1 00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:08,801 (GRUNTS) 2 00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:10,010 Thought you'd already left for work. 3 00:00:10,051 --> 00:00:11,386 Well, the meeting got canceled. 4 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,221 So I was hoping to schedule a meeting for us. 5 00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:15,307 In the...boudoir. 6 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,311 Hmm. 7 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,313 I may have a little time to discuss some new business. 8 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,357 Hmm. 9 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:26,652 Let the minutes show the wife is up for it. 10 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:29,029 Hmm. Minutes, plural? 11 00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,155 That'd be a nice change. 12 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,659 (RINGTONE PLAYS) 13 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:35,786 Please don't answer that. 14 00:00:35,828 --> 00:00:37,579 Hello. Meeting adjourned. 15 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:42,083 Really? I'm... I'm so sorry. 16 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,336 Let me check with Jeff, and I'll get back to you. 17 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,087 That was Chrissy. She never got the Knicks tickets 18 00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,882 you promised her for her charity auction. 19 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,925 Oh, boy, uh, you'll never guess what happened. 20 00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,468 You forgot? 21 00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:52,887 Wow, first guess. 22 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,097 Look, she was really counting on that. 23 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,892 Can you still get 'em? When's the auction? 24 00:00:57,933 --> 00:00:59,434 Tomorrow. One day's notice? 25 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,228 You got to give me more time than that. 26 00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,146 I asked you six weeks ago! 27 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,272 That's too much notice. 28 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,900 Ten days, that's your sweet spot. 29 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:09,904 Oh, my God. What? What is that? 30 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:11,864 (SCOFFS) The form you said you would fill out. 31 00:01:11,906 --> 00:01:13,448 This puts our baby on our insurance. 32 00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,201 So excited. 33 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,413 God, I feel like a single mother. 34 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:21,582 Okay, just tell me, what can I do? 35 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:24,334 Anything. Fill out a form, empty the dishwasher. 36 00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,836 Make a dinner reservation. Okay, I'll do it. 37 00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:26,795 Do what? 38 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,508 What was the last one? Oh, God. 39 00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:33,385 No, wait. Dinner reservation, I'll make one of those. 40 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:36,095 What's that, uh, fancy new French place 41 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:37,389 you've been going on about? 42 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,974 Dijon? Boom! 43 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,475 Gonna make a reservation for us. 44 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:41,810 Yeah, well, it takes a month to get in there. 45 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,270 All right, then, write it down. 46 00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:45,397 One month from today, you and I are going to, uh... 47 00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,193 Dijon. That's the one! 48 00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,695 I'll call and make a reservation. 49 00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:53,405 It's happenin' right now. 50 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,489 So you never made the reservation? 51 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:55,866 No, I did not. 52 00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,453 I meant to call, but then my buddy texted me 53 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:01,371 with this sweet fantasy baseball trade. 54 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:03,999 So, how pissed was Audrey? 55 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:07,044 I mean, was she, like, Yosemite Sam pissed? 56 00:02:07,086 --> 00:02:09,046 Yeah, what was up with that guy? 57 00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:10,672 I heard he was bipolar or something. 58 00:02:10,714 --> 00:02:12,633 Yeah. 59 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,260 Look, obviously, I haven't told her yet. 60 00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,303 Why? 61 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,681 Is anything obvious to you? 62 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:23,936 Because if Audrey doesn't know about it, 63 00:02:23,978 --> 00:02:25,938 it's not a screw-up yet. 64 00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,648 Like when a tree falls in the forest. 65 00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,691 If there's nobody there to hear it, 66 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,318 it doesn't make a noise. 67 00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:34,113 Of course, it does. 68 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,033 How do you know, if there was nobody there to hear it? 69 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,119 Well, because, Jeff, I mean... 70 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,620 You know, when, like... 71 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,457 Whoa. 72 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,919 Exactly. Now, I still have a day 73 00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,378 to try to get into that restaurant. 74 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,798 So the tree hasn't fallen yet. 75 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,969 Yeah, hey, I get that. 76 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,722 I don't get that. 77 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,312 ♪ How many ways to say I love you? 78 00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:12,943 ♪ How many ways to say that I'm not scared? 79 00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:19,700 ♪ With you by my side There is no denying 80 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,994 ♪ I can't wait for me and you ♪ 81 00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,087 Ah. 82 00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,173 Good morning, sir. 83 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:36,466 Why the toothy grin there, Squanto? 84 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,010 No reason in particular. 