1 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:09,443 SIENNA, PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME. I'M NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSA-- 2 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:12,413 BECAUSE IT'S REALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. OH! 3 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,749 ( classical instrumental music playing ) 4 00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:25,893 April: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. 5 00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:28,096 HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYONE. 6 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:30,598 BECAUSE IT'S A PRIVATE MATTER. 7 00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:35,803 NO, I DON'T REALLY CARE WHO YOUR UNCLE IS. 8 00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:38,572 YEAH, MY PHONE-- MY PHONE IS DYING. 9 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,676 LISTEN, WHAT EXACTLY DID KYLE TELL YOU? 10 00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:45,346 JESUS. WHAT THE FUCK? 11 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:48,782 SIENNA, BECAUSE IT'S NONE OF YOUR-- 12 00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,686 I HAVE TO GO. MY PHONE IS OUT OF JUICE. 13 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:55,489 OH, WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP? I WANT YOU TO HEAR ME. 14 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,925 YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT-- 15 00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:00,661 SIENNA? SIENNA? 16 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,930 SHIT. 17 00:01:03,030 --> 00:01:05,199 ( theme music playing ) 18 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:39,900 - I'M GLAD YOU CAME. - I SENT YOU AN EMAIL. 19 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,303 I KNOW. THANKS. 20 00:01:42,403 --> 00:01:45,239 BUT I'M JUST GLAD THAT YOU'RE HERE. 21 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:48,142 YEAH. DO YOU HAVE AN iPHONE CHARGER? 22 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,778 - NO. - YOU DON'T HAVE AN iPHONE? 23 00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:52,980 - NO. - DO YOU HAVE A BLACKBERRY? 24 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,482 NOT ANYMORE. I USED TO. 25 00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:56,917 HOW DO YOU ORGANIZE YOUR LIFE? 26 00:01:57,017 --> 00:01:59,320 I'VE GOT A DATEBOOK ON MY DESK. 27 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:03,291 - KICKING IT OLD SCHOOL. - MM-HMM. 28 00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,092 HOW WAS YOUR WEEK? 29 00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,428 I BET YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO STILL HAS A LANDLINE. 30 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,930 - ACTUALLY I DO. - GREAT. CAN I USE IT? 31 00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:13,634 - NOW? - JUST FOR A MINUTE. 32 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:19,307 WOULD YOU LIKE TO WAIT TILL THE SESSION IS OVER? 33 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:23,911 YEAH. OKAY, THAT'S FINE. 34 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:38,392 - ARE YOU FEELING OKAY? - I'M FINE. 35 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,161 THIS-- THIS HAPPENS WHEN I GET ANGRY. 36 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:44,164 TREMORS RUN IN OUR FAMILY. IT'S GENETIC. 37 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,867 YOU MUST BE REALLY ANGRY. 38 00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:49,403 I GUESS SO. 39 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,272 I ACTUALLY LIKE WHEN THIS HAPPENS. 40 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,274 IT'S THIS WEIRD OUT-OF-BODY EXPERIENCE. 41 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,908 YOU KNOW WHAT'D HELP, I BET? 42 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,677 - WHAT? - USING YOUR PHONE. 43 00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:02,483 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON? 44 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,986 WHY YOUR HAND IS SHAKING? WHY YOU'RE SO ANGRY? 45 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:09,056 WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHY I CAN'T JUST MAKE A CALL? 46 00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:11,325 WELL, YOU CAN, BUT I JUST DON'T THINK 47 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:13,927 THAT IT'S THE BEST USE OF OUR TIME TOGETHER. 48 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:17,598 YOU'RE SURE IT CAN'T WAIT TILL THE END OF THE SESSION? 49 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,115 FUCK HER. 50 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,218 - FUCK WHO? - SIENNA NEWHOUSE, 51 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,288 KYLE'S NEW GIRLFRIEND. 52 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:42,256 DO YOU KNOW SHE HAS A PUBLICIST? 53 00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:45,025 I'M NOT QUITE SURE WHO SHE IS. 54 00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:48,296 YEAH, I GUESS YOU DON'T REALLY FOLLOW THAT WORLD. 