1 00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:02,803 [unlocking door] 2 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,338 Hey. 3 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:05,706 (Dennis) Hi, babe. 4 00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,143 Dennis, what are you doing? 5 00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,578 I'm gonna mount a TV on your wall. 6 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:12,180 I just can't find a stud. 7 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:15,149 So you made nine holes in my wall? 8 00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:16,250 No, those are for the shelves, dummy. 9 00:00:16,284 --> 00:00:18,086 The TV is gonna go right here. 10 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,353 It's gonna be awesome. It's gonna be-- 11 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,089 It's gonna be like a hospital. 12 00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:24,058 Oh, Dennis, I don't want a hospital TV. 13 00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,126 I don't want a shelf-- 14 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:26,194 [dog whimpers] 15 00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,229 Whose horse is that? 16 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,364 That's my cousin Teddy's Great Dane. 17 00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:32,066 I told him I'd watch him for a couple weeks. 18 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:34,135 'cause Teddy broke his ankle running from some black guys 19 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:35,236 that pulled a gun on him. 20 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,637 Now, why is it important to tell me 21 00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:37,738 that the muggers were black? 22 00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:38,939 They weren't muggers. They were cops. 23 00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,809 So why don't you just say he was running from some cops? 24 00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:43,144 I don't know, I mean, 25 00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,379 you're a racist for assuming that they weren't cops. 26 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:46,747 Uhh! 27 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,516 You know I'm allergic to dogs. 28 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,118 Ack, allergies are all mental. 29 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,254 Hey. 30 00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:54,655 Who the hell is this? 31 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:55,656 That's Teddy. 32 00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:58,326 Get out. I want you out of here! 33 00:00:58,359 --> 00:01:00,094 You can't kick me out. I love you! 34 00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,829 No, no, get your stuff and get out. 35 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,564 I'm not doing this anymore. 36 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,433 You can't kick me out. I got squatter's rights. 37 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,568 Which is it: you love me or you got squatter's rights? 38 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,670 I don't see why they're mutually exclusive! 39 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:10,704 Ohh! 40 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,373 Thank you. Mm-hmm. 41 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,807 Oh, Liz, finally. 42 00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,809 It's about time you broke up with him. 43 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,178 He's a complete loser. 44 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:18,512 Oh, Jenna, don't say that. 45 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,881 You know, he had some good moments. 46 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:22,250 Hi. 47 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,751 I got donuts. 48 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,820 What's up, brown eyes? 49 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,589 I made chili. 50 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,724 Hey... 51 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,693 You wanna... 52 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,495 wanna order cheese steaks? 53 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:38,199 I guess they were mostly food related. 54 00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,668 But he was always nice to me. 55 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:41,835 Oh, that's okay. 56 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:43,671 Cry it out, sister. 57 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:44,772 No, I'm not crying. 58 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,807 I'm allergic to the stupid Great Dane. 59 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:47,808 That thing licked my eyes this morning. 60 00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:48,809 Wait a minute. 61 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,844 Dennis and the dog are still in your apartment? 62 00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:53,147 I gave him a week to find a new place. 63 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,148 Ugh. 64 00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,549 We're completely broken up. 65 00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,785 If that's true, then I'm taking you out to celebrate. 66 00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,687 A girls' night. We'll meet some new people. 67 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,722 Oh, you mean like at a discothèque? 68 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:03,557 Oh, boy. 69 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:06,560 [exciting jazz music] 70 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,596 * 71 00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:27,648 So when can we see each other again? 72 00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:28,949 [chuckles] 73 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,551 What are you wearing? 74 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:33,554 Black dress? 75 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,723 Black stockings? 76 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,191 A funeral, oh. 77 00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:38,826 I'm sorry, okay. 78 00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,694 Let me call you back in an hour--yeah, bye. 79 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:42,330 Why are you crying? 80 00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,531 The Liberty lose again last night? 81 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,733 I'm not crying. I have allergies. 82 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:46,967 Allergies are all in the mind, Lemon. 83 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,669 I use to have a wicked peanut allergy. 84 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,771 And now, witness. 85 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,508 As I'm sure you surmised from that call, 86 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,643 I'm seeing a woman of late. 87 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:56,810 Yeah, who's the lucky lady? 88 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:57,945 Let's just say she's a high-ranking 89 00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,281 African-American member of the Bush administration. 