1
00:00:00,634 --> 00:00:01,435
(Tina Fey)
Previously, on 30 Rock...

2
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:04,805
[whining like a dog]

3
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,774
(Tina)
Oh, my, not that--this.

4
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,509
Sorry, I don't
shake hands.

5
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,644
I have avian bone syndrome.

6
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:11,712
Hollow bones.

7
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,481
Tracy Jordan,
the Black Crusaders

8
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:14,582
are coming for you.

9
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:17,518
The top law firm
in Cleveland wants me.

10
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:19,053
God's sakes, Tracy,
where are you?

11
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,554
Starting a new life.

12
00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:22,656
Because of the Black Crusaders?
That's crazy.

13
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,592
Will you marry me?
No.

14
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:25,626
I took that job.

15
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:26,794
Blurgh.

16
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:29,597
Cough.

17
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,132
[coughs]

18
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:32,500
And cough.

19
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,168
[coughs]

20
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:35,169
And cough.

21
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:36,437
[coughs]

22
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:40,608
Okay, now let's start
the examination.

23
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:41,609
Are you getting
enough sleep?

24
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,477
No.
You drinking water?

25
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:44,578
No.

26
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,714
Are you
exercising at all?
No.

27
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,582
And you're still
working those long hours?

28
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,118
Yes.

29
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,219
I feel great.

30
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:52,520
My wedding's
in a couple of days.

31
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,522
Your 18th, right?
Same as Bianca's.

32
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,624
I guess our friends will just
have to choose between us.

33
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,126
My mother's coming up
from Florida

34
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:01,395
to attend Bianca's wedding,
so it's perfect.

35
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:04,165
Do you...

36
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:07,735
have any questions
about the wedding night?

37
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,603
You know, you're actually

38
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:11,139
in better shape
than last year.

39
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,707
You lost a couple pounds,
your lab work is good,

40
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,609
and your blood pressure is...

41
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:18,112
310 over 280!
We have a winner.

42
00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:20,748
How's the stress eating?

43
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,583
Under control.

44
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,385
Still not eating right,
huh?

45
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,387
No, but I am
eating a lot.

46
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,890
You sound stressed.

47
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,693
[crying]
My boyfriend
is moving to Cleveland.

48
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,695
But I'm gonna go visit him
over vacation.
Okay, well...

49
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,597
And my boss
is super-mad at me

50
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,600
because I know that he fell
asleep on top of his fiancée.

51
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:41,569
Have I given you
my new book?

52
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,704
It's about having
a satisfying love life.

53
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:44,838
For life.

54
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,907
Is that you
in these pictures?

55
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:51,379
My techniques guarantee
male orgasm.

56
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,414
And it's the season finale
of my show this week,

57
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:55,749
and the star is missing,
and my have been abducted

58
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,686
by a cabal of powerful
black celebrities!

59
00:01:58,719 --> 00:01:59,920
That sounds stressful.

60
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,156
[traffic noise]

61
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:04,492
Has anybody
heard from Tracy at all?

62
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,695
Grizz, Dotcom, anything?

63
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,463
Well, I guess if he's not back
by tomorrow morning,

64
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:12,766
we'll give
some of his parts to Josh and...

65
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,702
cut the rest.

66
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:15,869
Can I play Barack Obama?

67
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:17,238
No, it's bad enough

68
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,839
we have Tracy
playing Barack Obama.

69
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,841
I'm trying to get a head count
for the end-of-the-year party.

70
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,543
Should I include
Tracy and his guests,

71
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:23,611
or do you think he's dead?

72
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,846
He's not dead,
he's just...

73
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,948
Lemon, could I
speak with you a moment?

74
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,318
I know you and I
are not on good terms.

75
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,620
But we do need to work together
to bring Tracy back here.

76
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,289
Do you think I'm trying
to not find Tracy?

77
00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:37,391
Well, Lemon, I cannot
endure another failure.

78
00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:38,292
Jack, trust me.

79
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,494
Nobody wants to do the show
without Tracy.

80
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,330
We used to do it every week
without him.

81
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:43,964
I'm just saying.

82
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:45,533
Ugh! I hope he's okay.

83
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:47,201
I hope he's taking
his medication.

