1 00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:05,088 - Hey, Jack, the vending machine's broken. 2 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,275 - I know... I broke it. I needed to speak with you, 3 00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:09,459 and I knew that was the fastest way to get you up here. 4 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,262 - You bastard! I trusted you! 5 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,932 - Lemon... lemon! 6 00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:16,975 Is there any news about Tracy? 7 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,685 - As of this morning, he was still 8 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,395 saving lives in Africa. 9 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,773 - I'm doing god's work here in Africa. 10 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,065 Why, just yesterday, 11 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:25,873 I kicked two naked people out of a garden. 12 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,570 - But Tracy, we need you here. - Simba Rafiki! 13 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,422 Click, click, click. Yeah, that's right. 14 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:32,741 I just put you in your place in African. 15 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,536 - TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordan 16 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,955 is an oxymoron... Like "liberal government" 17 00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,247 or "female scientist." 18 00:00:39,289 --> 00:00:40,666 - Or "Princeton football." 19 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,252 - We were 4 and 3 in Ivy league play last year. 20 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,462 Our quarterback, Henry Chang... 21 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,005 It doesn't matter. The point is 22 00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:50,092 that without Tracy, TGS is going on... 23 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:51,885 A forced hiatus. 24 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:53,971 - Forced hiatus? Okay. 25 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,348 So what should I tell the troops? 26 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,517 - It's simple. Sit them down individually. 27 00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:00,727 Tell them the network still supports the show 28 00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,145 and that this is temporary. 29 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:03,981 - But you're lookin' out for us, right? 30 00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:06,066 Pounding on desks and... 31 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:07,544 Doing whatever this is called. 32 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,653 - Power wagging. And I'm doing what I can. 33 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,655 But I spent a lot of political capital 34 00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,307 buying a new network for Kabletown. 35 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,884 - Is it TNT? Are Rizzoli and Isles 36 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:15,534 friends in real life? 37 00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,494 - It's a small cable network 38 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,454 targeted towards gay male viewers. 39 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,290 It's called twinks. 40 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,725 - That's the name of your network? 41 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:23,834 Isn't twink a term 42 00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,419 for a young, hairless gay man? 43 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,254 - Nonsense. Twinks is an acronym 44 00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:29,590 designed to project a positive gay image. 45 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,092 "Twinks... television with individuals... 46 00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,219 "Naive, kinky, shaved." Okay. 47 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:37,347 If the network were thriving, it would be one thing. 48 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:40,142 But my programming has yet to find its footing. 49 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,143 - Uck. No! 50 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,144 Next! 51 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,438 Boring! Who? 52 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:47,107 - Twinks could be extremely lucrative. 53 00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,067 Advertisers covet this demographic. 54 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,403 When I was with D'Fwan on queen of Jordan, 55 00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:54,573 he spent $4,000 on chihuahua outfits 56 00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,450 For himself. 57 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,785 - Okay, well, don't worry about TGS. 58 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,204 I'll take care of this hiatus thing myself. 59 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,415 - Thank you, Lemon. I'd like to help. 60 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,751 But I'm afraid my hands are tied... 61 00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:09,004 Is the only show anyone's watching on twinks. 62 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:19,306 ♪ ♪ 63 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,653 - The important thing is this forced hiatus is only temporary. 64 00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:33,445 We'll be back before you know it. 65 00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,864 - Sidney, it's Frank. TGS is dead. 66 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,866 Start booking me stand-up gigs. 67 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,398 How many black women's colleges are there in the country? 68 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,971 - What are you doing? - You just said 69 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,235 we're going on a forced hiatus. 70 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,540 I know what that means... Time for plan "b". 71 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,376 Harriet tubman school of nursing? 72 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,544 Yes and yes! 73 00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:52,464 - Well, good thing I kept my teaching certificate 74 00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:53,465 so I can still sub. Last time I taught, 75 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,301 I was like Robin Williams in dead poets society.. 76 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:57,695 By which I mean I got fired. - No, Pete. 77 00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:03,392 This is only temporary. 78 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,519 - Thanks for telling me, Liz. 79 00:03:05,811 --> 00:03:07,688 We'll get through this. - Oh, thank you! 80 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,815 Finally, someone with some faith! 