1 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,805 Okay, Round 2. Josh, you're up. 2 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:05,806 What do you got? 3 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,241 Check it out. 4 00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:08,576 Your mama is so stupid, 5 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:11,712 she thinks an iMac is a new hamburger at McDonald's. 6 00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,381 Boo. (Frank) Okay, not bad. 7 00:00:13,414 --> 00:00:15,349 Okay, okay, I got one. I got one. 8 00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:17,051 What's the difference between 9 00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:19,353 your mama and a washing machine? 10 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,555 When I drop a load in the washing machine 11 00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:24,125 it doesn't follow me around for a week. 12 00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:25,793 Lemon, could I speak with you alone for a moment? 13 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:29,230 That's what your sister asked me last night. Booyah! 14 00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:31,799 Uh, right this way. 15 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:35,736 Uh, my friend Gerhard Hapsburg 16 00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,305 is throwing a birthday party for himself 17 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:38,372 at the Pierre tonight. 18 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,840 Oh, and you want me to think of something funny 19 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,142 that you can write in the card? 20 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:43,511 No. I want you to come with me. 21 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,545 Oh. 22 00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:47,315 Who's Gerhard Hapsburg? 23 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:49,783 Prince Gerhard is the last male descendant 24 00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,519 of the Imperial House of Hapsburg. 25 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,422 They ruled the Austro-Hungarian Empire. 26 00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,290 The Defenestration of Prague? 27 00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:59,127 Lemon, what exactly did you study in college? 28 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,728 Theatre Tech. I see. 29 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,196 I'm inviting you 30 00:01:02,230 --> 00:01:04,298 to th social event of the season. 31 00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:05,533 Oh...I don't know, Jack. 32 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,635 Would I have to wear high heel shoes? 33 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,770 Yes. This will be good for you. 34 00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:12,206 You finally got Dennis out of your life. 35 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,507 You're even wearing lipstick. 36 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:14,708 No. They're just really chapped. 37 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,244 I'll have the wardrobe department 38 00:01:16,277 --> 00:01:17,278 pull a dress for you. 39 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,380 I just thought maybe you'd like to spend some time 40 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,515 with a, um... 41 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,286 different class of people. 42 00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:28,456 Okay, fine. I'll do it. 43 00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:29,657 But I'm not gonna like it. 44 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:32,193 That's what your mom said to me last night. 45 00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,527 Booyah. 46 00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:34,795 [laughs] 47 00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:35,896 You got slammed, girl. 48 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,498 That was surprising. 49 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:40,501 [upbeat jazz swing music] 50 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:48,542 * 51 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,619 (Pete) Yes, dear. 52 00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,721 Oh, boy, who's crying? 53 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:01,922 Is that Caleb? 54 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,657 What's up, Pete? 55 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:06,227 Okay, I'll try. Yeah. 56 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:10,231 [high-pitched voice] Elmo wants you to aim your pee-pee at the potty! 57 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:14,935 Ha ha! No, not at Mommy. At the potty. 58 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,671 How is that Elmo's fault? 59 00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:20,841 Did Mommy have some wine before she called Elmo? 60 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:24,312 Click. Enhhhh! 61 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:25,679 Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete. 62 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,449 Where's your spinal cord, son? What? 63 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,818 No, it's just my wife is visiting her folks 64 00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,820 and she's a little stressed out. 65 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,888 Yeah, seem like you got yourself a Delilah. 66 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:35,923 A what? 67 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,692 Pete, you got two type of women in this world: 68 00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,261 one who gives you strength 69 00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:41,395 and one who takes strength from you 70 00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:44,765 like Delilah took strength from Samson in that movie? 71 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,837 My wife gives me strength, make me feel like a man. 72 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,605 That's why she's so special. 73 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,474 I actually haven't met your wife yet. Hi. 74 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,608 That ain't my wife. 75 00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,577 Go get me a fizzy water. 76 00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:58,946 It's like this, Pete. 77 00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:01,949 I love my wife. I love her. 78 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,050 We're a team. 79 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:06,554 That's why eight times a week I go to the strip club. 80 00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:09,323 It gives me energy, which I bring back to her. 81 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,524 And your wife doesn't get jealous? 82 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:11,825 Nah. She likes it. 83 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:15,396 Makes me feel strong, like a Samson. 84 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,664 Here. 85 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,299 Samson! What? 86 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,667 Great shoving, 87 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,768 Mr. Jordan. 88 00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,575 Wow, what's that for? 89 00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:28,942 Well, I'm going to a birthday party 90 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,811 for some prince tonight. 