1
00:00:40,168 --> 00:00:43,240
Good for you, Pete. Good for you.

2
00:00:53,768 --> 00:00:54,917
(SNEEZES)

3
00:01:17,168 --> 00:01:18,442
<i>BILLY BUSH ON T. V..:
Access Hollywood spotlight</i>

4
00:01:18,568 --> 00:01:21,162
<i>on sexy crime fighter Sarah Marshall. </i>

5
00:01:21,288 --> 00:01:23,802
<i>Hi, everybody, welcome
to Access Hollywood. I'm Billy Bush. </i>

6
00:01:23,928 --> 00:01:26,123
<i>Each week, millions of viewers love to watch</i>

7
00:01:26,248 --> 00:01:29,240
<i>Ms Marshall's brainy sexpot character,
Maddy Stark,</i>

8
00:01:29,368 --> 00:01:32,166
<i>alongside Billy Baldwin's
dark and brooding,</i>

9
00:01:32,288 --> 00:01:34,404
<i>hard-to-love lead detective, Hunter Rush. </i>

10
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:38,407
<i>- And this isn't your jurisdiction.
- I just made it my jurisdiction. </i>

11
00:01:38,768 --> 00:01:41,043
<i>Can you say "catfight"?</i>

12
00:01:42,648 --> 00:01:44,286
<i>BUSH: Off-screen, Sarah cosies up</i>

13
00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:46,968
<i>to her successful composer boyfriend,
Peter Bretter. </i>

14
00:01:47,088 --> 00:01:48,203
<i>He's no household name,</i>

15
00:01:48,328 --> 00:01:53,448
<i>yet Bretter's dark and ominous score has
set the tone for this gruesome juggernaut. </i>

16
00:01:53,568 --> 00:01:54,887
<i>Take a look. </i>

17
00:01:58,368 --> 00:01:59,357
<i>What do you think?</i>

18
00:01:59,488 --> 00:02:00,443
<i>(RUSH SCOFFS)</i>

19
00:02:00,848 --> 00:02:04,443
<i>I think it's gonna be hard
for her to re-enter the pageant</i>

20
00:02:05,328 --> 00:02:06,761
<i>without a face. </i>

21
00:02:09,808 --> 00:02:11,036
<i>(CAMERAS CLICKING)</i>

22
00:02:11,448 --> 00:02:14,520
<i>BUSH: Looks like the sky's the limit
for this adorable couple. </i>

23
00:02:14,648 --> 00:02:16,639
<i>Anything could happen. </i>

24
00:02:19,048 --> 00:02:25,317
<i>(SINGING) We got to do something
We got to do something</i>

25
00:02:25,448 --> 00:02:28,008
<i>Before Mother Earth gets any more hurt</i>

26
00:02:28,128 --> 00:02:29,925
<i>We got to do something</i>

27
00:02:30,048 --> 00:02:33,438
<i>BUSH: We leave you tonight with the newest
smash single from Infant Sorrow. </i>

28
00:02:33,568 --> 00:02:38,039
<i>Lead singer and notorious lothario,
Aldous Snow, begs us to change</i>

29
00:02:38,168 --> 00:02:41,080
<i>in his environmental anthem,
We've Got to Do Something. </i>

30
00:02:41,208 --> 00:02:44,757
<i>I hope, for once, we all hear the message.
Good night. </i>

31
00:02:44,888 --> 00:02:50,121
<i>Mr Prime Minister and Mr President
You better see that it's not only me</i>

32
00:02:50,248 --> 00:02:53,558
<i>No, a mob is rising in size
And they've been dying to scream</i>

33
00:02:53,688 --> 00:02:55,121
(PHONE RINGING)

34
00:02:56,368 --> 00:02:57,596
Hey, baby.

35
00:02:59,528 --> 00:03:00,927
Just working.

36
00:03:02,608 --> 00:03:03,677
Salad.

37
00:03:04,688 --> 00:03:07,760
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally.

38
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:10,277
I didn't realise that
you were gonna be back so early.

39
00:03:10,408 --> 00:03:12,797
Great. I'll see you in a bit.

40
00:03:13,488 --> 00:03:15,763
Okay, bye.

41
00:03:16,448 --> 00:03:19,121
<i>It's time to do something</i>

42
00:03:19,248 --> 00:03:24,959
<i>Someone should do something
We got to do something</i>

43
00:03:25,088 --> 00:03:28,717
<i>And that someone is you and you
And you and you</i>

44
00:03:29,888 --> 00:03:32,482
<i>I pray it ain't all lost and gone</i>

45
00:03:35,208 --> 00:03:38,245
<i>I pray we might learn right from wrong</i>

46
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:46,167
<i>And I pray this broken day
will not last too long</i>

47
00:03:54,688 --> 00:03:59,079
Hey, you got here fast.
I got a surprise for you.

48
00:04:02,608 --> 00:04:04,439
Peter, as you know,

49
00:04:05,768 --> 00:04:08,601
I love you very much.

50
00:04:12,768 --> 00:04:14,599
Are you breaking up with me?

51
00:04:20,448 --> 00:04:23,997
- Pete, are you...
- I just need a minute.

52
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:26,837
Okay.

53
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:32,643
(WHIMPERS)

54
00:04:38,168 --> 00:04:39,317
(BREATHING DEEPLY)

55
00:04:45,728 --> 00:04:46,683
Please don't go.

56
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,561
Why don't you just put on some clothes,
and we can sit down and discuss this.

57
00:04:49,688 --> 00:04:50,916
No. I can't do anything right now.

58
00:04:51,048 --> 00:04:52,686
I'm so sorry, Pete.

59
00:04:53,488 --> 00:04:54,603
I'm in love with you.

60
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,286
Why don't you just
put some clothes on, okay?

61
00:04:56,408 --> 00:04:58,046
I'm not going to go put clothes on.

62
00:04:58,168 --> 00:05:01,717
I know what that means,
if I put clothes on, it's over. Okay?

63
00:05:04,168 --> 00:05:05,237
Excuse me.

64
00:05:11,968 --> 00:05:14,687
Let's talk. Let's talk about him.

65
00:05:16,808 --> 00:05:18,002
I feel...

66
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,725
I've been feeling

67
00:05:22,888 --> 00:05:25,721
for a long time
that we've been growing apart.

68
00:05:26,808 --> 00:05:29,038
We're leading different lives.

69
00:05:31,128 --> 00:05:32,607
Who's the dude?

70
00:05:33,888 --> 00:05:34,957
- Who's the dude?
- What?

71
00:05:35,088 --> 00:05:39,206
No, that's not what this is about.
There's no one else.

72
00:05:39,328 --> 00:05:41,398
I know what's happening here. I really do.

73
00:05:41,528 --> 00:05:44,759
You've been working so much lately, that we
haven't got to spend much time together,

74
00:05:44,888 --> 00:05:46,082
and you're forgetting
what it's like to be with me.

75
00:05:46,208 --> 00:05:48,278
But maybe, if we just held each other
or something,

76
00:05:48,408 --> 00:05:49,841
you would remember
what it's like to be with me.

77
00:05:49,968 --> 00:05:51,481
- No.
- Just hold me.

78
00:05:56,448 --> 00:05:58,564
Please. Here we go.

79
00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:07,166
There's someone else.

80
00:06:09,528 --> 00:06:10,802
I'm sorry.

81
00:06:20,288 --> 00:06:21,880
(LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING)

82
00:06:27,768 --> 00:06:30,805
We don't hang out in places like this,
Liz and I.

83
00:06:31,768 --> 00:06:35,443
Why did you take me here?
This place smells like stripper's perfume.

84
00:06:35,568 --> 00:06:38,765
I'm gonna get herpes
just from sitting on this couch.

85
00:06:39,288 --> 00:06:41,677
- Sure you okay, bro? Yeah?
- Yeah.

86
00:06:41,808 --> 00:06:44,368
Yeah. You don't have to keep asking me.
I'm good.

87
00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:46,843
<i>- You're out!
- Thank you so much for this opportunity. </i>

88
00:06:46,968 --> 00:06:48,196
- Auf Wiedersehen!
- Auf Wiedersehen!

89
00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:52,046
<i>MAN ON T. V..:
Thank you. Thank you all. </i>

90
00:06:52,168 --> 00:06:53,157
<i>(CRYING)
Auf Wiedersehen!</i>

91
00:06:55,257 --> 00:06:56,929
I feel really good. I feel happy.

92
00:06:57,057 --> 00:06:59,810
<i>Maybe you should work
on the Dracula musical. </i>

93
00:06:59,937 --> 00:07:03,054
Look, you've been working on it for a while.
It'll help your mind. Be creative.

94
00:07:03,177 --> 00:07:04,974
- Think about you.
- I think I need to fuck somebody.

95
00:07:05,097 --> 00:07:06,212
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

96
00:07:06,337 --> 00:07:09,249
You're not my stepbrother any more.
You're a step-stranger.

97
00:07:09,377 --> 00:07:10,810
- Why you talking like that?
- Brian!

98
00:07:10,937 --> 00:07:12,814
You don't need to put
your P in a V right now.

99
00:07:12,937 --> 00:07:17,169
No, I don't.
I need to B my L on somebody's T's.

100
00:07:17,297 --> 00:07:18,152
That's disgusting

101
00:07:18,326 --> 00:07:20,044
I'm leaving, man. I'm out of here.

102
00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:23,841
She's fucking somebody.
Okay, Bri? It's all I can think about,

103
00:07:23,966 --> 00:07:25,194
is that she's out there,

104
00:07:25,326 --> 00:07:27,920
and until I do the same thing,
I'm gonna feel like I wanna die.

105
00:07:28,046 --> 00:07:31,834
So just talk to girls with me tonight,
all right?

106
00:07:31,966 --> 00:07:35,720
All right. All right, I'll help you out.
I'll talk to girls with you.

107
00:07:37,126 --> 00:07:38,957
So, Peter, what do you do?

108
00:07:39,086 --> 00:07:40,439
Musician.

109
00:07:40,566 --> 00:07:44,081
<i>He's being modest.
He works on a show called Crime Scene. </i>

110
00:07:44,206 --> 00:07:45,195
(EXCLAIMS)

111
00:07:45,326 --> 00:07:46,998
Oh, my God!

112
00:07:47,126 --> 00:07:49,799
- It is what it is, you know?
- No, I love that show.

113
00:07:50,575 --> 00:07:53,294
I find you both very sexually attractive.

114
00:07:55,348 --> 00:07:57,908
Let's pump the brakes. Okay?

115
00:07:58,028 --> 00:08:00,223
I think that having sex with either of you

116
00:08:00,348 --> 00:08:02,862
would be a great treat for me.

117
00:08:02,988 --> 00:08:04,580
You are so funny.

118
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:08,457
I just got out of
a five-and-a-half-year relationship,

119
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:11,182
so I'm not looking for anything serious.

120
00:08:11,748 --> 00:08:15,377
- Just sexual activity.
- Let's wrap it up, buddy.

121
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:17,666
You wanna come home?

122
00:08:19,388 --> 00:08:21,697
I'm sorry, you're cracking me up.

123
00:08:22,028 --> 00:08:23,507
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

124
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:25,380
Do you wanna come home?

125
00:08:26,108 --> 00:08:27,746
Stop it, seriously.

126
00:08:33,588 --> 00:08:36,580
- That was fun.
- Yeah, yeah.

127
00:08:37,348 --> 00:08:39,987
Overall, I think that went really well. Yeah.

128
00:08:49,468 --> 00:08:51,026
(IN MONSTER VOICE)
I want to have sex with you!

129
00:08:59,628 --> 00:09:02,062
- Are you crying?
- What? No.

130
00:09:05,869 --> 00:09:09,339
Last night, like some sort of idiot, I had sex
with this woman who I barely even know.

131
00:09:11,336 --> 00:09:13,406
I used a condom, but

132
00:09:14,496 --> 00:09:17,249
I'm really scared that I have an STD, Doc.

133
00:09:17,616 --> 00:09:19,846
Peter, I'm a paediatrician. Have you noticed
you're sitting on a fire truck?

134
00:09:21,536 --> 00:09:23,288
- Right.
- Little kids running?

135
00:09:23,416 --> 00:09:26,852
- Yeah, this is new. I like it.
- I'm kind of backed up...

136
00:09:26,976 --> 00:09:29,285
Could you take a look at my penis?

137
00:09:31,576 --> 00:09:33,055
Go ahead. Let me see it.

138
00:09:33,176 --> 00:09:35,644
- Sorry.
- That's all right. Take it out.

139
00:09:37,256 --> 00:09:38,245
Good.

140
00:09:38,816 --> 00:09:40,932
- You barely looked at it.
- It's a good-looking dick, Peter.

141
00:09:41,056 --> 00:09:42,614
- Beautiful dick.
- Do you think maybe while I'm here,

142
00:09:42,736 --> 00:09:44,567
- I could get some blood work?
- Peter!

143
00:09:44,976 --> 00:09:46,455
Your girlfriend dumped you, right?
Are you hurting? Are you hurt?

144
00:09:48,608 --> 00:09:52,760
Stop it. Stop crying. Use your dick.
Keep fucking. Fuck everything that moves.

145
00:09:52,888 --> 00:09:53,877
Just wear a condom.

146
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:58,484
You want a lolly?

147
00:10:06,538 --> 00:10:07,812
I just came!

148
00:10:13,996 --> 00:10:14,985
Hi.

149
00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:18,649
Hi.

150
00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:21,255
- Hi.
- Hi.

151
00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:22,609
Hi.

152
00:10:26,598 --> 00:10:32,036
Okay, do you mind not saying that
over and over again?

153
00:10:33,038 --> 00:10:34,517
You can gag me.

154
00:10:37,878 --> 00:10:40,915
- You brought a gag?
- And handcuffs.

155
00:10:42,398 --> 00:10:44,070
Do you wanna gag me?

156
00:10:44,838 --> 00:10:46,237
Kind of, now.

157
00:10:51,878 --> 00:10:53,596
What've we got today?

158
00:10:53,958 --> 00:10:55,914
Just a walk and talk at the lab.

159
00:10:58,078 --> 00:11:00,751
<i>That's what 20 years on Vice will do to you. </i>

160
00:11:02,118 --> 00:11:03,346
<i>What've we got here?</i>

161
00:11:03,478 --> 00:11:06,390
<i>The victim's penis was found
behind the AC unit. </i>

162
00:11:06,918 --> 00:11:08,146
<i>Ouch!</i>

163
00:11:08,558 --> 00:11:10,628
<i>Can you say "dicksicle"?</i>

164
00:11:13,118 --> 00:11:14,551
<i>Let's do this. </i>

165
00:11:16,518 --> 00:11:17,997
Okay, I'm ready.

166
00:11:18,878 --> 00:11:21,836
<i>The victim's penis
was found behind the AC unit. </i>

167
00:11:21,998 --> 00:11:23,511
(PLAYING UPBEAT MELODY)

168
00:11:25,398 --> 00:11:28,276
Just go with the usual stuff, maybe.
Something dark and ominous.

169
00:11:28,398 --> 00:11:30,866
Like losing your penis is a bad thing.

170
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:35,634
Oh, you want dark and ominous.

171
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:39,867
Come on, I got Allman Brother tickets,
I gotta get out of here!

172
00:11:40,798 --> 00:11:43,551
<i>That's what 20 years on Vice will do to you. </i>

173
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,635
<i>What've we got here?</i>

174
00:11:46,758 --> 00:11:48,828
Peter! Peter, Jesus Christ!

175
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,677
You're fucking Billy Baldwin, aren't you?

176
00:11:52,198 --> 00:11:54,109
- Aren't you?
- Pete, Pete, Pete.

177
00:11:54,238 --> 00:11:56,149
- Stop staring at me.
- Pete!

178
00:11:58,598 --> 00:12:01,112
You know you're not getting paid
for today's session, right?

179
00:12:01,238 --> 00:12:03,433
- I'm aware of that.
- Fucking asshole.

180
00:12:04,059 --> 00:12:06,015
Peter,

181
00:12:05,971 --> 00:12:09,202
Hey, don't walk away from me.
You come close.

182
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,523
Your place is disgusting, Peter.

183
00:12:12,651 --> 00:12:13,606
Hey, don't walk away from me.

184
00:12:15,288 --> 00:12:16,243
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey!

185
00:12:16,421 --> 00:12:18,139
What are you burning, man? Come on.

186
00:12:18,261 --> 00:12:19,250
It's everything.

187
00:12:19,381 --> 00:12:21,941
It's everything that reminds me of her
and I need it gone!

188
00:12:22,061 --> 00:12:26,054
Okay, I thought I was fine, Brian,
and I'm not. I'm not fine at all.

189
00:12:26,221 --> 00:12:28,940
Okay, let's just put the picture down.

190
00:12:29,061 --> 00:12:31,859
Put that down. Let's discuss this.

191
00:12:31,981 --> 00:12:33,337
- I love her, man.
- I know.

192
00:12:33,596 --> 00:12:39,114
Look, Liz and I, we think the world of Sarah.

193
00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:40,988
We think she's great.

194
00:12:41,516 --> 00:12:43,347
Okay, but everything...

195
00:12:43,916 --> 00:12:45,474
I'm just being honest here.

196
00:12:45,596 --> 00:12:48,668
Every time she would come over
to our house,

197
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:51,474
she always acted,

198
00:12:52,596 --> 00:12:55,747
you know, like a little bitch!

199
00:12:56,916 --> 00:12:58,668
Okay, okay, pump the brakes.

200
00:12:58,796 --> 00:13:01,913
Dating Sarah is not like dating Liz. Okay?

201
00:13:02,036 --> 00:13:03,867
Sarah is better than Liz.

202
00:13:03,996 --> 00:13:06,590
You really wanna have this conversation?

203
00:13:07,436 --> 00:13:10,109
Do you really
wanna have this conversation?

204
00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:12,345
Yes.

205
00:13:12,476 --> 00:13:14,228
- She is the mother of my unborn child.
- Sorry.

206
00:13:14,356 --> 00:13:15,630
You're my stepbrother.
We're not even blood.

207
00:13:17,276 --> 00:13:19,665
I have no qualms with sticking you.
I will equalize you.

208
00:13:19,796 --> 00:13:21,309
- Sorry.
- You dick!

209
00:13:21,636 --> 00:13:23,069
I'm just worked up.

210
00:13:23,876 --> 00:13:26,344
You gotta get your shit together, man.

211
00:13:26,636 --> 00:13:28,433
I'm trying to. It's so hard here.

212
00:13:30,076 --> 00:13:31,714
Brian, everywhere I look,
I'm reminded of her, okay?

213
00:13:31,836 --> 00:13:34,509
Like, she got me this,

214
00:13:35,196 --> 00:13:38,108
okay, because I would always leave
my cereal boxes open,

215
00:13:38,236 --> 00:13:39,510
and the cereal would get stale,

216
00:13:39,636 --> 00:13:42,275
and so one day I came home,
and she had this waiting for me,

217
00:13:42,396 --> 00:13:46,435
because it keeps my cereal fresh.
And now I have the freshest cereal.

218
00:13:49,636 --> 00:13:51,274
Why don't you,
you know what, go on a vacation?

219
00:13:51,396 --> 00:13:52,988
Go to the Alps.

220
00:13:53,116 --> 00:13:55,835
- Alps?
- Go to Gstaad. It's the best.

221
00:13:55,956 --> 00:13:57,184
I could go to Hawaii.

222
00:13:57,316 --> 00:13:59,955
Sarah was always talking about this place
in Hawaii that was supposed to be nice.

223
00:14:00,076 --> 00:14:01,668
No, don't. I wouldn't go there.

224
00:14:01,796 --> 00:14:05,232
What, I can't go to Hawaii now, because
Sarah Marshall has heard of Hawaii?

225
00:14:05,356 --> 00:14:07,586
Then go to Hawaii. Go to Hawaii.

226
00:14:08,156 --> 00:14:09,191
Do it.

227
00:14:11,436 --> 00:14:13,188
(MUMBLING)

228
00:14:14,796 --> 00:14:16,627
No, no, no, don't destroy the computer.

229
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:17,984
I'm just deleting these pictures.

230
00:14:18,116 --> 00:14:20,505
Okay, I need them off my computer.

231
00:14:21,996 --> 00:14:25,068
You know what? You're not even doing
a proper permanent delete.

232
00:14:25,196 --> 00:14:26,345
Well...

233
00:14:26,476 --> 00:14:29,149
If we end up getting back together,
I wanna have a few of them left.

234
00:14:29,276 --> 00:14:30,231
You're crazy.

