- I'M JUST HEADING TO THE FIELDS, DUKE.
I'LL BE BACK.
[sheep bleating]
- CLEAR!
[upbeat hoedown music]
- ALL RIGHT!
* *
- RAT-A-BUNGA!
- * FROM THE HAYSTACKS UP TO THE HILLTOPS *
* WE GO ON DANCING *
- WHOO-HOO! WHOA!
OW, OW! OKAY, OW.
OW!
- * DO SI DO YOUR PARTNER NOW *
* *
* PARTY TILL THE MORNING LIGHT *
* *
* DO SI DO AND DON'T YOU KNOW *
* IT'S JUST THE WAY WE ANIMALS ROLL *
[motor roaring]
- HA HA!
[all snoring]
[air horn blaring]
- TOP OF THE MORNING.
- OTIS. - WHAT'S GOING ON?
- FAITH AND BEGORRA. LIAM NEESON.
KISS ME BLARNEY STONE.
- WHAT'S WITH THE GREEN HATS AND THE BEING CHEERFUL?
- WAKE UP AND SMELL THE SHAMROCKS, PEOPLE.
TODAY'S ST. PATRICK'S DAY.
- GEE, OTIS, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE SUCH A FAN OF IRISH CULTURE.
- IF BY IRISH CULTURE, YOU MEAN GREEN MONEY,
THEN, AYE, LADDIE.
- OTIS, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- TODAY'S THE DAY THE FARMER MAKES HALF HIS MONEY
SELLING HIS POTATO CROP AT THE ST. PATTY'S SPUD FAIR.
- DO I HEAR $45? $45, $45, $45, $45.
$50, $55, HERE ME HOLLER ANOTHER DOLLAR.
$56, DO I HEAR $57? $57, $57.
SOLD TO THE CREEPY HILLBILLY IN THE FRONT ROW.
[guffawing]
I WON! I WON! I WON!
- ONCE PEOPLE GET A WHIFF OF THE FARMER'S CROP,
HIS POTATOES WILL BRING IN A FORTUNE!
- A WHIFF?
OTIS, DON'T TELL US YOU SPRAYED THE POTATOES
WITH ARTIFICIAL ODOR ENHANCERS.
- GOOD IDEA.
I WON'T TELL YOU THAT.
I SPRAYED THE POTATOES WITH ARTIFICIAL ODOR ENHANCERS!
BEHOLD EAU DE SPUD NUMBER 5.
AGGRESSION.
OBSESSION.
DETENTION.
[whispers] SPUD.
- OTIS, THAT WAS CREEPY.
- YEAH, IT SURE WAS.
BUT THE POINT IS, THOSE POTATOES ARE GONNA GET TOP DOLLAR,
ALLOWING US TO LIVE IN LUXURY FOR THREE WHOLE WEEKS.
- THREE WEEKS? - AWESOME.
- THAT'S HALF A YEAR.
- YES, NOTHING CAN RUIN THIS ST. PATRICK'S DAY.
NOTHING!
- GUYS, THE POTATO CROP IS GONE!
- ERIN GO SCHWA?
- HEY, IT IS GONE.
- WITHOUT THE POTATO HARVEST,
THE FARMER'S GONNA GO BROKE.
- AND THEN HE'LL HAVE TO SELL US ALL
TO THE ANIMALS 4 LESS OUTLET.
- [guffawing]
[all shudder]
- GUYS, WHO COULD'VE TAKEN 'EM?
- OH, OPEN YOUR EYES, PEOPLE.
THIS WHOLE THING HAS LEPRECHAUN WRITTEN ALL OVER IT.
[all laughing]
- DUDE, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS LEPRECHAUNS.
- FINE, BUT WHEN YOU NEED A KILLARNEY SHAMROCK SPELL
TO UNDO A BANSHEE'S CURSE, DON'T COME CRYING TO ME.
- WHAT?