84
00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:48,402
And I hope
he took a jacket,

85
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:49,870
'cause it can get
real chilly there.

86
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,543
I'm sorry, but I swore

87
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,445
I wouldn't tell anyone
where Tracy is.

88
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:58,779
Kenneth, my ex-girlfriend

89
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,648
is a member
of the Black Crusaders.

90
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,982
I can make all this
go away.

91
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,717
My lips are sealed.

92
00:03:03,751 --> 00:03:05,553
Key in pocket.

93
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,555
You are pissing off
the wrong guy, Parcell.
You turd-faced goon.

94
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,590
I will cut you open
like a tauntaun...
You tell me
where he is....

95
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,925
(both)
you mouth-breathing
Appalachian!

96
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,528
Fine.

97
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:15,996
I will tell you.

98
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,531
Right now.

99
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,700
That you are never
gonna find him.

100
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:26,974
[exciting jazz music]

101
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:35,215
*

102
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:50,864
Mr. Jordan!
[honk]

103
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,533
Mr. Jordan!

104
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:55,703
Uh, I think you have me
confused with someone else.

105
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,738
My name
is Gordon Tremeshko.

106
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,707
Oh.

107
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,411
[whispering]
I'm Jesse Parcell.

108
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,946
Kenny's cousin.

109
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:09,450
Kenny should have
given you the code word.

110
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:10,384
[loudly]
What?

111
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,785
That's it!

112
00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:12,953
Such a thrill

113
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,555
to meet you.

114
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,723
Hey, thanks
for taking me in, Jesse.

115
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,057
I won't be a burden.

116
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,427
Now make me a smoothie
and let's go clubbing.

117
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:23,297
Oh...we don't have
dancin' or liquor here.

118
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,865
But cousin Kenneth

119
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,435
sent me all your movies.

120
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:30,804
At night,
I laugh so hard,

121
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,973
it really riles up
the wolves, yeah!

122
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:36,410
Oh, I loved
Honky Grandma Be Trippin'!

123
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:37,845
This--

124
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,447
Check it, check it.

125
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,648
[falsetto]
Now, you boys sit down,

126
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:43,884
so this honky grandma gonna
show you how to break dance!

127
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,619
Then he went--ooh!

128
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,456
Check it two times.

129
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:49,757
It was so funny,

130
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,526
I nearly wet my other pair
of underpants!

131
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,595
Did you call Tracy's wife
on the phone?

132
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,029
Yeah, as far as she knew,

133
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,498
he's been shooting
a vampire movie in Bucharest

134
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:58,866
since February.

135
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,335
Lemon, I'm getting married
in a couple of days,

136
00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:04,438
and I don't need any more
stress in my life right now.

137
00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:06,740
Jackie-kins!

138
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:09,477
Colleen!
I mean, Mom!

139
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,011
Ohh! Never mind!

140
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,447
Well, well,
well, well, well.

141
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,549
Ha ha,
this must be the one.

142
00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:16,550
Huh?

143
00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:18,486
Phoebe. Welcome!

144
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:19,520
No, no, no.
No, I--

145
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:20,421
Welcome, welcome, welcome!

146
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,423
Mother, mother...
this is not Phoebe.

147
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:24,725
No, no.
This is not Phoebe?

148
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:26,494
Well, why the hell not?

149
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:28,496
I mean,
she's perfect.

150
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:30,798
Character, she got
strength of character.

151
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,633
And I'll tell you
something else.

152
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,503
She's got a good, solid,
baby bucket.

153
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:36,670
[laughs]

154
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:39,407
You are a sassy old broad,
aren't you?

155
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,141
Hello.

156
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,476
Uh, mother,
this is Phoebe.

157
00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:43,611
Phoebe, this is my mother.

158
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:46,079
Hello, Mother Doneghy.
I'm Phoebe.

159
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,081
It's such a pleasure
to meet you.

160
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,551
I love your little hat.

161
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,521
Oh, my God.

162
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:57,157
[banjo music playing softly]

163
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,158
Hmm.

164
00:05:58,191 --> 00:06:00,394
[telephone rings]

165
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:01,529
I'll get it.

166
00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:02,563
(Jesse)
Hello?

167
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,965
Rooster,
this is the farmer.

168
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,700
Is the egg safe?

169
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,669
The egg is in the nest.

