- I'M JUST HEADING TO THE FIELDS, DUKE.
I'LL BE BACK.
- CLEAR!
[lively hoedown music]
- ALL RIGHT!
* *
- RAT-A-BAMBA!
- * FROM THE HAYSTACKS UP TO THE HILLTOPS *
* WE GOING DANCING *
- WHOO-HOO! - OH, YEAH!
- OW, OW! OKAY, OW.
OW!
- * DO SI DO YOUR PARTNER NOW *
* *
* GONNA PARTY TILL THE MORNING LIGHT *
* *
* DO SI DO AND DON'T YOU KNOW *
* IT'S JUST THE WAY WE ANIMALS ROLL *
[motor roaring]
- HA HA!
[adventurous music]
* *
- [huffing]
- [huffs]
FINALLY, FREDDY,
A GAME WE CAN PLAY WITHOUT FEAR OF INJURY.
- YEAH, NO ONE GETS HURT PLAYING FEATHER BLOW.
THINK FAST! [huffs]
- I GOT IT. I GOT IT.
[gasps]
boom!
- PECK, BUDDY!
[groans] ARE YOU OKAY?
- SURE, ARCHDUKE FERDINAND.
I'D LOVE SOME GRILLED CHEESE.
- HE'S OKAY.
- WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED?
- IT WAS OTIS. HE FOUND THIS--
- I'LL TELL THEM, PIP.
IT ALL STARTED TEN SECONDS AGO IN THE HAYLOFT.
KEEP LOOKING, PIP.
OUR NOVELTY PLASTIC FLYING DISC HAS TO BE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
WE HAVE TO FIND IT
SO WE CAN GIVE IT TO THAT ORPHANAGE.
- HEY, OTIS, CHECK IT OUT.
- WHOA, SECRET DOOR.
"DO NOT OPEN."
- LET'S OPEN IT.
- NO, PIP, WE MUSTN'T.
WHAT IF THERE'S SOMETHING HEAVY INSIDE
AND IT FALLS OUT OF THE HAYLOFT
AND LANDS ON ONE OF OUR FRIENDS?
- WHAT? YOU WORRY TOO MUCH.
- I GOT IT. I GOT IT. I GOT IT.
[gasps] boom!
- WHAT HAVE I DONE?
YOU WERE RIGHT, OTIS.
YOU'RE ALWAYS RIGHT.
RIGHT. RIGHT. RIGHT.
UH, YEAH, EXCEPT YOU WERE THE ONE WHO OPENED--
- THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT NOW.
SO WHAT IS THIS THING ANYWAY?
- LOOKS LIKE AN OLD SAFE.
- "PROPERTY OF N.S."
WHO'S N.S.?
- WELL, ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?
A NEARSIGHTED SAUSAGE MAKER MUST HAVE STORED IT HERE.
- OR NAPOLEON'S SISTER.
- A NOODLE SALESMAN. - A NORWEGIAN SWORD SELLER.
- A NASTY SOUS CHEF. - A NERDY SCIENTIST.
- YOU'RE ALL WRONG!
all: HUH?
- [wheezing coughing]
THAT SAFE BELONGED TO NEBRASKA SCHWARTZ.
- WOW.
AND HE IS...
- WAIT, YOU MEAN THE NEBRASKA SCHWARTZ?
THE FAMOUS ADVENTURER WHOSE TREASURE-HUNTING EXPLOITS
ARE THE STUFF OF LEGEND?
- THAT'S THE GUY.
- OH, DID YOU KNOW HIM?
- KNOW HIM?
I WAS HIS DOG.
I WENT WITH HIM ON ALL HIS GREATEST ADVENTURES.
HE WENT MISSING BACK IN, OH, '37,
AND I'VE BEEN DRAGGING THAT SAFE AROUND EVER SINCE.
- SO WHAT'S INSIDE? TREASURE?
- NO, SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN TREASURE.
- THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH?
- EVEN MORE IMPORTANT.
- A MAP TO THE LOST CONTINENT OF ATLANTIS?
- MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT.
- SWEET COD, WE GIVE UP.
WHAT'S IN IT?