- PIP, PLAY LAST NIGHT'S VIDEO
FROM OUR HIGH-TECH MONITORING SYSTEM.
- ON IT.
OOPS, WRONG PANEL.
- OH, GROSS.
- WAIT, WHAT WAS THAT?
[all gasp]
- I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
IT WAS A LEPRECHAUN.
- PIG WAS RIGHT.
- MAYBE NOW YOU'LL BELIEVE ME
ABOUT THOSE OUTHOUSE GOBLINS.
- WHAT?
- THE FARMER'S GONNA LOSE ALL HIS POTATO MONEY.
- HE'LL GO BROKE. - MAYBE NOT.
PIG, DON'T LEPRECHAUNS HOARD THEIR WEALTH
IN BIG POTS O' GOLD?
- THAT IS CORRECT.
- DON'T YOU SEE?
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS CATCH THAT LEPRECHAUN
AND MAKE HIM GIVE US HIS GOLD.
- AND THEN THE FARMER'S MONEY PROBLEMS WILL BE OVER FOREVER.
- TO THE LEPRECHAUN!
- HERE, LEPRECHAUN. - WHERE ARE YOU?
- NICE IRISH FAIRY.
- COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE.
- LEP, LEP, LEP, LEPRECHAUN!
- OTIS, LOOK, POTATO SKINS.
- LOOK SHARP, EVERYONE.
REMEMBER, LEPRECHAUNS ARE ELUSIVE, DEVIOUS,
AND EXTREMELY HARD TO--
- FOUND HIM!
all: A LEPRECHAUN!
- SEAMUS' KNICKERS.
TALKING BARNYARD ANIMALS?
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A MYTH LIKE UNICORNS OR POLITE FRENCHMEN.
- I HEREBY ARREST YOU FOR POTATO LARCENY.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN IRISH.
EVERYTHING YOU SAY IN A CHARMING BROGUE
CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU.
- OH, COME, LAD.
I'M WILLING TO SHARE.
WHY, I MAKE A KNISH
THAT'LL HAVE YOUR TASTE BUDS RIVER DANCING.
- WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAYBE WE CAN TALK THIS OUT AND COME TO A PEACEFUL--
GET HIS FACE!
- SO IT'S A BUNCH OF RUFFIANS YOU BE, HMM?
WELL, BACK OFF, LADDIES,
OR YOU'LL BE FEELING THE FURY OF ME WHIMSICAL, MAGICAL WRATH.
- PIG, YOU DIDN'T TELL US HE HAD WHIMSICAL, MAGICAL WRATH.
- WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MY CLASS
AT THE LEARNING HUTCH.
LEPRECHAUNS HAVE-- AND THIS IS IMPORTANT--
WHIMSICAL, MAGICAL WRATH.
THAT WILL BE ON THE TEST, PEOPLE.
- OTIS, THAT LEPRECHAUN'S CRAFTIER THAN HE LOOKS.
- OH, REALLY?
WELL, WHEN THE GOING GETS CRAFTY,
THE CRAFTY GET...
LEPRECHAUNS.
HA, YEAH.
THINK ABOUT IT.
OKAY, HERE'S THE PLAN.
LEPRECHAUNS CAN'T RESIST SHILLELAGH'S.
SHILLELAGH: THAT'S A FANCY IRISH WALKING STICK.
SO I'LL PRETEND TO BE A SHILLELAGH SALESMEN,
AND WHEN HE COMES UP TO BUY ONE, YOU WHACK HIM.
- GOT IT. CLOBBER HIM WITH A SHE-LOLLIE.
- IT'S SHILLELAGH. - SHA-LOOLY.
- SHILLELAGH. - SHI-LALLY-LO.
- NO. - SHA-LA-LALA-LALALA.
- SHILLELAGH.
- SHA-LAPPY-SLAP!
- THAT'S THE WORST ONE YET. - SHA-LOOLY!
- JUST TAKE THE IRISH STICK AND HIDE!
