1
00:00:01,459 --> 00:00:04,421
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

2
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:05,713
[DOOR SHUTS]

3
00:00:05,713 --> 00:00:08,550
Oh, hello.

4
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:12,387
Nice robe, Hef.

5
00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:15,140
Why'd you double lock the door?

6
00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,850
Well, I guess I just had

7
00:00:17,850 --> 00:00:20,687
too much cash on me.

8
00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:30,613
Why? Why can't I
be more surprised?

9
00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:32,699
Guess who just sold
his bitching Camaro?

10
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,868
The profit is currently
preventing you

11
00:00:35,868 --> 00:00:38,955
from seeing my hot bod.

12
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:40,957
Why did you sell
that car?

13
00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:41,624
I thought you loved it.

14
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:44,127
The guy who bought it
loved it more.

15
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:45,587
So how much did we make?

16
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:48,381
Start plucking and find out.

17
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:54,429
The dollar values increase
as you approach the target area.

18
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:56,681
[EXHALES]

19
00:00:56,681 --> 00:01:00,518
I-I'm gonna let you
approach your own target area.

20
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,982
That's a far
too familiar trip.

21
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,526
Anyway, we're up
about 2000.

22
00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:11,154
Well done. So what are we
going to do with it?

23
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:15,283
You know,
besides, uh, shave it.

24
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:17,744
Well, we're gonna put it
in the retirement fund.

25
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:21,539
We're this much closer
to dying with a nice boat.

26
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:25,543
So now let's do something
that may not be legal.

27
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:28,421
But it's definitely tender.

28
00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:31,216
[PHONE RINGS]

29
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,718
Oh! Hey, Dad.

30
00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:37,680
Great, I'll just stand here
like this.

31
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,391
Oh, good, do you like it?

32
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:41,893
He's thanking us for
the new laptop we sent them.

33
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:45,188
Oh, by the way,
we sent them a new laptop.

34
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:45,980
Yeah, what?

35
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:49,651
Well, it doesn't matter
how much it cost. Dad--

36
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:52,320
Dad, please don't
return it.

37
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,907
Okay. Well, y-you can
do whatever you want.

38
00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:58,493
All right, bye-bye.

39
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:02,789
God, it was a gift, it's not
his business how much it cost.

40
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,041
How much did it cost?

41
00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:07,794
[SIGHS]
You know, he has worked
hard his whole life.

42
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,504
Can't they ever
just enjoy their money?

43
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:12,799
My mom can't use a tea bag
without wrapping it in foil

44
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,052
and using it
three more times.

45
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:18,846
Does that work?

46
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:21,516
I mean, save some, sure.

47
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,726
But, God, you gotta
enjoy your life.

48
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:26,062
Uh, it's just their
Midwestern way of thinking.

49
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:28,315
There's nothing wrong
with appreciating

50
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,275
the value of a dollar.

51
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:34,654
Speaking of appreciating
a dollar.

52
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,407
You know what?

53
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:39,951
We're not gonna put
that money away for our future.

54
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:42,287
Okay, look, this is just
a reaction to your dad.

55
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,455
And it's not sensible.

56
00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:44,164
That's the point.

57
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,123
Let's just not be
sensible for once.

58
00:02:46,123 --> 00:02:50,962
Let's spend it all on one
fabulous, luxurious night.

59
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:51,838
Audrey, finance is my business.

60
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,632
I warn my clients against
this kind of thing all the time.

61
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,968
Against what?
Enjoying their money?

62
00:02:56,968 --> 00:03:00,137
No, against listening
to their wives.

63
00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:01,848
Come on.

64
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,558
That's the house's money.

65
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:08,896
And I'm pretty sure
the house does not want it back.

66
00:03:09,146 --> 00:03:10,315
I don't know.
No.

67
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,899
Please, just do this.

68
00:03:11,899 --> 00:03:14,361
Just don't be
like my father.

69
00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,696
All right, I won't be
like your father.

70
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:17,655
But that doesn't preclude me

71
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:20,950
from spanking you
if you've been a bad girl.