81 00:03:10,107 --> 00:03:10,774 - No. 82 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:14,069 I meant my jennababies and I will get through this. 83 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,279 I've been selling these on QVC for years. 84 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:17,571 It's my plan "b". 85 00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,241 This is Asian jennababy. 86 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:20,802 Excuse me, G.I., 87 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:21,886 do you miss your girlfriend? 88 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:22,619 I'm good at math. 89 00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:25,706 So it's not offensive. 90 00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,117 - Where you going... it's just until Tracy comes back. 91 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:29,977 - I'm going back to the job I had in Holland... 92 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,044 Police psychic. 93 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,505 A Dutch TV show is based on me. 94 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,271 - Come on, Sue. 95 00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,998 You can't just leave me here with Toofer. 96 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,858 - Actually, I'm off, Liz. 97 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,460 With my degree, I can always go into 98 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:57,446 architecture or medical nanotechnology... 99 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:58,881 - wait. What did you major in? 100 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,025 - Sorry. I don't understand. 101 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,575 Oh... I see. 102 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,077 At Harvard, we call them concentrations. 103 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,329 Ugh! 104 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:07,621 You're my last hope. 105 00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:10,417 Please tell me you know this is temporary. 106 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:11,918 - Of course it is. 107 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,463 'Cause I'm gonna find a way to save the show. 108 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,215 Let me just take out my idea journal. 109 00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:18,507 Hmm. 110 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:22,512 This just says bird Internet. 111 00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,557 - He said forced hiatus? 112 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,392 Oh, man. 113 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,227 That's bad. - Simon, you're my agent. 114 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:31,581 You're not supposed to panic. You're supposed to help me. 115 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,815 - Like how Fredward helps out iCarly 116 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,787 - no! Listen, everyone here has a plan "b". 117 00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:37,906 If there's a real chance that TGS could go away, 118 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:39,279 what is my backup? 119 00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:41,448 - Maybe something with vampires. 120 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:43,009 'Cause everything has vampires nowadays. 121 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,969 Have you seen the twilight movies or vampires diaries? 122 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,161 I'm not allowed to. 123 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:47,764 - You need to get me some meetings. 124 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,248 - Would you be willing to come in 125 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,000 for an Alpo commercial? 126 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,895 If you can get through the audition without pooping, 127 00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,420 it's yours. 128 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:59,007 - I'm a human writer, Simon. Find me a writing job. 129 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,551 - So, Jack, how's the baby? 130 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:02,886 - Baby... Ah, yes! 131 00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:06,306 Baby... Black-Asian bisexual youths. 132 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:07,638 Those are viewers we want, 133 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,518 and twinks is gonna bring them in. 134 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,269 - It's not a business question, Jack. 135 00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,646 I mean your baby. 136 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,439 - Your daughter. - Oh! 137 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:17,442 Of course, uh, Liddy, she is adorable. 138 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,611 My night nurse swears she calls me koskel, 139 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:23,365 which in Trinidadian creole means stranger. 140 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,097 - Don't let work be everything, Jack. 141 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,160 Family's just as important 142 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,252 as fixing that fellas that like fellas network 143 00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:30,497 you talked me into buying. 144 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,029 - I'm on top of that. - Are you? 145 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,376 Jack, there's lots of things I like... 146 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,212 Fishing, marches by John Philip sousa, 147 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:38,964 telephones that look like footballs. 148 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:40,715 But there's one thing I don't like... 149 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:41,633 Losing money. 150 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,760 Now, I don't know if my tone is conveying 151 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,303 the fury I feel about this, 152 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,347 but I am, pardon my French, 153 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,224 bonjour! 154 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,313 Now, that's a joke, but I am really, really mad. 155 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:58,400 - Look, Hank, I'm already working on fixing twinks. 156 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,403 I'm remaking Knight Rider with the Oscar Meyer wienermobile. 157 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:02,904 - It's okay, Jack. 158 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,916 You made a bad decision and bought something 159 00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:06,157 you didn't understand, 160 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,326 like when I bought tickets for black swan. 161 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,578 Remember when a movie was just a fellow with a hat 162 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,622 runnin' away from a fellow with no hair? 163 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:14,958 - No. - The point is... 164 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,250 You failed. 