SHILLELAGHS FOR SALE!
FRESH IRISH STICKS!
GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE IRISH.
- OOH.
A SHILLELAGH STAND, IS IT?
HAVE YOU GOT ANY OF THE NEW MARK 12s
WITH THE ERGONOMIC HANDLES?
- OOH, THE MARK 12.
WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I HAPPEN TO HAVE--
HIT HIM NOW!
- [ululating]
- AH!
OOH!
WHY?
AH!
OKAY, I FEEL--
- [cackling]
IT'S FUNNY 'CAUSE IT'S PAINFUL.
- WE'LL GET HIM!
zap!
- NICE TRY, LADDIES.
ENJOY YOUR FREAKISH SHAMROCK HEADS.
- FREDDY, PECK, WHAT HAPPENED?
- NOT SURE.
ALL I KNOW IS I HAVE A SUDDEN URGE
TO PROCESS SUNLIGHT INTO SIMPLE SUGARS.
- OTIS, NOW WE REALLY HAVE TO CATCH THAT LEPRECHAUN.
HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN TURN FREDDY AND PECK BACK TO NORMAL.
- DON'T WORRY, GUYS.
I'LL FIX THIS.
I'M WAY SMARTER THAN A LEPRECHAUN...
OR AM I?
- OTIS, THIS WON'T WORK.
LEPRECHAUNS LIKE THEIR WOMEN TO BE PETITE,
AND I'M LARGE AND A PIG...
AND NOT A WOMAN.
- DON'T LET THAT HOLD YOU BACK.
JUST LURE HIM IN WITH YOUR OVERSIZED FEMININE WILES,
AND WE'LL JUMP HIM.
- [giggles]
- FINE.
* DUM DEE DUM DEE DOODLY DUM *
* DEEDLY DEEDLY DEE *
* I'M A SHE LEPRECHAUN AND SO SASSY *
* LOOK AT ME *
* GIRLY GIRLY GIRLY *
- HE'S DOING GREAT.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
NOW WE JUST SIT ON THE COLD, HARD GROUND AND WAIT.
zap!
[giggling]
- HEY, LOOK.
- SWEET! FREE LAWN CHAIRS.
- THEY'LL MAKE SITTING A PLEASURE.
squish!
[all sigh]
- * DUM DEE DUM DEE DOODLY DUM *
* DEEDLY DEEDLY DEE *
- WELL, AREN'T YOU A PRETTY LASSIE?
- OH, THANK YOU.
- ENOUGH SMALL TALK.
LET'S DO A LIP JIG.
- WHAT?
SLOW DOWN THERE, HOT STUFF.
FRESH.
HEY.
DOWN, BOY, DOWN.
- THAT'S PIG. COME ON!
[all groaning]
- OTIS, I CAN'T MOVE. - WE'RE STUCK.
- COME ON, TASTE THE MAGIC.
DON'T BE SHY.
IT'S LIKE A TRIP TO IRELAND.
- ALL RIGHT, LISTEN GRABBY HANDS.
I'M A PIG. - SO YOU ARE.
AND YOU'VE GOT A CORNED BEEF SANDWICH FOR A HEAD.
- THAT'S RIGHT, I--
I GOT A WHAT?
zap!
OH, NO!
- PIG, DON'T WORRY.
WE'RE HERE TO RESCUE--
- WHOA. - OOH, YUMMY.
I MEAN, NO, THAT'S NOT GOOD.
- DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY MUSTARD?
- LEPRE... CHAUN!
[echoing] CHAUN!
OKAY, LET'S REVIEW.
THE FARMER'S GOING TO GO BANKRUPT,
FREDDY AND PECK HAVE TURNED INTO SHAMROCKS,
AND PIG HAS A CORNED BEEF SANDWICH HEAD.
- WELL, MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T SPRAYED THOSE POTATOES.
- I DIDN'T DO THAT.
