1
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:09,177
SO HOW WAS YOUR WEEK?

2
00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:12,513
FINE.
HOW WAS YOURS?

3
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,682
IT WAS OKAY.

4
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,751
HOW ARE YOU FEELING
ABOUT YOUR DAD?

5
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:19,153
- APRIL.
- WHAT?

6
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,155
I'D RATHER TALK
ABOUT YOU.

7
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:24,125
SURPRISE
SUR-FUCKING-PRISE.

8
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:27,395
I'M JUST WORRIED THAT
WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEKEND

9
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:30,764
MAY HAVE CHANGED
OUR RELATIONSHIP.

10
00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:34,835
WE HAVE
NO RELATIONSHIP.

11
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:37,438
( theme music playing )

12
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:57,491
I'VE DUMPED PEOPLE

13
00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,993
FOR LESS THAN WHAT
YOU DID TO ME.

14
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:02,530
ARE YOU THINKING
OF DUMPING ME?

15
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,834
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DOING HERE.

16
00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,470
MAYBE YOU WANTED
TO CONVEY YOUR ANGER

17
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,472
TOWARD ME IN PERSON.

18
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,275
MAYBE I JUST WANTED TO GET
OUT OF THE HOSPITAL

19
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:17,711
- FOR A FEW HOURS.
- DOES ANYBODY KNOW
THAT YOU'VE LEFT?

20
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,482
YOU THINK I JUST HOPPED
A FENCE OR SOMETHING?

21
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,753
CALL THE DOCTORS
IF YOU LIKE. YOU'RE ALL
SUCH GOOD FRIENDS NOW.

22
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:33,994
I'M DOING FINE,
SO THEY LET ME OUT
FOR A FEW HOURS.

23
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,697
I HAVE TO
CHECK BACK IN TONIGHT.

24
00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:39,066
I HAD TO TELL HER.

25
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:40,568
( angrily ) WHY?

26
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:43,371
SHE'S YOUR MOTHER
AND YOU WERE DELIRIOUS.

27
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,139
YOU COULD'VE WAITED
UNTIL I CAME OUT OF IT.

28
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,707
AND WHAT IF YOU NEVER
CAME OUT OF IT?

29
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:48,542
THEN SOMEONE WOULD'VE
CALLED HER EVENTUALLY.

30
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,111
YOU PUT ME DOWN
AS YOUR EMERGENCY
CONTACT NUMBER.

31
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,247
- SO?
- SO YOU EMPOWERED ME
TO MAKE A DECISION

32
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,583
ON YOUR BEHALF IF
ANYTHING HAPPENED TO YOU.

33
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,752
I HAD A BAD FEVER.
IT WASN'T LIKE I WAS
IN HEART FAILURE.

34
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,654
YOU HAD 105.

35
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:03,224
THEY WERE PACKING ICE
ONTO YOU WHEN I ARRIVED.

36
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:06,427
I TALKED
TO THE DOCTORS, PAUL.
I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

37
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,229
REALLY?

38
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,165
I UNDERSTAND THAT
YOU'RE ANGRY WITH ME,

39
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:13,334
BUT I DIDN'T MAKE
THIS DECISION LIGHTLY.

40
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:17,305
AND IF I HAD
TO DO IT AGAIN, I WOULD
DO EXACTLY THE SAME THING.

41
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,611
WOW.

42
00:02:29,317 --> 00:02:31,585
HAS MY INSURANCE
COVERED EVERYTHING?

43
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:33,987
YOU DON'T HAVE TO--
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT THAT.

44
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,056
WELL, I'M LEAVING
AND I'M NOT COMING BACK,

45
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,727
- SO IF I OWE YOU
ANYTHING, SPEAK NOW.
- APRIL, PLEASE DON'T GO.

46
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,431
HOW COULD YOU?
IT WAS THE ONE THING--

47
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,966
THE ONE THING THAT
I ASKED YOU NOT TO DO!

