1 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,332 ( door opens ) 2 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,134 APRIL. 3 00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,311 ( theme music playing ) 4 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,431 ( traffic in distance ) 5 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,603 SORRY, SHOULD I SIT? 6 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,339 IF YOU WANT TO. 7 00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,409 NICE BONES. 8 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,245 I JUST-- 9 00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:19,513 I LIKE TO TAKE IN A SPACE WHEN I ENTER IT. 10 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:23,317 I'M STUDYING ARCHITECTURE AND THEY SORT OF TRAIN US 11 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,386 TO ALWAYS BE AWARE OF OUR SURROUNDINGS 12 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:28,189 SO THAT-- AM I TALKING TOO MUCH? 13 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:33,694 - WHAT? - PEOPLE DON'T USUALLY ASK THAT QUESTION IN HERE. 14 00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:39,099 - I REALLY LIKE YOUR OFFICE. - WELL, THANK YOU. 15 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,702 - D.I.Y.? - I'M SORRY? 16 00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,972 UH, DID YOU DO IT YOURSELF 17 00:01:45,072 --> 00:01:46,774 OR DID YOU USE AN INTERIOR DECORATOR? 18 00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:48,409 NO NO, I-- 19 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,544 - SO THIS IS ALL YOU? - MM-HMM. 20 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:53,614 - I'M IMPRESSED. - OH, THANK YOU. 21 00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:06,694 ( April inhales deeply ) 22 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,431 SO, APRIL, 23 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,633 WELL, MAYBE YOU CAN TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF. 24 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,670 WHAT-- WHAT SPECIFICALLY? 25 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:20,441 WELL, WHATEVER YOU THINK I-- I SHOULD KNOW. 26 00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,311 ( clears throat ) I'M 23, 27 00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:25,913 I GO TO PRATT, I'M STUDYING ARCHITECTURE-- 28 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,148 I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT-- 29 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:30,518 ( clears throat ) AND URBAN PLANNING. 30 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:33,554 IT'S A THREE-YEAR PROGRAM. I'M IN MY SECOND YEAR. 31 00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:40,127 MY PARENTS ARE BOTH ALIVE AND STILL MARRIED TO EACH OTHER. 32 00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:43,297 I HAVE A BROTHER-- DANIEL. 33 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:46,267 HE'S A YEAR AND A HALF YOUNGER. WE'RE PRETTY CLOSE. 34 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:52,540 I'M SINGLE... RECENTLY. 35 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,642 VERY RECENTLY. 36 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:57,711 WE WERE TOGETHER SINCE THE FIRST WEEK AT PRATT. 37 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,449 SO IS, UH-- 38 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,785 IS THAT WHAT YOU'VE COME TO-- TO TALK ABOUT? 39 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,621 MY BREAKUP? 40 00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,792 I WISH. 41 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:20,100 NO, MY-- MY BREAKUP WAS 42 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,437 REALLY FINE, TOTALLY AMICABLE. 43 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:27,107 KYLE WAS REALLY INCREDIBLY CIVIL ABOUT THE WHOLE THING. 44 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,243 WE'RE STILL GOOD FRIENDS. 45 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:35,749 AND HIS NEW GIRLFRIEND'S JUST... DELIGHTFUL. 46 00:03:35,849 --> 00:03:40,020 AND HER FATHER OWNS FIVE BUILDINGS ON PARK AVENUE, 47 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,690 SO THAT'S NICE. 48 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,962 I'M SORRY, I'M REALLY BAD AT TALKING ABOUT MYSELF. 49 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,365 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK ME QUESTIONS OR SOMETHING. 50 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:55,636 - ARE YOU THAT KIND OF SHRINK? - I CAN BE. 51 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,239 I FOUND YOUR NAME ONLINE-- 52 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:02,343 PRATT LISTSERV. 53 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,345 I WANTED SOMEBODY CLOSE TO SCHOOL 54 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:07,381 WHO ACTUALLY TAKES MY HEALTH PLAN. 55 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,184 NOBODY HAD COMMENTED ON YOUR PAGE. 56 00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:13,521 UM, THERE'S A SPACE 57 00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,255 WHERE PATIENTS CAN RECOMMEND OR NOT RECOMMEND. 58 00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,124 YOURS WAS EMPTY. 