- DID SO!
YOU EVEN MADE THAT CREEPY COMMERCIAL.
- [whispers] SPUD.
OKAY, YES, I DID THAT.
IT'S MY FAULT OUR FRIENDS HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO
HORRIBLE, IRISH-THEMED MONSTROSITIES.
- OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH, FREDDY, LET ME HAVE IT.
- CAN SOMEBODY SPREAD THIS ON ME?
AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO REALLY GET IN THERE.
- OTIS, NEXT TIME YOU HAVE A ZANY SCHEME,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO STRAIGHT TO THE HORRIBLE OUTCOME
AND CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MAN?
- WAIT, CUT OUT THE MIDDLE MAN?
THAT'S IT.
WHY BOTHER CATCHING THE LEPRECHAUN
WHEN WE CAN FIND HIS GOLD OURSELVES?
- HEY, THAT'S RIGHT.
I MEAN, EVERYONE KNOWS LEPRECHAUNS KEEP THEIR GOLD
AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW.
- WHERE WE GONNA FIND A RAINBOW?
- EASY. WE MAKE ONE.
ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS CLOSE YOUR EYES,
WISH VERY HARD, AND FILL YOUR HEART WITH LOVE.
- YOU HEARD THE SANDWICH.
DO WHAT IT SAYS.
PIG, THERE'S NO RAINBOW.
- OH, I LEFT OUT A PART.
YOU ALSO HAVE TO SEED A RAIN CLOUD WITH SULFUR IODIDE.
[all groan]
- PIP, GAS UP THE PLANE.
LOOKS LIKE I HAVE A DATE WITH ADVENTURE!
WELL, THAT SURE WAS A GREAT ADVENTURE.
COME ON, GUYS, LET'S FOLLOW THAT RAINBOW.
- LET'S GO!
- POTATO STEW, POTATO PIE,
MASHED POTATOES, CURLY FRIES,
SPUDS FLORENTINE, HASH O' THE BROWNS,
AND YOU SHALL BE ME POTATO BRIDE.
[gasps] A RAINBOW.
SINEAD O'CONNOR.
I'VE GOT TO PROTECT ME GOLD!
- * LEPRECHAUN *
* LEPRECHAUN *
* YEAH *
- ME GOLD!
NO!
zap!
- HA HA!
NICE TRY, TINY MCLOSER.
WE FOUND YOUR GOLD FAIR AND SQUARE,
WHICH MEANS WE GET TO KEEP IT.
- CURSES!
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
- ONCE A LEPRECHAUN LOSES POSSESSION OF HIS GOLD,
HE'S PREVENTED FROM TOUCHING IT BY...
ANYONE?
ANYONE AT ALL?
A MAGICAL FORCE FIELD.
- PLEASE, LADDIES, YOU CAN'T DO THIS.
THE OTHER LEPRECHAUNS WILL SHUN ME
AND CALL ME NAMES LIKE "OLD NO-GOLD"
AND "PATTY O'GOLDLESS" AND "AIN'T-GOT-GOLD HARRY."
I CAN'T FACE THAT.
- OH, POOR LITTLE LEPRECHAUN.
THE OTHER WEE FOLK WILL CALL ME MEAN NAMES
AND HURT ME SELF-ESTEEM.
I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR GOLD BACK...
ON ONE CONDITION.
- ANYTHING.
- TURN MY FRIENDS HEADS BACK TO NORMAL
AND REPLACE THE FARMER'S POTATOES.
- THAT'S TWO THINGS.
- HMM, MAYBE I'LL KEEP IT.
OH, GOLD, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
OH, I'M GONNA KISS ON YOU.
OH, I'M GONNA MARRY YOU, GOLD.
OH, HERE I COME.
- NO!
DON'T LOVE ME GOLD!
I'LL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT.
JUST DON'T PUT YOUR COW LIPS ON IT.
zap!
[voices overlapping]
- [guffawing]
TATERS!
