1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:04,104
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

2
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:08,741
Hey, where's Audrey?

3
00:00:08,741 --> 00:00:12,145
Oh, hey.
She had to take a phone call.

4
00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:13,680
So how are things?

5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,781
Good.
How are things with you?

6
00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:17,117
Oh, well,
my mom's been calling a lot,

7
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:18,585
and she keeps
threatening to visit

8
00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:19,852
but she never pulls
the trigger,

9
00:00:19,852 --> 00:00:22,122
and even if she did visit,
it would be the three of us

10
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:24,957
sharing the one bathroom,
and that would be awkward,

11
00:00:24,957 --> 00:00:26,226
and so you know--

12
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,095
So things are good, right?

13
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:29,862
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
Hey.

14
00:00:29,862 --> 00:00:31,798
I couldn't get off the phone
with Sheila.

15
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:33,400
She just kept talking and
talking.

16
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,968
Oh, boy, I know how that goes.

17
00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:39,372
She's great,
but all she talks about

18
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,573
is how she can't find a guy.

19
00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:42,109
She's always coming
into my office saying,

20
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:46,012
"You're so lucky to be married,
you're so lucky to have Jeff."

21
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:50,217
I keep telling her,
I'm not that lucky.

22
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,385
Thanks, hon.

23
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,721
Sorry, I'm just saying
it's not perfect.

24
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,090
I tell her you never
clean up after yourself.

25
00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:59,226
You cut your toenails in bed.

26
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:02,929
I find chest hair everywhere.

27
00:01:03,630 --> 00:01:06,766
I'm hoping it's chest hair.

28
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:11,538
You keep hoping.
I don't wanna burst that bubble.

29
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:15,308
Anyway, I tell her all of that,
and still she wants a guy.

30
00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:15,942
Oh. I know a guy.

31
00:01:15,942 --> 00:01:18,745
Let's fix 'em up.
That's a great idea.

32
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:20,780
Oh, God.
Here we go.

33
00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:23,083
Why are you always
such a jerk about fix-ups?

34
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,585
Because every time you do one
it goes sour,

35
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:28,321
then you get upset,
and then you get mad at me

36
00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:29,822
because I say, "I told you so."

37
00:01:29,822 --> 00:01:31,324
Why don't you just not say
"I told you so?"

38
00:01:31,324 --> 00:01:36,729
Because that's the only part
of the whole thing that I enjoy.

39
00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:39,266
[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS"
PLAYING]

40
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:42,969
♪♪ How many ways
To say, "I love you?" ♪♪

41
00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:48,941
♪♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? ♪♪

42
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,878
♪♪ With you by my side ♪♪

43
00:01:51,878 --> 00:01:54,281
♪♪ There is no denyin' ♪♪

44
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:58,351
♪♪ I can't wait
For me and you ♪♪

45
00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:02,689
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

46
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:05,792
So Chloe and I wind up
trying every position

47
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:06,726
that harness could handle.

48
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:09,696
Until the sun came up.
Heh-ha-ha.

49
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:11,931
And to answer your question,
no, Jen,

50
00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:14,100
I do not know what time it is.

51
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,102
Well,
I can't wait to meet her...

52
00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:18,238
after I've had my shots.

53
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:19,772
[ELEVATOR DINGS]

54
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,309
Oh, hey, uh, let's play

55
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,244
Why-Would-Chloe-Be-Attracted-
To-Russell.

56
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:27,714
Oh, I'll take, uh,
"Getting back at Daddy."

57
00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:30,817
Um, I'll take
"Too drunk to walk."

58
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,085
You guys are mean.

59
00:02:33,085 --> 00:02:34,053
But Adam nailed it.

60
00:02:34,053 --> 00:02:37,056
You know,
despite all my saucy talk,

61
00:02:37,056 --> 00:02:37,724
I really like Chloe.

62
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,560
She's very sweet,
she could be a keeper.

63
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,195
[PHONE RINGS]

64
00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:44,764
Hey, what's up?