48
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:50,037
I DIDN'T THINK
IT WAS RIGHT TO LET YOU
LIE THERE ALONE

49
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:52,473
ON THE BRINK OF DEATH.

50
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,210
YOU REALLY DON'T
UNDERSTAND, DO YOU?

51
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:59,247
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU WERE TO ME.

52
00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,867
WHAT DID SHE SAY

53
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:22,503
WHEN YOU CALLED?

54
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,407
AT FIRST, SHE--

55
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:29,209
SHE JUST--
SHE JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.

56
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:32,913
SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU WERE SEEING
A THERAPIST.

57
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,050
I-- I ASKED HER TO MEET ME
AT A COFFEE SHOP

58
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,186
SO WE COULD
DISCUSS IT IN PERSON,

59
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:42,323
BUT SHE-- SHE REFUSED.

60
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,625
SHE'S PARANOID.

61
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,695
I OFFERED
TO GO TO HER HOUSE,
SHE HUNG UP.

62
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:51,231
AND I CALLED HER BACK
AND I ASKED HER

63
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,834
IF SHE'D MEET ME
AT THE HOSPITAL
IN AN HOUR.

64
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:55,736
SHE SHOWED UP?

65
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,772
ARE YOU SURPRISED?

66
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,943
DID YOU MEET HER
IN MY ROOM?

67
00:04:03,043 --> 00:04:05,012
NO, THE LOBBY.

68
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:08,115
WELL, HOW DID
YOU RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER?

69
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:11,352
SHE LOOKS
JUST LIKE YOU.

70
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,259
SO YOU JUST
WALKED UP TO HER

71
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,462
AND SAID,
"HI, I'M PAUL WESTON.

72
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:24,164
YOUR DAUGHTER HAS STAGE THREE
NON-HODGKIN'S LYMPHOMA

73
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,334
AND SHE'S DYING
ON THE FOURTH FLOOR."

74
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,436
I EXPLAINED TO HER
THAT YOU'D COME TO SEE ME

75
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:32,139
SEVERAL WEEKS AGO
WITH THE DIAGNOSIS
OF LYMPHOMA

76
00:04:32,239 --> 00:04:35,476
AND THAT YOU'D BEGUN
CHEMOTHERAPY.

77
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:40,348
WHAT DID SHE SAY
WHEN YOU SAID "CANCER"?

78
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,251
SHE SEEMED...

79
00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:46,219
STUNNED.

80
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,357
- DID SHE CRY?
- NO.

81
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:52,893
WAS SHE ANGRY AT ME?

82
00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:57,398
DEFINITELY NOT, NO.

83
00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:02,770
SHE HATES BEING
THE LAST PERSON
TO FIND SOMETHING OUT.

84
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:06,239
SHE DID HAVE
A HARD TIME BELIEVING

85
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,409
YOU WOULD KEEP SOMETHING
LIKE THIS FROM HER.

86
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,210
WHAT DID
YOU SAY TO THAT?

87
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,046
I TOLD HER SHE'D
HAVE TO SPEAK TO YOU.

88
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:18,552
- HOW LONG WAS
THIS CONVERSATION?
- A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

89
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,888
IT WASN'T ME
SHE WANTED TO SEE.

90
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,491
SHE WANTED
TO SEE YOU.

91
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:28,496
I WOKE UP AND SHE WAS
SITTING THERE.

92
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:32,733
I THOUGHT F--

93
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,836
I THOUGHT
FOR A MOMENT THAT

94
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,071
I WAS AT HOME

95
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:41,008
AND IT HAD ALL
BEEN A BAD DREAM,

96
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,043
LIKE I WAS
STILL A CHILD,

97
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:46,179
I WAS SICK

98
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:50,418
AND MY MOM WAS
TAKING CARE OF ME.

99
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,088
I HAD NEVER GROWN UP

100
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,324
AND I HAD NEVER GONE
TO SCHOOL

101
00:05:57,425 --> 00:06:01,529
AND I HAD NEVER
GOTTEN CANCER.

