammers ]
Um, uh, he sent me his new address in Edenfalls.
He's been e-mailing me since he moved,
but when I showed up here, it turns out to be completely the wrong place.
- So, I'm wondering-- - Let me stop you right there, Pete.
Um, you don't get it, do you?
What-- What do you mean?
The only one reason why Doug doesn't want to talk to someone is because he don't want to.
All right? That's just how it is.
No, no, you don't understand. We're really great friends.
I was best man at his wedding. You know, the second one.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, Pete, but Doug Rich was no real friend of yours.
I-- I don't know what you're talking about.
We were golf buddies.
We went fishing together. Don't tell me he wasn't my friend.
I-- I paid for his bachelor party, for God sakes.
I'm sure you did, and I'm sure you paid for a lot of things, Pete.
Uh, look, you know what? You clearly have your own issues with Doug,
but don't confuse those with my situation, all right?
Maybe you don't know the Doug I know. Okay?
Maybe that's why he left you. You know what, Pete?
Let me just tell you a few things about Doug here.
The house was foreclosed on because of him.
They shut off the electricity, shut off the phone, shut off the gas.
I had to move me and the kids into a homeless shelter for a month, all right?
He did not like you. He used to call you Pete the Patsy.
He used to laugh at you behind your back.
You know, he only let you hang out because he felt sorry for you.
All right, so you are better off without him. You hear me?
Move on with your life, forget all about Doug Rich.
Doug Rich is a dick, all right?
I'm sorry. Hey, kids. Stop it.
I gotta go. My kids are killin' each other.
Okay? All right. Good-bye. Goddamn it.
[ Phone Beeps ]
Um, uh--
So how'd it go?
Doug Rich...
is the biggest asshole in the universe.
I know you. [ Laughs ]
Poor Mama, completely senile.
Loves crackers. Have another cracker there, Mama?
- How did she get in here? - I don't know. It's, uh, her bath time. Right?
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah. Come on, Grandma.
- Was Jolinda any help? - [ Di Di ] You know, Ma,
it turns out that Doug Rich is the biggest asshole in the universe.
I'm so sorry. Really, I'm so sorry, Pete.
Maybe it was for the best you couldn't find Doug, but terrific to meet you.
- I need to talk to Leif. - Leaf?
- Like a tree leaf? - Leif is my shrink. He's Norwegian.
- I know you. - [ All Laugh ]
Grandma, you smell so good. Let's go to the mall or somethin'. How about that?
I'll take a large Cinnabon.
Leif, it's Pete.
You're not Cherien.
I don't give a shit if you are on vacation at the Kea Lani.
Something really major just went down, and we need to process.
Call me as soon as you get this.
You Norwegian sack of shit!
Okay, Pete. Well, I am so sorry I couldn't be more help in finding Doug.
But you have a good trip back. I was a joke to Doug!
Yeah. He didn't even like me.
Nah. All those years. [ Panting ]
All those nights, and drivin' around and--
I'm hot!
Talking all night.
- My best friend. - Pete, I'm really sorry.
My throat's closing up.
I can't breathe. I-I gotta talk to Leif.
He knows how to talk me down.
I'm gonna go talk to Nina.
So, when you call Leif, does he call back real quick?
- Within a couple of days. - [ Groans ]
Pete, um, as it turns out,
I'm a shrink.
Dahlia Montpierre? Yeah, I know, it's weird.
I know, it's strange. It's--
You could say that.
Well, no, see, the thing-- Pretending--
You know, Dahlia, for a while now I've been noticing...
that things don't quite add up with you folks.
Huh?
I mean, the money in the lawn chair thing.
Who keeps that much cash around?
Or the way you're a dental hygienist one minute...
and something completely different the next.
Or how you got your kids into Rosemere in the middle of the year.
Nobody does that.
Yeah, I've been noticing things.
Whole bunch of things.
So I've been thinkin' about it,
and I finally figured it out.
Y'all are in the Witness Protection Program.
Huh? What?
Jesus.