65
00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:46,433
Ah! You're kidding.

66
00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:47,667
Are you kidding?

67
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,570
You're kidding.
Oh, that's great.

68
00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:51,471
We got tickets to see

69
00:02:51,471 --> 00:02:53,573
The Golden Staircase
on Broadway.

70
00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:56,576
Oh, God, let her be kidding.

71
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:01,113
[MOUTHS]
Wow.

72
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:13,626
I'll call you later.
Bye.

73
00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:16,095
That is the hottest
musical in town.

74
00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,129
We are so lucky.

75
00:03:17,129 --> 00:03:20,300
Yeah, lucky, lucky, lucky us.

76
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:20,733
Hey, hey.

77
00:03:20,733 --> 00:03:23,069
Do you guys know that girl
who just got on the elevator?

78
00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:26,873
Uh, girl? What?
No, I-I didn't notice any girl.

79
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:30,142
You don't have to pretend
you don't see other women.

80
00:03:30,142 --> 00:03:34,314
Okay. Uh, honey-blond hair,
sky-blue eyes, full, pouty lips.

81
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:37,217
What, you didn't
get her bra size?

82
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,752
No, she wasn't wearing one.

83
00:03:40,052 --> 00:03:40,853
She's an angel.

84
00:03:40,853 --> 00:03:44,023
I saw her eyes,
we had some sort of connection.

85
00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:45,057
Does she live in this building?

86
00:03:45,057 --> 00:03:46,993
I've seen her around,
I think she might.

87
00:03:46,993 --> 00:03:49,195
What do you care?
You have Chloe.

88
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:50,397
I know,

89
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,832
but that one's better.

90
00:03:52,832 --> 00:03:55,502
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

91
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,871
And since we can buy
four house seats,

92
00:03:58,871 --> 00:03:59,772
we wanted to invite you guys.

93
00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:03,175
Oh, my God, I've been dying
to see The Golden Staircase.

94
00:04:03,175 --> 00:04:06,279
I haven't been to
a Broadway show in forever.

95
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:09,148
Thanks for that, by the way.

96
00:04:09,982 --> 00:04:12,352
I'm only thinking about
of the other theatergoers.

97
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:15,255
Why should they have
to listen to me snoring?

98
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:17,590
Anyway,
how much are the tickets?

99
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:18,358
They're on us.

100
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:21,861
Oh, you guys don't have to--
Well, thank you.

101
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:24,196
Thank you.

102
00:04:24,196 --> 00:04:25,965
God, we are gonna
have so much fun.

103
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,634
You know,
the costumes are fantastic.

104
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,636
Oh, and there's this
amazing love ballad.

105
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:31,237
JEFF:
I'll make you a deal.

106
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:33,373
Before the show I'll stab you,

107
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:37,009
and while you're slowly dying,
you shoot me.

108
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,045
Yes, that's a deal.

109
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,747
Oh, there's Jack and Sheila.

110
00:04:40,747 --> 00:04:42,114
AUDREY:
Oh. Oh, my God,

111
00:04:42,114 --> 00:04:43,883
our fix-up.
They went out last night.

112
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:46,319
And here they are at breakfast.

113
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:48,020
With matching bed head.

114
00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:49,656
I knew they would
make a great couple.

115
00:04:49,656 --> 00:04:52,792
Why? He's horny and she's easy?

116
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,061
Come on. Let's go say hi.

117
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:59,732
Why do women want everyone
in the world to be paired off?

118
00:04:59,732 --> 00:05:03,135
You know, they're like that--
That boat guy.

119
00:05:03,135 --> 00:05:04,337
Noah?

120
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:08,675
No, no, Captain Stubing
from The Love Boat.

121
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,477
My mistake.

122
00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:13,012
You know,
the problem with this fix-up

123
00:05:13,012 --> 00:05:14,614
is Jennifer's involved.

124
00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:16,215
Now, when it blows up--
And it will.