I LOVES TATERS!
- WELL, LOOKS LIKE EVERYTHING WORKED OUT NICELY.
- YEP, AND WE ALL LEARNED LEPRECHAUNS ARE BITTER,
SPITEFUL LITTLE HOMUNCULI THAT ARE BEST LEFT ALONE.
- YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. - YOU SAID IT, SISTER.
- OTIS, OTIS!
THOSE EGGS YOU SPRAYED WITH ARTIFICIAL ODOR ENHANCERS,
THEY'RE ALL MISSING!
- WHAT? I DIDN'T--
[whispers] EGGS.
OKAY, I DID THAT.
BUT WHO WOULD'VE TAKEN THEM?
- [laughing maniacally]
- PIG, WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT EASTER BUNNIES?
- WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE TAKEN MY CLASS.
THE MOST CRUCIAL THING TO KNOW ABOUT EASTER BUNNIES IS--
ANYONE?
SERIOUSLY, ANYONE?
- GUYS, I FOUND OUT WHAT'S BEEN STINKING UP THE BARN
FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS.
- IS IT TOXIC SLUDGE?
- IS IT EXPIRED FISH PASTE?
- PIG'S OLD GYM CLOTHES?
- YES.
NOW, TO DISPOSE OF THIS JUNK
IN A SAFE AND NONHAZARDOUS MANNER.
splorch!
- I'LL GET THE GIANT CANNON.
- LOCKED AND LOADED.
- EXCELLENT.
NOW, MAKE SURE YOU AIM IN A PRECISE SCIENTIFIC MANNER.
- RIGHT.
[voices overlapping]
- NO WHAMMIES! NO WHAMMIES!
boom!
NICE WORK, EVERYONE.
THAT MESS WON'T BE TROUBLING US ANYMORE.
splat!
[indistinct radio chatter]
- [screams]
crash!
- OH, THAT'S NOT GOOD.
- OH.
OH, OH, HO.
WOW, THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, MOUSTACHE.
YOU'RE SAFE NOW.
OH, YOU'RE SO BRAVE AND BUSHY.
- IT'S OKAY. HE'S FINE.
- WHEW! - THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
- GLAD TO HEAR THAT.
- NOW LET'S GET RID OF THIS ANVIL.
boom!
clang!
- [screaming]
- PECK DID IT.
- POOR OFFICER FRED.
- NOW WHO'S GONNA GIVE OUT TRAFFIC TICKETS?
- AND GET CATS OUT OF TREES?
- AND KEEP US SAFE FROM SWAMP GOBLINS?
- WORRY NOT.
I HAVE A BARELY FORMULATED PLAN
THAT HAS A SLIM CHANCE OF NOT FAILING.
I AM A HUMAN MAN WHO WOULD LIKE TO APPLY
FOR THE POLICE HUMAN POSITION.
- YOU GOT THE JOB.
- REALLY?
ISN'T THERE SOME KIND OF COP TEST
OR SOMETHING YOU WANT ME TO TAKE?
- GOOD IDEA. WHAT'S A RED LIGHT MEAN?
- OH, RED LIGHT.
OH, WAIT.
OH, I KNOW THIS ONE.
OH, UM... FRUIT MERCHANT'S CROSSING.
- YOU GOT THE JOB. - REALLY?
I'M NOT EVEN SURE THAT THAT WAS--
- TOO LATE, YOU GOT THE JOB. GET OUT.
- ARE YOU POSITIVE? 'CAUSE I--
- YOU GOT THE JOB. - I'M ACTUALLY--
- JOB. - OKAY.
- GOT. OUT. GET.
- I'M ACTUALLY... - NOW.
- JUST A COW.
I'M NOT EVEN A PERSON. - JOB, GOTTEN.
YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ANYTHING I'M SAYING, ARE YOU?
- OUT. GET.
[sirens blaring]
- HUH?
- ATTENTION, BARN ANIMALS.