90 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,316 Are you dating Condoleeza Rice? 91 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:04,752 I'm not at liberty to say. 92 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:05,853 The point is, 93 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,821 my lady friend is an egghead, much like yourself. 94 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:10,458 Not my usual thing, and I need your advice. 95 00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:11,992 We're having a lot of trouble connecting lately. 96 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,261 She does a lot of traveling. 97 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,629 Yeah, and it must be hard for her to get cell phone reception 98 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,598 when she's so far up the president's butt. 99 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,400 I'm choosing to ignore that remark 100 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,968 on the basis that you are a godless, 101 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:22,770 glassy-eyed Clintonista. 102 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,572 Now, I wanted to get my friend 103 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:25,706 something personal. 104 00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:28,008 Do you think she would prefer this handsome attaché, 105 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,410 which says, "You are a woman of substance, 106 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:30,478 and I respect you," 107 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,912 or... 108 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,347 this collection of ladies' unmentionables 109 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:34,982 with snaps and openings all over the place? 110 00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,350 Attaché! 111 00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:37,651 I see, okay. 112 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:38,752 (PA) Jenna to the floor, please. 113 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,788 Yeah, it's pretty good. 114 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:42,723 But I think the boobs should swing more. 115 00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,458 Yeah, then I could go: 116 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,660 [high-pitched] Rodney, don't make me come over there 117 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:49,430 and beat you in the head with one of my boom-booms!" 118 00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:50,464 [laughs] Yeah. 119 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:51,765 This is just appalling. 120 00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,501 What's your problem? 121 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:56,670 I just think it's demeaning for a black man to do drag. 122 00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:58,972 What? Everybody loves a dude in a dress. 123 00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:01,309 I mean, those are the best Bugs Bunnies. 124 00:04:01,342 --> 00:04:02,710 Frank, there are large pockets 125 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:03,577 of African-American culture 126 00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,579 that Caucasians know nothing about. 127 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,315 The stigma of drag is one of them. 128 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,583 Whatever. I've played a woman before. 129 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:12,886 Hunky Grandma Be Trippin' made $96 million. 130 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,788 All I'm saying is-- 131 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:17,591 is drag is a way for Caucasians to emasculate you 132 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,460 and make you seem non-threatening. 133 00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:21,695 We never would have stooped so low on Black Frasier. 134 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:22,563 Black Frasier? 135 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,999 Niles, this Beaujolais is impeccable. 136 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:29,036 It's both fruity and precocious. 137 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,604 That's not the only thing around here 138 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,740 that's fruity and precocious. 139 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,608 [laughter and applause] 140 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:35,943 I never heard of Black Frasier. 141 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,711 What? It was huge on BET. 142 00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,581 Every Thursday night at about 9:00 or 9:15. 143 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:41,415 Think about it, Tracy. 144 00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:43,451 All the best African-American comedians 145 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:44,485 refuse to do drag. 146 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:47,054 Chris Rock doesn't do it. Dr. Cosby doesn't do it. 147 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:50,424 Bernie Mac doesn't do it 'cause he'd be ugly as hell. 148 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,662 Forget it. I'm not wearing this dress. 149 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:57,097 It's prejudicial. 150 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,566 Thanks a lot. 151 00:04:58,599 --> 00:05:00,368 Now what am I supposed to do with this sketch? 152 00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:01,602 I'll do it. 153 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,704 I mean, my parents raised me as a girl for, like, ten years. 154 00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,009 What? I told you guys that. 155 00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,546 That's our show for tonight! 156 00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:13,847 See you next week! 157 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:14,848 Good night! 158 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,550 [cheers and applause] 159 00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:20,621 [exciting jazz music] 160 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,890 That's okay, we'll think of something. 161 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,925 All right, I'll see you. Okay. 162 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,927 Monday night is girls' night. 163 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,629 I'm taking you out, 9:30. 164 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,598 I know this great karaoke place 165 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:31,799 where you can get a pedicure while you sing. 166 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:33,434 Oh, Jenna, I'll go anywhere. 167 00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:34,802 Just, please, no more karaoke. 