59 00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:20,928 THAT'S PROBABLY 'CAUSE I'VE JUST RECENTLY MOVED TO THE AREA. 60 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,298 I ASSUMED IT WAS A NEW PRACTICE. 61 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:25,699 I THOUGHT YOU'D BE YOUNGER. 62 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:29,303 OH. WOULD YOU PREFER A YOUNGER THERAPIST? 63 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,072 NO. NO, ACTUALLY. 64 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:35,008 YOU SEEM GREAT. 65 00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:41,248 HOW'S BUSINESS? HARD? 66 00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:43,617 WHY'D YOU MOVE? 67 00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:46,920 I'M SORRY. 68 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,222 ( chuckles ) 69 00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:51,191 WELL, I-- I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE 70 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:54,061 THAT THIS IS THE THIRD TIME THAT YOU HAVE-- 71 00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:55,896 THAT YOU'VE APOLOGIZED TO ME. 72 00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,831 MMM. 73 00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,634 I'M NOT REALLY SORRY. I WAS JUST BEING POLITE. 74 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,336 OKAY, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT 75 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,472 YOU DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE 76 00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:07,007 FOR ANYTHING IN HERE, ANYTHING THAT YOU SAY. 77 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:10,243 YOU CAN'T-- YOU CAN'T OFFEND ME. 78 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:13,881 - I CAN'T? - WELL, OF COURSE YOU CAN, BUT... 79 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,717 I CAN TAKE IT. 80 00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:20,854 WHAT I MEAN IS YOU DON'T HAVE TO CENSOR YOURSELF 81 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,790 TO SPARE MY FEELINGS. 82 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:25,025 OKAY. 83 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,598 SO IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME MEETING WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST? 84 00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,501 NO, I SAW SOMEBODY AT SCHOOL. 85 00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,436 THEY GIVE YOU NINE WEEKS FOR FREE 86 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,838 - OVER THE COURSE OF THE SCHOOL YEAR, SO-- - NINE WEEKS, 87 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,540 THAT'S-- THAT'S NOT LONG. 88 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,509 WELL, IT WOULD'VE BEEN PLENTY 89 00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:43,477 IF SHE HADN'T BEEN SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT. 90 00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,913 FIRST OF ALL, 91 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:49,850 JENNIFER WAS BARELY OLDER THAN ME. 92 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:53,320 ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO-- 93 00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,489 YOU COULD JUST TELL SHE BECAME A THERAPIST 94 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,425 BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO WITH HER LIFE, 95 00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,927 LIKE SHE WOKE UP ONE MORNING 96 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,762 AND THOUGHT, 97 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:05,098 "I LOOK LIKE I'M A GOOD LISTENER 98 00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,434 AND I HAVE NOTHING REALLY TO SAY. 99 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,869 I KNOW! I'LL BE A THERAPIST." 100 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:12,272 - NO OFFENSE. - THAT'S FINE. THAT'S FINE. 101 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:14,307 ( chuckles ) 102 00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:17,678 SHE WAS JUST WAITING FOR SOME... 103 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:20,047 RICH DOCTOR IN A BAD MARRIAGE 104 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:23,216 TO CRAWL INTO HER OFFICE AND FALL IN LOVE WITH HER 105 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,886 SO SHE COULD GIVE UP THE WHOLE CHARADE. 106 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,955 I COULD JUST TELL WHEN I WAS SITTING THERE IN FRONT OF HER 107 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:31,592 SHE WAS THINKING "THIS GIRL IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME." 108 00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:35,429 - AND WHAT TOLD YOU THAT? - I DON'T KNOW. 109 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,432 IT WAS JUST THIS FEELING I HAD, THIS... 110 00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:41,535 POLITE GLAZE IN HER EYE. 111 00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:44,472 ALSO, SHE TOLD ME THE SAME STORY TWICE, 112 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,106 WHICH WAS PRETTY DISHEARTENING. 