72
00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,161
[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS"
PLAYING]

73
00:03:24,161 --> 00:03:27,790
♪♪ How many ways
To say, "I love you?" ♪♪

74
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:32,670
♪♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? ♪♪

75
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,465
♪♪ With you by my side ♪♪

76
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,759
♪♪ There is no denyin' ♪♪

77
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:42,013
♪♪ I can't wait
For me and you ♪♪

78
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,352
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

79
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,062
You know what?
I like it.

80
00:03:50,062 --> 00:03:51,898
I think it's a great idea
to treat yourself

81
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:54,609
to a wild, crazy, expensive
night once in a while.

82
00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,027
It is. We deserve it.

83
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,613
Oh, you're bringing her?

84
00:04:00,072 --> 00:04:00,782
Why?

85
00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:02,158
It was my idea.

86
00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:04,952
We're having a limo take
us to dinner at Soirée,

87
00:04:04,952 --> 00:04:06,663
and then to a five-star hotel.

88
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,749
Soirée? La-dee-da.

89
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:10,500
Jeff just went down there

90
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,502
and slipped the maîître d'
some money.

91
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:13,420
[CHUCKLES]
What?

92
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:15,505
Yeah, they only say
that they're booked

93
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,714
so you gotta tip them to get in.

94
00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:17,757
That's how they get you.
Mm-hm.

95
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:21,052
All right, none of that attitude
when we go out, please.

96
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:21,886
What attitude?

97
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,012
Your attitude about money.

98
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,347
You're always saying
things like:

99
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,932
[IN DEEP VOICE]
"That's how they get you."

100
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:31,354
And: "Oh, don't fall
for the crèème brûûlée scam."

101
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,440
It's burnt pudding.

102
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,733
Mm.
I don't want to hear any of that

103
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,026
on our night out, please.

104
00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:37,985
You sound just like my dad.

105
00:04:37,985 --> 00:04:41,448
Why? Am I begging you
not to marry me?

106
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,825
I can't believe you guys
have a whole night planned

107
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:48,538
and I, the only actual fun
person, has nothing to do.

108
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:52,041
Why, where's the rest
of the lollipop guild?

109
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,836
No, no, no.
Hey, guys.

110
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:55,753
Hey, guys.
No.

111
00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,297
Hey. How was your check up?

112
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,340
All good.

113
00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,173
Yes, the doctor concurred

114
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:01,468
with the results
of my breast exam.

115
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:05,555
Congratulations on marrying
an eighth grader.

116
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:07,349
By the way, Audrey,
on the doctor's form

117
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:10,226
I put you down as my "in case
of emergency" person.

118
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:11,227
Oh. No problem.

119
00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:12,729
Why would you do that?

120
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,314
In case there's
an emergency.

121
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,524
It's pretty
self-explanatory.

122
00:05:17,066 --> 00:05:18,150
But I'm gonna
be your husband.

123
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:20,320
I should be your
"in case of emergency" guy.

124
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,529
Adam, I love you and there are

125
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:22,822
so many things you are great at.

126
00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:24,616
But being responsible
with your cell phone

127
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,576
is not one of those things.
Okay. You know what?

128
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,203
Starting right now,
I'm gonna have my phone on me

129
00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:31,080
and turned on at all times.

130
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:32,332
In fact...

131
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,875
What's this, huh?

132
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:36,168
Your iPod.

133
00:05:36,168 --> 00:05:40,006
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

134
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,719
Forty-two minutes
past our reservation.

135
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:47,304
Would you relax,
we're not in a hurry.

136
00:05:47,304 --> 00:05:49,348
Well, they only say
that your table's not ready

137
00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:51,350
so you have to wait at the bar
and buy a drink.

138
00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:53,019
That's how they--
What, Jeff?

139
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,061
That's how they what?

140
00:05:54,061 --> 00:05:58,858
That's how they pamper you
the way you deserve.

141
00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:01,235
Thank you.

142
00:06:01,235 --> 00:06:04,155
Sir, ma'am,
your table is ready.

143
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,072
Well, we're not.

144
00:06:05,072 --> 00:06:08,367
It's the table's turn to wait.

145
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:09,201
Sir?

146
00:06:09,201 --> 00:06:10,953
He's just kidding.

147
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,872
I was just funning
with you.

148
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:13,748
Let me take care of this tab.