125
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:17,717
--the girls are gonna
take sides,

126
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,752
they'll each gonna defend
their person,

127
00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:21,087
and they'll end up in a fight.

128
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:22,355
So Jack will be mad at Jennifer,

129
00:05:22,355 --> 00:05:23,255
Sheila will be mad at Audrey,

130
00:05:23,255 --> 00:05:25,525
and then Audrey and Jennifer
will be mad at each other.

131
00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:28,728
Yeah, it's gonna screw up
relationships all around,

132
00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:30,563
and we're going to have
to hear about it.

133
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:34,233
God, why does everything bad
happen to us?

134
00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:37,203
Well, there are people
in the world

135
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:38,971
that have it a lot worse off
than we do.

136
00:05:38,971 --> 00:05:42,842
Okay, this weekend we're going
on a harbor dinner cruise

137
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,411
with Jack and Sheila.

138
00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:48,748
I stand corrected.

139
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:50,583
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

140
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:51,518
Boy, was that a good run.

141
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,319
Too bad you couldn't
keep up with me.

142
00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:54,587
Was it that I couldn't keep up,

143
00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:57,323
or was I just back there
enjoying the view?

144
00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:58,090
You couldn't keep up.

145
00:05:58,090 --> 00:06:00,960
You didn't even know
I stopped for gelato.
Oh.

146
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:04,363
You had gelato?
I want gelato.

147
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:07,166
Oh.

148
00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,301
Was I supposed to be home?
No.

149
00:06:09,301 --> 00:06:10,603
Think I got nothing better to do

150
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,539
than hang out and wait for you?

151
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,741
Basically, yeah.
Yeah.

152
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:15,808
Well, you're wrong.

153
00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:17,877
I'm riding up and down
on the elevator all day

154
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:20,880
in hopes of running
into my dream girl.

155
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:21,948
Were we wrong.

156
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,816
You have a full life.

157
00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:26,118
Hey, the doorman's gonna
kick you out, man.

158
00:06:26,118 --> 00:06:27,754
No, he's not. He's cool.

159
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,889
Oscar. What's up?

160
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,023
I explained to him my sitch,

161
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:34,060
and turns out
he's a romantic too.

162
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:34,561
Romantic?

163
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:37,329
He stares at my chest
every time I walk by him.

164
00:06:37,329 --> 00:06:39,131
Heh. Yeah, he's good peeps.

165
00:06:39,131 --> 00:06:42,502
You know, there's something
special about this girl.

166
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:44,771
She could be the one.

167
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,839
Hm.
The one before the next one.

168
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:50,242
You know what? You don't know
what I felt when I saw her.

169
00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:52,479
I do, it's called an erection.

170
00:06:53,245 --> 00:06:55,615
No, it wasn't
down there.

171
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:58,485
I felt something here.

172
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:01,788
It was like my heart
had an erection.

173
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:05,558
And here comes my gelato.

174
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:08,495
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

175
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:12,865
Thank you, you guys.

176
00:07:12,865 --> 00:07:14,033
This triple date
was a great idea.

177
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:16,536
Yeah, I don't think I've ever
eaten on a boat before.

178
00:07:16,536 --> 00:07:19,506
We've been out three times,
you're telling me this now?

179
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:21,373
I feel like I don't
even know you.

180
00:07:21,373 --> 00:07:22,809
Heh-heh. Jack.

181
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:27,547
Look how cute they are.
I know.

182
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:29,148
We did that.
Mm-hm.

183
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:31,718
Hey, did you remember
to take your sea sick pills?

184
00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:32,485
Yeah, but for the record,

185
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:35,722
it's not the boat
that's making me nauseous.

186
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:37,423
MAN [ON PA]:
Ladies and gentlemen,

187
00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:39,492
welcome aboard
the Starlight Harbor Cruise.

188
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:42,061
We'll be departing
in 10 minutes.

189
00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:44,897
Looks like Jack and Sheila
are going strong.

