- Baby, we are not about to do this right now.
See, see.
Remember what our therapist said in premarital counseling?
Exactly, exactly.
When we feel an argument brewing, what do we do?
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
We stop. We breathe.
We take a break. And then later we reconvene.
Okay, so I'm gonna take this opportunity to say good night.
I love you.
And we will continue this conversation
when you get back in town tomorrow.
Mm-hmm, bye-bye. Yeah.
Oh my God! This woman is driving me crazy.
- [loud knocking on door] - MAN: Police! Open up!
- What the hell? - MAN: Please come to the door.
- Long time, Shawty! Look at you!
My God. - Ronnie, what up?
- Cali Cal done grown up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay, okay. What's up?
- Man, Cal, you a whole dad out here for real.
- Give me that. - Cal, what is this?
Is that an S-Curl? - Chill.
- What are y'all doing here?
And Pookie, I thought you were still locked up.
- Early parole. - He snitched.
- Oh, damn. - Snitchin'.
- Listen, they had the wrong guy.
I got my whole life ahead of me now, but my Uncle Joe,
he's going up yonder.
Hashtag DeKalb County any day now.
- I'm confused.
- It was his 80-year-old uncle's weed plants
they found in the basement. - Yep.
- So they just assumed Pookie here was guilty.
- Yep.
- Oh, so you snitched on your 80-year-old uncle?
- Pretty much.
- No. Look, see now,
that's the technical term depending on who you ask.
Hey look, real talk, Uncle Joe's Medicaid ran out.
Gone, all right?
And the senior living home he was in was way too expensive,
so he was with trading places.
- Prison amenities are on fire nowadays.
Just check the inmate's Pik-Pok accounts.
- Lit! - Lit!
- Look, look, look.
Enough about how I fixed my situation.
We're here to fix yours. - Wait. Say what?
- ♪
- So I got an anonymous call. - From the OG, C.J.
- Dang, man.
Why do you gotta say the man's name, Shawty?
- Nah, I said OG. He's not OG.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So C.J. hit you up and said what?
- He said that uh, you seemed a little stressed out lately.
- Got a lot of weight on your shoulders.
- Yeah, and that you needed your friends to pull up
on you some more.
- Yeah, you know, pull up and take you out.
You know, tonight we're gonna have some fun.
Like old times.
- Yeah, yeah. I don't know, guys. Mm-mm.
- What you mean, you don't know?
- Well, I'm a family man now.
- [both laughing]
- Oh, that's funny?
- Whoo! This fool act like he the only one
with kids and responsibilities.
- No, um no. I'm just saying, guys.
Every time we go out, I end up in trouble
or all my rent money's spent on liquor, food and strippers.
- Calvin, I got it covered.
Look, it just so happens that the same spot I'm taking
you to tonight is the spot I promote at.
Tables and bottles on me! - Oh, bottles on you, huh?
We're not talking Boone's Farm, right?
- Man, I'm talkin' top shelf.
- If you don't get off my couch--
My shit's expensive.
Okay, well, Laura is out of town.
- Yes.
- And I don't have my kids until tomorrow afternoon, so--
- So...
- Ah, what the hell? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's go!
- Let's go! Let's go!
- No, no, no, no, no. Hold it, hold it.
Whoa, Cal. Wait a minute.
You can't wear this, bruh. You can't...
- Huh? This is fly.
- Listen, we got a dress code, playa.
You're gonna have to change everything.
- Oh, ho, ho. Oh, y'all want that drip?
- Yeah! - Yeah!
That's the Cal I know.
- Okay, okay. I'm gonna give 'em the drip.
- Give 'em the drip. - Yeah. Okay.
I got you. - My suit on 'em.
- They're thirsty.
- Oh, well, then tonight I'm gonna let 'em sip.
I'll be back. I'll be back.
- Yes, sir. Ooh, they thirsty, huh?
- Thirsty women, if you drippin' they be sippin'.
- Aw, look at the two beautiful women in my life.