235
00:14:32,048 --> 00:14:33,276
- No, no, please don't delete them.
- They have to go. Done, done.

236
00:14:33,408 --> 00:14:34,397
(SCREAMING)

237
00:14:44,923 --> 00:14:45,958
<i>Aloha!</i>

238
00:14:47,123 --> 00:14:48,875
Check in this way.

239
00:14:59,283 --> 00:15:01,843
- Just married?
- Yes, how did you guess?

240
00:15:02,003 --> 00:15:05,518
Oh, you've got that magic newlywed dust
all over you.

241
00:15:06,443 --> 00:15:08,957
- Oh, my wife.
- Oh, my husband.

242
00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:10,721
- Oh, my wife.
- My husband.

243
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,674
My old ball and chain.

244
00:15:16,763 --> 00:15:19,072
You quit squirming and come here.

245
00:15:19,923 --> 00:15:21,914
What is into you?

246
00:15:22,603 --> 00:15:24,116
Not me, yet.

247
00:15:24,243 --> 00:15:28,077
Here is your room key.
So you're all set. Room 222.

248
00:15:28,203 --> 00:15:30,239
Room key's inside,
and the elevators are to the right.

249
00:15:30,403 --> 00:15:31,358
<i>Mahalo. </i>

250
00:15:31,523 --> 00:15:33,002
Congratulations.

251
00:15:35,563 --> 00:15:37,519
Here you go, sir. Have some POG juice.

252
00:15:37,643 --> 00:15:39,520
Welcome to Turtle Bay.
What can I do for you?

253
00:15:39,643 --> 00:15:41,713
I'm checking in.
My name's Bretter, Peter Bretter,

254
00:15:41,843 --> 00:15:42,832
but actually, I don't have a reservation.

255
00:15:44,523 --> 00:15:46,878
I just thought I'd take my chances.

256
00:15:48,203 --> 00:15:49,352
Bold!

257
00:15:50,043 --> 00:15:53,831
We are all booked up,
but we do have the Kapua suite available.

258
00:15:53,963 --> 00:15:56,636
- Okay. How much is that?
- $6,000 a night.

259
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:59,559
- Wow.
- Beautiful views.

260
00:15:59,683 --> 00:16:01,594
I can imagine.
That's a little bit out of my price range.

261
00:16:01,723 --> 00:16:03,395
Sorry.

262
00:16:03,523 --> 00:16:05,798
That's a shame. This is a beautiful

263
00:16:07,643 --> 00:16:08,712
hotel.

264
00:16:09,563 --> 00:16:12,396
<i>Oh, yeah, it's Sarah Marshall
from Crime Scene. </i>

265
00:16:13,003 --> 00:16:14,721
People are excited that she's here.

266
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:19,360
She's my ex-girlfriend.
We broke up three weeks ago.

267
00:16:19,483 --> 00:16:21,599
- I'm sorry, sir.
- Right. This is fine, right?

268
00:16:21,723 --> 00:16:24,476
- Sir?
- It's totally fine. Okay, there she is.

269
00:16:26,803 --> 00:16:29,601
- Did she see me? Is she coming over here?
- Uh-huh. Yup.

270
00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:31,315
I wish I wasn't wearing this fucking shirt.

271
00:16:31,443 --> 00:16:34,276
Fair enough.
Why don't you try to unbutton it?

272
00:16:35,883 --> 00:16:37,441
Button it back up.

273
00:16:38,723 --> 00:16:40,202
- Peter!
- Hey.

274
00:16:40,883 --> 00:16:42,953
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?

275
00:16:43,443 --> 00:16:45,274
Came here to murder you.

276
00:16:45,883 --> 00:16:48,113
Really, what are you doing here?

277
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:52,034
I have been having a tough time,
you know, back in LA.

278
00:16:52,523 --> 00:16:55,037
But then I came here, and here you are.

279
00:16:55,523 --> 00:16:57,673
I just think that's too crazy to be...

280
00:16:57,803 --> 00:17:00,192
Hello there, you little sex object.

281
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:02,883
I've lost a shoe.
Have you seen it anywhere?

282
00:17:03,003 --> 00:17:06,916
It's like this one, but, you know,
obviously it's the opposite one.

283
00:17:08,283 --> 00:17:13,277
Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe.
Like this one. It's like this one's fellow.

284
00:17:13,403 --> 00:17:16,361
- Sort of the exact opposite, in fact, of that.
- RACHEL: Uh-huh.

285
00:17:16,483 --> 00:17:18,758
Not an evil version, but just, you know,

286
00:17:18,883 --> 00:17:22,922
a shoe like this, but for the other foot.
Otherwise, I'd have two right...

287
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,396
Aldous, this is Peter.

288
00:17:24,523 --> 00:17:28,198
Hey, all right, Peter.
Nice to meet you, mate. Aldous.

289
00:17:29,363 --> 00:17:31,479
- Good to meet you, man.
- My ex-boyfriend.

290
00:17:31,603 --> 00:17:33,639
Right. Hey, I'm Aldous Snow.

291
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:36,038
I know who you are.
Yeah, you're very, very famous.

292
00:17:36,163 --> 00:17:38,040
Yeah, I am. I am for my sins.

293
00:17:38,163 --> 00:17:40,472
So are you staying here, as well?

294
00:17:40,603 --> 00:17:41,877
- I'm not, as a matter of fact...
- I'm sorry.

295
00:17:42,003 --> 00:17:44,392
Excuse me, Mr Bretter, Ms Marshall,

296
00:17:44,523 --> 00:17:48,516
but we were able to book the
Kapua suite for you, sir, for four nights.

297
00:17:51,164 --> 00:17:52,836
- You were?
- Yes, sir.

298
00:17:55,004 --> 00:17:56,881
- Marvellous.
- Perfect. Perfect amount of time.

299
00:17:57,004 --> 00:17:59,359
Listen, if you wanna have dinner with us
one of those nights...

300
00:17:59,484 --> 00:18:00,803
- Aldous.
... feel very...

301
00:18:00,924 --> 00:18:01,879
No.

302
00:18:02,004 --> 00:18:04,154
That's very gentlemanly of you,
but you two enjoy your trip.

303
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,240
I'll be just fine on my own.

304
00:18:06,364 --> 00:18:08,832
- All right, Peter.
- The Kapua suite...

305
00:18:09,204 --> 00:18:12,514
- Have a good trip, Pete.
- I like your shirt. It's colourful.

306
00:18:15,086 --> 00:18:17,395
Thank you. Thank you for bailing me out.
I still can't afford that room.

307
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,580
Nobody can.
It's for, like, Oprah or, like, Céline Dion.

308
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:20,904
Really, it's not a big deal.

309
00:18:21,030 --> 00:18:23,419
So you can stay in the suite,
but since you're not technically a guest,

310
00:18:23,550 --> 00:18:25,620
you have to clean up after yourself.

311
00:18:25,750 --> 00:18:28,184
Otherwise, here is your room key

312
00:18:29,230 --> 00:18:30,902
and enjoy your stay.

313
00:18:31,990 --> 00:18:34,060
Why are you doing this for me?

314
00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:38,902
She's here with some guy already?
Kind of messed up.

315
00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:40,669
- Right?
- Yeah.

316
00:18:42,110 --> 00:18:43,748
- Thank you.
- Really, it's not a big deal.

317
00:18:43,870 --> 00:18:45,144
Go enjoy yourself.

318
00:18:45,270 --> 00:18:48,023
Rachel Jansen.
A thousand times, thank you,

319
00:18:48,150 --> 00:18:50,270
- you know what I mean...
- Go enjoy yourself.

320
00:18:50,510 --> 00:18:52,819
<i>- This is a disaster!
- BRIAN ON PHONE: Calm down, man. </i>

321
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:54,784
<i>Are there other hotels on the island?</i>

322
00:18:54,910 --> 00:18:56,184
(WHISPERING)
Of course there are other hotels,

323
00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:58,187
but I'm not leaving here,
it'll look like I'm running away.

324
00:18:58,310 --> 00:19:01,461
Wait. Why are you whispering?
You're not following them, are you?

325
00:19:01,590 --> 00:19:02,659
I had a girlfriend, right?

326
00:19:02,790 --> 00:19:06,703
And Liam and Noel Gallagher
both had it off with her right in front of me,

327
00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:08,104
so that's similar.

328
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,629
And that was a bit awkward, actually.

329
00:19:09,750 --> 00:19:12,548
So if you do wanna change hotels,
I quite understand.

330
00:19:12,670 --> 00:19:15,059
No, no, I'm not changing hotels.

331
00:19:15,190 --> 00:19:17,306
Stop following
and just go back to your room, Peter.

332
00:19:17,430 --> 00:19:19,386
<i>- They're gone!
- Why are you looking for them?</i>

333
00:19:19,510 --> 00:19:21,262
<i>- I don't know.
- You're acting like an idiot. </i>

334
00:19:21,390 --> 00:19:23,221
<i>Run! Get out of there! Go to your room!</i>

335
00:19:23,350 --> 00:19:25,306
<i>- What do you think they're doing?
- Peter, go. </i>

336
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:27,227
Oh, God! Okay, there they are.

337
00:19:27,350 --> 00:19:28,942
<i>- There they are, I see them.
- Go back to your room, Peter. </i>

338
00:19:29,070 --> 00:19:30,583
Peter, go back to your room.
Go back to your room, Peter.

339
00:19:30,710 --> 00:19:31,699
I'm going in.

340
00:19:31,830 --> 00:19:33,422
<i>Go back to your room, Peter.
Are you listening to me?</i>

341
00:19:33,550 --> 00:19:35,620
<i>Peter, go back to your room.
Peter, Peter, Peter... </i>

342
00:19:35,910 --> 00:19:36,899
<i>Hey!</i>

343
00:19:37,030 --> 00:19:37,985
(CLEARS THROAT)

344
00:19:38,150 --> 00:19:39,981
Hey, nice room.

345
00:19:40,190 --> 00:19:41,623
<i>BRIAN ON PHONE: Go!</i>

346
00:19:42,230 --> 00:19:44,061
I am in the Kapua suite.

347
00:19:44,190 --> 00:19:46,943
<i>What are you doing? Sucker!</i>

348
00:19:47,070 --> 00:19:48,219
Have fun.

349
00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:51,626
<i>Listen, you piece of shit!</i>

350
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:56,189
<i>You're an idiot. Back to your room, Peter.
Peter, back to your room. </i>

351
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,025
<i>(PETER SOBS ON PHONE)</i>

352
00:19:58,150 --> 00:19:59,424
Did you enjoy that?

353
00:19:59,550 --> 00:20:01,984
<i>- Did you like what you saw?
- That hurt a lot. </i>

354
00:20:02,110 --> 00:20:05,022
But I know Sarah,
and I'm pretty sure I just ruined her day.

355
00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:09,542
(SCREAMING)

356
00:20:20,070 --> 00:20:21,901
<i>You know
how we thought the killer masturbated</i>

357
00:20:22,030 --> 00:20:24,066
<i>before he committed each homicide?</i>

358
00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:25,828
<i>That's the theory. </i>

359
00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:28,020
<i>Take a look at the microscope. </i>

360
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:33,023
<i>Oh, yeah, looks like where he's going,</i>

361
00:20:34,230 --> 00:20:36,698
<i>he'll need to know how to masturbate. </i>

362
00:20:39,710 --> 00:20:41,109
(CRYING)

363
00:20:41,270 --> 00:20:42,498
(PHONE RINGING)

364
00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,064
(SNIFFLING)

365
00:20:48,510 --> 00:20:49,465
Oh, God!

366
00:20:53,950 --> 00:20:55,827
<i>- Hello.
- RACHEL ON PHONE: Hey, Peter?</i>

367
00:20:56,990 --> 00:20:58,946
<i>- Sarah?
- No. </i>

368
00:20:59,070 --> 00:21:02,221
It's Rachel Jansen, from the front desk.

369
00:21:04,270 --> 00:21:06,943
<i>- Hey!
- Hey, what's going on up there?</i>

370
00:21:07,070 --> 00:21:10,142
I'm getting complaints
about a woman crying hysterically.

371
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:13,068
Yeah, you know what, I hear her, too,

372
00:21:13,190 --> 00:21:16,307
and it sounds like
she's having such a hard time.

373
00:21:16,430 --> 00:21:19,024
I think it's coming from the floor above me.

374
00:21:19,150 --> 00:21:21,027
You're on the top floor.

375
00:21:22,910 --> 00:21:24,787
I'll try to keep it down.

376
00:21:25,390 --> 00:21:27,699
<i>- Are you okay?
- Yeah, you have a nice night. </i>

377
00:21:27,830 --> 00:21:28,865
<i>Okay. </i>

378
00:21:33,470 --> 00:21:34,459
(CRYING)

379
00:21:42,990 --> 00:21:47,029
I would love to sell you some weed, Jeremy,
but I'm at my fucking job right now.

380
00:21:47,150 --> 00:21:51,189
Obviously, because you called me at work,
you know that I'm at my place of work.

381
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,141
So I can't just leave here
and sell you some weed.

382
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:55,500
I can sell you some weed when I'm done.

383
00:21:55,630 --> 00:21:59,020
<i>Hold on, I gotta call you back.
Mahalo, all right. </i>

384
00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:01,300
- Hey, how's it going?
- Hey.

385
00:22:01,430 --> 00:22:03,022
I'd just like to grab some dinner, please.

386
00:22:03,150 --> 00:22:05,983
- Okay, great. Is your wife gonna meet you?
- No.

387
00:22:06,910 --> 00:22:08,389
Your girlfriend?

388
00:22:09,630 --> 00:22:11,780
No, I don't have a girlfriend.

389
00:22:13,630 --> 00:22:16,144
- You're just by yourself?
- Yeah.

390
00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:17,898
Sucks.

391
00:22:18,030 --> 00:22:21,261
Okay, so just one. Here's your wine list
and your menu. Come on.

392
00:22:21,390 --> 00:22:22,743
Do you want, like, a magazine
or something?

393
00:22:22,870 --> 00:22:24,940
It's gonna be boring
if you're just sitting by yourself.

394
00:22:25,070 --> 00:22:26,185
I'll be all right. Thank you.

395
00:22:26,310 --> 00:22:28,460
I just would be so depressed.

396
00:22:28,590 --> 00:22:29,864
- Yeah.
- Here you go.

397
00:22:29,990 --> 00:22:30,945
Thank you.

398
00:22:31,910 --> 00:22:35,300
The best thing is,
you have the greatest table in the house.

399
00:22:35,430 --> 00:22:37,466
- Oh, yeah?
- That's Aldous Snow right there.

400
00:22:37,590 --> 00:22:39,581
I know. I know, dude. I know.

401
00:22:39,910 --> 00:22:41,741
- I'm gonna ask him. I'll ask him politely.
- No, please don't, please.

402
00:22:41,910 --> 00:22:42,899
(EXCLAIMS)

403
00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:44,019
Mate!

404
00:22:45,150 --> 00:22:47,345
Why don't you come over and sit with us?
You'll be very welcome.

405
00:22:47,470 --> 00:22:50,542
No, thank you. I need a drink.

406
00:22:51,710 --> 00:22:53,746
Would you guys like a drink?

407
00:22:53,870 --> 00:22:56,065
Well, no, actually, because...

408
00:22:56,350 --> 00:22:59,786
Seven years clean.
That's what this tattoo denotes.

409
00:22:59,910 --> 00:23:02,140
Seven years free from drugs and alcohol.

410
00:23:02,270 --> 00:23:04,386
If I have just one sip of wine,

411
00:23:04,510 --> 00:23:08,219
by the end of the evening,
I'll be, like, rimming waiters for their tips

412
00:23:08,350 --> 00:23:09,465
just to get me hands on a rock.

413
00:23:09,590 --> 00:23:11,626
You know what I mean? Nasty.

414
00:23:12,670 --> 00:23:15,264
- MATTHEW: (CHUCKLING) I heard that.
- Hey, what's up, man?

415
00:23:15,710 --> 00:23:17,382
How are you enjoying
your vegetable medley?

416
00:23:17,510 --> 00:23:18,863
It's mundane.

417
00:23:19,510 --> 00:23:21,819
It is mundane. It's great, I know.

418
00:23:21,950 --> 00:23:23,508
Will you marry me?

419
00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:25,747
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yes!

420
00:23:25,910 --> 00:23:27,423
- She said yes!
- Beautiful.

421
00:23:28,230 --> 00:23:29,458
Congratulations!

422
00:23:29,590 --> 00:23:30,545
(PEOPLE ALL APPLAUDING)

423
00:23:30,670 --> 00:23:32,388
(SQUEALING)

424
00:23:32,510 --> 00:23:35,422
I'm so excited! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

425
00:23:36,270 --> 00:23:37,385
Peter!

426
00:23:39,950 --> 00:23:41,178
What's up?

427
00:23:41,910 --> 00:23:43,821
- Are you doing okay?
- Yeah.

428
00:23:43,950 --> 00:23:45,463
Yeah, I'm good.

429
00:23:46,590 --> 00:23:50,265
Look, did you follow me here?
Did my assistant tell you I was coming?

430
00:23:50,390 --> 00:23:51,709
- No.
- Did you talk to her?

431
00:23:51,830 --> 00:23:55,823
No, I didn't talk to your assistant.
It's not all about you, you know.

432
00:23:55,950 --> 00:24:00,387
Hawaii is a beautiful place.
People come here, usually not to follow you.

433
00:24:00,750 --> 00:24:03,344
So you're really staying?
You're gonna stay?

434
00:24:03,470 --> 00:24:07,099
Yeah, I think so. I really like it here.
I feel at home here.

435
00:24:07,390 --> 00:24:08,823
I just love it.

436
00:24:10,030 --> 00:24:11,463
Yeah, you should stay.

437
00:24:11,590 --> 00:24:13,785
I appreciate your consideration.

438
00:24:14,110 --> 00:24:16,578
Sounds like Aldous probably
shared a lot of needles,

439
00:24:16,710 --> 00:24:19,019
so thank you for dating him after me.

440
00:24:19,150 --> 00:24:20,663
- I appreciate that.
- Hmm.

441
00:24:22,030 --> 00:24:25,739
- Hope you have a really good time here.
- Have a great dinner.

442
00:24:25,870 --> 00:24:27,098
Thank you.

443
00:24:28,270 --> 00:24:29,669
Groupie whore.

444
00:24:30,190 --> 00:24:31,623
Psycho stalker.

445
00:24:32,150 --> 00:24:36,541
You know what? It's vacation.
I think I'll just take a piña colada, please.

446
00:24:44,310 --> 00:24:45,868
Look at this guy.

447
00:24:46,110 --> 00:24:48,578
Look at this guy.

448
00:24:50,430 --> 00:24:53,228
Not us, buddy. Right? Not us.

449
00:24:53,350 --> 00:24:57,025
<i>I'm on Sex and the City.
What's up, Miranda?</i>

450
00:24:57,990 --> 00:25:01,869
I'm Samantha. I have sex with everyone.

451
00:25:01,990 --> 00:25:03,867
Maybe it's a good thing that they're here.

452
00:25:03,990 --> 00:25:06,743
You know what I mean?
Maybe this is a challenge from God

453
00:25:06,870 --> 00:25:08,826
for me to forget her. You know?

454
00:25:08,950 --> 00:25:13,023
Or maybe it's a sign from God
that you should be with her.

455
00:25:13,910 --> 00:25:15,468
I love her show.

456
00:25:15,990 --> 00:25:19,141
When they mix the sexuality
and the violence, I like it.

457
00:25:19,270 --> 00:25:21,465
What the hell is wrong with you two?
You gotta move on.

458
00:25:21,590 --> 00:25:23,660
I hear you say that, but it's not that easy.

459
00:25:23,790 --> 00:25:25,860
It's that easy. Promise you it is.

460
00:25:25,990 --> 00:25:27,628
I lived in South Central.

461
00:25:27,750 --> 00:25:30,389
South Central. And I hated it.

462
00:25:30,510 --> 00:25:31,704
That's why I moved to Oahu.

463
00:25:31,830 --> 00:25:33,946
Now I can name you
over 200 different kinds of fish.

464
00:25:34,070 --> 00:25:35,628
- No, you can't.
- Oh, yes, I can.

465
00:25:35,750 --> 00:25:37,069
- Do it.
- Yeah, you cannot.

466
00:25:37,190 --> 00:25:42,025
G. Ghost pipefish, grill fish, goaler fish
grouper fish, greenback...

467
00:25:42,150 --> 00:25:43,788
What's the state fish of Hawaii?

