1 00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:07,308 Well, I don't know why they need you in the studio. 2 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,210 Surprise! 3 00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:12,180 Oh, my God! Is this for me? 4 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:14,115 I can't believe you made all this fuss 5 00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:15,316 over my birthday. 6 00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,685 It's so incredibly thoughtful. 7 00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:20,621 Let me give something back to you guys. 8 00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:23,791 * I believe the children are our future * 9 00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:26,727 * Teach them well and let them lead the way * 10 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,163 Hey, guess what, everyone? 11 00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:30,498 I'm engaged. 12 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,066 [all congratulating] 13 00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:33,834 Engaged? 14 00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,436 Hey, this isn't gonna change the way you dress 15 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:36,504 or eat lollipops, is it? 16 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,571 No. 17 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,507 Oh, then congratulations. 18 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:43,244 This is for you, Cerie. 19 00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:46,414 * I believe the children are our future * 20 00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:50,584 * Teach them well and let them lead the way * 21 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:51,385 * Show them... 22 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:53,587 * All the beauty they possess... * 23 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:55,089 Everyone, guess what? 24 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:56,157 There's an antique car show out in the plaza! 25 00:00:56,190 --> 00:01:01,329 [all cheering] 26 00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,201 How long is Jack gonna be? 27 00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:09,770 He's still on the phone. 28 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,406 Area code 407? Oh, no. 29 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,407 When did this happen? 30 00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:14,808 407? Is that bad? 31 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:15,809 It's fine. 32 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:16,744 It's gonna be just fine. 33 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:20,414 [Jack yelling and pounding on the wall] 34 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:24,452 (Jack) Jonathan, these cheap phones keep on shattering! 35 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:25,453 You can go in now. 36 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,255 No. 37 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,525 Who let 407 through? 38 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,494 Jonathan, we have drills for this! 39 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:34,595 Liz distracted me. 40 00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:35,763 No, I didn't. 41 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,631 What's going on? 42 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:38,899 Business got you down? 43 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,401 Business doesn't get me down. 44 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,302 Business gets me off. 45 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:44,772 Now, what is your urgent problem this time? 46 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:48,276 Well, the writers and I wanted to get TGS jackets, 47 00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,277 but the guy in accounting says that 48 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,344 we can't have the jackets. 49 00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:51,779 But Dateli has jackets. 50 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,147 Jackets? 51 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,548 Is this what you're talking about now? 52 00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:56,217 Jackets? 53 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,651 Lemon, do you realize that your little show 54 00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,387 accounts for 3% of our revenue 55 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,389 but takes up 90% of my time? 56 00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,856 Hello?! 57 00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:06,360 Now, would you do me a kindness, please? 58 00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:07,361 And handle your problems yourself 59 00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:09,430 and stop bothering me. 60 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,365 Is that too much to ask? 61 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:12,933 Absolutely! Forget it. 62 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,569 I won't bother you about anything anymore. 63 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,619 Wow, he's a little bit of a stress eater, huh? 64 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,654 He puts up with so much. 65 00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:36,390 All right. 66 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:02,983 Liz, you shoulda seen this guy at the club last night. 67 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,353 Everybody at this party is a Jedi. 68 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,555 We must get our freak on 69 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,957 while our fruit is a-plentiful. 70 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:12,460 Oh, naw! 71 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,295 Oh, sounds like another great party 72 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:15,396 I wasn't invited to. 73 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,365 [laughing] 74 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,799 Tracy, thank you for the funnest night 75 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:19,800 of my life! 76 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:20,901 Love you, man. 77 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,970 I love you too, J Bird! 78 00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:25,339 Yo, I don't like that dude. 79 00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:26,240 It's disrespectful 80 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,575 when he imitates me. 81 00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,243 I want him fired. 82 00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:31,412 Oh, come on, it's a goof. 83 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,748 How would you like it if I did an impression 84 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:36,384 of you, Liz Lemon? 