- Hey, Jeff. - Hey.
How was your, uh, softball game?
Well, I was powerful at the plate...
graceful in the field,
gazelle-like on the base paths.
You won?
Lost 26-9.
We had a--we had a girl playin' second base.
Girls can be good.
Not this one. For as bad as she was,
she might as well have been straight.
What's, uh... happenin' here?
While you were out losing, I was cleaning our closets
and getting rid of stuff we don't wear.
- These are my school t-shirts? - Yes.
You're not gettin' rid of those.
Why not? You haven't worn 'em in 12 years.
We haven't used our wedding china in 12 years either.
Let's throw that out.
What happens now?
Do I say, "Good point. You can keep your t-shirts"?
It's not the same thing, but each one of these shirts
represents a special memory in my life.
Special memory is the... yabba grabba brew party?
Syracuse, '87. I was appointed kegmeister general of this event.
I led my men to victory over the forces of sobriety.
Come on. Haven't you outgrown these?
No. I bet they still fit.
I meant emotionally.
How's that look?
You look like the Incredible Hulk
if he turned white and didn't do sit-ups.
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
♪♪ How many ways to say I love you ♪♪
♪♪ How many ways to say that I'm not scared ♪♪
♪♪ With you by my side ♪♪
♪♪ There is no denyin' ♪♪
♪♪ I can't wait for me and you ♪♪
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
I'm going through these bills.
Did you know we're still paying for your storage unit?
Yeah, we have to.
I mean, I don't want them confiscating my valuables.
Why don't you just move the rest of your stuff in here?
You don't want it here. It's a bunch of crap.
Either move it in or get rid of it.
I'm just sayin', you don't want my stuff
junkin' up your apartment.
Our apartment.
Huh?
You said "your apartment."
Did I say that?
Yes. It's our apartment.
Of course it is!
I mean, all I'm saying is I just realized...
it's nice the way it is.
I mean, you have done some top-notch work here, honey.
Yes, but I did that all before you moved in.
Now we're living together, your stuff should be here too.
Ohh...
it's heavy.
And you know how lazy I am.
- I'll help. - Okay.
Good.
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
Really, she wanted you to...throw them out?
Yeah.
They're not just t-shirts,
they're memories of important events, you know?
Spring breaks, concerts, football games,
credit card promotions.
You have done some living.
Hey guys, I want you to meet my new friend, Jessie.
Hey, Jessie. Jeff.
- Hi. - Adam. Nice to meet you.
Ooh, nice grip. I like when it's firm.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Oh, excuse me, I have a call.
Sure.
I like this one.
She's obsessed with sex, which is perfect for me
because I do not like a challenge.
You've already slept with her?
No, but by the way she talks, could be any minute.
Everything she says sounds dirty.
[LAUGHS]
Like when she shook your hand,
she says, "I like it when it's firm."
Russell, that's just something people say.
Maybe it's not her dirty mouth.
Maybe it's your perverted ears.
We'll see.
Here she comes. Listen to what she says.
Sorry, that was my bar manager.
Oh, that's right.
Jessie's opening a new club Saturday. You guys should go.
Yeah, you guys should definitely check out my opening.
It takes a little time for things to heat up down there,
so try not to come too early.
You heard the lady!
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
Wow, it is a good thing Adam held on to these.
These'll come in handy when you have 75 people over for shots.
Oh, look, his junior prom photo.
Judging by the sideburns, someone was a 90210 fan.
[LAUGHS]
His date's pretty, though. She looks Polynesian.
Ooh, here's his senior prom photo.
Still looks like Luke Perry, but different girl.
Also Polynesian.
What, did Adam have a thing for Polynesian girls?
Apparently. His last girlfriend, Sonia, was Hawaiian.
I guess Adam has a type,
a type I am clearly not.
I wonder what else I don't know about him.
You're not really worried about this, are you?
No, I'm not the kind of girl who gets crazy--
do think it's weird that he didn't wanna move his stuff in?
I think it's weird you did.
You're being silly.
I don't think I am.
Come on, he asked you to marry him, didn't he?
It was a spur of the moment thing when we moved in together.
There's no ring, no date. We don't even talk about it.
All right, look, Adam loves you.
You are his future. Those girls are his past.
Hey.
Look at this.
I forgot I still had it.
Whoo...
Huh?
That's sexy, isn't it?
Huh? Come on!
It's gonna look great next to the bed.
ADAM: Oh, yeah, baby.Aloha!
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
Hey, Jeff.
Oh, what you watchin'?
It's, uh, interesting show, um...
lovely woman took ingredients she found in her own kitchen
and cooked an entire meal from scratch.
What's that on? The Sci Fi Channel?
- What do ya got there? - I got you a present!
- What is it? - What do ya think?
My shirts!
What did you do to my shirts?