91 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,012 You mean like a dog birthday party? 92 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,046 Oh, that's better. 93 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:37,818 No. He's a real European prince: Gerhard Hapsburg. 94 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,687 What? You have to take me with you. 95 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,322 Oh, Liz, it's always been my dream 96 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:42,623 to meet and marry a prince, 97 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,292 like a modern day Cinderella story. 98 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,427 Hey, maybe I'm Cinderella this time. 99 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,796 No, Liz, Cinderella is blonde. 100 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,432 You can be Snow White and party with the little people. 101 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:52,933 Oh, take me. 102 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,435 I can't take you. 103 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,737 I'm only getting in because Donaghy's taking me. 104 00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,739 Wait. You're gonna be Jack Donaghy's date? 105 00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:00,574 No. It's not a date. 106 00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:04,345 Wow. Lemon. 107 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,946 I, uh, got you a little something. 108 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:11,685 Oh, my--Ow! That really hurt my hand. 109 00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:14,054 Dag! Who does that?! 110 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,289 I'm sorry. 111 00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:17,057 Our car will be downstairs at 7:00. 112 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,892 Could you make sure that she, uh, gets this? 113 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,528 (Jenna) Oh, yes. 114 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:21,995 Sorry. 115 00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:24,365 This is definitely a date. 116 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,433 No. 117 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,535 Is it? 118 00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:36,810 I didn't know I was coming to this tonight. 119 00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,011 Don't apologize. You look great. 120 00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,046 May I? 121 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,649 Uh, I got it. Thanks. 122 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:42,883 Careful. 123 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,652 Careful. 124 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,654 Thank you so much. 125 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,690 Let's see, um... 126 00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:50,791 to us. 127 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,059 Is this a date? 128 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,027 What? [chuckles] 129 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,329 Lemon... 130 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:58,065 I date socialites and models 131 00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,934 and actresses-- Liz Hurley in the '90s. 132 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,570 Fine. My mistake. 133 00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,472 I think it's so funny that you thought that. 134 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:05,973 Hi, Jack. Maybe I'll see you later. 135 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,875 I hope so. Her. 136 00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,710 Her. 137 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:10,744 Her. 138 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:12,946 The two of them. 139 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,348 This guy coming up on my left-- 140 00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:15,349 his daughter this summer. 141 00:05:15,383 --> 00:05:17,451 Wes, good to see you. 142 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,688 (Tracy) Yeah. 143 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:21,889 Pete Hornberger, 144 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:24,124 tonight is the night we celebrate our bodies 145 00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,125 and our minds. 146 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,560 Hit it! 147 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:27,595 * If you're lookin' for a girl * 148 00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:28,996 * That'll treat you right 149 00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,864 * If you're lookin' for in the daytime with the light * 150 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,900 * You might be the type if I play my cards right * 151 00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,102 * I find out by the end of the night * 152 00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:36,670 * You expect me to just let you-- * 153 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,445 Oh, hello. 154 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,013 Hi. How did you get in here? 155 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,782 Oh, Liz, if you dress well and enter with confidence, 156 00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:49,850 you can get in anywhere. 157 00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:52,019 You showed the security guy your boobs, didn't you? 158 00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:54,087 Just one. It's not the White House. 159 00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:55,823 Um, Chocatini, please? 160 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,058 You were dead wrong about this being a date, by the way. 161 00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,594 I just made a complete ass out of myself in front of Jack. 162 00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,095 Oh, I'm sorry. 163 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,665 When I'm the Queen of Australia, I'll have him executed. 164 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:05,666 Austria. 165 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:06,667 Yeah, that's what I said. 166 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:07,768 [fanfare] [gasps] 167 00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:09,437 Ooh. Mmm. 168 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:12,573 Ladies und gentlemen, 169 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,708 may I present His Royal Highness, 170 00:06:14,742 --> 00:06:16,744 zeh Duke of Thuringia, 171 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:19,680 Earl of the Duchy of Westphalia, 172 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,983 Prince Gerhard Messerschmidt Ramstein Von Hap. 173 00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:23,984 [applause] 174 00:06:24,017 --> 00:06:25,553 This is it. 175 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,825 Thank you. 176 00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:36,597 Thank you, all dear friends 177 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:39,733 for coming to my birthday! 178 00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:43,637 Wow, who's Snow White now? 179 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:47,074 7:45, and I'm still awake. 