- I'M JUST HEADING TO THE FIELDS, DUKE.
I'LL BE BACK.
[sheep bleating]
- CLEAR!
[upbeat hoedown music]
- ALL RIGHT!
* *
- RAT-A-BAMBA!
- * FROM THE HAYSTACKS UP TO THE HILLTOPS *
* WE GO ON DANCING *
- WHOO-HOO! WHOA!
OW, OW! OKAY, OW.
OW!
- * DO SI DO YOUR PARTNER NOW *
* *
* PARTY TILL THE MORNING LIGHT *
* *
* DO SI DO AND DON'T YOU KNOW *
* IT'S JUST THE WAY WE ANIMALS ROLL *
[motor roaring]
- HA HA!
- [clucking]
[increasing roar]
all: WHOA!
- WOW, SAVING THAT RACE OF MOLE PEOPLE
FROM THOSE GIANT EVIL BLOODWORMS AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH
WAS COOL!
[all agreeing]
- DEFINITELY ONE OF OUR BETTER ADVENTURES.
- I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THEY MADE PIG THEIR EMPEROR.
- WHOAAAA!
I ABUSED MY POWER, AND I LEARNED NOTHING.
[laughter]
- OH, WE'RE GREAT.
- HEY, DUMMIES, YOU CAN'T PARK HERE.
IT'S A NO-MORON ZONE.
[chuckles] "NO-MORON ZONE."
- HEY, DID YOU GUYS EVER NOTICE HOW BESSIE ALWAYS INSULTS US
AND THEN JUST WALKS OFF SOMEWHERE?
- SHE INSULTS US? - NU-UH.
- WHO, BESSIE?
- REALLY? - YOU'RE A DIRTY LIAR!
- NO, GUYS, THINK ABOUT IT.
NOW LOOK UP.
- HEY, DUMMY. MORON.
MORON.
SUGAR RAY LOSER. MORON.
SIR ISAAC MORON. MORON.
CRAZY STUPID. BYE-BYE, MORON!
YOUR MOTHER!
- NOW I BELIEVE IT. - HEY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
- WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS,
WHERE DOES SHE GO WHEN SHE WALKS AWAY?
- WELL, SHE PROBABLY HAS THINGS TO DO.
- THINGS TO DO? WE'RE BARN ANIMALS.
ALL WE DO IS EAT, SLEEP,
AND LET THE FARMER SQUEEZE BREAKFAST PRODUCTS OUT OF US.
WHAT COULD SHE POSSIBLY HAVE TO DO?
- WE COULD ASK HER.
- YES, WE COULD ASK HER...
OR WE COULD TOTALLY SPY ON HER!
- OTIS, BESSIE WOULD BE HURT AND ANGRY
IF SHE KNEW WE WERE SPYING ON HER.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
- SO LET'S BE EXTRA QUIET SO WE DON'T GET CAUGHT.
- YOUR SPIRIT IS SHINY
AND SMELLS OF CHERRIES, LADY COW!
- HUH, YES. INTERESTING.
NO WAY!
[gasps] WHO KNEW?
- DUDE, SHE HASN'T EVEN WALKED IN YET.
- I'M PRACTICING.
- WAIT, THERE SHE IS!
[music for intrigue]
* *
- WELL, THAT WAS A SNOREFEST.
- ARE YOU KIDDING?
SHE JUST DRESSED UP LIKE A MYSTERIOUS FRENCH LADY,
PUT A GIANT WAD OF CASH IN HER PURSE,
AND DROVE OFF IN AN UNMARKED BLACK VAN.
I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS CURIOUS SINCE--LET ME SEE...
I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS CURIOUS!
COME ON; LET'S FOLLOW HER!
- COME ON! - LET'S GO!
- SHE'S GETTING OUT.
SHE'S LOOKING AROUND.
SHE'S WALKING UP TO THAT FANCY ART GALLERY.
THE STARLIGHT DANCED MAJESTICALLY
ON THE STREET BELOW.
- ARE YOU GOING TO NARRATE ALL NIGHT?
- GUYS, WHAT WOULD BESSIE BE DOING AT AN ART GALLERY?
- HEY, MAYBE BESSIE'S AN INTERNATIONAL ART THIEF.
[laughter]
- THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
- YEAH, AND MAYBE SHE'S GOING TO SCALE THE BUILDING
WITH SUCTION CUPS.