I had a quilt made out of 'em.
Rhetorical question, Audrey.
You just took dozens of manly things,
and you turned 'em into one big girl thing!
They were all in the closet!
Now they're out and proud.
Not helping.
Look, now you can see them every day,
and we get a lot of closet space freed up.
Come on. Try it.
[GROANS]
Huh?
It's warm.
Oh, and look at this one.
Huey Lewis concert--1985.
The News was tight, that show.
See, all your memories in one place.
It is kind of convenient. Thanks. You're all right.
I'm glad you like it.
Hey, come on here.
Get under here.
Mmm, sounds snuggly.
Hi.
Oh, look at that one. Spring break, Daytona, '87.
First day I win the big belly flop contest.
I win.
[LAUGHS]
I think I won a t-shirt for that too.
There it is.
Right next to my Citibank 10k Challenge shirt.
If that's a race I did not run,
then how did I get the t-shirt, you ask.
Interesting story.
It, uh, was an overcast day, and I think it was September.
The race was scheduled to start...
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
[GROANS IRRITABLY]
Oh, hey.
They have that tortellini soup you like.
Shut up.
What's your problem?
Jessie!
Remember all those dirty double entendres
I said I like so much before?
Well, not so much anymore.
Why not?
Because her words arouse my desires,
but her actions aren't having sex with me.
Well, this might not be her fault.
I mean, you're desires get aroused
when you see them dressing the mannequins at Bloomingdale's.
Well, some of those boobs are crazy real.
Anyway, this is Jessie's fault, and I can prove it.
Check this out.
The mailman tried to hand her some mail,
but she said, "Can you just slide it in my slot?"
She meant the mail slot.
Did she?
And then we were caught out in the rain the other day,
and she goes, "Rain makes me really wet."
Well, technically, that's true.
But who says it like that?
Then the deli guy asked if she wanted her turkey sliced thin,
and she says, "No, I like my meat thick."
Okay, that--that is weird.
I mean, nobody likes thick turkey.
- Come on. - Hey!
You know how some people make double entendres,
and they go, "That's what she said!"
Yeah, I did go to junior high school.
Okay, well, I think Jessie is "she."
I mean she's the she of "that's what she said."
You found her!
Well, that would be great
except she doesn't know what she's saying.
I might have to get out of this.
I've never seen you walk away from such a hot girl.
No.
I might be growing.
That's what she said.
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
Ugh, oh, God! What is that smell?
That's the shirt I wore under my pads in high school football.
Great, 20-year-old B.O.
Nope, that's the smell of victory.
You can't wash that out.
Start the movie.
Oh, oh!
Journey concert. 1987 at the Garden.
Went with my buddy, Dave "The Boss" Ross. Did you ever meet Dave?
- No. - Oh.
You would've liked him.
Once, he put half a bottle of Tabasco sauce in my Nyquil.
- He sounds like a very wise man. - Oh, he is.
One time I passed out and he shaved off all my body hair.
Start the movie.
Before the concert, we go to Charlie O's
and knock back a few cold ones.
Guess who we run into?
Some other knucklehead you used to hang out with?
It was crazy Jim Conroy.
He once ate a dead mouse on a bet.
All right, maybe I'll just read--
Roy's goin' to the concert too.
Jim Conroy-- we called him Roy.
He slaps his credit card down and challenges us to go shot for shot with him.
I'm like, "Line 'em up, Jimmer. "
Sometimes we'd call Roy "Jimmer."
Anyway, 21 shots later--
that's seven each for me, the Boss, and Jimmer--
we're, like, ready to go to the show.
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
Hey, how's your work goin'?
Actually, I was just doing a little procrastinating.
What do you think about Italy for a honeymoon?
Sounds good. Who's gettin' married?
Well, we are, right?
Yeah, yeah,
but we don't have a wedding date set,
and we agreed not to worry about the future.
That's the beauty of our relationship.
Mwah!
Yeah, I agree.
I was just thinking... Italy's so romantic,
and I'd love to go there.
Soon.
Yeah, we should take a trip.
Oh, hey, you know where I've always wanted to go?
Tahiti.
Tahiti. What made you think of that?
I don't know-- I guess my old hula lamp
got me thinkin' about the islands.
I just had some ginger ale from Canada. Maybe we should go there.
Nah, nah. Canada feels like giving up.
So maybe we just shouldn't go anywhere.
Maybe we should just stay here
and keep everything exactly as it is
for as long as possible.
Or Tahiti.
Hey, so what's that thing do?
To keep track of the number of guests so it doesn't get overcrowded.
And it's not easy because people keep going
in and out and in and out and in--
Right, thank you. Got it. Got it.
Could you do me a favor by taking this one
and keeping track of who comes in the backdoor.
Yeah. Sure.