Yeah, I knew it. I knew it!
Oh, don't worry about me. My lips are sealed.
I won't tell Jim or Wes or--
Even though Jim thought y'all were strange from the get.
So, who is that Pete guy?
Uh, Pete-- Okay, look.
It's okay. Shh, shh.
I get it.
Yeah.
Well, thanks for not blowin' our cover with him.
You're the only one who knows.
That means the world to me.
Thanks.
Got you covered. [ Chuckles ]
I have intimacy issues.
Intimacy. That's what Leif says.
He thinks I'm...
anxious about... my penis.
Yeah. Your penis?
About... having it amputated.
So you're having your penis amputated?
God, no. Man, are you insane?
It's-- It's a-- It's a primal fear.
Yes, of course.
Uh, that's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, I'm talking about trust.
Because Doug,
he cut my dick off.
So he cut your dick off?
Well, my metaphorical dick, of course.
Oh, your metaphorical dick. Of course. Thank God.
And, uh, I wish I could tell him what it feels like.
I am not a joke, Wayne. No.
That cock shit mother thinks he can go around mocking me?
I want to hurt him, Wayne.
Yes.
I want to hurt him like he hurt me.
Yes.
Do it.
Really? [ Scoffs ]
Absolutely. Absolutely.
You don't have to take that Doug Rich shit anymore.
You go back to your hotel room,
get your computer, write an e-mail.
Get it all out.
Hurt him. Kick the shit out of him!
The metaphorical shit, of course.
And then you leave. That's it.
Change your e-mail.
Put as much distance between you and Doug Rich as you possibly can.
And get him out of your mind forever.
God, you're even better than Leif.
She hasn't signed it. Okay, Hugh.
I'll get it done.
No. No, I got a plan.
What's your plan? You.
Me? You gotta talk to her, baby.
Why? Because she doesn't trust me.
[ Groans ] I am a lawyer.
More importantly, I'm Hugh's lawyer. You know what?
Here's the thing. I can't get behind this whole buffer prenup bullshit.
You know?
Is that really all they care about-- just their stuff?
Hugh has been screwed over by a lot of his ex-wives.
Well, maybe he had it comin'.
I'm just sayin'.
I don't want to be a buffer if it means livin' by a legal document.
Okay, look at it this way.
GiGi could end up with part of Panco.
Do we really want a stripper in control of our future?
She went to college.
Well, do it for me.
Do that woman-to-woman thing.
You don't get sick of lyin'?
This is not lying. This is creative reasoning.
It's lying. It's all we do now.
It's all we did as Travellers, baby.
No, we never lied to our friends.
We lie to the outside world, who the hell cares?
Well, things are different here.
If a lie can produce a better result, then we lie.
If we want to stay here,
if we want our kids to have this kind of life,
go to school, learn to become somebody, then we gotta maintain the lie.
Well, what if we start to forget the truth?
You know, about who we are.
We'll never forget who we are.
It's locked into our D.N.A.
Huh.
I feel bad about what I said to that Pete guy.
That was a mean lie.
Yeah, but it did the trick, didn't it?
I guess.
Yeah.
Had to do it.
[ Aubrey ] Mm-hmm, yeah. I will have him call you.
Hugh has called three times already. It's 8:15.
He wants to know whether you fixed it. He's already had two Xanax and they're not working.
I have to tell you, he was not this anxious in his other weddings.
Well, maybe he really, really, really, really loves her.
Mm-hmm. I put the Lloyd contract on your desk. I need it back today.
[ Phone Rings ] All right. Hello.
Pete.
No, I am really, really, really, really busy.
That was the best day of my life.
Oh, man. You look hot.
I ain't never been to Vegas. Mmm, kinda sucks.
Well, look. Some mothers are bitches.
That's all there is to it. Don't get me started on this.
I thought Hugh really loved me.
Well, he does.
Then why's he trying to get me to sign that damn thing?
You know, it's almost like he don't trust me.
Honey, men are just like little boys sometimes.
