1 00:00:03,045 --> 00:00:05,172 - We need to talk... Right now. 2 00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:08,050 We know Tracy's not in Africa. 3 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,760 He's hiding somewhere in New York. 4 00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,012 - What? - Don't play stupid, Walter. 5 00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:15,015 - We have ways of making people talk. 6 00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:17,893 By giving them fresh apple slices. 7 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:19,770 - Listen to me very carefully. 8 00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:21,855 This show is my life. 9 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,774 I need Tracy back. 10 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,609 Where is he? 11 00:00:25,901 --> 00:00:27,128 - You think we don't want him back? 12 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,279 Do you know how much our cobra payments are? 13 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,341 And he's the only one that knows the combination 14 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,741 to the candy safe. 15 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:35,661 - The worst part is being able to see the candy. 16 00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,538 - All right. 17 00:00:37,829 --> 00:00:39,540 But if I find out you're holding out on me, 18 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:40,999 I will no longer allow you 19 00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,685 to use my office for your history club. 20 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:47,548 - That's ironic, because next week's topic is fascism. 21 00:00:55,055 --> 00:01:02,604 ♪ ♪ 22 00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,029 - What about Grizz and Dotcom? 23 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:11,905 - They don't know anything. 24 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:13,740 Neither does anyone Tracy's close to... 25 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:17,035 His wife, Charles barkley, Edward James almost, 26 00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,037 who is an Edward James Olmos lookalike 27 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,415 that Tracy is friends with. - Kenneth talks to Tracy 28 00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:22,934 on Skype, doesn't he? Just call him. 29 00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:24,038 - It doesn't work that way. 30 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,503 Tracy only contacts Kenneth on special occasions 31 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:27,795 like bastille day. 32 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:29,283 - I'm going to go ahead and assume 33 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,543 that bastille is a stripper. 34 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,259 - As well you should. 35 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:33,987 Now there's a chance he may call tomorrow 36 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,371 because it's his lizard's birthday. 37 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,807 - Has it really been a year since we were all at the Waldorf 38 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,268 eating that cake made out of lizard meal? 39 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:42,600 - Yup. Jeremy's almost 11. 40 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,272 For now, our only lead is the pizza box 41 00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:46,764 that we saw Tracy eating from. 42 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,234 We traced the phone number to a pizzeria in queens. 43 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,246 Listen to me. I sound like Cagney and Lacey, 44 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:52,643 but without the slutty clothes. 45 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,021 - You have to find him, Lemon. 46 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:55,198 Your show works with Tracy. 47 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,826 And this morning, I figured out how to fix NBC. 48 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,329 We will only do shows that work. 49 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:01,621 - That's nonsense. 50 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:02,497 - Do you know what the business model is 51 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,041 in the entertainment industry? 52 00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,543 Make ten shows and hope that one of them works. 53 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,004 We produce more failed pilots 54 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:10,589 than the French air force. 55 00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:14,760 $15 million so far developing a show 56 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:16,932 called who nose? About an investigative reporter 57 00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:19,765 who can't smell and has to get the story using only his eyes, 58 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,350 ears, and other senses. 59 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,310 - You underestimated me, congressman, 60 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:24,602 because I can't smell. 61 00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,772 But you made one mistake. 62 00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:29,191 You let me see the documents. 63 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,944 - So from now on, no more throwing good money after bad. 64 00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:37,199 Only what works. $10 million developing dad 2.0? 65 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,451 Not on my watch. 66 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:40,827 - Your father may be gone, 67 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,454 but before he died, 68 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:44,539 he programmed me to take his place. 69 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:45,916 - No. Shut it down. 70 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,668 This is terrible. 71 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:48,959 - So what's going on? 72 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,287 Is Tracy coming back or what? 73 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:51,713 - Well, I don't know. 74 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,005 - Well, what do you know? 75 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,216 What do you even do? 76 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:55,748 - I'm the producer of the show. 77 00:02:55,842 --> 00:02:57,844 - Right, that's what your wife told me 78 00:02:58,136 --> 00:02:59,216 in the shower this morning. 