102
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:07,134
I CLOSED MY EYES AND...

103
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,103
I GUESS FELL ASLEEP.

104
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:14,608
WHEN I WOKE UP
SHE WAS STILL SITTING THERE,

105
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,611
GLARING AT ME

106
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,448
LIKE I HAD GOTTEN SICK
DELIBERATELY.

107
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,490
YOU BROKE MY HEART.

108
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,860
WORSE THAN KYLE.

109
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,095
I'M SORRY.

110
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:37,731
THAT WAS NEVER
MY INTENTION.

111
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:41,535
KYLE TOOK ME OUT
FOR COFFEE LAST WEEK.

112
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,871
HE'D BEEN HARASSING ME,
SO I FINALLY WENT

113
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:46,740
JUST TO SHUT HIM UP,
LIKE "I'M STILL ALIVE.

114
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:50,310
I'M IN CHEMO.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE."

115
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:54,414
AND HE JUST SEEMED
SO YOUNG TO ME,

116
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,650
LIKE A BABY.

117
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:59,419
AND I WAS--
I WAS THINKING

118
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,355
"I DON'T WANT
A BOY LIKE YOU.

119
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:05,893
I WANT SOMEONE
LIKE PAUL-- A MAN."

120
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,162
WHAT WAS IT LIKE
TO SEE HIM AGAIN?

121
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,098
I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT KYLE.

122
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:13,233
I BROUGHT HIM UP BEC--

123
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,435
FUCK IT.
NEVER MIND.

124
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:18,572
I THOUGHT
YOU WERE A MAN.

125
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:24,444
SO TODAY
I'M YOUR BETRAYER,

126
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,446
BUT LAST WEEK YOU WERE
EQUALLY CERTAIN

127
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,749
THAT I WAS
GENEROUS AND GOOD.

128
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:32,686
CAN YOU SEE HOW
DRAMATICALLY YOUR OPINION
OF ME HAS CHANGED?

129
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:37,224
- YES.
- AND CAN YOU MAKE
SENSE OF THAT FOR ME?

130
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,193
I GUESS
I NEVER REALLY KNEW YOU.

131
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,730
OR MAYBE
YOU'RE SO ANGRY AT ME

132
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:46,066
YOU'RE HAVING A HARD TIME
SEEING THIS SITUATION

133
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:47,367
FROM MY PERSPECTIVE.

134
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,837
DON'T LECTURE ME
ON EMPATHY.

135
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,605
I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT EMPATHY.

136
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,907
I'M TALKING
ABOUT PERSPECTIVE.

137
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:57,545
YOU FEEL DEEPLY FOR PEOPLE
WHOM YOU BELIEVE
ARE ON YOUR TEAM

138
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,479
BECAUSE THEY ARE,
IN YOUR MIND,

139
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:02,415
BASICALLY EXTENSIONS
OF-- OF YOURSELF.

140
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:04,818
YOU FEEL THEIR PAIN
AS IF IT'S YOUR OWN PAIN,

141
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,788
BUT YOU DO
HAVE A HARD TIME
UNDERSTANDING SOMEONE

142
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,457
WHO'S APPROACHING FROM
A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.

143
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,693
YOU WERE USING
YOUR PERSPECTIVE

144
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:15,495
- TO FUCK ME OVER.
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE
IN SERIOUS TROUBLE

145
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,264
AND YOUR MOTHER
DESERVED TO KNOW.

146
00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:19,633
WHY? YOU HAVE
NO ALLEGIANCE TO HER.

147
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,702
- YOU'VE NEVER MET HER.
- AS A FATHER, MYSELF--

148
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:24,037
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT HAPPENED--
YOU GOT SCARED.

149
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,039
YOU DIDN'T WANT TO BE
MY EMERGENCY CONTACT.

150
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,709
- APRIL, THAT--
- YOU DIDN'T WANT
THAT RESPONSIBILITY.

