- Okay, chicas. Ready? - Let's do it.
- Okay, on three. - One.
- Two. - Three.
First day has arrived. Ready to be ready?
Oh, man!
The skirt I bought is at my mom's house.
I thought you were at your mom's house.
No, it's Monday. I'm at my dad's house.
Joint custody. What can I say?
Has anyone seen my turquoise shirt?
You left it here by mistake.
Do you mind if I wear?
- Oh, of course. - Okay.
Turquoise thermal, tank,
and... stripey warmers.
Super cute.
Killer plunge... shorties,
and leopard kicks.
Plaid skirt, lame sweater.
Jade.
What? You know my parents.
Just till I get out of the house.
And then?
And then I'm gonna blow all y'all away.
I guess none of you wanna know what I'm wearing.
Shoes to die for.
Lucky guess. Okay.
40 minutes, front entrance, we walk in together.
- Adios. - Sayonara.
- Do svidaniya. - Ciao, my sisters.
Manny, jandalel
jEs el primero día de la escuelal
You have ten seconds to get out of there, you little toad.
Don't get your bragas in a twist.
Perfection takes time, and I'm worth every single second.
Enough with the hair already.
Looking good, chica.
Yasmin, you will pay for this.
Bubbie, Bubbie!
You were waiting for me?
Come on, ni?os. Get dressed.
You don't wanna be late.
Go comb your hair.
And you, you come with me. I got something for you.
Buenos diasl
Oh, hey.
I want you to go get dressed and put these on.
Bubbie!
I know.
So, come on. Pay up.
Chocolate. How do you do that?
I'm not telling.
Nice doing business with you.
Come on!
- Dad. - What?
What would I do without you?
It's probably your mom.
I'll get it.
Tell her that she's gotta take you to the dentist on Thursday.
- Hi, Mom. - Hi.
Did your dad give you breakfast?
I'll be ready in a minute, 'kay?
Okay, beautiful.
Oh, hey, honey, could you tell your dad
he needs to take you to the dentist on Thursday?
Why can't the two of you just talk to each other?
I'm the kid.
You're supposed to be the adults.
By the way, the dentist is on Friday.
Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
Jade! Jade!
Let me look at you before you go.
Now, remember, Jade, you have Mathletes,
science club, room one, and violin.
Mom, you forgot something.
- I did? - School!
And speaking of which, I gotta go.
Papa. Papa. Take a picture.
Hey, what's up, ladies?
Mom.
Perfect. Have fun.
Bye.
C-A-double-R-Y!
Where's Cloe?
She's here.
- Hi, guys. - Hey, girl.
Okay, it's a big school. It's the first day.
We're just freshmen.
What are we gonna do?
Blend?
- Own it! - Right.
BFFs!
Guys. Hello!
- Re-huddle! - Yeah.
I'm gonna own cheerleading.
I'm gonna try out for soccer.
Yas, you have to join chorus.
You know you have the most insane voice ever.
Not a chance. Remember kindergarten?
Me, "Mary Had a Little Lamb," throw-up, 30 kids screaming?
Yeah. I think I'll own journalism instead.
I'm ownin' the science.
Okay, work the IQ, girl,
but please don't lose your passion for fashion.
Just to keep Mom and Dad off my back.
I'm also gonna rule home ec.
I'm gonna need sewing machines for projects.
I'm gonna have the hottest clothes ever.
Break.
Wow.
Okay, girls. Now let's do it.
Now, being president of the school is a huge responsibility.
And it is one that I take very seriously.
Just sit here, Paris.
Hello.
Dylan, dude, that was a totally...
Avery, Quinn, please pay attention.
I need to become very familiar with the clique lunch table assignment chart.
Because, as you can see, there are 48 distinct cliques.
Let me break this down for you.
You have the goths, the skaters, the disco dorks, the beat boy blingers,
the gangstas, the wanna-be gangstas, the pretzel people who are into yoga,
very different from the greenies who hate anything not made of plants.
Then you have the nerds, the kids who like to dress like dinosaurs,
and the football jocks.
Oh, hi, little freshman. I'm Meredith.
- So... any clubs? - Nope.
- Interests? - Nope.
- Friends? - Nope.
Okay.
- Loner. - Yeah.
- Over there. - I don't get the Ioners.
They're Ioners, but they like to hang out together.
Leave me alone.
Whatever. Next?
I really believe very strongly in renewable energy.
Eco-maniac.
Very good, Cameron. Tree hugger.
Now, if you sit at this table, you'll find some people
who totally rock the "paper versus plastic" debate.
Next!
Good morning, Principal Dimly.
Oh, good morning, students.
Pumpkin pie?
- Good morning Principal Dimly. - Good morning Principal Dimly.
Yes, Daddy, what is it?
You were right.
Chapter 10.
"Control the population.
A: Separate the inmates into groups."
You see, this was your idea.
Advanced thinking. Genius.
Okay. Daddy?
I've told you this more than 50 times.
You may not speak to me during school hours.
Well, dear, everyone knows you're my daughter,
and I'm very proud of you.
Do you want me to tell Mother about this?
Oh, no.
Well, I'm busy now, Daddy.
Bye.
I'll see you at home, then, candy cane.
Next.
Okay, honey, this is a really nice table,
and I promise it will always be the same table
because I understand that change is really upsetting.
Oh, no!
They did not just walk past us without checking in.
Who is that?
No one you even need to think about, Cameron.
They look kind of cool.
Yeah, in a totally trashy, beneath our contempt,
maybe we could find a little spare time to crush them into the dirt sort of way.
- Yeah. - No, Avery, we don't crush.
We focus on the positive here at Carry Nation High.
We help them find their way.
Or else.
Yeah!
You try beating Carry Nation High
Is it just me, or does this all look a little creepily well organized?