190
00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:47,700
Maybe Jennifer and Audrey won't
end up in a fight after all.

191
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:50,870
Yeah, but now I'm gonna
have to hear Audrey gloat

192
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:53,305
about her fix-up success.

193
00:07:53,305 --> 00:07:56,442
Maybe I can parlay
that into some sex.

194
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:59,211
That'll teach her
not to gloat.

195
00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:02,048
Hey, fellas.

196
00:08:02,048 --> 00:08:02,448
Hey.

197
00:08:02,448 --> 00:08:04,651
So you and Sheila
are going strong, huh?

198
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,885
Yeah, she's great.

199
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:09,221
The women are gone.
We don't have to do this.

200
00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:09,789
Well, look,

201
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:12,859
Sheila's the first blind date
I've had that's worked out.

202
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,627
I mean,
she's funny, she's attractive.

203
00:08:14,627 --> 00:08:17,964
Plus, we're at exactly
the same point in our lives.

204
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,766
Really?
You don't look 38.

205
00:08:19,766 --> 00:08:22,602
Oh. No, I'm 32.

206
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:23,536
So is Sheila.

207
00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:24,837
No, she's 38.

208
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:27,540
She says so whenever
she complains to Audrey

209
00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:31,210
about her biological
clock ticking.

210
00:08:31,911 --> 00:08:33,112
H-her what?

211
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:35,281
Biologic--

212
00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:42,188
Some clock that she bought
that doesn't work right.

213
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:45,825
She's always complaining
about it.

214
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,459
Should just return it.

215
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,429
Get a new one.

216
00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:53,299
That's what I'd do.

217
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:55,467
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

218
00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:57,537
[ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS]

219
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:03,109
[GROANS]

220
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:06,613
Are you the guy looking
for the blond girl?

221
00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:07,179
Yeah.

222
00:09:07,179 --> 00:09:09,649
Thought I saw her earlier,
but it just turned out

223
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:12,284
to be the albino
that lives on 6.

224
00:09:12,284 --> 00:09:13,452
Wait, do you know who she is?

225
00:09:13,452 --> 00:09:15,922
No, I don't notice girls much.

226
00:09:15,922 --> 00:09:17,624
Oh.

227
00:09:18,991 --> 00:09:19,959
Oh. Oh, I get it.

228
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:21,728
Hey, do you know
a good dry-cleaner?

229
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,630
You guys always seem to know.

230
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:25,832
I'd tell you,
but I don't know

231
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:28,668
if any of that
is worth dry-cleaning.

232
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,203
Wow. Well,
you're really doing wonders

233
00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:34,040
to get rid of that
bitchy stereotype.

234
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,442
Well, I'm not the one
riding the elevator all day.

235
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:40,512
Dude, I don't ride
the elevator all day.

236
00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:42,849
[ELEVATOR DINGS]

237
00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:45,752
Pizza delivery for a
"Russell on the elevator."

238
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:49,355
Oh. No, no,
that's Russell Elevator,

239
00:09:49,355 --> 00:09:52,158
that's his name.
He lives in the building. Yeah.

240
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:56,428
You know what? I'll take that.
I'll give that to Mr. Elevator,

241
00:09:56,428 --> 00:10:00,733
and I feel like maybe
he ordered a soda too.

242
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:02,034
Oh.

243
00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:05,471
There you go.

244
00:10:05,471 --> 00:10:07,874
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

245
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:10,109
You had to tell Jack
Sheila wants a baby.

246
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:14,580
I didn't have to,
it just sort of slipped out.

247
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:16,182
You know,
I-I did not think

248
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,717
that Jack was gonna make
the dock

249
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:20,019
when he leaped off the boat.

250
00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:22,421
Look, he would have
found out eventually.

251
00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:25,191
Yeah, but maybe by then
he would have been so in love

252
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:26,225
he wouldn't have cared.

253
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:28,828
I may need another seasick pill.

254
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:32,498
I can't believe Sheila
would lie to Jack like that.

