Thank again for breakfast, Mom. As usual, you did your thing.
You are welcome, baby. Thank you.
Yeah, Mrs. Payne, this breakfast was good as sh--
-Hey, hey. -Oh...
-Excuse me? -No, I just wanted to say,
thanks for having us over.
[audience laughing]
You're welcome, but the having you over is not
-what happened. -Yeah man, you kind of just
snuck in behind me when she opened the door.
Look man, it was either that or water and a cigarette
for breakfast.
[audience laughing]
Hey Ma, have you talked to Miranda?
-Not lately, why? -Well, she said she was coming
-over with some big news. -Yeah, like what?
Is she giving you your manhood back?
Hey, man. My manhood has always
-been intact. -Not since you been
with Miranda. That been long gone, buddy.
[audience laughing]
-Are we friends? -I don't know.
You tell me. I don't never see you at
-Tito's $2 Tuesdays anymore. -Wait, is that the place that
I've seen on the news with health violations?
Yep. Their roaches have roaches.
[audience laughing]
It ain't even that bad, you're just not supposed to
get the spaghetti though. Those are not meatballs.
[audience laughing]
Ew. Yeah, I'll pass.
Plus, I got to get Christian to school early in the morning.
I mean, come on man, we ain't even went home yet.
And plus, Tito is making his famous toilet wine and you know
it gets you higher than a mother--
-Hey, yo, you know what? -Oh, sorry.
I think it's time for Peanut to get out of here.
-Yes it is. -I ain't even finish.
Come on, man. You just gonna leave eggs
on the plate? Y'all acting real different
-around here. -Mm-hmm, buh-bye.
[audience laughing]
-Really? -He's harmless.
-Really? -[Miranda] Hello.
-We're in here!
I smell menthols and malt liquor.
-Was Peanut here? -Yep.
[audience laughing]
-So, what's the big news? -OK, you remember I told you
that my boss was being moved to the Western division?
-You got the promotion? -Yes, I did.
-That's what's up. -I did.
Congratulations. I knew all that hard work
-would pay off. -And it is paying off big.
I got a huge raise and I know exactly what I'm gonna do
-with the extra money. -Oh, you gonna buy me and
-Christian matching Jordan's? -Um, no.
But I am gonna enroll Christian in the Excelsior Institute.
-The posh private school? -[Miranda] Yes, that is the one.
Wait, now wait a minute,
Christian is already in a good school.
They got me. I've been robbed.
-Curtis, what is wrong, baby? -What?
Baby, sit down. Maybe you need to sit down.
-Ain't nobody got time for that. -Do we need to take him
-to the hospital? -Him is standing right here.
-[Ella] Curtis. -And him don't need to
-see no doctor. -Sit or I will make you sit.
-I can't move that good. -Well Pops, are you hurt?
I am. There's a great pain
-in my chest. -Oh my goodness.
-I'll call 911. -Jesus.
Yes, my heart. I'm heartbroken.
[audience laughing]
OK, Curtis, are you metaphorically speaking
-about chest pains? [audience laughing]
Well, duh. What else would I be doing?
OK, Mr. Payne, Mr. Payne, what happened?
OK... [audience laughing]
-I woke up early. -Yes, you did.
-I was reading on the toilet. -You know what?
-Maybe skip ahead a little bit. -I was reading the newspaper,
how there's been a string of break-ins and when I went
to my food truck this morning, it had been... defiled.
OK, wait, defiled, you mean like graffitied?
-No, no not graffiti. -OK Curtis, the windows broken?
Tires flattened, doors kicked in?
Oh God, no. The door was just
-standing open. -OK, so did they
-take your equipment? -They took something infinitely
-more precious, Son. [audience laughing]
OK, so if you got your food truck, you got your equipment,
what could they possibly have taken?
-My Hokie Pot. [audience laughing]
-OK, wait, hold on. -Miranda...
-What's a Hokie Pot? -Miranda, have you ever had
anything that you loved in the world just stolen from you?
[audience laughing] Well, I guess no.
-Yes you have, Calvin. -Curtis.
-Loretta. [audience laughing]
-Who's Loretta? -He's talking about Laurie.
He's talking about when Laurie took him from you.
-OK, OK, can we stop? -Ugh.
A Hokie Pot ain't nothing but an old-fashioned CrockPot
-from the '70s. -That pot belonged to
my daddy, OK? He perfected his barbecue
sauce in that pot and then he passed it on to me.