165 00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:18,795 But unless there's a gay Jack Donaghy 166 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:21,715 locked up somewhere who understands all this stuff, 167 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:25,468 let's just chalk this one up to never again... 168 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:27,470 And enjoy our lunch. 169 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,806 - Hank... 170 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,559 There is a gay Jack Donaghy. 171 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,645 His name is Devin Banks. 172 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,647 Man: Are you okay? 173 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,649 - I sense something... 174 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,944 A presence I've not felt since... 175 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:51,912 - Lemon. I've decided to hire... 176 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:54,706 Devin Banks. - Banks? But he's your Nemesis. 177 00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,183 That would be like me hiring that mouse 178 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:57,959 that keeps pooping in my slippers. 179 00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,920 - Devin is the perfect man to fix twinks. 180 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,023 He's a gay shark, like the actor who played jaws. 181 00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:04,025 - But he's gonna come in and try to ruin everything, 182 00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,717 and everything is already ruining itself. 183 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:06,718 - Not this time. 184 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,930 Banks put all of his eggs in the Obama basket. 185 00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:11,821 When the administration started to falter 186 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,934 because of our conspiracy... 187 00:07:14,225 --> 00:07:16,061 I mean, Obama's ineptitude, 188 00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,897 he tried to distance himself publicly from, uh, 189 00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,941 your president. 190 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,592 - The recession we're emerging from 191 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,736 was primarily caused by lack of responsibility 192 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,071 and accountability. 193 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,073 Then he tried to rejoin us capitalists, 194 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:31,284 showed up at John Paulson's sweet 16 billion party. 195 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,536 Nobody would talk to him. Not even Ira. 196 00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,598 Then he was all, "oh, I'll just look at these books," 197 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,102 then pretended to get a text and left, 198 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,292 and we were all like "whatever. We'll go to IHOP. 199 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,704 And not tell him." 200 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,313 - Where is he now? - I tracked him down 201 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,588 to an address in Brooklyn. 202 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,423 He's on Linkedln, Lemon. 203 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,801 He might as well be dead! 204 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:49,133 So I throw him a lifeline, 205 00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:52,472 and he comes crawling back like a, uh... 206 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,140 Crab, I guess. 207 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:55,432 What else crawls, Lemon? 208 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,519 - Babies, Jack. You have one. 209 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,145 - Hank Hooper is a traditionalist. 210 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,647 He had his first heart attack 211 00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:02,219 when he saw pineapple on a pizza. 212 00:08:02,357 --> 00:08:05,193 He'll hate Banks and his hairless nostrils. 213 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,320 And men should have nose hairs. 214 00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:08,612 - Hooper will hate Devin, 215 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,383 and he'll never be able to go over your head. 216 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,450 - Exactly. I'll pay him for his ideas and, uh, 217 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,119 kick him out the door. 218 00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,745 - Speaking of TV ideas, 219 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,081 would you buy a show about a girl television writer 220 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,959 trying to have it all in the city 221 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,294 and... also, she's a vampire, I guess? 222 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:24,586 - I like the end part. 223 00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:26,273 Lemon, why do you have a blank note pad 224 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:27,465 with "plan b" written on it? 225 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:28,842 - Because I'm freaking out. 226 00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:31,177 I told everyone about the forced hiatus... 227 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:32,929 - wait. You said "forced hiatus"? 228 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,849 - Yeah. I didn't know it was code for canceled. 229 00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,493 - I thought we understood each other. 230 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,517 - I thought we understood 231 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:40,854 that you are never to think that I understand anything! 232 00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:42,226 - And you have no plan "b"? 233 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,272 I've been telling you to prepare for the end of TGS 234 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,443 for the last two years. 235 00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:48,337 - Well, there have been a lot of amazing races on since then, 236 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,423 and I had to watch them and go online and comment on them. 237 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,207 - Here are your options... You can go to L.A. 238 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:53,825 I've been to L.A. once. 239 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,785 Olive just turns into barham? 