180 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,509 [chuckles] 181 00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:52,713 [Falling Leaves plays] 182 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,716 That Gerhard is amazing, isn't he? Ah-hum. 183 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,851 Most people in his situation would be angry with their family 184 00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,453 for the centuries of inbreeding, 185 00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,921 but not Gerhard. 186 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,956 He's too busy trying to stave off infection. 187 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:05,593 Oh, my God. 188 00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:07,728 What is she doing here? 189 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:08,862 Who? 190 00:07:08,896 --> 00:07:10,864 My ex-wife. 191 00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:12,065 Oh, I forgot, you were married. 192 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,801 Wow, she's gorgeous. 193 00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,703 And surprisingly age-appropriate. 194 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,971 Damn it. I was told she was in Paris. 195 00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:19,873 The party of the year, that woman turns up, 196 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:20,941 and I'm all alone. 197 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:21,975 Thanks. 198 00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,076 Johnny. 199 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,045 Bianca. 200 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,715 Ah, it's been a while. 201 00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:28,716 You look good. 202 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:29,617 Thank you. 203 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,552 Do you remember my fiancé Vincent Foley? 204 00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:32,419 Yes, of course. 205 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,188 This is my live-in girlfriend Lemon. 206 00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,524 Elizabeth. 207 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:37,658 Elizabeth. 208 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:38,692 Hello, Elizabeth. 209 00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:39,693 (Jack) Lemon. 210 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:42,029 Nice to meet you. 211 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:44,064 [chuckles] 212 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,973 And how did you two meet? 213 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,176 It was part of the Big Brother/ Little Sister Program. 214 00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,645 Congratulations, John. 215 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,580 She's much sharper than the last girl you had. 216 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,781 What was her name? 217 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,249 Beyoncé. Hmm. 218 00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,251 And unlike the rest of Jack's girlfriends, 219 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,620 I have all my original parts. 220 00:08:06,654 --> 00:08:08,789 Oh, hang on to this one, John. 221 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,691 She's a keeper. 222 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,826 Mmm, yeah. I'm a keeper. 223 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,929 So now it's a date? 224 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:17,998 I thought I could never be your date, Jack. 225 00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,000 I thought no one would ever believe it 226 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,202 because I'm so grotesque. 227 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,237 Thank you for not embarrassing me. 228 00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,075 Excuse me, Miss, 229 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,544 but His Highness has noticed you. 230 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,012 Who, Gerhard? 231 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,113 Really? 232 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:34,882 His Highness is quite taken 233 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:37,250 und invites you to dine next to him. 234 00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:39,953 Oh, wow. That's... 235 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:40,988 flattering. 236 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,623 Are you sure 237 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:43,757 that me meant me? 238 00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,228 His Highness 239 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:50,664 is attempting to wink at you. 240 00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,566 Oh. Heh. 241 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,136 There you are. 242 00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,738 I need your help. 243 00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,607 I've been asked to dine with His Majesty. 244 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,609 Oh, well, if you're looking to sneak out the window, 245 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:02,610 it doesn't open. 246 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:03,644 I already tried it. 247 00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:05,245 Should I say I'm still a virgin? 248 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,147 Wait. You're actually considering this? 249 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,716 Of course I'm considering it. 250 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:11,251 You know I've always reminded myself of Grace Kelly. 251 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:13,220 I'm not gonna be gorgeous forever. 252 00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,322 Who knows how long this show will last, 253 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:18,258 and I have no other skills whatsoever. 254 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,661 I need to find someone who can take care of me. 255 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:23,597 Yeah. I don't think Gerhard can take care of you. 256 00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,098 And I can get past someone's looks. 257 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,299 Since when? 258 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,701 I'm an actress, Liz. 259 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,369 It would be my greatest role of all time. 260 00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,905 You've already made up your mind about this, haven't you? 261 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,608 Oh, you're right, Liz, I should go for it. 262 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:35,609 You're not even listening, are you? 263 00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:36,710 Poop. Monkey Butt. 264 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,812 No. You're a good friend. 265 00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:40,748 And thank you. 266 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,953 You enjoying yourself, Pete? 267 00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:47,621 Actually-- 268 00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,858 Actually, Tracy, I'm trying to get some work done here. 269 00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,793 Hey, Supersize, take care of that dude. 270 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,261 That there's my friend. 271 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,664 Saved my life when we was in Desert Storm. 272 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,165 Our tank broke down. 273 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,867 He killed 14 Germans 274 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,635 so we could get the hell outta there. 