- I'M JUST HEADING TO THE FIELDS, DUKE.
I'LL BE BACK.
[sheep bleating]
- CLEAR!
[upbeat hoedown music]
- ALL RIGHT!
* *
- RAT-A-BAMBA!
- * FROM THE HAYSTACKS UP TO THE HILLTOPS *
* WE GO ON DANCING *
- WHOO-HOO! WHOA!
OW, OW! OKAY, OW.
OW!
- * DO SI DO YOUR PARTNER NOW *
* *
* PARTY TILL THE MORNING LIGHT *
* *
* DO SI DO AND DON'T YOU KNOW *
* IT'S JUST THE WAY WE ANIMALS ROLL *
[motor roaring]
- HA HA!
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS STARING AT?
- OH, HEY, PIG.
WE'RE WONDERING WHERE THIS BAG OF FREE BAGELS CAME FROM.
- HUH, MAYBE THE BAGEL FAIRY LEFT THEM THERE.
- THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A BAGEL FAIRY.
- BETTER NOT LET
THE CREAM CHEESE ELF HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
- THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A CREAM CHEESE ELF.
- BETTER NOT LET THE WHEAT TOAST GREMLIN HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
- THERE'S NO WHEAT TOAST GREMLIN.
- BETTER NOT LET
THE PUMPERNICKEL PIXIE HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
- THERE'S NO PUMPERNICKEL PIXIE.
- BETTER NOT LET THE--
- [screams] MAKE IT STOP!
- WELL, IF IT WASN'T THE BAGEL FAIRY,
WHO DID LEAVE IT HERE?
all: HMM.
- SURPRISE! - GOTCHA!
[all scream]
- [laughs] WE GOT YOU!
- YEAH, WE TOTALLY GOT YOU.
- UP TOP, HONEY BUNNY.
- YOU GOT IT, SUGAR HOOVES.
- * OOO, OOO * - OH, YEAH.
- * OOO, OOO * - OH, YEAH, OH, YEAH.
- GET IT, GET IT, GET IT.
- LITTLE OTIS, LITTLE ABBY.
GUYS, IT'S OUR CLONES.
REMEMBER WHEN WE CLONED OURSELVES
AND ALMOST GOT EXPOSED AS TALKING ANIMALS,
BUT EVERYTHING GOT RESOLVED IN THE NICK OF TIME?
- HOW ARE YOU, ADMIRAL EXPOSITION?
- PLOT POINT TO STARBOARD.
RAISE THE BACK STORY.
SWAB THE WALK-ON CHARACTER.
[laughs]
NOW IT'S AN EPISODE.
- I'VE NEVER SERVED WITH A FINER OFFICER.
- WE MISSED YOU GUYS.
WHAT BRINGS YOU AROUND?
- WELL, YOU SAID WE COULD VISIT ANYTIME,
AND IT DOES GET A LITTLE BORING IN THE WOODS.
- [munching]
- SURPRISE!
- GOTCHA!
- I DON'T GET IT.
- SO WE FIGURED WE'D DROP BY AND HAVE A LITTLE FUN.
- YEAH, YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS A BARREL OF LAUGHS:
OTIS WITH HIS PRANKS,
ABBY WITH HER CRAZY HILLBILLY TALK.
AND YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA COME OUT OF PIG'S MOUTH.
- OR GO IN IT.
- HA! "OR GO IN IT," HE SAYS.
PRETTY FUNNY, HUH?
- YEAH. - HUH?
- YEAH! - OKAY, BYE.
- PIP, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
THESE CLONES ARE LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME,
AND THEY'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
PREPARE FOR A DAY
OF FUN AND FROLIC, BARNYARD STYLE.
[engines humming]
- [screaming]
[laughter]
[splashing]
[laughter]
[upbeat jazz music]
* *
- SO TIRED.
- MUST SLEEP.
- TOTALLY BEAT. - I'M EXHAUSTED.
- I'M BURNT, MAN. - MAN, WHAT A DAY.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NEXT?
- WHY ARE WE WALKING IN HERE?