170
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:09,670
Good.

171
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,771
But be careful.

172
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:14,041
The badger and the bear
have been asking questions.

173
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,877
I don't know who
you're talking about.

174
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:20,481
Listen, you don't have
to worry about Tracy, okay?

175
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,483
He's with his biggest fan.
[clicks tongue]

176
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:24,718
Hillbilly.

177
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,420
Hayseed.
Was that Kenneth?

178
00:06:26,454 --> 00:06:27,888
What's going on
in New York?

179
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,990
Did he go to Russell Simmons'
birthday party?

180
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,892
Were there girls there
with butts?

181
00:06:31,925 --> 00:06:35,529
Mr. Jordan, you need
to forget about New York.

182
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,030
You're not a movie star
anymore.

183
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,131
Your name's

184
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:39,733
Gordon Tremeshko.

185
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,869
You live in Needmore,
Pennsylvania,

186
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,071
where we don't
go out at night.

187
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,673
'Cause of the wolves.

188
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:46,807
Right.

189
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:51,144
[traffic noise]

190
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,946
I nearly almost got
through the whole season

191
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,147
without him going
completely bonkers.

192
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,583
But now, you know,
he's just gone.

193
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:56,784
And if he doesn't
get back in time,

194
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,185
I'm gonna have to rewrite
the whole show.

195
00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,186
Hey, I'm sorry,

196
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:02,189
but can we talk about
something besides work?

197
00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,092
Um, okay.

198
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,894
What's the weather like
there?

199
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,562
Um...

200
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,498
it's actually
in the mid-40s.

201
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:13,534
Oh, really, 'cause it's--
it's low '40s here.

202
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,235
Really?

203
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,470
Yeah.
Wow.

204
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,138
[laughs]

205
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,810
So what are you doing?

206
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,211
I'm, uh...

207
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,946
I'm waiting for the bus.

208
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,115
So, uh...

209
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,750
I should
probably just focus--

210
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,585
focus on that, you know.

211
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:34,488
Oh, okay.
Um, call me later?

212
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,659
No, I haven't
found him yet.

213
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,794
I have to go to dinner tonight
with my mother

214
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,530
and Phoebe.

215
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:44,632
And my mother has requested
that you join us.

216
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,033
She...likes you.

217
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,034
Uhh! No way.

218
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,268
She's not asking.

219
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,503
She's telling.

220
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:51,238
Please.

221
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:53,206
And try to get her
to like Phoebe.

222
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,208
Just a little, okay?

223
00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:56,677
[whispering]
You owe me.

224
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,812
Okay, fine.
But I want a lobster.

225
00:07:58,846 --> 00:07:59,813
Okay.

226
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,515
I want two lobsters!

227
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:04,217
Totaling five pounds
of lobster meat.

228
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,120
And then after that,

229
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,956
we can clean the dead birds
out of the chimney.

230
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,559
That's why we bought
these metal rods.

231
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,827
Don't you just
love spring?

232
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:14,828
Baltimore was amazing.

233
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,296
You know Wacky Willy,

234
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,231
that DJ from 102.7?

235
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:21,569
We totally did it
in the prize van.

236
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,671
I'll pretty much do anything
to someone that's famous.

237
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,238
What's up?

238
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,075
What are you looking at?

239
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,711
I'll tell you
what you're looking at.

240
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:33,547
I'm...

241
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,849
Gordon Tremeshko.

242
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:39,152
I always thought
it would be lovely

243
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,287
to get married
in the spring.

244
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,322
Just as the petunias
start to bloom.

245
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:44,224
Sorry, Phoebe, what?

246
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,293
[loudly]
I always wanted to marry
in the spring.

247
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:48,629
Just as the petunias bloom.

248
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:49,963
Just when the what?

249
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:51,932
Oh, dear.
Is she hard of hearing?

250
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,300
No, no, no, no!

251
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,569
I can hear you.

252
00:08:55,603 --> 00:08:57,137
I just wanted to make sure
you could hear you.

253
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:58,772
Right.

254
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,141
I'm off to the loo.

255
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,944
Loo!
What a good idea.

256
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:08,982
All right.

257
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,117
Scout's honor.

258
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,619
What do you think of her?

259
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,223
She's very well-read.

