1 00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:03,962 - Liz! Liz Lemon! 2 00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:07,591 It's me, Thad. From college. 3 00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:09,043 I've had my skin tags removed 4 00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,403 since then so you can see my eyes now. 5 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,429 - Oh, you ran the light board at the theater. 6 00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:15,766 Everyone called you... Thad, no nickname. 7 00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:19,061 - And you, you were the star of the sound of music. 8 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,433 - Thank you, no everyone thinks of the young Nazi boy 9 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:22,563 as the star of that show. 10 00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:26,401 ♪ You are one age going on another age ♪ 11 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:30,155 ♪ what's going to happen next ♪ 12 00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,716 A lot of people didn't realize that was 13 00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:33,742 the free, unlicensed version. 14 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,994 - Look, I know it's last minute, but I'm having 15 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,872 an epic leap day party this afternoon. 16 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,417 - Wow, a daytime party celebrating leap day. 17 00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:44,461 Sounds fun, but I have to work. 18 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,380 - Hey, Liz, new Bluetooth? 19 00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:47,881 - No, I'm talking to someone. 20 00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,550 - Oh, I'm sorry. 21 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,593 I don't see people that look like that. 22 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,470 - See ya. 23 00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,642 Wow, that was this creep I went to college with. 24 00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:56,807 Such a nerd. 25 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,979 And this is coming from someone who wrote lyrics 26 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:01,770 to the song the cantina band plays in star wars. 27 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,106 ♪ Figrin d'an the kloo horn man ♪ 28 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,733 ♪ he's from clak'dor seven ♪ 29 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:09,069 But, at least I don't throw leap day parties. 30 00:01:09,361 --> 00:01:12,072 - Wait, that was Thad Warmald, the billionaire? 31 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,825 - No, that was sad Thad the skintag lad. 32 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,618 I coined that. 33 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,054 - That name has been all over 34 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,705 the gold digger message boards lately. 35 00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,707 I don't know a lot about business, 36 00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:24,501 but he did an Internet and now the computers like him 37 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:26,878 and Wall Street is Google. 38 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,463 - Oh, my god. 39 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:33,093 - We are going to this party and you're introducing me to Thad. 40 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:35,470 Liz, I'm on a sexual walkabout right now. 41 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:36,962 I need to know if anything can 42 00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:38,765 make me happier than being with Paul. 43 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:41,893 And maybe $20 billion would do it. 44 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:44,438 - What? How much Internet did he do? 45 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:47,125 - Poke your eye, pull your hair, you forgot what clothes to wear. 46 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:48,483 - What the hell? 47 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,587 - You're not wearing yellow and Blue on leap day. 48 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,613 - So what? Leap day is not a thing. 49 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:53,904 - ♪ Leap day William ♪ 50 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:54,615 ♪ leap day William ♪ 51 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,700 ♪ bursting from the sea ♪ 52 00:01:56,992 --> 00:02:01,204 ♪ will he bring his bucket of sweets for mom and pop and me ♪ 53 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:02,807 - What the crap is going on in here? 54 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,208 - Why, leap day William is visiting. 55 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,500 - Leap day William? 56 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:07,865 - Miss Lemon, did you not grow up 57 00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:09,379 with leap day William? 58 00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:10,911 He lives in the Mariana trench. 59 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,674 He emerges every four years 60 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,510 to trade children's tears for candy? 61 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:16,928 - What? No. 62 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,820 But white haven was founded by the amish, 63 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:21,099 and we really only celebrated their holidays. 64 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:22,910 After high school, I went on Rumspringa. 65 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,686 It was crazy. 66 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,189 I totally snuck into the witches of eastwick. 67 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,561 - But where were you when we did this four years ago? 68 00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:31,728 - Certainly not at a Michael's crafts crafting cruise. 69 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,654 - Oh, miss Lemon, you are missing out. 70 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,531 Every four years, you get a magical extra day. 71 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,863 - A day to do the things you ordinarily wouldn't do. 72 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:39,950 To take chances! 73 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,158 For instance, I am wearing 74 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,330 a braided necklace with a shark's tooth on it. 75 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,957 - I listened to rap music for the first time. 76 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,584 Not a fan. 77 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:48,543 - And you and I are going to a party 78 00:02:48,835 --> 00:02:49,835 thrown by a billionaire. 79 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:52,881 Come on, take a leap, Liz. 80 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,718 - Okay, fine, I'll go, but if he has a giant chandelier 81 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:57,636 in his house, I'm out. 82 00:02:57,928 --> 00:02:59,721 Those things fall. 83 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,013 Waah, waah. 84 00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:05,477 - ♪ Leap day William, leap day William ♪ 85 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:09,648 ♪ ♪ 86 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:27,708 - Happy leap day, Lemon. 