113 00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:49,409 - IN THE SAME SESSION? - NO, TWO DIFFERENT SESSIONS. 114 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:51,211 OH, SO YOU WENT TO SEE HER AGAIN? 115 00:06:51,311 --> 00:06:53,413 YEAH, I FIGURED I OWED IT TO HER. 116 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,415 HOW DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU OWED IT TO HER? 117 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:59,052 SHE WAS A NICE PERSON. SHE WAS TRYING. 118 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:02,623 HMM. SO WHAT WAS THE STORY, 119 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,658 THE ONE THAT SHE TOLD YOU TWICE? 120 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,628 IT'S NOT SIGNIFICANT. 121 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,432 I MEAN, IT'S NOT EVEN A STORY. IT'S MORE OF A JOKE. 122 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:16,236 - YOU PROBABLY KNOW IT. - MAYBE NOT. 123 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:18,171 TRY ME. 124 00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,776 IT'S THE ONE ABOUT THE HICK WHO COMES TO NEW YORK... 125 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:27,280 AND EVERYONE'S MOVING REALLY FAST. 126 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,182 NOBODY GIVES HIM THE TIME OF DAY. 127 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:33,153 TAXIS CUT HIM OFF. PEOPLE TRY TO PICK HIS POCKET. 128 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,422 AND ALL HE WANTS TO DO 129 00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,591 IS GET TO THE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY 130 00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:41,361 TO SEE THE DINOSAURS, BUT HE CAN'T FIND IT. 131 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,364 YOU KNOW, HE CAN'T FIND IT, 132 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,399 HE'S WALKING IN CIRCLES. 133 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:49,436 SO FINALLY HE WALKS 134 00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:51,572 RIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE OF TIMES SQUARE, 135 00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,807 TAPS A COP ON THE SOLDIER 136 00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,909 AND SAYS, "EXCUSE ME, OFFICER. 137 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,378 CAN YOU TELL ME HOW TO GET TO THE NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM, 138 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,514 OR SHOULD I JUST GO FUCK MYSELF?" 139 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,415 ( chuckles ) I'VE HEARD IT, YEAH. 140 00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:05,786 IT'S A-- IT'S A CLASSIC. 141 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:09,757 YEAH. WELL, SHE TOLD IT TO ME TWICE, 142 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,391 AND IT WASN'T FUNNY THE FIRST TIME. 143 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,894 - MMM. - WHEN I DIDN'T GO BACK, 144 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,864 SHE CALLED ME LIKE 87 TIMES. 145 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,066 I WAS LIKE "TAKE A HINT, LADY." 146 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,434 DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE THAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW 147 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,937 THAT YOU HAD CHOSEN TO STOP THERAPY? 148 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,106 HOW MANY PHONE CALLS DOES A PERSON NEED TO IGNORE 149 00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,441 BEFORE YOU REALIZE THEY DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU? 150 00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,811 MM-HMM. SO YOU NEVER SPOKE TO HER AGAIN 151 00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:32,846 AFTER YOU DECIDED NOT TO CONTINUE THERAPY? 152 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,949 I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO HER. 153 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:38,218 I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO COME BACK TO THERAPY. 154 00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,755 I JUST WONDER WHY YOU FELT THAT YOU COULDN'T JUST-- 155 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:45,759 - JUST TELL HER. - I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT HER FEELINGS. 156 00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:53,066 THE-- OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, 157 00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,736 THE WOMAN WAS BORDERLINE STALKING ME. 158 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,771 I'VE HAD FRIENDS WHO'VE GONE TO THERAPY AT SCHOOL 159 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,808 AND IF YOU QUIT, THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU ONCE, 160 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,475 SEND YOU A LETTER AND THAT'S IT. 161 00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:06,346 JENNIFER WAS WAY OVER THE LINE. 162 00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:08,281 SECOND OF ALL, SHE WAS AN IDIOT. 163 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:13,186 AND THIRD OF ALL, DO YOU KNOW HER OR SOMETHING? 