See you at lunch!
See ya later.
Excuse me, miss.
Are you in the right room?
Yeah.
A little magnesium, some sodium chloride,
a pinch of perchlorate, a soupcon of strontium nitrate,
and a little bling.
And...
A Bernoulli effect.
You are seriously superior.
We would be honored to have you as a member of our science team.
Yeah, thanks for the accolades.
Everybody, go
Let's go, Falcons
Last time!
Everybody, go
Let's go, Falcons
Now, that's the level I expect from a Falcon cheerleader.
- Who's got it? - Please.
You've got something better?
- Oh, you know I do. - So bring it.
Girl, I brought it, nailed it, lent it to my friend's kid sister,
and I brought it back while you were still figuring out the beat.
Yeah!
What are you gawking at?
She's hot.
Hot player. Seriously.
Not bad for a rookie.
In fact, not bad at all.
Yes!
It's very red.
It's very you.
You in?
Why don't you watch where you're going?
Are you blind?
Hello?
No, but I'm deaf.
What?
I'm deaf.
You don't sound deaf.
Well, you don't look ignorant, but I guess you can't judge a book, right?
Where do they think they're gonna sit?
Give me the seating charts.
Hi, guys. I'm Meredith, student body president.
I saw you looking kind of lost, so I thought I'd come over and help.
Thanks, but I think we're good.
It's no problem. I have the seating charts right here.
Well, thanks, but I think we'd rather sit together.
But there's really not a table for that.
That's okay, I'm sure we'll find space somewhere.
But the lunch courtyard isn't organized that way.
Oh, don't worry. We'll figure something out.
- What was that about? - 'Kay.
What are you looking at?
They're just awesome...
ful.
Awful.
Their clothes? Yuck.
Really super awful.
To look at.
Really.
Yeah, I know.
What are we gonna do about them, you guys?
I'll tell you what we're gonna do. Nothing.
Quinn, my system is flawless.
Hey. Hey, Jade.
Look.
Come here. Check out this radical theorem.
You'll absolutely dig it.
- Later! - Bye.
Hey, Sasha, come sit with us.
I gotta go.
- Bye, guys. - Bye, Sasha.
Yo, Cloe. Girl, come check this out.
Oh, my God.
Oh, sure.
You see?
We have no problems at all.
Jade, I'm stuck babysitting. Come over and hang.
Papi made your favorite. Matzo albondigas.
I have Mathletes. Next week?
- I'm booked solid. Yikes. - Next week?
I have journalism.
- How about tomorrow? - We have to make time for each other.
- Wanna come over and study? - Let's do it next week for sure.
You said that the last time.
- Where are you? - I seriously miss you guys.
What's happening here?
You're always busy!
Fine!
- Hey, Sasha. - Yasmin, hey, girl.
Long time, no see. What are you doing here?
We were supposed to go shopping together, remember?
Go, Falcons!
No worries.
My bad, Yas. I'm sorry.
I've got practice with the girls.
Can we do it next week?
Oh, sure.
Yas, you're the best.
We'll do it next week, okay? For sure. I'll call you.
- Okay. Call me. - Bye.
You ruined my hair!
Hey, you can take the bus.
Yo, listen up. That bus is weak.
It's cramped up with freaks.
And I have no time to show my hair mystique.
Word.
Weird.
- Hi, Ali! - Bethany!
Hey, Dexter!
Hey, what's up, ladies?
All right, we can sit down now.
Let's sit down.
Well, well, well, welcome back to another wonderful year
at Carry Nation High School.
And now, without further ado, I'm going to introduce to you
your very popular President of the Student Body,
my little pollywog, my daughter,
Meredith Baxter Dimly.
Good morning.
I am so thrilled to be here as your student body president
once again.
I am here to talk about the talent show, which I will be heading up again.
And the fact that besides the coveted Golden Hatchet,
our wonderful arts committee is providing a spectacular grand prize this semester:
A college scholarship to the school of your choice!
Isn't that amazing?
So you can post your auditions on MySpace...
Hey.
Hi.
Oh, good gloss. Peach party?
Yeah! I just got it! You like it?
- I love it. - I know.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Great lip gloss.
Yeah, it's so shiny and...
- Yes, very. - Yeah.
Shiny.
Yeah, so...
I actually have to get to class.
Oh, yeah, of course. Well...
Have a good class.
- Thanks. - Yeah. Okey-dokey.
- Back at ya. - See ya.
I miss you.
Wow, Meredith, starting a new trend at school?
House frump chic. It suits you.
Seriously, Cherish, I told you, you may not speak to me before noon.
Is that so I don't have to smell your morning breath?
Or is that the dogs?
Did you make your appointment with Extreme Face Makeover yet?
Voila.
Now, you are Fido-fabulous.
Now we are both true fashion icons, aren't we, Paris?
Yeah, fetching.
Get it? Dog?
Fetching?
A dog fetches?
These are the jokes, people!
Dylan, you've been holding out on me.
All this time, I thought you were just some cool jock.
Dylan, Dylan, Dylan. What's up?
Nothing.
I miss it.
I miss music.
I feel you, but you don't have to.
What are you talking about? I can't hear.
Come here.
Feel that?
Yeah, but...
it doesn't mean that I can play it.
True. Come here.
Try it.
Know something, Whitman?
You're a weird dude.
But you're okay. You know that?
Wanna learn a few tricks?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
I can feel that on my neck.
So what're you gonna do for the talent show this year, Meredith?
It doesn't matter. You know she's gonna win.
Just because I'm going to win
doesn't mean that I don't owe all of my fans
a really cool show.
That's true.
Hey. What do you think?
Juggling? Please.
That is so not talent show ready.
Hi.
Who, me?
Yeah.
Okay, Paris, we're a team, and Mommy needs your help.