468
00:25:43,910 --> 00:25:45,423
Humuhumunukunukuapua'a.

469
00:25:45,550 --> 00:25:47,142
- Yeah, bitch.
- Hey.

470
00:25:47,910 --> 00:25:50,378
- You ready?
- Yeah, just gonna close up.

471
00:25:53,190 --> 00:25:56,899
Hello, Mr Bretter, Mr Brayden.
Where's your wife, sir?

472
00:25:57,350 --> 00:25:59,580
She is in bed.

473
00:25:59,710 --> 00:26:01,541
How are things going with the lady?

474
00:26:01,670 --> 00:26:05,663
<i>Not awesome.
She's complicated, like The Da Vinci Code,</i>

475
00:26:06,510 --> 00:26:09,229
you know, but harder to crack.

476
00:26:10,470 --> 00:26:14,179
But life is full of lessons.
You learn something new every day.

477
00:26:15,830 --> 00:26:18,390
Wonder what I'm going to learn tomorrow.

478
00:26:19,830 --> 00:26:20,865
Well.

479
00:26:21,470 --> 00:26:22,823
- Good night, sir.
- Good night.

480
00:26:22,950 --> 00:26:23,985
Good night, sir.

481
00:26:24,110 --> 00:26:26,670
Off to find the mythical clitoris.

482
00:26:27,910 --> 00:26:32,938
So, Peter, were you able to get
that crying lady out of your room?

483
00:26:34,150 --> 00:26:35,549
'Cause I could send someone up,
if you want.

484
00:26:35,670 --> 00:26:37,388
- Oh, you could?
- Yeah.

485
00:26:38,190 --> 00:26:40,784
That's very funny. It is.

486
00:26:41,910 --> 00:26:45,869
Well, listen, Sarah Marshall Show sucks.
Who cares?

487
00:26:45,990 --> 00:26:48,504
I do the music for that programme.

488
00:26:49,670 --> 00:26:52,059
Did I mention that the music rocks?

489
00:26:53,590 --> 00:26:57,060
That's very sweet of you.
That's very sweet of you to say.

490
00:26:57,190 --> 00:26:59,146
You don't have to say that, though.
It's not music.

491
00:26:59,270 --> 00:27:01,784
There's no melody, it's just tones.

492
00:27:01,910 --> 00:27:03,866
Just dark, ominous tones.

493
00:27:05,550 --> 00:27:08,587
"The masturbating dog killer
is on the loose again.

494
00:27:08,710 --> 00:27:11,270
"He'll kill the owner,
but at least the dogs are happy. "

495
00:27:11,390 --> 00:27:12,664
(SNICKERS)

496
00:27:13,190 --> 00:27:14,669
(IMITATING KEYBOARD)

497
00:27:17,950 --> 00:27:20,464
I'm no Aldous Snow, I guess, you know.

498
00:27:25,190 --> 00:27:27,829
<i>(SINGING DRUNKENLY)
Time to start the music</i>

499
00:27:28,150 --> 00:27:30,027
<i>All gonna light the light</i>

500
00:27:30,590 --> 00:27:34,344
<i>Yeah, yeah, gonna get things started
on The Muppet Show tonight</i>

501
00:27:36,310 --> 00:27:37,299
(CRYING)

502
00:27:41,750 --> 00:27:44,310
- Whipped cream or berry?
- Whipped cream.

503
00:27:45,990 --> 00:27:49,107
Here we are, sir. Have a wonderful breakfast.

504
00:27:49,470 --> 00:27:51,745
What a lovely table, so close to the buffet.

505
00:27:51,870 --> 00:27:54,225
<i>I'm glad you like it. Mahalo. </i>

506
00:27:58,030 --> 00:27:59,702
Good morning, sir.
Can I start you with anything?

507
00:27:59,830 --> 00:28:00,945
Orange juice, coffee?

508
00:28:01,070 --> 00:28:04,380
What about, like, some pineapple juice
with a little bit of rum on the side.

509
00:28:04,510 --> 00:28:08,219
Of course. I like your style. Cocktail guy.

510
00:28:08,350 --> 00:28:10,227
- Thank you.
- You are welcome.

511
00:28:10,350 --> 00:28:12,181
We've already reserved
the sea kayak for noon.

512
00:28:12,310 --> 00:28:15,063
Honey, I know that,
but you know that I wanted to see...

513
00:28:15,190 --> 00:28:18,546
- Hey. Hello there, friend.
- Hey.

514
00:28:18,670 --> 00:28:20,979
How are you guys? How was your evening?

515
00:28:21,110 --> 00:28:22,384
- Great.
- Awesome.

516
00:28:22,670 --> 00:28:25,104
- I can't feel anything.
- All right.

517
00:28:25,630 --> 00:28:27,860
- Does that feel good?
- I still can't feel anything.

518
00:28:27,990 --> 00:28:30,060
Okay, 'cause it hurts me.

519
00:28:30,190 --> 00:28:32,863
- Would you do that for me?
- Yeah.

520
00:28:33,790 --> 00:28:37,385
- Yeah.
- No, no, no. No.

521
00:28:37,910 --> 00:28:40,708
God put our mouths on our head
for a reason. No!

522
00:28:43,070 --> 00:28:45,379
- I'm going to the bathroom.
- Okay.

523
00:28:46,350 --> 00:28:51,105
- Is everything okay with...
- Waffles.

524
00:28:54,510 --> 00:28:57,661
- Here you go, sir. Breakfast of champions.
- Oh, thank you.

525
00:28:57,790 --> 00:29:02,227
And don't tell anybody, but...
A little extra love for you.

526
00:29:03,910 --> 00:29:04,945
Thank you.

527
00:29:05,070 --> 00:29:07,345
- Take it easy.
- You, too.

528
00:29:09,110 --> 00:29:12,500
(CAMERA CLICKING)

529
00:29:20,884 --> 00:29:21,919
Hey.

530
00:29:22,204 --> 00:29:23,603
Are you Chuck?

531
00:29:23,724 --> 00:29:26,955
Oh, man, you know,
they won't change that flyer.

532
00:29:27,284 --> 00:29:30,435
That's my mainland name.
My Hawaiian name is Koonu.

533
00:29:30,804 --> 00:29:32,078
Cool, sorry.

534
00:29:32,204 --> 00:29:33,353
No, it's all good.

535
00:29:33,484 --> 00:29:36,362
Does Koonu have some, like,
cool Hawaiian meaning?

536
00:29:36,484 --> 00:29:38,236
It means Chuck.

537
00:29:38,364 --> 00:29:39,797
I plugged it into a database.

538
00:29:39,924 --> 00:29:42,996
There's a thing you can go on,
on the Internet, you just type in your name,

539
00:29:43,124 --> 00:29:44,113
and it just says it.

540
00:29:46,122 --> 00:29:47,077
What's your name?

541
00:29:47,202 --> 00:29:48,396
- I'm Peter.
- Peter.

542
00:29:48,522 --> 00:29:50,001
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna give you a Hawaiian name.

543
00:29:50,122 --> 00:29:51,350
Oh, great.

544
00:29:54,762 --> 00:29:56,081
Pepiopi.

545
00:29:58,202 --> 00:30:00,397
- Great.
- Pepiopi, looks like you've got a little pain

546
00:30:00,522 --> 00:30:02,274
behind those eyes.

547
00:30:03,722 --> 00:30:05,474
Yeah, maybe a little.

548
00:30:06,282 --> 00:30:08,238
There's really only one cure for that.

549
00:30:08,362 --> 00:30:09,351
What's that?

550
00:30:09,482 --> 00:30:11,074
Weed. You got any?

551
00:30:13,282 --> 00:30:15,557
- No.
- Well, then let's go surfing.

552
00:30:18,562 --> 00:30:21,599
Okay, when we're out there,
I want you to ignore your instincts.

553
00:30:21,722 --> 00:30:24,680
I'm gonna be your instincts.
Koonu will be your instincts.

554
00:30:24,802 --> 00:30:26,155
Don't do anything.

555
00:30:26,282 --> 00:30:28,512
Don't try to surf, don't do it.

556
00:30:29,402 --> 00:30:31,597
The less you do, the more you do.

557
00:30:31,722 --> 00:30:33,952
Let's see you pop up. Pop it up!

558
00:30:37,842 --> 00:30:38,911
That's not it at all.

559
00:30:39,042 --> 00:30:40,475
Do less. Get down. Try less. Do it again.

560
00:30:42,642 --> 00:30:43,757
Pop up.

561
00:30:44,442 --> 00:30:46,000
No, too slow. Do less.

562
00:30:46,122 --> 00:30:47,271
Pop up.

563
00:30:47,802 --> 00:30:48,837
Pop up.

564
00:30:48,962 --> 00:30:51,112
You're doing too much. Do less. Pop down.

565
00:30:51,242 --> 00:30:52,391
Pop up now.

566
00:30:52,522 --> 00:30:53,796
Stop! Get down. Get down there.

567
00:30:53,922 --> 00:30:55,913
Remember, don't do anything.

568
00:30:56,602 --> 00:30:58,160
Nothing. Pop up.

569
00:31:00,722 --> 00:31:02,235
Well, you... No, you gotta do more than that,

570
00:31:02,362 --> 00:31:03,431
'cause you're just laying right out.

571
00:31:03,562 --> 00:31:04,517
It looks like you're boogie-boarding.

572
00:31:04,642 --> 00:31:06,678
Just do it. Feel it. Pop up.

573
00:31:08,202 --> 00:31:11,035
Yeah. That wasn't quite it,
but we're gonna figure it out, out there.

574
00:31:11,162 --> 00:31:12,151
Let's go surfing, come on.

575
00:31:12,282 --> 00:31:14,159
Everybody's learning how, come on and...

576
00:31:14,282 --> 00:31:16,477
<i>(SINGING) The weather outside is weather</i>

577
00:31:18,042 --> 00:31:20,033
How long you lived out here?

578
00:31:20,162 --> 00:31:22,915
Man, I don't know. I quit wearing a watch
when I moved out here.

579
00:31:23,042 --> 00:31:25,317
- Wow, that's so cool.
- Yeah.

580
00:31:25,442 --> 00:31:29,355
No, like my cell phone has a clock on it,
so I don't really need it.

581
00:31:29,482 --> 00:31:32,076
Right, so it's basically the same thing.

582
00:31:32,602 --> 00:31:35,719
- How old are you?
- I don't really believe in age or numbers,

583
00:31:35,842 --> 00:31:38,515
you know, I don't...
I mean, if you had to put a number on it,

584
00:31:38,642 --> 00:31:40,951
I guess I'd be 44.

585
00:31:43,202 --> 00:31:44,317
Fuck!

586
00:31:45,082 --> 00:31:47,232
Thanks for taking me out here.

587
00:31:48,362 --> 00:31:51,195
This is the first time I've felt good
in three weeks or so.

588
00:31:51,322 --> 00:31:53,836
You need to get back on that board
is what you need to do.

589
00:31:53,962 --> 00:31:55,714
- Yeah?
- Hey, here's the deal.

590
00:31:55,842 --> 00:31:57,195
When life gives you lemons,

591
00:31:57,322 --> 00:31:59,438
just say, "Fuck the lemons," and bail.

592
00:31:59,562 --> 00:32:02,122
Yeah. No. You said it, totally.

593
00:32:02,242 --> 00:32:04,198
You gotta just pull yourself up
by your wetsuit,

594
00:32:04,322 --> 00:32:05,277
get back on that board...

595
00:32:05,402 --> 00:32:06,881
Hey, look, man,
if you're attacked by a shark,

596
00:32:07,002 --> 00:32:08,401
are you gonna give up surfing?

597
00:32:08,522 --> 00:32:10,114
Probably, yeah.

598
00:32:10,242 --> 00:32:12,836
Let's go in, all right. Tacos are on me.

599
00:32:13,562 --> 00:32:15,792
Can you try to listen
to what I'm saying to you, Brian?

600
00:32:15,922 --> 00:32:18,311
I'm confused and I don't know what to do.

601
00:32:18,442 --> 00:32:19,670
<i>What's up with that hat?</i>

602
00:32:19,802 --> 00:32:22,316
<i>What are you
in the Buena Vista Social Club?</i>

603
00:32:22,442 --> 00:32:23,557
This is a nice hat.

604
00:32:23,682 --> 00:32:26,276
<i>What member of the Brat Pack are you?</i>

605
00:32:26,402 --> 00:32:29,235
<i>You look like one of those guys
suspected of killing JFK.</i>

606
00:32:29,362 --> 00:32:31,512
That's very funny. That's great.

607
00:32:31,642 --> 00:32:33,519
<i>LIZ: Tell him to make friends. </i>

608
00:32:33,842 --> 00:32:36,072
<i>You need to get out there
and make some friends, man. </i>

609
00:32:36,202 --> 00:32:37,681
Is Liz there right now?

610
00:32:37,802 --> 00:32:39,838
<i>No, no, she's not in here, buddy. </i>

611
00:32:39,962 --> 00:32:40,997
I just heard her.

612
00:32:41,122 --> 00:32:42,441
<i>She's gone. </i>

613
00:32:43,002 --> 00:32:44,833
Who are you looking at?

614
00:32:45,082 --> 00:32:46,037
<i>What?</i>

615
00:32:46,162 --> 00:32:47,754
Is she still... Hi, Liz.

616
00:32:47,882 --> 00:32:51,511
<i>No. I swear on my mother's grave, it...
Okay, it was Liz. </i>

617
00:32:51,842 --> 00:32:53,753
<i>She wasn't here the entire time. </i>

618
00:32:53,882 --> 00:32:55,918
<i>Go out and meet people.
We meet people all the time... </i>

619
00:32:56,042 --> 00:32:57,441
<i>- All the time on vacation.
- Constantly. </i>

620
00:32:57,562 --> 00:33:00,395
I've tried, all right,
there's a couple of dudes here,

621
00:33:00,522 --> 00:33:02,558
but they're kind of weird.

622
00:33:02,882 --> 00:33:04,634
<i>Just be friendly. </i>

623
00:33:04,762 --> 00:33:05,831
<i>Iron your shirt. </i>

624
00:33:05,962 --> 00:33:07,281
<i>Iron your shirt, look sharp. </i>

625
00:33:07,402 --> 00:33:08,994
<i>Even your T-shirts. </i>

626
00:33:09,482 --> 00:33:11,950
There is this girl at the front desk
who's pretty cute.

627
00:33:12,602 --> 00:33:15,355
<i>Oh, yeah. You know what?
Go have another dirty one night stand. </i>

628
00:33:15,482 --> 00:33:17,154
<i>That worked out so well before. </i>

629
00:33:17,282 --> 00:33:20,035
What do you want from me?
You just told me I need to meet people.

630
00:33:20,162 --> 00:33:22,551
<i>Ask her out.
Maybe that's what he needs, is a rebound. </i>

631
00:33:22,682 --> 00:33:24,479
<i>BRIAN: He's had plenty of chances
for rebounds. This isn't... </i>

632
00:33:24,602 --> 00:33:25,671
<i>LIZ: Can we get on the same team here?</i>

633
00:33:25,802 --> 00:33:28,714
<i>Okay, I'm sorry.
We're on the same team. Sorry. </i>

634
00:33:29,962 --> 00:33:31,600
<i>LIZ: You should go on a date with this girl. </i>

635
00:33:31,722 --> 00:33:32,996
Well, maybe I'll ask her out then.

636
00:33:33,122 --> 00:33:34,919
<i>- Yes.
- My wife says so. </i>

637
00:33:35,322 --> 00:33:38,041
<i>- Hey, I'm in Hawaii, too!
- LIZ: Oh, that's neat. </i>

638
00:33:38,402 --> 00:33:40,154
<i>Aloha, bitches!</i>

639
00:33:41,122 --> 00:33:42,601
That's very cool.

640
00:33:42,882 --> 00:33:44,156
<i>(CHANTING)</i>

641
00:33:45,762 --> 00:33:48,117
They're not Native Americans, Brian.

642
00:33:50,442 --> 00:33:51,591
<i>- Bri...
- What are you doing?</i>

643
00:33:51,722 --> 00:33:53,633
<i>- The luha. Is that right?
- Oh, yeah. </i>

644
00:33:53,962 --> 00:33:55,077
<i>It's called the hula. </i>

645
00:33:55,202 --> 00:33:56,874
<i>- Luau?
- No, hula. </i>

646
00:33:57,002 --> 00:33:57,957
<i>You're doing a luau?</i>

647
00:34:02,162 --> 00:34:03,993
(SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

648
00:34:11,962 --> 00:34:12,917
- Hey.
- Hey.

649
00:34:13,042 --> 00:34:14,191
- Peter.
- Wow.

650
00:34:15,682 --> 00:34:18,594
You look beautiful.
I mean, that's a beautiful dress.

651
00:34:18,722 --> 00:34:19,677
- Thank you.
- Yeah.

652
00:34:19,802 --> 00:34:21,076
This'll be fun.

653
00:34:21,202 --> 00:34:22,351
<i>Lei?</i>

654
00:34:26,802 --> 00:34:29,475
May I help you with something else, Peter?

655
00:34:29,762 --> 00:34:31,639
No, I'll just grab a drink.
I'm just gonna head inside.

656
00:34:31,762 --> 00:34:34,037
- Happy 4th of July!
- Thank you.

657
00:34:36,322 --> 00:34:37,277
<i>Aloha!</i>

658
00:34:37,722 --> 00:34:39,917
(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

659
00:34:50,522 --> 00:34:52,399
- You done here?
- No, actually, I just sat down,

660
00:34:52,522 --> 00:34:54,274
I'm just getting started.
It's delicious, though, thank you.

661
00:34:54,402 --> 00:34:56,313
I'll just go fuck myself.

662
00:34:56,442 --> 00:34:58,194
<i>- Sorry, what?
- Mahalo. </i>

663
00:35:01,002 --> 00:35:02,276
Hi, Peter.

664
00:35:04,002 --> 00:35:05,560
Hey. Hey, bro.

665
00:35:07,482 --> 00:35:08,881
- Hi.
- Hey, all right.

666
00:35:09,002 --> 00:35:10,754
Excuse me. Excuse me.

667
00:35:10,882 --> 00:35:13,840
Everybody, can I have your attention
for one second, please.

668
00:35:13,962 --> 00:35:16,715
We have a very special guest
with us here, today.

669
00:35:16,842 --> 00:35:20,915
He is the lead singer
of the band, Infant Sorrow,

670
00:35:21,602 --> 00:35:25,072
one of my favourite musicians of all time.
He's so awesome.

671
00:35:26,042 --> 00:35:28,112
Please, please, let's take...

672
00:35:28,642 --> 00:35:32,681
Let's see if we can get him up here,
Mr Aldous Snow. Please, come on.

673
00:35:33,602 --> 00:35:34,637
Share your gift.

674
00:35:34,762 --> 00:35:35,956
Duty calls and all that.

675
00:35:36,082 --> 00:35:39,677
I'm trying to be incognito, it's weird.
It's like work to me, this is no fun.

676
00:35:39,802 --> 00:35:41,394
Hey! Thank you!

677
00:35:49,722 --> 00:35:52,077
ALDOUS: Thank you.
What a lovely introduction.

678
00:35:52,202 --> 00:35:54,511
What an eccentric and confident young man.

679
00:35:54,642 --> 00:35:57,998
I'd like to dedicate this song
to a very beautiful woman that's here today.

680
00:35:58,122 --> 00:36:00,716
It's Miss Sarah Marshall, there she is.

681
00:36:01,642 --> 00:36:02,757
Look at her, blimey!

682
00:36:10,844 --> 00:36:13,119
<i>(SINGING) Old as ancient skies</i>

683
00:36:13,404 --> 00:36:15,964
<i>I've had these wandering eyes</i>

684
00:36:16,764 --> 00:36:18,959
<i>but you took me by surprise</i>

685
00:36:19,084 --> 00:36:21,359
<i>when you let me inside you</i>

686
00:36:23,244 --> 00:36:24,836
<i>Inside you</i>

687
00:36:25,564 --> 00:36:27,555
<i>Inside you</i>

688
00:36:27,804 --> 00:36:29,203
This went from 6:00 to midnight.

689
00:36:29,324 --> 00:36:33,556
<i>Teach me how to grow
while I'm moving inside of you</i>

690
00:36:35,204 --> 00:36:36,956
<i>Inside of you</i>

691
00:36:37,844 --> 00:36:40,074
<i>- Inside you
- Inside you</i>

692
00:36:41,244 --> 00:36:43,917
<i>I long to be, is it wrong to be</i>

693
00:36:44,084 --> 00:36:46,200
<i>inside of you</i>

694
00:36:47,124 --> 00:36:51,117
<i>Inside of you the restless find their dreams</i>

695
00:36:59,259 --> 00:37:00,214
Hey.