149
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,708
Uh, there's no charge
for the drinks.

150
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,627
We apologize for the wait.

151
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:20,004
Oh. Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.

152
00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:20,880
Just out of curiosity,

153
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,049
how far away were we
from another round?

154
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,426
[CHUCKLES]

155
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,219
Now he's not kidding.

156
00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:28,513
[CLEARS THROAT]

157
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,306
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

158
00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:38,856
What are you doing here
on a Saturday night?

159
00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:42,569
Oh, to be honest, I'm pouting
because I have nothing to do.

160
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,696
Well, maybe it's good
to have a little alone time.

161
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:49,784
I already had two alone times
today before I got here.

162
00:06:51,118 --> 00:06:52,620
Check it out.

163
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:53,788
Adam's cell phone.

164
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:54,622
He left it at the apartment,

165
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:57,249
after all that big talk
about being responsible.

166
00:06:57,249 --> 00:06:58,375
Oh, that doesn't sound like him.

167
00:06:58,375 --> 00:07:00,336
It's such an un-handsome
thing to do.

168
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:01,879
Well, I guess he'll never learn.

169
00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:05,091
Order me a coffee.
Got you.

170
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,802
Oh, hey, can I get a, uh...

171
00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,345
What did she want?

172
00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:11,723
Uh, just give me
a piece of pie.

173
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,892
Oh, hey, genius.

174
00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:15,392
Hey.

175
00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,562
Get this,
I lost my cell phone.

176
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,814
No, actually--
I'm pretty sure

177
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,273
I left it in a taxi.

178
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:25,820
You did?

179
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:28,322
After you promised Jen?

180
00:07:28,322 --> 00:07:31,868
Wow, this is gonna be
a huge problem.

181
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:32,494
I know, I know.

182
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:35,622
I know, she'll probably never
let me hear the end of this.

183
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,706
Uh, what to do? What--?

184
00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:39,000
Okay, seriously what to do.

185
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,627
Um, you know what?
I have an idea.

186
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,795
Why don't you go outside
to a pay phone,

187
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:43,588
and call your cell.

188
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:46,340
And then if the cabbie
finds it, he'll answer it.

189
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:46,924
Yeah.
Yeah.

190
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:49,719
Then I get it back
before Jen knows it's gone.

191
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:50,427
Yes.
All right.

192
00:07:50,427 --> 00:07:52,764
Oh. Wait, why can't I just
use your cell phone?

193
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,306
You know what?
I left it at home.

194
00:07:54,306 --> 00:07:56,726
And it's so stupid of me.

195
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:59,729
Hey, don't feel bad,
I do that too.

196
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:03,149
Ah, I take great
comfort in that.

197
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:04,942
Anyway thanks for the idea.

198
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:06,611
No, thank you, man.

199
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:13,159
Ah, ha-ha. Oh. Thank you.

200
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,327
[EXHALES]

201
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:16,996
Wait, where's my coffee?

202
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:19,081
Oh, wait, that's right.
Uh, excuse me,

203
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:23,044
can I get a scoop
of ice cream on this?

204
00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:26,255
As a woman I don't like
to hear this word,

205
00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,633
but I have to say
you're a douche.

206
00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:29,175
[LAUGHING]

207
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,177
You're gonna be
thanking this douche

208
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:31,969
because Adam was just here,

209
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:33,971
and he thinks he left
his cell phone in a cab.

210
00:08:33,971 --> 00:08:35,181
So he went to a pay phone
to call it.

211
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,600
But he didn't leave it
in a cab, you have it there.

212
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,976
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Trust me.

213
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:42,313
This sounds weird
but you're gonna like it.

214
00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:43,439
I just got a flash

215
00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:46,526
of what it feels like
to be on a date with you.

216
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,862
[IN FOREIGN ACCENT]
Hello?

217
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:53,449
Yes, I found this phone
in my cab.

218
00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:57,119
No, I didn't find
a little bag of licorice.

219
00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:58,788
No, listen,
if you want a phone,

220
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:02,499
go meet me at The Grease Pit
on West 4th and Horatio.

221
00:09:02,499 --> 00:09:03,375
My name?

222
00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:07,797
Yes, it's Pie Al La Mode.