87 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,394 Help yourself to some rhubarb. - Rhubarb? 88 00:03:29,418 --> 00:03:31,211 Is white haven the only city in america 89 00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:32,879 that doesn't celebrate leap day? 90 00:03:33,171 --> 00:03:35,091 - Oh, it's not such a big deal in Boston, either. 91 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,051 Just a leap day William parade, citywide ice maze 92 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,783 and, uh, we don't poke you in the eye 93 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,322 if you're not wearing yellow and Blue. 94 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:42,931 We just, uh, stomp on your foot. - Ow! 95 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,023 - Kick you in the knee, Yankees suck, go pats. 96 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,935 I can't believe the woman who watches 97 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,895 all six pawn shop reality shows 98 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,773 has never seen the movie, leap Dave Williams. 99 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,400 - I'm sorry, is leap Dave Williams 100 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,402 a play on leap day William? 101 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,494 - It's a classic. Uptight lawyer Dave Williams 102 00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,096 turns into the real leap day William 103 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:01,366 after an ice fishing trip gone awry. 104 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:04,703 Usa runs an all day marathon. 105 00:04:06,872 --> 00:04:08,540 - Dave, is everything all right? 106 00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,751 - I definitely don't have gills. 107 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,085 I mean, nothing. 108 00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,463 I mean, yes. 109 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,941 - Oh, my god, that's what Chris kept quoting this morning 110 00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,383 during our love... Making. 111 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,719 - New assistant reporting for duty. 112 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,387 - Kenneth's filling in. 113 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:23,680 Gabe's got the week off. 114 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:24,972 He's a mormon. 115 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:26,242 You know how they are about leap day. 116 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,601 - No, I don't, I don't know th... 117 00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,686 Ow, ah! 118 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:30,997 Fine, I didn't wanna have to do this, 119 00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:34,065 but I am wearing yellow and Blue. 120 00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,924 - Kenneth, I'm hoping to find you a permanent position 121 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,885 here at the company, but it's hard to take you seriously 122 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,285 when you're dressed like that. 123 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:46,620 - I'm sorry, sir. 124 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,712 I just get so excited spreading holiday cheer. 125 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,333 Well, certainly you remember the Joy that fills 126 00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,752 a young boy's heart on the day of leap. 127 00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,684 - Don't get me wrong, I love this holiday. 128 00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,088 But do you know why? 129 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,548 - Oh, sir, I never know why. 130 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,551 - Because it's an extra day to do business. 131 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,678 A bonus profit opportunity. 132 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,770 I have a bet with my business school roommates 133 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:06,431 every four years to see 134 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,767 who can make the most money on leap day. 135 00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,645 And that is why I am announcing today that Kabletown is 136 00:05:11,937 --> 00:05:16,566 purchasing Xaro, the 3-D Internet company. 137 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,528 - It'll be like those Bible quotes are right in your face. 138 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,988 - Yes, now take off that bald cap, Kenneth. 139 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,341 We have a lot of work to do. 140 00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,450 - Of course, take off my bald cap. 141 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,953 Not put on my wig. 142 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,335 - Well, he's definitely rich. 143 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,299 Oh... 144 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,510 - Look how lame this crowd is. 145 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:46,012 Thad's been in his little nerd world for so long 146 00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:49,766 and now he's peeping out of his shell like a... Um, 147 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,142 oh, what's that animal? 148 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,634 You know, the one that crosses so slowly across the road 149 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,314 and then you swerve to make sure you hit it and then a car 150 00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:59,526 coming the other way swerves to avoid you and goes off a cliff. 151 00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,921 And then that night you and your companion have the greatest sex 152 00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,840 of your lives because you're both sharing a secret. 153 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,366 - It's a turtle, Jenna. - Yes, he's a turtle. 154 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:07,938 And he's coming out of his shell 155 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,369 for the first time. 156 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:12,998 And when he does, he's gonna see this. 157 00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,375 - We really gotta get all the furniture out of here? 158 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,024 - My aquarium guy's coming to see about 159 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,924 turning this whole room into an aquarium. 160 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,511 Begging the question: Who's really in the aquarium? 161 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,055 The fish or us? 162 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,807 - Greetings, coworkers. 163 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:32,899 Uh, Mr. Donaghy would like to inform you that, 164 00:06:33,143 --> 00:06:35,645 "unfortunately due to the Obama worldwide recession," 165 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,148 "there will be no leap day bonuses this year." 166 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,317 "Mean laughter, sound of a drink being poured." 