260
00:09:16,256 --> 00:09:19,259
And she's very stylish,
don't you think?
Mm.

261
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,260
And, you know,
the most important thing

262
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,229
is she makes Jack
very happy.

263
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:25,265
She's like a...white geisha.

264
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,602
A white geisha?

265
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,805
Say no more, shark eyes.

266
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,607
Jack...

267
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,643
I want you to face facts.

268
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,244
All right?

269
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,612
She is not the right
girl for you.

270
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,614
You got it wrong
with "Bianka."

271
00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,115
You remember?

272
00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:45,252
And now you're getting it wrong
with what's-her-name.

273
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,621
Well, you oughta know,
Colleen.

274
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,357
The only marriage in the history
of St. Helen's Catholic Church

275
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:53,060
where the priest
recommended the divorce!

276
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,228
And it's not "Bi-anka,"
like Sanka.

277
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,031
It's "Bi-ahnca,"
like Willy Won--Wonka.

278
00:09:58,065 --> 00:09:59,199
[groans]

279
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:00,400
[coughing]

280
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:01,635
Are you all right?

281
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:04,271
[coughing]

282
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,409
Could we order dessert?

283
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,378
[inhales sharply]

284
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,846
[ring]

285
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,281
Studio 6-H.

286
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,283
Kenneth!
You have to come get me!

287
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,384
Really?

288
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:19,386
[whispering]
But what about
the Black Crusaders?

289
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,288
I don't care what they
do to me anymore.

290
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,389
I'd rather die famous

291
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,424
than to live for 100 years
like this.

292
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:27,060
Licking pinecones,
carrying plastic bags.

293
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:29,329
Brushing my own teeth.
This is unsuitable!

294
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,831
(Kenny)
Mr. Jordan,
if you're serious,

295
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,299
then we've got less
than 24 hours.

296
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,434
[ominous music]
The show needs you.

297
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:35,903
What are ya doin'?

298
00:10:35,936 --> 00:10:37,370
Hey, dude! Jesse!

299
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,873
Hey, listen, I gotta
get out of here because...

300
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,410
You're not goin' anywhere.

301
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,278
And that phone
is for local calls only!

302
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,279
Aah!

303
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,749
[rapid busy signal]

304
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,283
Hello?

305
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,721
Did you have a chance
to look at those silk samples

306
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:54,988
I brought you?

307
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,057
No.

308
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,159
Jack, you desperately
need new pajamas.

309
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,427
[kiss]

310
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:01,729
They do
such beautiful things.

311
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:05,232
It's like wearing
your own skin to bed.

312
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:06,433
That sounds wonderful.

313
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:09,069
Have you ever thought about
a fair finish for that ceiling?

314
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,403
Shh.

315
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,105
Careful, my bones!

316
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,843
[ominous music]

317
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,010
You all right?

318
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,278
Well, with your condition,

319
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:21,014
ordinarily,
wouldn't you just be on top?

320
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,850
I can't.

321
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,818
I have vertigo.

322
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,287
[door slams]

323
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,355
(Colleen)
It's a bloody shame

324
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:29,957
nobody waits for their
wedding night anymore!

325
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,324
Go to bed, Mother!

326
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:34,394
You promised you'd go over
my taxes!

327
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,197
[grunting]
Oh, God's sake.

328
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,900
Here it comes.
The big one.

329
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,902
Ride it, Donaghy.

330
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:44,437
Ride it straight to hell!

331
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,438
[thud]

332
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,474
Bollocks.

333
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,278
(Floyd)
So you're still
at work, huh?

334
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,445
Yeah, of course.

335
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:53,513
Tracy's gone.
I'm still at work.

336
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,448
It's a nightmare.

337
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:57,785
Ugh! Is that how far apart
my eyes are?

338
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,820
I look like Admiral Akbar.

339
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:00,854
[Floyd laughs]

340
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:02,022
Relax.

341
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,423
It's one of the reasons
I like you.

342
00:12:03,456 --> 00:12:06,526
So listen, I was going
to fly out there on Saturday.

343
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,095
But I've got a bunch of stuff
to take care of.

344
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,998
So now I'm gonna
fly out there.

345
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:12,399
[laughs]

346
00:12:12,432 --> 00:12:15,168
I'm gonna come out there
next Wednesday.