168 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,069 Not after our last duet. 169 00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,771 * When I'm right here 170 00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:39,673 [higher] * You need to be here 171 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:40,874 [squeaky] * Not here 172 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,776 * Here is embarrassing * Okay, fine. 173 00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,645 I didn't say that. I said you're a beautiful woman. 174 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,713 It wouldn't hurt to try 175 00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,381 something different with your hair. 176 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:48,382 Check this out. 177 00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:49,683 I think Jack is dating Condi Rice. 178 00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:51,752 Oh, God, that's huge! 179 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:52,986 Oh, no, no. I never said braces. 180 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,588 I said bonding. 181 00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:55,923 Dude, that Shamanda character 182 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,558 was the best thing of the night.. 183 00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:59,560 What was her line? Say it again. 184 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,061 [high-pitched] Rodney! 185 00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,663 Don't make me come over there 186 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,898 and beat on you with my boom-booms! 187 00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,667 [laughing] 188 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,137 You burned me! 189 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,004 There's nothing wrong 190 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,407 with a black comedian wearing a dress. 191 00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:15,676 Eddie does it, Martin does it, 192 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,877 Jamie Foxx, Flip Wilson. 193 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,513 Whoopi Goldberg does it every day! 194 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,148 You stole a franchise from me! 195 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:23,584 Shamanda could have been a movie! 196 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,621 Okay, you need to write something great for him 197 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,657 before this becomes a problem. 198 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:30,691 I wouldn't even know where to begin 199 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,493 writing for a guy like that. 200 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,728 Then write something with him. 201 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,667 Ohh. 202 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,168 [traffic noise] 203 00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,637 Our comedy gotta do more than make people laugh. 204 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,138 Gotta make people think. 205 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,908 I wanna hold a mirror up to society, 206 00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,578 and then win world record for biggest mirror. 207 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,079 He's totally right. 208 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,515 Gotta be raw! 209 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,816 Uh-huh. 210 00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,918 I got a concept for a sketch I think you might like. 211 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:01,622 You and Jenna play Sleestaks from Land of the Lost 212 00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,190 and you're trying to get a small business loan. 213 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,092 What? 214 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,894 Because you want to open up a pancake house 215 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,697 called Slee's Stacks. 216 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,567 Are you black? 217 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,636 [horns honking] 218 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,606 [musical ring tone] 219 00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,774 * 220 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,643 Jack, is everything all right? 221 00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,211 I think I figured out why things have been so rocky 222 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,245 with my lady friend. 223 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,747 I'm on the street. 224 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:27,981 I can barely hear you. 225 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:30,518 She's cheating on me, Liz. 226 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,653 I think there's another man in the picture. 227 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,154 (Liz) Are you sure, Jack? 228 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,089 'Cause she kind of seems like an honest lady. 229 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:39,660 (Jack) I know what I know. 230 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:40,794 Next time I see Putin, 231 00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,196 I'm gonna kick his teeth in. 232 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,034 Oh, here it is! Izzle. 233 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,737 "A suffix that can be used to take the place of anything." 234 00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,872 Well, now you're just being patronizzle. 235 00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:53,707 You know who would love this argument? 236 00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:57,778 My racist grandfather. 237 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,013 I thought writing with you was gonna be like two brothers 238 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,549 writing together. 239 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,183 We're not even speaking the same language. 240 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:04,985 That's right. I'm speaking English. 241 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,587 Just listen, just listen. 242 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,454 (Tracy) Come on, who raised you? 243 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:10,057 Standing there with your pants that fit. 244 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,292 Using a wallet. Drinking Starbucks. 245 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,094 And what is this? 246 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,863 That's my Harvard a capella group the Crocodillos. 247 00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,698 I had a solo in Like A Prayer. 248 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,534 Come on! Where's your heritage? 249 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:23,103 My brother! My homeboy! 