255
00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:35,702
I cannot believe
Jack is so shallow

256
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:36,468
he couldn't deal with it.

257
00:10:36,468 --> 00:10:38,771
Since when is it shallow
to not want to go out

258
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:39,706
with someone who tricked you?

259
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:41,774
ADAM:
Look, girls, there's no reason

260
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:42,508
to point fingers here.

261
00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:44,644
You guys both tried
to do a really nice thing.

262
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,413
Come on, you guys
should feel good that you tried.

263
00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:48,948
Yeah. I guess.

264
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:50,917
Hey, I have a new
fix-up we can try:

265
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,218
vodka, meet tonic.

266
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,386
Oh, that is such a good couple.

267
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,857
That was close.

268
00:10:57,857 --> 00:10:58,691
Nice work.

269
00:10:58,691 --> 00:10:59,792
Oh, thanks. You too.

270
00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:02,161
We just prevented
the Audrey and Jennifer

271
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:03,863
Fix-Up Disaster Fight.

272
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:04,831
To us

273
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,298
being better than them.

274
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,967
[CHUCKLES]

275
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:09,435
Mm.

276
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:10,602
Hey, look at this.

277
00:11:10,602 --> 00:11:13,605
As a reward,
we get extra food for free.

278
00:11:13,605 --> 00:11:14,573
Thank you, Jack and Sheila.

279
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:17,143
Actually, Audrey put Jack
and Sheila's dinners

280
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,644
on our credit card.
Oh.

281
00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:21,247
Well, in that case,
thank you, Jeff.

282
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:21,613
Whoa.

283
00:11:21,613 --> 00:11:24,083
I should only be responsible
for Sheila.

284
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:25,384
So Jack's on your tab.

285
00:11:25,384 --> 00:11:26,452
Me? No, you're the one

286
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:28,187
who let the biological clock
out of the bag.

287
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:32,024
Look, just enjoy that shrimp.
You're buying it.

288
00:11:33,092 --> 00:11:34,626
Not paying for it.
Not eating it.

289
00:11:34,626 --> 00:11:37,764
Look, I'm responsible
for my woman's fix-up failure.

290
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,431
You should be responsible
for yours.

291
00:11:39,431 --> 00:11:41,533
Mine wasn't the problem.
You can't blame Jack

292
00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:44,771
for not wanting
to date Grandma Sheila.

293
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:45,872
Jack could do a lot worse,

294
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:48,741
and I'm sure that he will
with that cheesy earring.

295
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:51,978
This is a dinner cruise,
you're not a pirate.

296
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:54,914
Well, that's too bad, because
if he wore a patch over his eye,

297
00:11:54,914 --> 00:11:56,816
maybe he would have believed
that Sheila was 32.

298
00:11:56,816 --> 00:12:00,119
[AS PIRATE]
Ar-r-r, I'm Jack,
me and me earring

299
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,188
are gonna go pillage the buffet.

300
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:04,824
[AS OLD LADY]
Why don't you say that again,
sonny?

301
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,592
I'm Sheila, I can't hear you.

302
00:12:06,592 --> 00:12:07,526
Ar-r-r!

303
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:10,997
Look at the size of these shr--
Don't.

304
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,136
Didn't eat it, doesn't count.

305
00:12:17,136 --> 00:12:19,705
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

306
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:24,877
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

307
00:12:26,612 --> 00:12:29,448
Okay, which shoe?

308
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:31,851
Ah, the old shoe game.

309
00:12:31,851 --> 00:12:33,920
The right one.

310
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,454
Wait. My right or yours?
Yours.

311
00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:38,457
Oh.
Those kind of pinch my toes.

312
00:12:38,457 --> 00:12:39,425
I mean, the other one.

313
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,994
Well, those give me
a heel blister.

314
00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:43,662
You got me again.

315
00:12:43,662 --> 00:12:48,667
All right, I'll just paint
my big toe and wear my sandals.

316
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,803
You are just sitting
in the audience tonight, right?