- YEAH, WHY ARE WE WALKING IN HERE?
- WE'RE GONNA HAVE SOME MORE FUN.
- YEAH, FUN. - FUN.
- FUN, FUN. - FUN, FUN
- HEY, DON'T YOU TWOS EVER GET TIRED?
- TIRED? WHAT'S THAT?
- TIRED, YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN IT'S TIME TO GO TO SLEEP?
- OH, CLONES DON'T NEED SLEEP.
- WHAT? YOU MEAN NEVER?
- NOPE, BUT DON'T LET IT STOP YOU.
WE'LL MAKE OUR OWN FUN
WHILE YOU GIANT GUYS CATCH SOME "Z"s.
COME ON, BABE.
LET'S MAMBO.
- YOU GOT, SUGAR.
- WHOO-HOO!
* MAMBO MUSIC, MAMBO *
[all groan]
* MAMBO MUSIC, MAMBO *
* I SAID MAMBO, MAMBO *
[crickets chirping]
GET UP! - WAKEY, WAKEY!
- GET UP! - RISE AND SHINE!
- GET UP! YOU'RE STILL SLEEPING.
- WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- THE SUN CAME UP 11 SECONDS AGO.
- COME ON, WE'RE BURNING FUN TIME.
- THE SUN?
SECONDS AGO?
[all groaning]
- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TODAY?
LET'S SQUIRT MILK AT CARS AND WATCH PEOPLE GET CONFUSED.
- OR HAVE CHICKEN FIGHTS IN THE HOT TUB.
- THAT'D BE AWESOME.
MAN, YOU GUYS ARE FUN.
WE'RE GONNA COME BACK EVERY WEEKEND.
- EVERY WEEKEND?
- WOULD YOU GUYS EXCUSE US?
WE HAVE TO-- UM--UH--
- GROUP TINKLE?
- WORKS FOR ME.
OKAY, GUYS.
I ASSUME YOU ALL KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE.
PIG, IT'S NOT REALLY A GROUP TINKLE.
- OH, NOW YOU TELL ME.
- NOW, I KNOW LITTLE OTIS AND ABBY ARE DRIVING US ALL CRAZY.
BUT KICKING THEM OUT WILL ONLY HURT THEIR LITTLE FEELINGS.
- KICK THEM OUT. - GET RID OF THEM!
- GIVE THEM THE BOOT.
- GUYS, WORK WITH ME.
- WELL, YOU MADE THEM.
- YEAH, OTIS, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET
WHEN YOU TAMPER WITH THE FORCES OF NATURE.
- THAT'S IT.
I CAN TAMPER WITH THE FORCES OF NATURE AGAIN.
all: NO!
- YES!
all: NO! - YES!
LITTLE OTIS AND LITTLE ABBY WANT FRIENDS, RIGHT?
WELL, IF WE MAKE MINI CLONES OF THE REST OF US,
THEY CAN ALL HANG OUT TOGETHER AND NEVER HAVE TO VISIT US.
- HEY, YEAH. - GREAT IDEA.
- OKAY, ALL I NEED IS A SAMPLE OF EVERYONE'S DNA:
SPIT, FUR, DANDRUFF.
LINE UP, PEOPLE.
GIVE GENEROUSLY.
- I'VE GOT SOME EARWAX. - DO YOU TAKE WHISKERS?
- HERE'S A SCAB.
- WILL SOMEONE PLUCK MY TAIL FEATHER?
- FOUR BARNYARD ANIMALS.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET A-CLONING.
[beeping]
ding!
[whooshing]
- HEY, BUDDY.
WHAT'S SHAKING?
- HMM.
[horn honking]
- HEY, SURPRISE BOX.
- HOW UNEXPECTED.
- LOOK AT THAT. - WHAT IS IT?
- OPEN IT, OPEN IT. - OPEN IT, OPEN IT.
- MAKE IT STOP!
- STOP IT, STOP IT. - STOP IT, STOP IT.
- STOP MAKING IT STOP.
- I'M PINK AND ENJOY FILTH.