Do you know how long it takes for the flavor to sear in?
-My bad, Pop. -The goodness has been
absorbing in that thing for decades, and decades,
and decades. [audience laughing]
Curtis, are you talking about that ring that's around the
center of it, baby?
I think that's mold.
[laughing]
-That's flavor, Ella. -OK, baby.
Have you called the police to report it?
Oh, no, no, no. I think it has to be missing
for 24 hours before they put out an APB.
Otherwise, they'll think it just took a walk somewhere.
Wow. [laughing]
-I'm sorry. -It's OK, go ahead.
-Laugh it up. -So listen, Mr. Payne,
-What are you gonna do? -I'ma call that Glowrilla.
[audience laughing]
And she's supposed to be the president of the
neighborhood watch, which apparently, she obviously
-ain't been watching sh-- -OK, Curtis,
let me know what I can do to help.
[music]
OK, Christian is all set up. He is doing his homework.
But listen, do not let him trick you into believing that
he's ready for his language arts test, OK?
Before bed, you need to quiz him on conjunctions, adverbs,
-all of that. -All right, I got it.
Uh, before you leave, can we talk about earlier?
-Yeah, about the Hokie Pot? -Oh no, I say good riddance
to that fire hazard, yeah. No, I'm talking about this
-whole private school thing. -Aren't you so excited?
For me, not so much. We used to play the
Excelsior Institute every year and they were always some
pretentious, borderline racist jabronies.
-What? -Losers.
[audience laughing]
Calvin, listen, things change. I have talked to so many alumni
and they've had nothing but glowing reviews, not to mention
it's one of the 50 best private schools in the country.
You know, most of its graduates go on to Ivy League.
Yeah, yeah and you forgot to mention
that most of the kids are white.
-So? -So, don't you think Christian
should, I don't know, at least
see some students and educators of his
-own background? -Of course.
But I went to a mostly white school.
OK, and I went to a mostly Black public school.
So, what you saying? Your private school education
-makes you better than me? -No.
Listen Calvin, we both want what's best for our son, OK?
All I'm asking is for you to have an open mind, that's it.
Yeah.
For the thousandth time, H-O-K-I-E.
-That's Hokie Pot. -[audience laughing]
What do you mean, what do I expect?
I expect you to do your job and go find the degenerates that
took my stuff. What?
Take a chill pill? How about I come down there
-and stick that pill up your-- -Curtis!
You're lucky my wife just came up in here.
I tell you, you gonna find my doggone pot.
How about that? I swear I'll come down there.
I promise you, I'll be down there.
What? I wish I could...
-Curtis, give me this. -I got to slam it.
-Give me it.
I hate these phones.
[audience laughing]
-What is the matter with you? -I'm fine.
-OK, good, baby. -You're right, baby.
-You're right. -Seen the light.
Yeah, now they gonna know I'm coming down there.
Curtis, listen to me. Take a breath.
Take a sip. Take a chill pill.
-Are you sure you're OK? -I'm fine, Ella, I'm fine.
Well, you're acting really agitated, Curtis, going off on
everybody, threatening violence and making accusations
left and right. Earlier, Curtis, you said to
the mailman, "Are you casing out the house?"
He was dropping off the mail. [audience laughing]
-Total paranoia, baby. -Just because I'm paranoid
doesn't mean I'm not right, Ella.
OK, now I'm finally seeing things clear.
OK, if somebody can come and steal from my business,
then what's to stop them from coming in my house, huh?
Nobody is coming into your house.
[doorbell ringing]
Who was that? Stay out, I'm packing heat.
[music]
Ooh!
The only heat you got is that fire wind blowing from
-your mouth. -Oh, it's only you.
What you got in the box, a cauldron?
[audience laughing]
Curtis, I told Glow to come on in when she got here,
with the box. Baby, get it from her.
-Don't it look heavy? -She look like she doing
pretty good with it, Ella. [audience laughing]
-Come on, baby. -Put it over here.
-Put it right there. -Glow, would you care for
-some water, tea? -A chew toy?
[audience laughing] [Ella] Curtis!
I'll take some water. Thank you.
Glow, tell Curtis what's in the box.
They're flood lights. Ella said your food truck
had a spot of trouble. If your customers get a good
look at what they're actually eating, you might not
-sell another cow. -She had them leftover, baby,
from the event that they had down the street.