317
00:12:50,803 --> 00:12:54,340
You're not actually dancing
in The Golden Staircase?

318
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,541
I want to look good.

319
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:56,408
We don't go out that often.

320
00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:58,978
What are you talking about? We
were just on that dinner cruise.

321
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:02,048
Speaking of which, did you
call Sheila? How's she doing?

322
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:06,385
I am not asking Sheila
to pay for her dinner.

323
00:13:06,385 --> 00:13:10,589
In that case,
I wonder how Jack's doing.

324
00:13:10,722 --> 00:13:13,359
It's not that much money,
just let it go.

325
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:16,095
And no, I don't want you
bickering about it

326
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:16,896
with Adam tonight.

327
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:17,897
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
You know what,

328
00:13:17,897 --> 00:13:20,566
it's not about the money,
it's the principle.

329
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:21,333
A man pays what he owes.

330
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:26,238
If I learned one thing from
my father's bookie, it was that.

331
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:28,407
Jeff, you look handsome.

332
00:13:28,407 --> 00:13:29,909
Thank you, Jennifer.
You look nice too.

333
00:13:29,909 --> 00:13:33,779
Adam, you would look better
if you dropped about 150.

334
00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:36,148
I've been thinking
about it and you're right.

335
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,149
I should pay you.
Ah.

336
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,085
I'm glad you finally
see things my way.

337
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,752
Here you go.
What are those?

338
00:13:40,752 --> 00:13:41,353
Tickets for tonight.

339
00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,389
They're actually worth
more than the cruise,

340
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:45,791
so during intermission,
drinks are on you.

341
00:13:45,791 --> 00:13:46,558
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

342
00:13:46,558 --> 00:13:48,794
You already gave us
those as a gift.

343
00:13:48,794 --> 00:13:49,561
Yes, we did.

344
00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:50,930
I will just write you a check.

345
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,265
Stay out of this, woman.

346
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,267
A man should pay
for his mistakes,

347
00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:56,602
this is all Jeff's mistake.

348
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:58,905
You took the tickets,
so we're even.

349
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:02,875
You can't magically
turn a gift into compensation.

350
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:04,977
Oh, but I just did.

351
00:14:04,977 --> 00:14:06,845
Shazam.

352
00:14:06,845 --> 00:14:09,748
Then Audrey and I aren't going.

353
00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:11,550
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

354
00:14:11,550 --> 00:14:12,418
I'm so excited to see this show.

355
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:14,753
I know, it's gonna be great.
Yeah, it should be.

356
00:14:14,753 --> 00:14:16,722
Should be worth every penny,
eh, Jeff?

357
00:14:16,722 --> 00:14:18,991
Well, I wouldn't know,
our tickets were free.

358
00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:21,093
Thanks again for the free
tickets, Jennifer.

359
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:25,064
Why don't you two just
knock it off? This is good.

360
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:28,367
That'll be 9.50, please.

361
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,109
Jeez.

362
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:40,446
Sometimes I envy lesbians.

363
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,481
I could tell you some stories.

364
00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:51,623
[GROANS]

365
00:14:51,623 --> 00:14:52,925
Any luck, ese?

366
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:54,760
No, no luck, Oscar.

367
00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:56,228
Maybe I should just give it up.

368
00:14:56,228 --> 00:14:58,797
No. You said this girl
might be your destiny.

369
00:14:58,797 --> 00:15:02,201
There's nothing more important
than finding true love.

370
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:05,037
True dat, mi amigo.

371
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:07,306
[ELEVATOR DINGS]

372
00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:11,377
Hey, Mrs. Fulford.

373
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:12,678
Oh, hello, Rusty.

374
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:14,613
Have you found her yet?

375
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:15,781
Heh-heh.
No, not yet.

376
00:15:15,781 --> 00:15:19,051
Well, when you do, she's going
to be so touched by how hard

377
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:20,219
you've worked to find her.

378
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:21,853
Well, that's what I'm hoping.