240 00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,204 - Justice for Rodney King! - How do I get to 10? 241 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,498 It's the 10! 242 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,000 - Rodney King! 243 00:09:02,292 --> 00:09:02,917 - You can't afford to be selective. 244 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,670 Opportunities for writers are fewer and farther between. 245 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,881 - What about opportunities for storytellers? 246 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,359 Beginning with the cave paintings of lascaux, mankind... 247 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,802 - I can get you a meeting with Nick Lachey for the sing-off. 248 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,304 - I'll take it! 249 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:18,808 - You here for the sing-off gig? 250 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,351 - Yeah. 251 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:21,643 Do I know you? 252 00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,897 - You know my work. Walk with me. 253 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:26,399 I'm Aaron Sorkin. The west wing, a few good men, 254 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:27,691 social network. 255 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,069 - Studio 60? - Shut up. 256 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,360 Do you know Nick Lachey? 257 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,112 I hear he doesn't even let you sit in the meeting. 258 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,590 He just screams at you to see how you react. 259 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:35,033 - Wait, you're not really applying for this job, are you? 260 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,386 - Of course I am. You gotta take work where you can find it. 261 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,120 Especially now. Our craft is dying 262 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,765 while people are playing angry birds 263 00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,165 and poking each other on Facebook. 264 00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,185 What is poking, anyway? Why won't anybody do it to me? 265 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,209 I'm cool! 266 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,771 - So it's really that bad out there. 267 00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,671 I mean, you're Aaron Sorkin. 268 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,424 Speaking of angry birds, do you know how to beat 11 -4? 269 00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:52,300 It's just a red guy and a green guy. 270 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:55,136 - The key is do not use the green guy as a boomerang. 271 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,268 - Did we just go in a circle? - Listen, lady... 272 00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:59,700 A gender I write extremely well if the story calls for it... 273 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:00,724 This is serious! 274 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:01,518 We make horse buggies 275 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:03,770 and the first model t just rolled into town. 276 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,915 - We're dinosaurs. - We don't need two metaphors. 277 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,982 That's bad writing. Not that it matters. 278 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,903 - Mr. Sorkin, Mr. Lachey will see you now. 279 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,072 - Mr. Lachey, huge fan. 280 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,199 Huge fan. I have all your albums. 281 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,038 - Oh. You'll be proud of me, miss Lemon. 282 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:24,999 It is not easy coming up with ideas to save the show. 283 00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,085 But this morning, I held up this sign 284 00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,671 in the today show window. 285 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,048 Now, I'm just waitin' for the phone to ring. 286 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,093 - Kenneth, you may not be able to save the show. 287 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,487 - If you wanna save this dumb show, 288 00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:38,471 you gotta get the fans involved. 289 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,883 You know, like sometimes people mail stuff to networks 290 00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,326 to show how passionate they are. 291 00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:45,562 They sent light bulbs to save Friday night lights, 292 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:47,272 hot sauce to save roswell, 293 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,524 and douche bags to save entourage. 294 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,943 - Okay. So we just need to think of something 295 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:56,281 that fans can send to Hank Hooper that says TGS. 296 00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:58,491 Something like... 297 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,662 Bird Internet! 298 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,666 It's about time, cashmere. 299 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:09,019 Did you find Chana's boppy? 300 00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,588 Was it at... Music adventures? 301 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,966 - Banks... What's become of you? 302 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,426 - Nothing! 303 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:22,223 These aren't babies. They're organ farms. 304 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,017 Don't... look at me! 305 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:25,309 Devin... 306 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,353 Explain the gaybies. 307 00:11:27,645 --> 00:11:30,106 - I'm a househusband now. Happy? 308 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,198 I married a shiny black dancer named cashmere, 309 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,026 and we mixed our sperm together 310 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:37,155 so no one would know whose baby is whose. 311 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:40,950 Now... have you had your fun looking at the freak? 312 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:42,702 - I'm here to offer an olive branch. 313 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,234 I'm working with Kabletown now, 314 00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:46,050 and we've acquired a network called twinks. 315 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,791 I could use someone on it full-time, a subordinate. 