- I DON'T REMEMBER.
- WELL, DO YOU REMEMBER THE COMBINATION?
- LIKE I KNOW MY OWN NAME,
WHICH IS, UH, STEWART--
ER, NO, UH, FLUFFBALL?
THAT'S NOT IT.
BECKY? NO.
TRIP O'SULLIVAN?
NO.
RED HAMMER?
UH, THAT'S NOT IT.
HIERONYMUS SIZZLETUSH?
SKIPPER?
EDDIE?
PRESIDENT TRUMAN?
CHA-CHA PANTS MCKENZIE.
- READY TO BLOW THIS THING.
- AND WE'VE TAKEN ALL AVAILABLE SAFETY PRECAUTIONS.
[explosion]
AH, YOU SEE THAT?
NOT A SINGLE MISHAP.
boom!
- [grunts]
- MORE CHILI FRIES FOR THE KING'S TABLE.
- HE'S OKAY.
- [grunts]
IT'S STILL NOT OPENING.
- OH, GIVE UP, OTIS.
THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS DO.
- YEAH, OTIS. - GIVE UP.
- GUYS, WHERE'S YOUR SPIRIT OF ADVENTURE?
THERE COULD BE SECRETS IN THERE THAT COULD CURE DISEASE,
TAKE US TO MARS.
- COULD IT RELIEVE TRAFFIC CONGESTION
IN A DOWNTOWN AREA?
- WE CAN ONLY DREAM, MY FRIEND.
- WELL, IT DON'T MUCH MATTER,
'CAUSE WE CAN'T OPEN IT WITHOUT THE COMBINATION.
- DON'T YOU WORRY.
I HAVE A PLAN.
EVERETT!
- AH, WHERE?
- DO YOU REMEMBER
ANY OF YOUR ADVENTURES WITH NEBRASKA SCHWARTZ?
- WHY, SURE I DO.
HERE WE ARE KNEE-DEEP IN THE AMAZON BASIN.
NEBRASKA HAD JUST BEEN CAPTURED BY SAVAGES.
HE WAS FACING CERTAIN DEATH.
OH, IT WAS A PRETTY PICKLE, I TELL YOU.
- PLACES, EVERYONE. PLACES!
- OTIS, THIS IS WHACK.
HOW'S REENACTING EVERETT'S OLD ADVENTURES
GONNA GET THE SAFE OPEN?
- THAT COMBINATION IS BURIED
DEEP INSIDE EVERETT'S PETRIFIED BRAIN.
ACTING OUT HIS ADVENTURES MIGHT MAKE HIM REMEMBER IT.
- WHATEVER.
OKAY, PEOPLE. ACTION.
- [sobbing]
- YOU SHARE PITA POCKET WITH DAUGHTER AT FOOD HUNT.
NOW YOU MUST MARRY HER.
- I CANNOT MARRY HER, GOOD SIR,
FOR, YOU SEE, LADY ADVENTURE IS MY WIFE.
- [sobbing]
- VERY WELL.
TAKE HIM TO COOKING POT.
- OH, HOW WILL I, NEBRASKA SCHWARTZ,
EVER GET OUT OF THIS ONE?
[whispers] YOU GUYS ARE DOING GREAT.
HOW DID YOU MAKE THE WATER LOOK SO--
OW, HOT STUFF! VERY BURNY!
- RIGHT, NOW LEAVE HIM COMPLETELY UNGUARDED
WHILE WE SET THE TABLE.
WE DINE AT 4:00.
- I'LL HAVE TO THINK FAST TO GET OUT OF THIS ONE.
BETTER CALL FOR MY TRUSTY DOG, EVERETT.
WHO-WHISTLE!
- [wheezing coughing]
- GOOD BOY, EVERETT.
REMEMBER THE COMBINATION YET?
- WHAT COMBINATION?
- NEVER MIND.
CHEW MY ROPES OFF.
WE'VE GOT TO KEEP REENACTING.
- [slurping]
- OKAY, THAT'S GROSS. YOU CAN STOP.
YUCK. I'M FREE.
I'M FREE!
TO THE BALLOON!