151
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:31,044
IF I HAD A PATIENT
WHO ASKED ME NOT TO
CALL HER MOTHER,

152
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:34,214
- I WOULD NEVER HAVE
CALLED HER MOTHER.
- YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN.

153
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:45,726
( exhales sharply )
IT'S SO EASY TO BETRAY YOU.

154
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:48,061
IT'S SO EASY
TO LET YOU DOWN.

155
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,430
I MAKE ONE MISTAKE--
NOT EVEN A MISTAKE--

156
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,600
ONE DECISION
THAT YOU DON'T AGREE WITH

157
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,267
AND THAT'S IT FOR YOU.

158
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:57,170
I'M WORTHLESS
BECAUSE I'M WEAK.

159
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:01,474
NOW THAT'S A QUALITY
YOU CAN'T ACCEPT IN OTHERS,

160
00:09:01,575 --> 00:09:04,945
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
ACCEPT IT IN YOURSELF.

161
00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:07,981
BUT YOU KNOW THAT
NOBODY CAN LIVE UP
TO YOUR STANDARDS,

162
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,550
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T EVEN
LIVE UP TO THEM.

163
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,286
THIS IS LIFE, APRIL.

164
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:15,388
THERE ARE DAYS
THAT ARE JUST

165
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:18,458
CLASSLESS AND CRUEL,

166
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,695
BUT IT IS THE ONLY LIFE
THAT YOU'VE GOT.

167
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,605
LEAH LETS ME DOWN...

168
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,041
ALL THE TIME.

169
00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:36,176
HOW?

170
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,647
LITTLE THINGS.

171
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:42,282
I MEAN, SHE'S A FLAKE.

172
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,517
SHE'LL SHOW UP
AN HOUR LATE

173
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:48,455
OR SHE'LL FORGET
WE MADE A PLAN AT ALL.

174
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,590
BUT THAT DOESN'T
BOTHER YOU?

175
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:53,593
- NO.
- AND WHAT'S SPECIAL

176
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,829
ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP
WITH LEAH?

177
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,201
I KNOW SHE LOVES ME.

178
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:07,340
SHE'S KNOWN ME
SINCE I WAS SIX--

179
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,711
BEFORE I HAD DONE
ANYTHING.

180
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:14,782
SO SHE LOVED YOU
WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD.

181
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:19,720
SHE GOT INSIDE
BEFORE YOU CLOSED
THE GATES.

182
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:23,857
THAT'S SO DEPRESSING.

183
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,759
IS IT?
TO HAVE ONE PERSON

184
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:28,261
WHO REALLY KNOWS
WHO YOU ARE?

185
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,041
I USED TO BE
REALLY DIFFERENT.

186
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:44,211
- IN WHAT WAY?
- I WAS A TOTAL MESS--

187
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:47,080
THIS REALLY EMOTIONAL KID.

188
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,850
I WOULD CRY
AT THE DROP OF A HAT.

189
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,721
I USED TO WRITE
MY PARENTS HATE MAIL

190
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:56,023
AND LEAVE IT
ON THEIR PILLOWS
AT NIGHT.

191
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,058
"DEAR MOM AND DAD,

192
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,260
THESE ARE ALL THE THINGS
YOU DID TODAY

193
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,895
THAT UPSET ME.
PLEASE RESPOND."

194
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,998
AND DID THEY RESPOND?

195
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,336
MY MOTHER WOULD
TELL ME THAT

196
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,604
I HAD TO GET TOUGH.

197
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,573
I COULDN'T LET

198
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:16,109
MY EMOTIONS
SHOW ON MY FACE.

199
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,346
YEAH.

200
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,349
YOU KNOW,
WHEN I WAS IN--

201
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,284
WHEN I WAS
IN GRAD SCHOOL,

202
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,453
I HAD A PROFESSOR

203
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:29,622
WHO SAID SOMETHING
I STILL REMEMBER.