223
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,424
Okay, see you there.

224
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:12,176
Pie Al La Mode?
[CHUCKLES]

225
00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:14,095
Didn't phase him at all.

226
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,179
So what's The Grease Pit?

227
00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:18,182
It's a big old lesbian bar.

228
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:21,603
How do you know
the address of a lesbian bar?

229
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:25,732
Sometimes it's just nice to be
the prettiest one in the room.

230
00:09:27,524 --> 00:09:30,987
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

231
00:09:32,321 --> 00:09:33,823
Uh, yes, that's it.

232
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:37,619
That is the one
my husband mispronounced.

233
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:41,581
That men's room
is unbelievably nice.

234
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:45,417
I almost felt bad
doing my business in it.

235
00:09:45,417 --> 00:09:46,669
That's really great,

236
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,963
seeing you actually enjoying
yourself tonight.

237
00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:50,798
Well, when I was
talking to Ricky,

238
00:09:50,798 --> 00:09:54,594
my hand towel caddy, I--
I thought Audrey's right.

239
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,763
We do deserve to live it up
once in a while.

240
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:57,972
That's the spirit.

241
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,516
It's not just the food
and the wine that you're buying.

242
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:03,185
It's the service
and how you're treated.

243
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:04,771
It makes me feel like...

244
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:05,396
Like a king?

245
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:09,025
I was gonna say
that Monopoly guy.

246
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:11,778
He's got that monocle,
the top hat,

247
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,530
the bags with the dollar
signs on them.

248
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:18,159
That fictional bastard
knows how to live.

249
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,247
I'm thirstier than that.

250
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:24,498
[LAUGHS]

251
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:27,293
That's a good one.

252
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,002
Here you go,

253
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:29,712
and there's more
where that came from.

254
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:34,050
Just don't ask
where it came from.

255
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:37,762
That'll play.

256
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,138
[SIGHS]

257
00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:41,849
Thank you again
for doing this.

258
00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:43,685
Thank you for suggesting it.

259
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:46,520
And you really do look
very pretty tonight.

260
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:50,066
To living the good life.

261
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:52,443
Hey, Jeff.

262
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:53,736
Oh, Stewart.

263
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,571
You remember Audrey?

264
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,406
Oh, my God, Lac Rouge?

265
00:10:57,406 --> 00:10:59,366
Ha, I guess business
is going well.

266
00:10:59,366 --> 00:11:00,743
I do all right.

267
00:11:00,743 --> 00:11:03,663
Thinking about
buying a monocle.

268
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:05,957
Is it as complex
as they say?

269
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:09,126
You just have
to hold it in your eye.

270
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:10,461
I meant the wine.

271
00:11:10,461 --> 00:11:13,840
Oh. Why don't you, uh,
try it for yourself?

272
00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:17,593
Excuse me, can I get a glass
for my compadre here?

273
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,761
Wow, thanks.

274
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:22,348
I've never tasted a $1500
bottle of wine before.

275
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:25,392
Hold on a minute.
What do you mean 1500 dollars?

276
00:11:25,392 --> 00:11:27,854
Oh, that's what
this bottle costs.

277
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,314
My wife and I were just
looking at the wine list

278
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,523
and talking about it.

279
00:11:31,523 --> 00:11:33,192
Put it down.

280
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,946
Put the glass down.

281
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,950
And walk away.

282
00:11:44,661 --> 00:11:47,123
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

283
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,794
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

284
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:53,755
It's not a misprint.

285
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:57,591
The wine you ordered was
$1500, not 150.

286
00:11:57,591 --> 00:11:59,093
Let me see that.

287
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:00,427
One-fifty.

288
00:12:00,427 --> 00:12:02,513
One-fifty.

289
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:05,808
Oh! There it is, 1500.

290
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:07,977
Why didn't you bring
your reading glasses?

291
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,478
I didn't have time
to grab them.

292
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,855
Oh, but you had
plenty of time time

293
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:13,858
to glue two grand
to your naked body.

294
00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:14,817
Fifteen hundred dollars?

295
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,193
All right, look, don't panic.

296
00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:17,862
Let me just talk to this guy.

297
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,655
Excuse me.