- COME BACK HERE!
- YOU MUST MARRY DAUGHTER.
COME BACK HERE.
YOU ARE MY SON.
GET BACK HERE.
- WE'RE GONNA GET YOU.
[all yelling]
- GET BACK HERE.
- SORRY TO RUIN YOUR PARTY, BOYS.
NEBRASKA SCHWARTZ, AWAY!
- IT'S WORKING, YOUNG FELLA.
THE COMBINATION'S ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE.
- GREAT. WHAT IS IT?
- IT'S-- WAIT, NO.
HOLD ON. SOMETHING AIN'T RIGHT.
- WHAT? WAS NEBRASKA STANDING OVER HERE?
WAS MY HAT TILTED DOWN MORE?
WAS THERE MORE WIND?
- I KNOW!
THEM TRIBAL FOLK WAS THROWING SPEARS AT US.
- AH, WELL, WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE HAVING SPEARS THROWN--
[together] WE'RE ON IT.
[air splutters from balloon]
- [screams]
[bodies crash]
- I REMEMBER!
THE FIRST NUMBER WAS 22.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THAT OPEN.
- GOOD GOING!
- YAY.
OKAY, EVERETT, TWO MORE NUMBERS TO GO.
ARE YOU READY TO REENACT ANOTHER ADVENTURE?
- OTIS, GETTING THAT LAST NUMBER
ALMOST TURNED YOU INTO A COW PATTY.
ARE YOU SURE IT'S WORTH IT?
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
THINK WHAT MIGHT BE IN THAT SAFE:
EINSTEIN'S BRAIN, THE SECRET MEANING OF LIFE.
- THE DIRECTOR'S CUT OF LAW SCHOOL MUSICAL.
- * GOT TO SUE *
[scatting]
- I'M HOPING NOT.
- PLACES FOR THE NEXT ADVENTURE.
- RIGHT.
WELL, OLD NEBRASKA,
HE WAS IN TROUBLE WITH A TRIBE OF SKUNK WORSHIPPERS
'CAUSE HE WOULDN'T MARRY THE CHIEF'S DAUGHTER.
- WHOA, WHOA, HANG ON.
ANOTHER CHIEF'S DAUGHTER?
- OH, YOU BET.
CHIEF'S DAUGHTERS LOVED OLD NEBRASKA.
HE WAS A CHIEF'S DAUGHTER MAGNET.
- SO WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
- WELL, THERE WE WERE,
TIED TO BAMBOO STALKS IN THE PERUVIAN JUNGLE.
- [sobbing]
- YOU SHARE TAXI FROM MIDTOWN WITH DAUGHTER.
NOW YOU MARRY HER.
- SORRY, CHIEF.
I'M IN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH EXCITEMENT!
SO, EVERETT, WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
- WELL, HE ANGERED THE CHIEF,
SO HE RELEASED SKUNK-TOPUS.
- WHAT'S A SKUNK-TOPUS?
- WELL, HE HAD THE HEAD OF A SKUNK.
all: [gasp]
- THE BODY OF A SKUNK.
all: [gasp]
- AND THE TAIL OF THE SKUNK.
- SO HE'S A SKUNK.
- PRETTY MUCH.
[together] WE'RE ON IT.
- NO, GUYS, THAT'S UNNECESSARY.
SOMEONE UNTIE ME.
SKUNKIE, HI.
YOU KNOW, WE ACTUALLY WON'T BE NEEDING YOU SO...
MILK ME.
[screams] MAKE HIM STOP!
OH, THE TERRIBLE STINK.
[screams]
SO, EVERETT, UH,
IS THAT COMBINATION RINGING IN YOUR DOODLE AT ALL?
- IT'S COMING TO ME.
- OKAY, MY BODY IS NUMB,
AND I CAN NO LONGER DISTINGUISH COLORS.
- STOP TALKING. I CAN'T THINK.
- AND COMA.
- OOH, I GOT IT.
THE NEXT NUMBER IS 17.
- 17! SOMEONE WRITE THAT DOWN.
[all groaning and yelling]
- YES, YES.
RUN FROM THE MALODOROUS FREAK OF NATURE.