316 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:55,131 You came all the way out here to Brooklyn 317 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,926 to offer me, Banks, a job? 318 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,678 You must be desperate, Jack. 319 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:04,057 Twinks must be exploding, and not in a good way. 320 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,949 You thought that I would lick your boots, 321 00:12:06,184 --> 00:12:07,184 but you need me. 322 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,480 So now I'm gonna make you let me lick your boots. 323 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,041 - I'll keep you on a very tight leash. 324 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,425 - Fantastic. Continue. - I will not 325 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,085 gay set you up again, so I'll be very clear. 326 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,194 You'll be under me, 327 00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:19,781 and if there's one slip-up, your ass is mine. 328 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,784 - You couldn't resist coming to see how far I'd fallen. 329 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,244 But that was your mistake. 330 00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:27,455 Down came the rain and washed the spider out. 331 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,267 - No. You are the spider. I am the sun. 332 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:30,541 I dry up all the rain. 333 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,103 - Yes! Freeing me, the spider, to climb up the spout again! 334 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:35,546 You bastard. 335 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:41,010 - Now... Who wants some num-nums? 336 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,099 - Hey, Simon. What's up? 337 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,936 Any word from the sing-off? 338 00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,228 - It's a pass. 339 00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,898 But Lachey hated you. 340 00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,984 - So what now? - You're fired. 341 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,986 - What? - You're fired. 342 00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,363 - Are you dropping me as a client? 343 00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,073 What am I gonna do? 344 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,867 Jack can't help me. You don't want me as a client. 345 00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:06,703 I have no other skills. 346 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:09,289 - Liz, I'm gonna tell you what I tell my dog clients 347 00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:10,820 when I drop them... Chuh, chuh! 348 00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:11,624 Chuh, chuh, chuh! 349 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,042 - Simon... - Chuh! 350 00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,545 Chuh, chuh. 351 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,802 - Jack. We've been waiting almost an hour 352 00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:24,637 for this Banks fellow. 353 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,389 The only explanation I can think of 354 00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,561 is that he keeps stopping to perform good deeds. 355 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,577 - No, he's pulling a power play, right out of the gate. 356 00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:31,853 He's making us wait 357 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,355 so it looks like I have no authority over him. 358 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,375 Well, I'm a straight shooter, Jack. 359 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:38,199 Except at the urinal, but that's just a little 360 00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:39,986 shrapnel side effect from Vietnam. 361 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,612 So when it comes to business... 362 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:44,699 I don't like these kinds of games. 363 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,744 Boy, I hope my tone is conveying how annoyed I am. 364 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,636 - You should be annoyed, Hank, of course. 365 00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,289 Devin's crude attempts at manipulation 366 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:53,333 don't work with a man like you. 367 00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,504 Banks is not a straight shooter like you and me. 368 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,295 For now... We need him. 369 00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,107 But as soon as he stops being useful... 370 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,340 - we throw him in a ditch. 371 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,675 - My apologies, gentlemen. 372 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:03,968 I tried to call, 373 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,304 but somebody spilled milky all over daddy's phoney. 374 00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:08,139 Didn't you, little Mykonos? 375 00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,641 Together: You brought a baby to a business meeting. 376 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,186 - I'm so sorry, but this little guy's really sick. 377 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,063 He threw up all over my jacket, 378 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,457 and I just couldn't leave him, but... 379 00:14:16,481 --> 00:14:19,442 Of course, I didn't want to miss this fabulous opportunity. 380 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,774 - I'm always just trying to balance work and family. 381 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,321 It's kinda what I'm all about. 382 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:26,991 - Well, son, you're gonna do great here at Kabletown. 383 00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,283 - Damn it! 384 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:29,762 - You know, one of my grandchildren 385 00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,221 is just about the same age as Mike here. 386 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:33,081 We should set up a playdate. - How's tomorrow? 387 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,792 - Uh, Hank, could Devin and I just have a moment, please? 388 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,085 - Of course! 389 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:40,004 I'll just entertain this little bundle of Joy 390 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,964 with one of my uncle Hank stories. 391 00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:44,926 The VC was everywhere. 392 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,886 Yes, they were. Yes, they were! 393 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,389 - This is a new low... Even for you, Banks. 394 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,058 Using your own baby to get in with Hooper. 395 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:53,851 - I brought the sexiest one, too. 396 00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,423 His cheekbones are like granite. 