[laughter]
AND SHE'S DOING IT.
[laughter] WHA?
[suctions popping]
- ALL RIGHT. EVERYONE, CALM DOWN.
LET'S NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE WE'VE WITNESSED HER
LOWERING DOWN PRICELESS WORKS OF ART.
- AND SHE'S LOWERING THEM DOWN.
- THE ANIMALS COULDN'T BELIEVE THEIR EYES.
BESSIE SEEMED TO BE LIVING A SECRET DOUBLE LIFE.
THEY VOWED THEN AND THERE
TO UNRAVEL THIS RAVELED-UP MYSTERY
IN WHICH THEY'D BECOME RAVELED.
- YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN. - UM, HELLO!
- UGH, AGAIN?
- THE NEXT MORNING, MYSTERY WAS CRISP IN THE AIR
AS THE ANIMALS AWOKE FROM THEIR--
OH, GREAT, NOW I'M DOING IT!
- HEY, DUMMY.
- LOOK AT HER, ACTING ALL
"I'M NOT AN INTERNATIONAL ART THIEF."
- YEAH, LOOK AT HER BEADY LITTLE EYES;
HER FURROWED BROW; HER CRUEL, HATEFUL BEAK.
- FREDDY, YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME.
- I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!
- GUYS, BESSIE'S MY BEST FRIEND.
I REFUSE TO BELIEVE SHE STOLE THOSE PAINTINGS.
- WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.
- CONFRONT HER WITH WHAT WE SAW?
- NO WAY!
REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE TRIED TO CONFRONT HER WITH SOMETHING?
[screams]
- ALERT THE AUTHORITIES?
- HA! YOU REMEMBER THE LAST TIME
WE TRIED TO ALERT THE AUTHORITIES?
[screams]
- MAYBE WE SHOULD FORGET THE WHOLE THING
AND GO ABOUT OUR BUSINESS.
- YOU REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE TRIED
TO FORGET THE WHOLE THING AND GO ABOUT OUR BUSINESS?
[screams]
NO, WE SEARCH HER STALL
AND SEE WHAT OTHER LUXURY GOODS OL' STICKY-HOOVES HAS IN THERE.
- OTIS! A COW'S STALL IS SACRED.
BESSIE WOULD NEVER FORGIVE US
IF SHE CAUGHT US VIOLATING HER PERSONAL SPACE.
- [disappointedly] YOU'RE RIGHT.
- WHICH IS WHY FREDDY AND PECK SHOULD DISTRACT HER
WHILE WE'RE DOING IT.
- YOUR DELICIOUS LIFE FORCE QUICKENS MY HEART BAG, LADY COW!
- THERE SHE IS.
NOW, REMEMBER, WE HAVE TO PLAY IT REAL COOL
SO SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHE'S BEING DISTRACTED.
- RIGHT.
- UH, HI, BESSIE.
LOVELY WEATHER WE'RE HAVING, HUH?
- YEAH.
- SHE'S ON TO US! - WHAT DO WE DO?
- DON'T PANIC! - I CAN'T HELP IT!
- SHE CAN SMELL OUR FEAR! - WE'RE GONERS!
- NO WAY OUT! - RUN AWAY!
- I FOUND A PRICELESS DESIGNER WATCH.
- I FOUND A SUITCASE FULL OF CASH.
- I FOUND A SET OF KEYS.
- WHY IS THAT SUSPICIOUS?
- THEY'RE TO THIS ITALIAN SPORTS CAR.
- WELL, THAT CLINCHES IT.
THE BESSIE WE LOVED AND THOUGHT WE KNEW
IS A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND.
- "GASP," ABBY GASPED AS SHE UNRAVELED ANOTHER CLUE:
BLUEPRINTS TO A MANSION.
WAS THIS TO BE THE SCENE OF BESSIE'S NEXT CRIME?
- WHAT HAPPENED THEN, ABBY?
- GUYS, BESSIE'S COMING.
- SOMETHING FUNNY'S GOING ON HERE,
AND I'M GOING TO FIND OUT WHAT.
[animals whistling]
- WHISTLE, WHISTLE.
OH, HEY, BESSIE.
DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.
WE'RE JUST HANGING OUT, NOT DOING ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS.
SAY, YOU LOOK A LITTLE TENSE.