696
00:37:00,339 --> 00:37:01,454
You're from the breakfast buffet, right?

697
00:37:01,579 --> 00:37:02,534
- Yeah.
- Whipped cream or berries?

698
00:37:02,659 --> 00:37:03,648
Yeah. Yeah, I'm Peter.

699
00:37:05,638 --> 00:37:06,434
- Kemo.
- Kemo.

700
00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:08,674
- Good to meet you, man.
- Good to meet, you, man.

701
00:37:08,798 --> 00:37:11,028
- Have a beer.
- Thanks. Thank you.

702
00:37:13,438 --> 00:37:14,791
Sarah Marshall.

703
00:37:14,918 --> 00:37:15,953
Yes.

704
00:37:17,478 --> 00:37:19,434
How do you know
I was dating Sarah Marshall?

705
00:37:19,558 --> 00:37:21,913
Dwayne told me. Chuck told me.

706
00:37:22,678 --> 00:37:23,872
Even Rachel told me.

707
00:37:23,998 --> 00:37:27,832
I heard about it from everybody.
You gotta stop talking about it.

708
00:37:28,238 --> 00:37:30,274
<i>It's like The Sopranos. </i>

709
00:37:30,398 --> 00:37:31,626
It's over.

710
00:37:32,198 --> 00:37:33,790
Find a new show.

711
00:37:35,358 --> 00:37:36,791
You need a hug.

712
00:37:37,078 --> 00:37:38,511
Come here.

713
00:37:40,198 --> 00:37:41,631
Oh, thank you.

714
00:37:41,758 --> 00:37:43,430
You're awfully nice.

715
00:37:44,638 --> 00:37:47,198
<i>I gotta go.
I'm prepping the pig for tomorrow's luau. </i>

716
00:37:47,318 --> 00:37:49,957
You should come and help me.
It'll take your mind off of things.

717
00:37:50,078 --> 00:37:51,875
- Yeah? You don't mind?
- No.

718
00:37:52,398 --> 00:37:55,071
I mean, I must say I'm a pretty good cook.

719
00:37:55,438 --> 00:37:56,587
All right!

720
00:37:57,238 --> 00:37:58,671
(PIG GRUNTING)

721
00:37:59,758 --> 00:38:02,318
I can't! Please don't make me do this!

722
00:38:02,478 --> 00:38:03,513
Do it!

723
00:38:03,638 --> 00:38:05,993
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

724
00:38:10,638 --> 00:38:12,151
KEMO: You can stop crying now.

725
00:38:12,278 --> 00:38:13,836
He's dead already.

726
00:38:14,358 --> 00:38:15,711
PETER: I'm not crying.

727
00:38:15,838 --> 00:38:17,066
You should stop crying.

728
00:38:17,198 --> 00:38:18,677
KEMO: I don't cry. I'm not a baby.

729
00:38:18,798 --> 00:38:21,596
PETER: Really?
'Cause you look like a gigantic baby.

730
00:38:21,878 --> 00:38:24,392
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that at all.

731
00:38:33,758 --> 00:38:34,952
Hey.

732
00:38:35,078 --> 00:38:39,390
Listen, would you like to hang out tonight,
like, not in an official hotel function?

733
00:38:39,518 --> 00:38:40,746
Yeah. Totally.

734
00:38:40,878 --> 00:38:43,312
A bunch of us are going to go to this,
like, little beach thing afterwards.

735
00:38:43,438 --> 00:38:45,668
You're totally welcome to come.

736
00:38:46,158 --> 00:38:47,750
Maybe we could go together?

737
00:38:47,878 --> 00:38:49,357
Yeah, whatever.

738
00:38:49,758 --> 00:38:50,952
I mean we don't have to,
if you don't want to,

739
00:38:51,078 --> 00:38:52,033
I just thought that maybe...

740
00:38:52,158 --> 00:38:53,511
No, listen,
you don't have to make this weird.

741
00:38:53,638 --> 00:38:55,310
You either want to go or you don't.

742
00:38:56,838 --> 00:38:58,396
- I would love to.
- Okay.

743
00:38:58,998 --> 00:39:01,558
Awesome. Why don't you go upstairs,
change that shirt,

744
00:39:01,678 --> 00:39:04,351
and I'll meet you out front in, like, five?

745
00:39:14,038 --> 00:39:17,030
- This is so cool.
- You like it?

746
00:39:29,398 --> 00:39:31,628
So what brought you to Hawaii?

747
00:39:32,958 --> 00:39:35,108
- A dude.
- Of course.

748
00:39:35,238 --> 00:39:38,310
A surfer dude. You know, WCT, top 44.

749
00:39:41,478 --> 00:39:42,672
Totally.

750
00:39:44,358 --> 00:39:46,588
We were together for two years.

751
00:39:46,958 --> 00:39:49,518
Dropped out of school,
moved out here with him.

752
00:39:49,638 --> 00:39:51,674
Three weeks later,
I caught him cheating on me,

753
00:39:51,798 --> 00:39:53,993
so I moved out, and that's that.

754
00:39:54,998 --> 00:39:56,556
What an asshole.

755
00:39:57,398 --> 00:39:58,956
No, he's just a boy.

756
00:40:01,358 --> 00:40:05,067
You ever think about going back home,
finishing school, or...

757
00:40:06,278 --> 00:40:07,267
No.

758
00:40:07,998 --> 00:40:09,909
No. I work at the hotel,

759
00:40:10,878 --> 00:40:13,551
doesn't really have to be a future in there.

760
00:40:14,798 --> 00:40:16,197
Okay, my turn.

761
00:40:16,638 --> 00:40:17,753
Okay.

762
00:40:18,518 --> 00:40:22,591
So, how do you like
writing music for a TV show?

763
00:40:25,398 --> 00:40:27,628
It's great, you know. People are great.

764
00:40:27,758 --> 00:40:30,636
It's great to have a steady paycheque.
It's... I'm very lucky.

765
00:40:30,758 --> 00:40:31,747
Oh, my God, you hate it.

766
00:40:31,878 --> 00:40:33,994
I fucking hate it so much.

767
00:40:34,318 --> 00:40:36,513
So then, do something about it.

768
00:40:40,078 --> 00:40:41,067
(SARCASTICALLY) Excuse me.

769
00:40:41,198 --> 00:40:44,235
I'm just saying, if you hate something,
change it.

770
00:40:44,358 --> 00:40:45,916
- Don't dwell.
- Well, I'm trying.

771
00:40:47,958 --> 00:40:50,472
I'm actually working on a rock opera.

772
00:40:51,438 --> 00:40:52,837
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

773
00:40:54,118 --> 00:40:56,234
What's your rock opera about?

774
00:40:58,638 --> 00:40:59,866
Dracula.

775
00:41:01,238 --> 00:41:03,911
Yeah, and eternal love, you know.
That's the theme.

776
00:41:04,038 --> 00:41:07,314
But I think the two sort of go hand in hand,
you know?

777
00:41:07,798 --> 00:41:09,026
And I...

778
00:41:10,998 --> 00:41:13,876
I have this vision of doing it with puppets.

779
00:41:15,238 --> 00:41:16,193
(LAUGHS)

780
00:41:16,598 --> 00:41:18,316
I mean, humans also, you know.

781
00:41:20,758 --> 00:41:21,986
Why Dracula?

782
00:41:22,118 --> 00:41:25,747
Because he's a man like anyone else.
He just wants to be loved.

783
00:41:25,878 --> 00:41:27,550
And every time he gets close
to a human woman,

784
00:41:27,678 --> 00:41:29,191
he ends up smothering and killing her,

785
00:41:29,318 --> 00:41:31,786
which is a feeling I am familiar with.

786
00:41:31,918 --> 00:41:33,749
What? That's just a joke.

787
00:41:33,878 --> 00:41:35,630
- Oh, shit.
- What?

788
00:41:36,398 --> 00:41:39,310
My ex. If I run, you run.

789
00:41:40,798 --> 00:41:42,550
- Do you understand?
- No, I don't understand at all.

790
00:41:42,678 --> 00:41:44,396
Fucking motherfucker! Dipshit!

791
00:41:44,518 --> 00:41:45,473
Rachel, what are you doing?

792
00:41:45,598 --> 00:41:47,190
I thought I told you
to stay back on your island.

793
00:41:47,318 --> 00:41:48,307
Take it easy, just take it easy.

794
00:41:48,438 --> 00:41:49,507
Yeah, you know what?
The deal was over April 9.

795
00:41:49,638 --> 00:41:51,708
Well, the deal's back on, motherfucker.

796
00:41:51,838 --> 00:41:53,669
You ain't the chief in this village.
I'm the chief.

797
00:41:53,798 --> 00:41:54,787
Of the idiots?

798
00:41:54,918 --> 00:41:57,478
Rachel, let me handle this. I know his friend.
Let me handle this, okay?

799
00:41:57,598 --> 00:41:59,031
Go ahead.

800
00:41:59,798 --> 00:42:01,754
Hey, man, you remember me from breakfast?

801
00:42:01,878 --> 00:42:04,438
- Oh, yeah, the cocktail guy, that's right.
- Yeah.

802
00:42:04,558 --> 00:42:07,516
This ain't the breakfast buffet.
What, you with my girl?

803
00:42:07,638 --> 00:42:09,674
Keeping her warm for me at night, huh?

804
00:42:09,798 --> 00:42:11,675
Hey, what are you doing here?

805
00:42:12,158 --> 00:42:13,671
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)

806
00:42:15,638 --> 00:42:16,991
RACHEL: That's right. Just hit him!

807
00:42:17,118 --> 00:42:18,312
Rachel, we gotta get out of here. Rachel?

808
00:42:18,438 --> 00:42:20,394
You get what you deserve.

809
00:42:28,478 --> 00:42:29,991
(PLAYING POP MUSIC)

810
00:42:31,918 --> 00:42:35,354
Just a boy?
No, that dude was a fucking man.

811
00:42:35,478 --> 00:42:39,187
No, no, no. He's an asshole.
I can't believe I ever dated him.

812
00:42:40,118 --> 00:42:41,836
- You went nuts.
- Yeah.

813
00:42:42,318 --> 00:42:44,752
You guys are dysfunctional.

814
00:42:45,278 --> 00:42:47,587
<i>You were like one of those girls
from Flavour of Love. </i>

815
00:42:47,718 --> 00:42:49,037
- From what?
- You were.

816
00:42:49,158 --> 00:42:50,910
"I'll kill you. I'll kill you. "

817
00:42:51,118 --> 00:42:52,107
(RACHEL LAUGHING)

818
00:42:52,238 --> 00:42:54,035
Okay, I'm gonna go get us another round.

819
00:42:54,158 --> 00:42:56,035
I'll grab it. It's no big deal.

820
00:42:56,158 --> 00:42:59,594
You don't have to dote on me.
I'm not that type of girl.

821
00:43:09,998 --> 00:43:11,636
(INAUDIBLE)

822
00:43:11,958 --> 00:43:13,437
You look so hot.

823
00:43:13,558 --> 00:43:15,753
<i>Give me Crime Scene.
Give me dirty Crime Scene girl. </i>

824
00:43:15,878 --> 00:43:17,914
André the Giant, out of the shot, please.

825
00:43:18,038 --> 00:43:19,949
Mutombo, out of the shot, come on.

826
00:43:47,238 --> 00:43:50,389
Did you know that there's a picture
of you flashing,

827
00:43:50,518 --> 00:43:51,951
hanging in the men's room?

828
00:43:52,078 --> 00:43:54,911
Yeah. I hate it so much.

829
00:43:55,038 --> 00:43:57,506
My jackass boyfriend made me do it.

830
00:43:58,078 --> 00:43:59,909
Keoki took it, right there.

831
00:44:00,038 --> 00:44:02,029
And I asked him to take it down,

832
00:44:02,158 --> 00:44:05,389
but he said that it would ruin
the balance of the collage.

833
00:44:06,398 --> 00:44:07,956
Do you want me to try
to get it down for you?

834
00:44:08,078 --> 00:44:11,593
No. No, no, no, he'll kill you.
Like, really kill you.

835
00:44:13,478 --> 00:44:15,753
But I have a surprise for you.

836
00:44:16,238 --> 00:44:17,432
Really, what?

837
00:44:17,558 --> 00:44:18,752
MAN: We're gonna take a quick break.

838
00:44:18,878 --> 00:44:20,789
Tonight we have a special guest
from the mainland,

839
00:44:20,918 --> 00:44:23,637
singing a song from his Dracula musical,

840
00:44:23,958 --> 00:44:26,791
please welcome to the stage,
Mr Peter Bretter.

841
00:44:28,638 --> 00:44:29,707
Peter!

842
00:44:29,838 --> 00:44:31,396
Yeah! Go get them, tiger!

843
00:44:31,518 --> 00:44:32,473
Please don't.

844
00:44:32,598 --> 00:44:33,553
(EXCLAIMING)

845
00:44:33,678 --> 00:44:34,906
Peter!

846
00:44:35,198 --> 00:44:37,553
- Rachel...
- Dracula! Peter!

847
00:44:42,718 --> 00:44:43,946
Get them!

848
00:44:44,118 --> 00:44:45,073
What's up?

849
00:44:51,438 --> 00:44:52,757
Thank you.

850
00:44:55,438 --> 00:44:56,837
You know, I could play something else.

851
00:44:56,958 --> 00:44:58,357
I just think out of context this might be...

852
00:44:58,478 --> 00:45:00,070
RACHEL: Dracula musical!

853
00:45:01,918 --> 00:45:03,237
Thank you.

854
00:45:22,598 --> 00:45:26,910
<i>(SINGING) It's getting kind of hard to believe
things are going to get better</i>

855
00:45:29,118 --> 00:45:34,670
<i>I've been drowning too long to believe
that the tide's going to turn</i>

856
00:45:36,318 --> 00:45:41,233
<i>And I've been living too hard to believe
things are going to get easier now</i>

857
00:45:43,358 --> 00:45:47,749
<i>I'm still trying to shake off the pain
from the lessons I've learned</i>

858
00:45:50,238 --> 00:45:54,789
<i>And if I see Van Helsing, I swear to the lord
I will slay him</i>

859
00:45:55,358 --> 00:45:56,632
(LAUGHING MENACINGLY)

860
00:45:57,118 --> 00:46:01,111
<i>Take it from me, but I swear
I won't let it be so</i>

861
00:46:03,478 --> 00:46:08,233
<i>Blood will run down his face
when he is decapitated</i>

862
00:46:09,598 --> 00:46:13,307
<i>His head on my mantle
is how I will let this one know</i>

863
00:46:14,758 --> 00:46:16,430
<i>How much I love you</i>

864
00:46:23,838 --> 00:46:24,907
<i>Die</i>

865
00:46:25,838 --> 00:46:26,827
<i>Die</i>

866
00:46:27,958 --> 00:46:28,913
<i>Die</i>

867
00:46:33,278 --> 00:46:34,393
<i>I can't</i>

868
00:46:43,478 --> 00:46:44,547
(CHEERS)

869
00:46:45,518 --> 00:46:46,792
RACHEL: Awesome!

870
00:46:47,358 --> 00:46:48,677
PETER: Thank you.

871
00:46:52,478 --> 00:46:53,467
Thank you.

872
00:46:53,798 --> 00:46:56,676
So, I had a really, really great time tonight.

873
00:46:56,798 --> 00:46:58,868
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I mean, it got a little wild.

874
00:46:58,998 --> 00:47:00,795
- "A little"? You can say that.
- Yeah.

875
00:47:00,918 --> 00:47:03,512
But it was really fun,
and you're so cool, and it was...

876
00:47:03,638 --> 00:47:05,230
Thank you for taking me out.

877
00:47:05,358 --> 00:47:06,916
No, I had a great time. Thank you.

878
00:47:08,598 --> 00:47:10,156
- You did?
- Yeah.

879
00:47:14,118 --> 00:47:16,109
I'm sorry.

880
00:47:16,238 --> 00:47:20,197
I'm sorry, I just... I don't...
I just don't wanna complicate things.

881
00:47:20,318 --> 00:47:21,637
- No, of course!
- Yeah?

882
00:47:21,758 --> 00:47:24,750
No, no, no. Totally. I totally get that.

883
00:47:24,878 --> 00:47:26,914
- I had a great time.
- A handshake?

884
00:47:27,038 --> 00:47:30,075
- Well, I don't know. Okay.
- All right, all right.

885
00:47:30,198 --> 00:47:32,712
- All right. Get home safe.
- You, too.

886
00:47:35,718 --> 00:47:37,595
- Thanks again.
- Bye.

887
00:47:44,598 --> 00:47:48,068
<i>(ALDOUS SINGING)
I'm on a hammock with me lady</i>

888
00:47:48,198 --> 00:47:51,395
<i>Watching the sea roll by</i>

889
00:47:53,598 --> 00:47:56,112
<i>Things have been great now</i>

890
00:47:56,238 --> 00:47:59,355
<i>'Cause we're in Hawaii</i>

891
00:48:01,158 --> 00:48:02,557
Hey, guys.

892
00:48:03,638 --> 00:48:05,754
Hey, man. I'm Koonu.

893
00:48:06,478 --> 00:48:09,595
Yeah. No, I remember. I'm Peter.
We took a surf lesson together.

894
00:48:09,718 --> 00:48:13,028
Yeah, you're that guy
that works with Kaiser Permanente.

895
00:48:13,158 --> 00:48:16,514
No, I'm Peter.
We had a nice talk out on the water.

896
00:48:16,638 --> 00:48:18,037
That's cool.

897
00:48:20,158 --> 00:48:21,989
Okay, can I just say something?

898
00:48:22,118 --> 00:48:25,428
- I went on a date tonight with Rachel, right?
- That wasn't a date.

899
00:48:25,558 --> 00:48:27,389
She's in customer service, dude.

900
00:48:27,518 --> 00:48:29,474
She took you out for charity.

901
00:48:29,598 --> 00:48:33,671
It was a date, okay? Trust me.
I know a date, and that was a date.

902
00:48:33,798 --> 00:48:34,913
I bet you think strippers like you, too.

903
00:48:35,038 --> 00:48:36,027
- That's really not necessary.
- It's true.

904
00:48:37,878 --> 00:48:40,790
Don't waste your time, man.
Believe me, it is a nowhere road. I know.

905
00:48:40,918 --> 00:48:43,716
Did you see her ex-boyfriend?
He is ridiculous.

906
00:48:43,838 --> 00:48:45,954
Who, Greg? I love Greg, man.

907
00:48:46,078 --> 00:48:48,672
I saw him beat up a guy with a starfish.

908
00:48:48,798 --> 00:48:51,676
- Okay, that's just ridiculous.
- That guy was me.

909
00:48:51,798 --> 00:48:54,551
Dude, my homie over here,
on his honeymoon?

910
00:48:54,678 --> 00:48:57,112
Getting as much sex
as he possibly can ever have.

911
00:48:57,238 --> 00:48:58,876
Are you giving to her
hard and rough, dude?

912
00:48:58,998 --> 00:49:00,431
Come on.

913
00:49:01,718 --> 00:49:07,350
The wife wants me to do certain things
that I find inappropriate.

914
00:49:07,478 --> 00:49:10,197
Let me just say
that if God was a city planner,

915
00:49:10,318 --> 00:49:13,947
he would not put a playground
next to a sewage system.

916
00:49:16,158 --> 00:49:19,992
We're trying to fuck,
but we're not having fun fucking.

917
00:49:20,118 --> 00:49:22,806
We're just, like...
I'm stabbing her private parts,

918
00:49:23,740 --> 00:49:27,050
and it's not fun, and it causes anxiety.
Fucking is...

919
00:49:30,344 --> 00:49:31,823
And then when you're not fucking...

920
00:49:31,944 --> 00:49:34,504
- Hey, someone's gotta stop him.
- You're the butt of a joke.

921
00:49:34,624 --> 00:49:36,979
Fucking this ring is...

922
00:49:37,104 --> 00:49:38,617
Fuck!

923
00:49:38,744 --> 00:49:40,735
It's gonna be all right.

924
00:49:42,464 --> 00:49:43,613
Hi.

925
00:49:45,104 --> 00:49:47,413
Hi, do you wanna come back to bed?

926
00:49:47,544 --> 00:49:48,693
Sure.