85 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,319 Hi, I'm Liz Lemon! 86 00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,355 I like to wear man shirts. Watch me skateboard. 87 00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:43,023 I don't skateboard. 88 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,492 Hurts, doesn't it? 89 00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:46,527 I'm not firing Josh. 90 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,662 You always take his side. 91 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,465 [electric shock sounds] 92 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,767 Tracy, stop tasering him. 93 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:54,602 See? 94 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,270 I need to be respected, Liz Lemon. 95 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:57,571 What do you know about respect? 96 00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,607 Please, Tracy, just let it go. 97 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:00,974 Well, if you won't do anything about it, 98 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:03,444 then I'll just go over your head to Donaghy. 99 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,945 No, no no, do not do that. 100 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,047 Don't bother him. 101 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,283 I'll talk to Josh. 102 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,022 Hey, Cerie, what are you doing? 103 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,325 Oh, I let them do my make-up sometimes. 104 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,592 They say it's fun for them. 105 00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:19,760 She's like a Barbie. 106 00:04:19,793 --> 00:04:20,928 [baby crying] 107 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:23,631 Oh, sorry, my babysitter got jury duty. 108 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:26,033 I think I'm going to kill myself. 109 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,569 [baby crying] 110 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,871 So, Cerie, how long have you known this guy 111 00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:31,905 that you're marrying? 112 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,874 It'll be two months in... 113 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:35,309 three weeks. 114 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,911 You'd love him, Liz. He's so funny. 115 00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:43,016 He does this thing where he screams at limo drivers. 116 00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,718 Yeah, it just kind of seems like you're rushing into it 117 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,086 a little bit. I guess. 118 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,423 But we both wanna have babies while it's still cool. 119 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,425 I already have all the names picked out. 120 00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:54,462 If it's a girl, Bookcase. Or Sandstorm. 121 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:55,596 Or maybe Hat. 122 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,930 But that's more of a boy's name. 123 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:59,533 Yeah, I was gonna say. 124 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:02,069 It's just, you're so young, Cerie. 125 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:02,903 There's no big hurry to have babies. 126 00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:05,673 I mean, there are other things in life. 127 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:06,974 Like having a career. 128 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,041 And working. 129 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:12,012 And...having a job. And working. 130 00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,415 You can have a career anytime. 131 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,016 But you only have a really short period 132 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,751 where you can be a young, hot mom. 133 00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:19,052 If you wait too long, you could be like... 134 00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:22,423 50 at your kid's graduation. 135 00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,592 50's not that old, Cerie. 136 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,661 Oh, I'm sorry. Are you 50 now? 137 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:34,935 Paul Newman or Robert Redford? 138 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,804 I've told you 1,000 times, Newman. 139 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,472 Because I enjoy his salad dressings 140 00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:39,973 and lemonade. 141 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:40,974 Me too. 142 00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:44,144 Okay, uh, Brad Pitt... 143 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,713 or George Clooney? 144 00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:47,815 Do you think I'd be a good mother? 145 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,816 What? 146 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,851 Something is kicking in. 147 00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,620 And the last few months I've just started wondering 148 00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,021 if I'm ever gonna have a baby. 149 00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:57,391 I mean, I'm so many steps away from being able to do it. 150 00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,593 And I panic that maybe I waited too long. 151 00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:01,862 What if my junk goes bad? 152 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,031 What if Cerie is right? 153 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,099 Wow, red wine is not your drink. 154 00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,436 I'm sorry. I'm in my right mind. 155 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,971 I just--it comes in waves, you know? 156 00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:13,841 And I love my job and I love my friends. 157 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,643 And if I am meant to crank out a kid, 158 00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:17,978 then I have plenty of time. 159 00:06:18,011 --> 00:06:19,547 Uh, not really. 160 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:20,548 Jenna! 161 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:21,348 No, Liz, I'm just saying. 162 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,916 If this is something you really want, 163 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,051 let's go for it. 164 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,719 I'll help you. 165 00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:26,887 Please, let me help you for once. 166 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,456 We'll get you a guy. 167 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,758 Like that hot dancer Madonna used to have Lourdes. 