You know, they're scared someone's gonna come in and take away all their toys.
Well, I wouldn't do that. I don't even care about his old money.
Oh, bullshit. Everyone cares about money.
I've had it and I've lost it, and we both know it is better to have it.
It can't buy happiness.
Yeah, but it can buy really great clothes and a lot of shoes and a huge house...
and all this stuff, and then you can decide who it is you want to be.
[ Sighs ] But you're right. It can't buy you happiness.
Yeah, and it ain't romantic. No, it ain't romantic.
Well, some women were just not meant to be mothers, right?
Shit, I wouldn't sign this either.
Not unless there was somethin' in it for me. What do you mean?
I've been lookin' on the Internet. These things go both ways.
You can put all kinds of shit in there. Hugh cheats on you, ka-ching,
five hundred grand in your bank account.
I read about that Catherine Zeta-Whozit. She put that in there.
I could do that? Yeah.
You don't want to do it doggy style, put it in your postnup.
Oh. Oh.
He's mean to your mother, a new Camaro.
I could really do that? Honey, it's all part of the negotiation.
You know? And let me be the first to tell you, that is all marriage is.
Huh.
Well, guess I could think about it.
I would.
No, I think you're worthy of love. You know what I think, Pete?
I think this is Doug's problem, you know?
He's obviously a superficial son of a bitch.
He doesn't care for anyone.
No, no. That's not a good idea.
[ Sighs ] Why'd you have a drink?
Really. How many?
[ Whispering ] Who is it? [ Mouths Word ]
Now, come on, Pete. Don't be dramatic.
No, don't say that. I don't want to hear you talking like that.
Look, Pete, I gotta go. I got a lot of customers here.
Uh, patients. We use both words.
Okay, okay. Well, you can try me, but I won't be here.
Okay, good luck. Yeah, bye.
Jesus, that guy is relentless.
Well, what did he say? He said he had a tragic childhood.
Said it all links back to abandonment issues with his mother...
and that he's having difficulty maintaining perspective and that Doug was his best friend.
Oh, God. I feel awful. It's terrible.
Oh, trust me. He is just being a big baby.
Well, how bad did he sound? Not that bad.
I mean, I've heard worse. He'd been drinkin'.
This is all our fault, you know. We pushed him way too far.
He's just looking for a little attention, that's all. You call him back. Tell him--
Tell him what? We're his friends.
We're not his friends. Well, tell him anyway.
Why should I tell him? We're trying to get rid of him. Not like that.
Call him back.
[ Rapid Beeping ] [ Line Ringing ]
[ Sighs ]
Oh, my God. He's not answering. I'm going to the hotel.
He's probably in the bathroom.
No. Oh, crap.
We gotta open the door.
[ Knob Jiggling ]
Baby, the door's not opening. Key doesn't work.
Goddamn it. I gotta pee.
- Can I help you? - Yes, three times today.
I-- I-- Something's wrong with the card.
I go downstairs and--
Ah, thank you. Thank you very much.
You need some more towels? Soap? Oh, yeah.
Pete? Pete!
What are you doing here? We were worried about you.
- You weren't answering your phone. - Come back inside, Pete.
No. I am not comin' inside.
Okay, look. Say you do jump.
What's gonna happen? Your liver's gonna end up comin' out your ear.
Your brain's gonna be all over the pavement. And then someone's gotta clean it up.
Is that what you want? You know, at the very least, it's a cliché.
Pete, Doug's not worth it.
My life sucks.
I don't have any friends.
Just lost my job at Balman-Roger.
My wife moved out.
I-I came here to talk to my best buddy, Doug,
and he shits on me too.
- Look, Pete-- - Don't come any closer!
- I mean it. - Okay, we could do a session right now.
I don't want to talk to you.
I don't want to talk to anyone-- you, Leif, Doug.
You're all full of shit.
Pete! What?
We're all lonely! No, you're not.
You have Wayne. No.
Pete, everyone is lonely at one time or another.
And God knows everyone gets lied to.
It's just how it is, man.