AH, FATE, WHY HAVE YOU BURDENED ME THIS CRUELLY?
THANK YOU.
[cheers and applause]
THANK YOU.
- OKAY, THIS IS GOING WELL.
ONE MORE NUMBER AND WE CAN OPEN THAT SAFE
AND DISCOVER THE INCREDIBLE MYSTERIES
OF ANCIENT WHATEVERSVILLE.
- UH, OTIS? ARE YOU FEELING OKAY?
YOU'RE ACTING A LITTLE OBSESSED.
- OBSESSED? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S OBSESSED.
I'M NOT OBSESSED.
I JUST NEED TO OPEN THAT SAFE,
OR MY HEART WILL STOP BEATING AND MY HEAD WILL EXPLODE.
NOW, EVERETT, BUDDY, DESCRIBE ANOTHER ADVENTURE.
- AH, DO I HAVE TO?
I'M KIND OF TIRED.
- DESCRIBE BEFORE I LICK THE DIRT
AND CHEW OFF MY OWN LEGS!
- HE'S NOT BLUFFING.
BETTER DO WHAT HE SAYS.
- WELL, THERE IS ONE OTHER THING WE COULD REENACT.
- OH, TELL ME. WHAT IS IT?
TELL ME. I WANT TO HEAR THE ADVENTURE.
- WELL, OLD NEBRASKA
USED TO SING MY DARLING CLEMENTINE TO ME
EVERY NIGHT BY THE CAMPFIRE.
- HEY, THAT'S GREAT.
NOTHING CAN GO WRONG IF YOU'RE JUST SINGING.
- YEAH. - YEAH, PERFECT.
- GUYS, THAT SAFE'S AS GOOD AS OPEN.
GUITAR ME! HEY!
- ACTUALLY, IT WAS A BANJO.
- BANJO--OOF.
* OH, MY DARLING, OH, MY DARLING *
* PLEASE REMEMBER THE COMBINATION OF THE SAFE *
* OR I'LL LOSE MY MIND *
* YOU WERE LOST AND GONE FOREVER *
* OH, MY DARLING *
- THIS REALLY BRINGS BACK MEMORIES.
IT WAS USUALLY AT THIS POINT
THAT A GIANT BOULDER WOULD ROLL DOWN ON US.
- A GIANT WHAT?
[together] WE'RE ON IT.
- HUH?
[screams]
- AND THEN NEBRASKA RAN LIKE THE DICKENS.
- RUN LIKE THE DICKENS!
smack! OOF.
- BY GUM, I GOT IT.
THE LAST NUMBER IS FOUR.
- HUH?
22, 17, 4.
all: 22...
17...
- THIS IS IT, GUYS.
GET READY TO DISCOVER THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE.
- IT'S-- - IT'S--
HEY, WHO'S THE OLD GUY?
- [coughs]
EVERETT, YOU OLD HOUND DOG!
- NEBRASKA!
- IS MY NAP OVER?
BOY, I FEEL REFRESHED.
- OH, RIGHT.
I WAS SUPPOSED TO WAKE YOU UP.
OH, WELL. NO HARM DONE.
- [sighs] WELL, GUYS,
WE'VE LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON HERE TODAY.
- CROSS AT THE GREEN, NOT IN BETWEEN?
- LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS?
- IF YOU EVER GO SEARCHING FOR YOUR HEART'S DESIRE,
YOU SHOULD NEVER LOOK FURTHER THAN YOUR OWN BACKYARD,
BECAUSE IF IT ISN'T THERE,
THEN YOU NEVER REALLY LOST IT TO BEGIN WITH?
- NO, WE'VE LEARNED THAT WE SHOULD NEVER TRUST THE ELDERLY.
- OH, YEAH. - I KNOW.
- YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, FRIEND.
- WELL, EVERETT,
I GOT A POWERFUL HANKERING FOR ADVENTURE.
- AND I'VE GOT AN ABBREVIATED SPINAL DISC.
LET'S GO!
- ANY CHIEF'S DAUGHTERS AROUND HERE?
- OH, THE NEXT COUNTY'S CRAWLING WITH THEM.