298
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:26,578
This wine is not
to our liking.

299
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,791
But sir, when you tasted it
you assured me

300
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:32,168
that it would "play."

301
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:37,173
Right. But after
that first taste, it turned.

302
00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:40,259
I doubt that.

303
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:40,802
Oh, really?

304
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:43,554
Wouldn't you agree
that in the life of every wine,

305
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:46,473
there's a moment
when it turns?

306
00:12:46,473 --> 00:12:49,894
Worst Law & Order ever.

307
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,645
May I?

308
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:53,147
Please.

309
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,111
The wine is fine, sir.

310
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:03,866
Then I would like that sip
taken off of our bill.

311
00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:11,207
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

312
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:15,794
Hey, excuse me.

313
00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:20,424
Uh, I'm looking for a guy
named Pie Al A Mode.

314
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:20,925
A guy?

315
00:13:20,757 --> 00:13:24,386
No, you're-- You're
the only guy in here.

316
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,055
Really?

317
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,975
What about him?

318
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,809
Her.

319
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,895
Are you--? You sure?

320
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:33,562
[MOUTHS]
Yes.

321
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:36,107
So what is it? Is it--?
It's, like, ladies night?

322
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:40,402
Yeah, every night is
like ladies night.

323
00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:41,612
Oh.

324
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:49,161
Ohh.

325
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:50,955
Okay, this isn't
the end of the world.

326
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:53,290
I mean, our goal was to only
spend the house's money

327
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,126
and so far,
that's all we've done.

328
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:55,960
Let's just get the check.

329
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,419
You sure you don't want
some dessert?

330
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:59,671
I'd be happy to take out
a second mortgage.

331
00:13:59,671 --> 00:14:01,757
Excuse me, the check, please.

332
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,842
Oh. Right away.

333
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:04,760
[SIGHS]

334
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,595
What are you using
your calculator

335
00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:10,641
to figure out what
the tip is on infinity?

336
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,726
No, I'm cancelling
the hotel.

337
00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:14,061
It's good thinking.Yeah.

338
00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:16,147
You would've ruined it
for me, anyway.

339
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,107
What are you talking about?
Oh, come on.

340
00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,317
We'd have to pay
for the hotel with our money.

341
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:22,528
You had a hard enough time
enjoying yourself

342
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,071
when it was the house's money.

343
00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:25,990
Reservations, please.

344
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,033
Just like my dad.

345
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,492
I am not like your dad.
Oh, please.

346
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,661
I'd say you were two sides
of the same coin,

347
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:31,954
but I'm afraid you'd accuse me

348
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,915
of wasting that coin
on a metaphor.

349
00:14:33,915 --> 00:14:37,418
Yes, we need to cancel
a reservation for tonight.

350
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:37,960
Hang up.

351
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,420
What?
We're not cancelling.

352
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:40,296
We're going to that hotel.

353
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,881
You don't have to do this
to prove a point.

354
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,301
I'm not. I'm doing it
to treat myself to some luxury.

355
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,595
Come along if you think
you can handle it.

356
00:14:48,595 --> 00:14:51,348
Oh, I can handle it.

357
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:52,141
We're on our way.

358
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:54,476
I will be loving
that hotel.

359
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:55,769
Not as much as me.

360
00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:58,564
A-ha. We'll see.
Yes, we will see.

361
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,107
Mm-hm.

362
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,610
Uh, okay, not so bad.

363
00:15:05,612 --> 00:15:07,323
Oh.

364
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:10,659
Well, see, he did take off that
sip.

365
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,789
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

366
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:16,790
Come on. Wait, wait, wait.

367
00:15:16,790 --> 00:15:17,917
Why are we bailing Adam out?

368
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:18,792
Let's screw with him some more.

369
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:21,087
No, your plan didn't work,
he didn't call.

370
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:24,131
No, but the dope probably lost
his dialing finger.

371
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,258
Look, he's been in there
for two hours,

372
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:27,759
he's suffered enough.

373
00:15:27,759 --> 00:15:30,679
[SOFT CELL'S "TAINTED LOVE"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

374
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:31,931
♪♪ Oh, oh, ohh ♪♪

375
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,391
♪♪ Tainted love ♪♪

376
00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:35,309
Oh, my God.