- COCK-A-DOODLE DOO, EVERYONE.
- I WANT TO EAT TINY CHICKENS.
- DUDE.
- HEY, NO FAIR.
MY CLONE'S A GIANT FREAK MOUSE.
- HEY, NEW TINY CLONES. NICE TO MEET YOU.
WE'RE CLONES TOO. WANT TO HANG OUT?
all: SURE!
- WE'RE HANGING, WE'RE HANGING, TINY CLONES.
WE'RE HANGING.
- COOL HANDSHAKE TIME.
CLAP, BAM, BOOM-BOOM BAM.
- DUDE.
- GET IN MY MOUTH... - NO!
- RIGHT NOW! - CAN'T MAKE ME!
- IN MY MOUTH! - NO!
[all shouting]
- OTIS, YOU WERE RIGHT. - I KNOW.
LOOK HOW WELL THEY'RE GETTING ALONG.
- I'VE GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU, OTIS.
YOUR PLAN WAS GENIUS.
- IT SURE WAS.
NOW THEY CAN ALL GO BACK INTO THE WOODS
AND HAVE FUN TOGETHER.
[all shouting]
- DUDE, DUDE, DUDE.
- SNORT, SNORT, SNORT, SNORT, BUCK.
- COME ON , BOY.
- BUCKING, SNORT, BUCK.
- HA, HA!
- STUPIDEST IDEA EVER.
- NICE GOING, DUMBBELL.
- OTIS, YOU GOT TO GET THOSE TINY LITTLE FREAKS OUT OF HERE.
- OKAY, BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME
I'M CLEANING UP ONE OF YOUR MESSES.
EXCUSE ME.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?
EXCUSE ME.
- WHAT'S THE HAPS, BIG GUY?
- HERE'S THE THING.
YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME-ISH WITH THE 24-HOUR PARTYING
AND THE WHATNOT AND THE PRANKS AND THE NEVER LETTING US SLEEP.
BUT COULD YOU POSSIBLY GO BE AWESOME, I DON'T KNOW,
SOMEWHERE ELSE?
- YOU'RE KICKING US OUT?
- YEAH, WHAT DID WE EVER DO TO YOU?
- DUDE.
- SORRY, OTIS.
WE DIDN'T REALIZE YOU FOUND US SO ANNOYING.
- NO, LITTLE OTIS.
I NEVER SAID THAT. WHAT I MEANT WAS--
- NO, IT'S OKAY.
WE UNDERSTAND.
COME ON, GUYS.
- * NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A SAD CLONE *
* A REAL UNGLAD CLONE *
* NOW THEY'RE OH, SO SAD 'CAUSE OTIS HURT 'EM SO BAD *
* YEAH, SO BAD, SO BAD *
- EXCUSE ME. DO YOU MIND?
- SORRY.
- YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, OTIS.
- NOW WE CAN FINALLY GET SOME SLEEP AROUND HERE.
- GUYS, GUYS.
THE FARMER'S TV.
COME QUICK!
- [snoring] - THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS.
THESE TINY TALKING BARN ANIMALS CAN NOW BE YOURS.
TINY COWS, TINY PIGS, TINY FERRETS, TINY ROOSTERS.
ORDER NOW AND I'LL THROW IN A FREAKISH 12-INCH MOUSE.
- HEY!
- SO CALL FARMER CLEM'S CLONEATORIUM
AND ORDER YOURS NOW.
- IF HE SELLS THOSE CLONES,
EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT ANIMALS CAN TALK.
- HE'LL SELL MILLIONS OF THEM.
- AND WHO KNOWS WHAT KIND OF SICK FREAKS
WILL GET THEIR HANDS ON THEM?
- YES, I'LL TAKE 12 OF THE ROOSTER.
I MEAN, "GOT TO GO, MOM."
- WE HAVE TO SAVE OUR TINY SELVES.
TO THE CLONEATORIUM.
STOP, FIEND!
- HI, I'M PIG WITH TODAY'S VIEWER MAIL.
HERE'S A LETTER FROM FRED, AGE FIVE.