164 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,922 NO, I-- I DON'T THINK SO. 165 00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,625 - WHY? - BECAUSE YOU SEEM REALLY INVESTED 166 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,459 IN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH HER 167 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,662 AND THE WHOLE REASON I CAME TO YOU WAS 168 00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:23,764 BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK THAT YOU KNEW 169 00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:26,600 - ANYBODY THAT I KNOW. - WELL, I'M TRYING TO UNDERSTAND 170 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,236 WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME 171 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,571 WHEN YOU TELL ME THIS STORY. 172 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,106 WHOA. DUDE, BACK UP. 173 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,475 I WASN'T TRYING TO TELL YOU ANYTHING. 174 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,277 YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BROUGHT HER UP. 175 00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,780 CAN I ASK YOU IF-- 176 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,750 IF ANYTHING ELSE HAPPENED IN THOSE SESSIONS 177 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:46,286 THAT MIGHT HAVE DISTURBED YOU? 178 00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,889 OH MY GOD. I JUST TOLD YOU 179 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,191 THE WOMAN HAD OATMEAL BETWEEN HER EARS. 180 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,494 SHE BARELY NOTICED ME. 181 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,130 I MENTIONED THAT MY BROTHER WAS AUTISTIC, 182 00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,966 THAT HE TOOK UP A LOT OF MY MOTHER'S TIME, 183 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,134 AND SHE WAS LIKE "THAT MUST'VE BEEN HARD FOR YOU. 184 00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,804 DO YOU THINK YOU'RE ANGRY AT YOUR BROTHER?" 185 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:06,807 AND I WAS LIKE "I LOVE MY BROTHER, 186 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:09,376 BUT I COULD THROW YOU OFF A BRIDGE RIGHT NOW, BITCH." 187 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,415 ( stammers ) I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU PEOPLE. 188 00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:18,385 I THOUGHT I COULD COME HERE 189 00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:22,422 AND, YOU KNOW, SOMEBODY MIGHT ACTUALLY LISTEN TO ME 190 00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,658 AND INSTEAD ALL YOU WANT TO DO 191 00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,159 IS WASTE MY TIME TALKING ABOUT MY FIRST SHRINK 192 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,561 AND WHAT A FUCKING DISASTER SHE WAS. 193 00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:32,232 I DON'T THINK WE'VE BEEN WASTING OUR TIME. 194 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,704 - OF COURSE YOU DON'T. - ALL RIGHT, LOOK. 195 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,473 IT MAY SEEM TO YOU LIKE I'M A BIT SLOW ON THE UPTAKE, 196 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,876 BUT I-- I REALLY HAVE BEEN LISTENING. 197 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,012 AND I THINK I KNOW A LITTLE BIT MORE NOW 198 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:49,182 ABOUT WHAT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU. 199 00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,986 WELL, YOU'VE TOLD ME NOT TO TELL YOU THINGS TWICE, 200 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:56,023 NOT TO FEED YOU PLATITUDES, NOT TO WASTE YOUR TIME. 201 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,191 YOU'VE TOLD ME THAT YOU'RE FIERCELY LOYAL TO YOUR FAMILY 202 00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:01,995 AND IF I FAIL TO ENGAGE YOU, YOU'LL DISAPPEAR ON ME, 203 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:05,265 EVEN IF I CALL YOU 87 TIMES. 204 00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:14,942 IT WASN'T REALLY 87 TIMES. 205 00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,612 OKAY. 206 00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:24,151 SO-- SO WHAT HAVE YOU COME HERE TO TALK ABOUT? 207 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:30,223 HOW MANY PEOPLE COME TO YOU WITH 208 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,592 A REALLY BIG PROBLEM? 209 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,762 LIKE WHAT? 210 00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,097 I DON'T KNOW-- 211 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,768 A DEATH, A RAPE. I DON'T KNOW. 212 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:45,105 ANYTHING THAT YOU TELL ME I CAN HANDLE. 213 00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,875 I WASN'T RAPED. DON'T WORRY. 214 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:58,752 I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU. I JUST, UH... 215 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,156 I CAN'T GET THE WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH. 216 00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:07,160 - CAN I WRITE IT DOWN? - OF COURSE. 