Hey baby. Hello.
Peekaboo. Peekaboo.
She loves when I do that.
Have I ever told you how sexy you look doing household duties?
- Don't start with me, Malik.
- You know, it's really crazy.
Ever since we had Malisa,
I've been having the most vivid dreams.
I keep having this recurring one that you're beatin' me
like I stole somethin'.
I mean, it's really weird.
I even have bruises up and down my arm.
- That's because I am.
- Why would you do that?
- Because it's not fair, Malik.
I'm the only one up feeding the baby.
- Well, duh, if you haven't noticed I've been in the gym.
I don't have titties anymore.
- You do have the energy from all your naps
and good night's rest.
- That is true.
The nap that I just took was pretty fulfilling.
- I'm serious, Malik.
There's a freezer full of brest milk.
You could lighten the load by helping, but no.
You're in a coma, dead to the world.
- Okay, look.
I didn't realize you felt that way, so I'll take more effort
to take over the night shift for you.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Okay, good. 'Cause you're on.
- What?
- I'm about to take a good, hot bath and get a good night's rest
because I haven't slept since the baby's been born.
- Well, you said I was on. You mean now?
- Yep, yep. Good night, playboy.
- Y'all don't have a schedule for what y'all do at this hour?
Um, oh shh, shh. It's okay.
Peekaboo. Peekaboo.
When she was down here you was all right.
Lisa.
- My house. - Yeah, it's your house.
- My house...
- Hey man, watch it, watch it!
- I got him. Pick up your slack.
- Hey, hey, hey, guys. I had a great time.
- We can tell. - We can tell.
- Man, that was fun.
- Look, the night's over for you, champ, okay?
We can take you to the room, throw you on the floor,
or leave you on the couch?
- Let's put him on the couch. - Man, why?
- I'm gettin' the cramps. - That's nice, what is that?
Is that velvet? Is it soft?
- Oh, okay.
- Grab him a water and some aspirin.
- Okay, I'm gonna leave this right here.
All right, in case he's gonna need it.
- Yeah, nah, he's definitely gonna need it.
Nah, he was on everything tonight.
He was mixing brown. He was mixing green.
He was mixing wine, beer, white.
You've mixed more 'ish than Kenya Barris.
That's why he look drunkish.
- Gonish. - Foolish.
- That was quick. Do you think he'll be all right?
- Yeah, he'll be all right tonight,
but tomorrow morning, not so much.
He's gonna be throwing up everywhere.
- Okay. Right?
- Right. - Hey Cal,
what happened to the bald headed chick with the toenails?
- Doesn't that go with a pager? - Yeah, she was old as hell.
She had a tattoo that said, Bingo.
- Hey, but that's my type.
- All right, Cal. My man. Stay busy.
- Yeah. Aim true.
- [door shuts] - Psych.
The night's over with when I say it's over.
Where my phone at?
There it go. There it go.
Hey you,
where you at,
Boo?
- [knocking on door] - Eureka.
That was fast.
Hey, chocolate. - Hey, daddy.
- Daddy?
- You are lucky that Amber was able to come over
and watch Christian.
Oh, all of these text messages. Did you mean all of that?
You were being bad.
- Rowr, rawr...
- Of course you didn't mean it.
Calvin, you're drunk. - Okay, okay, okay.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, since you came.
Okay, I'm a little drunk. - Where's your phone?
- My phone's right there.
What are you doing with my phone?
- Stop. I'm deleting these text messages.
If Laura sees these, you are in so much trouble.
You've been sexting me all night.
- After all we've been through, you still looking out for me.
- Calvin, I always look out for you.
- Baby, stay, stay. I miss you.
The truth comes to light
when the liquor hits your lips at night.
- What?
- Ooh, you gonna spank me? Spank me.
Come on, girl.
You came. You came to stay.
Dance with me. Dance with me.
- You are drunk, okay?
And you're not in your right mind.
Oh, wait, that's my ear. Not my ear...