I need you to go over there. Yes, I do.
And I need you to make sure that Cameron stops talking
to the evil soccer freak.
Okay? Okay? Thank you.
Wow. Hi, l...
- I'm Cloe. - I'm Cameron.
Yeah, I know.
What classes are you in?
Classes?
Stuff.
Cloe! You are the biggest klutz ever!
You always ruin everything...
Oh, no.
Cloe!
Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry.
Oh! No! You didn't!
Jade, you totally did that on purpose!
Oh, my gosh! My hair!
Sasha! You stupid... cheerleader!
You did not just say that!
Keep talking!
Someday you'll say something intelligent.
You know what?
You're not as bad as people say you are.
You're worse!
Food fight!
Yasmin, you...
Cloe, this is all your fault!
Get down here!
Take that! Oh, my gosh!
No! Jade!
- Oh, my gosh. - Here, want some of this?
Enough already!
Oh, my gosh!
Hey, make a hole. Principal Dimly coming through!
Move it!
Principal Dimly's coming through.
Oh, hi, Daddy.
Lookie.
I want to know who did this, or I'm going to...
I'm going to pass this over to Vice Principal Sludge.
Rollo, you take over.
It's the four girls lying next to the statue. Hello.
You, you, you, and you.
Detention.
You started it, clumsy!
I tripped. Excuse me, Princess Perfect.
That is so like you!
You've always been the queen of denial!
You know what?
Neither one of you ever thinks anything through.
It's always me having to pick up the pieces.
That's interesting. We haven't talked in two years.
Ever since you dumped us to be queen of the dorks!
Me?
You haven't spoken to any of us since you went all cheerleader.
I'm not a snob, I'm just better than you are, yeah!
I didn't stop talking to you, you stopped talking to me.
What're you talking about, Sasha?
At least we don't buy our friends with our daddy's bank account.
Only because you don't have a dad or a bank account!
Stop it!
All of you, just stop it.
I can't believe you said that to Cloe.
That's okay.
No. It's not.
When your parents got divorced,
Cloe and her mom were totally there for you.
Don't forget that, Sasha.
Cloe.
I'm sorry.
Can't believe I said that.
What happened to us?
- It's okay. - We were a team.
We always had each other's backs.
Seriously. Like when you canceled your ski trip
to help Cloe study for finals.
That's what friends do. What about you, Yas?
Remember, you completely crushed those girls
that used to slam Jade before she grew into her ears.
Well, she would've done the same for me. Big deal.
It is a big deal.
Friendship is a big deal.
Why aren't we friends anymore?
I can't even remember.
It's the cliques. We're all in them.
That's just how high school works.
Sasha, you're a cheerleader, Cloe's a jock,
and Jade, you spend your time between the science and home ec geeks.
They're not geeks.
They're really interesting people.
Yeah, but I would never know that because I'm not in your clique.
So... what do we do?
We have to take control
of our lives, of our friendships.
It's our own fault.
We can be friends with each other
and do our own thing, right?
Okay. How?
We be ourselves, just like we used to be.
I miss my girls.
Me, too.
I didn't realize how much until now.
BFFs?
BFFs!
- You smell like pasta. - So do you.
I can't believe them.
This is all your fault, Cameron.
Because if you hadn't walked over and talked to that soccer joke,
I wouldn't have had to take action.
And then Daddy's bust would not have been broken.
And those bimbettes wouldn't be in detention and back together
creating anarchy in my kingdom.
Thanks a lot.
Well, if all else fails, I can use this.
Meredith!
I don't think this, you know, calls for the jump drive, Meredith.
Maybe everything will be back to normal by tomorrow.
"Maybe everything will be back to normal by tomorrow."
Moron.
Let's go. I can't stand to look at this.
So tell me, chica, why so happy?
Is there a boy?
Come on, you've been holding out on me.
There's no boy, Bubbie.
It's Sasha, Jade, and Cloe.
We're a team again!
I mean, everyone at school
is only friends with the people in their group,
but we've decided to be friends with everyone.
Well, you girls are doing the right thing.
You walk into school,
you socialize with each other,
with everyone.
You walk in with your heads held high.
And you walk in
with these gorgeous new shoes.
JSon divinasl
jHolal Who's your Bubbie?
JHolal You are!
Bubbie, they're gorgeous! I love them!
Ah-ah-ah. Sweet talk is cheap.
Pay the lettuce.
Dos chocolatésl
How do you do that?
Te amo, Bubbie.
Mmm, I love the smell of retail in the morning.
That's my Sasha.
Gosh, guys. I missed you so much.
Two years? That's, like, forever.
So what's the latest and greatest?
Same old, same old,
I just wish my parents could see who I really am.
- The worst. - You know, it's not that bad.
It just means I spend a lot of time
changing clothes in skinny bathrooms.
That's so weird. Fashion's like your superpower.
You shouldn't have to hide it.
Please, that's like a textbook definition of superpower.
It's a thing in your life that you're really amazing at,
but you hide it from the world so people will think you're normal.
And you, Yas?
I started writing some music,
and yes, it's sounding pretty good.
And no, you can't hear it.
- Stage fright? - Yeah.
But, Sasha, I mean, it's really been about missing you guys.
Speaking of guys, whoa.
- Whoo! - I know, right?
Yas, look who's walking by
sporting some bad jeans and looking fine.
Oh, my gosh.
He totally just checked you out!
Did you see that? He's into you!
What, Dylan? Are you kidding me?
He hates me.
Besides, he is totally not my type.
Oh, you have a type.
Come on, guys.
Dylan is not the least bit interested in me.
OMG. It's so obvious.
Okay, you are so wrong.
He never looks me in the eye,
he's never asked me out,
and he can never even remember my name.
Oh, my God.