347
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:19,472
Oh, wh-what's this thing
doing now?

348
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,474
What?
Uh-oh.

349
00:12:21,508 --> 00:12:23,376
[sound breaking up]
Yeah, Liz--working.

350
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,377
Breaking up.

351
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,346
Did you say
we're breaking up?

352
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:27,447
Yeah.

353
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,816
[phone beeping]
What?

354
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,117
I'm talking about
the connection.

355
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,451
Who is this?
It's 3:00 in the morning.

356
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,821
Hello?
Liz...
Wait.

357
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,322
What? Oh, my God.

358
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,389
Are you
breaking up with me?

359
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,458
What hospital?
Wait, whoa, Liz...

360
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,060
No, no, no.

361
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,428
There has to be
some sort of misunderstanding.

362
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:42,529
I'm his fiancée.

363
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:44,397
I'm sorry,
you're not family,

364
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,033
and you're not
his emergency contact.

365
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,467
Oh!

366
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:48,568
Now, his mother can
go in if she wants to.

367
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,938
Oh, no!
I'm not going in there.

368
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,539
I go in there,
I get bird flu,

369
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:53,440
I don't come out.

370
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,044
Hi, I'm Liz Lemon.

371
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,278
Somebody called me.

372
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,480
Oh, yes, Mr. Donaghy
designated you

373
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,182
as his emergency contact.

374
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,183
What?

375
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,184
Ladies!

376
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,185
[all gasp]

377
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,320
What? This?

378
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:08,555
[chuckles]
No, no.

379
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,323
I was at a costume party
earlier this evening.

380
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:12,492
And the hostess's dog
attacked me,

381
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,261
so I had to stab it.

382
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,262
Oh!

383
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,263
Jack's going to be fine.

384
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:20,000
But he has had a pretty serious
cardiac episode.

385
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,035
Also, I suspect
he may have scurvy,

386
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:24,838
because he keeps
asking for lemon.

387
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:27,407
Uh, no...
that's me.

388
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,176
Oh!

389
00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:30,277
Tell him
his mother's here!

390
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,879
And she loves him.

391
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,414
But not in a queer way.

392
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,851
[heart monitor beeping]

393
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:39,386
(Donaghy)
Lemon, is that you?

394
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:41,054
Yeah, it's me.

395
00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:42,555
How are you feeling?

396
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,491
They gave me something.

397
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,560
My mouth tastes like purple.

398
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:48,628
Okay.

399
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,531
I saw it, Lemon.

400
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:55,602
My whole life passing
right before my eyes.

401
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:59,873
Neil Patterson pitching me
the rotating microwave tray.

402
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:03,010
Me personally coining
the phrase, "What's the upside?"

403
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:07,514
Participating
in Hands Across America.

404
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,519
And all the time
I've been on this earth,

405
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,554
I have only one regret.

406
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,226
I should have worked more.

407
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,162
That's what you're taking away
from this experience?

408
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,431
Work is the only thing
I'm good at.

409
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,434
Lemon, you and I
have that in common.

410
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,236
No, Jack, that's not true.

411
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:31,371
I've been rolling calls
from here.

412
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,474
Trying to spin
this Tracy thing.

413
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:36,109
No, Jack,
forget about Tracy.

414
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:37,277
You have to relax.

415
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:38,445
No, no, no, no, no, no.

416
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:39,679
You've got
to get back to work

417
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,382
and come up with something
with or without Tracy,

418
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,684
or we are gonna be screwed.

419
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,519
Okay.

420
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:49,056
Maybe this is the drugs
talking...

421
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:52,392
but I think I got Nixon...

422
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,094
to agree
to come on the show

423
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:57,230
and say, "Sock it to me."

424
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:58,231
Great.

425
00:14:58,265 --> 00:14:59,967
How's the Dow doing?

426
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,572
(Kenny)
You'll like my cousin Jesse.

427
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,107
He's real sweet.

428
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,208
Ooh, they got a door!

429
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,276
That's new.

430
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,712
Hello there, cousin.

431
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,348
What brings you
to Parcell Hollow?

432
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,550
Well, I'm here
to pick up Tracy, of course.

433
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,386
Well, that's peculiar.

434
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:22,355
Why, he just left
first thing this morning.