THIS IS THE FUN POLICE.
COME OUT WITH YOUR PARTY ON.
- WHAT IN THE WORLD? - LET'S CHECK THIS OUT.
- IS THAT OTIS?
- OTIS? - IS THAT YOU?
- HE'S THE MAN. - LOOK AT HIM.
- YEP, I GOT A BADGE AND PANTS AND EVERYTHING.
- CAN WE RIDE IN THE SQUAD CAR? - I WANT TO WORK THE SIREN.
- CAN I SEE YOUR TASER?
- GUYS, GUYS, I CAN'T ALLOW NONCOMMISSIONED CIVILIANS
TO USE OFFICIAL CITY EQUIPMENT.
[all groan]
- WHICH IS WHY I'M GOING TO DEPUTIZE YOU.
BADGES FOR EVERYONE.
all: YAY!
- WHOA!
- HERE YOU GO, PIG.
- NO, THANKS, OTIS.
LET'S JUST SAY I'M NOT CUT OUT FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN GO 180?
- UH...
I'M HAVING A BABY?
- A BABY?
WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?
GO, GO!
- I SEE.
WELL, HOW ABOUT WE MAKE YOU
OFFICIAL DONUT GETTER INSTEAD?
- WHAT DOES IT PAY? - ZERO DOLLARS.
- THEN I'M IN.
- I WANT TO BE DISPATCHER.
- I'LL HEAD UP THE CHEESE CRIMES UNIT.
- DIBS ON METER MAID. - DIBS ON ASSISTANT METER MAID.
- YES, WEIRD, YES, AND STOP TALKING.
OKAY, LET'S DO POLICE THINGS.
[siren blaring]
- OFFICER PIP, LOOK AT THAT SUSPICIOUS CHARACTER.
- WHAT, YOU MEAN THAT GUY CARRYING HIS LUNCH?
- GUY CARRYING HIS LUNCH
OR CYBER TERROR MASTERMIND TAKING TOP-SECRET DEFENSE PLANS
TO HIS SPYMASTER'S DROP-OFF POINT!
- LET'S TAKE HIM DOWN.
- HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
- BAH!
HEY, THAT'S MY LUNCH.
- HA! A LIKELY STORY.
WHAT'S IN THE BAG, OFFICER PIP?
- LOOKS LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY.
- AH, WELL, PERHAPS NEXT TIME YOU'LL GET A LICENSE
BEFORE YOU PUT-- RUN AWAY!
- EXPIRED TAGS.
MISSING HUBCAP.
EXCESSIVE TIRE PRESSURE.
STUPID COLOR.
- UH, FREDDY?
I THINK THIS IS OUR CAR.
- BACK TALK, EH?
[screams]
OFFICER DOWN! OFFICER DOWN!
- ALL RIGHT, BUDDY, STOP RIGHT THERE.
- I THINK THAT'S A STATUE.
- RIGHT.
CARRY ON, CITIZEN.
- OTIS, WE'RE BORED.
- YEAH, THERE'S NO CRIME IN THIS TOWN.
- WELL, WE COULD GO DOOR TO DOOR
INFORMING CITIZENS ABOUT COUNTY WATER REGULATIONS.
all: HMM.
- OR WE COULD GO BACK TO THE STATION
AND PLAY SPIN THE TASER.
- I LIKE IT. - THAT'S WAY BETTER.
[voices overlapping]
- AGAIN?
IT'S MY LUCKY DAY.
[screams]
- WHO WANTS DONUTS?
[all cheering]
- OOH, GLAZED.
[telephone ringing]
- OOH, CALL.
POLICE DEPARTMENT.
DISPATCH OFFICER ABBY SPEAKING.
WHAT'S THAT?
OTIS, A MASKED BANDIT JUST STOLE ALL THE FRESH DONUTS
FROM THE DONUT STORE!
- THE DONUT STORE?