He's crazy about me!
Promise we'll never let anything break us up ever again.
Pinky swear.
Pinky swear!
I love MySpace.
Yeah, that's much.
Next!
Hello! I am Magnificent Mike!
Watch as I place my assistant into the sword box of death.
Prepare to be amazed.
Great.
You're in.
Thank you very much. Next!
If I see one more violin playing contortionist,
I'm going to scream. Next!
I think we're making this too complicated.
I mean, if we wanna be friends, we should just be friends.
I totally agree. I mean, we walk to school.
And we lead by example. Come on.
Yo, Cloe. Come to us.
Serious?
Oh, hey, Jade. Come here. Check this out.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Sasha!
Come sit with us!
I can't.
Are people staring?
Oh, yeah.
Super awkward.
Okay, this is weird.
I think it's time for plan B.
Operation Mingle.
Beautiful!
Wait.
Perfection!
No, straighten your legs.
See, like, don't you have any fancy pair of sneakers
in your Yasmin collection?
I mean, anything under 6 inches.
I just want to stay vertical!
Come on, stay vertical!
Honey, when I'm through with you,
you will be playing your next soccer game in stilettos.
- You serious? - Trust me.
Hey, Dexter.
Salutations, Jade.
Hey, nerd.
Why is she talking to you?
Jade? She's my lab partner.
Hey, hottie.
I bet you and I could do a lab experiment
without the Bunsen burner.
You feel me?
Ugh.
I think it behooves you to extend an apology to the lady.
I don't know what you just said,
but I think you better mind your own business.
Oh, you're gonna cry?
Now, would you like to apologize to the lady?
Sorry, Jade.
Dude, you ever think about playing football?
Okay, so, X + Y + Z
divided by 3 is?
Okay.
Let's try this.
I think this might make more sense.
Oh, yeah.
What's a touchdown?
Six!
- Plus an extra point? - One!
Plus a safety?
Two.
Divided by a field goal?
Three?
It's good!
Number 1! Who's number 1?
Killer rip.
Thanks.
But I think with a little adjustment,
it'd be a whole lot better.
Power comes from your core.
Like this.
See? All right?
- All right. - Try one.
You may want to move, just in case.
I'm good.
Okay.
Oh, no!
I'm such a klutz!
I'm sorry.
- Are you okay? - No worries.
Should we try it again?
Oh, my God, Cherish.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Take me to the happy place.
Hurry up.
Can't you find somewhere else to be a freak?
So embarrassing.
I'm busy now.
Can I ignore you some other time?
Didn't you hear, munchkin?
Everyone does what I tell them to do.
Not from what I hear.
Ouch.
Oh, whatever, Avery.
This is just a temporary loss of control.
I can assure you, I will bring order back to our school.
Now, girls, think.
When was I at the height of my popularity?
- Last week? - Last year's talent show?
- I know this one. - Yes, Quinn?
Your super sweet 16.
She's totally right.
That was, like, the most amazing party ever.
Remember, everyone was, like, sucking up to you
for weeks before just to get an invitation.
Well, then, it's settled.
I'm throwing another super sweet 16 party.
Um, but you're already 16.
I'm throwing another super sweet 16.
In fact, I'll have MTV tape the whole thing.
My mom is best friends with the producers.
Why is she throwing another sweet 16?
I'm not really sure, exactly.
I'm going to use the invitations
to bring organization and harmony back to our school.
Oh, I get it.
No cliquey, no tickey.
You have a visitor.
And that'll crush those snotty girls forever.
And then we'll live happily ever after. Brilliant!
Yo, Cherish, you left your shoes at ballet class.
Hey, it's a total chick farm.
Athletic and yet very hot.
Me likey.
Me thinky you're a twerp.
So what do you think of my hair today?
I did this side just for you.
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Ooh, I like 'em feisty.
Isn't that Yasmin's little brother?
Yeah. What's he doing here?
Hey, looking good, mamitas.
Ugh. Okay, that is truly gross.
Oh, my God.
You have the most incredible hair ever.
I know, right?
I'm going out for best hair this year.
No doubt. Anyway...
why don't you come over here and tell me all about yourself.
Are you kidding me?
Okay. Here, keep this dry.
So, your sister Yasmin.
She is so sweet.
I mean, what's it like having such a perfect sister?
Yeah, what's it like?
Perfect? Ha ha!
Have you actually met her?
You're so funny.
I mean, she's just so good at everything, right?
You think so? Check this out.
It's truly fantastic.
Wow.
She is precious.
I just have to have this for my collection.
Do you think you could transfer it to this?
Yeah, sure.
Meredith's MTV... my super sweet 16.
Yeah, it's gonna be totally even more incredibly awesome than the last one.
How excited are you?
She already had a sweet 16.
What do you think she's up to?
Does it matter?
Hello? It's a party.
This can't be good.
Come on.
Oh, my God, how cute is this?
Darling. Love it.
Apparently so.
Come on, girl. Give it up.
Tell us what's wrong.
I'm not going to Meredith's party.
Okay? I can't afford to buy anything new.
You guys need to go without me.
I mean it.
Oh, my God, Cloe. Stop it right now, okay?
The only way you could embarrass us
is if you don't walk into Meredith's
ridiculously extreme extravaganza.
Yeah, and we've been pulled apart for too long.
It's not happening again, not for anything,
and especially not for Meredith.
But, Sasha, I have nothing to wear.
You do now.
I have two guilt certificates.
One from my mom and one from my dad.
And now one for you.
Hey, divorce isn't all that bad.
Now come on, girl, we've got some serious shopping to do!
Mwah!
Come on!
Aah!
The mall hath no fury like a shopper scorned.
Yeah.
Good job, girl.
- Thank you. - I'm proud of you.