927
00:49:51,362 --> 00:49:52,590
Have fun.

928
00:49:54,082 --> 00:49:58,234
I like her hair.
I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes.

929
00:50:03,482 --> 00:50:04,881
(PHONE BUZZING)

930
00:50:05,722 --> 00:50:07,440
Julian, what's up?

931
00:50:09,722 --> 00:50:10,677
Oh.

932
00:50:11,682 --> 00:50:12,876
God.

933
00:50:22,682 --> 00:50:24,400
The show's been cancelled.

934
00:50:24,522 --> 00:50:26,274
That's good, 'cause that's what you wanted.

935
00:50:26,402 --> 00:50:28,757
Yeah. Yeah, it is.

936
00:50:30,042 --> 00:50:34,957
It's just... I guess
I thought we had another year left.

937
00:50:35,082 --> 00:50:37,118
It seems like we did, and... This'll be good,

938
00:50:37,242 --> 00:50:40,234
'cause it's been a long-awaited transition
into film for me.

939
00:50:40,362 --> 00:50:43,479
Don't get me wrong, but it's just...
It's a surprise.

940
00:50:43,602 --> 00:50:45,160
Come on tour with me.

941
00:50:45,282 --> 00:50:49,833
I'll serenade you every night
in front of thousands of women.

942
00:50:49,962 --> 00:50:51,600
I didn't know you were going on tour.

943
00:50:51,722 --> 00:50:52,871
Yeah, I'm going in two weeks.

944
00:50:53,002 --> 00:50:56,836
It's like an 18-month tour,
43 countries, Infant Sorrow,

945
00:50:56,962 --> 00:50:58,953
and it's gonna be a massive tour.

946
00:50:59,082 --> 00:51:03,951
Yeah. I can't come 'cause I have a job.
I'm a working actress.

947
00:51:04,082 --> 00:51:05,720
Not any more.

948
00:51:05,842 --> 00:51:07,036
You're an unemployed actress, perfect.

949
00:51:08,682 --> 00:51:12,880
You could be the queen of the groupies,
queen of the Sorrow Suckers.

950
00:51:13,002 --> 00:51:15,152
The Sorrow Suckers.

951
00:51:15,282 --> 00:51:18,592
Sorrow Suckers.
I don't know why they call them that.

952
00:51:18,722 --> 00:51:21,759
Mr and Mrs Snow, sorry.
Sorry to bother you.

953
00:51:23,402 --> 00:51:25,040
The hotel wanted to offer you
some complimentary coconut cake.

954
00:51:25,202 --> 00:51:29,036
It's from the hotel.
It's definitely not from me personally, so...

955
00:51:30,242 --> 00:51:32,278
- Yeah, thanks.
- Okay, great.

956
00:51:32,402 --> 00:51:35,553
When were you planning on telling me this?

957
00:51:35,682 --> 00:51:39,118
- I just told you, then.
- Yeah. No, I know.

958
00:51:39,242 --> 00:51:43,793
But telling me now
isn't really the same as telling me.

959
00:51:43,922 --> 00:51:46,516
Well, look, you know,
I've not told you I've got genital herpes,

960
00:51:46,642 --> 00:51:48,872
because it's not inflamed at the moment.

961
00:51:49,002 --> 00:51:50,879
Do you guys want some champagne
with your cake,

962
00:51:51,002 --> 00:51:52,276
or do you want it without your cake?

963
00:51:52,402 --> 00:51:53,881
I don't drink.

964
00:52:01,082 --> 00:52:05,234
All right, so I came here
to give you my demo. I just...

965
00:52:05,362 --> 00:52:07,592
I worship you,
and I just wanted to give you my demo.

966
00:52:07,857 --> 00:52:09,857
Just take a listen and...

967
00:52:10,858 --> 00:52:12,211
Okay.

968
00:52:12,938 --> 00:52:15,327
'Cause you know what?
You don't wanna be the guy sitting there,

969
00:52:15,458 --> 00:52:18,018
watching BBC, and saying,

970
00:52:18,138 --> 00:52:21,574
(IN ENGLISH ACCENT)
"Oh, I saw that guy! He was my waiter,

971
00:52:21,698 --> 00:52:25,452
"and I totally dismissed him
like everyone else does in his life.

972
00:52:25,578 --> 00:52:27,296
"And I totally was wrong,

973
00:52:27,418 --> 00:52:30,728
"because he's a major, major,
major influence on me now,

974
00:52:30,858 --> 00:52:32,450
"and I feel terrible!"

975
00:52:32,578 --> 00:52:33,533
(CLEARS THROAT)

976
00:52:35,941 --> 00:52:38,580
That stupid English voice, was that me?

977
00:52:40,101 --> 00:52:41,739
Unfortunately, yes.

978
00:52:48,422 --> 00:52:51,141
Hey, look, just don't tell anyone at the hotel.

979
00:52:59,627 --> 00:53:01,663
- What's up, dude?
- What's up?

980
00:53:01,787 --> 00:53:06,144
Peter, I got some really interesting news
this morning.

981
00:53:06,624 --> 00:53:08,979
<i>Crime Scene was cancelled. </i>

982
00:53:09,104 --> 00:53:10,059
Whoa.

983
00:53:11,104 --> 00:53:12,093
Wow.

984
00:53:14,944 --> 00:53:17,617
- You all right?
- Yeah. Yeah.

985
00:53:19,024 --> 00:53:21,219
I mean, I've been waiting
to take the next step,

986
00:53:21,344 --> 00:53:24,017
you know, into features for a long time,
so it's a really good thing.

987
00:53:24,144 --> 00:53:28,820
<i>This isn't The View. I mean, we can have
an honest talk about this if we want. </i>

988
00:53:30,464 --> 00:53:33,262
I don't wanna step out of the spotlight
and then be forgotten.

989
00:53:33,384 --> 00:53:35,818
I don't wanna disappear. I'm freaked out.

990
00:53:35,944 --> 00:53:38,378
I wanna be honest.
I'm really freaked out right now, okay?

991
00:53:38,504 --> 00:53:42,292
Because, seemingly, the only actresses
that actually can survive

992
00:53:42,424 --> 00:53:45,302
are the ones that show their cooter,
and, excuse me, but I refuse to do that.

993
00:53:45,424 --> 00:53:46,539
I have a little dignity.

994
00:53:46,664 --> 00:53:49,542
And I don't have the frame
to support plastic surgery. I would tip over.

995
00:53:49,664 --> 00:53:51,859
And I'm not gonna do that.
I'm not gonna exploit myself.

996
00:53:51,984 --> 00:53:56,182
Listen, you're gonna be fine.
You have a long career ahead of you.

997
00:53:56,304 --> 00:53:59,694
You've got, like, four years until you're 30.

998
00:53:59,824 --> 00:54:01,496
It's gonna be fine.

999
00:54:05,304 --> 00:54:07,613
- How are you?
- I'm screwed.

1000
00:54:07,744 --> 00:54:12,943
Frankly, I don't stand a chance.
No, I'll be fine.

1001
00:54:13,064 --> 00:54:16,500
I've been quietly stealing money
from you for a long time.

1002
00:54:17,824 --> 00:54:21,214
You're always good at cheering me up,
Pete, thank you.

1003
00:54:24,384 --> 00:54:25,942
<i>(SINGING) Die</i>

1004
00:54:26,464 --> 00:54:27,863
<i>Die</i>

1005
00:54:28,584 --> 00:54:29,858
<i>Die</i>

1006
00:54:32,584 --> 00:54:34,222
<i>I can't</i>

1007
00:54:37,824 --> 00:54:40,896
It's really good, Peter.
I just don't understand it. I don't.

1008
00:54:41,024 --> 00:54:44,096
I mean, just chalk it up to that.
Please don't play it again, 'cause I don't...

1009
00:54:44,224 --> 00:54:46,260
Just listen to it one more time and see...

1010
00:54:48,264 --> 00:54:49,253
Where's Aldous?

1011
00:54:51,253 --> 00:54:53,562
- Mr Snow, may I ask you a question?
- Okay.

1012
00:54:53,693 --> 00:54:56,526
I want to please my wife here,
on our honeymoon,

1013
00:54:56,653 --> 00:54:57,768
but I don't know what I'm doing.

1014
00:54:57,893 --> 00:54:59,326
You having difficulty sex-wise?

1015
00:54:59,453 --> 00:55:01,569
- Do you not know how to use this?
- I know how.

1016
00:55:01,693 --> 00:55:04,253
- Have you had sex before?
- We can't.

1017
00:55:04,373 --> 00:55:05,726
- Why?
- Our religion.

1018
00:55:05,853 --> 00:55:07,252
Right, 'cause of God and everything?

1019
00:55:07,373 --> 00:55:08,442
Hey, that's not gonna be a problem,

1020
00:55:08,573 --> 00:55:10,689
because God should be present
in the bedroom.

1021
00:55:10,813 --> 00:55:13,168
Just tell me specifically what I need to do.

1022
00:55:13,293 --> 00:55:16,012
You need to penetrate deeply
and stimulate the clitoris simultaneously.

1023
00:55:16,133 --> 00:55:17,805
That's what you gotta do.
That's what it's about.

1024
00:55:17,933 --> 00:55:20,128
If you can involve the anus in that,
then that's absolute perfection.

1025
00:55:20,253 --> 00:55:21,208
Got it.

1026
00:55:21,333 --> 00:55:23,449
Explore her ears.

1027
00:55:23,573 --> 00:55:26,770
Find it in you to be a little more circly.

1028
00:55:26,893 --> 00:55:27,882
You are a man.

1029
00:55:28,013 --> 00:55:29,128
God's within you.

1030
00:55:29,253 --> 00:55:30,527
I actually feel okay about it.

1031
00:55:30,653 --> 00:55:33,406
You know, I'm a little scared,
but I'll be all right. I'll get another job.

1032
00:55:33,533 --> 00:55:35,922
<i>That's interesting, man.
You know what else is interesting?</i>

1033
00:55:36,053 --> 00:55:38,726
<i>- What?
- Me on the moon. </i>

1034
00:55:38,853 --> 00:55:40,969
I just wanna talk to you about something.
Can you stop?

1035
00:55:41,093 --> 00:55:43,049
<i>- All right, I'm just gonna talk, and then...
- Air!</i>

1036
00:55:43,173 --> 00:55:45,482
There was this interesting moment
with Sarah.

1037
00:55:45,613 --> 00:55:48,810
<i>Whoa, what? I don't wanna hear about
your interesting moment with Sarah, Pete. </i>

1038
00:55:48,933 --> 00:55:50,446
Then who am I supposed to talk to
about this?

1039
00:55:50,573 --> 00:55:54,043
<i>Well, not me, because have I ever had
an interesting moment with an ex-girlfriend?</i>

1040
00:55:54,173 --> 00:55:56,528
<i>- Do you have an ex-girlfriend? No!
- No. </i>

1041
00:55:56,653 --> 00:55:57,847
<i>LIZ: No. </i>

1042
00:55:58,893 --> 00:56:01,930
I would really love to get
the woman's perspective on the matter.

1043
00:56:02,053 --> 00:56:03,452
<i>- Really?
- No. </i>

1044
00:56:03,573 --> 00:56:05,165
But come on in and just sit down.

1045
00:56:05,293 --> 00:56:07,761
<i>- Stay. You have to...
- Honey, no, no, the camera's right there. </i>

1046
00:56:07,893 --> 00:56:08,928
<i>No, I know,
but I just wanna tell him, though. </i>

1047
00:56:09,053 --> 00:56:11,647
<i>- No, the camera...
- Think about how much she's hurt you. </i>

1048
00:56:11,773 --> 00:56:12,728
<i>- Hey, Liz?
- Yeah?</i>

1049
00:56:12,853 --> 00:56:15,083
I think you need to move just a tiny bit
further away from the microphone.

1050
00:56:15,213 --> 00:56:16,168
<i>- Just...
- No, closer. </i>

1051
00:56:16,293 --> 00:56:17,282
<i>- Now a little further.
- Okay. </i>

1052
00:56:17,413 --> 00:56:18,368
<i>- Closer.
- And then... </i>

1053
00:56:18,493 --> 00:56:19,721
<i>- And then a little further, and then closer.
- I don't know. </i>

1054
00:56:21,333 --> 00:56:22,322
<i>- Keep your head down, though.
- I'm bad at this thing. </i>

1055
00:56:22,453 --> 00:56:23,932
<i>- Can you hear me?
- Yeah, closer. Further away. </i>

1056
00:56:24,053 --> 00:56:26,772
<i>I know what you're doing.
That's not funny at all. </i>

1057
00:56:26,893 --> 00:56:27,928
<i>- You stop that.
- What?</i>

1058
00:56:29,573 --> 00:56:31,291
<i>- What's he doing?
- Come on. Yeah, yeah, real funny. </i>

1059
00:56:32,884 --> 00:56:33,873
Hey, that's a great necklace, Liz.

1060
00:56:34,004 --> 00:56:35,835
<i>- Did you have that a second ago?
- Thank you!</i>

1061
00:56:35,964 --> 00:56:37,795
<i>That's gross!</i>

1062
00:56:37,924 --> 00:56:39,152
<i>- LIZ: I don't get it.
- Stop it. </i>

1063
00:56:40,333 --> 00:56:41,766
Hey, Dracula!

1064
00:56:41,893 --> 00:56:45,010
"And when I see Van Helsing,
I swear to the Lord, I'll slay him. "

1065
00:56:45,133 --> 00:56:46,088
(GROWLS)

1066
00:56:48,035 --> 00:56:50,230
That shit is funny, dude!

1067
00:56:50,355 --> 00:56:51,754
Hey, Pete.

1068
00:56:51,875 --> 00:56:54,309
So I was gonna go over
to Lazy Joe's later tonight,

1069
00:56:54,435 --> 00:56:55,550
and I wanted to see
if you wanted to come and join.

1070
00:56:58,059 --> 00:57:00,619
I think I'm confused,
because I thought last night...

1071
00:57:00,739 --> 00:57:04,334
Oh, my God. Dude, get out of your head.
It's really nice out here.

1072
00:57:04,459 --> 00:57:07,019
Yeah, I bet it is.

1073
00:57:07,139 --> 00:57:08,128
All right, yeah. You know what?

1074
00:57:08,259 --> 00:57:09,578
I could totally use a friendly hangout, so...

1075
00:57:09,699 --> 00:57:10,654
All right.

1076
00:57:10,779 --> 00:57:12,132
I don't know if you want,
instead of Lazy Joe's,

1077
00:57:12,259 --> 00:57:14,090
I was thinking of going
to Laie Point right now.

1078
00:57:14,219 --> 00:57:15,368
- Really?
- Yeah.

1079
00:57:15,499 --> 00:57:17,774
I heard that place was a pain in the ass.

1080
00:57:18,859 --> 00:57:19,974
RACHEL: Okay.

1081
00:57:21,219 --> 00:57:22,334
- Hey!
- DWAYNE: Yo, what's up, guys?

1082
00:57:22,459 --> 00:57:23,494
PETER: We're just going for a hike.

1083
00:57:23,619 --> 00:57:26,133
No, you're not, you're going snorkelling.

1084
00:57:26,259 --> 00:57:27,533
PETER: I think we're gonna go on a hike.

1085
00:57:27,659 --> 00:57:30,651
It is sea turtle fucking season, dude.
Let's go.

1086
00:57:30,779 --> 00:57:33,930
They fuck for three hours, dude.
I mean, that's magical.

1087
00:57:34,059 --> 00:57:35,777
- No, we're going on a hike.
- I think we'll go on a hike, yeah.

1088
00:57:35,899 --> 00:57:37,617
What? Your loss.

1089
00:57:38,859 --> 00:57:40,690
Why won't anybody
go snorkelling with me?

1090
00:57:46,619 --> 00:57:48,689
How you doing back there?

1091
00:57:49,699 --> 00:57:50,973
Awesome.

1092
00:57:51,099 --> 00:57:54,216
I don't think I've ever been
this covered in sweat before.

1093
00:57:54,339 --> 00:57:56,250
It's like I have some sort of fever.

1094
00:57:56,379 --> 00:58:00,418
I told you this was a pain in the ass.
Could've been at Lazy Joe's.

1095
00:58:00,539 --> 00:58:02,018
- Oh, yeah.
- Uh-huh.

1096
00:58:02,139 --> 00:58:03,731
Oh, shit.

1097
00:58:03,859 --> 00:58:05,451
- You good?
- No.

1098
00:58:06,819 --> 00:58:08,047
(LAUGHING)

1099
00:58:08,499 --> 00:58:10,933
PETER: Wow, we're really going
up to the edge of this, huh?

1100
00:58:11,059 --> 00:58:12,287
Look!

1101
00:58:15,976 --> 00:58:17,853
Wow, this is really beautiful.

1102
00:58:21,296 --> 00:58:25,653
All right, so now that your show's done,
are you gonna finish the Dracula musical?

1103
00:58:25,776 --> 00:58:27,812
It's not that easy, you know.

1104
00:58:28,896 --> 00:58:31,364
Sarah always thought it was crazy, and...

1105
00:58:31,496 --> 00:58:36,012
Well, you're definitely crazy.
But so is everyone, right? So who cares?

1106
00:58:36,136 --> 00:58:39,367
- I just don't feel like doing anything.
- Why?

1107
00:58:39,496 --> 00:58:40,611
'Cause my heart is broken,

1108
00:58:40,736 --> 00:58:43,375
and I can't imagine
doing anything right now.

1109
00:58:43,496 --> 00:58:47,250
It's probably the same reason
you don't go back to school, you know?

1110
00:58:50,656 --> 00:58:53,295
Maybe it's good we got hurt like that,
you know?

1111
00:58:53,416 --> 00:58:58,410
I don't know about you,
but it makes me feel impervious to pain.

1112
00:58:58,536 --> 00:59:01,926
Yeah. Kind of like
there's nothing left to be afraid of.

1113
00:59:02,056 --> 00:59:04,524
- Yeah. No, exactly.
- Right.

1114
00:59:04,656 --> 00:59:08,695
We could leap off this rock,
and it won't hurt us as bad as they did.

1115
00:59:10,816 --> 00:59:12,568
So jump, then.

1116
00:59:12,696 --> 00:59:14,891
No, I meant that,
like, as a metaphor, you know?

1117
00:59:15,016 --> 00:59:16,927
No. Just do it.

1118
00:59:19,816 --> 00:59:22,455
You'll be fine. Jump.

1119
00:59:28,096 --> 00:59:29,893
What the hell?

1120
00:59:31,856 --> 00:59:34,734
Oh, God! Oh, God. I made her kill herself!

1121
00:59:38,296 --> 00:59:39,570
(EXCLAIMING)

1122
00:59:40,016 --> 00:59:41,608
You must be crazy!

1123
00:59:41,736 --> 00:59:44,489
- So are you gonna jump or what?
- No!

1124
00:59:44,616 --> 00:59:47,892
Come on, Peter!
I can see your vagina from here!

1125
00:59:48,016 --> 00:59:50,576
I can see your hoo-ha.

1126
00:59:50,696 --> 00:59:52,891
I mean, I'll jump!

1127
00:59:53,016 --> 00:59:54,927
Chicken! Come on!

1128
01:00:00,096 --> 01:00:01,051
(GROANING)

1129
01:00:10,656 --> 01:00:13,932
Please, God, don't let me die today.

1130
01:00:15,536 --> 01:00:17,288
- I'm okay!
- Okay!

1131
01:00:17,416 --> 01:00:20,135
- I'll just let go, right?
- No, no, no!

1132
01:00:20,256 --> 01:00:24,374
If you fall straight down,
you'd probably hit a rock and kill yourself!

1133
01:00:25,456 --> 01:00:27,253
- Totally.
- Yeah.

1134
01:00:27,376 --> 01:00:28,445
So what do I do?

1135
01:00:28,576 --> 01:00:31,170
Why don't you press your feet
up against the rock,

1136
01:00:31,296 --> 01:00:33,173
and, like, shoot yourself off!

1137
01:00:33,296 --> 01:00:34,854
- What, like a frog?
- I don't know, Peter!

1138
01:00:34,976 --> 01:00:37,444
Just get off the fucking rock!

1139
01:00:37,576 --> 01:00:39,771
- Here I go!
- Okay!

1140
01:00:39,896 --> 01:00:41,090
One!

1141
01:00:42,856 --> 01:00:43,971
Two!

1142
01:00:44,616 --> 01:00:45,765
Two!

1143
01:00:48,416 --> 01:00:50,486
- Two and a half!
- Jump!

1144
01:00:50,616 --> 01:00:51,935
Three!