168 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,826 No no no. That is not how I roll. 169 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,895 Forget I said anything. 170 00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,031 Because you agreed to this. 171 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,534 I did not make you sign anything. 172 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,869 I will not be intimidated by you! 173 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,003 Good morning, Mr. Donaghy! 174 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,037 Go to hell. 175 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:47,140 No, thank you. 176 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:52,980 Kenneth, I'm sorry. 177 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,615 How do you do it, Kenneth? 178 00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:57,518 How do you sit here every day taking crap from people 179 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:58,686 and you keep smiling? 180 00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:00,087 My mother always told me 181 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,456 that even when things seemed bad... 182 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,191 there's someone else who's having a worse day. 183 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:06,460 Like being stung by a bee 184 00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:08,228 or getting a splinter. 185 00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:11,665 Or being chained to a wall in someone's sex dungeon. 186 00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,501 Isn't that a kick in the soft stuff, Kenneth? 187 00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:14,902 I mean, you gain strength from your mother 188 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,804 while mine is sucking the life out of me. 189 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:19,239 She calls me constantly. That was her. 190 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,541 That was her. 191 00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:21,975 Complaining about where she's living. 192 00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:22,976 Threatening to move in with me. 193 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,545 Oh, how wonderful. 194 00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:25,679 No no no, that's not wonderful. 195 00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:27,948 I run companies. Plural. 196 00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,950 But to that woman... 197 00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:31,652 I'm always gonna be the punk kid who cried 198 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:32,920 when Pop was run over by a mail truck. 199 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,789 Oh my, a mailman killed your dad? 200 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:36,824 No, Pop was my dog. 201 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:38,058 My dad left when I was two... 202 00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,860 so I grew up calling my Collie Pop. 203 00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:42,830 My mother is my best friend. 204 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,932 My mother tried to send me to Vietnam 205 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,735 to make a man out of me. 206 00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:48,936 I was 12. 207 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,605 Well, my mother has her dark times too. 208 00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:53,006 But that's when I tell her, 209 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,776 "Mama, you carried me for nine months. 210 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,645 Let me carry you now." 211 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,883 You are a remarkable human being, Kenneth. 212 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,251 I bought my mother a lovely retirement home. 213 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:07,120 In Florida. 214 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,189 With a tea garden and fake rocks made of foam 215 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,658 because she falls down a lot. 216 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,860 Got everything she needs except a phone. 217 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:13,961 I told those people, I made it clear, 218 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,195 do not give her a phone. 219 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:19,900 [cell phone ringing] 220 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,535 It's her. 221 00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:22,936 It's always her. 222 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,509 Hello? 223 00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:35,783 [phone ringing] 224 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,818 This is Dr. Leo Spaceman. 225 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,887 Oh, hi, I'm sorry. 226 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,789 I got this number under fertility 227 00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:43,090 in the Writer's Guild Health Manual. 228 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,025 I'm also listed under meth addiction 229 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,627 and child psychiatry. 230 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,295 So what can I help you with? 231 00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:51,865 I should start by saying that I can't personally 232 00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,801 help you conceive. 233 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,903 Something happened to me while scuba diving. 234 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,105 [knocking] 235 00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,840 Hey, so Jenna tells us 236 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,008 you're looking for a babydaddy. 237 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,242 She what? 238 00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,244 Yeah. So? 239 00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,879 So... 240 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,816 Are you kidding me? 241 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,083 Now, okay, before you say no... 242 00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,118 I just wanna say... 243 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,352 our child would have a leg up 244 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,621 getting into Harvard. 245 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:14,955 Oh, really? Did you go to Harvard? 246 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:15,956 'Cause you haven't mentioned it 247 00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:16,757 in like three hours. 