I WAS JUST THERE.
I COULD'VE BEEN KILLED.
- A REAL CRIME.
THIS IS WHAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
COME ON, DEPUTIES.
- YEAH, LET'S MOVE OUT.
10-4, 10-4, GOOD BUDDY.
- FREDDY, ANYTHING ON THE STORE SECURITY CAMERA?
- NOPE, JUST A BUNCH OF BROWN TAPE.
- YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
PIP, ANY CLUES?
- WE GOT A FOOTPRINT.
- AND IT LOOKS LIKE A SIZE 8.
- SO WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WITH A FOOT.
- STILL AN IDIOT.
TO THE FOOTPRINT DATABASE!
- PROCESSING.
[electronic beeping]
THREE MATCHES FOUND.
- AND THEY SAID THIS WAS A WASTE OF $48 MILLION.
- SNOTTY BOY.
- MRS. BEADY.
all: THE FARMER?
- NO WAY IT'S HIM.
THIS HAS SNOTTY'S STINK ALL OVER IT.
- HERE, LET ME SPRAY SOME AIR FRESHENER.
[screams]
I NEED BACKUP.
- OKAY, GUYS, BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A 4-FOOT,
REDHEADED SACK OF HATE.
- ROGER. - NO, MY NAME'S OTIS.
- I KNOW.
I WAS TALKING TO ROGER.
ROGER, CAN YOU FILE THIS REPORT WITH THE D.A.
AND TELL HIM WE'RE STILL ON FOR GOLF TOMORROW?
- 10-4.
- ACTUALLY, I NEED IT DONE BY 9:00.
NOW GO! - I LOVE JUMPING OUT OF CARS.
- OTIS, THERE'S SNOTTY BOY.
- AND HE'S GOT A BAG OF DONUTS.
- STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LONG UDDER OF THE LAW.
- [blubbering]
- POLICE. I NEED YOUR TRICYCLE.
- WHOA!
- LET'S RIDE.
- HA HA!
[imitating siren sounds]
- GUYS, TAKE HIM DOWN.
- [screams]
STUPID TRICYCLE COPS.
YOU GOT NOTHING ON ME.
- AHA! DONUTS.
- AND A RECEIPT FOR THEIR PURCHASE.
- WHAT?
MILK ME.
- YOU GUYS ARE THE WORST COPS EVER.
YOU SHOULD BE ON THAT SHOW,
REAL STORIES OF THE STUPIDEST COPS IN THE WORLD.
- REAL STORIES OF THE STUPIDEST COPS IN THE WORLD!
- YOU'RE GOING AWAY FOR A LONG TIME, BUDDY.
- HUH?
WHOO-HOO!
- AH, NUTS.
- HERE, HAVE A ROUNDY, STUPID COP.
HEY, HERE'S ANOTHER.
ANOTHER ROUNDY FOR YOU.
ROUNDY!
- THANK YOU FOR HELPING US WITH OUR TRAINING EXERCISE.
- WAIT, THIS WASN'T--
- CARRY ON.
- [screams]
- HEY, ABBY, GOT A NEW BATCH OF DONUTS FOR THE KITCHEN.
BOY, THOSE DONUT PEOPLE ARE REALLY NICE.
THEY KEEP--
- HOLD ON, PIG.
POLICE DEPARTMENT.
DISPATCH OFFICER ABBY SPEAKING.
WHAT?
CALLING OTIS.
THE MASKED BANDIT JUST ROBBED ANOTHER BATCH OF DONUTS.
- SAY WHAT?
I JUST LEFT THE PLACE.
BOY, MY DONUT ANGEL IS REALLY LOOKING OUT FOR ME.
THANK YOU, DONUT ANGEL.
- NO PROBLEM, HONEY.
- OTIS, WHY AREN'T WE GOING BACK TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME?
- ABBY'S CALL CAME IN TWO MINUTES AGO.