1145
01:01:04,856 --> 01:01:08,326
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

1146
01:01:08,456 --> 01:01:10,128
- You saw that, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw it!

1147
01:01:10,256 --> 01:01:12,531
I was there. I witnessed it.

1148
01:01:12,656 --> 01:01:13,975
Thanks.

1149
01:01:20,376 --> 01:01:21,775
Come on.

1150
01:01:29,216 --> 01:01:32,049
You've got Christ between your thighs,

1151
01:01:33,296 --> 01:01:35,252
but with a shorter beard.

1152
01:01:35,736 --> 01:01:38,296
<i>- Mahalo.
- Aloha. </i>

1153
01:01:38,696 --> 01:01:40,971
- Sex!
- I'm cramping, I'm cramping.

1154
01:01:41,096 --> 01:01:42,688
- Okay.
- Okay, okay.

1155
01:01:44,776 --> 01:01:47,085
Petey? Petey?

1156
01:01:50,776 --> 01:01:53,370
Sorry. I knocked a bunch.

1157
01:01:53,496 --> 01:01:54,690
You were really out.
Ken sent me.

1158
01:01:56,382 --> 01:01:59,374
Dakota Fanning and her people,
they need this room.

1159
01:01:59,184 --> 01:02:00,139
Oh.

1160
01:02:00,944 --> 01:02:02,013
So does that mean I have to leave the hotel?

1161
01:02:02,144 --> 01:02:03,133
Ken found you a room.

1162
01:02:05,064 --> 01:02:07,658
I'll take it, yeah.
I wanna hang out with Rachel a little more.

1163
01:02:09,770 --> 01:02:13,001
Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?

1164
01:02:16,570 --> 01:02:18,845
Maybe you should just give me a minute.

1165
01:02:21,650 --> 01:02:24,483
It was the only room available!

1166
01:02:24,610 --> 01:02:26,248
I'm sure it was!

1167
01:02:29,850 --> 01:02:32,159
- Hey, how's it going?
- It's all right.

1168
01:02:32,290 --> 01:02:33,609
Really?

1169
01:02:33,730 --> 01:02:37,006
I think you got some pain behind
those eyes. A kind of pain that only...

1170
01:02:37,130 --> 01:02:38,688
Okay, you know what?
Let's cut the bullshit.

1171
01:02:38,810 --> 01:02:40,801
I wanna stand up on a wave before I leave.

1172
01:02:40,930 --> 01:02:42,648
I don't think you're ready yet, man.

1173
01:02:42,770 --> 01:02:46,160
- I'm ready to ride giants, Koonu.
- I think you're ready.

1174
01:03:07,810 --> 01:03:09,084
Petey!

1175
01:03:14,010 --> 01:03:14,965
- Hi.
- Hi.

1176
01:03:15,090 --> 01:03:17,604
Miss Marshall, what can I do for you?

1177
01:03:17,730 --> 01:03:20,164
Is there a place
to get good sushi around here?

1178
01:03:20,290 --> 01:03:24,488
Yeah. Yeah, there's a really great place
about five minutes from here called Asuki.

1179
01:03:24,610 --> 01:03:25,963
Perfect.

1180
01:03:26,090 --> 01:03:27,523
- Do you want me to get you a map?
- Please.

1181
01:03:27,650 --> 01:03:28,799
Okay.

1182
01:03:29,490 --> 01:03:32,687
So, this is where we are.

1183
01:03:32,810 --> 01:03:36,644
Head down Kamehameha,
and then pass Funaho Loko Marsh.

1184
01:03:36,770 --> 01:03:38,567
And it should be right to the left.

1185
01:03:38,690 --> 01:03:40,726
It might take, like, five minutes.

1186
01:03:40,890 --> 01:03:43,165
- Great. Thank you.
- Any time.

1187
01:03:46,770 --> 01:03:48,089
Um...

1188
01:03:48,210 --> 01:03:51,520
- I saw you with Peter Bretter...
- Yeah.

1189
01:03:51,650 --> 01:03:54,118
...who's my ex-boyfriend.

1190
01:03:54,250 --> 01:03:57,322
Oh, my God. I'm really sorry.

1191
01:03:57,450 --> 01:03:58,769
- No.
- It's not like that at all.

1192
01:03:58,890 --> 01:04:00,289
- It's not what you're...
- No, it's fine.

1193
01:04:00,410 --> 01:04:02,241
I'm just really glad
you're keeping him company, 'cause...

1194
01:04:02,370 --> 01:04:04,964
- Gosh, no.
... you seem like a really nice person,

1195
01:04:05,090 --> 01:04:07,650
- and you're very pretty.
- Thank you.

1196
01:04:07,770 --> 01:04:10,045
Gosh, you're, like, way prettier.

1197
01:04:10,170 --> 01:04:12,365
No, you're, like, so pretty.

1198
01:04:14,410 --> 01:04:15,638
Really?

1199
01:04:16,530 --> 01:04:19,840
- Yeah.
- Wow, thank you. Thank you.

1200
01:04:19,970 --> 01:04:21,926
And one more thing about Peter.

1201
01:04:22,050 --> 01:04:27,682
He's a really good guy. Really good.
Like, great, actually.

1202
01:04:28,130 --> 01:04:29,404
Yeah.

1203
01:04:30,010 --> 01:04:30,999
Um...

1204
01:04:34,650 --> 01:04:37,005
Please don't cry, Miss Marshall.

1205
01:04:37,130 --> 01:04:39,724
God. Do you need me to get you a tissue?

1206
01:04:39,850 --> 01:04:42,603
Oh, no, I'm good, I'm good.
I'm okay, I'm okay.

1207
01:04:43,450 --> 01:04:44,644
Okay.

1208
01:04:46,610 --> 01:04:50,239
- Thank you, Rachel.
- Any time, Miss Marshall.

1209
01:04:59,770 --> 01:05:01,761
Hey, ahoy, there!

1210
01:05:01,890 --> 01:05:03,403
You surf, too?

1211
01:05:03,530 --> 01:05:06,283
Good Lord, no.
I'm just drifting around, you know?

1212
01:05:06,410 --> 01:05:10,528
Getting in touch with the ocean and stuff.
It's really pleasant.

1213
01:05:10,650 --> 01:05:12,129
It was, yeah.

1214
01:05:13,730 --> 01:05:14,845
I'm gonna head in.

1215
01:05:14,970 --> 01:05:17,120
Before you go, actually, Peter,
I just wanted to tell you,

1216
01:05:17,250 --> 01:05:19,445
I was listening to Sarah's iPod
the other day,

1217
01:05:19,570 --> 01:05:23,245
and amidst the interminable dross
that's on that thing,

1218
01:05:23,370 --> 01:05:25,361
I found one track that I quite liked.

1219
01:05:25,490 --> 01:05:28,368
So I checked what it was,
and it was actually one of yours.

1220
01:05:28,490 --> 01:05:33,325
And it kind of reminded me of a dark,
gothic Neil Diamond. It's great.

1221
01:05:34,370 --> 01:05:36,486
That's, like, exactly what I'm going for.

1222
01:05:36,610 --> 01:05:38,043
Right, yeah.

1223
01:05:41,690 --> 01:05:43,009
Fuck.

1224
01:05:44,730 --> 01:05:46,288
Fuck, you're cool.

1225
01:05:47,730 --> 01:05:52,326
It's so hard to say,
because, like, I hate you in so many ways,

1226
01:05:54,290 --> 01:05:56,121
but whatever.
I can see why Sarah likes you.

1227
01:05:56,250 --> 01:05:59,560
No accounting for taste, I suppose.
In her case, anyway.

1228
01:05:59,690 --> 01:06:02,568
She was with me for five years,
so there you go.

1229
01:06:02,690 --> 01:06:05,488
Yeah, you got four on me there, mate.

1230
01:06:08,330 --> 01:06:10,446
You slept with Sarah a year ago?

1231
01:06:10,570 --> 01:06:14,609
I thought you knew!
Peter, please, don't take it seriously.

1232
01:06:14,730 --> 01:06:17,642
- What the fuck, man! You've...
- Don't get offended by that.

1233
01:06:17,770 --> 01:06:20,045
You can't be so casual about this!

1234
01:06:21,930 --> 01:06:22,965
This isn't Europe, okay?
There are rules here.

1235
01:06:23,090 --> 01:06:26,400
I'm really sorry.
I apologise for offending you, Peter.

1236
01:06:26,570 --> 01:06:29,528
I just hope this doesn't ruin our friendship.

1237
01:06:29,650 --> 01:06:30,969
Well, what's that about?

1238
01:06:31,090 --> 01:06:32,409
What do you think it's about?
This is a big deal!

1239
01:06:34,090 --> 01:06:35,125
What about a code of the ocean?
That's not on.

1240
01:06:35,250 --> 01:06:36,285
What about codes among men?

1241
01:06:36,410 --> 01:06:37,445
You don't sleep
with another man's girlfriend!

1242
01:06:37,610 --> 01:06:38,679
- Think of...
- Get out of here!

1243
01:06:38,810 --> 01:06:41,768
- All right, okay! All right!
- Get out of here!

1244
01:07:05,170 --> 01:07:06,125
Oh, God!

1245
01:07:26,610 --> 01:07:29,841
PETER: Koonu! This guy needs help! Koonu!

1246
01:07:30,490 --> 01:07:31,605
(SCREAMING)

1247
01:07:32,890 --> 01:07:35,768
- Should I call the front desk?
- It hurts. It hurts.

1248
01:07:35,890 --> 01:07:38,040
Wow, you got coral right there in your leg!

1249
01:07:38,170 --> 01:07:39,569
Can you get it out of my leg, please,
hotel man?

1250
01:07:39,690 --> 01:07:40,679
Can you do something about that?

1251
01:07:40,810 --> 01:07:44,769
I'd love to, you know, but hotel policy...
They don't let me do that kind of thing.

1252
01:07:44,890 --> 01:07:46,687
They get all weirded out. Insurance...

1253
01:07:46,810 --> 01:07:48,528
Koonu, can you call
the front desk for me, please?

1254
01:07:48,650 --> 01:07:50,163
- Yeah.
- It really hurts.

1255
01:07:50,290 --> 01:07:53,088
Koonu, call the front desk now!

1256
01:07:53,210 --> 01:07:55,087
Okay, monster man.

1257
01:07:55,210 --> 01:07:56,848
Pete, he's not gonna do nothing.

1258
01:07:56,970 --> 01:07:58,767
I kind of have this thing about blood, okay?

1259
01:07:58,890 --> 01:08:02,439
Look at it. It's raping my leg.
Peter, get it out of my fucking leg, please!

1260
01:08:02,570 --> 01:08:04,606
One, two.

1261
01:08:04,730 --> 01:08:06,721
- You can't get it out.
- It's really in there.

1262
01:08:06,850 --> 01:08:09,125
- Get it out of me!
- Three!

1263
01:08:09,250 --> 01:08:11,320
Fuck my arse!

1264
01:08:11,450 --> 01:08:14,169
Okay, I got it. It's all done. It's all over.

1265
01:08:14,290 --> 01:08:15,723
Everything looks fine.

1266
01:08:18,770 --> 01:08:21,489
<i>It's all good! They're coming wiki wiki. </i>

1267
01:08:21,610 --> 01:08:25,649
Can you get some towels for me, please?
I'm really losing a lot of blood.

1268
01:08:25,770 --> 01:08:27,647
You sound like you're from London.

1269
01:08:27,770 --> 01:08:29,806
Yeah, I'm from London.

1270
01:08:33,570 --> 01:08:35,288
What's going on?

1271
01:08:35,410 --> 01:08:39,289
SARAH: You fainted.
I didn't want you to wake up by yourself.

1272
01:08:39,410 --> 01:08:42,686
- How's your friend? Is he all right?
- Yeah.

1273
01:08:42,810 --> 01:08:45,040
They gave him stitches,
and he's sleeping it off.

1274
01:08:45,170 --> 01:08:47,126
- Hey, you wanna hear something funny?
- What?

1275
01:08:47,250 --> 01:08:49,366
Are you ready to laugh?
'Cause this is a gas.

1276
01:08:49,490 --> 01:08:50,639
Okay.

1277
01:08:50,770 --> 01:08:54,001
Edward Scissorhands over there told me
that you two were fucking each other

1278
01:08:54,130 --> 01:08:56,598
for a whole God damn year
while we were together.

1279
01:08:56,730 --> 01:08:57,719
Shit.

1280
01:08:57,850 --> 01:08:59,442
How about that, Sarah?

1281
01:08:59,570 --> 01:09:01,208
I'm sorry, Peter.

1282
01:09:02,330 --> 01:09:05,083
Pete, you shouldn't be up
and walking around. Can you please...

1283
01:09:05,210 --> 01:09:07,644
Please don't touch me.
Just don't touch me, okay?

1284
01:09:07,770 --> 01:09:09,328
I'm not touching you.

1285
01:09:09,450 --> 01:09:11,725
Will you just please sit? Please?

1286
01:09:12,690 --> 01:09:15,284
All right, I'll sit down,
but I'm sitting down 'cause I want to,

1287
01:09:15,410 --> 01:09:19,323
not because you've asked me to sit, okay?

1288
01:09:19,450 --> 01:09:20,678
Great.

1289
01:09:26,370 --> 01:09:27,564
A year?

1290
01:09:28,370 --> 01:09:30,804
Listen, I get it, okay? I just...

1291
01:09:31,010 --> 01:09:33,763
I need to understand what I did
to make you cheat. I just...

1292
01:09:33,890 --> 01:09:39,999
Pete, it's not anything you did.

1293
01:09:40,130 --> 01:09:43,725
You didn't do anything.
I mean, you were great.

1294
01:09:43,850 --> 01:09:46,410
Will you please cut the bullshit
and have a talk with me?

1295
01:09:46,530 --> 01:09:49,249
Fine. Cutting the bullshit.

1296
01:09:51,090 --> 01:09:53,206
It got really hard to keep taking care of you
when you stopped taking care of yourself.

1297
01:09:53,330 --> 01:09:54,479
I tried to get you out of the house.

1298
01:09:54,610 --> 01:09:59,161
I tried to get you off your little island
you loved so much, the couch.

1299
01:09:59,290 --> 01:10:00,848
You didn't wanna see the light of day!

1300
01:10:00,970 --> 01:10:05,043
God, there was one week
when you wore sweatpants! Every day.

1301
01:10:09,810 --> 01:10:13,200
You shall not pass!

1302
01:10:14,370 --> 01:10:17,362
You know what? If they were Sean John
sweatpants, it would have been fine.

1303
01:10:17,490 --> 01:10:20,402
But because they're Costco brand,
it's like the worst thing I could do.

1304
01:10:20,530 --> 01:10:23,886
That has nothing to do with it.
That's what you don't get.

1305
01:10:24,010 --> 01:10:27,525
I'm sorry that I didn't end up being
who we thought I was gonna be, you know?

1306
01:10:27,650 --> 01:10:32,246
I tried really hard. I promise you that.
I just didn't have it in me.

1307
01:10:32,370 --> 01:10:34,645
I think if you had just, maybe tried harder.

1308
01:10:34,770 --> 01:10:36,965
I tried!

1309
01:10:37,090 --> 01:10:39,445
You have no idea how hard I tried, Peter.

1310
01:10:39,570 --> 01:10:41,049
I talked to a therapist.

1311
01:10:41,170 --> 01:10:43,320
I talked to my mother.
I read every book possible.

1312
01:10:43,450 --> 01:10:45,441
I took love seminars. I took sex seminars.

1313
01:10:45,570 --> 01:10:47,925
None of it worked.
None of it made a difference to you.

1314
01:10:48,050 --> 01:10:51,281
And I couldn't drown with you any more.

1315
01:10:51,410 --> 01:10:55,767
Don't you dare sit there
and tell me that I didn't try.

1316
01:10:55,930 --> 01:10:57,807
I did.

1317
01:10:57,930 --> 01:11:00,319
You were just too stupid to notice.

1318
01:11:30,730 --> 01:11:31,765
(CLEARS THROAT)

1319
01:11:31,890 --> 01:11:34,802
Whoa. I thought you were gonna wear
the shirt I got you.

1320
01:11:34,930 --> 01:11:36,522
What? No.

1321
01:11:36,650 --> 01:11:39,210
I mean, I do love that shirt you got me.

1322
01:11:39,330 --> 01:11:41,798
I admire Sir Tommy Bahama an awful lot.

1323
01:11:41,930 --> 01:11:45,718
He's a talented man,
but tonight, I feel that this is appropriate.

1324
01:11:50,650 --> 01:11:53,926
Wow, thank you. Yeah, Sarah got it for me.

1325
01:11:55,290 --> 01:11:58,407
This is, like, way more convenient
than my backpack.

1326
01:12:00,992 --> 01:12:01,981
Awesome hat!

1327
01:12:02,112 --> 01:12:04,023
Thank you.
Yeah, my girlfriend got it for me!

1328
01:12:04,928 --> 01:12:06,520
- I'm fucking with you!
- Cool!

1329
01:12:11,708 --> 01:12:13,107
I think it looks great.
But if you're not, let's go change.

1330
01:12:13,228 --> 01:12:16,459
No, I like it. I didn't like it at first.
Now I really think it's...

1331
01:12:16,588 --> 01:12:18,146
Oh, bloody hell. This is a small resort.

1332
01:12:18,268 --> 01:12:19,667
Hi, Peter.

1333
01:12:21,948 --> 01:12:23,461
Hey. Wow.

1334
01:12:24,668 --> 01:12:26,818
Aldous, Sarah, this is Rachel.

1335
01:12:26,948 --> 01:12:29,257
Sarah bought me this shirt.

1336
01:12:29,388 --> 01:12:30,616
I could've guessed that. Yeah.

1337
01:12:30,748 --> 01:12:31,817
- Looks great.
- You look great.

1338
01:12:31,948 --> 01:12:33,666
Looks awesome.

1339
01:12:33,788 --> 01:12:35,824
- See.
- Thanks.

1340
01:12:35,948 --> 01:12:39,907
Mr Snow, I'm so sorry.
I did not know you guys were coming.

1341
01:12:40,028 --> 01:12:40,983
You're gonna have to wait five minutes.

1342
01:12:41,108 --> 01:12:42,097
I did not know you guys were coming.

1343
01:12:42,228 --> 01:12:43,820
It's okay. It's not a problem.

1344
01:12:43,948 --> 01:12:45,540
I didn't see you guys, so...

1345
01:12:45,668 --> 01:12:48,102
There's really no need to weep.

1346
01:12:48,828 --> 01:12:50,307
I'm not crying.

1347
01:12:51,708 --> 01:12:54,347
It's no problem, honestly.
It's not a problem.

1348
01:12:54,468 --> 01:12:57,380
- So, your table is ready, guys.
- Oh, great.

1349
01:12:57,508 --> 01:12:58,941
Hey, have a lovely evening, you two.

1350
01:12:59,068 --> 01:13:00,740
- Thank you. Have a great dinner, you guys.
- Thank you.

1351
01:13:00,868 --> 01:13:02,142
You're welcome to join us, obviously,
if you want.

1352
01:13:02,268 --> 01:13:03,986
- Okay.
- Wouldn't dream of it. What?

1353
01:13:04,108 --> 01:13:05,223
What?

1354
01:13:06,228 --> 01:13:07,900
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.

1355
01:13:08,028 --> 01:13:09,586
- RACHEL: That's great. Awesome.
- Sure.

1356
01:13:09,708 --> 01:13:10,857
Great. I'll just set two more places.

1357
01:13:10,988 --> 01:13:11,943
- Okay.
- Not a big deal.

1358
01:13:12,068 --> 01:13:13,387
Awesome.

1359
01:13:13,508 --> 01:13:17,501
So this is actually happening.
We're gonna let this happen.

1360
01:13:18,068 --> 01:13:19,023
I am so sorry.

1361
01:13:19,148 --> 01:13:20,103
I never thought in a million years
she would say yes.

1362
01:13:22,028 --> 01:13:22,983
I did.

1363
01:13:23,108 --> 01:13:25,906
What? I just accepted an invitation.
I didn't wanna be rude.

1364
01:13:26,028 --> 01:13:27,620
It's got us in a terrible situation.

1365
01:13:27,748 --> 01:13:29,579
Now I'm gonna have to sit with him
wearing this shirt all night.

1366
01:13:29,708 --> 01:13:31,346
You're wearing the shirt regardless.

1367
01:13:31,468 --> 01:13:33,106
Australia is amazing.