Pop your balloons to see if you're invited
to my MTV Super Sweet 16 party!
Now, seating will be organized according to groups,
so if you don't belong to a group,
you really can't come to my party.
So until then, I'll be watching you.
Go ahead, pop 'em!
Oh, my God, this is so fabulous.
I knew it. It was too good to be true.
I just don't understand why Meredith is so evil.
I mean, what are we gonna do about her party?
Nothing, okay? We don't go.
If we can't go to the festival of Meredith on our own terms,
then trust me, it's not worth it.
Yas, it's gonna be an amazing party!
Yeah. And, if we don't go,
we can be branded as total losers and outcasts.
But I'm willing to take the risk.
I'm with Yasmin. Skip the ego trip.
Yeah, I second that emotion.
- But, guys... - Sasha, no.
Okay, I hear you.
It's just... there's this tragic new outfit out there
that's just calling my name.
But... hey, you know?
I'm hanging up and changing my number.
Hold me.
Oh, honey. You'll be just fine.
Come on.
No.
I agree. Absolutely not.
Don't look, Paris.
I'd rather die.
That's the one.
Show me...
I need a little something right there.
Thank you.
I just love me.
I look so hot.
High five.
Okay, keep going.
Wow. Your singing's amazing.
Oh, my God. Really?
Yeah, like beyond amazing.
Seriously? Thanks.
But I don't understand.
I mean, you can't...
Hear?
It's okay. You can say it.
It's cool. I can't hear, but I heard you.
Okay. I'll bite.
Here. Come here. Let me show you.
Sing something.
Wow! So that's how you heard me?
Well, I didn't exactly hear your voice.
I felt your voice.
And it felt amazing.
Awesome.
Yeah, you are.
You have a serious gift.
You did sign up for the talent show, didn't you?
Because you're definitely winning.
Oh, thanks, but no thanks.
I can't sing in front of people.
I literally get ill. It's not pretty.
You know what?
I can't hear, but I learned to spin.
You can do it if you really want to.
Seriously, it'd be a crime to keep that voice inside yourself.
What's that mean?
Go for it.
Mom? Wow.
This must be a major party.
Mom?
Mom, are you okay?
You're burning up!
Oh, I have to cook the food. I have to cook the food.
- No, Mom. - I have to cook the food.
Mom, you can't work.
You need to sleep.
- Where? - Mom. Mom.
Mom, look at me!
You need to sleep.
Okay.
A couple hours. You promise you'll wake me up?
I promise. Just get some rest.
Please, Mom.
Girl, are you joking? It's Saturday morning.
- This better be good. - What's wrong?
It's an emergency. I need your help.
- I'm there. - We're there.
So we need to make 150 of each dish.
Cook? You want me to cook?
Girl, I burn water.
Yeah, are you kidding?
'Cause there's definitely no way I can do this.
What's this?
Come on, Jade. We can do it.
You're a designer.
Just think of it as... high fashion for food.
Let's do it.
Cloe, you didn't wake me up.
It's 5:00. I've got so much to...
Who did this?
We did!
This is amazing.
You girls are absolute angels.
Aren't we?
It was a breeze.
What?
Oh, God...
Mom, what's wrong?
My servers can't make it.
This is the biggest party of my career.
Where am I gonna get servers in two hours?
We're free.
No, wait. Wait. Wait.
This is Meredith's sweet 16.
Mom, are you kidding?
I couldn't turn it down, honey. I'm sorry.
No. No. No. It's okay.
I understand.
I'm just gonna cancel it.
We're in.
You sure you want to do it?
What's the worst that could happen?
Why the sad faces?
Clowns are supposed to be happy.
Be happy.
Perfect.
If you guys want to back out, I'll totally understand.
All right.
Everyone's out there waiting for food,
and gosh darn it, we're gonna serve it.
I just need five little minutes and F.E.R.
Girl, I may be wearing circus clothes and a clown nose,
but I draw a line at wearing animals.
Uh, no. Not fur.
F-E-R:
My fashion emergency raft.
I never leave home without it.
Well, I got S-M-K:
Sasha's make-up kit.
Holla!
Now that's what I call clown couture.
Giddyup, Jumbo.
Hi, everyone.
Hi, MTV. It's Meredith.
Isn't this amazing?
Hi! Oh, I'm so glad you could make it
to my super sweet 16 party.
Oh, it's so good to see you. Hi, everyone.
I know. So cool, right?
Best party ever already, and we're just starting.
Fellas, you guys, look.
Oh, yeah!
Oh!
I'm so excited to be here.
Candy, quiche, and pickle puffs!
Thank you so much for coming.
Hello? Me time now.
It's me. On an elephant.
That was amazing.
Get out of my way.
Well, don't you look adorable.
But you're not here to look adorable.
You're here to work.
It's Clover, isn't it?
- Cloe. - Oopsies.
Anyway, we're all dying of thirst,
so you wanna get us a soda?
I'll take mine with a slice of lime.
Oh, you know, make that a lemon with a cherry.
But take off the stem and put in two umbrellas.
One green and, um...
one yellow, 'kay?
Oh, no! Listen, Missy, you...
Sasha.
- Step back. - Listen...
make sure your friends keep a cork in it
because I wouldn't want to have to fire your mother.
Again.
Okay, what was that about?
Nothing.
I don't want to talk about it.
Come on, let's work.
Ooh!
Hi, I'm Meredith's sister.
I've had to put up with this every day for 11 years.
Can you feel my pain? Yeah, I'm stuck with her.
You guys look like total rock stars.
I look like a circus freak.
I'll pay you to kidnap me.
I'm worth a lot.
I'll do it.
That nose is workin' for me.
Me likey.
You're a very beautiful girl, cupcake.
And you look cute as a button tonight.
Don't let anyone kid ya.