- [chuckles]
HEY, HOW COME YOU'RE TALKING?
- I'M NOT TALKING.
YOU'RE CRAZY.
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
[laughter]
[coughing]
[exotic music]
* *
- BEST MUSEUM TRIP EVER.
WHO KNEW KING TUT WAS SUCH A PARTY ANIMAL?
- YEAH, CHECK OUT MY OFFICIAL
KING TUT EGYPTIAN SIPPY HEADDRESS.
[slurps]
[sighs]
- AND I GOT THE CLEOPATRA HOME BEAUTY KIT.
- AND I GOT A KING TUT ACTION FIGURE.
- PIG, THAT'S KING TUT'S ACTUAL SARCOPHAGUS.
- YEAH, PUT IT BACK BEFORE WE GET ARRESTED.
- OH, ALL RIGHT.
- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS EATING?
- SUGAR-FROSTED PHARAOHS.
- "ANCIENT EGYPT'S FAVORITE FLAME-PUFFED WHEAT CEREAL."
- MMM.
YOU CAN PRACTICALLY TASTE THE SECRETS OF THE NILE.
[chewing enthusiastically]
- [groaning]
WHOOPSIE.
- [screams]
IMPENDING HISTORICAL PAIN!
smack!
- I HOPE HE'S OKAY.
HE'S BEEN OUT FOR HOURS.
- THAT THING HIT HIM PRETTY HARD.
- [sighs]
- HE'S COMING AROUND.
SOMEBODY GET HIM SOME WATER.
- I'M ON IT.
- [splutters]
- FREDDY, HE'S ALREADY AWAKE.
- THEN MY WORK HERE IS DONE.
- BY THE CHEW TOYS OF ANUBIS,
FETCH HITHER THE MOIST TOWELETTES OF THE NILE
THAT I MAY FRESHEN MYSELF THEREON.
- UH, OTIS, ARE YOU OKAY?
- O-TIS?
I KNOW NOT THIS O-TIS.
I AM KING CUDENHOTEP IV,
ROYAL PHARAOH OF ALL EGYPT.
[mocking laughter]
- ALWAYS A KIDDER.
- YOU'RE A HOOT, OTIS.
- THESE SOUNDS OF LAUGHTER PLEASE ME GREATLY.
LET US PREPARE AN AWESOME FESTIVAL
THAT ALL MAY PARTAKE IN THE FUNNESS THEREOF.
- UH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH OTIS?
- WE'LL HANG THE MUMMY WRAPPINGS HERE.
- GUYS, THAT BLOW ON THE HEAD
MADE HIM THINK HE'S AN ACTUAL EGYPTIAN PHARAOH.
- NO WAY.
HE'S FINE.
- LET A SPARKLY DISCO PYRAMID BE HUNG THUSLY.
- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S A LITTLE WEIRD.
- WE HAVE NO BALLOONS.
FETCH ME THE HEADS OF MY ENEMIES!
- YEP, HE'S BROKEN.
- HE SURE IS.
WHERE ARE WE GONNA FIND HEADS AT THIS HOUR?
- GUYS, MAYBE ALL OTIS NEEDS IS A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.
- YEAH, JUST LET HIM SLEEP IT OFF.
- HEY, YOUR MAJESTY, WE'RE GONNA GO TO BED.
YOU GET SOME REST AND TRY NOT TO EMBALM YOURSELF.
- SPLENDID. YES, GET YOUR REST.
FOR TOMORROW, KING CUD'S REIGN OF FUN BEGINS.
- "THE NEXT MORNING" WRITTEN IN HIEROGLYPHICS
THIS HAPPENED.
[hammering and clanking]
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
IF I DON'T GET 15 HOURS OF BEAUTY SLEEP,
I TURN NASTY.
- YOU MEAN, NASTIER.
OH, SNAP! I WENT THERE.
OH!
- SOMEBODY'S MAKING AN AWFUL RACKET.
- [gasps] MAYBE IT'S SANTA.
- SANTA?
QUICK, FREDDY, PRETEND YOU'RE ASLEEP.