Oh. Are you sure?
- What more do you want from me, baby?
Come on.
We changed your diaper. We checked your temperature.
We rewrapped your swaddle. Come on.
You gotta work with me
You want some milk? Yeah, I know you do.
We about to get you some. It's heating up right now.
You've got to be patient, okay?
Look, this is what we're gonna do.
Just take 10 seconds.
We can both just relax, be quiet, okay?
We can both close our eyes, okay?
Just 10 seconds.
- Malik! - Yeah, what's up?
- What the hell is goin' on? Man, that baby's screaming.
People trying to sleep in here.
- I know. We were both just resting our eyes, okay?
- The baby is hungry. Where's Lisa?
- She's upstairs.
- Oh, I'm gonna go wake up your baby mama.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can't do that, okay?
Look, I have to prove to her that I can handle this.
- Oh, I got it. This about the male ego.
Well, he obviously ain't got it.
- It's ready. There you go.
Got your milk ready. That's what you want, right?
- Pull it together.
- Drink the milk, Anna-May! What the hell?
Oh, let me try this.
Oh, there you go, there you go.
Hallelujah!
This is ridiculous, but I don't know. It's working.
There you go. There you go.
No, no, no.
Here, I'll give you milk. It's okay.
But why? Why are you still crying?
- If you weren't my son, I'd kill you.
- Dad, please, please, can you just help?
- Oh my God. Okay.
Give me, give me. Give 'em here.
Hold her head. Hold her head.
Mm-hmm. - There you go.
Oh, look at this. Pretty good at it.
- It don't always take a woman's touch.
Who do you think raised you?
And I'm glad to see that you've taken some
of the load off of Lisa.
You know and let her get some sleep.
- Yeah, well, I mean,
it took a woman's touch too 'cause it sure isn't easy.
- Yeah. Well, think how she feels
being a new mother. That's tough.
And if you want to keep her happy,
you'll keep putting in the effort.
Trust me. It goes a long way.
- You're right, dad.
- Of course, I'm right. I'm your dad.
I'm always right.
And you know, maybe next time you want
to pull an all-nighter, know what the hell you're doing
'cause I don't want to be included.
- You know what, I got you. I got you, dad.
- All right. - You know what?
You actually got the magic touch, man.
You're a pretty good grandpa.
- A what?
- Grandpa.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're not gonna do that.
- What you mean? It's who you are.
- You see this youthful face?
Papi, I prefer Papi.
- Well, I ain't calling you that.
- She gonna call me that.
- Oh my God, no!
Ah, oh.
How much did I drink last night?
Miranda...
Oh no, no, no.
Please, please, please, please, please, please, no.
You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't do that.
You didn't do that.
Oh my God, I smell, I smell like perfume.
Uh, Miranda. Hey.
You wouldn't happen to be in there, Miranda, now would you?
Miranda!
That's so weird. I could have swore...
Text messages. They'll be text messages.
If it was all a dream,
there won't be a text message telling her to come over.
There's no text messages.
Wow, that was just so-- Felt so real.
And I liked it. Eww.
- Good, you're still alive.
- Bruh. - I didn't know.
I had to come check on you after last night.
You was wildin'.
- Yeah, man. My memory's foggy.
My head hurts.
Hey, hey, say man, about last night.
- Yeah, Calvin, but if nobody saw it, it didn't happen.
- What? So Miranda was here?
- Miranda? I'm not talking about Miranda.
I'm talking the fact that you threw up all over the section.
Yes, you threw up on everybody.
The waitress, you threw up on the floor.
The honey I was talking to, you threw up on her
and I still had to kiss her.
- Wait. I threw up in the section?
- You was old school, early 2000, bottle in each hand,
Dame Dash style, crip walking, throwing up.
- Ugh, don't remind me.
Oh, help yourself to something to drink.
- Okay, I will. Thank you.
- Stop! Not out of my bottle.
- Oh, but you can drink out of my bottle all night last night.