85 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:39,678 Just go in your office. 86 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,471 Oh. 87 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,683 Is there a bee in there? 88 00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:47,853 What? No. 89 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:48,979 'Cause there was a bee in there once, 90 00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:50,022 and it was not a good day for me. 91 00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:51,439 I was not proud of how I reacted. 92 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,275 I assure you, there is no bee. 93 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,194 Just go in. 94 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:56,653 No bee. 95 00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:02,659 (SINGSONG) Hey, ex-hubby. 96 00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:03,869 Oh, yuck. 97 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,788 Come on, dude. Liz? 98 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,540 Why'd you let her in my office? 99 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,667 Because I take pleasure in your misery, sir. 100 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,087 Liz is such a nightmare. 101 00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:14,379 What do you think? Should I bang her? 102 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,507 Absolutely not. 103 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,051 Yeah, I'm on the fence too. 104 00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:20,552 See, I promised myself 105 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,054 I'd only bang nines from now on. 106 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,722 And Liz is a three. 107 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,140 I'm being generous. 108 00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,976 So, if we do it three times, that would... 109 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,147 Crunch those numbers for me, Timmy. 110 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:33,481 Three times three is nine, sir. 111 00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:34,649 It is? Ooh! 112 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:35,943 Hold my calls. 113 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,238 Okay, Liz, you're in luck. 114 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,782 'Cause I'm in a bit of a slump, and, according to Timmy, 115 00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:44,743 the numbers check out, so let's do this. 116 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:47,246 Russell, I'm here because I have something to tell you. 117 00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:49,706 I am a sex addict. 118 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,542 Well, listen, if you gots to have it, 119 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:55,170 (SINGSONG) then I gots to give it. 120 00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,172 No, you're not hearing me, Russell. 121 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,966 I joined Sex Addicts Anonymous. 122 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,968 And part of the program is apologizing 123 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:01,802 to those I wronged. 124 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,345 I'm not here to make love. 125 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:05,847 I'm here to talk. 126 00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,348 Well, can we talk in-between? 127 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:08,725 'Cause we gots to do this three times 128 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:09,935 to make the numbers work. 129 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,982 Adam, everyone's heard of wedding cake. 130 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,483 Nobody's ever heard of wedding pie. 131 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,568 'Cause I am in the process of inventing it. 132 00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,028 Okay, Tim, you go to a wedding, right? 133 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,404 It's dessert time. 134 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,364 Now, do you want... 135 00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:26,034 (YAWNING) ...boring old wedding cake? 136 00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,410 Or do you want to break me off 137 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,496 a sweet slice of that wedding pie, bro? 138 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,584 He only wants pie so a pie fight will break out. 139 00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:35,919 You can't have a table full of pies 140 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,462 and not expect a pie fight. 141 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,881 That's why I don't want pie! 142 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,717 God, sometimes I feel like I'm marrying Larry, Moe, and Curly. 143 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,761 I'm sorry, who? 144 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:45,887 The three stooges. 145 00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,681 Ah, yes. 146 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:50,267 I've heard of them, but I've never seen any of their films. 147 00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:51,643 Oh, my God, not even the one where they're plumbers, 148 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:52,644 and everything goes wrong? 149 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:54,896 No. 150 00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,606 What about when they're in the old West, 151 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:58,066 and everything goes wrong? 152 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,360 Maybe I wasn't clear, Mr. Rhodes. 153 00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,404 When I said I'd never seen any of their films, 154 00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,363 I meant that. 155 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,826 Aw, T, that's it. 156 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,703 What's it? Oh, please don't. 157 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:11,538 Too late. (CLAPS HANDS) 158 00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:14,373 Tonight. My house. It's stooge night. 159 00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:15,917 I have no doubt about that, sir. 160 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,296 It got so bad that, 161 00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:21,256 even in the short amount of time we were married, 162 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,674 I was unable to remain faithful. 163 00:06:24,092 --> 00:06:25,384 Whoa. 164 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,888 So, uh... 165 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:30,182 Who's the guy? 166 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,809 Guy? Singular? 