435
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:23,390
(Kenny)
Oh.

436
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,525
Oh, I must have
misunderstood him.

437
00:15:25,558 --> 00:15:28,628
Must have.

438
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:32,365
Sorry you came all this way
for nothin'.

439
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,733
I'd invite you in,

440
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,203
but I got a living room
full of dead chimney birds.

441
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:37,637
[laughs]

442
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:42,509
[ominous music]

443
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:43,543
Agh!

444
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:45,478
Shh, shh, shh, shh.

445
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:48,115
We must rest,
my chimney bird.

446
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:52,019
Tonight, we're
reading my screenplay.

447
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:55,455
[suspenseful music]

448
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,290
I just timed the show,
and without Tracy,

449
00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:58,458
we're still
20 minutes short.

450
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,260
Ugh!
Liz, on the show,

451
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,429
I could do the thing
where I walk like Robocop.

452
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:03,997
[imitating metal clanking]

453
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:05,465
Zzz! Zzz!
Your move, creep.

454
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:08,335
That's great,
that's completely topical.

455
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:09,302
Ooh, hey, Cerie.

456
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,537
Would you like to dance
in front of the band

457
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,239
on TV tonight?

458
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,273
For, like, ten minutes.

459
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,274
What band?

460
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,275
Our house band.

461
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,709
No, thanks.
Uh, Floyd called.

462
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:17,710
Ugh.

463
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:18,711
How's that going?

464
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:19,712
Not great.

465
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,314
We had a web chat
last night,

466
00:16:21,348 --> 00:16:23,350
and I thought he said
he wanted to break up with me.

467
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,417
Oh, that must have
freaked you out.

468
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:25,485
Actually,
I was kind of relieved.

469
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:26,653
Hey, guys.

470
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:27,754
I hear you're
looking for someone

471
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,189
to dance
in front of the band.

472
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:30,423
Uh...no.
Uh...no.

473
00:16:30,457 --> 00:16:32,225
Oh. Isn't this exciting?

474
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:33,493
Everyone pulling together.

475
00:16:33,526 --> 00:16:35,528
I think the show's gonna be
really good this week.

476
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:37,697
Oh, I hope Tray's okay.

477
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,799
[scoffs]

478
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:44,104
[cell phone playing
Ride of the Valkyries]

479
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:46,106
Ohh, Floyd.

480
00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:51,511
Tracy!
Time for lunch.

481
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,380
I hope you like
chicken neck--

482
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:57,717
Tracy has escaped.

483
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,219
Thanks, Kenny,
for saving me!

484
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,153
I'll have you in New York

485
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,555
in time for your traditional
pre-show rant!

486
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:04,591
I think it's gonna be
about immigration!

487
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,426
Ahh.

488
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,627
[sighs]

489
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,296
[gunshot]

490
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,231
By the hammer of Thor!

491
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:13,066
(Tracy)
Now go!
Go, go, go!

492
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,267
I'm gonna find you!

493
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,603
I know what you look--
I remember what you look like!

494
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,305
You're so stupid!

495
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:20,540
I gotta reload!
Damn, I wish I had a vehicle!

496
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,076
Jack, I'm filling out
all-new paperwork

497
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:25,412
to make me
your emergency contact.

498
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,579
Of course, Phoebe.
You should.

499
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:27,847
[beeps accelerating]

500
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,516
I mean,
it's just so embarrassing.

501
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,517
[door opens]

502
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,551
(nurse)
Mr. Donaghy.

503
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:32,785
You want dessert?

504
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:33,820
Good God, yes.

505
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:39,058
[beeps slowing]

506
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:44,564
Uh, let me ask you
a few questions, Jack.

507
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:45,865
You dye your hair?

508
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,102
No, Mother.
Why would I do that?

509
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:52,605
[beeps accelerating]

510
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:55,175
Okay.
What's your middle name?

511
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,743
What?
Just your middle name!

512
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,178
Francis.

513
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,447
[beeps slowing]

514
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,882
Did you take $20
out of my pocketbook

515
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,784
in the summer of 1970?

516
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,486
No, I did not!
[beeps accelerating]

517
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:07,787
Do you love me?

518
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,656
Of course I do!

519
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:12,459
[beeps slowing]

520
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,194
I knew it.