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO GET OFF YOUR CHEST?
- NO. NOW, GET OUT OF MY WAY.
I HAVE PLANS TONIGHT.
- OTIS, IF WE DON'T GET BESSIE SOME HELP,
SHE MIGHT GET ARRESTED.
- YEAH, AND IF SHE DROPS A DIME TO JOHNNY LAW,
WE COULD ALL END UP
DOING THE CONCRETE SHUFFLE ON SLAMMER ALLEY.
- PECK'S RIGHT... UNLESS HE'S NOT.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE JUST SAID.
BUT WHILE HE WAS RAMBLING, I FORMULATED AN INGENIOUS PLAN.
- WE'LL GET HER THE THERAPY SHE SO DESPERATELY NEEDS?
- NO, WE ROB THE MANSION OURSELVES
SO THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR HER TO STEAL.
- HE'S A GENIUS. - THAT'S WHY HE'S THE LEADER.
- I KNOW. THIS STUFF JUST COMES TO ME.
- NOW, HOLD ON, OTIS.
ROBBING A MANSION IS A SERIOUS CRIME
THAT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING WE BELIEVE IN.
- [disappointedly] YOU'RE RIGHT.
- WHICH IS WHY WE BETTER WEAR BLACK FOR CAMOUFLAGE
SO WE DON'T GET CAUGHT.
- YOUR SOUL CRACKLES WITH A THOUSAND ELECTRIC LIGHTS,
O SPARKLY COWESS.
[adventure music]
* *
- WOW! IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
- OOH, LA, LA. - NICE PAD.
- OKAY, PEOPLE, GRAB ANYTHING VALUABLE.
WE WANT TO CLEAN THIS PLACE OUT
SO THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR BESSIE TO STEAL.
- WELL, I'LL DO IT FOR BESSIE, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
I'M STEALING UNDER PR-- HEY, THIS MATCHES MY DRAPES!
[all talking excitedly]
- I GOT THE JEWELRY.
STEP AWAY FROM THE JEWELRY.
- GET OUT OF MY WAY! - SHOW ME THE MONEY.
- HEY, LOOK, A TINY TOASTER OVEN.
[alarm wailing]
THE DEFROST SETTING IS AWFULLY LOUD.
[dog barking]
QUICK, LET'S TAKE A DIP IN THE POOL
AND GET OUT OF HERE.
- FREDDY, ARE YOU CRAZY?
THE COPS'LL BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
- THEN WE ONLY HAVE TIME FOR THE MASSAGE CHAIR.
- [together] AH!
thud!
[together] HUH?
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- [together] WEIRD AL YANKOVIC?
- YEAH, I'M WEIRD AL YANKOVIC.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?
- [together] ROBBING IT.
- OH, REALLY?
GOOD THING ALL FAMOUS PEOPLE HAVE POLICE HOTLINES.
- WAIT! DON'T CALL THE POLICE!
- GET OFF MY HOTLINE!
- I DON'T WANT TO GET OFF YOUR HOTLINE.
- OH.
- YOU JUST MESSED WITH THE WRONG GRAMMY WINNER.
WHAA!
- [screams] HILARIOUS WEAPON!
YEE-AH!
- GOLD RECORDS! GOLD RECORDS!
HOO, HO, HEY, WHOA, SEE, HA!
- HAIR ATTACK, HAIR ATTACK!
- WHOA!
- HELLO, I'M PIG WITH HOLLYWOOD FACT OR FICTION?
TRUE OR FALSE: WEIRD AL YANKOVIC STYLES HIS OWN HAIR.
FALSE!
WEIRD AL HAS AN ARMY OF NORWEGIAN HAIRSTYLISTS
WHO ARE ON CALL 24/7 FOR ALL HIS STYLING NEEDS.
HE CAN ALSO TIME TRAVEL AND ONCE ATE AN OUTBOARD MOTOR.
NOW BACK TO THE ACTION.
- BAGPIPES!
GIANT CLAM!
LIVE OSTRICH!
- YEE-AH!
[slow-motion yell]
- OTIS! - BESSIE?
[slow-motion yell resumes]
thud!
- WHAT ARE YOU MORONS DOING HERE?
- BESSIE, YOU KNOW THEM?
- YOU KNOW BESSIE?
- HOW DO YOU KNOW BESSIE?