275 00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:07,975 No. No, actually, I'm just a producer on Tracy's show. 276 00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,242 You're a producer? 277 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,243 Yeah. 278 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,679 I'm an actress. 279 00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,313 Oh, yeah? Have you ever seen the movie... 280 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,783 Secret Touchings? 281 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,118 I was a scientist in that. 282 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,987 No, I'm not familiar with that. 283 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,322 Your name sounds Jewish. 284 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,157 You must be important. 285 00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,426 No. 286 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,996 Well, I just, you know, I run the show. 287 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:31,198 Mr. Hornberger. 288 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,333 This is shocking. 289 00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:34,902 Mind your business, son! 290 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:37,705 He's embracing his power. 291 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:38,706 Rawwrr. 292 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,640 Rawwrr. Rawwrr. 293 00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,845 Hey, are you gonna come sit down? 294 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:46,246 Because they put out lobster tails, 295 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,048 and I want to eat yours. 296 00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,284 Isn't she beautiful? 297 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,254 Yeah. What happened there? 298 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,156 I just couldn't keep up with her. 299 00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,290 On any level. 300 00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,826 Socially, it was a different party, 301 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,393 a different charity event every night. 302 00:11:00,427 --> 00:11:02,896 I had to keep my tuxedo in my glove compartment. 303 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,732 Sexually-- 304 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,767 she wanted it four or five times a day. 305 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,268 And always standing up. 306 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,303 Standing up, what? 307 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,705 How does that even work? 308 00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:12,973 You're kidding, right? 309 00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,408 Yeah. 310 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,410 She left me, Lemon, 311 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,279 'cause I was never enough for her. 312 00:11:19,312 --> 00:11:21,114 So now I keep it simple: 313 00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:24,151 nothing but endless, meaningless one-night stands 314 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,486 with a carousel of super hot women 315 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:27,788 I couldn't care less about. 316 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:30,023 That's heartbreaking. 317 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,893 And her? She just keeps getting better. 318 00:11:32,926 --> 00:11:34,161 She's lost weight. She cut her hair. 319 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:37,097 Look at her over there, taunting me. 320 00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:40,333 Seeing her so happy and normal makes me crazy. 321 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,102 You've got to move on, maybe. 322 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,837 Is she coming over here? She's coming over here. 323 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,038 If she comes over here, I'm gonna do something. 324 00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,907 Okay, come on. Let's go. Let's go dance. 325 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,308 Oh, no, no, no. No. Yeah, come on. 326 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,310 It's a fast song. 327 00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:51,812 Okay, easy there, Jackie Chan. 328 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,413 Are they in? They're not out? Yeah, be careful. 329 00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:56,449 Oh. Hee hee. 330 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:57,818 That tickles. 331 00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,252 Oh, my dear Jenna... 332 00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,288 you are exquisite! 333 00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:03,891 Uh, Gerhard... 334 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,492 would you like to dance? 335 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:09,129 Sadly, because my body does not produce joint fluid, 336 00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:11,431 I cannot. 337 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,835 But I would enjoy watching you dance for me. 338 00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,469 Oh... 339 00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,806 all right. 340 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:21,008 [rhythmic mambo plays] 341 00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,343 * 342 00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:24,845 Jazz! 343 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:28,315 Tap! 344 00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:31,985 Jitterbug! 345 00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:32,986 Charleston! 346 00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,287 Ooh. 347 00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:35,322 Interpretive! 348 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:38,792 Twirl! 349 00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:41,194 Twirl again! 350 00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:42,863 Keep twirling! 351 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:46,934 Everyone thinks I'm 5'5", but I'm only 5'4". 352 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:50,203 Wow! That is an amazing story. 353 00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,405 Yeah. 354 00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,807 What are you doing? 355 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,342 You are a married man. 356 00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:56,977 I'm not doing anything wrong. 357 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:59,146 Just--I'm just dancing, Kenneth. 358 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,414 Do you remember the movie, Footloose, 359 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,550 where those evil kids won in the end? 360 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,552 You're going to make a mistake tonight. 361 00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,287 You gonna make a mistake tonight! 362 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,188 Remember the vows 363 00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:10,290 you and your wife took in that church. 364 00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,291 Botanical garden. 365 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,492 Botanical garden. 