"DEAR PIG,
ARE SURE THERE'S TIME IN THE SHOW TO DO THIS?"
GOOD QUESTION WRITE-IN.
THE ANSWER IS "NO."
BYE-BYE.
- HELLO, FIEND?
- THERE'S NO ONE HERE.
- OR IS THERE?
- WHAT, WHO SAID THAT?
- I DID.
- WHO? - UP HERE.
- WHERE NOW?
- OKAY, LOOK UP.
- OKAY. - TO THE RIGHT.
- I'M NOT SEEING IT.
- NO, NO, YOUR OTHER RIGHT. - I DID.
- JUST A LITTLE BIT DOWN.
- OVER HERE, YOU MEAN?
- DOWN, DOWN, DOWN.
THERE, RIGHT THERE.
- THERE YOU ARE, YOU HILLBILLY NUTBAG.
[machinery whirring]
[all screaming]
- GIVE US THE CLONES, CLEM.
- THERE AIN'T NO CLONES.
I USED ALL YOUR DNA MAKING THAT FIRST BATCH.
BUT NOW THAT I LURED YOU DOWN HERE,
I GOTS ME A ENDLESS SUPPLY.
[laughs]
NOW WHO'S UP FOR A HAIRCUT?
[machinery whirring]
- NOT TOO MUCH OFF THE BACK.
- GROUP TINKLE.
- GUYS, GUYS!
- HEY, DUKE, WHAT IS IT?
- OTIS AND THE OTHERS WENT TO STOP FARMER CLEM
FROM SELLING CLONES OF YOU GUYS AS PETS,
AND THEY NEVER CAME BACK.
- OH, NO. - WHAT?
- THAT'S TERRIBLE - WHAT DO WE DO?
- DUDE. - I'LL TAKE 12 OF THE ROOSTER.
WRONG NUMBER.
- GUYS, WE GOT TO HELP OUR GIANT FRIENDS.
AND I THINK I KNOW JUST HOW TO DO IT.
[all screaming]
- Y'ALL SHOULD BE FLATTERED.
ORDERS FOR YOUR CLONES ARE POURING IN.
- QUICK QUESTION.
WHO'S THE BIGGEST SELLER? all: OTIS!
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
BUT IT'S ME, RIGHT?
- IT'S PROBABLY ME.
- IT ISN'T ME.
- NOW LET'S MAKE SOME CLONES.
[knocking at door]
OH, OF ALL THE--
WHO COULD THAT BE?
- BAGEL DELIVERY.
- WHAT?
I DIDN'T ORDER ANY--
- DUDE!
[all screaming]
- [grunting]
splat!
- OTIS, GUYS, ARE YOU OKAY?
- YEAH, WE'RE OKAY.
BUT HOW DID--WHEN--
- [muffled screaming]
- DUDES.
- LET ME AT HIM!
- OH, RIGHT.
- [muffled screaming]
[screaming]
- HUT, HUT, HO!
[beeping]
ding!
- HOW Y'ALL DOING?
I'M A SCIENTIST.
HEY, LET'S MAMBO.
- I'M A SCIENTIST. I'M A SCIENTIST.
- MAMBO, MAMBO!
- I'M A SCIENTIST.
- WELL, THAT WENT EXACTLY AS I PLANNED.
- BUT OTIS, WHAT ABOUT ALL THE CRAZY FARMERS
YOU JUST CLONED?
- NO NEED TO THANK ME.
- MAMBO!
- GOOD-BYE, LITTLE GUYS.
IF YOU EVER GET BORED,
YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOME BACK HERE AT THE BARNYARD.
- OH, WE WON'T BE BORED, OTIS.
CLONING FARM CLEM GAVE US AN AWESOME IDEA.
- OH, THERE YOU ARE.
DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.
YOU AND THOSE GIANT TALKING ANIMALS
ARE CONSPIRING TOGETHER!
- SEE YOU, OTIS. - BYE-BYE.
- YEAH, BYE-BYE.
- LATER.
- DUDE.
- BYE, GIANT FREAK CLONE. I'LL MISS YOU.
