Oh... [chuckles]
and lactose pills... [laughing]
for that milk, and ice cream, and that cheese.
-[Ella] [laughing] Okay. -Hey, mom.
-[Ella] Hey, baby. - Did I come at a bad time?
Oh, no, no, no, I was just making out my grocery list.
What brings you two by?
Well, we were at Finer Image and we got you something.
-Finer Image... -Yep.
Oh, is that, that store that sells those
high-end household items that nobody needs?
Mm-hmm. That's for you.
Who needs a necktie warmer?
Well, I don't know about that
but I promise you're gonna love this.
What the devil is that?
It's a Chauncy.
-A Chaun-cy? -Mm-hmm.
Calvin, I don't need a Chauncy.
It's your very own personal assistant, Ms. Ella.
It can keep your calendar,
remind you when to take your medication.
It can make phone calls, play music, it's amazing.
Look, Ma... you're gonna really love it.
Now, it also can answer trivia questions.
Check this out.
Hey, Chauncy, what is the name
of the original Lionel on the Jeffersons ?
[Chauncy device] D'Urville Martin was the original Lionel
for two episodes that did not air.
He was later recast with Mike Evans.
Okay. [chuckles]
Y'all shouldn't have spent your
money on this toy. I don't need it.
Yes, you do. You just don't realize it yet.
Ma, you don't even have to write down your grocery list.
You just tell Chauncy and he'll
have everything delivered to you.
-He can do that? -Yes.
You won't believe that you ever lived without it.
Oh, and Ma, it can even recognize faces.
Hey, Chauncy, this is Ella.
[Chauncy device] Hello, Ella. How can I make your life easier?
Oh...uh...you...uh, uh...
can you remind me
to call Pastor Brooks at twelve fifteen?
[Chauncy] Whatever you need, Ella. I am here for you.
Setting a reminder to call Pastor Brooks at twelve fifteen.
Calvin, my very own personal-- Curtis...you are not gonna
believe what Calvin and Laura brought by here.
Their own dinner.
Y'all eat here way too much.
Curtis, stop it. They gave us a Chauncy.
Our very own personal assistant.
Baby, we don't need no assistant.
Hm-mm, hm-mm.
Hey, Chauncy... what time does the game come on?
[Chauncy] Hello, Ella. The Atlanta Falcons play
the New Orleans Saints at four o'clock pm.
Uh-ha, okay! Okay, I like that.
Maybe I do need an assistant.
Let me holler at it-- move girl.
Where that, what that, where I gotta stand somewhere?
Uh-uh, you're right, you're good right there.
-Okay, I'm gonna sit right here. -Okay.
Let me get...I'll get comfortable.
Uhm...Charlie--
[All] Chauncy. -Chauncy.
-Ch--Chaun-cee. -[Ella] Chauncy.
Uh...what...wha...what's the weather gonna be tomorrow?
[Chauncy] Battery low. Recharging.
This is garbage.
That's weird.
It was just working. It just cut out like that, huh?
Uhm...I don't know, I was gonna
show you guys that Chauncy plays music too.
-[Chauncy] Playing music. -Oh, well, there you go.
[laughing]
Ain't nobody wanna hear that mess.
Hey, Chauncy, how about some Al Green?
-Yes. -[Chauncy] Battery low.
Recharging.
It's garbage.
What's going on?
[chuckling]
-Malik-- -Yeah, what's up, dad?
When you gonna finish washing that pan you left in the sink?
-Man, it's soaking. -It's been soaking all morning.
Whatever was stuck on it built a life raft and floated away.
Finish washing the dishes.
I'll get it next commercial, all right.
You're so dramatic.
The plate gonna fly away?
Look at you...
acting like you got some place else to live.
Look...if you don't get up and finish washing them dishes
by the time I finish my tea, I'ma call your bluff.
[exhales]
All right.
[Malik] Hey, babe.
You'll never believe what happened to me on my way home.
What?
I want you to guess.
Come on, baby, a million things could've happened, all right?
How am I gonna guess just one?
-You're not even gonna try? -[exhales]
All right...uh... you found some money.
Nope.
Shoot, that would've been helpful, uhm...