521
00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:16,363
Do you love me?

522
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,431
[rapid beeping]

523
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:21,434
I see.

524
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,170
God!

525
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,204
[steady beep]

526
00:18:24,237 --> 00:18:26,606
They got pretzels
downstairs!

527
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:27,440
Ohh!

528
00:18:27,474 --> 00:18:28,608
[horns honking]

529
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:31,444
We're so close,
and yet so far.

530
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:32,579
Come on!

531
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:36,616
Hey, do you guys know

532
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,451
what's causing the traffic
problem?

533
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,687
Yeah, the president's in town.
There's a transit strike.

534
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,689
There's the Dominican
Independence Day parade.

535
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:43,890
A guy in suspenders

536
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,592
is doing chalk paintings
down on Canal Street.

537
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,594
You know how long it's gonna
take for me to get to Midtown?

538
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,696
Without sirens?
Hours.

539
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:50,863
Hey, I need you to take me.

540
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:52,665
Let me explain
ambulances to you, sir.

541
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:53,900
Uh, we don't go anywhere

542
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:55,868
unless someone
is badly hurt, okay?

543
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:57,604
But I'm gonna
miss the show!

544
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,938
(Kenny)
Mr. Jordan...

545
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,741
No, sir, you are not.

546
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,478
Ken, you are my boy!

547
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:12,685
[siren]
Oh, my God, what a terrible
mistake accident!

548
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:13,853
Could you take
Sixth Avenue, please?

549
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:17,457
If I die, will you
take care of my birds?

550
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,526
I got a lot on my plate
right now, Ken.

551
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,894
Ohh, Tweetie.

552
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:24,531
(Liz)
Okay, I know this has been
a really toughcouple of days.

553
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:25,965
But everyone
has pulled together,

554
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,568
and I am so proud and so pumped.

555
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:32,239
Because I honestly think
that this might be

556
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,207
the best show
we have ever done.

557
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:35,608
(Tracy)
I'm back!

558
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:36,843
Oh, thank God.
We were so screwed!

559
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,345
Tracy, you're alive.

560
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,446
(Liz)
Okay, Robocop out!

561
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,314
Cowboy Hey Hey back in!

562
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:44,317
Liz Lemon, I would like
to recommend Kenneth the page

563
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,718
for NBC Medal of Excellence.

564
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:46,586
Okay, that doesn't exist.

565
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,555
But you can write
a letter for his file.

566
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,490
I got a lot on my plate!

567
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:51,558
Fine, but...

568
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:52,559
Les, don't just stand there.

569
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,461
Go...eat something!

570
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:56,396
Wait...I don't know
what this is.

571
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:57,230
Oh, don't worry about it.

572
00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:59,432
Just read the cards
and act super-gay!

573
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:00,567
Okay.

574
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,603
Take this, Black Crusaders!

575
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,373
It's Cowboy Hey Hey!

576
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,575
[ominous music]

577
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:09,776
This is 21.

578
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,544
I'm on it.

579
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:14,747
[cheers and applause]

580
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,583
[sighs]

581
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,688
[laughter on TV]

582
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,256
Good night!
That's our show!

583
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:24,657
Have a great summer,
everybody!

584
00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,526
Mwah!

585
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,461
[applause]

586
00:20:28,495 --> 00:20:30,963
So I'm your
emergency contact, huh?

587
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:32,499
You're the only person
I know

588
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,834
who wouldn't hesitate
to pull the plug.

589
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:37,837
[clears throat]

590
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,341
So when you going
to Cleveland?

591
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:44,877
I'm not going.

592
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,681
Are you getting married
in two days?

593
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:52,885
Oh, Phoebe is a lovely girl.

594
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,587
[heart monitor
beeping rapidly]

595
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,589
But...no.

596
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,525
[beeping slows]

597
00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,726
I'm not getting married.

598
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:02,962
So what'd you think
of the show?

599
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,765
Honestly?

600
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:07,934
I no longer think
you're doing a terrible job.

601
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:10,803
And, uh,
I'm very proud of you.

602
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:13,706
Thanks, Jack.

603
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,009
I'm gonna
pull the plug now.

604
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:18,077
Whoa, whoa.

605
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,313
(Liz)
Just let me do it!