248 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:20,327 Our kid would have strong, flat feet. 249 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:21,629 And if you choose me, 250 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:23,631 I agree not to take my shirt off. 251 00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:24,798 But I do like to get yelled at during sex. 252 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,133 You're disgusting. 253 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:27,901 Yeah, that's a good start. 254 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:28,736 Ugh. 255 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,137 Get out of here. 256 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,840 Jenna had no business telling you guys that. 257 00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,375 Oh, hey, blue pages. 258 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,710 What? What's wrong? 259 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:37,911 Jenna told the writers that I'm looking for 260 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,813 a guy to get me pregnant. 261 00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,048 Can you believe her? 262 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,850 I know. It's so uncool. 263 00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:44,384 I mean, why would she go to them? 264 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,019 Who do you know better than me? 265 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:47,320 Oh, come on. 266 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:48,856 Didn't you have a vasectomy? 267 00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,390 No, I just told my wife I did. 268 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,792 And she doesn't get pregnant how? 269 00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,127 I fake it. 270 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:55,729 Is Jenna out here? Is she rehearsing? 271 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:57,330 She's onstage. 272 00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:58,766 Excuse me, Ms. Lemon? 273 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,167 Uh... 274 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,836 I'm not usually this formal, nor this bold, 275 00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:05,773 but I figure time is on neither one of our sides. 276 00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,742 Uh, could you excuse us for a second? 277 00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,911 I'd kind of like him to stay. 278 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,746 Very well. 279 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:15,716 Ms. Lemon... Liz... 280 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:18,118 I'd like to carry your child if I might. 281 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,753 I have a small ferret farm 282 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:20,921 about 60 miles north of the city. 283 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,923 It's not much, but it is self-sufficient. 284 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,925 I can get cable if you want, 285 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,027 'cause I know how much you like the TV. 286 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:29,329 Sometimes I watch you watching it. 287 00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:35,202 Think about it. 288 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:38,171 Jenna. 289 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,272 Stop telling everyone 290 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:41,074 I need someone to get me pregnant. 291 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:42,810 I'm not telling everyone. 292 00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,784 (Josh) All right, guys, check this out. 293 00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:52,686 [doing Tracy impression] Oprah and Steadman are the same person. 294 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:53,887 You know what? 295 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,022 I don't have time for this conversation. 296 00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:57,691 I don't have time for anything. 297 00:10:57,725 --> 00:11:00,327 That's why he/she won't run for president. 298 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,262 Hey, you gotta stop doing that impression. 299 00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,263 Tracy hates it. 300 00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:04,765 What? But it's funny. 301 00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:06,800 These guys like it. 302 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,335 The Mars probe didn't brake. 303 00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:11,038 It was attacked by a Martian cougar. 304 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,172 [laughing] 305 00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,941 This is how you take care of things, 306 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,308 Liz Lemon? 307 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,910 I'm going to Jack Donaghy. 308 00:11:16,944 --> 00:11:18,746 No, no Tracy, please don't do that. 309 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:21,782 Too late. This is untoward. 310 00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:24,718 This is not toward! 311 00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,321 You better fix this, nerd. 312 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,890 Otherwise, Jack Donaghy is gonna kill me 313 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,258 and then he's gonna kill you. 314 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,793 And then he's gonna fold us up in a pizza 315 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:33,794 and eat us. 316 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:34,795 What? 317 00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:35,996 Hey Liz! 318 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,330 I heard you're looking for a hook-up. 319 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,299 Oh, you know what? 320 00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:42,736 Everybody, stop working right now! 321 00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:45,773 I don't wanna have sex with any of you. 322 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:48,108 I have plenty of time to have a baby. 323 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:52,279 And I am not looking for sperm donors. 324 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,116 Okay. 325 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,785 But do you still want a sound hook-up 326 00:11:57,818 --> 00:12:00,353 so you can listen to rehearsal? 327 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,490 Yeah, thanks. 328 00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:07,494 How are you, Bobby? Good? 329 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,729 Great. 330 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:16,970 [phone ringing] 331 00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,005 Yo! 332 00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,339 Tracy. It's Jack Donaghy. 