You're a good dad.
Thank you, uh, jellybean.
May I have your attention, please?
For our first super fun event of my super evening,
It's time for the entertainment:
Me!
Please hold your applause until the end.
We love you!
Yeah!
Thank you so much.
And now, for a real treat,
I'd like to invite my dear, dear friend to go next.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe she's gonna let me go first.
Yasie, darling.
A little birdie told me that you just love to sing.
Come on up here. Come on.
- Come on. - No. No, please don't.
Don't do this to her.
She has stage fright!
No, stop!
This is gonna be fantastic.
Raise the roof, Yasmin!
We love you, Yasmin!
Come on, Yasmin. It's my birthday.
Show us what you can do.
Oh, dear. She is so adorably shy.
Precious.
Well, I have had the privilege of watching her sing,
and I just want you all to see it.
Hey, come on, you guys. Dance with me.
Up! Up! Up!
Come on! Everyone!
Stop it!
Do something about this.
I'm on it.
Stop it!
And now, for my second change of the evening.
Ladies and gentlemen, my Aquamarine Meringue.
Well, is everyone having a good time?
Is this, like, the best super sweet 16 party ever?
Do you guys, like, totally love me?
What did she say?
Let's... Let's start dancing.
Okay?
Hi, MTV. Welcome to my super sweet 16 party.
We love you, MTV!
My party was totally better than yours.
I am so sorry.
Foie gras mousse?
I'm pretty good at lip reading, not that good.
You looked great on the big screen.
Oh, don't remind me.
So humiliating.
Yeah, don't let it get to you.
Consider the source.
Excuse me! Yasmin!
Get back to work. That is not what I'm paying you for.
No fraternizing with my guests.
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
Shoo! Go! Go!
Excuse me!
Jumbo, come here, boy!
Go. Go, Jumbo, go.
Oh, my gosh.
Well, if it isn't Cloe the klutzy clown.
You're fired.
Now clean up this disgusting mess before my guests see it.
Cameron, what are you doing? Get up.
Cameron!
Cameron? Cameron?
Get me a drink?
Get your own drink.
What? Cameron!
Thanks a lot, Jumbo.
Oh, what are you looking at?
Stop it! Stop it!
This is my MTV super sweet 16 party!
Everybody go back to your assigned tables immediately!
Thank you.
Meredith, are you okay?
Do you need a hand?
I can knit you a towel.
I know CPR.
Look at me! You guys have ruined everything!
There was gonna be a cake and dancing
and an amazing goodie bag.
But now the party's over! You've ruined it for everyone!
You... you...
brats!
Hi, MTV.
This is the best party I have ever been to in my whole life.
Happy Birthday, Meredith.
Well, she's brought back cliques.
Ok, so, what do we do now?
Sasha?
Hey, Bethany.
So, we've been talking,
and you're a really great cheerleader,
and we really want you to be a part of the team,
but if you don't want to hang out with us,
then maybe you don't have the right kind of school spirit for the job.
So you're saying if I'm not a part of your clique,
I'm off the squad?
Think about it.
Hey.
You either need to spend more time with us,
or we need to cut you from the roster.
Dexter... don't be that guy.
I'm afraid that's not up to me.
We had a real chemistry, Jade.
I'm not doing it.
Come on, Yas, get over it.
The only way to get everyone back together is to win the talent show.
Meredith wins every year.
You're the only one that can break her streak.
Maybe so, but I'm still not doing it.
Next subject, please.
A chicken!
Fine, that's me. El pollo Yasmin.
Look, if you sing, I'll spin.
Really?
- Yeah. - No.
Come on! We'll all help you.
You'll sing, I'll choreograph,
Cloe will splash the background with her video bling,
and Jade will...
What, add numbers faster than anyone?
2, 147.
3,268.
5,415. Big whoop.
Hello, fashion diva. We're gonna need costumes.
Now you're talking, sister.
And we're gonna need backup singers, too.
- And dancers. - Why stop there?
We should get everyone who Meredith shot down to perform with us.
Perfect! Then you don't need me.
Ugh. Okay, how about this?
The winner gets a scholarship.
Know anyone who might need that?
Cloe.
Okay, fine.
But only for Cloe.
But I still can't do it.
- Why? - Why?
Because we don't have a name.
Well, well, well. If it isn't the brats?
Bratz.
Cloe, you're a genius.
I am?
- Bratz! - Yeah!
Ready? 5, 6, 7, 8.
I love it. Next!
I got some great images that I took of the mime.
You're awesome.
That looks good.
- You're in. - 5, 6, 7, 8...
Stop! You're killing us.
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California.
Boring.
Horrible.
Horrible. You're in.
Next!
I am Plunger Man!
Come on, now. Get up.
- Hey, sweetheart. - Hi, Dad.
Aren't you supposed to be at Mom's tonight?
Oh, Dad, I'm so exhausted, I completely forgot.
You know what? You go on to bed. I'll call Mom.
And I just wanna tell you something.
I'm really proud of you.
- You are? - Yeah.
You and your friends have put aside all your differences
and made it work.
Thanks, Dad.
Maybe one day you and Mom will do the same thing.
Yeah. Maybe.
Bratz?
Oh-no. No way. Nuh-uh. I don't think so.
They ruined my super sweet 16.
I am not going to put them in my talent show.
Hello, Yasmin?
So, you see, it's really in your best interests
to drop out of the talent show.
Or I'll be forced to go public
with all these embarrassing flaws
that I have right here on your friends,
Sasha, Jade, and particularly Clover.
Cloe.
Same thing.
I'm pretty sure Cloe wouldn't want the entire student body
to know that when her mother worked for us,
things just disappeared.
Poor girl. How terribly pitiful.
You are so devious.
Thank you.