167 00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:42,944 "What are you writing now, you slack-jawed donkey?" 168 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:45,931 - What are all these letters, tray? 169 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:47,157 - It's just fan mail. 170 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,634 I mean, would you read a bunch of letters 171 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,744 from people who look up to me? 172 00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:53,830 - A $50,000 Benihana gift card? 173 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,082 - Oh, right, I did an ad and insisted on 174 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,374 being paid in beni bucks. 175 00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:02,172 - Oh, no sir, this card is only good through February 2012. 176 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:04,716 - Any other year it'd be march already. 177 00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,968 But we found it today! 178 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,678 - It's a leap day miracle! 179 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,330 - Gentlemen, we have one day to eat 180 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,141 $50,000 worth of Japanese food. 181 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,100 - That's impossible. 182 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:16,144 - Nothing's impossible on leap day. 183 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,556 It's like I said in my cameo 184 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,272 appearance in leap Dave Williams, 185 00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:23,193 "gimme your wallet, old man!" 186 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:25,820 - Ladies and gentlemen, I want to introduce you 187 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:27,614 to the future of Kabletown, 188 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,324 the future of web-browsing, 189 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,493 and, quite frankly, the future. 190 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,454 Welcome to the age of 3-D Internet. 191 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:47,050 - Following an unintentionally racist press conference... 192 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,843 - Help us to "whip" the competition. 193 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,455 - Kabletown shares down sharply... 194 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,681 - Careful, sir, those leaves are poisonous. 195 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,266 You know the saying, "rhubarb red, eat away, 196 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,019 rhubarb green, don't eat them." 197 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,997 - Kenneth, I've watched newt gingrich eat a plate of ribs. 198 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,440 I think my stomach can handle some rhubarb leaves. 199 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:05,002 - Do you have any idea how long you'll be needing me today? 200 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:06,152 One of my birds is sick 201 00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,244 and I want to get home in time to baptize her. 202 00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:11,199 - We're both staying here until I come up with an idea 203 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,118 to turn this day around. 204 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,704 Now, would you watch a television show... 205 00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,276 And I'm just spitballing here... 206 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,623 Called spitball? 207 00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:20,959 - Sir, Rebecca Birdstein needs me. 208 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,586 - Kenneth, we all have to make sacrifices. 209 00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:26,256 Watch this. 210 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,428 Sherry, I'm afraid something has come up at work 211 00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:29,652 and you'll have to stay late with Liddy. 212 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:33,304 Uh, just dab some scotch on your neck and make your eyes 213 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,974 the color of a winter crystal so she'll think you're me. 214 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,684 Uh, thank you Sherry. 215 00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:39,019 Good night. 216 00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,146 - How many rooms are in... 217 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,401 - it's my, uh, D&D room. 218 00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,571 The gaming table comes up out of the floor. 219 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:50,863 Table! 220 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,534 Frak, I'm supposed to say "floor" first. 221 00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,579 Forget it, damn it! 222 00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:03,251 This is all for you, Liz. - What? 223 00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,504 - I have been in love with you since college. 224 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:08,882 Watching you every night on that Stage 225 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,551 and realizing my dad was wrong. 226 00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:12,886 I do like girls. 227 00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,471 - Oh, boy. Okay. 228 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:17,057 - The party, the New York apartment, everything. 229 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:20,643 Do you know why I spun off Xaro and sold it to Kabletown? 230 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:24,689 Just so I could accidentally run into you. 231 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:27,567 That is why it's called Xaro. 232 00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:31,780 In game of thrones, Xaro is a rich merchant prince 233 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:37,786 who wishes to acquaint himself with the mother of dragons. 234 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:41,998 - Great, well... Scooby doo! 235 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:45,168 - Liz, wait! $10 million! 236 00:09:45,460 --> 00:09:47,754 I want you to take my virginity 237 00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:49,130 on leap night 238 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,966 for $10 million. 239 00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,258 Fine, 20. 240 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,844 - No, Thad, i... - Don't answer yet. 241 00:09:55,136 --> 00:09:56,856 I mean, okay, unless you were gonna say yes. 242 00:09:56,971 --> 00:09:59,516 - No, you heard me say no. - Don't answer yet. 243 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,601 Don't answer yet. 244 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,485 Oh, come... On. 245 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,822 Aah! 246 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,662 Son of a glub. 247 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,254 - Mr. Jordan, you'll never spend all this by midnight. 