379
00:15:21,853 --> 00:15:22,888
And if you don't find her,

380
00:15:22,888 --> 00:15:26,158
I could set you up
with someone nice from my work.

381
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:29,695
Oh, that'll be great.
I might do that

382
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:32,031
[QUIETLY]
when I turn 83.

383
00:15:34,733 --> 00:15:35,367
Really, Oscar?

384
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:37,636
You're checking out
Mrs. Fulford?

385
00:15:37,636 --> 00:15:41,707
I squint and imagine what she
looked like 40 years ago.

386
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:43,675
Ooh.

387
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,013
Try going back 50.

388
00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:50,416
BOTH:
Ooh.

389
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:51,017
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

390
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:54,353
Pretty ballsy of you
to run out without paying.

391
00:15:54,353 --> 00:15:55,654
You were closer to the driver.

392
00:15:55,654 --> 00:15:57,289
You were.
You were.

393
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:57,789
Were not.

394
00:15:57,789 --> 00:16:00,359
Hey, you are being
petty and annoying.

395
00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:01,927
Ha-ha, you got in trouble.

396
00:16:01,927 --> 00:16:03,062
You too.

397
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:03,795
Yeah, don't blame us.

398
00:16:03,795 --> 00:16:06,898
Your match-making
caused all this.

399
00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:08,400
Oh, how do you figure?

400
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,268
If you'd listened to me

401
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:11,070
and never done the fix-up
to begin with,

402
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:14,206
there wouldn't be a problem
with Adam--
Jeff.

403
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:16,442
--cheaping out
on the dinner cruise seats,

404
00:16:16,442 --> 00:16:18,244
and Adam--
Jeff.

405
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,146
--would have paid for the cab.

406
00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:21,813
Adam.
Jeff.
Oh.

407
00:16:21,813 --> 00:16:24,150
All right, fine.
You know what? You win.

408
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:24,750
No more fix-ups.

409
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:27,786
I'm not gonna say
I told you so.

410
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:31,290
Mostly because of that
look right there.

411
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:33,592
Okay, you two are not
gonna ruin this.

412
00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:34,560
Here are your tickets.

413
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,495
You stay out here
and solve your problem,

414
00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:37,963
and don't come in until you do.

415
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:38,964
He started it.
Did not.

416
00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:43,369
I don't care who started it,
it's over. Understand?

417
00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:46,505
Don't just nod.
Use your words.

418
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:47,539
Yes.
Yes.

419
00:16:47,539 --> 00:16:49,241
Okay. Let's go.

420
00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:52,478
I'm not giving in.

421
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:54,346
I'll stand out here all night.

422
00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:56,282
MAN:
Is anybody selling a ticket?

423
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,150
I need one ticket.

424
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:03,055
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

425
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:06,758
I'm mad at Adam,
but I think making him

426
00:17:06,758 --> 00:17:08,794
sit through this show
will be punishment enough.

427
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:11,663
Oh, I'm not letting Jeff
sleep through a minute of this.

428
00:17:11,663 --> 00:17:15,334
Plus I'm buying the soundtrack.

429
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:17,269
[CHUCKLES]

430
00:17:18,970 --> 00:17:20,572
I'm sorry, that seat's is taken.

431
00:17:20,572 --> 00:17:21,440
This is G24, isn't it?

432
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,776
I just bought this ticket
from a scalper outside.

433
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:28,580
Unbelievable.

434
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:30,149
Jeff sold his ticket.

435
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:31,117
Oh, I'm so sorry,

436
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:32,918
I cannot believe
he did that.

437
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:34,753
But don't worry,
you and Adam and I

438
00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:36,522
will still have a good time.

439
00:17:42,694 --> 00:17:44,196
Unbelievable.

440
00:17:44,196 --> 00:17:45,464
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

441
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:47,533
Thank you, Golden Staircase.

442
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:50,702
Hey, look at me.
I'm smoking Act I.