397 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:58,189 And old Hank the family man fell right into my trap. 398 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:01,651 This isn't even baby vomit on my jacket. 399 00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,070 It's mine! All mine. 400 00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:06,072 - This... is not over. 401 00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:09,951 - Oh, look how much he just loves his uncle Hank! 402 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,702 - Whoosh went the flamethrower. 403 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,434 "Medic! Medic!" Cried the wittle boy! 404 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,878 - Oh! How was substitute teaching, sir? 405 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,464 - Oh, just like lean on me... In that a guy 406 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:25,401 who looks like Morgan Freeman swung a bat at me. 407 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,027 What are you doing with those sugar cubes? 408 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:29,929 - Starting a fan mailing campaign to save the show! 409 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:32,974 People will send sugar cubes to Hank Hooper 410 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,017 to show that they're sweet on TGS. 411 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,145 I've already sent about 100 of these, 412 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,037 even though licking an envelope is a sin. 413 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,107 Unless you're married to it. 414 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,901 So I had to marry each envelope, and then divorce it. 415 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:45,593 Which brings me to my ninth point... 416 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,905 - so you're putting a sugar cube in an envelope 417 00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,824 and then mailing it to Hank Hooper. 418 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,156 But then when he opens it, 419 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,368 it will have been crushed 420 00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,954 into a fine, white powder. 421 00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:56,289 - I suppose so, sir. 422 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:59,000 - Kenneth, do you know what Anthrax looks like? 423 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,751 I'm not with him! 424 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,043 God bless america! 425 00:16:02,086 --> 00:16:03,296 - Aah! 426 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:04,881 My thorax! 427 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,841 - We never could have found him so quickly 428 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,509 without your help. 429 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,386 Thank you, mentaalist. 430 00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:14,140 - It is a gift... And a curse. 431 00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:15,432 In the TV show, 432 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:19,270 you bang me in a tulip field under credits. 433 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:27,986 - Mommy. 434 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,070 What's that? 435 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,823 - It's a toilet. 436 00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,075 Or woman. It's whatever you need it to be. 437 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:36,829 - No! People of the sidewalk... 438 00:16:37,121 --> 00:16:38,915 We can't give up on the written word! 439 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,708 We need stories! 440 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,377 Because I don't have a plan "b". 441 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:46,506 I have a degree in theater tech with a minor in movement. 442 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:48,925 Why did my parents let me do that? 443 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,302 - It's over. 444 00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:53,221 - Who's there? Show yourselves. 445 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:54,972 - You're one of us now. 446 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,892 Who are you? 447 00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,894 - Better to ask who we used to be. 448 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,872 People whose professions are no longer a thing. 449 00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:04,815 Once... I was called travel agent. 450 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,210 - I was an American auto worker. 451 00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,818 - And I played dynamite saxophone solos 452 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:09,862 in rock and roll songs. 453 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,948 - Come. We live under the subways 454 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,075 with the CEO of Friendster. 455 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,328 - No! TGS isn't dead yet! 456 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:21,999 - Morning, Jack. 457 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,210 Oh, my. Empty coffee pot. 458 00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:27,129 Same cheap $300 tie as yesterday. 459 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:28,881 Nose hair all askew? 460 00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:29,840 You've been here all night 461 00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:32,152 trying to figure out how to fight back, haven't you? 462 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:33,362 - How was your playdate with The Hoopers? 463 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:33,970 - Oh, it was amazing. 464 00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,930 He has really superlative tummy-time. 465 00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:38,015 Oh! I almost forgot. 466 00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,518 Hank... uncle Hank... Wants to expand overseas, 467 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:43,354 and he's chosen me to be the face of the company in Europe. 468 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,940 That's right. I've been promoted. 469 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,312 - But Europe is my purview. 470 00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:48,752 I was supposed to go there next week. 471 00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:50,337 I was going to take a picture where it looked like 472 00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:52,041 I was holding up the leaning tower of pisa! 473 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,031 - Now I'll be taking that picture. 474 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,409 Do you have idea how strong I'll look? 475 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:59,245 I vanquished you in one day! 476 00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:00,580 I was trapped in a world 477 00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,957 of wet wipes and rectal thermometers. 