Hi! I'm so glad you guys made it!
Here, let me stamp your hands.
This will give you total access to all private areas.
Oh, and hey--a little tip.
The hottest action happens downstairs.
I know. She said that.
In fact, I'm gonna keep count of everything she says.
Whoa!
Hula girls, just like my lamp!
You've got to be kidding me.
- Hey, Russell. - Hey.
That's Audrey and that's Jeff.
- You met at the diner. - Yes!
Your sausage looked delicious.
Excuse me?
It's what I had for breakfast.
To be honest, it was a little dry.
You know, he also had eggs, bacon, toast--
Oh, my friend Dick's here!
I love Dick!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Hey, what's up, man?
37?
In under an hour.
It's drivin' me crazy-- she's yankin' my chain,
without actually yankin' me chain.
JESSIE: Russell, hey.
I am so sorry that I haven't been able to spend a lot of time with you,
but I have been riding the staff all night long.
It's so fun being at a club on opening night.
Maybe we'll get our picture taken and wind up on page six.
This place is really great.
The decor reminds me of a Jimmy Buffett concert.
I've seen Buffett, like, ten times.
- Me too. - Hey.
Check these out.
Those are my old t-shirts.
Is that one when Huey Lewis played the Garden in '85?
You know it, brother.
I was there! The News was tight that show!
Excuse me.
- You took pictures of the quilt? - Yeah.
Except the ones I'm in. Adam took those.
God, ever since I had that thing made,
all you talk about is boring stories
of college and high school and Roy and Jimmer.
Roy is Jimmer.
You don't listen.
I'm sorry. It's kind of hard to hear
since I'm in this year, and you're in 1985.
Well, I'm sorry if I enjoy reminiscing
about all the best times of my life.
Oh, the best times of your life?
Yeah, how could our wedding day
compare to some jackass eating a dead mouse?
Hey, it's an open bar. Wanna pound some shots?
Is the heart of rock 'n roll still beatin'?
The right way to eat poi is with two fingers,
like this.
Okay, that's good, thank you.
What is going on with you?
I was eating poi.
It's just terrible.
I meant, what's going on with you me-wise and us-wise?
In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly Polynesian.
I've noticed that. But what's going on with you?
You're acting weird lately.
Because I don't know where we're going.
There's no wedding date, no honeymoon.
I had to twist your arm just to get you to move your stuff in.
You're serious?
You actually think I'm having second thoughts?
I just don't feel like we're moving forward.
Come with me.
Jessie.
Hey, I was wondering,
what do you think we should do about global warming?
You wanna talk about this right now?
I do.
Okay, well, um...
I think that we need to seriously cut down on our carbon emissions
and aggressively search for alternative fuels.
Well, right on. So do I.
But the real problem is the ozone depletion over the Arctic.
I mean, there is a giant hole sitting over that pole.
There you go. I'm done.
Oh, 69.
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
- Oh, my God, my head. - Here, drink this.
[SIGHS]
It smells like vodka.
No, that's you.
I can't drink like I used to.
Well, at least you tried.
But you know what?
I'm glad I'm not that guy anymore.
I have a lot more fun with you
than I ever did with, uh, Pete or Roy or Jimmer.
[CHUCKLES]
Honey, Roy is Jimmer.
Nice catch.
Anyway, if I got a t-shirt
for all the fun things we did together,
there wouldn't be enough room in this whole apartment.
That is one of the sweetest things you've ever said.
It just came out.
- There you go. - Oh, Wooby!
Where are we going, and why did we have to stop by the apartment?
We're going right here.
What's here?
This is where I was planning to take you
on the anniversary of the night we met.
Aww, sweetie, that's why I should plan our special occasions.
Does anything look familiar?
- That's the bar where we met. - Mm-hmm.
And this is where I was standing
when I saw you go into that bar...
which made me go into that bar.
This spot changed my life,
and, uh, that's why I wanted to come here...
to give you this.
Oh, my God!
I, uh, it was my grandmother's,
and now I want... I want you to have it.
So...
will you still marry me?
Of course I will.
So romantic.
I know.
There's only one way it could be better.
How?
If this corner smelled a little less like urine.
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
It is absolutely beautiful.
It cost you nothing.
It is the thought that counts.
Might've been nice to know that twelve years ago.
You did good, Adam.
Yes, he did.
So, I guess the next step is setting your wedding date, huh?
Well...we're in no hurry right now.
Life is pretty good.
Oh, yes it is.
Ah, look at all the happy couples.
Something wrong, Russell?
Yeah, I broke up with Jessie.
Oh.
Might've been a mistake.
She was sexy, kind of fun, smart.
Sometimes I wish I wouldn't run from a relationship
at the first bump in the road.
Aw, too bad.
Must be really hard.
That's what she would've said.
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]