333 00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,008 I hear we have a problem with Josh Gerard. 334 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,075 Damn right! 335 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,011 Keeps impersonating me. 336 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,012 Making me into a caricature. 337 00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,915 Well, I would take care of this if I could. 338 00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:29,216 But it's tricky. 339 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,283 You see, Josh's father's an assassin 340 00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:31,384 with the Russian mafia. 341 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,187 They call him El Matador. 342 00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,456 Whoa. Those dudes are crazy. 343 00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:38,892 Forget it, I don't need any of that noise. 344 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,928 It happys me to hear you say that. 345 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,229 For being so understanding. 346 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,064 I'm sending you our new super top secret 347 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,833 invisible motorcycle. 348 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,267 For reals? 349 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,802 [laughing] For realses. 350 00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,871 Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to see a doctor. 351 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,505 I keep pooping during sex. 352 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:53,807 [hangs up] 353 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,876 [dial tone] 354 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,246 Lemon, we have a problem. 355 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,949 I have this whole Tracy/Josh thing under control. 356 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,016 What are you talking about? 357 00:13:03,050 --> 00:13:05,953 Nothing. What are you talking about? 358 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,587 You. You yelling at the crew. 359 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,322 You trolling for seed. 360 00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,892 Oh, it's a big misunderstanding. 361 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:14,194 Jenna thinks that I want to have a baby. 362 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,229 I should have known this was going to be a problem 363 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,398 when I decided to mentor a woman. 364 00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:19,266 No, in fact, what I said was 365 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,868 that my body is trying to make me think 366 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:21,701 I wanna have a baby. 367 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,837 But my body is not the boss of me. 368 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,105 My brain is. 369 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,240 All right, if you insist upon going all Murphy Brown on me, 370 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,608 let me give you a tip. 371 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,177 Don't smother your child with affection 372 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,545 to compensate for not having a man in your life. 373 00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:33,881 Don't say you're the only man I'll ever love. 374 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:34,882 Even babies know that's creepy. 375 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,083 Of course. 376 00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,317 Don't put little notes in their lunch bag 377 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,318 that say, "Mommy's watching you." 378 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,386 People find those things. 379 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:41,454 I bet you behaved yourself, though. 380 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,056 If your child is a terrific hockey player 381 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,391 and a gifted flautist, don't make them 382 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,059 play the National Anthem on the flute 383 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,060 in front of their teammates. 384 00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:48,195 Your mother did that? 385 00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:51,098 Now she wants to move in with me. 386 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,099 I can't have that, Lemon. 387 00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:54,101 Then be an adult and call her 388 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,236 and say you love her very much. 389 00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,005 But that living together is not going to work for you. 390 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,507 Oh, no. You don't know my mother. 391 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,110 This is a woman that actually had a heart attack 392 00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:05,913 to prevent me from going on my honeymoon. 393 00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,547 Maybe her heart broke because she spent 20 years 394 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,216 raising you and you're a total ingrate. 395 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,219 That's exactly what she said. 396 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,154 Is this what you want, Lemon, 397 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,656 to breathe life into another human being 398 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:17,958 just to spend the rest of your days 399 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,893 slowly sucking it out of them? 400 00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:22,662 No, that's why my brain is the boss. 401 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,064 [cell phone ringing] 402 00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,666 Speak of the devil. 403 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,569 Take a breath. Be nice. 404 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,308 Hello, Mother. So nice to hear your voice. 405 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,044 No, I am not on anything. 406 00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,579 I know that things have been difficult for you lately 407 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:43,383 and I was thinking you carried me for nine months. 408 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:45,953 Let me carry you now. 409 00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:49,056 Well, right back at you, Colleen! 410 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,057 Yeah, that's right! 411 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,624 You cut Pop's balls off! 412 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:54,127 And left him in the street to die! 413 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,132 Liz, check out my wedding dress. 