250 00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,573 My n-- [vacuum whirring loudly] 251 00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:30,878 Hey, sorry I'm late. 252 00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:32,012 Thank God you're here. 253 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,180 This place is creeping me out. 254 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,314 I don't think I can do this. 255 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,283 You're gonna be great. 256 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:37,250 They're cute. 257 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,687 Do you think they're Wall Street guys? 258 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:40,654 Yeah, I think they're from the firm 259 00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:43,591 of Date-Rape, Coke-ington Cheeseball, and Jag. 260 00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:46,193 You've got to give this a chance. 261 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,328 Excuse me. Is this seat taken? 262 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,698 Oh, really, dude? 263 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,566 I gotta move my coat? 264 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,067 There's like four empty seats down there. 265 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,036 Can't you just be cool? 266 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,938 Ugh. 267 00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,207 That guy wanted to buy you a drink. 268 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,742 Really? 269 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:02,876 I already have a drink. 270 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,344 Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks? 271 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,580 What is the matter with you? 272 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:07,280 I don't know! 273 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:08,816 I'm just nervous and rusty. 274 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:12,019 Well, just relax and be yourself. 275 00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,354 Can I have a martini, please? 276 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,256 [man whistles] Hi. 277 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:19,927 Oh, he knows where Bin Laden is, come on! 278 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,796 The Carlyle Group. The Unocal Pipeline. 279 00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,598 The assassination of Olof Palme. 280 00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:27,134 Come on, the proof is in the pudding. 281 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,702 Ooh, these are good. 282 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:31,071 Really, you think she looks like Jessica Simpson? 283 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,340 You could put a long, blonde wig on a ferret 284 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,975 and it would like Jessica Simpson. 285 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,177 And by the way, Jessica Simpson would think 286 00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,046 that you are old and gross. 287 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,981 So good luck with that. 288 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,283 I really didn't think I was gonna meet anybody tonight, 289 00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,619 but you and I have so much in common. 290 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,757 Also, you have really pretty eyes. 291 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:50,991 Oh, hi. 292 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:55,295 * I learned the truth at seventeen * 293 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:58,198 * That love was meant for beauty queens * 294 00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,667 (man) Hey, you're bumming us out. 295 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:03,270 * And high school girls with clear skin smiles * 296 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,907 * Who married young and then retired * 297 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,110 * Whoa * 298 00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:13,146 I thought bars were open till 4:00. 299 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,182 Nope, 11:30. Let's get you to bed. 300 00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,987 I see you've all met Norman from Human Resources. 301 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:21,889 Hi. He tells me that Toofer 302 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,423 has filed a harassment complaint against Tracy. 303 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,659 What? 304 00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,227 Now I have to attend sensitivity training. 305 00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,929 What seems to be the problem, Toofer? 306 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:33,100 Mr. Jordan called me... 307 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,434 the N-word. 308 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,736 And? 309 00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:38,071 And I was really offended. 310 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:40,273 Because... 311 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,209 Because it's a racial slur. 312 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,678 Brothers talk to other brothers like that. 313 00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:45,813 I was being friendly. 314 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,314 (Jack) Yes, Toofer. 315 00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,182 You see, in the last decade or so 316 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:52,085 the African-American community has re-appropriated that word 317 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,788 as a way of depriving it of its meaning. 318 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:57,024 [chuckles] Just don't try to tell my girlfriend that. 319 00:10:57,057 --> 00:11:00,160 Yeah, Toofer, I really don't think 320 00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,095 Tracy was trying to offend you. 321 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,397 It's okay for us to use it with each other. 322 00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,334 You can call me that. It's a term of endearment. 323 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:13,807 Look, I'm not trying to cause any trouble. 324 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,243 And I confess I appreciate what you do for the show. 325 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,011 I want you to be my brother, 326 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,112 my homeboy, my n-- 327 00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,147 [vacuum whirring loudly] 328 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,249 (all) Whoa! 329 00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,184 This meeting is adjourned. No cool, homie! 330 00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,219 You might as well spread me down with a fire hose. 331 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:28,989 Just sounds so hateful coming from you! Ugh! 332 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,724 I wish to file a complaint. 