You found out that your sister is your mother
and your mother is your aunt.
How would that even work?
I don't know, baby. This is all ridiculous.
You could just tell us what happened.
Why you yelling at me?
Sweetheart, please, can you just tell me and my dad what happened
to you on your way home?
You wanna guess, Mr. Payne?
Oh, I'm not gettin' into none of this.
Fine... I got discovered.
[chuckles] Uhm, were you lost, I mean...
what do you mean, discovered?
I was leaving the mall when a photographer, Lapierre Grayson,
approached me about being a model.
[scoff] Model for what?
Like, a model, model.
You know, walking the runway and photoshoots and stuff.
[forced laughter]
You...you hear--
Don't...don't do that. Don't do that.
-[laughing] -What's so funny?
Look, baby, come on now.
That's the oldest line in the book.
What you mean? What you trying to say,
like, I can't be a model. What, I'm not pretty
-enough to be a model? -No, I'm not saying that.
So why can't I be a model?
Look, you can be a model. That's not what I'm saying.
What I am saying is this Lapierre guy is lying to you.
Okay, every sleezy guy with a
camera uses that line to pick up
women...tell them that they can be some type of model!
I'm not stupid, Malik. I mean, I know when somebody's
-tryin' to hustle me. -Look, I know you're not stupid.
[exhales] You know...fine...
if you wanna let some stranger take pictures of you,
go right ahead. I'm not gonna stop you.
-Thank you. -On one condition...
the photo shoot has to be done here.
[together] Why?
Oh, now, you're back in the convo.
Look, I am your boyfriend, all right?
And my job is to keep you safe.
But you--
Please, baby, just give me this one, all right?
Fine!
I'ma ask him, okay, but I ain't makin' no promises.
Okay...thank you.
[music]
I can't even see this thing.
Uhm...okay...
uhm...
uh...Chauncy, what time is it?
[Chauncy] Please speak clearer.
Are you sure you want the English language setting?
You ain't gonna act like I ain't talkin' English.
[Chauncy] I'm sorry, I cannot understand you.
Please try again, Curtis.
Eh!
How the hell you know my name?
[Chauncy] Battery low. Recharging.
[spitting and sputtering] Recharging--
How the hell you recharging? You were just on.
You're gonna stop playin' with me!
You heard me?!
[grunting] You gonna stop playin' with me.
You understand me?!
Huh! Huh!
Cur--Curtis...
what a-- what are you doin?
Put Chauncy down.
Now you just gonna take his side, huh?
Without even askin' what happened...
you're just going to assume it's my fault, Ella?
Baby, considering...
one of you is an inanimate object...yes.
That's enough of the name calling, Ella.
Okay, now, this machine has it in for me.
Curtis, how does a machine have it in for you, baby?
You act like this is a real man.
Just leave it alone, baby,
before you break it.
[chuckles] Hey, Chauncy.
[Chauncy] Hello.
Welcome home. You've been missed.
I know you better watch out. You're talkin' to my wife!
Calm down, Curtis, I programmed him to say that.
Well, this thing was just sayin' it had to be recharged.
And now, all of a sudden, you walk on and it's got all this
energy for you-- all this energy.
Probably a glitch or somethin'...that's it.
What are you gonna have for dinner?
I'm having somethin' from that new vegan restaurant.
Why? Are you punishing yourself?
Hey, Chauncy, order me a number two from the Las Vegan Strip.
[Chauncy] Order placed.
[chuckles] Thank you.
[music] [chuckles]
Whoa! What the hell?
Ah, thanks for lettin' us use the spot, again, Mr. Payne.
[under breath] Uh, yeah...yeah.
Uh, where' my furniture?
No problem, Lisa.
No problem at all, you know?
Anything to keep you safe.
I one hundred percent agree, Mr. Payne.
You never can be too safe.
But this was a great idea.
I sometimes like to shoot my subjects...
in their natural environment.
You know?
I find it makes them more comfortable than in the
unfamiliar surroundings of a studio.
Hmm.
So they don't trust you either?
You can look me up. I'm low-key famous.
So you're, uh, Google-able?
Yeah.