248 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,005 You appeared in that ad for nothing. 249 00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:32,737 - Well the joke's on you because that 250 00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,760 commercial never aired for unexplained reasons. 251 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,472 I just touched the table again. 252 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,558 Oh, god, you call for help! 253 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:44,727 I'll just put my head on the table for a second. 254 00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:48,773 Now let's get started, bring us a bottle of your finest wine. 255 00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,065 - Of course, Mr. Jordan. 256 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,528 That will be $12. 257 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,489 - Hey, Liz. I can't find Thad. 258 00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,159 - Thad just indecentproposal-ed me. 259 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:01,619 One night, $20 million. 260 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:04,622 - Oh, my god, that's the gold digger's dream. 261 00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:05,914 Where is he? - No, Jenna. 262 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:07,040 You don't understand. 263 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,644 He's been in love with me since college. 264 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:09,878 He only wants me. 265 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,296 - And you're still here. 266 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:12,964 You're considering it. 267 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,341 Liz, you know you're not doing this. 268 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,552 I'm on a sexual walkabout. 269 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,054 But you're a nice girl with a live-in boyfriend. 270 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:23,349 - Honey, I'm about to do something pretty... Crazy. 271 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,684 - You should. 272 00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:26,686 It's leap day. Real life is for march. 273 00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,479 - No, just hear me out. 274 00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:31,024 Because if this doesn't work... - It doesn't matter. 275 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,401 Nothing that happens on leap day counts. 276 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,362 - Nothing that happens on leap day counts. 277 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,616 Well, then, here goes nothing. 278 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,284 Aah! 279 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:46,831 - Hey, Liz, what's up? 280 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,250 - Criss, I'm about to do something pretty crazy. 281 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,662 - You should, it's leap day. 282 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,921 Real life is for march. - Oh, boy. 283 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:55,340 No, hear me out, because this could really ruin... 284 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:56,632 - no, it doesn't matter. 285 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,443 Nothing that happens on leap day counts. 286 00:11:58,593 --> 00:11:59,593 Hey, listen, I gotta run, 287 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,305 but whatever it is, go for it. 288 00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,724 - Oh, my. 289 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:09,145 It looks like we've got a slut-off on our hands. 290 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:12,273 - We've only spent $6000. 291 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:13,565 We should just give up. 292 00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,985 - Never. - We can't keep eating! 293 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,488 Lutz's shirt button popped off and hit Cerie. 294 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:19,989 - It counts as us touching. 295 00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,449 - This is important. 296 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,325 Everybody's always telling me 297 00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:23,993 not to get paid in gift cards. 298 00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:27,497 Angie, my lawyer, my imaginary friend, Dotcom. 299 00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:28,789 - Tray, I'm real. 300 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,333 I moved your furniture. 301 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,505 - And, yeah, leap day has become too commercial. 302 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,188 And people have forgotten what it really means, 303 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:35,797 but I remember. 304 00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,800 One leap day when I was a kid, the Harlem river froze, 305 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,470 and I decided to cross it carrying my brick collection. 306 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:43,388 - I told him not to. 307 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,181 - No one can hear you, Dotcom. 308 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,808 Then I fell through the ice. 309 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,810 They still don't know who pulled me out. 310 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:49,644 - I did. 311 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,230 Charlie rangel gave me a medal. 312 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,440 - I like to think it was leap day William. 313 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:56,252 - You really believe in leap day William? 314 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,276 - I used to. 315 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,362 Then I tried to eat all this Benihana. 316 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,739 Now I don't know anymore. 317 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,866 I gotta take a walk. 318 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,535 Do some thinking. 319 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:06,911 - But I can explain. 320 00:13:07,203 --> 00:13:09,706 I'm leap day Williams! 321 00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,125 No, really! 322 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:13,668 Please, believe me. 323 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,336 Have a little faith. 324 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,171 - Oh, boy. 325 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,756 I'm getting sleepy. 326 00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:24,220 - Wow, you're famous. 327 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,152 I have screen grabs of all your nip slips. 328 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:29,475 - You know what, Thad? I was trying to remember. 329 00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:33,021 What was the dance that Rolf did for Liesl? 330 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,731 Did it go like this? 331 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:38,526 - Oh, yes. 332 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,194 That's it. 333 00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,822 That's how Rolf danced. 