55 00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:50,664 I DON'T REALLY FOLLOW THAT WORLD EITHER, 56 00:03:50,764 --> 00:03:54,134 EXCEPT NOW APPARENTLY I'M STUCK IN IT, 57 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,937 MIRED IN ITS PERIPHERAL MUCK. 58 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,972 THANK YOU FOR THAT, KYLE. 59 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:03,344 I REMEMBER LAST WEEK THAT YOU MENTIONED SHE WAS WEALTHY. 60 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:06,780 SHE'S FILTHY FUCKING RICH. I TOLD KYLE I HAD CANCER 61 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,817 AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DOES? SHE OFFERS TO PAY FOR MY TREATMENT. 62 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:13,053 WE'RE AT A SCHOOL, YOU STUPID CUNT. WE HAVE INSURANCE. 63 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,356 IF YOU EVER ACTUALLY WENT TO CLASS, YOU MIGHT KNOW THAT. 64 00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,991 I MEAN, I TOLD KYLE NOT TO TELL ANYONE 65 00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:21,161 AND HE TOLD HER DELIBERATELY SO THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME. 66 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:24,798 I HATE THEM BOTH. 67 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,468 I DON'T GET THIS. HOW DOES TELLING SIENNA ENSURE 68 00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:30,037 THAT KYLE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU? 69 00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:33,173 I TOLD HIM NOT TO TELL HER. 70 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,410 SO HE BETRAYED YOUR TRUST. 71 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,245 NO, IT'S MORE THAN THAT. 72 00:04:38,346 --> 00:04:42,450 LOOK, KYLE KNOWS ME, HE KNOWS WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T TOLERATE. 73 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:45,353 HE KNOWS THAT IF HE TELLS HIS GIRLFRIEND I HAVE CANCER 74 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,621 AND IF SHE CALLS ME, I WILL HANG UP ON HER 75 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,957 AND NEVER SPEAK TO EITHER OF THEM AGAIN, WHICH IS WHAT HE DID, 76 00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,626 WHAT SHE DID AND WHAT I DID. 77 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,195 SO THAT'S WHO YOU WERE TALKING TO WHEN YOU ARRIVED? 78 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,998 AND DID YOU HANG UP ON HER? 79 00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,634 NO, THE PHONE DIED, 80 00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:03,170 WHICH IS WHY I HAVE TO CALL HER BACK 81 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:05,739 SO I CAN HANG UP ON HER. 82 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,209 COULD I JUST USE YOUR PHONE? 83 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,545 PLEASE, IT'LL TAKE TWO MINUTES. 84 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,814 I CAN'T CONCENTRATE AT ALL. 85 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:18,051 SHE CAN'T GET THE LAST WORD, PAUL. 86 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,053 I CAN'T DIE AND SHE GETS TO GO ON 87 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,855 AND LIVE THE PERFECT LIFE 88 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:24,525 WITH THE ONLY PERSON I'VE EVER LOVED. 89 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,696 OKAY. 90 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,475 THANK YOU. 91 00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:45,546 COULD I HAVE A MOMENT? 92 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,616 OKAY. 93 00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,765 WOW, HE'S KEEPING YOU BUSY. 94 00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,837 LISTEN. WHAT DID HE TELL YOU? 95 00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:12,540 ( sighs ) 96 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:15,709 BECAUSE WE'RE NOT... 97 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,479 NO. 98 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:24,652 SIENNA, I AM NOT... 99 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,161 PAUL. 100 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,586 SO... 101 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,023 WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER? 102 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:05,593 I DON'T KNOW. 103 00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:09,262 I TOLD HER MY LIFE WAS NONE OF HER FUCKING BUSINESS. 104 00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,665 THAT MADE YOU FEEL BETTER? 105 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,471 DID-- DID YOU TALK TO KYLE AS WELL? 106 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:20,508 NO. I'LL CALL HIM LATER. 107 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,745 YOU SAID THAT HE WAS 108 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:27,214 THE ONLY PERSON THAT YOU HAD EVER LOVED. 109 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:30,651 YEAH. 110 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,787 CAN I ASK YOU HOW IT FEELS 111 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:36,456 TO SEE HIM WITH SOMEBODY ELSE? 112 00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,693 I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN THEM TOGETHER. 113 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,428 NO? 114 00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:44,832 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE EXISTED UNTIL RECENTLY. 