Oh...so if I Googled you...
would I spell Grayson, G-R-A-Y, or G-R-E-Y,
as in, 50 Shades Of?
[laughing] You're hysterical.
Oh, you're serious-- that's with an 'A'.
You know, you're more than
welcome to stick around if you want.
Uh-uh.
No...no, no.
What you mean, uh-uh?
No, I'll let y'all go ahead and handle your business.
[chuckles] I want my furniture back, though.
Good, good, show me freedom.
Show me wind in your hair, that's good.
That's good. Look at those cheek bones.
Oh, goodness. The camera loves you.
Show me, show me boss girl.
Show me boss chick. Let me see that--no, no, no, no,
don't, don't, don't, don't cover your chest...let that out.
[Lapierre] Let that free. That's good, good.
Throw those shoulders back.
Ah, I love it...I love it.
That is perfect. You are beautiful.
Now show me sexy.
I don't want beautiful. I want sexy.
Good. Now give me more sexy.
Good, let me see those pouty lips.
Oh, look at those lips.
Come on, blow me a kiss.
There ain't gonna be no blowin' goin' on 'round here.
-Uh-uh, here you go, cover up. -Malik...Malik.
[Malik] What are you doin'? [Lisa] Stop!
-Stop! -What is these outfits--
What is this?!
-What y'all got goin' on?! -Stop!
I can't believe you.
-I'm sorry, Lapierre. -It's all right.
What you apologizing to him for?
Lapierre-- your name's Darrell.
What you doin', man?
Yeah, you better go before you catch this two-piece.
[music]
What is happenin' in here?
[music]
You okay?
Do I look okay?
You wanna talk about it?
[exhales]
Look, I just can't believe I was wrong about this dude.
Me neither, but I... you know, I looked him up.
He's legit.
He even won some awards for his work.
Yeah...I know.
I really screwed this up.
Yeah, but, uh...
you can always unscrew it.
How do I do that?
What was the reason that you
and Lisa bumped heads in the first place?
[exhales] Look, I really don't even want
to rehash all that.
Listen, just answer...why?
Because I thought that Lapierre dude was a fraud
and was just tryin' to take advantage of her.
I know that. Why?
Why what?!
Why did you think that he was tryin' to take advantage
of your girl instead of really puttin' her on as a model?
I don't know. It just seemed like that would
be the more likely scenario.
See, that... that right there.
That's why she's mad at you.
Because you didn't want to entertain the fact
that it could be a real thing.
But, dad, come on. Really?
Son...
percentages, ratios, and likelihoods don't mean jack.
All she heard was, 'you're not that pretty'...
'and you're kinda stupid for believing Lapierre.'
But I didn't mean it that way.
Yeah, but that's how she took it.
And you treated it that way,
instead of dealing with the real issue.
Well, please... tell me what the real issue is.
The real issue...
is...
that you didn't trust her judgement.
How is she supposed to trust marrying you some day
when you don't trust her?
[exhales]
Man, I--
I hate apologizing for things that I didn't do.
Don't look at it that way. See, that's your pride talkin'.
My pride...what--
You're pride is tellin' you
that you'd rather be right
than to be happy in your relationship.
I know a lot of lonely guys
with good relationships with pride.
All right, well, I'll talk to Lisa.
Good. Good.
And, uh, think of it this way...
you think Lisa's pretty?
Yeah, of course. She's a dime.
She's beautiful to me.
So, why you don't think the rest of the world would see that?
Thanks, dad.
-I'm with you, man. -I appreciate it, man.
[CJ] I'm tryin' to find where you're leadin'.
[music]
[knock on door]
[Chauncy] Hello, Curtis.
Eh!
[knock on door]
Eh!
[quiet voice] Thanks for coming.
So, what's so important you
couldn't talk about it over the phone?
Shh...he's listening.
Who's him?
[clears throat] Chauncy.
[Chauncy] Hello, Curtis.
Ah! Eh!
I'll go get him.
[CJ] Yo, Curtis.
Come on, man. The hell's wrong with you?
I'm telling you this thing has it in for me, man.
Your Chauncy has it in for you?
Now, I know a lot of people don't like you,
but now, a machine?