- I KNOW RYAN SEACREST.
- OH, HE'S AMERICA'S SWEETHEART.
- ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY, ZIP IT.
OTIS, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- WE WERE TRYING TO ROB WEIRD AL YANKOVIC'S HOUSE
BEFORE YOU DID SO YOU WOULDN'T GET ARRESTED
AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN JAIL.
[silence]
[laughter]
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
- YOU DUMMY! I'M NOT A BURGLAR.
I'M WEIRD AL YANKOVIC'S PERSONAL SHOPPER.
- PERSONAL SHOP--
OH, CUD, THAT'S WHY YOU HAD ALL THAT STUFF IN YOUR STALL.
- AND THE BLUEPRINTS TO HIS MANSION.
- I FEEL STUPID. - THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
- HOLD UP. WAIT UP.
WE SAW YOU CLIMBING UP A BUILDING WITH SUCTION CUPS.
- YEAH, I HATE ELEVATORS.
- THAT MAKES SENSE. - I'M WITH YOU THERE, SISTER.
- I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR MY FRIENDS, AL.
THEIR BRAINS ARE SMALL AND CONFUSED.
BUT I GUESS THEY HAD MY BEST INTERESTS AT HEART.
- BESSIE, DOESN'T YOUR FRIEND THINK IT'S WEIRD
THAT YOU'RE A TALKING ANIMAL?
- CARE TO ANSWER THAT, AL?
- YEAH, NO PROBLEM.
[whinnies]
[laughter]
- HE'S A HORSE. - HE'S A HORSE!
- THAT IS AWESOME!
HEY, WEIRD AL, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COME
TO THE BARNYARD SOME TIME AND HANG OUT.
- THE ANIMALS LAUGHED,
RELIEVED THAT THE MYSTERY HAD FINALLY BEEN UNRAVELED.
OUTSIDE, THE MOON SHONE BRIGHTLY
LIKE A HAPPY MONKEY WITH PAPAYA IN IT.
- SHE'S DOING IT AGAIN. - DOES SHE ALWAYS DO THAT?
- OH, ALL RIGHT!
[clucking]
- WHOO-HOO!
- MAN, PARTYING WITH THE HAWK PEOPLE
IN CLOUD CITY WAS AWESOME!
- GOT THAT RIGHT. - SURE WAS.
- BEST ADVENTURE EVER.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
THEY MADE WEIRD AL YANKOVIC THEIR SUPREME OVERLORD.
- [yelling]
I ABUSED MY POWER AND LEARNED NOTHING.
[laughter]
- YOU DUM--AH, NEVER MIND.
[happy polka music]
* *
- HEY, FOLKS, GET OUT YOUR BRAINS.
IT'S TIME TO PLAY...
[cheering]
- MAN, THIS SHOW HAS EVERYTHING:
HUMILIATION, GREED, FABULOUS PRIZES,
THE WORD "DING-DONG."
I LOVE IT!
- NOT AS MUCH AS FREDDY DOES.
- ZUCCHINI! THE MAGNA CARTA!
MUDSKIPPERS!
- FREDDY, THEY HAVEN'T EVEN ASKED ANY QUESTIONS YET.
- DANISH, BEAVER, CHEESE!
all: QUIET!
- SORRY. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE TRIVIA.
- OKAY, FINALISTS, PUT ON YOUR THINKING PANTS.
WHAT IS THE CHEMICAL SYMBOL FOR BACON?
- MARGARET THATCHER! PILATES!
THE SAN DIEGO CHICKEN!
[all complaining]
GUYS, PHRASE YOUR ANGRY SHOUTS IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION.
- WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?
[all groan]
- AH, MAN, NOW WE'LL NEVER GET TO SEE
WHO WINS MILLION-DOLLAR DING-DONG.
- DON'T WORRY; I'LL FIX IT.
FREDDY, GO UP ON THE ROOF AND WIGGLE THE ANTENNA AROUND.
- I'M ON IT.
CAREFUL.
WATCH IT.
EASY.
MADE IT.
[electricity crackling]
[screams]
- FREDDY FELL OFF THE ROOF!
[music playing] HEY, THE SHOW'S BACK.
- FREDDY, I'M SO SORRY.
ARE YOU HURT?