217 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:30,450 ( pen clicks ) 218 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,197 HOW DO YOU FEEL? 219 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,268 ( sighs ) 220 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:24,437 TIRED. 221 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,511 WHAT TYPE OF CANCER IS IT? 222 00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:38,318 YOU KNOW WHAT? I-- 223 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,689 I DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. 224 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,858 I, UM-- 225 00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:47,060 I JUST WANTED TO TELL SOMEONE. 226 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,363 I HAVE SO MUCH OTHER SHIT ON MY MIND RIGHT NOW. 227 00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:53,500 THIS PROJECT IS DUE IN TWO WEEKS. 228 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,203 I HAVE SO MUCH DRAFTING TO DO, 229 00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,906 NOT TO MENTION THE MODEL, WHICH I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED. 230 00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,541 I'M SO FUCKED. 231 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,546 ARE YOU SLEEPING? 232 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,649 NOT REALLY, NO. 233 00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:13,053 I WAKE UP IN THESE COLD SWEATS. THEY'RE PRETTY AWFUL. 234 00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:16,523 THE WHOLE BED IS SOAKED. 235 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:21,461 NIGHT SWEATS ARE APPARENTLY A VERY COMMON SYMPTOM 236 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,563 OF LYMPHOMA... 237 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,235 AND OTHER THINGS YOU NEVER WANTED TO KNOW. 238 00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,570 ( chuckles ) 239 00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:33,006 SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN? 240 00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:36,509 FIVE WEEKS. 241 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:39,512 AND... 242 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,548 HOW DID YOU FIND OUT? 243 00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:45,052 I HAD A COUGH. 244 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,922 IT WAS TOTALLY MINOR, BUT IT WOULDN'T GO AWAY. 245 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:51,925 AND IT WAS EMBARRASSING TO BE SITTING IN CLASS 246 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,226 COUGHING ALL THE TIME. 247 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,929 SO I WENT TO THE HEALTH CENTER 248 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:58,465 AND THEY GAVE ME ANTIBIOTICS. 249 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,167 BUT THEY DIDN'T HELP, 250 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:01,834 WHICH IS NOT REALLY A SURPRISE 251 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,037 BECAUSE THE HEALTH CENTER IS TOTAL SHIT. 252 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,173 WE HAVE THIS JOKE THAT 253 00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,209 YOU COULD GO IN THERE BLEEDING PROFUSELY FROM YOUR HEAD 254 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:12,312 AND IF YOU'RE A WOMAN, THEY'LL GIVE YOU A PREGNANCY TEST. 255 00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,783 SO, YOU KNOW, I FIGURED I'D SUCK IT UP 256 00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:19,286 AND WHENEVER I FINALLY TALKED TO MY DAD 257 00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,721 - HE'D TELL ME WHAT TO DO. - IS HE A DOCTOR? 258 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,890 IN THE ARMY. 259 00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:27,227 HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE RETIRED, BUT... 260 00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:29,862 NOW HE'S WORKING WITH THE V.A., 261 00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:31,431 AND THEY'RE SO UNDERSTAFFED, 262 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:34,601 IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO GET HIM ON THE PHONE. 263 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,670 ANYWAY, WHERE AM I? 264 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:40,207 YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT YOUR COUGH. 265 00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,242 RIGHT. 266 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:45,378 SO I COULDN'T REACH MY DAD 267 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,447 AND THEN... 268 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:50,317 I STARTED HAVING THESE AWFUL NIGHT SWEATS, 269 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:55,022 SO I WENT BACK TO THE CENTER AND GUESS WHAT THEY DID. 270 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:58,558 - WHAT? - ACCUSED ME OF TAKING DIET PILLS... 271 00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,760 OR COCAINE. 