167 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:34,393 (CHUCKLES) 168 00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:35,229 How many were there? 169 00:06:38,397 --> 00:06:40,525 Can you count 'em on one hand? 170 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,694 Well, yes, if that one hand was holding a calculator. 171 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,072 Let's see, there was, um, 172 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,781 the guy who rents boats in the park, 173 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,575 an assistant manager at Arby's, 174 00:06:48,616 --> 00:06:49,951 and a couple of waiters. 175 00:06:49,993 --> 00:06:51,870 Arby's doesn't have waiters. 176 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,705 No, I mean people literally waiting 177 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,165 for me and the assistant manager to finish. 178 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,458 Oh, no. I'm sorry. 179 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,418 I know now, from my sex addiction meetings, 180 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:01,213 that I was just trying to fill a void. 181 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,964 Did you have to fill it so many times? 182 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:11,139 Oh, really? You can give me a table? 183 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:13,225 Oh, my God, you may have just saved my marriage. 184 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,853 4:45 or 11:30? 185 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,566 At 4:45, will I still get the lunch prices? 186 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,736 Hello? 187 00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,614 Hey. 188 00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:28,907 Ah, I'm so excited. 189 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,242 I got my new dress for tomorrow night. 190 00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:31,576 Oh, I am really fired up, too. 191 00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,494 In fact, I don't know if I can wait until 8:00. 192 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:35,455 Uh, hey, here, new thought. 193 00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:36,998 What if they can take us earlier? 194 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,541 What, like, 7:30? 195 00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,335 7:30, 4:45, somewhere in there. 196 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,088 4:45? 197 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,881 No, you're right, later's better. 198 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,716 Maybe we go at 11:30. 199 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,010 Catch the local news first, 200 00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:50,470 have something to talk about. 201 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,016 I want to eat at 8:00 like we planned. 202 00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,518 Then that is when you will eat. 203 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,562 All right, do you want to see my new dress now, 204 00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:02,232 or, uh, do you want to be surprised tomorrow night? 205 00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,484 Let's save all the surprises for tomorrow night. 206 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:08,238 (LAUGHS) 207 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,281 Oh! 208 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:12,993 Why aren't you laughing? 209 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,037 I just don't get it, Mr. Rhodes. 210 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,333 Oh, no, it's okay, Tim. Took me a while, too. 211 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:22,294 Okay, see, the society lady, she's having a party, right. 212 00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:23,503 But she's got a problem with her plumbing. 213 00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:25,546 I understand that. Okay. 214 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,548 What I don't get is why anyone would hire 215 00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,509 these buffoons as plumbers. 216 00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,678 I can't imagine they're licensed or bonded. 217 00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:33,805 And if there's so much acrimony among them, 218 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,807 why don't they just go their separate ways? 219 00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,017 Whoa! Oh! 220 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:42,605 (STAMMERS) Moe just hit Curly in the head with a pipe. 221 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:43,773 You don't think that's funny? 222 00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:45,317 No, I think it's attempted murder. 223 00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:53,158 (EXHALES) 224 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,701 Oh, hey, so... 225 00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,411 Manage to get into that fancy restaurant yet? 226 00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:58,038 No, and running out of time. 227 00:08:58,079 --> 00:08:59,998 Soon the other shoe's gonna drop. 228 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,000 Ah. 229 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,793 But is there anyone there to hear it? 230 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,129 Dude, we're not doing that anymore. 231 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:08,340 No? 232 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,259 When Audrey finds out I've blown it, I'm a dead man. 233 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,512 Be a long time before Daddy gets any lovin'. 234 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:17,015 You know, it's too bad you're not a celebrity. 235 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,433 You know, they get these last-minute tables all the time. 236 00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:19,767 Really? Yeah. 237 00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,853 True. I've gotten Mr. Dunbar into places 238 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,522 claiming he was a celebrity. 239 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,982 Yeah, what happens when this no-name loser schlub shows up? 240 00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,568 Ah, none taken. 241 00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:31,405 The key is to find someone he looks enough like. 242 00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:33,323 Mmm. Tom Petty. 243 00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,202 Macaulay Culkin. 244 00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:41,998 And the age-old standby, Ellen DeGeneres. 245 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:42,957 (CLICKS TONGUE) 246 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:44,667 Ellen? Really? 