- [with British accent] WELL, THE DISTANCE FROM THE ROOF
EQUALED THE VELOCITY OF THE RATE OF DESCENT TIMES PI,
SO, YES, I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN.
- HEY, HE'S TALKING LIKE A FANCY BOY.
- YEAH, HIS WORDS ARE HUGE.
- IT'S ODD, REALLY.
THE CHANCES OF A LIGHTNING STRIKE
WERE 7,400 TO 1,
WITH AN ERROR MARGIN OF PLUS OR MINUS 5.3.
- WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH FREDDY?
- WAIT A MINUTE.
FREDDY, WHAT'S THE CAPITAL OF OUTER MONGOLIA?
- ULAN BATOR, OF COURSE.
- [gasps] HE'S RIGHT.
- WHAT'S THE SQUARE ROOT OF 680,000?
- 824, DUH.
- HE'S RIGHT AGAIN.
- QUICK, SOLVE THIS INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED--
OKAY, THEN.
- OTIS, WHAT'S GOING ON?
- ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?
FREDDY'S GETTING HIT BY LIGHTNING MADE US ALL DUMB.
- OR MADE HIM A GENIUS.
- I DON'T FOLLOW.
- HMM, FRANKLY, I'M SKEPTICAL,
FROM THE LATIN SKEPTOS, MEANING "DOUBTFUL."
- HE IS SMART.
- I'M FRIGHTENED.
- HE'S A WITCH! HOO.
- NO, GUYS, HE'S NOT A WITCH.
THIS IS A GOOD THING.
WITH FREDDY'S NEW SMARTS,
HE CAN GO ON TRIVIA CASH A-DING-DONG
AND WIN THE MILLION-DOLLAR DING-DONG!
[all cheering]
- WAIT, GUYS.
WHY DO WE NEED A MILLION DOLLARS?
WE HAVE EVERYTHING WE WANT.
- I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT. - GOOD POINT.
- WAIT, THIS IS MY CHANCE
TO FINALLY DO SOMETHING FOR YOU GUYS.
I CAN WIN US A NEST EGG FOR OUR OLD AGE
OR SOLAR PANELS TO MAKE THE BARN MORE FUEL-EFFICIENT.
[bird screeches]
[resignedly] WE COULD ALSO BUY A HOT TUB.
[all cheering]
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
- THE WITCH IS RIGHT. - HELLO!
- GET OUT YOUR BRAINS.
IT'S TIME TO PLAY...
all: TRIVIA CASH A-DING-DONG!
[cheering]
- OTIS, DO YOU REALLY THINK FREDDY HAS A CHANCE
TO WIN THE MILLION?
- WITH HIS NEW LIGHTNING-INDUCED THING-KNOWING ABILITY?
I DON'T KNOW.
- LET'S MEET TODAY'S CONTESTANTS.
HE'S A PARALEGAL AND PART-TIME HAND MODEL.
SAY HI TO FREDDY NOT-A-FERRET.
- LET'S HOPE MY PERSPICACITY MATCHES MY GRANDILOQUENCE.
- HEY, THOSE WORDS ARE HUGE.
NEXT UP, A MANICURIST WHO LIVES WITH 28 CATS.
LET'S MEET PHYLLIS TERWILLIGER.
- HI, WHISKERS.
[cat wailing]
- AND, FINALLY, A LEGENDARY BEHEMOTH AND MODEL TRAIN LOVER.
SAY HELLO TO BIGFOOT.
- [roars]
- THIS'LL BE TOUGH.
BIGFOOT REALLY KNOWS HIS STATE CAPITALS.
- HEY, LET'S PLAY SOME DING-DONG.
[crowd cheering]
IN WHAT YEAR DID VASCO DE GAMA--
ding! - 1562.
- HEY, HE'S RIGHT.
[cheering]
NEXT QUESTION.
WHAT COUNTRY IMPORTS--
ding! - ARGENTINA.
- RIGHT AGAIN.
[cheering]
WHAT FILM-- - MIRACLE AT FLEETLE CREEK.
- WHO-- - BEETHOVEN.
- WHAT-- - ATHLETE'S FOOT.
- WHERE-- - THE RENAISSANCE.
[Bigfoot roars and cat screeches]
- HEY, YOU'RE STARTING TO FREAK ME OUT.
WE GOT A LIVE ONE, FOLKS.
[cheers and applause]
OKAY, CONTESTANTS.