272 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:04,231 THE DOCTORS COULDN'T AGREE ON WHAT CONTROLLED-SUBSTANCE ABUSE 273 00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:08,601 I WAS KEEPING FROM THEM, SO THAT WAS AWESOME. 274 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:14,574 FINALLY SOMEONE HAD THE BRIGHT IDEA 275 00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:18,278 TO SEND ME TO BROOKLYN HOSPITAL TO GET A CHEST X-RAY, 276 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:22,515 AND THEN-- WELL, THE REST IS HISTORY. 277 00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,822 I HAVE A BIG MASS 278 00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:32,392 BEHIND MY SPINE. 279 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:41,101 DON'T EVER GET A BONE-MARROW BIOPSY, OKAY? 280 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,836 JUST TELL THEM TO FIND ANOTHER WAY. 281 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:45,505 OKAY. 282 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,441 THEY DO IT IN FRONT OF 10 MEDICAL STUDENTS, 283 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,378 AND THEY'RE ALL FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER 284 00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:54,947 AS IF YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM, YOU KNOW? 285 00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:58,218 AS IF YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD AND IT'S AN AUTOPSY. 286 00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,121 IT SOUNDS HORRIBLE. 287 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,057 PRIMARY MEDIASTINAL 288 00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:07,060 LARGE B-CELL, NON-HODGKINS LYMPHOMA. 289 00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:12,299 YOU'VE MET-- YOU'VE MET WITH AN ONCOLOGIST? 290 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,034 YEAH, THE SAME DAY I WAS DIAGNOSED. 291 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,204 HMM. WERE YOU ALONE? 292 00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,172 YES. 293 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:20,873 YOU DIDN'T WANT ANYBODY TO GO WITH YOU? 294 00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:23,610 - LIKE WHO? - A FRIEND... 295 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,245 - NO. - ...OR PARENT. 296 00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,914 - HELL NO. - HOW DID YOUR MOM AND DAD REACT 297 00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:29,482 WHEN YOU TOLD THEM THAT YOU WERE SICK? 298 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,684 I HAVEN'T TOLD THEM. 299 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,057 SO WHO HAVE YOU TOLD? 300 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:42,729 - YOU. - ME. 301 00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,666 MMM. ANYBODY ELSE? 302 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,371 A CONSTRUCTION WORKER. 303 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:56,143 ONE OF MY BIGGEST PET PEEVES IS 304 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:57,844 WHEN I'M WALKING DOWN THE STREET 305 00:17:57,944 --> 00:17:59,846 AND SOME ASSHOLE AT A BUILDING SITE 306 00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,581 TELLS ME TO SMILE, YOU KNOW? 307 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:05,185 LIKE "SMILE, SWEETHEART. IT AIN'T THAT BAD." 308 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:08,288 SO-- YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED 309 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:11,424 TO SAY SOMETHING BACK THAT WOULD REALLY SHUT THOSE GUYS UP. 310 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,960 SO THE OTHER MORNING I WAS WALKING TO SCHOOL, 311 00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,663 AND THIS GUY YELLS OUT 312 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:21,368 "HEY, DOLL FACE, SMILE WILL YOU? IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING," 313 00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:24,337 AND I SHOUTED BACK, "I HAVE CANCER!" 314 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,539 IT WAS AWESOME. ( laughing ) 315 00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:38,385 WELL, NOT REALLY. 316 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,923 SO THE ONLY PEOPLE THAT YOU'VE TOLD 317 00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:45,425 ABOUT THIS ARE 318 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:49,162 THIS CONSTRUCTION WORKER AND ME? 319 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:52,332 I WANTED TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO WAS... 320 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,568 OBJECTIVE, 321 00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:58,638 SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO ME. 322 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:01,341 YOU CARE I'M SURE, BECAUSE YOU'RE A HUMAN BEING, 323 00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,810 BUT YOU WON'T GET HYSTERICAL IF I TELL YOU THAT-- 324 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:07,347 I DON'T KNOW-- THAT MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO GET TREATMENT. 