414 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,601 Absolutely not, young lady. 415 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,470 Kenneth, get Donaghy on the phone. 416 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,672 Jonathan, I have Tracy Jordan for Mr. Donaghy. 417 00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:08,976 No. No no no no. 418 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:13,346 Tracy, please. Do not bother Jack. 419 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,215 He is in a weird place right now. 420 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,516 Bebe Jackson's condo? 421 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:17,350 No. 422 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:19,052 A children's clothing store in Dubai? 423 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,053 Stop guessing! 424 00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,454 What I'm saying is, 425 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,523 leave Jack alone. 426 00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,425 Too late, Liz Lemon. 427 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:26,559 He called me five minutes ago. 428 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:30,663 Five minutes ago I was with him. 429 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,365 How did he sound? 430 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,566 What did he say? 431 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:34,434 Nothing unusual. 432 00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,569 Russian mobs, invisible motorcycles... 433 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:37,604 Sex pooping. 434 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,578 Are you insane? 435 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,447 What are you gonna do when Tracy asks Jack 436 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,349 for his invisible motorcycle? 437 00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:51,451 Uh... Yeah, dummy. 438 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,053 Here's what you're gonna do. 439 00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,424 [phone ringing] 440 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,593 (Jonathan) It's not your mother. 441 00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,031 Hello? 442 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,232 Donaghy! What up? 443 00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:06,233 What's up, Tray? 444 00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:07,334 If in the future... 445 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,568 In the future... 446 00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:09,836 If I mention anything crazy... If I mention anything crazy... 447 00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:12,105 Like an invisible motorcycle... Like an invisible motorcycle... 448 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,174 It means I'm off my meds... It means I'm off my meds... 449 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,343 and should be ignored. and should be ignored. 450 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:21,114 Also, I think Josh Gerard is a young Alex Guinness. 451 00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:22,715 Go back on your meds, Tracy. 452 00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:24,317 Hang up. Hang up. 453 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:25,452 What? What? 454 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,586 Idiot. Idiot. 455 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,022 Tracy, I've gotta go. 456 00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,057 Idiot. 457 00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:33,360 I think that went well. 458 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:37,264 Now you gotta call Tracy as Jack. 459 00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,066 Or... 460 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:42,069 I could call him... as Christopher Walken. 461 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:43,470 Do you not understand what we're doing? 462 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,242 Jenna, did you tell Life and Style 463 00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:51,078 that your favorite book is the Koran? 464 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,645 I just wanted to sound smart. 465 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:53,813 [baby crying] 466 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,382 Oh, hi, baby! 467 00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:56,583 Would you take her for a second? 468 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:58,151 I'm trying to finish her eyes. 469 00:16:58,185 --> 00:17:00,187 Oh, I'm actually really busy. 470 00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,389 I heard you were baby crazy. 471 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:03,390 No. 472 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:04,391 Yes, she is. 473 00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:05,792 Please. 474 00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:08,061 Oh, for the love of--nuts. 475 00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,097 Okay. 476 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,431 Hi! 477 00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,732 How about that, huh? 478 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,534 Yeah, she likes you. 479 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,436 Go ahead, walk her around. 480 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:19,472 Oh, okay. 481 00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:20,673 Look how pretty I look. 482 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:24,311 Who's the cutest baby in the world? 483 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:25,812 in the world? Who's the cutest baby 484 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:30,483 Who's the cutest baby in the world? 485 00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:33,520 How did I get home? 486 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,689 Why didn't you say something? 487 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,428 Jack Donaghy. 488 00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:44,597 Now, I know you asked me not to say anything. 489 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,433 But I think I know somebody that can help you 490 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,101 with your sex poop problem. 491 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,505 Hi. 492 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:54,874 Please don't hurt me. 493 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:55,875 I can't help it. 494 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,544 It just pours out of me. 495 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,779 I'm Jack Donaghy. I'm important. 496 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,481 I just bought the moon. 497 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,483 Oh, my God. I'm doing it again. 