[chuckles] Yeah, right.
It is not funny.
Well, maybe a little bit.
Maybe, kinda.
But it's the truth!
And there's no tellin' what
lengths this doggone thing will go through to undermine my life.
-Ah, yeah, right. Pops, you're trippin'.
Now, it's a machine. Everything that you're talking
about would mean it has human emotions.
I'm so sick of this.
I'm so sick of everybody actin' like I'm the crazy one!
I'm the crazy one.
Unc, it's a machine...
it's gotta be connected to the internet!
It's not capable of disliking you.
Oh, yeah?
Huh...
the thing sent Ella flowers.
-So? -So?
Read the card.
I'm sorry for telling people
your sweet potato pie comes out the box, love C.
Aunt Ella's sweet potato pie is store bought?!
Hell no!
Everybody know Aunt Ella don't play that.
Everything is homemade all the way down to the crust.
You heard me?
Because that thing's been listenin' to everything I say
and it uses it against me.
I'm tellin' you.
You should've seen Ella was
mad as hell when she got those flowers.
And I was mad as hell when it charged my credit card.
[chuckling] You almost got me.
Almost got me...a machine is tryin' to sabotage your life.
CJ, you don't believe me?
Come on, man.
Calvin...son...
-Son, you believe me don't you? -Absolutely not.
No, I don't.
I think you're puttin' ten on two like you always do.
I'm tellin' you, I'm not makin' this thing up, man.
All right, you know what, I'll just unplug it,
when the battery dies, problem solved.
[chuckling] Oh, boy.
Sure glad we sent you to college.
You're the problem solver.
Hey, baby.
I got these for you.
Aw, thank you, Malik. They're really nice.
I'm glad you like them.
Uhm...
I'm sorry that I doubted that you could be a model.
You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met.
Any magazine would be lucky to have you on their cover.
Aw...
thanks for saying that, Malik.
But I didn't really wanna be a model no way.
-Oh? -I just thought it would be cool
to get my picture taken by a famous photographer.
So it really bothered me when you thought I didn't know when
a predator was tryin' to hit on me.
Well, again, I'm sorry that I doubted you.
That's okay.
-I'm gonna put these down... -Okay.
And grab us some wine so we can make up.
Sounds good.
[Newscaster on TV] In local news, photographer,
Lapierre Grayson was arrested
for hiding cameras in his portable quick change area--
[under breath] I knew it.
[Newscaster] and taking pictures of his models as they changed.
He has been arrested and is awaiting trial.
Good.
[softly] See, I knew it.
Uh-uh, why'd you turn that off? I was watching that.
Oh, sorry, baby, I would
much rather be happy in our relationship than be right.
Cheers.
[music]
Hey, baby, this... hey, hey...this is by far
the craziest thing you have ever done.
I can't believe that you went out and bought another virtual
assistant when we already had a free one.
Well, I was tired of that free one tryin' to steal my wife.
Nn-nn-nn-nn...
that's the crazy part that I'm talkin' about, baby.
And, and what is this one that you're puttin' in?
This is Olivia.
Olivia.
And she's just like Chauncy only she's a little moodier...watch.
[gibberish talk]
Ah...
she's way cheaper and she don't try to steal nobody's wife.
At least, I don't think so, this is Atlanta.
Well, I'm gonna turn it down. Okay, okay, this too much.
Olivia, I gotta go get your manual so I can figure out how
to work you, girl. Okay?
[Olivia device] Okay, Curtis. I'll be waiting.
-Did you hear? -No she did not.
Did you hear...did you hear?
Like a machine can be jealous.
Curtis, you are something else, okay?
Olivia...
[Olivia] What?
Careful. Uhm...
What time is it?
[Olivia] Get your own man. I only listen to Curtis.
Olivia...
Olivia...oh, really?
Oh, you gonna-- Oh, you're gonna stay red.
Oh...see... Olivia...
Them things are-- [chuckles]
Don't play with me. Don't play with me, chick.
[Olivia] Watch how you hold me.
Oh, what if...what if I knock...
watch how I knock you upside your head.
What about that?
You better hope that I don't take your battery out.
Hey, Olivia... you got me twisted.
[music]