I mean, I hate to do it,
but you can certainly see my predicament, and yours.
Can't you?
How pathetic.
I can't believe you. You spend half your time
documenting dirt on everyone else?
You really need to get a life.
Oh, I have one. And it is fabulous.
Save it.
Just leave Cloe alone.
Smart move.
5, 6, 7, 8.
1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8.
1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8.
Hit 1, 2, 3, 4.
5, 6, 7,8.
1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8.
Yas, come here. You have to see this.
We are so tight. Check. Watch, show her, ready?
Wait. Wait. Guys, wait!
I need to tell you something.
I'm dropping out of the talent show.
I just can't do it.
- What? - What?
I'm sorry.
It's just, you guys kind of pulled me into it.
And I never really wanted to do it anyway.
This is a joke, right?
No, it's not.
It's just not my thing. It's kind of stupid.
Stupid?
No, what's stupid is...
is that I'm almost getting kicked off of my soccer team
and you, you're the one dropping out?
Whatever. I don't want to talk about it.
You don't wanna talk about it?
Can we talk about the fact that my grades have dropped?
How selfish can you be?
What happened to sticking together?
I guess I'm just not feeling it anymore.
Sorry.
Right. Okay.
Well, I guess if you're not feeling it anymore, then we're not feeling you.
You know what? Come on, girls. We're through here.
Oh, and Yasmin?
Delete my number from your cell phone, okay?
Mine, too.
Yeah, sounds about right.
I tried to protect them,
but I lost them instead.
Ah, cara mia.
They're your best friends.
Tell them the truth.
You don't know Meredith.
Maybe you should let them decide.
Está bien, mi ni?a.
Está bien, mi amor.
Bubbie te quiere mucho.
Okay.
Brown. Blue.
Blue. Brown.
Why aren't you girls getting ready?
Mom, we're not going.
Not going? Why?
Yasmin bailed on us.
Yasmin?
She just quit the show.
We thought our friendship was more important than anything.
I mean, after everything we've been through.
We put it all on the line. I can't believe it.
Yeah, it doesn't make sense.
Maybe something's wrong with her.
You girls have been friends forever.
Don't you think that you at least owe it to Yasmin
to look a little bit deeper?
Find out why she did what she did?
Sasha, I have something to tell you guys.
- Like, face to face. - Okay.
Look out your window.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to a night of magic.
Before we begin,
I'd like to introduce you to our illustrious celebrity judges
who will be voting for me.
I'm totally kidding.
Ugh. I can't believe Meredith would stoop so low.
Wait, did I just say that?
We should've known you were just protecting us.
I didn't tell you.
Yeah, but we should've known anyway.
Yas, we want to do the talent show with you.
But, guys, remember Meredith?
Whatever.
If we let Meredith scare us into quitting the show,
then it's all over.
She's gonna make our lives miserable for the rest of the year.
Yeah, and it doesn't matter if we win.
We gotta stand up for ourselves.
Show some attitude.
So let me get this straight.
You guys want to stand up on stage,
in front of the whole school
and risk everyone laughing at us
and thinking we're losers until we graduate?
Exercise? Yeah, I get enough exercise.
Just pushing my luck. Ba-dum-cha!
Anyway, what do termites eat for breakfast?
Oak-meal. Get it?
Oak-meal?
That was just hilarious.
Really. Really wonderful.
- Thank you, guys. - It's hilarious.
Stiff competition.
Our next act is simply amazing.
Ladies and gentlemen, live from Carry Nation High,
Meredith and the Meredettes.
# You know it's all about me #
# Don't hate me 'cause I got it goin' on #
# It's just me, I'm hot, never cold #
# I can rock it any way that I choose #
# I'm so good, oh, yeah, I make up all the rules #
# I can't help it if I set all the trends #
# Everybody wants to be my best friend #
# It's infectious, come on, don't you be jealous #
# Just join in this love fest #
# You know that it's all about me #
# It's all about me #
# Oh, yeah, me, myself, and I #
# It's all about me #
# Ma-ma-ma MySpace, I have 10 million friends #
# Text me, BFF till the end #
# Page me on your cell and press "send" #
# Diva what? Diva who? Diva where? #
# That's me #
# Download all my crazy new hooks #
# Upload all my video looks #
# So buy my ringtone, fashion line, and cook books #
# Diva what? Diva who? Diva where? #
# It's all about me #
# It's all about me, me, me, me, me #
# Everybody knows it's I #
# It's all about me #
# Don't blame her #
# I'm so beautiful #
- # Not her fault # - # I'm platinum and gold #
# She's the queen #
# And my reign is supreme #
# So follow the leader, you're all on my team #
# I can't help it if I set all the trends #
# Everybody wants to be my best friend #
# It's contagious, and it's so outrageous #
# Grandparents, grownups, and kids of all ages #
# You know Madonna ain't got nothing on me #
# Bu-bu-Beyoncé ain't got nothing on me #
# Cha-cha-Christina ain't got nothing on me #
# Diva what? Diva who? Diva where? #
# That's me #
# You know it's all about me #
# I'm a specialty #
# You know it's all about me #
# I'm an anomaly #
# You know it's all about me #
# Who else could it be? #
# Upload, download, text me, page me #
# MySpace, YouTube, don't erase me #
# Indoor, outdoor, I'm so clever #
# That's why I will rule forever #
# Me #
Get off my stage. Go!
Wasn't that awesome?
Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado,
let's see who you have chosen
as this year's most talented student
at Carry Nation High.
Judges, the envelope, please.
Wait a minute.
There's still one more act.
No, the show is over,
with a capital over.
Hey, listen, the girls signed up,
they deserve the right to perform.
- He's right. - Oh, please.
I know the rules, but thanks anyway.
Hey, those are my parents you're talking to.
You will not disrespect them like that.