333 00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:33,861 [harmonica playing] 334 00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,729 [knock on wall] Hey. 335 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:38,031 Dennis, what are you doing here? 336 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:40,067 Hey, I'm moving into my new apartment. 337 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,402 So I got one last thing to say to you, 338 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:45,005 and then I'll be out of your life forever. 339 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:49,042 "Dear Liz Lemon, 340 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:50,944 "While other women have bigger boobs than you, 341 00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:54,314 "no woman has as big a heart. 342 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,348 "When I saw you getting ready to go out 343 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,450 "and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, 344 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,519 "I knew for sure it was over between us. 345 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,888 "And for the first time 346 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:04,491 "since the '86 World Series, I cried. 347 00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,226 "I cried like a big dumb homo. 348 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:10,030 "And if it was up to me, we would be together forever. 349 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,199 "But there's a new thing called 'women's liberation' 350 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,367 "which gives you women the right to choose, 351 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:15,903 "and you have chosen to abort me. 352 00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:18,138 "And that I must live with. 353 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:20,340 "So tonight when you arrive home, I'll be gone. 354 00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:26,479 I officially renounced my squatter's rights." 355 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:27,915 I'll always love you. 356 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,449 Good-bye and good luck. 357 00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,985 I'll never forget you. 358 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:39,459 And that is why we are no longer a couple. 359 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,829 The guy just came in here and bared his soul to you. 360 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:42,830 (Cerie) What are you, 361 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:43,997 made of stone? 362 00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,365 Am I crazy? 363 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,000 The guy's a disaster, right? 364 00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:48,335 Well, I don't know. 365 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,470 I mean, yeah, he's a little "bridge and tunnel," 366 00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,339 but you did say you had some good times. 367 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,975 No, no, no, he had his bad moments too. 368 00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:58,045 Hey. Threesome? 369 00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,347 How about it, huh? Mmm! 370 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:03,917 I'm just saying... after last night... 371 00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,318 maybe he's not such a bad choice. 372 00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:08,989 You are suggesting that I get back with Dennis. 373 00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,090 Maybe. 374 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,324 Look, you're a writer. 375 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,393 Write a list of Dennis' pros and cons. 376 00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,228 It's a very helpful exercise. 377 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,296 It's how I decided 378 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,464 to get a scooter instead of a bike. 379 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:20,067 Ah. 380 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,835 Well, you have to admit 381 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,170 there's always time for Tony Blair. 382 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:25,138 There's always time for Bashar al-Assad. 383 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:26,439 But there's never any time for Jack Donaghy, 384 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:29,042 and that's a problem. 385 00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:31,278 Go ahead, take the call, yeah. 386 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,345 [bathroom door opening] 387 00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,416 Hey, Dennis, you drop by to say hi to Liz? 388 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:38,585 You mean the ex-future Mrs. Dennis? 389 00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:40,053 She dumped me again. 390 00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:41,454 I'm sorry to hear that. 391 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,455 Yeah, you know, 392 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:43,223 you try to make some people happy, 393 00:13:43,256 --> 00:13:45,292 but it doesn't work all the time. 394 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,559 Tell me about it. 395 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:48,095 What, you? 396 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,263 I really can't go into detail. 397 00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:52,032 It's about when my woman and I are together, 398 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:53,466 it's mindblowing. 399 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,235 It's, uh... 400 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,403 It's filthy, really. 401 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,170 So what's the problem? 402 00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,605 Well, she works all the time. 403 00:13:58,638 --> 00:13:59,873 She's always traveling, it's a headache. 404 00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,241 Who needs that? 405 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,542 That's why I'm always dating 20-year-olds. 406 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:05,312 Nah, let me tell you about 20-year-olds, my friend. 407 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,479 Half of them are 16. 408 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,281 You want some advice? 409 00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:09,950 It's hard for alpha males like you and me 410 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,384 to put our egos aside, 411 00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:12,920 but if she's worth it, you make it work. 412 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:15,522 It's like my cousin Teddy's dog. 413 00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:18,125 Sometimes he just doesn't wanna lick my feet. 414 00:14:18,158 --> 00:14:19,392 So what I do is, 415 00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,962 I hide my feet from him for a couple of days, 416 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,596 and then when he sees them, he goes bananas. 