- REALLY?
- NO.
- WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU.
I'LL EXPOSE YOU ALL AS SOON AS I GET A TINY CAMERA.
- [grunting]
- THAT'S IT, PIP.
YOU'RE A RAT WARRIOR.
LIFT WITH YOUR WHISKERS!
- KISS THE PAIN.
PUSH THROUGH IT; PUSH THROUGH IT.
- [grunting]
YES!
- THAT'S IT, CHAMP. WANT TO GO FOR TWO?
- NAH, I'M GOOD.
I DON'T WANT TO GET TOO HUGE.
- YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S ALWAYS--
HEY, PIP, LOOK. - WHERE?
- NO, DON'T LOOK! DON'T LOOK!
- BUT-- - I KNOW WHAT I SAID.
BUT I MEAN THE OPPOSITE.
- I'M CONFUSED. - CONTINUE NOT LOOKING.
I THINK THAT SHE-DONKEY'S CHECKING YOU OUT.
OH, FORGET IT.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER EYE.
- NO, DUDE, I THINK SHE'S WINKING.
- REALLY?
HEY, YEAH, SHE'S TOTALLY INTO YOU.
- TOO BAD I'M ALREADY TAKEN. - SAY HUH?
- YOU KNOW, ME AND BESSY KIND OF HAVE THAT THING.
- YOU AND BESSY?
- HEY! OW!
[grunting in pain]
[screaming]
- SURE YOU'RE STICKING WITH THAT STORY?
- MAYBE I'LL GO TALK TO THE DONKEY.
- WHAT?
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
SLOW DOWN THERE, FASTY MCQUICK STUFF.
YOU DON'T WANT TO LET A WOMAN KNOW YOU'RE SERIOUS
FOR AT LEAST 79 MONTHS.
- WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU, LOCO?
- YEAH, LOCO LIKE A GUY WHO KNOWS DONKEY WOMEN.
HERE, CHECK OUT THIS POWERPAINT THAT I MADE
TO EXPLAIN THE OPTIMUM DATING TIMETABLE.
AFTER MAKING INITIAL EYE CONTACT,
IT'S IMPORTANT TO COMPLETELY IGNORE A WOMAN
FOR A MINIMUM OF THREE WEEKS,
THEN GLANCING EYE CONTACT FOR 1.3 SECONDS,
TO BE FOLLOWED BY FOUR MORE OF IGNORING.
- HI, I'M PIP. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- PRUNELLA. - HEY, PRUNELLA.
YOU MUST BE LOST.
THE SUPERMODEL CONVENTION IS ACROSS TOWN.
- [giggles]
[braying]
- SO YOU KNOW I'M A MOUSE, RIGHT?
- GOOD THING I'M NOT A CAT THEN.
ROWR.
- RUFF.
- [meowing]
[both growling]
- [barking]
- [frantic yowling]
- [howling]
- THEN COMES MONTH 28,
WHEN YOU PUNCH HER PLAYFULLY IN THE ARM
AND RUN AWAY GIGGLING.
REMEMBER, NO EYE CONTACT.
- OTIS.
- HANG ON THERE, KIDDO.
I'M TEACHING ABOUT DONKEY WOMEN.
- I ALREADY TALKED TO HER.
WE'RE GOING OUT ON THURSDAY.
- HMM, JUMPED TO MONTH 412, EH?
IT'S RISKY, BUT I LIKE IT.
NOW LET'S GET YOU DATE READY.
- WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?
DRESSY OR CASUAL?
- CAN'T GO WRONG WITH A DISCO ONESIE.
- OOH, WHAT ABOUT A NICE CAPE?
- LADIES LIKE SAILOR SUITS.
- WHAT DO YOU SAY, OTIS?
- WELL, ACCORDING TO THIS PIE CHART--
- HEY, PIE!
- IT'S NOT REAL PIE, PIG.
- I'LL BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.
CARRY ON.
- OKAY, ACCORDING TO MY ESTIMATES,
AN OVERWHELMING 68% OF DONKEY WOMEN
LIKE THEIR DATES TO WEAR WIZARD ROBES.