Life is hard sometimes.
Look, a couple years back, I was right where you are now,
and I had a real easy way to do it.
I just got interrupted, so I didn't do it.
I woke up the next mornin'. I don't know--
I just felt a little better.
Pete, you might wake up tomorrow and just feel a little better.
You jump, you ain't ever gonna know.
Come on.
Hell, if you don't feel better, there's always tomorrow.
What, to kill myself?
Yeah. What's your hurry?
Please come in.
[ Dale ] Well, that's better.
Well, it oughta be. I maxed out the credit card on that one.
Really? You have a limit?
Oh, Everett's got me on allowance for everything.
I hate it, but what are you gonna do? Sure as hell ain't gonna work.
Suit like this makes me look like an asshole...
in a good way.
A suit like this...
could make me fall in love with you.
Now, where am I gonna wear this suit? You got any ideas?
I might have a few. What?
Take off the arm.
Slowly.
Will you call us from the airport?
Thanks. Bye.
[ Door Closes ]
Did you mean what you said in there...
about killing yourself?
Well, everyone's thought about it at one time or another.
** [ Disco ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Dahlia ] Jesus. GiGi hit the jackpot.
[ Wayne ] Of course, she has to live with Hugh.
Hi, guys.
Hey. Tony.
Hey, Doug. Kimmie.
Hi. Hi. Aubrey.
Isn't this great? I love it when Hugh gets married.
He throws the best parties. Yeah.
Let's hope this one works out. His divorces aren't nearly as much fun.
- [ Aubrey ] Cherien, you look fantastic. - Thanks.
Well, look who's here. It's the Riches.
Doug.
Cherien.
Howdy, neighbors.
Dale.
So how do you know-- Dale did some work for me on my house.
Turns out we got a lot in common.
Hartley tells me that you two were involved in a legal matter.
She says you are quite a lawyer.
You better believe it.
Doug here's the best goddamn lawyer I ever worked with.
Although, I don't know what you got against doggy style.
[ Clears Throat ] Hartley.
How are you? How's young Everett?
Fine, Hugh. Just fine. This is my friend Dale Malloy.
Glad to have you. Pleasure.
[ Coughing ] I gotta get a drink.
- [ Hugh ] Oh, the bar's over there. - Will you folks excuse us?
You're lucky I'm in love. Otherwise, I'd kick your asses right outta here.
Oh, look, Dale. Shrimp.
[ Sighs ] Dahlia.
Shit, Wayne. Ken must have told him where we are.
What is he doin' with the one-armed bandit?
Dale is a psycho. I know he's playing some kind of game.
I'm gonna talk to him.
Hey, there. I've been looking for you everywhere.
Oh, Nina. You look so pretty. Where's Jim?
Jim hates Hugh. He and Wes are home, baking.
Wes has got a plan to open up one of those cupcake places.
Well, that's nice, 'cause everyone like cupcakes. You know, I gotta find Doug.
Dahlia, can we talk? Can we have coffee tomorrow mornin'?
No, now. Okay.
Doug.
Dale. Here, let me top you off.
[ Champagne Pouring ]
We have a lot to talk about, my friend. Mm-hmm.
So, who dressed you? I did.
So I seen the kids around the neighborhood.
Dahlia drivin' a big fancy-- Oh, I mean, Cherien drivin' a big fancy car.
Wow, you're doin' really well for yourself bein' a successful attorney.
You know, in some ways, this is the happiest I've been in a long time.
It's been a relief, this whole business with Jim.
I mean, like a weight's come off our shoulders.
I never realized how hard it was to keep living a lie.
Or how lonely.
Here's the other thing I've come to.
I can't abide being lied to anymore.
Not by people I care about.
Uh--
Y'all aren't in the Witness Protection Program, are you?
'Cause I've been thinking about it, and it just doesn't quite make sense.
I mean, if that Pete guy was with the, say, F.B.I., then he'd know...
you were in the Witness Protection Program and that you were the Riches.
That's the name they'd given you.
Mmm.