417 00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,365 So Jack, 418 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:29,336 in this example, Liz is the dog. 419 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,071 And I am my feet. 420 00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:33,640 You see what I'm saying? 421 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,308 Yes, I believe I do. 422 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,977 Each of you is here 423 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:40,213 because you are insensitive to a co-worker, okay? 424 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:41,548 You might've used one of the words 425 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,550 I call the "uh-oh" words. 426 00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,352 Such as, slut. 427 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,954 Ho. 428 00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:49,356 Uh, bitch. 429 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,259 Biyatch. Queerburger. 430 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,326 Faggotron. 431 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,528 Gaybird. 432 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,297 Uh, the word for black in any language, 433 00:14:57,330 --> 00:15:00,233 Néro, noir, schwartz, 434 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,569 negro, kam-an-sek. 435 00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,171 Hmm? 436 00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,273 So. What else? 437 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,408 What else can we not call each other? 438 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,943 How 'bout sweaty greaseball? 439 00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:12,079 Ooh, very good. That's highly offensive. 440 00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:13,513 Person of color. 441 00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:15,382 Guess if you say it like that. 442 00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:19,252 Sneaky Taiwanese tranny who stole my watch. 443 00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:20,253 (Pamela) Ho-ho! 444 00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:21,388 Yes! 445 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,522 [inhales deeply] 446 00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,124 These words are terrible. 447 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:27,094 But today, we are going to learn to communicate 448 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:28,428 in a different way. 449 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:32,432 And I would like to start with Tracy 450 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,433 and James. 451 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,334 Guys? 452 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,303 Now, I understand that the two of you 453 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:39,006 got into a big 'ol conflict yesterday. 454 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,374 And...let's work this out. 455 00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:42,242 Tracy. 456 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,544 What did you really want to say to James? 457 00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,146 I'm tryin' to tell him he's my brother. 458 00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,214 We're the only two blacks on the show. 459 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,449 We have to figure out a way to work together. 460 00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:52,219 Like professor Martin Luther King said, 461 00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,987 I have a feeling. 462 00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:56,223 It's Dr. Martin Luther King, 463 00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:59,226 and he did not have a feeling, he had a dream. 464 00:15:59,259 --> 00:16:00,293 Ah, 465 00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:01,761 dude wear khakis. 466 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,130 Uncle Tom, party of one. 467 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,265 Uncle Tom, party of one. 468 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,634 You can't call someone that if you've never read the book! 469 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,236 (man) What book? 470 00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,470 You know what I think? 471 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,139 I think you're ashamed of being black, 472 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,673 and you're an embarrassment to your community! 473 00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,175 I embarrass you. 474 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:17,277 You embarrass me, and you know why? 475 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,279 Because there are racist people in this world, 476 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,248 and when they see you act like a fool, 477 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,582 they assume we're all fools. 478 00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:24,584 That's it! 479 00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:26,686 This is it. 480 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,255 This is the sketch we should do. 481 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:29,422 What? 482 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,358 Right here, you and me! 483 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:34,261 This is deep stuff goin' on. We gotta write this. 484 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,096 You're right. 485 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,097 Ah-ha-ha! 486 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,132 Dr. Snoo, thank you very much! 487 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:40,233 Smew. Oh. Oh. 488 00:16:40,267 --> 00:16:42,235 Okay. 489 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:43,670 That's really against the rules. Mmm. 490 00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:47,674 Dennis? 491 00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:06,426 "I know this might be emotional for you, 492 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:10,297 so there's a meatball sub in the fridge." 493 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:11,331 Oh! 494 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,241 "Pro. 495 00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:24,677 Fixed TV." 496 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:26,679 Huh. 497 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,481 [laughter] 498 00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:30,283 (Tracy) Hello, I'm Star Jones. 499 00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:32,252 And welcome to the Star Jones 500 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:35,122 Gastric Bypass Cooking Show. 501 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:36,123 Mmm. 502 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:39,226 Liz, what happened to the race relations sketch 503 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,093 Tracy and I wrote? 504 00:17:40,127 --> 00:17:42,129 Oh, we only had time for one more bit, 505 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,463 and Tracy picked this one, I'm sorry. 