- ALWAYS A GOOD CHOICE.
- EASY TO ACCESSORIZE.
- SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
- GUYS, I'M GOING ON A DATE, NOT SLAYING DRAGONS.
- WELL, JUST IN CASE,
TAKE THIS LONG SWORD FROM THE FIRE MOUNTAINS
OF IRON FORT.
- WAIT. BACK UP.
THE RAT'S GOT A DATE?
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, CASA-NO-CHANCE.
I GOT TO START WRITING THESE DOWN.
- "CASA-NO-CHANCE."
GOT IT.
- HONESTLY, WHY ANYONE WOULD WANT TO GO OUT
WITH THAT LITTLE RAT IS BEYOND ME.
- WHO, PIP?
WELL, HE'S FUNNY, SMART.
HE'S GOT A NICE CAR.
COME TO THINK OF IT, HE'S KIND OF A CATCH.
- YOU MEAN "CATCH AND RELEASE."
OOH, THAT'S GOOD.
WRITE THAT ONE DOWN TOO.
- "CATCH AND RELEASE."
- WELL, I'M OFF.
WISH ME LUCK.
- HAVE FUN, PIP. - BRING HOME THE LEFTOVERS.
- NO EYE CONTACT. - DON'T GET COOTIES.
- PIP, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT THAT PRUNELLA IS ONE LUCKY GIRL.
- THANKS.
SHE HAS ALL THE QUALITIES I LIKE IN A WOMAN.
SHE'S PRETTY, 20 TIMES MY SIZE,
AND SHE ASKED ME OUT.
[car whirring]
- SHE ASKED HIM OUT?
THIS IS GETTING WEIRDER AND WEIRDER.
MAYBE I'LL JUST FOLLOW THEM
TO SEE WHAT THAT DONKEY'S GAME IS.
[both slurping]
- SO AFTER I GOT MY MASTERS,
I SPENT THREE YEARS PLAYING SEMI-PRO DONKEY BALL.
- WOW, YOU'VE REALLY LIVED A RICH LIFE.
- AND YET, SOMEHOW,
I FEEL MY LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING TONIGHT.
- NO ONE USES A SAPPY LINE LIKE THAT.
WELL, LOOK.
IT'S PIP.
YOU HERE ALONE?
OH, I SEE YOU HAVE A DONKEY COMPANION.
- BESSY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- OH, JUST PICKING UP A PIZZA.
GIVE ME THAT.
- HEY!
- OKAY, WELL, ENJOY IT. GOOD-BYE.
- SURE, I'LL JOIN YOU.
THANKS FOR ASKING.
SO WHERE ARE YOU FROM, DONKEY?
- ME? WELL, I--
- OKAY, THIS HAS BEEN AWKWARD,
BUT WE'RE LATE FOR THE MOVIES.
COME ON, PRUNELLA.
- OH, WELL, IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU.
- OH, SHE'S DEFINITELY UP TO SOMETHING.
- WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BREAD, WITH YOUR JEALOUSY?
- NO.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME "UP" WITH YOUR "SHUT?"
- [yawning]
HEY!
- OOPS, I'M SUCH A BUTTER-HOOVES.
HEY, IT'S YOU GUYS AGAIN.
- BESSY? ARE YOU FOLLOWING US?
- WHAT? DON'T BE STUPID.
IT'S JUST PURE COINCIDENCE THAT I ENDED UP
SITTING DIRECTLY BEHIND YOU AT THIS PARTICULAR MOVIE.
BUT AS LONG AS YOU'RE HERE,
WOULD YOU MIND FILLING OUT THIS 30-PAGE BACKGROUND CHECK?
- AND EVERYWHERE WE WENT,
BESSY WAS RIGHT THERE.
- PIP, WHY WOULD BESSY FOLLOW YOU?
- GUYS, ISN'T IT OBVIOUS?
CLEARLY BESSY'S JEALOUS.
- WHAT?
I AM NOT JEALOUS.