79 00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,724 - All right, well, we're all having fun, 80 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,911 and it's important that we all be able to laugh together. 81 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,329 - Yeah, we're not laughing with you. 82 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:07,833 We're laughing at you, you bald bitch. 83 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,108 - Yes, Reggie, I am bald. 84 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,734 I lost my hair at a very early age 85 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,070 when I hit that gypsy's kid with my car, 86 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,697 but I am still your boss. 87 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:19,324 Hey, bald bitch. 88 00:03:21,493 --> 00:03:23,286 Hey, that's you. 89 00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,205 - No, I get it. - He's being you. 90 00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:26,623 - Yeah, I get it. I get it. 91 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,751 - Listen up, fives. A ten is speaking. 92 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,336 As you may have heard, 93 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:33,547 the jennababy dolls I've been selling on QVC 94 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:34,548 have been recalled. 95 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,258 Apparently they were just being used 96 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,430 to smuggle cocaine into the country from Mexico. 97 00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:41,263 And that's caused some problems. 98 00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,265 - Let's just go to soccer practice now. 99 00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:44,557 I mean right now. 100 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:46,768 - Yes. It's 4:00 in the morning. Let's do it. 101 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,353 - We own this town. 102 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,189 - Jennababies were my backup if TGS gets cancelled, 103 00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:55,026 but don't worry because I have a backup to my backup. 104 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,546 - We don't ever worry about you. 105 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,570 We don't think about you. 106 00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,239 - That's right, Frank. 107 00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:00,531 I booked a movie. 108 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,326 It's called take my hand. 109 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:06,747 It's kind of an artsy character study about a young woman 110 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,915 who has a lot of holes drilled into her head 111 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,877 by a deranged veterinarian named Slaughterface. 112 00:04:12,169 --> 00:04:14,671 - Oh, so you're doing a torture porn thing like saw. 113 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:18,300 - Exactly. In fact, the producers of this movie 114 00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,385 rented saw and watched it. 115 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,763 So let me know if Tracy comes back. 116 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:25,348 Until then, I will be in stamford, Connecticut. 117 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,476 We're shooting there for tax reasons. 118 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,144 On an unrelated matter, 119 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:32,564 does anyone know where I can get intimate bleaching done 120 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:33,523 in stamford, Connecticut? 121 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,192 Anyone? 122 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,820 I'm leaving to do a movie, Pete. 123 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,864 - What? No! You can't do that. 124 00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,426 - That's what your wife told me in the shower this morning. 125 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,619 Ha. 126 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,538 - Can we order lunch from Ikea? 127 00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:49,831 - What? No. 128 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,792 I'm the producer. I'm picking lunch today. 129 00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:54,169 - Okay. We'll have a contest of strength 130 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,421 to decide who gets to pick lunch. 131 00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:04,387 - Who's next? 132 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,390 - Welcome to Federici's. 133 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:08,934 What can I get for you guys? 134 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,144 - Well, as hard as it is to believe, 135 00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,730 given our apparent ages, this is my son. 136 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,525 - Seems about right. - Okay, good. 137 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:20,028 My son is currently studying at a local pizza academy. 138 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,613 - Really? Which one? 139 00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,366 - New York pizza academy. 140 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,659 - Well, then I hate you, 141 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:28,203 'cause I'm a pizza academy of New York man. 142 00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:30,913 - Wonderful. 143 00:05:30,956 --> 00:05:33,959 - So what fraternity are you pledging? 144 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:35,752 - I'm not. 145 00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,630 There are no fraternities at New York pizza academy. 146 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:41,162 - That's right. You correctly answered my trick question. 147 00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,844 Now I'm bound by pizza academy tradition 148 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:45,387 to Grant you any request. 149 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,597 - Wow, this could not have gone any better. 150 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,075 - We need to see all your delivery receipts 151 00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,183 from the last two months. 