[fake snoring]
- HEY, IT'S COMING FROM THE WHEAT FIELD.
all: [gasp]
- WHAT THE...
- SMOOTH OUT MY REGAL SHOULDER BLADES.
PLUMP UP MY SEMIDIVINE LIPS.
PLUMP THEM.
- UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- AHA, GREETINGS, LOYAL SUBJECTS.
I'M BUILDING A GIANT SPHINX-SHAPED DANCE CLUB
IN MY GLORIOUS LIKENESS.
WHOO! OOH-OOH.
- HOW DID YOU GET THE BEAVERS TO BUILD THAT MONSTROSITY?
- A FAIR QUESTION, UNATTRACTIVE ONE.
I OFFERED THEM TICKETS TO THE OPENING NIGHT PARTY.
- SO WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
- I'M ALL ABOUT SATIN.
- AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE WHEAT?
HE ASKED FEARFULLY.
- WORRY NOT.
THE WHEAT IS STORED IN A SAFE LOCATION.
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I HAVE TO SUPERVISE THE PLUMBING OF THE LITTLE PHARAOH'S ROOM.
- GUY, OTIS STILL THINKS HE'S KING CUD.
- IF THE FARMER COMES BACK
AND SEES HIM ACTING LIKE A PHARAOH,
IT'S THE END OF EVERYTHING.
- AND WE'LL HAVE TO LEAVE THE BARNYARD FOREVER.
- WELL, WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME.
THE FARMER GETS BACK FROM HAND PUPPET CAMP TODAY.
- HELLO, MR. DRAGON.
I BROUGHT YOU A TURNIP FROM MY GARDEN.
- DRAGONS HATE TURNIPS.
I KNEW YOU'D FAIL ME.
[roars]
- WHAT, MR. DRAGON?
THAT'S NOT YOUR LINE.
AH, WHY?
- LOOK, DON'T WORRY, GUYS.
I'VE SEEN THIS A HUNDRED TIMES ON TV.
WE JUST HIT HIM ON THE HEAD,
AND HE'LL GO RIGHT BACK TO NORMAL.
- WHERE ARE WE GONNA FIND SOMEONE TO HIT OTIS ON THE HEAD?
- I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU.
HEY, KING UGLY.
GET READY FOR BRAIN PAIN.
- IMPERIAL BEAVER GUARDS, SEIZE HER.
- GET HER!
- GO FOR THE ANKLES!
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
PUT ME DOWN, YOU BUCKTOOTHED FREAKS.
- THE HIDEOUS SHE-DEVIL HAS BEEN VANQUISHED.
LET THE CONSTRUCTION CONTINUE.
- BELIEVE THOSE BEAVERS?
YOU'D HAVE TO BE A COLOSSAL MORON
TO THINK OTIS IS A REAL PHARAOH.
[together] ALL HAIL KING CUD.
- YOUR GROVELING PLEASES ME.
YOU SHALL BE MY PERSONAL BODY SERVANTS.
- I GET TO DRINK HIS BATHWATER.
- NO, ME!
- COME ON. I GET TO.
- AVERT YOUR EYES.
- THIS IS TERRIBLE.
AS LONG AS HE HAS BEAVER GUARDS,
OTIS WILL NEVER LET ANYONE CLOSE ENOUGH
TO BONK HIM ON THE HEAD.
- HE WOULD IF THAT SOMEONE WAS A SPICY EGYPTIAN HOTTIE.
MAYBE SOMEONE OTIS ALREADY HAS A SECRET CRUSH ON?
- OKAY, I'LL DO IT.
WHY MUST I BE SO DESIRABLE?
- I MEANT ABBY.
- OH, RIGHT.
- WELL, I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE.
GOOD THING I BOUGHT THAT CLEOPATRA HOME BEAUTY KIT.
- COME ON. LET'S GO.
- SOME OF US ARE NATURALLY PRETTY.
[cheerful music]
HELLO, I'M DR. PIG,
ARCHAEOLOGIST, THAT MEANS BABY DOCTOR.
DID YOU KNOW THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS
INVENTED MANY OF THE THINGS WE STILL USE TODAY?