204
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,624
HE USED TO SAY

205
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:34,762
THAT FOR BETTER
OR FOR WORSE,

206
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:38,298
THAT MATURITY
IN MODERN AMERICAN SOCIETY

207
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,633
HAD BECOME SYNONYMOUS

208
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,903
WITH A LACK
OF EMOTIONS,

209
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:46,206
TO NOT FEEL ANYTHING
TOO DEEPLY.

210
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,209
- THAT'S TRUE.
- BUT SOME PEOPLE
NATURALLY HAVE

211
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:53,213
MORE HEIGHTENED
EMOTIONAL RESPONSES
THAN OTHERS.

212
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,816
I THINK THAT YOU'RE
ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.

213
00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:01,688
SO YOU'VE
BEEN WORKING HARD
TO CHANGE YOUR NATURE,

214
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:05,759
WHICH IS-- IT'S PROBABLY
A FUTILE ENTERPRISE.

215
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:09,963
BUT THE CONTINUAL EFFORT
TO DO THAT

216
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,565
COULD MAKE YOU
VERY ANGRY

217
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:15,268
OR INSECURE.

218
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,438
YOU THINK I'M INSECURE?

219
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,307
DO YOU?

220
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:22,943
WELL, THERE'S NO GOOD WAY

221
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,912
FOR ME TO ANSWER
THAT QUESTION.

222
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:26,780
IF I SAY NO,
I'M A NARCISSIST;

223
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,816
AND IF I SAY YES,
I'M A LOSER.

224
00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:31,218
WELL, THE WAY I SEE IT:
IF YOU SAY NO,

225
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,353
YOU'RE PERFECT;

226
00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,322
IF YOU SAY YES,

227
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,891
IT MEANS
YOU'RE HUMAN.

228
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,864
WHY DO YOU THINK
YOUR MOTHER TOLD YOU

229
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:47,267
TO KEEP YOUR FEELINGS
TO YOURSELF?

230
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:49,970
SHE WANTED TO KEEP ME
FROM GETTING HURT.

231
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:52,205
IS IT POSSIBLE
THAT IT HAD SOMETHING

232
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,674
TO DO WITH DANIEL?

233
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,976
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

234
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,978
DANIEL COULDN'T CONTROL
HIS EMOTIONS

235
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,380
AND HE BECAME--
HE BECAME VIOLENT

236
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,083
WHEN HE WAS UPSET, YEAH?

237
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:07,821
SO MAYBE
A HEIGHTENED EMOTIONAL
RESPONSE FROM YOU--

238
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,957
EVEN THOUGH IT WAS

239
00:13:10,057 --> 00:13:12,625
AN APPROPRIATE REACTION
TO A GIVEN CIRCUMSTANCE--

240
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:15,863
MAYBE IT REMINDED
YOUR MOTHER OF DANIEL

241
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:18,465
AND IN SOME WAY
IT SCARED HER.

242
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,036
THE WORLD IS
A MESSED UP PLACE.

243
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:26,773
SHE WAS JUST
TRYING TO TEACH ME
TO PROTECT MYSELF.

244
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:28,876
BUT MAYBE
SHE DIDN'T GIVE YOU TIME

245
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:32,679
TO GET TO KNOW
YOURSELF FIRST,

246
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,681
TO KNOW WHO IT IS

247
00:13:34,781 --> 00:13:37,117
THAT YOU ARE PROTECTING.

248
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:41,054
YOU THINK
I DON'T KNOW MYSELF?

249
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,024
I THINK THAT
YOU'VE BEEN OPERATING
FOR A LONG TIME

250
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,059
IN REACTION
TO YOUR MOTHER.

251
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,700
AT THE HOSPITAL,
SHE WAS SO MAD

252
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,335
SHE WOULDN'T
EVEN LOOK AT ME.

253
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,804
SHE JUST KEPT COMING
IN AND OUT OF THE ROOM,

254
00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,706
BOSSING THE DOCTORS
AROUND. I JUST--

255
00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:02,675
I JUST WANTED
HER TO LEAVE.

256
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:05,045
MAYBE SHE WASN'T
ACTUALLY ANGRY.