-Here you go. -You sure you don't need them
-to put your makeup on? [audience laughing]
-Say thank you. -Ella, what?
-Tell her thank you. -[mumbles incoherently]
-Thank you. -Say what now?
-Thank you. [audience laughing]
See? Now that wasn't so hard.
Now, Curtis, what can I do for you?
-You said it was urgent. -It is urgent and what
you can do is you can do something about the riffraff
that's running around in the neighborhood.
Nu-uh, there is no riffraff on my streets.
-Have you talked to the police? -Well, let's just say they're
-less than useful. -Well, Glow, Curtis really
would want you to keep your ear to the ground.
-Maybe somebody saw something. -Yeah, maybe you could go
and sniff around down at the truck like a good hound dog.
[audience laughing]
-Did you just call me a bitch? -Ah!
-No, I called you a female dog. -Yeah, that's a bitch.
-Uh... -No, I thought it,
I didn't say it. She said it.
Nobody wants to come anywhere near that torture
lab on wheels. Besides, Ella said nothing was
stolen and there's no damage. Are you sure you didn't get
choked up on meat fumes and forget to lock the door?
Curtis, be nice. ♪ You need something from her ♪
[audience laughing]
No, I didn't forget to lock the door.
-Mm-hmm. -OK?
Somebody just took something very precious to me out of
-that thing. -What?
My Hokie Pot. [audience laughing]
-Wait, did you say Hokie Pot? -Yes, I did.
I...I remember those. Ceramic?
-Yeah. -Three heat settings?
-Yes, yeah that's it. -Piece of trash?
Yes. No, how dare you.
[laughing] And cut.
Curtis, hush, Glow, can you help?
I'll do my best, but Curtis, you need to step into
the 21st century. My mother had a Hokie Pot when
-I was a child. -I don't think they even had
Hokie Pots in colonial days. [audience laughing]
-Oh, I don't like you. -And I don't like you more.
[audience laughing]
-Good morning, Mom. -Hey baby.
-Thank you. -Pops, you're not gonna believe
what Miranda is planning on doing.
Well, does it help find my Hokie Pot?
-No. -Then I don't care.
[audience laughing]
-Isn't she your ex-wife? -She may be his ex-wife, but
she's still Christian's mom. Does this have anything to do
with Miranda sending him to that Excelsior school?
-Yes. -I figured.
I saw you before your dad came in.
I mean, am I crazy? Having the Excelsior Institute
on Christian's transcripts is definitely gonna give him
a foot in to any Ivy League school, I get it, but...
There are some things he's gonna miss out on too.
-I get it. -Well, I don't.
-So you agree with Miranda? -If there's a choice between
my grandson going to a great, private school or a school full
of misfit Hokie Pot snatchers, I choose the private school.
Christian already goes to a great school.
He goes to the same elementary school Calvin went to.
And Calvin's an idiot. [audience laughing]
Curtis.
Uh, I'm right here. [audience laughing]
Son, come on now, you know I'm playing with you when I do
-stuff like that, right? -Yeah.
[audience laughing]
Anyway, Christian's school has been a part of this
neighborhood for generations. This community is invested
in its success. We know most of the teachers.
You know, Mom is right. I mean, these are people we've
known for years. Miranda just thinks I'm being
complacent about Christian's education.
Well Calvin, why don't you just explain to her what all of it
means to you personally and stop criticizing
the private school?
[music]
You got a point.
[music]
Ah, there you are. Awww, Curtis, it's good
-to see you relaxing. -Yeah, I thought about what
you said, baby. And then the fact that I
-almost shot Glow. -With the non-existent gun.
[audience laughing]
Yeah, it's the thought that counts.
Well, some would say it's the bullets, but I see where
-you're coming from. -I'm just trying to get to the
principle of the matter, Ella. That Hokie Pot belonged
to my dad and it reminded me of times I spent with him when
he was teaching me the art of barbecue.
Well, Curtis, no one can take your memories, baby.
-That's right. -They can't.
But I tell you what, it's kind of frustrating to think that
someone would steal from me here.
Ain't nothing I wouldn't... Nothing I wouldn't do for the
-people of this community. -I know it.
[knocking]
It made me angry, but you know what?
-What? -I'm gonna let my better
-nature shine through. -Mm.
I'm gonna be the bigger man. I'm gonna go high when
-they go low. -Yes.
-Hey. -And speaking of low.