366 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,394 You promised fidelity-- 367 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:15,528 Lick her face. 368 00:13:15,562 --> 00:13:16,529 Think of God. 369 00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,231 Look, both of you calm down. 370 00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:19,532 I'm just trying to have some fun 371 00:13:19,566 --> 00:13:21,401 for the first time in, like, ten years. 372 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:25,072 Ladies und gentlemen, 373 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,007 if you will please direct your attention 374 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,275 to zeh center of zeh room, 375 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:31,144 it is now time for zeh cake. 376 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,480 (attendees) Aw. 377 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:34,547 You're 25? 378 00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,384 Yes. Can you believe it? 379 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:41,088 Finally old enough to rent a car. 380 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:42,589 Ahck! 381 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,557 Ahck! 382 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:48,561 Oh, it feels good to laugh. 383 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,898 [fanfare plays] (Gerhard) Oh, boy! 384 00:13:50,931 --> 00:13:53,934 * Happy birthd-- * Zum geburstag viel gluck * 385 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,503 * Zum geburstag viel gluck * 386 00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:59,039 * Zum getburstag viel * 387 00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,374 * Gerhard * Gerhard 388 00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:04,945 * Zum geburstag viel gluck * 389 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,146 Go on. 390 00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,280 [labored breathing] 391 00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,316 Pbbbbbt! 392 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,984 Pbbbbbt! 393 00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:12,285 Sie sprechen Deutsch? 394 00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:16,589 [speaking German] 395 00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:18,025 Pbbbt! 396 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,626 Yes. Yay. 397 00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,195 Is that Jenna mit Gerhard? 398 00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:26,499 [speaking German] 399 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:27,901 (Gerhard) Bianca. 400 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,569 Happy birthday. 401 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,339 (Gerhard) Thank you. 402 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,414 Vicky. 403 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,083 No. This is the men's room. 404 00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,152 I know. I just wanted to talk to you. 405 00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,987 Oh, no, no. You don't need to do that. 406 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,122 We should get back to the party, right? 407 00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:51,158 I mean, shouldn't we? [pounding on door] 408 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,459 (Ken) Mr. Hornberger. I mean, right? 409 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:53,626 The party? Mr. Hornberger! 410 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,929 Never done it in a men's bathroom before. 411 00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:58,231 Well, in this building. 412 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,233 Wow. 413 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:01,301 You're... 414 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,537 Smooth. 415 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,206 Mr. Hornberger! 416 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,675 Kenneth? 417 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:10,710 You're making the biggest mistake of your life. 418 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:11,945 Don't do it. 419 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,448 Oh, I suppose you're gonna tell me I should do it. 420 00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:16,950 No. I'm just lookin' for the lobby. 421 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,351 But, yes, you should do it. 422 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:19,419 (Ken) No, you shouldn't. 423 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:20,687 Please think of your children. 424 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,555 Be a Samson! 425 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,690 You're a better man than this. 426 00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,325 She's so smooth. 427 00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:31,131 I'm sorry. I can't do this. 428 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:32,299 I love my wife. 429 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,703 My wife is not a Delilah, Tracy. 430 00:15:36,736 --> 00:15:39,039 Hey, that's beautiful. 431 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,440 I feel you, Hornberger. 432 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,175 Who's that tickling my feet? 433 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,277 (Tracy, laughing) I'm gonna kick you in your face, 434 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,445 I know that. 435 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:48,515 Just water, please. 436 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:49,983 Are you going to marry him? 437 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,618 Oh, hi. What? 438 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,520 Are you going to marry Jack? 439 00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:57,190 Uh...I don't know. We've talked about it. 440 00:15:57,224 --> 00:15:59,292 I can tell from the way he looks at you 441 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:01,028 that he's serious. 442 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:05,298 He's going to get you pregnant right away, I'm sure. 443 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:08,501 A little late-in-life baby 444 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:12,305 he can parade around Nantucket. 445 00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,707 The whole thing makes me want to vomit. 446 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,276 Oh, no. You know what-- 447 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,577 I can take the models-- 448 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:20,313 the Rockettes to Shakira-- 449 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:23,416 because ultimately I know they are going to leave him, 450 00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:24,484 but you? 451 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:29,189 You can actually make him happy. 452 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:33,060 And that makes me want to sit on a knife! 453 00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:34,127 Wow. 454 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,630 I hate seeing Johnny happy! 455 00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,500 Uh... 456 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,235 Oh, boy. 457 00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:43,636 Oh, Jenna, 458 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:47,174 this is almost like something out of a fairy tale. 459 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,442 [chuckles] Yes. 460 00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:50,743 Almost. 