257
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,881
MAYBE SHE WAS SCARED.

258
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:10,617
- IT DOESN'T MATTER!
- IT DOESN'T?

259
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:14,387
NO, PAUL,
NOT WHEN I'M HOOKED UP
TO THREE I.V.S##.

260
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,957
THE ONLY THING THAT
MATTERS IN THAT MOMENT

261
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:19,126
IS THAT MY MOTHER
IS THERE

262
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:22,095
AND I CAN'T
DEAL WITH HER.

263
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,865
MY DAD CAME BY
LATER AND...

264
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,869
HE WAS PERFECT.

265
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:32,505
I MEAN,
I WAS FREEZING,

266
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:35,675
SO HE WENT OUT
AND BOUGHT ME
A DOWN BLANKET.

267
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,877
AND NOW
WHENEVER HE COMES,

268
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:41,114
HE BRINGS ME
SOMETHING SPECIAL.

269
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,418
THERE'S THIS
DARK CHOCOLATE
THAT I LOVE--

270
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,989
IT WEIGHS A TON
AND I NEVER GET IT
FOR MYSELF.

271
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,959
HE BROUGHT ME SOME.

272
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,963
THEN HE SAT BY MY BED

273
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:57,998
AND HELD MY HAND

274
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,100
AND JUST SAID, "APRIL,

275
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,636
YOU'RE A STRONG GIRL.
YOU'LL BEAT THIS."

276
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:07,607
THAT'S ALL I NEED.

277
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:12,012
SHE'S MY MOTHER.
WHY DOESN'T SHE KNOW THAT?

278
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:15,615
HE SOUNDS
VERY CALM, YOUR DAD.

279
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,619
HE CAN BE UNDER
CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES.

280
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:22,389
LIKE HOSPITALS?

281
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,192
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

282
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,294
WELL, THAT'S WHAT
HE DOES FOR A LIVING.

283
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,196
IT MIGHT BE EASIER
FOR YOUR FATHER

284
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:30,863
TO GIVE YOU
WHAT YOU NEED
AT THE MOMENT

285
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:33,033
BECAUSE HE'S HAD
SOME PRACTICE,

286
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,968
BUT YOUR MOTHER...

287
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:39,306
- WAS OUT
OF HER ELEMENT.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

288
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,374
ARE YOU FOR THIS WOMAN
OR AGAINST HER?

289
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:44,511
APRIL, EVERYTHING
DOESN'T HAVE TO BE
BLACK AND WHITE.

290
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,950
YOU ARE SO OVER ME.

291
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:55,989
- SORRY?
- YOU'RE SO TIRED OF THIS.

292
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:58,958
YOU JUST WANT THIS
TO BE DONE.

293
00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:02,229
YOU WANT
TO FIGURE ME OUT,
FIX MY HEAD,

294
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,531
SO YOU CAN CHECK ME
OFF YOUR LEDGER.

295
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:07,834
WHAT-- WHAT ABOUT
MY BEHAVIOR GAVE YOU
THAT IDEA?

296
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:10,003
- YOU TURNED ON ME.
- HOW?

297
00:16:10,103 --> 00:16:11,971
BY CALLING MY MOTHER.

298
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,007
OH, WE'RE BACK
TO THAT AGAIN.

299
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:16,643
SO WHAT I DID STILL
DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO YOU?

300
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:18,978
WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

301
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,848
FOR FIVE SESSIONS,
ALL I'VE TALKED ABOUT

302
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,183
IS WHY I CAN'T CALL
MY MOTHER.

303
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,818
I WAS WALKING DOWN
FLATBUSH AVENUE

304
00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:28,655
BURNING WITH FEVER
WITH A NONEXISTENT
IMMUNE SYSTEM

305
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,858
TRYING TO HAIL
A CAB TO TAKE ME
TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM

306
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,194
AND I STILL
DIDN'T CALL HER.

307
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,829
YOU PULLED RANK
ON ME, PAUL.