247 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:48,505 Oh, yeah. 248 00:09:48,547 --> 00:09:49,797 Huh. 249 00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,925 All right, I'm outta here. 250 00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:56,346 Where are you going? Put on a pants suit and go tape your show? 251 00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:59,516 No, I'm gonna meet Liz at her Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting. 252 00:09:59,558 --> 00:10:02,643 Ah, she finally convinced you to go get help, sir. 253 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,938 No, she convinced me somewhere there's a room full of nymphos 254 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,356 with no impulse control. 255 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,026 And if they gots to have it... 256 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,570 ALL: You gots to give it. 257 00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,946 Yeah, I gots to give it! 258 00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:21,996 Ah, you look fantastic. 259 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,707 Thank you. What's in the bag? 260 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,586 Just got something to make the night a little more fun. 261 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,379 Honey, you know the restaurant already has scotch. 262 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,257 I love your sense of humor. 263 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,301 I was thinking that any old idiot 264 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,427 can make a dinner reservation. 265 00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,805 Yeah. You proved that. 266 00:10:38,846 --> 00:10:41,433 But I thought that we'd take it to a whole new level. 267 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,435 And do a little role playing. 268 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,020 All right, Jeff, could you just pretend 269 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,314 to be interested in the dinner 270 00:10:47,355 --> 00:10:49,690 instead of just what happens back at the apartment? 271 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,569 I'm not just talking about what happens after dinner, 272 00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:54,028 I'm talking about role-playing the whole night. 273 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,406 Really? 274 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:59,200 What, uh... What role did you have in mind? 275 00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,995 What's say tonight you are Nicole Kidman? 276 00:11:04,205 --> 00:11:05,999 (LAUGHS) 277 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:08,126 Well, how oddly specific. 278 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:12,631 Uh, so you want me to wear this to the restaurant? 279 00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:13,590 Yes, I do, Nicole. 280 00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,510 (LAUGHS) 281 00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,136 Seems pretty weird. 282 00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,514 Fun weird. 283 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,225 All right, I like that you're trying. 284 00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:25,143 Are you gonna be somebody too? 285 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:27,728 I could, if there was somebody... 286 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:28,813 Yeah, Daniel Craig. 287 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,360 You had that one locked and loaded, did ya? 288 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,952 (PEOPLE CHATTERING) 289 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,538 (KNOCKS) 290 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,374 Russell. 291 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,125 You listened to me and came. 292 00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:51,002 Well, I realized you were right. 293 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,296 Maybe I could become a better person somehow 294 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:55,089 by... Jeez, what a sausage hang. 295 00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,091 Where's all the talent? 296 00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,343 Hello. Uh-uh. 297 00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,389 Look, if you're not here to get help, 298 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:05,141 you might as well just leave. Happy to. 299 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,560 I don't want to sit around and listen to a bunch of guys 300 00:12:06,601 --> 00:12:08,478 brag about getting a lot. 301 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,522 I'm gonna grab some Entenmanns and bounce. 302 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,027 Hey. Hi. 303 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,154 I'm Russell. 304 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,825 Have you made a mess of your life with sex too? 305 00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:23,910 Yeah, I have. 306 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,372 Well, come on. Let's start the healing. 307 00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,544 Sorry. Old habit. 308 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,796 That's why we're here, though, right? 309 00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,307 (LAUGHS) (MAN: (ON TV) I hope, Cecily, 310 00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:47,808 I shall not offend you if I state quite frankly... 311 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,394 Now, this... 312 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,687 This is comedy. 313 00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,648 This blows. 314 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,191 Mr. Rhodes, I assure you, 315 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:58,152 The Importance of Being Earnest does not blow. 316 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,821 Hey, I'm just gonna close my eyes, okay? 317 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:02,907 Just wake me if and when Ernest goes to camp. 318 00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,501 I can't believe we're actually here. 319 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,711 What's not to believe? 320 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,087 I made a reservation. Here we are. 321 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:18,839 Put these on. 322 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,967 In here? 323 00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:23,344 It's what Nicole would do so as not to be recognized. 324 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,138 (SCOFFS) Fine. 325 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,056 (CLEARS THROAT) 326 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,308 Good. Wait... 327 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,435 There. 328 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,605 Even better. (GIGGLES) 329 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:34,564 You go to the bar and have a drink. 