1368
01:13:33,228 --> 01:13:36,459
- I'm telling you. It is a great place to shoot.
- Yeah?

1369
01:13:36,628 --> 01:13:39,700
Rachel, you would love it.
You would love it.

1370
01:13:39,828 --> 01:13:42,388
I wanna go. I really, really wanna go there.

1371
01:13:42,508 --> 01:13:44,464
- Wait, so when's the movie coming out?
- Mmm.

1372
01:13:45,628 --> 01:13:47,346
It came out.

1373
01:13:47,468 --> 01:13:49,265
- It was already released.
- Oh.

1374
01:13:49,388 --> 01:13:50,707
(SNICKERING)

1375
01:13:51,908 --> 01:13:53,660
Well, you know, it's an island.

1376
01:13:53,788 --> 01:13:54,777
It's isolated.

1377
01:13:54,908 --> 01:13:56,227
- Yeah.
- Movies don't really come out here.

1378
01:13:56,348 --> 01:13:58,737
- Obviously.
- Did you like it?

1379
01:13:58,868 --> 01:14:00,460
- The movie?
- Yeah.

1380
01:14:01,428 --> 01:14:03,464
- It was...
- Awful bloody film.

1381
01:14:03,588 --> 01:14:05,624
I say, it's just a ridiculous premise.

1382
01:14:05,748 --> 01:14:09,218
What would happen
if your mobile phone killed you?

1383
01:14:09,348 --> 01:14:11,498
Why would a mobile phone kill anyone?
Doesn't make sense.

1384
01:14:11,628 --> 01:14:14,222
How can a mobile phone have an agenda
and kill people...

1385
01:14:14,348 --> 01:14:15,827
I told her that when she read the script.

1386
01:14:15,948 --> 01:14:17,427
Yeah. You were the voice of reason, mate.

1387
01:14:17,548 --> 01:14:19,061
I tried to be, but she didn't listen.

1388
01:14:19,188 --> 01:14:21,748
Going around killing people.
A mobile phone, like, doing murders.

1389
01:14:21,868 --> 01:14:23,699
Why couldn't you just take the battery
out of the phone?

1390
01:14:23,828 --> 01:14:25,102
ALDOUS: Right. That's it. The battle's over.

1391
01:14:25,228 --> 01:14:27,344
- Yeah, we've won.
- ALDOUS: I hated it.

1392
01:14:27,468 --> 01:14:29,424
Well, it's not for everyone, but it...

1393
01:14:29,548 --> 01:14:31,425
No, it's ridiculous. Here's my favourite scene.

1394
01:14:31,548 --> 01:14:33,106
Ring-ring. Hello?

1395
01:14:33,948 --> 01:14:35,586
- ALDOUS: Right. It would never happen.
- Yeah.

1396
01:14:35,708 --> 01:14:36,936
No, it could never happen.

1397
01:14:37,068 --> 01:14:40,947
It's a metaphor for addiction to technology.

1398
01:14:41,068 --> 01:14:44,947
For society,
for how we're reliant on technology.

1399
01:14:45,068 --> 01:14:46,057
I get it. I'm with you.

1400
01:14:46,188 --> 01:14:47,541
It's a metaphor for a crap movie.

1401
01:14:47,788 --> 01:14:49,779
Well, it was the right choice
for me at the time.

1402
01:14:49,908 --> 01:14:51,466
- RACHEL: Sure.
- You know?

1403
01:15:03,548 --> 01:15:04,742
Well, this is awkward.

1404
01:15:08,828 --> 01:15:09,863
Yeah?

1405
01:15:10,548 --> 01:15:12,823
- It's a bit more awkward now.
- RACHEL: A little.

1406
01:15:12,948 --> 01:15:15,667
Hey, excuse me.
Can we get another bottle of wine, please?

1407
01:15:15,788 --> 01:15:16,903
- Sure.
- Thank you.

1408
01:15:17,028 --> 01:15:17,983
Mr Snow?

1409
01:15:18,108 --> 01:15:20,258
Can I get cranberry juice
with a bit of lime in it, please.

1410
01:15:20,388 --> 01:15:21,901
Do you want cranberry juice
or cranberry cocktail?

1411
01:15:22,028 --> 01:15:24,337
Because I can probably rustle up either one.
Throw some OJ...

1412
01:15:24,468 --> 01:15:26,424
I don't care.

1413
01:15:26,548 --> 01:15:27,867
Okay, great.

1414
01:15:36,939 --> 01:15:39,169
Hey, can we get another bottle of wine?

1415
01:15:48,299 --> 01:15:50,176
If I've learned anything from addiction,
it's that,

1416
01:15:50,299 --> 01:15:54,577
you know, life is as brief
as the twinkling of a star over all too soon.

1417
01:15:54,699 --> 01:15:56,530
So if you're in a situation
where you're with a woman,

1418
01:15:58,819 --> 01:15:59,888
why not do the most interesting thing
that you can do in that situation?

1419
01:16:00,019 --> 01:16:02,328
And by which, I don't mean
have a conversation,

1420
01:16:02,459 --> 01:16:03,778
have a chin-wag, a bit of a chat.

1421
01:16:03,899 --> 01:16:07,096
Lose yourself in something
that's both ancient and perennial.

1422
01:16:07,219 --> 01:16:11,417
Find something eternal, perpetual.
Lose yourself in fuck.

1423
01:16:13,259 --> 01:16:15,295
I'm going to disagree.

1424
01:16:15,419 --> 01:16:16,738
Respectfully, of course, sir.

1425
01:16:16,859 --> 01:16:18,815
Maybe for you, that works.

1426
01:16:18,939 --> 01:16:21,931
For me, it's much more enjoyable
to get to know somebody.

1427
01:16:22,059 --> 01:16:23,458
If you end up sleeping with them,
that's great.

1428
01:16:23,579 --> 01:16:25,615
But I like getting to know somebody.

1429
01:16:25,739 --> 01:16:26,694
But he...

1430
01:16:27,179 --> 01:16:30,967
What he's saying is that
he's gonna stick it wherever he wants,

1431
01:16:31,099 --> 01:16:33,533
but he's joking.

1432
01:16:33,659 --> 01:16:35,172
I ain't. No, I'm not joking.

1433
01:16:35,299 --> 01:16:37,654
It's just what I believe, really.

1434
01:16:38,939 --> 01:16:40,258
So...

1435
01:16:40,459 --> 01:16:45,817
Just so we're clear and so I can hone in
on your central thesis of the night,

1436
01:16:45,939 --> 01:16:47,338
wade through all the bullshit,

1437
01:16:47,459 --> 01:16:49,973
you're telling me
that you think you have the right

1438
01:16:50,099 --> 01:16:52,613
to just fuck anyone, anywhere, anytime?

1439
01:16:52,739 --> 01:16:54,536
- Yes. There it is. That's right.
- That's what you're saying?

1440
01:16:54,659 --> 01:16:57,537
Not so eloquently
as you just put it, sweetheart.

1441
01:16:57,659 --> 01:16:58,887
But ultimately, yes, that is...

1442
01:16:59,019 --> 01:17:00,896
Oh, no! Not the shirt!

1443
01:17:01,019 --> 01:17:03,931
Take my eyes, but not the shirt. Mmm.

1444
01:17:04,419 --> 01:17:07,172
Yeah, that's pretty much
what I believe, Sarah.

1445
01:17:07,299 --> 01:17:09,654
When you're done making jokes,
are you gonna get a napkin?

1446
01:17:09,779 --> 01:17:12,054
Do you know what? I think I've improved it,
actually, against all odds.

1447
01:17:12,179 --> 01:17:13,373
I think I deserve a design award.

1448
01:17:13,499 --> 01:17:15,376
Please get some seltzer water.

1449
01:17:15,499 --> 01:17:17,808
- Garçon, could we get some...
- I saw it from farther away.

1450
01:17:19,659 --> 01:17:21,456
- Okay.
- Just lean back for a second.

1451
01:17:21,579 --> 01:17:23,171
No, it's all right. It's not there. Let me...

1452
01:17:23,299 --> 01:17:24,618
You're very diligent. I appreciate it.

1453
01:17:24,739 --> 01:17:26,457
Let go of the glass now.
You're gonna have to walk away.

1454
01:17:26,579 --> 01:17:28,217
Bless you. There you are.

1455
01:17:28,539 --> 01:17:30,211
Oh, me, oh, my.

1456
01:17:31,139 --> 01:17:33,175
- Call the doctor.
- Oh, good.

1457
01:17:39,019 --> 01:17:40,657
(PETER MOANING)

1458
01:17:41,899 --> 01:17:43,935
- I love Hawaii.
- Is it good?

1459
01:17:44,059 --> 01:17:47,938
Yeah, it's nice,
but I think for like a week tops.

1460
01:17:48,059 --> 01:17:49,651
Any more than that, I know I'd go crazy,

1461
01:17:49,779 --> 01:17:53,374
because I think that
Hawaii is a place to escape

1462
01:17:53,499 --> 01:17:56,332
for people who can't deal
with the real world.

1463
01:17:58,499 --> 01:18:03,334
Yeah, you know, there's so few
personal shoppers and pet therapists.

1464
01:18:03,459 --> 01:18:05,495
Gosh, it's such a hard life.

1465
01:18:15,379 --> 01:18:17,051
I like living here.

1466
01:18:19,379 --> 01:18:22,212
- Anyone need any more vino?
- I think we're good.

1467
01:18:24,259 --> 01:18:25,931
I've a question for you real quick, Mr S.

1468
01:18:26,059 --> 01:18:29,131
I was actually meaning to ask you,
what did you exactly think of my demo?

1469
01:18:29,259 --> 01:18:31,454
Did you get it? Did you get it?

1470
01:18:31,579 --> 01:18:34,218
Oh, no. I was gonna listen to that,

1471
01:18:34,339 --> 01:18:37,331
but then I just carried on living my life.

1472
01:18:53,374 --> 01:18:54,602
Wait, wait, wait.

1473
01:18:54,734 --> 01:18:56,452
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

1474
01:18:57,414 --> 01:18:59,530
Are you sure that you're not,
like, too drunk?

1475
01:18:59,654 --> 01:19:02,214
Jesus, would you stop being so sensitive.

1476
01:19:07,694 --> 01:19:08,649
(GIGGLING)

1477
01:19:12,754 --> 01:19:13,743
(RACHEL MOANS)

1478
01:19:21,914 --> 01:19:22,869
(RACHEL MOANING)

1479
01:19:27,434 --> 01:19:28,389
Aldous.

1480
01:19:28,794 --> 01:19:29,749
(BLOWING)

1481
01:19:29,874 --> 01:19:31,068
Wake up.

1482
01:19:31,274 --> 01:19:33,742
- Aldous. Wake up.
- Hmm...

1483
01:19:33,874 --> 01:19:35,387
Make love to me.

1484
01:19:37,714 --> 01:19:39,545
All right. You go on top, though,
'cause I'm knackered.

1485
01:19:42,994 --> 01:19:43,949
(MOANING)

1486
01:19:45,794 --> 01:19:50,310
(MOANING LOUDLY)

1487
01:19:55,074 --> 01:19:56,189
Listen.

1488
01:19:58,514 --> 01:20:00,186
Yes! Yes!

1489
01:20:02,954 --> 01:20:04,831
- Yeah.
- SARAH: Yes!

1490
01:20:04,954 --> 01:20:06,387
- Oh, yes!
- Yeah!

1491
01:20:09,274 --> 01:20:11,265
- Yeah! Oh, God!
- Yeah!

1492
01:20:11,474 --> 01:20:12,509
(RACHEL YELLING)

1493
01:20:15,354 --> 01:20:16,673
- Right there!
- Yes!

1494
01:20:16,794 --> 01:20:19,103
- Yes!
- Yes! She's having an orgasm!

1495
01:20:19,234 --> 01:20:20,986
This is the best sex ever!

1496
01:20:21,114 --> 01:20:22,866
Yeah, all right, that'll do.

1497
01:20:23,554 --> 01:20:24,669
What?

1498
01:20:25,834 --> 01:20:27,586
I made a mistake coming here with you.

1499
01:20:27,754 --> 01:20:29,346
(MOANING CONTINUES)

1500
01:20:31,194 --> 01:20:33,230
And I'm not done either!

1501
01:20:34,274 --> 01:20:36,230
- Please shut up! Okay.
- Okay!

1502
01:20:36,354 --> 01:20:38,424
You're still involved with him next door,
ain't you?

1503
01:20:38,554 --> 01:20:39,509
Excuse me?

1504
01:20:39,634 --> 01:20:41,306
You should've seen yourself
at dinner, Sarah.

1505
01:20:41,434 --> 01:20:45,586
Then we come back here,
and you put on that ghastly performance.

1506
01:20:45,714 --> 01:20:48,512
I mean, I've heard that
women do fake orgasms,

1507
01:20:48,634 --> 01:20:50,033
but I've never seen one.

1508
01:20:50,154 --> 01:20:51,667
It really deeply upset me.

1509
01:20:51,794 --> 01:20:53,113
You should have seen yourself at dinner.

1510
01:20:54,829 --> 01:20:58,822
(IN ENGLISH ACCENT) "Oh, I'm Aldous
Snow. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

1511
01:20:58,949 --> 01:21:00,826
"No, no drinks for me, thanks.

1512
01:21:00,949 --> 01:21:02,428
"Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. "

1513
01:21:03,125 --> 01:21:04,114
And you know what?

1514
01:21:04,245 --> 01:21:07,123
Let me tell you something
about these tattoos, okay?

1515
01:21:07,245 --> 01:21:11,204
That is Buddhist. That is Nordic.
That is Hindu. That's just gibberish.

1516
01:21:11,325 --> 01:21:13,316
They are completely conflicting ideologies.

1517
01:21:13,445 --> 01:21:15,561
And that does not make you
a citizen of the world.

1518
01:21:15,685 --> 01:21:17,562
It makes you full of shit.

1519
01:21:21,052 --> 01:21:23,566
Was that genuine or did you fake that?

1520
01:21:25,452 --> 01:21:29,445
Right. I'm gonna probably clear off now.

1521
01:21:29,572 --> 01:21:30,971
I'll have a little sleep for a few hours,

1522
01:21:31,092 --> 01:21:34,801
then I'm gonna probably go
in the morning, okay?

1523
01:21:39,372 --> 01:21:41,363
I hate your music.

1524
01:21:41,492 --> 01:21:44,609
Yeah, well,
I fucked the housekeeper the other day.

1525
01:21:50,765 --> 01:21:52,323
(WHISPERING) Are you sleeping?

1526
01:21:53,165 --> 01:21:54,518
Not any more.

1527
01:21:59,885 --> 01:22:03,844
I know that I'm leaving in a couple of days,
so I don't even know

1528
01:22:05,765 --> 01:22:07,676
what the hell this means,

1529
01:22:11,085 --> 01:22:13,804
but I really like spending time with you a lot.

1530
01:22:17,165 --> 01:22:18,723
I know. Me too.

1531
01:22:27,245 --> 01:22:28,200
Hey.

1532
01:22:34,125 --> 01:22:35,524
Good morning.

1533
01:22:38,285 --> 01:22:39,479
Where are you going?

1534
01:22:39,605 --> 01:22:42,802
The Korean Textile Manufacturer's Luau.

1535
01:22:42,925 --> 01:22:45,075
- Just kill me.
- Fun.

1536
01:22:45,205 --> 01:22:46,240
Joy.

1537
01:22:48,045 --> 01:22:51,560
I want you to know
that I meant what I said last night.

1538
01:22:52,805 --> 01:22:54,238
I know you did.

1539
01:22:55,485 --> 01:22:56,964
I did, too.

1540
01:22:59,325 --> 01:23:01,919
- Can I see you again tonight?
- Yeah.

1541
01:23:03,005 --> 01:23:04,836
- I get off at 7:00.
- Yay.

1542
01:23:05,685 --> 01:23:06,754
Bye.

1543
01:23:09,623 --> 01:23:10,851
Sir, morning mai tai.

1544
01:23:10,983 --> 01:23:12,655
You know what?

1545
01:23:12,823 --> 01:23:16,611
I actually will not be having
an alcoholic beverage this morning.

1546
01:23:35,903 --> 01:23:37,461
(CHEERING)

1547
01:23:43,063 --> 01:23:44,940
- KIDS: Jump! Jump! Jump!
- Don't make me do it.

1548
01:24:00,663 --> 01:24:01,618
(WHISTLING)

1549
01:24:03,783 --> 01:24:05,660
Hey. Morning, mate.

1550
01:24:06,423 --> 01:24:09,938
- How are you today?
- Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. You okay?

1551
01:24:10,063 --> 01:24:12,054
Am I okay? I'm better than okay, my friend.

1552
01:24:12,183 --> 01:24:13,582
You seem sprightly.

1553
01:24:13,703 --> 01:24:14,977
I...

1554
01:24:15,543 --> 01:24:17,056
I had a great time last night.

1555
01:24:17,183 --> 01:24:20,300
- Congratulations. Well done. Well done.
- Thank you.

1556
01:24:20,423 --> 01:24:22,095
What about you? What's with the bag?

1557
01:24:22,223 --> 01:24:25,454
Right, yeah. I'm off back to England, mate.

1558
01:24:25,583 --> 01:24:26,811
Oh, you and Sarah are going to England.

1559
01:24:26,943 --> 01:24:29,252
No, no, no. I'm just going alone.

1560
01:24:30,063 --> 01:24:31,781
- Yeah.
- Did you guys have a fight or something?

1561
01:24:31,903 --> 01:24:35,293
Yeah, it was really... How you served
five years under her, I don't know.

1562
01:24:35,423 --> 01:24:39,814
You deserve a medal or a holiday
or at least a cuddle from somebody.

1563
01:24:39,943 --> 01:24:41,501
You were only here for a week.

1564
01:24:41,623 --> 01:24:43,614
Well, I don't know.
For me, that one week of it

1565
01:24:43,743 --> 01:24:48,100
was like going on holiday with,
I don't know, I wouldn't say Hitler,

1566
01:24:48,223 --> 01:24:51,454
but certainly Goebbels.
It was like a little holiday with Hitler.

1567
01:24:51,583 --> 01:24:52,811
Jesus.

1568
01:24:52,943 --> 01:24:56,253
Hey, listen, at least it's clear now
for you two to reconnect.

1569
01:24:56,383 --> 01:24:57,532
Oh...

1570
01:24:58,783 --> 01:25:00,819
No, no. No.

1571
01:25:00,943 --> 01:25:03,138
You know what?
I have a good thing going on with Rachel,

1572
01:25:03,263 --> 01:25:04,855
and I want to see that through.

1573
01:25:04,983 --> 01:25:08,214
Well, maybe you could have both of them.
Rachel and Sarah.

1574
01:25:08,343 --> 01:25:11,062
They got on all right, didn't they, at dinner?
So maybe...

1575
01:25:11,183 --> 01:25:13,378
You know what?
First of all, I'm not that kind of guy.

1576
01:25:13,503 --> 01:25:17,974
And even if I was, I don't think that I have
the sexual competency to really pull that off.

1577
01:25:18,103 --> 01:25:19,582
Yeah. It's a gift.

1578
01:25:19,750 --> 01:25:21,308
Okay. Well, I think my ride's here.

1579
01:25:21,430 --> 01:25:23,944
So I'm gonna skedaddle then
before anything else happens to me.

1580
01:25:24,070 --> 01:25:25,628
Before life gets any more daft.

1581
01:25:25,750 --> 01:25:27,183
Is someone gonna take that?

1582
01:25:27,310 --> 01:25:29,824
Listen, don't let them grind you down.

1583
01:25:30,990 --> 01:25:32,184
Take it easy.

1584
01:25:32,310 --> 01:25:34,778
Hey, look at my driver.
I'm gonna have sex with her.

1585
01:25:39,178 --> 01:25:41,738
He said it was clear I wasn't over you.

1586
01:25:44,178 --> 01:25:45,850
And then he left.

1587
01:25:45,978 --> 01:25:47,411
Fucking prick.

1588
01:25:49,298 --> 01:25:52,415
And then I started thinking,
what if he's right?

1589
01:25:52,538 --> 01:25:55,291
What if I'm not over you?

1590
01:25:57,138 --> 01:25:59,891
- Sarah...
- Please just let me finish, Pete.

1591
01:26:06,658 --> 01:26:09,695
What if I made
a really, really horrible mistake?

1592
01:26:12,498 --> 01:26:14,329
- Sarah.
- Yeah?

1593
01:26:14,458 --> 01:26:16,494
- Sarah.
- Yeah?