443
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,538
[LAUGHS]

444
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:56,808
You do realize when we get home,
we're dead.

445
00:17:56,808 --> 00:17:59,010
Totally.

446
00:17:59,010 --> 00:18:01,747
But they can never take
this away from us.

447
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:05,284
It's funny, if Jen and Audrey
hadn't done that fix-up,

448
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:06,752
we wouldn't have
had that argument,

449
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:09,588
and we'd be stuck
in the theater right now.

450
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,124
Maybe I was wrong about fix-ups.

451
00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:14,293
If they result
in not seeing musicals,

452
00:18:14,293 --> 00:18:16,662
drinking 30-year-old
single malt,

453
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:19,331
and smoking fine cigars,

454
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:21,467
then call me Cupid.

455
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:24,370
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

456
00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:26,705
[ELEVATOR DINGS]

457
00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:28,307
[SIGHS]

458
00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:34,480
[MOUTHS]
Thank you.

459
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,316
Hey, how's it going?
I'm Russell.

460
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:38,184
Tiffany.

461
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,719
All right, yeah.

462
00:18:41,052 --> 00:18:42,754
Listen, uh, this might sound
a little crazy,

463
00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:45,524
but I saw you get on
the elevator, like, a week ago.

464
00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:48,627
Felt like we had a connection
or something.

465
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:50,529
So I've been
riding this every day

466
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:52,864
in hopes of running
into you again.

467
00:18:52,864 --> 00:18:56,202
You've been riding the elevator
for a week just to meet me?

468
00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:58,170
Yeah, yeah, I can't stop
thinking about you.

469
00:18:58,170 --> 00:18:59,438
I have everyone
in the building in on it.

470
00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:03,074
The doorman. Everyone's like,
"If it's your destiny--"

471
00:19:03,074 --> 00:19:03,575
Stop

472
00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:06,745
stalking me, you creep!
[SCREAMING]

473
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:08,614
[WHIMPERING]

474
00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:11,983
Agh! Who are you?

475
00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:14,085
Rusty, are you all right?

476
00:19:14,085 --> 00:19:16,087
Ah. Oh, yeah.
I'll be fine.

477
00:19:16,087 --> 00:19:17,723
It usually takes
about eight to 10 minutes

478
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:21,327
for my eyes to readjust
after getting maced.

479
00:19:22,194 --> 00:19:23,695
Was that her?
Yeah.

480
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:27,433
Yeah, we've decided
to see other people.

481
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,635
Then it's time you
let me set you up

482
00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:31,303
with one of the girls
from my office.

483
00:19:31,303 --> 00:19:33,505
Oh, well, I don't know.
I think it's too soon,

484
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:37,909
and plus my eyes are still
burning from the mace.

485
00:19:37,909 --> 00:19:39,110
Are you sure?

486
00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:41,513
I own a small modeling agency.

487
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:42,881
Ah...

488
00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:44,183
Wait, what's that?

489
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:48,987
No high fashion, mind you,
just swimsuits and lingerie.

490
00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:52,691
That'll do.

491
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:55,126
Oscar!

492
00:19:55,126 --> 00:19:56,995
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

493
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,066
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

494
00:20:01,066 --> 00:20:02,234
Hey.

495
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:03,669
Hey, what's up, sunshine?

496
00:20:03,669 --> 00:20:06,071
Look what we got invited to.

497
00:20:06,071 --> 00:20:07,939
Opera tickets?

498
00:20:07,939 --> 00:20:09,708
Who hates me that much?

499
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:11,877
Jennifer and I fixed up
the guy and the girl

500
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:13,545
that you and Adam
sold your tickets to.

501
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,847
They've been dating
and they've invited us

502
00:20:15,847 --> 00:20:17,749
to join them at La Bohèème.

503
00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:20,386
All because
you scalped your ticket.

504
00:20:20,752 --> 00:20:23,054
I guess I had this coming.

505
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:28,126
Wonder how much
I could get for these.

506
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:31,430
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

507
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:36,101
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]