330 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:37,233 Daniel Craig will check us in. 331 00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:39,944 (IN GRUFF VOICE) Okay, mate. 332 00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:41,820 What was that? 333 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,659 Nicole Kidman. She's Australian. 334 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,243 Sounded more like a pirate. 335 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,248 Well, if we're giving each other performance notes, 336 00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:54,125 I bet Daniel Craig could suck in his gut 337 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,460 enough to button his tuxedo pants. 338 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,048 Welcome to Dijon, sir. 339 00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,509 Do you have a reservation? 340 00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:05,219 Yes, we spoke earlier today. 341 00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,138 I am with... (WHISPERS) Miss Nicole Kidman. 342 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,598 Ah, yes. 343 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,433 We'll seat you right now, sir. 344 00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:12,686 And Miss Kidman is... 345 00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,395 At the bar. She's very private. 346 00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:15,647 Don't look at her. 347 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,985 We always respect the privacy of our guests. 348 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:23,530 I expect nothing less from such a classy establishment. 349 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,947 (BUTTON FALLS ON FLOOR) Oh, crap. 350 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,491 Button just came off my pants. 351 00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,245 Okay, I've shared a lot with you people, 352 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,331 but this one is a doozy. 353 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:36,543 My darkest hour. 354 00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,296 MAY 14th, 2011. 355 00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:41,964 Hey, that's our wedding day. 356 00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,384 That's right. 357 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:47,595 I felt so horrible about myself that I actually married him. 358 00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,263 Russell T. Dunbar. 359 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,016 What happened to "anonymous"? 360 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,436 And, uh, for the record, 361 00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,938 we aren't married anymore, so I'm good to go. 362 00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,566 We all have to hit our rock bottom, Liz. 363 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,317 I mean, kerplunk. 364 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,903 (APPLAUSE) 365 00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:06,030 I think we all understand what you're saying. 366 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,073 Would anyone else like to share? 367 00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,493 Let's hear from a lady. 368 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,911 I could really use some support. 369 00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:12,953 Not you. 370 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:15,707 You. 371 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,543 And remember, we're all friends here, 372 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,503 so feel free to be as filthy as you'd like. 373 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,006 You know, Russell, instead of deflecting, 374 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,508 why don't you actually share something? 375 00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:28,344 Oh. 376 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,429 Okay. 377 00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:34,058 Uh, I'm here because I too carry a heavy burden. 378 00:15:35,393 --> 00:15:37,520 In my pants. (CHUCKLES) 379 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:39,146 It's hard to walk. 380 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:41,023 You're not taking this seriously. 381 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:43,234 No, he's not, and he never will. 382 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,570 Russell, sex will always control your life. 383 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,113 Yeah, that's the plan. 384 00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,658 Look, we've all been there. 385 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,452 Sex is a tasty temptress, 386 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,245 whether it's on the floor of a tollbooth 387 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,996 on the Jersey Turnpike 388 00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:58,792 or on a delicious pile of Arby's roast beef and cheddars, 389 00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:00,835 but at the end of the day, nothing changes 390 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:03,630 unless you are willing to look yourself in the mirror and ask, 391 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:06,883 "Am I truly happy living this way?" 392 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:12,722 Wow. 393 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,268 I do make some pretty shallow choices. 394 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,396 Maybe it's time for a change. 395 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,357 Or you wanna get outta here? 396 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,443 Ew, no. 397 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,654 (INHALES) 398 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:31,115 Ugh, all right. Come on. 399 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,577 Anne, wait. 400 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,663 You're better than this. 401 00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:38,247 I'm really not. Atta girl. 402 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,254 I gotta say, this is a really great night. 403 00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:46,798 The first of many. 404 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:49,300 From now on, you can count on me to get things done. 405 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,803 Mmm. Thank you. 406 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,221 And I have to admit I was a little skeptical 407 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,348 about you coming through this time. 408 00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:56,265 Based on what? 409 00:16:57,308 --> 00:16:58,768 Every other time. 410 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,772 But how 'bout a toast? 411 00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:05,525 To you proving that you can actually step up 412 00:17:05,566 --> 00:17:06,734 and be a helpful... 413 00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,653 Excuse me for interrupting. 