I don't want to put you on the spot.
What is going on?
All right. All right.
What? You don't have to tell me anything.
I just wish you wouldn't lie to me.
You're my friend, Nina.
I would never lie to you about that.
[ Hugh ] Hey, quiet, everybody! Everybody quiet!
Listen up, everybody!
Come on over here, honey.
I want to propose a toast.
To the most beautiful gal I've ever set eyes on.
I've known lots of great women in my day.
But I've never known happiness until--
until I met GiGi last week.
What happened? This little girl...
has shown me the true meaning of love.
She's got her hands on my heart, and she hasn't let go,
and I thank God for that.
So, to my beautiful bride, GiGi Panetta!
[ All Cheering ]
Hear, hear!
Oh, oh.
And, uh, here's a little Louisiana surprise.
[ Chuckles ]
** [ Piano ] * We're back from Vegas and everything is right *
* It's the same this morning as it was last night *
* You're the one, baby *
I can't do it. * You the one *
I can't do it. I want to do it for you, but I can't be a buffer.
You're not a buffer. You're a Traveller.
No, I'm not. Not anymore.
I don't belong there either now, 'cause I know too much...
about all this, all these people.
I'm not Dahlia Malloy, and I'm not Cherien Rich.
Now, you said we were gonna come here, be somebody, and I don't know who that is.
I know who you are. You're my wife.
You're the mother of my children.
And you're the most important person in my life.
And that's who you'll always be, wherever we are.
I cannot make a truth out of all the lies I'm telling myself and everyone else.
* GiGi, you're the one *
** [ Ends ]
You're the one, baby!
All right, y'all! Let's get this party started! Come on!
Here, take the car. Go home and be with the children.
Okay?
I will look for Dale.
** [ Disco ]
So what do we do? I am not going back to camp.
No one's asking you to. Goddamn it, Cael. You know, this is all your fault.
If you wouldn't have gone to see Tammy, then they wouldn't even know where we are.
They would have found us sooner or later. No, they wouldn't have, Cael!
All right, come on. Why don't you just admit it, Cael? You blew it.
You ruined this for everyone. You know what? You're never gonna be a buffer, Di.
Drop it. It's never gonna happen. You're a Traveller.
You're always gonna be a Traveller. Screw you!
You're a piece of shit! Oh, knock it off. Jesus.
Think all your yelling and screaming's gonna do anything?
It's over.
Maybe we don't do anything.
No, Dad, we have to do something. Dale came here for us.
He's not goin' anywhere. Dale seems to have been here for a while now.
He could have blown our cover at any point, and he didn't. Why is that?
He's Dale. He's workin' an angle. I don't know.
Well, we gotta work out what the angle is and work it against him.
Then why the hell is he hangin' out with that stupid Hartley Underwood chick?
Dale has got a plan. Okay, what?
I don't know.
I guess he'll let us know sooner or later.
What are we supposed to do in the meantime, Dad?
Nothing. We go about our lives.
We go to school, we go to work, we wait for him to make the first move.
Well, that's a shit plan, Dad. Well, we leave and he wins.
- We stay and-- - And we're in it with him.
And it's all up for grabs.
I'm bettin' on us.
What do you think?
Yeah?
Doug, there's someone in your office waiting for you. I told him to wait out here.
But he insisted on going inside. He said he's a friend of yours.
Thank you, Aubrey. Mm-hmm.
Dale?
Pete.
Guess you're probably surprised to see me here, Wayne.
A bit.
Well, I was on my way to the airport this morning, but I had a little time to kill,
and I thought I'd drop by your house to thank you for all your kindness.
Huh.
Only you folks weren't home. But your neighbor was.
Jim, I think his name is.
Jim. That's right.
Lovely man.
But, boy, does he like to talk,
especially about his neighbors-- the Riches.
So, Wayne,
you and I both know you're not Doug Rich.
Though everyone here...
seems to think you are.
Which leads me to a couple of questions.
Who are you?
And where the hell is my best friend, Doug Rich?