334 00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,450 - Mmm. 335 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:50,538 - Why don't you go and get me and Liz some drinks? 336 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,915 - Very well. 337 00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:55,001 Liz, a moment, please? 338 00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:00,506 If you're really gonna do this, you better get a move on. 339 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,238 Right now, there are models waking up 340 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:04,844 from their coke binges, multi-ethnic bartenders 341 00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,176 with daddy issues, former ballerinas who had to quit 342 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:09,098 because their boobs got too big. 343 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,392 They're gonna hear about the horny billionaire, 344 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,312 and Thad's gonna forget all about his little crush. 345 00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:16,814 They're coming Liz. Click click. 346 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,859 That's their stilettos. 347 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:22,111 Click click. 348 00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:24,155 - Sir? 349 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,657 Sir, you don't look so good. 350 00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,594 You shouldn't have eaten those rhubarb leaves. 351 00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:30,328 - I can't be sick. 352 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:32,705 I won't lose money on leap day. 353 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,416 I'm just gonna rest a second. 354 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,923 - Please get better, sir. 355 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,425 I've dug too many graves. 356 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,266 - Why the long face, son? 357 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,685 - I do have a long, elegant face, thank you, 358 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,814 but I can't enjoy your compliment, because I'm sad. 359 00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,359 I'm starting to think leap day William isn't even real. 360 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,528 - I reckon you may be right. 361 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:07,323 Leap day William's probably just a tall tale told to kids 362 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,283 to help sell candy. 363 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:13,037 But this old fool still believes he exists, 364 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,790 right here, inside all of us. 365 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,959 - I am always coughing up blood. 366 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,753 Could that be leap day William trying to get out? 367 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,799 - Might could be, but I think if he were here right now, 368 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,717 leap day William would tell you 369 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:30,680 everything's gonna be all right, Tracy, 370 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:34,392 as long as you remember where you come from. 371 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,102 - Thanks. 372 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,478 Nice costume, by the way. 373 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,398 - Right, costume. 374 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:48,364 - So, what should we do now? 375 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,324 - Stop pressuring me. 376 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,161 What are you? An intercourse monster? 377 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,289 I'm sorry. I'm nervous. 378 00:15:56,581 --> 00:16:00,835 Is sex like when the Na'vi intertwine their hair braids? 379 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,170 - Sure. 380 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,923 Yeah, Thad, that's exactly what it's like. 381 00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,633 Okay, look, if we're gonna do this, 382 00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,927 we kinda need to do it now, okay, before... 383 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,139 - Oh, no. 384 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,310 Aw, damn it. Hot bitches. 385 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:22,273 - Wake up, sir. 386 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,150 Wake up. 387 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,237 - What is this? 388 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:29,614 Kenneth, is that me? 389 00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:31,866 - Oh, I'm not Kenneth. 390 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,868 I'm the spirit of leap day. 391 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,038 Welcome to your leap day past. 392 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:39,582 - Jackie, we can't go to the parade today. 393 00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:45,087 I got called into work... At the hospital... Where I'm a nurse. 394 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,757 - Why are you showing me this? 395 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,193 This is the kind of adversity 396 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,093 that made me the man I am today. 397 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,929 Good. Cry. 398 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,097 Let your sadness form a hole inside you 399 00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,749 that can only be filled with money. 400 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,644 - Of course we're going to the parade today, Jackie. 401 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,896 But you can't have candy and cigarettes 402 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:03,481 without a few tears first. 403 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,482 - How did I forget this part? 404 00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,943 And when did we stop giving children cigarettes? 405 00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,278 It's the liberal war on leap day. 406 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:12,323 - It's time to go, Mr. Donaghy. 407 00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:16,827 Welcome to leap day present. 408 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,788 - Okay, I'll change me eye color, 409 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,123 but it seem like a waste of voodoo. 410 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,710 Good night, Mr. Donaghy. 411 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,462 Sorry, baby. 412 00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,673 Daddy not coming home tonight because of work. 413 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,383 - It's a good lesson. 414 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,301 This will help her in life. 415 00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:35,179 - Are you sure? 416 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,973 Welcome to the future. 