414 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,404 We just wanted to offer this as a gift, 415 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,156 and say what an honor it is to have... 416 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,784 You're not Nicole Kidman. 417 00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:16,870 What? 418 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,788 Put these back on. You weren't supposed to look at her. 419 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:23,209 Why would he think I'm actually Nicole Kidman? 420 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,545 Because I was told to hold a table for Nicole Kidman. 421 00:17:25,586 --> 00:17:26,629 You're not Nicole Kidman. 422 00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,341 You never made the reservation, did you? 423 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,011 Not in the traditional sense. 424 00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,555 He called this afternoon and promised Nicole Kidman, 425 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,764 but you're not Nicole... 426 00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,683 Yes, I know I am not Nicole Kidman. 427 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,310 God, this is so humiliating. 428 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,773 You did say this was a gift. 429 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:58,703 (SIGHS) 430 00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:04,166 It's hard for me to gauge how you're feeling towards me right now. 431 00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,129 'Cause of the separate cabs and all. 432 00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,926 I can't believe you did that to me. 433 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,385 How embarrassing. 434 00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:16,596 Fun embarrassing? 435 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,932 No! 436 00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:21,141 God, all you had to do was make one phone call. 437 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:23,644 I know, I... What's with me? 438 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:27,314 Come on, Jeff! Pull your head outta your butt! 439 00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,776 Do not do that thing where you pretend to be mad at yourself 440 00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,527 so I can't be mad at you. 441 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:33,029 You're right. I do that. Come on! 442 00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,447 What am I trying to pull here? 443 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,076 You know, I... 444 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,411 I just thought tonight was a sign 445 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,913 that you were really gonna change. 446 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,790 I did too. This was expensive. 447 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,417 But if it, you know, 448 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,754 makes any difference, I really am sorry. 449 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,965 Whatever. 450 00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,759 I guess it's just on me to lower my expectations. 451 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:58,429 Wait a minute. What? 452 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,640 What was on this table this morning? 453 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,976 Two empty beer bottles and the crumbs from your hoagie? 454 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,937 What else? 455 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:09,690 Oh, that envelope I asked you to mail for my Lamaze class. 456 00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:12,068 You mailed it? It's not there, is it? 457 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,489 So that's something, right? 458 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,365 Big deal, babe. 459 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:20,576 You stuck a stamp on an envelope and dropped it in a mailbox. 460 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:21,452 It wasn't already stamped? 461 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:27,000 It doesn't matter, because when it comes back, 462 00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:29,085 I'll get another shot, I'm gonna nail it! 463 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,463 Still doesn't make up for tonight, Jeff. 464 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,507 Wait. 465 00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:36,092 I know what will. 466 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,512 Dinner at 11:30. 467 00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,347 Not so bad. 468 00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:43,891 Yeah, it's very European. 469 00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,020 Well, welcome back. 470 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,897 May I start you off with something to drink? 471 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,191 Uh, no, thanks. 472 00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,442 Uh, just a bucket of ice for this, please. 473 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,331 Oh, Miss Morgan. Came by for lunch? 474 00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,792 No, we are going pie tasting. Yup. 475 00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,044 Once she gets a taste... 476 00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:12,920 I've had pie before, Adam. 477 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,841 Oh, anyway, here's your stupid Ernest movie. 478 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,218 Thanks. 479 00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:21,637 Though I do wish we could've found a comedic common ground. 480 00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:24,140 Yeah. Or at least something we both thought was funny. 481 00:20:25,808 --> 00:20:27,810 RUSSELL: Timmy, I think there's a bee in here. 482 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:32,314 This could be our common ground. 483 00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,358 RUSSELL: Timmy, there is a bee in here! Timmy! 484 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,651 (SQUEALING) 485 00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,946 (LAUGHING) I can watch this all day. 486 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,614 Oh, let's, then. 487 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,950 (SCREAMS) 488 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,913 Timmy, open up! Timmy! Timmy! Aah! Aah! 489 00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:49,456 (CHUCKLES) 490 00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,419 He really does look like Ellen. Yeah. 491 00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:56,130 (THUD) Ohh... 492 00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:00,718 Timmy! Anyone? 493 00:21:01,468 --> 00:21:02,970 Adam, help me! 494 00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:05,472 (TINY VOICE) It's stinging me!