325 00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:10,317 YOU KNOW, LIKE IF I TELL YOU MAYBE I WANT TO DIE 326 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:12,319 RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE, ON YOUR COUCH, 327 00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:15,087 YOU'RE NOT GONNA-- I DON'T KNOW-- 328 00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:17,690 JUMP OUT THE WINDOW, RIGHT? 329 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:23,363 I JUST-- I JUST 330 00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:26,333 NEED TO THINK ABOUT ALL THIS FOR A MOMENT-- 331 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:31,003 MAYBE SEE AN HERBALIST, AN ACUPUNCTURIST OR SOMETHING, 332 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,906 FIGURE OUT WHAT MY OPTIONS ARE BEFORE I START TELLING EVERYONE 333 00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:37,644 AND MANAGING THE HYSTERIA. 334 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:40,413 WHO WOULD BECOME HYSTERICAL IF YOU TOLD THEM? 335 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:45,318 YOUR MOTHER? 336 00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,557 YOUR FATHER? 337 00:19:52,959 --> 00:19:55,295 AND YOUR BROTHER? 338 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:58,931 DANIEL DOESN'T GET HYSTERICAL. 339 00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:01,067 VIOLENT, BUT NOT HYSTERICAL. 340 00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,703 - VIOLENT AGAINST WHOM? - WHAT? 341 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,606 NO, NOBODY. HIMSELF. 342 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,541 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, IT'S-- 343 00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:10,910 YOU SEEM TO ME TO BE REALLY... 344 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:13,413 INDEPENDENT. 345 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:18,651 AND I CAN IMAGINE THAT THE IDEA OF... 346 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,689 ACCEPTING TREATMENT... 347 00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,626 PUTTING YOURSELF IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S HANDS-- 348 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,828 I CAN IMAGINE THAT THAT WOULD BE 349 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,630 KIND OF SCARY. 350 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,999 I JUST TOLD YOU I WANT TO EXPLORE MY OPTIONS-- 351 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:36,869 - MEDITATION, YOGA-- - THESE ARE GOOD STRESS-RELIEVERS, 352 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:42,041 BUT THEY'RE NOT GONNA STOP THE PROGRESS OF THIS DISEASE. 353 00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:44,344 NOT ACCORDING TO WESTERN MEDICINE. 354 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,679 APRIL, DID YOU COME TO ME 355 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,749 LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY TO TELL YOU THAT IT'S OKAY 356 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,818 NOT TO GET TREATMENT? 357 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:54,253 NO. 358 00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:59,158 DO-- DO YOU SMOKE? 359 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,960 WHAT? 360 00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:03,496 SOCIALLY, A BIT. 361 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,598 THIS ISN'T LUNG CANCER. 362 00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:10,903 WELL, THERE'S AN OLD ADAGE-- 363 00:21:12,138 --> 00:21:13,506 A SAYING THAT 364 00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:16,676 THE REASON THAT SMOKERS DON'T BELIEVE 365 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,678 A CIGARETTE CAN KILL THEM IS BECAUSE 366 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:22,081 A CIGARETTE HAS NEVER KILLED THEM BEFORE. 367 00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:24,884 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 368 00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:28,888 I'M WONDERING IF YOU REALLY 369 00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:33,326 BELIEVE THAT YOU HAVE CANCER. 370 00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:37,797 I KNOW I HAVE CANCER. 371 00:21:37,897 --> 00:21:40,767 YES, BUT DO YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOU KNOW? 372 00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:46,873 WHAT ELSE DID THE ONCOLOGIST TELL YOU? 373 00:21:53,212 --> 00:21:54,881 APRIL? 374 00:21:54,981 --> 00:21:57,249 ( exhales sharply ) 375 00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:59,285 SHE SAID THAT I WAS AT STAGE THREE 376 00:21:59,386 --> 00:22:01,220 AND I SHOULD START CHEMO IMMEDIATELY. 377 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,322 - DO YOU TRUST HER? - NO. 378 00:22:03,423 --> 00:22:05,492 - WHY NOT? - I JUST DON'T LIKE HER. 379 00:22:05,592 --> 00:22:07,694 COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE 380 00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:11,297 BECAUSE SHE WAS TELLING YOU THAT YOU DO HAVE CANCER? 381 00:22:11,398 --> 00:22:13,165 I JUST TOLD YOU I WANT 382 00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:14,767 TO LOOK INTO ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE, 383 00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:17,470 - MAYBE A HOMEOPATH. - DO YOU SEE ANY PATTERN 384 00:22:17,570 --> 00:22:19,205 BETWEEN GOING TO DIFFERENT THERAPISTS 385 00:22:19,305 --> 00:22:21,408 AND GOING TO DIFFERENT DOCTORS? 