152 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,895 - Oh, you got that delivery receipt exam coming up, huh? 153 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,647 What a bear. 154 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,023 Here you go. 155 00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:58,984 Take your time. 156 00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:02,696 I'll be in the back trying to think of other ways to help you. 157 00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:08,076 - Well, this is obviously a dead end. 158 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,123 - Yeah! 159 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,917 Eat your weakness. 160 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:22,716 Congratulations. 161 00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,448 According to the transitive property, 162 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,429 you just defeated Muammar Qaddafi in arm wrestling. 163 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:28,763 - Yes! 164 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,615 - This would have bothered me in my 20s. 165 00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,350 - Pete, how are you so good at that? 166 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,519 - I don't know. I never work out. 167 00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:35,854 Paula! 168 00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:37,146 Here comes the big girl. 169 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,523 She's got a clarinet. 170 00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:41,902 - Pete, lunch is your pick. 171 00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:43,486 - Takeout from Hooters. 172 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,405 - What? That makes no sense. 173 00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:47,282 - We'll know they touched it. 174 00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,341 No one's coming to save you. 175 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:07,385 - Oh, god. Who are you? 176 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,054 Cut! 177 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,806 I just got a text from the studio. 178 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,350 We're shutting down production. 179 00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:15,435 - What? - But I turned down carousel 180 00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,487 at the goodspeed for this. - I'm sorry, Dana, 181 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,447 but our budget depends on getting a tax break 182 00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:22,084 from Connecticut, and they say we're not portraying the state 183 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:22,817 in a positive light. 184 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,819 - How are we not doing that, Shawn? 185 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,447 I'm a little baffled over here. 186 00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:29,884 - Yeah, no, it's just that we're spending taxpayer money 187 00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,011 saying there's a veterinarian running around Connecticut 188 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:32,744 trying to make a house out of breasts 189 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,156 for the governor to live in. 190 00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,831 - But there's a positive message at the end of it. 191 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,917 If you're a woman in Connecticut, 192 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,503 Slaughterface will kill you. 193 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,256 - This must be it. 194 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,548 - Yes, ma'am. 195 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,110 There have been several deliveries to this address 196 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:49,886 of Mr. Jordan's signature order... 197 00:07:50,178 --> 00:07:52,681 Large cheese pizza with one slice taken out 198 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,516 so I can pretend I'm eating pac-man 199 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,477 like my hero blinky the ghost. 200 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,325 I hear someone coming. 201 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,832 - Well, well, well. 202 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:20,917 You found me. 203 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,712 After I ordered Thai food and gave you this address. 204 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,755 - Yeah? 205 00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:29,801 - I'm sorry. I thought my friend was living here. 206 00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:31,093 - And my best friend. 207 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:32,470 Oh, is this awkward? 208 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,122 Because I'm your best friend, but you're not my best friend? 209 00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:35,932 - No. No one living here. 210 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,984 At least not since we moved in two weeks ago. 211 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:42,856 - Wait a minute. Was that stuff here when you moved in? 212 00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:45,608 A copy of black yachts magazine 213 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,695 and a rubik's cube that has been smashed out of anger. 214 00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,780 Mr. Jordan was here. 215 00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,072 - So what, Kenneth? 216 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:53,842 These guys have been here for two weeks. 217 00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:54,950 Tracy could be anywhere. 218 00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,198 We're never gonna find him, 219 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,884 TGS is gonna get cancelled, and then what? 220 00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,079 Can I work here? 221 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,290 I'll do anything. 222 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:02,601 I'll get in my bra, and you could throw nails at me. 223 00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:03,293 I'll dance for you. 224 00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:04,585 - Miss Lemon. 225 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:05,920 Don't panic. 226 00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:08,339 We have other options. 