377
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:36,893
♪♪ Now I know I've got to ♪♪

378
00:15:36,893 --> 00:15:37,811
RUSSELL: I've got some bad news.

379
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:41,941
Your dude's gone lesbo.
♪♪ Run away, I've got to ♪♪

380
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:42,858
♪♪ Get away ♪♪

381
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:44,693
♪♪ You don't really want it ♪♪

382
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:46,528
Hey, Russell, Jen!

383
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:48,530
Hey, hold on,
I'll be right down.

384
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:49,115
[GIRLS CHEERING]

385
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:52,994
♪♪ You need someone
To hold you tight ♪♪

386
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,162
♪♪ And you'll think love
Is to pray ♪♪

387
00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:58,540
All right, ladies,
one for four, not bad.

388
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,917
What are you guys
doing here?

389
00:16:00,917 --> 00:16:01,627
Uh...

390
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,670
It was Russell's idea.

391
00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:08,592
Oh. Oh, so you pretended
to be Pie Al A Mode.

392
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,388
Oh, I just got that.

393
00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,181
I actually found your phone.

394
00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:15,349
So, what's the point
of all this?

395
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,851
We were trying to teach you
a lesson about your phone.

396
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:19,770
Button up your shirt,
let's get out of here.

397
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,981
Now, see?
That's just a waste.

398
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,440
Adam, you're not
leaving, are you?

399
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,609
Because we got another
round coming.

400
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:26,152
Yeah.

401
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:27,944
Why do they
love you so much?

402
00:16:27,944 --> 00:16:28,862
Well, because a while ago

403
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:31,823
Melanie here started
choking on some nuts.

404
00:16:31,823 --> 00:16:34,326
[CHUCKLES]
Ironic.

405
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:35,911
Why is that ironic?

406
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:38,664
Because it's not.

407
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:41,958
Anyway, I swung into action,
dove across the bar,

408
00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:42,959
and gave her the Heimlich.

409
00:16:42,959 --> 00:16:45,087
He saved her life.
Mm-hm.

410
00:16:45,712 --> 00:16:47,923
Honey, that is impressive.
Isn't it?

411
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:51,427
There was an emergency
and I came to the rescue.

412
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,095
All right, I get it.

413
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:56,557
You will be my "in case of
emergency" person from now on.

414
00:16:56,557 --> 00:16:57,308
Thank you.

415
00:16:57,308 --> 00:17:00,227
And you may
or may not regret it.

416
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:01,562
All right, let's get out of
here.

417
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,730
I feel like a sausage
in a vegetarian restaurant.

418
00:17:03,730 --> 00:17:06,233
Hey, Russell,
this place is kind of fun.

419
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:07,734
Come on, one drink.

420
00:17:07,734 --> 00:17:09,153
I guess we could have the one.

421
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,155
All right, all right.

422
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,614
Jen?

423
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,408
Patty Miller, from college.

424
00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:17,119
Remember spring break,
we shared that cabin?

425
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,621
♪♪ Tainted love... ♪♪

426
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:21,332
Hey, there.

427
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,459
That's crazy.
How about that?

428
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,752
Running into someone
you know here. That's--

429
00:17:25,752 --> 00:17:27,921
It's really good to see you.

430
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,673
We gotta go.

431
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:32,468
Hey. What did you guys
do in the cabin?

432
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,595
Hi. Was there a Jacuzzi?

433
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:35,721
Hey! Was there a Jacuzzi?

434
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,182
You wanna reenact it?
Don't leave.

435
00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:38,974
Hey!

436
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,227
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

437
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:44,771
Oh, that champagne
in the limo was tasty.

438
00:17:44,771 --> 00:17:47,774
Yeah? Glad you liked it,
because it wasn't included.

439
00:17:47,774 --> 00:17:48,525
It's a lot extra.

440
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:51,112
Oh, well, then it's a thing
you were in the limo

441
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,697
with me instead of your dad.

442
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:55,074
May I help you?

443
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,742
Reservation under Bingham.

444
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:57,659
[TYPING]

445
00:17:57,659 --> 00:17:58,494
Ah, yes, here we are.