IT'S TIME FOR THE DING-DONG WORDY-WORD CHALLENGE.
[cheers and applause]
- IF FREDDY WINS THIS ROUND,
HE MOVES ON TO MILLION-DOLLAR DING-DONG.
- GO, FANCY BOY, GO!
- YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO SOLVE THIS PUZZLE
USING THESE LETTERS.
AND...PUZZLE!
ding!
- THE ANSWER IS-- [cell phone rings]
OH, EXCUSE ME ONE SEC.
HELLO.
WHY, YES, I WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE MY LONG-DISTANCE SERVICE.
- SWEET CUD! THOSE GUYS ALWAYS CALL AT THE WRONG TIME.
- THE PUZZLE, FREDDY. SOLVE THE PUZZLE.
- ANYBODY ELSE? ding!
- IS IT BUNDT CAKE?
- WOW, THAT'S A TERRIBLE GUESS.
ding! [roaring]
- OOH, SO CLOSE. BUT WRONG.
THREE SECONDS.
[suspenseful music]
- WELL, YOU HAVE A NICE DAY TOO. TA.
I'D LIKE TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE.
NEW YORK METS' BASE-STEALING SENSATION MOOKIE WILSON.
- YOU'RE GOING TO MILLION-DOLLAR DING-DONG!
[cheers and applause]
OH, WE'RE OUT OF TIME, BUT JOIN US TOMORROW,
WHEN FREDDY NOT-A-FERRET PLAYS FOR ONE MILLION SMACKAMOLES.
[cheers and applause]
crowd: FREDDY! FREDDY! FREDDY! FREDDY!
- TO FREDDY, THE SMARTEST GUY WE KNOW.
[all cheer]
- [whistles]
- THANKS EVER SO.
IT'S JUST NICE TO FINALLY BE ABLE
TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU GUYS.
HEY, I SHOULD USE MY BIG BRAIN TO FIX THE TV.
- THIS IS GREAT.
IT'S LIKE HAVING A WHOLE NEW FREDDY.
- YEAH, HIS BRAIN IS HUGE.
- WELL, I'M DONE.
- FREDDY, WHAT DID YOU USE TO FIX THAT THING?
- MUD, LOOSE PLANKS.
BUT THE SECRET INGREDIENT WAS POLENTA.
- FREDDY, ONLY A MORON WOULD FIX A TV WITH POLENTA.
- OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I SHOULD HAVE USED TAPIOCA.
- THIS LOOKS BAD.
- OH, NO, HE'S DUMB AGAIN.
- WHAT? NO, I'M NOT.
TWO PLUS TWO IS FISH.
GERMAN IS AN ATTRACTIVE LANGUAGE.
[gasps] OH, NO, I AM STUPID!
- OOH, THAT'S NOT GOOD.
- OTIS, YOU HAVE TO FIX ME.
I NEED TO GET ZAPPED AGAIN.
- FREDDY, NO, IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.
- I DON'T CARE.
I REFUSE TO LET YOU GUYS DOWN.
- FREDDY, WE DON'T CARE IF YOU WIN OR NOT.
YOU'RE OUR FRIEND.
- A FRIEND WHO HASN'T WON THE MILLION-DOLLAR DING-DONG.
- YOU KNOW, THERE IS ONE THING WE COULD TRY.
[electricity crackling]
ELECTRIC ZAPPING THING CHARGED AND READY!
- FREDDY, ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?
- I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.
SHOCK ME, OTIS.
A DODECAHEDRON HAS 12 SIDES.
AUSTRALOPITHECUS WAS THE FIRST HOMINID.
HUZZAH, I'M SMART AGAIN!
- YEAH, BUT FOR HOW LONG?
- DON'T WORRY, OTIS.
I WILL WIN THAT MILLION, OR MY NAME IN ANAGRAM FORM
ISN'T YEFDDET NORRAFRET.
REMEMBER, OTIS, IF I GET DUMB AGAIN,
JUST SHOCK ME.
THE WIRES ARE CUNNINGLY HIDDEN UNDER THIS TOP HAT.
- I DON'T KNOW, FREDDY.
I'M HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS.
- [laughs] OH, YOU PROBABLY WON'T EVEN HAVE TO.
I'M SMARTER THAN EVER.
ALPHA CENTAURI IS 4.3 LIGHT-YEARS FROM EARTH.