227 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:11,009 But for instance... Mr. Jordan! 228 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,636 Where are you? Come back! 229 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:18,892 For the love of god, come back or we'll die! 230 00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,104 - Jack, could we talk, one ten to another? 231 00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,814 - I'm an 11, but continue. 232 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,317 - Me, my ass double, and a drill that once appeared 233 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,128 on home improvement are currently starring 234 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,737 in a feature film called take my hand. 235 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,864 - Really? Years ago, universal had a project 236 00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:33,865 by that name. 237 00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:34,824 It was a romantic comedy 238 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,535 with Reese Witherspoon and Patrick Dempsey. 239 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,288 - Reese Witherspoon's just a likeable version of me. 240 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,041 - Then she dropped out, and it was rewritten as a buddy comedy 241 00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,918 with Dempsey and Josh Hartnett. 242 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,087 But everyone fell asleep during the table read, 243 00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:48,439 so we moved it over to telemundo 244 00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:50,882 where they tried to turn it into a variety show 245 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:54,594 hosted by a supermodel and a soccer ball with a mustache. 246 00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:58,014 - I met that soccer ball once at a no-hands-allowed sex party. 247 00:09:58,306 --> 00:09:59,575 - Then after another round of rewrites, 248 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,035 it was picked up by our low-budget thriller, 249 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,659 high-budget porno division, splatterflix, 250 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,940 and now it's a horror movie starring "any blonde actress." 251 00:10:07,232 --> 00:10:08,942 - Thank you. 252 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,444 - Wait, that's our project? 253 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:14,739 This is exactly what I was talking to Lemon about. 254 00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,242 Three years, millions on rewrites, 255 00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:22,122 $20,000 in first-class flights for the drill. 256 00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:24,040 And we still have nothing to show for it. 257 00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:25,416 - And we never will. 258 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:26,376 We just got shut down 259 00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,268 because Connecticut's being a douche bag. 260 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,396 They won't give us a tax break 261 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,005 unless the movie promotes tourism. 262 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,817 - Then we make the movie pro-Connecticut. 263 00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:36,719 We are not losing any more money on take my hand. 264 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:39,472 - Okay, we just need to hire some of those ugly people 265 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,809 who have the paper and change the shapes on it. 266 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,769 - Writers? No. 267 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,480 We'll do the work ourselves. 268 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:50,793 - Meet me in my dressing room. 269 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,861 I'll get a computer from one of the ugly people. 270 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,780 - And I'll bring the world's greatest encyclopedia... 271 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:58,908 My mind. 272 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,204 - Hey, is that a to-do list? 273 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,976 'Cause if your wife's on there, I've already taken care of her. 274 00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,794 - I challenge you to the wrestling of arms. 275 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,546 - What? - Arm wrestling. 276 00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:13,381 On the Stage. Midnight. 277 00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,425 In front of everyone. - How about tomorrow? 278 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,528 Seems like it would be more convenient for people. 279 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:20,930 - I'll meet you anytime, anywhere. 280 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,725 I just have to work around a pta meeting at 5:00 281 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:28,354 that I can't miss, 'cause, this week, I'm snack dad. 282 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:38,527 - Lemon, you look terrible. 283 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,759 And I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold. 284 00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,202 - We had him, Jack, and we lost him. 285 00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,653 So Kenneth and I had to spend the rest of the afternoon 286 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:45,830 trying to think like Tracy. 287 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:48,416 I ended up eating a swordfish dinner at a strip club, 288 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,960 and Kenneth grabbed a cop's gun and shot a blimp. 289 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,087 - Well, tomorrow's another day, so go home, 290 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:54,859 have a glass of wine, and watch a show 291 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,249 about wedding cake disasters. 292 00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:57,425 - I can't go home, Jack. 293 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,385 TGS goes away if I don't find Tracy. 294 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:02,305 I'm gonna wait up and hope that he calls his lizard. 295 00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:03,616 - Did you make sure that Tracy wasn't pretending 296 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,516 to be his own wax figure at madame tussauds? 