417 00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:38,975 Five leap days from now. 418 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:39,809 That's Liddy. 419 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:43,020 - I assume this is her horse stable 420 00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,940 and that she's hammering that nail as a funny joke. 421 00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:47,232 - No, Mr. Donaghy. 422 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:49,652 She's doing habitat for humanity. 423 00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,696 After you missed all her leap days, 424 00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,948 she started experimenting with liberalism. 425 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,075 - That's not her. It can't be. 426 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,910 What have you done with my daughter? 427 00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,287 Where is Liddy? 428 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,831 She's at home, sir. 429 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,750 With the nanny. 430 00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:06,252 - There's still time. 431 00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:08,671 Kenneth, I want you to go to Citarella 432 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,673 and buy the biggest rhubarb there is. 433 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,325 - The one that's as big as me, sir? 434 00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:13,383 - That's the one. 435 00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:17,763 But first, you take Rebecca Birdstein to the vet. 436 00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:18,764 - What a Mitzvah. 437 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:20,391 Merry leap day, sir. 438 00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,810 Merry leap day to us all! 439 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,022 - Liz, why don't you go and... 440 00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,666 - get you and Karolina some drinks? 441 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:28,816 Okay, fine. 442 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,861 Looks like this time the male will be in the Czech. 443 00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:35,406 That kind of wit is a thing she will never give you. 444 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:38,993 - Hey, Liz, a gym teacher on a sex tour of Indonesia called. 445 00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,078 He wants his shirt back. 446 00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,205 Okay, that's solid, Kurkova. 447 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,875 That's a good burn. 448 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:48,878 - What was that old man trying to tell me? 449 00:18:49,170 --> 00:18:52,381 What am I gonna do with all this free food? 450 00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:53,883 Remember where I came from. 451 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:57,136 But we all came from the sea. Sea? 452 00:18:57,428 --> 00:19:00,056 Like the letter "c", which is part of the alphabet. 453 00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:02,642 Alphabet soup. 454 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,810 Soup kitchen. 455 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,772 Kitchen... - No, no, don't keep going. 456 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,624 - The kitchen debate with Richard Nixon. 457 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,275 Richard M. Nixon. 458 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:12,985 The m-train. 459 00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,363 Soul train. 460 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,907 Chicken soup for the soul. 461 00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:20,076 Chicken soup. 462 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:23,746 Soup kitchen. 463 00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:26,916 This is a leap day miracle! 464 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:31,253 - Merry leap day, tourists. 465 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:35,633 Merry leap day, closeted gay guys meeting in the city. 466 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,344 - ♪ God Grant you on this leap day fair ♪ 467 00:19:38,636 --> 00:19:41,055 ♪ a calm wind and the ocean air ♪ 468 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:42,347 - Really? 469 00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:43,683 Seriously 20 million bucks? 470 00:19:43,974 --> 00:19:45,810 I would sleep with Thad Warmald for that. 471 00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:46,727 - Couldn't go through with it. 472 00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,539 You know, I just kept seeing your face. 473 00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:49,971 Also, I have too much dignity. 474 00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:51,399 - Mmm, so another woman? 475 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:52,983 - Victoria's secret model. - Oh. 476 00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:56,320 - Feast, homeless, feast! 477 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,661 - I saved leap day! 478 00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:06,914 And connected with my son! 479 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:10,000 And I solved the big case from earlier! 480 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:13,295 Merry leap day, everybody! 481 00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,339 - Hey! Take a leap, pal! 482 00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,717 - That's the spirit! 483 00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:20,261 - ♪ Leap day magic's all around ♪ 484 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,055 ♪ as leap day William comes to town ♪ 485 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:26,934 - Happy leap day, sweetheart. 486 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,728 Yes! 487 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,855 - ♪ He knows when you are bad or good ♪ 488 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,441 ♪ he knows when you're asleep ♪ 489 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:37,069 ♪ he knows... ♪ - oh, my god, behind you! 490 00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:41,031 - Well, I guess we all learned something tonight about 491 00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:44,827 love and friendship, about taking chances, 492 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,830 about the true meaning of leap day. 493 00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:51,542 But, these lessons aren't good just for every four years. 494 00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:53,669 No. They're good every year. 495 00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:57,173 Because we should live every day 496 00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,384 as if it's leap day, and every leap day 497 00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:02,762 as if it's your last. 498 00:21:03,053 --> 00:21:06,348 Oh, and if you should ever see an old man in a Blue suit 499 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,434 busting out of the middle of the ocean, 500 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:10,519 take the time to say howdy. 501 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,814 It might just be worth your while.