- THAT'S OUR FANCY BOY.
- OKAY, LET'S BRING OUT YESTERDAY'S BIG WINNER,
FREDDY NOT-A-FERRET.
[cheers and applause]
ALL RIGHT, HOW YOU BEEN, LITTLE GUY?
ARE YOU READY TO PLAY MILLION-DOLLAR DING-DONG?
- I SURE AM, HILLY.
- WELL, ALL RIGHTY.
LET'S PLAY SOME DING-DONG!
OKAY, LET'S START OFF WITH AN EASY ONE.
WHO IS THE AUTHOR OF SHAKESPEARE'S SONNETS?
- PHIL PALASHEWSKI.
NO, WAIT. DENISE DODDLEMEIER?
UH, UH...
- HE'S DUMB AGAIN. SHOCK HIM, OTIS.
- SORRY, FREDDY.
- OH, DID I SAY PHIL PLACHEVSKI?
I MEANT WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, THE BARD OF AVON,
1564 TO 1616.
- CORRECT!
[cheers and applause]
- PHEW!
- NEXT QUESTION.
HOW MANY PICKLES ARE IN A 16-OUNCE PICKLE JAR?
- IT'S, OH, UH...
COULD YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION?
- IT'S WEARING OFF FASTER AND FASTER.
- I'LL BOOST THE POWER.
NOW ZAP HIM!
- OKAY, BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME.
- 27 PICKLES-- 29 IF THEY'RE GHERKINS.
HEY, BINGO!
[cheers and applause]
YOU'RE ONE ANSWER AWAY FROM A MILLION DOLLARS.
FOR ALL THE POTATOES, WHO WON LAST YEAR'S AWARD
FOR BEST ACTRESS IN A CIRCUS MOVIE?
- UH, THE ANSWER'S ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE.
UH, IT'LL ZAP ME IN A MOMENT.
I SAID IT'LL ZAP ME!
- HE NEEDS ONE MORE JOLT.
I'LL BOOST THE POWER.
- OTIS, IT SAYS NEVER GO THAT HIGH!
WE COULD FRY FREDDY'S BRAIN PERMANENTLY.
- PERMANENTLY? THAT'S ALMOST FOREVER.
I WON'T RISK IT.
- UH, HILLY, I'D LIKE TO PHONE A FRIEND.
- WELL, THAT IS A DIFFERENT SHOW,
BUT I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.
- ALL RIGHT. LET ME JUST GET MY LUCKY PHONE.
OTIS, YOU HAVE TO ZAP ME.
- I CAN'T FREDDY; IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.
LET'S JUST GO HOME.
- NO, I WON'T LET YOU GUYS DOWN.
I NEED MORE POWER.
- FREDDY, NO!
[gentle harp music]
- WHAT'S HAPPENING?
DID I WIN?
- NOT YET, FREDDY.
- [gasps] ALAN EINSTEIN?
- IT'S ALBERT, ACTUALLY, BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT NOW.
I AM HERE TO TELL YOU
THAT YOUR FRIENDS DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE SMART.
THEY LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
- THEY DO?
- OF COURSE.
OH, AND, FYI, THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION
IS CAMERON DIAZ.
- THANKS, EINSTEIN.
BYE!
- HEY, LITTLE GUY.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
THIS USUALLY WORKS,
WHEN YOU SMACK SOMEBODY IN THE FACE A BIT.
- THE ANSWER IS CAMERON DIAZ.
- IS THAT YOUR FINAL DING-DONG?
- YES, IT IS.
- WELL...
THAT'S WRONG! YOU LOSE!
crowd: AW!
- AW! - BOO!
- CURSE YOU, ALAN EINSTEIN!
YOU KNOW NOTHING OF POPULAR CULTURE!
- SEE, FREDDY, THIS ISN'T SO BAD.
WE CAN STILL PLAY THE HOME VERSION
OF TRIVIA CASH A-DING-DONG.
- YOUR TURN, FREDDY.
NAME THE CAPITAL OF BULGARIA.
- UH, MORGAN FREEMAN?
[laughter]
- HE THINKS A PERSON IS A PLACE.
- GOOD TO HAVE HIM BACK.
- GOOD TO HAVE HIM BACK, ISN'T IT, REALLY?
Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com
[children laughing]