498 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,156 What? 499 00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:12,459 Mother, I love you too. 500 00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:16,629 But living together is not gonna work out for me. 501 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,366 Yes, I went this morning. 502 00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:22,602 I don't know, regular consistency? 503 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:23,503 I can't do this. 504 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:27,474 Every day for the rest of your or her life. 505 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,709 And she will outlive you. She's like Castro. 506 00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,378 (Tracy) And when you're done with that, 507 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:32,912 call my wife and tell her I'm sorry about 508 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:35,248 what happened with me and Keith and them. 509 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:36,816 Wait, who? 510 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:42,689 Oh, God! 511 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:43,756 It's true that you had the baby. 512 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,791 I don't know what happened. 513 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,593 One minute I was holding the baby 514 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,161 in make-up and then suddenly... 515 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,496 It was like highway hypnosis. 516 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:50,530 You know, when you pull into your driveway 517 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:51,898 but you don't remember driving home? 518 00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,400 Oh, right right. 519 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,402 And you have someone else's baby in your car. 520 00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:56,403 I feel so terrible. 521 00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,504 Give me the baby. 522 00:18:57,537 --> 00:18:58,505 I'll try to smooth things over. 523 00:18:58,538 --> 00:18:59,806 What's her name? 524 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:00,840 Well, Anna calls her Isobel, 525 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,709 but I call her Nancy. 526 00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:03,643 I think it might be a good idea 527 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,578 if I give Anna the rest of the week off. 528 00:19:05,612 --> 00:19:07,647 Seriously? We're really busy. 529 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,549 No, of course. Of course. 530 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:10,550 Stealing a baby? Really? 531 00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:13,520 Hey, I found Isobel! 532 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:15,188 I'm a hero. 533 00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,689 Hi, baby. 534 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:20,627 [cooing to baby] 535 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,962 Hi, muffin. 536 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,765 Oh, I'm so glad you're back. 537 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,500 You're loving this, aren't you? 538 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:28,801 Oh, yes. 539 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,337 I'm a big fan of kidnapping. 540 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:31,538 Especially by my middle management. 541 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,408 So the thing you were saying about listening to your mind 542 00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,544 and not your body, how's that going for you? 543 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:39,446 My body's telling me several things. 544 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,248 First of all, I need to start working out. 545 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,316 That kid was killing my arms. 546 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,584 Number two, I could be very happy 547 00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,386 with a baby that looks nothing like me 548 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,321 and didn't bake in my oven. 549 00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:51,358 Three, I gotta let myself have a personal life. 550 00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:52,392 What I've been telling you for five months. 551 00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,427 Well, you're right again. 552 00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:56,463 Right it down in your little "I'm Awesome" book. 553 00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:57,297 Where are you going? 554 00:19:57,330 --> 00:19:58,731 You have a rehearsal about to start. 555 00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:01,568 I stole a baby, Jack. I'm taking a half day. 556 00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:03,603 Fair enough. 557 00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,438 I have to do some thinking. 558 00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,974 Maybe it's impossible to have it all. 559 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:09,776 Career, the family... 560 00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,679 But if anybody can figure out how to do it, it's me. 561 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,281 That's going up. 562 00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:15,582 Oh, nerds! 563 00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,617 [elevator alarm ringing] 564 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:25,392 I was talking about you at work today, Mother. 565 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:26,926 I think my boss, Mr. Jack Donaghy, 566 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:29,262 wishes you were his mother. 567 00:20:29,296 --> 00:20:31,498 Isn't that something, mother? 568 00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:33,966 Yes, Kenneth, that's sweet. 569 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,635 Do you have me on speaker phone again? 570 00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:36,469 Yes, Ma'am! 571 00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:38,305 It's just like Charlie's Angels! 572 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,872 Oh, by the way, did you get your old 573 00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,509 Halloween decorations I sent you? 574 00:20:42,542 --> 00:20:43,443 Oh, yes, thank you! 575 00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,978 I'm looking at the kooky skeleton right now. 576 00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:47,814 I love it! 577 00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,449 You're the best mother in the whole world! 578 00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,818 Okay, calm down, dear. 579 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,853 Yes, Mother.