308
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:41,134
YOU WERE LIKE
"I'VE HUMORED THIS CHICK
FOR TOO LONG.

309
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,436
I'M THE ADULT.
I'M GONNA CALL
THE OTHER ADULTS

310
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:46,139
SO WE CAN
FIGURE OUT HOW TO--

311
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:49,509
HOW TO FUCK UP
THE WORLD TOGETHER."

312
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:52,712
YOU DON'T THINK
OF YOURSELF AS AN ADULT?

313
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:59,018
I GUESS I AM.

314
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,488
BUT DO YOU WANT TO BE?

315
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,626
NOT REALLY.

316
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:11,198
MAYBE THAT'S
BECAUSE YOU BARELY
HAD TIME TO BE A CHILD.

317
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,405
YOUR WORK HERE
IS DONE.

318
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:21,508
NO, OUR WORK HERE
IS ONLY BEGINNING.

319
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,643
WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.

320
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:26,146
YOU CAN
CHECK ME OFF NOW--

321
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,915
I'M IN CHEMO,
MY MOTHER KNOWS.

322
00:17:29,015 --> 00:17:30,517
WHATEVER.

323
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:33,120
YOU KEEP USING
THE TERM "CHECK ME OFF."

324
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:35,388
DOES THAT MEAN
ANYTHING TO YOU?

325
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:41,594
MY MOTHER USED
TO WRITE A CHECK

326
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:45,132
ON THE BACK OF MY HAND
WHENEVER I DID A GOOD DEED

327
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,434
OR ACED A TEST
OR SOMETHING.

328
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,303
SHE SAID I LOVED IT
WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

329
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,273
BUT SOMETHING CHANGED
AS YOU GOT OLDER.

330
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,643
I JUST--

331
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,645
IT FELT LIKE SHE WAS

332
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,181
YOU KNOW,
CHECKING ME OFF,

333
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:05,318
LIKE "APRIL'S FINE.
SHE'S GOT A CHECK.

334
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,587
DON'T NEED TO WORRY
ABOUT APRIL."

335
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,690
I GOT SO TIRED
OF THOSE GODDAMN CHECKS,

336
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:14,261
- I STOPPED
TELLING HER THINGS.
- LIKE WHAT?

337
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:17,597
I DON'T KNOW. I--

338
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:21,268
I'D RAISE MONEY
FOR AUTISM RESEARCH
BY RUNNING A 10K.

339
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,035
BUT YOU WOULDN'T
TELL HER.

340
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,372
NO, SHE'D FIND OUT LATER

341
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:28,708
FROM A TEACHER
OR SCHOOL NEWSPAPER.

342
00:18:29,909 --> 00:18:31,544
CAN YOU GIVE ME
ANOTHER EXAMPLE?

343
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,314
WHEN LEAH'S MOM
WAS DYING,

344
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:37,284
LEAH COULDN'T HANDLE IT,
NEITHER COULD HER DAD,

345
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:41,388
SO I WAS OVER
AT THEIR HOUSE
THREE TIMES A WEEK

346
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:45,292
HELPING OUT--
JUST BUYING GROCERIES,
MAKING DINNER.

347
00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:48,828
BUT AGAIN
YOUR MOTHER DIDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.

348
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,130
WELL, SHE FOUND OUT
AT THE FUNERAL.

349
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,533
LEAH'S DAD CAME UP TO HER.

350
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:56,969
IT SEEMS LIKE
YOU WANTED YOUR MOTHER
TO KNOW THESE THINGS,

351
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:59,439
BUT YOU DIDN'T WANT
TO TELL HER.

352
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,443
MAYBE.

353
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:06,246
AND WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF SHE FOUND OUT?

354
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,549
I WAS
HER LITTLE HERO,

355
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,117
HER SAVING GRACE.

356
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,853
HER PERFECT CHILD.

357
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:16,389
APRIL,
IS IT POSSIBLE

358
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,392
THAT I'VE BECOME
PART OF THAT PATTERN?