386 00:22:23,710 --> 00:22:26,913 DID YOU TELL THE OTHER THERAPIST ABOUT YOUR DISEASE? 387 00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:28,881 - NO. - WHY NOT? 388 00:22:28,981 --> 00:22:31,150 BECAUSE I COULD TELL SHE WASN'T REALLY INTERESTED IN ME. 389 00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:34,687 - AND HOW COULD YOU TELL THAT? - SHE TOLD ME THE SAME STORY TWICE. 390 00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:38,224 YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THAT STORY. 391 00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:41,360 THE MAN WHO NEEDS ASSISTANCE-- 392 00:22:41,461 --> 00:22:43,796 HE REFUSES TO ASK AND REFUSES TO ASK, 393 00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:46,533 AND WHEN HE FINALLY HAS NO OTHER CHOICE 394 00:22:46,633 --> 00:22:49,101 HE GOES UP TO THE COP, 395 00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:51,538 BUT INSTEAD OF ASKING FOR HELP 396 00:22:51,638 --> 00:22:55,241 HE ASSUMES THE COP IS GOING TO INSULT HIM, 397 00:22:55,341 --> 00:22:57,644 SO HE INSULTS HIMSELF 398 00:22:57,744 --> 00:22:59,912 BEFORE THE COP HAS A CHANCE TO SAY A WORD. 399 00:23:00,012 --> 00:23:03,850 I THINK IT'S REALLY THE STORY OF A MAN 400 00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:06,352 WHO'S UNDERGOING AN INTENSE INTERNAL CONFLICT, 401 00:23:06,453 --> 00:23:09,021 A MAN WHO HAS A HARD TIME 402 00:23:09,121 --> 00:23:12,324 TRUSTING OTHER PEOPLE. 403 00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:16,463 - IT WAS JUST A JOKE. - BUT I'M JUST WONDERING 404 00:23:16,563 --> 00:23:18,831 IF SHE TOLD IT TWICE FOR A REASON, APRIL. 405 00:23:18,931 --> 00:23:22,902 IS IT POSSIBLE, DO YOU THINK, THAT SHE REALLY WAS LISTENING TO YOU? 406 00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:25,337 - SHE WAS A MORON. - THAT MIGHT BE TRUE, 407 00:23:25,438 --> 00:23:27,339 BUT SHE MAY HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU THAT 408 00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:30,276 IT'S OKAY TO RELY ON OTHER PEOPLE, 409 00:23:30,376 --> 00:23:34,947 THAT IT'S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP. 410 00:23:35,047 --> 00:23:36,916 - THIS IS RIDICULOUS. - EVERYBODY AT SOME POINT 411 00:23:37,016 --> 00:23:40,019 IN THEIR LIVES NEEDS HELP, AND I THINK THAT 412 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,989 - YOU NEED HELP NOW. - YOU HAVEN'T HEARD A WORD I'VE SAID. 413 00:23:43,089 --> 00:23:45,257 I THINK THAT YOU NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION 414 00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:46,759 THAT TAKES PLACE OUTSIDE YOUR OWN HEAD. 415 00:23:46,859 --> 00:23:48,995 I THINK THAT YOU NEED TO TALK TO YOUR ONCOLOGIST. 416 00:23:49,095 --> 00:23:52,264 I THINK YOU NEED TO TELL HER THAT YOU'RE CONSIDERING ALTERNATIVE THERAPIES. 417 00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:55,301 I THINK YOU NEED TO ASK HER HOW SHE THINKS YOU SHOULD PROCEED. 418 00:23:55,401 --> 00:23:58,170 - AND YOU DO NEED TO TELL YOUR PARENTS. - JUST STOP IT. 419 00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:02,742 - YOU'RE AT STAGE THREE. - STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT. 420 00:24:02,842 --> 00:24:05,512 HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO? 421 00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:07,647 - YOU DO NOT KNOW ME. - APRIL. 422 00:24:07,747 --> 00:24:09,549 WHAT, DID YOU FORMULATE YOUR LITTLE THEORY 423 00:24:09,649 --> 00:24:11,417 AS SOON AS I WALKED IN? "YOUNG GIRL, CANCER-- 424 00:24:11,518 --> 00:24:13,319 THIS IS AN EASY ONE." 425 00:24:13,419 --> 00:24:16,055 YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF. 426 00:24:16,155 --> 00:24:17,824 YOU'RE RIGHT, I DON'T. 427 00:24:17,924 --> 00:24:19,992 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ME? 428 00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:21,160 YOU KNOW, I-- 429 00:24:21,260 --> 00:24:23,830 I HAVE TO GO-- OUR TIME'S UP. 430 00:24:23,930 --> 00:24:26,499 APRIL, I'M SORRY THAT YOU FELT I WAS TELLING YOU 431 00:24:26,599 --> 00:24:28,367 WHAT TO DO BEFORE I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW YOU, 432 00:24:28,467 --> 00:24:31,303 BUT I DO THINK THAT WE SHOULD SCHEDULE ANOTHER SESSION. 433 00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:34,774 - LET ME THINK ABOUT IT. - HOW IS FRIDAY-- 434 00:24:34,874 --> 00:24:36,709 - FRIDAY AFTERNOON? - YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY-- 435 00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:38,410 I DON'T HAVE MY SCHEDULE THIS WEEK. 436 00:24:38,511 --> 00:24:40,613 I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I GET BACK TO THE DORM. 437 00:24:40,713 --> 00:24:43,382 - WHEN DO YOU THINK THAT WILL BE? - I DON'T KNOW. 438 00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:47,019 APRIL, THIS TIME IS VERY CRUCIAL. 439 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:49,989 - SO I HEAR. - SO WHAT ABOUT THE SESSION? 440 00:24:50,089 --> 00:24:52,925 - UH, I'LL CALL YOU, OKAY? - THANK YOU. 441 00:24:53,025 --> 00:24:54,627 ( door closes ) 442 00:24:57,830 --> 00:25:00,499 ( door closes in distance ) 443 00:25:11,778 --> 00:25:14,714 ( classical instrumental music playing )