297 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,088 - Yes. There was some confusion, 298 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,146 and I ended up punching the real levar Burton. 299 00:12:10,438 --> 00:12:12,598 I'm gonna go get Jeremy. I hope he's not still in heat. 300 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:15,818 He has gotten my top off before. 301 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,573 - Here you go. 302 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,218 - Did you know that Connecticut is home 303 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,328 to the oldest public library in the United States? 304 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,705 - Huh. Could you use that to motivate Slaughterface 305 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:31,876 sewing the sheriff's mouth to his own anus? 306 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,462 Of course. Elegant. 307 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,966 Should vaginatorium be capitalized? 308 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,512 - Oh! 309 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:44,347 I cannot wait to humiliate 310 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,559 that guy in front of all of his meathead buddies. 311 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,101 - You're like a new man, Pete. 312 00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:49,060 - Yeah, I am. 313 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:50,019 Last night, I had sex with Paula, 314 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,980 and neither of us was wearing a walkman. 315 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,272 - Oh, yeah. 316 00:12:53,481 --> 00:12:55,191 - Why are you picking him up now? 317 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,123 I'm supposed to have him till the weekend. 318 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,271 - Shane wanted to come home, 319 00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,779 'cause his dad's a loser. 320 00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,864 Did your show get cancelled yet? 321 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:03,759 - We don't know, Stephanie. We're waiting for Tracy 322 00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,343 to Skype with Liz and Jeremy the lizard. 323 00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:09,247 - You're a joke. David is taking us all to outback steakhouse, 324 00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,374 and we're getting appetizers, 325 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:13,710 'cause David can afford them. 326 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,754 - Well, of course he can. Mr. Big shot pet photographer. 327 00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,339 I hope he can sleep at night. 328 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,150 - Never thought I'd feel sorry for a guy 329 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:24,429 with a tattoo of a leprechaun vomiting on a book. 330 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:49,078 - No one's coming to save you. 331 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,788 - Oh. - Because we're deep 332 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:55,126 inside one of Connecticut's 30 beautiful state forests. 333 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:56,627 30! 334 00:13:56,919 --> 00:13:58,921 - Oh, please, don't kill me. 335 00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,632 I still haven't tried the famous seafood pizza 336 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,134 at Sally's in new haven. 337 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,969 And cut. 338 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,221 Great. All right. Let's move on to the scene 339 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,557 where Slaughterface centipedes Jenna to the docent 340 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,184 of the danbury railway museum. 341 00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:13,353 - Hold on. I just spoke to Walmart. 342 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:15,772 They sponsor wholesome TV programming, 343 00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,064 and I've convinced them 344 00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:18,375 to get into the movie business. 345 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:20,151 They will partially fund this project 346 00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,779 if we make it family-friendly. 347 00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,989 - I can never find stuff to watch with my kids. 348 00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:25,865 Thank you, Walmart. 349 00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:28,201 - This production will be profitable. 350 00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:31,954 Jenna, to your dressing room to write. 351 00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:35,833 - It begins with the words. 352 00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,462 - Reggie. 353 00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:40,914 I need to show you something. 354 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,465 - Whoa. 355 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:43,757 Is that your deltoid? 356 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,010 - I'm gonna beat you, Reggie. 357 00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,345 But I don't want to. 358 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,077 I saw you in the lobby with Stephanie 359 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:52,266 and Shane talking about David and appetizers. 360 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,185 Look, I know what it's like for your kids 361 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:55,019 to think you're a loser. 362 00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,688 Which is why I'm gonna throw the match. 363 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,149 - Wow. You would do that for me? 364 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:06,155 Know what your wife told me in the shower this morning? 365 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:07,907 You're a good guy. 366 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:15,998 - Oh, miss Lemon, 367 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,625 wake up. It's him. 368 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,627 - Okay, this is it, Parcell. 369 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,188 We got to keep Tracy on the line, 370 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,212 so draw him out. 371 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,298 Don't spook him. Act normal. 