478 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,768 Then the babies came, and life changed. 479 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,003 But you set me free, Jack. 480 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:08,879 Now it's weekends in New York, 481 00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,799 then jet-setting around the world in economy plus. 482 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,885 I'll be thousands of miles away from the chaos in Brooklyn. 483 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:16,929 Do you know what it's like to have triplets? 484 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:18,490 It's just everything times three. 485 00:18:18,514 --> 00:18:19,974 Three pairs of grabby little hands 486 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,893 smearing food all over your brand-new chihuahua outfits. 487 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:25,980 Three pairs of feet in their weird, soft little shoes. 488 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,441 Three Paris of eyes, Brown... 489 00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,401 Like my husband's. 490 00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:33,279 Three perfect little mouths... 491 00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:37,158 That smile every time I walk through the door. 492 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,993 Three tummies... 493 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,996 That just want their num-nums and zerberts. 494 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,999 Oh, god, I just love my gaybies too much. 495 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,001 I can't leave! 496 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,128 - That's it? 497 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,631 You're just going to talk yourself out of it? 498 00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,049 - I'm sorry, Jack. 499 00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:54,008 - But I had stuff planned. 500 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,885 I was going to trading places you. 501 00:18:56,177 --> 00:18:59,138 - I was bailed out of prison and told to come up here. 502 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,474 That was weak, Banks. 503 00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:03,126 - I don't expect you to understand. 504 00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:05,031 You don't know what it's like to have kids. 505 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,228 - Actually, Devin, I do. 506 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,189 I have a baby daughter, Liddy. 507 00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,566 - And yet you still managed to be here all night 508 00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,498 trying to figure out how to bring me down. 509 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,987 Well, damn, Jack... 510 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,279 You are strong. 511 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:18,240 You're like dora's friend... 512 00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:20,618 Both: Benny the bull. 513 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,119 Thank you. 514 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:27,583 Jonathan, call my car. 515 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:40,930 - Okay. Here's an idea. 516 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,474 We keep TGS going as a magazine. 517 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,393 - Miss Lemon, it's over. 518 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,561 I applied to transfer to news. 519 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,147 I'm sorry. I couldn't save the show. 520 00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:52,316 - Here. 521 00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,527 I'm actually not that hungry. 522 00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:55,820 - That's funny. 523 00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:57,392 This is the same place Mr. Jordan 524 00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:58,823 gets pizza from in Africa. 525 00:19:59,115 --> 00:20:00,157 - I'm sorry, what? 526 00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:02,302 - Oh, when Mr. Jordan and I talk on the computer, 527 00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,328 sometimes he's eating this exact same pizza. 528 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:05,955 - Africa's great. 529 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:08,457 We got Juju monsters... 530 00:20:08,749 --> 00:20:09,749 Gum-gum trees... 531 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,252 And horsicorns... 532 00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,754 Which is a unicorn with a horse's head. 533 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,674 - Kenneth, you beautiful goon! 534 00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,050 He's not in Africa. 535 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:19,760 He's somewhere in the delivery zone 536 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,262 of Federici's pizza! 537 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,347 We can find him and bring him back here, 538 00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:25,266 and no more forced hiatus! 539 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,184 - I did it! I saved the show! 540 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:28,756 I won't have to go work at news! 541 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,789 - And I won't have to be the world's worst hooker! 542 00:20:30,813 --> 00:20:32,148 You wanna party? 543 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,276 It's 500 for kissing, 10,000 for snuggling. 544 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,319 End of list. 545 00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:38,611 No! 546 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:42,742 I'm hungry again! 547 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:51,611 - Have you made friends in Africa? 548 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:54,336 - Oh, sure. Ladysmith Black Mambazo, 549 00:20:54,628 --> 00:20:55,796 Paul Simon, Invictus. 550 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,757 - So what's the weather like? 551 00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:01,051 - Crazy. It's the snowiest winter we had in years 552 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:03,220 in New York... in Africa. 553 00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:05,392 - Well, sir, I had a very interesting morning... 554 00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:07,057 - uh-oh. It's nighttime. 555 00:21:07,349 --> 00:21:10,060 Gotta go to bed, or I'll anger the gods. 556 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:13,314 They must be crazy! Africa. 557 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,608 - I probably should have realized 558 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,485 he was in New York sooner. 559 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,488 Bird Internet.