446
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:00,454
Should I put the balance
on the same credit card?

447
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,124
Balance? No, I thought
I already paid for the room.

448
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:05,917
Uh, you paid a deposit of $350.

449
00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:09,171
That is half the price
of the room.
Half?

450
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,383
Is that a problem for you?

451
00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:12,966
No.

452
00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:15,261
I think that sounds
like a fair price for

453
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:19,055
"an economy double with
obstructed view of the street."

454
00:18:19,055 --> 00:18:20,724
Excellent.
Wait a minute.

455
00:18:20,724 --> 00:18:22,518
Oh, is that
a problem for you?

456
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,477
Sure is.

457
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,061
I don't want an obstructed view.

458
00:18:25,061 --> 00:18:27,356
How much for a room
overlooking the Park?

459
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,858
Ah! Sounds good to me.

460
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,694
That is this one
right here, sir.
Wow.

461
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:33,195
Are you saying

462
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,114
that we should settle
for an obstructed view,

463
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,574
because we're only gonna
be here for 12 hours?

464
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:39,410
Actually, our check-out
time is--

465
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,328
Nine hours?
No.

466
00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:44,790
I was just noticing that if we
upgrade to the Club Level,

467
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,750
we'll be able to enjoy
a private butler.

468
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:50,296
Unless you think
that's too much.

469
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,088
Butler us.

470
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,176
And may I arrange
for some refreshments

471
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:56,260
to be sent up to your suite?

472
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,137
Sure. How about
some caviar?

473
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,389
Great.
And some lobster.

474
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:01,473
And an in-room massage.

475
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,142
Oh, and some flowers.
And a shoe shine.

476
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,561
Actually, we have
a complimentary shoe shine.

477
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:07,020
Then I don't want it.

478
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:08,564
Just more caviar.

479
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:09,690
All right. Excellent.

480
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:12,568
And Vincent will show you
to your suite.

481
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:13,235
Great.

482
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:13,944
[ELEVATOR BELL CHIMES]

483
00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:16,112
[CLEARS THROAT]
I can't wait to see the view.

484
00:19:16,112 --> 00:19:18,324
I can't wait
to shovel down some caviar.

485
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,826
I am loving this.
Not as much as me.

486
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:21,827
Club level, Vincent.

487
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,455
No turning back now.

488
00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:27,040
[ELEVATOR BELL CHIMES]

489
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,168
[ELEVATOR BELL CHIMES]

490
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,462
Ah! I can't do this.
Oh, thank God.

491
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,922
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

492
00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:38,927
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

493
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,887
All right, tell me honestly,

494
00:19:40,887 --> 00:19:41,555
if I hadn't stop us,

495
00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,432
would you have gone
through with it?

496
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,100
I would have gone all the way.

497
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:46,017
Really?

498
00:19:46,017 --> 00:19:47,394
All the way to our suite,

499
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:49,730
and then I would have
faked a heart attack.

500
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:52,191
[LAUGHING]

501
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,193
Oh, we have a message.

502
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,652
MAN:
Hey, sweetheart, it's your dad.

503
00:19:55,652 --> 00:19:58,822
Just wanted you to know we
returned that fancy computer.

504
00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:00,991
We'll be sending you
the money back.

505
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:03,619
Okay, my minute's
almost up, gotta go.

506
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:04,953
[BEEPS]

507
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:07,373
Well, he returned it.

508
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,874
No surprise there.

509
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,001
Well, look, your dad
is a good man.

510
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:12,378
He and your mom sacrificed

511
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,588
so that you could have
nice things,

512
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:15,922
go to college.

513
00:20:15,922 --> 00:20:18,091
And meet me.

514
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:19,760
[CHUCKLES]
I know.

515
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,262
And the part of the reason
I love you

516
00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:23,222
is because you're
a little like him.

517
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,890
Maybe a little bit.

518
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,558
And, hey, since he returned
the laptop,

519
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,602
we got another check
coming our way.

520
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:29,520
More house money.

521
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,146
Yeah, maybe this time

522
00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:33,106
we should put it
somewhere safe.

523
00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:34,483
Agreed.

524
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:36,318
I'll go get the glue stick.

525
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,531
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

526
00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:46,828
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]