115 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:48,035 I MEAN, I KNEW SHE EXISTED-- EVERYONE KNOWS SHE EXISTS. 116 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:51,404 HER FATHER DONATED THE MONEY FOR THE NEW LIBRARY. 117 00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:53,507 SHE-- 118 00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:56,877 SHE WEARS ALL THESE RIDICULOUS SCARVES 119 00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,046 IN THESE ABSURD CONFIGURATIONS. 120 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,448 YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR SCARVES LIKE THAT UNLESS YOU'RE FRENCH. 121 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,851 ( chuckles ) WHY NOT? 122 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:07,721 I DON'T KNOW. I JUST THINK THEY LOOK STUPID ON AMERICAN GIRLS. 123 00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,724 INCLUDING SIENNA? 124 00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,764 NO, NOT INCLUDING SIENNA. 125 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:23,704 YOU SAID YOU TOLD KYLE ABOUT YOUR CANCER. 126 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,974 I DID. 127 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:28,876 IT WAS... 128 00:08:30,578 --> 00:08:32,646 PRETTY FUNNY THE WAY IT ALL WENT DOWN. 129 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:35,716 WELL, I COULD USE A LAUGH. 130 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:38,118 YOU WANT TO TELL ME? 131 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,589 WE HADN'T SPOKEN SINCE WE BROKE UP 132 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,657 BECAUSE WE'RE, LIKE, 133 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,894 RADIOACTIVE TOGETHER. 134 00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:51,264 BUT A FEW MONTHS HAD GONE BY-- 135 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:55,235 I THOUGHT MAYBE WE WERE READY. 136 00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:57,004 I KNEW HE WAS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. 137 00:08:57,104 --> 00:09:01,809 YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD HAVE DINNER, CATCH UP. 138 00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:04,678 HE ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL-- 139 00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,716 I DON'T KNOW. 140 00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:10,851 HE'S OLDER. 141 00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:14,054 HE KNOWS HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS, 142 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:17,190 HOW TO KEEP EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL. 143 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:20,360 SO I SENT HIM AN EMAIL. 144 00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:23,463 I SAID I WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH ONE OF MY MODELS-- 145 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,333 WHICH I WAS. HE CAME RIGHT OVER. 146 00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,971 HE COULD SEE IMMEDIATELY THAT I WAS TIRED. 147 00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:36,610 HE MADE ME RISOTTO AND HE BROUGHT WINE. 148 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,713 AND I REMEMBER THINKING, 149 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,684 "THIS IS NICE. WE CAN BE FRIENDS. 150 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:46,119 WE ARE FRIENDS." 151 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,690 AS HE WAS LEAVING, 152 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:53,393 HE KISSED ME. 153 00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:56,830 AND I REMEMBER FEELING CONFUSED, BUT... 154 00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,601 IT WAS LIKE IT TOOK A LITTLE WHILE FOR MY BRAIN 155 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,671 TO CATCH UP WITH WHAT MY BODY WAS DOING, 156 00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:06,874 WHERE MY HANDS WERE GOING. 157 00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:09,376 AND I HEARD THIS SOUND, 158 00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,378 LIKE A MOAN, 159 00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:13,513 AND I THOUGHT, 160 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,348 "WHO MADE THAT SOUND?" 161 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,185 AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS ME. 162 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:23,223 WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING 163 00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:26,694 I STARTED TO CRY, 164 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,030 AND THEN HE STARTED TO CRY. 165 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,834 I'D NEVER SEEN HIM CRY BEFORE. 166 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:37,470 WHEN IT WAS OVER I SAID, 167 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,707 "I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU." 168 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,776 HE SAID, "I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU." 169 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,644 AND I SAID, "YOU GO FIRST." 