-Curtis. -[audience laughing]
Your better nature. Come on in, Glow.
-Thank you. -So, did you find out anything?
Well, I asked around the whole neighborhood and I couldn't
find not one person interested in your barbecue.
And the devil is a liar. And I mean that literally.
Fine, fine. People do like your flesh
dinners, but nobody's heard anything about your Hokie Pot.
And the streets are quiet, as they've always been.
-Hmm. -So Curtis, I guess you just
need to buy yourself a new funky pot.
[audience laughing]
-Did she say funky pot? -Curtis, be the bigger man.
-She said funky pot. -Bigger man.
She called it a funky pot, though.
Yeah, OK, see, I know what this is, though.
-This is sabotage, baby. -Sabotage?
Are you accusing me of something?
Yes, you beast master. [audience laughing]
Oh, come on Glow, admit it. You ain't never liked
my business. You've always been trying
-to run me out of town. -How dare you speak to me
-like that, you old goat. [audience laughing]
Well, you're the one with the beard.
-What? -How about that?
-Ooh... -Ooh nothing.
-I can't stand you. -And I can't stand you.
-OK, everybody. -[Curtis] How about that?
All right, everybody, calm down.
[knocking]
-Mr. And Mrs. Payne? -Hokie!
[audience laughing]
Get out of the way. Give me Hokie.
What are you doing with my Hokie Pot?
Man, I was out at Tito's late the other night and you know,
-they got the little $2-- -Wait, Tito's is still open?
Oh yeah, they still open. You know they got the
-$2 Toilet Wine Tuesdays. -They still got the
-Toilet Wine Tuesdays? -Yeah, yeah.
Is Wednesday Carleen still there?
Yeah, she's still doing the body shots.
Oh, I know they drip it low there.
Oh yeah, you know it. You already know.
Yeah, oh yeah, I, um... You know, I was a little
messed up and I decided to sleep it off in your
food truck and I guess you must have left it unlocked and...
I threw up in that old pot too. So you might want to...
I hosed it out before I brought it back, but you might want
to hit it with some bleach. [audience laughing]
Baby, go high. Go high.
Go high? I got high before
I came over here. Y'all be getting down
like that? I didn't know y'all--
Peanut, shut up. You've done enough.
Thank you. [audience laughing]
Excuse me. [audience laughing]
It's still good.
[music]
OK, Christian is all settled. But please remember to give him
a teaspoon every four hours, just like the doctor asked, OK?
-Got it. -Also, you know, sometimes
he doesn't like the taste of medicine.
He may fight you on it. Give him a little juice.
-I got it. -You could bribe him
-with lollipops if you need to. -You do realize I've done this
-before, right? [audience laughing]
-Yes. -Look, before you leave,
can we continue this school conversation, please?
-Absolutely, we need to. -Cool, have a seat.
-Bla-dow, turn to page 16. -What is this?
You know, I realize I didn't do a good job getting my point
across yesterday. And I definitely didn't listen
-to you with an open mind. -Wait, is this you?
-Yep. -What happened to your hair?
[audience laughing]
I was playing Fredrick Douglas in the school play.
They wouldn't let you have lotion either?
[audience laughing]
-You know what? -I'm just kidding.
I'm kidding.
But that was the same stage that Christian just walked
across to get his medal for the principal's list.
-Wow. -And this guy?
-Yeah? -That's Mr. Buchanan.
-Mr. Buchanan? -My second grade teacher.
-That was Christian's... -Third grade teacher.
-...third grade teacher. -Cool dude.
He made learning about Black history fun for us.
-Wow. -And this.
-Uh-huh? -That's Mrs. Adams.
She was hired as the school receptionist when I was in
-the fourth grade. -Oh my goodness.
-She's just now retiring. -What?
-She was so young. -Yeah, my point is,
I know these people. We prayed together in church on
Sundays, went to school together, block parties.
I had a great childhood, and I know this school has
-something to do with it. -Calvin, why didn't you
-tell me this before? -Look, I know that the
Excelsior Institute will give Christian a great education.
I also know that he's getting that now.
Yeah.
And an important sense of community.
Understood.
And I was also thinking I should give the
Excelsior Institute...
-A chance? -A chance.
-Yeah. -Before judging it.
Thank you for that. I appreciate that.
Like you said, things can and do change.
They do. So, what I would like to do
is how about we set up a tour so that we can make
-an informed decision? -I like that.
[music]
OK.
[music]