LIKE THE SHOPPING CART, HULA HOOP, AND THE EYEBALL.
I'M USING MINE NOW.
THANKS, ANCIENT EGYPTIANS.
EYEBALL.
[triumphant music]
- BEHOLD!
KING CUD'S GROOVE GROTTO IS COMPLETE.
NOW WE SHALL PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999...
B.C.!
[horn fanfare]
WHAT'S THIS?
STEP FORWARD, JOLLY EUNUCH,
AND EXPLAIN YOUR HORNLIKE BLAST.
- ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF HER ROYALNESS,
THE JEWEL OF THE NILE HERSELF,
THE ENCHANTING COWAPATRA.
[sultry saxophone music]
[metal clangs]
- BEAVER GUARDS, STAND DOWN.
THIS EGYPTIAN SAND FLOWER PRESENTS NO DANGER.
STEP FORWARD, ENCHANTRESS,
THAT I MAY GAZE UPON WHAT YOU GOT GOING ON.
[chuckles]
[whispers] BODY SERVANTS, FRESHEN ME.
[upbeat music]
[vacuum whirs]
[chime dings]
- WHY, HELLO THERE, YOUR KINGLINESS.
- WELL, HELLO TO YOU.
AND MAY I SAY,
YOUR BEAUTY BRINGS MY ROYAL SENSES GREAT PLEASURE.
- OH, THAT'S NOT ALL I'M BRINGING.
- I'M SORRY. WHAT WAS THAT?
- OH, NOTHING. NOTHING.
I WASN'T GONNA BASH YOUR HEAD OR ANYTHING.
- HA-HA!
FETCHING AND FUNNY.
I PRIZE THAT HIGHLY IN A LADY.
I BOW DOWN,
LEAVING MY HEAD TOTALLY EXPOSED,
AS I ASK YOU TO BE MY BRIDE.
- SORRY, OTIS, THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN--
BRIDE?
- WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
HIT HIM ALREADY.
- UH, UH.
I'D BE HONORED, YOUR PHARAOHNESS.
- WHAT?
- SPLENDID. WE SHALL BE MARRIED AT ONCE.
BODY SERVANTS,
PREPARE THE GROOVE GROTTO FOR A MAGNIFICENT WEDDING
AT WHICH THERE WILL BE MUCH GETTING FUNKY
AND PARTYTASTIC REVELRY.
[together] WE'RE ON IT.
- AND I'LL SEE YOU IN 32,000 SAND GRAINS.
THAT'S LIKE AN HOUR.
- WE SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH PIG.
- THANK YOU.
- SORRY, GUYS.
IT'S NOT EVERY DAY A GAL GETS PROPOSED TO, YOU KNOW?
I PROMISE TO CONK HIM REAL GOOD AT THE CEREMONY.
- YOU'D BETTER.
THE FARMER'S COMING BACK IN AN HOUR.
- PULL OVER AT THIS GAS STATION.
I NEED TO MAKE A PIT STOP.
BUT DRAGON PUPPET, WE JUST STOPPED TWO EXITS AGO.
DRAGONS DON'T EXPLAIN THINGS.
NOW PULL OVER.
OKAY.
YOU TWO IDIOTS WAIT HERE.
THIS COULD TAKE A WHILE.
* DUM, DA-DA-DA *
QUICK, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
BUT HE TOLD US TO WAIT.
THAT DRAGON'S CRAZY.
WE GOT TO DITCH HIM.
BUT THAT'S NOT VERY-- I SAID DRIVE!
[screams]
- 32,000 SAND GRAINS LATER.
IT'S LIKE AN HOUR.
[wedding march plays on organ]
- WE ARE GATHERED HERE TO JOIN KING CUD AND COWAPATRA
IN SACRED MATRIMONY.
- AND SUPER SWEET DISCO AFTER PARTY.
- RIGHT, BUT FIRST, A FEW WORDS ABOUT MARRIAGE.
- OH, BROTHER, THIS AGAIN?
- REALLY?
[tense music]
- THE FARMER!
- A JOINING OF TWO HEARTS,
A GLUING OF TWO SOULS,
A LINKAGE OF--
- SNORE. GET ON WITH IT!