1594
01:26:16,618 --> 01:26:18,927
Stop pulling my face towards your face.

1595
01:26:19,058 --> 01:26:20,696
Why?

1596
01:26:20,818 --> 01:26:22,297
You don't like it?

1597
01:26:22,418 --> 01:26:26,775
Listen, pulling my shirt towards you
is the same concept as pulling my face.

1598
01:26:26,898 --> 01:26:30,937
Let's spend one more night here together,
and then let's go home and then...

1599
01:26:31,058 --> 01:26:32,810
And we'll just pretend
like it never happened.

1600
01:26:32,938 --> 01:26:34,849
...face reality. No.
- That's the big plan?

1601
01:26:34,978 --> 01:26:36,616
No. I love you.

1602
01:26:36,738 --> 01:26:39,730
That's not fair.
That's not fair of you to say that to me.

1603
01:26:41,618 --> 01:26:43,051
Please, Peter.

1604
01:26:45,858 --> 01:26:48,213
- Tell me you're sorry.
- I'm so sorry.

1605
01:26:51,458 --> 01:26:52,937
I missed you.

1606
01:26:57,978 --> 01:26:59,047
I'm sorry.

1607
01:27:01,938 --> 01:27:03,849
God, I missed you, Peter.

1608
01:27:10,778 --> 01:27:11,733
All right.

1609
01:27:12,378 --> 01:27:15,575
Get hard for me, Pete. Get hard for me.

1610
01:27:15,698 --> 01:27:18,258
- I know what I'm supposed to do.
- Okay.

1611
01:27:18,378 --> 01:27:20,209
Just do it. Come on. Get hard.

1612
01:27:20,338 --> 01:27:21,896
- I'm trying.
- Okay.

1613
01:27:22,018 --> 01:27:23,770
- Here. Just let me do it for a second.
- Okay.

1614
01:27:25,898 --> 01:27:28,935
I really want you, Peter. I missed you.

1615
01:27:29,058 --> 01:27:30,332
You don't want help?

1616
01:27:30,458 --> 01:27:33,609
- You don't want help? Uh-huh.
- Can you be quiet just for a minute?

1617
01:27:33,738 --> 01:27:34,693
Do you want my hands?

1618
01:27:34,818 --> 01:27:37,935
Maybe just don't talk for a second
is what I mean.

1619
01:27:39,018 --> 01:27:40,371
Do you want my mouth?

1620
01:27:40,498 --> 01:27:42,887
- Yeah, maybe your mouth.
- Yeah. Okay.

1621
01:27:51,098 --> 01:27:53,532
What's the problem, Peter?

1622
01:27:53,658 --> 01:27:55,614
- I don't know...
- More?

1623
01:27:55,738 --> 01:27:57,968
You can keep trying if you want.

1624
01:28:01,138 --> 01:28:02,127
(SIGHS)

1625
01:28:02,258 --> 01:28:04,055
What's wrong with you?

1626
01:28:04,258 --> 01:28:06,214
- Nothing is wrong with me, okay?
- Okay.

1627
01:28:06,338 --> 01:28:08,215
- No, I didn't...
- Just, something doesn't feel right any more.

1628
01:28:08,338 --> 01:28:10,056
Okay. Well, did you... You know what?

1629
01:28:10,178 --> 01:28:12,214
Did you drink today?
Because sometimes when you drink...

1630
01:28:12,338 --> 01:28:13,657
Excuse me.

1631
01:28:13,778 --> 01:28:16,531
No, I haven't had anything to drink today.

1632
01:28:18,818 --> 01:28:23,209
Maybe the problem is that
you broke my heart into a million pieces,

1633
01:28:23,338 --> 01:28:26,774
and so my cock doesn't want
to be around you any more, okay?

1634
01:28:26,898 --> 01:28:27,887
Ever!

1635
01:28:29,938 --> 01:28:32,327
Because you know what I just realised?
Huh?

1636
01:28:32,458 --> 01:28:35,097
You're the God damn devil. Okay?

1637
01:28:39,658 --> 01:28:42,377
Wedding in Hawaii! Real original!

1638
01:28:52,938 --> 01:28:55,054
- Hey.
- Hey, Rachel.

1639
01:28:56,378 --> 01:28:59,256
- Sarah and Aldous broke up this morning.
- What a surprise.

1640
01:28:59,378 --> 01:29:01,972
So I went to check on Sarah, and...

1641
01:29:04,738 --> 01:29:06,968
Listen, I'm here
because I don't want to lie to you, okay?

1642
01:29:07,098 --> 01:29:08,850
Some stuff happened.

1643
01:29:08,978 --> 01:29:10,775
I'm really, really sorry that it did,

1644
01:29:10,898 --> 01:29:13,651
but I'm also really glad that it did, because

1645
01:29:13,778 --> 01:29:18,215
I'm able to see so clearly now
that Sarah and I are not right for each other.

1646
01:29:19,458 --> 01:29:20,777
What stuff?

1647
01:29:22,898 --> 01:29:28,256
I went up to make sure that she was okay,
and it got weird.

1648
01:29:28,378 --> 01:29:30,096
But now everything is fine.

1649
01:29:30,218 --> 01:29:31,651
And I need you to understand

1650
01:29:31,778 --> 01:29:33,848
that I meant everything that I said
to you this morning.

1651
01:29:33,978 --> 01:29:35,127
What exactly happened, Peter?

1652
01:29:35,258 --> 01:29:36,691
We fooled around a little bit.

1653
01:29:36,818 --> 01:29:39,890
Shut the fuck up,
and tell me exactly what you did.

1654
01:29:41,538 --> 01:29:47,090
All right. I went to her room,
and she was crying and crying and crying.

1655
01:29:47,298 --> 01:29:49,334
And I felt like I should comfort her.

1656
01:29:49,458 --> 01:29:52,575
And then she started kissing me
because I was comforting her.

1657
01:29:52,738 --> 01:29:54,649
And then the next thing I knew,
I was kissing her

1658
01:29:54,778 --> 01:29:56,769
because she had been kissing me
because of the comforting.

1659
01:29:56,898 --> 01:30:00,573
Then she started taking my clothes off,
and then her clothes were off.

1660
01:30:14,158 --> 01:30:16,069
Listen to me, Peter.

1661
01:30:16,198 --> 01:30:19,076
I was a mess, too. I understand. Okay?

1662
01:30:19,198 --> 01:30:22,270
But it does not excuse
you acting like a complete asshole.

1663
01:30:22,398 --> 01:30:24,992
Listen, I know that
I fucked things up for a minute,

1664
01:30:25,118 --> 01:30:26,597
but I'm not like every other asshole.

1665
01:30:26,718 --> 01:30:30,108
You should not be with anybody right now.

1666
01:30:30,238 --> 01:30:31,432
Anybody.

1667
01:30:33,238 --> 01:30:34,990
I know...

1668
01:30:35,118 --> 01:30:36,597
I know that there is something here.

1669
01:30:36,718 --> 01:30:38,436
I know that I was not wrong about that.

1670
01:30:38,558 --> 01:30:42,267
And, yes, it's only been four days,
but I know you feel it, too.

1671
01:30:46,798 --> 01:30:48,516
I need you to leave.

1672
01:30:50,478 --> 01:30:54,232
Do not write me. Do not call me.
Do not e-mail me.

1673
01:30:59,798 --> 01:31:01,754
Peter, I need you to go.

1674
01:31:06,078 --> 01:31:08,034
I won't bother you any more.

1675
01:31:09,078 --> 01:31:10,306
I'm sorry.

1676
01:31:17,478 --> 01:31:19,309
I don't know what to do.

1677
01:31:26,958 --> 01:31:28,835
Hey, brother, what you doing, huh?
You stealing my art?

1678
01:31:28,958 --> 01:31:31,313
I want you to put it back right now.
Put it back, bro!

1679
01:31:31,438 --> 01:31:33,747
Listen, give me the picture.

1680
01:31:33,878 --> 01:31:36,073
Doo-doo paper.
You're throwing doo-doo paper?

1681
01:31:36,238 --> 01:31:37,830
Give me the picture.

1682
01:31:40,478 --> 01:31:43,595
Don't be stupid, brother.
Just give me the picture.

1683
01:31:43,718 --> 01:31:46,391
You can hit me as many times as you want.
I'm not giving you the photo back.

1684
01:31:46,518 --> 01:31:47,507
Oh, yeah.

1685
01:31:54,038 --> 01:31:57,428
No, no, no.
Peter, I told you I did not want to see you.

1686
01:32:15,998 --> 01:32:19,593
<i>Aloha, I'm Sarah Marshall
from Crime Scene: Scene of the Crime. </i>

1687
01:32:19,718 --> 01:32:21,151
<i>And when I'm not scrubbing for evidence,</i>

1688
01:32:21,278 --> 01:32:24,634
<i>I'm flying Hawaiian Airlines
to my favourite destinations. </i>

1689
01:32:24,758 --> 01:32:27,067
<i>Now sit back
and enjoy your in-flight entertainment. </i>

1690
01:32:27,198 --> 01:32:28,995
<i>I know I will. Mahalo. </i>

1691
01:32:29,558 --> 01:32:32,709
<i>(PETER SINGING) Everybody hates you</i>

1692
01:32:32,838 --> 01:32:36,035
<i>Everybody wishes that you were dead</i>

1693
01:32:36,158 --> 01:32:37,671
<i>Because, Peter, you suck</i>

1694
01:32:37,798 --> 01:32:39,550
<i>Peter, you suck</i>

1695
01:32:39,678 --> 01:32:42,795
<i>Peter, your music is fucking terrible</i>

1696
01:32:42,918 --> 01:32:44,397
<i>Peter, you suck</i>

1697
01:32:44,518 --> 01:32:45,951
<i>Peter, you suck</i>

1698
01:32:46,078 --> 01:32:49,150
<i>Peter, you don't do anything of value</i>

1699
01:32:49,278 --> 01:32:50,677
<i>Peter, you suck</i>

1700
01:32:50,798 --> 01:32:54,916
<i>Write some music but instead
you sit and write these bullshit songs</i>

1701
01:32:55,118 --> 01:32:56,676
<i>It's so self-loathing</i>

1702
01:32:56,798 --> 01:32:59,870
<i>Go see a psychiatrist
I hate the psychiatrist</i>

1703
01:32:59,998 --> 01:33:01,351
<i>Well, go see one anyway</i>

1704
01:33:01,478 --> 01:33:02,752
<i>I don't like the psychiatrist</i>

1705
01:33:02,878 --> 01:33:04,391
<i>You need to go and see one</i>

1706
01:33:04,518 --> 01:33:05,917
<i>See a psychiatrist</i>

1707
01:33:06,038 --> 01:33:07,357
<i>I'm not going</i>

1708
01:33:41,678 --> 01:33:46,911
<i>It's getting kind of hard to believe
things are going to get better</i>

1709
01:34:31,998 --> 01:34:33,511
I don't understand
what there is to think about.

1710
01:34:33,638 --> 01:34:34,673
Because, D, he...

1711
01:34:34,798 --> 01:34:37,107
She licked the tip. That doesn't count.

1712
01:34:37,278 --> 01:34:39,872
- Of course it counts. He...
- He what?

1713
01:34:39,998 --> 01:34:43,354
He refused a blowjob
from his ex-girlfriend mid-blowjob.

1714
01:34:43,478 --> 01:34:46,231
Do you know what that's like for a man?
It's called blue balls, Rachel.

1715
01:34:46,358 --> 01:34:48,349
This guy is like Gandhi, but better.

1716
01:34:48,478 --> 01:34:49,433
He likes puppets.

1717
01:34:49,558 --> 01:34:50,547
I love puppets.

1718
01:34:52,238 --> 01:34:54,877
I love Fraggle Rock. I love Lamb Chop.
I love Elmo.

1719
01:34:54,998 --> 01:34:58,274
<i>Sesame Street, Bert and Ernie,
Snuffelupagus. Fucks my shit up. </i>

1720
01:34:59,518 --> 01:35:01,110
(CROWD APPLAUDING)

1721
01:35:02,358 --> 01:35:05,748
<i>(SINGING) This is a song that
I never thought I would write</i>

1722
01:35:05,878 --> 01:35:07,869
<i>On the night I'm dying</i>

1723
01:35:07,998 --> 01:35:10,910
<i>Sorry for all the wrong I've done</i>

1724
01:35:11,038 --> 01:35:12,710
<i>I'm finished trying</i>

1725
01:35:12,838 --> 01:35:17,673
<i>It was a wonderful dream
Now let him come and slay me</i>

1726
01:35:17,798 --> 01:35:19,231
<i>There he is</i>

1727
01:35:19,358 --> 01:35:21,918
<i>The demon
who haunted the streets of London</i>

1728
01:35:22,038 --> 01:35:23,471
<i>I've come to slay you</i>

1729
01:35:23,598 --> 01:35:25,031
<i>Here I am!</i>

1730
01:35:25,158 --> 01:35:27,513
<i>I'll leave you bleeding in my dungeon</i>

1731
01:35:27,638 --> 01:35:31,153
<i>I'll never obey you
I'll rip out your oesophagus</i>

1732
01:35:31,278 --> 01:35:35,874
<i>Please, Mr Van Helsing
Listen to me</i>

1733
01:35:35,998 --> 01:35:41,152
<i>He is just a man who wishes to be free</i>

1734
01:35:41,278 --> 01:35:44,270
<i>Lay him in a hearse
You must end this curse</i>

1735
01:35:44,398 --> 01:35:46,036
<i>He is the worst!</i>

1736
01:35:48,078 --> 01:35:49,557
(ALL LAUGHING)

1737
01:35:58,158 --> 01:36:01,309
<i>Don't go my love</i>

1738
01:36:01,438 --> 01:36:05,192
<i>I can't say goodbye</i>

1739
01:36:05,318 --> 01:36:08,833
<i>My reign is done</i>

1740
01:36:08,958 --> 01:36:13,986
<i>It's time to die</i>

1741
01:36:14,878 --> 01:36:16,436
<i>I'm pregnant</i>

1742
01:36:16,558 --> 01:36:18,150
<i>Dracula</i>

1743
01:36:18,278 --> 01:36:19,393
<i>VAN HELSING: What have I done?</i>

1744
01:36:19,518 --> 01:36:21,588
<i>Has flown above</i>

1745
01:36:21,718 --> 01:36:22,912
<i>Who killed Dracula?</i>

1746
01:36:23,038 --> 01:36:26,269
<i>But he found a taste</i>

1747
01:36:26,398 --> 01:36:29,196
<i>A taste for love</i>

1748
01:36:29,318 --> 01:36:31,752
<i>My life is a lie</i>

1749
01:36:31,878 --> 01:36:37,271
<i>Sweet Dracula
I miss my young dead prince</i>

1750
01:36:37,398 --> 01:36:41,357
<i>I'll never see him again</i>

1751
01:36:41,478 --> 01:36:43,787
<i>Until my death</i>

1752
01:36:43,918 --> 01:36:46,990
<i>What a wonderful dream</i>

1753
01:36:47,118 --> 01:36:52,351
<i>To find a taste for love</i>

1754
01:36:52,478 --> 01:36:58,553
<i>A taste for love</i>

1755
01:37:05,878 --> 01:37:09,234
(ALL APPLAUDING)

1756
01:37:26,318 --> 01:37:30,106
Wow. You came.
I can't believe that you came.

1757
01:37:31,158 --> 01:37:32,955
Peter, this is great.

1758
01:37:33,078 --> 01:37:36,036
- It was really funny. Yeah.
- Thank you.

1759
01:37:36,158 --> 01:37:37,671
You know what?
I didn't realise that it was a comedy,

1760
01:37:37,798 --> 01:37:42,155
and then someone told me that,
and it just, like, opened the whole thing up.

1761
01:37:44,238 --> 01:37:47,355
- How long are you in town for?
- Open-ended.

1762
01:37:47,478 --> 01:37:48,433
- Bold.
- Yeah.

1763
01:37:48,558 --> 01:37:49,593
Yeah, you know, I'm kind of
checking out some schools.

1764
01:37:52,518 --> 01:37:55,032
- Congratulations.
- Yeah, maybe.

1765
01:37:58,118 --> 01:37:59,710
You never called.

1766
01:38:00,918 --> 01:38:04,115
You told me not to. And I listened.

1767
01:38:05,238 --> 01:38:07,274
- Right.
- Wasn't easy.

1768
01:38:07,398 --> 01:38:09,707
I might have called once and hung up.

1769
01:38:09,838 --> 01:38:12,227
- No. No.
- From a private number.

1770
01:38:13,038 --> 01:38:13,993
No.

1771
01:38:14,838 --> 01:38:15,793
Maybe.

1772
01:38:15,918 --> 01:38:18,034
MAN 1: Peter!
MAN 2: Nice job, Bretter.

1773
01:38:18,158 --> 01:38:19,227
Well, you should probably go back.

1774
01:38:19,358 --> 01:38:21,394
Would you like to hang out
while you're here?

1775
01:38:21,518 --> 01:38:23,793
- Maybe we could go to dinner or...
- Yeah.

1776
01:38:23,918 --> 01:38:26,034
- Still have my number?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'll call you.

1777
01:38:26,158 --> 01:38:28,672
- Go.
- Yeah, I should do that.

1778
01:38:28,798 --> 01:38:30,595
Yeah, yeah. Go mingle.

1779
01:38:34,558 --> 01:38:35,707
MAN 1: Hey, Peter!
MAN 2: Hey, Bretter!

1780
01:38:35,838 --> 01:38:37,351
Come over here and meet my mom!

1781
01:38:37,478 --> 01:38:39,992
- Go, go.
- Off I go.

1782
01:38:40,118 --> 01:38:41,631
- Hey, Peter.
- Nice job, Bretter.

1783
01:38:41,758 --> 01:38:43,589
The play was sick, man. Good work.

1784
01:38:43,718 --> 01:38:45,754
- Nice job.
- Good job, man. That was awesome.

1785
01:38:45,878 --> 01:38:46,913
So cool!

1786
01:38:47,038 --> 01:38:48,869
Peter, congratulations.

1787
01:38:48,998 --> 01:38:52,274
I just wanted to say thank you.
I had such a great time tonight.

1788
01:38:52,398 --> 01:38:54,628
Oh, good. You know what?
I'm gonna change out of this unitard,

1789
01:38:54,758 --> 01:38:56,476
- 'cause I'm getting a chafe. Okay.
- Enough said.

1790
01:38:56,598 --> 01:38:58,589
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

1791
01:39:23,518 --> 01:39:24,587
Hey, Peter?

1792
01:39:27,838 --> 01:39:31,069
I was just calling you.

1793
01:39:36,238 --> 01:39:38,274
- Wow.
- Oh, Peter.

1794
01:39:39,118 --> 01:39:41,916
- I'm sorry.
- Stop laughing.

1795
01:39:42,958 --> 01:39:45,074
Can you please stop laughing?

1796
01:39:47,158 --> 01:39:48,591
I missed you.

1797
01:39:49,598 --> 01:39:50,587
I just...

1798
01:39:50,718 --> 01:39:55,109
You know, I actually wanted to tell you
that I've been thinking so much about...

1799
01:40:43,558 --> 01:40:47,392
<i>NARRATOR: This fall, Sarah Marshall is back
in a brand-new role. </i>

1800
01:40:47,518 --> 01:40:51,113
Your wife had no enemies
that you're aware of.

1801
01:40:51,238 --> 01:40:53,706
<i>Get ready for the most daring show
on television. </i>

1802
01:40:53,838 --> 01:40:56,989
- Just came home, and she was lying there.
- Right.

1803
01:40:57,118 --> 01:41:00,235
<i>In a world
where you don't know who to trust. </i>

1804
01:41:02,318 --> 01:41:03,467
(YELPS)

1805
01:41:03,598 --> 01:41:06,317
Charlie, who's Franco Marconi?

1806
01:41:06,438 --> 01:41:09,350
- No. No.
- Gun, gun, gun, gun. Drop it, drop it.

1807
01:41:09,478 --> 01:41:11,514
<i>Go with your animal instincts. </i>

1808
01:41:11,638 --> 01:41:12,991
<i>(DOG HOWLING)</i>

1809
01:41:15,638 --> 01:41:18,789
- How did you know?
- She's an animal psychic.

1810
01:41:19,798 --> 01:41:22,949
<i>Sarah Marshall returns on Animal Instincts. </i>

1811
01:41:23,718 --> 01:41:24,833
Life's a bitch.

1812
01:41:24,958 --> 01:41:28,230
And where you're going,
that's exactly what you'll be.