170 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:47,380 AND SO HE SAID, 171 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,649 "I'M ENGAGED." 172 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,752 AND THEN I SAID, 173 00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,887 "I HAVE CANCER." 174 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,200 THAT'S SO PAINFUL. 175 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,809 ( phone ringing ) 176 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:22,850 IT'S HIM. IT'S KYLE. 177 00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,488 - I'M GOING TO IGNORE THIS, OKAY? - MMM. 178 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,190 ( phone beeps ) 179 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,392 ( exhales sharply ) 180 00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:34,361 - I'M SORRY. - FOR WHAT? 181 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:38,165 HE MUST'VE GOTTEN YOUR NUMBER FROM THE ICE QUEEN'S PHONE. 182 00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:40,801 SHE MUST'VE TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED. 183 00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:44,237 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT? 184 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,675 I EXPECTED HER TO TELL HIM 185 00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:52,279 AND I'M GLAD THAT HE CALLED. 186 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,214 DO YOU THINK THAT MIGHT BE PART OF THE REASON 187 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,584 THAT YOU WERE SO ANXIOUS TO CALL HER? 188 00:11:57,684 --> 00:12:00,720 BECAUSE YOU WANTED HER TO CONVEY 189 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:04,257 YOUR ANGER TO HIM? 190 00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:08,195 I DON'T NEED TO GO THROUGH HER TO GET TO HIM, CLEARLY. 191 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:11,431 MM-HMM. HAVE YOU SEEN KYLE SINCE THAT NIGHT? 192 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,867 NO, I KICKED HIM OUT 193 00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,103 AND TOLD HIM I NEVER WANTED TO SEE HIM AGAIN. 194 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,271 BECAUSE-- 195 00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,607 BECAUSE HE TOLD YOU HE WAS ENGAGED? 196 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:23,110 BECAUSE HE WAS MEAN TO ME. 197 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,446 ( sighs ) AFTER I TOLD HIM I HAD CANCER, 198 00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:30,717 HE GOT REALLY ANXIOUS AND ASKED ME WHAT MY PLAN WAS. 199 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,685 I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T HAVE A PLAN 200 00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:36,423 AND HE GOT ANGRY AND ACCUSED ME OF NOT TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. 201 00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,425 HE GOT ANGRY? 202 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:40,693 HIS DAD... 203 00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:43,196 WAS PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE TO HIS MOM, 204 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,899 AND SHE WOULDN'T DEFEND HERSELF. 205 00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,769 SO WHEN KYLE SEES WOMEN NOT TAKING CARE OF THEMSELVES, 206 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,471 HE GOES APESHIT. 207 00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,475 - APRIL, DO YOU THINK THAT-- - AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY NEXT. 208 00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:59,079 "GEE, APRIL, DO YOU THINK YOU TRIED TO PROVOKE KYLE 209 00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:01,348 WITH YOUR APATHY IN ORDER TO GET A REACTION 210 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,716 AND SEE HOW MUCH HE CARES ABOUT YOU?" AND THE ANSWER IS NO, 211 00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:06,019 I REALLY DIDN'T EXPECT TO TELL HIM. 212 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,322 IT JUST-- IT SLIPPED OUT. 213 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,458 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY NEXT? 214 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,163 I'M SORRY. 215 00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:19,066 ACTUALLY, I THINK IT'S GREAT 216 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,568 THAT YOU SEE THINGS FROM MY POINT OF VIEW. 217 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,570 - REALLY? - YEAH. 218 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,438 IT'S REALLY HELPFUL. 219 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,908 ( chuckles ) YEAH, RIGHT. 220 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,980 DO YOU FIND IT HARD TO LET YOURSELF BE TAKEN CARE OF? 221 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,315 IT FEELS TO ME LIKE 222 00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:39,186 YOU NOT ONLY WANT TO DO YOUR OWN WORK HERE, 223 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,721 BUT YOU WANT TO DO MINE AS WELL. 224 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:44,657 THAT WAY YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN GET THROUGH THIS 225 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:47,094 WITHOUT-- WITHOUT ME. 226 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:53,166 YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU MENTIONED 227 00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,602 KYLE HERE FIRST, 228 00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:58,105 I WAS A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT HIM. 229 00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,107 YOU SOUND LIKE MY FATHER. 