- Man, what are you doing? Wow.
- It's like both of ours,
we just keep it in your refrigerator.
- Okay, so look, last night, okay, so y'all brought me home.
I fell asleep, nothing odd, right?
- Bruh, we brought you home. We laid you on the couch.
We made sure you was good.
We gave you a little punk-ass teddy bear, then we bounced.
- That's good, so it was all a nightmare.
- Uh, not exactly.
Uh, this part right here was real.
You gotta pay your tab. - Damn!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. You said bottles on you.
- No, no, no, no.
I said bottle on me. One bottle.
- Oh, I'm the promote-- Oh, I'm the promoter.
Bottles on me. Bottles on me.
- No, no, no, no.
First of all, I said I used to promote there.
All right?
And I said one bottle on me. Cal, you insisted.
You had like six bottles. - But you said bottles on you.
- I don't promote there no more, Cal.
You drank a lot. Your memory's bad.
You need help. - Y'all asked me to go out.
- I didn't even want to go out, Cal.
- Wow. - Now, listen, listen.
Just cash at me the $2,000 and I'll pay it.
- Man, here. Bye-bye.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Take the apple juice, bruh.
- Oh yeah. - No, no, no, no, no, no.
Where are you going? The door's right there.
- You're different, Cal. You've changed.
First the bald-headed chick, now this.
- Good morning.
Wow, that was a good night's rest.
Hey, babe.
- Well, I hope so. It's close to 1:00 PM.
- So? How was last night?
- Uh, last night, um, yeah.
About it, it was easy breezy.
- The devil is a lie. - Dad.
- Easy breezy? - It was easy breezy.
- Easy-- Really?
- Easy breezy.
- Wow. I'm happy to hear it went so well.
- Yeah, me and Malisa, we had a good ole time.
- See? That's how couples get theyselves in trouble.
They tell one, itty-bitty, white lie
and it turn into a big, ole ugly lie.
- Dad, don't you have somewhere you need to be?
- Who me?
Yeah. I had somewhere to be last night, in my bed.
For some reason that didn't work out,
so now I'm going upstairs and get me some sleep.
Easy breezy.
'Cause if y'all was by y'all's selves, y'all be in trouble.
- Whew.
- So since everything was easy breezy,
you don't mind taking the night shift every night, right?
I mean, my strip club day's over.
- Look, if anything last night taught me is that
I can't expect for you to do this all alone.
I am guilty of thinking that the night shift was your job.
So I apologize for that. - Apology accepted.
- Look, we're in this together, okay?
That's what good parenting's about.
- So you have my back?
- I got your back as long as you've got mine.
- Deal.
Deal baby, look at you.
- [knocking on door]
- Look, Pookie, you tripping if you think I'm paying
the $800 bill.
You said bottles on you. - Hey.
- You. - Hey, you.
- Hey. - You uh, going to invite me in?
- Oh, yeah. Come in.
- Why thank you. - So...
What are you doing here?
- I came to drop off Christian.
- [laughs] Duh.
I knew that. I knew that.
I got a hangover. - Hmm.
- Memory's foggy.
- What are you looking for?
- Christian. Where is he?
- He's um, downstairs in the car with Amber.
I figured I'd come upstairs first, so uh, we could talk.
- Okay, wait. That is deja vu.
That's weird.
I had this horrible nightmare last night
and Amber's name was mentioned in it.
- It was uh, horrible nightmare?
- Oh God. Oh, oh God...
I guess when I drink, I have vivid dreams.
- Oh, wow. It was that bad?
- Oh, it was light-skinned Michael Jackson in the 80s bad,
but luckily it was just a dream.
I felt like the girl in the "Thriller" video.
But anyway, let the past be past.
What did you want to talk about?
- Nah, yeah, there's apparently, it's nothing.
You know what? I'm gonna um--
I'm just gonna go get Christian.
- Cool.
- Do I look like a zombie doing all this.
- [door slams shut]
- Oh damn.
Oh.
- ♪