SO I RAN INTO PIP AND HIS DUMB DONKEY DATE
AT A RESTAURANT AND THE MOVIES.
- AND THE ICE CREAM SHOP AND THE DANCE CLUB,
THEN THE BOWLING ALLEY, AND AT KISSY FACE POINT.
- WOW, PIP, YOU GOT GAME.
- OH, YEAH.
HE'S GOT THE MOVES.
- GUYS, BESSY PROBABLY JUST RAN INTO THEM BY CHANCE.
- AT KISSY FACE POINT?
- OH, RIGHT.
SHE'S JEALOUS.
- WHAT?
I GO TO KISSY FACE POINT BY MYSELF ALL THE TIME.
THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT.
[laughter]
OKAY, FINE.
YES, I FOLLOWED THE LITTLE RAT.
- I KNEW IT!
- BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TRUST A DONKEY,
AND NOT BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS FOR A RAT.
- SURE. - SURE, BESSY.
- YOU DIG HIM. - YOU DIG HIM.
- BESSY, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT PIP TO DO,
WAIT AROUND FOR YOU HIS WHOLE LIFE?
HE'S A MOUSE.
WHAT'S HE GOT, FOUR OR FIVE YEARS?
AND YOU TREAT HIM LIKE DIRT.
- NO, I TREAT YOU LIKE DIRT.
WATCH.
[door slams]
- UGH!
OH, YEAH.
SHE'S JEALOUS. I CAN TASTE IT.
OH, NO, WAIT. THAT'S MY TOOTH.
- THOSE MORONS ARE CRAZY.
THERE'S NO WAY I'M JEALOUS OF THAT MOUSE.
- MYRNA, HI. IT'S ME.
MY PLAN IS WORKING.
I'VE GOT THAT CLUELESS MOUSE TOTALLY FOOLED.
- WHAT THE?
- NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GET A PICTURE OF ME KISSING HIM
TO MAKE MY REAL BOYFRIEND JEALOUS.
[giggles, brays]
BYE.
- I WAS RIGHT ABOUT HER ALL ALONG.
THAT DONKEY'S JUST USING PIP.
WHEW.
FOR A MINUTE I THOUGHT I ACTUALLY HAD FEELINGS
FOR THAT LITTLE RAT.
NOW MY ONLY CONCERN IS THIS CONSTANT TALKING TO MYSELF.
PIP.
HEY, PIP.
PIP.
HEY, DUMMY.
- AHH! DON'T HIT ME.
- NO TIME FOR PLEASURE.
WHERE'S YOUR MOUSE BUDDY?
- HE JUST LEFT FOR HIS DATE WITH PRUNELLA.
- WHAT? WE GOT TO STOP HIM.
THAT DONKEY'S JUST USING HIM TO MAKE HER BOYFRIEND JEALOUS.
- BESSY LIKES PIP.
SHE'S GOT A TINY BOY--
[door slams]
- PRUNELLA, THIS SALAD IS AMAZING.
WHAT'S IN IT?
- JUST HAY AND DIRT.
HOPE YOU SAVED ROOM FOR SOMETHING SWEET.
- YOWZA!
[engine roaring]
- DON'T DO IT, PIP.
SHE'S JUST USING YOU.
- UGH, BESSY, GO HOME.
IT'S OVER BETWEEN US.
I KNOW IT'S HARD, BUT IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.
- NO, YOU TINY MORON.
LISTEN TO ME.
SHE'S JUST USING YOU TO--
- SHH, DON'T SPEAK.
WE HAD A BEAUTIFUL THING.
LET'S END IT WITH DIGNITY.
- IGNORE HER, DARLING.
KISS ME.
- PUT YOUR LIPS ON THAT DONKEY,
AND YOU'LL BE SORRY.
- LISTEN, LADY.
YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE WITH HIM, AND YOU BLEW IT.
SO GET LOST.
- [screaming]
- NOW WHERE WERE WE.
- HEY, YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO--
[smooching]
[camera shutter clicks]
GOT IT.
THOR IS GONNA GO NUTS WHEN HE SEES THIS.