230 00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:03,343 YES, I GUESS I DO REACT IN THAT WAY. 231 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,678 YOU SAID THAT HE WAS OLDER, THAT HE HAD A WEALTHY GIRLFRIEND, 232 00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:08,348 - YET HE SLEPT WITH YOU. - YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM FOR THAT. 233 00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,517 I'M TELLING YOU, WE HAVE THIS THING-- 234 00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:14,854 I'M NOT BLAMING HIM, APRIL. 235 00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:16,789 ACTUALLY, OVER THE SESSION, I THINK I'M BEGINNING 236 00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,092 TO UNDERSTAND HIS BEHAVIOR. 237 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:22,462 - WHY? - BECAUSE I THINK I KNOW HOW HE FEELS. 238 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:28,135 YOU DESCRIBED THE WAY HE RESPONDED TO YOUR REVELATION-- 239 00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:30,470 TO YOUR CANCER-- AS BEING MEAN, 240 00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:34,274 BUT IT SEEMS TO ME THAT HE WAS BEHAVING APPROPRIATELY-- 241 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,409 ANXIOUSLY. 242 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,847 YOU KNOW, IN THE LAST SESSION THAT WE HAD 243 00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,515 YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU HAD CANCER, 244 00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:45,318 AND AS SOON AS YOU DID THAT YOU STARTED TO PUSH ME AWAY. 245 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:52,325 THE LESS LIKELY I WAS TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 246 00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,027 YOU CALLED ME, LIKE, 10 TIMES THIS WEEK. 247 00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,963 YOU MUST'VE NEVER WANTED TO SEE ME AGAIN. 248 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,065 IN THE MEANTIME, YOU TOLD KYLE 249 00:14:58,165 --> 00:15:00,100 AND THEN YOU STARTED TO PUSH HIM AWAY. 250 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,935 YOU VILIFIED HIS BEHAVIOR. 251 00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:03,937 BUT HE CAN'T HELP ME ANYMORE. 252 00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:06,573 HE DOESN'T BELONG TO ME. HE ISN'T MINE. 253 00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:09,242 SO BECAUSE HE'S NOT YOUR PARTNER, HE CAN'T HELP YOU ANYMORE? 254 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,478 IT'S ALL OR NOTHING WITH ME. IT'S JUST THE WAY I'M BUILT. 255 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,751 HE DIDN'T HURT ME. 256 00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:22,990 I HURT HIM. 257 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:24,924 IT WASN'T HIS FAULT WE BROKE UP. IT WAS MINE. 258 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,726 I COULDN'T TAKE IT. 259 00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:29,129 WELL, WHAT-- WHAT COULDN'T YOU TAKE? 260 00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:32,332 HOW MUCH HE LOVED ME. 261 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,334 WHY? 262 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:40,173 I DON'T KNOW. IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH. 263 00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:49,249 YOU SAID THAT YOU COULDN'T RELY ON KYLE 264 00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:53,586 BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU. 265 00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:58,925 IS THERE ANYONE IN YOUR LIFE WHO DOES? 266 00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:01,161 RIGHT NOW? 267 00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,931 DANIEL. 268 00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:09,269 SO YOU AND YOUR BROTHER HAVE A DEEP BOND. 269 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:10,970 YEAH. 270 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,606 DID YOU TELL HIM ABOUT THE CANCER? 271 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:19,612 DANIEL HAS ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT. 272 00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:23,483 - LIKE WHAT? - LIKE NEGOTIATING THE WORLD, PAUL. 273 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:25,785 HAVE YOU EVER KNOWN ANYONE WITH AUTISM? 274 00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,320 MM-HMM. 275 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:30,890 WHAT'S THAT BEEN LIKE FOR YOU? 276 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,925 NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. 