- SORRY.
YOUR HIGHNESS, DO YOU HAVE THE RING?
- THE RING, YES, WHERE DID I...
[cell phone ringing]
- KIND OF A BAD TIME, PIP.
- THE FARMER'S COMING.
YOU GOT TO CLOCK HIM NOW.
- REALLY?
'CAUSE IF I JUST HAD A FEW SECONDS MORE, THEN WE'D--
- JUST DO IT! - RIGHT.
- HERE IT IS. WHOOPSIE.
- SORRY, OTIS, THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
- GOT YA, RINGY.
[bricks cracking]
- BY THE HAIR EXTENSIONS OF ISIS,
WHAT TREACHERY IS THIS?
- UH, MY SCEPTER SLIPPED?
- HEY, WHAT IS THIS STUFF?
- IT'S THE WHEAT WE CLEARED TO BUILD THE SPHINX.
WE STORED IT IN THESE SACRED WALLS
TO REDUCE THE PARTY NOISE.
THE ASSYRIANS NEXT DOOR LIKE TO SLEEP IN.
- WE'RE ALL GONNA BE BURIED ALIVE.
- FEAR NOT, MY QUEEN.
WE'LL JUST FINISH THE CEREMONY IN THE AFTERLIFE.
- WE'RE GONNA BE BURIED ALIVE?
- THAT WASN'T IN THE JOB DESCRIPTION.
- WE GOT TO GET TO HIGHER GROUND.
QUICK, LET'S CLIMB UP THIS ROPE.
[rope snaps]
[screaming]
- MELLOW OUT, MY SUBJECTS.
YOU LOOK TENSE.
WAH...
OH. UGH.
WHERE AM I?
WHY AM I BEING SMOTHERED BY WHEAT?
- FUNNY STORY.
SEE, WE WERE WALKING UP THE STAIRS TO THE MUSEUM
WHEN SUDDENLY A SARCOPHAGUS--
- OTIS, WE GOT TO FIND A WAY OUT OF HERE
BEFORE WE GET COVERED IN WHEAT.
- WHEAT!
HOLD ON. I'M GETTING AN IDEA.
- SUGAR-FROSTED PHARAOHS.
- "ANCIENT EGYPT'S FAVORITE FLAME-PUFFED WHEAT CEREAL."
- NAH, I GOT NOTHING.
NO, WAIT. I HAVE SOMETHING.
NO...UNLESS?
OH, THAT WON'T WORK EITHER, BUT WHAT IF--
- UH, ANY MINUTE NOW.
- JUST HEIGHTENING THE SUSPENSE.
NOW WHO WANTS FLAME-PUFFED WHEAT?
[flames whoosh]
[explosion]
- WHOA!
[screaming]
[scepter thrums]
smack!
- OTIS, YOU DID IT.
- TOO LATE. THE FARMER!
- YOU ANIMALS WERE TALKING.
[object whistling as falling]
UH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK UP.
WHAT?
WHY WOULD I WANT TO LOOK--
[groans]
I TOLD YOU, YOU IDIOT.
[hoedown music]
[all chewing]
- OTIS, HOW MUCH LONGER
DO WE HAVE TO EAT PUFFED WHEAT?
- I FIGURE ABOUT 17 YEARS.
[groaning]
CHEER UP, GUYS.
THE SPHINX IS GONE, THE BEAVERS REPLANTED THE WHEAT,
AND MY BRAIN AGAIN GOOD WORK NOW.
- I GUESS EVERYTHING'S BACK TO NORMAL.
- EXCEPT THAT BLOW TO THE HEAD
MADE THE FARMER THINK HE'S BEN FRANKLIN.
- FRUGALITY IS THE RICH MAN'S HOUSECOAT.
ITS POCKETS ARE FILLED WITH IDLENESS AND SELF--
[electricity zapping]
[groans]
- AH, I'M A NEW DRAGON.
* DUM, DA-DA, DUM, DUM *
HEY, WHERE'D THEY GO?
THOSE IDIOTS DITCHED ME.
[roars]
Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com
[lively hoedown music]
* *