372 00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:27,718 Hello. I'm a baby. 373 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,405 - What are you doing? - I don't know. 374 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,763 You got in my head. - Hang on. 375 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,099 Something's not right. 376 00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,892 Why is Jeremy acting so weird? 377 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,352 I don't like this. 378 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,187 - Hey, Tracy, don't hang up. - Uh-oh. 379 00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,982 Jeremy, call me when you're alone. 380 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,278 - I'm sorry, miss Lemon. 381 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,989 - Don't be. I know where he is. 382 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,762 Merry Christmas. 383 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,496 - I practice abstinence. 384 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,206 All: Connecticut! 385 00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:58,498 - And cut. 386 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,628 - We're not done yet. Ladies and gentlemen, 387 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:03,920 this is Phil Rosenthal, 388 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,174 the creator of the acclaimed show 389 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:07,091 Everybody Loves Raymond. 390 00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:08,050 - Last great sitcom. 391 00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:10,803 Still does a 3.4 share in syndication. 392 00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,095 I did okay. 393 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,782 I have a refrigerator that's just for sodas. 394 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:16,225 - Anyway, Phil is interested in getting into acting. 395 00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:17,977 - I got the bug. - And has offered 396 00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,104 to pay us $5 million 397 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,396 to be in the movie. 398 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:22,762 - I'll rewrite the part myself. 399 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,960 - You know what, why don't we just get one as written, 400 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:25,359 and then we'll play with it. 401 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,778 You are a guest here, Phil. 402 00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:29,572 - Hello, Phil. 403 00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:31,264 I never heard back about my audition 404 00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,634 for Everybody Loves Raymond. 405 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:33,886 I'd wondered if you made a decision. 406 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,745 - Yeah, 15 years ago. 407 00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:37,117 We went with Doris Roberts. 408 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:40,666 But thank you for tying your headshot around a brick 409 00:16:40,958 --> 00:16:43,628 and throwing it through my window. 410 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,673 - Go ahead, bald bitch. Go ahead. 411 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,258 - Thanks for doing this. 412 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,928 I convinced my ex 413 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,300 to drop off my kid so he could see me being a winner. 414 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,516 You rock. 415 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,684 No one's gonna know that you did this 416 00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,537 or that you're actually stronger than me. 417 00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:01,562 - It doesn't matter. 418 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:05,024 All that matters is I'm doing the right thing. 419 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,276 That's real strength. 420 00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,007 - Ha. I beat you. 421 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,884 We're getting lunch from Ikea. 422 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:35,972 Ikea! All: Ikea! Ikea! 423 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,474 Ikea! Ikea! 424 00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:47,233 - That's fine. Don't offer your guest anything. 425 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,192 - Wax statue. 426 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,861 - Darn it. I thought we had him. 427 00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,153 - Are you kidding me? 428 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,238 - You have been hiding 429 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:54,865 in my apartment for the last two weeks? 430 00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,157 - What are you mad about? 431 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,785 I'm waiving the $60,000 you owe me 432 00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,077 in appearance fees. 433 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,289 - Did you really think I wouldn't recognize 434 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,125 my college futon with its trademark absence of sex stains? 435 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,377 This is the stupidest idea you've ever had. 436 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:07,837 - Really? Think about it. 437 00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,755 TGS is your whole life. 438 00:18:10,047 --> 00:18:11,527 So where's the last place you would be 439 00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,467 if you were out trying to save your show? 440 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,178 Home. Life lesson from an unlikely source. 441 00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,097 - The only thing I do here is sleep. 442 00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:20,141 - I know. I seen you do it. 443 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:21,726 You're having a dream. 444 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,853 Is this your only mustard? 445 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,479 - Huh? What? Yeah. 446 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,815 You're the one who wrote 447 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,067 "every kind of mustard" on my shopping list. 448 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,519 - And yet you still don't have the one I'm thinking of. 449 00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,573 It's red. It says ketchup on it. 450 00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,283 Oh, I hear it. That's on me. 451 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,785 - Look, Tracy. 