Have you considered anger management?
Oh, Meredith. Bag it.
- Introduce us, Cloe. - Wait!
Are you sure you want to do this to your friends, Yasmin?
Well, then, it is my responsibility,
as your student body president,
to let you know who these brats really are.
Exhibit A, the fashionista.
I say Imposturista.
She lies to her parents, to her teachers,
and to you.
This is who you think she is.
This is who she really is.
Here's the dealio.
I'm not either of those girls Meredith showed you.
I'm both.
I love science and math and my parents,
a lot,
but I have a passion for fashion.
It's how I express who I am.
And if I can't do that,
I'm nobody.
I want everyone in my life to accept that.
Sorry.
Pathetic, isn't it?
Well, nowhere as pathetic as this.
Exhibit B, the soccer jock.
All-American girl, the perfect daughter,
you decide.
When her mother desperately needed a job,
my family was kind enough
to offer her employment as our maid.
And how did her daughter repay this kindness?
By stealing my favorite, most beloved dolly.
Ow. Still hurts.
Look, it's true.
My mom did clean Meredith's house.
She would do anything to provide for us.
My mom...
My mom is my hero.
But I never took your doll.
Actually, I did.
You were using it as a doorstop.
I eavesdropped on my sister.
And then I betrayed her.
Yasmin, I'm very sorry.
Most of my friends think I'm a tough jock,
but I've been taking ballet since I was 5.
And you know what? I like it.
I cheated on my pop quiz
and my midterm, and my final.
I'm Bubbie,
and I am a chocoholic.
- Hi, Bubbie. - Hi, Bubbie.
Meredith, this one's for you.
# We got that Bratitude #
# It's not that attitude #
# We got that Bratitude #
# Yeah, come on #
# There's a voice inside of me #
# Set it free, set it free, set it free #
# And it lives way down deep in my soul #
# Let it go, let it go, let it go. #
# Come with me on this ride #
# Soar with me through the sky #
# You can't hide, you can't hide, you can't hide #
# Everyone, listen up #
# They say my Bratitude is just an attitude #
# Gonna take the latitude #
# To say that it's okay #
# It's not a platitude #
# To feel some gratitude #
# So show your Bratitude #
# To the world today #
# Express yourself and you'll see #
# Set it free, set it free, set it free #
# One on one, all together, you know #
# Let it go, let it go, let it go #
# Believe in all you are #
# Let your spirit soar #
# This power will open the door #
# Now you know, listen up #
# Ay ay ay ay #
# It's not an attitude #
# Ay ay ay ay #
# It's not a platitude #
# Ay ay ay ay #
# To feel some gratitude Ay ay ay ay #
# Bratitude #
# You know my Bratitude is not an attitude #
# Gotta take the latitude to say that it's okay #
# It's not a platitude to feel some gratitude #
# So show your Bratitude in each and every way #
# That's what we call #
# Bratitude #
# That's what we call #
# Bratitude #
# There ain't no difference who you are #
# No ifs, no buts, no maybes #
# Just follow our lead, be fearless #
# There's no limit, don't you worry #
# B-rat tat tat tat #
# The Bratz got your back #
# So get up on your feet #
# Let's take it to the street #
# To everyone you'll meet today #
# We got it #
# We'll share it, we'll show it #
# Want the whole world to know it #
# We got it #
# We'll share it, we'll show it #
# Want the whole world to know it #
# They say my Bratitude is just an attitude #
# Gonna take the latitude to say that it's okay #
# It's not a platitude to feel some gratitude #
You go on that stage, and I am never speaking to you again.
You know what?
That's the best offer I've heard all day.
# There's a voice deep inside of me #
# Set it free, set it free, set it free #
# One on one, all together, you know #
# Let it go, let it go, let it go #
# B! Bratz style we'll be bringin' #
# R! The right way to be singin' #
# A! We always keep it real #
# T! Stick together, it's the deal #
# I! Tell me, girl, what lives inside #
# T! To be true and always try #
# U-D-E! Express yourself #
# Express yourself #
# Riding high with our Bratitude #
# That is why we got Bratitude #
# We can fly with our Bratitude #
# Don't deny we got Bratitude #
# Riding high with our Bratitude #
# That is why we got Bratitude #
# We can fly with our Bratitude #
# Don't deny that #
# We got #
# Bra-ti-tude #
# Hey #
Oh, that was so good!
Yes!
Yeah!
You were all absolutely wonderful.
And the winner is...
It's a tie.
Well, we... That's a first.
So I guess we just... We'II, uh...
I'd like to present the Golden Hatchet
to Meredith Baxter Dimly.
I really didn't see this coming.
I won, I won, I won, I won!
Look, everyone. I won.
- Thank you. - Yes.
Now, the scholarship goes to the Bratz!
Meredith. Tom McShavie, Vice President, MTV Networks.
- Great show. - Thank you.
I caught your MTV My Super Sweet 16,
and it's got the best numbers to date.
You in the pool. Outrageous.
My idea.
Smart girl.
Oh, but you four girls, whoa.
You have got superstar written all over you.
- We do? - They do?
Without question.
We're having a movie premiere next Saturday night.
How would you girls like to be the featured act on the red carpet?
Two words. Uh, duh!
Fantastic.
- We'll be in touch. - Oh, no way.
Oh, my God, the red carpet!
Oh, my God, the scholarship!
Which...
we want to give to you, Cloe.
You're going to college, no ifs, ands, or buts.
For real?
Oh, I love you guys!
We are truly best friends forever.
BFFs!
Even better.
Bratz!
I totally would've won that scholarship.
Well, dear, there's always the next time.
No, there is not a next time.
I'm graduating.
Oh, yes.
Congratulations, dear.
Easy, easy, easy, girl.
Whoo!