506 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:44,464 Now you know, 507 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:48,168 I can only eat small portions. 508 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,669 [laughter] 509 00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:50,870 Oh, my goodness! 510 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,473 Dessert. 511 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,643 [laughter] 512 00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,345 Okay, he's right, this is funnier. 513 00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:00,213 [vomiting] 514 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:04,717 [laughter and applause] 515 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,192 Guess where I was last night. 516 00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,361 Mark Foley's pajama party. 517 00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:16,496 No. Kandahar. 518 00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,265 Afghanistan? Yeah. 519 00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:19,166 Took the corporate jet 520 00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,168 to hook up with my neo-con inamorata. 521 00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,203 Well, I'm glad things are working out 522 00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,837 for you and your mystery lady. 523 00:18:24,871 --> 00:18:26,506 Well actually, they're not. I broke up with her. 524 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,608 Really? What happened? 525 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,310 Well, I finally realized that we're not compatible. 526 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:33,513 I mean, I'm all for fantasy role-play, but Abu-Ghraib? 527 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:35,615 Well, you know, relationships end. 528 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:37,184 People...move on. 529 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,318 But I'm glad at least I gave it a shot. 530 00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,753 Thank Dennis for making me do that. 531 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:43,156 Dennis? Yep. 532 00:18:43,190 --> 00:18:46,293 You know, I might've been too hard on that guy. 533 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,728 He's okay. 534 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:49,762 Hmm. 535 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,270 "Jack likes Dennis. 536 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:02,209 "Jack likes 537 00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:05,312 Dennis." 538 00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:07,680 [knocking on door] 539 00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,516 (man on TV) At Snapple, when young fruit ripens, 540 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,684 they may want to combine with other fruit. 541 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:12,685 Hey. 542 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,387 Hey. 543 00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:15,722 I just, um, 544 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,457 just wanted to drop off your Christmas present. 545 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,791 I had already bought it for you, so... 546 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:19,826 Oh... 547 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:22,262 It's a fancy briefcase, you know, 548 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,596 'cause you're classy and important. 549 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:24,597 Like a dude. 550 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:26,266 Thank you, Dennis. 551 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:29,702 I, uh, also got you some antihistamine. 552 00:19:29,736 --> 00:19:30,703 In case the next guy you're with, 553 00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,239 you know, has a dog and you wanna stay with him. 554 00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,607 Anyway. 555 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,343 Do wanna eat? 556 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,311 What? 557 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,779 I got all this Chinese food. 558 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,514 I'm never gonna finish it by myself, so... 559 00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:42,949 For real? 560 00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:48,388 Should I, um, grab a plate? 561 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,389 Yeah. 562 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,491 Get me a diet soda. Okay. 563 00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:52,759 (man on TV) We now continue with 564 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,894 Dateline, with Stone Phillips. 565 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,596 Good evening and welcome to Dateline. 566 00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:57,864 I'm Stone Phillips. 567 00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,899 Chris Hansen has our latest investigation-- 568 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,802 Hello? 569 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,571 Good evening, sir. 570 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:06,339 I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC. 571 00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:08,007 Can I ask you what you're doing here tonight? 572 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,942 Oh, yeah, I'm here to boff some chick named Mary. 573 00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:10,943 (Hansen) Boff some chick-- 574 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,312 Oh, my God. 575 00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:13,546 Do you know how old Mary is? 576 00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,315 Yeah, uh, 22. I think. 577 00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,517 (Hansen) You wanna try again? 578 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,018 Crap. 579 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:19,952 That girl said she was 16, 580 00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,988 but I swear to God I could tell she was 22. 581 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:24,524 Get o of my apartment! 582 00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,958 This happened while we were broken up. 583 00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,494 No, no, no, no. 584 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:30,397 I was right about you! This is a con, by the way. 585 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:31,931 You on Dateline is a con! 586 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,333 You know what? 587 00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,501 I knew you wouldn't be cool about this. 588 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:35,968 We're finished. 589 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:37,937 You can't break up with me. I already broke up with you! 590 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:40,239 Fine! Then we agree to disagree! 591 00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:43,242 [explosion] 592 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,783 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com