359
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:24,364
- WHAT?
- YOU GOT CANCER.

360
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:27,300
YOU DECIDED
TO FIGHT IT ALONE,

361
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,369
JUST AS YOU'VE
ALWAYS DONE.

362
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:32,071
YOU DIDN'T TELL YOUR MOTHER,
BUT YOU CAME TO SEE ME.

363
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,241
YOU TOLD ME,

364
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,709
BECAUSE MAYBE YOU KNEW
ON SOME LEVEL

365
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:39,779
THAT I WOULD EVENTUALLY
TELL YOUR MOTHER...

366
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:42,882
AND YOU WOULD
BECOME HER HERO...

367
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,184
AGAIN.

368
00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:47,554
THAT IS SO FUCKED UP.

369
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,456
I DON'T THINK
IT IS, APRIL.

370
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,924
I THINK
YOU SAVED YOURSELF

371
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,627
THE ONLY WAY
YOU KNOW HOW.

372
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,867
I THOUGHT THE CANCER
WOULD CLEAN ME OUT

373
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,869
OF ALL THIS BULLSHIT.

374
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,607
I THOUGHT I WOULD
FINALLY STOP OBSESSING

375
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:11,244
OVER HOW TO BE
THE BEST AT EVERYTHING

376
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:15,081
AND ALL THE REASONS
I SHOULD HATE MYSELF

377
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,016
AND EVERYONE ELSE.

378
00:20:17,116 --> 00:20:18,718
I THOUGHT I WOULD

379
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:23,756
FINALLY START
TO THINK ABOUT
THE BIG PICTURE, BUT...

380
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:29,796
IT'S JUST GOTTEN DARKER
INSIDE MY HEAD.

381
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:34,667
I DON'T BELIEVE
IN ANYTHING ANYMORE.

382
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:40,507
I DON'T BELIEVE
IN LOVE OR...

383
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:43,676
MY MOTHER...

384
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,613
OR MY BODY...

385
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,717
OR YOU.

386
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,555
BECAUSE OF ALL
THIS STUPID THERAPY,

387
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:58,758
I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE
IN MYSELF ANYMORE.

388
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,629
I LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA

389
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:05,698
WHY I SHOULD GET OUT
OF BED IN THE MORNING.

390
00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:12,004
THAT'S NOT

391
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:14,206
A BAD PLACE

392
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:16,776
TO BEGIN, APRIL.

393
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:20,547
DO YOU REMEMBER
THE DREAM THAT
WE TALKED ABOUT LAST WEEK?

394
00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:23,015
THE ONE WHERE
I WAS DYING?

395
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,251
EXCEPT THAT I THINK
THAT DREAM

396
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:27,219
COULD ACTUALLY
HAVE BEEN ABOUT...

397
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,756
REBIRTH,

398
00:21:29,856 --> 00:21:33,159
ABOUT SAYING GOODBYE
TO THE OLD SELF

399
00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:34,827
TO MAKE ROOM
FOR THE NEW.

400
00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,564
I COULD
JUST BE DYING.

401
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:44,236
WHEN WILL YOU
GET THE RESULTS
OF THE BLOOD TEST?

402
00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:46,773
I TOLD YOU--
END OF THE WEEK.

403
00:21:46,873 --> 00:21:50,176
THEN YOU'LL KNOW FOR SURE
IF THE CHEMO'S WORKING?

404
00:21:50,276 --> 00:21:51,911
YUP.

405
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:54,947
WILL YOU LET ME KNOW
THE RESULTS AS SOON
AS YOU GET THEM?

406
00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:58,451
- SURE.
- THANK YOU.

407
00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,825
ARE WE DONE HERE?

408
00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:09,962
IF YOU WANT
TO KEEP ON TALKING...

409
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:14,467
NOT REALLY.

410
00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:32,819
C-- CAN YOU HELP ME UP?

411
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,456
SURE.

412
00:22:59,579 --> 00:23:01,814
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