452 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,263 I don't know why you're going crazy, 453 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:42,287 but I want to help. 454 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,455 Just come back to TGS. 455 00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:45,082 - You don't think I want to, L.L.? 456 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:46,959 - Then why are you hiding? 457 00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:49,795 Oh, no, did you also spill ice cream 458 00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:51,647 on your mom's boyfriend's record player? 459 00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:55,009 - As a time saver, I will refer to the two of you as Klemon. 460 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,678 I wanted that next level, Klemon. 461 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,680 Now, remember, to save time, 462 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:00,640 you two are Klemon. 463 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:02,683 It's a combination of... - Just keep going. 464 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,644 - I had everything I dreamed of. 465 00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:08,356 Awards, respect, Justin long's autograph. 466 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,983 But I also got expectations. 467 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:12,985 People thought I could change the world. 468 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,071 And it's too much pressure. 469 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:18,407 Like the time I got stuck in temple grandin's hugging machine 470 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:19,779 at the golden globes party. 471 00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:22,370 - You pretended to be in Africa 472 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,382 so that no one would be disappointed in you. 473 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,338 - I'm sorry I did this to you, half of Klemon. 474 00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:27,833 I had no choice. 475 00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,336 Sean Penn wanted me to go to Haiti with him. 476 00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:31,628 And I'm not strong enough 477 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:33,297 for the pain and the human misery 478 00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:34,924 of a three-hour plane ride 479 00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,967 with Sean Penn. 480 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,344 I'm tired of hiding. 481 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:40,971 I just want my old life back. 482 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,303 - Then you need to get people to stop respecting you 483 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,069 and start remembering what an idiot you are. 484 00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:46,811 You're off the leash, Tracy. 485 00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:50,022 - It's not a leash. It's a very long skin tag. 486 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:51,514 - You want your old life back? 487 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,901 You're Tracy Jordan. 488 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,779 Hulk hogan called you a dirt bag. 489 00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,407 The naacp once hired someone to kill you. 490 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:02,702 You wore a penis hat to Princess Diana's funeral. 491 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:05,246 - Because I had worn it to their wedding. 492 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,123 It was special to the three of us. 493 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:10,459 - You were the worst, and you can be again. 494 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,044 You just have to go out there 495 00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:14,422 and remind people who you really are. 496 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:18,384 Go trash a hotel room, expose yourself to elmo, 497 00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:19,927 visit OJ in jail again, 498 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,471 attack the Lincoln memorial with a hammer. 499 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:26,016 - I have to burn all my goodwill. 500 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,868 Then they won't expect anything from me. 501 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,457 - And you can go back to your old life 502 00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,188 and TGS. 503 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,233 - Tracy Jordan is off the leash! 504 00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:43,075 - Godspeed, Mr. Jordan. 505 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,123 - ♪ I'm the hero cop ♪ 506 00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,000 ♪ and I'm here to say ♪ 507 00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:52,292 ♪ don't do drugs ♪ 508 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,170 ♪ is what I'm here to say ♪ 509 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,273 - I can't believe that amazing rap is available 510 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,506 now on iTunes. 511 00:20:57,798 --> 00:20:59,008 - Are you kidding? 512 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,485 No one's gonna pay to see that. 513 00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,510 - It doesn't matter. 514 00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:03,637 It's already profitable. It works, Lemon. 515 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:07,391 - To vote for Phil Rosenthal, text "Phil" to 62288. 516 00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:08,350 - Vote? For what? 517 00:21:08,642 --> 00:21:09,018 Isn't this supposed to be a movie? 518 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:10,390 - Again, it doesn't matter. 519 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:13,314 People will just do it, and we get 99 cents a text. 520 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,086 - Well, I'm not letting Rosenthal win. 521 00:21:15,232 --> 00:21:16,317 I am voting for the muppet. 522 00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:20,362 - To vote for Liz Lemon, text "Liz" to 62288.