I'M GUESSING THE OTHER SIZE 8 IS ALREADY HOME,
EATING THE LOOT.
- POLICE! OPEN UP!
- HELLO?
- YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR GRAND THEFT DONUT.
- YOU'RE GOING AWAY FOR A LONG TIME.
- HUH?
BUT, OFFICERS, I'VE BEEN HERE ALL MORNING.
- OH, REALLY?
THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT PLATE OF DONUTS ON YOUR TABLE?
- I JUST MADE THOSE WITH MY OWN HANDS.
- A LIKELY STORY.
- OH, CAREFUL.
- AH, SWEET CUD, THAT'S HOT!
MY FACE FLESH IS MELTING!
[crying]
WELL, YOUR STORY CHECKS OUT.
COME ON, GUYS, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
- WAIT, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WHAT ABOUT THESE HANDCUFFS?
HELLO?
- TWO SUSPECTS DOWN.
I HATE TO SAY IT, GUYS.
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE THE FARMER IS OUR DONUT BANDIT.
- IT'S ALWAYS THE GOOD ONES. - SO TRAGIC.
- WHAT A WASTE.
- BUT AT LEAST NOW WE CAN TRY OUT OUR NEW BATTERING RAM.
- LET'S ROCK AND ROLL.
- OKAY, FARMER, COME OUT WITH YOUR--
[engine rumbling]
- HE'S GETTING AWAY.
- PROBABLY TO STEAL MORE DONUTS.
- NOT IF WE GET THERE FIRST.
- IS THAT ALL YOU NEED?
- OKAY, GUYS, THIS STAKEOUT SHOULD NAB US OUR PERP.
READY, ABBY? - READY.
- FREDDY, PECK?
both: READY.
- OKAY, GUYS.
THE FARMER SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
- OTIS, OTIS!
THERE'S A MASKED MAN HEADED INTO THE STORE.
[doorbell rings]
- HELLO, ORDINARY CUSTOMER.
WELCOME TO THE DONUT STORE.
HOW MAY I-- TAKE HIM DOWN!
- POLICE TACKLE!
- FREEZE, DIRT BAG!
- AH, MY EYES!
- [screams]
- AHA!
HUH?
all: PIG?
- PIG, YOU'RE RUINING THE WHOLE STAKEOUT.
- OTIS, I THINK PIG IS THE THIEF.
- I AM NOT.
- THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE SKI MASK
AND CAT BURGLAR OUTFIT?
- OH, I JUST PUT THIS ON SO NO ONE KNOWS I'M A PIG,
AND FOR SOME REASON, I KEEP GETTING FREE DONUTS.
GIVE ME THREE VANILLA SPRINKLES, A COUPLE OF OLD-FASHIONEDS,
AND 46 JELLY FILLEDS, AND MAKE IT SNAPPY.
- DON'T HURT ME.
- GEE, PIG.
DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY THE DONUTS WERE FREE?
- I DID NOT.
- NICE WORK, GUYS.
I'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE.
all: OFFICER FRED!
- FULLY RECOVERED AND BACK ON DUTY.
SO WHERE'S THE PERP?
- RIGHT, THE PERP.
YES, WELL-- LOOK OVER THERE!
- HUH? WHERE?
IS THAT HIM, OR THIS GUY?
NO, WAIT, IS IT-- WAIT, HOW ABOUT YOU?
- NOW LOOK OVER HERE!
- I GOT HIM.
POLICE TACKLE!
YOU'RE MINE, BUDDY.
DON'T MAKE THIS UGLY.
HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE HIM!
- I THINK IT'S TIME TO LEAVE.
- OH, YOU'RE TRYING TO HIT ME WITH A PLANT, HUH?
- OH, HOLD ON.
I STILL HAVEN'T PUT MY ORDER IN.
all: PIG!
- COME ON.
- YOU'RE GOING AWAY FOR A LONG TIME, BUDDY.
AH, NUTS.
Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com