277 00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:36,529 IT'S-- EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY 278 00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,899 IT IS LIKE HE IS IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY WHERE HE DOESN'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE 279 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:43,336 AND WHERE EVERYONE HATES HIM. 280 00:16:45,272 --> 00:16:47,607 HE'S LUCKY TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS HIM 281 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,442 AS WELL AS YOU DO. 282 00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:53,746 YEAH, WELL, HE DIDN'T DESERVE WHAT HE GOT. 283 00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:59,452 WELL, DO ANY OF US DESERVE WHAT WE GET? 284 00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,495 WHEN KYLE AND I WERE TOGETHER-- 285 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,565 IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN, BUT IT'S LIKE I WOULD 286 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,204 JUST CHECK OUT SOMETIMES, 287 00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:20,740 BUT I WOULDN'T GO FAR. I-- 288 00:17:22,109 --> 00:17:24,111 I WOULD BE WATCHING MYSELF, 289 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:26,513 WATCHING KYLE-- 290 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:29,382 BRUSHING OUR TEETH, MAKING COFFEE. 291 00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:33,486 AND I REMEMBER THINKING, 292 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:36,389 "THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE DANIEL." 293 00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:39,659 HOW OFTEN WOULD THIS HAPPEN? 294 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:41,594 A LOT... 295 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,299 ESPECIALLY WHEN WE WERE IN BED. 296 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,170 SOMETIMES WE'D BE HAVING SEX 297 00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:54,574 AND THEN SUDDENLY I'D BE 298 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:58,077 FLOATING ABOVE US, LOOKING DOWN AND THINKING 299 00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:01,748 "OH, THEY'RE IN LOVE. THAT'S NICE." 300 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:10,323 IT DIDN'T HAPPEN THIS LAST TIME. 301 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,293 I TRIED TO MAKE IT HAPPEN, BUT I COULDN'T. 302 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,364 I THINK THAT'S WHEN I STARTED TO CRY. 303 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,702 IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE 304 00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:26,105 WHAT WE CALL DISSOCIATING. 305 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,208 IT'S A DEFENSE MECHANISM. 306 00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,477 IT FEELS LIKE YOU ARE OUTSIDE YOUR BODY, 307 00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:33,180 BUT WE DO IT SOMETIMES TO GET AWAY FROM SOMETHING 308 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:37,417 THAT WE FEEL IS FRIGHTENING. 309 00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,854 WHAT WAS I AFRAID OF? 310 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:47,694 THAT'S A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION. 311 00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:06,346 I SLEPT WITH HIS BEST FRIEND-- 312 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,482 KYLE'S. 313 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,419 I DON'T KNOW WHY I DID IT. 314 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:15,488 THE WHOLE TIME THERE WAS THIS VOICE IN MY HEAD SAYING, 315 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:19,192 "DON'T DO THIS. 316 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,361 APRIL, PLEASE. 317 00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:24,264 YOU'RE GONNA SCREW EVERYTHING UP. 318 00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:26,766 HE WON'T FORGIVE YOU." 319 00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,836 I DID IT ANYWAY 320 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,074 AND THEN I TOLD HIM. 321 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,444 AND I WAS RIGHT-- 322 00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:41,448 HE COULDN'T FORGIVE ME. 323 00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:45,017 EVERYTHING WAS REALLY SORT OF PERFECT. 324 00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:49,088 I WAS THIS PERFECT GIRL TO HIM. 325 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,525 DID THAT FEEL SCARY? 326 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,662 NOW I'M... 327 00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:58,765 THAT GIRL, 328 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:02,735 THE ONE WHO'S STILL HUNG UP ON HER EX. 329 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,373 I HATE GIRLS LIKE THIS. 330 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:11,077 YOU DON'T LIKE TO SEE YOURSELF 331 00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:14,481 AS FLAWED, DO YOU? 332 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,951 KYLE OFFERED TO TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL 333 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,020 TO SEE MY ONCOLOGIST, 334 00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,855 SCHEDULE MY TREATMENTS, 335 00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,292 AND I ALMOST-- 336 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:29,796 I ALMOST LET HIM DO IT, BECAUSE I-- 337 00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:34,267 I WANTED TO SEE HIM AGAIN SO BADLY. 