[giggling and braying]
- THOR? WHO'S THOR?
- MY BOYFRIEND.
- WHAT? YOU GOT A BOYFRIEND?
- THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU, MINI MORON.
- PRUNELLA!
WHO'S THE LITTLE JERK YOU'RE TWO-TIMING ME WITH?
OH, THERE HE IS.
THOR'S GONNA HAVE TO HURT YOU.
- I SEE.
WELL, IN THAT CASE...
[car whirring]
[screaming]
- WOW, LOOKS LIKE OUR LITTLE ROMEO PIP
HAS GOTTEN HIMSELF INTO QUITE A DATING CONUNDRUM.
THAT'S WHY I NEVER DATE ANYONE
I HAVEN'T INVESTIGATED THOROUGHLY ON A GAME SHOW.
BACHELORETTE NUMBER ONE,
WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF AS A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST?
- WELL, I LIKE TO THINK THAT I--
- GOOD ANSWER!
BACHELORETTE NUMBER TWO,
WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF THE PERFECT DATE?
- WELL, FIRST I'D PACK US A PICNIC LUNCH.
- OH, I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING.
- MM-HMM.
THEN I'D OPEN UP MY HEART TO YOU,
AND WE WOULD TALK FOR HOURS
AND REALLY GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
- YEAH, LET'S GET BACK TO THIS LUNCH.
IS IT LOW-CAL?
- WHY, YES.
I BELIEVE IN EATING HEALTHY.
- UGH.
BACHELORETTE NUMBER THREE,
IF I WERE A WIZARD LORD
WITH THE POWER TO SLAY DRAGONS,
WHAT KIND OF SOUL STONES WOULD YOU USE
TO UNLOCK THE SECRET TREASURE
FROM THE DOORLESS TOWER OF GILGAMESH?
- ACTUALLY, I WOULD USE A SAPPHIRE WARLOCK GEM
TO BYPASS THE GREMLIN'S CURSE.
crowd: OOO!
- WELL, I'M IN LOVE!
BACHELORETTE NUMBER THREE, GET OUT HERE.
[crowd cheering]
[whistles]
ONWARD TO LOVE!
HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
WE BROKE UP IN THE PARKING LOT ABOUT FOUR MINUTES LATER.
AND NOW BACK TO THE ACTION.
- AS YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE, AS BESSY'S JEALOUSY INCREASES,
THE NUMBER OF TEETH IN MY MOUTH DECREASES.
- OTIS, OTIS!
BESSY WAS RIGHT!
PRUNELLA WAS JUST USING ME TO MAKE HER BOYFRIEND JEALOUS,
AND NOW HE'S GONNA RIP ME APART.
- [grunting]
- HEY, BUDDY.
VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE ANSWER,
AS THIS BAR GRAPH CLEARLY INDICATES.
IF WE FOLLOW THE PATTERN, WE SEE THAT--
[grunting]
- YOU'RE NEXT, MOUSE.
- IF YOU WANT PIP, YOU GOTTA GO THROUGH US FIRST.
- YEAH! - YEAH!
- WHAT?
- THOR'S GONNA SQUISH YOU NOW.
- SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS SINGLE.
I DIDN'T KISS HER BACK.
- THOR SMASH!
- I DON'T THINK SO.
- HUH?
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
[screaming]
[crashing]
- THOR!
- AND WHY DON'T YOU JOIN HIM?
- [screaming]
[crashing]
- THAT'S RIGHT!
THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO MAKE ME MAD,
'CAUSE I HAVE A LADY ACQUAINTANCE WHO'S VERY STRONG.
- WOW, BESSY, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK YOU.
OR DO I?
HEY!
- NOW DO YOU IDIOTS REALIZE I WAS JUST LOOKING OUT FOR PIP
AND WAS NEVER IN LOVE WITH HIM?
- NO, MA'AM. - YOU DIG HIM.
- YOU ARE SO IN DENIAL. - I'M UNCONVINCED.
- [sighs]
- SO WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW?
- WELL, ACCORDING TO THIS FLOW CHART--
- GIMME THAT.