461 00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:58,318 Great news. Great news. 462 00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,388 Bianca is neither normal nor happy. 463 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,722 You don't have to do this, Lemon. 464 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,591 I'm telling you, she's not over you. 465 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,327 And get this: she was all jealous of me. 466 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,362 She busted out crying over it. 467 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:10,463 That's impossible. 468 00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:11,531 Oh...fine. 469 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:12,599 You don't believe me? 470 00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,101 I'm gonna go over there, 471 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,603 I'm gonna tell her that you just proposed to me, 472 00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:17,770 and you watch her. 473 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:21,174 Watch how red her face gets, okay? 474 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:27,680 Bianca, I have to tell you, Jack and I are engaged. 475 00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:28,681 Ah! 476 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,716 Aah! 477 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,784 Let go. Aah! 478 00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,086 (Bianca) You! 479 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,821 [rip] Ah! 480 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,723 Aah! 481 00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,225 [crash] Aah! 482 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,494 What do you know? 483 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:47,600 [My Funny Valentine plays] 484 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:49,336 Jenna... 485 00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:54,807 I know we have just met, but I think I love you. 486 00:17:54,841 --> 00:17:56,409 Do you love me? 487 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:57,844 [muffled] Mm-hmm. 488 00:17:57,877 --> 00:17:59,446 Oh! 489 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:03,350 Knowing I have the love of a beautiful woman 490 00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:07,187 has set me free. 491 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:10,623 I think you just lost an eyebrow. 492 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,428 To freedom. 493 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:16,863 To us. 494 00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,098 [clink] 495 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:23,136 Oh, whuuuhh. 496 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,739 Thank you, dear Jenna. 497 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,442 And good-bye. 498 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,344 Good-bye? 499 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:33,246 W-why good-bye? 500 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,215 Who let him drink champagne? 501 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:38,251 He cannot metabolize zeh grapes. 502 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:39,852 Someone call Dr. Spuchemen! 503 00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,721 Uh-oh. 504 00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:43,590 I think she pulled out a chunk of my hair. 505 00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,225 Really? Where? 506 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,327 Oh, yeah. [whistles] 507 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,896 We gotta boogie, gang. 508 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:52,699 Meine damen und herren, 509 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:56,369 zeh Hapsburg line... 510 00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,238 has ended. 511 00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:02,209 You can pick up your gift bags at zeh coat check. 512 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,455 Hey, Pete, 513 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,457 really inspiring what you did back there. 514 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,259 You're strong now. 515 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,194 When your wife get home, you gonna mess it up? 516 00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:23,496 Actually, I think I might. 517 00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,697 Let's go. 518 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,206 You goin' down, Pete? 519 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,442 Uh... I'll take the stairs. 520 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,711 Hold the door, please. 521 00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:43,850 Mmm! You look like a baby. 522 00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:47,920 Well, thanks for a fun evening. 523 00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:50,390 Sorry your friend died. 524 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:51,791 When Gerhard was born, 525 00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,393 the doctor told his mother and cousin 526 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:54,827 he would either live for 15 minutes 527 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,996 or for 100 years. 528 00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,699 Boy, he proved them all wrong. 529 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,436 No, please, come in. 530 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,372 The look on Bianca's face 531 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:06,573 just before she choked you. 532 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:10,243 That was the most satisfying thing. It was pretty good. 533 00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:12,679 Oh, just to know that she's filled with bile over me 534 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,481 warms my heart. 535 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,349 Attaboy. That's the Jack Donaghy I know. 536 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,751 What are these, your bike shorts? 537 00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:20,253 All right, knock it off. 538 00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,554 Lemon, I want to thank you 539 00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,490 for showing me that I can have a pleasant evening 540 00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:24,691 with a woman my own age. 541 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:27,394 I'm 12 years younger than you. 542 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:28,661 A woman your age, then. 543 00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,868 Jack, wait. 544 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,005 [scoffs] 545 00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:40,740 Oh, my God. I thought you were-- 546 00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:42,875 Oh, good lord, Lemon, let it go. 547 00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,344 That's never going to happen. 548 00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:45,478 I've been with beauty queens-- 549 00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:46,613 Yes, I get it. 550 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,747 Pilates instructors, acrobats. 551 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:50,650 Get outta here so I can take my shoes off. Come on. 552 00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:54,987 I had "lunch" with Martha Stewart 553 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,989 and "dinner" with her daughter Alexis. 554 00:20:57,023 --> 00:20:59,025 (Liz) Gross.