338 00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:36,269 ISN'T THAT HORRIBLE? 339 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:38,938 WHAT'S SO HORRIBLE ABOUT THAT? 340 00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,441 I STOPPED MYSELF. 341 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,314 HE'S BEEN CALLING EVERY DAY SINCE WE SAW EACH OTHER, 342 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:49,716 LIKE FIVE TIMES A DAY. 343 00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:52,419 I'M NOT PICKING UP. 344 00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:55,087 YOU ARE GONNA NEED SOMEBODY 345 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:57,590 TO TAKE YOU TO CHEMOTHERAPY. 346 00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,863 FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND, 347 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:06,899 YOU FEEL VERY TIRED AFTERWARDS. 348 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:12,138 I'VE BEEN FEELING MUCH BETTER LATELY. 349 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:15,442 I GIVE YOU CREDIT. 350 00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:18,745 APRIL, WOULD YOU RATHER DIE THAN BE WEAK? 351 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:24,116 IT IS VERY RARE FOR THIS DISEASE 352 00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:27,720 TO GO AWAY OF ITS OWN ACCORD. 353 00:21:30,690 --> 00:21:34,093 BASICALLY, THAT'S UNHEARD OF. 354 00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:38,698 WELL, I HAVE BEEN FEELING BETTER SINCE COMING HERE. 355 00:21:41,534 --> 00:21:45,638 DID YOU EVER HAVE A-- WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD, 356 00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:47,374 DID YOU EVER HAVE A WORRY DOLL? 357 00:21:47,474 --> 00:21:50,242 - A WHAT? - A WORRY DOLL. 358 00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:52,345 YOU TELL IT YOUR TROUBLES 359 00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:54,847 AND IT TAKES YOUR TROUBLES AWAY. 360 00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:56,516 MAYBE-- 361 00:21:56,616 --> 00:21:59,352 MAYBE THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK YOU HAVE IN ME. 362 00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:01,721 YOU'VE TOLD ME YOU HAVE CANCER 363 00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:04,457 AND NOW I'M WORRIED ABOUT IT. 364 00:22:04,557 --> 00:22:07,093 NOW SINCE SOMEBODY ELSE IS WORRYING, 365 00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:09,362 YOU DON'T NEED TO. 366 00:22:09,462 --> 00:22:13,065 AND SINCE YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY, 367 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,602 YOU MUSTN'T HAVE CANCER. 368 00:22:18,304 --> 00:22:20,272 I HAVE TO TELL YOU: 369 00:22:20,373 --> 00:22:23,175 TALKING ABOUT THIS TO A PSYCHOLOGIST 370 00:22:23,275 --> 00:22:24,977 IS NOT GONNA MAKE IT GO AWAY. 371 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:29,849 YOU KNOW, I-- 372 00:22:31,618 --> 00:22:33,820 I SPOKE WITH THIS FRIEND OF MINE WHO'S AN ONCOLOGIST. 373 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,723 - YOU DID WHAT? - BASICALLY, APRIL, 374 00:22:36,823 --> 00:22:40,427 HE THINKS THAT YOUR DELAYING CHEMOTHERAPY IS A SENTENCE OF DEATH. 375 00:22:40,527 --> 00:22:42,094 YOU TALKED TO SOMEONE ELSE ABOUT ME? 376 00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:44,564 - I DIDN'T MENTION YOUR NAME. - YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT. 377 00:22:44,664 --> 00:22:46,466 I CAME TO YOU IN CONFIDENCE. 378 00:22:46,566 --> 00:22:48,868 IT WOULD HAVE BEEN PROFESSIONALLY NEGLIGENT OF ME 379 00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:50,670 TO DO ANYTHING ELSE. 380 00:22:52,539 --> 00:22:55,842 I NEEDED TO FIND OUT WHETHER YOUR BEHAVIOR 381 00:22:55,942 --> 00:22:58,077 - MIGHT BE SUICIDAL. - SUICIDAL?! 382 00:22:58,177 --> 00:22:59,912 WHAT WOULD YOU TELL ME TO DO, APRIL? 383 00:23:00,012 --> 00:23:03,683 YOU'VE BEEN TELLING ME WHAT TO DO AND SAY THROUGHOUT THIS SESSION. 384 00:23:06,453 --> 00:23:08,755 I CANNOT LET YOU... 385 00:23:12,792 --> 00:23:16,362 IT IS MY DUTY, MY PROFESSIONAL DUTY, 386 00:23:16,463 --> 00:23:19,098 TO PROTECT YOU, APRIL, FROM SELF-HARM. 387 00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:38,217 I WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME 388 00:23:38,317 --> 00:23:41,120 THAT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, 389 00:23:42,489 --> 00:23:44,524 THAT NO MATTER WHAT I DECIDE TO DO 390 00:23:44,624 --> 00:23:46,493 YOU WON'T TALK TO ANYBODY ELSE 391 00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:48,828 ABOUT ME OUTSIDE THIS ROOM. 392 00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:51,731 OKAY. 393 00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:56,168 I PROMISE. 394 00:23:59,739 --> 00:24:02,875 BUT YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME SOMETHING IN RETURN. 395 00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:04,511 WHAT? 396 00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:06,913 THAT IF YOU DECIDE TO STOP THERAPY, 397 00:24:07,013 --> 00:24:08,715 YOU HAVE TO CALL ME. 398 00:24:08,815 --> 00:24:12,151 YOU CANNOT SEVER TIES UNILATERALLY. 399 00:24:12,251 --> 00:24:14,887 I DON'T WANT YOU TO DISAPPEAR. 400 00:24:20,860 --> 00:24:22,829 I PROMISE. 401 00:24:23,930 --> 00:24:25,632 OKAY. 402 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,637 - THANK YOU. - THANK YOU. 403 00:24:34,707 --> 00:24:37,176 ( theme music playing )